Metro Spirit 09.22.2011 by Metro Spirit

TABLE of CONTENTS

Beautiful Skin Begins Here! whine line - TOM TOMORROW - INSIDER metro - FEATURE are you not entertained - CALENDAR the8 - SIGHTINGS - CRISP - JENNY IS WRIGHT - FREE WILL ASTROLOGY - NY TIMES CROSSWORD - ART 45 slab - EDGE OF ADVENTURE - THE DOWNLOAD - AUGUSTA TEK - EARDRUM - IN MUSIC - BALL - ADVICE GODDESS - AUSTIN RHODES

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Metro Spirit is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks a year. Editorial coverage includes local issues and news, arts, entertainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum. The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. Visit us at metrospirit.com.© 15 House, LLC. Owner/Publisher: Joe White. Legal: Phillip Scott Hibbard. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited. One copy per person, please.

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902 Ponder Place Court | Evans | 706.922.3376 Dr. Florentino is a Board-Certified Dermatologist from Detroit, Michigan. She is fluent in Spanish, has four children and one Labrador Retriever named Leo. METRO SPIRIT 9.22.11

WHINELINE My dad got a dui in Augusta in April. Thanks to them, he is now clean and sober. Thanks to the Jail Report, he is unemployed. The Commanding General and the Chief of Staff of Fort Gordon do not like civilians! It’s common knowledge, just ask any civilian working out there and they will tell you. If you think about it, they really don’t like many military folks either. The only person they really like is the Commanding General and the Chief of Staff of Fort Gordon. What a nice, cool weekend we just had for Arts In The Heart this year ! And how lucky is that after a summer like this? Yeah, we lucked out ... last year, it was about two hundred degrees out. Can’t we back this up to October, Brenda? And lets keep it on Broad Street too. You folks did a fine job of organizing all of this too. Well done. this whine is for Greg Rickabaugh,the editor of the Jail report. I 100% agree with the insider, and the jail report being a scuzbag meal ticket for you. you can disguise it anyway you want - as you quoted “I sleep better doing my part to fight back on drunk drivers, sex offenders, blah blah blah.” Augusta was doing just fine without your tastless rag on the shelves. you get a file with mugshots, slap it on paper, get a few ads, sell it for a buck and thats your way of fighting back? Most of Augustains think you to be a slimeball,as you are. I hope you know that. Why is the Atlanta Arts Festival Free? or reworded, Why are Augustan required to pay $7????? To the person who whined about making certain few billionaires pay up more taxes: We need a lot more millionaires to do the same! In case you

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did not notice, the years of excuses that millionaires need to be encouraged to make more jobs available did NOT work. So lets set up a proper tax rate for them equal to at least what the middle class are paying now. AftEr reeding Lassed weaks air-er FilLed wine LinE, mayB u’ll priNt thIS 1. I liked this year’s set up for the most part for the Arts in the Heart of Augusta. What a nice thing to walk among the vendors around a clean Broad Street! And the weather thankfully cooperated. I wish the foods had been ready on time at 5 p.m. back on Friday and 11 a.m. on Saturday but otherwise, most of the foods were tasty. And a big THANK YOU for those people who worked so hard at cleaning up around there. Many of them who were so busy and efficient. May I ask for next year that there be consideration for more chairs at staged events, like at The Common? There were only a few in a select fenced in area. And I physically could not lower myself to sit on the grass. Please with some chairs for next year? as to the crime report if the persons that appear in that paper wind up innocent. They have already been deemed guilty and thats wrong. I know it happened to me ,and is still costing me work. Pay to keep my mugshot out of your paper? How is that legal? Thanks to our politicians, this country is in a hole as deep as Mount Everest is high. Instead of looking forward for a solution, maybe we should look backwards. And I quote: “I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window - open it - and stick your head out and yell - I’m

mad as hell and I’m not gonna’ take this anymore!” [Peter Finch as newscaster Howard Beale in the 1976 movie Network].

way it was meant to be enjoyed. No commercials! No annoying jock’s! No repetition! It’s the bloody future, fools! Enjoy it!

Every week I pick up a copy of your paper, and every week there are WAY TOO MANY typos. Your editor is not doing their job, and it makes the paper increasingly annoying to read.

Mr. Rhodes: you can’t rail endlessly against the government, liberals, and democrats “forcing” businesses and the wealthy to do things they don’t want to do, then turn right around and do it yourself. If you really think you are not a hypocrite for doing this, then please know you are no more altruistic than the Democrats.

I had a bad hair episode for a week now. I needed a fix Fast! I called a salon on Broad St, (Knowing not all salons were equal in skill). I was called by a most excellent desk receptionist for my appointment reminder. I asked her who did short styles and cuts well, like “OG stylist well.” She Laughed and said she had just been in my situation a while back and changed my apt. to an earlier time and with her recomindation for the stylist. You, My Friend- Deserve a Raise!! Looking forward to my new do!!! Wow... people still listen to the radio? Really? I stopped around 1999 and only download stuff. Just stop listening to the same song every hour with commercials and start enjoying music again the

Regarding Austin Rhodes’ latest about Ms. Beazley, he’s absolutely right. People in the 1950s got an education so good it might actually be the equivalent of a college degree today. And did you know the federal government spent 10 times more money, relative to that decade’s cost of living, per pupil on public education then than it does now. And we were number one in the world in primary and high school education during the 1950s. The last time we were, by the way. If the illegal immigrants did leave America, everyone would starve to death because none of you legal lazy

THUMBS

World’s largest sperm bank rejects donations from reheads. Hey, if it’ll keep another Carrot Top from happening, we’re all for it.

down THUMBS

When President Bill Clinton turns vegan, you know nothing in this world is sacred.

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WHINELINE@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM

prejudice mouth-runners would work those labor jobs that harvest the food. So just shut up that pie hole and be grateful that they are here. To the small minded arrogant cockroach and others that said or think that South Augusta is smelly, has majority of crime, provide no contributions, and should secede from the city. If Clarks Hill dam ever burst open and flood you arrogant cockroaches out from the Evans, Martinez , West Augusta areas in which it can, DO NOT run your high-minded, arrogant, money materialistic, ignorant, and fake image acting butts to South Augusta . I would never let cockroaches like you around my big house on my 200 acres. Good Luck Swimming One Day! I review and read between 6 and 10 newspapers from all over the country without a problem or cost, on-line. Why is it that here in the CSRA the daily is asking us to “suscribe” to read their stories? The Aiken paper won’t change their on-line news for a week at a time??? And the Spirit only shows “headlines”?? Are they all so money hungry??

Austin Rhodes is loudest, most arrogant, pontificating, egotistical know-it all in Augusta. The Troy Davis execution isn’t about a debate on the death penalty. It’s a story about the possibility that a cop killer may be running free the rest of his life after framing a guy who was nearby when he shot the cop. Seriously, if you columnists get any more boring, I’m going to stuff my pillows with issues of The Metro Spirit. Hey, Jenny, lists aren’t writing. Hey, Stak, stop stroking your own... ego. Hey, Austin... oh, nevermind. You’ll never change. the new layout is awesome. i loved arts in the heart so much this year. i don’t know if its the weather or where i am in life but it was fantastic! That’s not possible.

Pizza Joint The

B100%IFRESHG• 100%OORIGINALN

Col Co House Reps Vote for Huge Tax Increase

In Georgia’s 2009-2010 legislative session, HB 277, “The Georgia 2020 Transportation Act,” went through the lobbyist-infested Gold Dome with ease. I recently became aware of this bill, and thus, I researched it. It is better known as TSPLOST. What I found was very disturbing. Mayor David Pennington of Dalton, Ga., which is in Whitfield County, has a BA in economics, considers his views more in synch with the Libertarian Party, endorsed Democrat Carol Porter in her 2010 bid for lieutenant governor, and claims that this bill “could be the largest tax increase in Georgia history,” $1.6 billion a year. Initially, this transportation sales tax increase was planned for a public vote in July 2012. However, the powers that be want to wait until the November 2012 general election because, according to Pennington, they are “obviously trying to get the Obama Democrats to help pass what could be the largest tax increase in Georgia history.” Most would consider this a pretty slick and desperate move to pump money in to Atlanta. What is beyond comprehension is that the entire Columbia County delegation voted for this tax increase and the proof is in House Vote #887 (April 21, 2010) and Senate Vote #797 (April 21, 2010). To add insult to injury, Ben Harbin was the #2 sponsor, SPONSOR, of this irresponsible piece of legislation. I never would have thought that one of Columbia County’s legislators would have supported this or any other tax increase, let alone all of them, some of whom are contemplating a seat in the U.S. Congress where tax hikes are an Obama administration and ultraliberal favorite. When will it end? Some competition seems to be in order. Lee Benedict Martinez

LETTER2EDITOR

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INSIDER

Insider is an anonymous, opinion-based examination of the hidden details of Augusta politics and personalities.

Go West Young Man — And Put the Hacky Sack Down What’s best for ASU?

Augusta State University is on the move and growing again, with plans for a new building to be completed by 2014 on the Wrightsboro Road tract that has at times been referred to as “ASU West.” The building, which is intended to house the Hull College of Business and the Department of Nursing will be state of the art. The design has been funded by Board of Regents appropriations and the land itself was donated by the city. There has been a significant comment that expansion of ASU should head in the direction of downtown to assist in neighborhood revitalization. Citing the examples of the Savannah College of Art and Design and the College of Charleston in their construction of

downtown urban campuses, proponents see a viable model for the ASU expansion. The Insider never fails to be disappointed in the ability of a vocal few to completely miss the point — and in the incredible talent for inaccurate comparison of Augusta with other cities in crucial areas. Expansion of ASU is intended to drive an educational mission consistent with long-term planning and existing and predicted resources of the university. It’s not for the purpose of urban renewal. While the expansions of SCAD and the College of Charleston were more than likely highly compatible with the core goals of those institutions, ASU and

the Board of Regents of the University System already have a significant presence and substantial holdings in the Wrightboro Road Area with the Christenberry Field House, University Village, Forest Hills Golf Course and other parcels of undeveloped land. Transportation is established and the proximity of the area to the main campus makes future growth along Wrightsboro Road an easy decision. Contrast that situation with arranging for students to take classes downtown and at the Walton Way campus during the same term. Try finding parking twice a day. Caught by a train? Burning additional gas money? Attending class in poorly refitted former retail or

public office space? I doubt you’d find many students interested in attending downtown classes. When are we going to realize that our downtown area, while perhaps not having fully reached its potential, is no longer the most pressing candidate in our area for “renewal?” The last time the Insider looked, downtown was holding its own quite well. TEE Center, Arts in the Heart, Westobou, etc. The culinary scene downtown has never been as vibrant as it is now. Perhaps there are other areas of town that could use a little help and economic development. Maybe Wrightsboro Road?

and marketed themselves. The canopy of trees seemed designed to host such events. Hopefully more festivals land on Broad. Combine that with the lawn concerts Rosanne Cash and Sharon Jones will put on at the old Academy of Richmond County during Westobou, and people will have been exposed to two wonderful things that have been right under our noses. It makes perfect sense, with some Insiders speculating downtown may have stumbled into finally a way of

making Columbia County finally give a cluck. Speaking of cluck, Maryland Fried Chicken is coming to Evans next to Walmart in the next few months. The location will be the third in the area and, as a storefront instead of free standing, it seems to have the rent in line with making some dough.

Random Ramblings Incredibly cool things happening D. Timm’s was renovated at considerable expense by Peter Knox and opened by Dan Perry a decade ago. Word is, now that the “Bistro” is gone, a new operator is considering the location. There aren’t many places in Augusta quite like it, and hopefully we’ll see it back and better than ever. Dan Perry meanwhile is living life out of his Volvo wagon, traveling from one resort town to another… fishing poles and a kayak strapped to his roof.

After years of refusing to close down Broad Street for Arts in the Heart, the powers that be relented this year because of the construction of the Tee Center. Now it appears there is no putting the toothpaste back in the tube. In an area renowned for opinionated bloviators, not even the owners of Ruben’s could find fault. The shock is still wearing off on that one. Smart business owners took advantage of the thousands of visitors on their doorsteps

Section 8 okay. Strippers? Not so much. Baby please don’t go...

Strip clubs are synonymous with most military towns. Augusta has a special place in the pantheon of strip lore. The Snake Lady was nationally famous, if not internationally (thanks to the Augusta National). Downtown Augusta used to boast a number of great dives. Now there are but three. Whitey Lester owns two (Discotheque Lounge and Vegas

METRO SPIRIT 9.22.11

Showgirls) and Maxine Lariscy owns the other (Fantasy’s). They are all positioned around Luigi’s, an Italian landmark of lasagna that has operated continuously since 1949. As the current county ordinance is written, when these two pass into the great boom boom room beyond the cigarette haze, the clubs will be shut

down, and Augusta will be jiggle free for the first time in memory. The Insider is certainly not making light of anyone’s time on earth, but the facts are the facts. There will be a lot of unemployed entertainers. They may become crusaders of justice, a la The Jail Report. But we think not. Why put good hard working folks on the street? Why can’t we

get the ordinance rewritten before it’s too late? Once the devil dens are gone, good luck getting the rules re-written. Insiders share concerns that the shaking won’t stop. Just go underground. These are the real issues the commission needs to be addressing.

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INSIDER@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM

A Few Good Trees County leaves destruction in its wake

The Ridge Crossing drainage project, otherwise known as Springlakes’ Big Dig, is looking like the debacle many residents claimed it would be. Commissioner Trey Allen, a Springlakes resident and piñata throughout this controversy, as well as the Augusta Prep lighting fight, characterized it a month or so ago as simply a matter of cutting down a few trees. The few trees have become a few more than a few. Way more than a few. In fact, now you’ve got to look really hard to even find a tree, which is what

residents feared would happen if the county started thrashing around in their neighborhood. The people who live here like their trees. It’s one of the reasons they chose to move here, and it’s one of the reasons they choose to stay. What they’re left with is a gash, and if the other wooded subdivisions in the county aren’t starting to worry, they should be. Residents were initially angered by the county’s bullying attitude; now, they’re outraged at the way they’ve continued to muscle their way through, and those

living up and down the stream are wondering just how wide their section of the stream is going to get. Residents say the contractors are doing whatever they please. Knock down a streetlight? Just let it be. Take a few more trees than you were supposed to? Hey, you’re just being thorough, right? The Springlakes Community Association fought the county to the point of condemnation. They hoped to come in behind the county with some beautification money. Now, there’s nothing left to beautify. The trees are gone, and given the liner underneath the

blocks that now form the creek bed, it will be years before any kind of growth occurs. One resident has had his sprinkler system destroyed by the contractor’s equipment while others further upstream are growing increasingly anxious, given the way the removal of the “few trees” has worked out. You can bet Allen and the rest of the commission would love to get this project done as soon as humanly possible. Those few trees could end up being politically very costly.

Quick Promotion

Deal snaps fingers, creates a general As the state said goodbye to Transportation Director Vance Smith it said hello to State Sen. Jim Butterworth, R-Cornelia, as the new adjutant general for the Georgia National Guard. Major Gen. Terry Nesbitt had held that position for the last four years. Butterworth is no stranger to the Guard — he flew B-1 bombers for the Georgia Air National Guard — but Nesbitt was Special Forces, a Vietnam vet and a Major General, while Butterworth, a Delta Airlines pilot, left the Georgia Air National Guard as a captain.

In other words, with the snap of a finger, Gov. Deal made Butterworth a Lieutenant General. That’s quite a promotion. And according to published reports, Nesbitt wasn’t the only casualty of the change. Major Gen. Maria Britt — commander of Georgia’s Army National Guard — informed her troops that she would be stepping down. The director of the joint staff, a Brigadier General who as at the Pentagon at 9/11, was also replaced.

THE WEATHER

GUY

STEVE SMITH

STAFF METEROLOGIST

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METRONEWS

ERICJOHNSON

Plain Talk

First in the race, Lee Anderson seeks to take rural values to Washington

Lee Anderson If you learn one thing from spending time with State Rep. Lee Anderson, R-Grovetown, it’s that he’s not your typical politician, at least not in the modern sense. He’s a throwback to the old days of citizen representatives, a hard-working guy who knows a lot of people like himself and just enough other people to keep getting him elected, first to the Columbia County School Board, then to the commission, then to the state house. Now, Anderson has thrown his cap into the race for the newly drawn District 12, a race that seems destined to put him up against far more polished candidates. However, in spite of the larger venue, he doesn’t seem worried. In fact, he seems almost eager. “We’ve got to get this spending under

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control,” he says. “We’re basically up against the wall now. We’ve done all we can do and we don’t have anywhere to go. We’ve been taking care of everyone else, now it’s time that we take care of ourselves.” Anderson, a third generation farmer who lives on Louisville Road in rural Grovetown, has no illusions about being central casting’s version of a politician. Instead, you almost get the feeling that he sees that quality as an asset rather than the liability his detractors gleefully view it as. Political opponents have consistently painted him as lacking the necessary intelligence to do the job. “People are fed up with politicians and want somebody they can talk to and somebody they can trust and

communicate with,” he says. number for his office number, so he’ll It might seem a bit odd for someone often answer the phone only to find as unpolished as Anderson to people trying to leave messages for speak so highly about the power of Rep. Lee Anderson. communication, but he knows how “I’ll say that’s fine, but while you’ve to get his point across. And if he gets got him on the phone, why don’t you that point across to enough people, it “I’m not a polished politician or a big speaker...” doesn’t matter if he’s the CNN-type of politician or not. just tell him what’s on your mind?” “A lot of times, people feel like Hearing him describe his relations they’re been talked over or that the with the people of the area, both politicians talk so much that when personally and politically, he seems they’re done, they’re more confused to divide the district into three types of people: Republicans, Democrats than when they started,” he says. “The and the “rural-type people” who are thing is, you’ve just got to be there for his neighbors. As a Republican, he’s the people.” appealing to those who agree with his Occasionally, he has fun with that availability. On his official state business ideology — lower taxes, less government intrusion, business-friendly regulation card he’s substituted his cell phone V. 22 | NO. 57

— but it’s the rural-type folk who might provide his strongest voter base. As a 30-year member of the Columbia County Farm Bureau board, 27 years as president, he has formed a generation of relationships with the district’s ruraltype folk, and it certainly doesn’t hurt that his auction company sends him to the southern end of the district once a month. Whether those individual relationships can keep pace with the rapidly growing urban parts of Columbia County remains to be seen. But as comfortable as he is in the county, Anderson doesn’t appear to mind engaging the urban either. “I can deal with both environments in the district,” he says, pointing out that he makes as many of the county’s Republican Party breakfasts as he can, despite the fact that several in the local party tend to dismiss him as an inferior candidate. “I’m not a polished politician or a big speaker,” he admits. ”But I’ve always had people at heart and I know I can sell Columbia County, the Augusta area and District 12.” Selling the district is important, and he knows the growing dissatisfaction with Congress in general and politicians in particular goes beyond simply being mad. “People aren’t just fed up, they’re scared,” he says. “People my children’s age are living a lifestyle financially right now that they’ve never had to live before. A lot of them don’t know how to make it work because they’ve never had to do it until now and it’s a nightmare to them. They’re just scared.” He says being a farmer has given him a special understanding of the fundamentals of business, particularly bottom-line economics. “The people who do business with me all want me to be in the political arena because they know how I work deals,” he says. “I maximize and try my best to take that dollar and get a dollar and a quarter out of it. You’ve just got to do that.” Vowing not to raise taxes, he goes even further, suggesting that cuts of between five and 10 percent a year are needed to rein in the federal government’s spending. “We’ve got to balance the budget, and I know that means cuts,” he says. “And we’ve got to get corporate taxes off business to the extent to where they can breathe and bring in more jobs, because when corporate taxes are as high as they are, it’s tough for any business.”

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Yossarian Would Be Proud Bureaucratic ineptitude at its finest

If it weren’t for all the houses and the driveways and the fact that it’s a dead-end road, turning onto West Lynne would seem like a pretty big deal. Located off Columbia Road, it’s got the double yellow lines of a major thoroughfare, yet it’s really nothing more than a run of the mill subdivision road, which is why some in the county are wondering just what makes West Lynne so special. Construction and Maintenance Director Matt Schlachter says he’s received a handful of calls about the lines, and he’s more than happy to pass the buck. Thanks to a change in a Georgia Department of Transportation (GDOT) grant, the stripes will continue to go down on up to 20 resurfaced county roads this year, even though county officials have repeatedly told the state they don’t want them. “GDOT has it in the qualifications that when they pave a road, they stripe it,” Schlachter says. “It’s been that way

10 METRO SPIRIT 9.22.11

for a long time, but we had a letter on file with them that said that we didn’t want it done when they came out and paved our subdivision roads, but for some reason they can’t abide by that anymore.” The program, formerly called the Local Area Resurfacing Program (LARP) and now called the Local Maintenance Improvement Grant (LMIG), allows Columbia County to apply for $750,000 a year in grant money to resurface existing roads like West Lynne. “It’s completely a GDOT project,” Schlachter says. “Once we submit our list to them, they take it from there and run with it. They do everything. They get the contract, they pay for it — everything. Our hands don’t touch it once we submit the list.” Which is all well and good, except for the double yellow lines. Despite the fact that these roads are inside subdivisions, the state is taking it upon itself to put down those double yellow lines. “We’ve called them and talked to them

and they said sorry — it’s part of their specs and they’re going to continue to do it,” Schlachter said. They’re going to continue to do it even though Schlachter has informed them that he’s going to come around right behind them and get rid of them. Don’t you just love government? “As soon as GDOT finishes that project and gets off the road and gets everything finished, we’re going to get in there and take care of those lines,” he says. It’s the state’s project, but it’s the county’s roads. Practically, there are several things the county can do to get rid of the double yellow lines, from grinding them off, which leaves ugly grind marks down the center of the newly surfaced road, to pressure washing, which would basically blast the lines right off the asphalt. “The cheap way is to just go out and paint them black,” Schlachter says. No matter whether they grind, spray or paint them, the fact that they’re there

leads to some ticklish questions involving the rules of the road, which is one of the reasons the county didn’t want the lines in the first place. “Subdivisions are made for a car to park in front of its house, and when that happens, you’ve got the go around it and now you’ve got somebody who’s technically breaking the law, because you’re not supposed to cross a double yellow line,” he says. Administrator Scott Johnson has spoken with the governor about the situation with the hope of changing things back to the way they were. But if not, Schlachter says the county will continue to follow up with stripe removal. Compared to the $750,000 in state money, the cost of removing the stripes is small as far as the county is concerned. But waste is waste, and ultimately the taxpayers are footing the bill for the state’s inflexibility.

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Just Google It

Big savings from a simple search Not only is Lewis Foster the Columbia County Community Broadband Utility (C3BU) manager, he’s also the guy who pretty much singlehandedly brought the $18 million project into being, so you’ve got to figure he’s pretty handy with computers. However, when he thought the county was paying too much to bring its fiber across the CSX train tracks, he didn’t have to resort to any kind of fancy computing. “I just did a Google search,” he said. “I did a Google search on the general agreement with CSX and it came up with a bunch of pricing.” Because he Googled that general agreement, he learned that not every community paid the same amount, and armed with that knowledge, he was able to save the county a lot of money. “Initially, they wanted to charge a licensing agreement per crossing of $12,000,” he said. “We had eight crossings, so that would have been $96,000.” At a time when everyone’s pinching

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pennies, $96,000 just to get permission to cross over the train tracks seemed excessive to the point of absurdity, which is what motivated the Google search. “I forwarded what I learned from the search to CSX and asked why some of those folks were getting cheaper rates than what we were quoted,” he said. “And then they told me about the general agreement and what we could do.” By doing the extra research, Foster was able to get the license fee down to $1,500 per crossing from the originally quoted $12,000 per crossing.

That’s a $10,500 savings per crossing times the county’s eight crossings for a total of $84,000. Not only that, but the agreement Foster made also covers water and sewer crossings, too. In other words, any time something has to cross the railroad track, the county now only has to pay $500 per pipe. Timing-wise, however, the Foster almost missed his opportunity to save money. “We were going to put it on the agenda two months ago and I found it a day or so before the deadline,” he

said. “I was upset about how much we were paying and once I found the information, I kind of put a halt to it until we got more details about it. Basically, it took us a couple of months, but the delay was worth it.” And while Foster didn’t go as far as saying CSX was being intentionally misleading, he did say they weren’t exactly volunteering the savings information. “A lot of times they don’t tell people they have this agreement — that was the impression I got,” he said. “Other governments could be taking advantage

of this, but they might not even be aware of what they could do.” Maybe they should just Google it. Foster said the railroad crossing projects will complete phase one of the six-phase broadband program, which was made possible by a federal stimulus grant. Phase two is 90 percent complete and the other phases are coming in on schedule. The final phase is due to be awarded by December and the 220 miles of fiber should be up and running by this time next year.

will service the $38 million, 40,000 square foot TEE Center, the parking spaces will be available on a first come, first served basis said Project Manager Jacque Ware. “It will still be public parking outside of Level One and a portion of the ramp,” he said. “It’s all going to be public parking.” Because of the initial agreement drawn up for the deck, the 163 spaces on Level One belong to Riverfront Development. “We have reserved spots on the first

floor,” Russell said. “The land actually belonged to Riverfront Development and we worked a deal with them. They’ve got some reserved spots for the people we displaced from the other parking deck.” Russell said the deal was unique in that Riverfront Development owns the ground the parking deck is built on and the city owns the air rights.

You’re So Augusta If… You refuse to pay to park

According to Administrator Fred Russell, the $12.5 million TEE Center parking deck should be open and ready for business on Friday. Considering that’s when the 3,200 competitors in town to participate in the ESi Ironman 70.3 will start checking in, being ready by Friday is a very good thing. “I was hoping to get it so I could take advantage of it for Arts in the Heart,” Russell said. “That would have been a good opportunity.” Though the Certificate of Occupancy

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was signed September 14, Russell said workers were still doing last-minute work on the deck over the weekend. Besides that, he has yet to finalize all of the legal stuff. “I’m ready, I’m just not quite as prepared as I wanted to be,” he said. “I wanted to have the other agreements put together — the operational stuff. I don’t know where I got behind, but when you get lawyers involved, that can put you behind.” Though the 650-space parking deck

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Pockets of Greatness

This yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Westobou Festival breaks from the past V. 22 | NO. 57

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Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings

Sharon Jones You’ll be seeing a lot of Westobou stuff over the next couple of weeks — posters, media, those colorful raindrop Ws — but how many of you actually understand what Westobou really is? If you’re confused, don’t sweat it — you’re not the only one. At times, it’s seemed like an avalanche of

14 METRO SPIRIT 9.22.11

entertainment and, until this year, it’s been almost indistinguishable from Arts in the Heart, which is why Artistic Coordinator Molly McDowell is working hard to give the four-year-old festival a refreshed identity. Funded by the Porter Fleming Foundation, which was established by

Porter Fleming’s son, the artist and writer Berry Fleming, and funded in large part by Berry’s daughter Shirley’s $9 million bequest to the Porter Fleming Foundation, the Westobou Festival was established in 2005 as a way to improve the artistic and educational culture of Augusta. The Trustees of the Academy of Richmond County administer the granting of the Westobou Festival. Westobou made a serious splash its first year by bringing in headliners like Lyle Lovett and novel art projects like Slow Dancing, a series of 43 largeformat, slow-motion portraits of dancers dancing, which occupied the Augusta Common — and captivated the city — for the entire 10-day festival. Since then it has become a definite, if somewhat undefined part of the city’s fabric, which is the reason behind this year’s changes. It’s still a 10-day festival dedicated to promoting the arts, but this time around it’s more of a streamlined affair, slimming down to 50 events from last year’s 212. “It was confusing to people because there was so much going on,” McDowell says. “We decided we needed less programming but bigger programs.” This year, the festival pretty much has one or two things going on each evening and very little head-head competition, which McDowell hopes will help boost attendance numbers and allow interested festivalgoers to attend everything that intrigues them. “If you wanted to do Westobou, the

whole thing, you could probably do it,” she says. McDowell took that less but bigger message to the arts organizations when they applied for their festival grants. “I told them we were trying to lift the programming up from what our expectations were,” she says. “We actually granted out more money to the arts groups than ever before.” While the festival’s budget was cut, the board did not want to compromise programming for staff, so Executive Director Kathy Dimmock and Special Events Assistant Virginia Atkins were let go and McDowell was moved in as a contract employee, which might seem odd for an event as big as Westobou, but according to McDowell, it’s staying true to priorities established by the trustees. “What’s a festival if you don’t have any good programs,” she says. With the money going even more directly into programming, it was important to get the right programming, so McDowell and the board of directors spent a lot of time rethinking the event, which had been somewhat modeled after Charleston’s Spoleto. But what they found when they brainstormed was that Augusta is not Charleston. Not to put words in anybody’s mouth or anything, but as Dr. Ricardo Azziz might say, we’re not cool enough to be Spoleto. McDowell puts it much more diplomatically by saying we’re a mixed V. 22 | NO. 57

and diverse city, so rather than catering to people who aren’t here — and who many never get here — why not look for shared points of interest and build from there? The Augusta Ballet, for example, is presenting the nontraditional dance group Momix, which integrates music, video and dance in a way that’s original, not diluted. “We really took a hard look at what Augusta is and then thought of every diverse event that might appeal to it, like NPR’s Ira Glass to someone like Lizz Wright, who’s an up and coming, can’thardly-pinpoint-her-genre performer to someone like Branford Marsalis, who has a very big reputation,” she says. “I think we accomplished that.” A complete listing of events can be found at westoboufestival.com. While both Arts in the Heart and the Westobou Festival organizations were in agreement that the time had come for them to separate the two events, some have worried that without the streetlevel hustle Arts in the Heart brings, Westobou might not feel like a festival. But McDowell says that even without the crowds or the Slow Dancing video installation in the Common, the festival will still have a unifying feature: the Old Richmond Academy. “It’s the best piece of property in the

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Ira Glass whole downtown,” McDowell says. She had an art exhibit in the old building last year and fell in love with the property. “What I really fell in love with was

the grounds,” she says. “It’s the old marching grounds for the school, which was the old military academy.” So that property will serve as Westobou Central this year, hosting

Rosanne Cash on the first Friday, Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings on the final day, local bands during Social Canvass, a community sculpture and ASU’s faculty art exhibit.

METRO SPIRIT 9.22.11 15

If you’re not sure where it is, McDowell says, take Telfair Street toward the Municipal Building and look for the Chinese lanterns hanging from the big oak tree. Unifying the event has proved important for Augusta’s understanding

from simplified ticket sales. This year, the Westobou ticket site will shoot ticket buyers to the sponsor’s website so they can buy directly from the sponsor organization. Twenty-six events this year have an associated ticket price, while 24 are free.

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of the festival, and they’ve done it with more than just location. In the past, the Westobou Festival used to advertise its pillar event — last year it was Al Green — while each sponsor would plug his own event. This year, McDowell has used the advertising money to advertise other specific events as well as the festival as a whole. “We though that if we advertised it and tried to sell the festival as a cohesive event that people might get it better,” she says. Additional cohesiveness will come

In the past, the clutter of so many organizations doing so much independently of each other yet as part of the same event ended up confusing festivalgoers, who were often unsure about who was doing what. The unified branding, advertising and ticket sales should help that. And while certain events may have lacked sex appeal in the past, McDowell says there have been enough bombshells to turn just about everyone’s head “Throughout Westobou there have been big pockets of greatness — big shows that we would never have been V. 22 | NO. 57

NEWS OF THE WEIRD

“When I get to Africa, I have to worship him,” said Elizabeth Osei, part-time first lady of the Akwamu people of eastern Ghana, speaking of her husband Isaac, who is the Akwamu chief. “When I get back, he has to worship me” (because Elizabeth is the president of the couple’s New York City taxi company, where they work 12-hour days when they’re not Ghanian royalty). Isaac’s reign, according to an August New York Times report, covers several months a year and requires divine-like wisdom in adjudicating his people’s disputes. Another New Yorker with a prestigious double life is Mohamed Mohamed, a state transportation bureaucrat, who recently returned to his cubicle in Buffalo, N.Y., after nine months as prime minister of Somalia. The Buffalo News reported that the Somali native, though shocked by the level of the country’s dysfunction, at least got to stand up to “terrorists, pirates and warlords” and “address dignitaries from the United Nations.”

Cultural Diversity Rosanne Cash able to bring in before,” she says. Though no one knows what the end result of this refreshing will be, McDowell sees emerging talent like Lizz Wright and artist Sarah Hobbs as possibly representative of what the mature Westobou could become. “I really believe that what Westobou could become is a festival that garners

the attention of those artists on the way to breaking big,” she says. In that way it could distinguish itself, become a legacy event for the trustees and a bellwether event in the entertainment world. How cool would that make us?

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The convenient Russian myth that “beer” (up to 10 percent alcohol by volume) is a “soft drink” will end shortly, following the enactment of restrictions signed by President Dmitry Medvedev in July. Beer had been rapidly replacing vodka as the country’s primary alcoholic beverage, as people drank it with impunity around the clock in public places (since they pretended they were consuming nothing more powerful than a “cola”). Until recently, impoverished Indonesians sought to cure various illnesses (such as diabetes and high blood pressure) by lying on railroad tracks as trains approached, thus allowing electrical charges from the tracks to course therapeutically through their bodies. A combination of anecdotal successes and dissatisfaction with the stateoperated health-care system led to the instances in which hundreds at a time lay on the tracks, according to an August Associated Press dispatch. In February, 12 villagers from a South African shantytown allegedly burned down a pastor’s home and killed him out of anger and fear that he was using an “invisible penis” to seduce women. The accused, who are due to answer for their superstition in court in September, according to African Eye News Service, became 11 in May when one of the men died mysteriously, and those 11 are now terrified that the pastor’s family has placed an active curse on them.

Latest Religious Messages

Fed up with the theft of Bibles from the Basilica of San Salvatore al Monte in Florence, Italy, the Franciscan priests in charge posted signs and spoke prayers urging the pilferer to repent. In the event that he does not, reported London’s Daily Telegraph in August, the prayer asked that the thief be afflicted with “a strong bout of the (runs).”

America In Decline

A U.S. military investigation disclosed (according to a July Washington Post report) that at least four of the eight Afghan trucking firms involved in a $2.16 billion Pentagon contract designed to ferry supplies to American troops are likely to have employed subcontractors with direct ties to the Afghan Taliban.

People With Issues

Ned Nefer, 38, pushed a 6-foot mannequin along U.S. Highway 11 in June, for 65 miles from Syracuse, N.Y., to Watertown, N.Y., because “(The mannequin and I) really love the outdoors.” The mannequin, Nefer said, is his wife “Teagan,” who came to Nefer merely as a head but for whom Nefer constructed a body and “married” in 1986. Said a Watertown social services worker, to the Watertown Daily News, “I wouldn’t classify (Nefer) as dangerous at all. He seemed quite happy in his own little world.” Nefer’s “first” wife passed away, and it is possible, the social services lady said, that this is his way of dealing with the loss.

METRO SPIRIT 9.22.11 17

R.U.N.E ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED

MAYADEREN AMayaMother of a Night Deren excelled at many things: photography,

dance and writing. But the woman who is the subject of “Transfigured Time: Music for the Films of Maya Deren” is perhaps best known as the mother of avant garde cinema. In the 1940s, using the inheritance from her father, Deren bought a camera and proceeded to make movies that still have an impact on filmmakers—especially independent filmmakers—to this day. “Meshes of the Afternoon,” “At Land,” “A Study in Choreography for the Camera” and “Ritual in Transfigured Time” are all Deren’s, and scenes from these will be shown at this event at Sacred Heart Cultural Center, accompanied by music written and performed by Mac McCaughan, member of Superchunk and Portastatic. The event will begin with cocktail hour in the gardens of Sacred Heart at 6 p.m., and the main event will start at sunset, with McCaughan leading a small ensemble.

Transfigured Time: Music for the Films of Maya Deren Sacred Heart Cultural Center | Thursday, September 29 6 p.m. | $20-$25

westoboufestival.com 18 METRO SPIRIT 9.22.11

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ENTERTAINMENT of September, Leslie Hutto’s work will be displayed on the first floor of the center. Call 803-641-9094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org.

Music

Joyce Lynn performs as part of the Augusta Canal’s Moonlight Music Cruise series on Friday, September 23, at 6:30 p.m. $25. Call 706-823-0440, ext. 4, or visit augustacanal.com. Southeastern Fightfighters Burn Foundation Gospel Sing will be held on Saturday, September 24, at 6 p.m. at Whole Life Ministries. Visit burnshurtwehelp.org. Hephzibah Opry Presents Lisa Shaffer on Saturday, September 24, at 7 p.m. at the Opry House on Brothersville Road. Call 706-306-7537.

Maksym Kriat won the 2010 ESi Ironman 70.3 Augusta with a 20-minute swim, a two hour and 11 minute bike and a one hour and 13 minute run. Who will come out on top in 2011? Come to the finish line at the Augusta Common on Sunday, September 25, and find out. But you better be there early — with a start time of 7:30 a.m., the pros will finish fast. These guys (and girls) don’t mess around. Visit ironmanaugusta.com.

Arts

Smithsonian Museum Day will be held on Saturday, September 24, from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. at The Morris Museum of Art. Visitors must have valid pass, available at smithsonianmag.com/ museumday/. Preservation of Place Lecture at the Morris Museum of Art is on Sunday, September 25, at 2 p.m. Reception and book signing with the speakers to follow. Free. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Artists Row Community Sculpture will be held on Thursday, September 29, through Wednesday, October 5, at the Old Richmond Academy. This event will feature the construction of ARTie by the creator Sara Mays, artists and other community members. Call 706-826-8991 or visit artistsrowaugusta.com. A Sara Hobbs’ Westobou Exhibit Lecture will be on Thursday, September 29, at 3:30 p.m. in Room 170 at ASU University Hall. At 5 p.m., the opening reception for the exhibit will be held in the ASU Mary S. Byrd Gallery of Art. Free. Visit westoboufestival.com.

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Day of Art, hosted by the North Augusta Artists Guild, is each Tuesday from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. at the Arts and Heritage Center and includes a group of artists painting in the center who will answer questions or allow visitors to join in. Call 803-441-4380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com.

Exhibitions

Ancora Imparo Exhibit will open Thursday, September 29, at 6 p.m. at the Parade Grounds of Old Richmond Academy. The exhibit will stay open through October 8. Free. Visit westoboufestival.com. Sara Hobbs’ Flight in Place Exhibit will stay open every day through October 8 at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art. Call 706-7225495 or visit ghia.org. The Ebony Legacy Exhibition will remain open until October 31 at the Lucy C. Laney Museum of Black History. $2-$5. Call 706-651-8712 or visit lucycraftlaneymuseum.com. Down South: Paintings by Art Rosenbaum, Photographs by Margo Newmark Rosenbaum shows at the Morris Museum of Art. Call 706-724-

7501 or visit themorris.org. Barbara Yon Art Exhibit will stay open everyday through the end of the month at the Hitchcock Heath Center in Aiken. Call 803-648-8344 or visit hitchcockhealthcare.org. Judy Gillespie and Ginny Griffin Art Exhibition shows at Sacred Heart Cultural Center through October 28. Call 706-826-4700 or visit sacredheartaugusta.org. Expect the Unexpected, an exhibit of ceramic art by members of the Clay Artists of the Southeast (CASE), including Pricilla Hollingsworth and Ann Baker, shows through October 29 at the Arts and Heritage Center in North Augusta. Call 803-441-4380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com. The Art of Millinery will be showcased through the month of October at the Center for Arts and Heritage in North Augusta. Millinery is the art of making hats and fascinators, and this exhibit showcases the works of local milliner Elizabeth Tudor. Call 803-4414380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com. AikenArtistGuildGallerySeries: Leslie Hutto. Throughout the month

Tuesday’s Music Live presents Guidonian Hand on Tuesday, September 27, at noon at St Paul’s Church. Concert is free; lunch afterwards, catered by Crums on Central, is $10. Advance reservations required for lunch. Contact 706-7223463 or visit tuesdaysmusiclive.com. Transfigured Time: Music for the Films of Maya Deren will be on Thursday, September 29, at 6 p.m. at Sacred Heart Cultural Center. Music composed and performed by Mac McCaughan. $20-$25. Visit westoboufestival.com. Augusta Amusements Presents An Evening with Livingston Taylor on Thursday, September 29, at the JSH Performing Arts Center. Doors open at 6:30 p.m.; show starts at 7:30 p.m. Guests are encouraged to wear a bow tie in honor of the performer. $32.50$37.50. Visit augustaamusements.com. Jason Aldean: My Kinda Party Tour 2011 will stop at James Brown Arena on Thursday, September 29. Doors open at 6:30 p.m.; Concert starts at 7:30 p.m. Visit augustaentertainmentcomplex.com. Augusta Market’s Diggin’ the River Concert Series will run every Saturday until October 29 at the 8th Street River Stage from 11 a.m.-1 p.m. Series will feature local talent and upcoming artists. Free. Visit theaugustamarket.com.

Literary

Augusta Public Library presents METRO SPIRIT 9.22.11 19

LaDonna Davis and her work, “Purpose Conceived” on Saturday, September 24, at 1:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Library’s atrium. LaDonna will be on hand to sign copies of her book. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Coffee Club will meet Tuesday, September 27, at 10:30 a.m. at the Harlem Library. Call 706-556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org.

NOOK Tutorials at Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall are each Saturday beginning at noon, followed by a NOOKcolor tutorial at 12:30 p.m. Free. Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com.

Theater

“The 39 Steps,” a Fort Gordon Dinner Theatre production, shows September 22-24, with dinner starting at 7 p.m. and the show beginning at 8 p.m. $25-$40. Call 706-793-8552 or

visit fortgordon.com. “Chicago: The Musical,” a production of the Aiken Community Playhouse set in the roaring ’20s, shows September 23 and 24 at 8 p.m., and September 24 at 3 p.m. Visit acp1011. com/shows/chi.php. “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat,” a production of the Augusta Players, shows on Friday, September 23, and Saturday, September 24, at 8 p.m. and on Sunday, September 25, at 3 p.m. at the Imperial Theatre. $15-$41. Call 706-826-4707 or visit augustaplayers.org. Augusta Mini Theatre Day will be held on Sunday, September 25, at 11 a.m. at Greater Young Zion Missionary Baptist Church. Call 706-722-0598 or visit augustaminitheatre.com.

Dance

Compania Flamenca Jose Porcel will be held on Friday, September 23, at 8 p.m. at the USC-Aiken’s Etherredge Center. Call 803-641-3305 or visit usca.edu. Welcome Practicalonga will be held on Thursday, September 29, at 6:30 p.m. at Casa Blanca Café. This event is a celebration of the art of tango dancing. Free. Visit westoboufestival. com. Friday Dance is every Friday night from 8:30-11 p.m. at The Ballroom Dance Center in Evans. $10. Call 706854-8888 or visit thebdc.us. Christian Singles Dance, for ages 18 and over, is every Saturday night at The Ballroom Dance Center in Evans from 7-11 p.m. $8-$10. Call 706-8548888 or visit thebdc.us.

Flix

“How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying” shows Thursday, September 22, in room 106 of USC-Aiken’s Penland Administration Building, with a discussion following. Call 803-6413340 or visit usca.edu. Sacred Heart Cultural Center Presents Silent Movie Night Featuring “Flesh and the Devil” on Friday, September 23. Lecture and reception is from 6-7 p.m., and the film starts at 7:30 p.m. $15, general admission seats; $45, lounging Lay-Z-Boy seats (concessions included). Call 706-8264700 or visit sacredheartaugusta.com. Family Camp Out Night will be held on Friday, September 23, at

20 METRO SPIRIT 9.22.11

Boyd Pond Park. A showing of “Fly Away Home” will begin at 8:15 p.m. Bring tent and sleeping bags for a community campout. Contact 803642-7559. Screen on the Green at the Columbia County Amphitheatre will be on Saturday, September 24. Showing will be “True Grit” (PG-13) starting at 7 p.m. $1 per person; children under 3 are free. Bring blankets and chairs; concessions will be sold on site. Visit columbiacountyga.gov. Movie Night presents “Madea’s Big Happy Family” on Monday, September 26, at 6 p.m. at the Friedman Library. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org. Tuesday Movies Presents “Meeks Cutoff” on Tuesday, September 27, at 6:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Special Events

No TV Night! at Barnes & Nobles will be on Thursday September 22 at 6 p.m. Turn off your TV for a fun-filled event complete with songs, stories and games. Free. Call 706-737-0012 or visit barnesandnoble.com. Perfectly Aged: Antiques and Wine, Historic Augusta’s benefit auction, will be held at Saint Paul’s River Room on Thursday, September 22. Wine Tasting, cocktails and hors d’oeuvres will begin at 6:30 p.m.; silent auction begins at 8 p.m. Tickets are $50 (for 35 and under) or $100 each. Call 706-724-0436 or visit historicaugusta.org. Pass It On Kidsignment Sale will be held on Friday, September 23, from 9 a.m.-7 p.m., and Saturday, September 24, from 8 a.m.-noon (with everything half off) at First Baptist Church of Aiken. Visit passitonaiken2.com. Grand Opening Celebration of the new Georgia Health Sciences University College of Dental Medicine will be held on Friday, September 23, from 2-4 p.m. on the front lawn of the new building. Tours of the new building will be given. Visit georgiahealth.edu. Festival of the Woods will be held on Friday, September 23, at 6:10 p.m. and Saturday, September 24, at 10 a.m. at the showgrounds in the Hitchcock Woods. Vehicles are permitted. $50 per person on Friday. Free to attend on Saturday. Lunch and merchandise will be for sale. Reservations recommended for lunch. Call 803-642-0528. V. 22 | NO. 57

Pub Night with Tasters Guild will be held on Friday, September 23, at 7:30 p.m. at the North Augusta Community Center. Enjoy a menu paired with 10 different beer selections. Advanced reservations required. $49 for members; $55 for non-members. Call 803-2799522 or visit wineworldsc.com.

University Hospital will host a Weekend Childbirth Class on Friday, September 23, from 6:30-9:30 p.m. and on Saturday, September 24, from 9 a.m.-5:30 p.m. on the third floor of the University Hospital Education Center. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706-774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org.

OngoingHistoryDemonstrations will be held on Saturday, September 24, from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. at the Olde Town Preservation Association in North Augusta. Call 803-279-7560.

Prostate Specific Antigen Tests will be given on Saturday, September 24, at 9 a.m. at First Baptist Church of Augusta. Free. Visit fbcaugusta.org.

President’s Lecture Series will be held on Wednesday, September 28, at noon in the Lee Auditorium on the Georgia Health Sciences campus. Lecture presented by Eli Y. Adashi, MD. Reception to follow in atrium. Preregistration required. Call 706-721-7511 or visit georgiahealth.edu. Westobou VIP Kick-off Party and Reception will be held on Thursday, September 29, at 5 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art. Visit themorris.org. WeeklyWineTastingsatVineyard Wine Market in Evans are each Friday from 4:30-6:30 p.m. and each Saturday from 1-6 p.m. Call 706-922-9463 or visit vine11.com. Saturday Market at the River, located at 8th Street Plaza, downtown Augusta, is each Saturday through October 29, from 8 a.m.-2 p.m. Visit theaugustamarket.com.

Health

MCGHealth will host a Basic Life Support class on Thursday, September 22, at 1 p.m. in BT-1809 on the first floor of the Children’s Medical Center. $50. Pre-registration required. Email bls@mcg.edu. University Hospital will host an Introduction to Infant CPR class on Thursday, September 22, at 7 p.m. in the University Hospital lobby. Preregistration required. Call 706-774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org. MCGHealth will host a Weight Loss Seminar on Thursday, September 22, at 7 p.m. at the Georgia Health Sciences Alumni Center. Free; preregistration required. Call 706-721-2609 or visit georgiahealth.edu. V. 22 | NO. 57

Chronic Pain Seminar will be held on Saturday, September 24, at 10:30 a.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Contact 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

– c a r e e r

AngioScreen will be given on Monday, September 26, from 8 a.m.-4:30 p.m. in the Mobile Coach at 635 Ronald Reagan Drive. This is a simple, noninvasive vascular screening designed to provide information about heart rhythm, neck and leg arteries, blood pressure, and body mass index. $75. Pre-registration required. Call 706-651-4343.

e d u c a t i o n –

HELP OTHERS

Prostate Cancer Health and Awareness will be held on Tuesday, September 27, at 6:30 p.m. at Savannah Rapids Pavilion in the Grand Rapids Ballroom. Free. Light refreshments will be served. Pre-registration required. Visit universityhealth.org.

look & feel THEIR BEST.

Ready and Able (Session 3) will be held on Tuesday, September 27, at 7 p.m. in Ste. 310 in the Medical Office Building One on the Doctor’s Hospital campus. This is a three-session class recommended for late pregnancy. Intended to be taken with Showing and Glowing. Open to the public. Preregistration required. Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Change your future and your life with a rewarding career. Miller-Motte offers career training programs in:

University’s Heart and Vascular Institute will host a class on Eating Heart Healthy on Wednesday, September 28, at 8:25 a.m., 9:25 a.m., and 1:55 p.m. Free. Pre-registration required. Call 706-7743278 or visit universityhealth.org.

Classes are forming. Call toll-free today!

Childbirth Education is a fourweek class to inform and prepare expectant parents that meets every Wednesday beginning September 28 at 6:30 p.m. Classes will be held in Georgia Health Sciences Medical Center, 7 West, Room 7001. Free. Call 706-721-9351 or visit georgiahealth.edu. Childbirth Preparation is a four-week class to inform and prepare expectant parents that meets every Wednesday beginning September 28 at 7 p.m. at University Hospital’s Women Center. Free. Call 706-774-2825 or visit

Cosmetology or Massage Therapy

(866) 425-0032 www.Miller-Motte.edu

Last Saturday of the Month will be held on Saturday, September 24, at 10:30 a.m. at the Living History Park in North Augusta. Participants are welcome to dress in colonial outfits. Free to attend. Call 803-279-7560 or visit colonialtimes.us.

THE DAWGS

Changing Futures. Changing Lives.® For more information about our graduation rates, the median debt of students who completed these programs, and other important information, please visit our website at: disclosure.miller-motte.edu

621 nw frontage road, augusta, ga 30907 FINANCIAL AID AVAILABLE TO THOSE WHO QUALIFY. AUTHORIZED BY THE NONPUBLIC POSTSECONDARY EDUCATIONAL ACT OF 1990.

METRO SPIRIT 9.22.11 21

universityhealth.org.

visit thefamilyy.org.

Free HIV/AIDS Testing will be given all month long in various locations in the CSRA. Contact 706-721-4463 or visit csrasafetynet.org for a list of locations and dates.

Joint Efforts, an informational class about knee and hip pain causes and treatments sponsored by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets every Thursday at 11 a.m. at Augusta Orthopaedic Clinic. Call 706-481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com.

Infant CPR Anytime Learning Program will be held Thursdays at 6:30 p.m. at the first floor information desk (west entrance) of MCGHealth. Visit georgiahealth.edu. Fresh Start Smoking Cessation Class will be held every Thursday in September at 6 p.m. in the University Hospital Cafeteria. Sponsored by the American Cancer Society, University Hospital instructors will help participants give up all forms of tobacco. Open to the public. Preregistration required. Call 706-774-8900 or visit universityhealth.org. Multiple Sclerosis and Parkinson Disease Aquatics Class, sponsored by the CSRA Parkinson Support Group and The Family Y, is a group class designed specifically for ambulatory participants affected by Multiple Sclerosis and Parkinson Disease. Held each Friday at noon at the Wilson Family Y indoor pool. Call Claudia Collins at 706-922-9664 or

22 METRO SPIRIT 9.22.11

Support

Skip to My Lupus will meet Thursday, September 22, at 7 p.m. at Aiken Regional Dining Room A. Call 803-251-9413 or visit aikenregional.com. MCGHealth A.W.A.K.E Support Group will meet Thursday, September 22, at 7 p.m. in the Resource Library on the first floor of the Children’s Medical Center. Open to anyone diagnosed or interested in sleep apnea. Call 706-7210793 or visit georgiahealth.edu. YoungWomenwithBreastCancer will meet Friday, September 23, at 12:30 p.m. in the University Hospital Breast Health Center, Professional Center 2, Ste. 205. Visit universityhealth.org. Healing Arts Class: Crochet 101 will meet on Saturday, September 24, from 1-3 p.m. in the Georgia Health Sciences Children’s Medical Center

Resource Library. The goal is to redirect one’s pain and thoughts into an activity that allows participants to reduce stress. A hat will be made during the class. $5. Pre-registration required. Call 706-5137301 or visit georgiahealth.edu. Divorce Recovery-The First Step will meet Sunday, September 25, at 4 p.m. at First Baptist Church of Augusta. Visit fbcaugusta.org. Cancer Share Support Group will meet Monday, September 26, at 6 p.m. in the University Hospital Dining Room 1. Light refreshments will be served. Open to anyone diagnosed with cancer. Call 706-774-8308 or visit universityhealth.org. MultipleSclerosisSupportGroup will meet Monday, September 26, at 6 p.m. on the sixth floor of the Augusta MS Center. Dinner is provided. Call 706721-7239. Burn Support Group meets every Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. in the Lori Rogers Nursing Library, on the second floor of the JMS Building on the Doctors Hospital campus. All burn survivors and their families and friends are invited to attend. Call Tom Dorn at 706-651-6660 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Families Who Have Lost a Baby During Pregnancy, Childbirth or Early Infancy Support Group is ongoing. For information and support following a pregnancy loss, call Sue Ellen Abney at 706-721-8299 or visit mcghealth.org. Moms Connection meets every Tuesday from 1-2 p.m. at 1225 Walton Way (the old Fairway Ford dealership), room 1010C. Preregistration required. Call 706-7219351 or visit mcghealth.org. Weight Loss Surgery Support Group meets each Wednesday at 1:30 p.m. in Suite 110 of Medical Office Building 2, 3624 J. Dewey Gray Circle, on the Doctors Hospital campus. Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Education

Savannah River Sail and Power Squadron’s Weather Course will begin Thursday, September 22, at 7 p.m. This nine-week course focuses on how weather systems form, behave, move and interact with one another. For location, cost and to RSVP, call 706-829-3909. Kingdom Financial Services will hold a four-session financial literacy

V. 22 | NO. 57

workshop program at the Headquarters Branch Library. The first workshop will be on Saturday, September 24, at 10:30 a.m. The first workshop will be on personal money management. Reservations recommended. Contact 251-253-0853 or visit ecgrl.org. MCGHealth will host a Car Seat Class on Wednesday, September 28, at 5:45 p.m. at Martinez Columbia Fire Rescue. Program will teach how to properly install and use car seats. Car seats are $10 to those who show financial need when available. Pre-registration required. Call 706-721-7606 or visit georgiahealth.edu. The Aiken County Historical Museum will feature Civil War Speakers Series on Tuesdays for four lectures. $5 per person per lecture. Call 803-6422015 or visit aikencountysc.gov. Preserving History: Behind the Scenes at the Augusta Museum of History, a tour of the collection preparation area and the processing laboratory with Registrar Amanda Klaus, is each Saturday in September at either 1 or 2 p.m. at the Augusta Museum of History. The one-hour tour is limited to 15 people on a first-come first-served basis and is free with museum admission. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org. GED Classes are held every Monday and Tuesday night at 6 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. No pre-registration is required, but participants must have a valid PINES library card. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. ESL Classes are held every Wednesday night at 6 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Preregistration required. Call 803-279-3363 or visit ecgrl.org. Saturday Historic Trolley Tour, every Saturday, begins at the Museum of History and tours historic downtown Augusta from 1-3:15 p.m. Reservations required. All seats are $12. 706-724-4067.

Benefits

Walk to End Hunger to benefit the Golden Harvest Food Bank will take place Saturday, September 24. Registration starts at 7 a.m. Walk begins at 8 a.m. at the H. Odell Weeks track in Aiken, S.C. Pre-register online at goldenharvest.org. Second Annual 2011 CSRA Car, Truck and Motorcycle “Show and Shine” will be held on Saturday, V. 22 | NO. 57

September 24, at The Home Depot of Evans parking lot. Hosted by the CSRA Mustang Club. Free food and refreshments. Show proceeds benefit Golden Harvest. Visit goldenharvest. org or csramc.org. Private School Principals’ and Headmasters’ Event will be held on Monday, September 26, at 6 p.m. at Barnes and Noble. Presentation about what discounts and fundraisers are offered for private schools. Preregistration required. Contact Maggie at 706-737-0065 or crm2359@bn.com. Karma Yoga is offered at Just Breathe Studio, downtown Aiken, each Friday at 10 a.m. and is free if participants bring a donation of a personal item which will be given to the Cumbee Center to Assist Abused Persons. Call 803-648-8048 or visit justbreathestudio.com.

Sports-Outdoors

2011 ESi Ironman 70.3 Augusta will be held on Sunday, September 25, beginning at 7:30 a.m. in downtown Augusta. Visit ironmanaugusta.com. Augusta Prep Golf Classic benefiting the athletic department will be held Monday, September 26, at the Belle Meade Country Club. Registration and lunch at noon, followed by a 1 p.m. shotgun start. Visit augustaprep.org/golfclassic. The Augusta Diving Club is currently training any high school students who want to dive for their high school’s swimming and diving team. No experience is necessary. The season starts in mid-October and runs through mid-February for those qualifying for State. All practices are at the Augusta Aquatics Center. Call Coach Jim Tingen 706-726-6805 or email jtingen@knology.net. Fight for Freedom Boot Camp is going on September 3-October 1 at Greubel’s MMA. Sponsored by FAST (Freedom Fighting Athletes Against Slave Trafficking), this program includes kickboxing, jiu jitsu, circuit training, yoga and weekend boot camp classes for participants who will pay $150, 100 percent of the proceeds of which will go to a charity to help combat Southeast Asia’s sex trafficking industry. Call Leesa Gray at 706-2844831, email indigohands@gmail.com or visit greubelsmma.com. Lakeside Rideouts at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are each Sunday beginning at 1:30 p.m. on a first-come first-served basis. The

ride, which begins at two, is a twohour guided ride to Wilkerson Lake. $45-$50. Call 706-791-4864 or visit fortgordon.com. Guided Trail Rides at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are available Saturdays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m., noon, 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m.; Sundays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m. and noon; and Wednesday-Friday at 11 a.m. with reservations 24 hours in advance. All trail rides are on a first come, first served basis, and participants should arrive 30 minutes prior to the trail ride starting for sign in procedures. $23-$30. Call 706-7914864 or visit fortgordon.com. Augusta Rugby Football Club meets every Wednesday from 6:30-8:30 p.m. at the Larry Bray Memorial Pitch, 100 Wood Street. New players are welcome. Email arj6402@yahoo.com. Group Run begins each Tuesday at 5:30 p.m. at Nacho Mama’s. Three- and four-mile routes are available for all ages and abilities of runners. Call 706-414-4059 or email jim@ enduranceconcepts.com. Hockey Skills & Drills is every Thursday from 6-8 p.m. at Augusta Ice Sports Center. $10-$15. Call 706-863-0061 or visit augustaicesports.com. Thursday Night Chain Reaction Ride begins at 6 p.m. each Thursday at Patriots Park in Grovetown. For intermediate to fast-paced cyclists, who average 25-32 miles. Participants should bring their own water and helmet. Call 706-855-2024 or visit chainreactionbicycles.net. Riverview Disc Golf League meets each Thursday at 6 p.m. at Riverview Park in North Augusta. $5 entry fee and $1 ace pool. Call 803-2158181 or visit augustadiscgolf.com. Road Bike Ride meets each Thursday at 6:30 p.m. at Andy Jordan’s Bicycle Warehouse downtown for an approximately 25-mile ride at a moderate to fast pace. Front and rear lights, as well as a helmet, are required. Call 706-7246777 or visit andyjordans.com. Wheelchair Tennis Clinic, presented by the Walton Foundation for Independence, meets each Monday at 6 p.m. (weather permitting) at The Club at Rae’s Creek. Free and open to the public. Call 706-826-5809 or email alsalley@ wrh.org. Registration for Couch to 5K continues throughout the month of

September at the Wilson Family Y. This program is designed for beginner and intermediate runners and walkers to prepare for the Y’s Gasping Gobbler 5K on November 19. A six-week session is offered October 11-November 17 at 10 a.m. or 7 p.m. Participants will be guided through a workout twice a week and one on their own. Cost is $15 per session for Family Y members and $25 per session for non-members. Register at any Family Y location or online at thefamilyy.org. Augusta Canal Boat Tours lasting one hour are offered daily at 10 a.m., 11:30 a.m., 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m. Saturday Sunset Cruises, lasting three hours, are at 5 p.m. All tours include admission to the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center. Call 706-823-0440 or visit augustacanal.com.

Kids

Big Brother/Big Sister will be held on Thursday, September 22, at 6 p.m. in Ste. 310 of Medical Office Building One on Doctor’s Hospital campus. Class offers fun, educational, interactive activities so your children will be prepared to welcome the new baby. Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctorshospital.net. Home School Adventures at the Aiken Library will be held on Friday, September 23, at 10:30 a.m. Find out about the man who created the Wizard of Oz. Free. For second graders and older. Call 803-642-2020 or visit abbelib.org. Childcare and Babysitting Safety Class will be held on Saturday, September 24, from 9 a.m.-3 p.m. at Trinity Hospital. This one-day clinic is designed for ages 11-14. $30 registration includes lunch. Call 706-481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Kids Fishing Rodeo will be held Saturday, September 24, from 9 a.m.noon at Mistletoe State Park. Kids will have a chance to fish in a special area that has been stocked with catfish. Must bring own fishing pole and bait. Lunch will be provided. Free. Call 706-541-0321 or visit gastateparks.org. Maze Season at Kackleberry Farms opens on Saturday, September 24. Open Saturdays 10 a.m.-10 p.m. and Sundays 1-5 p.m. Visit kackleberryfarm. com. Tuesday Special Stories: Hispanic Heritage Month will be held on Tuesday, September 27, at 10:30 a.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. METRO SPIRIT 9.22.11 23

University Hospital will host a Sibling Birthday Party on Tuesday, September 27, at 3 p.m. This event celebrates the upcoming arrival of new siblings to get older siblings excited for the birth. Pre-registration required. Call 706774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org. Teens Under Fire will be held on Tuesday, September 27, at 4 p.m. at Aiken Regional Medical Center’s Dining Room A-B. This class is designed for ages 12-18 to expose them consequences of drugs, violence and crime. Preregistration and referral required. Call Mary at 803-641-2421 or visit aikenregional.com. On Being a Girl will be held on Tuesday, September 27, at 6 p.m. at Trinity Hospital. Girls ages 9 to 12 are welcome to attend with an adult female to discuss emotional and physical changes of puberty. $10 per child. Call 706-481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Wilderness Survival at Reed Creek Park will be held on Wednesday, September 28, at 4:30 p.m. Learn about emergency survival skills. Open to ages 8-18. Pre-registration required. Free for members; $2 for non-members. Call 706210-4027 or visit reedcreekpark.com. Fall Craft Fun Workshop will be held on Thursday, September 29, at 11 a.m. at Appleby Branch Library. For ages 3-5. Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org.

DECLASSIFIED

Steed’s Dairy in Grovetown, a working dairy farm that includes a corn maze, petting zoo, jumping pillow, tube slide, rubber duckie races, preschool pay area, hayrides, a pumpkin patch and more, is open through November 13. Hours are Friday, 5-10 p.m., Saturdays 10 a.m.-10 p.m. and Sundays, 1-6 p.m. Admission is $12 for those three and older, free for children 2 and under, and $9 for seniors and military, law enforcement, firefighters and EMTs. Call 706-855-2948 or visit steedsdairy.com.

“Mission to Mars” shows Saturdays in September at USC-Aiken’s DuPont Planetarium at 7 and 8 p.m. Tickets are $4.50 for adults, $3.50 for seniors, $2.50 for 4K-12th grade students, and $1 for USC-A students, faculty and staff. Reservations are not required. Call 803-641-3654 or visit usca. edu/rpsec/planetarium.

24 METRO SPIRIT 9.22.11

Augusta Genealogical Society meets every Monday, Wednesday and Saturday at 9 a.m. and Sundays from 2-5 p.m. at the society’s Adamson Library, 1109 Broad St. Free. Call 706-722-4073.

Toddler Story Time and Preschool Story Time take place every Thursday in September at 10:30 a.m. and at 11:15 a.m. at the North Augusta Library. Toddler story time is for children under 3. Pre-school story time for children 3 to 6 years old. Free. Call 803279-5767 or visit abbe-lib.org. Story Time in Hopelands will take place every Tuesday through the end of October at 4 p.m. at Hopelands Gardens in Aiken. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. AdaptedWiiSpecialPopulations, throughout the month of September, is at the Wilson Family Y. Individual ½-hour classes (one-to-one ratio) for all physically and developmentally challenged individuals of all ages. $10 for members; $20 for non-members. Financial assistance is available for all Family Y programs. By appointment only. Call Claudia Collins at 706-9229662 or visit thefamilyy.org. The Augusta Arsenal Soccer Club Junior Academy, for boys and girls ages 5-8, meets each Thursday at 5:30 p.m. at the Augusta Soccer Park. Call 706-854-0149 or visit augustasoccer.com. Toddler Time, free play for children ages 5 and under, is each Monday and Wednesday from 9:3011:30 a.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Ceramics Class, for ages 14 and up, meets Mondays at 9 a.m. or 6 p.m., Tuesdays at 6 p.m. and Wednesdays at 9

Georgia-Carolina Toastmasters Meeting, for those who want to brush up on their public speaking skills, is every Wednesday at noon at the Cotton Patch downtown. Free. Call 803-593-6605. Film collector and author Jan Wahl will lead a lecture at Sacred Heart Cultural Center about the 1926 silent film “Flesh and the Devil” on Friday, September 23, at 6 p.m. Afterwards, participants will view the film, for which organist Ron Carter will provide accompaniment. General admission seats are $15, but $45 will get you a La-Z Boy lounger with concessions included. Call 706-8264700 or visit sacredheartaugusta.org. a.m. in the Weeks Ceramics Center. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Wacky Wednesday Story Time is each Wednesday at 10 a.m. in the children’s department of Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall. Call 706-7370012 or visit bn.com. Homeschool Playgroup meets each Thursday at 10:30 a.m. at Creighton Park in North Augusta. Call 803-613-0484.

Hobbies

Bike Nite at the Sno-Cap Drive-In will be held on Tuesday, September 26, in North Augusta. Call 803-279-4004.

Host a Bridal Shower Wine Party! For the bride who doesn't need a toaster.

Volunteer

CSRA Humane Society New Volunteer Orientation will be held on Saturday, September 24, at 9 a.m. at the Pet Center on Wood Street. Call 706261-7387 or visit csrahumanesociety.org. Afterschool Mentors and Tutors are needed Mondays-Fridays from 4-6 p.m. at MACH Academy, where they will provide help to students both one-on-one and in small group settings. Call 706796-5046 or visit machacademy.com. Volunteers needed at Georgia Health Sciences University and Health System in both the adult program, open to those 18 and older, and the afterschool program, open to high school juniors and seniors at least 17 years of age. To request a volunteer application, call 706-721-3596 or visit georgiahealth.org/volunteer. If you would like to see your organization’s events listed in our calendar, please email Amy Christian at amy@themetrospirit.com. The deadline for each Thursday’s issue is the previous Friday at noon.

The Garden City Chorus, the

Stand Up Paddleboard Excursions

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area’s leading men’s singing group and a member of the Barbershop Harmony Society, is seeking new members. Those interested are welcome to attend Tuesday night rehearsals, held at 7 p.m. at North Augusta Church of Christ on W. Martintown Road. Visit gardencitychorus.org.

Canal |River | Lake 706.833.9463 Weekday evenings are SUPer cool! Whitecap SUP

Clinical Research Study Adults age 18-70 with either

1) No history of mental illness, or 2) A history of Schizophrenia, Schizoaffective Disorder, or a related disorder are needed for a study of infections in schizophrenia. Participants, who will be paid, will visit the study site once for a brief interview and collection of blood and urine samples. Contact Laura Meyer at 706-721-6585.

All declassified ads are Cash in Advance (credit card payment required) and are $40 per week. Visit metrospirit.com to place your ad in minutes. V. 22 | NO. 57

THEEIGHT BOX TOPS

“The Lion King” reigns at the box office, 17 years after it was originally released. RANK

TITLE

WEEKEND GROSS

TOTAL GROSS

WEEK #

LAST WEEK

THE LION KING

$30,151,614

CONTAGION

$14,548,433

$44,260,524

DRIVE

$11,340,461

THE HELP

$6,513,039

$147,439,793

STRAW DOGS

$5,123,760

MOVIEREVIEW

“Drive”

Sam Eifling A tap of the brakes and this good “Drive” could have been great There’s a moment about halfway through “Drive” when it turns from a beautiful piece of modern Los Angeles noir — as slick as it is dark, as predatory as it is patient — to an overindulgent bloodbath. In that instant, a particular character goes from having a head to having it blown apart by a shotgun blast, splattered PlayStation-style. At that point in the packed theater in which I watched “Drive,” enraptured, a large fraction of the audience burst out laughing, mostly out of shock. From then on, the violent moments of “Drive” were nearly all luridly graphic. It’s a shame, actually, because Nicolas Winding Refn, the director, for a while there had a movie you couldn’t take your eyes off of, and decided instead to fashion a film that makes his audience squint, turn and groan. Anyway, that’s your fair warning. On balance, “Drive” is a marvelous, compelling and mature movie that spins an immersive tale from a simple story. The usual old thing: A stuntman (Ryan Gosling, surprisingly wearing a shirt throughout) moonlights as a getaway driver for hire, unarmed

and inscrutable but a demon on the freeway. His other day job is working as a mechanic at a garage owned by a grizzled, aging small-timer named Shannon (Bryan Cranston, looking both broken and bad) who has dreams of putting our driver behind the wheel of a stock car. Financing this means reaching out to a mobbed-up financier named Bernie (Albert Brooks, convincingly). This does not set a good precedent. Meanwhile, our driver has been spending a great deal of quality time with his comely neighbor (a quietly enchanting Carey Mulligan) and her son; but when her husband (Oscar Isaac) returns from prison with a debt to pay, the driver offers his services as, well, what else? The road sequences are only the beginning of the aesthetic pleasures of “Drive.” Gosling’s lines could be contained legibly on the back of a single sun visor; he seems always to be driving stoically with blurs of ambient neon and stoplights and dash readouts illuminating his face. Even indoors, light seems to leak into every room and corner, colors bleeding in from the city, which sparkles

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gold-on-black in the aerial shots that punctuate the gaps between scenes. The soundtrack, composed largely by Cliff Martinez, the former Red Hot Chili Peppers drummer, is spectacularly evocative, a synthy, glossy, pulsing neo’80s tour de force that, like the hot-pink cursive font of the title screen, declares that the top is down and the night is warm and no one has anywhere to be except putting miles in the rear view. Whoever painted the look and sound of this film knows the brimming heart that comes with having a loud stereo and a full tank of gas. Except it’s all more sinister than that. (Go YouTube the Chromatics’ “Tick of the Clock” for a taste.) Scratch the

shimmer and you get the whiff of doom at every turn. The driver, sans name, might as well be a rider in an old western, a man without a past, without a future, with only a tense and dangerous present. He presses ahead when the smart thing, the self-interested thing, would be to turn around, to take his winnings and leave the table. But we know this character. He doesn’t say much. He faces perils thinking only of others. He’s bound for a hard place. “Drive” has the archetype, the look, the sound, the cast and the story for a terrific movie. All the more reason why it should’ve known when to throttle back, if even slightly.

TRAFFIC

JAM

CHAD BENNETT

TRAFFIC

METRO SPIRIT 9.22.11 25

OPENING FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 23

THE8ERS

ACTION

“Machine Gun Preacher,” rated R, starring Gerard Butler, Michelle Monaghan. A born-again former drug dealer and biker becomes a vigilante on behalf of Sudanese children forced to become soldiers. Good thing this isn’t real life; Butler wouldn’t be able to pick up nearly as many girls as he does if he was a preacher. On second thought, he probably would.

DRAMA

“Moneyball,” rated PG-13, starring Brad Pitt, Robin Wright, Jonah Hill. “Field of Dreams” meets “Sneakers” as Brad Pitt, playing Oakland A’s General Manager Billy Beane, attempts to create a winning team on a budget by using computers to analyze and pick the best players. Jonah Hill, as always, is the schlub along for the ride.

THRILLER

“Abduction,” rated PG-13, starring Taylor Lautner, Alfred Molina. Taylor Lautner gets to flex more than his biceps; his acting muscles get a workout in this story about a boy who discovers that life as he knows it isn’t what it seems after seeing his baby picture on a missing persons website. Don’t worry, Jacob fans: Pretty sure there’ll be at least one shirtless scene.

The Big Mo

September 23-24 Main Field: Dolphin Tale (PG) and Contagion (PG-13) Screen 2: Abduction (PG-13) and Warrior (PG-13) Screen 3: Colombiana (PG-13) and Drive (R) Gates open at 7 p.m.; Movies start at 8:15 p.m. (approximately)

Masters 7 Cinemas

September 23 Final Destination 5 (R) 5:30, 7:45, 10; Cowboys and Aliens (PG-13) 4, 6:45, 9:30; Horrible Bosses (R) 5:20, 7:30, 9:40; Zookeeper (PG) 5:10, 7:30, 9:50; Transformers: Dark of the Moon (PG-13) 4:30, 5:30, 8, 9; Bad Teacher (R) 5, 7:15, 9:30 September 24 Final Destination 5 (R) 12:45, 3:15, 5:30, 7:45, 10; Cowboys and Aliens (PG-13) 1:15, 4, 6:45, 9:30; Horrible Bosses (R) 12:45, 3, 5:20, 7:30, 9:40; Zookeeper (PG) 12:30, 2:50, 5:10, 7:30, 9:50; Transformers: Dark of the Moon (PG-13) 1, 2, 4:30, 5:30, 8, 9; Bad Teacher (R) 12:30, 2:40, 5, 7:15, 9:30

Evans Cinemas

WERECOMMEND

“Sneakers”

Wondering where the snarky tone and sense of “boys will be boys” fun in the modern “Oceans” movies came from? Look no further than “Sneakers,” a fluffy 1992 gem that features one hell of a cast: Robert Redford, before his face caved in upon itself, leads a band of Merry Men that includes Sidney Poitier, David Strathairn, Dan Aykroyd, River Phoenix and their sometime partner in crime Mary McDonnell, looking pretty much the same then as she does now. Despite its lighter than air premise, viewers do have to pay a little bit of attention to this thriller that includes computer hacking (from 1992? Funny!) and government bad guys… or are they? Throughout it all — the twists, the turns, the betrayals — the sense of humor and quick-witted repartee remains, making this this perfect flick to laugh away a Saturday afternoon with.

26 METRO SPIRIT 9.22.11

September 23 Abduction (PG-13) 4:50, 7:25, 10; Dolphin Tale (PG) 4:15, 7, 9:45; Killer Elite (R) 4:40, 7:15, 10; Moneyball (PG-13) 4, 6:55, 9:50; Drive (R) 4:10, 6:50, 9:35; I Don’t Know How She Does It (PG-13) 3:05, 5:20, 7:35, 9:50; The Lion King (G) 2:30, 3:15, 4:55, 5:30, 7:10, 9:30; Straw Dogs (R) 4:20, 7:05, 9:40; Contagion (PG-13) 2:35, 5, 7:30, 10; Warrior (PG-13) 3:50, 6:45, 9:45; Seven Days in Utopia (G) 2:45, 5:10, 7:30, 9:55; Shark Night (PG-13) 7:40, 9:55; Spy Kids: All the Time in the World (PG) 2:55, 5:10; The Help (PG-13) 4:30, 8; Crazy, Stupid, Love (PG-13) 7:20, 10

10; Dolphin Tale (PG) 1:30, 4:15, 7, 9:45; Killer Elite (R) 1:40, 4:40, 7:15, 10; Moneyball (PG-13) 1, 4, 6:55, 9:50; Drive (R) 1:10, 4:10, 6:50, 9:35; I Don’t Know How She Does It (PG13) 12:40, 3:05, 5:20, 7:35, 9:50; The Lion King (G) 12:15, 1, 2:30, 3:15, 4:55, 5:30, 7:10, 9:30; Straw Dogs (R) 1:20, 4:20, 7:05, 9:40; Contagion (PG13) 12:15, 2:35, 5, 7:30, 10; Warrior (PG-13) 12:50, 3:50, 6:45, 9:45; Seven Days in Utopia (G) 12:25, 2:45, 5:10, 7:30, 9:55; Shark Night (PG-13) 7:40, 9:55; Spy Kids: All the Time in the World (PG) 12:30, 2:55, 5:10; The Help (PG-13) 1:15, 4:30, 8; Crazy, Stupid, Love (PG-13) 7:20, 10

Regal Exchange 20

September 23-24 Abduction (PG-13) 12, 1, 2:30, 3:55, 5, 7:30, 8:05, 10, 10:35, 12:30; Dolphin Tale (PG) 12:15, 2:55, 7:15, 9:55; Killer Elite (R) 12:10, 1:10, 4:15, 5:15, 7:10, 7:55, 9:50, 10:40, 12:30; Moneyball (PG-13) 12:20, 1:05, 4, 5:05, 7, 8:10, 10:10, 11:10; Drive (R); 12:10 (CC), 2:30, 4:50, 7:10, 9:30, 12:50; I Don’t Know How She Does It (PG-13) 12:05, 2:20, 4:40, 7:50, 10:05, 12:20; The Lion King (G) 12, 12:30, 2:15, 2:45, 4:30, 7, 7:30, 9:15, 11:30; Straw Dogs (R) 12:20, 4, 7:20, 9:55; Contagion (PG-13) 12:05, 12:35, 4:05, 4:35, 7:05, 7:35, 9:35, 10:05, 12; Kevin Hart: Laugh at My Pain (R) 12:55, 4:20, 7:25, 9:40, 12:05; Warrior (PG-13) 4:05, 9:50; The Debt (R) 4:10, 10:30; Colombiana (PG-13) 12:50, 3:45, 7:35, 10:15; Spy Kids: All the Time in the World (PG) 5, 9:50, 12:05; The Help (PG-13) 12:15, 3:50, 7:05, 10:20; Rise of the Planet of the Apes (PG-13) 1:20, 7:20; Captain America: The First Avenger (PG-13) 1:15, 7:40.

September 24 Abduction (PG-13) 1:50, 4:50, 7:25,

V. 22 | NO. 57

SIGHTINGS

Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Mike Arroyo, Julia Samaddar, Jason Herrera and Ashlyn Poss at the Salsa Social at Superior Academy.

Dian Hawkins, Dori Blair, Kristen McAlevy and Michael Pineda at the Salsa Social at Superior Academy.

Dixon and Charlene Revell with Kayle Hutchins and Stephan King at The Country Club.

SIGHTINGS

Dr. George and Brigid Pursley with Lucy and Ken Hardy at the Southern Soul & Song Concert Series at the Imperial Theatre.

Lisa Walker, Marty Stuart and Lisa Hatch at the Southern Soul & Song Concert Series at the Imperial Theatre.

Amanda Andrews, Beth Perdue, Stephanie Bullard and Kathleen McDonnell at Wild Wing Cafe.

SIGHTINGS

Jamie Todd, Stephanie Shirley and Chelsea Robinson at Arts in the Heart of Augusta.

Nate Schweitzer, Chris San Miguel, Chastity Hamilton and Philip Furladi at Arts in the Heart of Augusta.

Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

District Attorney Ashley Wright, Nancy Johnson and Lisa Taylor at Arts in the Heart of Augusta.

$9.99 one pound of Happy Hour MON-FRI peel and eat shrimp 4:30 p.m. - 7:00 p.m. Monday Crab Legs $9.99 per lb

Drink Specials

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METRO SPIRIT 9.22.11 27

CRISP Germany in Augusta

Oktoberfest at Villa Europa has good food, good drinks and good company For five nights next month, Augustans can experience a little of the party atmosphere enjoyed by those who visit Munich, Germany, for the annual Oktoberfest. But those interested in the food, the entertainment, the games and, of course, the beer better hurry: reservations for Villa Europa’s celebration are going fast. “We started [taking reservations] on the sixth of September and we have two days that are almost full,” said Patricia Schaffer, who owns Villa Europa with her mother, Anneliese Neises. “We do have availability on all nights, though.” Villa Europa, located on Deans Bridge Road, has been open for 35 years; for 30 years they’ve celebrated Oktoberfest. Picture collages from past celebrations dot the walls and Schaffer points out entire families — grandparents; then, in later years, parents; then, in even later years, kids — who’ve shared in what she likes to call the restaurant’s “Fusion Oktoberfest.” “We have some American customs which are merged with German customs,” she explained. “And then there are some that are truly unique to Villa Europa.” It all starts, Schaffer said, with the food and drinks. The day before Oktoberfest starts — this year on Sunday, October 9 — the Villa Europa staff will take all the furniture out of the restaurant and reassemble the space with communal tables to mimic the beer tents at Germany’s festival. “So you might be sitting with someone you don’t know,” Schaffer said. “We’ve had people who’ve made lifelong friends who met each other here during Oktoberfest.” The food includes all the dishes Villa Europa is known for, since they serve their regular menu during Oktoberfest; there are, however, some specials available, including roasted Bavarian chicken, schlachtplatt (an assortment

of sausages and smoked pork loin with sauerkraut and home-fried potatoes) and Neises’ take on Schweinehaxe, a pork shank roasted in dark beer and apple brandy with herbes de provence and brown sugar. “It’s just a huge hunk of loveliness on a platter,” Schaffer laughed. To go along with the food, of course, are the beverages. Designated drivers are treated to complimentary nonalcoholic brews and fountain drinks, but most Oktoberfest attendees partake in the Warsteiner pilsner and Spaten Oktoberfest on tap. “And then, of course, we have the Jagerettes every night, which have become more and more popular every year. And we even have a Jagerdude on occasion,” Schaffer said. “They promote Jagermeister, and we have about 15 drinks that we make that use Jagermeister as an ingredient.” Live music will be handled by Terry Cavanagh and the Alpine Duo for much of the week, and then the Sauerkrauts on Thursday night. Both groups are from New Braunfels, Texas, sister city to Braunfels, Germany. If it sounds more like a party than one might normally find at a restaurant, that’s because it is. Attendees don’t eat and leave; they linger in one of the restaurant’s seven rooms to watch the entertainment on the live feed, they play games, do the Chicken Dance, dress in costume and just have fun. “It gets pretty crazy,” Schaffer admitted. “People definitely step out of their shell. So all those mild and meek and humble diners become true Oktoberfesters when they come in here. They lose their inhibitions.” But for those who want to focus on the food, Schaffer is sure to include them as well. Oktoberfest food specials run all month long. “It’s for people who don’t want to come out for Oktoberfest,” she explained. “And that’s okay. It’s not for everyone.” More adventurous folks, however, won’t regret the trip. “We tell people all the time, it’s not just dinner out, it is an event,” she said. “So expect the unexpected because you don’t know what’s going to happen.” Oktoberfest 2011 Villa Europa October 9-13 706-798-6211 villaeuropa.com

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JENNYISWRIGHT

Jenny Wright lives in Summerville with her husband, who she calls The Man, and two kids, who she affectionately calls The Boy and The Girl. She enjoys taking photos, cooking and playing tennis.

Wine and Other Marriage Savers The Man and I are in our 10th year of marriage. We’ve been together for 13. We’re still figuring each other out; it’s no secret that men and women are different. Hundreds of books, including the ones about the planets, have been written about the topic. Just because we’re different doesn’t mean it has to be difficult. My marriage is by no means perfect, but we’ve employed a few good tricks for making the household happier. First, invest in a king-sized bed. I don’t care how much you like to snuggle. You can still cuddle or whatever in a king-sized bed. When you’re done, you can roll over and slumber soundly. The Man and I sleep in different zip codes and I’m completely fine with that. He’s still technically right there next to me and whatnot, but we don’t have to touch while we sleep. He tells me goodbye each morning, but I don’t ever hear his alarm go off. We sleep. Sleep makes people happy. Drink wine (or scotch, bourbon or tequila).

Add the DVR service to your cable bill. It may seem like a waste of a few dollars per month, but trust me on this one. If The Man is watching a show, I don’t have to wait until the commercial to speak! He can now hit pause and listen to me. It took some getting used to, though. I’d walk in the room, saying, “Babe?” and he’d roll his eyes before saying, “WHAT?” But eyelashes fluttering, a million-dollar grin and “just push pause” reminds him that he can be annoyed with me no longer. See? We talk more. Deal with the fact that someone will always be too hot, and someone will always be too cold. It’s a fact and no amount of clandestine thermostat toggling will change that. Your power bill may suffer, though. He’s hot during the summer; I’m cold during the winter. I have a space heater that follows me around the house. Drink wine (or scotch, bourbon or tequila). Understand that sometimes, well, okay, many times, he doesn’t care. Easy,

killer. I’m not saying he’s a jerk. He just doesn’t have the capacity to care about the little things, or the petty stuff going on with your girlfriends. Don’t try to tell me that your guy really is so great and will listen anytime. He may hear you, but he’s not listening. He’s thinking about his golf game. Give each other space. It’s okay if y’all don’t want to spend every waking moment together. If you’ve been paying attention, you’ll remember that I also suggested sleeping in a big bed. It’s not my intention to advise that couples spend all their time apart. Hell, I’m not really qualified to be advising anyone on anything. Anyway… my basic point is this: get out of the house. I don’t mean on dates (though they’re important as well). Go out with your friends, without one another. Guys, she can go. You can handle baths and bedtime for one night (per week). Oh, and by the way, it’s not babysitting when you’re home with your own kids, i.e. “The Man is home babysitting The Kids tonight.” It’s called parenting.

Drink wine (or scotch, bourbon or tequila). Congrats to my main squeeze for putting up with me, as your wife, for nearly a decade. Thanks for giving me breaks, letting me sleep and bringing me a blanket when I’m cold. What, you didn’t hear me? Tomorrow night, I’m outta here. You’ve got bath duty. Cheers!

NOWDowntown OPEN Aiken

Augusta, GA 106 Pleasant Home Road 706-814-8959

V. 22 | NO. 57

Tuesday – Saturday 10 a.m. – 6 p.m. www.neapolitangifts.com

Aiken, SC 126 Laurens Street NW 803-514-4240

METRO SPIRIT 9.22.11 29

SEPTEMBER ROSTER 2820 Washington Rd. | Augusta | 706.739.0002

THURSDAY9/22

8PM-NC STATE @ CINCINNATI Catch all college football games at Somewhere in Augusta

FRIDAY9/23

9:30 - 1AM - LIVE MUSIC with JAR (ROCKING THE 80'S!)

SATURDAY

9/24 12:21pm - UGA @ Ole Miss 1:30pm - Arkansas @ Alabama 3:30pm - Florida State @ Clemson 9pm - UFC 135 Jones vs Rampage CALL NOW TO BOOK YOUR TABLE! ESPN GAME PLAN Catch all college football games at Somewhere in Augusta

ST A

SOM

R E I N AU

F&B HQ

BURGERS

(Classic ½ lb. Angus Burger with homemade chips or fries for only $6.99)

7PM & 9PM - Free Poker Tournaments Every monday 8:30PM WASHINGTON @ DALLAS 10pm-close - F&B discount night

TUESDAY

9/27 8pm - Trivia with Charles Win up to a $100 bar tab

HYPNOTIST COMEDY ZONE | 8PM

Back By Popular Demand! Show at 8pm-must be seated by 7:30pm, Tickets $12, NO FREE PASSES or COUPONS, Reservations highly recommended, Adults 18 & older.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Travel writer Stephen Graham, in his book “The Gentle Art of Tramping,” said “As you sit on the hillside, or lie prone under the trees of the forest, or sprawl wet-legged on the shingly beach of a mountain stream, the great door, that does not look like a door, opens.” Rev up your aptitude for innocence and make sure your sense of wonder is turned on full blast.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Punk musician Wesley Willis greeted people with a headbutt, even developing a permanent callus on his forehead. Now is an excellent time to ramp up your friendliness, but you probably shouldn’t engage in headbutting unless you’re extroverted, gregarious and can get away with it.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

WEDNESDAY

RICH GUZZI

“Our job is to become more and more of what we are,” says poet Marvin Bell. Your power to claim your birthright and fulfill your destiny will hinge on your ability to shed all shame about your true nature. Work on that noble project than now.

More than a 100 years ago, a team of British adventurers led by Ernest Shackleton attempted to reach the South Pole, but had to turn back before reaching their goal. In 2006, explorers discovered a cache of their stuff, including two cases of whiskey. You may soon stumble upon old spirits preserved in ice. Try a small sample and wait a while to see its effect before imbibing the whole thing.

NFL SUNDAY TICKET 4:15PM - ATLANTA @ TAMPA BAY 10pm-close - 20% off for F&B employees

MONDAY9/26

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

SUNDAY9/25

11AM-9PM - I

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY

SOMEWHEREINAUGUSTA.COM

9/28

In Japan, Vaam, a sports energy drink, contains hornet saliva. It acquired a legendary reputation after marathon runner Naoko Takahashi said she used it to propel herself to a gold medal at the 2000 Olympics. The cosmos will be infusing you with a metaphorical version of hornet saliva, giving you power to go further and be stronger for longer periods of time.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

You are “Most Likely to Exceed the Boring Limitations of Good Taste,” as well as “Best Candidate to Slap the Conventional Wisdom Upside the Head.” Make good use of the freedom that those roles entail. You will find valuable stuff in out-of-the-way borderlands or in off-limits haunts where no one else wants to look.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

You’re on course for a warm, wet, soft collision with the enigmas of the libido. Give yourself fully to the exploration, even if it stirs up feelings you have no names for. The best way to use your intelligence right now is to make yourself extra receptive to the spiritual teachings available through erotic communion.

ARIES (March 21-April 19)

“I have a simple philosophy,” said Alice Roosevelt Longworth, a selfdescribed hedonist who lived till the age of 96. “Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. Scratch where it itches.” Don’t pursue this all the time, but do so in the coming weeks. Find out where the most interesting action is, and dive in with the intent to generate even more action.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

A guy on reddit.com posted a photo of a single ripe peach growing on a scraggly, skinny tree in the middle of an abandoned quarry. When you find beauty and sustenance in the coming days, they will be in similar situations: unexpected and unlikely. That doesn’t mean they’ll be any less sweet.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

Berries with the scientific name Synsepalum dulcificum coat your tongue with a substance that makes all subsequent foods taste sweet. The effect lasts no more than an hour. There’s an influence coming your way that could temporarily make everything else seem extra delectable. It will be a quirky blessing.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

Born in Austria, Susanne Wenger became a high priestess of the Yoruba religion in Nigeria. When she died in 2009 at the age of 93, she had devoted her life to protecting a sacred forest in the Osogbo area. You will accrue unforeseen benefits by becoming more deeply connected to a special patch of earth.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

“Personally I’m always ready to learn,” said Winston Churchill, “although I do not always like being taught.” It’s time for you to receive the new teachings you have been unconsciously preparing yourself to absorb. But these useful lessons may get on your nerves. Stick with them. Sooner or later, your crash course will become enjoyable.

Rob Brezsny

FREEWILLASTROLOGY@FREEWILLASTROLOGY.COM

30 METRO SPIRIT 9.22.11

V. 22 | NO. 57

CORNERED

By Kay Anderson / Edited by Will Shortz

V. 22 | NO. 57

132 Ia. neighbor 133 Stellate : star :: xiphoid : ___ 134 Artery opener DOWN 1 Some intimates 2 Billiards need 3 Have ___ in one’s bonnet 4 See 87-Down 5 Library area 6 Poetic stanza 7 Many a vaudevillian 8 Listed 9 Polished off 10 Question from one in another room 11 Bad marks 12 Because of 13 Roast go-with 14 The “it” in the lyric “turn it on, wind it up, blow it out” 15 Campus drillers 16 C 17 Frozen food brand 18 Ad-filled weekly 25 4 on a phone 28 Cool sorts 30 Computer option for a document 33 Singer Washington 35 Ernest and Julio Gallo product 37 Regulars on VH1 38 Asia Minor 39 Model 41 The Whale constellation 45 Pro ___ 47 Enzyme regulating blood fluid and pressure 49 Cabbage dishes 51 Original “Wagon Train” network 53 Classic McDonnell Douglas aircraft 56 Goes bad 57 Usual amount to pay 59 Act like a protective mother 61 Hit one out of the park, say 62 Sap 63 Innocent 66 Actress Knightley 68 “The ___ Tailors,” Dorothy L. Sayers mystery 71 N.Y.C. landmark 73 Trite 75 Ignore, in a way 78 Fishing line fiasco 80 Tick off 82 Monterrey Mrs. 85 One with endurance 87 With 4-Down, MgSO4•7H2O 89 Fingers, for short 91 Source of many English words that come to us via French 93 “Strap yourselves in, kids …” 95 Part of a boxer’s training 96 Time it takes to develop a set of photos, maybe 97 Scrupulously followed, as the party line 98 No-win situation? 100 One living off the land, maybe 101 One-piece garment 105 Where kids get creative in school 107 It’s pitched for a large audience 111 Fifth of eight 113 Learn to get along 115 Bit of smoke 117 Common secret 119 Smelly

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ACROSS 1 Nitty-gritty, as of negotiations 6 Boater 11 Sponge (up) 14 Title figure in an Aesop fable 19 Royal African capital 20 Something plighted 21 Co. once owned by Howard Hughes 22 “L’shanah ___!” (Rosh Hashana greeting) 23 Amtrak train 24 Emulated the phoenix 26 New Mexico county 27 Roughly plan 29 Effects 31 Losing casino roll 32 Not included 34 James ___, duettist on the 1982 #1 hit “Baby, Come to Me” 36 It might be French, Swiss or Italian 37 Insipid writing 40 Globular 42 Fight (off) 43 “Well, that’s odd” 44 Go ___ great length 46 More placid 48 Boss 50 Corporate owner 52 Passé 54 Term of address in Dixie 55 Susan of NPR 58 Work on at a desk, say 60 Shot up 64 Death, in Dresden 65 Thief 67 Take no action regarding 69 Bale binder 70 Settled down 72 Grunts may come out of them 74 Author Shute of “On the Beach” 76 Throw out 77 Bracket shape 79 Mini-tantrums 81 Barrio babies 83 Eavesdrop, maybe 84 Exactly like 86 Log holder 88 What Chesapeake dogs are trained to do 90 Golden rule word 92 Leader of Abraham? 94 Time of lament 95 Ayn Rand protagonist 99 “I have been half in love with ___ Death”: “Ode to a Nightingale” 102 Locus 103 “Il était ___ fois …” (French fairy-tale starter) 104 Ancient kingdom in Asia Minor 106 Incredibly stupid 108 Newsman Baxter on “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” 109 Kitten’s cry 110 Fishermen with pots 112 Onetime weight-loss drug 114 Exclamation after a workout 116 Convertible 118 The dot on the “i” in the Culligan logo 122 ___ acid 124 Alabama speedway locale 126 2011 revolution locale 127 Crazy 128 Britney Spears’s “___ Slave 4 U” 129 More judicious 130 Stimulant 131 Really feel for?

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METRO SPIRIT 9.22.11 31

ART45 Building the Green Dragon Artists Row awards a yearly scholarship but, last year, they required applicants to design a project. The winner was Sarah Mays, who designed ARTie, a 72-foot dragon made of recycled materials including soda and water bottles, plastic grocery bags and leftover cans of spray paint. Mays’ vision will come to life beginning Thursday, September 29, during Westobou.

32 METRO SPIRIT 9.22.11

Between then and October 5, the community is invited to help build ARTie at the Old Richmond Academy on Telfair Street. And don’t worry; kids 9 and under can participate in their own project inspired by ARTie. Afterwards, see the Garden City’s Green Dragon unveiled and place your bid for an “inspired” version of the project, proceeds from which will support the

Artists Row Annual Art Scholarship and Community Outreach Fund. ARTie the Green Dragon Old Richmond Academy Construction (pre-registration required) September 29-October 5 (except Sunday, October 2) Shifts from 10 a.m.-1 p.m., 2-5 p.m. and 6-9 p.m. each day.

Art Bar and Auction Thursday, October 6 5-7 p.m.; 6:30 p.m. auction 706-826-8991 artistsrowaugusta.com

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706.724.4511 Late Night 9-11 pm ($1.50 wells, $1.50 drafts-any flavor) Happy Hour daily 4-7 pm ($2 wells, $5 wings)

Monday - Friday Miss D's Country Lunch Specials $6.99 Wednesday Cliff Bennett packs the patio for trivia 7-9 pm Thursday Alaskan Snow Crab Legs $8 per pound served with homemade succotash and garden salad 6 pm till we run out!

Eat, Drink, Be Happy!

E A T D R I N K B E H A P P Y. C O M

Friday Bo Handy's Prime Rib, hand rubbed, slow roasted, cut to order w/ au jus, steamed veggies, and garden salad 10oz cut - $15.95 Saturday Tenderloin Time! 6oz filet with 1/2 dozen flash fried shrimp, choice of side, garden salad $16.95

$20 off your first massage in our new location! 7013 Evans Town Center Blvd | Suite 201, Evans

706.364.7347

706.651.0202

georgia therapeutic massage

Offer expires 10/6/2011

W O M E NSMASSAG ECE NT E R.COM V. 22 | NO. 57

All Georgia Licensed Massage Therapists

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Boll Weevil

If your mom makes you eat dinner before you get dessert, try the Curious George sandwich. They’ll even halve it for you if you ask nicely.

Mi Rancho

Sunday, September 25 Margaritas, chips and cheese dip and karaoke: Yep, all the major food groups are covered.

Bar on Broad

$3 Thursday… when almost all drinks are one low price. Sold!

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New Moon Cafe

The spinach and swiss quiche haunts our dreams… in a good way.

33 EE

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209 Restaurant & Lounge - soul food & lounge

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Imperial Theatre - old majestic with a kickin’ sign Tipsy McStumbles - confess later Sector 7G - laundromat turned landmark Eagle’s Nest - best view downtown Blue Horse Bistro - jazz tapas The Sports Center - old school pool hall and burgers Luigi’s - Augusta institution Beamie’s Restuarant & Oyster Bar - taste of the beach downtown The Boll Weevil - great food and the best desserts Cotton Patch - eat, drink, be happy Mi Rancho - chips & salsa on the Savannah

Riverfront Stage - candle light jazz series La Maison on Telfair - fine dining & tapas Fox’s Lair - coolest bar in America

The Joker Lounge girls dancing nightly Fantasy Showgirls girls dancing nightly Discoteque girls dancing nightly

Nacho Mama’s

Summer might be over (we hope), but you can still get a sunburn here. Sunburn nachos, that is, which are great topped with pork.

The Playground

Friday, September 23 Artemia, The Favors

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METRO SPIRIT 9.22.11 37

Thursday, September 22 Live Music

French Market Grille West Doc Easton Smooth Jazz Joe’s Underground John Kolbeck Malibu Jack’s Mike Swift Mellow Mushroom Bryan Robinson One Hundred Laurens Kenny George Rose Hill Stables Preston & Weston Sky City Rebel Lion Surrey Tavern Suex Effect Wild Wing Jeremy Graham Band The Willcox Four Cats in the Doghouse

What’s Tonight?

Cadillac’s Karaoke Casa Blanca Thursday Tango Club Argos Karaoke Cocktails Lounge Karaoke Coyote’s Karaoke

Friday, September 23 Live Music

Augusta Canal Moonlight Music Cruise Joyce Lynn Cotton Patch Wyane Capps Country Club Branch & Dean w/ Kevin Denney, 3rd Wheel Coyote’s Micky & The Motorcars Doubletree Hotel 3 Sides of Jazz French Market Grille West Doc Easton Imperial Theatre Marty Stuart and His Fabulous Superlatives Joe’s Underground Paul Arrowood Malibu Jack’s South Atlantic One Hundred Laurens John Kolbeck The Playground The Atom Blonde Polo Tavern Robbie Ducey Band Sky City Diezel w/ Granny’s Gin Somewhere In Augusta Daddy Grace Stillwater Tap Room Efren

with DJ Spud Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke with Ryan Moseley Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke with Jeff Barnes Mi Rancho (Clearwater) Three J’s Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s Karaoke Palmetto Tavern DJ Tim Rebeck’s Hideaway Open Mic Roadrunner Cafe Karaoke with Steve Chappel Somewhere in Augusta Footloose Dance Party Soul Bar ’90s Night Tropicabana Latin Friday Wheels Live DJ Wooden Barrel Karaoke Contest

What’s Tonight?

Saturday, September 24 Live Music

Tuesday, September 27 Live Music

The Acoustic Coffeehouse Open Acoustic Jam Session with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Blue Sky Kitchen Joel Cruz, Travis Shaw Cotton Patch Lori Lee, Forrest & Mike Country Club Gary Ray Coyote’s Craig Campbell Joe’s Underground Pretty Petty Malibu Jack’s Preston and Weston Metro Blunt Head Trauma P.I. Bar and Grill Not Gaddy Polo Tavern Shameless Dave Sky City Funk You w/ Old You Surrey Tavern Gimme Hindrex Wild Wing Sun Dried Vibes

What’s Tonight?

Fishbowl Lounge Karaoke Fox’s Lair Soup, Suds & Conversations Helga’s Pub & Grille Trivia The Highlander Butt Naked Trivia Islands Bar & Lounge DJ Fred Nice The Loft Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke Mi Rancho (Evans) Karaoke Pizza Joint, Evans DJ Kris Fisher The Playground Open Mic with Brandy Polo Tavern DJ Nirvana Shannon’s Karaoke Somewhere in Augusta Karaoke with Charles Villa Europa Karaoke with Just Ben Wooden Barrel ‘80s Night Karaoke

38 METRO SPIRIT 9.22.11

Sundrees Urban Market Young Lions Surrey Tavern The Broadcast Wild Wing Stereotype The Willcox Kenny George

What’s Tonight?

Cadillac’s DJ Tim Club Argos Variety Show Club Rehab DJ C4 Cocktails Lounge Grown-Up Fridays with DJ Cork and Bull Pub Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge Karaoke Iron Horse Bar & Grill Karaoke Islands Bar & Lounge Caribbean Night

Cadillac’s DJ Rana Club Argos Variety Show Club Rehab DJ C4 Cocktails Lounge Latin Night Fishbowl Lounge Karaoke Fox’s Lair Karaoke Helga’s Pub & Grille Trivia Islands Bar & Lounge Reggae Night with Island Vybez The Loft Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke with Rockin Rob Mi Rancho (Clearwater) Karaoke with Danny Haywood Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s Karaoke One Hundred Laurens DJ Kenny Ray The Playground DJ Fugi Tropicabana Salsa Saturday Wheels Live DJ Wooden Barrel Kamikaze Karaoke

Sunday, September 25 Live Music

5 O’Clock Bistro Buzz and Candice Iron Horse Outside Concert P.I. Bar and Grill Live Music Wild Wing Sabo & Mike

Caribbean Soul Love Jones Sundays Malibu Jack’s Karaoke with Denny Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke, Salsa Dancing

Monday, September 26 What’s Tonight?

Applebee’s (Evans) Trivia Club Argos Karaoke Club Rehab Jenn’s Crazy Karaoke Malibu Jack’s Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke with Danny Haywood Somewhere In Augusta Poker Tourney Wild Wing Trivia and Karaoke

Cocktails Lounge Live Music The Highlander Open Mic Night Joe’s Underground Cocoa Dylan Sky City Van Hunt Wild Wing Erik Smallwood The Willcox Hal Shreck

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos Karaoke Club Rehab Jenn’s Crazy Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge Dart League The Highlander Open Mic Night Iron Horse Chippendale’s Islands Bar & Lounge DJ Fred Nice Malibu Jack’s Karaoke with Denny Somewhere in Augusta Trivia with Charles

Wednesday, September 28 Live Music

209 on the River Smooth Grooves Joe’s Underground Sibling String Malibu Jack’s Marilyn Adcock Wild Wing Acosta & The Special Guests The Willcox Hal Shreck

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos Santoni’s Satin Dolls Club Rehab Jenn’s Crazy Karaoke Cocktails Lounge Augusta’s Got Talent The Cotton Patch Trivia and Tunes with Cliff Bennett Laura’s Backyard Tavern Karaoke The Loft Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke with Rockin’ Rob The Place on Broad Jazz DJ The Playground Krazy Karaoke with Big Troy Polo Tavern Karaoke with Tom Mitchell Somewhere In Augusta Hypnotist:Guzzi

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THEDOWNLOAD

Scientific American’s 60-Second Science: “Upright & Hairless” If your mind scrambled in about eight different perverted directions after reading that title, then get out of my head. You don’t belong there, you have about two seconds before the judo concubines uchimata the bejesus out of you, and if you don’t know what that means, then you don’t know sh** about judo or concubines. Besides being a possible subtitle for literally every porn ever made, the latest edition of 60-Second Science reveals how good posture and body waxing (probably?) contributed to our current evolutionary status. Picture this: you’re a homo erectus out on the African savannah, thinking about how one day your name will serve as the second-most popular film title in the gay porn industry — as in Homo Erectus Stays After Class, Homo Erectus Meets Bigfoot or Homo Erectus II: Homo Erectuser — when you spot something very alive and very edible on the horizon. Segways haven’t been invented yet, and the savannah is generally hotter than the fireballs Gary Busey shoots from his eyes when his Soviet familiar issues the code word (“Garfunkel”). What do you do? What. Do. You. Do. You chase it, catch it and eat it of course, because you evolved that bipedal swiftness and comparative lack of body hair for streamlined running and maximum sweat efficiency. Duh. Turns out metrosexuality is just the next logical Darwinian step after huntergatherer.

MICCHECK

Play That Funky Music

Local band Funk You improvs its way into fans’ hearts

Major Spoilers’ Top Five: Time Travel Stories Just like monkeys and Hamlet, if you put a group of nerds in a room together with a single typewriter, the laws of probability and eventuality dictate that those nerds will produce a piece of fan fiction involving Jean-Luc Picard and Voltron. Along the way, though, they’ll also manage to host a weekly podcast during which they discuss their Top Five Favorite Somethings. This week’s episode: Time Travel Stories, from film, television, comics and books. It’s a decent enough rundown, with the crew touching on and briefly dissecting everything from Army of Darkness and A Sound of Thunder to the Justice League of America and Primer. Even Timecop makes an appearance, which, let’s be honest, is just good podcast manners. Still, they can do so much more with the format. When the gist of your show is “the top five_____ ever,” the outer reaches of the universe, and good taste, are the limit. Why not “Top Five Uses for an Abandoned Border’s Bookstore?”* or “Top Five Snakes Jenny McCarthy Gave Birth To?” The show has potential, but I’m not sold on your ambition, guys. Call me when you do “Snooki’s Top Five Cage Fights with Chlamydia.” *Hint: They’re all paintball.

Josh Ruffin is a published journalist and poet, who just received his MFA from Georgia College & State University. He was once the most unintimidating bouncer at Soul Bar.

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Together a little over a year, Funk You has a habit of picking up players… some, like Calvin the sax player, literally off the street. “We pulled him into a gig at Stillwater a few weeks ago,” said keyboardist William Foster, himself a new member of the band. “Just told him you’re going to play with us tonight! You can tell by hearing him he knows what he’s doing. He doesn’t need to practice. He’s got the gift.”

With an average age of 24, band members Foster, Gavin Hamilton, Evan Miller, Thomas Reid and Robby Phillips perform original music that may have a defined beginning and end point, but what happens in between is anybody’s guess. “You never know what’s going to happen,” Foster said. “And that’s the idea of the band: We never know what’s going to happen.” One things for sure, though: “You’ll catch us smiling at each other a lot.” Funk You, Old You Sky City Saturday, September 24 $5 skycityaugusta.com METRO SPIRIT 9.22.11 39

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I Got Nothing I knew this day would come. Week after week, it’s been so easy to share technology insights with Augusta. But today as I sit down to crank out Augusta Tek, I have to confess… I got nothing. I’ll be the first to admit that it’s not because there isn’t anything going on in the tech world. Just last week, Microsoft released the Windows 8 beta. By now all you consumer technophiles have seen the Metro-style interface and the loving embrace it gives to HTML5. Very cool. The serious IT pros are drooling over Windows 8 server. If you are into the server stuff, you seriously need to start reading up. Enhancements include a supercharged Powershell interface, a much-improved Hyper-V and full RemoteFX support. It’s looking like an operating system built for the cloud with all the bells and whistles included. But really, who’s going to be interested in reading about that? It might be right for some nerdy tech blog, but not for the Metro Spirit. The typical Spirit reader would probably be much more interested in the Xbox Live integration with Windows 8. This would be an awesome topic to discuss. But until we know if you’re able to play Xbox 360 games on it, who really cares? I suppose that the hacked photos of Scarlett Johansson and Justin Timberlake create a moderate amount of interest. Apparently, Anonymous has decided to cut the Bay Area Rapid Transit a break and start targeting Hollywood celebrities. Good for them. I’m glad they have something to keep them busy. Don’t you love these West Coast folks? First of all, I have never understood the need to take a nude photo of yourself. I mean, really, all the tech you need for this is just looking down. But if you’re going to take a nude photo, doesn’t it follow that you would want someone to see it? I’m just not buying Scarlett Johansson that a Hollywood type would take these pictures solely for private, non-commercial use. The whole hacking things adds a little publicity, I guess, but sometimes I’d rather them just post everything to MySpace and get over it. In case you missed it, NASA’s Kepler spacecraft has been on a streak lately. In the past month, the discoveries of three new planets were announced. Contrary to the popular opinion, these planets are not in a galaxy far, far away. One planet that NASA refers to as Tatooine orbits a binary system and is located a mere 61 parsecs away. (Parsec? Really?) Any self-respecting SyFy fan understands that, in galactic terms, this is practically right next door. Unfortunately, the planet appears to be a Saturn-like gas giant with no solid surface, and it’s far too cold to support life. But don’t give up all hope. I have heard from reliable sources that the USAF has located a Stargate at the new NSA facility at Fort Gordon. While not 100 percent confirmed, I understand that the public will have the opportunity to gate over to an outer moon of the Tatooine system and enjoy a double sunset just like Luke Skywalker in “Episode IV.” Don’t blame me… I warned you up front how this article might turn out. BTW, Lynnsey, nice win over Coastal Carolina. Up for double or nothing? Go Jackets! Until next time, I’ll see you on the internet. Tweet me @ gregory_a_baker. L8R.

Gregory A. Baker, Ph.D., is vice president and chief rocket scientist for CMA, which provides information technology services to CSRA businesses and nonprofits.

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EARDRUM

Chuck and his wife run Downstairs Live, a private concert series streamed live from their home. He also dabbles in photography and videography. For more info, go to crwconcepts.com or downstairslive.com.

The Best Music You’ve Never Heard: Brian Vander Ark Chuck Williams

In the summer of 2005, after only putting on five shows in our basement, I saw where Brian Vander Ark was scheduled to play at a little coffee shop in Columbia, S.C. If you don’t remember Brian, he’s the frontman for the late ’90s band The Verve Pipe, most noted for their smash hit “The Freshman” in 1996. I was intrigued by the notion of this huge rock star heading to the Jammin’ Java to play a show. We’d been there many times and that venue seemed too small for someone of his stature. I did some research and found out Brian was pursuing a solo career, which was leading him toward much smaller venues. I took a listen to his “Resurrection” CD, loved it and immediately made contact with his manager and explained our Downstairs Live history, mission and proximity to Columbia, S.C. After exchanging a few emails, we were able to book Brian for Downstairs Live show. A few months later Brian was playing our room in front of a packed house... literally. I crammed 102 people in the room that night. I remember setting up a recliner in the back of the room for my good friend and old baseball coach Ed Turner. I propped it up on cinder blocks so he could see over the people in front of him. We’ve come a long way since those days. About five minutes before Brian took the stage, I was talking to him outside. He was pacing and a little fidgety, so I asked if he was okay. He replied that he was nervous. So I laughed and said, “About what?” He pointed to the house and said, “It’s that room, dude… and that vibe. You can tell your guests are really into it.” I said, “But you’ve played in front of 100,000 people.” He said, “That’s true, but your room is different… you can feel it.” I simply smiled. Brian played for 75 minutes that night. After his performance he went upstairs,

Brian Vander Ark did a meet and greet, and was totally blown away with his entire Downstairs Live experience. After everything died down, he packed up his car and headed up the driveway to start his long drive back home to Michigan. On the way, he called his manager out in California and shared the story of what he just experienced. Three days later I was receiving emails from different agents

inquiring about their clients playing our stage. Brian and his manager became a strong voice for Downstairs Live, and they both started spreading the news about what we had to offer touring musicians. Since that night in 2005, Brian has returned to our stage three times. His gift of telling a story through song is always impressive, and his music always

seems to tap into the emotions of many of our guests. His song “Another Good Man” had many of us crying in 2008, while “Suppertime” made our cheeks hurt from laughter in 2009. He’s shown me over the years that he’s not only a talented artist, but also a devoted family man. When he traveled down to play our room in 2009, he toured with his Airstream camper. He did this because not only was his wife the opening act, but also because they wanted to keep the family together while daddy was on tour. His wife is Lux Land, a wonderful singer/songwriter with the voice of an angel. Weeks before they started their tour to the southeast, she contacted me and informed me that she and Brian were hoping to play quite a few songs together at Downstairs Live, and asked if I knew of a babysitter that could watch their daughter during the show. It just so happed that one of the guests coming to that show had a 12-year old daughter who went to my school. Claire was an amazing fifth grader and would be a perfect choice to watch little Evie during the hours of the show. I arranged it and all worked out great. Brian and Lux were worry free and enjoyed the entire night, and Claire earned $40 for her help. When the crowds left and it was time to call it a night, Brian and Lux were able to walk 30 feet over to their Airstream, kiss Evie goodnight and go to bed as a family. How cool is that? Brian just released his fifth solo CD called “Magazine.” You can check out all of his music on iTunes. He and the other Verve Pipe guys have also gotten back together and have created a cool kids/ adult CD. It consists of rock type music and is great for a family of music lovers. The CD is called “The Family Album.” Lux has three CDs to date, and we love them all.

Brian Allen is a local music fan whose weekly podcast, confederationofloudness.com, has over 10,000 subscribers and about that many folks streaming it each week.

“Bird Meets Worm”: The Arrival of a Real Piece of Work Stak

I’ve talked about The Radar Cinema a time or two. Well I now find it incumbent upon myself to talk about them again. Yes, it’s partially about the impending release of their brilliant fullV. 22 | NO. 57

length album “Bird Meets Worm.” That show takes place at Sky City on Friday, September 30, with bands Artemia, Mazes and Monsters and Space Ghost in support. Eight dollars at the door gets

you a copy of the 13-track CD. I’ve heard the CD and I don’t think it’s an overstatement to call it terms like epic, expansive, sprawling and ambitious. It is all those things and

more. If you have spent any earhole time with The Mars Volta, Muse, Sparta, At the Drive-In or Radiohead, you are vibrating in a similar frequency range. The band’s progressive bent is tempered METRO SPIRIT 9.22.11 41

and shaped by lead vocalist Jordan Sudak’s flair for dramatic flourishes to great effect. From my point of view, it would appear that the timing of this record release could not be better. It was apparent to me the last time I saw them perform live that they are steadily gaining traction with Augusta audiences. Crowds are beginning to come out to see this band. For me, it’s been a pleasure watching as these five very fine musicians have carefully crafted what very well may be one of the best bands in town. With these guys, each step seems very carefully measured. They don’t overplay their hometown. They have put together a brilliant set of original material that should have relatively broad appeal for intrepid listeners. They are exceptionally tight live. What more can one say except bravo and well done thus far, The Radar Cinema. It bears noting here that “Bird Meets Worm” was put together with the help of a bit of a mad scientist out in Evans. You are bound to hear more and more about

The Radar Cinema one Morgan Parham of Morgan Parham Productions Studios. Since Parham hung out his shingle not too long ago, he has gradually garnered quite the reputation as an excellent producer and recording engineer among local musicians with good reason. Simply put, he has been responsible for some

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of the best recordings I’ve heard around here in quite some time. His rates are inexpensive now, but I expect that to change soon. For those looking to track demo recordings, Parham is easily found on Facebook. So there you have it. Go and check out The Radar Cinema on their CD

release date. I suspect it will be a bit of a spectacle. The CD is excellent and you should own a copy. You can also look for The Radar Cinema on the podcast I co-host with my buddy John Stoney Cannon at confederationofloudness.com.

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INMUSIC

Avenged Sevenfold returns to the area, bringing with them three other bands with weird names It feels good to have a big concert announcement. It came down the pipeline last week that Avenged Sevenfold will be returning to Augusta Thanksgiving weekend, Saturday, November 26. Avenged has only gotten better since their last trip to Augusta. The band is currently out in support of their latest album, “Nightmare,” and will be bringing along Hollywood Undead, Black Veil Brides and Asking Alexandria. This will be a loud night of music; don’t forget your earplugs, kids. Kudos goes out to my boss, Chuck Williams (95 Rock… 93.1 FM), for putting Muse and The Black Keys on 95 Rock. I had to say thanks since Sanj (The 3rd Degree on 95 Rock) and I have been pestering him for months. Now we just need to get both of those bands in Augusta and I’ll die a happy man. I wonder how much sucking up I’ll have to do for Vampire Weekend. It’s worth a shot. Singer/Songwriter/“Dude who has humped half of Hollywood” John Mayer canceled his tour and put a delay on his new album as he has been diagnosed with granuloma. No, that’s not an STD; it’s a serious throat condition. After recent cancellations from bands like John Mayer Kings of Leon and Stone Temple Pilots, is this a nice cover-up for partying too much? I doubt it. Blondie’s new album “Panic of Girls” hit shelves on September 13. Have you seen Blondie’s face lately? Wow. She looks like she was in that movie “Death Becomes Her” (horrible movie reference). A couple more treatments and she’ll be Joan Rivers. New releases this week span a couple different genres. The only one I cared about was “PJ20” from Pearl Jam. This is the soundtrack to the film celebrating 20 years since their album “Ten” was released. Pretty awesome. Tony Bennett released “Duets: An American Classic.” Tony teams up with Bono, Elton John, Paul McCartney and the greatest singer in all of the world, Celine Dion. Celine is reason enough for you not to buy this album. And last, fresh off a stay in a treatment facility for physical and emotional issues including bulimia, Demi Lovato put out “Unbroken.” In a related story, she’s never looked better. A cool weekend of music is set up for Surrey Tavern in Surrey Center. Friday, September 23, The Broadcast from NYC is performing. Matty’s been pushing this band, so I’m sure they will not disappoint. And if they do, he will buy each one of you a drink. Tell him I said so. Saturday, September 24, is Gimme Hendrix, The Ultimate Jimi Hendrix Tribute. Cheap cover all weekend, so enjoy. Diezel and Granny’s Gin will be at Sky City Friday, September 23. Diezel is part of my daily drinking experience for happy hour over at Stillwater, so there’s your free plug, fellas. I’m heading up to Music Midtown this weekend in Atlanta for Cage the Elephant, The Black Keys, Coldplay and more. One all-day festival that won’t leave me smelling like patchouli and vomit. Well, patchouli at least. Do you want me to talk about your band? What shows am I missing? Send your emails to matt@themetrospirit.com. Matt Stone — can be heard weekdays from 2-6 p.m. on 95 Rock.

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Matt Lane is host of The Weekend Rundown which airs from 10 a.m.-noon Saturdays on News-Talk-Sports 1630 AM. He can be reached at mattlane28@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter at Mattlane_wrdw.

Great win in OT for Thomson

WACO falls to Thomson for the first time in years and Aquinas’ Brendan Douglas is a beast on the football field I’ve always been a fan of big games early Games to watch

in the season. Not only are they fascinating to watch, but, win or lose, you walk off the field knowing you raised the bar and tested yourself against elite competition. Nothing is better than going toe-to-toe with the best the state has to offer and gleaning the irreplaceable experience that comes through playing in a marquee game. And for Burke County’s Eric Parker, it provides quality game film displaying endless teaching points on what to improve on for the remainder of the season. Sometimes, it also acts as a springboard. Look at last year, when Burke won 10 consecutive games after the loss to Lowndes (AAAAA) and reached the AAA semifinals. The Bears once again head to Valdosta to take on Lowndes, looking for a better showing than they had last year when they were blanked 36-0. Led by quarterback Corey Mayton, Burke County did the CSRA proud by battling the perennial powerhouse till the final horn sounded in a 21-31 defeat to the Vikings. It reminds me of what Roger Sterling said to his sales team after a failed presentation to the American Airlines executives in “Mad Men”: “No regrets, fellas. We were in it; that’s the important thing.” Indeed. Another area shootout — not that kind; thankfully the Harrisburg Bullets had a bye week — in Sandersville between Thomson and Washington County. Coming into the game, the Bulldogs were losers of three straight to WACO and had not won in the House of Pain since 1988. Quarterback Josh Jones once again led the high-scoring Thomson offense with four touchdowns (three passing, one rushing) and found his favorite target, Torrie Battle (4 rec, 116 yards, TD), whenever they needed a big play. It took two overtimes to get a decision between these two AAA playoff contenders, and, in fitting fashion, was won with a goal-line stand by the Thomson defense. This is the second consecutive loss for Washington County at home when they had a chance to win the game in the final minutes. One of those teams, Statesboro, is a AAAA team, but they are one of the more suspect in the Top 5. Great win for firstyear Thomson coach Milan Turner. Some nicknames are easier to come up with than others. They just pop in your head as you watch an athlete do his — Title IX: or her! — thing. Take Vince Carter’s for example, Half Man, Half Amazing. Watch his numerous YouTube highlights and tell me it doesn’t fit perfectly with what’s happening on your screen. The same feeling is had watching Aquinas’ Brendan Douglas, except there is no half about it, this kid is All Man. This was no more evident than in his 359 yard rushing on 38 carries masterpiece he displayed last Friday against Hancock Central. He also had all five of the team’s touchdowns in a 35-20 win over the Bulldogs. What’s most impressive is that Douglas performs at this incredible clip while usually racking up 10-plus tackles a game as well. What a beast.

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Lakeside at Statesboro: Friday, September 23, 7:30 p.m. The Panthers really need a win here to get off this three-game skid as they start region play. Butler at Grovetown: Friday, September 23, 7:30 p.m. Battle of the unbeatens. Lots of good running backs in this one. Wilkinson County at Aquinas: Friday, September 23, 7:30 p.m. Great matchup with the Warriors coming into town. Irish looking for revenge after a six-point loss last year.

College-NFL Games to Watch

North Carolina at Georgia Tech: Saturday, September 24, noon, ESPN Tech’s first true test. If you can really call it that. Florida State at Clemson: Saturday, September 24, 3:30 p.m., ESPN The Seminoles have not won in Clemson since 2001. Should be an absolute barnburner. Vanderbilt at South Carolina: Saturday, September 24, 7 p.m., ESPN I’ve been very impressed with Coach James Franklin of the Commodores. Vandy is undefeated at 3-0 coming into this game. Never thought I’d say that. Wow.

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ADVICEGODDESS

That Witch Does Not Kill Us…

I am 19 and have been dating a wonderful 24-year-old guy for about a month. Some of his family members wish he were still with the fiancée he broke up with six months ago and aren’t too happy about him seeing me. His 19-year-old half sister actually contacted me on Facebook, told me to “watch my back” and made some mean assumptions about me. Next, his mother Facebooked me and said that she’s also sorry her son’s with me and that I should watch what I say to her daughter. (I just told her daughter that it wasn’t cool to judge me, because she doesn’t know me.) I told my boyfriend, who immediately called them, told them I’m in his life and said a lot of nice things about me. I’d really love for his family to like me, but they don’t even want to meet me. How do I get them to? If they don’t like me after that, fine. — Unpopular The wonderful thing about social networking is how easy it’s become for people to get in touch with one other. As you’ve discovered, this is also the really awful thing about it. That’s why my boyfriend, who’s not exactly a people person, claims he’s starting a nihilistic social network called “Quitter.” (Posts are zero characters, and you’re asked not to join.) Speaking of anti-social networking, that’s an interesting family your boyfriend’s got there. In many families, there’s some Voice of Maturity who steps in when a squabble gets out of hand. Now, maybe his 19-year-old half sister was plastered when she Facebooked you or typically seems one Ding Dong short of a valupak, but probably the last thing you’d expect from somebody’s mother is for her to come in and bat cleanup in the psycho family division. As hard as it is to feel misrepresented, misunderstood and unheard, you’re unlikely to change that by clamoring for a part in his family’s trashy reality show, “Don’t You Be Goin’ Near My Son!” Beyond that, prematurely going through the steps of an already-serious relationship, such as meeting somebody’s family, can lead you to decide somebody’s right for you instead of looking to see whether he actually is. Consider why you feel compelled to try to win these two nasties over. Perhaps, like many women, you have a mental photo album of your life upon meeting the man for you, perhaps with some sunkissed snapshots of a Sunday family barbecue. Well, there may be family barbecues, but there’s a good chance his mom and half sister will be picturing you on the spit. If you two start getting serious, make sure you can both handle whatever relationship or lack of one you have with the Wicked Witch of the Wherever and her buzzard daughter. Contact with them now is sure to be very uncomfortable. But, who knows… you and his half sister may end up sitting there on your wedding day, laughing at how she came after you on Facebook — which should give his mother just enough time to dump the laxatives into your drink. The music starts: “Here comes the bride…” and wow… there goes the bride… and at quite a clip!

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Can’t Twin ‘Em All

My last boyfriend lied and cheated so much that I am wary of all guys now. My best friend keeps telling me that not all guys are like him and that I just have to put myself back out there. — Betrayed You didn’t end up with a cheater because he fell down your chimney, pulled a gun on you and said, “Ho-ho-ho, let’s date!” You chose the guy and then neglected to un-choose the guy when there were indications of more than a few ho-ho-hos in his life. But, like many people exiting a bad relationship, the last thing you seem interested in is taking responsibility for sticking with a partner who treated you like a gymnast in the Humiliation Olympics. In other words, the answer isn’t just putting yourself back out there, but putting yourself out there with what was missing the last time around: a little discernment. If you’re like a lot of women who’ve been romantically duped, you’ll say you want a man who’s ethical if you’re asked, but you don’t make that an actual requirement in men you date. Now would be an excellent time to start. It beats being wary of all men because your last man cheated on you, which is kind of like being wary of people in pants because the last person who mugged you was wearing pants (as opposed to a stylish summer shift). ©2011, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or email adviceamy@aol.com. Also visit advicegoddess.com and read Amy Alkon’s book: “I See Rude People: One Woman’s Battle to Beat Some Manners Into Impolite Society” (McGraw-Hill, $16.95).

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AUSTINRHODES

The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

Shed No Tears for Troy Davis It is my sincere hope that as you read these words convicted cop killer Troy Davis is dead. The Savannah man has already been given 23 years of life from the moment in 1989 he helped butcher an innocent man. Twenty-three years over and above his victim. Davis either pulled the trigger that killed Officer Mark McPhail or participated in the crime spree that lead to the shooting of the young husband and father. Either way works for me, because it is a cosmic certainty that one of the above two statements is the solid, indisputable truth. A number of misguided souls have been running around for years saying that Troy Anthony Davis is innocent in the case, and that because a few witnesses have recanted their statements implicating him as the triggerman in the cold-blooded killing, there is enough “reasonable doubt” to spare the admitted thug the needle many others say he so richly deserves.

Bullsh**. If you throw out all the additional testimony in the case (which, of course, we won’t be doing), Davis’s own account of what happened is enough to relieve me of one moment’s hesitation in seeing his Georgia death sentence carried out. Troy Davis knew he was out with a group of law-breaking animals who would rather steal than attempt to earn their own money, and he knew that they were willing to harm and maim others in the quest for their illegitimate payday. He knew they were deadly serious when one of them shot an innocent man at a party two hours before the McPhail murder, and he knew they were deadly serious when they begin to seriously beat an unsuspecting Burger King patron in an attempt to rob him. That is information from Davis’s own mouth, testimony he offered under oath that he has never attempted to contradict. As a matter of fact, the only thing that Troy Davis disagrees with

is the claim made by one of his fellow thugs (and many others) that he was the one who actually pulled the trigger on the officer, who was attempting to offer aid to the beating victim without his gun ever being drawn. Troy Davis ran that night as McPhail lay dying in the hamburger joint’s parking lot. If there was remorse, he didn’t feel it or express it that night, or even for the next few days. He finally turned himself into police after being named by one of his partners in crime as the gunman.w Davis maintained then, and now, that is was his accuser, Sylvester Coles, who pulled the trigger on the officer, and not him. I don’t know who to believe in this situation, and, to tell you the truth, it does not bother me one little bit. The real tragedy comes in the fact that all three of the lowlifes who were out on that vicious crime spree 23 years ago are not lined up to be executed together. Was it Davis, Coles or even Darrell

Collins who actually put three bullets into the body of Mark McPhail? No idea, and, once again, I don’t care. All three knew what guns do. All three knew what could happen as they terrorized innocent people. All three did not give a good damn for the health and welfare of their victims. While all the world can accuse the State of Georgia of being heartless and rigid, may all the thugs, animals and gangbangers get the message that if they participate in a crime that puts a police officer in his grave, they very well could be digging their own at the same time. Who killed Officer Mark McPhail? Three animals. I hope one of them got what he deserves.

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