Metro Spirit 10.20.2011 by Metro Spirit

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TABLE of CONTENTS

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whine line - TOM TOMORROW - IT’S ROUGH BEING JOSH - INSIDER metro - AUGUSTA TEK are you not entertained - JENNY IS WRIGHT - CALENDAR the8 - ART 45 - SIGHTINGS - CRISP - NY TIMES CROSSWORD - FREE WILL ASTROLOGY slab - EDGE OF ADVENTURE - EARDRUM - BALL - ADVICE GODDESS - AUSTIN RHODES

04 04 07 08 11 20 21 22 23 30 30 32 36 37 38 39 44 46 48 49 50

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Metro Spirit is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks a year. Editorial coverage includes local issues and news, arts, entertainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum. The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. Visit us at metrospirit.com.© 15 House, LLC. Owner/Publisher: Joe White. Legal: Phillip Scott Hibbard. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited. One copy per person, please.

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METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11

WHINELINE There is one totally bush league Phil Kent hasn’t attached himself to: The Metro Spirit. Appears ye editors have a vendetta. Jenny wright is a hypocryte. While she finds it rude to have to wait for folks who are late, she is fine with passing in a residential area? I guess her time was more important than the car she passed. I guess she is only concerned with being considerate to folks she knows, not strangers. Ted danson needs to dye his hair. he looks like he just saw “it” please tell ted about “just for men” During Saturday Night’s NASCAR Race at Charlotte, Dale JR’s #88 was “Moved Aside” by Kyle Busch’s #18! Now Had That Been Dale Sr’s #3, It Would’ve Been “Kyle Busch’s #18 has Hit the Wall...HARD!”! Sorry Junior! You Better Keep Making Your $Millions Doing TV Commercials! I don’t Think You’ve a Future as a DRIVER in the “NASCAR CIRCUIT”! I heard that the Goodwill hosted a Hispanic Job Fair. Didn’t hear them say when they’re gonna have a Caucasian Job Fair. Host country? Phil Kent makes immigrants sound like parasites. Oh wait, that’s exactly what he thinks they are. On the bottom of page 28 in last weeks Metro Spirit, there was a small write-up about a diet-plan book by Dr. Phil. Dr. Phil? From where the hell does he have a degree in nutritional science, culinary arts, or biochemistry? Looks like just another ca$h-grab by Oprah’s favorite righthand man / flunky / minion / robot.

METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11

Rest assured, you people WILL be stupid enough to give your ca$h to good ol’ Phil-boy. And let’s not forget about Suzanne Somers weight-loss book on page 29. WHAT QUALIFICATIONS DO THESE PEOPLE HAVE TO WRITE BOOKS ON WEIGHT LOSS?

The fact that you assume all Lady Antebellum fans are “redneck, country bumpkins” is proof of your ignorance to their music style. Maybe I’ve been under a rock, but I don’t recall any big rock shows coming around, ever. Maybe you should work on that!

So Scott Hudson is thinking of running for political office? He thinks a conservative, white, gay, journalist/ liquor store owner is going to get a lot of votes in a town that is majority African-American and Southern Baptist? That IS a bucket full of crazy! Good luck to you, sir.

Austin Rhodes couldn’t make it as a sportscaster on local television, so what makes him mister know-it all? He is living in a dream world.

Occupy Augusta needs to stop wasting time with holding up signs at Queensboro National Bank and start occupying freaking commission meetings. Maybe occupy the contracts and purchasing office. That might have an actual impact on how things get done around here.

Dear downtown cafe employees: please clean your bathroom. It’s absolutely revolting and I can never figure out whether washing my hands after using it really matters since touching any surface in that cesspool of a restroom seems a biological hazard. That the condition of the front of the house, the area the public

To the whiner, whining about other people’s whines...stop whining! You spewed more hate in your one whine than the last three weeks worth of whines, combined. By the way, the words are spelled, “couldn’t” and “because.” The major market media is controlled and we are lied to on a daily basis. Don’t believe everything you hear! Iran did not plan a terrorist plot on an Israeli Diplomat. This my friends is our government’s way of trying to condone a war against Iran just like President Bush did with his weapons of mass destruction speech so many years ago. Read between the lines and no we are a part of the biggest setup and deception powered by one goal-ONE WORLD CURRENCY!

Phil Kent a great American patriot? That’s funny! More like a great American plagiarizer.

actually sees, is in such a state of filthiness makes me shudder when I consider what your kitchen must be like. We are what something like 13 months from the general election but these republicans have been putting together teams and posturing for what, six months or more already which only causes the sitting president, if he wants to have another go at running the country to start his reelection campaign all that much sooner. Which one has to believe means that running the country, which is what we elected him to do, will have to suffer somewhat. How much simpler would it be if we amended the constitution in such a way that each president is elected for a single six year term and cannot be reelected. We already have the Democatic and Republican Party and we do not need another political party.

up THUMBS

Does Herman Cain actually have a shot at being the Republican presidential nominee? Surprisingly, the answer seems to be yes.

down THUMBS

We’re No. 6… on 24/7 Wall St.’s list of cities with the worst credit scores.

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WHINELINE@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM

Anybody that is not rich, works a job, or just plain poor would be stupid to vote for a Tea Party candidate running for President. Tea Party means selfish rich people who do not want anyone to get any kind of state and federal government help in life no matter what reasons you may have. Am I the only person who after reading Phil Kent’s letter to the editor thinks he is hating on every other race but the white one??? The black and hispanic races need to unite and rise against that cracka. Augusta’s newest human feed trough will be opening soon. Just what Augusta needed, another place for those perpatrators who are always getting in shape, losing weight, and working out in gym to assemble. Also, it will give church attendees another restaurant to pray over chicken wings after the worship service. Oh, and the chicken wing joint will provide Augusta with a few more non-living wage, second job type jobs.

Did everyone forget our country is in a recession? Area food kitchens are seeing more and more people needing help. Unemployment still hovers around ten percent. More and more families are losing their homes while banks start charging us fees to purchase items on a debit card. The parties in Washington are so stubborn they would bite their nose of to spite their faces. Our country is in a state of unrest and all you morons can complain about is music, raises and anything else that doesnt matter. And no, this whine is not available in spanish! Billy Morris is such a capitalist that he conned the taxpayers of Augusta into paying for the Golf Hall of Fame. How many millions? The TEE Center. How many millions? How much did your property value go up, Billy?How many millions have the taxpayers spent? Yet you hate the protesters of the 99%.

Staying away from race-car driving as a profession.

WERECOMMEND planning to furlough yet some more people in order to pay for it? That seems to be the way the city runs. Same way for MCG where Azzzizzzz is going to lay off hundreds of people to pay for high salaries, expensive name change, new posters, fancy sculpture, etc. Its funny to when republicans say “Democrat are destroying are kids future” when public education is

always the first thing on the chopping block for republicans. You ARE the 99%. Of all the many things they could have named a fundraising event, Slap Fives not Wives is offensively bad. What’s wrong with people that they thought it was okay? It ignores domestic violence directed at men, and it’s just plain stupid.

Why are there double street lamps on some Broad Street areas? How are those covered for? Or are you

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METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11

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RUFFIN’IT Complacent and Complicit

One small step for social networking; one giant step for Skynet

Were I to point out how much Facebook has contributed to the condensing of the world into a single bolus of fast-tracked, hyper-connected, schizo-paranoid quasi-humanity, I wouldn’t be telling you anything you don’t already know. Microsoft Word still labels it a typo, but Microsoft Word also has a seeming bias against the British spelling of anything, and you can take the “e” from my “grey” when you pry it from my stewed-eel-loving hands. No, what’s simultaneously maddening and intriguing about Facebook is the inherent contradiction between users’ perpetual awareness of its societysquelching absurdity and their apparent unwillingness — hell, their downright apathy — to do anything about it. Facebook groups have popped up addressing the myriad instances of privacy invasion, but come on… starting a Facebook group to complain about Facebook is like vegans throwing blood on fur-wearing socialites. Vegans, you got that blood from somewhere, and if you didn’t, then I hope sorcery works out better for you than chicory did. I’ll grant it this much: it’s not Twitter. It’s impossible to say anything on Twitter without sounding like Charlie Sheen and Ashlee Simpson’s cloven-hoofed progeny had a stroke while leaning on the shift key. But that’s such a backhanded compliment that Twitter users are still trying to remember Ike Turner’s license plate number. At the risk of overcomplicating things, Twitter is like

cancer. ADHD cancer. But anyway. Let’s forget for a moment, cool kids, that your parents, grandparents, teachers and future basis for porn couple Herman Cain and Sarah Palin all have Facebook accounts. That would be too easy to make fun of; I may as well send Dave Chapelle copies of “Song of the South” and “Birth of a Nation” and sincerely ask him what he thinks. What we’re talking about here is complacency, as well as complicity. What we’re talking about is the gross juxtaposition between the ubiquitous connectivity perpetuated by a culture of instant gratification, and completely ignoring the consequences that result in the fulfilling of such demands. Petty example: a freshman composition student of mine — let’s call her Molly — an unapologetic Facebook addict and member of a sorority, communicated to me last week that she can’t be seen on Facebook holding a red Solo cup, regardless of what’s in it. Because it might be booze. Considering how many frat and sorority party photo albums I saw on Facebook while I was in college, I can’t even begin to imagine the logistics involved, but they must employ the same Photoshop guy that crops the seven-headed dragon out of Glenn Beck’s publicity shots. The point is not simply that she submits to the self-censorship necessitated by the near-omniscient gaze of Skynet Facebook. It’s that when I asked her if she felt at all put-upon by

that restriction, she looked at me as if I had just conjured a swarm of wasps, before composing herself and chirping “No, not at all.” Questioning the validity of the restriction or outright cancelling her account out of humanistic indignation never even entered her head. It never will. And we shouldn’t be surprised; we should be flayed for griping. We’re talking about the same culture that unquestioningly bowed to the drafting and passing of the borderline totalitarian Patriot Act, then stood idly by while our privacy and humanity were infringed upon until the damn thing finally petered out earlier this year. Yes, we were scared. Yes, we felt vulnerable. But we’re people, not spooked horses, and though most of us — including myself — tend to conduct retrospectives from atop a pedestal, there’s no viable excuse for such behavior. Though the Facebook issue may seem infinitely more innocuous — and granted, most of my friends use it to play Scrabble, or exchange soup recipes and kitten videos — the stakes may actually be higher. What is at the root of the fear gripping Molly? Remember, she is among a generation of young people who have all but grown up with Facebook. It’s ingrained into their social structures, into the very DNA of their community. To cancel an account, then, is to exact selfexile from such a community. Look: Facebook, in and of itself, is not a horrible thing. Like most things, however — nuclear power, rhetoric, faith and spirituality — it quickly takes a malevolent turn once humanity submits itself too heavily to such an influence. And still, we don’t seem to notice, so plugged into the technology of the present that we blind ourselves to the future. In the same class, I mentioned that scientists are now able to sync a human brain with a computer, resulting in the human subject’s ability to guide a robotic arm through rudimentary tasks, all with his mind. In other words, cyborgs. “Sweet!” said a male student. “Have you ever seen ‘Terminator’?” I asked. “Hell yeah!” he said, and kept grinning.

ASU and Metro Spirit Alum Josh Ruffin is a published journalist and poet, who just received his MFA from Georgia College & State University. He was once the most un-intimidating bouncer at Soul Bar.

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METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11

INSIDER

Insider is an anonymous, opinion-based examination of the hidden details of Augusta politics and personalities.

Sex, Drugs and Underperforming Utility Bonds The young ‘uns in Aberdeen need to act their age

Shocking news out of Aberdeen, Md., this week. Mayoral challenger Patrick McGrady filed an ethics complaint against incumbent Mayor Michael Bennett this week, alleging it was unethical to advocate on behalf of the Ripken Baseball Group. Ripken Baseball owns the Augusta GreenJackets, a team in the same league at the Aberdeen Ironbirds. Apparently, Ripken Baseball paid for the plane ticket in early August, and the mayor appeared before a group of businesspeople to tout the benefits of having a baseball stadium downtown. Insiders are stunned. Patrick McGrady, the mayoral candidate and ethics watchdog, is 25, and guess what? He’s not even the youngest candidate Aberdeen has had to deal with. He’s not even the youngest candidate Michael Bennett has had to deal with. In 2007 Bennett had to run against a 19-year-old woman whose only previous political experience was serving as vice president of her high school Spanish club. What’s wrong with these people? McGrady — you’re 25 years. You shouldn’t be worrying about water bills and local option sales taxes, you should be hammering back shots and getting

tattoos. Meaningful tattoos. Seems to us these Aberdorks are on the wrong path, and since we’re not ones to dawdle, we decided we’re going to do

something about it… WE’RE GOING TO ABERDEEN, BABY! Hey, if McGrady’s not going to act 25, we sure as hell will.

Continued Consternation Over Kent Casting More on Kent

Control Foundation (AICF) and a board member of ProEnglish. Each of these organizations expresses positions that are anti-immigration and anti-immigrant in the extreme.

“Give me your tired, your poor,Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free....” Just don’t come to Georgia. That’s the message that Georgia Governor Nathan Deal has sent to the world through his appointment of fringe conservative Phil Kent to a position on the state Immigration Enforcement Review Board, and that’s the message the world continues to hear.

Prompted by more revelations, the Insider recently viewed a video propaganda presentation from AICF entitled “Immigration: Making America Less Beautiful?” depicting bucolic, Norman Rockwell scenes of blondhaired, blue-eyed children at play juxtaposed with chaotic scenes of protest and violence involving people of color. It’s an appalling, racist view condemning the millions of immigrants who helped build our nation, fight our wars, and lead us into the rest of the millennia. This is a production of the advocacy group that Kent leads. Google it.

Criticism of Kent and a growing awareness of his divisive, exclusive message are spreading as more of the general public is exposed to his powerfully destructive words, words that were previously only appreciated by his like minded bretheren. As the Insider has pointed out before, Kent is involved in leadership or board positions with at least three organizations

METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11

dealing with immigration issues. He is a longtime spokesman for Americans for

Immigration Control (AIC), Executive Director of the American Immigration

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INSIDER@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM

Smoking Them Out Just don’t inhale

Insiders report bar owners up and down Broad Street are very chill with the idea of a smoking ban in their establishments. A big shrug of their collective shoulders and the basic mentality of let’s go ahead and get this over with. When Richmond County banned smoking in restaurants about 10 years ago, there were a couple of weeks where customers complained… and business did drop off. But you know what? It came right back. These seasoned bar owners expect the same to happen this time around. Interestingly enough, most of the owners

It Smells

You know how it smells over by the airport? Yeah, it smells like that.

we spoke with are smokers themselves, and even they are aware of the dangers of secondhand smoke. So much so that they’d prefer to not breathe it. So is it a surprise that local Libertarians predicted that if it passes, it will kill the bar business in Augusta. Uh… really? Before you champion of the rights of business owners who aren’t asking you to champion their rights, why don’t you check and see which way the smoke is blowing. If it’s not blowing and you’re sitting at the bar, maybe you were wrong.

The Augusta Utilities Department Director Tom Wiedmeier finds himself in an odd place. On one hand, he’s in Alvin Mason’s crosshairs for not coming back (time and time again) with answers explaining why the Augusta National and Forest Hills have been allowed to pay a colossally low fixed rate for watering their very large and very green golf courses while the nonprofit First Tee and the city’s own Municipal Golf Course have a history of paying an amount so much higher that the difference between the two is enough to give you a nosebleed. While no one is saying Wiedmeier’s had anything personally to do with it, he’d better start digging up some answers and soon. Messengers have been shot in this government for less, especially when you consider that this might finally be the issue that opens up the Utilities Department, which has long been considered the most enterprising of enterprise funds into the full, bright light of public scrutiny. Mason was actually out there rubbing elbows with the guys a week or so ago,

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and while he said he had a good visit, you can’t help wondering what he was really out there digging for. Given all that, Wiedmeier has been receiving a head scratching amount of praise for the way he conducted his department’s year long reorganization… a reorganization that resulted in pay increases for more than 200 — that’s more than 200 — employees. The most vocal? The ones who were the first and loudest to condemn Fred Russell for the 44 pay increases he authorized. Same scenario, different reaction. Sure, Russell was exceptionally tight lipped about the 44 and Wiedmeier couldn’t have been more vocal about his if he’d hired a town crier (he even had the good form to hire a compensation analyst to make sure everything was A-OK), but really — how often do commissioners give that kind of a pat on the back where pay increases are concerned? In this case, as one commissioner put it, maybe it has more to do with the messenger than the message itself?

METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11

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10 METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11

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METRONEWS

ERICJOHNSON

Where There’s Smoke Augusta discusses stricter smoking ordinance

While Augusta commissioners prepared to vote on a smoking ordinance that would ban smoking in public places including parks, playgrounds and bars, the area’s smoking and non-smoking communities turned out for two public hearings, the first in the commission chambers at the Municipal Building and the second at the Julian Smith Casino. Commissioners Brigham, Johnson, Bowles and Guilfoyle were the only commissioners who attended the meetings, which were held to gather public input about the issue. An average of about 40 people attended each meeting, most health professionals with a well-coordinated torrent of unimpeachable information about the risks of secondhand smoke. Some spoke about the rights of non smokers to attend nightclubs and music events without being exposed to secondhand smoke, while others V. 22 | NO. 60

attempted to frame the ordinance in terms of a worker’s rights issue, the right of a bar worker not to have to breathe secondhand smoke. Given the overwhelming amount of evidence pointing to the harmful effects of secondhand smoke, it was hard for the pro-smoking speakers to articulate an argument beyond their right to do what they want among consenting adults. Currently, smoking is allowed in bars and restaurants that do not admit anyone under 18. Sadly, the most entertaining smoking advocate, Sheila Martin, a bar owner from Hutcheson, Kan., who barraged commissioners and media with dozens of emails discrediting the science behind the secondhand smoke warnings, did not make an appearance, though she did seem well informed about the local health advocates addressing the hearings.

Richmond County is hardly at the forefront of the smoking ordinance curve. As health advocates repeatedly pointed out, communities like Athens, Macon, Savannah and 29 states have already passed similar ordinances. Columbia County got all this taken care of years ago. Though the county doesn’t have bars, they were out in front of the state’s smoking legislation, and it wasn’t an easy path. “There was a lot of this Libertarian concept that it was an intrusion on people’s rights,” said Columbia County Commission Chairman Ron Cross. “And, yes, it was an intrusion on people’s rights — an intrusion on people’s right to breathe clean air. My philosophy has always been if you want to put a bag over your head and smoke, smoke until you can’t breathe, but it shouldn’t be out there for anyone else to breathe.” Cross, who said he considered the

smoking ordinance to be a public health issue as opposed to a rights issue, joined with Commissioner Tommy Mercer to vote for the ordinance, while Diane Ford and Lee Anderson voted against it. That left Steve Brown to break the tie, who voted for the ordinance after advice from his teenager daughter. “The results have been overwhelming,” Cross said. “The heart attacks are down and the respiratory ailments are down. Health in general is better, and I don’t understand why anybody’s got a complaint about it.” Besides that, the doom anticipated by some of the restaurant owners didn’t occur, he said, which was precisely Amy Hughes’ message to those attending the public hearings. Hughes is the volunteer chairperson of Smoke Free Savannah, a group that helped push an ordinance similar to Augusta’s through Savannah’s METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11 11

local government last year, and she seemed surprised by Augusta’s overall indifference. Careful not to discount the passion of those who were there in opposition, she said the Savannah hearings were far better attended. “We have such a bar scene in Savannah, as a tourist town and as a college town,” she said. “We met with each bar owner three times to listen to their concerns.” Bars feared the ordinance would hurt the nightlife and tourism and would end up being a nightmare to enforce. “I’m here to tell you that didn’t happen,” she said. “It’s going really,

really well.” The implication — beyond the fact that the ordinance is good — was that the ordinance worked in Savannah and Savannah has a hell of a lot more to lose than Augusta. That said, the public hearings were mostly lacking in opposition. Several smokers complained that they were being persecuted for a legal endeavor, while the Libertarian party hierarchy scored some points with their all rights are equal arguments. However, the Augusta establishments many expected to be leading the charge against the ordinance — the Broad

Street bars — were conspicuous no shows. Conversations with several bar owners yielded a common, if surprising thread — not only is the ordinance not feared in terms of extended lost business, many welcome the chance to get out of the smoke themselves. While the bar owners may be accepting, Mayor Pro Tem Joe Bowles seemed rankled by the governmental intrusion. “I’m against including bars and private clubs, particularly the clubs… like the VFW,” he said. “Who goes there?” someone asked

dismissively. “The people that defended the freedom we’re infringing on right now,” he replied. “They fall under this ordinance, and it’ll put them out of business.” Bowles left the meeting saying he was unsatisfied with the ordinance as it was written. “I’m trying to tweak some things out of it,” he told a group of health advocates after the meeting.

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The Only Game in Town

As local officials prepare to sell the T-SPLOST, one’s already looking ahead to Plan B Now that officials have finalized the list of projects for the region’s one-cent sales tax earmarked for transportation projects (T-SPLOST), it’s time to sell it to the voters… assuming the legislature can decide when to bring it to the voters. The legislature divided the state into 12 districts, giving county officials in each district the challenge of hammering out a list of regional transportation projects before going out and trying to sell the projects to voters in an all or nothing vote. Initially planned for the July 30 primary, some state leaders, including Atlanta Mayor Kasim Reed, have expressed a desire to move it to the November general election ballot to take advantage of the higher voter turnout. Columbia County Commission Chairman Ron Cross says he prefers to leave it on the primary ballot, though he acknowledges the higher turnout could be beneficial. As far as the process of finding consensus at a roundtable made up of 29

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Ron Cross representatives from 13 counties, he said it was fairly painless, considering the number of interests at the table. “It went really well,” he says. “Everyone gave up something they wanted and then every county wound up with something they could promote.” Augusta Administrator Fred Russell,

however, feels that while the give and take may have been fruitful, it ultimately weakened his ability to sell the tax to the Richmond County voters. “I think our loss of some of the repavings will be harmful for our people voting for it,” he says. “For our people to look at a repaving project is just as important as other places looking at a new road, and, without some of them, I think it’s going to be a little tougher.” A new road might benefit the county’s tax base by helping to move people to Augusta to shop, he says, but it’s not something voters can easily embrace. Especially when they’re looking out their windows at streets with potholes. Though Russell and Cross say they have their frustrations about the way the tax was structured, both admit it’s the only game in town. “The way it’s set up, it’s going to be the way we fix our roads for a long time to come, so I think it’s important,” Russell says. “On the other hand, if it fails, we go back to Plan B. I don’t know what Plan B is, but there are a lot

of people that would almost rather see Plan B than Plan A.” Russell says he’d like to resurrect an idea that was gaining some local traction a few years ago before T-SPLOST gained favor — an extra penny tax split between law enforcement and transportation, which would give him roughly $16 million a year to spend on each. “If T-SPLOST passes, I think the chances would be zero to none for that,” he says. “But if it doesn’t pass, I think it might be an opportunity for some additional conversation, because I think you’ll find people — at least in this community — voting for more for law enforcement rather than for roads.” Such a tax would require an act of the legislature, Russell says, but since lawmakers have already raised the possibility of going to eight cents, they might be more willing to consider it. “These are not typical times,” he says. “It would be a whole new way of doing things. But given the times, we might do well by having a whole new way of doing things.”

METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11 13

Dead Confederateâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Walker Howle, Hardy Morris, Jason Scarboro, Brantley Senn and John Watkins, Jason has since been replaced by JJ Bowers.

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MATTSTONE

Making It

Augusta natives Dead Confederate have secured success in the music industry, although their definition might not be the same as everyone else’s

When you start a band, the first thought in your head is: I want to make it. Okay, maybe that’s not your first thought. Usually it chicks, booze and cash, but to be able to do that, you have to make it. Of course, make it can mean many things. You could want to be rich, you could want to sell out Madison Square Garden or you could want to tour the world. For the band Dead Confederate, it was just to be a band. “When we first started, we just wanted to play music,” says Hardy Morris, lead singer of the band Dead Confederate and, back in the day, Redbelly, the first incarnation of the band. That was over a decade ago; then, in 2004, it changed to The Redbelly Band. In 2006, the band wanted to be taken seriously and really give music an honest shot. Dead Confederate was born. Since the transformation to the Dead Confederate that we know today, they have had success and huge exposure. The band has spent much of the last couple of years touring around the country and overseas with the likes of Dinosaur Jr. and Meat Puppets. They opened for R.E.M. at South by Southwest Music Festival. They were V. 22 | NO. 60

one of the acts at the 2008 Bonnaroo Music and Arts Festival, and they performed on “Late Night with Conan O’Brien.” Seeing the same guys that those in Augusta could see every weekend now on Conan was huge. Not only seeing them on Conan, seeing them fall down on Conan. Literally. YouTube it. It’s an awesome performance with an awesome ending. 2008 seemed to be the year for Dead Confederate. Their popularity led to them being reviewed by Rolling Stone and Spin magazines. Rolling Stone even put them on their Artists to Watch list, joining the New York Times, who gave the band their Critic’s Choice stamp of approval. The first time I saw Dead Confederate was right after the name change from Redbelly. Being new to Augusta, I had no idea who they were. I didn’t know the reason for the change and didn’t care; all I knew was that there was a buzz about the band. The enthusiasm that I would get from friends was insane, so I definitely came to the show expecting to be impressed. And I can honestly say, I was. It was the simple presentation of a white bed

sheet hanging up against a wall and bright lights pouring into the crowd, turning the band into silhouettes and not allowing band worship to take hold. You couldn’t even see them! Which leads to the cool part of these guys… anonymity. Their presence on stage came off as very powerful. You were taken on a trip, figuratively, of course, for me. For some of the other members of the crowd, I’m sure they were enjoying their own personal trip. These musicians had a way of taking you from a low overtone to being jolted by crashing cymbals and a spotlight in your face. I couldn’t put my finger on the sound. They’re called Dead Confederate but I didn’t see any rebel flags waving at the show, and no one yelled “Free Bird.” You could take Pink Floyd, throw in Nirvana (I didn’t want to use that reference because everyone uses it, but it’s true), maybe a dash of Mudhoney, a pinch of Neil Young, and there’s Dead Confederate. Confused yet? The main point, the show was exciting and entertaining. I came away with a feeling that I just saw an awesome show in Augusta, and that Dead Confederate might have a shot at making it.

The progression of Dead Confederate becoming who they are was explained somewhat easily by Hardy. “We kind of kept it together through our college years,” he explains. “We held it together knowing that we all enjoyed music, and enjoyed playing together. It wasn’t until we started Dead Confederate when we had to decide: Do we get a 9 to 5, or do we try to hit the road? That’s when we made the shift, decided to be more than just a fun weekend college band and, like, really kind of define ourselves, and make something out of it. So we took some time off, wrote some new music. And that was in ’06. The early years we were just us having fun, and then we realized, we have to do more than just have fun in order to make this into any sort of career.” Let’s see… I could be in a cubicle all day or I could do drugs off of groupies. Sorry, that’s my own fantasy. In September of 2008 was when the band officially released their first EP, “Wrecking Ball.” And less than a month later, they were sitting on the set of “Late Night with Conan O’Brien,” a time in Hardy’s life that was simply described as “crazy.” Led by the single METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11 15

“The Rat,” which they performed on Conan, the band was not only gaining attention in the states, but in other countries as well. “I think when we first all got on a plane together to fly overseas was pretty monumental,” Hardy remembers. “Going over and touring and knowing that you’ve sold records and then showing up at shows where people know your music? Obviously this is further reaching than you probably

just couldn’t make it. Touring and recording can become insanely stressful. You question your bandmates. It could be egos, work ethic, or even drugs and alcohol, but these bands eventually called it quits and moved on to other projects. And by other projects, I don’t mean other bands. I mean construction jobs. Unfortunately, we are littered with former stars working blue-collar jobs. Dead Confederate has definitely hit a

exited the band this year to start a family, which in Hardy’s mind was completely understandable. “It definitely wasn’t anything anyone held a grudge to,” he explains. “To see someone have to move on like that, you gotta know that they’re making the best decision for their life. You gotta do what you gotta do, and there were no hard feelings at all.” For the rest of the members of Dead Confederate, they’re not going

band, but I don’t think we are old fogies by any means.” “In a lot of ways, we’ve done far more than I ever thought,” Hardy continues. “If you would have told me when I was a kid that I would seen half the world and done half the stuff we’ve done, I would have called you crazy. We’ve been more than fortunate; we’re pretty blessed. Off of just being a few dudes beating the crap out of our instruments, we’re pretty lucky that anybody cares

ever imagined. I’m used to growing up in Augusta and going to college in Athens, where I’m just putting up flyers around town and just hoping people are coming to an open mic night or a local show. To go overseas and having kids that know your music and want to buy your T-shirts and stuff, that’s a pretty good feather in the cap for any musician.” Ahhh, foreign groupies to do drugs off of. I’ve got to stop that. For Augusta, there have only been a couple artists who received some national attention and got that taste of success, but eventually failed to make it to that next level. Talented musicians that people loved and could see every night, but for one reason or another,

popularity level that a lot of bands will never see. But what really is considered making it? To Hardy and the band, it’s really just being a band. “Making it, to me, I mean, I don’t give a crap about anybody knowing my name or my face,” Hardy says. “I don’t think any of us have any desire for any kind of quote-unquote, fame. We want to be able to make records. No one’s looking to own Bentleys and swimming pools. We just want to live where we want to live, hang with who we want to hang with, and be able to call making records and playing shows our job.” For the second time in Dead Confederate’s history, they’ve brought in a new drummer. Jason Scarboro

anywhere anytime soon. And as for the new drummer, JJ Bower is in. Bower is another Augusta native, but now resides in California. Hardy says that JJ’s up for the challenge and that, “I’m sure he’s not scared.” Along with Hardy and JJ, the others members of Dead Confederate — Brantley Senn on bass, John Watkins on keyboards and Walker Howle on guitar — are great musicians who’ve been together for more than a decade. So what point is the band at? They’re mature, but definitely not kids. “I certainly hope we’re not senior citizens. No, we’re far from that,” he laughs. “We’re still pushing ourselves creatively and having a good time with it. So, if that’s the case, maybe we’re in our teenage years. We’re not a baby

at all. We’re excited about what we’ve got going on. We have a lot of good opportunities coming to us. We’re making this record in December and, you know, another whirlwind year of touring and playing our tunes.” Dead Confederate isn’t finished by a long shot.

16 METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11

Dead Confederate Sky City Thursday, October 27 Doors, 8 p.m.; music, 10 p.m. $10 deadconfederate.com

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$20,000 to be buried?

Former trawler once again abandoned on the Savannah In July of 2010, Savannah Riverkeeper Tonya Bonitatibus thought she had found the perfect match when she united the old, abandoned trawler Net Web with a new owner. The 41-foot boat had been submerged, pumped and righted along the banks of the Savannah that January, then moved from the marina to accommodate the Summer Nationals. The new owner wanted to refit the boat and move it to Charleston. Unfortunately, not every match works out like they do in the commercials for the dating sites. “We took control of it and then we sold it to a gentleman who convinced us he wanted to use it as a fishing vessel,” Bonitatibus says. She thought that was that, a problem taken care of, until she was back on the river this spring, rounded a bend and saw it floating abandoned again. “He made it to the Aiken County boat ramp, left it over the weekend and had his generator and a bunch of other stuff stolen. He abandoned it at that

point.” It’s a familiar story, she says. In fact, right now there are six other abandoned boats along the Savannah River and four others she suspects will be declared abandoned shortly,

including the houseboat that suddenly appeared at the Riverkeeper’s dock. The Net Web, however, is a particularly frustrating example of modern life on the Savannah. “We’re going to have to take it out,

which I should have done in the first place,” she says. “That was the first one we worked on to that scale, and I sold it, which I shouldn’t have. While it was there, I should have taken it out and destroyed it.” Because of where it is on the river, she estimates destroying it now will cost in the neighborhood of $20,000. Where will that money come from? “We beg and borrow,” she says. “There is no federal or state funding left for these programs.” Though the Department of Natural Resources’ Coastal Resources Division has an abandoned boat removal program, the funds were cut in 2008, leaving removal up to nonprofits and volunteers. When the Coast Guard raised the boat last year, it pumped it clean of oil and any other contaminants, which means that while certainly a nuisance, its primary danger is as an obstacle. Bonitatibus says it’s currently tied off and should remain secured until the water rises again around spring.

Free up space in your closet! Donate to Goodwill! Your gently used clothing, books, and household items support Goodwill’s job training and placement programs

www.goodwillworks.org V. 22 | NO. 60

METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11 17

The Thrilla’ of the Milla’ Mike Deas considers the future of the Miller

Friends of the Miller founder Mike Deas Friends of the Miller founder Mike Deas stands in the once majestic arcade of the Miller Theater remembering when the restoration team from Atlanta’s Fox Theatre first came down to look at it. “They said, ‘It’s still got a soul, but you’d better do something with it soon,’” Deas says. This was back before Peter Knox bought and stabilized the theater, which was once known as the South’s finest and is still the second largest theater in Georgia. Now, thanks to Symphony Orchestra Augusta’s agreement to accept Knox’s longstanding gift, the Miller has a future, but Deas can’t help worrying about its soul. SOA’s plan to make it a home for the symphony will drastically change the makeup of the hall, something Deas and his Friends of the Miller organization were hoping to prevent. Deas’ concept for the theater, though far less expensive than the estimated $20 million SOA will need to raise to make the theater suitable for orchestral performances, would still require

18 METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11

significant fundraising, though it would leave the theater as it was in 1940 — a 1,500-seat performing arts venue and movie theater. It was a plan, Deas says, was very close to becoming a reality. In July, after years of waiting for SOA to decide whether or not it would accept the gift, owner Peter Knox, who bought the theater in 2005 and prevented its destruction by installing a roof, grew frustrated with the slow pace of SOA’s decision making and withdrew the offer and threatened to either sell it on the open market or give it to Friends of the Miller, the nonprofit started by Deas. “I had set them all kinds of deadlines and was starting to feel kind of a fool,” Knox says of his dealings with the symphony. “So I had to act real hardnosed.” He contacted Deas, who spun into action. “When you’ve been asking for something for five years and all of a sudden it drops in your lap, it’s tough to say no thank you, so we moved forward,” he says.

In spite of Deas’ efforts, though, Knox ultimately decided to give it back to the symphony last month when the organization’s board voted unanimously to accept the gift. “The days turned into weeks and, before we knew it, it was September and there was all this energy about the symphony board meeting, so I just said okay, we’ll see,” Knox says. “Once the symphony ultimately came through, it seemed like it would be smarter to stick with them. I could have given it to Mike and for me the outcome would have been the same, but probably not for the Miller.” Deas says he read about the symphony’s agreement in the paper along with the rest of Augusta, and while he’s obviously disappointed that he wasn’t able to impact the direction of the theater’s restoration, he says he understands. “Let’s face reality — when you’re talking about a starting nonprofit versus a local symphony, there’s a huge gap in dollars, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure that out.” Though he’s careful to say he’s not working against the symphony, Deas says his vision is very much different than the symphony’s. He would like to see the theater restored to the way it was, while SOA wants to modify it into a home, which would require significant alterations to the hall, particularly removing several hundred seats from the balcony section. “I’ve had a number of meetings with

the symphony and I think we agree on two things — the Miller needs to be restored and the symphony needs a place to perform,” he says. “We disagree on two things — don’t sacrifice the balcony and keep as many seats in the building as possible.” Though Deas may not agree with the plan, he says he understands the difficult spot they are in. “The symphony is working on two platforms — they’re essentially building a home for the symphony and they’re talking about restoring a historic theater,” he says. “Those are two daunting tasks.” Daunting or not, they are tasks soon to be undertaken, which means Deas will just as soon be on the outside of the Miller. “If they’re raising the additional $15 million and they have the title to the building, they can do whatever they want,” he says. “They can turn it into a bowling alley if they want to. I think we and the rest of the community will just be bystanders and wait until things are finished.” He says the bystander role was difficult at first, especially given how close he felt he was to achieving his goal, but he says he’s getting used to it. “I look at it now and say, ‘I put a lot of hours into it — maybe it’s time to let go.’ We did something good. Friends of the Miller got SPLOST approved and we created public awareness for the building.”

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Trial Run

Jagermeister toasts new venue in advance of Lady A park, activities will begin at 2 p.m. in advance of the 3 p.m. ribbon cutting for the nearly $5 million park occupying the former Kroger Field across Ronald Regan Drive from the Government Complex. “We’ve got a bunch of rides and things for the kids,” Cross says. “If the weather’s not too cold, we’ll fire up the water feature. We’ll probably fire it up anyway, but I don’t know if any kids will get in it.” While Cross and plenty of other county officials are obviously anxious to have the public experience all the amenities they’ve packed into the park,

SwampDaWamp

Kara Clark Though it might be a little surprising to hear Columbia County Commission Chairman Ron Cross talk so knowledgeably about county music singers, you really haven’t lived until you’ve heard him instruct you on the proper pronunciation of SwampDaWamp. “No, not swamp-a-wamp,” he says patiently. “Swamp-DA-Wamp.” Obviously, Cross has taken a handson approach to booking the musical acts for the warm-up concert at the grand opening of Evans Town Center Park, so he knows a lot of things you might not expect him to know. For those you not as hip as Cross, V. 22 | NO. 60

SwampDaWamp is a hard-charging southern rock band out of North Carolina that looks and sounds every bit the part of a hard-charging southern rock band. SwampDaWamp and Kara Clark, an alt-country singer with plenty of bad girl swagger, will be joining headliner Rick Monroe and Gary Ray as the first acts to perform on the Josh Kelley stage at the Lady Antebellum Amphitheater. Part of Jagermeister’s Get UR Country On Tour, the groups will perform a free concert starting at 4:30 p.m. on Saturday, October 22. The music will last until around 9:30 p.m. Billed as a family-friendly day in the

says of Jagermeister. “Their advertising is about a million dollars each year spent on music tours. They cover the country with those tours.” Not only is the concert free to the audience, but Cross says the concert is free to the county as well. “We’ve got a few rentals and some extra restrooms and the clean up,” Cross says of the grand opening’s cost. “Clean up will be the main expense.” By donating the $5 per car parking fee to Shepeard Blood Center, which will have a Bloodmobile on hand from 2-7 p.m., Cross says Jagermeister was able to spend a little bit more on the concert.

which include the water feature, a 3,600-square-foot gazebo, a dog park and a massive playground, the concert has managed to eclipse everything else. With so much riding on a successful Lady Antebellum concert on October 28, they’ll have less than a week to take care of any problems that may arise. Which isn’t to say the county is looking beyond the free concert this Saturday. Though they started out considering a simple concert with local acts, as the time grew closer, they felt confident enough about the venue and their ability to handle it go ahead and book the Jagermeister tour. “They don’t really advertise,” Cross

“Those people have been extremely nice and helpful,” Cross says. “And they’re looking to bring their country tour through here next spring.” The county has yet to decide whether or not to hire an outside management group to book and manage the venue, and Cross says that, until they do, they’ll continue booking acts on their own. “We’re just trying to get October out of the way and then we’ll see,” he says. “We just don’t know what we’re going to do, but we’re going to handle it for ourselves at least for the next few months.”

METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11 19

AUGUSTATEK

GREGBAKER

The Power of C And an iPhone for every soul

Last week we bid farewell to Steve Jobs. Another titan of the Internet also passed away last week, but he’s likely someone of whom you never heard. Dennis Ritchie was one of the original developers of the Unix operating system and the creator of the C programming language. Originally written to make operating systems and programs run on different hardware, virtually all modern languages can trace a relationship to the original C and Unix baselines. Linux, Android, Mac OS, iOS, JavaScript and C++ are some of the many descendants. Personally, I spent about 15 years developing applications in C that ranged from text processing to RF signal analysis to models of the Earth’s gravity field. Only a true geek (like me) can understand the grace, elegance, power and simplicity of C. The reality that Dennis Ritchie’s creation evolved to power the internet is no surprise at all. A quick heads-up to all of the Occupy Augusta participants (if there are any left by the time this issue hits the street):

Check out the Android market for a new app called I’m Getting Arrested. You pre-load a custom message and text recipients in the event that your peaceful demonstration goes awry. If it looks like one of Augusta’s finest is going to haul you off, kick off the app and long press the bullseye. No phone call needed. Technological efficiency at its awesomeness. (BTW: Isn’t the Occupy Augusta movement an oxymoron? Honestly, Occupy Augusta sounds more like a marketing pitch for the DDA.) This week, CTIA-The Wireless Association announced that the United States has more subscribers to wireless services than people. Think about that for a minute… 327.6 million wireless service subscribers compared to 315.5 million people. I’m no brain surgeon, but it seems to indicate that every man, woman and child in the U.S. is using a cell phone of some kind. My wife and I had decided not to get our girls a phone until they were at least in high school. (How many e-Trade

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LOCATION Waynesboro - Classroom 163 Columbia County Center - Main Building Augusta Campus - ITC Library Auditorium

Augusta Technical College will be hosting interest sessions to help you prepare for a rewarding career in the nuclear industry.

augustatech.edu Augusta 706-771-4000

Columbia County 706-651-7368

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20 METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11

Thomson 706-595-0166

babies are there really?) Is it being too old fashioned to cheat our girls out of their fair share of wireless service through elementary school? Let’s face it, our society has moved from a chicken in every pot to an iPhone for every soul. Does anyone have some good thoughts on the subject? Jenny, have you gotten a smartphone for the Boy and the Girl yet? (Just curious…) So does anyone want to talk about the Blackberry outages? From what I’ve seen, Blackberry users are still too ticked to discuss it. Everyone else is wondering why they are still using a Blackberry. Finally, technology recycling is a growing industry in the local area. Several recycling centers exist in the area and rumors of others pop up

from time to time. However, based on what was recently reported in Japan, Augusta entrepreneurs have absolutely missed the mark on a recyclable that is plentiful (bountiful, actually) in the local area. Lingerie makers Triumph International and Wacoal are recycling used brassieres into a solid fuel called RFP (Refuse Paper and Plastic Fuel). Since 2009, 380,000 bras have been converted into approximately 32 tons of a fuel that has combustion efficiency comparable to coal but one-third the cost. So, if you are a nonprofit looking for a fundraising idea… Until next time, I’ll see you on the internet. Tweet me @gregory_a_baker. L8R.

Waynesboro 706-437-6801

EQUAL OPPORTUNITY INSTITUTION

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R.U.N.E ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED

Colt Ford Band Performance and Meet and Greet Portman’s Music Superstore | 4020 Washington Road, Martinez Friday, October 21 | 5-6:30 p.m. | Free | 706-738-1651

portmansmusic.com

COLTFORD

Rural Rap? Colt Ford plays at the Western Carolina State Fair on Friday, October 21, at 7 p.m. But he

and his band will make a slight detour in Augusta when they visit Portman’s Music from 5-6:30 p.m. for a meet and greet and performance in honor of the superstore’s 75th anniversary. Fans will be able to talk to the Academy of Country Music award nominee about his reputation as a rural rapper, something the imposing man himself dismisses as being a part of the traditional country music genre since Hank Senior, Johnny Cash and, as if anyone could forget “The Devil Went Down to Georgia,” Charlie Daniels. “Recitation and talking records were here long before me, and they’ll be here long after me,” he says. “I’m a country artist and I want people to know how much I genuinely respect this music and my fans.” After chatting it up, signing autographs, giving away prizes courtesy of GHS Strings, Peavey, Sabian and Dean Markley Strings, and playing a few songs, Ford will high-tail it to Aiken to make the 7 p.m. show. And, thanks to Portman’s, four lucky fans will get to follow along, with free tickets that include VIP backstage passes. Not a bad way to “Waste Some Time.”

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METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11 21

JENNYISWRIGHT No Kids Allowed

It may be hard to believe, but sometimes your precious spawn should just stay home When we first had The Boy, getting back to normal was a priority. It was a new normal, of course, but we needed to find it. This meant sleeping, keeping a relatively clean house and getting out of the house regularly. As soon as I could, I took The Boy for walks in Surrey Center and out to lunch with friends. There was always careful consideration of feeding and nap times, trying to time the outing so we would be relaxed and wouldn’t bother everyone else with a crying baby. Because both kids were taken to restaurants and shopping from the very beginning, they are very well behaved. They know to sit in their seats (very few exceptions) and mind their manners. (PSA for the parents out there who don’t enforce this with your children: You make it much harder for the rest of us.) There was that one time. We had The Kids at a separate table. Usually, it’s a brilliant plan. We sit in the very back of the restaurant, with the adults at one table and the kids in the big booth across the aisle (Vallarta, Washington Road, if you’d like a visual). This night, though, The Boy got a little big for his britches. We looked over to find him swinging from the overhead light. Well, okay, his feet weren’t completely off the ground, but he was standing in the booth swinging the dangling light so hard that it quickly started to feel like a disco in there. I’m pretty sure that he regretted his decision, considering how quickly The Man got him out of there and to the car. So fine, my kids are mostly well behaved, and we like taking them out

to dinner, to the movies and to plays. But, and this is an important but, I also really like when they’re not there. Here are a couple of basic guidelines for determining whether to bring your precious cherubs or get a sitter. If their name isn’t on the invitation they’re not invited. No, it’s not okay

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to call and see if the host minds. They’re not invited. That’s all. If the restaurant doesn’t have high chairs or kids menus, there’s a good chance the owners don’t want your kids to eat there. Oh, don’t be offended. I’m sure that your kids are fancy and well mannered and whatnot, but those of us planning on

a nice night out don’t want to hear the crunch of goldfish under our feet. If you decide to ignore this one, be prepared for the angry stares. If I don’t specifically mention your child in an invite, i.e. “Hey, I’m planning a camping trip and would love for you and your children to come,” they’re not welcome. Notice I didn’t say “not invited, but check with me to see what I really mean.” I don’t want them there. I don’t care how much fun they’d have going to the bars in Athens with us girls. It doesn’t matter that you think your boy can hang with the men. If it’s a grown-up event or trip, please get a sitter. If you can’t, you might have to sit this one out. I’ve tried to figure out why parents would want to bring their kids places that aren’t kid-friendly. Are they braggarts who want to show off their perfect angels? Are they deaf to the constant “Mommy, Mommy?” Either way, heed the warning. Everyone, including parents and especially those without kids, likes a quiet meal sans diapers, spankings and chicken nuggets. Please plan ahead and get a sitter. Your kids will be happier for it. You will be happier for it and your friends won’t think you’re a selfish idiot. Besides, unless they’re willing to match me shot for shot, it’s going to be an awfully long night. I hope they can hold their liquor. Jenny Wright lives in Summerville with her husband, who she calls The Man, and two kids, who she affectionately calls The Boy and The Girl. She enjoys taking photos, cooking and playing tennis.

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V. 22 | NO. 60

ENTERTAINMENT

If you go to the ASU Film Series showing of “The Illusionist” on Monday, October 24, at 7 p.m. thinking you’re going to catch a showing of the 2006 Edward Norton movie about a magician, you might be disappointed... at first. Then, this animated French film will pop up on the screen and you’ll be lost in 80 minutes of magic directed by Sylvain Chomet, who also directed “The Triplets of Bellville.” An Academy Award nominee for Best Animated Feature, “The Illusionist” is rated PG and shows in Room UH 170 of University Hall. Admission is $2... a pittance, if you think about it, to see something this lovely. For more information, visit aug.edu.

Arts

High and Low: What Is Excellence in the Arts? will be held on Friday, October 21, at noon in Room 170 in University Hall at Augusta State University. During part one of this twopart series, artist and author Franklin Einspruch addresses the aesthetical debate of what qualifies as excellence in the arts. Free. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Art in the Alley will be held on Saturday, October 22, from 10 a.m.-6 p.m. at the West Side Bowery in Aiken. Visit aikenartistguild.org. Arts Classes offered at the Kroc Center include Intro to Drumming (ages 16 and up) on Mondays at 6:30 p.m.; Pottery and Ceramics (ages 16 and up) on Mondays at 6:45 p.m.; West African Dance (ages 14 and up) on Tuesdays at 6:30 p.m.; Acting for Adults (ages 16 and up) on Wednesdays at 6:30 p.m.; and Intro to Drawing and Painting (ages 16 and up) on Thursdays at 6 p.m. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Exhibitions

Between: In the Time, Space

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or Interval That Separates, a photography exhibition by Abigail Wood Zwanziger, shows through October 31 at Sky City. Visit skycityaugusta.com. The Ebony Legacy Exhibition will remain open until October 31 at the Lucy C. Laney Museum of Black History. $2-$5. Call 706-651-8712 or visit lucycraftlaneymuseum.com. Barbara Yon Art Exhibit will stay open everyday through the end of the month at the Hitchcock Heath Center in Aiken. Call 803-648-8344 or visit hitchcockhealthcare.org.

artsandheritagecenter.com. The Art of Millinery will be showcased through the month of October at the Center for Arts and Heritage in North Augusta. Millinery is the art of making hats and fascinators, and this exhibit showcases the works of local milliner Elizabeth Tudor. Call 803-441-4380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com.

Music

Moonlight Music Cruise: Double D will be held on Friday,

October 21, at 6:30 p.m. at the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center. Reservations required. $25. Call 706-823-0440 or visit augustacanal.com. The Pres and Jerry Ann Rahe Choral Concert, sponsored by USCAiken, is Sunday, October 23, at 3 p.m. at the Aiken Center for the Arts’ Brown Pavilion. Free, but RSVP is requested. Call 803-643-6865 or visit usca.edu. Sisters Live will perform on Sunday, October 23, at 6 p.m. at Grace

Judy Gillespie and Ginny Griffin Art Exhibition shows at Sacred Heart Cultural Center through October 28. Call 706-826-4700 or visit sacredheartaugusta.org. Expect the Unexpected, an exhibit of ceramic art by members of the Clay Artists of the Southeast (CASE), including Pricilla Hollingsworth and Ann Baker, shows through October 29 at the Arts and Heritage Center in North Augusta. Call 803-441-4380 or visit METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11 23

No Tricks,

Just Treats!

Cupcakes • Confections • Weddings • Birthday Parties

Baptist Church of Evans. Free. Visit gbce.net. Tuesday’s Music Live presents The Fred Moyer Jazz Trio on Tuesday, October 25, at noon at St Paul’s Church. Concert is free. Lunch is provided by Crums on Central for $10. Reservations required for lunch. Call 706-724-2485 or visit tuesdaysmusiclive.com. The USC Symphony Orchestra will perform on Tuesday, October 25, at 8 p.m. at First Baptist Church of Aiken. Visit aikenperformingartsgroup.com. Hallelujah for Health Benefit Concert will be held on Thursday, October 27, at 7 p.m. at Paine College. Area choirs and groups will entertain through song and praise. Free. Call 706312-3179 or visit paine.edu. POPS! at the Bell presents Neil Sedaka on Thursday, October 27, at 7:30 p.m. at the Bell Auditorium. Visit soaugusta.org.

Aiken, SC 126 Laurens Street NW 803.514.4240

Augusta, GA 106 Pleasant Home Road 706.814.8959

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The Salvation Army School of the Performing Arts holds classes each Tuesday. Included is instruction in piano, drums, guitar, voice and brass. Call 706364-4069 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Literary

“Little Bee” by Chris Cleave Book Discussion will be held on Thursday, October 20, at 11:30 a.m. at the Columbia County Library. Call 706863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. “Walking Across Egypt” by Clyde Edgerton Book Discussion will be held on Thursday, October 20, at 4 p.m. at the Harlem Branch Library. Call 706556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org. Non-Fiction Book Club will discuss “Gracefully Insane” on Monday, October 24, at 6:30 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Call 706-8631946 or visit ecgrl.org. Book Club meets Wednesday, October 26, from 6:30-8 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org. Cook Book Club will meet on Thursday, October 27, at 4 p.m. at the Harlem Library. Call 706-556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org.

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24 METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11

Poetry Matters is accepting entries through March 23 for their annual poetry contest. Cash prizes will be given out. Categories are middle and high school, adults, and seniors. Visit poetrymatterscelebration.com.

Theater

“Zombie Apocalypse Survival Camp,” a production of Le Chat Noir, shows October 20-22 and 25-29. Bar opens at 7 p.m. Show starts at 8 p.m. $8 in advance; $10 at the door. Call 706722-3322 or visit lcnaugusta.com. “Who Shot J.R?,” presented by Monique Kenney, will show on Friday, October 21, at 7:30 p.m. at the Imperial Theatre. $23.50-$27.50. Call 706-664-6510 or visit imperialtheatre.com. “The Crucible,” a production of Aiken Community Playhouse, shows October 21 and 22 at 8 p.m. and October 22 at 3 p.m. $10-$12. Visit aikencommunityplayhouse.com. Chad Crews presents Something Wicked This Way Comes: A Shakespeare Experiment on Thursday, October 27, at 7 p.m. at the North Augusta Library. Call 803-279-5767 or visit abbe-lib.org.

Flix

A Movie Marathon will be held on Saturday, October 22, from 11 a.m.-4 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Aiken County Library will show “The Green Lantern” (PG-13) on Saturday, October 22, at 1 p.m. Call 803642-2020 or visit abbe-lib.org. North Augusta Library will show “White Fang” (PG) on Monday, October 24, at 10:30 a.m. and 4 p.m. Call 803-279-5767 or visit abbe-lib.org. ASU Film Series will present “The Illusionist” on Monday, October 24, at 7 p.m. in Room UH170 of University Hall on ASU. $2. Visit aug.edu.

Special Events

The Western Carolina State Fair will open on Thursday, October 20 and run through Saturday, October 28 at the Aiken Fairgrounds. Visit westerncarolinastatefair.com. The Georgia-Carolina State Fair will be held October 20-23, at the Augusta Exchange Club Fairgrounds. Admission $6; $18 for unlimited rides. Visit georgiacarolinastatefair.org. Wine World in North Augusta presents an In-Shop Tasting on Thursday, October 20, from 5-8 p.m. $5. Reservations not required. Call 803-2799522 or visit wineworldsc.com. Taste of Wine and Cheese will be held on Thursday, October 20, from V. 22 | NO. 60

7-10 p.m. at Aiken Center for the Arts. This event features unique food offerings from the top caterers and restaurants in Aiken. Call 803-641-9094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org. Second Blessings Fall and Winter Consignment Sale will be held on Friday, October 21, from 10 a.m.-6 p.m. and on Saturday, October 22, from 10 a.m.4 p.m. at Christ Sanctified Holy Church Gym. Visit oursecondblessings.com. We Think Pink Dinner will be held on Friday, October 21, at 6 p.m. at the Augusta Marriott at the Convention Center. Silent auction will be followed by dinner at 7 p.m. Hoda Kotb will be the special guest speaker. $40 per person; $275 for table of eight. Visit wethinkpinkaugusta.com. Painefest will take place on Saturday, October 22, from 10 a.m.-6 p.m. at Paine College and will include a blood drive, arts festival, vendors market, childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s village, barbecue cookoff and more. Free. Visit paine.edu/painefest. Fall Fox Family Fun Day will be held on Saturday, October 22, from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. at the Columbia County Amphitheater. Includes educational booths, stage performances, amusement rides and food vendors. Free. Call 706868-3349 or visit columbiacountyga.gov. Evans Towne Center Park Grand Opening Celebration will be held on Saturday, October 22, from 2-9 p.m. and includes live music from Rick Monroe, inflatables, games, food, face painting and pony rides. Free with $5 parking to benefit Shepeard Community Blood Center. Visit columbiacountyga.gov. Spirits of Hallowed Eve will be held on Saturday, October 22, at 6 p.m. at the Living History Park in North Augusta. Walk among the ghosts of yesteryear in the parkâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Colonial setting. Visit colonialtimes.us. The 2011 U.S. Army Soldier Show will be held on Saturday, October 22, at 8 p.m. and Sunday, October 23, at 6 p.m. at Alexander Hall at Fort Gordon. Free. Visit fortgordon.com.

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Bike Night will be held on Tuesday, October 25, at 6 p.m. at the Sno-Cap Drive-In in North Augusta. Visit snocapnorthaugusta.com. Ghostbusters: Investigating Haunted Houses will be held on Thursday, October 27, at 6:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-826-1511 or visit ecgrl.org. Weekly Wine Tastings at Vineyard Wine Market in Evans are each Friday from 4:30-6:30 p.m. and each Saturday from 1-6 p.m. Call 706922-9463 or visit vine11.com.

Health

How to Avoid Strokes Seminar will be held on Thursday, October 20, from 11:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. in the h2u Activities Room of Medical Office Building 3 on the Doctors Hospital campus. Registration required. Call 706651-6716 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Baby 101 will be held on Thursday, October 20, from 7-9 p.m. in Suite 310 of Medical Office Building One on the Doctors Hospital campus. Registration required. Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Breastfeeding Class will be held on Thursday, October 20, from 7-9 p.m. at Babies R Us on Washington Road. Registration required. Call 706774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org. Weekend Childbirth Class will be held on Friday, October 21, from 6:30-9:30 p.m. and Saturday, October 22, from 9 a.m.-5:30 p.m. in the University Hospital Education Center on the third floor. Registration required. Call 706-7742825 or visit universityhealth.org. AngioScreen will be given on Monday, October 24, from 8 a.m.-4:30 p.m. in the Mobile Coach at 635 Ronald Reagan Drive. This is a simple, noninvasive vascular screening designed to provide information about heart rhythm, neck and leg arteries, blood pressure, and body mass index. $75. Preregistration required. Call 706-651-4343.

METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11 25

Teens Under Fire will be held on Tuesday, October 25, from 4-6 p.m. in Dining Room A of Aiken Regional Hospital. Teens Under Fire is a prevention/intervention program that takes a tough look at youth drug abuse, violence and crime by exposing teens, ages 12-18, to the harsh consequences that can result from high-risk decisions. Referral required. Call 803-641-2421 or visit aikenregional.com. Current Medical Treatments for Breast Cancer will be held on Tuesday, October 25, from 6-7:30 p.m. at Savannah Rapids Pavilion. Dinner will be served. Reservations required. Free. Call 706-722-9011. The Birds, The Bees and Me will be held on Tuesday, October 25, from 6:30-9 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. This course brings together 12-15-year-old girls and their mother, female relative or friend for frank discussions on sexuality, peer pressure and responsible decisionmaking. $10. Call 706-481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Childbirth Preparation Classes will be held on Wednesdays, October 26 through November 16, from 7-9:30 p.m. at the University Hospital’s Women’s

26 METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11

Center third-floor classroom. This fourweek series of childbirth preparation classes is designed to inform and prepare all expectant parents regardless of birth plans. Registration required. Free. Call 706-774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org. MCGHealth will host a Basic Life Support Class on Thursday, October 27, at 1 p.m. in BT-1809 on the first floor of the Children’s Medical Center. Free for all MCG employees; $50 for the public. Pre-registration required. Email bls@mcg.edu. Bariatrics Seminar will be held on Thursday, October 27, from 6-7 p.m. in Classroom 1 in the South Tower of Doctors Hospital. This class is ideal for people who want to know about all of their surgical weight loss options. Free. Call 706-651-4343 or visit doctorshospital.net. University Hospital will host an Introduction to Infant CPR Class on Thursday, October 27, at 7 p.m. in the University Hospital Lobby. Preregistration required. Free. Call 706-7742825 or visit universityhealth.org. MCGHealth will host a Weight Loss Seminar on Thursday, October 27, at 7 p.m. at the Georgia Health Sciences

Alumni Center. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706-721-2609 or visit georgiahealth.edu. Breast Self-Exam Classes will be held every Tuesday through the end of the month at 5 p.m. at the University Breast Health Center. Registration required. Call 706-774-4141 or visit universityhealth.org. Free HIV/AIDS Testing will be given all month long in various locations in the CSRA. Contact 706-7214463 or visit csrasafetynet.org for a list of locations and dates. Infant CPR Anytime Learning Program will be held Thursdays at 6:30 p.m. at the first floor information desk (west entrance) of MCGHealth. Visit georgiahealth.edu.

Support

Alzheimer’s Support Group (Westwood) will meet Thursday, October 20, at 3 p.m. at Westwood Nursing Facility. Call 706-863-7514. Weight Loss Support Group will meet Thursday, October 20, at 7 p.m. in the Sister Mary Louise Conference Room of Trinity Hospital. Call 706-4817298 or visit trinityofaugusta.com.

Skip to My Lupus will meet on Thursday, October 20, at 7 p.m. in Dining Room A of Aiken Regional. Call 803-251-9413 or visit aikenregional.com. Young Women with Breast Cancer Support Group will be held on Friday, October 21, at 12:30 p.m. in Suite 205 of University Hospital Breast Health Professional Center Two. Call 706-774-4141 or visit universityhealth.org. LaLeche League will meet on Monday, October 24, at 7 p.m. Call 706737-2405 for location. Parkinson’s Disease Support Group will meet on Tuesday, October 25, at 6 p.m. at St. Johns Towers on Greene St. Call 706-863-6355. Sleep Apnea Support Group will meet on Thursday, October 27, at 7 p.m. in the GHS Children’s Medical Center Resource Library. Call 706-7210793 or visit georgiahealth.edu.

Education

Beyond the Gravestone will be held on Saturday, October 22, at 4:30 p.m. at the Beech Island Cemetery. Tour the historic cemetery and learn about symbols on gravestones. Reservations recommended. $6. Call 803-827-1473 or

V. 22 | NO. 60

Augusta Canal Discovery Walk: Stallings Island Culture will be held on Saturday, October 22, at 10 a.m. and Sunday, October 23, at 3 p.m. Walk begins at the overlook deck of Savannah Rapids Pavilion. $1-$2. Call 706-868-3349 or visit augustacanal.com.

ESL Classes are held every Wednesday night at 6 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Preregistration required. Call 803-279-3363 or visit ecgrl.org.

The Augusta Riverhawks play the Huntsville Havoc on Saturday, October 22, at 7:30 p.m. $10-$18. Call 706-993-2645.

Saturday Historic Trolley Tour, every Saturday, begins at the Museum of History and tours historic downtown Augusta from 1-3:15 p.m. Reservations required. All seats are $12. 706-724-4067.

Benefits

Eamespirational Charity Auction will be held on Thursday, October 20. Auction preview and heavy hors d’oeuvres will begin at 6:30 p.m. with the auction beginning at 8:15 p.m. $50. Call 706-821-2612 for location. Pink Ribbon Car and Bike Show will be held on Saturday, October 22, from 11 a.m.-4 p.m. at Augusta Harley-Davidson. Food and beer provided by Carolina Ale House. $20 car-bike entry fee. All proceeds to go to University Health Care Foundation to fight breast cancer. Call 706-651-0444 or visit universityhealth.org. The Augusta Training Shop’s Lock Stock and Barrel will be held on Saturday, October 22, from 2-7 p.m. at the Pinetucky Gun Club. Tournament also includes blues, beverages and lowcountry boil. $50-$100 registration (includes festivities). $25 to enjoy festivities in the clubhouse. Visit augustatrainingshop.com. V. 22 | NO. 60

Wheelchair Tennis Clinic, presented by the Walton Foundation for Independence, meets each Monday at 6 p.m. (weather permitting) at The Club at Rae’s Creek. Free and open to the public. Call 706-826-5809 or email alsalley@wrh.org.

Full-Day Pr-K Camp is Thursday and Friday, October 20-21, from 9 a.m.-3 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org. Teen Open Mic Night: Ghost Stories will be held on Thursday, October 20, at 7 p.m. at the North Augusta Library. Winners presented from the Ninth Annual Teen Ghost Story Contest along with open mic for anyone who would like to read their own story. Refreshments will be provided. Call 803-279-5767 or visit abbe-lib.org. Full-Day Camp for Aiken County students is Friday, October 21, and Monday, October 24, from 9 a.m.-3

The Augusta Riverhawks play the Louisiana Ice Gators on Thursday, October 27, at 7:30 p.m. $10-$18. Call 706-993-2645. Sunday Polo by the Aiken Polo Club will be held every Sunday through November 13 at 3 p.m. at the Whitney Polo Field. $5 per person; $20 to access the Social Tent. Call 803-643-3611. The Augusta Diving Club is currently training any high school students who want to dive for their high school’s swimming and diving team. No experience is necessary. The season starts in mid-October and runs through midFebruary for those qualifying for State. All practices are at the Augusta Aquatics Center. Call Coach Jim Tingen 706-7266805 or email jtingen@knology.net. Lakeside Rideouts at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are each Sunday beginning at 1:30 p.m. on a firstcome first-served basis. The ride, which begins at two, is a two-hour guided ride to Wilkerson Lake. $45-$50. Call 706791-4864 or visit fortgordon.com. Guided Trail Rides at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are available Saturdays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m., noon, 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m.; Sundays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m. and noon; and

Cutting back without cutting corners Centre at Evans

Mullins Crossing

Augusta Exchange

Fury's Ferry

4445 Washington Road (In the WalMart Center) Evans, GA 30809

4217 Washington Road (In the Target/Ross Center) Evans, GA 30809

403 Fury's Ferry Road (Publix Center) Martinez, GA 30907

1143 Agerton Lane (Across from Regal Cinemas) Augusta, GA 30909

706-860-0501

706-863-0677

706-651-8900

706-737-9358

Centre @ Evans

Mullins Crossing Target

Great Clips

Washington Rd

Augusta Exchange

Fury’s Ferry

Ross

Great Clips

Washington Rd

Great Clips

Agerton Lane

Publix

Regal Cinemas

Baston Rd

Crossroads Market

Aiken Eastgate

404 E. Martintown Road (in the new Big Lots Center) North Augusta, 29841

803-641-6600

Crossroads Market

Shoppes at Richland 3601 W Richland Ave (next to Walmart)

803-641-2899

248 Eastgate Dr (next to Publix)

803-613-0030

Hours: M-F 9-9 Sat 9-7 Sun 10-6

Publix

Big Lots

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Robert C Daniel Jr

GED Classes are held every Monday and Tuesday night at 6 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. No preregistration is required, but participants must have a valid PINES library card. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Riverview Disc Golf League meets each Thursday at 6 p.m. at Riverview Park in North Augusta. $5 entry fee and $1 ace pool. Call 803-2158181 or visit augustadiscgolf.com.

Half-Day Camp is Thursday, October 20, from 12:30-5:30 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Great Clips

The American Legion Post 71 Third Annual Golf Tournament is Saturday, October 22, at Mount Vintage Plantation Golf Club. Activities begin at 10 a.m. Team fee is $320; individual entry is $80. Visit napost71.org.

Group Run begins each Tuesday at 5:30 p.m. at Nacho Mama’s. Three- and four-mile routes are available for all ages and abilities of runners. Call 706-414-4059 or email jim@ enduranceconcepts.com.

Kids

.99

K Martintown Rd

Augusta Riverhawks play the Mississippi Surge on Thursday, October 20, at 7:30 p.m. at the James Brown Arena. $10-$18. Visit augustariverhawks.com.

Augusta Rugby Football Club meets every Wednesday from 6:30-8:30 p.m. at the Larry Bray Memorial Pitch, 100 Wood Street. New players are welcome. Email arj6402@yahoo.com.

Augusta Canal Boat Tours lasting one hour are offered daily at 10 a.m., 11:30 a.m., 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m. Saturday Sunset Cruises, lasting three hours, are at 5 p.m. All tours include admission to the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center. Call 706-823-0440 or visit augustacanal.com.

Wheeler Rd

Work Networking Group meets each Monday morning from 8:30-10 a.m. at Grace United Methodist Church in North Augusta. Facilitated by career and business professionals, those interested in attended need not make advanced reservations. Call Beverly at 803-279-7525 or email one of the facilitators: doctor@pritchardgroup.com (Dr. Constance Pritchard) or maxcom01@ comcast.net (Andy Maxwell).

Sports-Outdoors

Wednesday-Friday at 11 a.m. with reservations 24 hours in advance. All trail rides are on a first come, first served basis, and participants should arrive 30 minutes prior to the trail ride starting for sign in procedures. $23-$30. Call 706-7914864 or visit fortgordon.com.

Fury’s Ferry Rd

The Aiken Historic Tour will take place every Saturday at 10 a.m. and will begin at the Aiken Visitors Center. This two-hour guided tour will take participants through Aiken’s history on a climate-controlled trolley. Reservations recommended. Call 803-642-7631 or visit downtownaiken.com.

Karma Yoga is offered at Just Breathe Studio, downtown Aiken, each Friday at 10 a.m. and is free if participants bring a donation of a personal item which will be given to the Cumbee Center to Assist Abused Persons. Call 803-648-8048 or visit justbreathestudio.com.

Walmart

visit southcarolinaparks.com.

haircut

Offer Expires: 11/11/2011

Not valid with any other offers. Limit one coupon per customer. At salons listed.

METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11 27

p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-3645762 or visit krocaugusta.org. Home School Adventures: The Dinosaurs of Waterhouse Hawkins will be held on Friday, October 21, at 10:30 a.m. at the Aiken County Library. For grades 1-5. Call 803-642-2020 or visit abbe-lib.org. School’s Out Movie Double Feature will be held on Friday, October 21, at 1:30 p.m. at the Diamond Lakes Library. Free. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. Cherokee Leaf Painting will be held on Friday, October 21, from 4:305:30 p.m. at Reed Creek Park. Participants ages 5 and up will learn about the Native American craft of Cherokee leaf pounding. Adult must accompany child. Registration required. Call 706-210-4027 or visit reedcreekpark.com. Picture It Scavenger Hunt will be held on Friday, October 21, at 5:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Kackleberry Farm will host a Pumpkin Festival and Market Day on Saturday, October 22, during their normal operating hours. Visit kackleberryfarm.com. Immaculate Conception Catholic School’s Fall Carnival and Yard Sale will be held on Saturday, October 22, on their campus. Yard Sale begins at 8 a.m. and the carnival opens at 9 a.m. Enjoy a performance by Tara Scheyer and the Mud Puppy Band, inflatables, a fire truck, food, games, face painting and a petting zoo. Call 706-722-9964. The Augusta Area Dietetic Association will host its first Autumn

Acorn Fall Bike Ride for Kids on Saturday, October 22, at 9 a.m. The bike ride is designed to increase awareness about the epidemic of obesity among school-aged children, as well as an opportunity to have fun and enjoy the weather outside. The bike course starts at the canal parking area at Lake Olmstead bulkhead. $10 registration fee includes T-shirt. Call 706-627-5864. Safe Sitter will be held on Saturday, October 22, from 9 a.m.4:30 p.m. in Ste. 310 of Medical Office Building One. This is a nationally recognized program that teaches students ages 11-13 safe and nurturing childcare techniques, management and appropriate responses to medical emergencies. Registration required. Call 706-651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Manga Mania Workshop will be held on Saturday, October 22, from 2-4 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Registration required. Call 706821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Autumn Nature Photography will take place on Saturday, October 22, from 4-5 p.m. at Reed Creek Park. This instructional program gives participants the chance to take pictures in the nature park. Ages 12 and up. Bring camera. Adult must accompany child. Free for members; $5 nonmembers. Registration required. Call 706-210-4027 or visit reedcreekpark.com. Kids’ Halloween Party will be held on Monday, October 24, at 6 p.m. at the Friedman Branch Library. Grades preschool to 5th grade. Free. Call 706736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org. Sibling Birthday Party will be held on Tuesday, October 25, from 3-4 p.m. in the University Hospital cafeteria.

Children can share in this happy experience of welcoming a new baby by attending this free Birthday Party, which includes cake, tour of newborn nursery, video, doll diapering and a coloring book. Registration required. Free. Call 706-774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org. Ghost Hunter Scavenger Hunt will be held on Tuesday, October 25, at 6 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Ages 12-18. Registration required. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. Wicked Works of Art will be held on Wednesday, October 26, at 1 p.m. and Thursday, October 26, at 4 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Registration required. Call 706-447-7657 or visit ecgrl.org. Halloween Stories and Crafts presents Scarecrow Treat Bags on Wednesday, October 26, at 3:45 p.m. at the Maxwell Library. Free. Registration required. Call 706-793-2020 or visit ecgrl.org. Day of the Dead Party and Movie will be held on Thursday, October 27, at 5 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Ages 12-18. Registration required. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. Time to Scare Halloween Carnival will be held on Thursday, October 27, from 5-8 p.m. at Diamond Lakes Community Center. Ages 12 and under. Free. Call 803-279-1212. Trick or Treat So Others can Eat will be held on Thursday, October 27, from 5:30-8:30 p.m. at Patriot Park’s Gymnasium. Trick or Treat with some of the area’s local businesses. Bring one can of food for admission. Call 706-312-7192. Craft Corner for Kids is every Wednesday from 9-10 a.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org. Children’s Story Hours is every Friday from 9-10 a.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org. Junior Fitness is every Saturday from 9-10 a.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org. Mother’s Afternoon Out is every Thursday from 1-3 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org. Arts Classes are offered weekly at the Kroc Center and include pottery (6-8 years) on Mondays at 5:15 p.m.; Kindermusik (2-4 years) on

28 METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11

Tuesdays at 11 a.m.; Intro to Ballroom (6-8 years) on Thursdays at 4:30 p.m.; Kindermusik (5-8 years) on Saturdays at 11 a.m.; Intro to Drawing and Painting (9-12 years) on Saturdays at 11 a.m.; Hip Hop (9-13 years) on Saturdays at noon; and West African Music and Dance (612 years) on Saturdays at 2:30 p.m. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org. Steed’s Dairy in Grovetown, a working dairy farm that includes a corn maze, petting zoo, jumping pillow, tube slide, rubber duckie races, preschool pay area, hayrides, a pumpkin patch and more, is open through November 13. Hours are Friday, 5-10 p.m., Saturdays 10 a.m.-10 p.m. and Sundays, 1-6 p.m. $9-$12. Call 706-855-2948 or visit steedsdairy.com. Kackleberry Farms is open Saturdays 10 a.m.-10 p.m. and Sundays 1-5 p.m. Visit kackleberryfarm.com. Blown Away: The Wild World of Weather will be presented Saturdays in October at 7 and 8 p.m. at the DuPont Planetarium. $1-$4.50. Reservations recommended. Call 803-6413654 or visit rpsec.usca.edu/planetarium. Toddler Story Time and Preschool Story Time take place every Thursday in September at 10:30 a.m. and at 11:15 a.m. at the North Augusta Library. Toddler story time is for children under 3. Pre-school story time for children 3 to 6 years old. Free. Call 803-279-5767 or visit abbe-lib.org. Story Time in Hopelands will take place every Tuesday through the end of October at 4 p.m. at Hopelands Gardens in Aiken. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. The Augusta Arsenal Soccer Club Junior Academy, for boys and girls ages 5-8, meets each Thursday at 5:30 p.m. at the Augusta Soccer Park. Call 706-854-0149 or visit augustasoccer.com. Toddler Time, free play for children ages 5 and under, is each Monday and Wednesday from 9:30-11:30 a.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Wacky Wednesday Story Time is each Wednesday at 10 a.m. in the children’s department of Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall. Call 706-7370012 or visit bn.com. Homeschool Playgroup meets each Thursday at 10:30 a.m. at Creighton Park in North Augusta. Call 803-613-0484.

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Hobbies

35th Annual Greater Augusta Stamp Show will be held on Saturday, October 22, from 9 a.m.-5 p.m. at the Americas Best Value Inn on Washington Road. Dealers will be on hand with national and international stamps for sale. Free. Call 706-868-8898. Healing Arts Class: Crocheting 101 will be held on Saturday, October 22 and 29 from 1-3 p.m. in the GHS Children’s Medical Center Resource Library. $5. Call 706-513-7301 or visit georgiahealth.edu. The Augusta Archaeological Society will meet Thursday, October 27, at 8 p.m. at T-Bonz on Washington Rd. Dr. Al Goodyear will be the guest speaker. Dinner optional at 6:30 p.m. Visit thesga.org. Crafters Night is each Monday from 6-8 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org. Simple Cooking Class meets each Monday from 6:30-8:30 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

The Augusta Training Shop’s Lock Stock and Barrel will be held on Saturday, October 22, from 2-7 p.m. at the Pinetucky Gun Club. Tournament also includes blues, beverages and lowcountry boil. $50-$100 registration (includes festivities). $25 to enjoy festivities in the clubhouse. Visit augustatrainingshop.com.

Seniors

Food Safety, a life skills class for seniors, is Wednesday, October 26, from 3-5 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Preregistration required. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

DECLASSIFIED

Classes for seniors at the Kroc Center include Golden Agers on Mondays at 9 a.m., Community

Resource Time on Mondays at 1 p.m., Computers for Seniors on Monday at 3 p.m., Living Well on Tuesdays at 8:30 a.m., Seated Chair Exercise on Tuesdays at 11 a.m., Social Hour on Tuesdays at 1 p.m., Powerful Tools for Caregivers on Tuesdays at 2 p.m., Alzheimer’s Support Group on Tuesdays at 6 p.m., A Bite of Health on Wednesdays at 9 a.m., Community Resource Time on

Wednesdays at 1 p.m., Medicare Q&A on Thursdays at 9 a.m., Social Hours on Thursdays at 1 p.m., Computers for Seniors on Thursdays at 2 p.m., Bingo on Friday at 9 a.m., Wii Time on Fridays at 10:30 a.m., Bunco and Card Games on Fridays at 12:30 p.m., Social Hour on Fridays at 2 p.m., and Bridge and Board Games on Fridays at 2:30 p.m. Call 706364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

The Garden City Chorus, the area’s leading men’s singing group and a member of the Barbershop Harmony Society, is seeking new members. Those interested are welcome to attend Tuesday night rehearsals, held at 7 p.m. at North Augusta Church of Christ on W. Martintown Road. Visit gardencitychorus.org. If you would like to see your organization’s events listed in our calendar, please email Amy Christian at amy@themetrospirit.com. The deadline for each Thursday’s issue is the previous Friday at noon.

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ART45 Buttoned Up

Local painter Sara Searle branches out Sara Pollock Searle is a Furman graduate and an art teacher at St. Mary on the Hill. But sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s also a painter who has branched out into bead and button art, which she sells through Facebook and Etsy. The Metro Spirit caught up with her at the Columbus Day Festival

in Columbia County, where she and her husband, Nathan, also a Furman graduate who is now in the physical therapy program at GHSU, braved the heat to gain exposure for her unique designs. She said she didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t do as well as at the recent Arts in the Heart, but was happy to talk about her work.

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A better future. Sarah says images such as the ones shown here are pretty representative of the work she’s been painting since college. The button art is something that kind of fell into her lap. “Well, his [Nathan’s] grandmother used to sell costume jewelry and we had a lot of her old necklaces and costume jewelry, and I was trying to figure out something to do with them and started laying them on canvas,” she explained. Soon, she was making collages of sorts, which Sara said her friends loved, especially for their babies’ nurseries. She enjoys it as well. “I like it because it’s a change from painting,” she said. “It’s something small.”

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METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11 31

Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Heard Robertson, Kristi Connell and James Mason at Historic Augustaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Walk with the Spirits at the Summerville Cemetery.

SIGHTINGS

Karyn Nixon, Judge Danny Craig and Caroline Nixon at Historic Augustaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Walk with the Spirits at the Summerville Cemetery.

Nickie Burgess, Katie Steward and Kristina Savage at Allie Katz.

SIGHTINGS

Chris Herzberg, Nadine Palmer and Rhiannon Martin at the 22nd Annual Augusta Greek Festival at the Holy Trinity Greek Orthodox Church.

Pat Burke, Marianne Flanders, Annie Burke and Nelson Daniel at the 22nd Annual Augusta Greek Festival at the Holy Trinity Greek Orthodox Church.

Steven Deitch, Jai West and artist Art Gomez at the Art Side of Art show at Casa Blanca.

SIGHTINGS

Nancy Reyes, Karina Barrantes and Tania Rodriguez at the 19th Annual Hispanic Festival at the Augusta Common.

Fabian Martinez, Priscila Olguin, Ericka Salazar and Jorge Muralles at the 19th Annual Hispanic Festival at the Augusta Common.

Rosetta Hale and Preston Moss with Grammy Award winner Deborah Allen at the Imperial Theatre.

SIGHTINGS

Declan Konesky, Heather Dunaway and Rosalind Avrett at Oddfellows Art Gallery.

32 METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11

Tina Rice, Alyson Davis, Sece Palmer and Dinna Palmer at The Country Club.

James and Tabitha Mankin with Charity and Tony Miaco at the Playground.

V. 22 | NO. 60

SIGHTINGS

Danielle Truan, Pam Anderson and Angel Carter at University Health Care System’s Annual Breast Cancer Survivor Dinner at the Savannah Rapids Pavilion.

Patrice Harrison, Eddye Fiveash, Marcie McGrath and Kendra Harrison at University Health Care System’s Annual Breast Cancer Survivor Dinner at the Savannah Rapids Pavilion.

David Lowry, Adrienne Coursey and Julia Impink at University Health Care System’s Annual Breast Cancer Survivor Dinner at the Savannah Rapids Pavilion.

SIGHTINGS

Lou and Pam Ciamillo with Michelle and George Ciamillo at Villa Europa’s Oktoberfest.

Ryan Brooks, Kristy Brown, Lindsey Meagher and Gabe Roberts at Villa Europa’s Oktoberfest.

SIGHTINGS

Rep. Quincy Murphy, Charles Townsend, Dr. Marilyn Willis and Terry Elam at the opening reception of Tubman Learning Center.

V. 22 | NO. 60

Winnette Bradley, Heather Garrett and Lynda Jackson at the opening reception of Tubman Learning Center.

Mandy Williams, singer-songwriter Pam Tillis and Jeff Brown at the Imperial Theatre.

Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Kwantavia Jones, Secorya Overstreet, Octavia Brown and acting superintendent Dr. Jim Whitson at the opening reception of Tubman Learning Center.

METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11 33

THEEIGHT BOX TOPS

Let’s here it for the robots, who beat out two lame remakes to retain the top spot over the weekend. RANK

TITLE

WEEKEND GROSS

TOTAL GROSS

WEEK #

LAST WEEK

REAL STEEL

$16,291,655

$51,731,456

FOOTLOOSE

$15,556,113

THE THING

$8,493,665

THE IDES OF MARCH

$7,108,846

$21,763,235

DOLPHIN TALE

$6,233,185

$58,560,166

MOVIEREVIEW

“The Thing”

Sam Eifling As great as its predecessor? No. Good for a scare? Sure. Judged on its own merits, “The Thing,” the sci-fi horror flick with the same title as its 1982 inspiration, isn’t much more than a decent monster movie set in an Antarctic research station. It may do more for fanboys and girls of John Carpenter’s “The Thing,” which starred a hirsute Kurt Russell slinging heat from a flamethrower. Mostly panned upon its release, that Carpenter version is now firmly a cult classic (imdb.com users have voted it among their favorite 200 films ever) and a terrific study in isolation, fear and paranoia. Be warned; the 2011 version reaches for all three of those but lands mostly among the bettertrod ground of gore, spectacle and indulgent CGI. It isn’t, however, a remake. Instead it’s a bonafide prequel to the 1982 movie, depicting the woes that befell the Norwegian research station that Russell’s R.J. MacReady finds burned, blackened and barren when he visits. Why all the fire? Why the bloodied axe in the wall? Who’s the dead man at the desk? Whence the blown-out ice block? Who left that mangled, two-

faced corpse-blob outside to air? Director Matthijs van Heijningen Jr., who’s Dutch, imagines what brought a crew of American researchers and muscle to this frozen outpost full of bramble-bearded Norsemen. Turns out, it’s a wildly implausible rush job in which a stern scientist named Dr. Sander Halvorson (Ulrich Thomsen) swings by a Columbia University lab where a grad student named Kate Lloyd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) is jamming a laparoscope into what looks like a semi-thawed cave camel. Halvorson and his assistant Adam (Eric Christian Olsen) have just been notified of a find in the Antarctic — there is a structure, and there is a specimen, and that’s all Halverson can say of it, but this grad student he just met has to decide Right Now whether she’s on board. Kate agrees to help exhume whatever is this life form they’re chiseling out of the wasteland. The Antarctic helicopter crew is also American: Jameson (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje) and Carter (played by the Russellreminiscent Joel Edgerton). They note

INJURED?

that a big storm is on the way. Upon arrival it’s clear that they’ve stumbled onto the greatest discovery in history: a massive alien vehicle in a vast frozen cave and, near the surface, some sort of life form encased in ice. They lug it back to the station, toast their find and then learn the hard way that the thing, as you might expect for your R rating, is hostile. Its preferred method of attack — bit of a spoiler here — is to eat people and then replicate them perfectly. Hence the suspense, when no one can discern who’s really who they are and who’s actually an alien capable of sprouting tentacles that plunge through people’s chests like fingers into flan. The whole scene unfolds rather badly

for the humans in this equation. It also unfolds too fast to build true suspense. The body-snatching trope has always been fertile for scares, and to its credit “The Thing” does devise some clever ways for the humans to smoke out the aliens in their midst. Mostly it leans on the action chops of Winstead, who doesn’t carry the Ellen Ripley gravitas to convince us that she can flamethrow her way out of this unwinnable nightmare at the planet’s frigid coccyx. But don’t worry about it, so long as you can watch this film immediately before or after checking out Carpenter’s. This “Thing” isn’t destined for the same greatness as its predecessor. Still, as an homage, it’ll do.

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Movie times are subject to change.

Masters 7 Cinemas

October 21-22 Shark Night (PG-13) 12:30, 2:45, 5, 7:30, 10; Spy Kids: All the Time in the World (PG) 12:45, 3:15, 5:30; 30 Minutes or Less (R) 12:45, 3, 5:10, 7:30, 9:50; Rise of the Planet of the Apes (PG-13) 1:30, 4:30, 7:15, 9:50; Crazy, Stupid, Love (PG-13) 1:15, 4:15, 7, 9:40; The Smurfs (PG) 12:30, 3, 5:20, 7:40, 10; Captain America: The First Avenger (PG-13) 6:45, 9:30; Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (PG-13) 8; Cars 2 (G) 1, 4

Evans Cinemas

October 21 Paranormal Activity 3 (R) 3:15, 5:30, 7:40, 10; The Three Muskateers (PG-13) 2:30, 7:30; The Big Year (PG) 2:50, 5:15, 7:35, 10; Footloose (PG-13) 4:10, 7:10, 9:55; The Thing (R) 4:30, 7:15, 9:50; The Ides of March (R) 4:20, 7:20, 9:55; Real Steel (PG-13) 3:50, 5:15, 6:50, 8:15, 9:40; Courageous (PG-13) 3:45, 6:45, 9:35; Dolphin Tale (PG) 4, 7, 9:45; Moneyball (PG-13) 3:40, 6:40, 9:35; The Lion King (G) 3, 5:20, 7:40, 9:50; The Help (PG-13) 4:45, 8; Johnny English Reborn (PG) 2:40, 5:10, 7:35, 10 October 22 Paranormal Activity 3 (R) 1, 3:15, 5:30, 7:40, 10; The Three Muskateers (PG-13) 2:30, 7:30; The Big Year (PG) 12:20, 2:50, 5:15, 7:35, 10; Footloose (PG-13) 1:10, 4:10, 7:10, 9:55; The Thing (R) 1:40, 4:30, 7:15, 9:50; The Ides of March (R) 1:20, 4:20, 7:20, 9:55; Real Steel (PG-13) 12:50, 2:15, 3:50, 5:15, 6:50, 8:15, 9:40; Courageous (PG-13) 12:45, 3:45, 6:45, 9:35; Dolphin Tale (PG) 1, 4, 7, 9:45; Moneyball (PG-13) 12:40, 3:40, 6:40, 9:35; The Lion King (G) 12:30, 3, 5:20, 7:40, 9:50; The Help (PG-13) 1:30, 4:45, 8; Johnny English Reborn (PG) 12:10, 2:40, 5:10, 7:35, 10

October 21 Johnny English Reborn (PG) 12:50, 4:20, 7:25, 10:05; Paranormal Activity 3 (R) 12:15, 12:45, 1:15, 2:30, 3:05, 3:35, 4:45, 5:15, 5:45, 7:10, 7:40, 8:10, 9:25, 9:55, 10:25, 11:40, 12:10; The Three Muskateers (PG-13) 12:35, 1:05, 4:10, 4:40, 7, 7:35, 9:35, 10:10, 12:10; The Big Year (PG) 12:40, 4:15, 7:10, 9:35, midnight; Footloose (PG-13) noon, 1, 2:35, 3:35, 5:10, 7:15, 7:45, 9:50, 10:20, 12:25; The Thing (R) 12:20, 2:55, 3:45, 5:25, 7:55, 9:55, 10:25, 12:30; Real Steel (PG-13) noon, 12:30, 4, 4:30, 7, 7:30, 10, 10:30; The Ides of March (R) 12:15, 4:40, 7:20, 10:15; 50/50 (R) 1:10, 4, 7:05, 9:30, 12:05; Courageous (PG-13) 12:05, 1:05, 4:05, 5:05, 7:05, 8, 10, 10:55; Dream House (PG-13) 12:55, 7:40; Dolphin Tale (PG) 12:10, 2:50, 5:30, 8:10, 10:50; Killer Elite (R) 3:50, 10:30; Moneyball (PG-13) 12:30, 7:30; The Lion King (G) 12:25, 7:15; The Help (PG-13) 3:55, 9:40 October 22 Lang Lang Live in Concert (PG) 8; Johnny English Reborn (PG) 12:50, 4:20, 7:25, 10:05; Paranormal Activity 3 (R) 12:15, 12:45, 1:15, 2:30, 3:05, 3:35, 4:45, 5:15, 5:45, 7:10, 7:40, 8:10, 9:25, 9:55, 10:25, 11:40, 12:10; The Three Muskateers (PG-13) 12:35, 1:05, 4:10, 4:40, 7, 7:35, 9:35, 10:10, 12:10; The Big Year (PG) 12:40, 4:15, 7:10, 9:35, midnight; Footloose (PG-13) noon, 1, 2:35, 3:35, 5:10, 7:15, 7:45, 9:50, 10:20, 12:25; The Thing (R) 12:20, 2:55, 3:45, 5:25, 7:55, 9:55, 10:25, 12:30; Real Steel (PG-13) noon, 12:30, 4, 4:30, 7, 7:30, 10, 10:30; The Ides of March (R) 12:15, 4:40, 7:20, 10:15; 50/50 (R) 1:10, 4, 7:05, 9:30, 12:05; Courageous (PG-13) 12:05, 1:05, 4:05, 5:05, 7:05, 8, 10, 10:55; Dream House (PG-13) 12:55, 7:40; Dolphin Tale (PG) 12:10, 2:50, 5:30, 8:10, 10:50; Killer Elite (R) 3:50, 10:30; Moneyball (PG-13) 12:30, 7:30; The Lion King (G) 12:25, 7:15; The Help (PG-13) 3:55, 9:40

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HORROR

“Paranormal Activity 3,” rated R, starring Katie Featherston. “Discover how the activity began,” is this movie’s tagline. So, yeah: more scares, this time involving two little girls.

ACTION

“The Three Muskateers,” rated PG-13, starring Milla Jovovich, Orlando Bloom. Three no-name muskateers? No. Orlando Bloom as a bad guy? Sure. Milla’s boobs in a corset. Yes!

DRAMA

“Margin Call,” rated R, starring Kevin Spacey, Stanley Tucci, Zachary Quinto, Paul Bettany, Jeremy Irons. Great actors in a movie about 24 hours during the recent financial crisis; shades of “Glengarry Glen Ross,” no?

COMEDY

“Johnny English Reborn,” rated PG, starring Rowan Atkinson. Mr. Bean reprises his role as a Bond-wannabe English. No further explanation necessary.

“The Walking Dead,” Season One

Okay, so last Sunday’s second-season premiere of AMC’s highestrated original series left us a little underwhelmed. Come on, writers: Having Sheriff Rick Grimes talk to a statue of the crucified Christ during a tough situation? That’s soap opera shtick right there. We were hoping for a little more, given the series’ first season, a brief six episodes riddled with gore, dismemberment, and enough cursing, sex and interpersonal conflict among the band of survivors of the zombie apocalypse to make even HBO execs blush. Sheriff Rick, your penchant for wearing that hat all the time makes you look like a douche. What do you think you’re still the sheriff of? But that’s the only fault we can find with season one. Buy the DVD or get it on Netflix to catch up before finding out whether the second season will live up to the hype.

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METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11 35

CRISP

Don’t Miss Out

Try a taste of southern cooking at the Kroc Center Cafe

Membership may have its privileges, but there’s a spot in the Kroc Center where members and nonmembers alike are welcome: the Kroc Center Cafe. Did you not know that there was a cafe in the Kroc Center? Don’t feel bad; you’re not the only one who thinks that catering is the sole focus of the Kroc Center’s food business. And catering, from corporate breakfasts and lunches to wedding receptions, has definitely taken off, according to Assistant Program Director Patrick Robinson. “The part of the Kroc Center that I had not expected to take off like it has is the catering,” he said, laughing as he thumbs through a rather thick notebook full of upcoming events that people have booked. “We have menus that are put together, but we try to work with the

public. We can do everything from a barbecue or a southern-style banquet to a sit-down plated dinner.” You should know, however, that if you haven’t eaten breakfast or lunch at the Kroc Center Cafe, you’re missing out on Chef Tony DiRenzo’s southern-style cooking. DiRenzo, who has been cooking professionally for years, has an impressive resume that includes the Augusta Marriott, the Partridge Inn and the Cloisters resort. Then there the small detail of the five years he spent in the Augusta National’s kitchen. “I’ve cooked literally all types of food; I’ve got a wide variety of experience,” DiRenzo explained. “But under my mentor, Chef Bruce at the National, I’ve really come to love the lowcountry cuisine, the southern style of cooking.”

DiRenzo’s love of that style of cooking fit in perfectly with what Robinson had in mind for the cafe, a feature that sets them apart from other Kroc Centers in the country. “We wanted to do something different from other Kroc Centers and be able to offer a little bit of everything to the people coming in,” Robinson said. “We do a large catering business, but we wanted the everyday people who came in to be able to eat good food. Home cooked meals.” And that’s exactly what they get. DiRenzo develops a weekly cafe menu that, each day, consists of two entrées, three vegetables and two starches. Customers can choose one entrée and one side item for $6 or one entrée and two sides for $7. In addition, a salad bar and a grill menu featuring sandwiches

with a side of fries (regular or sweet potato) or onion rings are also available. Within this structure, diners can choose everything from Greek chicken with lemons and capers to a BLT, but there are some items, DiRenzo said, that he’s noticed people gravitate towards. “The meatloaf is usually a pretty big hit,” he said, “ and we have a burger that everyone seems to like, too.” And desserts, made by a woman everyone calls Miss Dee, seem to disappear quickly as well. Though the cafe seems to be a hidden gem, DiRenzo said they usually do brisk business. And it’s been enough that, two weeks ago, they added breakfast service including hot and cold items that, like everything else at the Kroc Center Cafe, are made from scratch. That fact is just one of the many reasons the community should visit the cafe: they brew local Buona Caffe coffee, they’re conveniently located in an area not served by many other restaurants, and outdoor seating offers a great view of the canal included. “I think the cafe is such a well-kept secret,” Robinson said. “And we’re not trying to keep it.” The Kroc Center Cafe 1833 Broad Street Breakfast: Monday-Friday, 8-10 a.m. Lunch: Monday-Friday, 11 a.m.-2 p.m. Cash and credit cards (Visa, Mastercard, American Express) accepted 706-364-5762 krocaugusta.org

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GRIN AND PARROTE

By Brendan Emmett Quigley / Edited by Will Shortz 93 Electoral map shade 94 Blender maker 95 Rhombus on an award? 99 Taking drugs 100 Dead letter? 101 Concert for ___ (2007 event) 102 Highflier’s home? 104 Derailleur settings 106 Cartoon character whose last name is Höek 107 Dressing place 111 P 112 What a mysterious restaurant critic has? 116 1968 live folk record 117 Company with Patch Media 118 Sourpusses 119 Precipitation prediction 120 Something special 121 Many a shampoo 122 Court nobleman in “Hamlet” 123 Bottoms 124 “Mr. Roboto” band, 1983 DOWN 1 Banks raking in the money? 2 Criticize severely, with “out” 3 Chichén ___ (Mayan ruins) 4 Getaway where Italian pies are consumed? 5 Crumpled (up) 6 Close to, in poetry 7 Skyscraping 8 Dutch city 9 Mailed 10 Setting of the castle Rocca Maggiore 11 Early third-century year 12 France’s Belle-___-en-Mer 13 Vacancies 14 Foe of the Pawnee 15 Cyrano de Bergerac wooed her 16 Strength required to lift a car? 17 Revolutionary line 18 What a raised hand may mean 25 “Can’t beat that contract” 28 Duke ___, Rocky’s manager/ trainer 31 1986 Indy 500 winner 34 Weapon in Clue 35 Ticked-off states 37 “Quién ___?” (“Who knows?”) 38 Shopping center 39 What PC gurus provide 40 Some New Guineans

41 Army units 42 “Yes ___?” 43 Couple 45 Scholastic measure: Abbr. 46 Seder serving 51 Title character in love with Elvira 52 Snitch’s activity 54 Light on the stove 56 Drag-racing fuel 57 Grubs, e.g. 59 Ukrainian city 62 Obliterates 64 Last thing a fellow actor says, maybe 66 Awards won by shrimps? 68 Surround 69 Drop a letter or two 70 Actress Mimieux 74 Dropped the ball 75 Dole’s running mate of 1996 76 Like some contraception 77 Where your opinion on “One lump or two?” counts? 79 Skirt 81 Nascar Hall-of-Famer Jarrett 83 Spots for hammers and anvils 85 Sharp irritation 87 Berry in some energy boosters 89 Slice of old Turkey? 91 Bird hangouts 92 Target competitor 96 Intl. humanities group 97 Bowler’s target 98 Refrain bit 99 End of a pricing phrase 102 Japanese beer 103 Fire-___ (carnival performer) 104 Home for a certain old woman 105 Tattoo removal reminder 108 Like some sparkling wines 109 Side (with) 110 Sauce thickener 111 Car wash need 113 A single may get you one, briefly 114 PC key 115 Like some flat-screen panels, for short

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PREVIOUSPUZZLEANSWERS

ACROSS 1 Dancing misstep 5 Time’s 1981 Man of the Year 11 Churchill item 16 Chattering bird 19 Subject of a blurry photo, maybe 20 Some terminals 21 Mild 11-Across 22 Ice climber’s tool 23 Ride 24 Détente as a means of selfpreservation? 26 World Factbook publisher, in brief 27 Floored by 29 Some extra bills, maybe 30 Symbols of a budding romance 32 Big name in office supplies 33 “The ___ Bride” (RimskyKorsakov opera) 36 Take ___ (rest) 37 Like most churches 40 Make a homie’s turf unfit for habitation? 44 Adjust 45 “Today” rival, for short 47 Veep Agnew 48 Off 49 Thai money 50 Dissertation 53 Where the 34th Infantry Division fought: Abbr. 54 Joint legislative assemblies 55 Israel’s Weizman 56 Seven, for one 58 Songs for one 60 Eye part 61 Diminutive of a common Russian man’s name 63 Antiulcer pill 65 Juice component 67 Lay out some newspaper copy the old-fashioned way? 71 Debating two options, say 72 Whine 73 Barrel part 75 Match closers, for short 78 Tucson sch. 80 Quickly 82 “While you ___ out … ” 84 Go off 86 They’re laid by aves 88 Shiny, hollow paperweight 89 Prefix with venous 90 Star men? 91 Churchgoers

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L E E A N O R T I L L I U S E N E R B E E D D N I T R E U S Y E E U R L L S E P M R A T O L G U O S E T

A L G E B R A

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V. 22 | NO. 60

METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11 37

at the passing of ANN OSBON MIELK

Jane, Michael, Kristan, David, Chris, Emily Ellis and John

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY

Our thoughts are with the Osbon family

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

ARIES (March 21-April 19)

Meraki is Greek for the bliss you feel in a task that’s important to you and that you’re doing really well. Everything’s in place for you to experience meraki in abundance. Please get out there and do everything you can to cooperate.

If you have been resisting the command to go deeper, now is the time to surrender. If you have been hoping that the pesky little voice in your head will shut up and stop bugging you to get more involved, you’d better stop hoping. The time has come to explore what has been missing and what needs more love.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) Your nightly dreams can show you hidden patterns and unconscious motivations that your daytime mind hasn’t noticed. They may even offer more literal guidance. I can’t guarantee anything dramatic, but your dreams will be unusually helpful.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) The coming week would be a good time to spend quality time mulling over the Biggest Mystery of Your Life; to get re-excited about your personal version of the quest for the Holy Grail. Your future self is calling for you to dive into the ancient riddle you’ve been working on since before you were born. The mists are parting.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

TAURUS (April 20-May 20) Did you know it is illegal to break into prison? If you do manage to spring yourself from a trap or bust out of your servitude (and I expect you will do just that), don’t come crawling back later and beg to be allowed back in.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20) Out my window at the creek flowing nearby, the tide was coming in, which meant that the current was surging swiftly south. A lone duck was swimming north against the tide. Why not just relax and float downstream? Her approach would also suit you quite well right now. Go steadily and casually against the flow.

In Sue Allison’s theater piece “Lies I’ve Told,” two actors take turns telling each other some classic whoppers. Here are a few: 1. “It would be no trouble at all.” 2. “This will only take a second.” 3. “I didn’t get your message.” See if you can avoid fibs like those. This is a time when you really need to know the whole truth and nothing but, and the best way to work toward that goal is to be forthright yourself.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

Last June, Northern California artist Mary Sobrina Kuder did a gallery show of her paintings called “Offerings of Grace and Mischief.” You will be receiving offerings of grace and mischief, and I hope you will also be making such offerings. Remember that grace and mischief are not contradictory or at odds; they need each other and belong together.

I don’t mean to guilt-trip you into toning down your lust to connect with everyone and everything that tickles your synapses. But I do suggest that your deft zigzags may need to be carried out with gentler zigs and slightly more cautious zags.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) Do you realize how many connections to remote places you have? Are you aware of how routinely you are touched by distant events? Let your imagination run free as you renew your connections with faraway sources of nourishment. Revivify your intimacy with departed influences that continue to define you.

Herbert Kitchener, British consulgeneral in Egypt early last century, wasn’t impressed with the creativity of the ancient nation’s art. “I can’t think much of the people who drew cats the same for 4,000 years,” he remarked. Did you reach a certain skill level in some area of your life and then stop pushing to improve? Identify that knot of excess stability, and then get started on dissolving it.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) The autocorrect feature sometimes distorts the text messages people send on their smart phones, trying to fix supposedly misspelled words. “Damn You, Autocorrect!” is a book documenting some of the most outrageous examples. Be sure that in your efforts to make things better, you don’t render them worse or weird. Consider the possibility that stuff is fine just the way it is.

Rob Brezsny

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Thursday, October 20 Live Music

Coyote’s Jeremy Graham Band French Market Grille West Doc Easton Joe’s Underground Jerod Gay One Hundred Laurens Kenny George Rose Hill Stables Preston, Weston, Sandra Somewhere In Augusta Jason Shepard Wild Wing Jason Sturgeon

What’s Tonight?

Cadillac’s Karaoke Casa Blanca Thursday Tango Club Argos Karaoke Cocktails Lounge Karaoke Coyote’s Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge Karaoke Fox’s Lair Soup, Suds & Conversations Helga’s Pub & Grille Trivia The Highlander Butt Naked Trivia

Live Music

1102 Diezel Augusta Canal Moonlight Music Cruise Double D Cotton Patch Ray Piazola Country Club Holman Autry Band Coyote’s Dallas Martin Band Doubletree Hotel 3 Sides of Jazz French Market Grille West Doc Easton Joe’s Underground Ruskin Malibu Jack’s Playback The Band with TuTu Devyne The Playground John Berret’s LaRoxes Polo Tavern Pretty Petty Sky City Bloodfest 17 w/ Blurring the Line, Chairleg, Carolina Chupacabra, James Gate, Rebellion, Soul Crime Stillwater Tap Room Papa String Band Wild Wing The GoodTimes Band The Willcox Kenny George

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Islands Bar & Lounge DJ Fred Nice The Loft Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke Mi Rancho (Evans) Karaoke Pizza Joint, Evans DJ Kris Fisher The Playground Open Mic with Brandy Polo Tavern DJ Nirvana Shannon’s Karaoke Sky City Open Mic Night Somewhere in Augusta Karaoke with Charles Soul Bar Boom Box DJ Set Villa Europa Karaoke with Just Ben Wooden Barrel ‘80s Night Karaoke

Friday, October 21 V. 22 | NO. 60

What’s Tonight?

Cadillac’s DJ Tim Club Argos Variety Show Cocktails Lounge Grown-Up Fridays Cork and Bull Pub Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge Karaoke Iron Horse Bar & Grill Karaoke Islands Bar & Lounge Caribbean Night Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke with Ryan Moseley Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke with Jeff Barnes Mi Rancho (Clearwater) Three J’s Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s Karaoke

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METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11 43

Palmetto Tavern DJ Tim Rebeck’s Hideaway Open Mic Roadrunner Cafe Karaoke with Steve Chappel Somewhere in Augusta Footloose Dance Party Soul Bar Pop Life Tropicabana Latin Friday Wheels Live DJ Wooden Barrel Karaoke Contest

Live Music

Saturday , October 22

The Acoustic Coffeehouse Open Acoustic Jam Session with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Cotton Patch Nick Joiner and The Funk Country Club Jason Jones Joe’s Underground Woody and Friends Acoustic Malibu Jack’s South Atlantic P.I. Bar and Grill Not Gaddy Jazz Polo Tavern Shameless Dave Sector 7G TFS Halloween Rave: Nightmare on Ellis

Street with LinearNorth, Polyphase and Number5 Wild Wing Michael Patterson Band

What’s Tonight?

Cadillac’s DJ Rana Club Argos Variety Show Club Rehab DJ C4 Cocktails Lounge Latin Night Coyote’s Jeremy Graham Band Fishbowl Lounge Karaoke Fox’s Lair Karaoke Helga’s Pub & Grille Trivia Islands Bar & Lounge Reggae Night The Loft Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke with Rockin Rob Mi Rancho (Clearwater) Karaoke with Danny Haywood Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s Karaoke One Hundred Laurens DJ Kenny Ray Tropicabana Salsa Saturday

Wheels Live DJ Wooden Barrel Kamikaze Karaoke

Live Music

Sunday, October 23

5 O’Clock Bistro Buzz and Candice P.I. Bar and Grill Live Music Wild Wing Jason Marcum

What’s Tonight?

Caribbean Soul Love Jones Sundays Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke, Salsa Dancing Polo Tavern Island Grooves w/ DJ Nirvana

Monday, October 24 What’s Tonight?

Applebee’s (Evans) Trivia Club Argos Karaoke Club Rehab Jenn’s Crazy Karaoke Malibu Jack’s Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke with Danny Haywood Somewhere In Augusta Poker Tourney Wild Wing Bingo with Kevin

Live Music

Tuesday, October 25

Cocktails Lounge Live Music The Highlander Open Mic Night Wild Wing Erik Smallwood

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos Karaoke Club Rehab Jenn’s Crazy Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge Dart League The Highlander Open Mic Night Islands Bar & Lounge DJ Fred Nice Malibu Jack’s Karaoke with Denny Somewhere in Augusta Trivia with Charles

Wednesday, October 26 Live Music

209 on the River Smooth Grooves Joe’s Underground Sibling String Malibu Jack’s Marilyn Adcock Manuel’s Bread Café The Redheads Soul Bar Balthrop Alabama Wild Wing Matt Acosta & The Special Guests

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos Santoni’s Satin Dolls Club Rehab Jenn’s Crazy Karaoke Cocktails Lounge Augusta’s Got Talent The Cotton Patch Trivia and Tunes with Cliff Bennett Laura’s Backyard Tavern Karaoke The Loft Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke with Rockin’ Rob The Place on Broad Jazz DJ The Playground Krazy Karaoke with Big Troy Somewhere In Augusta Comedy w/ Claude Stuart and Herbie Gill

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METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11 45

EARDRUM

Chuck and his wife run Downstairs Live, a private concert series streamed live from their home. He also dabbles in photography and videography. For more info, go to crwconcepts.com or downstairslive.com.

Soda Bottler, Bar Owner, Musical Muse: Bain Mattox Chuck Williams

His name was Lee Chomskis, and he could throw a football a country mile. Lee was three years older than me and was the neighborhood’s athletic phenom when I was a kid. Little did he know that his encouraging words to me when I was 12 would help guide me towards my childhood dream of professional baseball. It was 1975, and we were playing a pick-up game on the giant hill in front of Berkman Apartments. After fielding a few grounders and throwing the ball around, Lee simply said, “You’re pretty good… you should play baseball.” His words resonated in my brain and lit a fire inside my soul. The amazing Lee Chomskis thought I was good! A few years later, I started my career at Westside where I fine-tuned my baseball skills under legendary coach Gerald Barnes. After graduating, I attended Augusta College and was drafted by the Atlanta Braves at the end of my junior year. I remember the magical phone call informing me I had been drafted and the overwhelming feeling of euphoria that took over my body. I jumped in my car, turned up the radio, and flew down Washington Road faster than Ricky Bobby! I don’t remember where I went… I just went! I couldn’t believe that I had finally fulfilled my childhood dream. Those baseball days are long gone, but the people who helped me along the way are always in my thoughts. They inspired me to continue the process and pass it forward, and I now have a burning desire to help others reach their dreams. At Downstairs Live one of our main goals is to help

Bain Mattox talented artists get their music into as many ears as possible. One of our favorites has always been Bain Mattox. Over the years we have tried different avenues of sharing Bain’s music with new listeners. Back in 2003, Bain was scheduled to play the Soul Bar, and I remember calling countless people trying to build an audience for the show. Then I made 50 sample CDs of his music and handed them out during First Friday. A few weeks later, I was hounding Joe Stevenson about playing Bain’s music on his Sunday night radio show “Home Grown.” Why so passionate? Because his music moved me. Literally! My usually supportive wife was hesitant to stand next to me when we went to Bain’s shows because I was “that guy!” You know... that obnoxious guy whose getting into the music a little toooo much. I couldn’t help it.

The dude’s music pushed my buttons and I couldn’t stand still. Songs “Slumber Plane,” Shotgun Pageant” and “Peripheral People” were my favorites early on, but then came his “Prizefighter” CD in 2007. As a PE teacher, I use music in my gym every day, and some of Bain’s “Prizefighter” songs quickly became the overwhelming favorites of many of my students. During one of our activities, I noticed that many of the students were singing along with his song “Slowpoke” as they played. So I quickly paused the song and listened. To my surprise the entire class was singing the lyrics word for word. As weeks went by I saw different students walking around the halls singing his music. So at our next A-B honor roll sock-hop, I played “Slowpoke” in between dance favorites “Cha Cha Slide” and “Cupid Shuffle.”

You would have thought Justin Timberlake walked into the room. The entire lunchroom started screaming and singing the lyrics. The next week I asked the students if they would like to have Bain come perform a concert at our school. I got a unanimous, “Yes!” We called it the Spring Bash. Bain and his band came and set up in our oversized lunchroom and performed an amazing Thursday night concert for over 350 students and their parents. Thirty minutes before the show, the crowd of students grew larger and louder as they took their places in front of the stage. Glow sticks around their necks, wearing their coolest clothes, and their hands in the air... our students were ready for the school’s first rock concert! Bain and the boys took the stage and put on a great show, and ended the night with the crowd favorite “Slowpoke.” As he purposely paused during certain parts of the song, he could only smile as hundreds of kids sang his song back to him. In 2009 Bain took a step back from his personal music career and became a businessman when he opened a neighborhood gathering spot called Normal Bar in Athens. Then a year later he started a few more businesses… vintage clothing store Rock Paper Scissors and Bain’s Soda, a bottling company specializing in his bar’s signature soft drinks. He also continues to play music as the bass player for rising folk/country artist Lera Lynn. But by far his most impressive accomplishments… he’s a dedicated husband and a father of two. Check out Bain’s music on iTunes.

Brian Allen is a local music fan whose weekly podcast, confederationofloudness.com, has over 10,000 subscribers and about that many folks streaming it each week.

Music Is the Thread Holding Us Together Stak

So much of our coming and going in this life is wrapped up in music. My dear sister passed in 2001 and certain songs still spring her memory to mind almost as though I were at the 3D IMAX theater. It almost always comes at you sideways when you are the most unaware. For some reason, music always seems to be the catalyst. Something that Cary, my dad Steve Allen and I shared was a crazy, hardcore

46 METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11

love of music from the days Dad let us choose records on his Columbia Record Club membership until whenever or forever. Then in the long boring days of summer off school, Cary and I would pretend to be the bands we idolized, putting on a show for Dad at the end of the day with tennis rackets standing in for Les Pauls and Stratocasters. Music has been the thread that has held our lives and deaths together. And that’s

all I have to say about that other than my sister would have been 40 last Friday. I miss her dearly. And dang it Palladia for playing U2’s “Rattle and Hum” tonight. Every single time I hear “MLK” I turn to dust stirred to mud by tears. Deep breath and count to 10... maybe 20. With regard to Augusta music, wow on the increasing frequency of album release shows. Everyone it seems is

bringing fresh art to the party. Why, just within the past week, new CDs were released by Mazes and Monsters and Augusta ex-pats Turf War. These are fresh on the heels by great releases by The Radar Cinema and False Flag. Augusta musicians have been busy! Coming soon, we’ll see the release of the latest edition of the 12 Bands of Christmas CD. Artists included on this year’s release include Fried Goat, Five’s V. 22 | NO. 60

a Crowd, Jaycie Ward, Livingroom Legends, Joy Krueger, Sibling String, Jim Perkins, 3rd Shift, The Wombats, Unmentionables and The Vellotones featuring George Croft. The CD is available for pre-order at 12bands.org. It will ship the week of November 7. I’ve heard the entire compilation and it is impressive. My first impression was that this may be the best 12 Bands CD thus far. You can look for a full review of the record in this column upon its release. If you’re looking for something to do this Friday night, October 21, I can almost guarantee a bloody good time will be had by all at Sky City. That’s right folks, it’s the return of BloodFest

(can you believe this is the 17th time this event has celebrated heavy music in Augusta?). Bands on the bill this year include Blurring The Line, Chairleg, Carolina Chupacabra, the reunion of JamesGate (very intriguing, that), Rebel Lion and Soul Crime. Admission is $7 and music starts at 9 p.m. It has been interesting to see this event make its transition from allages venues to 21 and up clubs. The experiment seems to be working well. That’s about all for now folks. To get an earful of what’s happening in local and regional music and to hear the freshest tracks first, tune in to the podcast I co-host with John Stoney Cannon at confederationofloudness.com.

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METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11 47

ONTHEBALL

Matt Lane is host of The Weekend Rundown which airs from 10 a.m.-noon Saturdays on News-Talk-Sports 1630 AM. He can be reached at mattlane28@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter at Mattlane28.

What Took So Long?

A football coach is hospitalized after a post-game fight; apparently not newsworthy enough to report ASAP who were supposed to be assigned to the homecoming-rivalry game detail — I’ve heard as many as 12 from one source — and, upon altercation, let’s just say this: Many have a hard time coming up with a respectable number of officers initially trying to curb the altercation before it got out of control. I’ve also been told that the officers who were present near the exiting teams certainly left their mark. We have reports of pepper spray being used to break up the fight. Several players received doses so potent they had to stagger out of the way in order to regain their functionality. Several non-participants — of the game and fight — were near the action on the field and in close proximity to the gas as well. One attendee of the game said the smell from the gas was so strong, Warren County put their jerseys in the back of a pickup truck to haul back home. And players were also said to have felt threatened by more than just the spray tactics used by the officers. It will take time to hash out all the different investigations as authorities try and get the full story as to what really happened last Friday night. But remember, all of this happened without a confirmed source through Saturday and into Sunday afternoon. My question is how?

I’ll start with a disclaimer, as my publisher so heartily encouraged me to do earlier this week. Alright! Alright! What can I say, it was his birthday. This article is my opinion. Don’t know if that’s even needed, but it’s there, for what it’s worth. Upon meeting with Warren County School Superintendent Carole Jean Carey about the altercation that took place on Friday night after the Warren CountyHancock Central football game, she understood this would be one of many conversations she would have with people like me this week. I just wondered why some had not already taken place. A coach was hit in the face by an opposing player’s helmet. We’ll instantaneously inquire and argue the correct month that Beyonce’s child was conceived, but not about a melee at a high school game where a human being got smashed in the face with a helmet? I thought we had a 24/7 news cycle. Who are we? The damaging blow to Warren County Head Coach David Daniel’s head came after a fight had blossomed when Daniel saw a Hancock Central player strike a Warren County player from behind with a helmet, said Carey. Daniel rushed to break up the fight and extinguish the post-game fireworks when he was struck and eventually hospitalized over the weekend. Major reconstructive surgery took place with even more surgery on the horizon for Daniel, who is 6-1 in his first season as head coach of Warren County. But from what I’ve heard after digging around and looping through multiple source wormholes, this desired GBI investigation that Carey wants could be rife with several issues other than just the situation involving Daniel. I feel disgusted saying “just” like it’s not enough. There was a certain number of police officers

48 METRO SPIRIT 10.20.11

Games to Watch

Washington County @ Burke County: Friday, October 21, 7:30 p.m. Burke County’s final test before the eventual mega-matchup with Thomson. That is, if all goes as planned… Aquinas @ Lincoln County: Friday, October 21, 7:30 p.m. The Fighting Irish haven’t lost since their opening game August 26 against Landmark Christian. Can they deal the Red Devils their first loss on the year? Washington-Wilkes @ Warren County: Friday, October 21, 7:30 p.m. Tough week to play against the Screaming Devils. Their passion bucket will be filled to the brim this week.

College/NFL Games to Watch

Atlanta Falcons @ Detroit Lions: Sunday, October 23, 1 p.m., Fox The Dirty Birds travel to Detroit after the Lions’ first loss on the season. Let’s bow our heads for ATL. No. 6 Wisconsin @ No. 16 Michigan State: Saturday, October 22, 8 p.m., ESPN If the Badgers are going to lose, it’s going to be this one. Too bad they won’t. No. 25 Washington @ No. 8 Stanford: Saturday, October 22, 8 p.m., ABC You should have a guilty conscience if you don’t know who Huskies sophomore stud QB Keith Price is yet. Mr. Dre? Mr. N.W.A.? Mr. AK comin’ straight outta Compton y’all better make way?

V. 22 | NO. 60

ADVICEGODDESS

All Work and No Foreplay

-Hello Ladies and GentlemEn!

My husband and I are entrepreneurs, developing a new product. We’re both working long hours. He’s miserable because he has no time for his art (painting), and our sex life is in shambles. There isn’t a lot of blame or anger. We simply go about our entire days with little or no flirting and fall into bed completely exhausted at night. Even if we crave sex, we’re too tired. We kiss goodnight and promise it’ll be different tomorrow or on the weekend, but it never is, and I see no reason to believe things will change. We used to race home from work to have wild sex and then do silly things together in the evenings. People always called us “the sensual couple” because we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. How can we get the zing back? — Accidental Celibate Eighty percent of sex is just showing up. (The other 20 percent is remaining conscious while you’re having it.) Of course, you’d need to leave work at a reasonable hour to make your role-play in bed more dirty doctor/naughty nurse than adjacent coma patients. I know, that’s not what it says you’re supposed to do on your printout of the Puritan Work Ethic. Former Harvard psychology professor Shawn Achor writes in “The Happiness Advantage” that we’re taught that we have to sacrifice happiness for success and told that only when we’re successful will we be happy. Achor counters that happiness isn’t something that falls in your lap when you attain some level of accomplishment; it’s “a work ethic.” He cites a decade of research suggesting that happiness “raises nearly every business and educational outcome: raising sales by 37 percent, productivity by 31 percent and accuracy on tasks by 19 percent, as well as (leading to myriad) health and quality of life improvements.” Remember, people called you “the sensual couple” because you couldn’t keep your hands off each other, not because you couldn’t take your eyes off the clock. Ditching the clock for at least some of the day is essential. It’s activities that make you lose track of time that make you happy — activities like sex (and painting) that also make you forget yourself and that package your husband neglected to bring to the post office. To put this in entrepreneurial terms, you need to relaunch your sex life and take it as seriously as you would a business launch. Look at sex as a mandatory meeting you need to have naked. And as unromantic as this sounds, you need to put “flirt with husband” on your daily schedule — until it becomes a habit again. Implied in that is “be fun!” Be silly like you used to. Make an effort to leave work well before the cows not only come home but start watching “Seinfeld” reruns. And replace any motivational posters decorating your office with ones that reflect your newfound knowledge of trickle-down happy-nomics, for example: “As you climb the ladder of success, be sure to stop every now and then to let your husband look up your dress” and “Behind every successful woman is a man with his pants down.”

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The Benefit of the Dowdy

I’m a recently divorced 40-something mom who’s having trouble making female friends. I’m excluded from group activities, and my attempts at gettogethers fall flat. I attributed this to my being a bit quiet and reserved until a mom at school — previously a friend — casually remarked, “You’re one of the moms we all love to hate!” What?! What am I doing that makes me hateable? Male friends say it’s because I am “hot” and “have a killer body” and other women are jealous. — Lone Mom Middle-aged women who’ve gotten a little frumpy, schlumpy and stretchmarky cling to how “what’s on the inside is what really matters”… right until what’s on the outside is a hot, shapely, newly available divorcee collecting their husbands’ eyeballs like the Pied Piper commandeering the rodent population of Hamelin. Being “reserved” surely doesn’t help. If you were mousy, you’d probably be considered shy. Being a looker and reserved possibly marks you as a snob. To take this less personally, recognize that these women are probably driven by fear, envy, admiration and/or intimidation. To get them to see you more as a person than a hot person, you need to extend yourself: Be assertively friendly; join a volunteer organization so people get to know you through your actions; and seek out women who seem happy and secure. All in all, you need to be realistic. Understand that the first thing in some women’s minds will always be how much cuter they are when they aren’t standing next to you — unless you’re dressed in something that’s figure-hugging in the manner of those bags they zip the dead bodies into at the morgue. ©2011, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or email adviceamy@aol.com. Also visit advicegoddess.com and read Amy Alkon’s book: “I See Rude People: One Woman’s Battle to Beat Some Manners Into Impolite Society” (McGraw-Hill, $16.95).

V. 22 | NO. 60

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AUSTINRHODES

The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

National Media’s Inherent Dishonesty on Taxes

I am beginning to think there is no other way to describe the misdirection and obfuscation seen in so much of the reporting on alternatives to our income tax system than fabrication and con artistry. Case in point: The left-leaning media’s rabid insistence that income tax rates need to be raised so that billionaires like Warren Buffett can pay their fair share. Hell, even Buffett himself has sounded off on the notion, saying that he is all for it. How many times have you heard or read that Buffett is paying a small percentage of his overall income in taxes compared to the relatively higher percentages paid by his 60k a year secretary? Hundreds of times? New York Times 10-15-2011: “When Warren Buffett pointed out that the American tax system was so egregiously rigged that he paid a smaller share of his income in taxes than his secretary, very few of his peers chimed in. It was so quiet that one might have thought Mr. Buffett’s case was a fluke. It wasn’t.” Associated Press 9-20-2011: “Warren Buffett’s secretary shouldn’t pay a higher tax rate than Warren Buffett. There is no

justification for it,” (President) Obama said as he announced his deficit-reduction plan this week.” Wall Street Journal 9-27-2011: “Warren Buffett has forcefully injected himself into the U.S. political debate, with President Obama using the billionaire’s anecdote that he pays a lower tax rate than his secretary as a bludgeon in favor of raising taxes on millions of other Americans.” Of course as soon as it is explained that Buffett collects his millions of dollars a year of income through capital gains and not through tasks that are taxed and documented via an employer’s W-2 form, there is a collective chorus of “d’uh” that would make Homer Simpson proud. So why not just go ahead and include all income in the same tax rate system that us salaried schmucks participate in and just be done with it? Because it is the opinion of virtually every economist and financial guru alive that it would cripple capital investment and expansion in America, and bring what is left of a once vibrant national economy to a screeching halt. So it is ludicrous, laughable and inherently

dishonest to compare rates of taxation between ordinary wage earners and the industrial capitalists whose investments and innovation we depend on for innovation, enterprise and scientific development. Yet the comparisons are made all the time. And to top it all off, the national media refuses to tell you that America has over obligated itself so severely when it comes to future medical and retirement benefits (Medicare and Social Security entitlements) that it could permanently confiscate 100 percent of the wealth of the top one percent of the country and the accumulated booty would still fall woefully short of covering the government budget for even one year’s operation. The American income tax system that we have had in place for all of our lives will not cover the expenses of our country in the short term or over the long haul. To continue to debate tax rates and who gets hit hardest is akin to asking how many wishes it will take to get to the planet Mars. There is no way to define that number and no mechanism to make the scheme work. So what are the options?

Nothing less than a full commitment to a pure consumption (national sales) tax is the only way to fix the problem. Further assistance would come through abolishing cash (paper money and coin) and going to a straight electronic debit system where every purchase could be tracked and virtually every off the books financial transaction documented. That little trick has the side benefit of running every illegal alien out of the workforce, and putting every drug dealer, prostitute and gangster on the tax rolls. It is a beautiful thing. So the next time you read about the inherent unfairness of how Warren Buffett, Bill Gates and Donald Trump skate on paying their fair share, ask yourself how many off the books wage earners do the same thing, only at a much greater pace, which leaves the average real taxpayer (you and me) holding the bag for even higher wage confiscation. Oh... and tell the national media to tell the rest of the damn story on who is getting away with what when it comes to taxation. It is the only honest way to tell the story.

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