Metro Spirit 12.04.2003 by Metro Spirit

METRO SPIRIT Dec. 4-10 Vol. 15 No. 18

Augusta’s Independent Voice

Don’t Blame THE WHITE MAN Page 25

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Contents Metro Spirit

Got your savings face on?

ON THE COVER

D E C

Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Blame The White Man By Brian Neill . .25 Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Discount Warehouse

Cover Design: Natalie Holle

Open Everyday! (706) 736-7006 National Hills Shopping Center

FEATURES . . . . . . . . . .30

%MPTY 4ABLES 7E #AN &ILL 4HEM

Opinion

Whine Line .............................................................. 8 Words ..................................................................... 8 This Modern World ..................................................8 Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down .....................................10 Letters to the Editor ...............................................12 Guest Column ........................................................14 Insider ...................................................................16

GO "OX IS !UGUSTA S BEST RESOURCE FOR THOUSANDS OF CONSUMERS WHO WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT YOUR RESTAURANT )NNOVATIVE 2ESTAURANT -ARKETING

Metro Is $74 Million too Much for a Courthouse?.............18 Williams Questions City Attorney Position...............22

#ASHLESS !DVERTISING

)NCREMENTAL 4AKEOUT 3ALES

/NLINE -ENU

/NLINE /RDERING

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0ROl TABLE ,OYALTY 0ROGRAMS ,EARN MORE ABOUT GO "OX

Bite

Food Films: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly ..........34

ZZZ JR ER[ FRP

Special Pullout Section Holiday Menu Guide

Events

8 Days a Week .....................................................63

Arts Spend Holidays With Some Good Olâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Country Characters .............................................................70 â&#x20AC;&#x153;After Whistler: The Artist and His Influence on American Paintingâ&#x20AC;? Now Showing at the High Museum ................................................................72 Release Your Inhibitions With Hypnotist Gary Conrad ..........................................................74

79 Cinema

Close-Up: Tom Cruise . . . . . . . . .79

Cinema

Movie Listings ......................................................75 Review: Honey .......................................................78 Close-Up: Tom Cruise.............................................79 Movie Clock ..........................................................80

Music

Molly Hatchet Still Rocking, Southern Style............61 12 Bands of Christmas Benefit Expands With Solid Holiday CD.............................................................82 Music by Turner ......................................................84 Music Minis ............................................................86 Night Life ...............................................................87

Stuff News of the Weird ................................................90 Brezsny's Free Will Astrology ................................91 New York Times Crossword Puzzle .......................91 Amy Alkon: The Advice Goddess ...........................92 Date Maker ...........................................................93 Classifieds ............................................................95

M E T R O S P I R I T

D E C . 4 - 1 0 â&#x20AC;˘ F R E E W E E K LY â&#x20AC;˘ M E T R O S P I R I T. C O M

Augusta Blogger Offers Curious Insights By Brian Neill

Ergo Candle Holiday Collection, Brilliant Glass Ornaments, Fantastic Gifts, Custom Fresh Wreaths & Centerpieces, Alan Stuart Handbags

EDITOR & PUBLISHER David Vantrease ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR Rhonda Jones STAFF WRITERS Stacey Eidson, Brian Neill ADVERTISING SALES MANAGER Joe White ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE Kriste Lindler PRODUCTION MANAGER Joe Smith GR APHIC ARTISTS Stephanie Bell, Natalie Holle, Erin Lummen ACCOUNTING MANAGER/CLASSIFIEDS Sharon King ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT ASSISTANT Lisa Jordan SENIOR MUSIC CONTRIBUTOR Ed Turner CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Amy Alkon, Rob Brezsny, Amy Fennell Christian, Rachel Deahl, Chuck Shepherd CARTOONISTS Tom Tomorrow

METRO SPIRIT is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks of the year. Editorial coverage includes ar ts, local issues, news, enter tainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum. The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publishers. Visit us at www.metrospirit.com. Copyright ÂŠ Metro Spirit, Inc. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited. Phone: (706) 738-1142 Fax: (706) 733-6663 E-mail: spirit@metrospirit.com Letters to the Editor: P.O. Box 3809, Augusta, Ga. 30914-3809

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Whine Line I

n typical Disgusta fashion, the commission pays tens of thousands of tax dollars to hire a professional consulting firm to advise on the best possible site for the new judicial center. The commission ultimately ignores their recommendation and sites the $70 million plus facility next to an auto repair shop and across from the loading dock of the post office. That sure shouts civic prominence. In the nation’s Capitol, great thought was given to the location of key civic buildings. You wouldn’t want to find the Supreme Court or Lincoln Memorial on a side street next to a used car dealership, would you? This asinine decision by the commission just shows how screwed up our priorities are here. Oh, no. The holidays are here and the greed and selfishness of shoppers is already apparent. I made the unfortunate mistake of going shopping on Friday after Thanksgiving and it was not pretty. How can adults behave so badly? I’m surprised nobody got killed as people were stampeding like an out-of-control cattle drive to buy items. Truly, I have never witnessed anything so disgusting. Let’s not forget why we celebrate the holidays in the first place. You know, peace on earth and good will to men and women. That kind of stuff. Now, how is it possible that University Hospital was able to complete their new building out in Evans before the ANIC one? That Laney-Walker white elephant construction has drug on for over two years. It goes to show you that motivated people find a way to get the job done, and those who aren’t spend their time on excuses for why they failed. Why is it that the local elected officials can’t seem to get a clue? When I look at the Augusta Commission I don’t see anybody who has a clear vision of where Augusta needs to go. It’s all about race and ego. These 10 people, along with

Mayor Bob Young and City Administrator George Kolb, are holding this city back. Raves for the Art Factory! Their “Art Van Go” is so creative and clever. Keep up your good work with the future artists of this area, and maybe one day we’ll be known for “Augusta School of Design.” Great article last week about Augusta Tomorrow’s accomplishments in revitalizing downtown. It is saddening, though, that so many worthwhile projects sit idle because of the lack of support from the local government. I have to wonder if things would be different if Ed McIntyre was elected mayor rather than Young, who has yet to present his vision for downtown Augusta. What Augusta really needs now more than ever are leaders who have a vision of what we as a city can become. Congrats on your article about Judge Duncan Wheale. You provided much more information than the Chronicle on the story. Brian Neill’s article was balanced and fair and painted a detailed picture of the situation from start to finish. A job well done. Keep it up Spirit. We count on you out here. I must say that Christmas has slipped up on me this year. I don’t know why, but I was not fully prepared for some of the early and garish yard decorations I have seen already. How do people in these small and unassuming homes afford the electricity it must take to power some of these front yard holiday light displays? Some of these things burn enough electricity to light the entire city. It’s amazing. A house can be dilapidated with a 15-year-old car out front and kids running around in rags but, by damn, they’ve got their Santa, elves, reindeer, and other holiday lights going strong all month long. Go figure.

Words “Leroy was a character. He always had something going. He was great to be around. He will be missed by many.” – Richmond County Sheriff Ronnie Strength, as quoted by The Augusta Chronicle, referring to the death of Richmond County Coroner Leroy Sims on Nov. 28. Sims was serving his fourth four-year term as coroner. There was no one in Richmond County who would give you a straight answer like Sims. He will be truly missed.

In last week’s Whine Line, a whiner complained about a Hollywood agenda and cited Disney’s “Finding Nemo.” In one line, Nemo’s father explains to some sharks that a diver took his son Nemo. One shark said “I hate humans” and the other said “Must be Americans. They think they own everything.” The whiner complained that this was a kids’ movie and they put out a left-wing radical agenda to brainwash our kids. That is pathetic; it’s called entertainment. If “Finding Nemo” is brainwashing, what do you call making every school-age child pledge allegiance to the flag under “God”? If you want to talk about brain-

washing we have to be very careful because it’s just not the entertainment field that can be accused of brainwashing. Our government and the right-wing Republicans are just as guilty. As far as the remark made in the film, the truth does hurt, doesn’t it? After all, we did attack a defenseless country for oil, and our president lied to get us into that war. We’ve gone from WMDs to WMD programs. Listen to the right-wing rhetoric; that’s where you will find true brainwashing. continued on page 10

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After weeks of budget meetings filled with hour-long debates about next year’s finances, Augusta commissioners on Nov. 26 finally approved the 2004 budget which includes only a minor millage rate increase of approximately 0.6302 mills. This tax increase was needed to provide additional funding in areas such as fire protection, the local

ambulance service and the 911 center. Tax increases are never any fun, but considering the numerous requests for extra funding from city departments and other local organizations that came before the Augusta Commission, Richmond County citizens should be feeling lucky that commissioners aren’t asking for much, much more.

Thumbs Down Are we the only ones who think that William S. Morris III and Frank Lawrence should be investing a lot more than $150,000 each in their proposed $94 million sports arena? This is the same arena that they want $60 million in sales tax money to help fund. Please. We’re all for Morris and

Lawrence wanting to build a new sports arena at the deserted Regency Mall site, but come on guys, let’s make this a true public/private venture. If you’re trying to sell the community on your idea, show us how much you want it. Because for a $94 million project, $150,000 each isn’t saying much.

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continued from page 8 When George Bush took office as the governor of Texas, he inherited a $6 billion surplus in the state budget. When he took office in the White House, he left a $10 billion deficit in Texas. I do believe we have a pattern here. So, the big boys are going to put the Civic Center out of its misery. Not a bad thought. I’m just curious, though. Do we want to completely do away with oversight on this public-private venture? The devil is in the details. We need to make sure the taxpayers don’t get taken. How ‘bout ol’ GW Bush spending Thanksgiving with our troops in Baghdad? Hanging out with our boys and serving them turkey, too. Way to go, GW!

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I miss “Suburban Torture.” Please bring it back. We all enjoy seeing the humor of our daily lives in the paper to let us know that we’re not the only ones. — Call our Whine Line at 510-2051 and leave your comments. We won’t use your name. Fax your whines by dialing (706) 733-6663 or e-mail your whines to whine@metrospirit.com.

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Opinion: Letters to the Editor

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The Raven’s Hoard

Kolb’s Wish List Budget

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Dear Editor, Mr. Reece (Richmond County Chief Appraiser) is absolutely correct and we have a commission that lacks a majority who can understand the number crunchers and the circumstances of their financial decisions (or indecision). I feel that Kolb is pushing forward a “wish budget” full of intangibles. If the budget falls short of projections, he will make massive midyear adjustments. This is not acceptable. From my experience, Augusta is in a mild crisis that can be overcome, but this is what has to be done: 1. Any position unfilled for more than one year needs to be totally eliminated and its duties absorbed by other departments or personnel. 2. A small part of the budget must be used for continuing education (not resort retreats and seminars) to train existing personnel for vacant positions, keep them employable and for a pay increase.

3. All financial spending and requests must be highly scrutinized and kept conservative. 4. A review of personnel size, duties and the need for such positions or duties must be evaluated for possible elimination, reduction or absorption. 5. The commission should issue an immediate directive to all directors, asking them to reduce their budget requests by 5 percent and to attempt to underspend by an additional five percent once a budget is approved. 6. The commission should reward entire departments financially from their savings amount (25-35 percent) at the end of each year to use in addition to their subsequent budget requests, parties or gifts. 7. Finally, someone has to make the hard and unpopular decision to keep Augusta on the financial straight and narrow. — Charlie Hannah

Improve North-South Corridors Dear Editor: My hat’s off to Frank Lawrence and his partners for contemplating a Regency Mall rescue that will involve the Augusta Lynx and other activities. Our failure to improve Augusta’s North-South transportation corridors has left Regency Mall and much of South Augusta unable to relate to our central city. Fifty years ago, traffic bustled along Seventh Street, Twiggs Street, Milledgeville Road, Savannah Road and Deans Bridge Road as vehicles traveled to or through Augusta on Highways 1, 25, 78 and 278.

This once-busy path has deteriorated to ghetto status and has become a sorry tribute to the memory of a martyred leader who so inspired his followers. Regency Mall is 4 1/2 miles from the present Civic Center and only 3 1/2 miles from the Medical College. We desperately need to improve our North-South routes — Martin Luther King Blvd. and 15th Street. It is sad that all our highway dollars are spent on East-West avenues of escape to Columbia County. — Richard S. Fox

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Opinion: Guest Column

Don’t Allow Political Climate To Determine Future of Richmond County

very year about 500 out-of-area people contact my office to inquire about buying businesses for sale. The listings are evenly divided between Richmond, Columbia and Aiken counties. Businesses in one county sell as well as ones in another county, but that’s where the similarity stops. Somehow, these out-of-market folks develop a negative perception of Richmond County. It is OK for them to buy and run a business there, but few of these owners wind up living in Richmond County. I see this trend as harmful for areas’ economic growth, not just for Richmond County. It doesn’t make sense to expand and develop further and further when you have an existing area in place, ready to grow, ready to upgrade. To be sure, Richmond County has visible problems like in-fighting on the County Commission, the Coliseum Authority and the Airport Commission, plus a neverending stream of Grand Jury investigations. Yet every time somebody buys a Richmond County business then lives somewhere else, tax revenues fall. Somebody else decides to move to Columbia County and they fall some more. If this movement doesn’t stop soon, the best government in the world won’t be able to reverse revenue shortfalls. There won’t be any money to upgrade! My associates and I have begun to aggressively encourage out-of-towners who buy businesses located in Richmond County to seriously consider residing in the county. In spite of the political problems, there are strong reasons to live where they work, like shorter commuting time, lower school taxes and good shop-

ping and entertainment. Plus, it is settled, landscaped, affordable and quiet! It is understandable that people tend to react negatively to constant governmental wrangling. The temptation to throw up your hands and say, “What can I do” is going to be costly for business owners and homeowners alike should the value of businesses and homes fall with the population drain. I think the only recourse anyone has is to stop waiting for politicians to make peace. Act! Write letters to them demanding better leadership. Write letters to the editors of local papers. Attend government meetings. Form area associations and appoint spokespersons. Demand better government often enough and you will get it. — Tim Dalton is president of Sunbelt Business Brokers, Augusta and Savannah offices.

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Opinion: Insider

Political Realities and the D.O.T. Election

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Jimmy Lester s The Insider reported two weeks ago, Augusta Commissioner Bill Kuhlke wants to replace sitting 9th District Department of Transportation (D.O.T) board member Jimmy Lester when legislators from the district hold their election for the post during the 2004 legislative session. Local attorney Bill Coleman is also running for the post. As the Jan. 14 selection date approaches, political insiders report that Kuhlke and Coleman have stepped up their lobbying efforts to obtain the assignment. According to very reliable sources, Lester is also working hard to keep the seat. Lester knows the job, having served on the D.O.T. board since 1989. He also has political connections that go back a long time due to his service as state senator for 14 years. His chief disadvantage is that he is a Democrat in a Republican-leaning 9th District. While his chances of selection are not the best of the group, there are circumstances evolving that could catapult him to the forefront. In addition to the three Augustans mentioned above, a candidate from Athens, Ga., is also running hard, scooping up support in that neck of the woods. Given that four people are lobbying for the job, support from legislators in the 9th District could be split. The first round of voting in the Gold Dome could end without a clear winner. Insiders speculate that if neither Coleman, Kuhlke, or the candidate from Athens has overwhelming support, Lester could do better than expected on the first round, leaving local legislators with some tough choices. Regardless of party politics, it is vital that the person elected to the D.O.T. Board for the next five years live in Augusta. To allow otherwise would be dumb. So, in the end, local legislators are prepared to vote in whatever manner required to elect an Augustan to the board. While local Republican legislators may prefer either Kuhlke or Coleman, they are fully prepared to join their Democratic

Bill Kuhlke brothers and sisters in the 9th and vote for Lester if that is the only way to maintain Augusta representation at the D.O.T. Mayor’s Aide Back in Local Action Mark Gibbons, who previously served as an aide to Augusta Mayor Bob Young and subsequently worked for 9th District U.S. Congressman Charlie Norwood, has taken a position as executive assistant to Frank Lawrence. Lawrence heads Augusta

Mark Gibbons Entertainment LLC, the company that owns the Augusta Lynx hockey team. Lawrence and Company have plans to tear down Regency Mall and develop a new sports and entertainment arena at the site. The company is seeking millions of dollars in taxpayer money to complete the project. Apparently, Gibbons likes the pressure associated with working for high-profile public figures who possess big egos. Given the challenge facing Lawrence and his group in selling the arena concept, there is no doubt that Gibbons will earn his paycheck. — The views expressed in this column are the views of The Insider and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

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MetroBeat

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Is $74 Million too Much for a Courthouse?

hile members of the local judicial system are still reeling over the Augusta Commission’s recent decision to build the proposed 300,000square-foot judicial center on a site located along the intersection of James Brown Boulevard and Walker Street, several commissioners have moved on to what they see as the project’s newest problem: Its $74 million price tag. For the last several weeks, Augusta Commissioner Andy Cheek has begged his colleagues on the commission to reconsider devoting such a large chunk of sales tax money to the judicial center. The city has already allocated approximately $20 million from Phase IV Special Purpose Local Option Sales Tax (SPLOST) toward constructing a new courthouse. In a proposal for Phase V of sales tax funding, a 21-member SPLOST citizens review committee has recommended to the commission that the city ask voters next spring to support allocating an additional $55 million to cover the cost of the proposed $74 million judicial center. But according to Cheek, there are much more crucial projects all across Richmond County that deserve that sales tax money. “I have deep concerns about us moving forward with this project with the current price tag on it with no cost cap,” Cheek said during the Dec. 2 commission meeting. “I am going to make a motion that we put a $60 million cost cap on the project. That will allow us to take an additional $14 million or so back and put it to work on things like drainage, roads, sidewalks and recreation centers. Things that are quite frankly being completely ignored in favor of this very large and overpriced project.” City Attorney Jim Wall said, in order for the commission to place a cost cap of $60 million on the judicial center, the city would have to go back and amend its contract with the project’s architects because they have been given a project definition of $74 million. Augusta Commissioner Bill Kuhlke, who is also the chairman of the city’s judicial center advisory committee,

told Cheek that it makes no sense for the city to hire the project’s architects, Ricci Greene Associates of New York, to estimate the construction cost of the courthouse and then ignore their recommendation. “My comments to Mr. Cheek’s cap is that for a good while now we have been working on this judicial center to determine what the needs to consolidate the judicial (offices) are,” Kuhlke said. “The experts, and I’m calling them experts because that’s what they are, came back to us with a cost of $74 million. We can build something for $60 million, but what the professionals are telling us is, if we are going to consolidate the judicial center, it is going to cost $74 million.” Kuhlke also pointed out that the actual cost of the building is estimated to be less than $55 million. The additional money is needed for other expenditures such as land acquisition, consultant fees and environmental studies of the property. Augusta Commissioner Steve Shepard said the environmental conditions of the approved site along James Brown Boulevard and Walker Street concern him much more than the $74 million price tag. “At that location, I just think we are incurring unnecessary costs in environmental remediation,” Shepard said, adding that the site is considered contaminated by the state. “It is quite scary to me.” Wall explained that the city is currently in the process of conducting an environmental study of the proposed area that is expected to be completed in less than 60 days. Shepard suggested that the commission wait until the environmental study is completed before considering placing a cap on a project that still carries so many unknown factors. With a vote of 6-2-2, the commission agreed with Shepard. But before the discussion concluded, Augusta Commissioner Tommy Boyles had another suggestion. He asked his fellow commissioners about the possibility of the city building a new judicial center where the existing civic center currently stands. Just last week, local businessmen William S. Morris III and Frank continued on page 20

By Stacey Eidson

“We can build something for $60 million, but what the professionals are telling us is, if we are going to consolidate the judicial center, it is going to cost $74 million.” – Augusta Commissioner Bill Kuhlke

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continued from page 18 Lawrence proposed building a new $94 million sports arena at the former Regency Mall location and abandoning the current civic center along Seventh Street. “There would be a number of hurdles that we would have to jump before we could consider that,” Kuhlke told Boyles, explaining that approximately $6.3 million is still needed to pay off the civic center’s bond indebtedness. Wall also added that the city of Augusta does not own the civic center’s property. The coliseum authority owns the property and if the civic center ever permanently closed its doors the Legislature would be responsible for the land. “And in order to help pay off the bond, they would probably sell off the property,” Wall said. Augusta Commissioner Marion Williams couldn’t believe that Boyles was suggesting changing the location of the judicial center again. “You are going to tear down a good building to build another building where the good building is,” Williams said. “Come on.” Williams also stated that he really didn’t care what the architects recommended because he had personally lost faith in them. “I’ve got a serious problem with our architect group,” Williams said. “These fellows stood in front of us

and told us to our face that that railroad track runs in the center of that property and that’s a flat-footed lie.” Williams said he used to work along those exact railroad tracks for years and knows every inch of them. “If they can’t determine where those tracks are, I don’t know if we’ve got the right people to do the job,” Williams said. “If it ain’t too late, I think we need to change horses before the water gets too deep.” Augusta Commissioner Willie Mays said the discussion over the judicial center would be “comical” if the city wasn’t considering spending so much money. “But it’s not funny when it’s $74 million,” Mays said. Mays added that he also felt slighted by the architects who listed the site along James Brown Boulevard and Walker Street as an option and are now, he believes, criticizing the commission for choosing that location. “OK, let’s make them experts. We’re paying them enough for them to be experts if they are not,” Mays joked. “When you present me with four options, professionally you are telling me that if I put it on the best site or the worst site, it ought to be ready. Well that doesn’t seem to be the case now. So, somebody spoke, in my opinion, with a forked tongue. And I’ve got a real problem with that.”

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Williams Questions City Attorney Position

By Stacey Eidson

he Augusta Commission’s selection of a new city attorney for 2004 could turn out to be a much bumpier ride for applicant Steve Shepard than he may have initially thought. Earlier this year, Shepard asked his fellow commissioners to consider him for the position of city attorney following Jim Wall’s announcement in October that he will not seek reappointment to the position in 2004. If Shepard is appointed the new city attorney, he would have to resign from his position as commissioner of District 3 and a special election would have to be held to replace him. Two weeks ago, when the Augusta Commission unanimously voted to continue developing an in-house law department, but also maintain the legal expertise of an outside law firm to represent the city, it appeared Shepard had the job in the bag. But like many items that come before the commission, Shepard’s appointment to the city attorney position may have hit a snag. And that snag’s name is Augusta Commissioner Marion Williams. On Nov. 26, during the Augusta Commission’s administrative services committee meeting, Williams told the committee that he felt the commission should submit a request for proposals for the position. According to the human resources department, the commission is not required to formally advertise the job opening because the city attorney’s position falls under the category of “professional services.” But Williams said he personally did not think it was fair for the commission to simply choose someone like Shepard, who happens to be a friend and colleague, as the new city attorney without advertising the position. “Don’t get me wrong. I like Steve. Steve and I have been in the same law firm for a while now,” Williams said, referring to an on-going joke he has with Shepard that the two are legal partners. “But I want to be fair because we are talking about doing what’s right for this government.” The administrative services committee members asked City Administrator George Kolb and the human resources department to suggest to the commission a selection process for the city attorney position. During the Dec. 2 commission meeting, Kolb stated that the city’s charter does not provide a formal process for

“Don’t get me wrong. I like Steve (Shepard) ... But I want to be fair because we are talking about doing what’s right for this government.” – Augusta Commissioner Marion Williams

selecting a city attorney other than to “elect” an attorney each year in January. “Therefore, since there is no formal appointment process, the process that I would recommend that you use is that

you place an announcement in the local newspaper asking for letters of interest, along with compensation proposals and applications,” Kolb said. Commissioners agreed that the city should advertise the position locally

and accept letters of interest until Dec. 22. But Williams still wasn’t satisfied. He questioned whether the commission was following the city’s charter which specifically requires the creation of an in-house law department. Currently, the city does have an inhouse law department consisting of attorneys Harry James and Vanessa Flournoy. However, according to Williams, that isn’t sufficient. “I’m not going to forget or let this board forget that the charter calls for an in-house attorney and we have not fulfilled that since we consolidated,” Williams said. Wall informed the commission that Williams was incorrectly interpreting the charter. “That’s not correct,” Wall said. “It says there shall be a law department that has at least one full-time attorney.” Williams said it was his understanding that the full-time attorney was supposed to be the city’s lead attorney. “Well, I’m not going to debate that with you Jim (Wall). We can talk about it later, because from what I understand ... those are not ‘the attorney,’” Williams said, referring to Flournoy and James. “They are assistants to the attorney, so we have not done what the charter calls for.” Wall again disagreed and said the city had fulfilled the guidelines of the city charter. As the commission unanimously voted to accept applicants for the position until Dec. 22, Williams continued to question Wall’s ruling. “I have my copy of the charter, too, Jim, so we can debate it,” Williams said. “But we have to do what the charter calls for.” Williams was in rare form during the Dec. 2 meeting. Prior to the discussion of appointing a city attorney, to the amazement of some in the commission’s chambers, Williams brought out a disposable camera to take a picture of Kolb, who appeared to be asleep in his chair during the meeting. This picture could cause Kolb future embarrassment as commissioners are currently considering whether they should renew his contract with the city. The commissioners must notify Kolb of their intentions by Dec. 31. When asked why Williams was taking pictures of Kolb, Williams simply smiled and said, “No one believes me about these things. A picture is worth a thousand words.”

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Don’t Blame

THE WHITE MAN

erry Smith is all for African-Americans bettering their lives and communities, but he doesn’t particularly care for the NAACP or affirmative action. He can recite passages from the Bible, but doesn’t think that black churches are doing much today to serve their communities. As far as putting stock into what so-called civil rights leaders like the Revs. Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson have to say to black Americans, Smith offers this caveat: “Follow the money.” And as for spending a minimum of $100 million to create a Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. monument in Washington, D.C., Smith says it would make much more sense to funnel that money into creating and strengthening businesses in predominately black communities. To support his argument, Smith asks one to simply drive down a street bearing King’s name in virtually any American city. “If you really want to honor him, go into those areas that bear his name and clean up them houses. Take that same money and renovate them houses, build hotels, as a monument and a testament to his dream,” Smith says. “But a park, in Washington, D.C.? You know, they’ve got Martin Luther King Boulevard in Washington, D.C., that’s in the heart of the slums. And everywhere (that bears his name) is typically in the run-down part of town. Why? Don’t we see that there’s a problem with that?” Smith’s answer to myriad statistics showing disproportionate numbers of incarcerated young, black males? They shouldn’t commit crimes or associate with people who do. No doubt many African-Americans would bristle at such harsh criticisms. But Smith makes no apologies for his self-reliant approach to counseling young people and their parents. He has laid out that philosophy in his recently published book, “It’s Still Time To Stop Blaming the White Man” (Xlibris paperback, 353 pages, $20). Smith, a licensed clinical social worker who was born in Augusta, begins his book with the account of his parents relocating him up North before the age of 1, in hopes of raising him in a better racial climate. While completing graduate school at National University in San Diego, Calif., in the early 1980s, Smith read an article touting an emerging “New South,” one that embraced racial diversity. In particular, the article spoke about the great racial strides being made in Augusta, which had recently elected its first black mayor, Ed McIntyre. The article piqued Smith’s interest, and as a result, he decided to return home. His first day back in Augusta, in May of 1983, Smith was physically threatened by a white sheriff’s deputy after getting into an argument with a local auto repair shop owner, who was also white. It was an eye-opening and disappointing experience, but it also taught Smith a valuable lesson. “I could have chosen a preemptive strike against the deputy sheriff and I felt confident that I would have been victorious against him, but not the system,” Smith writes. “Attacking him would have been a classic example of winning the battle and losing the war. Every law enforcement agency in America would have been out to get me, dead or alive. This entire incident was over a $45.00 radiator and my perception of an assault on my manhood. In the final analysis, had I attacked this continued on page 26

By Brian Neill

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26 continued from page 25 M E T R O S P I R I T D E C 4 2 0 0 3

white racist deputy sheriff, I would have either been dead or in jail.” During the opening of his book, Smith presents his theory that whites have always sought to dominate blacks as a result of a genetic inferiority complex. “I thoroughly understand the white man’s need to dominate every other race on this planet,” Smith writes. “For him, it is all about genetic survival because genetically speaking, his genes are inferior to every other race on this planet.” Although it may sound like the 51-yearold harbors a gigantic chip on his shoulder, Smith has actually whittled that chip down into fuel for action. He scoffs at the notions of affirmative action and slave reparations. “The big issue, based upon affirmative action, based upon these ‘blue ribbon panels’ (to investigate racism) and whatever is, it’s based on slavery,” Smith said during a recent interview about his book. “I was never a slave; I was never a slave. So I don’t see slavery contributing anything negative to me. Historically, slavery was a bad thing. Don’t get me wrong. It was bad — for those slaves. But here we are, over 100 years later, still laying claim to the slavery mentality.” Smith said he believes racism and civil rights have been transformed into moneymaking industries by supposed leaders of the African-American community. “It’s big business. Follow the money. It pays to be a civil rights activist,” Smith said. “I mean, where else can you make

“Growing up in Philadelphia, looking on the corners there, I’d see these fellows dressed out in fine clothes, processed hair, flashy jewelry, flashy cars, flashy women. We called them what they were: pimps. Go into these church houses and look up in the pulpits and you see the same things — flashy clothes, fine jewelry, fine cars, fine women. And we call them pastors.” — Author Jerry Smith

$300,000 or $400,000 a year, plus expenses, with minimum education? And you don’t really have to work that hard. All you have to do is run your mouth, stir things up. Al Sharpton, a ‘civil rights activist,’ running for ‘president.’ Wait a minute, isn’t that a contradiction? But do you think he intends to get elected? Of course not. Follow the money.” Smith also saw irony in the fact that Jesse Jackson made a special trip to support Martha Burk’s crusade to get women admitted to the Augusta National golf club, but did not come down a week earlier to support two African-Americans running for state and national political offices. During the 2002 election, Charles Walker

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lost his reelection bid for the state Senate District 22 seat to white Republican challenger Randy Hall. Walker’s son, Charles “Champ” Walker Jr., also lost his bid for the 12th Congressional District seat to white Republican challenger Max Burns. “My concern is that the ‘civil rights activist’ Jesse Jackson can come in town a week after the election to endorse Martha Burk and (her crusade against) the Augusta National,” Smith said. “Where was he a week prior to, to endorse Senator Charles Walker or his son, Charles Walker Jr.? Now, I’m not saying that they were the best, just like I look at Al Sharpton. I by no means think he’s the best possible candidate. I’m insulted that we think he is.

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I’m more insulted that the Congressional Black Caucus is not endorsing either him or Senator (Carol Moseley Braun). The Congressional Black Caucus is not endorsing either one of them. Why? “Coming down here today, I was thinking, why do we need a Congressional Black Caucus? How would African-Americans feel if there was a Congressional White Caucus? I think we might be a little perturbed. But wait a minute. Let’s be fair. If you can have a Congressional Black Caucus, how come you can’t have a Congressional White Caucus?” Smith also questions the inherent counterproductiveness in African-American advocacy groups nearly always holding their conferences at white-owned hotel chains. “If we can own a multi-million-dollar church — many multi-million-dollar churches — right here in Augusta, how come we can’t own a hotel? I didn’t grow up in Augusta, yet I know for a fact there were African-American hotels in Augusta,” Smith said. “Where are they? We chose to close them down so we could go and stay at the Partridge Inn (with the mindset), ‘We’ve arrived.’ Come on, wait a minute now.” Smith said that attitude even carries over when African-Americans set out to build churches, the very institutions that arguably are at the top rung of importance in black communities. Smith pulled out a laminated copy of an article in a local newspaper featuring a white man who had managed to afford a 40-room continued on page 28

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Notice is hereby given that Augusta, Georgia will be accepting “Letters of Interest” until 5:00 P.M. Monday, December 22, 2003 from licensed attorneys who are active members of the State Bar of Georgia and in good standing wishing to serve as legal counsel for the Augusta Commission representing the Augusta-Richmond County Government. Letter to include professional qualifications and experience along with a detailed compensation proposal.

“I was never a slave. So I don’t see slavery contributing anything negative to me. Historically, slavery was a bad thing. Don’t get me wrong. It was bad — for those slaves. But here we are, over 100 years later, still laying claim to the slavery mentality.”

Address all letters to the attention of Ms. Lena J. Bonner, Clerk of Commission, Room 806 Municipal Building, 530 Greene Street, Augusta, Ga. 30911, marking on the outside of the envelope “Letter of Interest - Legal Counsel.”

— Author Jerry Smith

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continued from page 26 estate through building local churches, some of which house black congregations. “Not to say that’s wrong; he’s entitled to live the way he’s living,” Smith said. “But who are we spending our money with, while at the same time we turn around complaining about being poor?” Smith also accuses many black churches of being nothing more than “pyramid schemes,” enriching their pastors while doing little to build up surrounding communities. “Growing up in Philadelphia, looking on the corners there, I’d see these fellows dressed out in fine clothes, processed hair, flashy jewelry, flashy cars, flashy women,” Smith said. “We called them what they were: pimps. Go into these church houses and look up in the pulpits and you see the same things — flashy clothes, fine jewelry, fine cars, fine women. And we call them pastors.” In his book, Smith also criticizes a local project to construct a multi-million-dollar park next to a black church. Smith acknowledges he was describing the Springfield Village Park across from Springfield Baptist Church on Reynolds street. The park, which consists of a metal abstract sculpture and reflection ponds that have been plagued by maintenance problems, has cost $3 million so far. “Here’s a park, without a bench. And there’s a reflection pond, with nothing working,” Smith said. “But what a waste, when you could have built homes, could have built a hotel for the same amount of money that they built that park. And so, who do you blame?” Some of Smith’s assertions and beliefs carry an icy logic that might resonate harshly with African-Americans, but seem hard to argue with, nonetheless. For instance, Smith believes it does not matter whether a black male is more likely than a white male to get jail time for a first-time drug or shoplifting offense. The bottom line, Smith maintains, is that the black male shouldn’t do drugs or shoplift. “Too many of our leaders say, ‘What a shame that our statistics are like that. They’re targeting us,’ “ Smith said. “Well, they can’t target me and catch me if I’m not doing anything wrong. “I drive a Fleetwood (Cadillac) and I cover approximately six counties, rural areas. I fit the profile — African-American male driving a big car ... So when I go

through the little town of Hiltonia (Ga.), I know that the sheriff sits over there on the left-hand side with his radar going. I know that. I see him every time I go through there. Why speed?” “If I go to prison, if I’m guilty, whose fault is that?” Smith added. “Even though disproportionately I’m locked up and receive more time than white folks, still, if I’m guilty, whose fault is that?” Lest anyone think a silver spoon ushered him to this soapbox, Smith asks readers to consider the supposed better environment he grew up in after leaving Augusta — the slums of Philadelphia. “The high school I graduated from had two distinctions. Number one, it was condemned in 1963; I did not get there until 1966,” Smith said. “And the other distinction was that it had the highest mortality rate of any American high school during the Vietnam War, which means more of our students were killed in Vietnam than any other school in the country. “I am a product of that inferior education. It did not make me an inferior person. I looked for the opportunities.” And opportunities, particularly of the economic variety, are what AfricanAmericans should be looking for, Smith said, adding that the NAACP’s former role of pursuing civil rights should be revised. “Locally, nationally, the NAACP’s agenda is outdated. The agenda is that we’re still pursuing civil rights,” Smith said. “AfricanAmericans have civil rights. We can vote in any election that we choose to vote. The problem is, many of us don’t. We can live in any place that we want to live. The problem is that many of us don’t because we want folks to give it to us. “The NAACP’s agenda is civil rights. In my opinion, it should be economic rights.” “Sadly, in my opinion, we’ve become a race of beggars,” Smith added. “You’d be surprised by the number of people begging for (his) book. Strangers. ‘Oh, is that my free copy?’ “I’m like, ‘Wait a minute. I don’t even know you.’” “It’s Still Time To Stop Blaming The White Man” is also available in hardback for $32.99. The book can be purchased at Borders, on Amazon.com, or by e-mailing Smith at itsstilltime@aol.com.

THE ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH OF THE MOST HOLY TRINITY Christmas Schedule 2003 A.D.

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PENANCE SERVICE Tuesday, December 16 7:00 PM

CHRISTMAS DAY Thursday, December 25 Solemn Mass for Christmas Day 10:00 AM ONLY

CHRISTMAS EVE Wednesday, December 24

NEW YEAR’S DAY SCHEDULE

Solemn Vigil Mass 4:00 PM

Solemnity of Mary Mother of God, World Day of Prayer for Peace Vigil Mass

Family Vigil Mass with Children’s Pageant 6:30 PM

Wednesday, December 31, 2003 4:00 PM

Festival of Carols 11:15 PM Solemn Sung Midnight Mass 12:00 Midnight

Thursday, January 1, 2004 12:15 PM

CHURCH OF THE MOST HOLY TRINITY “Georgia's Oldest Catholic Church” is located at the corner of 8th and Telfair St. in historic Downtown Augusta

722-4944 www.themostholytrinity.org

May you rejoice in God’s love at Christmas and throughout the New Year. You and your loved ones will be remembered in the celebration of the Mass at Christmas. Father Allan J. McDonald • Father Michael Lubinsky Sister Bernadette Quinlan, MFIC • Dr. Janet Hunt, FAGO Mrs. Barbara O’Grady • Mr. Bill Harper • And parish staff

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30 M E T R O S P I R I T

Augusta Blogger Offers Curious Insights

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By Brian Neill

D E C

hawn Sutherland is a little bit of everything. He’s a writer, a poet and photographer. A musician, comedian and museful documentarian drawn by Augusta’s idiosyncracies. Take, for instance, the quirky footage he shot of the Augusta Common’s unique, wallmounted fountain. Accompanied by a loungy, new-age jazz soundtrack, the understated fountain eeks out curvy spurts of water that bring to mind — well, delicately put — an old man with prostate problems trying to make water. Scenes like this, as well as Sutherland’s written takes on Augusta, politics and the world around us, can be found on his combination Web site and weblog, Violentnation.com. Sutherland, a 29-year-old graphic artist employed by a local advertising agency, started Violentnation.com a couple of years ago with a group of musicians and artists who were all supposed to contribute. However, Sutherland says he ended up doing most of the work. “It was supposed to be about all of them, and they were all supposed to be contributors. But they all have their own Web sites and they’re all a bunch of lazy jerks,” Sutherland

joked. “I got a little bit of cooperation, but eventually I just got tired of it and I shifted the focus to me.” Sutherland said the name Violentnation is part nickname for the original collective of artists and musicians and part “diatribe” against America’s perceived status as, well, violent. There is a lot of wacky stuff on Sutherland’s site. But be forewarned: Some of it is not for the faint of heart. There’s some harsh language, as well as some unsettling images. Like the severed head and other body parts he superimposed onto the top shelf of a refrigerator, or the infant exhaling a bong toke — both images from his “manipulations” gallery. Other images aren’t manipulations, but instead, unique takes on everyday signs and symbols. One of Sutherland’s favorites is a mural on a wall that he isolated through the viewfinder to render only the word “God” and a portion of the American flag. “That’s one of my favorites, just because it makes the comparison between a lot of people’s religious beliefs and their patriotic

beliefs,” Sutherland said. “People become very nationalistic and it’s almost a religious dogma to them, without it actually having a significant meaning. Which is really the way most people look at their religious beliefs as well. “A lot of people feel like they have to have a code of ethics, so they adopt whatever they were born and raised with. A lot of people feel they have to be patriotic because they have to be.” If Sutherland sounds a tad political, there’s probably good reason. Asked what he typically reads, Sutherland quickly rifled through his backpack and delivered up two books by renowned liberal thinker and MIT Professor Noam Chomsky. He also had a copy of the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. “Because everybody should read (them),” Sutherland said. Bespectacled and usually wearing a ball cap, Sutherland reminds one of a younger Michael Moore. But despite his reading material and resemblance to the Oscars party-crasher, Sutherland doesn’t consider himself a liberal. “I’m actually pretty conservative. I’m just not very positive about the direction our

country’s headed right now, particularly our president,” Sutherland said. “I don’t support Bush at all. And my parents are die-hard Republicans. You can imagine that creates a bit (of tension). Die-hard, conservative Republicans, very active in the church. “I was born and raised Nazarene. I attended church my whole life. I believe in God and all that type of stuff, but I don’t take it quite as seriously.” Politics isn’t the only focus of Sutherland’s site, however. Much of it is devoted to plain old poking fun at pop culture. Violentnation has a humorous section where people can write their own captions for advertisements and TV infomercial stills. There’s also plenty of visuals from which people can draw their own interpretations and conclusions. Sutherland said he always carries his digital camera with him and takes as many as 70 photographs a week. “Usually, every weekend I go downtown. I usually start at Ellis (Street),” Sutherland said. “I have a little circuit I do, because I know where I can find interesting things to look at. It’s interesting because it’s been neglected all this time. Now that they’re doing all the stuff continued on page 32

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32 M E T R O S P I R I T

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This week in Bite: Food Films: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Page 34

Why Ain’t You?

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continued from page 30 they’re doing (for the school board offices in the Davidson Building), it’s probably going to put a lot of focus on it and stuff, just for businesses to improve. Which is a good thing, but I’m going to miss the character of the city being caught there.” Sutherland also writes and records his own music, which he posts online for downloading. He describes the music as old-school, underground hip-hop. Much of the writing on Violentnation borders on the hilarious. Like a review of the trip he took with a friend to that wellspring of controversy, the Augusta Video X-Mart on Gordon Highway. “Basically, my friend, who shall remain nameless, his wife is pregnant and so she’d been really moody, but she made it clear to him that that particular night, not only were they going to have sex, but they were going to use porn,” Sutherland recalled. “And so he had to go buy it now. I mean, now. And so I had never been and I couldn’t pass up an opportunity like that to go see the big, controversial (business).” Sutherland also has a section on his site devoted to his poetry. Because he often rails on the absurd and ridiculous, some people get the idea that Sutherland’s a negative person, he said. Actually, Sutherland said, nothing could be further from the truth. “The point is, I use all that negativity in a way to get out negative feelings I have so I don’t feel so bad about things,” Sutherland said. “I’m a very happy person. I get that out

in the creative act, so I don’t feel so bad. And at the same time, I also feel like a lot of times you have to be negative in order to elicit something positive ... We need someone to say, ‘Hey, there’s something wrong here and we need to fix it.’ “It’s like that mentality, I’m sure you read this in the Whine Line, about, this is my city or my country, if you don’t like it, leave. And that’s such a fallacious argument, because you could easily turn it around. ‘No, it’s my country. You don’t like what I’m saying or what I’m doing or the changes I want to make, you leave.’” Sutherland recently finished moving across the river to North Augusta, which has meant he’s lately been slow to update his site. Beginning in January, however, Sutherland said he’ll update Violentnation at least once weekly. Sutherland thinks he’s doing his part to fill a local void, noting the absence of any significant number of Augusta weblogs. He said an average of 900 people a day find their way to his site. “But, you know most of those people, they pop in, look around for five minutes and leave,” Sutherland said. “I know that, too, just from reading my (Internet) log.” But more than anything else, Sutherland says, he’s just having a good time. “I enjoy doing it,” Sutherland said. “I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t. I don’t get paid for it. I get the satisfaction in knowing that a lot of people do read the site and enjoy what’s on there.”

D E C E M B E R ’ S

M E T R O

F O R E C A S T :

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34 M E T R O S P I R I T D E C 4 2 0 0 3

Bite

Food Films: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

t’s a week after Thanksgiving. Tired and stressed out yet? If you’re not yet, you soon will be and if you foresee a night in the near future when you need to hide from shopping malls and party invitations, you’ll need a good movie to take your mind off things. And what’s a good flick without food and a few drinks (in the movie, that is)? This short list is just the tip of the iceberg of what some now call “food porn” – movies like the “Joy Luck Club” that use food and drink as a metaphor for everything from religion to family. The following flicks may not aspire to be that profound, but they are fun, readily available in theaters or at your local video store and will almost certainly take your mind off all you have to do. We’ve also included a few that, no matter how often they appear on cable or movie channels, you should stay far, far away from. THE GOOD “Big Night” This lovely and heartbreaking 1996 film is first and foremost about food, but it’s also about family, success and the American dream. It’s about two Italian immigrant brothers who, during the 1950s, move to New Jersey and open a restaurant called Paradise. Older brother Primo, perfectly portrayed by Tony Shalhoub (now an Emmy-winner for TV’s “Monk”), is the hot-tempered chef

with an artistic temperament; younger brother Secundo (Stanley Tucci) is ever the appeasing host, reigning his brother in while desperately attempting to achieve his dream of success that will allow him to own next year’s Cadillac this year. In an effort to revive their failing business, the brothers agree to host a feast for famous singer Louis Prima, a personal friend of a deceptively charming rival restaurateur played with Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde intensity by Ian Holm. Everything about this movie is perfect: the spectacular feast (especially the Timpani, a delicate and time-consuming centerpiece of the meal that is jaw-dropping in its excess); the lavish period costumes, cars and sets; the fun, retro music, most notably by Prima and Rosemary Clooney; and great performances by the supporting cast, including Isabella Rossellini, Minnie Driver, Allison Janney (of TV’s “West Wing”) and Campbell Scott, who co-directed the movie with Tucci. Don’t zone out after the climax, though, because the final scene – long, uncut and almost wordless – is a must-see. “Ocean’s Eleven” A remake of the classic Sinatra flick, “Ocean’s Eleven” has almost nothing in common with its predecessor except the Las Vegas setting and the premise of a casino heist. It does have that same sense of cool, though, and it holds up well to

By Amy Fennell Christian

multiple viewings (and, no, it’s not just because of the guys, although Elliott Gould doing his Liberace/Elton John impersonation is pretty hot). Look closely and you’ll see that, in between the great music, hip settings and even hipper clothes, there is rarely an instance when characters are without food or drink in hand. In fact, viewers could almost devise a drinking game based around Brad Pitt’s eating habits – the actor is almost always stuffing his face with something or another. THE BAD “Cocktail” Cable channels continue to air (ad nauseum, no less) this incredibly stupid 1988 movie about a bartender (Tom Cruise) who dreams of owning his own bar. One viewing is more than enough, and that’s only for a good laugh at the sunglasses, the hair, the music and Cruise’s hammy overacting. “Woman on Top” This 2000 romantic comedy stars Penelope Cruz who, with those looks and that accent, could make any movie worth watching. Well, almost. This one – about a disenchanted Brazilian chef who, having just caught her husband cheating, leaves for San Francisco where she meets a new man (Mark Feuerstein who is more a sit-com sidekick than a romantic leading man) and gets her own cooking show – is, sadly, beyond help. THE UGLY “Bad Santa” If you like “South Park,” then chances are you’ll like “Bad Santa,” which is in

theaters now. Oh, it’s a funny movie, but it’s funny in an embarrassing and shocking way. This Santa, played really pretty well by Billy Bob Thornton, has sex with large women in department store dressing rooms, drinks to excess, spews profanity at children and has a hard time controlling his bladder. He’s also a thief whose favorite meal (besides the booze) is, apparently, an open-faced fried bologna sandwich topped with salsa. Even when “The Kid Who Teaches Bad Santa a Lesson” is introduced, the movie stays true to its rude and twisted premise and doesn’t veer into holiday schlock. Look for John Ritter’s final film performance, as well as the always funny Bernie Mac, whose character seems to survive solely on cigarettes and oranges. “The Silence of the Lambs” Only one of the finest movies of all time, this film — about the FBI’s reliance on a charming monster to help them catch a serial killer — swept the 1991 Academy Awards. It’ll also put you off your holiday munching at least until after New Year’s. As psychiatrist turned cannibal, Anthony’s Hopkins’ Dr. Hannibal Lecter is best known for his line about eating a census taker’s liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti. I, however, much prefer the scene leading up to the climax when Jodie Foster’s Clarice Starling finally tells Lecter, in one of their quid pro quo sessions, about the lambs of the film’s title. He, in turn, orders a second dinner of extra rare lamb chops while planning a magnificent-looking escape of superhuman proportions.

4TH ANNUAL

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ALL CHRISTMAS,

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Listen to 98.3 fm for a R E A L VA R I E T Y of continuous holiday favorites!

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www.universityhealth.org Here are some of the reasons why our Web site receives over 1 million hits every month: • Timesaving online pre-registration for previously scheduled procedures • Medical Staff listing of over 450 physicians • Daily Health News Headlines from Reuters Health News Service • Personalized home page with your health information and self-assessment tools • Create your own secure medical record archive • Vast health information library

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36 M E T R O S P I R I T

December Edition December 2003

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CELEBRATING OUR 4TH YEAR OF PUBLICATION

Is it Time for a Child Care Checkup? Fever Phobia

All That Glitters… A Guide to Buying Toys that Last

PAR PUBLICENTING A OF A TIONS GOL MERICA D

W AWA GENER INNER RD AL 2003 EXCELLENC COMP AWARD E ETITIO

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Arts

& Entertainment

M E T R O S P I R I T D E C 4

Molly Hatchet Still Rocking, Southern Style

By Lisa Jordan

wenty-five years later, they’re still rocking. The lineup may have mutated nearly beyond recognition, but the Southern Rock ethic behind Jacksonville, Fla.’s, Molly Hatchet still remains. The band is celebrating 2003, which marks the silver anniversary of their self-titled debut album, in style. New release “Locked and Loaded” is a live double album recorded in Germany, Molly Hatchet’s home away from home. “Locked and Loaded” is the first live album in seven years to place on the European charts. And, fresh off the European leg of their “2003 Locked and Loaded World Tour,” which wound through most of Germany, Belgium, Switzerland and France before winding up in England, Molly Hatchet’s looking to finish off the year stateside. The tour ends in West Columbia, S.C., Dec. 13, with a Dec. 7 date in Atlanta and a Dec. 12 date in Augusta. If you think that’s a long and winding road, check out how the band’s lineup has metamorphosed over the years. Molly Hatchet started out as a sixman band named after a 17th century axe murderess, consisting of lead singer Danny Joe Brown, Dave Hlubeck, Duane Roland, Steve Holland, Banner Thoman and Bruce Crump. That particular lineup released the band’s debut, as well as 1979’s “Flirtin’ With Disaster.” A year later, Brown left and formed The Danny Joe Brown Band with guitarist Bobby Ingram and keyboardist John Galvin. Meanwhile, with Jimmy Farrar filling in as lead singer, Molly Hatchet released “Beatin’ the Odds” and “Take No Prisoners.” Brown returned in 1983 and recorded that year’s “No Guts … No Glory,” as well as 1984’s “The Deed Is Done” and 1985’s “Double Trouble Live.” At that point, Ingram came into the band to replace Dave Hlubeck. That incarnation of the band recorded “Lightning Strikes Twice” in 1989. Confused yet?

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Fresh off the European leg of their “2003 Locked and Loaded World Tour,” which wound through most of Germany, Belgium, Switzerland and France before winding up in England, Molly Hatchet’s looking to finish off the year stateside.

Due to the departure of the remaining band members, by 1990 only Ingram and Brown were left and, together with their former sidekick from The Danny Joe Brown Band, John Galvin, they continued to tour as Molly Hatchet. A greatest hits album was released in 1991, which was certified gold. “Devil’s Canyon” was recorded in Hamburg, Germany, and released in 1996. It was voted the No. 1 rock record in Europe that year. Brown left the band for health reasons shortly after and tapped Phil McCormack to take over lead vocals. Molly Hatchet, as it stands today, consists of McCormack, Ingram, Galvin, Bryan Bassett, Andy McKinney and Mac Crawford. They’ve since released “Silent Reign of Heroes” and “Kingdom of XII,” an album to which Charlie Daniels lends his musical talents. You can catch Molly Hatchet at the Red Lion Pub on Dec. 12. Doors open at 7 p.m. Tickets are $21.40 in advance or $26.75 the day of the show and are available online at www.tixonline.com, by phone at (803) 278-4TIX or at the outlet inside Harmon Optical in Southgate Plaza. The Dec. 7 Atlanta show starts at 5 p.m. and tickets are $10, available at all TicketMaster outlets, by phone at 828-7700 or online at www.ticketmaster.com. For more information on the Dec. 13 date in West Columbia, S.C., call The Woodshed’s concert line at (803) 939-0120 or visit www.thewoodshedoldies.com. Also at the Red Lion… Hell’s Bells, a tribute to AC/DC, comes to the Red Lion Pub as part of the Red Lion Concert Series. Doors open at 7 p.m. Dec. 6. Tickets are $10.70 in advance and $16.40 the day of the show. They’re available through Tix Online, www.tixonline.com or (803) 278-4TIX.

62 M E T R O S P I R I T

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Arts

Auditions

AUDITIONS FOR “EVITA” 7:30 p.m. Dec. 11-12 and 11 a.m. Dec. 13 at First Baptist Church of Nor th Augusta. Roles available for men and women ages 16 and up. All those auditioning must have a prepared solo. Contact the Augusta Players for more information at 826-4707. “NOISES OFF” will be per formed by For t Gordon Dinner Theatre in February. Auditions held Dec. 8, 7:30 p.m., with call backs Dec. 10. Par ts available for four women, ages 2150, and six men, ages 20-65. Call 791-4389. ENOPION THEATRE COMPANY is looking for volunteers to act, sing, sew, build and more for their new musical, “Creation.” Applications are available at www.imaryproductions.com or by calling (803) 442-9039. SWEET ADELINES HARMONY RIVER CHORUS OPEN REHEARSAL for singers each Thursday at 7 p.m. at Church of Christ, 600 Mar tintown Rd. in Nor th Augusta. They are on the lookout for voices in the lower ranges. Contact Mary Norman at (803) 279-6499.

Education

FIGURE DRAWING WORKSHOP 10 a.m.-1:30 p.m. Dec. 6 at the Ger trude Herber t Institute of Ar t. Please bring a brown bag lunch. Pre-registration is required. Call 722-5495. ISRAELI DANCE WORKSHOP at the Augusta Jewish Community Center Sunday af ternoons, 4-5 p.m. Open to teens and adults; no experience or par tners are necessary. Cost is $2 per session, with the first session free. For information or to schedule a pre-class beginner/refresher session, contact Jackie Cohen, 738-9016. ART CLASSES AND WORKSHOPS are offered year-round at the Ger trude Herber t Institute of Ar t. Classes and workshops are open to toddlers through adults and feature instruction in drawing, painting, photography, pot tery, weaving and sculpture. For a newslet ter or detailed information on registering for classes at the Ger trude Herber t, call 722-5495. The Ger trude Herber t Institute of Ar t also offers educational tours; for information, contact the education director at the above telephone number. ART CLASSES FOR CHILDREN AND ADULTS at the Ar t Factory. The Ar t Factory also has a homeschool program and scholarships are available. Programs include voice lessons and pantomime workshops, as well as classes in dance, theater, music, visual ar ts and writing. Call 731-0008 for details.

Exhibitions PAINTINGS BY LINDA BAACK will be at the Gibbs Library throughout December. 863-1946. ANNUAL DOLLS EXHIBITION Dec. 7-31 at the Lucy Craf t Laney Museum of Black History. Open house and reception 3-5 p.m. Dec. 7. For additional information, visit www.lucycraf tlaneymuseum.com. AT BROADSTROKES ART GALLERY in December: works by Marilyn Landers and Jim Fir th. For more information, call Broadstrokes at 774-1026.

ISR AELI ART EXHIBIT WITH BAR KOCVA at the Augusta Jewish Community Center Dec. 6-8. Preview par ty Dec. 6, 7:30-11 p.m., is $25 per couple. Call 228-3636 for details. “CITY COWS AND COUNTRY DOGS” exhibit of works by Rober t Marinich at the Banker Dearing Gallery Dec. 5-31. Opening reception 5-9 p.m. Dec. 5 benefits Canine Assistants. Call 823-1060. HOLIDAY EXHIBITION featuring the works of 21 ar tists Dec. 4-21 at the Mary Pauline Gallery. Opening reception 5-8 p.m. Dec. 4. Call 724-9542. THE POTTERY OF NELLIE ANDREWS PIERCE will be at the Ar t Factory through Jan. 9. Call 731-0008 for info. “LET’S PLAY: PASTIMES FROM THE PAST” through Feb. 15 at the Augusta Museum of History. For more information, call 722-8454. “ANGELS ALL AROUND” exhibit through Dec. 31 at Aiken County Historical Museum. For information, call (803) 642-2015. GROUP EXHIBITION featuring works by Son Hae Allen, Keil Alderson, Dick Dunlap, Steve Harrison, David Mascaro and Lucy Weigle 5-9 p.m. Dec. 4 at the Dunlap Studio and Gallery. 722-7333. “THE LOW COUNTRY: PAINTINGS BY PRESTON RUSSELL” will be on display at the Morris Museum of Ar t through Jan. 11. For more info, call 724-7501. “BABY-BOOM DAYDREAMS: THE ART OF DOUGLAS BOURGEOIS” will be on exhibit at the Morris Museum of Ar t through Feb. 15. Members’ reception and conversation with Douglas Bourgeois and Kevin Grogan 68 p.m. Dec. 4. Call 724-7501 for information.

“DEANNE DUNBAR: OBJECTS OF DESIRE” will be on display at the Rabold Gallery in Aiken through Feb. 14. For more information, call (803) 641-4405 or e-mail raboldgallery@bellsouth.net. AVIS LYLE AND MARY ALICE LOCKHART exhibit in the ar t hall at Sacred Hear t Cultural Center throughout December. Call 826-4700. AT THE ETHERREDGE CENTER through Dec. 19: Billy S. exhibits in the Upper Gallery, Ar thur Lien exhibits in the Lower Gallery. (803) 641-3305.

Dance

“IT’S THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS” will be performed by Augusta West Dance Studio Dec. 4-6 at the Maxwell Performing Ar ts Center. School performances are 10 a.m. and noon Dec. 4-5 and shows open to the public are Dec. 6,

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“TWO PAINTERS AND A POTTER” holiday exhibition with works by Bea Kuhlke, Elizabeth Moretz-Brit t and David Stuar t Dec. 11, 6-10 p.m., in the Nor th Tower of Enterprise Mill. Call (803) 279-7813.

“EDWARD RICE: RECENT MONOTYPES” exhibit at the Morris Museum of Ar t runs through Jan. 4. Call 724-7501.

“City Cows and Country Dogs” showcases works by Robert Marinich at the Banker Dearing Gallery Dec. 5-31. Opening reception Dec. 5 benefits Canine Assistants. 823-1060. 11 a.m. and 3:30 p.m. All proceeds benefit the Make-A-Wish Foundation. Call Barbara Green at 860-0998. “THE NUTCRACKER” will be at the Imperial Theatre Dec. 45, 7 p.m., Dec. 6, 1 and 5 p.m., and Dec. 7, 2 and 6 p.m. Tickets are $17-$40. For more information, contact the Augusta Ballet, 261-0555. THE DANCES OF UNIVERSAL PEACE held the first Saturday of every month, 7-9 p.m., at the Unitarian Church of Augusta, honor the religious traditions of the world through song and movement. Call (803) 643-0460 for more information. AUGUSTA CHAPTER OF THE UNITED STATES AMATEUR BALLROOM DANCERS ASSOCIATION holds a dance the first Saturday of each month from 7:15-11 p.m. Cost is $7 for

members and $10 for non-members. Held at the BPOE facility on Elkdom Cour t. Contact Melvis Lovet t, 733-3890, or Jean Avery, 863-4186, for information.

Music

ASU CONSERVATORY PROGR AM STUDENT RECITAL 2 p.m. Dec. 7 at the Ma xwell Per forming Ar ts Theatre. Call 737-1453. AUGUSTA CHILDREN’S CHOR ALE: DA CAPO sings at Borders Books and Music Dec. 6, noon. Call 8264718 for information. GREATER AUGUSTA YOUTH ORCHESTR A’S FALL CONCERT 7 p.m. Dec. 8 at the Ma xwell Per forming Ar ts Theatre. Call 737-1453 for details.

FIRST FRIDAY MUSIC ON 10TH STREET: Tristin plays from 6-7 p.m., The Vellotones play from 7:30-8:30 p.m. and The Big Mighty play from 9-10 p.m. Dec. 5. Visit www.soulbar.com for details.

M E T R O

“STANDING IN THE SHADOWS OF MOTOWN” at the Bell Auditorium has been rescheduled for Jan. 17. Tickets are $34 for floor seats and seating in par ts of the balcony and $28 in the rest of the balcony. Call 722-3521.

S P I R I T

Theater

“THE BEST CHRISTMAS PAGEANT EVER” will be staged by the Augusta Players Children’s Wing 7:30 p.m. Dec. 5-6 and 4 p.m. Dec. 7 at Hillcrest Baptist Church. General admission tickets available at the door for $8 adult and $6 children ages 12 and under. 826-4707.

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GARY CONR AD will be at For t Gordon Dinner Theatre for two shows Dec. 13. 7:30 p.m. show is G rated, while 10 p.m. show is rated PG-13. Cabaret seating includes cof fee and desser t. All tickets are $10. Call 793-8552.

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“COD ROASTER” will be at the Imperial Theatre Dec. 12, 8 p.m. VIP tickets are $25 and include admission to the af ter-show onstage reception. General admission tickets are $15. Call 722-8341 or visit www.imperialtheatre.com. “SCROOGE!” will be per formed Dec. 4-7 at 7 p.m., with a 3 p.m. Saturday matinee, at Stevens Creek Community Church. Tickets are $5 general admission and $10 reserved seating. Purchase tickets online at www.stevenscreek.net or by phone at 863-7002. “THE HOMECOMING” will be per formed by the Young Ar tists Reper tory Theatre Company Dec. 11-13 at Augusta Preparatory Day School. Dec. 11-12 per formances include a dinner and desser t served before the show and Dec. 13 per formance is a desser t per formance. Tickets for dinner theatre are $20 adult, $18 seniors and $15 for youth 3 and up. Desser t theatre tickets are $14 adults, $12 children. Per formanceonly tickets are $10-$12. Reservations required; call 210-8915.

Michael Maguire is just one of the performers you’ll see participating in Augusta Symphony’s Holiday Pops at the Bell series Dec. 5.

“A SANDERS FAMILY CHRISTMAS” will be per formed Dec. 5-6 and 12-13 at the Abbeville Opera House. Call (864) 366-2157 for information. “BEAUTY SHOP: UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT” at the Bell Auditorium has been postponed. The new date will

be announced and ticket refunds may be received at the purchaser’s point of purchase. For more information, call 722-3521.

Attractions AUGUSTA CANAL INTERPRETIVE CENTER: Housed in Enterprise Mill, the center contains displays and models focusing on the Augusta Canal’s functions and importance to the textile industry. Hours are Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-6 p.m. and Sun., 1-6 p.m. Admission is $5 adult, $4 seniors and military and $3 children ages 6-18. Children under 6 admitted free. Guided boat tours of the Augusta Canal depart from the docks at Enterprise Mill at 11 a.m. and 1:30 p.m. Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. Tour tickets are $6 adults, $5 seniors and $4 students and children. For tour information, call 823-7089. For other info, visit www.augustacanal.com or call 823-0440. THE BOYHOOD HOME OF WOODROW WILSON: Circa 1859 Presbyterian manse occupied by the family of President Woodrow Wilson as a child during the Civil War and Reconstruction. Original and period antiques, restored house, kitchen and carriage house. 419 Seventh Street. Open 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Tues.-Sat. Tours available; groups of 10 or more by appointment only. Admission is $5 adults, $4 seniors, $3 students under 18 and free for ages 5 and under. 722-9828. AUGUSTA GOLF & GARDENS OF THE GEORGIA GOLF HALL OF FAME features beautiful display gardens, as well as bronze sculptures of some of golf’s greatest masters. Available for rent for a variety of functions. Group discount rates available. Closed Mondays; open from 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Tues.-Sat.; open from 1-5 p.m. on Sunday. Admission is $5.50 for adults; $4.50 for students, seniors and military; $3.50 for children (4-12); free for children 3 and under. Sundays are two for one with a Super Sunday coupon. Annual garden memberships are available. Call 724-4443 or 1-888-874-4443. Also, visit their Web site at www.gghf.org. NATIONAL SCIENCE CENTER’S FORT DISCOVERY: Children and adults alike can immerse themselves in the wonders of science through live demonstrations, virtual realities, Starlab, KidScape and more than 250 hands-on exhibits. General Admission: $8 for adults; $6 for children, seniors and active military. Group rates available. Operating hours: Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-5 p.m.; Sunday, noon-5 p.m. Call 821-0200, 1-800-3255445 or visit their Web site at www.NationalScienceCenter.org.

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REDCLIFFE STATE HISTORIC SITE: 1859 mansion of S.C. Governor James Henry Hammond, held by the family for three generations until 1975. Grounds and slave quar ters are open Thursday-Monday, 9 a.m.-6 p.m. House tours will be offered at 1, 2 and 3 p.m. Admission to the grounds is free. Fee for house tours is $3 for adults and children ages 6-17. For more information, call (803) 827-1473. 181 Redcliffe Road, Beech Island. SACRED HEART CULTURAL CENTER is offering tours of its 100-year-old building. Mon.-Fri., 9 a.m.-5 p.m. $1 per person, children free. 826-4700. HISTORIC COTTON EXCHANGE WELCOME CENTER: Open Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-6 p.m.; Sun. 1-5 p.m. Riverwalk. Free. Call 724-4067. THE EZEKIEL HARRIS HOUSE: Deemed “the finest 18th century house surviving in Georgia” by the “Smithsonian Guide to Historic America.” Open Saturday, 10 a.m.-1 p.m. General admission is $2; senior admission is $1 and children get in for 50 cents. For more information, call 724-0436.

Museums

FIRST FRIDAY BABY BOOMERS BASH 5-8 p.m. Dec. 5 at the Morris Museum of Ar t. Free musical enter tainment, food and exhibit tour of the Douglas Borgeois exhibit. 724-7501. HOLIDAY AT THE MUSEUM Dec. 7 at the Augusta Museum of History. From noon-5 p.m., the museum will feature the work of ar tisans and craf tsmen, holiday craf ts for children, enter tainment, guided exhibit tours and a visit from Santa Claus. Admission is $3 adults, $1 children. 722-8454. “CELEBRATION OF FLIGHT” exhibit at For t Discovery’s Knox Gallery runs through Jan. 31. Admission to the exhibit is free with paid general admission to For t Discovery. For more information, visit www.NationalScienceCenter.org or call 821-0200. THE GERTRUDE HERBERT INSTITUTE OF ART in Ware’s Folly exhibits works by local and regional ar tists. Ar t classes, workshops and other educational programming for children, youth and adults are held in the Walker-Mackenzie Studio. Open Tuesday-Friday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Saturday by appointment only. Admission is free, but a donation of $2 for adults and $1 for children and seniors is encouraged. Call 722-5495 or visit www.ghia.org for more info. THE AUGUSTA MUSEUM OF HISTORY hosts permanent exhibition “Augusta’s Story,” an award-winning exhibit encompassing 12,000 years of local history. For the younger crowd, there’s the Susan L. Still Children’s Discovery Gallery, where kids can learn about history in a hands-on environment. The museum also shows films in the History Theatre and hosts a variety of programs. Located at 560 Reynolds Street. Open Tuesday-Saturday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Sunday 1-5 p.m. Admission is $4 adult, $3 seniors, $2 kids (6-18 years of age) and free for children under 6. Free admission on Sundays. Call 722-8454 or visit www.augustamuseum.org for more information. THE MORRIS MUSEUM OF ART hosts exhibitions and special events year-round. Open Tuesday-Saturday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Sundays, noon-5 p.m. Closed on Mondays and major holidays. 1 Tenth Street, Augusta. Call 724-7501 or visit www.themorris.org for details. THE MUSEUM OF LAUREL AND HARDY OF HARLEM, GEORGIA features displays of various Laurel and Hardy memorabilia; films also shown. Located at 250 N. Louisville Street in downtown Harlem. Open 1-4 p.m. ThursdayMonday. For more information, call 556-3448. LUNCH AT NOON LECTURE SERIES held the second Wednesday of every month at the Lucy Craf t Laney Museum of Black History, 11:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. Call the museum at 724-3576 for more information.

Special Events FIRST FRIDAY GREAT DANE PAR ADE Dec. 5. All big dogs and big dogs at hear t welcome. Meet at 7 p.m. in front of Metro Cof feehouse. For more information, call 294-3724. “BUSINESS AFTER HOURS” Dec. 4 at Holiday Inn Augusta West. Admission is $10 at the door, and items will be collected for Toys for Tots. Contact the Augusta Metro Chamber of Commerce at 821-1300. COMMUNITY CHANUKAH LATKE PARTY Dec. 14, 5 p.m., at the Augusta Jewish Community Center. Cost is $7 for adults, age 14 and up, or $4 for children ages 313. Please RSVP by Dec. 11 at 228-3636. 2003 CHRISTMAS FANTASY PARADE on Broad Street in downtown Augusta beginning at 1:30 p.m. Dec. 14. Call 267-3833 or 733-8927 for information. FREE FILM SERIES at Headquar ters Library: Dec. 13 screening of “Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring” and Dec. 14 screening of “Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.” Films begin at 2 p.m. Call 821-2600. “BUSINESS AT BREAKFAST” 7:30-8:30 a.m. Dec. 11 at Piccadilly Cafeteria. Cost is $5-$7 for Augusta Metro Chamber of Commerce members and $8-$10 for nonmembers. Call 821-1300. AIKEN CHORAL SOCIETY HOLIDAY HOMES TOUR 4-7 p.m. Dec. 15 in Aiken. Map pickup location is The Iron Pony, 210 York St. Cost is $10 per person or $9 per person in advance. Group rates available. For info, contact Patricia Car ter Hall, (803) 649-9193. FORT GORDON ANNUAL CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHTING Dec. 12, 6 p.m., in Freedom Park. The U.S. Army Signal Corps band will per form and Santa Claus will visit. Free and open to the public. 791-9536. CHRISTMAS IN HOPELANDS 6-9 p.m. Dec. 13-17, 1923 and 25-27 at Hopelands in Aiken. Light displays, ar tisans’ showcase and holiday concer ts. Free admission, but donations are appreciated. Shut tle buses run from the parking lot of the Goodwill Store on Whiskey Road and Winn Dixie on York Street. (803) 642-7631. NORTH AUGUSTA CHAMBER OF COMMERCE BUSINESS AFTER HOURS 5:30-7:30 p.m. Dec. 11. Call (803) 279-2323. HOLIDAYFEST FAMILY CELEBRATION is free and at Augusta Common noon-6 p.m. Dec. 14. For more information, contact Don Mathews, 826-0026. “WOMEN IN BUSINESS” Dec. 16 at Pullman Hall. Beauty control consultant Beverly Murphy will present a program entitled “WIB Holiday Special.” Cost is $12$15 for Augusta Metro Chamber of Commerce members and $15-$18 for non-members. 821-1300. 2003 MARTINEZ CHRISTMAS PARADE Dec. 7. Parade begins at Columbia Square. Contact Billy Becton at 8637645 for details. LIGHTING OF WALTON FOUNDATION TRIUMPH TREE 5 p.m. Dec. 7 on the lawn of Walton Rehabilitation Hospital. Live enter tainment and refreshments will be available. 823-8526.

NORTH AUGUSTA CHRISTMAS TOUR OF HOMES Dec. 5-6. Candlelight tour Dec. 5, 5:30-9:30 p.m. Tour hours Dec. 6 are 11 a.m.-4 p.m. The Nor th Augusta High School Auditorium features refreshments and a performance by the Boogie Sisters 1-2 p.m. Saturday, and the Nor th Augusta Country Club hosts a brunch and fashion shows 10 a.m. Saturday. Brunch and fashion shows tickets are $8 in advance. Tour tickets are $15 in advance or $18 the day of the tour. Contact Linda Smiley, (803) 279-5074, or Linda Skinner, (803) 2794844, for information. “‘TIS THE SEASON” show at the Dupont Planetarium Dec. 5-6, 16, 19-20, 23, 27, 30 and Jan. 2-3 at 7 and 8 p.m. Prices are $4.50 adults, $3.50 senior citizens and $2.50 students K-12. Call (803) 641-3769. AIKEN JAYCEES CHRISTMAS PARADE in downtown Aiken Dec. 8, 3 p.m. Call (803) 648-8955. AUTHOR APPEARANCE: Connie Glaser will be at the Augusta Jewish Community Center Dec. 4 to speak about her and Barbara Smalley’s book “What Queen Esther Knew: Business Strategies From a Biblical Sage.” Program begins at 7:30 p.m. and is free and open to the public. Call 228-3636. SWAMP SATURDAY at Phinizy Swamp Nature Park Dec. 6, 9:30 a.m. Volunteer guides lead a two-mile, one-hour walk through the park. Bring insect repellent, comfor table walking shoes, water and weather-appropriate outerwear. Cameras and binoculars welcome. Free of charge. 828-2109. NORTH AUGUSTA CHRISTMAS PARADE 3 p.m. Dec. 7 in downtown Nor th Augusta. Call (803) 278-0082. GERTRUDE HERBERT INSTITUTE OF ART HOLIDAY ARTISTS’ MARKET Dec. 10-13. Enjoy ar ts and craf ts, exhibits, live music, storytelling, ar tists’ demonstrations, cookie-decorating contest, wine and cheese reception and more. Free admission. Call 722-5495. FANTASY OF LIGHTS at Augusta Golf and Gardens Dec. 5-7, 12-14 and 17-24. Admission is $4 adults, $2 children. Kids in strollers admit ted free. Call 724-4443 or 667-9695. BOOK SIGNINGS WITH STEVEN EUIN COBB Dec. 6, 26 p.m. at Books-A-Million; Dec. 13, 2-6 p.m. at Borders Books and Music; and Dec. 20, 2-6 p.m. at Waldenbooks. Cobb will be signing copies of “Plague at Redhook.” Call Books-A-Million, 481-9090; Borders, 737-6962; or Waldenbooks, 737-4287, for information. ANNUAL CHRISTMAS CRAFT SHOW Dec. 5-6 at the Weeks Center in Aiken from 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Mrs. Claus will visit on Saturday. Free admission. (803) 642-7631. HOLIDAY EXTRAVAGANZA 5-8 p.m. Dec. 4 at Stevens Creek Elementary School. Craf ts, refreshments and more will be available. Contact Donna Hickmon, 8683705, ex t. 364, for information.

THE CSRA HUMANE SOCIETY holds pet adoptions every 65 Saturday from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. and every Wednesday evening from 5:30-7:30 p.m. at the Pet Center located behind the M GreenJackets Stadium on Milledge Rd. 261-PETS. E

Out of Town

“A CHRISTMAS CAROL” will be presented at The New American Shakespeare Tavern in Atlanta Dec. 11-21. Call (404) 874-5299. WORKS BY SHISHIR CHOKSHI AND RAOUL PACHECO will be on display at The Kalmanson Gallery in Swainsboro, Ga., Dec. 7-23. Opening reception is 2-4 p.m. Dec. 7. Call (478) 237-2592 for information or 8280334 for directions.

Ga., welcomes submissions of Web site projects to be featured in ATHICA’s Virtual Art Gallery. Deadline is Dec. 21. Forward URL address of artist project, statement and art-based resume to Didi Dunphy, didi@athica.org. Call (706) 208-1613 for information. ADOPTION INFORMATION SESSION Dec. 6, 9:30 a.m.1:30 p.m., at the Independent Adoption Center in Tucker, Ga. Call (404) 321-6900. “A CHRISTMAS JOURNEY WITH ROCKY T. FRETZ” 8 p.m. Dec. 9 at the Newberry Opera House in Newberry, S.C. Call (803) 276-6264.

CHILDREN’S HEALTHCARE OF ATLANTA CHRISTMAS PARADE AND FESTIVAL OF TREES: Parade is 10:30 a.m.-noon Dec. 6 in downtown Atlanta. Festival of Trees is at the Georgia World Congress Center, Exhibit Hall A-1, Dec. 6-14. Admission is $10 adults, $5 children, ages 212, and senior citizens, ages 65 and up. Proceeds benefit the AFLAC Cancer Center and Blood Disorders Service of Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta. (404) 785-NOEL. “OLD FASHION HOLIDAY” Dec. 6 in downtown Douglasville, Ga., with Kris Kringle Market and candlelight tour of homes. Call 1-800-661-0013. POTTERS’ MARKET Dec. 5-6 at the Stoneware Bison Co. farm in Columbia, S.C. Free. For more information, call (803) 794-3620 or visit www.pottersmarket.com. “HENRY V” will be at The New American Shakespeare Tavern in Atlanta Dec. 7. Ticket prices range from $19.50$24.50, and optional food and beverage service is available before the show. For additional information, or to purchase tickets, visit www.shakespearetavern.com or call (404) 874-5299. THE LETTERMEN will be at the Newberry Opera House in Newberry, S.C., Dec. 4, 3 and 8 p.m. Call (803) 276-6264 for tickets. “A CHRISTMAS CAROL” will be presented through Dec. 28 on the Alliance Stage in Atlanta as part of the Alliance Theatre Company’s Family Series. For ticket information, visit www.alliancetheatre.org or call (404) 733-4600. “ATLANTA BALLET’S NUTCRACKER” will be performed by the Atlanta Ballet through Dec. 27 at the Fox Theatre in Atlanta. For tickets, call (404) 817-8700. “FANTASY IN LIGHTS” holiday light show at Callaway Gardens in Pine Mountain, Ga., through Dec. 28. For ticket info, call 1-800-CALLAWAY.

COLUMBIA COUNTY HUMANE SOCIETY holds pet adoptions every Saturday from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. and every Sunday from 1-4 p.m. at PetsMar t. For more info, call 860-5020.

“HENRY IV, PART I” will be at The New American Shakespeare Tavern in Atlanta Dec. 5. Ticket prices range from $19.50-$24.50, and optional food and beverage service is available before the show. For additional information, or to purchase tickets, visit www.shakespearetavern.com or call (404) 874-5299. HISTORIC COLUMBIA HOUSE MUSEUM GUIDED TOURS through Jan. 4. Guided holiday tours are available every hour on the hour 10 a.m.-3 p.m. Tuesday-Saturday and 14 p.m. Sunday. Admission is $5 per house for adults and

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MCDUFFIE FRIENDS OF ANIMALS holds pet adoptions each Saturday, 1-3 p.m. at Superpetz on Bobby Jones Expressway. Call 556-9090 or visit www.pet finder.com.

RICHMOND COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL AND AUGUSTA ANIMAL RESCUE FRIENDS hold pet adoptions at Superpetz off Bobby Jones Expressway every Sunday from 1-4 p.m. Call AARF at 364-4747 or visit www.aarf.net. Adoptions also held at the Richmond County Animal Control Shelter, Tues.Sun., 1-5 p.m. Call the shelter at 790-6836.

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Holiday Concerts PAINE COLLEGE ANNUAL WINTER CONCERT 7 p.m. Dec. 10 in Gilber t Lambuth Memorial Chapel. Call 821-8323 for more information. CHRISTMAS CAROLING at University Hospital Dec. 12. Call 738-2580 for details. “CELEBRATING THE SPIRIT” Christmas and Kwanzaa Dec. 10, 11:30 a.m.-1 p.m. at the Lucy Craf t Laney Museum. Jean Embry and Edy the Dimond will tell holiday stories and Russell Joel Brown will sing traditional Christmas carols. Lunch is $6 per person. Call 724-3576 for more information. “CHORAL MUSIC FOR ADVENT AND CHRISTMAS” with the Augusta Collegium Musicum 7:30 p.m. Dec. 15 at the Augusta Museum of History. Program is free to museum members and $5 for non-members. Please call 7228454 for reservations prior to Dec. 12. “MESSIAH AND MORE” with the Augusta Choral Society, Creative Impressions and members of the Augusta Symphony Dec. 18, 8 p.m., at Sacred Hear t Cultural Center. Tickets are $20 adults, $16 seniors and students and $5 children under 12. Call 826-4713. CHRISTMAS TAPESTRY Dec. 7, 4 and 7 p.m., at Cur tis Baptist Church. For more information, call Karen Dickson at 722-7348. “MUSIC FOR ADVENT AND CHRISTMAS” is a free winter concer t with the Aiken Choral Society Dec. 5, 8 p.m., and Dec. 7, 4 p.m., at St. Mary’s Help of Christians Catholic Church in Aiken. For more information, contact Carol Amendola, (803) 644-1062, or John Westbrook, (803) 648-2052. CHRISTMAS CONCERT WITH SELAH 7 p.m. Dec. 18 at First Baptist Church in Nor th Augusta. Augusta Dance Theatre and Jill Phillips will also per form. Tickets are $12 in advance, $15 at the door and $20 ar tist circle. Charge by phone at 1-800-965-9324 or buy on the Web at www.itickets.com. “MESSIAH” will be per formed by the USCAiken Masterworks Chorale Dec. 13, 8 p.m., at the Etherredge Center. Call (803) 6413305 for ticket information. AUGUSTA CHOR ALE CHRISTMAS CONCERT Dec. 14, 4 p.m., at the Gilber t Lambuth Chapel. Admission is $15 for adults and $5 for children. For information, contact Jayme Smalley, 733-7809. PIANO RECITAL WITH MARINA LOMAZOV and choral Christmas program with the Augusta Collegium Musicum Dec. 12. Choral program begins at 7:15 p.m. and recital begins at 8 p.m. Held at the Ma xwell Center for the Per forming Ar ts. Tickets are $20 for adults and $5 for students. Children under 6 not admit ted. 737-1453. “AUGUSTA OPERA AT ST. PAUL’S: EDWARD BRADBERRY HOLIDAY CONCERT” 3:30 and 6 p.m. Dec. 7 at St. Paul’s Episcopal Church. Tickets are $25; tickets for holiday tea between performances are $10. Call 826-4710. “O COME, O COME, EMMANUEL” Dec. 5, 7:30 p.m., at First Baptist Church of Evans.

Tickets are available from Columbia County Choral Society members or at the door and are $8 adults, $6 for senior citizens and students and $21 for season tickets. Call 3645920 or visit www.ccchoralsociety.org. “A FESTIVAL OF NINE LESSONS AND CAROLS” with the Augusta Collegium Musicum and the Lakeside High School Chorus Dec. 9, 7:30 p.m., at Sacred Hear t Cultural Center. Admission is $15. Call 826-4700. HOLIDAY POPS AT THE BELL with Bravo Broadway and the Augusta Symphony Orchestra Dec. 5, 8 p.m., at the Bell Auditorium. Tickets are $10-$40 and can be purchased online at www.augustasymphony.org or by phone at 826-4705. HOLIDAY COFFEEHOUSE WITH ORCHESTR A CONCERT AND ART GALLERY Dec. 7 at Davidson Fine Ar ts School’s Beverly J. Barnhar t Theater and Commons. General admission is $2. Call 823-6924, ex t. 118, for information. DICKENS CHRISTMAS CAROLING Dec. 5-6 at Augusta Common. Caroling begins at 7 p.m. Friday and 8 p.m. Saturday. For more information, contact Charlot te Lynn, 6501734, or Riverwalk Special Events, 821-1754. HOLLY DAYS CONCERT SERIES Dec. 7, 14 and 21 in downtown Aiken. For more information, call (803) 649-2221. AIKEN CHOR AL SOCIETY WINTER CONCERT Dec. 6-7. For more information, call (803) 649-6367. “THE MUSIC OF BROADWAY, HOLIDAY STYLE” with Bravo Broadway and the Augusta Symphony Orchestra 8 p.m. Dec. 6. Per formance is at USC-Aiken’s Etherredge Center. For tickets, call the box of fice at (803) 641-3305. U.S. ARMY SIGNAL CORPS BAND HOLIDAY CONCERT 7 p.m. Dec. 5 at First Baptist Church on Walton Way. Free and open to the public. Call 733-2236 for information. HOLIDAY CHORUS CONCERT AND STUDENT-DIRECTED ONE-ACT PLAYS Dec. 9 at Davidson Fine Ar ts School. Tickets are $8 adult, $7 senior citizens and children under 5 and $6 for Davidson students. Call 823-6924, ex t. 107 or 135. JUMP5 CHRISTMAS with Jump5 and Jadyn Maria Dec. 7, 6:30 p.m., at New Hope Church of God in Grovetown. Tickets are $5 at the door. Call 868-6410 for information. “HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS” season par ty with the Augusta Opera Dec. 4, 7 p.m. For tickets and info, call 826-4710. CAROLS IN THE PARK 6 p.m. Dec. 4 at Creighton Living History Park in Nor th Augusta. Call (803) 441-4300 for information. “FEAST OF CAROLS” holiday madrigal dinner and show Dec. 4-5 at 7 p.m. at USC-Aiken’s Etherredge Center. For more information, visit www.usca.edu or call (803) 641-3305.

Jump5 performs a Christmas concert with Jadyn Maria Dec. 7 at New Hope Church of God. 868-6410. $3 per house for children ages 6-17. Children under 6 and members of Historic Columbia admitted free. Combination ticket for all four houses is $18 on Saturday and Sunday. (803) 252-1770, ext. 24. AT THE GEORGIA MUSEUM OF ART in Athens, Ga.: “Enchanting Modern: Ilonka Karasz, 1896-1981” through Feb. 8; works by Armin Landeck, Dec. 13-Feb. 8. Visit www.uga.edu/gamuseum or call (706) 542-4662 for info. “HENRY IV, PART II” will be at The New American Shakespeare Tavern in Atlanta Dec. 6. Ticket prices range from $19.50-$24.50, and optional food and beverage service is available before the show. For additional information, or to purchase tickets, visit www.shakespearetavern.com or call (404) 874-5299. “THE HOLLY AND THE IVY” holiday celebration at Biltmore Estate in Asheville, N.C., through Jan. 4. For information, call 1-800-922-0046 or (828) 225-1333 or visit www.biltmore.com. “RICHARD II” will be at The New American Shakespeare Tavern in Atlanta Dec. 4. Ticket prices range from $19.50$24.50, and optional food and beverage service is available before the show. For additional information, or to purchase tickets, visit www.shakespearetavern.com or call (404) 874-5299. “EDWARD HOPPER AND URBAN REALISM” will be on display at the Columbia Museum of Art in Columbia, S.C., through Jan. 18. (803) 799-2810. “A SALUTE TO 25 YEARS OF THE GEORGIA MUSIC HALL OF FAME AWARDS” runs through Jan. 18, 2004, at the Georgia Music Hall of Fame in Macon, Ga. Exhibits, programs and events honoring the 25th anniversary of the Georgia Music Hall of Fame awards. Call 1-888-GA-ROCKS for info. AT THE HIGH MUSEUM OF ART in Atlanta: “The Undiscovered Richard Meier: The Architect as Designer and Ar tist” through April 4; “Af ter Whistler: The Ar tist and His Influence on American Painting” through Feb. 8; and “Verrocchio’s David Restored: A Renaissance Bronze From the National Museum of the Bargello, Florence” through Feb. 8. Call (404) 733HIGH or visit www.high.org for information.

Benefits RUMMAGE SALE 8 a.m.-4 p.m. Dec. 6 to benefit the CSRA Humane Society. Held at the Humane Society facilities, 425 Wood St. Call 261-7387 for information.

Center Dec. 5, 11:30 a.m.-1 p.m. at Reliable Equipment Rental, 4001 Washington Rd. Call 721-CARE. SOUTHEASTERN PARALYZED VETERANS FOURTH ANNUAL AUGUSTA TOYS FOR TOTS RUN Dec. 7. Par ticipants on motorcycles will leave the Augusta Museum of History at approximately 2 p.m. and arrive at Southeastern Paralyzed Veterans headquar ters at approximately 3 p.m. Contact Larry J. Dodson at (803) 442-3877 for details. WEST LAKE GARDEN CLUB CHRISTMAS HOME TOUR to raise money for the Columbia County Foundation for Children Dec. 6, 1-5 p.m. Tickets are $10. 863-1252. MAKE-A-WISH FOUNDATION MIRACLE OF LIGHTS at the Augusta Mall through Dec. 7. Dec. 6 breakfast with Santa costs $7 and proceeds benefit the Make-A-Wish Foundation. Call 774-WISH for more information. AUGUSTA-RICHMOND COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL is in need of dog and cat food, cat lit ter and other pet items, as well as monetary donations to help pay for vaccinations. Donations accepted during regular business hours, Tues.Sun., 1-5 p.m. at the shelter, 4164 Mack Lane. Call 7906836 for information. SHEPEARD COMMUNITY BLOOD CENTER BLOOD DRIVES in various locations around the CSRA this month. For detailed information on locations and times to donate, visit www.shepeardblood.org. You may also call Susan Edwards at (803) 643-7996 for information on Aiken locations and Nancy Szocinski at 737-4551 for information on all other locations. AMERICAN RED CROSS BLOOD DRIVES at the Aiken Red Cross Blood Center on Millbrook Drive and the Augusta Red Cross Blood Center on Pleasant Home Road. The bloodmobile will also stop at various area locations this week. For a complete list, call the Aiken Blood Center at (803) 642-5180 or the Augusta Blood Center at 868-8800.

Learning GRANT WRITING CLASSES with local nonprofit group JLJ Resources Dec. 6, 9 a.m.-3 p.m. at USC-Aiken. Fee is $100 and registration is required. Call 210-2547. USC-AIKEN CONTINUING EDUCATION offers Italian, Ar t for Beginners, Debt-Free Living, Financial Strategies, Taming the Wild Child, Paralegal Cer tificate Course and more. Travelearn learning vacations for adults and Education to Go online courses also available. For info, phone (803) 641-3563.

UNCF CHRISTMAS BREAKFAST to benefit Paine College 8:30 a.m. Dec. 13 at the Radisson River front Hotel. For information, contact Benjamin Saxon, 868-4610.

AUGUSTA STATE UNIVERSITY CONTINUING EDUCATION is now offering the following classes: QuarkXPress, A Prosperous Retirement, Intermediate Investing, All Things Dutch, Origami and more. Also, ASU offers online courses. For more information, call 737-1636 or visit www.ced.aug.edu.

COOKOUT AND TRACTOR CONTEST to benefit Hematology/Oncology at the MCG Children’s Medical

AIKEN TECH CONTINUING EDUCATION offers the following courses: Microsof t Cer tified System Administrator courses,

health care courses, defensive driving and more. Aiken Tech also offers Education to Go classes online. For more information or to register, call (803) 593-9231, ex t. 1230.

Health BREAST SELF-EXAM CLASS 5 p.m. Dec. 8 at the University Breast Health Center. Reservations are required. 774-4141. PINK MAGNOLIAS BREAST CANCER SUPPORT GROUP meets 7 p.m. Dec. 8 at the University Breast Health Center. Open to all women who have undergone breast cancer surgery or treatment for breast cancer. Men’s breast cancer suppor t group for husbands, significant others and male family members of breast cancer patients meets at the same time. Call 774-4141. “GROWING UP FOR GIRLS” program for preteen girls, ages 8-12, and a female role model to discuss puber ty. Workshop takes place Dec. 9, 6-8 p.m., at the conference center at the MCG Children’s Medical Center. Free and open to the public. Registration is required. To register, call 721-KIDS. AUGUSTA BRAIN INJURY SUPPORT GROUP meets the second Thursday of every month, 6 p.m., at Walton West TLC. Brain injury survivors and their family members and caregivers are invited to at tend. 737-9300. FORE THE HEALTH OF IT ADAPTIVE GOLF CLINICS held the first Tuesday of every month at First Tee of Augusta. Physical and occupational therapists from Walton Rehabilitation Hospital will guide the course. Call 823-8691. CHRONIC PAIN SUPPORT GROUP meets the first Thursday of every month, 10:30-11:30 a.m. at Walton Rehabilitation Hospital. 823-5294. STROKE SUPPORT GROUP meets the last Wednesday of the month, 1-2 p.m., in the outpatient classroom at Walton Rehabilitation Hospital. 823-5213. WALTON REHABILITATION HOSPITAL AMPUTEE CLINIC for new and experienced prosthetic users meets the third Thursday of each month, 1-3 p.m. 722-1244. WALTON REHABILITATION HOSPITAL offers a number of health programs, including Fibromyalgia Aquatics, Water Aerobics, Wheelchair and Equipment Clinics, Therapeutic Massage, Yoga, Acupuncture, Children’s Medical Services Clinic, Special Needs Safety Seat Loaner Program, Focus on Healing exercise class for breast cancer survivors and more. Call 823-5294 for information. THE MCG BREAST CANCER SUPPORT GROUP meets the first Thursday of every month at 7 p.m. and provides education and suppor t for those with breast cancer. For information, call 721-1467. DIET COUNSELING CLASSES for diabetics and those with high cholesterol at CSRA Par tners in Health, 1220 Augusta West Parkway. Free. Call 860-3001 for class schedule. PROJECT LINK COMMUNITY LECTURE SERIES is held the first Tuesday of every month and is sponsored by the MCG Children’s Medical Center. Project Link provides educational resources and guidance for families who have children with developmental delays, disabilities and other specialized health concerns. Free and open to the public; takes place from 6:30-8 p.m. in the main conference room at the Children’s Medical Center. Dec. 2 lecture is on “504 and Individuals With Disabilities Education Act, Par t II.” Call 7216838 for information. UNIVERSITY HEALTH CARE SYSTEM COMMUNITY EDUCATION holds workshops, seminars and classes on a variety of topics: weight and nutrition, women’s health, cancer, diabetes, seniors’ health and more. Suppor t groups and health screenings are also offered. Call 736-0847 for details.

Kids STORYTIME WITH MRS. CLAUS Dec. 16, 4 p.m., at the Weeks Center in Aiken. Children 8 and under accompanied by an adult will enjoy a holiday book, refreshments, and will even get to take a book home. Free. (803) 642-7631. “THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS” holiday readings and craf ts for children presented by students from Davidson Fine Ar ts School 2:30 p.m. Dec. 6 at the Friedman Branch Library. Registration required; call 736-6758. FAMILY Y YOUTH BASKETBALL REGISTR ATION through Dec. 12 at Southside Branch. League is open to boys and girls in grades 1-9. Fees per child are $31 for Family Y members, $46 for bronze members and $55 for non-members. Contact Wayne Ivey for details, 738-6680. BEN AND KEETER’S HOLIDAY PUPPET SHOW 11 a.m. Dec. 13 at the Ma xwell Branch Library. Call 793-2020.

CHRISTMAS BRUNCH at the Lucy Craf t Laney Museum of Black History 10 a.m.-noon Dec. 6. Photos with Santa available from 9-10 a.m. For more information, visit www.lucycraf tlaneymuseum.com. SPECIAL HOLIDAY STORYTIME WITH SANTA Dec. 11, 10-11 a.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Call 722-6275. “EDIBLE WORKS OF ART” COOKIE DECOR ATING CONTEST Dec. 13 at the Ger trude Herber t Institute of Ar t. Bring your decorated cookies from 10 a.m.-noon to compete for Most Festive, Most Original and Best Use of Ar tistic Style prizes. 722-5495. “SURFIN’ WITH SANTA” HOLIDAY DIVE-IN MOVIE Dec. 12, 7-8:45 p.m. in the heated indoor pool at the Family Y’s Wheeler Branch facility. Par ticipants enjoy a family classic movie while floating in the pool. Please bring swimsuits, floats and towels. Parents must accompany children 12 and under. Fees are $3-$7; children under 6 are free. 738-6678. “‘TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS” will be presented by the Augusta State University Born to Read Literacy Center and Patchwork Players Dec. 11. Shows are at the Ma xwell Per forming Ar ts Theatre at 9, 10 and 11 a.m. Tickets are $3 per person. Call 7337043 for reservations. “GERTRUDE HERBERT INSTITUTE OF ART FAMILY WORKSHOP: HOLIDAY HEYDAY” 10 a.m.-noon Dec. 6. Children ages 5-11 with accompanying adult will create ornaments and other holiday items. Pre-registration is required; call 722-5495. AIKEN COUNTY PONY CLUB meets weekly. Open to children of all ages who par ticipate or are interested in equestrian spor ts. For more information, contact Lisa Smith at (803) 649-3399. FREE CAR SEAT EDUCATION CLASSES for parents and other caregivers the third Monday of every month from 911 a.m. at MCG Children’s Medical Center. Registration is required; those who are Medicaid or Peachcare eligible should indicate status during registration and bring a card or proof of income to class in order to receive a free car seat. 721-KIDS. “TECHNOLOGY AND TENNIS FOR LIFE” FALL SESSION through MACH Academy will be held through Dec. 18 at May Park Community Center or Fleming Tennis Center. Program includes homework assistance, computer instruction, tennis and fitness instruction, field trips and more. Fee is $50 per month. For information, call 796-5046. GIRLS INCORPORATED OF THE CSRA AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAM runs through May 21. Open to girls currently enrolled in kindergarten through high school. In addition to offering specialized programs, Girls Incorporated offers van pick-up at select schools, neighborhood drop-off, homework room and a hot evening meal. For information, call 733-2512. WEEKLY STORY SESSIONS at all branch libraries. Visit www.ecgrl.public.lib.ga.us for more information. FIRST SATURDAY STORYTELLING at the Lucy Craf t Laney Museum. In addition, there is a tour of the museum. Held 10 a.m.-noon the first Saturday of the month. Call 724-3576.

Seniors FREE HEALTH SCREENINGS at the Senior Citizens Council of Greater Augusta and the CSRA this month. Bone density screenings 9:30 a.m.-noon Dec. 5 and blood pressure screenings 10-11 a.m. Dec. 8. Sign up with Bobbie Olivero at 826-4480, ex t. 242. MEDICATION MANAGEMENT LITERACY WORKSHOP 10:15-11 a.m. Dec. 9 and 16 at the Senior Citizens Council of Greater Augusta and the CSRA. 826-4480. HOME-BASED CARE available for low- to mid-income families seeking alternatives to nursing home placement. To participate, individuals must be aged 60 or up or must have disability status as defined by Social Security Administration guidelines. Applicants must also meet program income guidelines. For more information, contact the CSRA Area Agency on Aging at 210-2018 or 1-888-922-4464. HOLIDAY PERSONAL SAFETY WORKSHOP at the Senior Citizens Council of Greater Augusta and the CSRA Dec. 10, 10:30-11 a.m. Call 826-4480 for information. WALTON REHABILITATION HOSPITAL offers Ar thritis Aquatics and People With Ar thritis Can Exercise. Call 8235294 for information. SENIOR VOLUNTEERS NEEDED FOR THE NEW VISITOR CENTER AT PHINIZY SWAMP NATURE PARK to greet visitors, hand out literature and sell merchandise. Volunteers are asked to commit one Saturday or Sunday per month, 9 a.m.-1 p.m. or 1-5 p.m. Call 828-2109 for information.

AIKEN PARKS AND RECREATION offers a multitude of programs for senior adults, including bridge clubs, fitness classes, canasta clubs, line dancing, racquetball, ar ts and craf ts, tennis and excursions. For more information, call (803) 642-7631. THE ACADEMY FOR LIFELONG LEARNING offers lectures, courses, field trips, discussion groups and community information seminars on a variety of topics to mature adults. For more information, contact the USC-Aiken Office of Continuing Education at (803) 641-3288. THE SENIOR CITIZENS COUNCIL OF GREATER AUGUSTA AND THE CSRA offers a variety of classes, including ballroom dance, aerobics, quilting, tai chi, Spanish, line dancing, bowling, bridge, computers, drama club/readers theatre and pinochle. For dates and times, phone 826-4480.

star ting up a new business or expanding an ongoing business. Services are provided free of charge. For more information, call the Augusta of fice at 793-9998. SOUTHERNCARE HOSPICE SERVICE is currently seeking volunteers to per form a variety of tasks, including relieving caregivers, reading to patients and running errands. Training is included. For additional information, contact Lisa Simpson, (803) 463-9888 or 869-0205.

for volunteers 21 years of age and older to advocate for abused and neglected children in the juvenile cour t D system. Volunteers need no experience and will be E provided with specialized training. Call 737-4631. C CSRA HUMANE SOCIETY NEW VOLUNTEER ORIENTATION PROGRAM the third Saturday of every month at the Pet Center, 425 Wood St. Orientation starts at 11 a.m. Volunteers under 18 years of age must have a parent or guardian present during orientation and while volunteering. Call 261-PETS for information.

Sports

THE KITTY ORTIZ DE LEON FOUNDATION needs volunteers to help promote organ donor awareness. For more information, please contact Cassandra Reed or Espy De Leon at 394-0838 or kodfoundation@aol.com.

THE AUGUSTA FLASH FAST-PITCH TR AVEL TEAM is looking for players for the 2004 season. Players must be at least 15 years of age as of Jan. 1, 2004. For tryout information, contact Jef f Towe, 868-8485, or Vicki Parker, 854-7711.

GOLDEN HARVEST FOOD BANK needs volunteers during the day, from 8:30 a.m.-4 p.m. Monday-Friday, to help sor t donated products and assist in their agency shopping area. Help is needed year-round. If you are able to lift 25 pounds, can commit to at least 3-4 hours per month and would like to help fight hunger in the Augusta area, contact Laurie Roper at 736-1199, ex t. 208.

AUGUSTA LYNX HOME GAMES Dec. 12-13, 19-20, 28 and 31. For tickets, call 724-4423 or visit www.augustalynx.com. THE AUGUSTA RUGBY CLUB is always looking for new members. Teams available for women and men; no experience necessary. Practice is Tuesday and Thursday nights, 79 p.m. at Richmond Academy. For more information, call Don Zuehlke, 495-2043, or e-mail augustar fc@yahoo.com. You may also visit www.augustarugby.org.

Volunteer AARP TAX-AIDE is looking for volunteers to dedicate four or more hours per week from Feb. 1-April 15 assisting senior ta xpayers. Five-day free training course for Ta x-Aide volunteers begins in January. For more information, contact William J. Kozel at 210-3048. THE EARNED INCOME TAX CREDIT COALITION is looking for volunteers with basic computer skills to prepare ta x returns for individuals with low and limited income, individuals with disabilities, non-English speaking persons and elderly ta xpayers. Volunteers receive free training and instruction materials from the IRS and will serve at VITA sites throughout the community. For more information, contact Sheryl Silva, 826-4480, ex t. 341. AUGUSTA/CSR A HABITAT FOR HUMANITY needs volunteers at ReStore, Walton Way and Tenth Street, to assist with receiving donations of new and used building and home improvement materials and warehousing them for sale to the public. The store is open ThursdaySaturday year round. If you can commit eight or more hours per month, contact Steve Buck, 364-7637. MENTORS AND VOLUNTEERS needed to provide suppor t for MACH Academy at the May Park Community Center and the Fleming Tennis Center. Education, tutoring and technology sessions held Monday-Thursday, 36 p.m. at each location. Tennis instruction and fitness activities held Monday-Thursday, 6-7 p.m. at May Park and Monday-Tuesday, 6-8 p.m., Friday, 6-8 p.m. and Saturday, 2-5 p.m. at the Fleming Center. 796-5046. FOSTER PARENTS NEEDED for children and teenagers in Richmond County. For information, contact Luera Lewis, 721-3718. PHINIZY SWAMP NATURE PARK VISITOR CENTER is in need of volunteers to greet visitors, hand out literature and sell merchandise. Volunteers must commit to one Saturday or Sunday each month, from either 9 a.m.-1 p.m. or 1-5 p.m. 828-2109. UNITED HOSPICE OF AUGUSTA is in need of volunteers to suppor t terminally ill patients. Scheduling and training times are flexible. Call Donna Harrell at 650-1522 for information. THE ARTISTS’ CONSERVATORY THEATRE OF THE CSR A is looking for volunteer board members, actors and production crew. Call 556-9134 or e-mail act@theatermail.net. SERVICE CORPS OF RETIRED EXECUTIVES (SCORE) provides counseling and mentoring to businesspeople

M E T R O

S P I COURT APPOINTED SPECIAL ADVOCATE PROGR AM R VOLUNTEER TR AINING: The CASA program is looking I T

SENIORNET provides adults age 50 and over education for and access to computer technology. Many different courses are offered. Contact the USC-Aiken Continuing Education Office at (803) 641-3563.

THE AUGUSTA VOLLEYBALL ASSOCIATION is looking for new members. For more information, visit www.augsutavolleyball.com.

AUGUSTA-RICHMOND COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL: New volunteer orientation is scheduled the first Saturday of each month at 1 p.m. at the shelter, 4164 Mack Lane. Schedule subject to change; call 790-6836 to verify dates and times. SHEPEARD COMMUNITY BLOOD CENTER is seeking donors to prevent a blood supply shor tage. To donate call 737-4551, 854-1880 or (803) 643-7996.

Meetings CSRA VW CLUB meets every First Friday at Six th and Reynolds Streets, behind the train depot. Visit www.csravwclub.org for details. AARP CHAPTER 266 MEETING AND ANNUAL HOLIDAY CELEBRATION Dec. 9, 2-3 p.m., at the Senior Citizens Council of Greater Augusta and the CSRA. 826-4480. AUGUSTA CHAPTER OF THE AMERICAN SINGLES GOLF ASSOCIATION meets the second Thursday of every month at different restaurants in the area. Open to those who are single and 21 years of age or older. For information and meeting location, call (803) 441-6741. TURNING POINT INVESTMENT CLUB MEETING AND HOLIDAY CELEBRATION 1:30-3 p.m. Dec. 11 at the Senior Citizens Council of Greater Augusta and the CSRA. Call 826-4480 for information.

Weekly

OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS meets every Sunday night, 7:30 p.m., at Holy Trinity Lutheran Church in Nor th Augusta. For more information, call 278-5156. NAR-ANON FAMILY GROUP for relatives and friends of drug abusers. No dues or fees. The group meets Mondays at 7 p.m. Call for location. For information, contact Josie, 414-5576, or Lionel, 860-0302. GAMBLERS ANONYMOUS meets Thursdays, 7:30 p.m., in the basement of Fairview Presbyterian Church. 1-800-313-0170. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS: For more information and a meeting schedule, call 860-8331. NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS: If you want to stop using any drugs, there is a way out. Help is available at no cost. Call the Narcotics Anonymous help line for information and meeting schedules at 855-2419. SEXAHOLICS ANONYMOUS, a 12-step program of recovery from addiction to obsessive/compulsive sexual thoughts and behaviors, meets Wednesdays at 8 p.m. at Christ Church Unity, 2301 Central Ave. Call 339-1204 and leave first name and phone number; a confidential reply is assured. GUIDELINES: Public service announcements are listed in this section without charge at the discretion of the editor. Announcements must be received by Monday at noon and will be included as space permits. Send to Events, Metro Spirit, P.O. Box 3809, Augusta, GA 30914 or fax (706) 733-6663. You may also e-mail listings to rhonda.jones@metrospirit.com or lisa.jordan@metrospirit.com. Listings cannot be taken over the phone.

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70 M E T R O S P I R I T D E C 4 2 0 0 3

Arts: Theatre

Spend Holidays With Some Good Ol’ Country Characters

hristmas is a time of reconnecting with family and old friends, but some of those old friends may be people you met in stories, like the Sanders family or the Spencers (whom you may know as the Waltons.) YART: “The Homecoming” The Young Artists Repertory Theatre is trying a few new things this production. And it’s all about food. “Well, this is our first dinner theatre,” said director John Greene. They’ve found a rather special group to actually prepare the meal. “There is a group in North Augusta, a group of kids who want to be chefs and such. We are working with them to do a dinner theatre.” The group, he added, is made up of North Augusta High School culinary students. “That’s very exciting, because we’ve got two youth groups working together to do something here,” he said. “We were originally going to do the dinner theatre anyway and then when we saw this group in the newspaper, we decided to link up with them.” But what about the play? “‘The Homecoming’ is the story that ‘The Waltons’ TV program was based on. There was also a separate film – sort of a pilot, if you will, for ‘The Waltons,’ with a slightly different cast. I found it wanting somewhat, not a direct transcription of the play.” If you were a fan of the television show, he said, you will recognize most of the characters, but some have a different name. John Boy, for instance, is called Clay-Boy in the play, and the Baldwin sisters of the series are called the Staples sisters. “Ike is still there, but he’s a bar keep, not the general store person. There’s still Grandpa and Grandma…It doesn’t deviate that far.” We asked how else the series and the play differ. “I found the play a bit more realistic, a bit more gritty than the movie,” Greene said. “I was taken with the play – it was very powerful.” It’s based, he said, on a very old story archetype: The mother sends the son to find the father, and he finds out about himself by doing so. “Clay, the father, is late coming home from his week-long job in Waynesboro…” (He assured me it was, indeed, Waynesboro, and that he had not changed that part.) “He can only come home on the weekends. It’s during the Depression. There’s a snowstorm. And they’re, of course, naturally worried about him. And it’s Christmas Eve.” Like every great hero, Clay-Boy is conflicted, struggling, Greene said, with his desire to write and his desire to win his father’s approval. As he searches for the elder Clay, he imagines what his father will say upon learning of his son’s dream, and is afraid he

won’t be pleased. Clay-Boy winds up going to the bar to see if he dropped in for a drink, Greene said, and then went to a spot known for its gambling. After that, he goes to the Staples’ house to see if he dropped in for a sip of “the recipe.” Greene said that, the way the people who know him characterize him, Clay Sr. could very well have been drinking and gambling that night. “(Clay-Boy) said his father was a hard-drinking, look ‘em in the eye guy. He might have stopped off at the Staples ladies’ for ‘the recipe.’” But, he said, Clay-Boy also learns that his father is concerned about these people. “And he also finds out that Clay talks about ClayBoy to these people, and his dad knows more about Clay-Boy than Clay-Boy thinks.”

theatre at 6:30 Saturday night. Call 210-8915 for reservations. Prices for dinner theatre are $20 general admission, $18 for seniors and $15 for children 3 and up. Dessert theatre costs $14 general admission, $12 for seniors and kids. If you want to skip the food and just see the show, general admission is $12 and children pay $10. You don’t need reservations if you’re not eating. Abbeville Opera House: “The Sanders Family Christmas” “The Sanders family are back and still singing and Reverend Oglethorpe is back and still preaching,” said Michael Genevie, director for the Abbeville Opera House in Abbeville, S.C., about their Christmas production, “A Sanders Family Christmas.” For

“There is a group in North Augusta, a group of kids who want to be chefs and such. We are working with them to do a dinner theatre.” — John Greene, YART Of course, Greene said, Dad does come home and “all’s well that ends well.” As for dinner, he added, guests will be having what the (Waltons) might have eaten: Ham, fried chicken, different casseroles. That sort of thing.” He said they will also serve mac ‘n’ cheese, sweet potato souffle, green beans, yeast rolls. And for dessert, he said, applesauce cake and fudge brownie pie. (He likes to have his concessions somehow mirror the show.) But dinner, and working with another group of youths in addition to his actors, aren’t the only firsts for YART this season. “‘Olivia’ and ‘Clay’ are both older college students and both have children. I actually had to provide people to keep their kids. I never thought when I started a youth theatre that I would have to provide daycare for the actors’ children.” He laughed. “It’s something you can take the whole family to, and you can come get a good meal too. It’s priced very competitively for dinner theatre here,” he said. The show takes place Dec. 11-13 at 8 p.m., at Goodwin Commons, Augusta Preparatory Day School, 285 Flowing Wells Road in Martinez. There will be no matinees. Dinner is at 6:30 Thursday and Friday, with a dessert

many of you, this won’t be the first time you’ve seen the gospel-singing Sanders family. In fact, you may be very well acquainted with them. “Well,” Genevie said, “it is the sequel to the show that we opened our summer theatre season with this year – ‘Smoke on the Mountain.’” That show ran in June and July, and was described by Genevie as a “gospel comedy.” He said that audiences ask for the Sanders family if they don’t see them in a while. Just before “Smoke on the Mountain” ran in the summer, Genevie said that the Opera House could run it year-round, it is so popular. In fact, he said, “A Sanders Family Christmas” is already sold out. “It’s set at Christmastime in 1942, and it was just after Pearl Harbor. And the Sanders family – they’re a gospel-singing family – they have returned to the Mount Pleasant Baptist Church where they began their singing career.” In fact, Genevie said, “Smoke on the Mountain” dealt with the beginnings of the family’s musical career. “A Sanders Family Christmas,” however, takes place five years later, after they have built a name for themselves. “They’re from North Carolina and this is a

By Rhonda Jones

North Carolina church, but they travel all over the Southeast performing,” he said. Genevie said that, because of the time, however, the Sanders family aren’t the only ones whose lives have changed. And their lives are about to change even more. “It’s December 1942, and war is looming,” he said. “This is their last family concert for quite a while because their son Dennis has joined the Marines and he’ll be going off to fight World War II.” The family, he said, is made up of parents Burl and Vera, their twins Dennis and Denise, and their other two children, Stanley and June. During his years of working on productions involving the Sanders family, Genevie has discovered a special challenge that comes with the territory. “We need to present a group of actors that come from all over the Southeast to sound like they’ve been playing together all their lives,” he said. And, he added, because he’s been able to work with the same cast for several years now, they have achieved something like that – partly because they have been playing together for a while now, albeit only for six weeks once or twice a year. “We started the show, I guess, about three or four years ago,” he said, though they skipped last Christmas. “The biggest challenge was getting it back out and brushing it off after being away from the material for two years.” They must be doing something right in the amount of time they have each time they put it together, though – the show sells like hotcakes. “We don’t have a single ticket left for any of the shows,” Genevie said. “We are, though, encouraging people to call the box office, especially this week, to check on cancellations.” A lot of groups have bought tickets, he said, and he expects that some of their members may not be able to come after all. Now, “A Sanders Family Christmas” is, indeed, a musical, Genevie assured us, and so we asked him what songs they will be performing. There are so many, he had to think a moment. “Songs? Oh golly, you name it. We do everything from ‘Go Tell It on the Mountain,’ ‘Christmastime at Home,’ ‘A Country Kind of Christmas,’ ‘The Carol of the Bells,’ ‘O Come All Ye Faithful’ … There are probably 40 or 50 songs. It is chock full of all the Christmas carols and Christmas gospel favorites. “There’s no way you can leave the theatre after ‘A Sanders Family Christmas’ and not be in the Christmas spirit,” he said. “A Sanders Family Christmas” will run at 8 p.m. on Dec. 5-6 and again on Dec. 12-13, with 3 p.m. matinees on Dec. 6 and 13. For information, call their brand, spanking new box office number at (864) 366-2157.

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Arts: Visual

“After Whistler: The Artist and His Influence on American Painting” Now Showing at the High Museum By Rhonda Jones

ames Abbott McNeill Whistler was a runaway American artist who, at the age of 21, left for Paris and never returned to the United States. He had traveled a little with his family as a child, starting out in Lowell, Mass., in 1834 and ending up in Russia, where his father, a railroad engineer, worked on designing the St. Petersburg-Moscow railway. They did not return to the U.S. until his father’s death when Whistler was 15. Upon his return, he enrolled at West Point. But, according to online sources, Whistler was no chemist, and that ended his academic career. But that ending freed him to make a new beginning, as he went to Europe in search of a career as an artist. And he found one. The French art community, which at that time included the likes of Edouard Manet and Edgar Degas, embraced him with open arms. Linda Merrill, guest curator for the “Beyond Whistler” exhibit at the High Museum in Atlanta, explained how she set about creating the exhibit. “We started out by choosing key Whistler paintings, then looked for key American paintings that seemed to respond to those,” she said. “And then

constructed these little constellations of paintings to make up the show.” There are about a dozen Whistlers and 60 additional pieces, she said, representing the early 1860s to around 1930 or so. I asked if there was a good deal of imitation of Whistler’s work in the pieces that were chosen. Merrill didn’t think so. “Well I wouldn’t call them imitations, but they’re paintings that show the influence of Whistler’s work,” she said. “(Whistler’s) paintings are very carefully designed — very subtle and understated, and always harmonious in color scheme,” she added. I asked her, then, about a specific painting included in the show — “Portrait of Bessie” (1892) by Albert Herter. “The painting that you have the thumbnail of there was done in the early 1890s but it shows Whistler’s influence in many ways.” It was inspired, she said, by the Whistler painting “Symphony in White, No. 1: The White Girl” (1862), in which a girl in a white gown stands atop an animal skin, against a white background, while holding a white lily. “Portrait of Bessie” involves a female subject in white atop a white bear skin, against a white background, holding a white lily. In addition,

James McNeill Whistler Symphony in White, No. 1 The White Girl, 1862 Oil on canvas, 837/8 x 421/2 inches National Gallery of Art, Washington, D.C. Harris Whittemore Collection, 1943.

her pose is reminiscent of the painting commonly known as “Whistler’s Mother.” Another artist in the show, Henry Ossawa Tanner, painted his own “Portrait of the Artist’s Mother” in 1897, after one of his pieces was purchased by the French government, just as Whistler’s work had been. This painting is very obviously reminiscent of the Whistler piece and is meant, according to Merrill, as commentary, to point out that he, too, had achieved international success. I asked why James Whistler is such an important figure. “In the history of art he is important because his art helps move the artist toward abstraction,” she said. “He reduced the emphasis on illustration, storytelling and moralizing. “He emphasized the importance of looking at painting as arrangement of form, color and line, and that’s how we approach the art of the 20th century. Instead of looking at subject matter we look at the formal characteristics of the painting.” Judging from Merrill’s final comments, this exhibit may provide viewers with an interesting peek inside the artistic mind. “I think this is an exhibition that does sort of teach you how to look at paintings, because it points out the way that

artists look at work by other artists. But in addition to that it’s just an exhibition that has a lot of really beautiful, pleasing paintings in it. So it’s sort of a feast for the eyes.” Other artists to be featured include William Merritt Chase, who actually has a portrait of Whistler in the show, titled, of all things, “James Abbott McNeill Whistler” (1885); Childe Hassam; John White Alexander; Cecilia Beaux; Alfred H. Maurer; Thomas Eakins; Frederick Frieseke; Robert Henri; Winslow Homer; Frederic Remington; John Singer Sargent and J. Alden Weir. “After Whistler: The Artist and His Influence on American Painting” will run until Feb. 8 at the High Museum of Art, which is located at 1280 Peachtree Street at 16th Street, MARTA “Arts Center (N5). Hours are from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Tuesday through Saturday; noon-5 p.m. on Sunday. The museum is closed on Mondays. Admission is $8 general admission, $6 students and seniors, $4 for children ages 6-17, and free for museum members and children under 6. Ask about special ticket prices. For information, call (404) 733-HIGH or visit www.high.org.

Albert Herter Portrait of Bessie, 1892 James McNeill Whistler Oil on canvas, 59 x 32 inches Arrangement in Grey: Portrait of the Painter, ca. 1872 High Museum of Art, Atlanta, Georgia. Purchased with Oil on canvas, 291/2 x 21 inches funds from the Margaret and Terry Stent Endowment for The Detroit Institute of Arts, Michigan. Bequest of Henry the Acquisition of American Art and High Museum of Art Glover Stevens in memory of Ellen P. Stevens and Mary M. Enhancement Fund, 2000. Stevens.

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Arts: Theatre

Release Your Inhibitions With Hypnotist Gary Conrad

By Rhonda Jones

any people go out on the town to absorb the energy and a few drinks to release their inhibitions. Well, there’s another way to release those inhibitions and entertain your friends — go see Gary Conrad. That’s right, folks, Gary Conrad is coming to the Fort Gordon Performing Arts Center on Dec. 13 to make you cluck like a chicken. Or whatever. The show is billed as “highly interactive” because Conrad brings up volunteers from the audience and gets them to act silly onstage. His Christmas show is going to be G-rated, he said, which is kind of tough these days. You just never know what people are going to say. Especially the young ones. For one show, he said, he had parents and children on stage. The parents were to act like their children and the children were to act like their parents. He got quite a surprise one night when one of the kids, pretending to be his dad, complained about the boss “riding his a**” all day at work. “And the kid said it with a straight face,” he said. I asked what people’s responses tend to be when faced with the possibility of being hypnotised. He said, it totally depends on the age of the victim…er, participant. “If you go into a school, anybody under 8 years old: ‘Please hypnotise me.’ They’re imploring you, beseeching you. But once they hit about 30: ‘Don’t look at me.’ It’s such an interesting disparity.” He said that people shouldn’t be afraid of the Christmas show getting too naughty, how-

ever, especially since it’s being held at a miliary installation. Conrad had been doing this for a while — 20 years or so. Here’s how the fun began. In 1980, Conrad was a bodybuilder. A competing bodybuilder. And that’s why he got into hypnosis. He found that “mind over matter” works and that, by controlling his mind, he could better use his workout time to get the most results. But he found that he really enjoyed hypnosis, and soon began to study it in earnest, after which he hypnotized subjects in a clinical setting. But moving to the stage was inevitable for Conrad. And he’s addicted to the road, apparently. According to his bio sheet, he doesn’t hit the road for a few weeks and then go home for a week; he’s out there all the time, working over 400 shows a year. Hmmm … guess he’s given up bodybuilding. Here’s a few of the things you may see people doing at his shows — or some of the things you may find yourself doing. According to the Fort Worth Star-Telegram Arts and Entertainment section, he has caused people to speak gobbledygook, impersonate celebrities and do a little strip-tease. Gary Conrad will appear at 7:30 p.m. on Dec. 13 at the Fort Gordon Performing Arts Center on 3rd Avenue, Building 32100. The event is open to the public and costs $10. There will be a cash bar. And don’t forget your photo I.D. for admission onto post. For info, visit www.fortgordon.com or call (706) 791-8552.

Cinema

“The Cat in the Hat”

M E T R O S P I R I T D E C

Movie Listings stupid, juvenile, loud, long and pointless — "Bad Boys II" is all that, plus a thin slice of enter taining. The scene is Miami. Marcus (Mar tin Lawrence) and par tner Mike (Will Smith) are back as narcs pledged to double duty: to collar nasty crooks, and to tickle the audience with cute bonding humor. They kick of f this par ty by blowing a major drug bust while messing up a Ku Klux Klan rally at the drop site for smuggled dope. Producer Jerry Bruckheimer gives us not story, but the idea of story as gooey plot pizza; not violence, but the idea of violence as car toonish pulp; not style, but the idea of style as shiny pictures for gaping apes; not comedy, but the idea of comedy as compulsive imbecility; not fun, but the idea of fun as a migraine of lavishly cheap jolts. Cast: Will Smith, Mar tin Lawrence, Gabrielle Union, Joe Pantoliano, Jordi Molla. Running time: 2 hrs., 30 mins. (Elliot t) ★ Bad Santa (R) — For very jaded kids and adults already sick of the holiday season but needing a cup of bile nog. If that is you, there is amusing alienation from Billy Bob Thornton as an alcoholic thief and cranky depar tment store Santa, Tony Cox as his rancid "elf" and Bernie Mac, Cloris Leachman and the late John Rit ter, directed with zip plot but a jingle of crass flippancy by Terry "Crumb" Zwigof f. Running time: 1 hr., 33 mins. (Elliot t) ★★1/2 Beyond Borders (R) — “Beyond Borders” follows the romance between a medical student who finds work in international disaster relief and a wealthy socialite. The two keep meeting in times of disaster and war but still manage to forge a bond. Cast: Angelina Jolie, Clive Owen, Teri Polo, Linus Roache, Noan Emmerich. Brother Bear (G) — Latest Disney animated of fering about a young man, Kenai, who is transformed by The Great Spirits into a bear. On a quest to gain back his human form, Kenai befriends a bear cub, Koda, and evades his human brother, who, not realiz-

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ing Kenai has been turned into a bear, is on Kenai’s trail on a revenge mission. Cast: Jeremy Suarez, Joaquin Phoenix, Rick Moranis, Dave Thomas. Bruce Almighty (PG-13) — Jim Carrey is Bruce, the goofy features repor ter on a TV station in Buf falo. He aspires to become a "serious" anchor, but af ter blowing his cool on the air, loses his job and has a rif t with his sweet, please-marry-me girlfriend (Jennifer Aniston). There cometh unto Buf falo the Almighty (Morgan Freeman). The Lord loans his powers to Bruce. Time for some payback, some wild stunts, some sexual dazzling of Aniston, some nudges of satire. Like Mel Brooks as Moses in "History of the World, Par t I," Carrey has climbed the comical Mount Sinai and, like Brooks, he has dropped a tablet on the way down. One of the pieces is "Bruce Almighty." Cast: Jim Carrey, Morgan Freeman, Jennifer Aniston, Philip Baker Hall, Catherine Bell. Running time: 1 hr., 45 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Cabin Fever (R) — Paul (Rider Strong) hopes that while on a weeklong getaway in the woods, he and Karen (Jordan Ladd) will grow closer. Going along for the ride is self-centered Jef f (Joey Kern), par ty girl Marcy (Cerina Vincent) and boozer-jock Ber t (James DeBello). The five arrive at a time a mysterious plague is sweeping the forest. When a hermit (Arie Verveen) stumbles to their cabin looking for help, the five kill him by accident. He lands face-first into the town reservoir, contaminating the water supply. Af ter Karen is struck with the flesh-eating virus, friends become enemies as the group struggles to survive. Cast: Rider Strong, Jordan Ladd, Joey Kern, Cerina Vincent and James DeBello. Running time: 1 hr., 34 mins. (McCormick) ★ The Cat in the Hat (PG) — This bulldozing movie has about as much to do with Dr. Seuss’ wit ty and impressively drawn kids' books as Adam Sandler has with Molière. It's a brash defilement of Geisel's most famous work, yet so compulsively cheery that

“Bad Santa”

Universal Pictures

Bad Boys II (R) — Vulgar, brazen, crass, violent,

people might try to ignore the obvious. Mike Myers plays the Cat in a big hat and costume of fake fur that stifles his amusing features. He's supposed to be the spirit of wild, impish fun, helping lif t the depressed scamp Conrad (pudgy, likable Spencer Breslin) and his control-freak sister, Sally (Dakota Fanning), a dwar fish total woman who star ts of f each day by making a list. Director Bo Welch's technique is to just keep hurling (both senses of the word apply). His tireless approach is astoundingly tiresome. Cast: Mike Myers, Dakota Fanning, Alec Baldwin, Spencer Breslin, Kelly Preston. Running time: 1 hr., 32 mins. (Elliot t) ★ Elf (PG) — Years ago, a human boy was adopted by one of Santa’s elves af ter sneaking a ride back to the Nor th Pole in Santa’s bag of presents. Now, he’s fully grown, his height and clumsy nature impeding his duties in the workshop. He decides it’s time to travel to the human world and search for his family. Taking a job as a depar tment store Elf, he inspires humans to believe in Santa Claus. Cast: Will Ferrell, James Caan, Zooey Deschanel, Bob Newhar t, Mary Steenburgen. The Fighting Temptations (PG-13) — Cuba Gooding Jr. plays Darrin, a junior adver tising exec with secrets. He's nearly broke and he lied on his resume to get his job. Then the worst-case scenario happens: His deception is discovered af ter he helps to land a major account for the company. Then he learns that his Aunt Sally has passed away and he's expected to at tend her funeral as her last surviving relative. Darrin learns that he'll gain a huge inheritance if he whips the church choir into shape in time for a gospel contest. This is where "The Fighting Temptations" falls into the pit of stupidity. What saves the movie from being a total stinker is the music. As for Gooding, he seems to have confused charm and enthusiasm for acting. Cast: Cuba Gooding Jr., Beyonce Knowles, Mike Epps, Melba Moore, Angie Stone, The O'Jays, Montell Jordan and Rue McClanahan. Running time: 1 hr., 28 mins. (McCormick) ★★ Freaky Friday (PG) — It’s the updated version of

Dimension Films

the ‘70s film, starring Jamie Lee Cur tis as a frazzled mom and Lindsay Lohan as her rebellious teen-age daughter. The two are constantly arguing and both wish they could be someone else. When their wish comes true and the two end up switching bodies, they have to find a way back to their normal selves – before Mom walks down the aisle again. Cast: Jamie Lee Cur tis, Lindsay Lohan, Mark Harmon, Christina Vidal. Good Boy! (PG) — Owen Baker, an only child and the brainy son of ninnies, wants a dog — the one he gets is a mut t who proves to be space traveler Canine 2942 from the "dog star " Sirius. Soon the pooch, renamed Hubble, is talking to Owen and the dogs he walks. They talk back (moving lips and sitcom zings in the voices of Mat t Broderick, Cheech Marin, Brit tany Murphy, Delta Burke, etc.). Owen learns that dogs rule, above all the Sirian leader, The Greater Dane. This is no "Babe" or "Best in Show" for the sub-12 set, but Liam Aiken is an appealingly talented kid actor, the

RATINGS

★★★★ — Excellent.

★★★— Worthy.

★★ — Mixed.

★ — Poor.

photography is glossy, the body function jokes are tame, and messages about love, home and species bonding peg in neatly. Go fetch. Running time: 1 hr., 28 mins. (Elliot t) ★★1/2 The Gospel of John (PG-13) — “The Gospel of John” is a word-for-word screen adaptation of the American Bible Society’s Good News Bible and is the story of Jesus’ life as recounted by his disciple John. Cast: Henry Ian Cusick, Stuar t Bunce, Richard Lintern, Scot t Handy, Lynsey Ba x ter. The Haunted Mansion (PG) — Another movie based on a ride at Disneyland, again featuring cheesy, story-altering references to the rides, as well as plots about ghosts and curses. Eddie Murphy is a workaholic real estate agent and a smooth-talking sleazebag. A promising real-estate deal turns out to be more than he bargains for, and his eagerness to scope out a house on the way to a family vacation leaves his entire family stranded at a creepy, cobweb-ridden Louisiana mansion with a curse. The result is a movie that, while consistently amusing, plays like a hackneyed ef for t to stretch a few minutes of ride into a coherent, hourand-a-half story. Running time: 1 hr., 39 mins. (Fu) ★★ Honey (PG-13) — Honey (Jessica Alba) is a tough and sexy dancer from the inner city. Her talents land her a successful career as a choreographer for music videos – a career which is threatened when her mentor sexually harasses her. Honey decides instead to open her own dance studio for inner-city youths, one of which must choose between his love of dance or the quick-cash lifestyle of drug dealing. Cast: Jessica Alba, Mekhi Phifer, Lil’ Romeo, Joy Bryant. The Last Samurai (R) — This epic film follows the beginnings of Japan’s modernization through the eyes of an alcoholic Civil War veteran, Captain Woodrow Algren (Tom Cruise). Now a Winchester Guns spokesman, he’s sent to Japan to train the troops of Emperor Meiji, as Meiji’s new army prepares to wipe out the remaining bastions of feudalism, samurai. When Algren is captured by samurai, their leader, Katsumoto, forces Algren to decide what side of the bat tle he’s on. Cast: Tom Cruise, Ken Watanabe, Billy Connolly, Tony Goldwyn, Timothy Spall, William Ather ton. Love Actually (R) — opens and closes with people hugging and kissing at London's Heathrow Airpor t. In between, you might yearn to fly away. Top confet ti is the prime minister: Hugh Grant with his sweetly sly grace, but so impishly weightless he seems fit to lead a croquet match, not a nation. Meanwhile, Colin Fir th is recovering from his wife's infidelity by slowly cour ting a Por tuguese housekeeper (Lucia Moniz); sulky Alan Rickman fondles the idea of cheating on his dear, sane wife (Emma Thompson); Liam Neeson, recovering from his wife's death, encourages the puppy love

0— Not worthy.

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76 “The Gospel of John”

“The Missing”

M E T R O S P I R I T D E C 4

ThinkFilm

Columbia Pictures

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continued from page 75 of his kid (Tom Sangster). This giggle-fest is a spree of gag situations, maudlin moments and aggressive pop tunes. If you like Christmas goose stuf fed with sequins, don't forget the chutney Spam with a warm side of chips. Cast: Hugh Grant, Bill Nighy, Emma Thompson, Colin Fir th, Laura Linney, Keira Knightley, Rowan Atkinson, Alan Rickman. Running time: 2 hrs., 8 mins. (Elliot t) ★1/2

Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (PG-13) — The best film yet about men

fighting at sea under sail. Two of Patrick O'Brian's books have been beautifully transposed into a cogent and moving tale of the Napoleonic Wars. Capt. Aubrey (Russell Crowe) and his friend Dr. Maturin (Paul Bet tany) bond tightly despite amusing frictions and lead through storm and shot a stout crew against a French ship larger and bet ter built. It all fits and works like good seamanship, under Peter Weir's direction, manly without fakery. Running time: 2 hrs., 19 mins. (Elliot t) ★★★★ The Matrix: Revolutions (R) — So much expectation, so much budget and now ... this? Yep, a grinding bore with more solemn neo-religious talk about savior Neo (Keanu Reeves), contending worlds (equally ugly) and video game (oops, action) payof fs that cost hugely, but of fer trite satisfaction (hordes of metallic bugs, a leaping fist fight in the rain). Nobody really acts, though Mary Alice is cute as a cookie-baking oracle. Hugo Weaving as the evil, grinning Agent Smith still seems like an FBI man hysterical about losing J. Edgar Hoover. It's a banal epic, for diehard fans only. Running time: 2 hrs., 9 mins. (Elliot t) ★ The Missing (R) — Cate Blanchet t is again superb, as a flinty frontier mom who rides hard across 1870s New Mexico, chasing a mostly Apache band that took her daughter and slowly making up with her long absent and "gone Injun" father (Tommy Lee Jones). Ron Howard directed with a true eye for detail and landscape, Eric Schweig is an alarmingly vicious sorcerer, the brutality is frequent and not for tender viewers. Running time: 2 hrs., 10 mins. (Elliot t) ★★★

Once Upon a Time in Mexico (R) — Rober t

Rodriguez is into roots rapture and giddy, boyish confusion. His movie goes nowhere. Should we emphasize Antonio Banderas as the thick guitar Zorro called El Mariachi? No point in dwelling on doomed love Carolina (Salma Hayek), as she is barely around. Surely the key interest is not FBI agent Jorge (Ruben Blades). And what of CIA man Sands (Johnny Depp)? Af ter his eyes are drilled out, Depp looks like Michael Jackson as a Day of the Dead float, and he gets a street vendor kid to act as his gun eyes. Might as well focus on Willem Dafoe as drug hood Barillo, wearing such great Mexican makeup you can't decipher why he wants his face removed. Cheech Marin depar ts af ter the first scene, taking with him all hope for a genuine comedy. Cast: Salma Hayek, Antonio Banderas, Johnny Depp, Ruben Blades, Eva Mendes, Willem Dafoe, Mickey Rourke, Danny Trejo. Running time: 1 hr., 45 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Out of Time (PG-13) — John Billingsley stars as Chae, a drunken wiseguy and pathologist trades corkers with Police Chief Mat t Whitlock (Denzel Washington), who sloshes through his latest case. The chief is suddenly the big suspect in a double murder caused by arson, af ter his incriminating, illicit af fair with past girlfriend Anne (Sanaa Lathan). Whitlock hustles through a hot day covering up the clues that point to him, while the main detective sleuthing his trail is his vampy, almost ex-wife, Alex (Eva Mendes). Dynamic, but obsessively remote from reality, "Out of Time" is like a drive-in movie for a car junkyard. Cast: Denzel Washington, Sanaa Lathan, Dean Cain, Eva Mendes. Running time: 1 hr., 54 mins. (Elliot t) ★1/2

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (PG-13) — The movie will be a

shocker for anyone expecting watery gruel ex tracted from a Disneyland-ride base. This "Pirates of the Caribbean" is an original, with clever plot ting, some rapierlike dialogue and a scurvy crew of first-rate second bananas. When the Black Pearl, the invincible

pirate ship commanded by the dread Capt. Barbossa (Geof frey Rush) storms Por t Royal and kidnaps Elizabeth (Keira Knightly), the governor's beautiful daughter, what can her secret admirer, the lowly blacksmith Will Turner (Orlando Bloom), do but go af ter her? He's forced to team up with the immensely unreliable Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp). The movie lies becalmed when Depp/Sparrow is absent; when he's on screen, it's a rousing good time. Since he's on screen a good par t of the time, that makes "Pirates of the Caribbean" a rousing good movie. Arrrrr! Cast: Johnny Depp, Geof frey Rush, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightly, Jonathan Pryce. Running time: 2 hrs., 14 mins. (Salm) ★★★ Radio (PG) — Ed Harris is Harold Jones, the coach of the high school football team in a small South Carolina town. Coach Jones takes pity on James (Cuba Gooding Jr.), a mentally handicapped young man who mutely pushes his shopping car t past the practice field every day, and makes him a kind of team, then school, mascot. Nicknamed Radio, he melts the hear t of almost everyone he encounters. A few antagonists enter and exit periodically. The schmaltz-intolerant would be wise simply to Fed-Ex seven bucks and a vial of tears directly to Columbia Pictures. Cast: Cuba Gooding Jr. Ed Harris, Brent Sex ton, Riley Smith. Running time: 1 hr., 46 mins. (Salm) ★1/2 The Rundown (PG-13) — The Rock stars as Beck, a sor t of bounty hunter. He goes to South America to bag the fugitive son of an L.A. thug. The grown kid is Travis (Seann William Scot t). Travis is the wiseof f in an Amazonian town, a hellhole, slave pit and diamond mine ruled by Hatcher (Christopher Walken). Rosario Dawson, her flesh like a sweat mirage, is Mariana, "barmaid by day, rebel leader by night." Sor t of an Indiana Jones jungle par ty for wrestling fans, "The Rundown" does have the Rock, who radiates benign composure — pure nice guy until pushed too far. Briefly we hear the late Johnny Cash: "Don't take your gun to town." Of course, every gun

does come to town. Cast: The Rock, Seann William Scot t, Rosario Dawson, Christopher Walken. Running time: 1 hr., 36 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Scary Movie 3 (PG-13) — The third film in the “Scary Movie” series once again spoofs a series of recent horror hits, fantasy epic films and other pop culture sensations, including “8 Mile,” “The Matrix,” “The Ring,” “The Others” and “Signs.” Cast: David Zucker, Anna Faris, Charlie Sheen, Regina Hall, Denise Richards. Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over (PG) — Now the boyish Juni Cor tez (Daryl Sabara) is a private investigator, the rest of his family away spying, and Juni is pulled into the evil video game empire of the Toymaker (Sylvester Stallone). He must rise through levels, liberate sister Carmen (Alexa Vega) and prove himself as the Guy. Mostly he must sur f through gaudy storms of computerized ef fects, of ten in 3-D (yes, you wear glasses). There are robots and blue-tongued monsters and frantic chases. For a while, leathery grandpa Ricardo Montalban is liberated by animation from a wheelchair to clank around in a huge metal suit. Montalban is always a kick, but the movie is about as Hispanic as a pinata made in Taiwan. Cast: Daryl Sabara, Alexa Vega, Sylvester Stallone, Ricardo Montalban, Salma Hayek. Running time: 1 hr., 32 mins. (Elliot t) ★1/2 Timeline (PG-13) — Using actual smoke and mirrors (yes, believe it), time-trippers go through a "wormhole" to turbulent France, 1357. Big men, big swords, catapults firing flaming balls, a princess falling for a modern hunk, David Thewlis wearing an American accent like armor, Billy Connolly being Scot tish, Paul Walker looking ready to head home for sur fing, Richard Donner hacking away as director: fun for boys and aging fans of 1950s MGM. Running time: 1 hr., 45 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ —Capsules compiled from movie reviews written by David Elliott, film critic for The San Diego Union-Tribune and other staff writers.

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Cinema: Review

“Honey” Leaves a Bitter Aftertaste

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he latest fashion trends indicate that, somehow, legwarmers are coming back into style; anyone who lived through the ‘80s can attest to the fact that this is a bad thing. But even worse than seeing legwarmers again is the prospect of watching bad ‘80s films reimagined in a more current context. Those unfortunate enough to sit through “Honey” will walk out even more assured that the world does not, in fact, need an extra helping of second-rate “Flashdance” knock offs. Armed with abs of steel and a heart of gold, Honey (Jessica Alba) is the pride of her Bronx neighborhood. In between her two jobs — she tends bar at a posh dance club by night and works at a record store by day — Honey teaches a hip-hop class at “the center.” And even though she doesn’t have to get her hands too dirty toiling away at something like welding, Honey does, of course, have dreams of greater things. Well, sort of. She longs to be a back-up dancer in music videos. There’s nothing like aiming for the stars, is there? Luckily for Honey, her ticket to fame and fortune has been lurking at her club all along. When a smarmy young video director named Michael Ellis (David Moscow) sees a tape of Alba busting a move, he decides to put Honey in his next video. And, after shaking her rump on a soundstage, the only logical next step is a coveted job as a choreographer, right? Right. When Honey slowly

begins to cut ties with the community — she stops teaching her class and ditches her best friend — she realizes that Michael is interested in more than her talent. Egads! Not only is “Honey” riddled with trite subplots — Alba’s character struggles to save a mouthy street kid (Li’l Romeo) while she romances a sweet local barber (Mekhi Phifer) — but the dancing it showcases is as flat and dull as its characters and storylines. The film is mostly indebted to the abysmal videos that are mounted throughout. Each video, shot on a shiny soundstage with dancers gyrating in unison, looks the same as the last one. As Honey adds certain touches — having the dancers bounce their hands like they’re playing with an imaginary basketball or taking a fake foul shot — you can’t help but wonder if MTV might actually be playing something better at that moment. Pouring gasoline on this cinematic blaze, Alba manages to lower the bar with her annoying portrayal of the twodimensional Honey. The only time the heroine actually comes to life is when Alba’s body double takes over in the dance sequences. The rest of the cast seems equally confused, or ashamed, about their role in this shameful affair. Is it an after-school special that somehow got released in theaters? Is it a crappy music video that ran way too long? Whatever it purported to be, it ends up as a mistake; “Honey” leaves you with a bitter aftertaste.

Cinema: Close-Up

A Holiday at the Museum Augusta Museum of History

Tom Cruise Talks About “The Last Samurai” By Joey Berlin

ith a megawatt smile and determination focused like a laser beam, Tom Cruise has achieved quite a life. At 41, Cruise has two beautiful adopted children with his exwife, Nicole Kidman, and a devoted relationship with his lovely girlfriend, Penelope Cruz. Of course, he’s also a gazillionaire, enjoying the riches of worldwide superstardom. And Cruise’s new historical action drama, “The Last Samurai,” is one of the year’s most anticipated films. Set in 19th century Japan, “The Last Samurai” stars Cruise in a role that tested the limits of both his physical and emotional powers as an actor. Cruise plays a disenchanted and depressed American Civil War veteran charged with training the Japanese emperor’s troops in the way of the gun. Their enemies are samurai swordsmen who capture Cruise and eventually impress him with their warrior code of honor. The planet’s biggest movie star, Cruise is currently filming an untitled crime thriller with director Michael Mann. Q: Did you keep one of the swords that your character wields in “The Last Samurai?” A: Oh yeah, I’ve got one. It’s locked away because it’s so sharp. Q: How much time and preparation do you have to put into making such a sweeping epic? A: I’ve put a lot of time into everything that I do, interestingly enough. It took me almost a year to physically be able to make this picture. I love what I do; I take great pride in what I do and I can’t do something halfway, three-quarters, nine-tenths. If I’m going to do something, I go all the way. And I didn’t know if I could do it, honestly. I didn’t know if I could find that kind of physical elegance and movement that the samurai have. Q: And to prepare yourself mentally, what did you study about the time period? A: I had to study the American-Indian War. I’m an American, so I thought I knew a lot about the American-Indian wars and that time period in our history. I was blown away at how little I knew. And I also studied the Japanese history during that time period, how the country came to that moment. Then I went and revisited the Civil War again for myself, just because my character had lived through that time period. I collected a small library. Q: Were you always interested in Japanese culture? A: Well, you have to understand, as a kid while I was growing up, I remember vividly being at a drive-in. I was about 6 or 7 years old and I was on the roof of my family station wagon and across the screen was the Sahara Desert. I always wanted to see other places and learn about how other people lived. When I go to Japan, it’s so enigmatic to me; it’s different. I’ve been absolutely fascinated and in

Sunday, December 7, 2003 12:00 p.m. until 5:00 p.m. Admission: $3.00 Adults, $1.00 Children Enjoy a holiday celebration with live entertainment by Creative Impressions and Josh Pierce. Shop local artisans and the Museum Shop. Visit with Santa. Make crafts with your children. Enjoy homeade chili, hot dogs and the Bake Sale! Sponsored in part by WJBF NewsCHANNEL 6, Augusta Coca-Cola Bottling Co. and Moretz Production Services For more information, please call (706) 722-8454

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Call Larry Babbitt 733-0417 Call Larry Babbitt 733-0417 awe of the culture. I find it aesthetic and the people fascinating. Q: How did you manage to get in shape for the film? A: It was a miracle. I couldn’t touch my toes when I started. I bent down and I couldn’t get my hands past my knees. From all the training and the stunts that I’d done before, and I’ve done quite a bit of stunts, I knew that I’d need to train for the way I would have to move, and just to carry the 50 pounds of armor. I put on 25 pounds of muscle for the picture. Q: In what way is the warrior code of the samurai related to your own life? A: Well, those values are very important to me, very important to me. The samurai were the artists of their time, and they were educated to be leaders and to actually help people. One of the things that struck me when I read about their code was compassion. If you can’t find someone to help, if there’s no one there to help, go out and find someone to help. And that hit me, because I try to lead my life like that. I think it’s important. Helping someone and seeing them do better in life is the most gratifying thing in the world. Q: You have said that you have found an inner peace at this point in your life. How does that affect you on a daily basis? A: It helps in all areas of my life. It helps me as an actor, with my kids, with Penelope, with Nic, with my job, in all areas. When you’re happy, life is easier to deal with. And it’s not less interesting, you know? It’s definitely challenging and exciting. So my relationship with my kids, that’s always been wonderful, but it grows and it gets better. And it’s not just the success of a film that is my basis for happiness; it is really taking a pleasure in life, a pleasure in my work, a pleasure with my kids, when I’m there with them, or with Penelope. I find it’s wonderful.

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2003-2004 SEASON Season of Celebration

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Jan. 29, 31 and Feb. 1, 2004

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Sun., Dec. 21st, at 6:30 PM Mon., Dec. 22nd, at 7:30 PM

MOVIE CLOCK REGAL AUGUSTA EXCHANGE 20 Movies Good 12/5 - 12/11 The Last Samurai (R) Fri-Sat: 12:00, 1:00, 3:30, 4:30, 7:00, 8:00, 10:30, 11:25; Sun-Thur: 12:00, 1:00, 3:30, 4:30, 7:00, 8:00, 10:30 Honey (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 12:15, 12:50, 2:35, 3:05, 4:55, 5:25, 7:30, 8:05, 9:55, 10:25, 12:05, 12:40; Sun-Thur: 12:15, 12:50, 2:35, 3:05, 4:55, 5:25, 7:30, 8:05, 9:55, 10:25 The Gospel of John (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 12:00, 3:40, 7:15, 11:00; Sun-Thur: 1:00, 4:45, 8:20 Timeline (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 1:25, 4:10, 6:55, 9:40, 12:25; Sun-Thur: 1:25, 4:10, 6:55, 9:40 The Missing (R) 1:20, 4:25, 7:20, 10:10, 10:40 Haunted Mansion (PG) Fri-Sat: 11:55, 12:30, 2:15, 3:00, 4:40, 5:25, 7:00, 7:40, 9:15, 10:05, 11:45; Sun-Thur: 11:55, 12:30, 2:15, 3:00, 4:40, 5:25, 7:00, 7:40, 9:15, 10:05 Bad Santa (R) Fri-Sat: 12:10, 2:35, 5:05, 7:35, 10:00, 12:20; Sun-Thur: 12:10, 2:35, 5:05, 7:35, 10:00 Gothika (R) Fri-Sat: 12:30, 3:00, 5:30, 8:10, 10:30, 12:45; Sun-Thur: 12:30, 3:00, 5:30, 8:10, 10:30 The Cat in the Hat (PG) Fri-Sat: 12:00, 12:40, 2:20, 3:15, 4:40, 5:20, 7:05, 7:35, 9:20, 9:50, 11:30, 12:00; Sun-Thur: 12:00, 12:40, 2:20, 3:15, 4:40, 5:20, 7:05, 7:35, 9:20, 9:50 Love Actually (R) 1:15, 4:15, 7:25, 10:20 Master and Commander (PG-13) 12:25, 3:55, 7:05, 10:15 Matrix Revolutions (R) 12:50, 3:45, 7:45, 10:45 Elf (PG) Fri-Sat: 12:00, 12:30, 2:25, 2:55, 4:45, 5:15, 7:10, 7:50, 9:35, 12:05, Sun-Thur: 12:00, 12:30, 2:25, 2:55, 4:45, 5:15, 7:10, 7:50, 9:35 Brother Bear (G) 11:55, 2:05, 4:30 Scary Movie 3 (PG-13) 8:15, 10:50 Radio (PG) 12:05, 2:45, 5:15, 7:55, 10:40 EVANS 14 CINEMAS Movies Good 12/5 - 12/11 The Last Samurai (R) Fri: 2:00, 4:15, 5:30, 7:45, 9:15; Sat-Sun: 1:00, 2:00, 4:15, 5:30, 7:45, 9:15; Mon-Thur: 4:15, 5:30, 7:45, 9:15 Honey (PG-13) Fri: 3:25, 5:25, 7:25, 9:25; SatSun: 1:25, 3:25, 5:25, 7:25, 9:25; Mon-Thur: 5:25, 7:25, 9:25 The Haunted Mansion (PG) Fri: 2:15, 3:30, 4:30, 5:45, 6:45, 7:55, 9:00, 10:00; Sat-Sun: 1:15, 2:15, 3:30, 4:30, 5:45, 6:45, 7:55, 9:00, 10:00; Mon-Thur: 4:30, 5:45, 6:45, 7:55, 9:00, 10:00 Bad Santa (R) Fri: 3:05, 5:05, 7:05, 9:05; SatSun: 1:05, 3:05, 5:05, 7:05, 9:05; Mon-Thur: 5:05, 7:05, 9:05 The Missing (R) Fri: 4:10, 7:00, 9:40; Sat-Sun: 1:10, 4:10, 7:00, 9:40; Mon-Thur: 4:10, 7:00, 9:40 Timeline (PG-13) Fri: 4:45, 7:15, 9:50; Sat-Sun: 1:45, 4:45, 7:15, 9:50; Mon-Thur: 4:45, 7:15, 9:50

Love Actually (R) Fri: 3:40, 6:55, 9:35; Sat-Sun: 12:55, 3:40, 6:55, 9:35; Mon-Thur: 3:55, 6:55, 9:35 Gothika (R) 7:50, 9:55 The Cat in the Hat (PG) Fri: 3:00, 5:15, 7:20, 9:30; Sat-Sun: 12:50, 3:00, 5:15, 7:20, 9:30; Mon-Thur: 5:15, 7:20, 9:30 Master and Commander (PG-13) Fri: 3:50, 6:40, 9:20; Sat-Sun: 12:55, 3:50, 6:40, 9:20; Mon-Thur: 3:55, 6:40, 9:20 Looney Tunes: Back in Action (PG) Fri: 5:35; Sat-Sun: 1:20, 5:35; Mon-Thur: 5:35 Elf (PG) Fri: 2:50, 5:00, 7:35, 9:45; Sat-Sun: 12:40, 2:50, 5:00, 7:35, 9:45; Mon-Thur: 5:00, 7:35, 9:45 Brother Bear (G) Fri: 3:15, 5:20; Sat-Sun: 12:45, 3:15, 5:20; Mon-Thur: 5:20 Radio (PG) Fri-Sun: 3:20, 7:30, 9:50; Mon-Thur: 7:30, 9:50 MASTERS 7 CINEMAS Movies Good 12/5 - 12/11 The Last Samurai (R) Fri: 5:00, 8:00; Sat-Sun: 2:00, 5:00, 8:00; Mon-Thur: 5:00, 8:00 Honey (PG-13) Fri: 5:15, 7:45, 9:55; Sat-Sun: 2:45, 5:15, 7:45, 9:55; Mon-Thur: 5:15, 7:45 The Haunted Mansion (PG) Fri: 5:20, 7:50, 10:00; Sat-Sun: 3:15, 5:20, 7:50, 10:00; MonThur: 5:20, 7:50 The Missing (R) Fri: 7:00; Sat-Sun: 1:45, 7:00; Mon-Thur: 7:00 Timeline (PG-13) Fri: 4:30, 7:35, 9:50; Sat-Sun: 2:15, 4:30, 7:35, 9:50; Mon-Thur: 4:30, 7:35 Gothika (R) Fri-Sun: 5:05, 9:35; Mon-Thur: 5:05 The Cat in the Hat (PG) Fri: 5:10, 7:30, 9:30; Sat-Sun: 3:00, 5:10, 7:30, 9:30; Mon-Thur: 5:10, 7:30 Master and Commander (PG-13) Fri: 4:15, 7:05, 9:45; Sat-Sun: 1:30, 4:15, 7:05, 9:45; Mon-Thur: 4:15, 7:05 REGAL 12 CINEMAS Movies Good 12/5 - 12/11 Spy Kids 3-D (PG) 2:30, 4:45, 7:10, 9:10 Out of Time (PG-13) 2:15, 4:30, 7:15, 9:25 Once Upon a Time in Mexico (R) 2:20, 4:35, 7:20, 9:30 Good Boy! (PG) 2:45, 5:05, 7:40, 9:50 Freak y Friday (PG) 2:40, 5:00, 7:35, 9:45 The Fighting Temptations (PG-13) 2:05, 4:30, 7:00, 9:20 Beyond Borders (R) 1:55, 4:25, 7:00, 9:30 The Rundown (PG-13) 2:10, 4:20, 7:05, 9:15 Pirates of the Caribbean (PG-13) 2:00, 4:55, 7:45 Cabin Fever (R) 2:35, 4:45, 7:30, 9:40 Bad Boys 2 (R) 1:55, 4:50, 7:45 Bruce Almighty (PG-13) 2:25, 4:40, 7:25, 9:35

Movie listings are subject to change without notice.

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Music 12 Bands of Christmas Benefit Expands With Solid Holiday CD

hile it’s not quite time yet for the annual 12 Bands of Christmas concert – you’ve still got a couple weeks to wait before a dozen Augusta musical acts take the stage for charity – you can get a head start on the giving by purchasing “The 12 Bands of Christmas: Volume 1” CD. The recording is a first this year, and proceeds benefit the MCG Children’s Medical Center. Featuring the bands that will be playing the Dec. 21 show, the album is a solid, polished effort that puts a new spin on old holiday favorites and creates some new Christmas classics.

“Christmas in Harmony” — Lives of Reily Brooke Reily’s smooth, velvety voice is the standout component of this Lives of Reily original, a tune that explores the possibility of peace on earth. Strong, meaningful lyrics and a beautiful tune are just the icing on the cake. “Blue Christmas” — Shaun Piazza I hadn’t yet met a cover of “Blue Christmas” that I liked – until I heard this version by Shaun Piazza. It’s a stripped-down take with indie rock stylings and a plaintive tone that makes it sound like Piazza really identifies with the lyrics.

“Angels We Have Heard on High” — Livingroom Legends The husband-and-wife team of Ken and Mindy Stephens deliver a more down-toearth, funky version of this song than we’re used to hearing come Christmastime. It’s a warm, homey take on a song that too often overwhelms listeners. “Merry Christmas Friends” — Joe Stevenson The alternative sound of this Stevenson original fits in well as a follow-up to the Livingroom Legends “Angels We Have Heard on High.” With Stevenson’s simple, straightforward message and children singing along as the song ends, “Merry Christmas Friends” has the feel of a modern Christmas classic. “Run, Rudolph, Run” — Daze of Haze They may be young, but Daze of Haze prove they can rock with the best of them with this polished take on a retro holiday hit. The frantic pace of the electric guitar is great listening when you’re wheeling down the freeway to Grandma’s house for Christmas dinner. “Little Road to Bethlehem” — Tara Scheyer and the Half-Shirt Leroys Scheyer’s angelic voice is a perfect fit to narrate this sweet tune retelling the

By Lisa Jordan

“Silent Night” — Turtleneck It’s a punked-out, electrified version that takes the traditional tune and turns it on its head. Fast-paced and fun, Turtleneck once again show they’re all about performance.

Christmas story. The selection of a more obscure, quiet holiday melody compliments the band’s unique vocal and instrumental perspective. “Everyday” — Jemani Who would have thought that it would be Jemani, Augusta’s heaviest rockers, who would teach us the true meaning of the season? Bustin’ out with lines like “Christmas ain’t about a fat white man and reindeer” and “January through November, you’re acting like you don’t remember that sense of charity you had,” Ike and Co. remind us that charity isn’t just for Christmas. “Nuttin’ for Christmas” — Hellblinki Sextet The Hellblinki Sextet covers “Nuttin’

for Christmas” in their trademark eclectic way. The a capella, choir-like intro gives way to verses that sound like they’ve been taken over by a misfit band of pirates. It’s great fun. “Come Back for Christmas” — Impulse Ride The alterna-rock feel of Impulse Ride’s instrumentation and soulful vocals that characterize “Come Back for Christmas” make for a toe-tapping original tune that’s as addictive as gingerbread. “Santa Claus Is Back in Town” — Patrick Blanchard Blanchard delivers a sharp, clear take on the song that shows off his bluesy vocals. There’s a nice balance here between Blanchard’s singing and the instruments, as well as a great retro vibe.

“Happy Xmas (War Is Over)” — Deathstar Deathstar’s cover of “Happy Xmas (War Is Over)” is a nice note to end the album on, and a good choice for the band’s musical dynamic. The song is a nice compliment to Deathstar’s style. “The 12 Bands of Christmas: Volume 1” is now on sale at over 50 locations in the CSRA; visit www.12bandsofchristmas.com for a complete listing. Seven hundred copies have already been presold, and there will be a limited number of CDs available at the concert. The concert, Dec. 21 at the Imperial Theatre, begins at 6 p.m. Doors open at 5 p.m. Tickets are $6 and are available at the Imperial Theatre box office, by phone at 722-8341 or online at www.imperialtheatre.com. For more information, you can always check out the 12 Bands of Christmas Web site listed above or www.soulbar.com.

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ast weekend, one of the big electronic chain stores in Augusta ran a big promotion where most CDs were priced at only $9.98. In an ongoing attempt to fill in some holes in my music collection, I braved the ravenous post-Turkey Day shoppers and visited the store. Of course, the place was packed as it always is on Thanksgiving weekend. Sure, lots of folks were buying stereos and televisions but what really surprised me was the number of CD purchasers everywhere. 2003 marked another off year for the music biz, with sales in many genres of music at all-time lows. So why the digital feeding frenzy? Money Changes Everything Dept. The answer is real simple: PRICE, PRICE and PRICE. When CDs were first introduced to the masses in the mid-‘80s, the $15-20 price tag they sported (most discs still cost the same today) was almost double the retail cost for a vinyl record. CD manufacturing costs have fallen big time in the meantime, but these savings have not been passed on to the music-buying public. There is hope — one major label is promising a $12.98 list on new releases starting next year, which means that the big stores will sell them for a few cents below 10 bucks. Lower the price in this fashion and the buyers will be there. ALICIA KEYS’ first disc, “Songs in A Minor,” took the music biz by surprise a couple of years ago as her debut sold millions and won five Grammys in the process. Her oft-delayed followup, “The Diary of Alicia Keys,” is new

and actually in stores this week. MISSY ELLIOTT guests. The singer’s acting career hasn’t been put on hold either as Ms. Keys is scheduled to appear on an upcoming episode of “American Dreams.” Two extremely talented guitarists have bestofs out this week. STEVE VAI’s “The Infinite” is a two-CD affair featuring some of his best solo work. Vai’s old pal JOE SATRIANI’s “The Electric” is the same type of disc — a concise retrospective of his career beginning with the groundbreaking 1987 “Surfing with the Alien.” Most folks aren’t aware that Satriani was an influential guitar teacher in the San Francisco area for years before stardom hit. Two of his more interesting students are METALLICA’s KIRK HAMMETT and the aforementioned Steve Vai. Turner’s Quick Notes THE DEAD’s BOBBY WEIR has a solo best-of out this week, “Weir Here” … Look for a new NO DOUBT box set in stores now … You’ve been warned: THE BACON BROTHERS have a new DVD, “The No Food Jokes Tour,” out this week. How much separation can we get from that? … A GOOD CHARLOTTE DVD EP has just been issued … The recently reformed JANE’S ADDICTION rocks the Fox in Atlanta Dec. 16. Turner’s Rock ‘N’ Roll Jeopardy A. This versatile Louisiana guitarist, who opened for Eric Clapton on his mid-‘90s “Blues Tour,” cited T-Bone Walker as his greatest inspiration. Q. Who is Clarence “Gatemouth” Brown?

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The Latest on Ozzy … or Maybe the Earliest Ozzy has told a British paper that when he was 11, some older kids sexually abused him on a regular basis, and it left him quite scarred. In fact, he said, he’s just now getting over it and didn’t even tell his parents it was going on. How’s This for Creepy? Go to momentsintime.com if you want a shot at a truly strange Beatles artifact. It’s a copy of the Lennon/Ono album “Double Fantasy,” which Lennon had signed for youknow-who just hours before the aforementioned put a bullet into the musician. According to JAM! Music, the album has the killer’s “forensically enhanced” fingerprints on the cover and dust jacket. It’s going for $682,213, Canadian dollars.

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Gordon Lightfoot’s Head-Butt With Death Gordon Lightfoot has been having his abdomen reconstructed. That’s because last year, while he was getting ready for a soundcheck at the Orillia Opera House in Canada, it sprung a leak. He went down on the floor

of his dressing room and didn’t come to for six weeks. As it turned out, he had suffered an abdominal hemorrhage and speculated that the artery had burst because he had overworked it doing sit-ups. A rumor had circulated that during surgery his larynx had been damaged beyond repair, which would mean that Lightfoot would no longer be able to sing, but he said that wasn’t so, according to sources. He’s in good spirits, though, joking that he has been trying to figure out how to get away with wearing his black sweats, instead of a tuxedo, to the very first ever Canadan Songwriters Hall of Fame gala. Mics on Mike The Santa Barbara County Sheriff’s Department discovered “several microphones” outside their department headquarters on Nov. 20, which is the day Michael Jackson surrendered on charges of child molestation. There will be no investigation, according to a department spokesman, as the mics were found in an area where hundreds of reporters and photographers gathered during Jackson’s booking.

COMPILED BY RHONDA JONES Information compiled from online and other music news sources.

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Left: The Steep Canyon Rangers come to Stillwater Tap Room Dec. 5. Right: Kari Gaffney and Jeff Williams perform Friday nights at the Partridge Inn.

Thursday, 4th Adams Lounge - Keith “Fossill” Gregory Andy’s - The Damnedoledave Blues Band The Bee’s Knees - Meditate on This! Blind Pig - Broad Street Jams with Pat Blanchard and Friends Cafe Du Teau - James McIntyre Club Argos - Karaoke Dance Par ty with DJ Daddy Bear Coliseum - Karaoke with Travis, Hi-Energy Dance Continuum - Playa*Listic Thursday Coyote’s - The Rhes Reeves Band Crossroads - 212 D. Timm’s - The Section Finish Line Cafe - DJ Fox’s Lair - Chuck Holt Greene Streets - Karaoke The Helm - Karaoke Jeremy’s Nightclub - Karaoke Night with Tim Ba xlet Joe’s Underground - John Last Call - Jell-o Wrestling, DJ Rana Michael’s - Mike Swif t Modjeska - The Comedy Zone Playground - Open Mic The Pourhouse - Karaoke with The Pourhouse Friends Robbie’s Sports Bar - DJ Doug Romanella Serendipity Cafe - Ethan T. Perkins Shannon’s - Karaoke with Peggy Surrey Tavern - Parakeet Nelson Wheeler Tavern - DJ Dog

Friday, 5th Adams Lounge - Tony Williams and the Blues Express Andy’s - Roger “Hurricane” Wilson Back Roads - DJ Blind Pig - Shameless Dave and the Miracle Whips, Playback featuring Tutu D’Vyne Cafe Du Teau - James McIntyre Club Argos - Teddy Bear Ball Benefit Coliseum - Petite DeJonville Cotton Patch - Pat Blanchard Coyote’s - The Rhes Reeves Band Crossroads - Rocking the Stocking Benefit D. Timm’s - The Section Eagle’s Nest - Karaoke with DJ MJ Finish Line Cafe - DJ Fox’s Lair - Dennis Hall Greene Streets - Karaoke Highlander - Local Ghost Jeremy’s Nightclub - Spoken Word, Open Mic, Dance Par ty with DJ Dick Joe’s Underground - People Who Must, Russell’s Bir thday Last Call - DJ Richie Rich, DJ Rana Marlboro Station - Petite DeJonville Michael’s - Mike Swif t Modjeska - DJ Ted Forenberry Ms. Carolyn’s - Live Band Partridge Inn - Kari Gaf fney, Jef f Williams The Pourhouse - The Recaps featuring Sassy Brass Red Carpet Events - Grand Opening Par ty with

Sandy B. and the All-Stars Red Lion - Paul Arrowood, Clint Wat ts Robbie’s Sports Bar - DJ Eric Rumors - Magic Hat The Shack - DJ Chip Shannon’s - Bar t Bell, Allen Black Soul Bar - Super*Duper*Hi-Fi*Stereo*Mix with DJ Zapatista, New Ar t by Raoul Pacheco and John Guanlao Stillwater Tap Room - Steep Canyon Rangers Surrey Tavern - Ma xwell Lummus Wheeler Tavern - DJ Dog

Saturday, 6th Andy’s - Roger “Hurricane” Wilson Back Roads - DJ The Bee’s Knees - Jazz Sessions with Moniker Blind Pig - Tinsley Ellis, Shameless Dave and the Miracle Whips Cafe Du Teau - James McInt yre Charlie O’s - Live Band Club Argos - Stable Company Male Revue Coliseum - Gabriel Cot ton Patch - John Kolbeck Coyote’s - The Rhes Reeves Band Crossroads - Rocking the Stocking Benefit D. Timm’s - The Section Finish Line Cafe - DJ, Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Roger Davis, Ronnie Hall Greene Streets - Karaoke Hangnail Galler y - Burns Out Bright, Estrela, The Lit tle, Salem, Mourning Star

Jeremy’s Nightclub - Open Mic Joe’s Underground - Keith “Fossill” Gregor y Last Call - DJ Richie Rich, DJ Rana Marlboro Station - Miss Peg Metro Cof feehouse - Live Af ternoon Bluegrass with Er yn Eubanks and the Family Fold Michael’s - Mike Swif t Modjeska - Prom Night Costume Par t y with McFly Ms. Carolyn’s - Live Band Par tridge Inn - Sandy B. and the All-Stars The Pourhouse - The Recaps featuring Sassy Brass Red Carpet Events - Playback Red Lion - Hell’s Bells AC/DC Tribute, Pause for Ef fect Robbie’s Spor ts Bar - DJ Eric Rumors - Magic Hat The Shack - DJ Buck wheat Shannon’s - Allen Black Soul Bar - Pat Blanchard Band, Exactus Stillwater Tap Room - Blue Bambooza Surrey Tavern - Ma x well Lummus Wheeler Tavern - DJ Dog

Sunday, 7th Adams Lounge - DJ Cafe Du Teau - The Last Bohemian Quar tet Cotton Patch - Jayson and Michael Marlboro Station - Claire Storm

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Mellow Mushroom - Captain Easy Orange Moon - Smooth Jazz Sunday with Emery Bennet t The Plus 8 - The Real Bloodfest with The Black Dahlia Murder, Himsa, Three Inches of Blood, 88 MPH, Each Passing Moment, By the Sins Fell Angels, When Blood Brings Fire Robbie’s Sports Bar - DJ Doug Romanella Serendipity Cafe - Jason Miller, Johnathan Aceves The Shack - Karaoke with DJ Joe Steel, Sasha Shannon’s - Shelly Watkins Somewhere in Augusta - Jayson and Michael T.G.I. Friday’s - Keith “Fossill” Gregory Wheeler Tavern - Karaoke with DJ Dog

Monday, 8th Coliseum - Q.A.F. Continuum - Monday Madness Greene Streets - Karaoke Joe’s Underground - John Michael’s - Mike Swif t

Tuesday, 9th The Bee’s Knees - 12*Tone Lounge Coliseum - Tournament Tuesday D. Timm’s - The Section Fox’s Lair - Open Mic Night Greene Streets - Karaoke Joe’s Underground - John, Ruskin’s Bir thday Metro Coffeehouse - Irish Night with Sibin Michael’s - Mike Swif t Surrey Tavern - Tuesday Night Jam Session

Wednesday, 10th The Bee’s Knees - Heliocentric Cinema Coliseum - Wet ‘n’ Wild Talent Search

Continuum - Open Mic Jam Sessions Coyote’s - The Rhes Reeves Band D. Timm’s - The Section Fox’s Lair - Open Mic Night Greene Streets - Karaoke The Helm - Karaoke Joe’s Underground - Keith “Fossill” Gregory Last Call - The Nutcracker Comedy Show Michael’s - Mike Swif t Playground - Karaoke The Pourhouse - Mic Fright Therapy Night with Edmond “The Lurch” Kida Robbie’s Sports Bar - DJ Doug Romanella Shannon’s - Bar t Bell, Allen Black Somewhere in Augusta - Patrick Blanchard Soul Bar - Live Jazz

Upcoming Chippendales - Coyote’s - Dec. 11 The Wheels - Soul Bar - Dec. 11 Molly Hatchet - Red Lion - Dec. 12 The Lady Chablis - Club Argos - Dec. 12 Christmas with Elvis featuring Russell Shnieder - Last Call - Dec. 12 Rock Steady, Cat Eye Reggae Band - Soul Bar Dec. 13 Evergreen Terrace - Hangnail Gallery - Dec. 17 Park Bench Blues Trio - Soul Bar - Dec. 18 Jingle Bell Rock - Crossroads - Dec. 19 Battle of the Bands - Hangnail Gallery - Dec. 19-20 The 12 Bands of Christmas Benefit - Imperial Theatre - Dec. 21 The Goodies - Soul Bar - Dec. 27 Willie Nelson - Augusta-Richmond County Civic Center - Feb. 28

Elsewhere Bill Gaither Christmas Homecoming Concert -

Catch Jazz Sessions with Moniker Dec. 6 at The Bee’s Knees. Philips Arena, Atlanta - Dec. 6 Martina McBride - The Arena at Gwinnet t Center, Duluth, Ga. - Dec. 6 Placebo - Roxy Theatre, Atlanta - Dec. 10 Mannheim Steamroller - The Arena at Gwinnet t Center, Duluth, Ga. - Dec. 13 That ‘80s Band - Roxy Theatre, Atlanta - Dec. 13 Barenaked Ladies - The Arena at Gwinnet t Center, Duluth, Ga. - Dec. 20 Simon and Garfunkel - Philips Arena, Atlanta Dec. 20 Jim Brickman - Macon City Auditorium, Macon, Ga. - Dec. 23 Derek Trucks Band - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta - Dec. 26 Sister Hazel - Roxy Theatre, Atlanta - Dec. 26 Dave Matthews Cover Band - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta - Dec. 27 Trans-Siberian Orchestra - The Arena at Gwinnet t Center, Duluth, Ga. - Dec. 28

Winterfest - Liber ty University, Lynchburg, Va. - Dec. 30-Jan. 1 Drive-By Truckers - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta Dec. 31 Gomez - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta - Jan. 24 Many tickets are available through TicketMaster outlets, by calling 828-7700, or online at w w w.ticketmaster.com. Tickets may also be available through Tix Online by calling 278-4TIX, online at w w w.tixonline.com or at their outlet location in Southgate Plaza. Night Life listings are subject to change without notice. Deadline for inclusion in Night Life calendar is Tuesday at 4 p.m. Contact Rhonda Jones or Lisa Jordan by calling 738-1142, fa xing 736-0443 or e-mailing to rhonda.jones@metrospirit.com or lisa.jordan@metrospirit.com.

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90 M E T R O S P I R I T D E C 4 2 0 0 3

John Haynie, Owner

As Santa’s newest helper, I want to give you $500 cash to spend however you like…. Dear Homeowner, It’s true! I’ve just received word from the North Pole that I’ve officially been named as one of Santa’s Helpers. With this special assignment comes the power for me to do something very special for you …. From now until December 15, I am going to give you an immediate $500 cash rebate on any new furnace you buy from me. This is cash you can use to pay for holiday gifts, travel -whatever you like. Think about this. If your furnace is 10 years old or older -- even if it’s still running -- you’re probably heating your home on borrowed time and paying more for utilities than you need to. But at this time of year, who really wants to think about buying a new furnace, right? That’s why I’m pleased Santa has asked for my help. In addition to the $500 instant cash-in-your-pocket rebate, here’s what else I’m going to give you:

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ichael Nelson opened a law firm in an Orlando, Fla., suburb recently (plush leased office space, a Mercedes company car, a letterhead listing law partners) and began soliciting business from drug convicts’ families, offering to negotiate reduced sentences for their kin. However, an investigation by WKMG-TV revealed in November not only that Nelson and his “partners” are not lawyers, but also that Nelson “practices” only during the day because he returns to a halfway house every night to finish a fiveyear bank-fraud sentence. (The station also found that business was good, with “hundreds of thousands of dollars” “received or solicited.”) Amazed at the station’s findings, the U.S. Bureau of Prisons revoked Nelson’s halfway-house privilege and began its own investigation. Inexplicable In July, to increase membership, the Gay and Lesbian Alliance of Cape Town, South Africa, voted 19-2 to become the Death Penalty Party of South Africa, with a special “lesbigay” subgroup. And in September, the Manitoba government announced it was ordering 40,000 condoms for prisoners in its 10 jails and specified that they be “assorted flavors” of “strawberry, banana and vanilla” (though shortly afterward, it cut back on the number). Latest Religious Messages • During filming in a remote area of Italy earlier this year for the controversial Mel Gibson film “The Passion of Christ,” the actor who portrays Jesus was struck during a lightning storm, according to an October report in the trade paper Variety. Also struck was assistant director Jan Michelini, who had been struck by lightning at a previous shoot for the film in Matera, Italy. None of the strikes created a serious injury. The film’s portrayals of Christ and of Jews are expected to make it extremely controversial. • Dale Doell’s preaching parrot (vocabulary: 2,600 words, many of which form Christian evangelical messages) flew away while at Doell’s father-in-law’s home in Rocky Mountain House, Alberta, in August and is still missing. Doell told a reporter in September that he’d just have to see “what the Lord is going to do” about the parrot, named Solomon. • News of the Weird reported in 2001 that some priests in Kali temples in Tamil Nadu, India, still practiced an ancient ritual in which a child was buried alive (for 60 seconds, anyway) as a method of activating the Goddess Kaliamman to bless the child. Indian human rights organizations complained, and this year, in November, a temple priest in Madurai district demonstrated an altered ritual. The Goddess Kaliamman’s blessings would be just as effectively conveyed, he said, by having each child (about 60 children, aged 1 to 12) lie

down on special leaf mats and having the priest leap over each one. • The Philadelphia Inquirer reported in September on what it called increased instances nationwide of black Baptist clergymen consecrating themselves as “bishops,” which are not formal Baptist positions and are sometimes assumed against the will of their congregations. The new bishops say the title gives them added credibility, and Baptists’ tradition of local autonomy discourages leaders outside the congregation from objecting, but critics say it’s just an example of some pastors being caught up in the “celebrity culture.” Least Competent Criminals News of the Weird has reported several times on police officer wannabes who don uniforms and perform freelance traffic stops (usually limiting their work to merely lecturing the motorists). However, faced with recalcitrant drivers, police imposters Jeremy Lepianka, 22, in Syracuse, N.Y., in September, and Donald Sebastian, 54, in Cleveland, Ohio, in November, took an extra, bold step: They actually called headquarters for backup. In both cases, the incidents eventually led to the imposters’ arrests. (Asked for an explanation for his obsession, Sebastian said it was just his way of giving back to the community.) Update A familiar News of the Weird character, the indefatigable gay-hating Rev. Fred Phelps of Topeka, Kan., announced in October that he would take advantage of the Casper, Wyo., City Council’s earlier decision to allow a religious monument (the Ten Commandments) in a city park by erecting his own religious monument: a statue celebrating the 1998 fatal gay bashing (and descent into hell) of Casper’s Matthew Shepard. (A U.S. Court of Appeals had ruled that a city cannot discriminate among religious messages.) The City Council subsequently decided that its Ten Commandments monument was a bad idea and voted to remove it and ban all religious messages from the park. More Things to Worry About According to testimony at a disciplinary hearing, British dentist Neville Kan, working on a patient who already owed him the equivalent of U.S. $100, drilled a hole in her tooth and said he’d fill it only if she paid up immediately (Chiswick, England, July). And a 26-year-old man, arrested in an Internet sting trying to meet a “15-year-old girl” (who was, of course, a cop), asked the arresting officer if he’d be released on bond in time to make a scheduled meeting with his fiancee about their upcoming wedding (Fort Worth, Texas, July). Thinning the Herd A 27-year-old man, fishing with three friends, choked to death on a four-inch bream that he had put into his mouth, possibly to imitate a stunt he had seen on television (Palatka, Fla., October). And a man commandeered a fire department rescue boat but then drowned when he leaped overboard while being pursued by police; trained rescue personnel were late arriving at the scene because, after all, their boat had been stolen (Nashville, Tenn., August). — Chuck Shepherd © United Press Syndicate

against the tyranny of Type A overachievers who think everyone should be as addicted to stress as they are.)

Brezsny's Free Will Astrology ARIES (March 21-April 19)

British performance artist Mark McGowan was offended by the widespread international mockery of his country’s cuisine. In protest, he decided to express his pride by turning himself into an English breakfast. A store near London let him live in the front window for 12 days, during which time he sat in a vat of baked beans with a crown of sausages on his head and a deep-fried potato wedge lodged in each nostril. In the coming week, Aries, the astrological omens suggest you should be as bold and imaginative as McGowan in support of your own pet cause.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

“Skymates: Love, Sex and Evolutionary Astrology,” by Jodie and Steven Forrest.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

I’m worried you’ll suffer an attack of shyness or modesty this week. Instead of pushing to get exactly what you want, you might dream up lame excuses to explain to yourself why it’s OK if you don’t get exactly what you want. Or you may be satisfied too easily and retreat to your hiding place before fate has a chance to bestow the fullness of its unexpected blessings on you. Please fight off this trend, Cancerian. Give your inner wimp a dozen roses and send your inner warrior out to collect your just desserts.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

Pop quiz! 1. You are so attractive these days that you risk rousing the envy of people whose support you need. True or false? 2. You now have the ability to change the weather merely by wiggling your eyebrows or wrinkling your nose. True or false? 3. Since you are so exceptionally fertile — with an equal power to supercharge the growth of beautiful blooms and nasty weeds — you will have to be very discriminating about where you point your mojo. True or false? 4. You are unusually susceptible to being manipulated through flattery. True or false?

If typical, you will make love about 2,500 times in your lifetime. But maybe only 25 of those encounters will offer this week’s blend of physical rapture and spiritual breakthrough. I’m not exaggerating, Taurus. The cosmos is inviting you to be the recipient of a mind-expanding peak experience or two. To take maximum advantage, be as innocent and open as you dare. Find the place in you where lust and compassion overlap. (P.S. You don’t necessarily need a partner to enjoy these gifts. If you’re single, shed any shame you have about solo sex and explore its mysteries.) Every poll I’ve seen asserts that far more women than men make use of astrology. It was only a matter of time before macho dudes discovered this and sought to exploit it. One such guy is Gemini Pat Burrell, a baseball player for the Philadelphia Phillies. In an interview in a men’s magazine, he marveled at how much success he’d had on first dates by talking about horoscopes. In the coming weeks, his experience will apply to you — only more so. No matter what gender or sexual preference you are, discussing astrology will be a surefire way to advance romance. For that matter, initiating conversations about any subject that gives a mythic flavor to intimate matters will stimulate the flow of sexy vibes. You might want to check out

ACROSS

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

The Chilean Congress has recently considered a bill that would mandate afternoon siestas for all workers. As a nap activist who has lobbied long and hard for everyone to get more dream time, I cheered this revolutionary proposal. Now I’m asking you, Virgo, to join me in the struggle to gain even more sleepers’ rights. What specific action can you take? For starters, spend more time asleep and dreaming in the coming week than you ever have — and don’t let any workaholic, sleep-deprived cranky-head shame you for it. Your productivity will rise; I guarantee it. (P.S. The astrological moment is also ripe for you to rise up

38 Maker of

important decisions to break 41 Count (on) 7 Classic card game 42 Kind of change 14 Kind of army or 43 Not at all loose show 44 Refinement 15 “No problem” targets 16 Food that may 45 Connecticut be served senator lyonnaise Christopher 17 Citrus source 47 Suggestion box fill 18 How dogs chase their tails 48 Literary monogram 20 Top military unit 21 Job for Triple A 50 Drivel 52 Oldsmobile 22 Part of model N.C.A.A.: Abbr. 55 Place for slow 23 Sources of drivers inspiration 61 Congratulatory 28 Ace cry 30 Thompson with 63 Heretofore an Oscar 64 Leisure 34 Worldly possessions 65 Doctor 36 Fast no more 66 First name in 37 Some leather women’s tennis 1 Some are hard

New York Times Crossword Puzzle

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

ANSWER TO PREVIOUS PUZZLE F O P S A V E C M A R C

I B A R I C E B R E A K E R

N A L V E S E I R I S H O O O I L T H E T S H O T H O O E S Y O B N E O I S I S H G A N E W E S T A P A R S I L I Y N A P

E L M A D E A S T E L S S T E Y N O U T T U N I S K E L N V O T L I W O R N P O E T I N G A C A E S R

R A H T I N

A C T O N E S A G E

S E N I O R I T I S

P O N D E T A L

W D S S H O T R O M A I D E R

67 National

personae non gratae

DOWN 1 Western Indian 2 Before long 3 Not-quite-final software 4 Apple production 5 Jacques of “Mon Oncle” 6 Sign of contempt 7 “That’s ___!” 8 Einstein’s birthplace 9 46-Down’s reward 10 Take off 11 No friendly fellow 12 Saturn satellite 13 Kind of cell 15 Auto traction improver 19 It’s sacred to some 22 Montezuma II, for one 23 Trains underground 24 See (in) 25 Stone monument 26 Financial freedom 27 RV contents? 29 Self expression? 31 One that squeaks by? 32 One of the Von Trapp girls 33 Before, in Bogotá

Octopuses have eyes that can focus on two different scenes simultaneously. In some species, one eye is specialized to see things in the murky depths while the other eye concentrates on sights in sunlit waters. I suggest you make this creature your power animal in the coming week. To keep apprised of the complex plots that will be unfolding around you in every direction, you will need the equivalent of the octopus’ vision.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

For a mere $99.95, I could remove the curse you’re suffering from. But I’d feel bad about taking your money when you could get rid of it yourself. In fact, why don’t you do just that, and send yourself a check for $99.95? Here’s all you have to do. Step one: Visualize an object that symbolizes the accursed influence. Picture yourself throwing it into a furnace. Step two: Visualize the person you feel is most responsible for the curse. Imagine that one end of a rope is tied around your waist and the other end around the person. Picture yourself cutting through the rope with a chainsaw as you call out, “You have no friggin’ power over me!” Step three: Repeat steps one and two twice a day for 11 days. Step four: On the 11th day, laugh so long and hard that you fall on the floor and cry tears of joyful release.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Master astrologer Steven Forrest believes you Sagittarians often thrive on learning things the hard way. I agree. Here are my three explanations of why this is so. 1. One of your main tasks in life is to cultivate wisdom, and you’ll never accomplish that if everything comes too easily for you. 2. To maintain your mental hygiene, you need to push regularly into the unknown, where the rules for success are as yet unwritten. 3. You are sometimes susceptible to being dogmatic, which can interfere with your ability to discern simple, obvious, up-to-the-minute truths. To shock you out of your tunnel vision, your higher self needs to trick you into making interesting mistakes.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

“Slashing through undergrowth and counting poop is an expensive, time-consuming, dirty, hot and nasty business,” said Dr. Richard Ruggiero of the African

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29 36

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

You might enjoy Pearl Cleage’s novel “Some Things I Never Thought I’d Do.” It’s got soulful characters, a strong social consciousness and a dramatic mix of suffering and redemption. But you don’t have to read the book to carry out the advice in this week’s horoscope. All you have to do is write your own personal version of “Some Things I Never Thought I’d Do” — a two-page stream-of-consciousness essay is fine — and then go out and start actually doing the things you’ve described therein.

22 28

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Psychotherapy obsesses on what’s wrong with people and gives short shrift to what’s right. The manual of the profession is a 943-page text called the “DSMIV” that identifies scores of pathological states but no healthy ones. I often complain about this tragic fact and ask my readers to help me compile material for a proposed “Anti-DSM-IV,” a compendium of all the positive, noble, feel-good categories. One reader, Alka Bhargava, has suggested a condition that you Aquarians will be able to achieve regularly this week. He calls it “Joyful Poignance,” and describes it like this: “The ability to be buoyantly joyful while remaining aware of the sadness, injustices, ancient wounds and future fears that form the challenges in an examined life.”

19 21

Elephant Conservation Fund. Quoted by Andrew Revkin in the New York Times, he was talking about studying forest elephants that are threatened with extinction. But I immediately thought of you when I read that, Capricorn. It’s a good metaphor for what’s happening in your life. An important and beautiful aspect of your animal nature is in peril, and the only way to save it may be for you to do work that fits Ruggiero’s description.

51 Word said

before you go?

56 “The Lost

World” menace, 39 Antonio Carlos briefly Jobim airport 52 Kind of radio 57 Son of Jacob locale 53 Pasternak and Leah 40 X heroine 58 Indigo plant 46 One may sit for 54 Israeli president 59 Bridge site a master Weizman 60 Wool sources 49 Chicago 55 Il pontefice’s 62 Composition of Symphony home some cups director, 1969-91 For answers, call 1-900-285-5656, $1.20 a minute; or, with a credit card, 1-800-814-5554. Annual subscriptions are available for the best of Sunday crosswords from the last 50 years: 1-888-7-ACROSS. Online subscriptions: Today's puzzle and more than 2,000 past puzzles, nytimes.com/crosswords ($34.95 a year). Crosswords for young solvers: The Learning Network, nytimes.com/learning/xwords.

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y girlfriend of two months has some sort of control streak. For example, she called while away on business to say she was all dolled up and all the guys were swooning over her. Sarcastically, I thanked her for telling me. “It’s not like there’s a ring on my finger,” she replied (her way of joking back). The next night, she complained she had nobody to dine with. “What about all the guys swooning over you because you have no ring on your finger?” I teased. She hung up, and wouldn’t answer when I repeatedly redialed. The next day, after I mentioned plans we’d made for me to visit her that weekend, she got cold and distant. She was mad I hadn’t double-checked with her before booking my flight, and said she needed her space. “Is there someone else there?” I asked. She hung up on me again. Eventually, I groveled her back to sanity. Now she “can’t wait” to see me. Help! When she isn’t acting like a lunatic, she’s a really nice person. Maybe she just desperately needs somebody to nurture her. Do you think, as I do, that there’s a wonderful person trapped inside her who simply needs help finding the way out? — Remote Controlled What is this, the reverse version of “Alien”? You’ve got a scary monster of a girlfriend with razor claws and dripping fangs, but you remain convinced that, any moment now, a tiny hoof will poke through her convulsing stomach, and out will pop Bambi to gambol over and lick you upside the face. Riiight. This could be a great relationship — if only you were in it with some other woman. Unfortunately, this one doesn’t just have a control streak. On a good day, it’s more of an eight-lane superhighway; on a bad day, more of a control black hole. Who’s her relationship role model, Mussolini? Control is fear on parade. What she fears — finding love, not finding love, losing love once she finds it — is anybody’s guess, but it’s got her cracking the whip and making you double-dutch. It’s what’s behind her creative approach to logic — not just twisted, but matted. A rose is a rose is a rose, except when it’s a toaster oven. When is a rose a toaster oven? Whenever she informs you it’s no longer a cantaloupe. Of course, five minutes later, it may very well be a cantaloupe; that is, if she says it’s a cantaloupe. Are you getting all this? Allow me to simplify. If you’ve

grown fond of your sanity, and you’d like to cling to it, remember the rule for relationships with the power-mad: You’re wrong. About everything. And everything else. Yank your head out of its dark, sunless, temporary home and look at what you have with her. On the misery-to-fun index, your relationship’s neck-and-neck with a root canal with an appendectomy chaser. Decide what you want. If it’s a power-struggle cross-dressing as a relationship, you’re in the right place. Keep pretending you can cure her (you can’t) if only you put in enough time playing Annie Sullivan to her Helen Keller, to crib from Joan Didion. If, on the other hand, you’re willing to risk your heart and guts on a real relationship, swear off wounded ducks. Find a strong woman — one emotionally stable enough to make a relationship a haven from stress, not a leading cause of it. You’ll recognize a strong woman by what she doesn’t do: Hang up. Scream. Weaponize sex. Grab big shears and shred all your best shirts into hamster-cage liner. (Current girlfriend hasn’t gotten to that yet? How nice that you still have so much to look forward to!) ––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– A female friend of mine says we’re “just friends,” with no chance of anything more, but she calls daily, hugs me constantly and kisses me on the lips and earlobes. I’m confused by the mixed signals. Should I try taking this further? — Boy Friend Getting somebody’s earlobe stuck in your lips isn’t like catching your sweater in your zipper. “Oops, was I absentmindedly making out with your earlobe again?” This woman, like all women, knows when a man wants her. She also knows how to spell out “POLICE LINE: DO NOT CROSS,” in both words and body language, when the wanting isn’t mutual. Maybe she needs a little touchy-feely when she’s between boyfriends, or an elevator for her ego. One thing’s clear: she doesn’t care about you; not even as a friend. Should you take this any further? Miles away at all times would be my suggestion. Then again, the next time she grabs you, why not explain that you’re saving yourself for someone who wants you as a boyfriend? Being the dear friend she is, she’ll surely be just hopping to fix you up with 10 of the hottest women she knows.

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CALL ON MY Active, fun and intellectual SBM, 5’ 11”, Slim build, 20, Sagittarius, smoker, seeks woman, 20-24, smoker, for friendship, possible romance. ☎755250 CAN WE TALK ? Spiritual SWM, 44, Capricorn, smoker, who enjoys the Fall. Seeking AF, 30-50, for LTR. ☎755341 DO YOU LIKE 2 TRAVEL SM, 59, sociable and fun, enjoys bingo, dining out, movies, travel, more. Seeking sincere, happy, spontaneous lady for possible LTR. ☎774081 A LOT TO OFFER easygoing SWM, 5’ 11”, Athletic build, 23, Cancer, N/S, seeks woman, 18-35, for friendship, possible romance. ☎761055 ACTUAL NICE GUY Handsome, outgoing, open-minded SWM, 5’ 11”, Average build, 51, Leo, smoker, enjoys traveling. Seeking woman, 40-50, for LTR. ☎733850 FUNNY GUY SBM, 30, 5’9”, brown/brown, medium build, N/S, into sports, movies, dining out, friends, quiet times. Seeking down-to-earth, romantic SF, 29-35, who knows what she wants. ☎718864 HERE I AM! SM, 43, likes playing golf, the outdoors, nature, country music, some rock-n-roll. Would like to get together with a young lady, 27-45, who likes the same things. ☎703650 COMMITMENT-MINDED SWM, 5’7”, slim build, new to area, enjoys reading, movies, dining out, travel, sports. Seeking SF, 25-47, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎695638

Stud Finder YOU HAVE 6 NEW MATCHES

LOOKING FOR YOU SWF, 37, 5’6”, Scorpio, N/S, enjoys mountains, bowling, the beach and music. Seeking WM, 35-48, N/S, to be a companion, friend. ☎456544 HIKER HEAVEN SWF, 45, full-figured, N/S, enjoys church, exploring, old movies, auctions, and gym. Seeking WM, 46-56, N/S. Let’s make tracks together. ☎807679 ADVENTUROUS MOM SBF, 29, Cancer, N/S, loves beaches, horror movies, and horseback riding. Seeking man, 25-40, N/S, strong-minded, who loves kids ☎808682 COULD THIS BE YOU? SBF, 45, 5’4”, full-figured, Taurus, N/S, enjoys church, dining out, reading, and quiet times at home. ISO BM, 45-65, N/S, for LTR. ☎810309 HI! I’m a 49-year-old SWF and I WLTM a onewoman’s man, very lonely person. I WLTM a gentleman who would to be good to me and treat me w/kindness and gentleness. ☎793024 SEARCHING FOR MR RIGHT SBPF, 39, Libra, loves church, traveling, movies, and dining out. Seeking SBPM, 3760, for possible LTR. ☎421273 ENVELOPING EMBRACE Kind-hearted SBCF, 52, non-smoker, enjoys dining out, attending church. Seeking loving SBCM, 52-65, with similar interests. ☎287845 LOVES TO BOWL WF, 48, petite, Capricorn, N/S, enjoys Chicano cuisines. Seeking WM, 46-59, N/S, very outgoing, for LTR. ☎806136 SEEKS SIMILAR SWF, 23, Capricorn, N/S, 5’2”, 190lbs, brown hair, enjoys sports, walks, dining, cuddling. Seeking SWM, 20-33, N/S, for possible relationship. ☎800318 NEVER SAY NEVER SWF, 41, 5’2”, blonde/blue, cuddly, new to area, Kentucky girl, Capricorn, N/S, enjoys cooking, waterfalls, kissing, long walks. Seeking WM, 38-46, for friendship, and who knows? ☎686314 WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE? SWF, 48, Cancer, N/S, seeks WM, 40-56, who wants to have a great relationship. Why not give me a call? You never know. ☎511453 LOOKING FOR LOVE SWF, 24, blonde/brown, attractive, compassionate, easygoing, desires SWM, 24-34, honest, open-minded for friendship and companionship. ☎323553 A VERY SERIOUS WOMAN SBPF, 34, mother of 3, nurse, independent and secure, enjoys church, movies, dining. looking for commitment-minded, level-headed, spiritual, spontaneous, respectful man, who truly appreciates a good woman. Sound like you? ☎777612 AQUARIUS SEEKING SWF, 46, 5’6”, smoker, enjoys cuddling, movies, gardening. Seeking honest, handsome SWM, 40-50, with similar interests, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎759515 BE MY FRIEND Attractive SWF, 29, 5’7”, 129lbs, brown/brown, N/S, no kids, never married, seeks SWM, 20-37, in shape, friendship first, possible LTR. ☎945103

MY OTHER HALF! SF, 46, 5’9’’, loves art, camping, fishing, animals, just getting away, relaxing. Seeking SM, 40-50, with the same interests. ☎732412 THE LORD, ABOVE ALL SBCF, 38, Pisces, N/S, in the medical field (works private duty), would like to meet SBCM, 38-50, who shares my love of the Lord, for LTR. ☎727626 TRAVEL, ANIMALS... and movies make me happy. SWF, 53, Capricorn, N/S, loves the fall and spring and visiting Gatlinburg, TN. Seeking WM, 55-56, for LTR. ☎728854 FRIEND IN FAITH SBF, 47, Capricorn, N/S, involved with church, very creative, artistic, designs tile and cards. Seeking BCM, 44-58, involved with church, who loves the Lord. ☎707742 SOUND IN MIND SWF, 40, 5’6’’, brown/green, mother, Pisces, N/S, N/Drugs, seeks attractive, good guy, sound in mind, body, and soul, for friendship, dating, possibly more. ☎701180 I LOVE ROSES SBF, 31, likes dining out, movies, travel, sports, music. Seeking SBM, 31-40, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎675623 SOMEONE YOU KNOW? Full-figured SBF, 62, 5’11”, H/W proportionate, brown/brown, loving, likes church, singing, movies. Seeking a good man who knows what he wants. ☎676011 SOUTHERN BELL SBF, 50, with a pretty face, wants to meet a BCM, who loves to dance, shop and needs more fun in life. ☎660334 SINGLE MOM Plus-sized female, 29, 5’3”, brown/hazel, cute, independent, enjoys conversation, movies, dining out. Seeking a man with a life of his own and would like to share mine as well. ☎634069 FIRST TIME AD Attractive SBF, 27, light-complected Pisces, non-smoker, seeks BM, 26-30, non-smoker, who is honest and interested in a long-term relationship. ☎603443 YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO SBF, 39, Leo, N/S, seeks BM, 38-45, down-toearth, very direct and straightforward, to have fun with. ☎582549 I’D LIKE TO HEAR... what you have to say. SBF, 18, 5’5”, darkskinned, pretty, Aries, N/S, enjoys shopping, vacations, and movies. Seeking a man, 20-28. ☎578781 LEASING W/OPTION TO BUY SBF, 30, fun, outgoing, romantic Pisces, N/S, enjoys song writing, music, traveling, and conversation. Seeking man, 30-50, for friendship and more. ☎567142 RAINY DAYS AND COOKING... are a few of my delights. DBF, 38, 5’5”, 125lbs, pecan tan complexion, laid-back, down-toearth, Aquarius, smoker, N/D, seeks BM, 3045. ☎569952 JUST BE THERE FOR ME SBF, 23, 5’2”, Pisces, N/S, enjoys traveling. Seeking a romantic WM, 25-31, N/S, for LTR. ☎576613 MAKE YOUR OWN DESTINY Loving, intelligent SBF, 34, seeks SBM, 3545, for companionship, long walks, movies, dining out and more. ☎550597 SINGLE MOM SEEKING SBF, 20, Gemini, N/S, mother of twins, likes going to the park, spending time with family, going to the mall, movies, seeks compatible SBM, 18-35, N/S. ☎532672 ARIES/TAURUS DWCF, 52, 5’4”, brown/green, likes the beach, playing pool, sailing, flea markets, dining, movies at home, stargazing. Looking for tall, honest, kind, affectionate, Christian man, 3958. Let’s adore each other. ☎479572

Mobile Dating. The easiest way to meet great people.

GUIDELINES: DATE MAKER ads are for adults 18 or over seeking monogamous relationships. To ensure your safety, carefully screen all responses. First meetings should occur in a public place. Abbreviations are permitted only to indicate gender preference, race, and religion. We suggest your ad contain a self-description, age range, lifestyle and avocations. Ads and voice messages containing explicit sexual language will not be accepted. This publication reserves the right to revise copy containing objectionable phrases; to reject in its sole discretion, any advertisement on account of its text. This publication assumes no responsibility for the content or reply to any DATE MAKER ad. The advertiser assumes complete liability for the content and all replies to any advertisement or recorded message and for any claims made against this publication and its agents as a result thereof. The advertiser agrees to indemnify and hold this publication, its employees and its agents harmless from all costs, expenses (including reasonable attorney fees), liabilities and damages resulting from or caused by the publication or recording placed by the a service of advertiser or any reply to any such advertisement. By using DATE MAKER, the advertiser agrees not to leave his/her phone number, last name or address in his/her voice greeting. Not all boxes contain a voice greeting.

ABBREVIATIONS

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M B D F H C LTR

Male Black Divorced Female Hispanic Christian Long-term Relationship

G W A S J P N/D N/S

Gay White Asian Single Jewish Professional Non-Drinker Non-smoker

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D E C 4 2 0 0 3

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M E T R O

D E C 4 2 0 0 3

To respond to ads using a SEEKS WARRIOR QUEEN Warrior SBM, 29, likes movies, horseback riding, travel, romantic evenings. Seeking warrior queen, 18-29, with similar interests. ☎695792 LOOKING FOR YOU SWM, 43, Taurus, smoker, likes funny movies. Seeking WF, 29-35, smoker, for friendship, possible romance. ☎693348 GETTING TO KNOW YOU SWM, 54, Libra, N/S, loves baseball, jogging, and swimming. Seeking WF, 40-55, for friendship, possible romance. ☎685199 A SMILE SAYS IT ALL Easygoing SBM, 32, new to area, enjoys dining, sporting events, quiet times home. Seeking SF who enjoys sports and doesn’t always need to be on the go, for romance, LTR. ☎683984 WELL-ROUNDED MAN Educated SBPM, 41, 5’11”, loves reading, working out, the arts, dining out, travel, quiet times. Would like to meet SWF, 30-45, with similar interests, for fun, friendship, and maybe more. ☎442021 ARE YOU LOOKING 4 LOVE? you’ve found it! Honest, trustworthy SM, 33, enjoys drives, cruises, quiet times at home, time with friends, good conversations. Seeking communicative, outgoing, intelligent lady to share friendship and maybe relationship. ☎681924 HANDY MAN Medium-built, tolerant, clean, financially secure DWM, 48, 5’10”, Aquarius, smoker, with a good sense of humor, enjoys cooking, house work, gardening, reading, music, cuddling. Seeking woman, 35-55, for long-term relationship. ☎607612 PRINCE CHARMING SM, 25, 6’, 180lbs, brown/brown, truck driver, likes movies, reading, dining out, dancing, sports, travel. Seeking mature, outgoing woman who knows what she wants. ☎675675 SINGLE DAD Attractive, outgoing SWM, 27, 5’6”, 160lbs, likes movies, dining out, travel, conversation. Seeking outgoing, caring woman, 18-35, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎677721 WAITING FOR YOU SBM, 19, with a brown complexion, wants to meet a woman who is through with games, for the fun stuff of life. ☎656637 OUT OF THE ORDINARY SWM, 21, smoker, likes Nelly, break dancing, ideal date would be dinner followed by something out of the ordinary, such as time at the shooting range, seeks SBF, for LTR. ☎651750 ALL EARS SBM, 26, Gemini, N/S, very outgoing, loves working out, easygoing, loves to have fun, seeks outgoing woman, 19-31, who likes to have fun. ☎654007 COLLEGE-EDUCATED SWM, 51, 6’1”, 193lbs, with blue eyes and a laid-back attitude, seeks a woman with a spontaneous, creative spirit. ☎434997 MAKE ME LAUGH SWM, 19, 5’10”, 165lbs, dark features, goodlooking, seeks very outgoing woman who can adapted to most any situation, possible relationship. ☎631029 SEEKING CHRISTIAN WOMAN Friendly, committed, independent SBCM, 43, 5’11”, enjoys quiet evenings. Seeking attractive, committed, independent SBCF for friendship, possible LTR. ☎796760 COMPANIONSHIP SBM, 34, enjoys cooking, dining out, movies, sports and more. Please consider me for a candidate for a relationship with you. Don’t miss this opportunity. Call! ☎619405 WORTH A TRY SWM, 21, seeks SF, 20-30, who loves having fun, has a good personality and is looking for a lasting relationship. ☎622681 MAYBE IT’S YOU? SM, 36, 5’11”, enjoys working out, auto racing and car shows, mountains, beaches and more. Seeking easygoing, honest, fun-loving SF to share these with, friendship first, possible LTR. ☎625970

FROM THE HEART Handsome, outgoing, fun, young-looking SWM, 42, Virgo, N/S, seeks WF, 34-46, who likes to go out and is very nice. ☎605027 HEART OF GOLD SWM, 31, 6’3”, 210lbs, brown/blue, enjoys reading, movies, travel, sports. Seeking outgoing, attractive SF, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎556440 LOOKING FOR MS. RIGHT SWM, 37, 5’9”, 180lbs, enjoys biking, sports, travel, dining out. Seeking outgoing, attractive SF, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎557954

TAKE A CHANCE GWM, 43, 6’2”, 195lbs, black brown, seeks other GWM, for fun times and maybe something more. ☎493530 GREAT PERSONALITY SBM, 18, 6’3”, 220lbs, masculine build, seeking SBM, 18-29, very masculine, energetic, fun-loving, to go out for dinners, walks and more. ☎627150 SEEKING SOMEONE SINCERE GWM, 42, 5’11”, 175lbs, brown/blue, somewhat masculine, outgoing and friendly, likes dining out, travel, movies and shopping. Looking to meet honest, passionate SBM, with similar interests, for dating, possible LTR. ☎769411 FRIENDSHIP FIRST GWM, 26, 5’3”, athletic build, N/S, likes sports, working out, travel, reading, swimming. Seeking non-smoking GW/AM, 20-26, with similar interests. ☎764332 SEEKING FRIENDSHIP SBM, 6’1”, 214lbs, enjoys indoor activities. Seeking masculine SW/BM, honest, sincere, who is looking for new friendships. ☎737679 HEALTHY AND FIT SBM, 25, 5’5”, 170lbs, masculine, nighttime inventory stocker, Capricorn, N/S, enjoys working out. Seeking energetic, passionate, masculine WM, 20-50, N/S. ☎708544 A LOT TO OOFER Outgoing SWM, 5’ 10”, average build, 44, Capricorn, smoker, seeks WM, 40-50, smoker, to date and enjoy a lifetime companionship. ☎691527 DONT MISS OUT Fun-loving GWM, 24, likes sports, dining out, movies, quiet evenings at home, music. Seeking romantic, affectionate GM, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎675371 SPRINGTIME BLOOM SWM, 33, with an education in business, seeks a man who loves country music, karaoke, springtime, and making a connection with a good person. ☎659296 ROAM IF YOU WANT TO SWM, 42, loves cool weather and the renewal of Spring. Seeking a man who is strong both physically and emotional. ☎661792 SEA OF LOVE SWM, 29, Pisces, smoker, 5’7”, 175lbs, swims like a fish, likes water-skiing, bowling, movies, time at home, seeks compatible SWM, 30-40, for LTR. ☎647347 LOOKING FOR LOVE Outgoing, spontaneous, loving, down-to earth SBM, 24, Sagittarius, non-smoker, seeks man, 19-50, to date and enjoy life. ☎602634 MASCULINE AND FIT SWM, 39, Libra, smoker, 5’8”, brown/brown, masculine, works out, fit, likes movies, riding bikes, camping, cooking, time at home. Seeks SWM, 30-43, with similar interests. ☎545309

How do you

,call 1-866-832-4685

RELAXING AT HOME SBM, 35, Virgo, N/S, likes relaxing at home, fun, concerts, trips going to the beach. Seeks fun, spontaneous SBM, 26-37, N/S. ☎532700 A NEW START Retired, fit, outgoing GWM, 44, enjoys walks, movies, sports, reading. Seeking outgoing GM, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎527836 LET’S MEET FOR COFFEE Good-looking GWM, 36, 6’, 200lbs, muscular, tan, enjoys working out, yard work, spending time with my dogs. Looking for attractive SM, 32-48, for dating, maybe leading to LTR. ☎436231 ME IN A NUTSHELL WM, 18, brown/blue, medium build, looking for fun, outgoing, energetic guy, 18-30, for movies, hanging out, quiet evenings at home, and more. Friends first, maybe becoming serious. ☎425471 ENJOYS ALL THAT LIFE HAS GWM, 40, shaved head, goatee, Pisces, smoker, seeks very special, attractive, strong, fun-loving GBM, 30-50, for dating, possible LTR. ☎257126 YOU CAN MAKE MY DAY Male, 60, Cancer, N/S, seeks a WM, 49-65, N/S, for casual relationship. Why not call me? ☎927707

DIVA WITH DIMPLES Independent DWF, 23, Gemini, smoker, enjoys hip-hop, R&B, and country music. Seeking WF, 20-30, smoker, for friendship, possible romance. ☎808179 GET TO KNOW ME SBF, 25, Taurus, N/S, enjoys movies, travel. Seeking woman, 21-30, N/S, for friendship, possible romance. ☎803723 WHY WAIT? SWF, 38, 5’6”,140lbs, short brown hair, easygoing, enjoys playing golf, the beach. Seeking feminine female, 20-40, to have fun times and more. ☎448489 A LOT TO OFFER Non-smoking GBF, 37, N/S, seeks very attractive, unique, romantic, fun, intelligent, feminine GF, 27-37, for friendship, dating, possibly more. ☎749660 A NEW BEGINNING Attractive and outgoing SWF, 5’ 5”, Athletic build, 20, Aquarius, smoker, loves the outdoors, camping and hiking. Seeking WF, 2150, for LTR. ☎751226 JUST THE FACTS SBPF, 41, Libra, N/S, seeks PF, age and race unimportant, who enjoys dining out, quiet times at home, and movies, for LTR. ☎730225

OPEN-MINDED CHIC Broken-hearted GWF, 30, Libra, smoker, seeks woman, 20-45, to mend my heart. Let’s not be afraid of who we are. ☎370110 A REFRESHING CHANGE SWF, 30, Libra, smoker, is hoping to find it in a woman, 25-45. Will show a lot of a affection. ☎307177 SEEKING STRONG FRIENDSHIP BiWF, 27, 5’8’’, 145lbs, student, enjoys romantic comedies, fall, quiet restaurants. Seeking female for clubbing, shopping, dancing, dining, movies, television. ☎700095 LOOKING FOR A FRIEND GBF, 38, black/brown, medium build, N/S, likes dining out, movies, travel, sports. Seeking kind, sweet, honest GBF, 30-38, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎695904 ENJOYS BOWLING SBF, 32, Gemini, N/S, 5’3”, 145lbs, mother of one, enjoys movies, the mall, dining, going out to eat, bowling, quiet times at home, seeks woman, 21-38, for friendship, possible romance. ☎646271 LOVES CHILDREN Easygoing, nice SF, 32, looking for someone with the same qualities, 29-39, and a people person. ☎388943 BEAUTIFUL AND FEMININE GWF, 32, 5’7”, 135lbs, enjoys reading, movies, dining out, travel, sports, music, movies. Seeking GWF, 25-39, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎329063 FRIENDSHIP SBF, 38, 5’7”, slim, fit, seeks SF, for friendship and fun. Must be outgoing, love to wine and dine, travel, movies and theater. ☎878217

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CHRISTMAS EXPO!

E Saturday, Dec. 6 FRE R I 10am-3pm CHA AGE Augusta Suites Inn SS MA “Garden Room”

Religion Metropolitan Community Church of Our Redeemer A Christian Church reaching to all: including Gay, Lesbian, and Transgendered Christians. Meeting at 557 Greene Street, 11 am and 6 pm each Sunday. 722-6454 MCCOurRedeemer@aol.com www.mccoor.com (12/04#8128)

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