Table of Contents December 8, 2016 Whine Line 4 Kris Fisher 6 Insider 8 Feature 14 Gifts for Guys 20
In Plain Sight 14
EDIT
CREATIVE
Amy Christian
Joshua Bailey
Joe White
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Arts Editor/Production Director
Lead Designer
Stacey Eidson stacey@themetrospirit.com
Molly Swift Staff Writer
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Contributors Jenny Wright, Greg Baker, Austin Rhodes, Josh Ruffin, Kris Fisher, Michael Johnson, Tyler Strong
SALES
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circulation manager
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Joe White Publisher
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22 23 24 30 32 34 36 38
BUSINESS
Johnny Beckworth
Staff Writer
Metroweek What’s Up Calendar Nightlife Sightings Hero Worship The Eight Austin Rhodes
COVER DESIGN: Kruhu
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OPINION
Kris Fisher: 6
The Whine Line Dear Whineline. You went in hiding for a few weeks and did not participate in last weeks of the election. All the hate that I spuwed following the election was not published. Dont worry. I got plenty hate left to share. Catch you next week. Why is it whenever I go to an ATM the car before me has just come down from their bunker in the hills and is doing their annual banking for their entire clan? Today, the woman put a card in four times, getting paperwork each time. Donald get serious. I understand you feel obligated to reward those who played dumb and looked the other way. I understand letting the monster sleep, by placing at least one token black person in your administration. But putting Ben Carson at HUD, is like Tiger Woods playing US Open Tennis, or Micheal Phelps on the US men’s gymnastics team. Expect cheers from the battery operated crowds, but no America great again medals will come home.
on their telephone recording and they will return your call normally within 24 hours. “All” 4 telephone recording devices were completely full and therefore no messages/complaints could be made/ left to either of the VA Advocate Offices. Guess they don’t like to take or respond to telephone calls during December.
I see the man with “the face made for radio” is still dodging the question I posed 10+ years ago on the AC forums - Is there ANYTHING conservatives have EVER been right about in the history of the U.S.? This is pitiful.
Deke and Austin talk shows on WGAC? What a way to waste a day! As a retiree, I spend my comfortable pension and savings here in the U.S. However, that money would go much further if spent in Mexico and unless Trump gives me a tax break, I’m gone.
The crossword. Return it, please. Let’s not make this a habit. This whine goes out to the dental students who think it’s cool to wear their scrubs out to nice restaurants. News flash....nobody wants to have dinner or cocktails next to somebody who has nasty mouth germs splattered all over them. Do us all a favor and go home and change before you go out. Austin Rhodes doesn’t understand statistics (among many other subjects). Polls did not predict Trump would lose in an embarrassing landslide. The Real Clear Politics average of polls had Clinton ahead by 3 points but the margin of error was 4 points, and she did win by 1 point. So the polls were correct. Scientific data is not a conspiracy to depress conservative turnout. Attempted to call “all” 4 VA Advocate Offices last year several times during December. Their procedures are that you leave a message/complaint
WHINELINE@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM Have something you want to get off your chest? Send your whines to whineline@themetrospirit.com. The Metro Spirit reserves the right to edit submitted whines for content, but we will otherwise print them pretty much exactly as you type them… spelling errors and all. 4 METROSPIRIT AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
8DECEMBER2016
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Happy Birthday To Me!
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MY BIRTHDAY WAS LAST WEEK. I didn’t really call attention to it because I think I’m not supposed to. My dad was always kind of “meh” about his birthday, so I feel like that’s what I’m supposed to do. Plus, there’s the fact that I’m a grown man and all. We’re supposed to just be cool about it, I think. That’s me on the outside. On the inside, I’m all giddy. I get excited when people remember and I secretly want a surprise party at Chuck E. Cheese or the skating rink with all my friends from elementary school. I can’t be the only one. Everybody loves birthdays, right? It’s the one day a year that the day is completely about you, like your own little holiday. “National Me Day,” if you will. I recently celebrated my 39th “National Kris Fisher Day.” Yeah, I’m getting older. But, I don’t mind it… especially considering the alternative. When my birthday rolled around, I didn’t expect a big fuss. I usually just like a better-thanusual dinner, maybe a little extra free time. This year, I’d have just just settled for getting off of work on time. It’s been a long year filled with long days and another one started started the very next day at 5 a.m. To my excitement, I got ahead of my work, my managers were all out of the building and it looked like I was going to be able to slip out of work an hour early. Best. Birthday. Ever! Then, about an hour before my planned, sneaky departure, it was brought to my attention that someone dropped the ball on something down the line and the only person able to pick up the slack was the ol’ birthday boy. After all was said and done, I ended up leaving work three hours late. I pouted all the way home. That trip home took a lot longer than usual because there were two wrecks in the mile and a half distance from work to home. Not just fender-benders, these were blue lights everywhere, ambulances, fire trucks, re-routed traffic type accidents. I pout some more as I weave my way through extra roads and an extra couple of miles to get home. When I get home, my daughter is in the front yard calling for our dog who had slipped out and gone exploring. When we finally located the dog, I noticed a smell. Not a just any dog smell, this was that smell of death. Dog owners are familiar with this smell. Dogs sometimes find something that smells like dead, rotten poo wrapped with burnt hair sprayed by skunk juice mixed with the broken dreams of a truck stop prostitute. Not the kind of smell that makes you think, “Oh, he needs a bath,” but the kind of smell that makes you say “he needs a bath RIGHT NOW, don’t let him touch any of the furniture!” All this went on before I even walked in the door to drop off my backpack. I pout as I carry this smelly jerk upstairs to wash him, as I’m the only one who can, since he absolutely hates baths and is quite the sizable canine. I wrestle him into the tub and pout some more. It’s at this point that I notice that I’m finally acting like the child I referenced before. Y’know, the one I said that grown men aren’t supposed to be acting like as we anticipate our birthday? Here I am, turning 39, acting like I’m turning 9. I then thought about the accidents that I saw on the way home, remembering that I had to pull over for a lights-blazing fire truck and more EMT help to get to the scene. I wondered what was going on with the people involved. I wondered if they were okay or if, God forbid, they never again get the chance to go home and pout about a spoiled birthday. My Phelps Face started to melt away as I thought about how happy I was to be home with the people I love. Suddenly, that dog didn’t smell quite so bad. I’m lying. That dog still reeked of death and rotten onions. Good lord, what is it that these dogs find to roll around in? Just thinking about that smell brings tears to my eyes!
KRIS FISHER,Kris Fisher is the midday host and program director for HD98.3 and an Augusta radio staple. He is a husband, father of three and lover of all things adventurous, as well as activities most people would have outgrown years ago. djkfish.com. 8DECEMBER2016
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NEWS
In Plain Sight: 14
Columbia County Has Got It All Backwards THIS WEEK’S COVER STORY talks about two different massage parlors in Columbia County — Gold Spa and King’s Spa — that were recently busted on sex-related charges involving prostitution. While the arrest of these four female employees from these Asian spas might not have surprised too many local citizens, it is still mind-boggling to some Columbia County residents that such establishments are allowed to thrive and flourish for years in one of the most conservative counties in Georgia. After all, Columbia County doesn’t even allow bars within its county limits, but these spas promoting prostitution are allowed to go on for years and years without anything but an occasional slap on the wrist. Does that make any sense to anyone? Even though the Columbia County Sheriff ’s Office conducted these recent undercover operations to expose the illegal sex acts at the two massage parlors, it was shocking to hear that Columbia County Sheriff Clay Whittle has not made any recommendations to the county commission regarding the business licenses of these spas. Why? It’s tough to say, but chances are he might prefer the courts to review and handle these cases or the sheriff ’s department to just pressure these spas into cleaning up their act or closing their doors. It seems to have worked with King’s Spa. The massage parlor has been locked up and closed since the undercover operations by the sheriff ’s department last month. In Richmond County, such investigations of massage parlors are much more open and discussed in public. The Richmond County Sheriff ’s Office doesn’t seem to have a problem recommending whether a business license should be placed on probation, suspension or completely revoked if there is illegal activity occurring at an establishment. However, Columbia County seems to deal with its problems by playing things a little closer to the vest. For those citizens possibly living under a rock, Columbia County definitely doesn’t like to air its dirty laundry in public, especially when it comes to something as seedy as prostitution. If the sheriff ’s office sends a recommendation to the commission that a business license should be revoked, commissioners would likely be forced to publicly vote on the matter. They may even have to publicly discuss it. And, heaven forbid, if the owner disputes the recommendation given to the commission by the sheriff ’s office, the county’s licensing and permits department would possibly have to present its recommendation and the details of the case to the commission. Again, in a public meeting. At least in Richmond County, such a situation means a representative from the sheriff ’s department has to make a statement regarding the activity and provide evidence about why a business license should suspended, put on probation or revoked.
When it comes to the Augusta Commission, elected officials even typically have a few questions for the sheriff ’s office. They want to know specifics. Not about the act itself if it involves prostitution, but the circumstances surrounding the case. Commissioners want to talk to the business owners and hear what they have to say. They want to see if there is another side of the story and sometimes those discussions aren’t pretty. But, you know what? They are real and immediately get to the heart of the problem. Such discussions don’t really happen in Columbia County. Most of the commissioners have their minds already made up before they even enter the building. So, why would the sheriff want to mess with that no-win situation? Simply put, he wouldn’t. It is much easier to head to court if a business license is challenged and present the facts to a judge. Chances are, there won’t be any press covering a small hearing in Columbia County. The facts of the case can be completely handled without any major fanfare or attention from the local media. Just feed the local press the mugshots and the two-sentence incident reports and call it a day. Columbia County still looks good, the press has their two-minute story for the day and the problem is either swept under the rug or put on a shelf to be dealt with another 12 months down the line when someone complains that their husband is getting sexual favors from a shady spa in a strip mall. That’s one way to handle it. Or you could fully address the problem and really treat the massage therapists that spend months in training to receive a proper license and pay thousands of dollars for a professional degree with more respect. Own the problem. Respect the profession. Revoke the licenses of those businesses promoting prostitution. Those aren’t massage parlors. They aren’t spas. Let’s get real, those establishments are brothels that have young, foreign women who are likely trapped in the profession working there because they are basically being held hostage by their employer. Many don’t speak English, they have no money, they are in this country illegally, they don’t have a passport, they may be addicted to drugs and some carry sexually transmitted diseases. Oh, right, and many are sexually servicing the citizens of Columbia County on a regular basis. Does Columbia County really want to ignore that? If so, thank goodness the county will have its own hospital pretty soon. Some residents will definitely need it.
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Goats Are a Brilliant Idea in Grovetown?
FOR THE PAST SEVERAL WEEKS, some members of the local media have been covering the city of Grovetown’s “new” plan to have six goats clean up 25 of the city’s overgrown areas located around its retention ponds. “The goats are an experimental move as the city looks to maintain its 25 retention ponds officials said would cost thousands of dollars to hire a company to maintain the severely overgrown areas,” The Columbia County News-Times recently reported. “The total cost for the goats and materials to build the shelter inside the gated retention pond has only cost the city about $1,000.” A news report on WJBF featured Grovetown Mayor Gary Jones insisting that the program was going to save taxpayers in Grovetown thousands of dollars each year because the goats will be able to get into areas where machines or bush hogs can’t maneuver. And those goats will eat anything, including sharp brier, Jones said. What a brilliant idea, isn’t it? Whoever came up with this wise method of saving the city money should really be commended, right? Well, this is an extremely good example of how governments in Columbia County are treated much differently than Augusta-Richmond County. In the recent media reports on Grovetown’s goat program, there was no mention of the local leader who originally brought such an idea to the CSRA. More than six years ago, back when Augusta Commissioner Marion Williams was running for his former District 2 commission seat against the then-incumbent commissioner Corey Johnson, Williams made a suggestion that many voters immediately said was just another one his “insane” ideas. During his campaign in 2010, Williams walked down Kent Street in the inner city and pointed to the home of a former principal of Lucy Laney High School who passed away several years ago. “This was a really affluent neighborhood at one time,” he said. “But, now, look at the bars on the windows. Look how people are living. It’s a shame.” On one side of the road was a house with a beautifully manicured lawn, a garden and sturdy fence around the property. Next door was a shell of a home that no longer had a roof and a tree was growing up through the middle of the house. 10 METROSPIRIT AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
“That house has been burned out for years, but no one is doing anything about it,” Williams said in 2010. “And this property owner has had to look at it every day.” Like many of Williams’ ideas, he believed the problem of overgrown lots could be solved by thinking out of the box. “I’ve seen in Atlanta and other cities, they take a herd of goats and put them in a place that is fenced in and they eat up the vegetation,” he said in 2010. “The goat is the only animal you don’t have to buy food for. They eat everything.” Many people thought it was an absolutely absurd idea, but Williams insisted it had been proven successful in other cities. “We need some new ideas,” he said. “District 2 needs help.” When Williams presented these ideas to voters six years ago, many people laughed at his suggestion and even nicknamed him, “The Goatman.” Well, now Williams is having the last laugh. Back in 2014, the Augusta Commission finally listened to Williams and approved a pilot project that would purchase a small herd of goats to maintain the vegetation in a few of Augusta’s fenced retention ponds for the low price of $500. The city’s engineering department told commissioners that they were swamped with trying to maintain the ponds and needed all the help they could get. What better help than from a goat? You don’t have to pay a salary, they eat everything in sight and there is minimum cost to shelter and care for the goats. Ever since the program began in August of 2014, it has been a complete success and has even been expanded with the support of the Augusta Commission. Not only has it helped cut back on the weeds and overgrown lots around the retention ponds in Augusta-Richmond County, but it also aided with mosquito control over the summer because crews were able to access and treat the ponds located near neighborhoods. Two years after the program began, the goats just continue to eat and eat and eat. As a result, the city is saving thousands and thousands of dollars each year. So, while Grovetown city leaders are getting a big pat on the back this week for coming up with such an ingenious way of getting goats to maintain their city’s retention ponds, they weren’t the first ones to come up with the idea. One man in Augusta should be standing a little taller this week: Mr. “Goatman” Williams. 8DECEMBER2016
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In Plain Sight
Columbia County Confronts Its Prostitution Problem By Metro Spirit Staff LeSS than a month after three female employees were arrested at King’s Spa on South Belair Road in Columbia County on sex-related charges, all of the spa’s signs have been taken down and the doors remain locked. A large red “For Rent” sign is now prominently displayed in the front window. “What happened?” a truck driver, who identified himself as only “Tony,” asked a Metro Spirit reporter as he pulled his big rig around the corner of shopping center on South Belair Road. “I was going to come by here for a carton of cigarettes, grab a few hot dogs and get some work done on this cramp in my leg. It gets stiff when I drive.” “Tony” smirked as he muttered the word “stiff.” Even he was having a hard time pretending he had no idea what went on behind closed doors at King’s Spa. Let’s just say, if “Tony” was looking for a professional massage therapist to treat the persistent cramp in his leg, he had come to the wrong place. Just last month, two of the women working at King’s Spa — Sun Okay Kim, 62, and Mun Sook Choi, 49 — were arrested and charged with trafficking a person for sexual servitude, while Sun Ja Song, 36, was charged with prostitution. According to the incident reports from the Columbia County Sheriff’s Office, the three women were taken to jail on Nov. 9 after Song did “knowingly and willfully consent to perform sexual acts for money.” A few hours later, the sheriff’s office also discovered illegal sexual activity occurring just a couple miles away at Gold Spa on Columbia Road in Martinez. Officers arrested and charged Chong Huy Lee, 49, with prostitution after she consented to “sexual intercourse and oral sex” for money, according to the incident report. “These were two separate operations at two separate businesses,” said Major Steve Morris of the Columbia County Sheriff’s Office. “It was an undercover operation at these massage parlors, Gold Spa and King’s Spa.” This isn’t the first time employees at King’s Spa have been arrested on similar sexrelated charges.
“Next to the video monitor in the dressing room were two copies of pictures of me cut out of the newspaper. So, I guess they wanted to make sure they could at least recognize me if I was the one coming in the door.” — Greg Smith
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Chong Lee
Mun Choi
Since 2008, women have been busted for masturbation for hire at least three previous times at King’s Spa, but the spa’s doors remained open until just last month. When asked if Columbia County Sheriff Clay Whittle was going to recommend to the Columbia County Board of Commissioners that King’s Spa and Gold Spa’s business licenses be revoked, Morris replied, “The sheriff has not made a recommendation.” Earlier his year, a violent crime also struck King’s Spa when a 39-year-old Atlanta resident, Damione Aaron Evans, was arrested after allegedly assaulting two of the spa’s female employees, raping one of them, and then robbing the business of approximately $300. While King’s Spa may have recently closed its doors following the undercover operation by the sheriff ’s office, Gold Spa appears to still be open for business. When a Metro Spirit reporter knocked on the Gold Spa’s front door, no one answered, but there was clearly someone inside the building. There were also two cars in parking lot and the spa’s front porch light was on. Illegitimate Spas a Longtime Problem Like many communities across the state of Georgia, Columbia County is faced with problem of how to properly handle these massage parlors, while also protecting the rights of legitimate massage therapists throughout the county. More than 15 years ago, Columbia County commissioners tightened its ordinance for massage licenses after two spas, Royal Products at 3865 Washington Road and Tokyo Health Spa at 4337-A Ridge Trail, were ordered to be closed by the courts due to illegal sexual activity. In 1999, three arrests on sex-for-hire charges were made at Royal Products after only one year of operation. The courts also found that eight arrests were made for sex-related services at Tokyo Health Spa from 1995 until 1999. Similar problems have plagued Richmond County throughout the years. In April 2011, the Richmond County Sheriff ’s Department, along with the FBI’s Human Trafficking Task Force, conducted an investigation of the former Bo Bo Skin Spa on Washington Road. The sheriff ’s office quickly discovered Bo Bo was not properly licensed to give massages, but they were accepting clients anyway. “Supposedly, they had a license that they could maintain your skin,” Sgt. Richard Elim of Richmond County’s Vice Squad told the Metro Spirit in 2011. “They could scrub it. Clean it. Give you lotions for it. But they couldn’t administer a massage.” They couldn’t, but they did it anyway. “Not only did they illegally give massages there, they branched out into masturbation for hire,” Elim says. Masturbation for hire is the official term for what’s commonly called the “happy ending.” In the case against Bo Bo, Elim had the good fortune of walking in on a massage at precisely the right time. “Typically, we get information that something else is going on,” he said. “We have to check it out, and that can involve surveillance, it can involve actually going into a place and purchasing a massage or it can involve a site investigation. In this case, we went in, and while we were inside we went into one of the rooms and caught the process ‘in the act.’” That act proved costly for Suki Park Laszlo, the spa’s owner, who was not only operating without a massage operator’s license, she was operating without a certified massage therapist. The women were clearly acting as prostitutes, not massage therapists, Elim said. In addition, he had good reason to believe the offerings went far beyond “happy endings.” “I’m convinced there was more going on in that location than masturbation for hire,” he said, describing a bag of condoms he found in the room. “Imagine you buy a pack of condoms. Now, 8DECEMBER2016
Sun Ja Song
Sun Kim
“Imagine you buy a pack of condoms. Now, imagine having a hundred of those not in the pack, but all lubricated and ready to use in a big plastic bag — just reach in and grab one.” — Richard Elim imagine having a hundred of those not in the pack, but all lubricated and ready to use in a big plastic bag — just reach in and grab one.” Bo Bo wasn’t the first questionable operation to utilize the same location on Washington Road. Years ago, it was home to the notorious Osaka Spa, which was closed along with three other massage parlors during a sting operation in 2002. Many longtime residents of Richmond County won’t soon forget the very public hearing held before the Augusta Commission to consider whether the city should revoke the businesses licenses of Our Place Too on Washington Road, Peach Health Spa on Deans Bridge Road and Sun Spa on Wylds Road after several employees were charged with keeping houses of prostitution. Back in 2002, then-Sgt. Greg Smith of the Richmond County Sheriff ’s Office’s vice division went before the Augusta Commission to explain why each of the spas had been charged. He was also asked to provide evidence as to why their business licenses should be revoked. Once Smith started his presentation at the public hearing, it became all too clear that he had plenty of evidence against the spas. “We were approached by an informant who stated that he had been in the Sun Spa on several occasions and received sexual intercourse in exchange for money,” Smith told the commissioners. “The informant advised me that as long as he went in with the undercover (officer), they would have no problems having sex with any of the people there. That it would be as simple as handing them $150.” Shortly after, Smith said an undercover officer was sent to Sun Spa on Wylds Road with the informant. “They both paid $150 to the woman at the door who greeted them,” Smith said. “And actually the spa was so busy that night, it was about a 30-minute wait. There were about five or six cars out front when we got there.” Eventually, Smith said a young woman asked the officer to come into a private room. “They already had him (the officer) disrobe,” Smith said. “The female then took her clothes off and offered to have sex with him.” The officers immediately entered the spa and made several arrests. “The interesting thing about this spa, they had like a dressing room inside where the girls go AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
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“When we came through the back, the second person arrested, Mrs. Kyong Smith, started yelling down the hallway trying to warn the young lady that was in the room with the undercover officer.” — Greg Smith to freshen up,” Smith said. “And they also had video cameras at the front door. Next to the video monitor in the dressing room were two copies of pictures of me cut out of the newspaper.” Obviously, the women were on the lookout for undercover officers, Smith said. “So, I guess they wanted to make sure they could at least recognize me if I was the one coming in the door,” Smith said, chuckling. In the case of Peach Health Spa on Deans Bridge Road, that massage parlor was charged with one count of prostitution and two counts of keeping a house of prostitution. “The undercover officer went into the room and again was told to take all of his clothes off,” Smith said. “A few minutes later a young lady walked into the room, took all of her clothes off and proceeded to give him a massage. Then during the course of the massage, she offered to have sexual intercourse for an additional amount of money.” The officers entered the back door of spa to make the arrests because video cameras were at the front door, Smith said. “When we came through the back, the second person arrested, Mrs. Kyong Smith, started yelling down the hallway trying to warn the young lady that was in the room with the undercover officer,” Smith said. The remarkable thing about the case of Peach Health Spa was that massage parlor had 16 METROSPIRIT AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
been allowed to reopen in 2000 in the exact space of another spa, then known as Paradise Health Spa, that had previously been busted for masturbation for hire. Investigators from the Richmond County Sheriff’s Office had warned the commission that they were “very concerned” that Paradise Health Spa’s former clientele would return to Peach Health Spa, and that the illegal sexual activity would resume. Clearly, they were correct. While the owners of Peach Health Spa and Sun Spa did not dispute the claims against them during the 2002 public hearing, one of the owners of the building that housed Our Place Too on Washington Road was visibly upset by the accusations of illegal sexual activity at his location. Tom Ryan, the part-owner of the building that housed Our Place Too, looked as if he was going to be sick as Smith explained why the massage parlor had been charged with keeping a house of prostitution. “We had received several complaints about this spa,” Smith told the Augusta Commission in 2002. “The complaints were the young ladies working there were offering masturbation.” Smith said as a result of the complaints, the sheriff’s department sent an undercover officer to Our Place Too around 7:40 p.m. one night to see if the complaints were true. “The undercover officer went in and paid his money for his massage and then he was approached to pay an extra $60 which would have been a total of $120 in exchange for masturbation,” Smith said. “At that point, of course, we went in and made the arrest.” Yong Anderson, who Smith said was the manager of the spa, was charged with keeping a place of prostitution, while the woman providing the undercover officer with a massage was charged with masturbation for hire. Smith added that there was no doubt in his mind that Anderson knew her employees were involved in illegal activity. “She (Anderson) actually, at one point, had walked in on the girl doing the massage for the undercover (officer). And the girl doing the massage was nude,” Smith said. “That’s one of the things these places do right off the bat when they (the clients) walk in, the women take all their clothes off, which obviously legitimate massage therapists don’t do.” Smith told the commissioners that, as a result of the charges, the sheriff’s department recommended that Our Place Too’s business license be revoked. Ryan, who lived just outside of Columbia, S.C., at time, said he had absolutely no idea that the individuals running the spa were involved in any kind of sexual activity with their clients. “If in fact this happened, these people need to be gone,” Ryan told the commissioners. “I’m a national (massage) instructor. I teach massage at two different schools: one in Columbia and one here. I’m on the National Standards Committee for Ethics and Law.” He told the commission he was devastated to learn that there were criminal charges against the spa. “I had no idea that you have the type of problems (with spas) that you have here,” Ryan told the Augusta commissioners. “I can’t believe it. I’ve even been stopped from teaching in 8DECEMBER2016
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the school here in town because of my association with this, which I don’t really have an association. I’m in partnership in ownership of the building. That’s my main association.” While several of the commissioners sympathized with Ryan, they also pointed out that his signature was on Our Place Too’s business license as secretary of the corporation. “The only reason my name is on the business license is because I basically built the spa,” Ryan said. “I designed it.” Then-County Attorney Jim Wall explained that, if Ryan’s name is on the business license, the license revocation applies to him as well. Therefore, Ryan would have to have an “arm’s-length sale” of the business. But Ryan asked if there wasn’t any way the city could separate the actions of the spa from his position as a legitimate businessman. “I’ve been doing massages for over 20 years and have been teaching for over 15 years,” Ryan said in 2002. “I have taken people to Our Place (Too), including students to show them the facility and give them a tour and explain how things are done from an Asian standpoint.” Ryan just shook his head in frustration. “I’m quite angry,” Ryan said. “The school contacted me and informed me that I can no longer teach there. So, in fact, this has really impacted on how I generate my funds.” Wall told Ryan there was nothing the city could do. “That’s the reason that I always tell lawyers, when they put their name on an alcohol license they better know what they are doing because they run the same risk,” Wall said. “A lot of lawyers put their name on alcohol licenses, and if they are the ones that are holding the license, they are the ones that bear the responsibility.” At the time of the 2002 hearing, then-Augusta Commissioner Bobby Hankerson said that he had seen the writing on the wall months ago that there would be future problems with some of the local spas because the city was issuing so many licenses for massage parlors. “We are reaping the corrupted root from the seed that we’ve already sewn,” Hankerson said. “And they are going to continue to come because every time I turn around, we issue a new license.”
The Back-Room Rubdown Not long after these spas’ business licenses were revoked and the massage parlors were shutdown in Richmond County, Elim said the city developed stricter city ordinances regarding these businesses. “Shortly thereafter, we were able to work with the city attorney to draft a new set of ordinances where you have to be nationally certified and where you can verify the license,” Elim said. “That cut down a lot of it right there.” But it doesn’t take long for the average citizen to realize that some of these local “spas” are still selling sex and not massages. For example, King’s Spa had several suggestive internet ads and Craig’s List posts that emphasized its table showers, body rubs and “pretty Asian girls.” In fact, there’s even a website that is advertised as a national “sex guide” for massage parlors that has a forum discussing which “Asian Massage Parlor” is better in the Augusta area: King’s Spa or Gold Spa. Needless to say, some of the descriptions of the activity at the spas are extremely graphic. “I have had many, many good experiences at King’s,” one man posted on Nov. 21. “I have been reluctant to go since the robbery but I’ve seen quite a few smokin’ hot girls there. Gold is hit and miss with attractive girls. There was one with a big a** and bolt ons that was awesome a few years ago, but not much since. I hear that both places have been hit recently so my upcoming visits have been put on hold.” But prior to the undercover operation by the sheriff’s office in November, many people explicitly described their experiences at both local spas. “I thought I’d post about my recent experiences at King’s. Just came from there a few hours ago and I must say that I’m pleasantly surprised,” one man posted on Sept. 14. “This wasn’t my first rodeo at King’s and the last two times I was there last month I was seen by Victoria, I believe. Both experiences were pleasant enough and to my surprise she actually remembered me the second time around. She was easy on the eyes with nice bolt ons and despite the fact that she didn’t talk much she definitely didn’t come off as annoyed or hating
life which is always a plus in my book... Her skills were pretty legit. She definitely likes to lick, I’ll tell you that!” The same man returned a few months later to find a new, young and very talkative female employee working at King’s Spa. “Hell, she even made jokes about how she wish she had my a** because she doesn’t have one,” he wrote. “I get the massage which was decent enough. When it was time for the flip she asked what I would be having and I said the usual. She leaves, comes back and at this point I can tell that she’s even more comfortable because she’s having a full blown conversation with me as she’s getting herself together (*yes, I know this can be a turn off for some but it didn’t bother me one bit*.) When she drops her clothes I thought to myself, ‘Wow, she actually has a nice body.’ No a** of course, but full natural C’s (another plus because I love them natural), flat stomach with a face to match. Yeah it was about to go down for sure.” The man wrote that once he got the condom on, he enjoyed the experience even though it did lessen the sensation. “Never had the best luck with (condoms) due to the lack of feeling, but they’re definitely a must!” he wrote. “Despite this though she didn’t rush a dude or clock watch. Once I was finally done she told me that it didn’t really matter to her how long it took so long as I got mine... Yeah I’ll be requesting you by name next time.” But a post on July 30 left nothing to the imagination. “Visiting Augusta and I went to King’s Spa off I-20. Looked nice and new inside,” one man wrote, adding that he asked the host for an hour-long session. “She told me $70... She takes the money and tells me she’ll be back. All of a sudden this young little Asian in a mini skirt with high heels walks in smelling good.”
“That’s one of the things these places do right off the bat when they (the clients) walk in, the women take all their clothes off.” — Greg Smith 18 METROSPIRIT AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
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The man wrote that the woman brought him into the back room to begin their “session.” “I get face down. She gets naked and climbs on top and starts a nice massage,” the man posted. “Rubbing her t*** on my back. Very decent massage and time for the flip. As soon as the flip comes she puts my d*** in her mouth... She stops after a minute and asks me if I want ‘everything.’ I say yes and she answers $60. I tell her I only have $20.” After the two haggle over the price for a little while, the woman continues. “I grab one of my condoms and had her ride me for a while,” the man wrote. The post only gets even more descriptive from there. Now, some people may dismiss such forums on websites as merely sexually frustrated men exaggerating their experiences at local spas. But, as a Metro Spirit reporter learned first-hand in 2011, King’s Spa offered much more than a massage to its customers. In a cover story called, “Spas in Augusta” in May 2011, a male reporter went to King’s Spa at 2:30 p.m. one afternoon and asked for a massage. He was told the price was $80. A pretty Asian woman with long black hair entered the room and asked him to take his clothes off. After the reporter undressed, the woman told him to lay on the table. “The table is solid, so I don’t feel her weight on it as she hops up, but I do feel her bare legs open up as she straddles me, then sidles up against my lower back, nestling in,” the reporter wrote. “She leans down into my shoulders and starts to kneed, rocking slowly forward and back. Then she works down my arms. When she’s done working them, she folds them in against my sides and I can feel he softness of her bare legs against my finger tips. She moves back up to my shoulders, and I know the rocking motion is meant to arouse me.” Then, suddenly, to reporter’s surprise, the massage was over. “Have nice day,” she whispered into the reporter’s ear as she dismounted from the table. The session was far short of the hour the reporter had paid for and the woman had only massaged his back. The Metro Spiritreporter then asked the woman, “What about the front?” “You want more?” the woman asked. Her voice then fell into to a whisper. “You want…” At that point, the pretty Asian woman made a motion that simulated sex. It looked a little like a skiing, or a dog paddle, but it was unmistakable, the reporter wrote. Instead, the reporter pantomime another option, which she pantomimed back. “How much?” the reporter whispered. “With clothes or without?” she asked. If the reporter wanted her to finish the “massage” without her clothes, it would cost him an additional $100, she said. By the time he got the money out of his wallet, she was already naked. When the “massage” was over, the Asian woman told him, “Come again. I always here.” Prostitution Across the Peach State Now, that’s not a tall tale or an exaggeration. A Metro Spirit reporter entered King’s Spa approximately five years ago and received sexual stimulation for money. So, the obvious question becomes, why was King’s Spa allowed to remain open for so long? At the time of the Metro Spirit’s 2011 article, Major Steve Morris said the Columbia County Sheriff’s Office periodically conducts undercover operations to make sure the law is being followed. “The way we feel about it — the legitimate massage therapists deserve a respectful environment,” Morris said. “And our citizens deserve to have seedy businesses removed from Columbia County.” Now, five years later, Morris still believes the undercover operations are continuing to expose these kinds of spas and their illegal activities. “This is an undercover operation,” Morris stated. “It is part of an ongoing effort to make certain these type of businesses are not engaged in nefarious activities.” Similar undercover operations and arrests have occurred throughout the state this year. Just this past April, police in Roswell arrested three female employees of a massage parlor on prostitution charges. It was the second time this year that arrests have been made at same massage parlor called A Spa, according to CBS News 46 in Atlanta. Such illegal activity at massage parlors has become a growing problem in the upscale Atlanta suburb, the news station reported. “It takes a long time to do these investigations and put them out of business,” Officer Zachary Frommer of the Roswell Police Department stated. “We’ll finally put them out of business and then they just end up popping up again. If you get a building and you want to open a business, you can open a business. What happens behind closed doors is very hard to prove sometimes.” In June, the Forsyth County Sheriff’s Office also announced it had conducted a sweep of its local massage parlors, which resulted in the shutting down of more than a dozen spas that were found to be violating the county’s ordinance. 8DECEMBER2016
The sweep also uncovered several business owners, who were denied massage parlor permits due to prior prostitution charges, were illegally performing “massages” in the county, The Forsyth County News reported. The result of the sweep was that 10 of the spas were cited for violations and five were permanently closed in Forsyth County. Also in June, three female employees at a spa called the Chinese Massage in Warner Robins were arrested and charged with masturbation for hire. A few months later, four women were arrested in August following a multi-agency raid at two Macon spas after authorities found employees were offering sex for money, according to the Bibb County Sheriff’s Office. The sheriff’s office, with help from the Houston County Sheriff’s Office, the U.S. Department of Homeland Security and the U.S. Internal Revenue Service, conducted the investigation, according to a news release. When it comes to sex for hire charges at spas or salons, it appears the Macon area doesn’t take such crimes lightly. Michael Moore, the U.S. Attorney for the Middle District of Georgia, made headlines in 2014 when four defendants were found guilty in federal court in connection with the operation of a place of prostitution and money laundering activities. The charges against the four defendants, all Korean nationals, stemmed from the operation of the Sedona Tanning Salon, formerly known as the Soft Hands Massage Parlor, in Macon. The owner of the business and admitted leader of the operation, Hyeon Joo Chae, 45, was sentenced to three years in federal prison for conspiracy to promote prostitution and money laundering offenses, the U.S. Attorney’s Office stated. Chae, admitted to changing the name of the business and putting its ownership into a “shell” corporation controlled by her when she became concerned that it had drawn the interest of local law enforcement. In the end, Chae acknowledged that, though the business purported to be a massage and tanning parlor, it operated solely as a place of prostitution, having only one unused tanning bed and no personnel qualified to perform legitimate massage services. Authorities also found that virtually all of the women employed by the business were Korean nationals. Ironically, Chae had already pled guilty to maintaining a place of prostitution previously in the State Court of Bibb County, but the federal court was able to put her in prison for three years. “I believe this sends the message to all of the other houses of prostitution in this area that we will not tolerate the ongoing exploitation of disadvantaged people for the profit of a few,” Rebecca Grist, Bibb County Solicitor-General, stated following the verdict. Bibb County Sheriff David Davis insisted that local, state and federal agencies must work closely together to combat this growing problem in Georgia. “This case shows the wide geographic reach of these type offenses,” Davis stated. “Partnerships with federal authorities help our local agencies to make much more effective arrests and prosecutions.” Davis said counties across the state should closely examine the case against Chae and learn from it. Back here in Columbia County, “Tony” climbed back into his big rig after picking up his order of hot dogs and purchasing his carton of cigarettes at the nearby tobacco shop on South Belair Road. As he looked back at the dark lobby of the King’s Spa, he said he was disappointed that he couldn’t get a massage that day, but he would find one somewhere else. “I travel all up and down the interstate and you wouldn’t believe how many of these Asian spas there are out there,” he said, chuckling. “One guy told me that a woman charged him $60 for the massage and another $80 for happy ending. But that’s $140.” “Tony” just shook his head, insisting that all he wanted was a massage to help relax the cramp in his leg. “There is no way I would have paid $140,” he said, as he started up his truck. “For that, I’ll make my own happy ending.”
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Gifts for Guys
Shopping for the man in your life doesn’t have to be an ordeal. Just ask the folks at Windsor, Friedman’s and Southeastern Armory. It’s a tale as old as time: No matter what the occasion might be, it’s next to impossible to find a meaningful gift for a man. Women, on one hand, put too much pressure on themselves to find that perfect something. Men, on the other, just go out and buy for themselves whatever they want. Women of Augusta don’t have to throw their hands up in the air, hit the mall and buy the first thing they come across just yet, however. The professionals at Windsor, Friedman’s and Southeastern Armory have a few ideas that could just save the day. According to Rick Wortley, there are three things most men like. “I’m not saying that all of them do, but it’s usually cars, guns and watches,” the jewelry division manager at Friedman’s laughed. “It’s pretty easy stuff.” That third one on this list is the one piece of “jewelry” that Wortley says a woman can generally be pretty safe buying as a gift for a man. “I heard a woman once say that a watch is a man’s engagement ring,” he said. “Not all men, of course. They certainly have different tastes, but men generally do like watches.” Fortunately, Friedman’s is home to a great many of a variety of styles and price ranges, which makes it the perfect place to find that perfect gift. One brand in particular, he says, holds a lot of appeal to men. “Luminox watches are endorsed by the Navy Seals, so there’s that military coolness about them,” he said. “They’re very efficient, they’re not costly — they are between $300$1,000, which is right in the wheelhouse of what watches cost anyhow — and they have neoprene bands, they are chronograph, and they’re just nice, rugged sports watches that are comfortable and indestructible.” Luminox not his style? Wortley says not to worry. There’s a lot more to choose from.
“We also have Seiko, Bulova, Movado, Citizen, and we also have preowned Rolexes and pre-owned Tag Heuers,” he said. “Sometimes if you want to buy a Mustang, a ’68 Mustang is the way to go. A new steel and gold Rolex is probably $13,000-$14,000. You can buy a pre-owned one for $5,000 or $6,000.” Watches and jewelry aren’t the only items Friedman’s has that may appeal to men, though. If a guy you know likes unique, this is certainly the place. Airplanes and ships made by Authentic Models line the walls, as do traditional German beer steins. Globes, Yeti products and college football items can be found in a vast space that could feel overwhelming to someone who’s fresh out of idea. But Wortley says he and his colleagues are there to help.
“We will walk through it all with you,” he said, explaining that they talk to customers about their loved one’s likes and dislikes before they ever get around to selling. “We truly believe that we sell by showing. This is probably the most unique building in the nation, and very few stores fall across that broad range of spectrum of gifts for guys.” And when a customer does find that perfect something, Wortley can almost guarantee the giftee will love it. “Guys cherish different things that their loved ones give them and women don’t see that,” he said. “It’s the little things that we cherish that are given to us by the women we love.”
If Friedman’s Jewelers covers the third item on the list of the three things that men love (watches), the Southeastern Armory definitely is the place to go for firearms, the second item on the list. However, Jason Hawes doesn’t often recommend buying a handgun as a gift. “They’re so personalized and you can’t bring them back,” the general manager of Southeastern Armory explained. “They’re like shoes. You have to fit them to the person. So I always promote the gift cards, so they can come in and get what they want. Ladies usually think that’s tacky, but guys like it. Guys like to get what they want.” Just because someone shouldn’t buy the man in their life a gun doesn’t mean that they’ll walk away from Southeastern Armory empty-handed. The relatively small space in Friedman’s Jewelers is jam packed with everything the outdoorsman in your life has to have, even if he doesn’t know it yet. And it’s not just accessories like holsters, scopes and ammunition we’re talking about, either, although Hawes says ammunition makes a great stocking stuffer. “There’s all sorts of fancy ammunition out there, so a lot of times people will get a box or two or three of the specialty stuff and put it in the stocking,” he said. “It allows them to try something new and maybe they’ll find something they like. And, at $25 a box, it’s not breaking the bank.” 20 METROSPIRIT AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
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If the guy you’re buying for has a sporting rifle, Hawes says they’re almost like Legos in terms of what you can buy for them. “You can buy accessories forever,” he laughed. “You can buy colored pieces and all kinds of gadgets for them.” Gun safes, specialty knives, Wise emergency foods, sunglasses that look good but also function as safety goggles and a selection of Yeti products are just a few of the other items in Southeastern Armory, as is Nexbelt. “Those belts are just about the neatest thing you’ve ever seen,” Hawes said. “They’re customizable. They come in one long length and you cut it to fit yourself, and the latching mechanism is really easy to operate. They make tactical belts and dress belts. They make really nice dress belts, too.”
The sheer quantity of products Southeastern Armory carries, as well as the specialized nature of those products, can be intimidating to those who may not be familiar with them. Hawes, however, says the staff is there to make the buying experience a little easier. “The main thing is to figure out what folks are into. We try to have a conversation, figure out what they do, what they like to do and then we guide them that way,” he explained. “It can be intimidating, but we’re all professional, friendly, down-to-earth people who just try to help people figure it out. We just talk to them. It’s all about communication.”
When it comes to Windsor Jewelers, everyone seems to know what’s on the first floor showroom. For men, that includes Rolex and other high-end watches, as well as William Henry pocket knives and jewelry. Many shoppers have no idea that there is another showroom on the second floor filled with treasures for both men and women. “I think Pandora was one of the anchors for the second floor that brought a lot of people up here for the first time,” said Windsor’s Shane Thompson. “I think there are a lot of people who don’t know there’s a second showroom upstairs. They think it’s office suites.” It’s not, and the second floor is filled with a variety of items including Arthur Court silver tableware, continuations of designer lines featured on the first floor, sterling silver, freshwater pearls, charms, porcelain, estate jewelry and entry price level goods. “The thing we try and stay away from is people thinking that the upstairs is only inexpensive stuff, because it’s not,” he said. “Yes, there’s a lot of sterling silver, but there are other things as well.” And while prices may rival those of other stores, Windsor has one thing that other stores could never hope to have. “You can go to the mall and visit the jewelry section at different places and find a price point if that’s what you’re hunting for, but what you don’t find when you go other places is our staff,” he explained. “Some of the people up here in this section have 30 years of jewelry experience where, in the mall, it’s their first or second job, they haven’t been there that long and they don’t know the difference between this type of cultured pearl and that type or the freshwater pearl
difference. These ladies know it all, so if you’re trying to get an idea, stick to a budget, find out where the best value is in the lower price range, they can tell you. They know it all and they know the quality of the pieces and the construction of the pieces. What we have is the talent of the people who are showing these things to you.” And the second floor houses unique products that the man in your life can surely appreciate. One such item is the M-Clip, made by a company based in Savannah. Yes, it’s a money clip, but it’s a money clip that won’t bend or break because of a design that includes a special feature. “It’s two pieces, so you can put your money or cards in there and then slide these levers down to lock everything in place,” he explained. “It’s so much better than other money clips.” And remember the three things Rick Wortley from Friedman’s said every man loves? Well, Windsor may not carry cars, but they do carry pens made by Porsche. “These are all modeled off of Porsche vehicles,” Thompson said, pointing to a case of gleaming writing instruments. “They’re actually made from pieces of the cars.” So if you can’t afford a Porsche, this is certainly the next best thing. And best of all? It comes in a little green box.
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Santa’S got a brand-new bag
SantaCon may be a nation-wide phenomenon, but Augusta decided to put its own spin on the tradition when organizers first held the event five years ago. Begun in 1994 in San Francisco, SantaCon is a chance for participants to spread some holiday cheer by dressing up in costume and visiting local establishments to eat, drink and be merry. SantaCon Augusta wanted to be something more, however. And while they’re not a nonprofit, organizers donate all profits to local charities. “For the first three years we raised money for the Ronald McDonald House,” said SantaCon Organizer Gabriel Smith. “Then last year and this year we’ve partnered with theClubhou.se downtown and we’re doing STEM scholarships, which is science, technology, engineering and math, for kids who wouldn’t normally ever get to touch a 3D printer or graphic design computer.”
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Buying a SantaCon passport for $15 is an easy way to pay it forward, especially when that passport gets the user (21 and older, of course) drink specials at 10 different bars downtown. In addition, four restaurants are in on the act this year. The Hive, The Bee’s Knees and Fuse will give SantaCon passport holders 10 percent off their bills and Sole will give them free appetizers. And that doesn’t even count the fact that everyone who participates will get a koozie and the first 100 people who show up at the SantaCon tent outside Metro Coffeehouse will get a long-sleeved red T-shirt. Of course, you won’t need to wear it that night, since you’ll be in costume. “One of the really fun things about SantaCon is that everybody dresses up,” Smith said. “We have people show up in reindeer costumes, as bells, presents, Christmas trees, lots of Santa Clauses of course. Last year we had Charlie Brown with his scraggly little tree; we had City Lou Who show up. It’s really fun.” Smith, decked out in his tacky Santa costume, will be stationed at the SantaCon tent all night to answer questions. Until about 10 p.m., that is, when organizers will discontinue selling passports and head down to Sky City to set up for the after party which begins at 11 p.m. The after party will feature lots of giveaways and drawings, as well as a costume contest for groups and individuals. With the HD 98.3 van in attendance, Fruitland Vodka there to offer samples and a photographer taking pictures, SantaCon Augusta sounds like the ultimate in Christmas parties. Smith, however, has his eyes on their ultimate goal. “We raised $7,800 last year,” he said. “This year we are hoping to top $10,000. That’s our goal.” SantaCon auguSta Broad and 11th streets, downtown Friday, December 9 4 p.m., pub crawl; 11 p.m., Sky City after party $15 (available online or at the HQ tent downtown) facebook.com/SantaConAugusta
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whAT’s Up
Calendar: 24 | Music Listings: 30 If you have any questions, or would like to submit an event to our calendar, please email Amy Christian at amy@themetrospirit.com.
slURp iT Up
‘Tis The seAson to help others, right? And what better way than by putting food on the table for those who need it the most. With a little help from some friends, HD 98.3 is attempting to do just that. The Golden Harvest Food Bank is teaming up with the local radio station this Saturday, December 10, as HD 98.3 stages its first Noodle Bowl. The Noodle Bowl is a family friendly ramen noodle cook-off, food drive and food festival replete with local food trucks. It’s a massive celebration of the season, of giving, and of ramen noodles, with some jump houses thrown in for good measure. During the Noodle Bowl, Golden Harvest will accept donations for their “Can Hunger” food drive. Event organizer and HD 98.3 Programming Director Kris Fisher explained that the event was designed to raise awareness and to fulfill an immediate need. “I think it says a lot that a little donation to Golden Harvest can make a huge difference to a number of lives,” Fisher said. “Sure, we’re just donating some cans, but it translates into meals for entire families. It can mean that a kid who hasn’t had anything to eat since yesterday won’t
be hungry today. Many of us have been in a position where we’re low on money or food — I have been — so I like to give back when I can.” In addition to raising awareness and much-needed donations for Golden Harvest, the Noodle Bowl offers locals the chance to put their noodle-cooking skills to the test. Participants submitted their best ramen recipe, and the most popular dishes will face off before a panel of brave judges for a grand prize. As of press time, 15 dishes are on the menu for panelists Barclay Bishop, Havird Usry and Molly Swift to taste and judge. The winner goes home with a trophy, a year’s supply of Ramen and an Apple iWatch. While ramen is often considered to be a staple among teens and college students, the versatile dish is also rooted in the Japanese culture. Heavily featured by noodle foodies in travel blogs and many online forums, Ramen has even been named the “greatest Japanese invention of the 20th century.” Pairing ramen with another Japanese tradition, the Noodle Bowl gives local cosplayers a chance to get in on the action, too. Cosplay is extremely popular throughout the U.S., with entire festivals devoted to the practice of replicating a specific character down to the smallest detail. Augusta cosplayers are invited to channel their inner Cinderella or Aladdin, and dress as their favorite Disney character for an opportunity to win a trip to Disney World courtesy of Hollywood Records. The Noodle Bowl will take place from 11 a.m.-2 p.m. in the Kroger parking lot on the corner of Alexander Drive and Washington Road. Admission is free. For more information about the Noodle Bowl, go to hd983.com/events/noodlebowl. For more information about Golden Harvest, visit goldenharvest.org.
This week
ThURsDAY
If you haven’t heard the talent that Davidson Fine Arts Magnet School produces, now’s your chance. For only $5, you can listen to some very gifted musicians perform holiday favorites at a winter band concert tonight at 7 p.m. Plus, there will be a reception with beverages and desserts. Jackpot!
sATURDAY
It’s that time of year. The trees are up, the lights are hung and now it’s just time for the airing of grievances and the feats of strength. That’s right, Sky City’s Festivus of Bands begins tonight with a multitude of bands, including Bethany Davis & the Southside Boys, Caleb Tokarska Trio, Billy S Electric Co., Sure Eel and the DFA Jazz Combo. This annual event will continue weekend nights through December 23 in what can only be described as a Festivus miracle.
sUnDAY
Let’s face it: most people can take only so much holiday cheer and, unfortunately, by now, we’ve had enough of Santa and shopping and everything else that comes along with the month of December. If you’d like to inject a little normalcy back into your social calendar, then the Augusta Jewish Community Center has you covered. Tonight at 6 p.m., they’ll host a Murder Mystery Dinner Theatre featuring great food and good company. Oh, and any red you’ll see won’t come from the decorations.
TUesDAY
Sid Mullis has become known as our local gardening guru, and for good reason. Need to know why your azaleas don’t look as good as the neighbors’? Call Sid at the Richmond County Extension Office and he’ll know. Well, Sid’s retired now and has written a book, “Sid Sez… Grow It in Augusta,” but he’ll be back at the extension office today from 10 a.m.-noon to sign copies. And if you ask nicely, he may just answer your gardening questions too.
For more information on these events, see our calendar of events on page 24. 8DECEMBER2016
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recently approved statewide-enrollment charter school based in Augusta plans to hold its first school year beginning in August 2017 and is accepting applications for student enrollment until January 15. The school is also accepting educator and operational personnel applications. Applications for enrollments and jobs will be available at the meeting, as will information on the school’s location, progress and more. For more information, visit sailga.org.
Tue Dec 13
10am - noon Foster Parent Orientation Necco Augusta A free weekly session. Pre-registration suggested. Call 706-210-3435 or visit necco.org.
11am Homeschool Hub
Nutcracker in the South AU’s Maxwell Theatre Saturday, December 10 4 p.m. A Cutno Dance Center production. $16.60-$26.60 cutnodance.com
ARTS Fri Dec 9
6pm - 8pm Art Now Artist Talk: Cheryl Goldsleger Morris Museum of Art Goldsleger is Augusta University’s William S. Morris Eminent Scholar in Art and has an exhibition at the museum. Free. Call 706724-7501 or visit themorris.org.
Sat Dec 10
10am - 1pm Art at the Kroc: Christmas Acrylics Kroc Center No experience necessary for this class for those ages 15 and older. $35, members; $40, non-members. Visit krocsales.sauss.net.
Tue Dec 13
10am - noon Oil Painting 175 N. Louisville St., Harlem A Harlem Arts Council class. $25. Call 706-556-6656, 706-513-2634 or email blalocka@hotmail.com.
DANCE Fri Dec 9
8pm - 11pm Snow Ball The Ballroom Dance Center An annual Christmas party featuring waltz lessons and more. Call 706-854-8888 or visit augustaballroomdance.com.
Sat Dec 10 24 METROSPIRIT AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
4pm Nutcracker in the South AU’s Maxwell Theatre A Cutno Dance Center production that includes dancers of all ages and an updated version of the Tchaikovsky piece using Duke Ellington’s Nutcracker Suite and other holiday classics to tell the story. $16.60$26.60. Visit cutnodance.com.
EDUCATION Thu Dec 8
10am - noon Computer Help Lab Wallace Branch Library Call 706-722-6275 or visit arcpls.org.
Sat Dec 10
Aiken Public Library An information session for homeschooling parents that will include services, tips and more. Participants are invited to bring lunch and hang out with other homeschooling families in the park after the program. Call 803-642-2020, ext. 1141, or visit abbe-lib.org.
6pm SAIL Town Hall Meeting Farmers State Bank, Lincolnton SAIL: School for Arts Infused Learning, the recently approved statewide-enrollment charter school based in Augusta plans to hold its first school year beginning in August 2017 and is accepting applications for student enrollment until January 15. The school is also accepting educator and operational personnel applications. Applications for enrollments and jobs will be available at the meeting, as will information on the school’s location, progress and more. For more information, visit sailga.org.
Wed Dec 14
Noon Brown Bag Lunch ‘N Learn TheClubhou.se An event featuring consultants and other experts who will provide information to budding entrepreneurs. Visit theclubhou.se.
10am SAIL Town Hall Meeting Warren Baptist Church, Grovetown Campus SAIL: School for Arts Infused Learning, the recently approved statewide-enrollment charter school based in Augusta plans to hold its first school year beginning in August 2017 and is accepting applications for student enrollment until January 15. The school is also accepting educator and operational personnel applications. Applications for enrollments and jobs will be available at the meeting, as will information on the school’s location, progress and more. For more information, visit sailga.org.
Mon Dec 12
6:30pm SAIL Town Hall Meeting Faith Baptist Church, Thomson SAIL: School for Arts Infused Learning, the
Thu Dec 15
10am - noon Computer Help Lab Wallace Branch Library Call 706-722-6275 or visit arcpls.org.
Applications for Richmond County magnet schools and programs are now available. The deadline for turning in an application is January 6, 2017, and there will be open houses held through December 15. For more information, visit rcboe.org/magnet.
James Brown Family Historical Tour Augusta Museum of History Available each Saturday at 11 a.m. and lasting approximately two hours, this bus tour includes Brown’s elementary school, his childhood home, his statue and more. $15 fee, includes admission to the museum, which houses the largest collection of James Brown memorabilia. Reservations 24 hours in advance required. Call 803-6402090 or visit jamesbrownfamilyfdn.org.
ELSEWHERE Fri Dec 9
6pm Chamber Music on Main Columbia Museum of Art A chamber concert in the museum’s reception hall that begins with happy hour at 6 p.m. $28, members; $35, non-members; $5, students. Call 803-799-2810 or visit columbiamuseum.org.
EXHIBITIONS Thu Dec 8
6pm - 8pm Gallery Opening Reception Aiken Center for the Arts Featuring the exhibits ‘Tis the Season, Aiken Plein Air and Joanne Crouch. The exhibits will remain on display until January 21. Call 803-641-9094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org.
Ongoing
SEEDS Exhibit Westobou Gallery An exhibition of small works by local and regional artists, all available for $300 or less. Featured artists include Andrea Anderegg, Ellie Benson, Anna Bliss, Ethan Brock, Sydney Ewerth, Tom Hubbard, Gabi Hutchison, Jay Jacobs, Chase Lanier, Anna Patrick, Staci Swider, Jacob Vaz, Kelsea S. Windham and Leonard Zimmerman. The exhibit will remain on display until January 27 and the gallery is open weekdays from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Call 706755-2878 or visit westoboufestival.com.
Rhythms
Ongoing
Applications for Enrollment SAIL: School for Arts Infused Learning, the recently approved statewide-enrollment charter school based in Augusta will hold its first school year beginning in August 2017 and is accepting applications for enrollment until January 15. The school is also accepting educator and operational personnel applications. For more information, visit sailga.org.
Magnet School/Program Applications
Jessye Norman School of the Arts An exhibit by artist Troy Campbell whose work is inspired by music. It will be on display each Thursday, Friday and Saturday from noon-3 p.m. through December 31 in the Ann & Ellis Gallery. Visit jessyenormanschool.org/ann-and-ellisjohnson-gallery-of-art/.
FLIX Tue Dec 13
5:30pm Free Movie Tuesdays Headquarters Branch Library 8DECEMBER2016
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Call 706-821-2615 for weekly selections.
visit grhealth.org.
Wed Dec 14
4pm Christmas Family Movie
10am - noon Free Blood Pressure/ Blood Sugar Checks
Diamond Lakes Branch Library A G- or PG-rated movie. Participants can bring their own snacks. Call 706-772-2432 or visit arcpls.org.
Headquarters Branch Library Call 706-821-2600 or visit arcpls.org.
1:30pm - 3:30pm Look Good Feel Better
Thu Dec 15
11am Christmas Movie for Special Needs Diamond Lakes Branch Library Pre-registration required. Call 706-772-2432 or visit arcpls.org.
HEALTH Thu Dec 8
5:45pm - 8pm Car Seat Class Safe Kids Office Pre-registration required. $10; car or booster seat provided to families who meet financial guidelines. Call 706-721-7606 or visit augustahealth.org.
7pm - 8:30pm Babies, Bumps and Bruises Doctors Hospital Pre-registration required. Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net.
7pm - 9:30pm Women’s Center Tour University Hospital Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org.
Sat Dec 10
9am - 4:30pm Short and Sweet Doctors Hospital A weekend childbirth education class that continues Sunday, December 11, from 1-5 p.m. Pre-registration required. Call 706-6512229 or visit doctors-hospital.net.
10:30am Childbirth Tour AUHealth Call 706-721-2273 or visit augustahealth.org.
Mon Dec 12
4pm Breast Self-Exam Class University’s Breast Health Center Pre-registration required. Call 706-774-4141 or visit universityhealth.org.
Augusta University Cancer Center An American Cancer Society program that aims to help women in cancer treatment combat the appearance-related side effects of chemo and radiation. Pre-registration required. Call 706-721-0466 or visit augustahealth.org.
Thu Dec 15
7pm - 8:30pm Infant CPR Class University Hospital Pre-registration required. Call 706-774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org.
Ongoing
Meditation Sessions The Yoga Center, North Augusta Led by members of the Southeastern Buddhist Community the first and second Wednesday of each month. Sessions are free and open to the public. Visit sebuddhist.org.
HOBBIES Tue Dec 13
10am Genealogy 101 Headquarters Branch Library’s Georgia Heritage Room Participants will learn how to start a family history project, as well as discuss resources and strategies. Call 706-826-1511 or visit arcpls.org.
Wed Dec 14
Noon Georgia-Carolina Toastmasters Fat Man’s Mill Cafe Those interested are invited to learn speech and leadership skills in a fun and supportive atmosphere. Call 706-627-2134.
Thu Dec 15
1pm - 3pm Holiday Coloring for Grownups Aiken Public Library Call 803-642-2020 or visit abbe-lib.org.
6:30pm Refit Headquarters Branch Library A free cardio dance class. Call 706-8212600 or visit arcpls.org.
Tue Dec 13
7:30am Childbirth Tour AUHealth Call 706-721-2273 or visit augustahealth.org.
Wed Dec 14
Child Safety Seat Inspections Columbia County Sheriff’s Substation Appointment required. Call 706-541-3970 or 8DECEMBER2016
Ongoing
Master Gardener Class The Georgia Master Gardener Association is holding a new Master Gardener Class beginning in January. Master Gardeners are volunteers who provide educational and gardening services throughout the community. For more information, call 706-821-2350, email uge3245@uga.edu or visit ugaextension.org/ county-offices/richmond.html.
Basic Genealogy Tutorials Headquarters Branch Library’s Georgia
Heritage Room Free sessions offered by appointment. Call 706-826-1511 or visit arcpls.org.
KIDS-TEENS Thu Dec 8
4pm Lego Club Aiken Public Library For those ages 5-11. Legos provided. Call 803-642-2023 or visit abbe-lib.org.
Fri Dec 9
12:30pm - 2pm Mr. Kenny’s Wondrous Stories, Songs and Play Time Jessye Norman School of the Arts A class for preschoolers in which participants will explore their world through reading, singing, musical instruments and movement. $10 per class. Call 706-828-7768, email programs@jessyenormanschool.org or visit jessyenormanschool.org/communityart- programming/.
7pm Harry Potter Magical Holiday Ball Barnes & Noble A dress-up event in which participants will enjoy dancing, music, activities and giveaways. Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com.
Sat Dec 10
9:30am - 11am Children’s Hike with Story Time Phinizy Swamp Nature Park Pre-registration required. Call 706-396-1424 or visit phinizycenter.org.
10am - noon Christmas Party
Aiken Center for the Arts An event featuring Little Richard, the Performing Pony, Santa, crafts, refreshments and more. $5. Call 803-641-9094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org.
11am If You Give a Mouse a Cookie Story Time Barnes & Noble Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com.
11:30am - 3:30pm Youth Wing Workshops Aiken Community Playhouse Those in grades 4-7 meet from 11:30 a.m.1:15 p.m. and those in grades 8-12 meet from 1-3:30 p.m. Classes are designed to teach basic theatre stage skills, such as stage movement, finding your character, improvisation and script analysis in a fun environment. Call 803-648-1438 or visit aikenplayhouse.us.
1pm Game Day at Maxwell Maxwell Branch Library A teen event in which participants are invited to bring their own games or play the library’s. Call 706-793-2020 or visit ecgrl.org.
Mon Dec 12
10:30am Jr. Lego Club Headquarters Branch Library For those ages 2-4. Legos provided. Preregistration required. Call 706-821-2623 or visit arcpls.org.
10:30am Music & Me Headquarters Branch Library AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
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A class for children ages 0-4 in which participants will learn how to chant, sing, play instruments and move to the music. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706821-2623 or visit arcpls.org.
5pm Family Game Night Friedman Branch Library Call 706-736-6758 or visit arcpls.org.
Tue Dec 13
10am Preschool Story Time Diamond Lakes Branch Library A program for those ages 3-5 that includes stories, songs, games, short movies and crafts. Pre-registration required. Call 706772-2432 or visit arcpls.org.
10am - 11:30am Puddle Ducks: Kids & Caregivers Club Phinizy Swamp Nature Park Stories and hands-on fun. Free, members; $5, nonmembers. Call 706-396-1424 or email info@phinizycenter.org.
10am Santa Claus Is Coming to Town
Auggie’s Holiday Buzzar and Toys for Tots Drive Lake Olmstead Stadium Saturday, December 10 Free. greenjacketsbaseball.com
Friedman Branch Library A story time featuring a visit from Santa. Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6758 or visit arcpls.org.
10:30am Big Kids Story Time Headquarters Branch Library Stories and songs for those ages 3-5. Pre-
registration recommended. Call 706-8212623 or visit arcpls.org.
Wed Dec 14
10am Story Time Maxwell Branch Library For those ages 3-5. Call 706-793-2020 or visit arcpls.org.
10:05am Toddler Story Time Appleby Branch Library This is a program best for children ages 18 months-3 years. Call 706-736-6244 or visit arcpls.org.
10am Wacky Wednesday Story Time Barnes & Noble Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com.
10:30am Preschool Story Time Appleby Branch Library For children ages 3 and older. Call 706-7366244 or visit arcpls.org.
10:30am Story Time for Tots Headquarters Branch Library Stories and songs for those ages 0-3. Preregistration recommended. Call 706-8212623 or visit arcpls.org.
10:30am Super Awesome Story Time The Book Tavern Featuring illustrator Natalie Nelson, who illustrated the book “The King of the Birds”
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by Acree Graham Macam. After the story, Nelson will lead a craft. Call 706-8261940 or email superawesomestorytime@ booktavern.com.
6pm - 9pm Country Christmas
4:30pm - 6pm Alley Cats
6pm Wycliffe Gordon and Friends Holiday Concert
Strikehouse Bowl, Aiken Part of the Aiken Recreation Department’s Buddy Sports program for those with physical and/or intellectual disabilities, this class is for those of all bowling abilities. $12 a month; pre-registration required. Call 803426-1284 or visit therecingcrew.com.
Thu Dec 15
6pm Snow Globe Craft Headquarters Branch Library A teen event in which pre-registration is required. Call 706-434-2036 or visit arcpls.org.
Ongoing
Junior Model UN Registration Augusta University Middle school students who are interested in assuming the perspective of a diplomat from a United Nations Member State and representing their position can register for the day-long simulation at Augusta University. January 16 is registration deadline; February 15 is the late registration deadline. Email Dr. Craig Albert at calbert@augusta.edu or visit augusta.edu/pamplin/pols/juniormodelun.php.
LITERARY Mon Dec 12
7pm - 9pm Pub Fiction Book Club Hosted by Columbia County Library staff. December’s selection is “The Gunslinger” by Stephen King. Call 706-863-1946 or visit gchrl.org.
Tue Dec 13
10am - noon “Sid Sez... Grow It In Augusta” Book Signing Augusta-Richmond County Extension Office Featuring author and retired Richmond County Extension Agent Sid Mullis. Visit ugaextension. org/county-offices/richmond.html.
Thu Dec 15
10:30am Graphic Novel Discussion The Book Tavern Discussion will be about “Monstress” by Marjorie Liu and Sana Takeda. Visit booktavern.com/product/monstress.
MUSIC Thu Dec 8
7pm Winter Band Concert Davidson Fine Arts Magnet School Featuring the beginning, concert and symphonic bands playing holiday favorites. Coffee-house style desserts and beverages will be served during a reception. $5. Visit rcboe.org/davidson.
Fri Dec 9 8DECEMBER2016
Columbia County Amphitheatre Featuring live music from Red Head Express. Visit holidaysatthepark.com.
AU’s Maxwell Theatre A concert that also features members of the Augusta University music department faculty and special guests. A reception begins the evening at 6 p.m., with the concert starting at 7:30 p.m. $25, concert and reception; $15, concert only; $5, concert only, children and students; free, concert only for AU students. Call 706-667-4100 or visit augusta.edu.
Sat Dec 10
7:30pm A Very Airy Yule Saint Paul’s Church An Augusta Choral Society concert featuring Christmas selections and accompanied by brass, organ and percussion. $30, adults; $25, seniors; $10, students and military. Visit augustacs.org.
Sun Dec 11
2pm Home for the Holidays Etherredge Center, Aiken An Aiken Symphony presentation featuring classic holiday melodies and ending with a sing-along. Maestro Donald Portnoy will present Illuminations, a pre-concert talk, at 2 p.m. before the 3 p.m. concert. $30-$45. Call 803-641-3305 or visit aikensymphonyorchestra.com/tickets.
3pm Listen to the King of Instruments Most Holy Trinity Catholic Church An organ concert with Jose Reyes-Ortiz. Free, but donations accepted. Call 706722-4944 or visit themostholytrinity.org/ concertseries.
4pm Christmas Favorites Gilbert-Lambuth Memorial Chapel An Augusta Chorale holiday concert that will feature selections from Handel’s “Messiah” and other favorites. The concert will also feature the Aiken Civic Orchestra and soloists Kathye J. Gary, soprano, and Pamela Dillard, mezzo soprano. $15, adults; $5, children 5 and older and students. Call 706-830-0991.
Thu Dec 15
7pm Winter Choral Concert St. John United Methodist Church Featuring the choirs of the Davidson Fine Arts Choral Department. $5. Visit davidson. rcboe.org.
SENIORS Tue Dec 13
10:30am Senior Tech Help Appleby Branch Library Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6244 or visit arcpls.org. AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
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Augusta Canal Call 706-823-0440 or visit augustacanal.com.
“A Christmas Carol: The Musical” Imperial Theatre Saturday, December 10, 8 p.m. Sunday, December 11, 3 p.m. An Augusta Players production. 706-722-8341 imperialtheatre.com
Thu Dec 15
5pm - 8pm Third Thursday Tasting Wine World A drop-in event that features a wine or beer tasting. $5; $3 rebate upon purchase of a featured bottle. Call 803-2799522 or visit wineworldsc.com.
7pm Christmas Songs and Photos with Santa North Augusta’s Nancy Carson Library Call 803-279-5767 or visit abbe-lib.org.
Ongoing
Christmas in Hopelands
Wed Dec 14
11:30am - 1pm Senior Luncheon Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History Featuring a holiday performance by the Augusta Chorale. $11; pre-registration required. Call 706-724-3576 or visit lucycraftlaneymuseum.com.
SPECIAL EVENTS Thu Dec 8
6pm Christmas Tree Lighting Smith-Hazel Recreation Center, Aiken An event that will include decorating the tree, holiday sing-along, refreshments, door prizes and more. Call 803-642-7634.
Whole Foods A $5 wine tasting in which participants get five 3-ounce samples of featured wines. Call 762-333-0259 or visit wholefoodsmarket.com.
6:30pm Madrigal Dinner: A Renaissance Yuletide Feast Houndslake Country Club, Aiken Participants will enjoy a rustic dinner, desserts and drinks while singers from the Aiken Choral Society perform period music in costume. $70. Visit aikenchoralsociety.com.
Sat Dec 10
8am - noon Christmas Crafts at the Farmers Market
5pm - 9pm Columbia County Christmas Village Evans Towne Center Park An event that includes drinks, dinner, music and more. $10. Visit holidaysatthepark.com.
Sun Dec 11
11am - 2pm Teddy Bear Brunch The Partridge Inn Guests are encouraged to bring a teddy bear, which will be donated to the Children’s Hospital of Georgia. Children 12 and under who make a donation will eat free. Visit eventbrite.com/e/teddy-bear-brunchtickets-29994626736.
Hopelands Gardens, Aiken A walk-through exhibit featuring more than two miles of lighted pathways and holiday displays with more than 100,000 lights. The exhibit is open 6-9:30 p.m. December 10, 11, 15-23, and 26, and the Thoroughbred Racing Hall of Fame, the Doll House and the Carriage Museum will also be open and decorated. Complimentary refreshments will be served in the Hall of Fame courtyard and at the Guest Cottage. Holiday entertainment will be provided most nights and, on select nights, Santa and Mrs. Claus will be inside the Rye Patch for photos. S’mores kits will be available at Citizens Park for $5 for use at the Rye Patch. A shuttle will run continuously from 5:45-9 p.m. from Citizens Park (there is no parking at Hopelands Gardens). Free. Call 803-642-7631.
Shoe Collection Drive Augusta area podiatrists are conducting a shoe collection drive of new and used shoes, which will be distributed to those in need in the local community. Donations may be brought to your local Augusta podiatrist’s office through January 2. All types of shoes are needed regardless of size, condition or type. Contact Dr. Kent Kronowski at 706-724-0586 or your local Podiatrist for more information.
SPIRITUAL
Fri Dec 9
Aiken County Farmers Market, 115 Williamsburg St. Call 803-293-2214 or visit aikenismagical.com.
2pm Jaycees Christmas Parade
Medical Associates Plus Held the second Friday of the month, this market sells fresh, locally grown and organic fruits and vegetables and doubles EBT benefits. Call 877-205-5006 or email info@ mapbt.com.
11am - 2pm Auggie’s Holiday Buzzar and Toys for Tots Drive
2pm North Augusta Lions Christmas Parade
Unitarian Universalist Church of Augusta All are welcome. Visit uuaugusta.org.
Georgia Avenue, North Augusta Visit northaugustachamber.org.
SPORTS-OUTDOORS
Mon Dec 12
8:45am - 11:15am Backstretch Tour
10am - 2pm MAP Fall Fresh Produce Market
4pm SantaCon Downtown Augusta A fundraiser for STEM scholarships at theClubhou.se, this pub crawl features 10 stops with drink and food specials, a costume contest and an after-party at Sky City. Visit facebook.com/santaconaugusta/.
5pm - 8pm Wine Not It’s Friday 28 METROSPIRIT AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
Lake Olmstead Stadium A free event that includes a vendor fair, a toy drive in which participants receive a free hot dog and soda when they bring an unwrapped toy, pictures and a meet and greet with Santa and Mrs. Claus, inflatables and more. Visit greenjacketsbaseball.com.
11am - 2pm HD 98.3 Noodle Bowl Kroger, Washington Rd. at Alexander Dr. A family friendly noodle cook-off, food drive and festival that will also include a cosplay contest and bounce houses for kids. Visit hd983.com.
Downtown Aiken Call 803-761-7081.
4pm - 5:30pm Holiday Open House Augusta Metro Chamber of Commerce The event will feature a Member Town Hall focusing on how downtown is changing and including several guest speakers. Free, chamber members; $25, non-members. Preregistration required. Call 706-821-1300 or visit augustametrochamber.com.
4:30pm - 7:30pm Holiday Drop-In
Mon Dec 12
7pm Blue Christmas: A Service of Hope, Healing and Comfort
Sat Dec 10
Aiken Training Track A behind-the-scenes tour of the Aiken Training Track for those ages 16 and older. Participants should meet at the Rye Patch parking lot at 8:45 a.m. to catch a bus to the track. $25; pre-registration required. Call 803-643-2121 or 803-642-7631, email halloffame@cityofaikensc.gov or visit aikenracinghalloffame.com. 8DECEMBER2016
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9:30am Longsword Basics
7pm Alzheimer’s Support Group
Augusta Fencers Club The Historical European Martial Arts (HEMA) group offers a weekly class in European sword techniques in which instructors will walk participants through basic terms, footwork and strikes. Great for those 10 and older, and the first visit is free. $25, monthly dues, and minors should be accompanied by a parent to their first meeting. Call 602-432-7211 or email brad@ loyalorderofthesword.com.
Alzheimer’s Association Chapter Building Call 706-731-9060.
10:30am - 12:30pm HEMA Long Sword and Rapier Instruction and Sparring Augusta Fencers Club The Historical European Martial Arts (HEMA) group offers training on Italian rapier and German longsword techniques and is open to all ages, although minors need to be accompanied by a parent to their first meeting. $25, monthly dues, with the first visit free. Call 602-432-7211 or email brad@loyalorderofthesword.com.
7pm OB/GYN Cancer Support Group Call 706-821-2944.
Wed Dec 14
11:30am Breast Cancer Support Group AU Cancer Clinic Call 706-721-0472 or visit augusta.edu.
6pm Mental Health Support Group
Fri Dec 9
6pm Pink Magnolias Breast Cancer Support Group University’s Breast Health Center Call 706-774-4141 or visit universityhealth.org.
6:30pm Men’s Breast Cancer Group University’s Breast Health Center Call 706-774-4141 or visit universityhealth.org.
Tue Dec 13
10:20am Moms Connection Augusta University Medical Center This free weekly support group for new mothers meets in the Terrace Dining Dogwood Room on the second floor. All new moms and their babies are welcome and an international board certified lactation consultant/educator/perinatal nurse will answer questions and offer resources. Call 706-721-8283 or visit augusta.edu.
Augusta Jewish Community Center $50, members; $60, non-members. Call 706228-3636 or visit augustajcc.org.
8pm “Every Christmas Story Ever Told (And Then Some!)” Le Chat Noir A Le Chat Noir production. $25. Call 706722-3322 or visit lcnaugusta.com.
THEATER
SUPPORT
Mon Dec 12
6pm Murder Mystery Dinner Theatre
University Hospital Call 706-774-8931 or visit universityhealth.org.
Jabez S. Hardin Performing Arts Center An Augusta Amusements event starring Michelle Berting Brett. $39.50. Call 706-7260366 or visit augustaamusements.com.
Augusta University Medical Office Building This support group gives individuals an opportunity to share their personal experiences and learn more about strategies for preserving the independence and quality of life for ALS patients and their loved ones. Lunch is provided. Free, but preregistration required. Call 706-721-2681 or visit augusta.org/classes.
The Bell Auditorium Part of the Broadway in Augusta series. $54-$76. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit georgialinatix.com.
Aiken Community Playhouse $25, adults; $20, seniors and active military; $15, students; $10, children. Call 803-6481438 or visit aikencommunityplayhouse.com.
6pm Bariatric Surgery Support Group
Stableview Farms, Aiken A USEF/USDF Recognized Level Two Championship Qualifier Dressage show. Call 803-648-1222 or visit stableviewfarm.com.
11am - 2pm ALS Lunch and Learn
3pm “Amahl and the Night Visitors”
7:30pm “Broadway Christmas Wonderland”
Thu Dec 15
Thu Dec 8
Fri Dec 9
Thu Dec 15
Unitarian Universalist Church of Augusta A group for teens and up that follows the methods of Recovery International. Call 630605-6913 or visit recoveryinternational.org.
Wed Dec 14
Noon Under the Stars Dressage
An Augusta Players production. $20-$46. Call 706-722-8341 or visit imperialtheatre.com.
7:30pm Carpenters Christmas
7:30pm “Amahl and the Night Visitors” Aiken Community Playhouse $25, adults; $20, seniors and active military; $15, students; $10, children. Call 803-6481438 or visit aikencommunityplayhouse. com.
8pm “Every Christmas Story Ever Told (And Then Some!)” Le Chat Noir A Le Chat Noir production. $25. Call 706722-3322 or visit lcnaugusta.com.
Sat Dec 10
7:30pm “Amahl and the Night Visitors” Aiken Community Playhouse $25, adults; $20, seniors and active military; $15, students; $10, children. Call 803-6481438 or visit aikencommunityplayhouse. com.
8pm “A Christmas Carol: The Musical” Imperial Theatre An Augusta Players production. $20-$46. Call 706-722-8341 or visit imperialtheatre.com.
8pm “Every Christmas Story Ever Told (And Then Some!)” Le Chat Noir A Le Chat Noir production. $25. Call 706722-3322 or visit lcnaugusta.com.
Sun Dec 11
3pm “A Christmas Carol: The Musical” Imperial Theatre
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Stillwater Taproom - Adam Harris Thompson Wild Wing - Matt Brantley Band The Willcox (Aiken) - John Vaughn
What’s Tonight?
The Backyard Tavern - Karaoke Bar West - DJ Fugi Chevy’s - DJ Nicky B Helga’s Pub & Grille - Bluegrass Brunch (11 a.m.-3 p.m.); Trivia, nights The Highlander - Karaoke Joe’s Underground - Ladies Night, Singles Night Somewhere in Augusta - NCAA Football Soul Bar - DJ Dance Party Vera Cruz Mexican Restaurant - Karaoke
Sunday, December 11 Live Music
Mellow Mushroom (Aiken) - Brunch w/ Mike Frost and Lauren Meccia Wild Wing - Sabo & Dave The Willcox (Aiken) - John Vaughn
What’s Tonight?
The Comedy Get Down w/ Cedric The Entertainer, Eddie Griffin, D. L. Hughley, George Lopez, Charlie Murphy James Brown Arena Saturday, December 10 8 p.m. $50-$75 877-4AUGTIX georgialinatix.com Thursday, December 8 Live Music
Fox’s Lair - Beats Down Under Open Mic hosted by Happy Bones Mellow Mushroom (Aiken) - Live Music on the Patio Sky City - An Acoustic Evening w/ Smile Empty Soul, The Veer Union, Kirra Southbound Smokehouse - Tom Galloway, Maradeen Stillwater Taproom - David Mercer and Friends Wild Wing - Brandon Reeves The Willcox (Aiken) - Thursday Night Jazz w/ 4 Cats in the Dog House
What’s Tonight?
Bar West - Open Mic Night w/ Jonathon Flowers Carolina Ale House - Trivia w/ Mike Sleeper (9 p.m.) Chevy’s - Karaoke Cotton Patch - Old School Thursday w/ DJ Groove Coyotes - Karaoke with Bam Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Highlander - Butt Naked Trivia Joe’s Underground - Trivia The Loft - Karaoke MAD Studios - Open Mic, Spoken Word Pizza Joint (Downtown) - Trivia w/ Mike Sleeper (7 p.m.) Shannon’s - Karaoke w/ David Doane Somewhere in Augusta - Poker for Fun; Thursday Night Football; Paint Nite Soul Bar - DJ Drec J
Friday, December 9 Live Music Bar West - Live Music
30 METROSPIRIT AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
Shannon’s - Karaoke w/ David Doane Somewhere in Augusta - F&B Industry Day; NFL Football; Paint Nite
Monday, December 12 Live Music
Metro Coffeehouse & Pub - Blues Monday w/ Famous Last Words Soul Bar - The Long Knives, AEP
What’s Tonight?
The Backyard Tavern - Karaoke Joe’s Underground - Poker
Columbia County Amphitheatre - Country Christmas Concert w/ Red Head Express Cotton Patch - Live Jazz Country Club - Riley Green Eli’s American - Friday Night Live w/ Donna Jo Maxwell Theatre - Wycliffe Gordon and Friends Holiday Concert Shannon’s - Shag Attack The Stables at Rose Hill Estate (Aiken) - Keith Gregory Stillwater Taproom - The Michael Martin Band Surrey Tavern- FrazierBand Whole Foods - Music @ the Turn Wild Wing - Black Cat Sunshine The Willcox (Aiken) - John Vaughn
What’s Tonight?
Sky City - SantaCon After Party w/ Costume Contest Soul Bar - Soul Bar Sound Lab Vera Cruz Mexican Restaurant - Karaoke
Saturday, December 10 Live Music
Cotton Patch - Live Jazz & Blues Country Club - Billy Creason Eighth Street Plaza - Saturday Morning Swing at the Augusta Market on the River Fox’s Lair - Livingroom Legends James Brown Arena - The Comedy Get Down w/ Cedric The Entertainer, Eddie Griffin, D. L. Hughley, George Lopez, Charlie Murphy Shannon’s - Mike and Walter Sky City - Festivus of Bands w/ Bethany Davis & the Southside Boys, Caleb Tokarska Trio, Billy S Electric Co., Sure Eel, DFA Jazz Combo
Country Christmas Concert w/ Redhead Express Columbia County Amphitheatre Friday, December 9 6-9 p.m. Free holidaysatthepark.com 8DECEMBER2016
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Shannon’s - Karaoke w/ David Doane Somewhere in Augusta - The Comedy Zone w/ Greg Hall and Blayr Nias; World Tavern Poker; Monday Night Football Wild Wing - Trivia Wing Place (Aiken) - Trivia
Tuesday, December 13 Live Music
Fox’s Lair - Irish Music with Dr. Fisher and the Undefeated Army Joe’s Underground - Open Mic The Willcox (Aiken) - Hal Shreck
What’s Tonight?
Bar West - Trivia The Cotton Patch - Trivia Limelite Cafe - Bottom’s Up Trivia Mellow Mushroom (Aiken) - Trivia Shannon’s - Karaoke w/ David Doane Somewhere in Augusta - Big Prize Trivia Soul Bar - Soul Night w/ DJ Matto Twisted Burrito - Trivia w/ Mike Sleeper
Wednesday, December 14 Live Music Fox’s Lair - Blues w/ Riley Williams The Highlander - Open Mic Night Shannon’s - Mike and Walter Wild Wing - AcostA
What’s Tonight?
The Backyard Tavern - Karaoke Bar West - Karaoke Cotton Patch - Trivia and Tunes The Loft - Karaoke
Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke Pizza Joint (Evans) - Trivia w/ Mike Sleeper The Playground - Krazy Karaoke w/ Big Troy Polo Tavern (Aiken) - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Sky City - Conspiracy w/ DJ Knightmare Southbound Smokehouse - Trivia Stillwater Taproom - Pub Quiz Surrey Tavern - Trivia w/ Christian and Mickey
Upcoming Will McCranie
- Stillwater Taproom December 15 Rhonda Vincent and the Rage
- Imperial Theatre December 16 Donna Jo
- Stillwater Taproom December 16 Festivus of Bands w/ Livingroom Legends, Hound of Goshen, Shoo Fly Pie, Gin Jockeys, Chris Hardy
- Sky City December 16 Michael Baideme and Phillip Lee Jr.
The Phillip Lee Band
- Stillwater Taproom December 31 Sierra Hull
- Imperial Theatre January 13 Monica and Friends
- Bell Auditorium January 14 Hot Rize
- Imperial Theatre February 10 Vince Gill
- Bell Auditorium February 17 Dwight Yoakam
- Bell Auditorium March 3 Garrison Keillor
- Bell Auditorium March 8 Steep Canyon Rangers
- Bell Auditorium April 27
Elsewhere The Gibson Brothers
- Newberry Opera House, Newberry, SC December 8
- Stillwater Taproom December 17
Yacht Rock Revue
Festivus of Bands w/ Dirty Realists, Shaun Piazza Band, Me Bad Eye, Gloom Cocoon, Karla Di Lugo, MCE
George Winston
- Sky City December 17
- Variety Playhouse, Atlanta December 9 - Newberry Opera House, Newberry, SC December 9
Festivus of Bands w/ Sibling String, WM3, Eskimojitos, Able + Beltz + Lee
2 Chainz, Jeezy, The Dream
- Sky City December 22
The Blind Boys of Alabama
Festivus of Bands w/ Dredneck Family Reunion, Jemani, 420 Outback, Happy Bones, OP4
- Newberry Opera House, Newberry, SC December 10
- Sky City December 23
REAL PEOPLE REAL DESIRE REAL FUN.
Try FREE: 706-434-0108 More Local Numbers: 1-800-926-6000 Ahora español Livelinks.com 18+
- Philips Arena, Atlanta December 10
Perfect Picture
Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider, David Spade, Nick Swardson
- Shannon’s December 31
- Fox Theatre, Atlanta December 13
Meet sexy new friends
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706-434-0112
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SIGHTINGS
Michael Johnson | mejphoto.photoreflect.com
Abby Widener, Kristen Walker, Marie Taylor and Morgan Groothand at the Country Club.
Anna Colvin, Avrey Miller and BreeAnne Holloway at the Country Club.
Hensley Blackston, Amy Thigpen and Jessie Neal at the Country Club.
Kirby Hartley, Crystal Self, Sam Rhodes and Dallas Rutledge at the Country Club.
Kim and Chip Fulmer with singer/songwriter Daniel Johnson at the Country Club.
Amanda Warr with Travis and Heather Hargrove and Jacob Jennings at the Miss Sharon Jones Tribute at the Soul Bar.
Will McCranie with Jared and Whitney Sullivan at the Miss Sharon Jones Tribute at the Soul Bar.
Katlyn Jones, Trisha Honeymichael, Hal Hobbs and Kelsey Hollins at Craft & Vine.
Michael Kelley, Leonard Zimmerman and Karen Gordon at the Miss Sharon Jones Tribute at the Soul Bar.
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Hero Worship
Denis Villeneuve demands your undivided attention- and you need to give it to him
Dih-Ni Vihl-NuhV. As far as pronunciation, that’s the best I can do for you there. What I can do with a little more eloquence is tell you about this director and what his challenging and affecting films are all about. I’ll go ahead and say now that while I’m going to be talking about several of Villeneuve’s movies dating back to 2013, I’m going to keep this as spoiler-free as possible. That being said, I have a feeling you’ll want to check his movies out for yourself after learning more about him and his work. While Villeneuve has been making films in his native Canada since at least 2000, the first I ever heard of him was in 2013, when I headed to the theater to catch “Prisoners,” his first major American release. “Prisoners” is a gripping, brutal drama about a kidnapping that asks its main character — and the viewer — just how far you would go to protect your child. Hugh Jackman plays the dangerously unhinged father of the missing child and Jake Gyllenhaal plays the detective trying to keep the situation under some semblance of control. What struck me immediately was Villeneuve’s masterful hand at generating tension. Obviously, in a film about an ordinary man driven off the rails to the point of becoming almost feral in his hunt for the truth about his missing and endangered child, you would expect there to be some tense moments, but the way Villeneuve handles some of the scenes in this film is some of the most visceral I’ve ever seen. For me, and I’m sure many others, it became physically hard to watch at times, based on the downright inhumane treatment of some of the characters and the choices made by the father pushed to the limit of his own mental stability. This is all emphasized by the unsettling score crafted by Icelandic composer and frequent collaborator of Villeneuve, Jóhann Jóhannsson. This pair will team up for several of Villeneuve’s other projects and, in every case, Jóhannsson’s contribution adds an anxiety-inducing element to the parts which demand tension, and an unnatural, eerie calm to the parts that demand time for the viewer to process what they’re seeing. The no-breathing, no-blinking combination of Jóhannsson’s music with Villeneuve’s distinct visual style displayed in the grimy “Prisoners” stuck with the movie-going public and also garnered some critical acclaim, netting an Oscar nomination for Best Cinematography. 34 METROSPIRIT AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
By Tyler Strong
The next year, “Sicario” was released, in which a by-the-book FBI field agent is caught up in a shady mission in which the status quo is continually altered. “Sicario” delivers so much more than your run-of-the-mill action thriller, with a thoughtprovoking narrative and a focus on character motivations taking precedence over accumulating a high body count. It coaxes great performances out of the consistently excellent Emily Blunt, as well as from Josh Brolin and Benicio del Toro, the latter of which almost stealing the movie away from Blunt with his stoic and cryptic turn as a government operative with ties to various criminal organizations. In every way a typical action movie that gets released nowadays fails, “Sicario” succeeds. Where the average action thriller might bombard the viewer with CGI explosions from start to finish, “Sicario” forgoes that trope for a more realistic and meaty commentary on the government’s moral code when going about foreign affairs, with Emily Blunt — and the viewer — becoming increasingly disgusted and disturbed as she uncovers the true meaning for her being invited onto the team. The “action” climax in the middle of this movie is paced to with extreme care by Villeneuve, so much so that when the first bullet is (finally) fired, you’re on the verge of passing out from holding your breath so long. Again, Villeneuve takes what in the hands of a lesser mind could have been a generic, carbon copy amalgamation of things 8DECEMBER2016
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we’ve already seen and instead takes a sharp turn onto Creative Street — which for him is at the intersection of Fantastic Cinematography and Music Lane and Thought-Provoking and Poignant Drive. We’ve arrived at three weeks ago. After seeing some of Villeneuve’s work and studying up on his future projects, I was excited to see his unique take on one of my favorite genres in “Arrival,” a science fiction film starring the vastly underrated Amy Adams and oft-overlooked Jeremy Renner. This movie… is something else. I can count on one hand the times I’ve been subjected to pure, silent awe for several minutes after the credits begin rolling and “Arrival” is the most recent instance. What this film says and how it goes about saying it is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. (If you are at all inspired to see any of Villeneuve’s films after reading this: make it “Arrival.” You just gotta watch it.) Villeneuve puts in a concerted effort to make the “realistic” parts feel real. When Adams’ and Renner’s characters are trying to get the government liaisons to understand their new ideas and developments, I felt like I was watching real scientists make their case to real military personnel. This is also helped by the grounded, textbook-based linguistic principles Adams’ character is attempting to teach the aliens in order to establish some form of two-way communication. As a result of this dedication to believable realism, when the “science fiction,” alien aspects start snowballing toward terminal velocity and the story takes a turn for the fantastical, the movie earns the leap of faith it asks viewers to take. “Arrival” is the film I can say the least about without giving away its incredible secrets but, again, this is the absolute must-see of the bunch. And yes, I cried at the end. The last film in Villeneuve’s American repertoire that I’ve yet to talk about is without a doubt his weirdest and most perplexing film of all. “Enemy” was released after “Prisoners” and before “Sicario,” but made next to no money at the box office and was all but lost in the shuffle, which probably has something to do with its cryptic imagery and the number of varying interpretations it has generated among its viewers. This is another Jake Gyllenhaal collaboration in which Gyllenhaal plays a history professor who discovers there is someone out there who looks and sounds exactly like him. He attempts to hunt down his doppelganger and, as a result, has his reality called alarmingly into question.
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From the very first sequence of the film, you are conditioned to expect something wildly different than what even the most straight-forward movies about someone having their reality called alarmingly into question have to offer… there may not be many of those, but you get the idea. In the same year where Gyllenhaal starred as a greasy, exploitative “journalist” in “Nightcrawler,” he delivered an equally unnerving performance in “Enemy,” playing two versions of himself onscreen with each version having their own distinct but subtle nuances developed. I watched “Enemy” all the way through and when the shockingly memorable last shot blacked out and the credits rolled, I thought I got it. It was a good movie! It wasn’t until I stumbled upon a clip of Villeneuve talking about the “correct” interpretation of the story that I actually got it — and it hit me like a truck. I had the same feeling as I did during the last 20 minutes of “Arrival” when I realized I was seeing a different level of filmmaking than what I was used to. I immediately wanted to watch “Enemy” again and see if I could pick up clues about what I had just learned.
Denis Villeneuve’s films are made for people who demand more out of their movie-going experience than the run-of-the-mill… anything. You can expect a level of weighted tension and detailed, poignant storytelling and character-building that sadly is just far too uncommon these days. Next on the horizon for Villeneuve is the reboot/ sequel to 1982’s “Blade Runner,” and with someone as imaginative and meticulous as him being handed the keys to that world and those characters, I can’t wait to see how he enthralls me again.
AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
METROSPIRIT 35
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THE EIGHT
BOX TOPS No newbies in the Top 5 this week. RANK TITLES
WEEKEND GROSS TOTAL GROSS WEEK # LAST WEEK
1
MOANA
$28,270,989
$119,786,319
2
1
2
FANTASTIC BEASTS...
$18,118,111
$183,080,514
3
2
3
ARRIVAL
$7,267,029
$73,045,543
4
5
4
ALLIED
$7,026,066
$28,903,498
2
4
5
DOCTOR STRANGE
$6,684,552
$215,507,729
5
3
In Theaters December 9
COMEDY “Office Christmas Party,” rated R, starring Jason
MUSICAL “La La Land,” rated PG-13, starring Ryan Gosling,
DRAMA “Miss Sloane,” rated R, starring Jessica Chastain, Alison
Bateman, Olivia Munn, T.J. Miller, Jennifer Aniston, Kate McKinnon, Courtney B. Vance. A bunch of screw ups attempt to save their office from closing by inviting a prospective client to their Christmas party. Think of the office Christmas parties you’ve attended in the past and you’ll know that it’s a plan doomed to fail, but it sure will be fun to see Johnnie Cochran (Courtney B. Vance) cut loose and anything that includes SNL’s Kate McKinnon can’t be all bad.
Emma Stone, J.K. Simmons, John Legend. This candy colored fantasy about a down on her luck actress and an equally downtrodden jazz pianist who meet, sing and dance their way around Los Angeles is garnering all sorts of awards-season buzz, especially for Emma Stone. We hope it graces an Augusta movie screen before next year.
Pil, Gugu Mbatha-Raw, John Lithgow, Mark Strong, Sam Waterston. Jessica Chastain plays a D.C. lobbyist who must play a high-stakes chess game with some powerful opponents over the issue of gun control. No one seems to like Miss Sloane, but she hardly seems to care. All she wants is to win… no matter what it costs her or anyone else.
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Bring the Paine to Local Criminals! OH, I LIKE THIS LADY. I LIKE HER A LOT. Natalie Spires Paine. Augusta area native. Lakeside High School graduate. Wife. Mom. Assistant District Attorney. Five feet, eight inches of “prosecutorial badass” (those exact words from one of my law enforcement buddies). Thirty-three-years-old, and pound for pound probably one of the most aggressive and gifted prosecutors to ever practice in the Augusta Judicial Circuit. With incumbent District Attorney Ashley Wright almost a lock to be named by Governor Nathan Deal to replace retiring Superior Court Judge David Roper, we will soon have a new leader guiding this community’s serious criminal prosecutions. I am here to tell you there are few prospective candidates for the job that possess all the attitude, brains and aggressive conservative common sense that Natalie does, all while bringing to the table a strong work ethic that comes across as second nature to all who know her. Nothing against former District Attorney (and current Superior Court Judge) Danny Craig or the incumbent, Ashley Wright, both of whom I consider good friends, but I have not been this excited about the prospects of a new DA since Republican Mike Eubanks shocked the world in 1988 and beat the incumbent Democrat DA Sam Sibley. Sibley had been a political ally of an entrenched Columbia County power structure that wrongly targeted then Sheriff Otis Hensley, a newly elected Republican in 1984, for torment and eventual removal. Hensley fought back in the courts against obviously trumped-up charges of misconduct in office and, as a result, Sibley and all five of the county commissioners who opposed the sheriff were turned out into the streets by voters. It was the beginning of the Republican takeover of Columbia County that remains in full force to this day. Unfortunately, Eubanks only stayed in office one term before attempting to supplant one of the most liberal Superior Court judges to ever serve in Augusta, the now retiring Carlisle Overstreet. Back in those days, it was the local Bar Association, guided by the “dark forces” calling the shots at the “old” Fleming Law Firm, that dictated as best they could who would run and win in judicial races, and succeeded in getting gubernatorial appointments to the bench. These days, that power has flipped completely from the Democrat power structure straight over to state and local Republican power players and, most importantly, the solid conservative voting block that lives in Columbia County. (The circuit is also comprised of Burke County, which brings almost an exact 5050 split between Republicans and Democrats, and Richmond County, which is about a 60-40 split, with the Dems ahead there.) Columbia County’s solid 75 percent plus conservative voting base virtually guarantees that qualified Republican/conservative candidates are going to win the judicial elections every single time. 38 METROSPIRIT AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989
The conservative transformation of the circuit works out perfectly for the aspiring chief prosecutor. Natalie Paine is not only a lifelong conservative Republican, she brings a refreshing and, yes, audaciously aggressive dislike for criminals and the criminal lifestyle to the courtroom A demeanor and agenda that reminds me of not only of Eubanks, but the aforementioned Sheriff Hensley as well. I guess I could make a joke about her lineage, with tongue-in-cheek references to perhaps some blood relationship between those old times and Paine, but the real life story about her background is way more cool. Natalie’s Aunt Connie is a dear old friend of mine. She was a few years older than me, but as one of my cousin Christi’s very best friends, she was practically family. I have loved Connie dearly for about 45 years. Speaking of 45 years, that is about the amount of time Augusta was in love with Connie’s dad, and Natalie’s grandfather, the late, great, local broadcasting legend George Fisher. Yep... that George Fisher. (As if there could be another!) If you paid attention when George was “marching the kids out the door to school” during his morning radio shows on WBBQ, WFNL, WBIA and WGAC, you would have caught Natalie’s name listed among his ever growing list of grandchildren. Point of order, because I know some of you are saying it right now, no, this is not an endorsement of Natalie’s talents or candidacy based on my personal relationship with her extended family. Hand to Heaven, I had no idea Natalie Paine was in fact the same Natalie Spires that was related to the Fisher clan, as her first few years in the courtroom were being described to me by her fellow lawyers and, most specifically, the local cops who love her. All I knew about was the “blonde spitfire” who criminal attorneys were starting to regard as their own local version of Supergirl when it came to causing heartache for the criminal ne’er’do wells in our fair city. I was a fan by reputation long before I knew anything about her personally, and certainly long before I was made aware of the connection to George. (Man oh man would he be proud of her!) So enough of old home week; let me conclude with the enthusiasm and delight that swept across me, no doubt like the liberal daydreams that fill Judge Overstreet’s “quiet moments of reflection.” Natalie Paine is the real deal. Here’s to hoping she commits to taking the plunge, and signs the dotted line when the time comes to replace her ascending boss. There are so many great political opportunities ahead when it comes to promoting conservative, common sense “law and order” in our community, and if Natalie Paine is leading the fight as District Attorney, consider it progress at warp speed!
Yes, this picture is lifted off Facebook and, yes, it was taken on Natalie Paine’s wedding day. I know she is gonna kill me, but you gotta admit, it is fun to vote for a great candidate who looks this good!
AUSTIN RHODES
A long-time radio talk show host who can be heard weekdays on WGAC from 3-6 p.m. The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.
8DECEMBER2016