Technique Volume 98, Number 15

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BABY MOMMA DRAMA

WHATYOUMISSED Roadkill is yummy in tummy Cowtippingsquadpreparesfor Nationals Adams seeks enlargement UGA offers subtraction course To Hell With Georgia is a special issue brought to you annually by the Technique in the spirit of Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate

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Established 1911

2 • November 19, 2012 • Technique

NEWS

BY THE TECHNIQUE EDITORIAL BOARD

Photo courtesy of IndependentMail.com

Alana “Honey Boo Boo” Thompson, a U[sic]GA student idol, has been selected as the 2012 fall graduation ceremony speaker, being the youngest speaker in the world at any graduation ceremony.

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COME ALONG PONDS Anyways mandatory doctor who sliver Am I right guys?

I know its late but I really think the world revolves around me Meowzers! Why does NRE have so many handsome cats?!

DEHUMANIZE YOURSELF AND FACE TO BLOODSHED Judgement: Death Penalty Ready for Hate Week? Download the Glee Club’s “To Hell With georgia” track on iTunes! why is it sooooooo cold in the student center greenhouse?

LE 9GAG ARMY XD lelelelelele The RHA office couch is the most comfortable place to sleep.

RIP Ribs n Blues. 1792 - 2552 Goodnight sweet prince.

IT’S MIDTERMS AND I BLOW IT. s*** s*** s*** s*** s*** Are you eating cereal out of a solo cup?

I can tell you’re checking out my girl. Stop that.

I have entered the senior design cave. Whether or not I will emerge victorious remains to be seen.

STFU or GTFO, kids in the library that are entirely too obnoxious.

Curly haired girl in the library: I know you are engaged, want alcohol at your wedding, that you bombed your senior design proposal and that you are not getting an MRS degree and I don’t even know your name... how, you may ask? BECAUSE YOU ARE SO FR d-rad: good riddance Not a hole Keisha, a Valve Dayna is off tonight; he was murdered then set on fire while celebrating his birthday I like turtles a sliver in the hand is worth two in the bush symbioooosis symbiooooosis symbioooosis symbioooosis where are all the sliver boxes. this is ridiculous “guy with the angry birds beanie” is my man, and he looks sexy in it. #getoff

NEWS

Technique • November 19, 2012 • 3

Breaking

Bubble the

A

lot of things went on outside the bars of the University[sic] of Georgia in the past week. Here are a few important events for students that are occuring across the nation.

Donkey love story to be decided by court The hearing for Carlos Romero, who is charged with having sexual intercourse with a donkey, has been delayed so that a decision can be made regarding the ability of the court to take legal custody of the donkey, and potentially put her up for adoption.

The cause of this charge dates back to August 15, when Romero was found standing behind the aforementioned donkey, nicknamed Doodle by the accused, shirtless, with his pants down, and allegedly performing sexual acts on the 21-month-old female donkey.

Romero claimed he was using his ďŹ ngers to clean between the donkey s legs and to check for wood shaving and debris.

Thirty-one-year-old Romero, currently in protective custody, is attempting to retain custody of her, claiming his acts were a form of husbandry, common in livestock farming communities.

I [just] want my donkey back, Romero said. There s got to be due process here. I paid $500 for her.

Photo by Juanita Tacquito / Student Publications

An inebriated U[sic]GA student fails an exam while a corgi classmate passes with flying colors. A recent study confirmed that this common sight was based on the now-scientifically proven fact that canine dogs are markedly more intelligent than U[sic]GA students.

4 • November 19, 2012 • Technique

NEWS

Photo by Sal T. Rection / Student Publications

Code such as that above on the walls appeared across campus, leaving students stupefied in their midst. The “alien code” has yet to be understood.

NEWS

Technique • November 19, 2012 • 5

Photo by Big Mac / Student Publications

Traffic cones, lanes and other paraphernalia now accessorize the outside of the new Terry School of Driving Under the Influence.

Photo by Deepak F. Chican / Student Publications

Students celebrate the ability to reuse red Solo cups, most of which have been recovered from trash cans from around campus. This study proves that these cups are, in fact, usable for one year.

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“” Are Visors Cool?

Aint no one got tyme 4 that Write to us:

letterzzz@thwuga. net We welcome your letters in response to Hell with Georgia content as well as topics relevant to campus. We will print letters on a timely and space-available basis.

Letters should not exceed 400 words and should be submitted by Tuesday at 7 p.m. in to be printed in the following Friday’s issue.

Include your full name, year (1st, 2nd, etc.) and major. We reserve the right to edit for style and length. Only one submission per person will be printed per term.

The Consensus Opinion reflects the majority opinion of the Editorial Board of to Hell with Georgia, but not necessarily the opinions of individual editors.

To Hell with Georgia Editorial Board Ivana Bier Bro, Master-in-Chief Gandalf Figglisworth, Office Linebacker

Apache, News Prophet Cobra Commador III, Instagram Editor Chet “Kegstand” King, Flip-Cup Champ Lou, Gender Confused Sasquatch

Mr. Anderson, Opinions God Barack Romney Clinton, Samurai T.J.C.K Seth, Movies Bro B-Rad, Ed Hardy Editor

• November 19, 2012 • 7

How to get a husband, the real lady way

Brosef Stalin Jr.

Grammar ain’t necessary for a real job

Photos by Benny Lee

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Sesame Street too hard to for uga students, Romney right all along

STDs

BEER

It’s only this year’s hottest fashion accessory. What better way to show how much you love that one night stand you drunkenly slept with?

Don’t be selfish and spread the love this year.

Honestly? Is this even a question? Who honestly drinks their brews warm.

I only drink Natty cold and straight from the can.

I mean come on what is this Georgia Southern?

Clown question bro.

FINGER PAINTING

Global Warming

What’s cooler than finger painting? Nothing, and that’s a fact. Well, maybe eating glue. That’s just as tight, but my mom always gets mad at me when I do it.

Seriously, let’s put fans outside to cool down the Earth. This global warming nonsense is making it way too hard to keep my brews cold. My double decker cooler can only hold so much.

Photo by Frodo Baggins / Ring Bling Weekly

Photo by Troy and Abed / In the Morning

University[sic] students claim they saw a squirrel attack their beloved mascot, coming at him with ninja-like agility as it swooped down out of the sky. Uga was helpless to defend himself.

Students say they have seen squirrels plotting all around campus, dressed evilly in tiny top hats and villainous mustaches. Seriously.

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• November 19, 2012 • 11

Photo by Boromir / Mordor Tours

The discovery of GeoCities by a U[sic]GA student could only be compared to finding the Holy Grail. Roy Hicks was blown away by the colorful flashing fonts and spinning images. When he later stumbled upon MySpace and AskJeeves, his head literally exploded.

To H

wi

Geor

This space provided as a pub

Hell

ith

rgia!

blic service by the Technique.

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Drinks

Side Dish

Main Course

Dessert

Photo by Fornicating Penguins / Let’s Get It On

Tater tots are deep-fried heaven to U[sic]GA students. Like beer and their cousins, when they see them they can’t help themselves.

pleasure@thwuga.net Pleasure Editor: Donna Meagle

Photo courtesy of 4 Cox Entertainment

Holly Hoe, played by U[sic]GA’s Brandi Maxxx, is joined by her two friends in an arousing adventure.

Photo courtesy of Farmwives Are People Too Except When They’re Cows But That Doesn’t Make It Wrong Marry And Make Sweet, Sweet Love To Them. They Might Just Be Better than Your Heifer, But Pigs Are Not Acceptable Unless They Are A Blood Relative Or Bacon. I Like Bacon.

Rhetta Mae Dooley, Verna Buick, Lavinia Anne Crickleberg, Destinee Rae McDyer and Kate Smith (R to L) all prepare for a season sure to be full of hoeing and plowing.

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Photo courtesy of The Man

Natural Light

Genny Light

Pabst Blue Ribbon

Bud Light

Terrapin Rye Pale Ale

OUR TAKE: «««««

OUR TAKE: «««««

OUR TAKE: «««««

OUR TAKE: «««««

OUR TAKE: «««««

• November 19, 2012 • 17

Photo courtesy of Battleship

Despite exciting cover art, the Battleship movie is far from deluxe and in fact breaks electronics with thick and square shaped DVDs.

Photo courtesy of Joey Roo

One of U[sic]GA’s top foreign exchange students tries out the latest local pastime of grass watching.

The economy sucks.

Free pizza rations on Tuesdays.

7 p.m., Flag 137, Technique

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Farm Scene Annual Cow-tipping Fest

Wet T-Shirt Contest

Beer Pong Tournament Photo courtesy of Billy Bob Joe Phoebe Lee Hunterman VIII

U[sic]GA has been overtaken by an awesome new trend: trucks tricked out with duct tape!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

• November 19, 2012 • 19

Interested in writing, photography, design or advertising?

Join the Technique to get the chance to discover all aspects of campus! Weekly staff meetings Tuesdays at 7 p.m. in Flag Building Rm. 137

www.nique.net

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‘SUPMYDAWG

UGA

By Pat Downe Nickelback enthusiast To Hell with Georgia: Upton Galloway- Abernathy VIII:

THWG: UGA

VIII:

Photos by Macon Paine / Sado-Masochism Enthusiasts

(L) Abernathy lines up his initial shot against an opponent. In order to get his buzz on, he generally plays 10 cup pong by himself. (R) Abernathy holding the game ball after a hard fought pong match.

THWG: UGA VIII:

THWG: THWG: UGA

UGA VIII:

THWG: THWG: UGA VIII:

VIII: UGA

VIII:

THWG:

VIII:

• November 19, 2012 • 21

Gurley

By Leeroy Jenkins He has chicken

Photo by Regina George / The Meanest Girl

A U[sic]ga student prepares for a test and tries to count past the number five. With the Bulldogs ranked fifth overall, students and alumni are outraged they have to count to such a high number.

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from page 24

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Photo by Turok / Velociraptor

A football player attempts to use a typewriter to complete his article for the school paper, despite more advanced technology being available. The football team assumed that joining the newspaper meant they would be able to wear their favorite colors more often.

By Dee Snutts

Wannabe Spice Girl

Attn: Student Organizations

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• November 19, 2012 • 23

with Georgio A. Tsoukalos

Photo by Carrie Oakey / Drunken Songs Inc.

Is this real life? Is anything real? These are questions we must ask ourselves every day when organizations such as the ACC are creating false ideas such as the popular ‘Global Warming’ theory.

www.nique.net

sports@nique.net Sports Editor: Ron Swanson

BY THE NUMBAHS

1 THE NUMBAH OF

GURLEY MEN ON DA TEAM

101

THE NUMBAH OF DALMATIANS IN THOSE MOVIES

F

Photo by Neo Matrix / Bad acting incorporated

Laserdawgs captain Bud Light valiantly leads his team through intense fire against the North Fulton Flyers. Despite the loss, the team is optimistic about the future, despite only gaining the funds to play one laser tag match every 25 years.

By Ke$ha Betch Closet genius

THE FIRST NUMBAH IN THE NAME MARK RICHT

By Ivana Tinkle Butterface

Photo by Jed I. Knight / Yo Yo Yoda Photography

While Gurley had displayed certain womanlike qualities such as dancing on the field, he has been confirmed to be a man.

See Gurley, page 21