POSITIVES OF MY
PANDEMIC This feature is designed to explain and present the positive aspects that I have managed to draw out of this pandemic that we are all going through. I’ve attempted to take the time to self-reflect on what good things have actually been produced in the midst of the hardship and negativity that has surrounded the majority of us during this time. For myself, I was absolutely fine at the start of the Coronavirus pandemic, I figured to myself that this would be easy, just a chance to stay at home and get some projects done that I had been meaning to get around to for a while, spend some more time with my family - as they would be working from home as well. The problem comes however, from where is least expected. Going from brushing off the effects of lockdown restriction at my home in Bath, I found myself becoming seemingly more stressed - though I could not work out why. Taking to drinking and smoking more as the days passed, I couldn’t shake this feeling of unease, until one day - during the first lockdown, on a beautifully sunny, twenty-degree morning in June, I went into town to get the tyres swapped on my van. This is nothing out of the ordinary for me as I was used to running errands during lockdown, getting shopping in, dropping supplies off to family and friends in need. But for some reason, this morning and my reaction would change the rest of my life. I had an anxiety attack whilst in town getting tyres changed on my van - I completely fell apart...
Having not left my house for around a week due to working from home, I drove into town, through the high street - which was senselessly busy for a town in lockdown - and on to the garage. I can’t explain the feeling as such, but as soon as I left the boundary of the village of Combedown, I noticed an intense tightness in my chest - a sensation you might compare to someone grasping their hands around your airways - an inability to breathe, or the feeling of such at any rate. As an asthmatic I knew that this wasn’t connected, but the niggling doubt was at the back of my mind, so I pressed on thinking that this would subside soon. Arriving at the garage, I pulled in, the first thing I realized was how few of the employees were wearing masks, and how close they were coming to me as I handed over my keys and explained what needed to be done. I had thought previously that such behavior would not affect me as I was of the mindset that I’m very careful when around people during this pandemic, but that it wouldn’t affect me too badly - even if I did catch the virus. I was very wrong about this however, and as soon as I was leaving the tyre shop, I felt that I could not breathe at all. I tried my rescue inhaler, which only made my heart rate soar and panic that it wasn’t working (little did I know at the time this inhaler will cause your heart rate to spike and will have a huge negative impact on the symptoms of anxiety). i made the journey home, but I still could not control my breathing, when I arrived, I led down in my bed and tried my hardest to regain some sort of calm, but it would not come. I do not exaggerate when I say I thought my life was in danger at this time, I called out for my mother just wanting someone to sit with me, and asked her to call an ambulance, because I had never experienced something so terrifying in my life. Turning out to be an anxiety attack, I spent the next two weeks unable to leave my bedroom, and the next four unable to leave the house. For nine weeks after the initial attack, I was unable to leave the proximity of my village - if I did, I would have extreme difficulty breathing and heart palpitations. However, because of the fact that I was confined to my bed for two weeks at the start - this was a much-needed kickstart for me to be able to kick some unhealthy habits that had grown to take hold of me in the days leading up to my anxiety attack. I was drinking in excess every evening - starting earlier each day, and smoking ridiculous amounts, which is never good, although even more so if you are an asthmatic! The absolute fear of experiencing another event like I had, prevented me from going anywhere near alcohol or smoking for the next couple of months. In hindsight I see this as a positive, as I would have never quit either if i had continued the way I was - I needed an ultimatum, and I was not strong enough to give myself one - so I suppose my mind did that for me.
I JUST...
SURF TO GET AWAY FROM MY STRESS
To this day I have not, and will never touch another cigarette, I might have the odd drink on social occasions, but this is a rare occurrence now. I used to wonder why people stopped drinking and smoking or had caffeine free tea and coffee, as I wanted to simply enjoy absolutely everything life has to offer. But, as someone who was forced to cut out sugar, caffeine, alcohol, nicotine out of their diet in one fell swoop - it’s safe to say I get it now. Sometimes we need to do what is right for ourselves, but that, more often than not - is not the easy choice. Quitting my unhealthy habits was the first step for me, but I realized I never wanted to be put in that position of extreme vulnerability ever again, so I came up with a plan, that I would make myself as mentally and physically fit as I possible could. This began with walking... Walking ten minutes from my house was the hardest thing I’ve done the first time, I couldn’t control my emotions and panicked almost every time. After weeks of perseverance though, and with the help of one amazing friend, I managed to overcome this and move forwards to my next challenge. My love of surfing is something I hadn’t truly realized until my mental health depended upon it, I had always enjoyed it, but now it truly is the ultimate release from stress and anxiety for me. When I’m out in the water I completely forget my troubles - no matter how big they seem on the drive to the beach - it is simply pure peaceful bliss. Of course, my first attempt at surfing whilst recovering did not go so well - I panicked that my wetsuit was strangling me and that I would drown - lasting about five minutes in the sea. Now, though, I may have a day where I cannot breathe at all for the amount of stress piled upon me, and my mental health is in pieces. But as soon as that board touches the water, and the cool spray splashes my face, I am in another world in which this stress and my problems cease to exist.
As aerobic exercise, such as surfing and walking are proven to help with symptoms of anxiety - especially breathlessness - I focused around improving my fitness - so that I could prove to myself, when having anxiety attack, that this was not a factor as to why I might be feeling this way. By ruling several factors such as this out, i could then prove to myself that what I was experiencing in terms of panic, was simply a figment of my mind, not something that warranted genuine concern, this then helps me to calm down as I can validate what I am feeling and why - there is no mystery that causes doubt and therefor panic. Like surfing is my release from stress and my version of mental and physical therapy, many others have their own unique ways of dealing with these issues. My mother Naomi for example, started walking just before the pandemic, when she was feeling burdened by the stress of both home life and work. Before she started, she found it extremely difficult to be motivated for either work or out of work activities and struggled leaving the house for a number of weeks - let alone contemplating exercise. However, as soon as she started walking, she found a complete release from normal life - putting headphones in and getting lost in the action of walking - wherever that may be, allowed her to be relieved of that stress in the same way surfing soothes my worries. Starting off by walking around Combe down in Bath for just a mile or so a week, Naomi now walks at least three miles a day - and that only takes her forty minutes! This then has evolved from simply being able to get out of the house and relieve a bit of stress - to exercise which has numerous positive effects let alone stress relief. During the summer of the Coronavirus pandemic, we also decided that we needed to move to a new house, as all of us would be working at home and needing adequate amounts of office space. Whereas in Combe down we were forced to work in the lounge and kitchen as there was no other room in the crowded house. Due to not going out to dinner, or on day trips, or holidays etc. We managed to save a lot more money this year than perhaps we usually would. This of course is also down to the fact that my parents are lucky enough to work for higher education institutions - which have allowed them to continue their respective lines of work from a home environment. With the need for extra space, we looked around the local area, but everything was far too expensive near Bath. That is when I suggested Cornwall. As I was already living down here studying at Falmouth University for a few years prior, and we all know the area well, due to yearly holidays down here - we thought this might work. We found a house, with enough room for us all to be able to work on proper desk spaces - not in the kitchen - and within the countryside, and close to the sea. This meant that we would all have access to the local environment to walk, surf, ride bike, which over the course of the pandemic, I have found to be a necessity - as in Bath we certainly felt too confined, especially with tightening lockdown restrictions. Here then we not only managed to find peace from exercise and nature, but also when at work.
personal
projects
Another hobby that I have found to be extremely cathartic and rewarding during the times of lockdown, is trying to start, and complete personal projects. Whether this be personal photography projects - as I don’t often get to shoot what I want - but instead what is needed, DIY ideas, like making a compost heap out of old pallets and other material - whatever it may be it is always extremely rewarding to feel that sense of accomplishment once you’ve completed a task. This has also helped me in the past when I’ve needed to get work done, I’ll do a smaller and easily achievable task or project to get the ball rolling, and then I find it far easier to have a productive day. My favourite, and never-ending project, is converting my VW T4 “Barney” into a campervan. I bought this van around three years ago and started with a completely empty shell with not even a proper floor! Since then, I’ve already partially converted it once and taken him around Europe. Admittedly this was a bit of a trial run, as the design for the inside wasn’t quite right - especially for two people! It did work though and covered about four thousand miles in two months. The memory of this trip is something that has driven me to keep going with this project, as one day I would love to be back out there again. Since this first trip, I have ripped out and re-done the interior twice! Although I think I’ve settled on a good design now! Building everything in the van myself, from scratch, has been an immensely rewarding experience. From the side cabinets, fold out bed, retractable kitchen units and the whole electrical system, I have learnt a lot of new skills which will no doubt aide me in the future. Not only this but this opportunity to learn new things whilst also building something that I will keep for years has given me motivation during this time when we have been such at home. Now, that restrictions have lifted in Cornwall I do not have so much opportunity to do this as I use the van daily for work as a delivery driver - but the cabinets work well as a parcel sorting station it turns out! I think that whatever it may be that you wouldn’t usually have the time for, or you enjoy doing when you do have some free time, is absolutely the best thing people can do when forced to be at home. It is easy to say this of course, but hard to do and to not be drawn into the trap of watching films, playing games, drinking all-day. In order to feel that sense of achievement and po sitive satisfaction, I think we must force ourselves to be productive even when we don’t want to be.
Although this has been one of the most difficult years of my life - as I am sure it has for many - I believe it to be one of the most life-changing and inspiring. I have seen groups of people all around the world come together in an effort to protect and nurture each other in times of struggle, local communities setting up groups on social media to support each other from a distance - reach into the homes and lives of those who cannot make it out, and this is something that is long overdue. I have been lucky; I have turned some of the negatives of this pandemic into positives which I can continue to work on - through hard work and determination that I will not fall backwards. I have had the opportunity to move to the most beautiful area of the UK and been able to use it as my therapy, for which I will always be thankful. I am glad I have found ways to deal with some of my issues, and help some others move towards this at the same time. I have lost a lot this year, but also learnt an extraordinary amount too. For me then, like many other around the world I am sure, the Coronavirus pandemic of 2020 has been an extremely challenging event. More so than a lot of us thought, and more taxing than ever thought possible in every way. It has been not simply a test of who can stay at home and observe social distancing, but this pandemic has been a complete shift in the way our culture and society operates on a daily basis. Not only this, but this pandemic has taught me that I must face the obstacles that are not only put in front of me, but that I put in front of myself. I have been forced to question my habits and actions and reasons why, I’ve been forced to adapt the way I live and work so that I might have more peace and less stress. Yes, this is something that has been thrown into discussion due to the pandemic, but I think that regardless perhaps many people would benefit from taking a closer look at their lives. Not necessarily the big picture, but they days off work, the holidays we have, the time spent with families - how can we make this count and help ourselves to be happier, because now, it is more important than ever.