PER
SS SHOP
THE FESTIVE
SHOPPER!
THE OCCASIONAL SHOPPER FESTIVAL EDITION WELCOME FESTIVAL 2013 Dated: 3rd May 2013
Abandon all hope ye who enter! Meray pyaray first years, you have not been ragged. This is the same as never having been loved. You have awkward shifty eyes, affected gaits and mouths slow to open, all signs of stunted carnal experience. So here’s the proposition I put forward keeping solely your benefit in mind – get ragged, and people in your batch will know you’re getting some the minute you saunter into that drafting studio. Your sphincter loose and easy like an old friend, you will lean up against the doorway like a victorious Casanova, your fingers will dance across your 20” by 30” (leaving no lead stains of course) in exquisite coordination, you will have in your eye the alluring glint of a genius at work and once done you will swagger out like a feline beast on its own turf. That means you can throw that Axe away and shift to a deodorant you actually like! Now, given our premise above, we may establish if you do not get ragged, you are a sourpuss prude. But this festival, little ones, is a chance for you loosen up those rigid priggish muscles and get groovy. If you’ve been listening closely at the grapevine, you will know that the organising team and supervising faculty members had to work extra hard this year to see this festival through despite trying budget constraints. Sir Imran Qureshi who usually handles the festival is M.I.A. and Sir Fakhar and Madam Attia, also festival veterans, have undertaken the task of making sure this college does not get as drab as you first years would have it! This is it, this is the point where you let go and breathe easy, zoom out of your 8 am to 2 30 pm anthill routine and actually look at all this commotion about you. The themes chosen for this festival have raised many an eyebrow and tickled many a fancy; who does not want everyone around them dressed as belly dancers and sea anemone? And if mister Squarepants can so wonderfully liven up an otherwise quiet and lacklustre place, so can you! Get into the festive spirit, don your costumes, and get ready for your first taste of the real NCA. This brings us to my last piece of advice to you as an octogenarian in college years… For God’s sake man, live a little! Experiment, make lots of noise and even more art (and I don’t mean in your studio for academic rewards!), join -balkay make - societies, go beyond those ridiculous barbed wires, don’t just desert these hallways as soon as you get the chance, almost every inch of every plane of these premises is yours to explore for the next four or five years, and they might
A message from Captain Nasir of the SS Shopper: Arrr! Thank you pliss excuse me. Arghh! The anchor is raised, the masts are set, off to the canteen to break some bread!
never be yours this way again. Own your college, don’t hang about waiting for others to tell you how things are done (except in first year - in first year you are playthings) and stop being conformist bastards for the love of God!
DOWN AND DIRTY
form the backbone of inter-year interaction at NCA and one shudders to think of a state of affairs when something so positive and essential is sidelined. It will certainly be a sad day if such a thing does come to pass. The committed festival organization team has worked around the clock, through a national holiday (Labour Day, ironically enough), especially getting shops opened to buy the material they needed. What has been the most pleasant improvement from recent festivals however is the re-introduction of proper posters that are so crucial to building the hype for these festivals, the funding of this here festival publication, and invites (to the delight of many faculty members who finally felt involved!). Relatively milder hostelite participation seen this year amongst the organization team volunteers. Many star-eyed volunteers did, however, express a desire to exhibit their disc jockeying talent; amongst them Nadaal, Adeel Gul and Sadaam but of course they had neither the muscles nor tattoos required for the task. Speaking of missing things, this welcome will not get to see the hostelite Ganj day tradition. This is essentially senior hostel boys taking artistic liberties with first year hostel boys’ hairdos, armed with shaving equipment. So instead, we offer you our virtual take on these acts of imposed baldness (turn to the last page). However, one thing we cannot compensate for (if it does go missing) is a flash mob appearance by the people that brought you “Hip-hop is not dead.” These surprise performances do liven up the festive environment with controversy, if not an actual show. And finally, the most important consideration for everyone: the themes! Day One themed ARABIAN NIGHTS forecasts are belly dancers, ambient orientalist lighting, opium fumes, and opulent silks (Just kidding, we know that word probably runs in the other direction at the thought of being associated with us and our institution – unless the main courtyard is booked by a multinational for their corporate dinner in which case there’s plenty of opulence to go about). For Day Two, themed AQUA, the decoration teams are going for psychedelic with live VJing (lightbased visualizations accompanying and responding to live music), UV lights, jellyfish, an aquarium, and DJ Fauji (he’s clue number ?? in the crossword in case you’re wondering). The only rules, the festival committee warns, are 1) no white shirts on Day Two and 2) no shirts on Day One! With the team’s politically-charged motto of ‘tabdeeli aa gayi’, everyone is garnering high hopes, and it seems like these gentlemen (and their stout women helpers) will not disappoint!
with the organizers! Scandal seems to be a permanent ingredient in the making of our festivals and this time round is no different. Budget concerns escalated to the point where first years were heard whispering amongst themselves that they Nayyab Ayyaz Hina Afzaal Usman Khalil Afaq Ahmed Usman Aziz probably wouldn’t get a welcome! The mere Societies Security In-charge Decoration idea of this must’ve sounded as ridiculous to Co-chief Organizer Co-chief Organizer certain faculty members as it did to most of us, for help was at hand and concerned faculty members stepped up to support the cause. With the aid of Madam Irum Zia, Sir Fakhar and Madam Attia, the derailed merriment was brought back on track, the festival budget miraculously skipped over all the red tape, and within hours the fate of the festival was favourably sealed! Salman Gohar Amna Irfan Uswa Amjad Feroz After the last few weeks’ rather unnerving Catering Publication Publication Disc Jockey game of Is It Isn’t It, Afaq and Usman have finally managed to defeat the odds and the The rest of the team: Saad Qasmi (Catering), Munib Shahzad (Production) tradition of the two-day biannual festival is Decoration Team:Amra, Aroosha, Iqra, Sidra, Saba, Nida, Asma, Sana, Momina, Rabya Hamid, Bibi Hajra to be continued. These festivals pretty much Caricatures courtesy of Ali Saad
Society Roundup: Behind the Scenes Eastern:
Notanki hullabaloo! Lord have mercy on the wooden stage when these boys boogie on it, for boogie they shall! Daniyal insists that good acting emerges from keen observation of and exposure to the world. He says even if working from a script, he does not want his actors to grow so dependent on it that they are unable to improvise, a skill which is a direct consequence of ‘being in character’. What remains to be seen is whether an eccentrically-named female character will form the centre of all the commotion like the last two festivals or something new will emerge with the nine promising first years that have populated Notanki this year. Like Alif Adaab, this society draws on the expertise of past members to make sure the performance retains its authentic Notanki flavour… Let the chanting begin! No.. Tan.. Ki!
Despite some needless controversy, the players are back on track with a director that likes to take on challenges, and working Sundays! This melodious bunch seeks to please the crowd this festival with upbeat and popular tunes. Obaid’s song compilation this time around has been driven by its entertainment value as he says he feels this is what people really want on such an Mime: occasion. We are told to expect some Mekaal Hasan and Bollywood party numbers, which is quite a jump to say the least! Some vocal talent from Gilgit has reportedly joined their ranks, and much experimentation in sound amplification and technical optimisation has been brewing. Are we looking at the new and improved Eastern? Will the first year outdo Mahrukh’s Fevicol cover? WILL ASFAR RETURN?? I guess we’ll just have to wait and see! Western:
A rare but not unprecedented step for this surprisingly disciplined society, a quirky second year has stepped forward to lead these noise-loving men, Mina and Maira through dark territory with cleverly placed sunshiney RHCP numbers, the mandatory Junoon cover, and some Bollywood shock therapy! Faraz says he is glad to have played festivals with Lala, Fawad and Sarim before their graduation, and to have learnt what the spirit of Western is all about (For Sarim, “NCA is Western”) but points out that the songlist is often dictated by what can be played rather than what they would like to play. Faraz welcomes the respite that his commitment to the society brings from an otherwise dreary college life and ensures that everyone is equally devoted - Onaiz, we are told, skipped his brother’s engagement. But one thing the latter and Faraz agree on is that the four new additions in the shape of shape first years need to be put in place… or a cubicle! In either case, this performance is bound to get you off your feet and go groovy!
Puppeteers:
ams as in the past. Some of the scenes have a background score, so the film promises to be musically and visually different, with more dialogue featuring. The plot revolves around an angel of death, a depressed girl, and a creep, it is revealed. Baqir pointed out that this society have different work dynamics that make it hard to retain recruits once they join because it isn’t possible to keep a fixed work schedule. He has tried to tackle this problem, however, by delegating and distributing responsibility at the initial stages so specific people are Having staged some wonderful experi- accountable for specific duties. Noormaha mentation with shadows and an outstand- is incharge of the story, Mahnoor is haning performance complete with recorded dling the actors, and Hatim the budget.’ dialogue, these behind-the-scene people popped on scene with a bang last year and Alif Adaab: proved they are not to be taken lightly. This festival, however, Usman says, he wants to return back to the basics and simplify the performance. After much experimentation in previous performances, we are told to expect very simple props but used well with backlighting for stark impact. The act is named “drop” and is entirely music-based. A popular society with Masters folk, this society too continues to recruit. NT Mime:
These silent performers are putting on their cowboy hats this festival to bring you a solidly themed show, with the occasional random appearance thrown in! They plan to go strong on the makeup, and bring in more character-based narrative this year. Umar says nearly half of their team are first years, and this ought to lend some wonderful energy to the performance. Co-director Amna(?) says it is fascinating to see people change from their everyday personas into different characters once they step onto the stage. Rivalling puppeteers’ previous strength (20 performers!), Mime may be hard put to fit the budget but obviously means business this time.
This year’s team is confidant and consists mostly of Film and TV first years and a happy Donia says they’re loyal to the society and doing an excellent job as some of them even have extensive past experience in theatre such as Arslan. With a few technical shashkas and minimal set, the team is doing a show unlike the usual Alif Adaab. CAUTION: this performance consists of a lot of English dialogues and seriously threatens to develop the audience otherwise impaired listening skills! So stop making noise and listen closely if you want to get the what the hell is going on! Dance:
Skits:
This year’s neo-transitional mime (that’s right it’s an acronym, not “anti”!) is more story-based. It is a loose adaptation of the plot of Kamila Shamsi’s novel Kartography. Sidra and assistant director Mariam plan to stick to their established style with instrumental background music, almost no dialogue and minimal set and props. They insist, however, that they do have a surprise up their sleeves. Five first years working have joined them, one of them pushed onto the stage from the production arena. They heartily thanked Bibi Hajra Arbab for graciously helping them out with producCause of much fear and anxiety amongst tion and asserted that without this angelcouples, oddballs and – we would like to ic savior the performance could not have imagine – faculty members, Zarbakht and been possible(!). Nudrat say they plan to dial down the individual terrorising this year. Dealing with The End: wider subject matter and more general issues, the duo aim to expand their auNotanki: dience by letting more people ‘in’ on the punchline rather than have a specific part of the auditorium erupt in fitful laughter at recognising all-too-familiar situations and references. Given last year’s Simpsons theme, skits themes are a much awaited feature of the performances. For that is what Skits do, they bring you the rumours so you do not have to get your hands dirty! Introducing a surprise technique into their ensemble, this populous team plan to stick Headed by Baqir Mehdi and Ali Atif, this to tradition in one way at least – they will film society plans to break with many premake administrative issues the butt of their vious trends. Instead of sticking to comThis time’s Notanki revolves around the jokes. So if you are a first year and you have edy, this screening will be closer to the story of a family that Satan has decided to something to gripe about, you know where thriller or suspence genre and will be shot trouble – a perfect setting for some classic to go! on the team’s DSLRs rather than handyc-
After last festival’s exuberant encore, these sprightly lot have gotten even more playful this year we are told. Dance is themed to a spooky haunted setting this year, all set to make your skin crawl. Sacrificing their brawn to DJing duties this festival(!), Eesha says they’re still man enough to take on any dance acts that may seek rivalry with them and will gladly dig a grave for Hip hop through their killer moves! Bring it on, I say, the more dance, the better. I know I always feel good after watching these enthusiastic new folks on stage. Rest assured, they know what you like and you are vouchsafed the customary item song (think fevicol)! The end will see a plot twist, we are told in whispers. I’m already excited! The Shopper Team: We here at the shopper believe in reviving certain ridiculous traditions that make this place what it is, and that is where our name springs from. This year we are paying homage to the Ganj day custom by recreating it in another form and covering the festival in print format, another practice abandoned since the 2009 farewell and resurrected in 2011. Our philosophy reverberates the infinite wisdom of our popular political figures in that hamara khwaab, parraa likhaa NCA!
“ Haye Allah, Meesha Shafi ko bulaa lo, Coke walay bi tumhain sponsorship dey dain gay” Madam Attia “ Extra curricular activities ka calender banay ga, and every festival budget will be subject to a ten percent increment in the succeeding year.” Madam Irum Zia “Uh uh uh aap isko black and white mein karein” - Sir Fakhar (with one hand in his pocket) “Yaar maine phool shool nai kaatne koi technical kaam batao!” - Waqar “Party scene on hai!” - Afaq (Jis ne) Karadia “Flashmob - Will it won’t it?”
By Talha Muftee and Anam Tahir
BLAST FROM THE PAST!
Who will be the next Ali Jameel? a) Donia b) Usman Aziz c) Sidra
“I have a Silk Bank card that entitles me to a 15% discount. Can I avail it at your honorable establishment? - Usman Aziz at a Shahalami shop while buying material for decoration
In loving memory of...
Armaghedon
Ali Kazmi
Sajjad Gohar
Sexy Beast NOT
Nazuk Laila
Sorority Girl 1
Bari Cheez
Tarzan
Lovely
Jango 1
Daddy’s Boy
Gandi Gupshup
Generator
Sorority Girl 3
DJ Rickshaw
Jewellery Box
Ezza ‘not-so-rowdy’ Rathore
Sorority Girl 2
Samsonite
Non-queer Ken
Jango 2
Arsi Uncle
Chuss Musketeer
Mahnoor Tahir
Pataakha
Hero
Wolverdeen
Sweetheart
Chuss Musketeer 2
Fairy
Drama Queen
Mahnoor Malik
Janat ki Hawa
nca
Noor Gilanis
Badass Unibrow
Permed
Our Lua
Born to be wild
Chulbulay Pande
Shaza Mana
Shiza Fatima
Dozakh
Azam Nabi
Dictator
Reebok
Junaid Iqbal
The Shiz
Amir
Amna
Aqib
Futurama
Sorority girl 4
Kinza Bano
Minahil
Mobeen
Chota Junoon
Fatima
nca
Nasir Lahori
Hannan Banana
Manzoor
Social Butterfly
Metrobus
Rabia
Mobeen Ahmad
Drummer Bachi
Mahnoor Malik
Samana
Closet Poet
Qasim
Mawra Irfan
Sorority Girl 5
Zaheer
Benazir
Ikram Khan
Uswa Amjad Chief Editor
The Obligatory Crossword
Ali Sarmad Khan Chief Designer
nca
Anas Ahmad Senior Designer
Across
Down
Noor Qadir
6. the easy way out for everyone to gosip without being named. It's the new hype.
1. the admins are at pains to wipe out this vice.
Reporter/Publicist
2. tatooed dancer biceps.
8. these little creatures inhabit the cafe, the auditorium, basically the whole college. And one doesn't simply see them and NOT scream.
Hajra Qazi
3. the pricipal loves puting these on the poor students
Reporter/Writer
4. the admins are at pains to barricade this area. 5. it is no more the spot for the love birds, as it has been locked.
Anam Tahir
9. Found in the principal's office more than her own. 11. we haven't had a permanent one for the last 10 years now. 12. first years still haven't had a taste of this, nor felt its wetness. 13. the legend famous for his leather pants, who makes rounds serving and pampering the first years is now found distributing mithaai throughout college because he FINALLY got married. 14. First years have visited this place for their trip assignments more than any other batch.
7. the hottest boy of nca. (according to a confessioner).
Baqir Mehdi
10. she is old but still young and the spirit of nca.
Designer/Photographer
12. there has to be one every year for the students to get a day off.
Jannat Sohail
Across 6. the easy way out for everyone to gosip without being named. It's the new hype.
9. Found in the principal's office more than her own. 11. we haven't had a permanent one for the last 10 years now. 12. first years still haven't had a taste of this, nor felt its wetness. 13. the legend famous for his leather pants, who makes rounds serving and pampering the first years is now found distributing mithaai throughout college because he FINALLY got married. 14. First years have visited this place for their trip assignments more than any other batch.
Down
6. the easy way out for everyone to gosip without being named. It's the new hype.
1. the admins are at pains to wipe out this vice.
8. these little creatures inhabit the cafe, the auditorium, basically the whole college. And one doesn't simply see them and NOT scream.
2. tatooed dancer biceps. 3. the pricipal loves puting these on the poor students 4. the admins are at pains to barricade this area.
Reporter/Writer
Umar Khan
8. these little creatures inhabit the cafe, the auditorium, basically the whole college. And one doesn't simply see them and NOT scream.
Across
Reporter
Down
Designer
1. the admins are at pains to wipe out this vice. Sadeqain 2. tatooed Designer dancer biceps.
Maira Ahmed
3. the pricipal loves puting these on the poor student 4. the admins are at pains to barricade this area. Reporter/Writer
5. it is no more the spot for the love birds, as it has be
Special locked. thanks to:
Shams-ul-ain, Amna, Saqib, Arsalan and Asim
7. the hottest boy of nca. (according to a confessione
Contact us at: 10. she is old but still young and the spirit of nca. theoccasionalshopper@gmail.com 12. there has to be one every year for the students to Facebook: a day off. www.facebook.com/theoccasionalshopper Blog: theoccasionalshopper.wordpress.com Contrary to our statement in issue 5, a bird did sadly lose its life in the making of this Shopper.