Gibraltar Olive Press - Issue 28 by Olive Press Newspaper Spain

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The Rock’s original community newspaper

Vol. 2 Issue 28 www.gibraltarolivepress.com

Biting back!

Ape attacks September 28th - October on the11th rise2016

Sep 28th - Oct 11th 2016

in Gib as resident is left dripping with blood following savage atttack

See Page 31

What a Steel! A LEADING comic has borrowed TWICE from the Olive Press for his smash-hit comedy show on Gibraltar. Mark Steel used two articles during his popular BBC Radio 4 show, filmed last week. The funnyman firstly waxed lyrical about our hilarious story about a tourist being ‘molested’ by a macaque in 2015, before referencing a feature on a visit by legendary Rolling Stone Brian Jones. During the award-winning show Mark Steel’s In Town, w h i c h pokes fun the at local olive press customs, Cheeky monkeys he asked: “Do people know this story from the O l i v e To us it’s not just a box... Press? A it’s Your Life woman from Macclesfield went to the local station to report she was sexually assaulted by an ape. Just Call Jack “While the policeman said he was ‘sorry’ for her ordeal, he told her monkeys are wild animals and asked: ‘Do you think you can pick the monkey in a line-up?’” Steel later used our feature about Rolling Stones guitarist Brian Jones playing a gig to the Rock’s Barbary macaques while high on drugs. The article about that 1967 encounter can be found in our new quarterly magazine Gib Rocks out this month. EE

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May 28th - June 10th 2015

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Dr Suarez will see you now

Mothers meeting

SPANISH women have their first child at 30, placing them next to Italians as the oldest firsttime mothers in Europe, according to Eurostat.

FINAL WORDS

That’s your lotti

quote or just some friendly advice

THE most coveted job in sport is up for grabs, after Real Madrid dismissed boss Carlo Ancelotti after a trophyless season.

Lord knows

AN initiative to get Spaniards pronouncing ‘Ogilvy and Mather’ has been launched by Agency Spain to get Spanish students speaking English ‘like a lord’.

Blurred vision

BLONDE bombshell Edurne failed in her quest for Eurovision glory. Taking 15 points the Spaniard underperformed as Swede Mans Zelmerlow was victorious.

HURLING: In action

Game on

ANDALUCIA’S first ever game of hurling took place in Marbella on May 23. Players from Gaelic football sides Costa Gaels, Eire Og Seville and Gibraltar Gaels swapped football for hurleys at the historic event. Hosted at the Marbella rugby club, brand new hurling side Andalucia Vandals gave a glimpse of things to come.

Mountain Hi

A TEAM of seven members of HiFX, including Spanish boss Jose Ivars-Lopez, are to take on of the toughest mountains in the Nepalese Himalayas. Led by Everest mountaineer Tim Mosedale, the team will be trekking and scaling the Ama Dablam mountainside peak up to a giddy 6,812 metres in the name of charity. For more info visit: www. amadablam2015.comt

Tourist calls in police after Gibraltar apes ‘sexually assault’ on the Rock

A BRITISH tourist claims to have been ‘sexually assaulted’ by monkeys while visiting Gibraltar. Melissa Hart, 23, (pictured above) travelled to the Rock on a day trip from Marbella, excited to see the famous Barbary Macaques. But when two began to pull at her clothes and hair atop the Rock, she began to panic while other tourists close to

EXCLUSIVE By Tom Powell

her laughed. “I felt totally helpless as these two monkeys grabbed and pawed me in my most intimate areas,” she revealed. “Then, with a yank, one of them pulled my bikini top straight off.” Hart, a baker from Macclesfield, continued: “I was being sexually assaulted and these people all thought it was a great joke.” Luckily, her screams quickly grabbed the attention of a warden, who ran in and freed her. However, she was so angry she insisted in filing a police report, which also failed to go to plan. When she revealed to the po-

liceman on duty she had been attacked by the monkeys, he was unable to take her claim seriously. While the policeman told her he was ‘sorry’ for her ordeal, he added that monkeys are ‘wild animals’ and cannot legally commit a crime. “And if they could, do you think you could pick out your attacker in a line-up?” added the officer, evidently struggling not to laugh.

CARING: Suarez

SWAPPING his football boots for a stethoscope, Barcelona superstar Luis Suarez played doctor in a heartwarming video call to a young Uruguayan cancer patient. Just days before winning his first La Liga title with the Catalan giants, Suarez took time out to surprise an adoring fan. Diagnosed with cancer two years ago, Mateo thought he was having a consultation with a Spanish doctor. After initially chatting to a blank screen, Suarez appeared on screen and Mateo burst into tears when his ‘doctor’ turned out to be his idol.

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ICON: Sir Elton John

ROCKET man Sir Elton John, 68, is set to touch down on the Costa del Sol this summer. Appearing in Andalucia for the first time in a decade, Sir Elton will be thrilling fans at the Palacio de los Deportes Martin Carpena in Malaga on July 15. In his five-decade career Elton John has sold more than 300 million records, and his doubled-sided single Something About the Way You Look Tonight/ Candle in the Wind is the best-selling single of all time, selling 33 million copies worldwide.

INSPIRED: Steel’s OP nod

days since Brexit vote

Look back

We examine the first 100 days since the EU referendum

Rolling Stone San Pedro

Read our Gib Rocks special feature on Brian Jones’ ape gig

See Page 6

Check out this edition’s cracking new supplement

See Page 10

On the whistle

Gibraltar Premier Division football season kicks off

See Page 11

See Page 23

Medieval

tar more than anyone else.” A British government spokesperson, added: “We will never enter into arrangements under which the people of Gibraltar can pass under the sovereignty of a state against their wishes.” The flames were further fanned when King Felipe labelled Gibraltar a ‘colonial anachronism’ at New York’s UN General Assembly, last week, and called for the Rock to be handed back to Spain. His comments were described by Gibraltar as showing how ‘official circles in Spain remains stuck in the eighteenth century’.

Spanish newspaper cover adds to ‘18th century claims’ that Gibraltar will lose sovereignty over Brexit By Joe Duggan

CHIEF Minister Fabian Picardo has slammed Spain’s ‘medieval’ government and accused it of acting ‘against the spirit of Europe’. In a damning outburst, Picardo savaged foreign minister Jose Manuel Garcia-Margallo, who is reportedly lobbying EU members to demand joint sovereignty over Gibraltar. In a letter to his European counterparts, the controversial minister insisted Gibraltar should be barred from Brexit negotiations and become a bargaining chip in exit talks. The tub-thumping led to Span-

Never

‘LYING’: Fabian Picardo attacks Jose Manuel Garcia-Margallo

ish newspaper ABC provocatively using an image of Gibraltar on its cover with the Spanish flag under it (see right). The pro-PP paper claimed the deal was a no brainer, as Gibraltarians would ‘enjoy’ dual nationality under Margallo’s plan. This is despite prime minister

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Theresa May stating clearly that Gibraltar’s government will be ‘fully involved’ in future talks. “It seems to me that Mr Margallo can’t work out the simple meaning of the simple word ‘no’,” Picardo told the Olive Press this week. “The mendacious manner in

which Spain are lying to the international community about Gibraltar and trying to push an advantage is short sighted, medieval and undemocratic.” He added: “It runs against the spirit of Europe and the threats with which they back it up will hurt Spanish workers in Gibral-

customerservices@gibfibrespeed.com

“Madrid has still not come to terms with having lost Gibraltar over 300 years ago. It’s time they realised they are never going to get it back - and never means never,” said a spokesman. On Sunday in a BBC interview, foreign secretary Boris Johnson stated Article 50 should be triggered by May 2017, signalling a two-year countdown until Britain leaves the EU.

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NEWS IN BRIEF

Official rebuttal THE Gibraltar Government has rejected accusations that it ‘blacklisted’ Opposition MP Roy Clinton, insisting the GSD politician had ‘requested’ to be removed from the guest list for official events.

Senior official in rape charge By Joe Duggan

Fix it! A GROUP of protesters have gathered outside Parliament to call for more high quality apprenticeships for young people who want to become tradesmen.

Test run A PILOT pay and display zone has been introduced on Line Wall Road as part of the Sustainable Traffic, Transport and Parking Plan.

Health strategy THE Gibraltar Health Authority has unanimously approved the Gibraltar Dementia Strategy in a bid to create a more ‘dementia aware community’.

September 28th - October 11th 2016

RIDDELL: In the dock

A SENIOR government official has been charged with rape. Chris Riddell, 53, faces two counts of rape against the same woman. The Chief Executive of the Post Office was granted bail of £1,000 and has been ordered not to approach or interfere with the complainant. Riddell’s QC, Keith Azopardi, requested the case was adjourned until a Plea and Case Management

Post office boss Chris Riddell to appear at Supreme Court

Hearing (PCMH) at the Supreme Court on October 3. Riddell has been working as director of Strategic Planning, Projects and Business Development at the Ministry for Education. He had previously worked as Managing Director of the Philatelic Bureau. A government spokesperson told the Olive Press: “Mr Riddell was charged by the RGP on to reach the Spanish coast. Thursday afternoon. They pleaded guilty in court “The process of suspento being in Gibraltar without a sion has already been valid permit, were given a concommenced.” ditional discharge of one month Riddell has overseen and detained for 28 days. construction of the MidIt is the second time in recent Harbour Small Boats weeks that a boat of Moroccan Marina, the University migrants has landed in Gibralof Gibraltar and the two tar. St Bernard’s schools. In August, nine Moroccan miHis arrest follows a degrants were arrested after their tailed investigation by dinghy landed near Catalan Bay. the police.

More migrants held THREE Moroccan migrants who paddled a dinghy to Gibraltar have been detained in custody. The men, aged 18 to 23, landed near Europlaza on Sunday after spending 10 hours crossing the Straits of Gibraltar in the flimsy boat. They were spotted by customs officers and arrested by the Royal Gibraltar Police. The men said they were trying

SWEAR-GATE: Public spat

Sorry - I effing lost it

GILBERT Licudi has apologised after swearing at fellow MP Marlene Hassan Nahon. The minister for education said sorry for the foul-mouthed outburst, where he told the independent politician to ‘get her f***ing facts right’ during a debate on school dinners. Hassan Nahon had called for a public apology from Licudi. But an initial government statement accused her of ‘playing the victim card’ Licudi said: “Last Thursday after turning my microphone off and sitting down I made a comment to the effect that the Honorable. Lady should ‘get her facts right’.” “In making that comment I used a term which was unnecessary, uncalled for, excessive and out-of-character. “I accept that I should not have used that term and I apologise to the House.” Hassan Nahon insisted to the Olive Press however, last night, that he had not apologised in person. "I think the first government response was a blunder,” she said. “At that point Licudi didn’t set a very good example in putting an end to this unsavoury episode, but I’m pleased he set the record straight with his eventual apology in parliament.”

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September 28th - October 11th 2016

Termineymar

BUDDIES: Neymar and Arnie

ARNOLD Schwarzenegger has posed for selfies with Brazilian striker Neymar during a visit to a Barcelona FC. “Fantastic to kick off the @arnoldsports Europe by meeting a true champion, @ neymarjr! Great to see you my friend!” he later wrote on Instagram. The actor-turned politician, who served as governor of California, is in Barcelona for the Arnold Classic Europe, a major bodybuilding event. Fans were quick to label the new bromance ‘Neymarnie’, an amalgamation of Neymar and Arnie.

Steeling in Review by Joe Duggan

Has he scored again? CRISTIANO Ronaldo is rumoured to be dating a former Miss Spain. The Real Madrid ace is said be seeing Sevilla-born model Desire Cordero (above), 23, for around a month. They hooked up after liking various posts on each others’ social media and swapping private messages. The glamour model has allegedly moved to Madrid and been spotted at Ronaldo’s VIP estate.

“

I’VE done loads of these... But I’ve never done one where I couldn’t get into my dressing room because of monkeys.,” comedian Mark Steel told a bustling St. Michael’s Cave audience. The Londoner’s award-winning BBC Radio 4 show Mark Steel’s In Town was an opportunity for Gibraltar to look at itself and belly laugh. And surely, it did. The format of the show is straightforward: Steel travels to a town in Britain and, after thoroughly researching the place, ribs it in the nicest possible way. Steel is at his best when addressing subjects that veer

BBC Radio 4 stand-up comic wows St Michael’s Cave live audience on the sensitive. And this was no exception poking fun at the local accent, tax, the runway and the Rock’s relationship with Spain (“I wanted to get the first couple of minutes right, so I did have a quick word with my friend Paloma Faith and she advised me what to say”). There was even a sketch about the evacuation to Jamaica that has the crowd roaring with laughter. “If you look carefully and observantly around Gibraltar, you can still spot the odd hint of Britishness,” joked Steel. Such local characteristics are all fair game to Steel, and the

audience loved having this affectionate mirror held up to it. Even better, he ended up using a pair of sketches based around Olive Press stories (see front page). Locals Tito Vallejo, Mike Nicholls and Rebecca Faller meanwhile, were on hand to offer insights into the Rock. “This is the furthest I’ve ever been for this show and it’s so lovely to get away to lovely Spain,” Steel quipped. He was joking, of course. And now he will surely be welcomed back to Gibraltar with open arms in the future. Steel’s show can be heard on BBC Radio 4 on October 12.

Pull & Beckham

BROOKLYN Beckham has been mobbed by screaming girls in Madrid. The son of football legend David Beckham was at the Pull & Bear headquarters to sign an endorsement deal with the Spanish clothing brand, said to be worth hundreds of thousands of euros. He revealed the lucrative deal by releasing a photo of himself in one of the brand’s hoodies.

Royal waves

IT’S normally British royalty spotted in the leafy enclave of Sotogrande at this time of year. However, with the likes of Fergie and her princess daughters staying away this summer, it comes as a relief to welcome a huge royal from Monaco. Pierre Casiraghi, son of Princess Caroline of Monaco, has been in town, while participating in the GC32 Racing Tour. The hunky royal raced in his sailing boat, named Malizia, despite having had an accident in July.

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Biting back! EXCLUSIVE By Joe Duggan

A LOCAL victim of a vicious Barbary macaque attack is calling for better monitoring of the wild primates. The Gibraltar resident, who asked to remain anonymous, believes she may have severed a nerve in one arm after being bitten badly by the female macaque. The mother-of-two, who was not carrying food, was approaching St. Michael´s Cave with her partner, mother-in-law and a friendwhen the ape’s eyes fixed on them. "It made a beeline towards us, grabbed my right arm and sunk its teeth into the side of my elbow. "I froze and called out that it was biting me and then when I finally started to walk away it jumped onto my back and pulled my left arm round and sunk its teeth into it as well. "The flesh and fatty tissue at this point was spilling out of the first bite wound, and the other was dripping with blood," she added. “My arms are black surrounding the bites, and the pain I’m feeling is the full wrath of the big mama mon-

Ape victim demands better signs as attacks may be on the rise

k e y which attacked me.” A worker at the scene who looks after the apes informed the family there had been another attack that morning and that ‘something needs to be done about it’. At St. Bernard’s hospital, the victim received a stitch, surgical strips and antibiotics, and was forced to return that weekend when the pain from the infected wounds became unbearable. Put on

a drip she was given ‘a cocktail of medication’. It was while her that a nurse revealed that the hospital was dealing with ‘an average of two ape attacks per day, normally tourists who go back home that day’. The victim has now called for closer monitoring of the macaques. “A child could have lost an arm, or worse,” said the resident, originally from Scotland. “I believe there has been an increasing change in their behaviour and something needs to be done about it." Officially, the government insisted last night, however, that the number of reported incidents has halved in recent years. A spokesman insisted they were ‘down by 50% in recent years’. He confirmed there had been 80 ape bites in 12 months up to August, with 16 in August and 14 in September alone, suggesting a recent upsurge. “Several bites in a single shift happens on occasions but it would constitute a bad day,” he added.

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OPINION Margallo must stop AFTER the summer recess, Brexit is very much back with a bang. A king’s speech in New York, a front page of ABC...it’s no surprise that Jose Manuel Garcia-Margallo is stoking the flames once more. It’s becoming tiresome. Talk to the average Spaniard and joint-sovereignty over Gibraltar is simply not a concern. Even more so if they have family or friends relying on work in Gibraltar, or Gibraltar clients keeping their businesses afloat. But for some reason, this right-wing relic continues to beat the war drum over Gibraltar. His obsession would be laughable if the matter weren’t so serious. To ignore the democratic will of the people of Gibraltar and their right to be British is an insult. Now he wants to turn Europe’s leaders on to his wretched joint sovereignty scheme. The Spanish people deserve better than this fossilised Foreign Minister.

The great ape debate IT goes without saying that people should do their best to avoid close contact with the Barbary macaques. They are wild animals, after all. Usually the primates won’t bother people unless they have food with them or what looks like it could be. So it’s alarming to hear that one resident was apparently attacked without provoking the ape in any way. The injuries were horrific and, it is clear, if she had been a child, the consequences could have been far far worse. This is a thorny issue. The macaques obviously have more right to the Upper Rock than we do. When we visit, we are entering their domain. However, the 80 hospitalised attacks recorded in just one year still seem alarmingly high, particularly as it is highly likely that dozens, possibly hundreds more, are not recorded with victims quietly going back to their cruise liner or their local clinic across the border. Clearly something needs to be done to get this figure lower, whether it be through better signage or perhaps a ban on visiting certain areas.

AWARDS

2015/2016 Best expat paper in Spain and the second best in the world. The Expat Survey Consumer Awards.

2012 - 2016

Named the best English language publication in Andalucia by the Rough Guides group.

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ADMIN/SALES (+34) 951 273 575 Newsdesk (+34) 665 798 618 A campaigning, community newspaper, the Gibraltar Olive Press represents the local and expatriate communities working or living on the Rock with 10,000 copies distributed fortnightly on a Wednesday. Clarke Media Ltd. Registration number: 113878 Suite 2B, 143 Main Street, Gibraltar Printed by Corporación de Medios de Andalucía S.A.

European politics has certainly been interesting since Nigel Farage brazenly labelled June 23 ‘Britain’s Independence Day’. Yet we are no closer to understanding the true meaning of Brexit. Rob Horgan looks back on how the last 100 days have played out.

CTOBER 1 marks 100 days since Britain voted to leave the EU. And with Brexit dominating newspaper column inches and banco banter, three months have slipped by in the blink of an eye. As for its consequences, the UK, Gibraltar, the EU and expats scattered across the continent are still none the wiser. The initial shock and knee-jerk panic expats awoke to on June 24 may have subsided. But the hangover from the referendum lingers on, with no prospect of a cure any time soon. This is how the past 100 days unfolded:

September 28th - October 11th 2016

days since Brexit vote

Day 1 (June 24)

Day 11 (July 4)

Day 27 (July 20)

Expats along the Costa del Sol wake up with sore heads after a night of San Juan celebrations. But their thumping headaches are nothing compared to the sucker punch news that the UK has voted for Brexit. With 51.9% of voters opting to wave goodbye to the EU, Prime Minister David Cameron declares his intention to step down before October, and Nigel Farage chortles that June 23 is ‘Britain’s Independence Day’. Gibraltarians are just as gutted as British expats, with nearly 96% of voters supporting Remain.

Nigel Farage announces his resignation as UKIP leader again, after ‘achieving political ambition’ with Brexit. The MEP insists that this time it’s for good but floats a role negotiating Britain’s exit from the EU, saying he ‘might have something to give’.

The UK Petitions Office confirms to the Olive Press that Brexit has triggered a 300% increase in petition requests. Esteemed journalist Giles Tremlett leads the charge for joint nationality as the OP publishes its first-ever Spanish front page, urging locals to support British expats’ campaigns for dual nationality.

Day 13 (July 6)

Day 39 (August 1)

The volatile financial markets hit rock bottom as the pound slumps to a 31-year low of $1.2796, a 15% plunge in 13 days. Investors lose confidence in Britain’s future outside the European Union and pile out of the UK currency.

The Irish immigration office is inundated by a 70% spike in passport applications since Brexit, as panicked Brits try to hang on to their EU status.

Day 14 (July 7) Spain’s Foreign Minister Jose Garcia Margallo, wastes no time in kicking Gibraltar while it’s down, claiming the ‘Spanish flag on the Rock is much closer’ after Brexit. In Scotland, Nicola Sturgeon vows to hold a second independence referendum, while Ireland’s Sinn Fein’s Martin McGuinness calls for unification of the North and the Republic. Meanwhile, things are no better in the Labour camp, as leader Jeremy Corbyn comes under heavy fire from within, with a vote of no confidence scheduled.

Day 2 (June 25) Race-hate crimes rise by 42% since Brexit, with 289 incidents reported on June 25 alone. A Polish community centre is vandalised in London while, in Cambridgeshire, Polish residents receive letterbox leaflets labelling them ‘vermin’ and telling them to ‘go home’.

Day 7 (June 30) Fervent Leave campaigner Boris Johnson pulls out of the race to become Britain’s next Prime Minister, leaving Theresa May and Andrea Leadsom as front runners. Michael Gove and Stephen Crabb throw their names into the ring but never look like mounting a real challenge.

Day 67 (August 28) Catalan Independence campaigners report a surge in support, with a record 48% of Catalonians wanting independence from Spain since Brexit, according to an El Pais survey.

A fortnight after Brexit, an independent newspaper poll reveals that 1.2 million Brexiteers would change their vote to Remain, given the chance. Over at Bilbao’s BBK festival, Scottish Chvrches singer Lauren Mayberry apologises to the Spanish crowd for the ‘a***holes behind Brexit’.

Day 20 (July 13)

Day 75 (September 5)

Theresa May is declared Prime Minister, with David Cameron stepping aside earlier than announced. May wastes no time forming a cabinet, controversially selecting Boris Johnson for Foreign Secretary despite prior faux pas (calling ‘Bongo, Bongo land and suggesting US President Barack Obama had an ancestral dislike of Britain due to his Kenyan heritage). New ‘Brexit-related’ cabinet positions are created, with Leave campaigner and frequent Gibraltar visitor Liam Fox becoming Secretary of State for International Trade. The Rock’s Chief Minister, Fabian Picardo, continues to work around the clock, jetting to London to meet the new PM and parlay the pros and cons of a Gibraltar-Scotland coalition with Nicola Sturgeon.

MPs clash over a four million-signature petition to scrap the Brexit vote and hold a new referendum. Furious Brexiteers claim the petition is anti-democratic and the government shoots it down, declaring the referendum a ‘oncein-a-generation vote’.

Day 26 (July 19) Theresa May tells the UK High Court that she will not trigger the infamous article 50 before the end of the year. She firmly reminds judges considering a legal challenge over the referendum that ‘Brexit means Brexit’.

Day 82 (September 12) Ex-PM David Cameron throws in the political towel after 15 years as an MP, stating he does not want to be a distraction to his successor while she negotiates Brexit.

Day 86 (September 16) EU leaders meet without Britain for the first time to discuss how to keep the alliance together and avoid further defections. Germany’s Angela Merkel insists the EU is in a ‘critical situation’.

And the next 100 days (prediction) The coming weeks are likely to see some interesting horse trading as the UK and the EU battle to come out on top. While the Union lays out its farewell plan for Britain, the UK will continue to negotiate trade deals with the likes of Australia and

China while attempting to put pre-Brexit contingency plans in place. In reality, days 200-300 are more likely to see concrete plans set in motion.

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Guillem Balague The Sunborn Oct 21, 4pm

The fourth edition of Gibraltar’s literary festival next month is another bestseller. Rob Horgan has chapter and verse on the highlights

You better book soon

UDDING authors and avid readers have bookmarked October 20, launch date for this year’s fourth annual Gibunco Gibraltar International Literary Festival. With a glittering constellation of media celebrities, TV personalities, academics and celebrity chefs taking part, the festival has written itself a permanent place on the Rock’s fastgrowing cultural calendar. The fourth edition of the three-day event will welcome Captain Corelli’s Mandolin author, Louis de Bernieres, distinguished poetess Pam Ayres and political blast from the past, Paddy Ashdown, Liberal Democrats leader from 1988 to 1999, now enjoying novel success as a writer. While there are newcomers aplenty, other personalities are making a welcome return, including actress and comedienne Maureen Lipman, radio presenter Nicholas Parsons and Sky Sports football commentator Guillem Balague. Setting tums rumbling, former Ready, Steady, Cook TV chef Antony Worrall Thompson will be making the trip down from his home in Mijas to talk food and share his recipe for suc-

cess, while local scribe Justin Bautista will be discussing his new-found fame with Mama Lotties Cookbook, based on his grandmother’s kitchen secrets. After months of preparation, Gibraltar Tourist Board CEO Nicky Guerrero ‘cannot wait’ for the festival to get underway. “We are thrilled that the event has now become firmly established as one of the main highlights of Gibraltar’s cultural calendar,” he told the Olive Press. “Now into our fourth edition, the festival will not disappoint, with a diverse range of renowned authors and speakers.” He added: “As in other editions, we have worked hard to compile a programme that can be appealing to a cross-section of residents and visitors to the event. “We cater for all tastes, from literature to football, and from gastronomy and art to politics and history.”

A well-known football commentator on Spanish and English TV, Guillem Balague is making a return to the literary festival after a stellar performance at last year’s event. A correspondent for Madrid-based paper AS, Barcelona-born Balague also writes a regular column for The Times. A must for footie fans, the Spanish soccer pundit will no doubt spill a few beans about what goes on off the pitch, too, as he discusses his best-sellingW books and biographies on Ronaldo, Messi, Barcelona and Pep Guardiola.

Louis de Bernieres

The Convent Oct 23, 3pm

Antony Worrall Thompson The Garrison Library Oct 21, 10am Former Ready, Steady, Cook chef Antony Worrall Thompson will be stepping out of the kitchen to deliver a cookbook masterclass for the second year in a row. The author of an incredible 32 books, including Antony Makes it Easy, Barbecues & Grilling and Real Family Food, Thompson is a local himself, having spent many years at his Costa del Sol home. Thompson will focus on the use of everyday ingredients.

Lib Dems leader for over a decade, Paddy Ashdown returns to the hot seat to discuss his latest book, Game of Spies: The Secret Agent, the Traitor and the Nazi, Bordeaux 1942-1944. A riveting threeway spy story set in occupied France, the plot focuses on an unlikely male trio - one British, one French, one German - and the duel they fought out in an atmosphere of collaboration, betrayal and assassination. A former Royal Marine himself, Ashdown has written eight books in a literary career that is proving as stellar as his political one.

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with dropping temperatures and

rain del - 4616 - STORMS BREWING:more Costa Solviews to remain sunny as most of Spain placed on high alert for storms (4,203)  VIDEO: Floods hit Costa del Sol as heavy rain continues - 4604

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 Gangsters’ paradise: A look at

the key figures past and present of - Kinahan gangster arrested is named the Costa Crime - raids 3872 views following Costa del Sol and del Ireland (2,736) Torremolinos to open AndaPage Views:272,827

lucia’s biggest shopping and leisure centre - 3122 views Visitors: 115,479  Gibraltar schoolgirl reaches semi -final of Spanish TV talent show Bounce Rate: 3.30% 3065 views

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Oct 23, 2pm

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The bestselling British author of Captain Corelli’s Mandolin, made into a movie starring Nicolas Cage, Penelope Cruz and Christian Bale, premieres his latest work in Gibraltar. He will read from his latest collection of poetry, Of Love and Desire, and pass on some of his literary secrets. The winner of 1995’s Commonwealth Writers’ Prize has penned other page-turners which can be bought or ordered at the festival, including Birds without Wings and most recently, The Dust that Falls from Dreams.

For more information or to purchase advanced tickets visit www.gibraltarliteraryfestival.com The box office at the Garrison Library will also be selling tickets nearer to the festival date.

Paddy Ashdown,

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Pam Ayres The Sunborn Oct 21, 5.30pm From her rhyming homage to The Wonderbra to the droll way she delivers her down-to-earth poems, hilarity is guaranteed when veteran British writer, broadcaster and entertainer Pam Ayres takes to the stage. A regular in the Sunday Times bestseller charts since the 1970s, Ayres will present her new collection of poems, You Made Me Late Again! and share tidbits from her 2011 autobiography, The Necessary Aptitude. A favourite within the royal household, Ayres has performed for the Queen on several occasions and was awarded an MBE in 2004.

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C A M P O DESeptember G I B28th RA LTA11th R 2016Sep 28th - Oct 11th - October Come on, pilgrim

RED CARD: Jesus slams hate mob

Bigots tell La Linea football official he ‘will be killed with Aids’

Gay ref’s death threats

SPAIN'S first openly gay referee has received death threats after returning to football this season. La Linea-based ref Jesus Tomillero, 21, was on the receiving end of vile homophobic abuse after awarding a penalty in a recent game. One supporter hurled abuse at him, telling Tomillero to 'get off, you're queer' during the match between C.D. La Salle de Puerto Real and Atletico Zaba. Among comments posted on Tomillero's Facebook page following the incident were: "Reporting this was a mistake, 1 02/10/2012 08:58:04 Jesus. MarineA4.pdf The boss has put a price

on your head" accompanied by a picture of a gun. Someone else posted: "You son of a bitch. You messed with the club. We’ll kill you with Aids, you faggot." Tomillero, who is now being carefully monitored by police, admits he is terrified. "I had a fit of nerves and didn’t know what to do. But we got into a taxi and went to the police," he said. "They’re investigating the case, not just here but all over Spain. "There are police officers outside my house 24 hours a day, but I’m still afraid and I don’t know what could happen."

CMY

Regulated and authorised by the Gibraltar Financial Services Comission, to conduct insurance mediation. 10/2012

A NEW Camino de Santiago route starting in Algeciras is about to be unveiled. The famous pilgrim trail to Galicia is taken by hundreds of thousands of walkers each year, usually starting in the Pyrenees. Signs featuring the Camino’s distinctive shell symbol will mark a route from Algeciras’ Plaza Alta to the Cathedral of Santiago. The route from Algeciras will be one of the longest in Spain, with the distance between the two cities measuring a whopping 991 km.

Heartless! CALLOUS pet owners have been filmed dumping their dog on a motorway near La Linea. The heartless drivers were videoed by volunteers from Prodean at Higueron close to the Gibraltar border. The terrified animal was seen scampering up the hard shoulder as cars and trucks sped past it. It runs after his owners’ car for several kilometres before abandoning the chase when it gets too tired. But the petrified dog was too startled to accept food or water from Prodean volunteers Peter Koekebakker and Ana Borrallo. Higueron is infamous as a site where owners abandon their pet dogs. The Guardia Civil has appealed for witnesses as abandoning a pet is regarded as a crime.

 Gibraltar schoolgirl reaches semi

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AN exhibition of work from a recent Germany and GiICONIC: Tate Modern braltar artist exchange will be held on October 7 and 8 Download our appGallery now and at Gustavo Bacarisas A GATHERING of Gibraltar's begin enjoying the best Spanishpoliticians and scientists atThe Gibraltar-Berlin Artist Exchange newsResidency on the go. Exhi- tended the official inauguration bition will feature work by of Gorham's Cave Complex as a artists Alan Perez and Max UNESCO World Heritage Site. Sudhues. Speakers included the Chief In July, local artist Perez Minister, the Deputy Chief Minwon a month-long residency ister, Professor Clive Finlayson at Berlin’s Lichtenberg Stu- and the Natural History Mudios with German Sudhues seum's Professor Chris Stringer. carrying out a four-week A plaque was unveiled as the stint on the Rock from Sep- Royal Gibraltar Regiment and tember. The Olive Press GAMPA Drummers provided Sudhues’ work makes use of musical accompaniment. light and shadow. Professor Finlayson, who has TOP for news in Spain! worked on the project for over 20 years and began visiting the caves with his wife Geraldine in 1976 to observe crag martins, thanked those who helped in

elay for Life, 2017, September 28

Caving in

Gorham’s Cave officially crowned as UNESCO heritage site

Poet’s corner A POETRY competition for all ages is being held as part of the autumn cultural programme. Gibraltarians and residents of the Rock can submit up to two pieces with the winner receiving £300. There will be individual children’s prizes for Years 4-5, years 6-7 and years 8-10, with winners receiving a £50 voucher and a pen. Poems must be submitted to Gibraltar Cultural Services by October 10.

"Stuart started coming down at the age of six, which means he can truly say he was brought up in Gorham's Cave. "Our adventures in the 1970s had made us share an experience with the Neanderthals, as these birds had been roosting here since at least 125,000 years ago." Accepting the award from UNESCO's Professor Minja Yang, Picardo expressed his 'joy and pride' at the award. "We are just the present-day generation who have loved this place and found comfort, peace and protection under its towering heights," said Picardo.

what’s on

A GIBRALTARIAN film-maker has shown two of her videos at London’s Tate Modern. Nina Danino is taking part in an event to mark the 50th anniversary of the London Film-makers’ Co-op, LFMC, a London-based film-making organisation. Her films First Memory and Now I Am Yours were shown as part of the Tate Modern’s programme on women artists within the LFMC.

the bid. "Two very special people have been with me in this project since the very beginning, that's Geraldine and Stuart [Finlayson]," he said.

September 28th - October 11th 2016

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September 28th - October 11th 2016

Gather for a special night, with lectures from Cancer research UK. More information: relayforlifegib@gmail.com

ational Archives Film Night, September 29

Entry is free at John Mackintosh Square for the the film screenings, in conjunction with Gibraltar National Archives.

ibraltar Theme Painting Exhibition, Until September 30 ‘Our Identity’ Popular painting exhibition, organised by the Fine Arts association. Facebook page: Fine Arts Gallery Gibraltar.

ibraltar Painting Competition, Until October 10

Painting enthusiasts can admire homegrown works of art for the standout competition. For information contact: 350 20073895.

AWARD: Gorham’s cave

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CULTURE

Monkey man

September 28th - October 11th 2016 September 28th - October 11th 2016

ay lD na l tio ecia Na sp

ARCH, 1967. And the most unique gig in Gibraltar’s history is about to get underway. Brian Jones, his girlfriend Anita Pallenberg and British singer Marianne Faithfull have stopped off at the Rock en route to Tangier to escape rain-lashed London. The Rolling Stones guitarist, mentally and physically debilitated from his reckless ingestion of LCD, has been busted out of his nursing home by the pair of rock and roll goddesses. In the middle of a nervous breakdown, ravaged with pneumonia and clasping his asthma inhaler, Jones was in no fit state to board a plane. Faithfull and Pallenberg, meanwhile, had spent the night merrily dropping acid. The in-flight menu onboard the private jet wasn’t for the fainthearted. “We all got on the plane, at which point we shared our acid,” recalls Faithfull. “Real smart. There was a stopover in Gibraltar. Brian was very excited about this.”

Powers

Jones’ poor health found little sympathy with Faithfull and Pallenberg, who thought his incessant wheezing was a ploy to attract sympathy rather than a clear sign of ill health. In the pocket of Jones’s smart black and grey suit was a tape of the soundtrack he had composed for Pallenberg’s new film, A Degree Of Murder. Short of an audience in Gibraltar, he turned to the Rock’s oldest colony of inhabitants to gauge their reaction. “He got it into his head that he wanted to play it to the Barbary Apes,” recalls Faithfull. “So at Gibraltar we all got in a cab and off we went to play his music to the monkeys.” At the time, The Rolling Stones were at the peak of their creative powers. In their early days, the band had relied on cover versions of R’n’B classics for their output. From 1962 to 1964 it was The Beatles who reigned supreme. John Lennon and Paul McCartney’s songwriting partnership yielded such abundant rewards that

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GIBRALTAR has hosted some world-famous artists over the years. From guitar virtuosos, to rootsy folk and from reggae legends to kicking electronic beats, a broad range of artists have rocked up to the Rock. Suzanne Vega’s 2003 St. Michael’s Cave gig was a standout performance, with Gibraltar’s own Surianne opening the intimate set. Santana’s 1992 Victoria Stadium show was a grander affair. Organisers shipped in a 90,000 watt lighting system that was so powerful they had to warn the RAF. Elton John played his first Gibraltar gig during 2004’s Tercentenary celebrations, and flamenco legend Paco de Lucia played for a Miss Gibraltar crowd. Bob Marley’s The Wailers and 60s folkster Donovan have also wowed local crowds with live shows.

they could even donate a single, I Wanna a sell-out coast-to-coast tour of the USA Be Your Man, to Mick Jagger and the included gigs at LA’s Hollywood Bowl and boys. It was a gesture that Keith Richards New York’s Forest Hill Stadium. Later that year, they played London’s and Jagger credit iconic Royal Albert with kickstarting the Hall. Stones’ own surge. But now in Gibraltar, From 1964 onJones was preparwards, the qualing to introduce a ity of the Stones’ new audience to his originally written more avant-garde material was asrepertoire. It was tonishing. As Tears the first time he had Go By, The Last played the record Time, Time Is On outside of London’s My Side, SatisfacIBC Studios. tion, 19th Nervous “We approached the Breakdown, Get troop of monkeys Off My Cloud, Let’s very ceremoniously,” Spend the Night Faithfull recalls . Together, Paint It “Bowed to them and Black, Mother’s Littold them we were gotle Helper, She’s A ing to play them some Rainbow - the body wonderful sounds.” of singles the band SATANIC MAJESTES: Jones and Jagger The Barbary Mareleased is unsurcaques were about passed in the histo hear a super-group corder, they didn't seem to care for it,” tory of rock and roll CHIC: Anita and Marianne creamed from 60s recalls Faithfull. music. musical royalty. “They seemed alarmed by it and scamThe Stones were cresting a wave of global success. The previous summer, Jones had assembled some of the era’s pered away shrieking. most talented musicians to play a me- “Brian got very upset. He took it personnagerie of instruments including jew’s ally. He became hysterical and began harp, banjo and horns. Small Faces sobbing. Anita and I had been on this trip drummer Kenney Jones was recruited. for many, many hours and we were in anThe Yardbirds’ Jimmy Page stroked his other place altogether.” guitar with a violin bow. With Jagger and Richards providing the “Brian had this guivast bulk of the Stones tar that had a volume musical output, Jones’ pedal, he could get original material was braltar to Tangier. Brian got very gunshots with it,” remarginalised in the The fading Jones was on an irrevocable upset. He took calls Page. ”There was a band. downward spiral, culminating in his Mellotron there. He was In his current fragile death at the age of 27 in July, 1969. The it personally. He moving forward with state, the Barbary’s re- guitarist was found drowned in his manideas." became hysterical jection was a shattering sion’s swimming pool. With the 60s counterblow. The soundtrack to A Degree Of Murder culture and flower pow- and began sobbing “He screamed at the became Germany’s entry at the Cannes er in full bloom, such monkeys, trying to get Film Festival. aural innovations were them to come back, The album was never officially released, de rigueur. Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely and then when they wouldn't, he began denying the world the opportunity to hear Hearts Club kaleidoscope of sounds was to revile them in terrible language,” said Jones’ only solo album. just three months away from exploding Faithfull. But scamper up the Rock today and into the world’s consciousness. “It was awful. And then he began to you’ll meet the descendants of a few of But to Jones’s dismay, the music he had weep. A kind of madness, shouting, "The the album’s only audience. prepared for his lover’s new film was monkeys don't like my music!” seemingly not appreciated by the Rock’s Two hours later, the trio departed the This article first appeared in Gib Rocks, ape population. Rock with their nerves frayed. To calm a new quarterly magazine published in “They listened to all this very attentively, them all down, Faithfull read out Oscar conjunction with the Olive Press - Winter but when Brian turned on the tape re- Wilde’s Salome during the flight from Gi- issue due out in November

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HERE snarled lines of traffic once backed up along the coast road, a striking urban boulevard sprouting trendy pavement cafes has reclaimed the once maligned San Pedro de Alcantara. With a new skating rink, a skate park and a hat trick of new children’s parks, the seaside town is unrecognisable from a few years back. Out are the traffic fumes and tawdryness. In is a sense of space and style. Nowhere is this more apparent than the town’s head-turning new footbridge with its serpentine coils. It is doing for San Pedro what the Golden Gate did for San Francisco, or the Guggenheim did for Bilbao. But although very much part of the municipality of Marbella, let there be no confusion: The people who live here are from ‘San Pedro actually’, a town that has forged its own shiny new identity that’s quite separate from Marbs, yet complementary to its jet-setting sibling. It’s not unlike the evolution of Hove, in England – a borough in East Sussex that lived under the shadow of its better-known neighbour, Brighton. ‘Hove actually’, residents would retort with indignation when asked whether they lived in Brighton. And so it is with San Pedro, a town 10km west from Marbella which has been reborn over the last decade as a modernised microcosm of Spain. But some things have never changed in the 15 years I have been visiting the town named after 16th century Franciscan friar, St Peter of Alcan-

Marbella’s kid sister town is sporting a sassy new identity that is as distinct from her glitzy sibling as Hove is from Brighton, writes Laurence Dollimore tara. The evenings still see veteran San Pedranos gather on shady benches around St Peter’s statue, outside the parish church; the traditional

Saturday market remains a weekly highlight; and you can bet your bottom centimo the pavement cafes and ice cream parlours are heaving on Sunday nights in summer, when Spanish families enjoy their ritual paseo along the prom. What has kept San Pedro special has been its ability to hang on to its Spanish persona in the

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face of massive investment from Marbella Town Hall - nearly €100 million. It must have felt like winning the lottery jackpot but San Pedro has apparently spent the money wisely. The new central boulevard, crowned by its snaking pedestrian bridge, has turned the town from an also-ran suburb into a spanking new social hub where whole families come to skate on the all-weather artificial ice rink and enjoy the regular food truck festivals. A victory for urban planning, office workers make a beeline for its congenial cocktail bars on Friday nights. Pantone 118c The bridge may be more Gehry’s Guggenheim than typical Andalus but it has forged strong new connections with visitors who used to think Marbs ended at Puerto Banus. The €6 million boulevard it meanders over boasts a new amphitheatre and children’s play areas and is now the official site of the town’s four-day feria, the last of the year in Andalucia, timed to celebrate St Peter’s feast day on October 18. Other welcome upgrades include the €85 million tunnel diverting dangerous high-speed traffic below the town centre, and a much-needed underground car park. “San Pedro really does have it all,” says Sean Woolley, 47, CEO of Cloud Nine Properties, who has run his company from town for 15 years. “The new boulevard and urban park have be Continues on Page 21

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come a magnet for new restaurants and bars and it has created a place that now offers something for everyone.” “There is this charm and tradition of a typical Spanish town fused with trendy and cosmopolitan additions, from organic cafes to lively wine bars. When you couple this with its sandy beaches and fabulous promenade, San Pedro is pretty much perfect.” Beneath the glitzy exterior, sanpedreños are as friendly and unassuming as they were in their 19th century farming days. And if anything is a reminder of those rustic originsit’s San Pedro’s resident pig! On any given Sunday this sociable creature and town mascot can be seen strolling around its new neighbourhood, uttering contented grunts of approval. Army General Marquez Manuel Gutierrez de la Concha founded the farming colony in the 1860s when he acquired nearly 5,000 acres of agricultural land spanning Marbella, Benahavis and Estepona. But with malaria scything SWEET: (Above) sugar mill and (right) beach promenade through the bodyguards. local popu- the cool and hip. lace and poor The once-barren wasteland between the boule- Guadalmina Alta, on the opposite side irrigation, the vard and the ocean now sports shops, restaurants, of the A7, has an 18-hole course and Marques in- residential communities and world class amenities the coast’s only cable ski lake which troduced a like Nueva Alcantara paddle and tennis club, which thrill-seekers can circuit on water skis or a wakeboard. series of inno- hosts regular international tournaments. vative reforms, The beachfront also reveals clues to the presence “I adore it here, you feel like you are including an of less-recent visitors – a 3rd century Roman baths in the real Spain,” raves 39-year-old a g r i c u l t u r a l and a 16th century watchtower looking out over the Guadalmina newcomer Debbie Lush. CHEERS: Writer school for local panorama of sun worshippers and jet skiers. A new “You are so close to Marbella and EsLaurence with pals farm workers, riv- road network has also made San Pedro more acces- tepona but without the madness and er bridges, dams sible to visitors and local chefs have cooked up an business of Puerto Banus, it’s perfect.” Like most locals, she’s proud exciting dining scene in response. and state-of-the-art machinery. Just behind the boulevard, Alfre- to tell anyone that, no, she’s not MarWorkers soon flocked from Valendo’s traditional Spanish fare is al- belli - she’s ‘Sanpedreño, actually’. cia, Murcia, Granada and Almeria, ways in big demand while next door and San Pedro grew into a sizeable There is this La Bodega del Cantinero offers an municipality. exciting foodie fusion featuring foie A statue of Gutierrez now stands charm and gras with apple and honey, tuna next to the old town, keeping patertradition of a tataki with wasabi mayonnaise and nalistic vigil over his creation. shelves of vintage sherries. Although development slowed durtypically Spanish Further additions like L’impronta, ing the early 20th century when La Buena Vida and Restaurant Spain was ravaged by civil war, the town 1870, where you can enjoy spider town bounced back during the late INTERIORS BY crab gazpacho in a scenic garden 1940s and 50s, with street lighting setting, have made San Pedro a key and a main road. But San Pedro has never seen the rampant over-development of dining reference. And there’s more. San Pedro has its own leafy satelother costa resorts. Central to its evolution has been its bustling beach lite suburb in the shape of Guadalmina (Baja and promenade that links seamlessly to Banus and Mar- Alta), just west of the town centre. bella, putting the town on the map for cyclists, jog- This exclusive neighbourhood – a kind of western golden mile - boasts multi-million euro mansions gagers and walkers. Its beaches fly the prestigious blue flag, the world- lore. Guadalmina Baja is home to ex-Spanish Prime wide standard of excellence, while fantastic chirin- Minister Jose Maria Aznar, who is often seen jogging guitos like Macaao and Guayaba are hotspots for along the tree-lined avenues, flanked by four burly

Walkie porkie

A LARGE boar-like pig heads San Pedro’s list of famous residents and is rapidly becoming the town’s mascot. Mythical creature or not, locals report regularly spotting the porker roaming the streets. Rumour has it the animal has lived in the town since he was a piglet, and often enjoys a stroll around the old quarter at the weekends. Friendly to all-comers, the sociable cerdo is especially fond of greeting the dogs that share his ‘patch’ and reportedly has a special affinity for his canine friends. Try not to squeal if you cross his path- He’s a VIP pig and deserves your respect.

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Booming July predicted following ‘pause’ in run-up to EU referendum Special report by Iona BOSSES: Cox and Wells

IN COME THE BIG BUCKS! A HUGE US property fund is splashing €45 million on three new Costa del Sol developments. The American bosses Real Capital Solutions behind have snapped up sizeable plots in Estepona, Mijas and Benahavis and continue to look at further opportunities along the coast. The company, based in Marbella since 2013, already has five other developments, including The Retreat, in Elviria.

Napier

ESTATE agents in Spain lining themselves up for and Gibraltar are the busiest July on record. It comes as some British buyers put purchases on hold due to referendum on June 23.the forthcoming EU Most agents the Olive Press firmed they had various spoke to con‘paused’ awaiting the result,sales currently despite the British market remaining The majority believe that strong. pected result - to stay in the ex- will lead to the pound Europe strengthening with a red hot summer of sales to follow. Ben Bateman, at Holmes Sotogrande, described the lead up as a ‘pause forreferendum British buyers’ due to thought for concerns over the weak pound. “After a remain vote however, we expect to see a strong finish to the den wave of bids from year - and a sudBritish buyers,” he told the Olive Press. One agent in Gibraltar has gone one step further actually employing July. Savills director Sammy extra staff for Cruz-Armstrong said: “Everything is on but I am convinced we hold due to Brexit, and am taking on extra will stay in Europe with the expected delugestaff in July to deal Benahavis agent Scott of business.” Marshall of Proper-

“We have spent around lion here so far and have€86 mila fund of €100 million to spend,” plained Managing Partner exWells, based in Colorado. Peter “We are one of the largest opers on the Costa del develSol and our emphasis is on distressed properties.” He added: “Also we do transparently and always things try and deliver on price and quality.” The company - which made hundreds of millions buying ing distressed propertiesand sellUS - has 16 staff working in the its office at Centro Plaza. out of Local boss Taylor Cox, added: “The coast is really starting come alive and it’s a pleasure to to live in such a beautiful part of the world.”

Spanish property sales

tieSpain, meanwhile, described the pause as ‘very psychological’. He said: “It’s a combination the vote and the exchange of the uncertainty of While many agents have rate right now.” rently on hold, some havea couple of sales cur“We have up to ten sales seen more. til after the referendum,” currently on hold unboss of Castles, in Manilva.said Victor Witkowski, “Buyers are not necessarily they are biding their time pulling out, but to see what happens.” Fellow Manilva agent, confirmed a slowdown, Shani Hamilton, also predicting a huge influx but added: “We are a decision is made.” of business as soon as

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15 15 Roll on Either way, official statistics out this month confirm the British market remains strong and tens of thousands continue to look for their dream home. Respected analyst Mark eign demand for SpanishStucklin insists that forin the first quarter with property was up 16% of foreign buyers at 22%Brits the biggest group “The British still dominateof the market share. property and there is no the foreign market for able decline in demand evidence of a noticeas yet,” he said. And certainly not everyone One agent, Graham Govier is suffering. of Inland Andalucia has seen ‘no negative impact’ at all during the referendum lead-up. “In fact it is the opposite. cheap right now and we Prices are extremely are selling two times as many properties as we were He added: “My salesman last year,” he said. a local celebrity - has justPaul - already a bit of enth consecutive sale and completed his sevpeople are buying because they can see that won’t wait around for themthe incredible deals Paul made headlines in forever,” he added. the Olive Press last year when he sold an impressive nine properties in a row.

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Noisy neighbours stop lessons THE GSD has attacked ‘serious disruption’ at Bayside School after noise from a nearby building site forced pupils to abandon classes. Teachers at the secondary school are believed to have called developers at the World Trade Centre site to report the noise before halting lessons on Monday.

Work at the World Trade Centre site has been ongoing since 2014 with the building’s superstructure almost complete. GSD MP Elliott Phillips said: “Today is the second time that lessons at Bayside have been halted because of noise from building sites. “The Government have confirmed that five new schools

will be built in the next three years. “The Government intends to build a new Bayside school whilst continuing to educate our children on the same site.” He added: “It is in my view, inconceivable that there will no serious disruption to the learning environment. “The Government needs to re-

consider their position on Bayside and go back to the drawing board.” Headmaster of Bayside School Michael Tavares told the Olive Press that there had been a mix up with the time certain noisy construction work had been carried out at the World Trade Centre.

Cockroach towers By Joe Duggan

NEGLECTED: Laguna Estate

THE GSD has criticised the government’s ‘total neglect’ of Laguna Estate and an ‘infestation of cockroaches’ in the flats. Shadow Minister for Housing Edwin Reyes revealed one resident’s concern over the speed of refurbishment works at the estate. Reyes and his colleagues have demanded the government explain why there has been ‘so little progress’. A GSD statement said: “Tenants have expressed grave concerns at the increased infestation of cockroaches, more so as this summer has seen very high temperatures and there is no sign of this infes-

GSD and government clash over estate’s ‘total neglect’ tation receding. “Residents are totally fed up with having to close all windows at night as otherwise their homes simply end up invaded with cockroaches.” The government has branded the opposition’s criticisms ‘ludicrous and hypocritical’ and claims ‘final completion date targets are being met’. Meanwhile, an unnamed resident is accusing the government of dragging its heels over the pace of the renovations following Decem-

ber’s general election. The Laguna resident suggested ‘the great majority of blocks behind those facing Winston Churchill Avenue have not yet been touched’. “The Laguna Estate is in a state of total neglect,” the resident said. “Up to the middle of December 2015 (coinciding with the last General Elections) the refurbishment of the estate had been proceeding at a consistent pace, but as from that date everything has gone into a standstill.”

Has anything been learnt in the property game over the last 13 years?

Learning curve

EPTEMBER 18 saw the 13th anniversary of the Survey Spain website www.surveyspain.com , which we take as the founding date of the busi-

ness. Much has happened since 2003. Looking through the old articles I’ve written over the years for newspapers and magazines, plus their transfer to website Articles and then blogs, Facebook, Twitter and all, I’m struck by how little appears to have been learnt. article headings tell it all – ‘Why didn’t they get the property Surveyed?’, is a constant theme as so often we come across stories of ‘disasters’ that could have been avoided. To rush forward to spend tens or hundreds of thousands and even millions, based on the word of somebody who is only being paid, and reluctantly at that, if the deal goes through, must be the height of naivety. Often it's expressed as buying ‘in good faith’, but there are more blunt ways of expressing it too. An article I commented upon started with, ‘We spend about the same time choosing shoes or buying a suit as deciding which house to buy’. In a speech to a real estate conference in Almería in 2004, I noted that there was a reduced number of buyers, but the house building market was still progressing strongly. I was complaining about the increasing spoiling of the natural Andalucía that brought many of the residents and tourist here in the first place. “It must be intelligent development, meeting what occupiers want and not

11+

years experience in

ALL PROPERTY MATTERS RICS SURVEYORS & VALUERS BY BUILDING CAMPBELL FERGUSON

For peace of mind follow just immediate profit”. What prescience these property buying that rules was! Now still we see new builds and reports of so many 1,000s of properties being sold. However, the only sales that count are Findreally Your Property the ones to eventual individual occupiers. Sales of 1,000’s of investment properties from a bankrupt bank to a cash rich fund just don’t count as they are still individually on Instruct Instruct Building the market. Remove all ofSurveyor those andLawyer many ‘buy-to-let's’ and that gives us the real market figure. Back on the individual properties and we see Buy with Knowledge the same defects again and principal&again, Confidence ly relating to – rain! Yes, damp is the main defect we find. Fortunately, with little wood in the structure, except in older buildings, 952 923 520 with us! there isn’t much rot+34 associated with it.Connect Howadmin@surveyspain.com ever, why don’t the surveyspain.com architects build for the 8 months of temperate climate when it rains, is cold and even snows in places, rather than just for the 4 months of summer? Too rooted in mimicking Arab styles perhaps, originally designed for truly dry climates. Drain the water away from the structure with proper field drains, plus guttering and downpipes connected to these drains, and so much mould, crumbling plaster, coughs, colds and sneezes could be avoided. But then what would Survey Spain do if all that was perfect? Maybe we should just be thankful that it's not and carry on advising and helping clients avoid problems or at least know what they are taking on. When it comes down to it, it's so much easier than watching others repent on their mistakes.

Contact Campbell and the team on +34 952 923 520 or email info@surveyspain.com

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YOUR LEGAL PROBLEMS ADDRESSED BY ANTONIO FLORES

N my last column, I disUrban legends still believed cussed a number of ‘legal’ urban legends believed by both expats and locals by both expats and locals. Here we discuss a few more: Squatters have rights: This Download idea has been thrown aroundour app now and many times, without legal the best Spanish begin enjoying backing. Squatters news haveon no the go. title to property and can be evicted…but always through the courts. Verbal rental contracts don’t exist: if anything, a rental agreement exists the moment the tenant makes one rental payment. Where no term was agreed, the contract The Olive Press will be deemed agreed for at least one year (and can be TOP in Spain! prejudice means that what you have debts: Article 1 of extended to three at the for ten-news follows (a) cannot be used Protocol No. 4 of the Convenant’s discretion). Contracts not in Spanish as evidence in a court case, tion for the Protection of Huare void: I cannot count how (b) cannot be taken as the man Rights and Fundamental many times I have heard this. signatory's last word on the Freedoms, of which Spain is a According to Spanish legal subject or c) cannot be used signatory country, states the practice, any language that is as a precedent. In Spain, such following: “Prohibition of imrecognized as official in any a phrase has no legal signifi- prisonment for debt: no one country of the world is good for cance. The only exceptions shall be deprived of his liba contract; the reason is that it are letter or other commu- erty merely on the ground of can be ‘officially’ translated by nications between lawyers, inability to fulfil a contractual which are by statute ‘without obligation”. a registered interpreter. ‘Without prejudice’ law prejudice’ and can never be This means that you will never phrase in a letter: In some used as evidence in a court be arrested at an airport if you have debts here. countries, when used in a of law. document or letter, without You could be arrested if

Legal myths in Spain

Email Antonio at aflores@lawbird.es

September 28th - October 11th 2016

Garcia’s Lib Dem warning DEPUTY Chief Minister Joseph Garcia has underlined the dangers of Brexit to Gibraltar at the Liberal Democrat Party conference. Addressing the Brighton conference, Garcia warned leaving the EU would be a risk to around half the Rock’s workforce. Garcia said losing freedom of movement could mean up to 12,000 Spanish and other nationals being unable to cross the border. He also outlined the ‘threats’ Spain’s acting PP government posed to Gibraltar, with acting Foreign Minister Jose Manuel Garcia-Margallo calling for joint sovereignty again. Garcia said: “There is no place more pro-British or more patriotic than Gibraltar, and we

Chamber of Commerce attacks government for numerous failings for residents and tourists

PATRIOTIC: Garcia with Lib Dems are a shining example of how you can be British and European at the same time.” The Deputy Chief Minister also underlined how Gibraltar had voted 96% to remain in the EU in June’s referendum.

Must work harder

BORDER blockages on the Gibraltar side and a lack of taxis at the airport need to be tackled urgently by the government. In a firmly-worded broadside, the Gibraltar Chamber of Commerce also insisted tourists and investors were ‘frustrated’ and needed to be better looked after on the Rock. In particular, the chamber insisted there were too many clamps being used and bet-

ter signage was needed on the way to the top of the Rock. In strong criticism, the chamber also insisted many of the border delays were actually being caused by physical blockages of the two lanes ‘be it mopeds randomly parked, the taxi stand or Customs vehicles on our side of the border’. The release asks: “Can we not ‘do more, go farther, work harder, and be more efficient’ in making access easier for our citizens, workers, investors and tourists?” The chamber insists the government has reneged on its pledge to ‘go further’ for locals and visitors since the Brexit referendum. “Now is the time for Government to lead all sections of the community to pull together, for the good of all of our tomorrows,” read a statement. The Chamber also hit out at the Rock’s overall environmental cleanliness, insisting the initiative ‘must be orchestrated by government’. The online process those are open and fluid.” Gibraltar is facing an uncertain for booking MOT future, with a 12,000-strong appointments was workforce crossing the frontier also savaged. “To get an appointeach day. And with the U.K. government ment now usually possibly willing to concede requires three sepasingle market access as a con- rate visits to the test dition for controlling immigra- centre, one to obtain tion, the matter is pressing for an extension, one to book the MOT test the Rock. But Isola is adamant that keep- and one to attend ing Gibraltar’s economic ties the MOT test,” read to the U.K is the Rock’s most the statement. “It is hard to imagpressing issue. “The controls that the U.K. ine a more ineffiwants, they are serious about,” cient system.” A proposed governIsola said. He added that ‘the most im- ment online initiaportant concern is U.K. market tive to engage the access, which we know we’ll be public and businessable to continue with, so that’s es had also failed to materialise, the important for us.’ Chamber claims.

‘Normal’ service with Spain FINANCIAL Services Minister Albert Isola believes Gibraltar can maintain a ‘normal’ economic relationship with Spain post-Brexit. He spoke out after Spain’s acting Foreign Minister Jose Manuel Garcia-Margallo once more called for joint sovereignty as a bargaining chip in Brexit negotiations. But with the threats of a possible border closure worrying many, Isola pointed out that Spain already keeps an open border with Ceuta and Melilla. Isola said: “There is a modern democracy in Spain and we should be able to have a normal relationship. “There should be no change. Spain has borders with Morocco with its two enclaves and

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‘Lame duck’ Spain bins Brexit meeting SPAIN’S acting government has cancelled a Campo meeting with a Gibraltar working group about its response to Brexit. It comes as leaked documents reveal

PP officials fear Spain is seen as a ‘lame duck’ after nine months without a government. The meeting, which was scheduled for this month, was due to address the

possible effects of Brexit on the 12,000 Campo workers who cross the border each day. The cancellation was blamed on Spain’s current political impasse.

Boris’s Brexit boast ‘We’ll trigger article 50 by early 2017,’ claims Johnson

THE British government is likely to trigger article 50 early next year, Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson has claimed. But Downing Street has refused to confirm Johnson’s unusually frank statement on the move, which would kickstart the process of Britain leaving the European Union (EU).

Once article 50 is invoked, Britain has two years to negotiate a withdrawal from the EU. Johnson said the government is ‘talking to our European friends and partners now in the expectation that by the early part of next year you will see an article 50 letter’. He added: “We will invoke that,

and in that letter I’m sure we will be setting out some parameters for how we propose to take this forward. “I don’t actually think we will necessarily need to spend a full two years.” However, Prime Minister Theresa May, who has been annoyed with ministers making

statements on how Brexit might play out, was keeping her cards close to her chest. A Number 10 spokesperson said: “The government’s position has not changed – we will not trigger article 50 before the end of 2016 and we are using this time to prepare for the negotiations.”

Steel power COMEDIAN Mark Steel has told the Olive Press the Brexit referendum was won by ‘the most unpleasant side of Britishness.’ The left-wing comic, who wrote most of his show before the Brexit vote, spoke out over the Leave campaign’s motivations ahead of last week’s stand-up gig in Gibraltar. Steel, a member of the Labour Party, was banned from voting in last week’s Labour leadership election. Brexit has affected people’s minds,” saidSteel. “ The Brexit vote was won on the basis of the most unpleasant side of Britishness. “‘We’re England’. The unofficial slogan was, ‘We want our country back’ meaning off the foreigners, the refugees and all these other countries who can tell us what to do. “A really nasty basis. It became a referendum not so much on the EU, but on what kind of country we are. It has created I would argue, a worse atmosphere.”

Brief By Charles Gomez

How MP’s could side-step the referendum result

Can Parliament stop Brexit?

OME 801 years ago the Magna Carta set in motion the gradual erosion of the English monarchy’s absolute powers, leading to today’s concept of parliamentary sovereignty. This allows the Parliament in Westminster to make or repeal any law. The process has not been uneventful; there has been a civil war, Charles I was beheaded; James II was exiled after the ‘glorious revolution’, and, more recently fear of bolshevism quickened the pace of democratisation. So what happens when the will of the people (as expressed in the referendum of the 23rd June 23) is not much to the liking of the people’s representatives in London? This is a legal column and not the right forum for a political debate on how, if we are to believe the Bremainers, it has come to pass that a majority of the people’s representatives apparently hold different views to the majority of the people. So, can the body of MPs ignore the referendum result and refuse to approve a notice of withdrawal from the EU under article 50 of the Lisbon Treaty? Can the 650 MPs and the 760 Lords (the second biggest Parliament in the world after the Chinese), ignore the 17,410,742 who voted for the UK to secede from the EU? Constitutionally, Parliament can do just that but the precedent thus set might make people question their faith in democracy, a thought process that normally ends up in tears. Ironically it is a remnant of pre-Magna Carta absolutism that looks set to ensure that the

popular vote is respected, and Westminster is side-stepped. It is called the Royal Prerogative whereby the Queen retains the power to make and repeal international treaties. By constitutional convention the monarch exercises the prerogative via the government of the day. The government in Whitehall is not, of course, the same as Parliament which sits at Westminster and the decision therefore rests with Theresa May’s cabinet. The Prime Minister has made it clear that an article 50 notice will be given in early 2017. Some lawyers point out that after the accession treaties, a European Communities Act of 1972 was enacted by Parliament. That Act, they argue, can only be repealed by Parliament and not the government. The long title of the ECA 1972 is: “An Act to make provision in connection with the enlargement of the European Communities to include the United Kingdom, together with (for certain purposes) the Channel Islands, the Isle of Man and Gibraltar”. My own view is that if the Treaties of Accession go, the 1972 Act becomes inoperative because it was passed ‘in connection’ with the treaty of enlargement. In other words, to stop Brexit, the UK parliament would have to pass a vote of no confidence in Mrs. May’s government and replace it with a pro-remain administration but that would put at risk many more political careers and seats and ... pigs might fly. Next week more on Brexit as disillusionment with the EU spreads.

Readers of the Olive Press are invited to discuss this or any other legal matter with Charles Gomez by emailing charles@gomezco.gi

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Supermarket sweep Eroski opens new store and vows to build more locations on the rock

Top tipple A MALAGA wine has been named the best supermarket buy in Spain. Alora wine, Vega del Geva, produced by Bodega Perez Hidalgo topped the 200-strong list in The Supervinos 2017: The Supermarket Wine guide. The wine, which costs just £7.68, is described as ‘perfect’ getting a maximum 5/5 score, something that has not been achieved for three years.

SUPERMARKET chain Eroski has opened its first store in the town centre. The ICC location is its second store on the rock after its first location just over the border was built in 2012. Eroski director Solomon Massias said the new store is needed in the town area. “There needs to be a store in town so that people can access good quality products at reasonable prices.” The chain has already announced that it plans to expand the new store and open more in other areas of the

town. Eroski, which carries Waitrose products, has promised the store has all the wellknown products shoppers are familiar with in the main

location. The chain changed its business model last year when it invested around £875,000 in a bid to offer a more personalised customer service while

SUPERMARKETS in the UK are shrinking their food packages and using cheaper ingredients to counter the costs of Brexit. When Sterling plummeted 10% after the shock June 23 vote, imported goods became more expensive, leaving retailers scrambling to maintain profit margins. According to the Bank of England, supermarkets are very cautious about increasing prices.

building a strong commitment to local and fresh seasonal produce. This included hiring ten more people and increasing the size of its main store by 1,600m2.

Strawberry Surprise A NEW pink gin has been launched in Spain. The strawberry flavoured gin is a collaboration between Freson de Palos based in Palos de la Frontera and the Rives group, housed in the iconic distillery in El Puerto de Santa María.

Slimming down

Pip pip THE sale of citrus fruits in Spainare at its highest level for years. Valencia insists this year’s harvest will reach 3,953,226 tonnes, a 23 per cent increase on last year.

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Brave hearts

SPANISH restaurant chain Iberica is to open its first restaurant in Scotland. It is the chain’s eighth opening in the UK and will be followed by another in Edinburgh next year.

Mum knows best A LEADING Spanish chef who trained under Gordon Ramsay and Ferran Adria insists it is his mother who must take the biscuit. Omar Allibhoy, 32, insisted he learnt more from her as he launched of his latest cookbook, Spanish Made Simple, in London. He said: “I learned more from my mum than any of the top chefs that I have been lucky enough to work under. “She is my inspiration in the kitchen, she taught me from the age of three when I started mixing eggs or doing whatever she needed help with, and I loved it. “She helped me develop my incredible passion for cooking and she is the reason I am the chef I am today.” Allibhoy was a prodigy of world-renowned Adria at Spain’s elBulli, which was ranked as the number one restaurant in the world several times. The Madrid-born restaurateur, dubbed the ‘Antonio Banderas of cooking’, trained with Gordon Ramsay in 2008.

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AUNTERING merrily between two rows of fairytale cave homes, we could so easily have been in J.R.R Tolkien’s mythical Shire for short people. Except there are a few key differences between Guadix and Bilbo Baggins’ underground home in Middle Earth. For one thing, these cave homes are inhabited by humans, not hobbits. There’s no need for horsedrawn carts, either, as a regular bus service takes visitors here from Granada city in just over an hour. And, possibly most crucially of all, there is a tourist train in Guadix - one of those annoying little road trains which crawl along at a snail’s pace, belting out tinny pop chants. The sprawling town is rather bleak on first impression, possessing none of the Shire’s verdant green hills. Well off the beaten track, the surrounding landscape is almost Martian, its crumbly ochre and muddy brown earth resembling the surface of the ‘red planet’. I arrived in the balmy spring sunshine with my mother, during her Easter holiday visit, when we needed to escape from the city’s populous Semana Santa processions.

Granada Shire In the vast, reddy expanse of Granada province is a land of caves where Bilbo Baggins would feel at home, writes Tom Powell

Guadix

Perfect

Guadix proved to be the perfect antidote. As we stepped off the bus into this apparent ghosttown, there was quite literally no-one around. We followed signs to the Barrio Troglodyte and within ten minutes of arriving in the ‘cave district’ we were passing a bizarre landscape of whitewashed chimneys poking up through the sparse, hilly terrain. Two years in Andalucia have taught me that this region packs plenty of surprises but we hadn’t been quite prepared for what we saw in Guadix. As we ventured deeper, passing the occasional hire car filled with equally open-mouthed visitors, we came across circular hobbit-style doorways cut into rock faces with wonderfully maintained front gardens, just like those in the Shire. Clearly, the residents of Barrio Troglodyte are as cave-proud as Bilbo and even more hospitable. Most owners will happily invite you in if you show a polite interest. In one area close to the church and dinky Visitor’s Centre, several caves are regularly open for

HOBBIT TOWN: Gaudix caves

visitors for explore. The appeal of these quaint subterranean dwellings is undeniable. The lack of sunlight might put some people off but during

the searing heat of a Spanish summer it’s a positive advantage. Of course, the real benefit is the cosiness they provide dur-

ing the region’s stark winters. I was told the cave homes are even more beautiful at that time of year, when the landscape is covered with a soft blanket of snow punctuated by chimneys billowing smoke. And forget dripping stalactites and rising damp. Most caves are fitted with the latest mod cons including fitted kitchens, television and wifi connections, while some are positively luxurious. Two shiny BMWs parked outside one residence would suggest that owning a cave home is a mark of prestige. We explored the entire area on foot, literally trampling over people’s underground homes, winding past cave-speckled hills along footpaths and tarmac roads. Just as Bilbo’s Shire has its Green Dragon pub, there are various cave hotels and B&Bs offering weekends away with a troglodyte twist, some with private pools, while day trippers have a choice of places to eat including a formal restaurant in the cave district. We opted for a more rustic option, an €8 menu del dia at a small bar where we feasted on a hearty and scrumptious homemade stew. Hobbit homes aside, don’t leave Guadix without paying your respects to its magnificent cathedral. Right up there with Malaga’s and Granada’s, this awe-inspiring feat of architecture – way more grandiose than the town surrounding it - is yet another jaw-dropping surprise in this surreal region. Bilbo Baggins might even be envious. ORNATE: Gaudix cathedral

LE T T E R S

www.gibraltarolivepress.com

All in a name Expat myth Ferry nice! Great interview with Bryan Ferry (Ferry To Gibraltar, Issue 27). Thanks very much. I really enjoyed reading that. It’s not every day you come across an interview where you find out so much about an artist. I’ve been a big Bryan Ferry fans for years and I had no idea he’d driven to Gibraltar in the 60s. A very-well written and illuminating read. Mike With, Norfolk

What a thought-provoking piece, I have often wondered the difference between the terms ‘expat’ and ‘immigrant’ (Why expat? Online, blog). I moved to Spain a year ago and from the start I have resolutely refused to describe myself as an ‘expat’. I am an immigrant – dictionary definition – somebody who has moved to another country to seek a better quality of life. The phrase expat allows people to complain about immigrants without getting into a muddle about themselves. Jenny Mahimbo, Madrid

Difference is clear

who otherwise have the financial means to support themselves e.g. a pension. This is how to differ from immigrants who move without work or financial means. Simple as that, all in one sentence. I have met many expat Africans, Moroccans, Russians, Peruvians, etc. it’s not a ‘Brit thing’ at all. Dave Russell, Fuengirola

Here to stay? In my mind an expat is someone who intends, eventually, to return to their native land. An immigrant is one who has left their native country and who has no conscious intention to return. I suppose I qualify under expat since I always refer to the Holy City (aka Glasgow) as home. Bill Slaven, Mijas

Expatriates are those who migrate to another country to live and work, and who have employment, or

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Take that, Spain!

Court red-handed

Great result (Landmark Ruling, Issue 27). We now just need to oust the PP and get a decent foreign minister who wants to work with Gibraltar for the benefit of all. The only thing stagnated is Spain itself, which has not had a government for the best part of a year. All leaders should now step down and give new some new blood a chance. Fred Smith, Ronda

This demonstrates that the Supreme Court is an independent power regarding the government (Landmark Ruling, Issue 27). In Gibraltar, on the other hand, they have a tyranny, in the platonic sense of the term, where one person, Fabian Picardo in this case, has the absolute power. Pablo Cedron, La Linea

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Surviving Ikea

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VEN knights of the realm (my ex-boss, as it happens) are at risk from the ‘Ikea Effect’. I refer to ex-Daily Express editor Sir Nicholas Lloyd, whose journalist wife Eve Pollard admits to many a marital meltdown while shopping in the Swedish Lego-for-adults store. “I never go with my husband without rowing ... about going there, parking, walking through the store trying to find everything and getting out again,” she says. I thought it was only the Flat-

It was the food truck madness that set me off this year

TESTING TIMES: IKEA can make or break a relationship pack Challenge that frayed (only one chupito, officer) and tempers (psychologists have the promise of a sherry lunch dubbed one piece The Di- in El Puerto de Santa Maria, vorcemaker because marriag- he was almost looking fores are almost as likely to fall ward to it. apart as the unit itself, during Panic set in when we saw the the tricky assembly process). sheer scale of the beast. Not But since Dave and I lost our quite as humongous as Ikea’s Ikea virginity in Jerez, I know flagship store in Stockholm, where she’s coming from. the size of 10 American footOur own relationship is ap- ball fields, but getting there. It proaching the dreaded sev- lured us in with free gifts – a en-year watershed and Dave stubby elf-sized pencil and a wasn’t itching to go. But after miniscule order sheet – then a stop for coffee and brandy flicked us up into its gaping

Meals on Wheels

ummer 2016 was the summer of the food truck fair. It seemed that any piece of open ground had a food truck event at one point. For those of you who aren't aware of what a food truck is, they generally tend to be a VW camper van or retro Citroen van that has been revamped and generally dishes out noveau type cuisines – a quirky take on the taco, gourmet burgers, that kind of thing. These are, of course, a million miles away from the type of food that I've grown up with being served from food trucks. My experience, if I'm honest, tended to be from a kebab van outside the pub at just after closing time – some frankly undefinable meat smothered in thermonuclear chilli sauce and with a couple of straggly lettuce leaves in a token nod to salad. The main aim of eating it was to soak up the copious amount of Stella Artois that I'd drunken and often it failed. Nothing can compare with the gastronomic horror of waking up, horribly hungover, face down in a half eaten kebab. Though I once almost drowned in a bowl of chilli con carne in a Mexican restaurant when I slumped forwards into it after too many jugs of Margaritas, but that, as they say, is a different story. My other experience of food truck style dining came several thousand years ago, when I was at school. Every lunchtime an ice cream van would pull up outside the school gates and its owner, the legendary Stan, resplendent in white coat, would sell 99 Flakes and others to the mob of excitable schoolboys. Lunch money that was supposed to be spent in the school canteen was diverted to Stan's van and, off our little heads on sugar rushes

maw with its blue escalator tongue. Now I know what Jonah felt like when the whale swallowed him. Trapped! Passageways that look like escape routes merely recycle you deeper into the windowless maze. The one-way system might well have been designed on the large intestine of some mythical Norse monster, forcing you forward and counter-clockwise in what Ikea calls ‘the long, natural way’. Dave needed the loo and was gone aeons. “It’s miles away at the bloody end,” he panted, when I found him on the point of collapse in bedding. Ten per cent of babies in Europe are conceived on an IKEA bed, but Dave wasn’t in the mood for love. As for copying down un-spellable Scandi names and coded numbers longer than Donald Trump’s bank balance onto a flimsy scrap of paper with a Lilliputian pencil ... even when balanced on the arm of a Sodderhamn sofa using a set of Imbjudande placemats to rest on, it’s a right pain in the butt. The cabinet I chose had no name or number tag and turned out to be a hybrid of three, requiring special instructions spewed out by a computer. There were reams of component parts and an ill-omened 13 types of screw.

Screwed

TRENDING: Food trucks

and additives, we would return to wreak havoc on the afternoon lessons. I'm sure Stan would have been banned on Health and Safety grounds these days, but perhaps the headmaster was getting a kickback... So I was a little immune to the Food Truck Fever that gripped the Coast this summer. In Spain we're spoiled for choice when it comes to cheap, unpretentious street food in the form of tapas. As you are no doubt aware, because you are all clever people, the tapas started out as something free to keep the flies off your drink, and when I lived in and around Antequera (a time I now refer to as my Year in Provence period) they were still free. And they were normally excellent. Only once were we served bad tapas, in a restaurant on the coast. They were so awful that one of our party likened it to a scene from Gladiator. “Whatever comes through those doors boys” he said, glancing fearfully towards the kitchen “We stand a better chance of surviving if we all stick together!” + 34 675 314 678 Marbella, Spain

In the warehouse, a cardboard box city with aisles as wide as New York streets (and an equally scary standard of trolley driving), we were screwed. One part was out of stock! And the checkout lines were longer than the Gibraltar queue. Happily, Dave and I are still together, and so is the cabinet. But it was touch and go when we had to survive Ikea all over again in Málaga for the missing piece. It’s somewhat ironic that a store promising to ‘make a house into a home’ provides a shopping experience that’s a relationship wrecking ball waiting to swing. Of course, if you are contemplating divorce, it’s a fast track not unlike the Islamic way of doing things in some countries. Simply whisper the magic Swedish mantra into your partner’s ear: ‘Ikea, Ikea, Ikea.’

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gib PREMIER DIVISION KICKS OFF

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MONS CALPE had a solid start to the season with a 2-0 victory over St. Joseph’s FC in what was their Premier Division debut. They opened the scoring early with a strike from Juan Pablo Sastrie in the first 60 seconds. St.Joseph’s failed to make good of chances and a 90th minute goal from Michele Di Piedi sealed their fate.

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LIAM Walker is adamant Europa FC are '100%' ready to challenge for the Gibraltar Premier Division title after his new club secured a 2-1 win over Lions Gibraltar FC. Man-of-the-match Walker opened the scoring with a delicious left-footed finish from just outside the box into the top right-hand corner in the 40th minute. But Lions roared back with Samuel Gilory's expertly-hit free-kick drawing the sides level.

Delicious

Europa dominated the second half, with Kike having a goal ruled off for offside, before substitute Sykes Garro's injury-time volley against his old side secured the three points. Walker told the Olive Press: "We struggled a bit. We knew it was going to be hard. They went in as the underdogs. We've seen in this league the smaller teams can complicate the game. "We want to be fighting to win this league and you can't really be slipping up much in this league if you want to win it. "100% we want to be challenging for the league. That's their aim since they started and that's the aim for this season. He added: "I'm happy with the move [to Europa]. The team tries to play football and create opportunities which is what I like. "I'm playing in the middle where I like and enjoying ever moment of it."

Manchester 62 and Gibraltar United drew at 2-2 following a 90th minute penalty. Gibraltar United’s Robert Montovio equalised Meijas Noya’s opener seconds before the end of the first half, but Toncheff Ferberovich put Manchester back ahead in the 74th. Montovio managed to equalise with a penalty in the 90th minute.

Elsewhere, Europa Point suffered a 1-3 loss to Glacis United. Europa’s goal in the 4th minute from Dakota Askew was immediately answered by an equaliser from Jose Lopez. Europa was unable to gain momentum, allowing for a double from Glacis’ Cano Hernandez in the 28th and 60th minute.

Lincoln crush Lynx Roy Chipolina ready for title battle

CONFIDENT: Walker

Walkering tall

BY: September 28thSPONSORED - October 11th 2016

EXCLUSIVE By Joe Duggan

ROY Chipolina believes Lincoln have a fight on their hands to retain the Gibraltar Premier Division title despite crushing Lynx FC 5-0 on Saturday. Joseph Chipolina bulleted home a fifth minute header and doubled the lead with a smart bicycle kick on 11 minutes.

Smart

The left-back turned provider by galloping into acres of space and cutting the ball back to Kyle Casciaro, who slotted home the third in the 17th minute. Shortly after the break, Roy Chipolina powered in a close-range finish to put Lincoln out of sight be-

PREPARED: Chipolina’s league challenge

fore Chipolina completed his hat-trick in the 80th minute, heading in from

Wood wants improvement JEFF Wood has announced a 26-man Gibraltar squad for next month’s FIFA World Cup qualifiers with Estonia and Belgium. Following the opening 4-1 defeat to Greece, there are call-ups for Dartford goalkeeper Deren Ibrahim and Gibraltar United midfielder Ashley Rodriguez. Wood said: “The shape and organisation versus Greece was good, we couldn’t fault their commitment. We just had a mad three minutes which we need to improve on.” Last month, Ibrahim scored a goal from inside his own half in the National League South clash with Hungerford.

a corner to seal a win that went some way to erasing the disappointment of last

week's 2-0 defeat to Europa FC in the Pepe Reyes Cup. Chipolina told the Olive Press: "We needed a good reaction after last week's performance. We were disappointed after getting beaten last week. Every big team reacts to a defeat and that's exactly what we wanted. "I personally think all the teams are better this season. Every year the league is getting stronger and more competitive. "I think every team is going to be competing, especially now there is an extra European place this season. But we're definitely ready for the challenge from Europa and other teams. I personally think there's going to be three teams going for that title."

If you have a sports story, contact newsdesk@theolivepress.es or call 0034 951 273 575

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Home soil THE Gibraltar Football Association is aiming to get all home matches on The Rock soil. Hopes of hosting the home matches at Victoria Stadium, are down to a special clearance required from the UEFA. Talks between the government of Gibraltar, Gibraltar Sport and Leisure Authorities and the GFA are in progress. The GFA has announced that it will soon release the details for the upcoming matches against Cyprus, Estonia and Bosnia-Herzegovina.

UEFA boost GIBRALTAR’S football teams have been granted a second place in next season’s UEFA Europa League. Following impressive showings by Lincoln Red Imps and Europa FC, the Rock’s coefficient has improved sufficiently for UEFA to grant an extra slot, with three teams set to compete in Europe. The winners of this season’s Rock Cup will go into the Europa League qualifiers along with the First Division runners-up. The league winners will play in next season’s Champions League qualifiers. If the second-placed team from this season’s league wins the Rock Cup, the third-placed side in the league will take the second Europa League slot. In this season’s Champions League, Lincoln secured a famous win over Celtic as well as knocking out Flora Tallinn. Europa progressed to the second qualifying round of the Europa League after eliminating Armenian outfit Pyunik.

Battle royal THE Gaelic football season is underway in Andalucia as teams from Gibraltar to Malaga prepare to battle it out. The Costa Gaels will go head to head with the Gibraltar Gaels on October 1 in the opening fixture of the season. The following weeks will see Eire Og Seville and new comers to the local league Celta Malaga join in the fight for the title.

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Bishop’s bridge THE new Bishop of Gibraltar Carmel Zammit has said he wants to be a ‘bridge builder’ in society weeks after criticising same-sex marriage proposals.

Tip Top ONLY three-quarters of people in Spain leave a tip, according to reports. The average amount left for waiters is less than 5% of the bill.

Clean-up MORE than 300 volunteers and sponsors participated in another Gib-wide clean up, leading to a ‘mountain of waste’ being taken to the Eco Park facility.

LAUDA: At San Roque casino (far right)

Lauda’s sure bet

High as a kite!

Busted weed grower blames birds dropping cannabis seeds on his terrace

A WEED grower may have been high as a kite when he insisted a pot plant grew on his terrace after birds dropped seeds there. The dopey pothead told a court that birds must have been to blame for the Amsterdam-style cannabis plant that was seized by police on his terrace. However, Gavin Key, 37, eventually pleaded guilty to the offence, after police arrested him at his Vineyard House home on September 17. During a search officers found the cannabis plant, which the unemployed weed fiend insisted had come from dropped hemp seeds into an outside pot. He initially claimed to be totally unaware the drug was growing in his flat. “It is certainly the first time somebody has used that excuse. I’ve certainly never heard that before,” an RGP spokesperson told the Olive Press. “Everyone was very amused in court. I guess everybody has to come up with an excuse. “If you plead guilty it makes a bit of a farce to then blame it on a bird.” Key was fined £200 for the offence.

RACING legend Niki Lauda was the star guest at the official opening of San Roque’s new Casino Admiral. Three-times Formula 1 winner Lauda, the only driver to win with Ferrari and McLaren, took to the roulette wheel after answering questions about his sport. San Roque mayor Juan Carlos Ruiz Boix and other political dignitar-

ies watched him cut the red ribbon on the new 10,000-meter-square casino. “Technology and mechanics are changing the style of F-1 driving,” said Lauda, who was badly burned in a 1976 crash. “Perhaps technology has advanced too much and this is harming the instinct and daring of the drivers.”

PASSING THROUGH: IMS Bulwark

Ships Ahoy

In situ

THE University of Gibraltar has officially welcomed its first chancellor and vice-chancellor. The Rt Hon Lord Luce and Professor Daniella Tilbury were installed at a ‘historic’ ceremony this week. An academic procession, joined by academics was followed by speeches from Lord Luce and Tillbury.

HMS Bulwark has sailed into Gibraltar en route to the Middle East. The amphibious craft made its first stop after four weeks of essential maintenance works.

Ride for charity SOME 55 motorbike enthusiasts from 23 countries have raced around the Rock in aid of cancer research. This is the first time that Gibraltar has participated in the Distinguished Gentleman's Ride annual event. The bash raised £7723.80 for prostate cancer research and suicide prevention programmes.

Short cut!

WORLD FIRST: Oisin Creagh

A DAREDEVIL has flown 3,000 miles to Morocco on an airborne lawn-mower. Irish architect Oisín Creagh, 52, left Belfast on August 24, crossing the Strait of Gibraltar three weeks later. He became the first person to complete the journey, but was refused permission to land his two-stroke paramotor in Morocco and forced to land in Ceuta. “It only took me 40 minutes to cross the 45km from the Spanish mainland,” Mr Creagh said. “I had a nice tailwind and I was up at around 5,000ft because I wanted to make sure I cleared the water; I circled back around and landed. “It was the shortest water crossing I’ve done since the start but it was the most complicated in terms of getting everything organised.”