issue 23

The magazine for the Northern Line!

Thursday 21st December

Letter from the Editor.

Contents

Welcome to your action packed bumper issue of the Other Side. And boy is it Bumper. It’s so Bumper Tim Westwood wanted to use it for the next series of Pimp My Ride. So Bumper that Jennifer Lopez’s derriere winced at the sheer size of it. So Bumper... ah who are we kidding.

2007 Compressed

It’s bumper in the sense that we took an extra week to produce it so that we could provide you with the best Christmas and New Year guide on the escalators of London... but not bumper in terms of pages. You might’ve realised that it ain’t bumper at all, but who really cares? Not you guys!

Inside you will find an ABC to new years eve, which includes who not to kiss, what to drink and where to wake up. There’s an OSOS special with a mini review of the year. We’ve condensed 2007 into half a side of A5 and even gone to great lengths to find the most Mumsy way to cook a Turkey (our sub asked his mum). Josh - our sort of trusted researcher - has been on the blower for hours on end finding out exactly what pubs to go to and what pubs not to go to for new year… There’s a guide inside for every worthy station from East Finchley to Clapham.

If that’s not enough to whet your appetite then how about the best games to play over the holiday season and few highlights from our busy year.

It’s probably a good time to say thanks to all the people who’ve been involved since we started in February…You know who you are so keep up the good work and don’t give up… we think there’s something hot bubbling inside the Other Side.

Freeway Facismo

Offside of the Year

Almost Every Stop

Your Mun

Xmas TV

My new Chair

NYE

ed.x PS New website coming soon Watch this space

Nico Printed on recycled paper by recycled people. Please make sure you pass on or recycle, Yeah!

For more information on the Other Side and for details of how you can get involved then please contact us at the e-mail below.

editor@theothersidemag.co.uk

Handed out by Pretty Boys

….everything we can think of what did ‘appen in 2007…compressed Gordon Brown (PM..new teeth) Boris Johnson (Mayor?..buffooned his way to the top) Amy Winehouse (Skag.. oops I shot up again) Facebook (Skag… stalker-driven career wrecker) Lewis Hamilton (driver…the latest English disappointment emerges) Michael Owen (crock) Owen Wilson (suicidal) Pete Doherty (reformed…just 46 court appearances) Raj Persaud (plagiarist) Britney Spears (Bald) Kate Nash (Gash) Jack Penate (torn) Sven Goran Errikson (Back for good…lock up you mothers) Take That (Back for Bad…lock up your daughters) Noel Fielding (In Car) Tony Blair (on Holiday… Sorting out the Middle East. Worked well last time…or, in trouble with police) Jack Bauer (drunkard) Ken Livingstone (Chimp) Jimmy Carr (Crap and annoying…A year of smarmy one liners from Dry ** Carr who continued to scrape the basin of toilet humour with cheap shots and blank stares. Dead pan? You should be dead) Teddy Bears (not to be named) Fidel Castro (alive and kicking) Ingmar Bergman (dead and playing chess) Jim Davidson (we wish he was dead) War (ongoing) Famine (is that still knocking about?) Global warming (marketers wet dream) Giving a shit (dying on its arse) Apathy (flourishing, but what do we care?) The Shins (finally) Frank Lampard (fat) John Terry (ugly) Ashley Cole (greedy) Snow White (naughty) Setanta Sports (not bad) The Police (tantric) Sir Ian Blair (sacked?) Christopher Biggins (celebrity) Simon Cowell (tosser) Rhydiann (freak) Leon (lucky bugger) Maddy (media reaches a new low) Peter Petrelli (hero) Slaven Bilic (England’s saviour) Ed Balls (real name) T’Arctic Monkeees (clever lads) R Kelly (in the closet) Johhny Depp (pirate) Orlando Bloom (American flower) Bin Laden (off the radar) Sadam (down and out) Georgey B (hanging with Sadam) Prince (still going down) Spice Girls (Old Spice) Floods (up north) Foot and mouth (south) The Queen (legend) Canoe man (hahaha, how the hell did he almost get away with it?!) Jose Mourinho (sacked, not so special now) David Cameron (or should I call you Dave?) Fabio Capello (Apple and Mango)

Disappointments of the Year…

The Mighty Boosh – series 3 Toilet Humour and too many Hoxton references. Tony Blair not being arrested. Tottenham

Top 6 Bad things 1 Summer, 2 England, 3 Tesco, 4 Broken Xbox 360’s, 5 Borat Impressions (still!)

6 FOXTONS

Top 6 Good things 1 Heroes, 2 Singster, 3 Cycling being quicker than getting a bus, 4 Food, 5 Day festivals, 6 London - so many things to do, its incredible

What Happened to Bird Flu? Its too cold for the flu to survive

Did you know?

Marks and Spencer’s accept Euros

Highlight of the Year Adam and Joe breakfast show! (2 weeks only)

FREEWAY FASCISMO The stinking threat of the holiday season brings with it the impending journey back to the nest for socks and pants from mother and disapproving tuts from father. But even before those joys, you must face the drive back...

Cardowski knows your pain

Lest any linger under the misapprehension that I am to be found in a burnished nirvana of my own deserving, let me begin by removing a veil. I have been known, occasionally, to sound a horn in anger while at the wheel, shout abuse while enmeshed in a jam not of my own confection and gesticulate with reckless abandon at injustices perceived or real, offering only muted apologies when caught inflagrante! So the Great Angel of the North Road I am not.

And that is where I found myself the weekend past, travelling outta this fair city of ours to parts northern on family business.

Pottering up the Great North Road way past Brum and Norringham as I was, it’s not a short ride and demands a certain misappliance of the right pedal at times, if y’know what I mean. Keep it at a steady 90 and watch for them checkered rear ends adorning the arses of cop cars, not to mention the hidden camera and solitary bridge spy.

Practically speaking that means spending a lotta time in the formula one lane, dodging artic’s overtaking grannies/ caravans/ vintage autos and cruising past the habitually relaxed.

Mostly tho’ you head for the sedate middleof-the-road, even if you can’t quite bring yerself to go all the way to grannie-ville, admiring the burnished foliage. For about a nano-sec. Then some Puritanical Road-Nazi comes hurtling up yer arse, lights flashing, horn blaring and hands gesticulating wildly.

One is tempted to gesticulate back/ apply a

smart brake manoeuvre/ take the moral fast track but the presence of children precludes.

One simply hogs the middle and waits. If the driver simply overtakes in the speedy lane, heading on up the road, things could seem acceptable. Folks in a rush; deadlines to meet, affairs to consummate, treatment to dish out or mebbe just the thrill of it.

Fair enough.

However, this new gang, this growing band of rampaging bueaurocrats, intent on searing into our psyches the minutiae of a long forgotten Highway Code (even if it means breaking the Law themselves), are not content with their own enjoyment of speed.

No, they take upon themselves the task of showing all and sundry that we are impinging on the required legality by leaving vacant the left lane even if it means resting there but the blink of an eye. As they so ostentatiously do, cutting across lane after lane, both ways, in their quest for legal superiority. All the time, as I have said, they calmly cruise above mine own illegal 90! But then, of course, they are much better drivers than us part-timers. They are in full control of their autos, know the limits of their own ability, know the impending conditions and are fully committed to spying out any fault in others that may demand further tinkling with the right (wrong?) pedal. They know the TRUTH; that we are all supposed to travel in the left lane unless our legal speed is obstructed by some dawdler luxuriating in the not-so-open road. And

woe-betide those of us who don’t toe the line.

It is probable, but not definite, that these sticklers are either salesmen who live on the road, wanna-be cops who haven’t quite cut the necessary mustard, or frustrated driving instructors unable to get their message across with mere words and pictures - annoyed past caring that so many of us old, blind or forgetful Wheelsmiths have passed tests without grasping a basic fundamental of Highway Travel. For nothing so irritates the fascist as a commoner who flagrantly displays their blatant ignorance of the law. In others it might inspire pity, in the Nazi only fury. He will practice all manner of illegality to bring our attention to our own failings, puffing himself with the certainty that he has retained knowledge we have let slide. Shining the imaginary 20 pounds of headlights stapled to his chest for services rendered to the Great Buzzard. It would be funny if he wasn’t protected by a metal box and special racing seat, (the ones with those fourway, crotchless, safety belts so adored by that f*ckwit Clarkson) and we could see their brazen vanity. But, as with all warless Nazis, they keep their smug satisfaction behind bloodlessly thin lips giving release only in the presence of like-minded Storm-Troopers.

And then Lo and Behold, I became one! Putting on my Moral Superiority-Green cape, I pedalled my way into Lunnun town on my trusty Pink Behemoth. Travelling with

ease through traffic like a hot knife through slack butter, exhibiting flagrant disregard for traffic lights and pedestrian crossings, I veritably sailed to the South Bank, smugly satisfied at my early arrival and lack of carbon footprinting. The meeting I went for didn’t go as planned and I began the trudge back uphill to North Lunnun. (And believe me, it is uphill! No mere trick of the map) with a heavy heart and an irritable mind. Stuck at a busy and complicated traffic light near Ox Circ, chomping at the bit for a speedy burst at the grid, my concentration was shattered by the horn of an intemperate scooter rider/ traffic warden urging a van to run over pedestrians invisible from his vantage point. I yelled, in my best Morally Indignant StormTrooper voice; “He can’t move can he? Thicko!” or somesuch. The lights changed and I, putting leather to the pedal in search of indignant and spectacular uplift…. Was left slumped in the midst of the yellow box with a derailed chain awaiting a heavenly cloud of protection, a gaping chasm to remove me from view, mine own personal mechanic to swiftly rectify the troublesome links. Needless to say nothing came and I stood on the island greasing my hitherto pristine fingers and dodging Bus Drivers cutting it mighty close to my derriere.

Is there a lesson to be learned? Thanks to be given? Probably. But I shall leave that to your own careful, thorough and enquiring hearts and minds. God speed and enjoy the view.

CARDOROWSKI

Illustration by Jamie Jackson

editor@theothersidemag.co.uk

The Other Side’s Off Side Issue 006

By chief football correspondent Jan Vinegar of Hampstead

The 1p piece in your Christmas pud (but we’re not paying for the dentistry)

Four play

Ever since the fixture computer (surely just a bloke sat in Soho Square pulling bits of paper out of a hat) spat out games pitting the “Big Four” against each other on the same weekend, Murdoch’s lieutenants have been screaming at us to “Get ready for Grand Slam Sunday! (oh, and why not buy Sky+ while you’re at it…)”. The question though, is whether or not Grand Slam Sunday lived up to the hype. First up, United’s trip across the M62 to Anfield, new home of Tom Hicks and George Gillet (they loved “You’ll never walk alone” so much, they bought the company). This was a clash described by Jonathan Pearce, refreshingly free of hyperbole as always, as being “Born from the soot of Manchester mills and the sweat of Liverpool dockyards” (you can see how he got the job on Robot Wars). Dull and turgid United rob 3 points and dent the Anfield Roar courtesy of a well-worked set piece, or a classic example of a well-marshalled defence supported by two solid holding midfielders coming out on top? One for the purists perhaps, but Fergie proved yet again that he’s as handy with a tactical setup as he is with a hairdryer. Liverpool fans must be wondering whether Benitez was bullied for being short when he was a kid, and is somehow taking this out on Peter Crouch by leaving him on the bench. Still, it is Christmas, so there must be plenty of pantos out there looking for someone to play a Beanstalk… In the afternoon, Chelsea traveled the slightly shorter (but no less picturesque) North Circular in search of the bright lights and £4 pies of the Emirates Stadium. Cashley Cole put down his phone long enough to continue the panto theme by playing the role of the villain (“he’s behind you…”), with William Gallas also lining up against his former employers.

Arsene Wenger described the first half as being

“a bit locked tactically”, a polite way of saying it had draw written all over it, but a mistake by Petr Cech (which happens about as often as a Derby County victory) gave Gallas the chance to show Roman Abramovich what he’s missing. Somehow it finished just 1-0 to the Arsenal (it could have been about 5-3), but not before Arsenal had two goals disallowed, John Terry got broken again, Fabgregas kicked Cashley, Cashley punched Fabregas, and Shaun Wright-Phillips proved that he really loves his Dad by missing from 6 yards out. It all makes for a fascinating title race, and left Richard Keys and his groupies gloating at the prospect of the second half of the season to come (apart from the games on Setanta, which Sky technically don’t count…).

FA excited by Capello’s juicy appointment

From Second-choice Steve to First-choice Fabio.

The FA have got their man, and after talking tough at the negotiating table they’ve even been able to limit Capello’s demands. Yes, he’ll be paid a reported £6m. Yes, he’s been allowed to bring in a fully Italian backroom team. Yes, he’s going to be able to keep his lucrative punditry job on Italian TV. But Barwick and his boys stood firm, so Fabio’s going to have to go without his bodyweight in designer glasses, his lifetime supply of Superking Lights and his room full of Smarties (with all the orange ones taken out of the packets). Capello, England’s very own BA Baracus if you listen to every single hack and pundit (“he doesn’t suffer fools gladly”) comes with an incredible CV from his time in club management. If he can get his tactics right, perhaps he could be the man to kick some life into the lame duck that is England. The FA promised to take their time, and true to their word it was a whole three weeks before they made the appointment. The FA also promised a “root and branch” review of football in England when

Macca got the boot, but seem to have conveniently forgotten about it since then. So the leaves remain un-raked, the edges un-trimmed and the lawn well and truly un-mowed (but isn’t Jose Mourinho on gardening leave at the moment…?).

Bang out of order

The Other Side’s Off Side would like to draw your attention to a case that’s so important, it even got a higher slot on the ITV news schedule than Leon winning X Factor. Watford midfielder Al Bangura is an incredible story, escaping from Sierra Leone at the age of 15 after his father, a leading member of the Poro Secret Society, was killed by the government there. Tradition states that sons must also be killed, but Bangura escaped to France via Guinea (where allegedly he was almost sold into sex slavery) before arriving in the UK. He was discovered playing football on a local park and ended up with a professional contract at Vicarage Road, culminating in 19 appearances in the top flight last season. Bangura, though, faces deportation back to Sierra Leone following a recent unsuccessful hearing in front of a Home Office tribunal. This is a young man who has a steady job, pays his taxes and has a young family (his son is barely weeks old), yet he faces being sent back I expected to be....at xmas

(Be honest now!)

I expect to finish?

into a horrific situation. Bangura has support from Watford fans of course, as well as former chairman Elton John and his local MP Claire Ward. If you would like to lend your support to his case, you can sign up to the petition at http://www.thepetitionsite. com/1/save-al-bangura (log on to Claire Ward’s website for more details at http://www.claire-ward. org.uk/stories/albagura.html). The final word has to go to Watford manager Aidy Boothroyd. “To go back would have a massive adverse effect on his game,” Boothroyd said. “It would be the equivalent of Frank Sinatra coming over here and not playing Wembley, but playing at Batley Frontier Club in Yorkshire.” Quite.

The Credit Card Premiership – Christmas/Half Time Report Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Robbie Savage nipping at your toes…yes, it’s nearly Christmas, which means we’re almost halfway through the season. How time flies when you’re having fun (or when you’re 1-0 down). The Other Side’s Off Side thought about giving you our thoughts on the season so far, but nobody cares what we think so we asked some fans instead!

Ravings of madmen? Voices of common sense in a sea of idiocy? Judge for yourself as you read their thoughts…

Who has been your best player this season so far?

Robinho & total implosion at both Sp*rs and Chelski

Ronaldo by a country mile!

Don't have one!

Fabregas (Asher says, “Hands off”!)

Wright-Philips, because he's finally showing his talent

A victory over Liv Abramovich in a champions league semi-final

3rd

1/2

Cesc is the creative force, but Gallas has scored crucial goals when it's mattered

MU Wayne

2nd

1st

Chelski Oliver

Not Top

Not Top

Liv Simon

3rd

Spurs

Right where we are now

Sam (ed)

3/4

Fulham Mark

10th

Kuyt, Crouch & Voronin The criminally underrated and the Right where extremely dependable George perennial we are now McCartney crocks Bent, Berbi, Steed Malbranque Dawson, 7th Robinson etc

3rd

17th

All I want for Christmas is…

Eduardo$

Arse Asher

WH Russ

Biggest disappointment?

Reina has probably been the most consistent

Jimmy Bullard (and he has been injured all season!)

Jimmy Bullard

Last season's home form* A cup run please, Santa.

Ledley King fit and at his best!

Do I need to answer..? A fit Jimmy Bullard!

* PS I fully expect us to win at the Emirates, Stamford Bridge and the Theatre of Delusions in the second half of the season. Our time is coming... $ but mainly Jens for being a bit of a cock when he was dropped!

Chalk Hampstead Farm

Belsize Park Euston

Mornington Crescent

80's Matchbox B Line Disaster / Water Rats / £15

Reliance / Free / 2pm / No events / get there early

The Angelic £10 / Calypso Party / Champagne / 2am

Kings Cross

Goodge Street

Jerusalem / music quiz night / free / 2am

Camden Town

ISH / nutty new year / £15 / lots of live music

Highgate

Change for the Victoria Line

The Junction Tavern / 3 course meal and Champers £50 Latin Jazz from 11 / £5

Kentish Town

Lock Tavern/The Barfly/Enterprise/Man in the Moon / £15 ticket gives access to all venues for bands and DJs etc

The Landseer / Tapas Menu / free / 2am / funky music

The Woodman / Free / 3am / cheese & helium balloons

The Old White Lion / Free / 2am

Archway

Purple Turtle / electro dress up glam night / £10 / 2am / free corkys shots

Golders Green

The Roebuck / x factor karaoke / free / 2am Sir Richard Steel / Free / 2am / general messiness

Brent Cross

The Flask / medieval theme / £15 / free champagne at 12, free gin punch / medieval banquet / 2am /

Hungry? Check out the Falafal Shops

Brent Cross will be closed...sorry

East Finchley

Warren Street

And unless banking, co general city getting out recommend

Old Street

Angel Moorgate

Tottenham Court Road Leicester

We advise t these areas filled with m tourists, los year olds... deviants...a Calsberg gu

local stuff to do for stuck

Charing Cross

r Square

that you avoid s as they will be misfits, lost souls, st people and 16 .amongst other also pigeons and uzzling foes.

Waterloo

Embankment

k people on New Year’s Eve Kennington Stockwell

The Alexandra / £12 / DJs / 3am

Elephant

Ministry of Sound / £40 / Pete Tong et al / 9 - 7am

Brixton Academy / XFM NYE / £15 / 9-4am / Bands & DJ’s

Borough

Revolutions Bar / 80s themed night / £15/£10 advance / free champagne and hot dogs

London Bridge

South London Pacific / £15 / Hawaii 5-0 & Casablanca

Lounge 34 / 2am / £10 / DJs / Canapes

Bank

Belushi's / 8pm - Midday / DJ Luck & MC Neat /

Find a nice space and watch the fireworks

you are into onsulting or y stuff then here is not ded.

7 Stops

Clapham Common

Clapham North

Mother’s Roast Everyone says their mum is the best cook. Well, they’re all liars.

My mum is the best cook and she makes the best Christmas dinner ever. Here are Sheila Dwyer-Richmond’s motherly musings on how she plans the best meal of the year...

To avoid Christmas day stress you need a cooking timetable written out so you don’t have to think about anything except making the food, so here you go. The following bythe-clock guide is for a 14lb oven-ready, free range turkey (serving 8) timed for a 2pm lunch

Christmas Eve

Check your turkey fits into your roasting tin and the oven. Have 2 of the same size roasting tins, sharpen your carving knives and check you have all your ingredients. Keep it simple. It is better to do less and be in control than take on too much. Prepare and blanch the vegetables, then store in the fridge. All the veg will then be dropped into boiling water to re-heat minutes before serving on the day.

This will save you loads of time and bother on the day! (REMEMBER, keep the vegetable water to make your gravy with.)

Peel potatoes and cover with cold water.

Remove giblets from turkey, wash, dry and store in fridge ready to make gravy. Wrap quality baby sausages in dry-cured smoked streaky bacon and refrigerate. Remove 1/2lb butter from fridge ready for the morning.

Christmas Day

7.50am Turn oven on to gas mark 7 or 220˚C. Loosen turkey skin around neck and push butter between flesh and skin towards breast and stuff with recipe of choice. Lay two large, very long sheets of foil across the roasting tin – one widthways and one lengthways.

Lay turkey on back in centre and smarm 6 oz

softened butter all over, season and lay 1/2lb of very fat streaky bacon all over. Now bring foil up, ensuring airspace inside around most of upper part, and fold each of the ends over, making a neat parcel.

8.15am Put turkey into hot oven, giving it a good blast of heat for 40 mins.

8.55am Lower temperature to gas mark 3 or 170˚C and leave to cook 3 1/2 hours.

NOW - HAVE A SIT DOWN AND ENJOY THE REST OF THE MORNING - MAYBE WATCH FLIGHT OF THE NAVIGATOR IF IT’S ON... Which it won’t be 12.30 Remove bird from foil and lift into the second roasting tin, turn heat up to gas mark 6 or 200˚C. Remove bacon slices and put bird back in to roast uncovered at new temperature. Strain roasting fat into small pan to keep hot on hob and baste every ten minutes. Set first roasting tin containing cooking juices (no fat) to one side (this becomes gravy base).

12.40 Boil the vegetables’ blanching water (kept from yesterday). Remove potatoes from cold water and cover with the boiling water.

Peel and quarter parsnips and add after 5 mins. After another 5 mins drain off (reserving the cooking water for the gravy) and put back on heat for a moment to dry off veg & pan.

Put lid on pan and shake potatoes/parsnips vigorously up and down to roughen edges (for a crispy coat). Season and keep covered ready to roast in the hot oven.

12.55 In a medium-sized pan, put in giblets, a quartered onion, 1 chopped celery stick, and a roughly cut up carrot and pour over the saved vegetable cooking water. Bring to boil and reduce heat to simmer for 35 mins – this is now the gravy stock.

14.00 Get carved meat onto warmed plates and make sure everything else is piping hot before placing in warmed serving dishes.

Bring to the table and dig in.

13.15 Pierce thickest point of leg with skewer (or use meat thermometer) and if juices run golden/clear then it is ready (no pinkness).

Tip the bird to let excess juice run out and using carving fork and fish slice, lift to carving dish, cover with foil to ‘rest’ for 30 mins – so that flesh can re-absorb the juices that have bubbled to the surface – simultaneously turning oven up to gas mark 7. Return cooking juices from roasting pan into the first roasting tin on the hob. Dry the second tin with kitchen paper and either put 3 to 4 tblspns olive oil into it before returning it to top of oven to get really hot for the roast potatoes or use the turkey fat 13.20 Put baby bacon-wrapped sausages on a baking tray in centre of oven. Place potatoes in hot oil on top shelf and parsnips on bottom shelf to roast. Get plates and serving dishes warming.

13.45 Start to bring it all together. Get a pan of boiling water on a rolling boil ready to drop in the blanched vegetables at the last minute.

When perfectly al dente, strain them and remove to covered serving dishes.

Illustration by Chiara Veronese

13.25 Put first tin with roasting juices in it over medium-high heat and when sizzling, add flour (hpd tblspn) and stir to combine well. Cook 1 minute, scraping tin to mix in all browned bits from bottom, until a smooth brown paste and pour over the strained gravy stock, bring to boil, whisking constantly until gravy is right consistency, season and pour into a pan to keep warm.

NOW - EAT, DRINK, AND TRY NOT TO ARGUE

editor@theothersidemag.co.uk

Films over Crimbo Bee Movie - 14 December This brightly coloured family film follows the adventures of Barry the Bee (voiced by Jerry Seinfeld). When he discovers that humans use honey for their own nefarious ends (they put it on toast!) he decides to take humanity to court. While this slightly far-fetched (well, it is a children’s film) tale lacks the visual splendour of Ratatouille, Bee Movie more than makes up for it with the wit and invention of stand-up comedy legend Jerry Seinfeld. Absent for far too long, Seinfeld chose this family comedy as an unlikely, if somewhat safe return. There’s nothing edgy or too off the wall here, but it buzzes along at a fair old pace.

If you can get beyond the idea that a bee can talk to humans you’ll be swept away by the sharp one liners and neat conceit, and despite being aimed at a younger audience, there’s plenty on show here for adults to enjoy as well.

Enchante d - 14 December Enchanted is a wonderful film, and of all the films out over Christmas, this is the one that I would recommend most. Part animated, part live action, Enchanted tells the story of Giselle (Amy Adams), a bona fide Disney princess-in-waiting, who gets transported to the real world on her wedding day, by her husband-to-be’s wicked step mother, Queen Narissa (Susan Sarandon).

In true fish-out-of-water style Giselle’s big heart and strange ways brings a touch of magic to her new surroundings. Disney sends up it’s own classic fairy tales with affection. It is the juxtaposition of these the real world with the happily ever after Disney one that provides most of the humour. In the animated world of Andalasia, cartoon princesses are saved from trolls by dashing Princes, have love’s first kiss, get married and live happily ever after. Whenever you fall, there is always someone there to catch you. In modern day New York, you get trodden on in crowds, elderly tramps run off with your tiara and people get divorced if they marry at all. The film plays on the modern, jaded attitudes towards love at first sight and happy endings, sending these up with wit and spirit. A must see!

KC

Treat yourself to a Dylan Double Bill:

Pat Garrett & Billy the Kid and The last Waltz - 30 Dec

The last Waltz 1hr 57. USA 1978. Dir. Martin Scorsese.

The Band performs its last concert after 16 years on the road. Some numbers they do alone, some songs include guest artists from Ronnie Hawkins to Bob Dylan.

Scorsese’s camera explores the interactions onstage in the making of music.

Offstage, he interviews the Band’s five members, focusing on the nature of life on the road. The friendships, the harmonies, the hijinks, and the wear and tear add up to a last waltz.

Pat Garrett & Billy the Kid 1hr 46. USA 1973. Dir. Sam Peckinpah.

With James Coburn, Kris Kristofferson and Bob Dylan. One of Sam Peckinpah’s finest achievements, a film about betrayal and the extent to which people can remain true to themselves in the face of changing times. At its centre is Pat Garrett, played by James Coburn with an understated intensity. He gives up his old life and companions to become Sheriff and ends up having to hunt down and kill his best friend, Billy the Kid (Kris Kristofferson).

And on the tele.......

Christmas Day

Finding Nemo, BBC1, 15.10 – almost as good as Monsters Inc! Harry Hill’s TV Burp, ITV, 20.00 – genius pulls apart tv with side splitting results

Avoid

Shrek 2, BBC1, 17:00 – it’s pants Inspector Gadget, 13.20 – it’s proper pants The Queen’s Speech

Boxing Day

Monsters Inc, BBC1, 17:35 – the greatest buddy film ever, as opposed to Garfield, which is on ITV at the same time, which is the biggest load of turd around Moonraker, ITV, 15:00 – given the other shit on (Herbie:Fully Loaded) you’ll be grateful for this dated slice of Bond The Big Lebowski, More4, 22:00 – a real Christmas treat. The dude abides

Avoid

The Terminal, BBC2, 19:00 - it’s terminally pants

Something for the Weekend sir?

Pyramat Wireless Sound Rocker

This Chair is possibly the greatest thing to ever come through my doors. Not only does it rock it is also unbelievably comfortable. Oh and it wirelessly connects to your games console and before you know it you are immersed in the game. The base tears you up from underneath and if you are playing the right game the sound behind your head can be almost unsettling, listening to gunshots, slashing and car accidents make this the ideal object for anyone looking to wire some of their angst away from the wall and into the control pad.

Highlights so far: The heartbeat in Manhunt as you prepare to attack. The roar of the crowd in Pro Evo 2008 as you score the winner in the World Cup Final and the Swashbuckling heroics of Cappin Jack Sparra' in the latest Pirates of the Carribeeeean film.

Compact Poker Table In January when you really don’t want to go out this table is perfect. Have friends round, find a few cards and, use some sweets as chips (or chips) and go all in on a pair of 9’s better known as ‘the Flake’ (as in 99 Flake...although professionals probably don’t use that term...I heard they use ‘the red ballons’ both available at www.play.com

editor@theothersidemag.co.uk

How to Do New Year...and what not to do...and you know when you've had a good one

a simple abc & 123 a. b. c. d. e. f. g. h. i. j. k. l. m. n. o. p. q. r. s. t. u. v. w. x. y. z.

accept your fate and go with the flow bring more than one bottle‌it's gonna be a long night crash out at a house party in Battersea draw on someone's face eat a dodgy kebab Flirtini (Vodka, Champagne and Pinapple Juice) Gordon's Gin Hendrik's Gin Italian girl in the morning Jools Holland's Hootenanny Kissing Leaving when the lights come on Mai Tai New Years revelation Overindulge Pub over the road Quiet one at home Raise your glass more than once Strip Tip the barman (they'll serve you first next time) Underestimate the cost of getting in Valium get TEN unwanted texts from people Wee in the street saying H8PY NW YR M8! xxXxx eat NINE cocktail sausages Xylophone..don't we all fall over EIGHT times Yell at a bouncer try to get into SEVEN places before zzzzzzz settling on the local pub have SIX heavily alcoholic drinks

have FIVE more

complain that this is not as good as last year's FOUR times Being with THREE people you actually give a shit about TWO false starts to the countdown ONE awkward moment when you're faced with the ugly person at the par ty as the clock strikes 12

You know you’re old when you love a good board game. But what are you gonna do instead? Talk about the weather and the roadworks on the M25. Bugger that!

Resign yourself to the fact you’re dying, roll up your sleeves and get so competitive you make your Gran have a funny turn....

Classics Scrabble…It’s like real life but with letters

Uno….Numbers, colours, icons…but what do they all mean?

Monopoly….Imagine playing with Branson, Murdoch, Gates and Hitler Charades…Film….five words….Yes of course it’s Four Weddings and A Funeral Boggle - frenetic word based action.

Jenga - Boring after one go Connect Four - you have to connect, four Kerplunk - best. game. ever Cranium - pictionary, charades and playdoh all in one!

Trivial Pursuit Kids Edition….because it’s great to win!

Guess Who - Or may just flip the plastic bits up and down. It’s so satisfying

Our Predictions for 2008 Amy Winehouse is unmasked- it’s Pete Docherty David Cameron is unmasked- It’s Tony Blair A search and rescue team, deployed by the UN, successfully finds and removes Jonathan Ross from deep inside his own shit pipe, so he can sign a multi billion pound deal with the BBC to make thin innuendos about his sexual prowess on 52 different mediums.

Gordon Brown comes out Jeremy Kyle gets a life sentence and is extradited to the US of A At least one snowflake lands on the weather centre in June Guantanamo Bay becomes a theme park Europe joins the pound Bill Bailey wins Eurovision Kings Cross moved to Waterloo Fur coats found to be humane.

editor@theothersidemag.co.uk

Happy New Year from all of us xxx

WHAT'S NICO

TH N E BE

INKING

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