The Paw Print April 2015 by The Paw Print

THE PAWPRINT if you Dont have bleached hair it's too late Page Four

WR Journalism Nothing Was The Same

West Ranch High School Volume 4 Issue 5 April 1, 2015

Cover Story................................4 Features.............................................1 Words to Live By.....1 West Ranch Problems.....1 How to Get into College.....2 Celebrity Look-Alikes.....3 Co-Editors: Juliet Bernal, Jacqueline Hofmann Writers: Sierra Soto, Kiana Quick

Sports....................................................4

Sports Comparisons.....6 Cheating in Sports.....6 Gym Survival Guide.....7 Sports Drinks Versus Water.....7 Co-Editors: Jagmeet Arora, Amrit Kehal Writers: Bryce Fenenbock, Jamie Meyer, Sarah Ziskand

News........................................................8

ASB Elections.....8 Open Mic.....8 Anti-Vaccination.....9 Babies & Life Management.....12 Senoritis.....13 Co-Editors: Candace Ro, Nikhil Bhumralkar Writers: Lauren Lee, Morgan Smith, Andy Song, Erica Gillespie, Raylene Factora

Advisor: Mrs. O’Shea Senior Editors in Chief: Celine Kiner, Jenny Lee Editors in Chief: Min Jae Kang, Aaron Lee Senior Copy Editor: Riley Villiers-Furze Junior Copy Editor: Min Ju Kang Web Editor: Morgan Smith

Centerspread........................10

Makeover Tutorial.....10-11 Co-Editors: Jaeun Park, Sarah Castillo Writer: Celia Hofmann

A&E

..........................................................14 Modern Classic Movies.....14 The Illuminati at West Ranch.....15 Parent Celebrities.....16 Horror Teletubbies.....19 Co-Editors: Erica Lee, Rachel Lee Writers: Emily Beroth, Megan Chang, Samantha Hartung, Alexa Hesseldenz

Opinions

.........................................18 West Ranch Meninists....18 50 Shades of Grey.....20 2016 Presidential Candidates.....21 Co-Editors: Sydney Chang, Gisela Factora Writers: Jong Hak Won

Letter from the Editors Today is April Fool’s Day, and you’re watching West Ranch TV.

Aaron Lee Co-Editor in Chief

Min Jae Kang Co-Editor in Chief

“

Words To Live By “

Story and photos by Jacqueline Hofmann

Always jump off the bridge.”

Guac is always extra.”

~Kim Tsuda

~Annette Heffernan

“

Burgers are more loyal than girls”

Just play golf.” ~Daniel Hang

~Salem Hawatmeh

First W(est ranch)orld Problems Story and photos by Kiana Quick

When the ice cream work machine doesn’t

When all the outlets are taken

When you are the first one in class www. wrpawprint.com

When it is too cold to get out of your car

When the line at Starbucks is too long The Pawprint

The more advanced classes you take – the better; it doesn’t matter that you already have a job, volunteer, and play sports. Colleges look at your classes the most; you don’t even have to do well – you just have to take them.

is the most The CAHSEE and most important on your entire difficult test transcript. If high school rt studying you didn’t sta hours a day for it five tary, it may since elemen be too late.

Written By Juliet Bernal as s b clu edores y bl n her ma Dum t bot gs as from – don etin t n Joi ible, fyit he me d lis . s D t n pos y to up to all a ation c Armwing them appli volved s sho join your r in ance . u h t on e yo our c ances jus m t r e th mo tter y accep e e Th the b ge e in coll of

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You refl r essa e y – i ct yo s nst ur hould flaw ead pers no thin s. It’s hide a onalit t y hav gs yo ok to l ll you u’ve en’t ie a r mor b e c done. done out Add – o lub r s o resu nto a few mé. you r

www. wrpawprint.com

Story and Photos by Jacqueline Hofmann

Dicaprio Moncada

This may be one of the most obvious look-alikes. Both Leonardo Dicaprio and Jacob Moncada share very similar skin, eye, and hair color. Besides the obvious, one can also see how Moncada’s eye and nose shape is identical to those of Dicaprio’s. I’d suggest getting Moncada’s autograph before he becomes Dicaprio’s replacement.

Cyrus Yuen Elliot Yuen is one haircut away from becoming Miley Cyrus’s twin. Both Yuen and Cyrus have the same facial features. From their smiles to their eyes, it is hard to ignore the many similarities that these two share. I could easily see why she has been nicknamed “The Hannah Montana of West Ranch.”

Bieber Baby “Baby, baby, baby, oh.” I can’t even distinguish a difference between these two. Justin Bieber has always been known for his baby looks and sound, but never before has it been mimicked more perfectly. Nicole Hong’s temporary baby did let out a passive sigh when I asked to take his picture, but Hong later informed me that he has been asked for pictures on multiple occasions by people who assume he is Bieber.

Kardashian Furrey Savannah Furrey is most likely to become the next “famous for being famous” person, primarily because she resembles Kim Kardashian more closely than Kim Kardashian herself. Although she lacks the millions of followers and selfies that Kardashian has, Furrey is already being stopped on the streets by people who have falsely assumed she was Kardashian.

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The Pawprint

Our

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Bryce Fenenbock Staff Writer

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Team Is Really

For weeks on end, the same question has loomed over West Ranch students: Why in the world did the baseball players bleach their hair? Although false rumors have broke loose behind the team’s reasoning, interviews and research have recently informed me of their truly ingenious idea. “The West Ranch baseball team has always stressed that hard work will be the deciding factor on how successful we are as a team. But recently we have found that bleaching our hair gives us a significant competitive advantage. Our players are stronger, faster, and more agile. We are now true believers in the blonde hair phenomena,” said baseball coach Casey Burrill.

“I can feel the energy move through my arms whenever I’m up to bat.” A recent breakthrough in the Harvard Medical Center has given proof to this astounding idea. The science behind it is very simple; light-absorbing microparticles in bleached hair are capable of absorbing light, converting it to usable energy, and pulsating it throughout the body. This gives players a constant supply of energy so they never get tired as long as their hair is exposed to the sun. “I honestly thought that the baseball team bleached their hair to show they were united or something. I had no idea there was any other reasoning behind it,” said sophomore Jack Arnold after hearing the news. Breaking down

the team’s performances over the last several games, it can be seen that the hair has been a key factor for success. Senior Jagger Rusconi was hitting a batting average of about .318 at this same time last year, but this season is hitting over a .533 with two home runs. The big question is, is it skill or the upgraded hair talking? He thinks hair. “I can feel the energy move through my arms whenever I’m up to bat, and my batting average can show that the bleach has carried me. The reason that I cut my hair shorter is to better focus all the energy directly to my arms unlike the long hair that sends it to other parts of the body like the legs. Also, the spike on the tip of my hair gives me just enough power to hit home runs.” Not only is the bleached hair capable of charging players up, but also acts as a perfect tool for blinding opponents at bat. It absorbs so much light that it is not capable of converting all of it to energy, turning the excess into a beam brighter than the sun itself. Sophomore pitcher Timmy Josten makes sure to position himself at just the right angle to reflect the lights rays at the batter’s eyes, making the ball virtually impossible to hit. “People think that I bleached my hair to look like a savage, but I actually did it to perfect my blinding abilities when I pitch. The bleach has to follow an exact line across my hair at a 64 degree angle to meet the mathematics that I calculated to maximise its effect,” Timmy said. There is one problem, however, with the powers the bleached hair carries. If no sun is out, there is no way to activate its special abilities. The only losses West Ranch have had so far have been in dark, cloudy conditions. “I practice with my hair’s powers by my side, so whenever I play without them in games it’s much harder. I’m testing out different hairstyles that could possibly work even without the sun completely out,” Josten said. As soon as the team can learn to adjust to the clouds during games, they could be a serious threat to win the Foothill League with the bleach by their side.

Photos by Bryce

Fenenbock

WHO’S THE BETTER PLAYER? Amrit Kehal Sports Editor

Kobe Bryant or Michael Jordan? Cristiano Ronaldo or Pele? These are questions that plague every sports fan, because they just matter so much. I mean, who would win in a one-on-one, because that proves definitively which player is better. Well, those restless nights of wondering who would win are done, as the legends of yesterday agreed to play some of the best players of today in an all-or-nothing, winner-take-all weekend of pure sports glory. Sadly, someone messed up the scheduling big time, and the wrong players played the wrong sports. But who wouldn’t want to watch a 52-year-old Michael Jordan play the 72-year old soccer legend, Pele, in a match of tennis? Or a great one-on-one gymnastics competition between Kobe and Ronaldo? Either way, fantastic athletes will be playing each other to prove once and for all who is the better athlete. Jordan and Pele entered the tennis court to thunderous applause from the seven people who actually showed up. It was Pele’s service first, and he started the game off strong, with a cracking serve. However, that crack may have been from his hip, but he sure didn’t show it as he limped into a defensive position. Pele’s defensive stance was unneeded, as Jordan tripped over his shoelaces on the way to the ball. Pele’s next serve, however, was not as successful. He threw his racket as he struck the ball, shattering it in the process. After he was issued a new racket, Jordan tried his hand at serving and immediately served it out of the stadium.

Jagmeet Arora Sports Editor

CHEATERS NEVER PROSPER

Basketball- Lebroning, or put more simply flopping. This is ultimate way to be a pro at basketball, while making the guy guarding you angry to the point where he loses concentration. A little “trip” makes you slide across the floor, or a “shove” makes you slide back 10 feet. The referees are not NBA certified and there are only two of them on the floor, not three. Chances are that they will not catch everything that you do, so why not take advantage of this. Also, there are no fines or suspension for flopping, so if you get caught, do it again, it doesn’t matter. Take a couple of theater classes if you are not natural it. Trust me, this skill can go a long way.

The game continued in this manner, until finally, it was called 15-0 in Pele’s favor, due to the exhaustion of both players. Kobe and Ronaldo were up next, arriving at the Idaho City High School gymnasium. The turnout was greater than expected; seven people were packed into the gym! An all-star panel of judges, featuring John, the town’s junior secretary to the mayor; Bob, a local radio radio announcer; and Spot, the town’s mascot, were assembled to grade the performances. Ronaldo did his routine first: a double somersault to cartwheel. This spectacular, acrobatic feat was achieved on the first attempt! Ronaldo was awarded a 20-out-of-thirty for his routine: Spot didn’t know how to raise a scorecard. Never to be outdone, Kobe was up next with a quadruple backflip into a handstand. The battered athlete, who only recently recovered from a myriad of injuries, executed this routine perfectly, landing with only four torn ligaments. Kobe received a 20 as well, for much the same reason as Ronaldo, and left early, clearly distraught at a mere tie. There you have it, a showdown between the greats of sporting. An event that once and for all proved that old soccer players are better at tennis than old basketball players. We also know that soccer and basketball phenoms are equal when it comes to gymnastics. What a useful and informative comparison!

The Pawprint

Baseball- Doping is old school in America’s sports. Baseball players have to think of something more creative to help them get that home run or maybe even that grand slam. Why not use corked bats? Corked bats allow bats to have a lighter weight, quickening the swing, and improving the accuracy. It is safer to use because there is less chance to get caught. Unlike taking steroids where people can notice a dramatic increase in muscle size, corked bats are virtually undetectable. Typically, corked bats are caught when break, but to do this in high school baseball would be pretty unlikely. So there you go. Now you have a safe way to cheat with a chance of getting caught and no physical harm done to the body.

Swim- Ahh, the life of a winner. Basking in the wins and feeling that thrill when you beat out the competition for gold in high school swim meets. This is too big of an opportunity to pass up, but what happens if you are unable to fulfill that glory with your natural talent. Do you accept fate? Practice longer and harder? No way, take the shortcut and cheat. Be like Cameron van der Burgh, Olympic gold medalist who cheated his way to victory. Yup, even at this level he managed to clinch first and all he had to do was take a couple of extra dolphin kicks to give him a comfortable lead. See, swimming is an easy sport to cheat in. Nobody really knows where you are, or what you are doing in the water, and in high school. So a couple of dolphin kicks, a little punch to the swimmer next to you, nobody really knows. Your word against his or hers. Ahh, the life of a cheater.

Football- The New England Patriots are a great role model. Winning the AFC championship after cheating, and then going on to win the Super Bowl against the Seattle Seahawks, the Patriots have developed the ultimate way to win. Deflategate has sparked controversy, challenging the integrity and the credibility of the Patriots, but who cares? The Patriots are Super Bowl champs. It’s obviously wise to follow professional teams, so our football team should follow the Patriots. Even in sunny California, deflating the balls would help us catch better, ultimately helping them win more games than they did last season. They might become CIF champions and better their reputation in the league. Throw out ethics and morals, we want winners not losers. www. wrpawprint.com

Jagmeet Arora and Amrit Kehal Sports Editors

Gym Survival Guide

If you want to get stronger, lose weight, or just get in better shape for summer, the gym is the place to go, but it can be intimidating. If you feel awkward or silly doing things at the gym, you’ll never get a good workout. Don’t worry, just follow these quick tips and you’ll be ready for the in no time!

Stare at people, they’ll feel a lot more confident. Wear your nicest and most formal clothes to the gym - you’ll make a great first impression. Take a long time at the machines - give the people waiting for you time to rest. Don’t clean the machines after you use them. Let people work their arms out for you because arms are overrated. Use the machines for anything but its intended use. Express your creativity, people like that. After you use free weights, leave them out. Don’t bother to put them back, let other people get

a workout from cleaning up after you. Play music from your phone’s speakers so people can rock out with you. Let the weights on the machines drop quickly, doing it lightly can tear muscles and end up hurting you. Practice your diving routine in the jacuzzi. Guys, we all know the real reason you go to the gym. Prepare some pick up lines before you “workout.” After all, picking up girls in the sole purpose of the gym. Park in the handicapped spots on leg day so you don’t need to walk as much. Bring your dog to the gym so he can run with you. If there’s people in the locker room, find a secluded part of the gym to change in. If you’re out of water, just take someone’s bottle, they’ll be happy to share. Bring your homework to the gym so you can do it in between sets. Don’t worry, people will

understand and wait patiently. If your back starts to hurt even though you’re doing arms or legs, keep your form the same. You’re actually working out your back at the same time! Yelling loudly while working out helps you with stamina and push through, even when it gets tough. Don’t worry about other people. They don’t mind. Don’t bother cleaning after yourself in the locker room. You’ve paid for the membership so the least they can do it be your maids. If you need someone to spot for you, ask anyone around you. Their job is to help you, and honestly, who cares about their workout. They are obliged simply because they are there. Ball is life. Dribble the basketball wherever you want, whether it be on the court or around the treadmills. Cut off people when their swimming, it is a race after all.

Ditch the Water for Some Sports Drinks

Sarah Ziskand Staff Writer

Adding “ade” to the end of a sports drink can add special abilities to the beverage. Companies like Gatorade and Powerade add meaningful suffixes to their brand name to add a special something to their drink. Gatorade gives you 20 percent more energy while also giving you alligatorlike abilities hence the “Gator” in the name. The effects last about two hours which is enough to last an entire game. After two to three sips, the teeth will begin to change shape and the skin will noticeably begin to turn into a fierce shade of forest green. After a total of 15 minutes the skin will appear as a tough green suit of armor perfect for football or any physical sport. Gatorade also provides improved stealth, night vision and the ability to blend into the surrounding environment all of which are perfect for hunting. In the future, Gatorade plans on introducing the new Gatorade Zero which will have a total of zero calories, zero fat ,zero sugars, and an zero fluid ounces. The drink is designed to satisfy your needs without filling you up. Gatorade’s ability to turn you into a mean green fighting machine is nice but that still falls short of Powerade’s abilities. With an amazing one sip PowerAde gives you superpowers. Depending on flavor, the powers range anywhere from supersonic speed to telekinesis. “I always drink the strawberry flavor,” said senior Allison Takenaka. “It gives me the power to just snap my fingers and have anything I want to appear. I mean how dope is that.” Receiving supersonic speed can boost your performance in a game but the drink still comes with cons. The original PowerAde starts at 900 calories but www. wrpawprint.com

manufacturers have begun reducing the calorie count little by little. With the calories goes the strength of the powers. Though the calories are gone, the vitamins and electrolytes remain. Powerade contains all vitamins A through K and even a teardrop from Zeus. Energy drinks are great for fun, exciting, and adventurous times when you need energy but if you want to be boring then there is water. Unless bottled, Earth’s tears are always free of charge and right by your side, whether they be in your toilet, shower, or sink. Water is great for melting witches, cleaning the house, and especially useful for times when you don’t want to impress people. Statistics show that water is 99.9 percent less fun that sports drinks and are proven to make sports less entertaining. Water does have major health benefits such as keeping one hydrated as well as keeping the body healthy,but in the end consuming sports drinks gets you energized in a much more fabulous manner.

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ASB looks forward to a promising 2016 Nikhil Bhumralker News Editor

Luke Meottel Sam Hassanzadeh Brianna Reardon

“The use of social media really helped me, especially Twitter. It allowed me to share my campaign flyers to a large number of people without having to even leave home.” Throughout the week, students have seen numerous signs and colorful posters with catchy slogans dotting the lawns of the upper campus and almost every classroom door, urging West Ranch students to vote in ASB elections. ASB senior class presidential candidate Luke Meottel led the way and also took advantage of Twitter to encourage his followers to vote for him. Yesterday, flocks of students made their way to the upper quad in order to vote in the ASB elections for next year’s officers. Students who had their ID cards on hand were permitted to cast their votes only for candidates in their own classes. “I feel like the other officers and I are a perfect fit, we are hoping to get even closer through different bonding events and make sure we are all set to lead ASB next year,” said Sam Hassanzadeh, the new senior class Secretary. Although they remain fresh off of elections, ASB’s upcoming senior officers have a lot planned for next year. “The two main things I want to focus on next year are Winter Formal and all of the senior activities. I want to publicize the dance a lot more through social media and get people to come out and have a great time. If we use social media, friends will share news with each other and hopefully come out to our events. Because it’s our senior year, I want to make every senior activity one for the books,” said Meottel Congratulations to next year’s ASB officer class!

Class of 2016: President – Luke Meottel VP – Brianna Reardon Secretary – Sam Hassanzadeh Treasurer – TBA Class of 2017: President – Kailey Clark VP – Carolyn Kim Secretary – Laurel Gilabert Treasurer – Nilu Karunasiri Class of 2018: President – Liam Hope VP – Connor Desser Secretary – Danielle Hettinger Treasurer – TBA

Photo by Morgan Smith

Open Mic amplifies Spring Showcase

Pawprint

Lauren Lee Staff Writer

On March 7, talented students from all over Santa Clarita came to West Ranch theater to perform at the first Open Mic Spring Showcase. Students prepared themselves and practiced their song lyrics. The audience was filled with chatters of excitement and anticipation as the MCs started the introduction. The showcase kicked off with a hip hop dance performance from the GRaVy Babies, followed by other performers. Many of the performances varied from covers of the latest pop hits to medleys on the piano. “My favorite part about the event was watching all of the performances and I loved the Disney medley that Kevin Arucan did,” said Justin Bernal, a performer and class of 2012 West Ranch Alumni. All of the performing students captivated the audience with their amazing voices and mad skills at playing their instruments. “The goal was to bring students from all over the district together to not only have fun, but also help raise money toward the Grammy Foundation,” said West Ranch Open Mic co-president Trisha Magpantay. The Spring Showcase was a benefit concert that will use the funds to help other schools. “We’re teaming up with GRAMMY in the Schools which is the actual Grammy foundation that helps support under-funded schools and funds their music programs,” said West Ranch Open Mic vice-president Angel Siao. The Grammy Foundation also creates opportunities for high school students to work with music professionals to get real-world experience and advice about how to have a career in music. The concert included Kim and Jorge Balderrago, siblings who did a cover of “Crazy in Love” by Beyonce and West Ranch freshman Nathaniel Medina who sang “Lost Boys” by Ruth B. The event also featured students from Open Mic clubs from other high schools Valencia High School Open Mic Club who performed “Take Me Home” by Cash Cash, concluded the night. “Based on the turnout and the money raised, I would say it was a success,” said Magpantay. Overall, the Spring Showcase was accomplishing and we look Photos by Jenny Lee The showcase featured various performances forward to the next concert. by GRaVY Babies, and students all over www. wrpawprint.com SCV Open Mic Clubs.

West Ranch High School 26255 W. Valencia Blvd., Stevenson Ranch CA 91381 Phone (661)-222-1220

EXCUSE SLIP Morgan Smith Staff Writer

DATE:_________

FROM: DUE TO:

Work Sickness

School Injury

COMMENTS: As many of you will be parents one day (some way sooner than others), I feel it is necessary to educate the student body on the importance of making their child’s health a top priority and settle the controversy about vaccines. By the time this issue concerns you and your child (I’d predict around your senior year of high school), a medical professional’s eight plus years of rigorous medical training won’t mean jack to your maternal instincts. It should be your decision to not vaccinate your child and breathe new life into nearly eradicated diseases like diphtheria, polio, rubella, and tetanus. You have probably never heard of some of the listed viruses due to the fact that your parents betrayed you and had you vaccinated. Don’t let your child miss out on all the lively times you were robbed of by your parents with games like anatomical connect the dots with measles or “Got Your Infected Nose” with diphtheria. And if those games just can’t tire them out, let them catch polio-- they won’t even be able to walk. All it takes is several concerned parents not vaccinate to make sure everyone is included in the fun, close encounter with death. I urge you not be a puppet to the billiondollar corporations responsible for poisoning so many, not to mention the doctors endorsing such a hazardous treatment. Why would the majority of the medical community promote a drug that could put them out of work and destroy their livelihood if it everyone used it? Doctors are clearly

just crooks who are looking to make a buck off of the gullible, uninformed public. By preventing the rapid spread of pestilential, debilitating diseases, we are prohibiting natural selection from doing its job. The Earth is already overpopulated as it is at an all-time high of seven billion people. The nine million lives saved by vaccines a year are depriving us of food, shelter, and other natural resources. We need a pandemic or two every once in a while to prune the population. Consider the more than 60 cases of measles that broke out from Disneyland: they obviously weren’t capable of handling the highly contagious virus and Space Mountain at the same time. Rallying with other paranoid mothers to turn the next generation into immunocompromised incubators for germs and bacteria will ensure that only the cream of the crop-- those who are able to survive anyways-- will be left to carry on the human race.

Drawings by Jaeun Park

Thank you,

Morgan Smith, M.D. www. wrpawprint.com

The Pawprint

Celia Hofmann Staff Writer

No look is ever complete without a killer lipstick. Youtube sensation, Miranda Sings is the perfect person to turn to for lipstick inspiration. First, make sure the color you choose is bold and can be seen by others from far away. When applying this color make sure to put it on outside of your lips as well as the inside. This is the one time it’s okay to color outside the lines and doing so will make your lips seem fuller. Be careful to not stray to far from your actual lips though, as it will begin to look unnatural.

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William Shakespeare once said, “The eyes are the window to the soul.” Make your eyes stand out by applying three coats of different mascaras: one separating formula, one volumizing formula and one lengthening formula.If your eyelashes are naturally on the shorter side, you can apply fake lashes. The addition of thick black eyeliner on your waterline and upper lash line will be sure to make your eyes pop. A crayon eyeliner usually works best.

Thick eyebrows are all the rage nowadays and luckily those of us who weren’t blessed with Cara Delevingne eyebrows can simply shade them in. I suggest choosing a black eyebrow pencil for this step but if you’re going for a more natural look, dark brown will work. Be sure to heavily outline the natural shape of your eyebrows and then proceed to fill them in with the pencil.

It’s time to pick out a foundation. As we all know tan is in, but if you’re pale have no fear. Choose a foundation approximately two to three shades darker than your natural skin tone. This will not only add a healthy glow to your complexion but also cover any blemishes. To apply this, use a soft brush to cake it on. Keep applying the foundation until you’ve added one inch to your skin.

The final, and often overlooked, step to perfection is blush. Make one large circle on each side of your cheeks for a killer look. If you’re looking for your perfect color try Peony Petal by MAC. The pinker the blush, the better.

It’s always good to have a nice and sticky primer so your makeup won’t fall off throughout the day. I recommend Garnier Fructis’ level two hold hairspray. Spritz your face with the hairspray until your it is fully covered. This will leave you with a nice base for the rest of your makeup.

Your face can never be too soft. In case you missed the Hannah Montana episode where Miley discovers the key to soft skin here’s a recap: ketchup. Gently rub this onto your face and allow it to sit for five minutes. Rinse it off with lukewarm water and admire the silkiness that is your skin.

Celia Hofmann Staff Writer

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Freshman Lara Monti rejoices for Nicole Hong’s baby’s gloriously loud crying. “It’s really nice to have to carry around a heavy baby basket everyday,” said Hong. Sydney Chang

She has her mother’s eyes.

She wears only the most fashionable and trendy attire.

She advertises her sponsors.

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The babies for health have come! As an observant student, I can attest to the fact that the babies’ cries force students (who are always enthusiastic to hear incessant crying) to step aside of the classroom several times and that their cries are very loud. I repeat, very loud. Their cries are so loud that even parents have rejoiced even in the middle of the night! Starting in February, West Ranch has been offering a parenting education program, called RealCare Baby, that will allow students to increase their awareness in parenting. Not only will students experience a day of being a parent but also learn about the consequences reckless activities may have. The purpose of the program is to encourage students to refrain from reckless activities or be careful when they are “out and about.” Schools like West Ranch are working hard to offer students more education about sex and parenting. According to Terri Sage, the Health teacher at West Ranch, former principal Bob Her source of Vincent purchased the mass of “babies” with special grant money. Over 600 dollars, the beautiful cries (or babies require students to supervise, feed, burp, diaper, rock, and take care of them as if they really annoying are the students’ own children. These babies are programed to cry for care at all hours. Even laugter). sleeping hours. Or when you’re in the bathroom. For many students, taking care of a realistic baby toy has opened their eyes and have helped them realize that parenting is not so bad after all. Everywhere they go, they carry their baby for if it feels lonesome, it will cry. Students have shared that they love looking like they are obsessed with a doll. Nicole Hong, a freshman who has recently been assigned the baby, said, “It’s really nice to have to carry around a heavy baby basket everyday.” The babies and their accessories have become both assets and fashion statements. The food supply that This parenting program has influenced students’ lives. Students have put aside their never runs out. homework and woken up in the middle of the night in order to take care of their needy babies. Another freshman, Ankidouna Hormoz, added, “It’s not annoying at all. I love waking up in the middle of the night to have to attend to my baby.” Overall, the program acts as a reminder to students to be aware of their actions. “For those who may be sexually active, it helps them realize that it will not be too beneficial to have a baby at their age. Teenagers realize that having a baby may hold up their lives,” said Sage. Thankfully, for teens who do get pregnant unintentionally, outside programs and groups help local families deal with sexual health decisions and offer medical services. A quick phone call away, the Santa Clarita Valley Pregnancy Center helps those in need of advice and aid due to unplanned pregnancies. In the end, students’ intuitions factor in on their decisions to partake in reckless actions. However, students at West Ranch are very fortunate to receive insight about the life-changing consequences, and surprises in the middle of the night.

Her hair is so soft. So soft.

Opinions Editor

Her glowing, plastic-like skin (the healthiest baby you have seen all day).

Photos by Candace Ro

“Waking up in the middle of the night sucks. I usually throw it across the room and go back to sleep,” said freshman Ankidouna Hormoz.

Meet

the RealCare Baby

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West Ranch senioritis epidemic claims lives Jenny Lee

Senior Editor in Chief

• 60% of the senior population has been infected so far • It has been predicted that by May, almost 80% of seniors will be infected or will show signs of the contagious disease Symptoms Include: • Showing up late to class • Not showing up at all • Incomplete or untouched HW which is not turned in on the day it is due • Keeping a count of the days left until graduation • Extreme fatigue and severe laziness persisting throughout the entire day, symptoms become chronic • Not caring about appearance when outdoors • Never stepping outside Photos by Jenny Lee

This is a message from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC): the West Ranch class of 2015 is becoming slowly infected with Senioritis. Students who have been infected by the Senioritis virus have evidently shown symptoms of this notorious disease, and the sight is appalling─ seniors are falling asleep in and out of their chairs, not completing their homework, showing up to school late or not even showing up at all (instead, spending their time at IHOP), and finally, just not caring about anything academic. “The infection is tragic, I’m noticing the bags under seniors’ eyes are growing and I have to clean stains of drools off my desks. The good side is I don’t have any work to do because nobody is turning in homework,” said West Ranch English teacher Heather Frame. Senioritis is a crippling, debilitating illness that mainly targets seniors, especially in January, right after college applications have been submitted. Senioritis is not a disease that can be passed through contact, but simply buds naturally in the graduating class every year. The effects are fatal─ mainly to grades and attendance records. Seniors become sluggish, lose track of time and date, dress mainly in sweats or pajamas, and ditch class for Starbucks. Even when they know they have homework, they blow it off and copy it from their friend in the morning. Others practice the “art of bs” as they try to make it seem like their work is actually work. Overall, Senioritis sucks the academic life and motivation from seniors and dispels them beyond teachers’ and parents’ reach. The only known cure for it is “graduation,” and of course, another symptom of seniors infected with Senioritis is knowing how many days are left until the event. Seniors then spend the summer after graduation

“I THINK WE SHOULD HAVE A MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR TIMES WHEN I ACTUALLY CAME TO SCHOOL AND ENJOYED IT” - Noor Makan

recovering from senioritis to prepare for the incoming fall college semester or work or whatever they choose to do after senior year. Out of the 553 students of the senior class, approximately 60 percent have been infected thus far and have begun to show various symptoms of Senioritis. Approximately three percent of these students haven’t even shown up at all this semester. “The epidemic we’ve had, in every kind of illness it could be, is terrible,” said West Ranch Health Technician Kathy Cooper, who, on average, sends at least three seniors home sick with Senioritis. However, after spring break, more and more seniors may be staying home sick with Senioritis. Diane Love from West Ranch attendance predicts that “When the weather turns, Senioritis is going to hit big time.” Senior Noor Makan is one of the students who have unfortunately been diagnosed with Senioritis. Makan has been exhibiting severe symptoms and rarely comes to class. “I’ve been infected with Senioritis for a long time, and I honestly can’t wait to graduate,” said Makan. Although there have been a few cases in which classes below seniors have caught Senioritis, there has been no significant evidence to prove such cases, for only seniors can really attain the symptoms of Senioritis. Regarding vaccinations to prevent falling victim to Senioritis, the CDC recommends that juniors, sophomores, and freshmen take AP classes with frightening teachers their senior year that will keep them on their toes even after January of their last year or to treat senior year like it’s any other year. To all the seniors-- hang in there, and to everyone else-- beware.

“SENIORI– WAIT SORRY I’M TOO LAZY TO THINK OF A QUOTE” - Josh Thompson “NETFLIX HAS TAKEN OVER MY LIFE” - Julia Lynch

*Derick Park was too sick with senioritis to give us a quote*

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“ Bold. Bold. Fresh. Ripe with controversy. The ineffable “Fifty Shades of Grey” revamps the timeless tale of lovers in a healthy BDSM relationship and presents the complex union in an approachable family friendly fashion. Right in time for Valentines Day, parents lined up for miles with their children for the premiere to witness the model for healthy boundaries and communication within a modern romance.

Fresh. Controversial. Students of West Ranch needed to see how genuine relationships evolve in the “real world.” It’s a movie to go down as an empowering film which flogs its naysayers in the face with a positive message about enduring love set to a peppy soundtrack featuring the popular feminist icon, Beyonce.

Modern Classics WRITTEN BY EMILY BEROTH

As the month of January graced calendars everywhere, moviegoers were provided a reprieve from the dribble and monotony of awards season as theaters displayed some of the finest cinema of the new year. Jennifer Lopez’s thriller “The Boy Next Door” was clearly the winner. Chock full of whiteknuckled twists and turns the movie left audiences speechless as the dense plot twisted itself into a pretzel.

When Lopez plays a high school English teacher who has a fling with beefcake super senior, performed by Ryan Guzman, no one in the audience could guess that the boy next door was actually a dangerous killer. But truly, the film’s message left a clear impression on viewers: it’ll cost you to use the senior discount at the man buffet.

cost you to “ It’ll use the senior discount at the man buffet.

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Illuminati at West Ranch WRITTEN BY ALEXA HESSELDENZ

The Illuminati: an elite group of society’s finest, consisting of multiple billionaires and celebrities such as Beyoncé and even Obama. Shockingly, rumor has it that West Ranch has its very own illuminati cult. Our high school a part of one of the biggest secret societies in America? Well these strange assurances around campus sure make me believe so.

Occurrence number one dates all the way back to 2013 at graduation. One of our students walked down the row flashing a triangle symbol, showing his allegiance to the cult. So if this was all the way back in 2013, how long has our school been an active member? It would explain a lot, the mysterious minimum days (it’s so the staff can gather for Illuminati meetings), the fact that we can’t walk on the grass (probably storing money in the dirt), and the fact that our football field doesn’t have lights (budget cuts? I think not. Want to get our students off of campus on Friday nights because Beyoncé is at our school).

Occurrence number two: rally posters. During our beloved homecoming rally, some students spotted some suspicious activity. When investigating closer I could not believe what I found. On one of the large posters hanging on the west wing of the gym, inside the letter “O” there was an actual Illuminati sign. So this has us wondering, are members of our ASB a part of this cult or is it just Mr.Arrowsmith? When asking ASB president Jacob Shalkovitch about the controversy he responded with a simple but rushed “no,” which makes me believe the opposite. Fishy stuff.

Occurrence number three: The layout of our school. When looking at a school map that I viewed on Google Maps, it looks pretty normal. We have our campus, parking lot, tennis courts, and the football field. Except boys and girls, the layout is surprisingly not average. When looking very closely, counted a total of 23 triangles, which is the illuminati sign, all around each prominent area of campus. Sounds crazy right?

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Q & Slay with Pat Oakley

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Q&A

Q: Seeing everything your son has done, are you proud of him? A: I am really proud of my son. One particular moment I’m proud of is when he pretty recently won the Male Choice Web Star at the Teen Choice Awards. I’m proud that he brings a platform for the homosexual students in today’s society. Q: What is your favorite childhood memory of Tyler? A: Tyler was always very funny. Oh, he was so funny. Tyler joined choir in sixth grade… and he hated it. He said just before the Christmas Holidays concert, “I want to quit.” I said back to him,”No, you finish out this semester because you committed to it. Then, you can quit second semester.” So, all the kids are standing on the risers, all the parents are there videotaping, and Tyler is standing behind this one kid. Next thing you know, Tyler is acting like he’s picking things out of this kid’s hair. And he’s looking at them and “eating” them. I’m in the audience, peeing my pants,and my daughter is like, “Stop him! Stop him, mommy! He’s not funny!” I’m dying of laughter, my friend is dying, and other people around me are whispering, “Who is that? Who is that kid? He’s ruining the video!” And I admit he was, but it was funny. Q: Did Tyler first learn to walk or talk? A: Talk. He was a talker from the start. The first word he said was “me.” Q: What is your opinion on his habit of dying his hair exotic colors? A: At first, I was stunned by his decision to do so. He sent me a photo after his dyed it the first time, and I called him right away saying, “You’ve got to be kidding me,” and all he did was laugh into the phone. But, I became used to it and I’ll love him no matter what, so I don’t really mind now.

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Oakley WRITTEN AND PHOTOGRAPHED BY SAMANTHA HARTUNG & MINJU KANG

es, our very own ROP advisor, Pat Oakley, is the mother of a YouTube star. If you don’t know who we’re hinting toward, it’s the one-and-only Tyler Oakley. He has nearly seven million subscribers, and is very well-known for his crazy hair colors, contagious laugh, and extreme level of energy and enthusiasm. Also, he is a strong advocate for LGBT rights.

Tyler Oakley

Height: 5’5 Birthday: March 22, 1989 Age: 25 Awards: Teen Choice Award, Male WebStar, Streamy Activist Icon Of the Year, Streamy Entertainer of the Year, Teen Choice Award for Choice Web Collab Nationality Background: American Hobbies: Youtube, Social Networking, and Music Favorite Family Member: Mother The Pawprint

What it’s like to be a high school Riley Villiers-Furze Staff Writer “Less clothes, more abs.” I am not a big fan of rallies; standing in a room with a lot of loud, sweating high school students is not what I consider fun. Nevertheless, recently I found myself in the middle of one cheering on our male students, praying that they wouldn’t have to take off their shirts. Not because I don’t believe that teenage boys’ chests are the pinnacles of ripped muscles, but having boys remove their shirts is misandry. If boys remove their shirts, then girls should have to as well. It’s only fair. Why should just boys be on display as sex symbols? There is more to them than just their bodies; they also have their heads. This unequal representation of the sexes is exactly why I have become a Meninist, and I have Twitter to thank for it. After my last article, “What It’s Like to be a High School Feminist,” gained controversy; I decided to check out what all the fuss was about. Selfproclaimed high school meninists were complaining that I wasn’t equally representing sexes, and I had to agree with them. Twitter, the place where teenage intelligence flourishes, has saved me from the advocation of anarchy feminism promotes, and I couldn’t be happier. My bra-burning, man-hating, hairy leg days are over. Meninism, the avocation of rights for white American men, has taught me the dos and don’ts for my gender. I have learned that my place is in the kitchen, that having sex makes me a slut and not having sex makes me a prude, that I should pay for dinner with my paycheck that is less than his, that my dad can sell me to a male suitor for three goats, and most importantly, that feminism is a cesspool of misandry. Meninism advocates the status quo that keeps the world sane and safe. Just imagine how peaceful the world would be if people just learned to accept that some humans are better than others. Females are inferior to men. It’s that simple. We are weaker and tend to be controlled more by our hormones, whereas men are controlled by their heads. That makes them all the more wise. They stand tall in admiration of their masculinity, and females should accept that because it is well deserved. Why is it that men dominate history books? Simply because they have done more. They have fought their way to the top, and it hasn’t been easy for them: so many wars, so many deaths, so much oppression they have had to deal with. They oppressed slaves, they oppressed women, they oppressed the Native Americans, etc. That much oppression is bound to make anyone tired, so can we blame them when they don’t want to hold the door open for females? Men are bound to unjust social norms that are impossible to live up to. Women have so many people and advertisements telling them that they can be whoever they want and

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look however they want. It isn’t like they haven’t been told this for hundreds of years. Men, however, have never been told this. People believe men have to be tall, confident, strong, and athletic in order to be considered masculine. Men have no control over these attributes; it all depends on how they are born. If only, in the past, there was a movement that wanted to crush the patriarchal gender roles that define both men and women. At least now we have Meninism: the movement that advocates the preservation of male egos. And they deserve to be preserved. God forbid a girl ever says no a guy when he asks her out. That takes a lot of courage, and even if she doesn’t want to go on a date with him, she should. When a girl says no to a guy, it creates this narrative that all girls are evil and man-hating. We wouldn’t want one singular instance to vilify an entire gender. All this could be avoided if the girl just said yes. What about if men wanted to talk about their bruised egos? They wouldn’t be allowed to without getting attacked by these prigist feminists. The male population is so oppressed. They can say whatever they want, whenever they want and only get 10 retweets and five favorites, all because some extremists are saying the same thing louder. It’s stupid to discredit an entire multifaceted movement based off the beliefs of extremists. That’s the primary thing that differentiates meninism from feminism. All feminists care about is carrying out their lesbian, anarchical, bra-burning agenda. Meninism has many purposes; they want to rid the world of these toxic feminists, and make themselves feel better, while fighting the recent hardships of their first-world lives. Meninism isn’t an attack on feminists; it’s an attack against feminists, because men and women are equal. Meninism is inspiring because it gives a megaphone to people who have always had voice: the louder you shout the more right you become. All the while, it lowers the volume of people who have been repeating the same boring stuff for hundreds of years. Meninism is new and fresh, and newer is always better. It reminds men that things have been great for them. It gives them the hope that things will continue to be great for them. It allows them to laugh while sexism, racism, and homophobia flourish. Meninism gives me inspiration; which is the best thing you could ask for. For all those reasons and more, I follow the Meninist Twitter account with pleasure. And while there will always be someone who cares more about the friend zone than unequal pay, domestic abuse, rape, and general oppression, I remember that there are people who don’t understand satire. That’s what meninism is. That’s why I love it.

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This T.V. show is about four colorful creatures that could possibly be aliens. Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Laa-Laa, and Po all live in a strange underground lair with technology far beyond any human capabilities. Even creepier is the Teletubbies’ light source, which rises every morning to shed light on the land where the Teletubbies live. It strangely resembles the sun and features an adorable baby’s face with unnaturally blue eyes. This baby is speculated to be the ruler of the es, and the projection of her face each morning may very well brainwash the Teletubbies along with viewers of the television show. At the beginning of every episode, the Teletubbies do a strange dance in order to communicate with their alien relatives that live on other planets. All of the creatures speak a strange baby language, with words of broken English occasionally mixed in. As a kid, “Teletubbies” just seemed like an innocent story about four cute aliens. Now that I am older, and wiser, I am more aware of the true bizarre nature of the show.

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The ideal relationship behind 50 Shades of Grey Unless you live under a rock, you’ve heard of “50 Shades of Grey,” the kinky sensation that’s sweeping the nation. This one is a game changer, folks. Most importantly though, it’s a great example of a healthy relationship in today’s morally corrupt media. After all, there’s nothing more romantic than having your significant other control what you eat and wear. Here’s a rundown of the sweetest moments of the series. Their first date After stalking Ana to her workplace, Christian Grey asks the main character to get coffee with him. Now THAT is dedication. He didn’t even know her, and he found out where she worked. Bonus-later on in the book, he takes her to her home without her having told him where she lives. You just don’t find romance like that these days.

Gisela Factora Opinions Editor

The general dynamic of their relationship Christian is charming, jealous, controlling, isolating, sexist, and threatening. Never before has such a character existed in literature before. Additionally, Ana is equally as special, with her constant confusion, insecurity, uncontrollable emotions, and fear of Christian. Coincidentally, both of these traits perfectly fit the bill for a case of domestic abuse, which has gained criticism from many. But like, they’re in love, and millions of people like it, so it’s okay.

The you-know-what While “50 Shades” is more popularly known for the usage of BDSM, another unconventional technique employed is sex without obtaining consent first. He shows up to Ana’s house uninvited and without warning and tries to seduce Ana, who says she’d rather talk than do the deed. He then proceeds to have relations with her anyway, all the while she is screaming “no” and trying to kick him off of her. But you know, it’s okay because the author writes that she enjoyed it!

His devotion In chapter four, Ana drunk dials Christian while at the club. He demands to know where she is, but she refuses to tell him. He then shows up anyway, admitting to tracing her phone number to find out where she is, a practice that is illegal in the United States. Illicit love-- swoon. He must know where she is at all times, otherwise he becomes angry. How sexy and dark!

The contract One of the highlights of the groundbreaking relationship portrayed in “50 Shades” is the contract Ana must sign before embarking upon her journey with Christian, which includes sexy highlights such as having to be available for Christian’s “usage” at any time, being beaten for not complying with orders, and not being allowed to snack between meals. But it’s all okay, because the contract ALSO says that the submissive’s consent is obtained at all times!

“He makes me feel loved, because in spite of his fifty shades, he has a wealth of love to give.” -Anastasia Steele

“50 Shades” is one of the hottest series out there, and is definitely appropriate for a high school audience. Its portrayal of a healthy, loving relationship is revolutionary. It brings me such joy to think that millions of people, primarily young women, have been exposed to its message, making people realize that this kind of behavior is okay and even romantic. ------Joking aside, “50 Shades of Grey” depicts a genuinely abusive and terrible relationship that no one should ever have to find themselves in. Sadly, many victims of abuse have stated that “50 Shades of Grey” perfectly parallels their experiences, and it’s even been proven that women who read the series are more likely to have abusive partners. If you suspect that you may be in an abusive relationship (and remember that you can be in an abusive relationship and still feel like you are in love), take this quiz. If you are in an abusive relationship (and 1 in 3 high school relationships do indeed contain abusive elements), realize that you don’t have to put up with it. Please seek help. You can call the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or chat with someone online at thehotline.org.

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02 Wins

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Ballot to Written by Jaeun Park

If you think about it, for most students on campus President Barack Obama has been president for half of our lives. And if there’s one thing that Obama will not stand for, it’s change. To not have him as our next president would be denying us of our basic human democratic rights. You could say it’s almost unconstitutional to not have him run a third time. In fact, wouldn’t it be more “American” and infinitely more patriotic, if we were to abolish the Senate all together? It’s not like the Senate was doing anything anyways. Now when people from other countries bring up their “free healthcare” we can say in confidence “we have that too, sort of.” However, there are some downsides to electing him into office again. Obama seems to believe that the basic human right of deciding their own future and lives should be extended to “everybody.” If women are allowed to decide whether they want to be pregnant or not, what’s next? They get suffrage? It’s absolutely outrageous.

Palin

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However, it’s not a real democratic election without a person to run against. And the perfect candidate is the daughter of prominent Alaskan republican, Sarah Palin. Politics is not for the “common folk” and should obviously be kept to the higher, ed-u-cat-ed, upper classes. Sure, they may not be able to speak accurately about the viewpoint of people from other backgrounds but that’s what living vicariously is for. Or, those other people from other backgrounds should just get a job and then they can experience the American dream. Obviously. Remember, as the Republican philosophy states, a hand-up is better than a hand-out. Or “I got a job, like, super easily so it’s super easy for everybody else to get a job, and anybody who doesn’t is obviously lazy.” George W. Bush Jr. did great in office. He only lost the popular vote, we went to war (twice), gas hit over four dollars, and our economy tanked. But we still kept the politics in the family, because that’s just how America rolls right?

PALIN USES TEENAGE PREGNANCY. IT’S SUPER EFFECTIVE. WHO WILL WIN THE 2016 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS? Jeb Bush is behind in the Polls. At least he tried.

Age groups most likely to vote

OBAMA COUNTERS WITH OBAMACARE. IT’S NOT VERY EFFECTIVE. www. wrpawprint.com

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