The Phoenix (27 March 10)

Inside: Phoenix photography from the premiere of Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland ISSUE 3 29th March 2010

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Student council election results >> Pirates, lolcats and Lebensraum: this year’s student council election campaigns were eclectic to say the least Ritwika Sengupta College News Reporter

Sarah Gashi Editor

Two intensive weeks of student council election campaigns began on February 1 and culminated in two tense days of voting over February 22 and 23. Over 900 students voted in the online poll; not a bad turnout, considering that that is almost half of the student population of Hills Road. 32 pupils ran for positions. Karim Ahmed was elected as chair and Tom Franklin as vice chair. The position of secretary went to Hannah Lewis and that of treasurer to Ed Ninham.

Rupa Ahmed and Millie Brookes were elected charities and societies officers respectively and Verity Algar became welfare officer. Aurora Wang was unchallenged in her bid for the position of NUS officer and social events officer went to Emma TaylorMartin.

It was with some surprise that I found that the corridors were suddenly plastered with fluorescentcoloured posters. The slogans verged on the insane. They ranged from Karim Ahmed’s “Team Karim”, with his infamous blue cap, to Tom Franklin’s “Talk to Frank”. Nathan Katz’s “Vote Lolkatz” campaign led to a series of slightly disturbing yet hilarious posters. Verity Algar decided to go for a more communist theme, and her most prominent slogan was “Forward Comrades”. Her photo shoots included Wombles, a furry Russian hat and a certain well-known cleaning solution: “Bang and the welfare’s better”. Several candidates going for treasurer went for the pirate look, adopting a simple “ARRR!” as

This February, Hills Road student Lucy Landymore won the category finals of Young Musician of the Year, reaching the semi-finals.

On 11th Febraury Lucy competed against four other percussionists in the percussion finals, with both her family and teachers from the Music department (Joss and Kate!) supporting her from the audience.

Photograph by Ritwika Sengupta

This year the campaigns were eclectic to say the least. The election days were muted affairs in comparison to the bizarre activities that had taken over College during the preceding fortnight. The student council somehow managed to become unbelievably cool overnight.

Hills Roaders showed school spirit by campaigning in a manner that made some of the teachers think “humph!”

The voting public, however, took to the events surprisingly well, and very swiftly claimed all the free confectionary that was being distributed.

Hills Road student wins category finals of Young Musician of the Year

Verity Algar, now elected for the post of Welfare Officer their slogan. Liz Claridge suggested that voters should take into account not only her policies, but also the fact that she had been officially endorsed

by Dumbledore.

The policies definitely struck a chord with the student body.

Last year Hills Road was banned from hosting events such as the Freshers’ ball at the Junction and this soon became a key election issue.

Candidates for chair and social events officer were particularly keen to consider it. Nathan Katz announced that he was “in the process of corresponding with the Cambridge Constabulary and The Junction”, implying that a compromise could be

reached. On the other hand, Harriet Chapman, running for social events officer, suggested that it would be possible to find alternative venues.

Charlie Heard, running for chair, also accepted that “we are not going to have balls in The Junction again”, but reassured voters that the college’s social events calendar would not be blank. Verity Algar, a welfare candidate, had clear-cut policies regarding the unpleasant smell in the basement, the lack of computers at busy times, and ensuring that guidance services continue to operate at a high standard. Those running for the position of charities officer also declared distinct policies. Rupa Ahmed campaigned for financial transparency, while Sophie Harris

called for more charity days to support breast cancer charities, and an increased number of cake sales.

If these posters and policies were not enough to persuade students to cast their votes in the desired fashion, a bright array of (mostly edible) bribes was present to appeal to the hungry masses. Free cakes, free pens, free badges, free stickers, free cookies. For two weeks, college became a freebie heaven, although each of the benefactors had a not-so-hidden agenda. Team Karim badges were everywhere, along with rainbow coloured pens and T-shirts emblazoned with the face of baby Ed Ninham. Other students decided to

Lucy played the vibraphone, marimba and drum kit, winning the percussion finals and therefore going through the semi-finals the next night, when she competed against the winners from the keyboard, woodwind, brass and strings categories for three places in the finals. Although the pianist, flautist and violinist were the three selected for the finals, Lucy said, “I don’t mind because I still haven’t got over the excitement of winning the percussion final!”

Lucy has watched Young Musician of the Year on television since childhood, and has always been inspired by the percussionists. She told the Phoenix, “I think it’s a very good way to gain publicity and make contacts, and it’s something impressive to put on my CV. It’s a great way to gain experience performing in a professional environment for the BBC.” Lucy, now in the Upper Sixth here at Hills, has just accepted a scholarship to the Royal College of Music for next year.

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COLLEGE NEWS

29 March 2010 | The Phoenix

College News Notes from the Editors With the new Student Council waiting in the wings, a general election around the corner and two parliamentary debates gracing the Science Lecture Theatre, this edition of the Phoenix is something of an election special. We at the Phoenix would encourage everyone to vote and to engage in debate about important issues, thereby justifying all those home-baked bribes you accepted during the Student Council campaign.

- Alice Kelley, Deputy Editor New to the Phoenix this edition is the competitions page. Courtesy of our local Cineworld, there are 10 free cinema tickets up for grabs! We have an Easter Egg Hunt (6 prizes), a crossword (2 prizes) and a guess the location competition (2 prizes). We also have a comic strip and sudoku for your enjoyment. Have fun!

- Yuming Mei, Editor.

In order to fund this edition, we forged bravely into the world of work, armed with a rates sheet and a pre-prepared invoice lest advertisers discover that the majority of our business knowledge was a bluff. Alas, the Wikipedia description of “pro forma” was not user-friendly enough to compensate for our naivety, and it became necessary to smile sweetly and plead ignorance on the grounds that we are still only A-level students, and students of Humanities for that matter.

- Sarah Gashi, Editor.

DISCLAIMER: The Phoenix Newspaper would like to apologise for the excessive content relating to one Lady Gaga in this edition. This was due to unforeseen amounts of unholy awesomeness on the part of Ms Gaga, and the Phoenix cannot be held responsible.

- Alice Kelley, Deputy Editor.

Our biggest inspiration in producing the Phoenix has been Varsity, the official student newspaper of Cambridge University, so we decided to contact them asking for advice.

And so it was that on a rainy Tuesday afternoon in February, we arrived at Varsity offices, late, having managed to get lost in the labyrinths of the New Museum Site. All was well

however as we subsequently had a productive chat with the Editors of Varsity in their kitchen. (They have a kitchen in their offices - how cool is that?)

P.S. They think we’re better than the Cambridge Student, the other student newspaper at Cambridge University!

- Yuming Mei, Editor.

In closing, this is officially our last edition before we leave for our exams, and our Editorial Triumvirate is coming to an end. Extraordinary as it is to have to devise a succession plan at the age of seventeen, we have now begun scouting for bossy, loquacious and grammatically pedantic Lower Sixthers with enough clout to replace us next term.

All three of us would like to thank everyone who has made producing the Phoenix possible and enjoyable this year (this is our Oscar speech moment). Thanks to Kate Solomon, David Atter, Linda Sinclair, Ian Perry and many other members of staff for their continued understanding and support. Thanks to the Student Council for letting us keep hundreds of copies of our newspaper in their office for weeks, and special thanks to Katie Dean, who put in an enormous amount of effort to help us get funding approval when we were first getting off the ground.

We would like to thank the Bursary for bending over backwards to accommodate our disorganization and our incessant requests for account balances, and we would also like to thank Iliffe Print for not only making a paper edition possible, but for being so welcoming in giving us a tour of their facilities. Special thanks go to the Phoenix enrichment group for all their dedication and hard work, and thanks also to all our other contributors and organisers we couldn’t have done it without you.

And finally thank you to everyone who has read the Phoenix over the last year and a half - we really do appreciate it.

Sarah Gashi and Yuming Mei Editors Alice Kelley Deputy Editor

Student council results (cont.) run unofficially for positions, just for the entertainment of others, and a number of spoof campaigns emerged. I am sure the slogan “Vote Niloy für Lebensraum” is familiar to everybody.

During the second week of campaigning, many candidates took to patrolling the corridors with a group of ardent followers, all bearing gifts, all cheering for their nominee. I ran into such a group one lunchtime. The candidate strode into the room, while his followers danced around him with ritualistic fervour. They lured potential voters towards them, mostly by giving out sweets. The candidate then announced that, were he to be elected, a “tidal wave of improvements would hit Hills Road”. Most contestants seemed to be oozing with the same confidence. They cajoled, bribed and coerced relentlessly. Though their focus was admirable, I was personally a little scared by their enthusiasm. On more than one occasion, I was stopped by someone in a corridor and told politely (yet somehow still menacingly) to vote for them. Agreeing seemed to be the only means of escape.

The board opposite the cafeteria was the designated place for exhibiting all posters.

By the end of the first week it was overflowing. Many candidates who had pinned their posters up first were dismayed to see other, larger posters had been stuck over the top. Although the board was in an ideal location (everybody has to walk past the cafeteria at some point), it was not made to cope with the sheer volume of paper.

Soon, the dark side of campaigning emerged. This mainly constituted drawing moustaches on any posters with faces on, and attacking slogans with a marker pen and the word “LOL”. Revenge was swift, and the perpetrators soon found that their own posters were similarly defaced. Although there were no official repercussions, peerrevenge was perhaps the greater of the two threats. This method of sabotaging other campaigns seemed to be quite popular. One candidate complained to me on a busy bus about the injustices he had suffered. His posters had been taken down and pinned back onto the board the wrong way up. He assured me that he knew the culprit and had gone round supplying them with a dose of their

own medicine.

This drama helped to retain public interest. At first, policies were all the rage, but eventually everyone got bored of hearing exactly how much air freshener would be required to get rid of the smell in the basement.

Bribery (or, as Charlie Heard put it in his email, “showing devotion to the student body”) was established as a means of distinguishing between candidates. While few people could recall who “the guy who wants events back at the junction” was, the name of the person who handed out coloured T-shirts was far more likely to stick in the mind. Arguably, though, this too was a risky way to gain voters; it is all too easy to receive a bribe and forget the name of the person who handed it to you. However, this year’s campaigners get bonus points for understanding the psychology of the students so well.

People will gravitate towards free things. And while they are happily gorging on cake and examining their new, shiny, rainbow-coloured pen, a desire to vote for the relevant candidate can be cunningly established.

Facebook proved to be an ideal tool for campaigning. It has the ideal facilities to exhibit posters, start discussions and display a list of policies that everyone can access. It was a quick and easy way to answer questions and, in the case of Charlie Heard, to advertise mass cake distributions. Twice. It made all the information available in one place. Not to mention the fact that 99% of our generation seems to be addicted to Facebook; students couldn’t avoid becoming embroiled in online crusades, no matter how little attention they paid to in-college campaigning.

I was a little taken aback when groups such as “vote-soand-so” appeared, as I had never associated Facebook with official college events. However, the news feeds were soon taken over, and the social networking site was established as a legitimate campaign battleground. It was slightly annoying that people kept sending me invites to groups for trillions of “future secretaries” when I had already joined one. And then, having looked at the other groups that I was sent invites to, I was suddenly full of indecision.

Was my first choice right? More importantly, should I vote for my friend or for the girl who gave me a heavenly cookie at break time?

Facebook not only became a guiltridden minefield, but also a place to advertise and promote on each other’s walls. It was a great way to publicise posters and photos without the need to spend money on printing. Moreover, certain campaigns (especially Niloy’s) took Photoshop creativity to an entirely new level.

The last day of official campaigning was the 12 February, which was marked with a series of slightly anti-climactic speeches.

About one hundred people huddled in the quad one freezing break time. Each candidate shouted through a megaphone, while standing on a wooden bench. There was neither the huge turnout, nor the state of the art podium we had been led to expect, but maybe that is a thought for the new student council? There wasn’t enough time to rally people and the proceedings were a little dismal, partly due to the icy weather. The candidates, however, are to be applauded for their courage, and for their willingness to stand up in front of cold (and therefore grumpy) teenagers, in a bid to gain their support. Most talked for no more than thirty seconds, and kept the message short and sweet.

Again, points for psychology - no one there wanted to hear lengthy speeches. Instead, the voters got a quick reminder of each person, which was ideal as we were about to embark upon the half term break. This helped us to make the decision on Election Day; after the holiday, most people found that the rest of the campaigning had faded into nothing but a vaguely amusing memory.

Regardless of the outcome, we all knew that a unique and distinctive student council was guaranteed. All candidates running for positions had varied and interesting ideas, and put in an enormous amount of work. To gain support alongside working on A-levels is an astonishing accomplishment.

The entertainment provided by the fortnight of campaigning and the free goodies will be much missed.

Congratulations to the newly elected student council - Hills Road expects miracles from the Summer Term onwards.

Editors: Sarah Gashi · Yuming Mei · Deputy Editor: Alice Kelley · College News Editor: Jodie Baker · Local News Editors: Heather Butler · Jacob Dunlop · International News Editor: Johan Van de Ven · Features Editor: Tom Oliver · Science Editor: Phoebe Sharratt · Comment & Debate Editors: Alex Stannard · Neil Chauhan · Harriet Allen · Reviews Editors: James Pritchard · Will Simmons · Magazine/Lifestyle Team: Natasha Kelly · Paoula Sobanda · Becky Wilkins · Kirsty O’Connor · Sports Editor: Amy Ditton · Advertising Manager: Maddie Hickish · Layout & Design: Ollie Kane · Sam Esgate · Photography Editors: Melinda Barbi · Jasmine Whiteside Reporters, photographers, and other contributors: Ritwika Sengupta · Helen Adamson · Ellen Sell · Henry Ellis · Lucy Palmer · Ella Funge · Ben Cork · Louisa Clack · Sarah Moore · Georgia Banjo · James Hooper · Stacianne Rice · Ollie Kane · Joe Keeley · Trudy Barry · Becky Drummond-Cribb · Yee Rou Quah · Rosalie Love · Jack Hardy · Emma Pritchard · David Mestel · Simon Murfitt · Nicky Savill · Abigail See · Regina Lio · Alex Tyndall · Ianthe Greenwood · Jinyan Li · Natalie Carr · ALex Larkinson · Duncan Clacher · Alice Campbell · Thomas O’Brien · Russel Holway · Anna Barker · Catherine Rogers · Tom Bell · James Smith · Tom Bradley · To advertise, contact: thephoenix@hillsroad.ac.uk

COLLEGE NEWS

The Phoenix | 29 March 2010

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The Phoenix interviews Chair-elect Karim Ahmed about his plans for social events, teleporters, and filling Katie Dean’s shoes >> Interview conducted by Alice Kelley, Deputy Editor

The baseball cap was just there for a bit of fun in what I’d expected to be a very serious, rigorous and mature rhetoric from the other candidates. It turned out to be quite iconic in the end, but I hope that, as a die-hard Tom Franklin supporter once put it, people didn’t cast their vote based on a ‘stupid hat’.

You have had considerable experience on previous school councils. What do you feel you will bring from these roles to the chairmanship of the Student Council at Hills Road Sixth Form College?

I think I’ve gained a great deal of insight into working effectively in a group. Finding collective objectives, assigning and managing tasks, liaising with staff - I’d consider these to be some of the most crucial skills that I’ve gained which couldn’t have come from a How do you feel about filling the classroom textbook.

shoes of the great Katie Dean?

The way Katie conducts things is really quite incredible. If I’m half as good, I’ll be doing extremely well.

Throughout the election campaign, many candidates engaged various bribes. Do you feel this is unfair, or a delicious and legitimate way to win votes?

You mention on your Facebook group that you want to enact changes at Hills that will be “looked at and still admired in 10 years’ time, when the kids aren’t taking driving lessons because they’ve invented teleporters”.

What specific changes to you plan to bring about?

Specifically, I plan to bring about the aforementioned teleporters. Mr Wardell said I could do it for my Physics Who doesn’t love free coursework. food? I’m all for it - as long as it’s within the rules. Some One particular issue that has of the ideas this year were been campaigned around is bringing legendary. back college events to the Junction.

Is this something you stand for, and if so, how do you plan to deliver on this issue?

Unfortunately, it’s not likely to happen any time soon. But I’m confident that we’ll deliver on the social events front with the amount of creativity and determination that we’ve got on the team. We’ll be looking closely at other venues and also at increased admittances - hopefully you lot will like what we come up with.

Do you have any funny stories from the election or anything else you want to share?

The banter in maths was unbeatable. I’d also say that anyone who hasn’t seen Niloy’s campaign or Josh Darley’s video is missing out.

Finally, can you sum yourself up in one sentence?

I don’t think there’s much to sum up, to be honest. But I suppose you could say that I like things to be done in the right way, as long as everyone’s Sporting his trademark blue cap, Karim appeals to cool with it. voters in the quad

Photograph by Yuming Mei

What was the inspiration behind the blue cap? Do you think it was important in your eventual victory?

Animated evening after exams >> Mr Bump, Elastigirl: You shall go to the Ball

was set aside for classic dance or electronica music, which was playing at a reassuringly high volume. The recital room was dedicated (like the upstairs of the Junction had been at Freshers’ Ball) to drum and bass.

In addition to two rooms of loud music we were also provided with free water and, possibly best of all, a complimentary pick and mix stand.

In my experience, teenagers live off loud music and sugar, so whichever bright spark put the two in such close proximity should be given an OBE. What’s more, for those who wanted a memento of the evening, a professional photographer was taking photos in the cafe.

Alex Tyndall College News Reporter Let’s face it: February is a really dull month. Everyone feels it should be warmer, sunnier and considerably less grey. They have a good point. The shortest month of the year is trapped in the void between winter and spring like a salesman’s shoe caught in the front door of an old woman’s house. This is one of the reasons why everyone was very pleased when plans for another college ball emerged.

The Freshers’ Ball in October had set the bar for collegeprovided evening entertainment very high. This meant that there was a great deal of eager anticipation when Facebook kindly informed us that we would get another evening of ear-pounding stereos and sparkly strobe lights after our strenuous January exams (of which many of us had none). But the event was to have a theme: animated characters.

The pressure on the evening increased when we realised just how popular it would be. Many of us

“A huge number of animated characters put in an appearance, ranging from Disney princesses to Avatar and Pokemon” queued throughout break and for a substantial part of lunch on the day that tickets became available.

It seems that the art of being fashionably late is one which I have not yet mastered. When I sidled up to the psychology block all of ten minutes after the scheduled start of

the ball, there was a conspicuously low number of embarrassingly dressed teenagers there. So, in the name of investigative journalism, I took the opportunity to check out the arrangements.

The main hall, which had the majority of the sparkly lighting,

As the rooms started to fill up (apparently half an hour is fashionably late), we all witnessed an impressive testament to how seriously some of us took the evening’s theme. There were a huge number of animated characters putting in appearances, ranging from Disney princesses and Teletubbies, to catpeople from Avatar and Pokémon characters. The atmosphere inside the main room was buzzing. The speakers pumped out those classic

tracks which have the ability to get everyone on their feet, no matter how long the day has been. There is something about listening to music at that volume: your diaphragm thrums in time with the drums; pools of multicoloured light fall in kaleidoscopic patterns all over the walls and ceiling; all of this just puts you in a good mood. Animated worlds collided as teenagers danced and couples embraced under the strobes. As the evening progressed, and exhaustion and dehydration kicked in, most of us became incredibly grateful for both the free drinks and the free sugar. Groups of people flitted between the main hall, the drum and bass room and the cafe-turned-recovery-area.

Overall, I can confidently say that the evening matched – and perhaps surpassed – the expectations set by Freshers’ Ball. For those of us who’d actually had January exams, it was a great chance to relax and to forget our educations for one evening of mayhem. For those who hadn’t had to revise, it was a welcome break from the relentless greyness that was the month of February.

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COLLEGE NEWS

29 March 2010 | The Phoenix

Robotics Team goes to NY Exchange to

Montpellier

Regina Lio Robotics Society

The Hills Road Robotics Team, Systemetric, has just returned from New York after competing in the FIRST Robotics Competition held on 12–14 March 2010. As a L6 student doing robotics as enrichment, the experience has become one of the best memories of my life. In September last year, I was excited but also nervous about being in the team as I had no prior experience in making robots and did not know what to expect. I also had no idea what an enormous commitment it would turn out to be. Along the way, I found that robotics is more than just simply (or not) building a robot; it covers many other skills like fundraising, marketing, teamwork and leadership.

This year’s competition was called ‘BREAKAWAY’. Our robot had to team up with two other robots to play a 2 min 30 sec game of football in an arena. The building season started in January and we only had six weeks to design and build a robot from scratch before it was shipped to New York. Apart from the one enrichment period per week, we only had lunchtime and after-school meetings to discuss ideas for potential robot designs.

Although I had no knowledge of making robots, I still felt able to contribute to discussions, as no ideas were shunned. Most teams in the States are large, and are therefore able to split into groups that each have designated tasks. The Hills Road team, on the other hand, only consists of around twenty students.

This meant that we had plenty of multi-tasking to do. Although this meant that we had to spent more time and effort, it helped to unite us as a team as everyone had to work closely together, and we couldn’t fight or argue too much.

>> La ville ou le soleil ne se couche jamais Lucy Palmer Rosalie Love Ella Funge Reporters

Some members of the Hills Road Robotics team in NY Over weekends, while the team’s engineers built the robot in a mentor’s workshop, the programmers would write the programmes for our robot in College. My jobs were mostly designing, prototyping and building.

Even though those six weeks were exhausting, I was very, very proud to see my visible contribution on our robot, which we named “COLOSON”.

When that was done we started testing, and practised driving our robot during the February half term.

When the robot made its first move and climbed over a ramp, it felt like watching our own baby take its first steps. It really was an incredible sensation.

On Tuesday, 9 March, our team set off at from Heathrow Airport at 6.00am. After 7.5 hours in flight (!) we finally arrived at JFK International Airport. The first two days were spent sightseeing and shopping. We were all particularly happy when we saw Nintendo World, and a four-storey-tall Toys’R’Us! On Thursday evening we went bowling with an American team, Stuypulse 694 (nice people, amazing robot), and I made some new friends.

FridaytoSundaywerecompetition days held in the Javis Centre in New York. As the only team from the UK in the New York Regional, we decided to proudly parade ourselves around the arena wearing our union flag waistcoats and hats. During matches we cheered loudly for our robot and drivers. It was fun to walk around the pits, talking to other teams and seeing a variety of robots and their astonishing mechanisms. It was a great pity that our robot was not chosen for the final rounds, but we were satisfied with our performance.

However, watching the finals was still so intense that everyone got excited and cheered for their chosen robot.

We were so happy at the victory of our good friend, Stuypulse Team 694, and some of us went to their celebration party the next day. It was an immense experience.

Although we did not win any prizes this year, the experience was far more important to us. I now have an awesome feeling about next year’s competition and I am already excited about the upcoming fund-raising activities next term.

Look out for us. We are Hills Road’s SYSTEMETRIC Team 759!

Sacrificing the Sunday morning lie-in; not something we’re usually inclined to do, but since it involved a trip to the South of France, it didn’t seem such a hardship to drag ourselves up at 6am.

10 hours later, we stepped into the blinding sunlight of Montpellier and were met with a flurry of kisses and French greetings. Driving back from the airport it soon became apparent that we were not in England any more. Beaches, blue skies, palm trees everywhere and even a few flamingo sightings. (Two days later, shivering under umbrellas in the pouring rain, we might as well have been back in England after all. The town’s slogan – “La ville ou le soleil ne se couche jamais” took on a faintly ironic tone!)

The differences between our everyday lives and those of the French students started to become apparent very early the next morning – at 6am to be precise! A typical day at the lycée involved lessons from 8am until 5.45pm, which was a wake-up call to all of us who considered 9 - 4 to be a hard slog! Mercifully, they always took a couple of hours for

a three-course meal in the middle of the day. The architecture of the school was also a far cry from the famous Hogwarts-esque appeal of Hills Road. We gawped like tourists at the moat, the impressive water features and a lecture theatre situated inside what can only be described as an enormous concrete sphere. The lessons were also an ‘interesting’ experience – we attended an English lesson taught by a teacher with a dubious grasp of English grammar, as well as a lecture on Marxism, and took part in a debate on homosexuality.

We know the French pride themselves on their cuisine, but some of the dishes that a few of us sampled were just plain bizarre.

Pasta with raw egg anyone? A steak that looked like it just walked off the field? Though it has to be said that the chocolate croissants and crepes more than made up for the rare food faux pas.

As for our excursions, we experienced a range of culture, varying from a town hall with its ‘alternative’ décor (stuffed crocodiles hanging from the ceiling), followed by stuffed animals with brown paper bags over their faces in a modern art gallery (sensing a theme here…)

Then a short perusal of the aquarium – a chance to sunbathe while watching the seals strut their stuff (yes, thankfully the rain was continued on next page >>

Art and Art History students visit Amsterdam Ellen Sell College News Reporter Last month students of the Art department seized the opportunity to escape to the culturally rich city of Amsterdam.

With 800 years of history and an unparalleled collection of works by Dutch Masters, the city is an ideal location for students to flock to.

Although a certain degree of drowsiness ensued after the early flight, our tiredness could scarcely impinge on the magnitude of activity or the splendour of the aesthetics.

The sight of a new bridge or gable retained its beauty even after seeing hundreds – it is unfortunate that they managed to appear the same on camera. All was magnificently exemplified when we went on an evening cruise of the canals.

As to be expected, museums and galleries were visited in abundance; the Amsterdam Historical Museum, the Rijksmuseum and the Van Gogh Museum, to name a few. What

swiftly became apparent was that the bohemian lifestyle which is innocuously associated with the city is intricately intertwined with the often religiously orientated art on display in the galleries. Who would have known, for instance, that the incandescence and symbolism of Van Gogh’s Sunflowers, an image most will be familiar with, bares religious significance? And the nudity displayed (a risky subject for 1636) in Rembrandt’s Susanna (on display at the Mauritshuis Royal Picture Gallery) was essentially justified by the nature of the painting as a depiction of a biblical character.

In the Rijksmuseum, amongst other masterpieces by the likes of Steen, Hals and Vermeer, we witnessed the painting of Holland’s pride, The Night Watch, by Rembrandt van Rijn. At the colossal size of 379.5 × 453.5cm, boasting life size figures and a company of active civic guards, it is easy to see why The Night Watch has become a national emblem. The painting has survived slashes to the canvas (it was trimmed on all sides to fit in the town hall in 1715), acid and water. It

has an impressive background story and its survival is a testament to the restorative care of the nation.

Holocaust as we investigated the house and the infamous annex was a truly emotive experience, heightened

by reminders of a young girl whose aspirations and life were brought to an untimely end.

Outside of Amsterdam we visited the Gemeentemuseum, Mauritshuis (the setting of Vermeer’s Girl with a Pearl Earring) and the Kröller-Müller Museum. To get to the Kröller-Müller Museum we had to take a fifteen minute cycle (on bikes which you have to backpedal to brake!). After passing our “cycling proficiency test” (ode to the hilarity of the Art department!) we were good to go, albeit with a wobbly start. The array of work was astonishing: from Renoir to Picasso, Monet to Mondrian, and including a vast sculpture park, this museum displays work from a wealth of artists, not only from Holland, but from the rest of Europe.

The educational visits were finished off with an optional venture to Anne Frank’s House; the site at which the young writer and her Jewish family, who fled to the Netherlands for safety, were finally captured by the Nazis. Reliving the persecution and trauma of the

Ben Cork at the Geemeentemuseum in Amsterdam

COLLEGE NEWS

The Phoenix | 29 March 2010

French exchange students at Aigues-Mortes

Photograph by Lizzy Timms

a one-off ). And our visit would not have been complete without a trip to la plage!

All in all, we had a fantastique time – the French and their families couldn’t have been more warm and welcoming, and everyone really went out of their way to make sure we had the best time.

We all got on really well with our françaises – we know by now that hosting a foreign student is no mean feat. Despite our occasional qualms regarding the weather (after all, we are British) our 10 days of French life were unforgettable (in a good way) and we hope to invite ourselves back there soon...when the weather will be better!

College construction commences >> A programme of building and renovation is set to begin this April

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An introduction to The Old Cantabrigian Society >> Phoenix journalists Harriet Allen and Lucy Palmer investigate the Hills Road alumni society, and what its members used to get up to Hills Road Sixth Form College as we now know it was established in 1974 in the place of the Cambridgeshire High School for Boys.

The Old Cantabrigian Society links pupils from the two schools and allows former classmates to keep in touch. We spoke to Chris Hale about the history of the society and what the group has in store for the new generation of Hills alumni.

We haven’t heard of the Old Cantabrigian society before now, could you tell us a little bit about what it is?

I think it started in about the 1930s. The idea behind it was to keep in touch with those who had been at school together, and from it certain things sprang out. A Rugby club was formed which is still going. Nowadays it’s open to anybody but it used to be just for Old Cantabs only. There was the Old Cantabrigian rowing club, formed in 1950, which is still going strong - one of the top rowing clubs in Cambridge. Again, now it’s open to anybody.

What sort of things does the society do?

We put out a newsletter every year and we also have an annual dinner. We hold it in the hall at the college, it gives people a chance to come back and think “Oh this wasn’t here when I was here. Who’s that old boy with the grey hair over there?”.

We give out some prizes as well, every year at the prize giving.

There’s the Hill prize, established by Colin Hill who was the last headmaster and first principal, the Old Cantabrigian Society prize, and the Old Cantabrigian Centenary prize that we started in the year 2000. Then we have the Old Cantabrigian Society War Memorial prize that came from donations for the old boys who died in the various wars, and something called the Old Cantabrigian Society Layng prize. I think they’re £50 a time.

Plans for the new atrium between Maths and Psychology, and a photograph of the site Jodie Baker College News Editor During the Easter holidays, a number of building projects will commence around college. Work is being undertaken in order to provide new social and learning facilities, to improve office areas such as the Bursary and the Exams Office, and to increase student safety.

Proposals were made in recognition of the changing needs of students and staff at Hills Road; as the college community grows, it is important that facilities improve correspondingly. 30 years ago, the college had just 480 sixth form students, a figure which has since almost quadrupled to this year’s total of 1826.

Student and staff groups were involved throughout the planning stages of the new developments. They helped to produce a finalised eightstrand project entailing, amongst other things, the construction of an atrium, and alterations to the basement, library, staffroom and front of college, plus on-site cycle storage for students.

The Biology and Art departments will also improve, building on changes made to Chemistry last summer.

A much-needed radical overhaul of the basement is intended.

Reprographics and the student council offices will move, making the area larger and more open-plan. The floor will be levelled throughout the social area, and there will be a new entrance directly from the main quad. A cybercafé will provide access to social networking and games websites. The existing shop is to be refurbished, and will serve high street quality food and drink, including Costa Coffee, at less than high street prices. The student council is currently involved in choosing décor and fittings.

As student facilities improve, so will those for staff. The staffroom will relocate to the centre of college, and what is now the staffroom will become office accommodation. It is felt that, as Hills Road has expanded, its ‘centre of gravity’ has shifted.

Building at the back of the college, such as the science block and the Greenhalgh building, has meant that it is no longer ideal for the staffroom to be on the front corridor.

An atrium will be constructed on what is now grass between the Maths and Psychology departments. This multi-purpose resource area will be about the size of three classrooms, and will contain around 30 computers. Although the room will be used by Psychology and for college events, students will be able to access these machines for private study.

Improvements to the library should also make it easier to study in college. The aim is to open up the room, making it a lighter space to work in. Repositioning some shelving will mean that books, computers and other resources will be more conveniently arranged. This work will be phased so as to minimise disruption during the revision and exam season.

Amid concerns about safety, the front entrance to college is being altered. Last year, students congregating on the narrow pavement may have contributed to three minor accidents in the space of four months.

In order to avoid a ‘bottleneck’, the front boundary between the current entrance and the shops to the right of college will be moved, creating a much wider pavement. CCTV monitored cycle storage will be installed near the science block, so that bicycles no longer have to be chained to the railings along Hills Road. This will effectively widen the pavement further, thus making the area safer for pedestrians.

The aim throughout all the building work will be to minimise disruption. Although some room changes may be necessary, they will be a small price to pay for the safer, better-equipped facilities that we will be able to enjoy come September.

There is also an archive at the college - boxes of information about sports days and speech days and the old school magazines.

Then there’s the old punishment book so you can see who got what punishment. For example, there was a gentleman called Roger Barrett - more commonly called Syd Barrett, of Pink Floyd fame and what he got the cane for!

How do students become members of the society?

We’ve got a website; you can sign up there and you’ve then got access to a member list and a forum. There are other things we’d like to do with the website. I’d like to see, for example, that when people leave the college they register what university they’re going to so you could find out if there are any other past students at that university.

I always say that there’s not much benefit to anyone joining the society now. You get the benefits later on. You know all your classmates now, but in a few years you start to perhaps lose contact with people, and then when you get ten or twenty years down the line you think “oh yeah, I’d like to have a meet up and a drink with some of those.”

Would you say as the school was a boys school for so long, it’s mostly a boys’ club at the moment?

When the transition came, we decided to be more open and let the Sixth Form students come in. There was a big debate at the time, because it meant we were going to have girls become old boys, Old Cantabrigians, but I think we’re better for it. I would hate to think that we’re a dying breed of old men of forty/fifty plus - that would be horrible!

On the way over here you mentioned someone blowing up part of the building; do you have any other stories like that?

There were things that people did, which they knew at the time they were going to get caught, they knew they were going to get six of the best, and detention or whatever, but they still did it anyway.

And in those days you owned up, because if you didn’t everyone would get punished.

In my year, in the run-up towards firework day, it was a daily occurrence that fireworks would be let off on site. A lot of lads used to make fireworks; a smoke-bomb went off on top of the school, it was on the last day of term. And everybody believed that the combined cadet force had done it, because they had gone off on annual camp the day before. When we came it was a different era.

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COLLEGE NEWS

29th March 2010 | The Phoenix

Parliamentary debates at Hills Road: South Cambs Johan van de Ven Political Correspondent

With a general election looming, Upper Sixth students at Hills Road will soon be going to the polls for the very first time. To help this new section of the electorate make an informed vote, this term the Politics Society invited the parliamentary candidates for both South Cambridgeshire and Cambridge City constituencies to Hills Road for a series of lunchtime debates.

The first of these debates was held on 12th February and was attended by candidates for all the principal parties standing for election in the South Cambridgeshire constituency.

They are shown below.

The debate was chaired by Lucy Rosenstiel and Cameron Carr, both of whom are members of Politics Society. Prior to the debate, the Politics Society had given students the chance to e-mail suggestions for the two questions that would form

the backbone of the debate. These were “Can this country sustain current levels of immigration?” and “To what extent should government spending be cut?”. The candidates were given ninety seconds to answer each question, and in between these questions, for which they had been able to prepare, members of the audience were allowed to ask their own questions. The event gained substantial attention from the local press, with the Cambridge Evening News sending a reporting team.

The second debate was held the other side of the half-term break, on February 26th, and this time it was the turn of the Cambridge City constituency. Once again, all candidates from the foremost parties attended.

These were Liberal Democrat Julian Huppert, who is hoping to win the seat that fellow Lib Dem David Howarth will vacate, Conservative Nick Hillman, David Zeichner of Labour, Tony Juniper of the Green

Party and Peter Burkinshaw of the UK Independence Party.

This debate was chaired by Steph Tweedale and Johan van de Ven, who are, along with Lucy Rosenstiel, the founders of the Politics Society.

Following a similar format to that of the first, the focus questions of this debate were “What should Britain’s role in Europe be?” and “Should the government abolish tuition fees?”

Ed McRandal - Conservative

Simon Saggers - Green Party A longstanding campaigner for the Green Party, resident of an organic smallholding near Royston and former student at Hills Road, Simon Saggers represented the Green Party at the South Cambridgeshire debate. The first question, on the extent to which government spending should be cut, fell nicely for Saggers, who was able to highlight the attempts the Green Party have made made to move away from being perceived as a one-issue party. He claimed that the economic system at present is flawed. For instance, the measuring of wealth in GDP, he claims, does not place a value on quality of life. Therefore, toeing the Green Party line, Saggers proposed that wealth be calculated using the Measure of Domestic Progress. This takes other factors such as national security and the environment into account. Saggers also hopes to improve public services; he suggested abolishing higher education fees, although this would carry a cost of £3.6 billion. Mr Saggers hopes to finance these changes by cutting Defence spending by £8 billion. He also mentioned the key Green policy of the Citizen’s Pension, whereby every retiree would be paid £170 per week without any preconditions.

The second prepared question that Saggers answered addressed the sustainability of immigration. Similarly to Mr Sadiq, Saggers pointed to the proven success of immigration and its role in promoting diversity. Mr Saggers reminded the audience that, according to the International Red Cross, in the 1970s, there were only 275,000 refugees fleeing from natural disasters. In the 1990s, however, there were 18 million. A UN projection suggests that this figure will rise to 150 million by 2050. As Saggers put it, positive action is desperately needed: “Rome is burning and we’re playing with matchboxes.”

When time came to close out the debate, Saggers closed his comments with a rhetorical flourish. He said that the time is ripe for a protest vote against “Voldemort, Lansley…you know, he who must not be named.”

Bristol University graduate and Conservative Party researcher Ed McRandal was standing in for the otherwise occupied incumbent Andrew Lansley. In response to the question on government spending, McRandal said that the Tory course of action would be to reduce the deficit to reinstall confidence in the British economy.

Mr McRandal was also keen to pin the blame on the Brown government, claiming that the American bankers were not at fault. However, according to MrRandal, the Conservatives are definitely aware of the scale of the crisis, declaring that Britain’s debt was increasing by £33,000 per minute. This is obviously a dangerous situation, so McRandal proposed that in order reduce the deficit, quangos could be streamlined and the retirement age raised, along with a drive to attract capital. McRandal then faced two questions, one on the legitimacy of tax breaks in the present economic climate, and the other on ways in which government inefficiency could be reduced. The first answer was indirect with McRandal citing a need to increase “banker accountability” and pointing out that inheritance tax was an unfair “double tax”.

His answer to the second question was more targeted, pointing out that dormant bodies such as the East of England District Authority could be cut with few negative effects.

In response to the question about the sustainability of immigration, McRandal highlighted the need to distinguish between asylum seekers, whom we have a moral responsibility to accommodate, and economic migrants. McRandal also pointed out that in the 1990s there were 50,000 migrants per annum, and that this figure has now increased to 209,000 per annum. McRandal promised a policy that would reflect capacity, and would limit migrants’ access to benefit payments. He also stressed the need for a strong border police with an intangible “border force.”

Thereafter, candidates were given the opportunity to outline environmental policy. McRandal declared Copenhagen to have been a failure, and focused on the need to create incentives. He cited the ‘Green Deal’, introduced by the Torycontrolled Hammersmith and Fulham Council, as a particular success.’

Sebastian Kindersley - Lib Dem Sebastian Kindersley is an experienced politician, a serving District and County Councillor and the former leader of the South Cambridgeshire District Council. In response to the question about spending cuts, Mr Kindersley said it was time to “realign the economy” and “make changes across the board” because the economy had become “fractured and broken”. These changes, Kindersley said, would comprise the scrapping of bonuses, the removal of welfare spending on higher earners and a streamlining of government agencies.

When questions opened to the floor, Kindersley was asked to explain the Lib Dem position on electoral reform.

He stressed the importance of all votes being equal and none wasted, and therefore called for the implementation of proportional representation. He argued that Labour reforms in Scotland and Wales had not gone far enough, saying that “you can have PR or not, but you have to choose.”

In response to the question about the sustainability of immigration, Mr Kindersley said that, over the past 2000 years, immigration has improved Britain, and has helped to make liberalism, freedom and tolerance core British values.

Kindersley said the Lib Dems would welcome refugees and cited the importance of economic migrants in filling vacancies for low-paid jobs. Mr Kindersley would also seek to push illegal immigrants to gain citizenship, in part because the operation of Immigration Detention Centres is costing £8 billion per year. In short, Kindersley stated that “the British attitude to immigration is what makes Britain great.”

With regards to the environment, Kindersley remarked that trouble faces future generations if the problem is not dealt with, and that although Copenhagen was certainly not successful, the resolution to the environmental crisis must be addressed on an international level.

COLLEGE NEWS

The Phoenix | 29 March 2010

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The second debate at Hills Road: Cambridge City constituency Yuming Mei Editor When I arrived at TU1 and TU2 where the debate was held, the room was already half full. Chairs were neatly laid out in rows facing the candidates, who themselves were sitting as a panel at the front of the room. All five of them beamed towards the audience and smiled at the people who continued to stream into the venue. Students had obviously made a special effort to arrive on time. In fact, many had already eaten lunch at break time in anticipation of the event. Gradually, as the room filled up, the excited buzz of chatter gave way to an atmosphere of quiet expectation.

Tariq Sadiq - Labour Party

The debate started on time

at 12:50 with some short introductory remarks from Steph Tweedale, one of the students from Politics Society who organised the event. Below are details of the candidates’ remarks on the three main issues that arose in the debate.

Having never attended this kind of political debate before, what struck me most when listening to the candidates was how independent they appeared to be. Rather than toeing the official party line all of the time, they only did it some of the time, and even then, there seemed to be no question for most of them about why they were in politics. They were passionate about their beliefs.

The debating atmosphere was also quite amusing. As he rose to speak for the first time, Daniel

Zeichner apologised for the lack of diversity on the panel, mentioning the words “five white middle-aged men… sorry”. The other candidates quickly seemed to realise that they had lost the initiative here and as the debate went on, small breaches of decorum slowly crept into the proceedings.

While one of the candidates spoke, the others would often offer a running commentary on what they thought of the current speaker by mouthing words of disagreement, shaking their heads, or rolling their eyes.

Overall, attending this kind of debate is something that I would really recommend; it’s part of what living in a democracy is all about and we should feel lucky to have that privilege.

Tariq Sadiq’s run for Westminster will not be his first attempt at elected office. Mr Sadiq is a standing member on Cambridgeshire County Council, having previously won election to Cambridge City Council for the Coleridge Ward. Fielding the opening question on the degree to which government spending should be cut, Sadiq promised that Labour was the party to lift Britain out of the recession, which he claims was created by “American bankers.” With regard to the specifics of economic policy, Mr Sadiq seeks to halve the deficit in four years through growth, raising taxes for the wealthiest, and some cuts in expenditure, while warning that immediate and drastic cuts would be dangerous.

When questions opened to the floor, Mr Sadiq was faced with the difficult question of whether he believed the Brown government to have been successful. Mr Sadiq’s initial reply was that Brown’s lessons from his “chancellorship of substance and success,” which had led to economic growth under Blair, helped him lead Britain and the world away from a disaster on the scale of the Wall Street Crash. Eager to express the backing of this view, Sadiq cited Brown’s success in winning the World Statesman of the Year award in 2009.

Thereafter, questions moved back to the chairs.

The next question posed to the candidates was “Can this country sustain current levels of immigration?” In response, Mr Sadiq made several important points. Firstly, he noted that one way or another, we are all immigrants and therefore it is strange that immigration is seen as negative.

Sadiq also pointed to way the country is strengthened by the cultural and economic advantages of diversity, as well as the inherent diversity. Furthermore, Mr Sadiq also pointed out that immigration is a cyclical movement; it is not as though the UK population will swell to 70 million in 20 years time, although this argument is at odds with Mr Sadiq’s support of Labour’s points-based immigration policy, which is also contradicted by his commitment to a British role in what he referred to as the “globalised, EU world.” However, Mr Sadiq did explain the reasoning behind the points system, citing the need for skills among an immigrant workforce, as well as noting the need to clamp down on student visa abuses. Mr Sadiq was also able to point to the success of the Brown government in dealing with the 2004 and 2007 European accessions, although his stance on refugees remained unclear.

By comparison, Mr Sadiq faired better when the next question came from the floor, targeting the environment. Mr Sadiq pointed to his party’s recorded achievements, from introducing a boiler scrappage scheme and the targeted 80% emission reduction rate by 2050.

Furthermore, Sadiq noted that this target had been made legally binding by the Labour Government with the Climate Change Act (2008) and emphasised the need to invest in green technologies.

Should the government remove tuition fees?

Mr Huppert (Lib Dem) - stood with the national Lib Dem pledge to scrap fees over 6 years. “Final year fees will disappear in Yr1, we will support part time students in Yr2, and second year fees will disappear in Yr 3.” He promised not to raise the maximum tuition fee charged by universities above the current £3290.

Gender and ethnicity balance Mr Zeichner (Labour) – Must do something about it. Supports positive discrimination and the use of all women shortlists Mr Huppert (Lib Dem) – Fundamentally disagrees with positive discrimination but recognises the need for something to be done. He pointed out that there was a Lib Dem taskforce on this issue which he is a member of.

Mr Hillman (Conservative) - argued that the UK does not have enough money to scrap tuition fees completely, pointing to the £178 billion yearly deficit. However he promised not to raise the maximum tuition fee charged by universities above the current £3290.

Mr Hillman (Conservative)– Recognises the problem, but seemed to favour incremental change. As an example, he mentioned a meeting that he attended as councillor where the meeting lasted from 6pm to midnight and argued that this was unfeasible for mothers

Mr Juniper (Green) - promised to campaign for the removal of fees if elected. He prefers the student grants system that he enjoyed when he was at university.

Mr Burkinshaw (UKIP) – Does not believe in state-enforced discrimination

Mr Juniper (Green) – Legislation is the path to fixing the problem

Britain’s role in Europe Mr Burkinshaw (UKIP) – Not antiEurope, anti Brussels. The EU is wasteful, we pay £1bn a month in return for nothing but more and more regulations.

Mr Zeichner (Labour) – Does not deny that there are inefficiencies but argues that overall, the EU has a positive impact. He argues that the EU prevents war from breaking out in Europe again.

Mr Juniper (Green) – Environmental regulations from EU are very beneficial.

Allow us to take a lead.

Mr Hillman – Stay in Europe but be a critical friend.

Mr Huppert (Lib Dem) – We must work with Europe. As part of Europe, we have more power. Cited the ability to travel freely without a visa. (At which point PB shook his head visibly and mouthed “not true”)

How to register to vote in five easy steps:

Mr Zeichner (Labour) - argued Everyone at Hills Road is actually old enough (over 16) to register to vote. Of course you that tuition fees are necessary and have to be 18 to actually vote but why not get the registration done early? agrees with the decision to introduce them made at the beginning of the Labour government in 1997. He 1. Online, go to – www.aboutmyvote.co.uk points out that even with tuition 2. Download a blank form to print and fill it in by hand, or, alternatively, fill in your fees, “the poor subsidise the rich”. personal details online and then print. The form is short, only one double-sided page.

However, he would not increase the 3. It’s recommended that you tick the box to remove your name from the edited register. maximum tuition fee charged by universities above the current £3290. (The edited register uses information that you provide on the form for commercial purposes,

seems a no-brainer to remove your name) 4. Fill in your details – they need your name, date of birth and address. That’s it!

Mr Burkinshaw (UKIP) – No 5. Send the form to your local electoral registration office by post. tuition fees, restore grant system

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COLLEGE NEWS

29th March 2010 | The Phoenix

Students celebrate that the EP is finally over On Thursday, 4 January, some of the Upper Sixth Hills Road students who undertook an Extended Project over their 2009 summer holidays attended a presentation evening in celebration of their hard work and their impressive final products.

When the Projects were finally handed in last October after literally hundreds of hours of work, most of the writers had vowed never to lay eyes on the damned things again – but there was certainly a shared faint glow of pride at the sight of the finished projects, neatly bound and laminated, laid out on tables for the guests to browse through. Students and parents entered the Recital Room to the sound of a beautiful piece of music composed by Emily Shercliff as part of her Extended Project. Certainly for me, the last vestiges of resentment at having my summer holiday invaded by the cross-referencing of complex

and mind-stretching sources slowly gave way to an honest, actual sense of collective achievement.

After Dr Gundy gave us some very nice (and massively deserved) congratulations, three students, James Bloor, Donald Henderson and Alex Larkinson gave presentations on their projects.

James’s dissertation, a model of the kind of historical Extended Project so enthusiastically promoted by Dr Gundy, explored the evolving role of the Bavarian monarchy 1864-86. James actually visited the Munich Residenz in Germany, and described how seeing the Ahnengalerie (the portrait gallery of Bavarian royal ancestors) had helped him to understand the sense King Ludwig II would have had of his own dynastic importance.

However, there were mishaps in the research process, which he divulged to his audience seemingly without embarrassment or concern: an accidental trip to the wrong library, and an extremely cold experience in the National Archives at Kew – so

cold, in fact, that he took photos of documents with his phone so he could look at them outside, and then had to decipher the awful handwriting from a pixelated phone file.

Donald was also humorous about his learning process. Having set himself the complex question “How exactly do you decide which was the first computer?” he likened finding the right approach to tackling the question to finding an attitude somewhere between that of a sheep (which explores the surroundings and is sidetracked) and a tiger (which is completely focused on its end goal). The highly entertaining result of this was illustrated by a photoshopped image of a “teep”, or “shiger”. The Teep approach was apparently a successful enterprise, as Donald’s dissertation, which at one point was 20,000 words, finally came to be a concise 5,000-word investigation of the development of computing power. (Suddenly, cutting down on History coursework doesn’t seem so hard.)

Alex’s project was more artistic.

Researching Cuban Communism and Che Guevara, Alex found that although Che recorded most of his life in diary format, the

diaries from his time in Cuba were “lost”. In defiance, Alex decided to fill in the gaps, and speculatively wrote Che Guevara’s Cuban diaries himself.

A photoshopped image of a “teep” or “shiger”

Photograph taken from Flickr, uploaded by FrizzText.

Sarah Gashi Editor

Photography by Ben Cork

Classics students go to Greece Live Lounge raises funds for Ndamase

Hills Road students in front of the Acropolis Emma Pritchard Classicist

Athens Athens was our first port of call, and we had two very busy days there enjoying the sights, taking in the Old Olympic Stadium, where the 1896 Olympics were held, the Temple of Zeus, built in the time of Emperor Hadrian, the Theatre of Dionysus, the Agora, and the Acropolis, as well as looking round the National Museum and the Acropolis Museum.

Delphi Delphi was truly breathtaking, perched on a mountain side beneath Mount Parnassus overlooking the valley.

Described by the ancient Greeks as the navel of the world, it was where the Oracle received prophecies from Apollo. We spent the morning looking around the site and the museum, before we departed in the afternoon for the Peloponnese.

The Peloponnese This is a large peninsula in Greece, and we travelled around the Argolis region visiting

the ancient cities of Mycenae and Tiryns, parts of which were built around the 16th Century B.C. The view from Mycenae was perhaps one of the best of the trip, as from the Citadel you could see all the way down to the bay, miles away. We also visited the ruins of Corinth and the Corinth Canal, an astonishing feat of engineering, and the theatre at Epidaurus, one of the best preserved amphitheatres of the ancient world.

The trip was greatly enjoyed by all, with the return to a wet and grey England bearing a stark contrast to the warm, sunny weather we had enjoyed in Greece.

Ben Cork Reporter When the words, ‘Hills Road Live Lounge’ are uttered, a chilling shudder heads down the spine of all those who preach its name. Why? Well it can only be for the fact an overwhelming number of abusive emails were released hourly by the Ndamase Society. But what was it all for? Who was it all for? And why?

On Thursday March 18, five lower sixth ARC students embarked on a terrifying task. Between the hours of five and seven, 15 art boards, 35 pieces of art, 18 feet of staging, a mountain of technical equipment and 6 sets of fairy lights had to be assembled all in the name of charity.

‘Hills Road Live Lounge’ was a crosscurricular Music/Art/Textiles/Photography presentation showcasing

some of the College’s most talented artists and musicians in a ‘Radio 1 Live Lounge’-esque setting; and for this, only the best could be provided. The Recital Room of the Music Department was transformed into a Jazz/Folk Lounge for one night only, with incredible acts such as Alex Patterson, ‘Chloe + the Soundjackers’ and ‘The Arrangement’ performing. The evening culminated in a monster mash-up of Jazz/Folk/ Acoustic/Soul and … no stretching of the imagination required, opera inspired electro-pop.

‘Paradigm,’ a classy jazz group formed of some of the most talented instrumentalists the Music department has to offer, was the first to take to the Live Lounge stage embarking on a set of incredibly intricate jazz standards that showcased their sickening individual instrumental skills to the full. They were (continued on page 9)

COLLEGE NEWS

The Phoenix | 29 March 2010 followed by the immensely talented Alex Patterson. A perfect addition to the evening, the nu-folk singer/ songwriter skimmed through effortlessly beautiful arrangements of both covers and original material during her set. ‘Chloe + the Soundjackers’ were next to step up to the mark.

They supplied a full-on 30 minutes of powerful vocals and dance moves to match with a particularly awe-inspiring version of a Joss Stone classic. The final solo act to take to the stage was the glamorous ex-student Susanna Cork. She performed tracks from her debut album and relished the chance to cover some Beyonce anthems – ‘because everyone needs a little Beyonce in their lives,’ as she put it. Undoubtedly the highlight of

the evening for many, was the collaboration of a glorious baritone voice with the hits of chart-topping acts like Lady Gaga. ‘The Arrangement’ provided a welcome break from the ‘chillaxed’ mood of the evening and gave many the chance to get up out of their seats and dance.

The musical feast was accompanied by a delectable sideorder in the form of an Art/Textiles and Photography presentation.

Lower Sixth and Upper Sixth Students showcased both Coursework pieces and their own personal studies, expertly decorated by the ArtCoordinator, Nadira Amrani. The presentation, although sometimes forgotten in the wake of incredible

musical performances, was the perfect accompaniment to the evening’s entertainment and showcased some of the college’s most talented artists.

I would personally like to thank the immense support of Louisa Clack, Nadira Amrani, Siula Damant and Tiffany Clare alongside the invaluable guidance of Shelly Tenberg, Dave Walker and Kirsty Bray.

Without such dedicated charitable souls, the event would never have reached the heights we all discovered it could reach on Thursday evening.

And while the final pennies are being counted from the side-splitting donation buckets, we can only hope that Hills Road Live Lounge Part II is just around the corner.

Hills Road students in Hamburg Photograph by Ianthe Greenwood

>> Ianthe Greenwood reports on the German Exchange trip

Ianthe Greenwood College News Reporter In the middle of February, a small group of lower sixth German students spent ten days in Hamburg on an exchange. We were away from February 7 - 17, missing a week’s worth of lessons, and most of our half term.

On Sunday 7 we met in Luton airport and said goodbye to our parents, armed only with a piece of hand luggage each (all liquids under 100ml of course), our suitcases, which varied in weight from 8kg to 21kg, and, in my case, six packets of salt and vinegar crisps (surprisingly, they don’t have those in Germany).

After a 90 minute flight we touched down in Hamburg airport where, we were greeted by our host families, and also by temperatures of -8° C. We then waved goodbye again, this time to each other, and went home with our host families, wondering how we would survive the next ten days in this arctic wilderness.

We did survive. And we were actually quite sad to leave when our stay came to an end. I think my exact words to Frau Körner were, ‘I’m homesick… for Germany.’ This was because our host families had tried so hard to make us feel at home. On Monday 6, our first full day in Hamburg, we went to their school. We were welcomed by their principal and the choir sang a couple of English songs to us. I can’t speak for everybody, but I think most of us were

really well looked after and got on well with our exchanges. My host family were so lovely; when I got a virus on the second day it didn’t ruin the whole trip for me, even though I was a bit ill for the rest of our stay.

This exchange was different to any that we’d been on before.

Instead of going to school with our exchanges every day, we did work experience placements. These varied from working in nurseries and primary schools, to working at solicitor’s offices, to even working at a church!

This really improved our German, because we couldn’t ask for an English translation all the time. It was an amazing experience, and meant that we really got a feel for everyday German life. We were forced to be independent; many of us commuted halfway across Hamburg to get to work each day. I had to take the bus and a fast train to get to my placement in a day nursery.

As well as the hospitality and the independence, we had lots of fun after work and at the weekends.

Our exchanges organised loads of activities for us, which meant that we spent lots of time with them and their friends, but also with each other.

We went shopping in Hamburg city centre, had a girly cinema trip to see the film Valentine’s Day in German (surprisingly easy to understand) and went to a couple of parties.

We all agreed it had been a

really good experience and quite a few people are already planning to return next year. I’d really recommend this type of exchange. It helped our language skills, and, although it sounds obvious, it made us realise that German is a real language and that people really speak it.

“

We really got a feel for everyday German life

”

We were also exposed to German culture and traditions. While we were there it was ‘Fasching’, the German equivalent of Pancake Day. Instead of eating pancakes, we had a carnival in the nursery where I was working. We also got to know other Hills students on the trip. We now have shared memories of walking across the suburbs of Hamburg at night to look for a shop that sold hair dye, dancing to a song that loosely translated means ‘Oh, what’s occurring? We’re partying all night!’ and being on regional TV. Actually, that last one was just me…

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29 March 2010 | The Phoenix

LOCAL NEWS

Local News

Cambridge City Candidates: South Cambridgeshire: a safe seat?

the end of the Lib Dems?

Jacob Dunlop Local News

>> As some of Hills Road’s students reach voting age, Tom Oliver examines the candidates for Cambridge City

If the Conservative party win the general election, the MP for South Cambridgeshire will likely be the new health minister.

Photograph by Johan Van de Ven

Andrew Lansley currently holds the seat and is running again for what looks to be a very successful election for the Conservatives. South Cambridgeshire is clearly regarded as a ‘safe seat’ for the Conservatives, as it holds one of their shadow ministers.

So why are the people of South Cambridgeshire so conservative? Or more importantly, are we?

Tony Juniper, Green Party candidate for Cambridge City, speaking in the Science Lecture Theatre at Hills Road Tom Oliver Reporter With the general election coming soon, the political parties, both the big players and the smaller ones, are beginning to campaign to win over the electorate. There are a lucky few in Hills Road who are of voting age, and whilst it’s not enough to focus on Hills alone, swaying the voters here might be enough to tip the balance in any party’s favour. But who will you be voting for? Unfortunately I am ever so slightly too young to vote (unless there is a hung parliament and a need for another general election next year)… so whoever I favour is irrelevant.

Due to Cambridge’s position as an educational hub, it is often the Liberal Democrats, with Julian Huppert going for the seat, who win the seat for Cambridge city. However, the Green party’s Tony Juniper has as good a chance as anyone to take the seat for the first time. With that said, like a

looming cloud, the Conservatives, helmed by the charismatic Nick Hillman, are also confident that they will win over this Liberal Democrat stronghold. Alongside these most likely candidates there is, of course, the Labour candidate, Daniel Zeichner. He is trying to absolve Labour of the mistakes it has made, but he has not promised the removal of Gordon Brown from office – a move which could probably have raised Labour’s chances of winning yet another term if more Labour candidates made that step.

Other more minor candidates include Peter Burkinshaw of the UKIP party. UKIP is trying to increase the number of seats they hold in Parliament, largely by building on the attention they received for Mr Farage’s attack on the new EU President Herman Van Rompuy. Last, but not least, there are the smaller parties and the independents, such as the Cambridge Socialist party with candidate Martin Booth, and other lesser-known figures such Magus Lynius Shadee, the self proclaimed

King Of All Witches who wishes to makes changes that would benefit all humans. Everyone starts somewhere, and apparently Cambridge has been chosen as the starting point for several political newbies.

So, these are the candidates for Cambridge city.

Whether you want to vote for any of them is up to you. If you want to see university tuition fees abolished, then vote for either the Liberal Democrats, the Green Party or UKIP. If you just don’t want to pay more, then go for the more mainstream parties of Labour or the Conservatives. No matter which you vote for, if you are of voting age, bear in mind that this will be your first plunge into the democratic pool, and do think carefully about it. If you are not yet old enough, there is always a chance that there will be a hung parliament (say, if the Liberal Democrats won’t form a coalition), and there will have to be another election next year.

The initial response to this is the fact that there is substantial wealth amongst many of those in South Cambs. For those earning within the highest bands of taxation, the Conservatives offer tax cuts, which are popular for some. This would appear to be what attracts people most to the Conservative Party in South Cambridgeshire.

The problem with this assumption, however, is the fact that there is also a large proportion of people in South Cambridgeshire who are not extremely high earners, and would not benefit from said tax cuts. So there must be something more than financial incentive.

To be conservative is to dislike change. As we live in a rapidly changing society, could it be that the South Cambridgeshire population, particularly as much of it is elderly, doesn’t want things to grow and to change anymore?

A Hills Road Student said “I think it’s the fact that there are so many old, wealthy people in South Cambridgeshire. The Conservative Party is supposedly the traditional party of the rich, so maybe it’s just a tradition that’s been passed down generationally.” If this is the case, is there an argument that parties are not doing enough to distinguish themselves from each other, if people are voting based on the history of the parties? Do we really know the identity of the modern Conservatives?

An avid Conservative argued that “Cambridge is the home of scholars and intellectuals. It is a place full of rational people, and this is why we vote Tory. It is those people who think about what is best for Britain and for Cambridge that realise why the Conservative party is the best party to vote for.” Although scathingly elitist, this belief is not

a minority view. The concept of a safe Conservative seat would seem understandable, yet it is hard at times to see the true colours of the Conservatives in the 21st century.

If we knew the modern identity of the parties, would we be voting the same?

Mr Lansley himself held a role in the expenses scandal, spending £4,000 of the tax payers money redoing his country home before selling it. He proceeded to pay back only 2,000 of this. Yet he is almost guaranteed to retain his seat in Westminster. This suggests that he is not the cleanest most upfront candidate available to us.

The centralisation of both Labour and the Conservatives in recent years seems to be as a result of the dealignment of the ever expanding British middle-class. In this race for the centre ground, the identity of all parties seem to be blurring, and a battle of personalities seems to be emerging (with the upcoming leaders debates and the endless banter between Cameron and Brown).

But on a constituency level, is this personality battle between two quite mediocre leaders, relevant to the true nature of the parties? If the concept of a ‘safe seat’ is based on the proposals of the modern parties, it would appear people will cast their allegiance in great numbers to parties who, as of yet, have not revealed much policy. So is there a flaw in the campaigners or the voters?

Either way, it would appear that we live in a quintessential ‘safe seat’. If the people of South Cambridgeshire are as conservative as their voting suggests, then they know something about the party that the leaders themselves have not yet revealed, however it seems a lot more likely, that people cast their minds back to what they think they know about the parties, or what they hope they know about the parties, to decide how they vote. I would suggest therefore, that a safe seat is a very good piece of evidence for this; the parties change, the constituencies change, the candidates change, and the voters change, but the votes still go in the same box. So if you are one of the many thousands who vote Conservative in South Cambs, you might be doing our Democracy a favour if you ask yourself “why?”

11 The Big Freeze (and why we should get over it) Strawberry Fair 2010 >> Lucy Palmer bemoans the way England grinds to a halt at the drop of a snowflake Cancelled LOCAL NEWS

The Phoenix | 29 March 2010

Lucy Palmer Local News Reporter

They called it the “Big Freeze”: the news channels ran hourly updates on the nation’s grit supplies, schools (well, except for ours) were abandoned, roads were closed, trains stopped.

This winter, the whole of England received a blanket of fluff y white snow and every small child’s dreams became a reality.

Schools across the country were closed and time usually spent in the classroom was instead dedicated to snowball fights and tobogganing, the building of snowmen and skiing. In some areas there was over a foot of snow, and it just kept on coming. So it doesn’t seem possible that something this magical, the epitome of the “winter wonderland” we sing about every Christmas, could cause such destruction.

Of course, there were the inevitable traffic accidents, broken limbs and snowed-in pensioners. Such incidents are nearly unavoidable. But what of the endless road closures? The termination of railway services? The Eurostar fiasco? A couple of feet of snowfall and the country’s transport system comes to a complete halt!

Think of parts of America, Canada, Russia, and the Nordic countries. Each year they experience far greater amounts of snow and yet somehow they cope. In parts of Denmark this winter, four feet of snow fell in one afternoon.

Thousands were confronted with being snowed in at work for the night so what did they do? They got on with it. I understand that England, generally considered to have a warm (!) climate, isn’t used to such situations and so will understandably be faced with more issues than places like Canada which experience at least forty seven centimetres of snowfall a year.

All the same, is there really a need for quite so much drama? Quite frankly, it’s rather embarrassing.

Alice Kelley Deputy Editor The organisers of Strawberry Fair in Cambridge have taken the decision to cancel this year’s event after Cambridgeshire Constabulary appealed Cambridge City Council’s decision to grant it an events license, amid fears of rising police costs. In 2009 the police charged the event £1,500 towards the policing of the event, which includes drug searches with sniffer dogs at Cambridge Station.

In a statement on the Strawberry Fair website, Chair of the event Justin Archer said that the event organisers were putting time and effort into fighting the police appeal of the license, at the cost of organising the actual event. “The timetable for the appeal means that we will not know whether the Fair can go ahead as planned until far too late in the day.

We do not want to pass this risk on to the many supportive suppliers, traders, and artists whose livelihoods would be severely damaged by a last minute cancellation” he stated. Strawberry Fair organisers plan to concentrate on fighting the police appeal and hope to return in 2011.

I say the next time Britain is faced with another “Big Freeze”, we should all sit back and relax, and try to appreciate it. After all, the pretty white, crunchy stuff doesn’t last long – before you know it, it has been replaced by ugly grey slush and treacherous ice, and no one writes Christmas songs about that.

Photograph by Steve Scott

Planned Guided Busway - a Tramesty? >> Sarah Moore Reports on the ongoing saga that is the Cambridge Guided Busway Sarah Moore Local News Reporter

of 2010. Now in March, the busway shows little sign of being completed, causing Stagecoach to change the The opening of the now slogan on their buses from “I’ll be on infamous Cambridge Guided Busway the busway soon, will you?” to “Will has been delayed for a fourth time, I be on the busway soon?” to widespread frustration across the With the company behind county. Costing less than the average bus, the guided buses will run from the busway apologising profusely the Huntingdon/Somersham area and head of Busway delivery, Bob via road to St. Ives, where the bus Menzies, stating that he shares travels via guideway straight through “Everyone’s disappointment that Swavesey, Longstanton, Oakington, we have not yet been able to open Histon/Impington, Cambridge the busway, but the ball is in BAM Regional College, the City Centre, Nuttall’s court as they must first Railway station, Addenbrookes and complete the work.” With little pulling to a stop at Trumpington news travelling the public’s way, the Park and Ride. Designed to ease leaders of the scheme have recently congestion and to reduce carbon been under fire from the local emissions in Cambridge as part of council, demanding to know how a step against climate change, the much longer delays can be expected. guide way, originally set for a 1st BAM Nuttall responded with pleas January 2009 opening, is still yet to for patience and reassurance that we know as much as they do. That being come to fruition. said, the latest news on the project The project was delayed was on the 23rd of February, that until late Summer 2009, then to late bosses were taking out loans to help November 2009, then to the end of pay for the guided busway. Is this the year, and then to the beginning is a sign of an inner turmoil in the

“

Stagecoach changed the slogan on their buses from “I’ll be on the busway soon, will you?” to “Will I be on the busway soon?”

”

schemes structure? Is everything not as sweet as the statements say?

Originally budgeted to cost £116 million, it is now expected to cost in excess of £161 million to rebuild the old train system. The county council have borrowed £40 million to pay up front, and although the public are assured that none of the money is from taxpayers money, it would be a greater reassurance if such big sums were not being tossed around because of construction delays.

Whether the busway will be up within the next few months is a complete mystery, but the tell tale of nature creeping its way over the busway tracks is a certainty that nothing is happening with any haste. But who knows? Maybe Cambridge’s latest attraction will be that 15 mile stretch of wasted stone, created as a symbol of our times, and of exactly where priorities lay.

Justin Archer criticised the approach of Cambridge Constabulary towards organising Strawberry Fair, saying “Cambridgeshire Police have made it absolutely clear they do not want the event to go ahead and have put an incredible amount of time and resource into preventing it. We feel the police action shows just how far out of step they are with the people of Cambridge” The cancellation of the Fair has been met by general outcry, and many Facebook groups have cropped up protesting the move, including one who plan to converge on Midsummer Common on Saturday 5th June regardless, which at the time of writing has 5476 planned attendees.

In response to an official complaint by the organiser of this protest Fair, Cambridgeshire Constabulary said “it is our duty to ensurethat any large gathering is properly run and safe for the thousands who attend” and explained that last year’s event resulted in 73 arrests and 244 formal warnings for cannabis possession, and the police felt a duty to inform the council of these problems.

Strawberry Fair takes place on the first Saturday in June on Midsummer Common in Cambridge.

It has been running since the early 1970s and plays host to a wide variety of music, arts and crafts, film and entertainment.

12

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

29 March 2010| The Phoenix

International News Has Israel’s time come?

This month, Israel’s special relationship with the Western world has met its greatest challenge in recent memory. The Israeli government had brazenly continued its construction of settlements in the West Bank despite this policy falling foul of the desires of many western leaders, and until the visit of American Vice-President Joe Biden to the region, this had not borne any serious effect on Israel’s relations with the West.

Just hours after VicePresident Biden had congratulated Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu for “taking risks for peace,” the Israeli government proceeded to announce plans for 1600 new homes for Jewish residents in Arab East Jerusalem. This announcement came within the context of a warning from President Barack Obama’s Middle East Envoy George Mitchell, who called for Israel “to refrain from any statements or actions which may inflame tensions or prejudice the outcome of these talks.” It seems that the Israeli government had at long last taken a step beyond American political acceptability. Biden, who had in 2008 called himself “a great friend of Israel,” responded severely.

This sort of the announcement, the Vice-President said, “is precisely the kind of step that undermines the trust we need right now and runs counter to the constructive discussions that

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu with President Barack Obama I’ve had here in Israel”.

However, at that moment, the situation was just a diplomatic embarrassment. Then Secretary of State Hillary Clinton weighed in, declaring that Netanyahu’s indiscretion undermined trust and

confidence in the peace process.”

Clinton’s spokesperson also noted that the Secretary of State had told Netanyahu in a telephone conversation that the “Israeli government needed to demonstrate not just through words, but through specific actions, that they are

Photograph taken from Wikimedia Commons

Johan van de Ven International News Editor

committed to this relationship and to the peace process.”

This is a marked departure from the previous situation, when the legally uncertain invasion of Gaza in 2008-9 was commended by the US government. Haim Malka

at the Centre for Strategic and International Studies in Washington said “It is hard to remember a time when a senior U.S. official used the word “condemn” to describe the actions of any ally, let alone a close ally such as Israel.” But more worryingly, this abrupt change of tack from Washington has left Netanyahu politically isolated. Tzipi Livni, the leader of the opposition Kadima Party, called Netanyahu “a prime minister who does not know what he wants,” while Palestinian negotiato Saeb Erekat, asked, “With such an announcement, how can you build trust? I hope that this will be an eye-opener for all in the international community about the need to have the Israeli government stop such futile exercises.”

It seems almost irrelevant that in the aftermath, United Nations Secretary General Ban KiMoon and EU High Commissioner Baronesss Ashton have also spoken out against the Israeli government.

The damage has been done. The Obama Administration has set a precedent that Israel must comply with American policy and not vice versa, and meanwhile the battle for so-called “proximity talks” between Israel and Palestine will be dramatically swung in the favour of the Palestinians, and what a shift that will be. Can Israel recover?

France Calls For Burka Ban described by critics as a subservient tool meant to keep women silent, faceless and without power.

If Nicolas Sarkozy has his way, burkas will soon be banned from all public places in France. A consistent condemner of the full length Islamic veil, the French President’s stance that the burka was “not welcome” in France was strengthened last week by the backing of a parliamentary commission. The committee, in a 200 page report released this month, suggested the banning of burkas in hospitals, schools and on public transport, as well as in government offices.

The full veil represents everything France spontaneously rejects

The proposals were greeted with enthusiasm from many politicians and opinion polls imply that a majority of French people would support the suggested ban.

The burka has previously been

“

”

“The full veil represents in an extraordinary way everything that France spontaneously rejects,” said National Assembly President, Bernard Accoyer, following the publicisation of the report’s contents.

“It’s a symbol of the subjugation of women and the banner of extremist fundamentalism.”

However, while keen to restrict the wearing of burkas, President Sarkozy has of yet stopped short of explicitly demanding a ban, saying that “no-one should feel stigmatised” by the law. Nevertheless, such comments have not stopped accusations of xenophobia emanating from prominent Muslim leaders and role-models.

“People who go down that path are racists,” comedian-turnedactor Jamel Debbouze told a French radio station, describing the plan as a form of “dangerous electioneering”.

Meanwhile, in London, the ban was condemned by the Islamic Human Rights Commission, who called it “the latest in a line of racist policies and laws that target Muslims, and in particular Muslim women”.

In a country with the highest Muslim population in Europe - an estimated five million people, it could be presumed that banning burkas would have a wideranging impact upon French culture.

However, there is doubt that even a stringent ban, which would make daily business impractical for veiled women, would have much effect when only 1 900 French women wear the garment. Girls are already obliged to obey the concept of laïcité in schools, where visible signs of religious practice are not tolerated and most are forbidden to wear any form of headscarf.

Yet, whether or not the ban is imposed could hold strong implications for other countries.

Already, in the wake of the committee’s report, the Muslim Canadian Congress is asking Ottawa to consider a ban, whilst journalists

have begun to question whether Britain should follow suit. Events in France could set a strong precedent for the rest of Europe and indeed for the rest of the world.

Woman in full burqa

Photograph taken from Wikimedia Commons

Georgia Banjo International News Reporter

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

The Phoenix | 29 March 2010

Will Attack on Togo Team Affect World Cup? James Hooper International News Reporter On January 8th of this year, just days ahead of the start of “The African Cup of Nations” in Angola, the Togo football team’s bus was attacked by gunmen in the oil-rich Angolan region of Cabinda. Three people on the bus were killed, and others were wounded. However, none of the players were casualties.

The attack happened just after the team bus had crossed the border with the Republic Of Congo. The team had previously been advised to fly due to the danger of terrorism but however took the decision to travel by team bus.

The attack caused widespread shock and has put a dampener on the usual colourful and vibrant tournament. The now primary concern is that of the players’ safety during tournament: many Premiership managers are unhappy with their star players being in an area perceived to be so dangerous. Manager Phil Brown (Hull City) wants his players back in the safety of England while Arsene Wenger (Arsenal) disagrees, claiming the removal

of players would spoil the usually great occasion.

The attack in Angola has also posed a number of questions over this summer’s World Cup in South Africa. Following the attack, Phil Brown said “This is appalling.

This throws a question mark against next summer’s World Cup”.

The question everyone is now asking is how this will affect the World Cup in South Africa.

Security issues will most definitely be high on the agenda as the World Cup draws closer. However, the head of the World Cup Organisation, Committee Danny Jordaan, feels the World Cup will not be affected by the incident in Angola. Jordaan makes the point that “Angola and South Africa are two separate geographical areas, two different countries”. The general feeling coming from South Africa is that this was an isolated attack and will not affect the World Cup this summer.

The attack on the Togo national team is hopefully the last we see of terrorism in football and the World Cup this summer is a success.

Hello

I am the Publicity officer for the Cambridge University Labour Club and we are looking to reach out and be inclusive to sixth formers. We have great opportunities to meet politicians and have healthy debates on the current issues.

To those Hills Road Sixth Form students who have an interest in politics I would like to invite you to getting involved in the club. We can be found at www. cambridgelabour.co.uk, and on our facebook page CU Labour Club.

If you are interested in becoming a member email gbo20@cam.ac.uk or sela_m@hotmail.co.uk.

Thank you Sela Publicity Officer

13

US General: Dutch Gay Military Policy at Fault in Srebrenica Massacre Johan van de Ven International News Editor General John Sheehan, a retired United States Marine who served as a NATO Commander during the Bosnian Civil War declared on March 18th that the massacre at Srebrenica in 1995, where over 8000 Muslim refugees were killed in the Dutch-guarded UN Safe Area, was due to the presence of homosexual soldiers among the Dutch battalion deployed to the enclave.

Speaking before a Senate hearing on the subject of swapping the current US Military policy of “don’t ask, don’t tell” for one of open acceptance of homosexuality in the armed forces, Sheehan said that the Dutch military “did not believe the Germans were going to attack again or the Soviets were coming back” and so made “a conscious effort to socialize their military… [including] open homosexuality. That led to a force that was ill-equipped to go to

war.”

Naturally, Sheehan’s claims have drawn considerable ire. Senator Carl Levin called the response to his question “way off target” while Dutch Prime Minister Jan Pieter van Balkenende struck a more forceful tone, calling the comments “disgraceful and untenable towards homosexuals,” continuing “You don’t talk that way about people.

I find it below standard if one speaks in this manner of the work that people have to do in difficult circumstances,” in reference to the fact that Dutch troops were surrounded and isolated from resupply during the Serbian siege of Srebrenica. van Balkenende is supported in his distaste by the Dutch Ambassador to Washington, Renée Jones-Bos, who “couldn’t disagree more” with Sheehan.

Dutch Defense Ministry Spokesman Roger van de Wetering laid down the harshest reply. “For us it is unbelievable that a man of this rank

is stating this nonsense, because that is what it is… I do not know on what facts this is based, but for us it is total nonsense.” van de Wetering also added, “Every man or woman that meets the criteria physically and mentally is welcome to serve in our Armed Forces regardless of (religious) belief, sexual preference or whatever,” an assertion that he was joined in by Jones-Bos, who said, “I take pride in the fact that lesbians and gays have served openly and with distinction in the Dutch military forces for decades.”

Yet if the Dutch military is proud of the service of homosexuals within its ranks, it is not so proud of the Srebrenica mission.

Thom Karremans, the man who commanded the Dutch force, was forced to emigrate to Spain after receiving death threats due to the manner with which he had consorted with General Ratko Mladic, the man behind the massacre, prior to the killings while a 2002 Dutch Government Report on the massacre led to the resignation of former Prime Minister Wim Kok’s cabinet.

Obama signs healthcare bill into law Yuming Mei Editor

Many have failed before him, like the last Democratic President, Bill Clinton, in 1994.

After spending almost the entire first year of his presidency on healthcare reform, President Obama has finally got something to show for it. The healthcare bill that he signed on March 23 reforms the US healthcare system and extends health insurance to tens of millions of Americans while at the same time promising to save money in the long run.

However, the passage of the bill was never certain. After both the House of Representatives and the Senate had passed some kind of healthcare bill by December 24 2009, it seemed like all Democrats had to do was reconcile the differences in the two bills after Christmas. However, in the intervening time, they received a crushing blow to their plans in the form of losing their filibuster proof majority in the Senate after Scott Brown’s victory in Massachusetts. To add insult to injury, the seat Brown won was the one vacated by the late Ted Kennedy, long-time champion of healthcare reform.

This achievement marks Obama as the only Democratic president in decades to successfully reform the US healthcare system.

The dramatic Sunday evening vote where the bill was finally passed 219-212 by The US House of Representatives confirms the Senate’s December version of the bill though the Senate is now expected to make changes to it in a process known as budget reconciliation to make it closer to a form of the bill acceptable to the house.

However, the difference between now and Christmas is that one bill has now formally been passed in both houses – and Obama can now say with absolute certainty that healthcare reform, the plank of his first year as President, has been accomplished.

Fawkes

15

Magazine

The Stars are out Tonight: Phoenix photographer Jasmine Whiteside attends Alice in Wonderland premiere

Amongst the Mad Hatter costumes, screaming Johnny Depp fans, children with flowers for Helena Bonham Carter and wannabe photojournalists, I found myself huddled underneath an umbrella for protection from the five hour long rainstorm at the Alice in Wonderland Premiere on Thursday 25th February. Hundreds of fans, some of them having camped since four in the morning to guarantee front row seats, waited eagerly as the clock ticked toward 7:30 on the large overhead clock in the centre of Leicester Square.

After a late start, the celebrities started to arrive, greeted by their soaked fans, with the Alice and Wonderland soundtrack blasting out overhead. Amongst the first to arrive were composer Danny Elfman, Johnny Depp and director Tim Burton, all dressed in smart black suits to meet the Prince of Wales, who arrived last. Burton’s excitement was evident as he broke away from the reporters and came springing across the carpet to greet his fans, beaming like a school boy as he sprung from person to person, signing anything presented to him and chatting happily as though every member of the dishevelled crowd was a good friend, waving his hands in an apologetic “be right back!” as he was dragged away to give yet more interviews.

He was not the only one to be enthusiastic. Johnny Depp played his role of superstar fantastically, being one of the first to arrive and one of the last to actually go in. He attended to every one of his screaming fans, not missing a single piece of paper as he passed, signing frantically, leaving his umbrella handler in the dust.

Terry Gilliam made a surprise appearance, crying “Terry Gilliam?! No, I’m not him!” as he signed many surprised fans’ crumpled sheets of paper. He was followed by a very gracious Sharon Osborne.

Avril Lavigne broke away from the cameras, as well as Michael Sheen, Matt Lucas and Crispin Glover.

However, other much sought-after celebrities such as Alan Rickman, Ann Hathaway, Christopher Lee and Ms. Helena Bonham Carter did not grace their soaking fans with their autographs, but we forgave Mr. Lee because he looked as though he could barely stand, and Helena appeared to be ill, though she wore a beautiful Vivienne Westwood dress. She never did receive her beautiful bouquet from the child in the gathering.

A very drenched but satisfied group of fans left Leicester Square that night, stolen premiere promotion posters under arm. It was a wonderful turnout of cast and crewmembers, as well as a surprise selection of English celebrities to add a special something to a once in a lifetime experience.

Photos, clockwise from top: Johnny Depp, director Tim Burton, an enthusiastic reporter, Sharon Osbourne, and Terry Gilliam All photos Copyright © Jasmine Whiteside.

16 FAWKES How to...

maintain a healthy lifestyle while studying at Hills Road

By Natasha Kelly We all know how difficult it is. That is, to try and stay fit and healthy all of the time. I mean, especially at college, with the temptations of chips from the Kitchen, and pastries from café, it just seems plain impossible, right? This article will just give you a few ideas about how to stay trim, and feel good.

Well, obviously you all know about how little time college, and perhaps, having a job leaves us to be able to exercise, and, more importantly for most of us, to relax. Yes, this does suck, but there are ways that mean we can get all of that homework and revision done, and still put a little time aside for everything else.

Firstly, and quite a lot of you will already have guessed this one: there is a Hills Road Sports Centre. I mean, it’s just over the road, perfect for those monotonous free periods when, for some insane reason, you have no homework to do!

As a Hills Road student, to get started, all you have to do is pay £10 for the gym induction, spend one of your lunchtimes getting shown how all of the equipment is used and there you go, you’re ready to begin. Using the gym is perfect for getting toned, or for building your muscles up and you can work at your own pace, meaning that you don’t have to get completely covered in sweat, if you don’t want to that is. Just bring your iPod, stick your headphones in, and the time flies by! Also, you don’t have to exhaust yourself by going every day, in every free period. Just go when you feel like it, regularly, maybe once or twice a fortnight, and you’ll feel the benefits, even if you do ache a little in the morning. You know what they say … no pain, no gain!

Another idea is getting together with your friends and just doing some exercise with them. It will be fun, easy and you can motivate each other if one of you feels like giving up! And not all of these exercises need to leave you feeling absolutely exhausted at the end. Try cycling, swimming, running, yoga, dance, football, practically anything – it’s all good for you! And let’s be honest, you’re guaranteed to have a laugh as well. And you could maybe think about joining the gym together. Going in your frees with someone else may make you more confident, or you could be one of those people who likes to go by themselves, and again, take their iPod. You could go after school, at lunch or in those free periods, and you really will feel better afterwards.

Finally, in addition to all of those, you could just do the basics: try to eat five portions of fruit and vegetables a day, drink more water, and yes, we all know how difficult this is, but maybe try to cut out a few of those fatty foods? It will be worth it. Balancing your lifestyle between College work, exercising, relaxing, and most importantly, your social life, is crucial.

Don’t forget to spend an equal amount of time on each as you don’t want to get too wound up in anything! This will make you feel altogether happier, and maybe a little tired, but definitely content. And not forgetting, you’ll look healthier too.

29 March 2010 | The Phoenix

Beauty in the modern age

by Helen Adamson

By definition beauty is “a characteristic of a person, place, object or idea that provides a perceptual experience of pleasure, meaning, or satisfaction.” However, beauty has evolved throughout history to become the vaguely defined concept it is today. For instance, during the golden era of Queen Elizabeth I, snow white skin was considered to be the height of beauty whereas today, thanks to Coco Chanel’s introduction of the practice of artificial tanning, the tanning industry has a turnover of millions a year. Henceforth beauty cannot be determined definitively because it evolves through the ages, responsive to changing fashion.

From 51 BC to 30 BC, Cleopatra VII Thea Philopator, though commonly known by just her first name, stunned her people with her breathtaking beauty. So much so, in fact, that the proportions of her face were noted and so forth was created the dimensions of the perfect face. Similarly, in Greek mythology, Helen of Troy was said to have “the face that launched a thousand ships.” But the question remains why and how she was named such an astounding beauty, and whether we would find her so beautiful today.

It is a popular saying that beauty comes from within, that a person’s inside personality is beautiful and that is what counts. A pioneer for this cause would be TV character Ugly Betty, a girl with a warm heart, braces on wonky teeth, frizzy hair and a less-than-admirable dress sense. In a world of superficial glamour, Betty struggles yet strives to succeed. Met with botox faces, stick-thin models and judgmental mascaraed eyes, Betty becomes an unlikely heroine as her inner beauty shines through.

No matter how much we convince ourselves that beauty is from the inside, we still nevertheless hold a desire to obtain this so-called perfect look, even when such a look does not exist. Although it is hard to obtain the definitive form of beauty, it is not easy to ignore the degrees of it; that girl is prettier than me. However, while the extent of beauty may be measured, though differently by different people, it is what defines beauty that is so elusive. Plastic surgeons are hammered with the demands: make me beautiful, but to the question “what is beauty”, there is no one answer.

Baking with Baker

For the icing 100g cream cheese (such as Philadelphia) 50g softened unsalted butter 300g icing sugar Hundreds and thousands (or other decoration of choice)

Jodie Baker continues with her campaign to get us cooking.

You may well have noticed that cupcakes have recently become ubiquitous. The latest craze from the USA has made its way to this side of the pond, with so-called ‘cupcakeries’ such as The Hummingbird Bakery and The Primrose Bakery springing up across the UK. Cute and heading-towards-kitsch they might be, but this is one culinary bandwagon that is definitely worth jumping on. After much mixing, baking and tasting (we all have to make sacrifices for the cause of cutting-edge journalism), I came up with the following recipe. The ideal combination of lighter-than-light sponge and cream cheese vanilla icing, a batch of these beauties can be whipped up in a matter of minutes. Bake on, my friends, bake on.

For the cakes 120g plain flour 140g caster sugar 1 ½ tsp baking powder A pinch of salt 40g butter

120ml milk 1 egg ½ tsp vanilla extract

For the icing 100g cream cheese (such as Philadelphia) 50g softened unsalted butter 300g icing sugar Hundreds and thousands (or other decoration of choice)

Method: For the cakes 1. Preheat the oven to 170°C (150°C if using a fan oven), and line a 12-hole cupcake tray with paper cases 2. Combine the flour, sugar, baking powder and salt in a large bowl 3. Dice the butter, and rub it into the dry ingredients as if making crumble topping (this might sound bizarre, but stick with it; it will work) 4. Stir in half the milk using a hand-held electric beater (or wooden spoon). Beat until just incorporated 5. Use a fork to whisk the egg, vanilla extract and remaining milk together in a separate bowl 6. Pour into the flour mixture, then beat until wellblended and the mixture is smooth. Take care not to over-mix, or the finished cupcakes will be tough 7. At this stage the mixture should be fairly liquid.

Scrape it into a jug, then pour from the jug into the paper cases; they should be just over two-thirds full.

The number of cakes you are able to make may vary slightly depending on the size of your paper cases

8. Bake in the preheated oven for 15 minutes, or until the cupcakes are risen, golden and a skewer inserted into the centre comes out clean 9. Leave to cool for a few minutes in the tray, before removing them to a wire rack until completely cold. Whilst cooling, make the icing For the icing 1. Sieve the icing sugar into a mixing bowl 2. Add the cream cheese, softened butter and 1 tsp vanilla essence 3. Beat (using a hand-held electric whisk or wooden spoon) until light and fluff y 4. Adjust the consistency by adding a splash of milk or more icing sugar as necessary 5. Spread generously over the cooled cupcakes, before sprinkling with brightly coloured hundreds and thousands (Recipes inspired by The Hummingbird Bakery Cookbook and Sainsbury’s Magazine)

The Phoenix | 29 March 2010

Comics Corner

FAWKES

Competitions!

17

Where is this at Hills?

B

C

A E

F

D G 5

H

How to Enter:

NAME: _______________

Write the answers below, and cut this square out.

Return it to us on our stall outside the cafe by 4pm Wednesday 31st!

A______________________________________________________ B______________________________________________________ C______________________________________________________ D______________________________________________________ E______________________________________________________ F______________________________________________________ G______________________________________________________

I ~ Jinyan Li

H______________________________________________________ I_______________________________________________________

PRIZES: First two correct entries drawn out of a hat

will win one Cineworld cinema ticket each - any film!

ps: you must write enough that we’re sure you’re not bluffing!

18

FAWKES

Easter Egg Hunt

Clues

How to Enter:

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure To find the Red Egg you must measure A four sided shape; when viewed from the skies X marks the spot of the elusive prize.

Use the clues to find the eggs! There is no particular order - start with any colour.

To find the Blue Egg now pay attention: Find a graph in three dimensions The product of two equals the third Look for the origin of the surface that’s curved.

Now obsolete, the Green Egg’s location Was often used to store information Start your search at MA9-5 1 result found in A drive.

When you find an egg, take it with you and present it at The Phoenix stall outside the cafe,

by Wednesday 31st, during break or lunch to claim your prize.

PRIZES: One free cineworld ticket

- any film, any time - per egg!

Sudoku

The Pink Egg’s clue is cinematic: A scenario explosive and dramatic The LAPD better cough up the dough The title is fast but 50’s too slow.

With convex capital and tapered shaft It exemplifies the Tuscan craft The White Egg’s concealed by the upright stone That stands opposite its supportive clone.

Down 2. Former staple of weather forecasts, denotes atmospheric pressure. [6] 3. Jumble a hammer kid to get new chair. [5,5] 4. Your life’s direction will revolve around updates from this site [4] 5. Overly warm distance between two points [7]

Taurus: 20 April – 21 May Don’t charge headlong into things. Take a moment to relax: breathe deeply, count to 10, try not to stamp your feet. Take care to avoid anyone dressed in a matador costume and waving a red cloth at the costume ball!

Gemini: 21 May – 21 June Look out for your evil twin, as duplicity is dangerous to you and you work best as an individual. If someone starts to copy your work/style/habits, dispose of them quickly and quietly. Avoid any biology students with a particular interest in cloning!

Sagittarius: 22 November – 22 December We hope you were watching out for Cupid’s arrow during the Valentine’s season: once the arrow strikes it could be serious and potentially fatal. Oh and don’t you think an archery society would be a rich addition to Hills Road?

Scorpio: 23 October – 22 November With your poisonous personality, your enemies should beware!

But please, try to come up with some more inventive revenge strategies this month/year… preferably involving public humiliation so we can share in your joy. Remember to keep that shiny shell of armour polished – presentation is everything!

Virgo: 23 August – 23 September You may soon be faced with a moral dilemma and face difficult (or not so difficult) choices. Two paths will become apparent and you may have to choose between your head and your heart. But always remember your motto: What would Richard Branson do?

~ Abi See

1. Fast food outlet crosses road quickly [11] 7. Quiet drone, belonging to us, provokes laughter [6] 8. To have your share - opposite to taking part [7] 10. What does a General keep up his sleevey? [4] 11. Smells suspicious [5] 14. Wager [3] 15. Harmless untruth [5,3] 16. These people can Never Eat Shredded Wheat. [8] 17. Hooray, it’s symmetrical! [3] 19. “Full-sized aortic pump” according to Joey. [5] 20. Shortened alligator, also beach footwear. [4] 22. Upcoming election, quite interesting round of ignorance [7] 23. Heteronym for more pins and needles, go figure [6] 24. We’re at a crossroads regarding this music venue [3,8]

Horoscopes

Leo: 22 July – 23 August As ruler of the pack, there’s a lot of responsibility on your shoulders. But all that preying on the weak can be hard work, so paws once in a while, try and relax: perhaps it’s time to get that mane trimmed and those claws sharpened! Try not to lose your pride – it will be important in times to come.

Good news shelved, stamped and bound According to Luke, that’s where it’s found For while He hung between two thieves The Yellow Egg hides among its leaves.

Across

29 March 2010 | The Phoenix

Crossword

Libra:23 September – 23 October Try and keep balance in your life , as you can be easily swayed.

Remain poised, steady and upright, as the scales of your life are tipping. But hey, you probably won’t listen to us, as Libras are sceptics by nature.

Cancer: 21 June – 22 July Despite your natural tendencies to be ‘crabby’, make a special effort not to snap at people. Oh, and drowning yourself in work will not improve your mood either, so break out of your shell and have some fun! Step out of your comfort zone and dive in at the deep end, but above all, keep moving forward (not sideways).

Aries: 20 March – 20 April Hmm let’s see... woolly coat, hooves, curly horns… well aren’t you a looker? The Ram likes to lead the crowd and has a strong personality – try not to bowl anyone over. However, your headstrong nature may clash with the Bull above, so try not to go head to head with a Taurus.

Aquarius: 20 January – 18 February At times, you carry a heavy burden, so be careful not to get dehydrated. Early Spring isn’t a great time of year for you: in the icy weather, make sure you don’t slip. But the upside is that when other people start getting in a flap about careers, you’ll be sorted: fire fighter!

6. How do you make Lady GaGa cry? [4,3,4] 9. It still smells. [3,8] 12. Wooden hill [5] 13. The price of the ____ age? [10] 16. Flow of the moment [7] 18. Impish fish [6] 21. Used to be yours, now it all belong to us [4]

Pisces: 18 February – 20 March Stay close to Aquariuses, as they are essential for your survival, but for heavens sake, try not to make it obvious that you’re stalking them! But, if everything does fall apart, don’t worry after all, there are plenty more fish in the sea.

Capricorn: 22 December – 20 January There seems to be extreme confusion in your life – something to do with a split personality maybe? Just take pride in the fact that you’re interesting to look at… it’s good to stand out from the crowd sometimes… but don’t overdo it!

28

FAWKES

29 March 2010 | The Phoenix

Music journalism

Is the death of MySpace also the death of new music?

By Trudy Barry

One day I stumbled across a girl’s profile through mutual friends and instantly knew I wanted to be her friend. She was cool, older, and every time I went on her profile the thumping intro to The Teenagers ’Homecoming’ exploded through my speakers. The lyrics “last week I flew to San Diego to see my auntie / on day one I met her hot step daughter / she’s a cheerleader, she is a virgin and she is really tanned” sung in an ironic monotonous French accent intrigued me no end, so I decided to check out their profile.

It was there that things really began to kick off. I discovered other songs such as “French Kiss” an unusually romantic song about kissing a girl while watching Dirty Dancing, and “Sunset Beach” about one band member having a one night stand with a girl who then stole his Jazz Master keyboard while he slept.

Soko performing at the Oxford Art Factory in Sydney. Photograph by Paul Wilcock.

I also learnt a bit about the members of this fascinating band. The Teenagers, consisting of Quentin Delafon, Michael Szpiner and Dorian Dumont, were formed one drunken Boxing Day in the heart of Paris around a table of frozen pizza and vodka in 2005. Initially the band, fronted by 26-yearold Delafon, was to be a joke, mocking internet bands

and their virtual groupies. Sure enough, within a week, and despite having no music on their page, the band had received their first fan message. A naïve teenage catalyst named Nicole had commented on their page, and had kindly included some naked pictures of herself for the band’s enjoyment. Thus, the band’s first song ‘F**k Nicole’ was born.

Crystal Castles performing in Philadelphia. Photo uploaded to Flickr by user Jalapeño.

The year was 2007 and I has finally made the migration from Bebo (oh the shame!) to MySpace. A lot had changed about me that year; I had banished my tracksuit bottoms in favour of skinny jeans and had an entire new wardrobe of friends to choose from.

It soon became apparent that it was not only Nicole who enjoyed the tight-T-shirt-clad French charm that the all-male trio emitted, and luckily, they weren’t too bad at the music side either. They produced a debut album in early 2008 and soon made lots of English, French and American girls happy with their soft French accents, making even the most misogynistic lyrics sound like a chat-up line (when has the line “Do you want to have a shower before you leave?” ever made a girl feel beautiful before?)

So it was inevitable that eventually other internet music sensations would latch on to their success. “Hey, check out Soko’s vocals on our song Homecoming” read one of the band’s posts. Who is Soko you ask? Soko, also French, was my second venture into the big world of internet music. Soko hadn’t released any albums and all of her music sounded as though it had been recorded in her bedroom, but her cutesy Paris chic was enough to draw in even the cynics (by which I mean MySpace users). Even if you weren’t already convinced, lyrics like “She stole my future, she broke my dream / I’ll kill her”, sung to a practically lullaby-esque tune, would hypnotise anyone.

“I heart Crystal Castles!!” read one of Soko’s posts. So it was into the realm of Crystal Castles that I ventured next.

The Canadian male/female duo, named after cartoon character HeMan’s home, could not be any more different then the previous French act’s heavily lyric-based sound.

Crystal Castles sounded like a deranged cat had been let loose on a Nintendo 64 and then the entire product had been chucked though a synthesiser. No-one should like Crystal Castles – it was as though Alice Glass and Ethan Kath had taken the dictionary definition of a song and reversed it. But that’s why it was so good! It was new, it was edgy, and it was experimental.

The occasional scream from Alice also didn’t hurt.

By this time it was July 2008, and MySpace girl and I were best friends. While holidaying with her and her family in Italy I received a birthday card from my Mother back in England, and in it were two tickets to see Crystal Castles live at Camden’s Electric Ballroom.

MySpace music was spilling into

my real world.

Fast forward to now, nearly three years later, and what has changed? I’m still close friends with MySpace girl, but my Crystal Castles and The Teenagers CDs (yes I actually bought the CDs!) are gathering dust in the depths of my bedroom mess. No longer do unsigned bands reign over my iPod. Instead I find myself going way back to The Velvet Underground, Jefferson Airplane and The Mamas and The Papas - music that ruled the airwaves way before the internet, or computers for that matter. MySpace has crumbled, in the same way that Piczo and Bebo did before, and now Facebook rules the internet social network. While there are still pages for bands and musicians, there is yet to be a media player added to these pages, and let’s face it, listening to the music is essentially the reason why we like musicians, right? Now we have to follow links to YouTube and other external sites, which we are less likely to do given our hectic lifestyles. The “Eye Candy” bands that people follow like JLS, Justin Beiber, The Saturdays, Cheryl Cole, will flourish on Facebook. However, the idiosyncratic Teenagers and Soko were perfectly suited to MySpace, and the twisting web-like network that led to them is disappearing. I miss it.

29

Why Lady Gaga is the best thing to happen to pop music for a long time

By Alice Kelley, Deputy Editor “Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah/ Roma roma-ma/Gaga ooh la la/Want your bad romance.” Perhaps the most popular nonsense lyrics since The Beatles, Lady Gaga cuts a seductive, outrageous and controversial figure in the charts. With more than 8 million albums and 350 million singles sold digitally worldwide, no one can doubt that Lady Gaga makes stunningly good pop music. The amount of time 2008’s ‘Just Dance’ floated around the collective consciousness before the full extent of the Gaga-weird hit us shows just how criminally catchy her music is. But, it seems, the world of pop is not quite ready for Lady Gaga yet.

Photpgraph by Tsuppe at wikimedia commons

FAWKES

The Phoenix | 29 March 2010

Whether she is talking to Dermot O’Leary from an oversized bathtub on the X Factor, singing a sooty glitterati duet with Elton John on a double-ended piano topped with disembodied monster claws at the Grammies, or wearing a red PVC ruff and playing a piano suspended in mid-air in front of the Queen, the Gaga knows how to put on a show. But somehow the theatrics do not seem a façade. 2006 YouTube footage of the Stefani Germanotta Band (Gaga’s real name is Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta – the reasons a stage name was necessary are as yet unknown) show a natural brunette Gaga in a four-piece rock band, which falls strangely flat. Her jigging behind the keyboard seems to long for choreography and slow motion and vocoders and glitter mixed with rock and roll. The thing about Lady Gaga is that she doesn’t just appeal because she is crazy, but also because she is genuine. Behind the mirror mask is an independent artist, not an act manufactured by a producer as the Next Big Thing.

Outspoken liberal, feminist, gay rights advocate and campaigner for safe sex and the prevention of HIV, Gaga described attending a gay rights rally in Washington DC as “the single most important thing in my career”. While advocacy is nothing new in celebrity-land, it gives a human element to the superhuman persona of Lady Gaga – she speaks for the outcast.

Photograph by jazmin Million

The world doesn’t quite seem ready for a personality as big as Lady Gaga, however, as the abundance of hermaphrodite rumours scurrying around the internet prove.

The one pixelated video of her ‘bulge’ is not to be taken seriously, and with the many skimpy skin tight outfits in every music video, one must assume the Gaga is packing very tiny heat, or, most likely, ladyparts. The persistent rumours have served to desexualise Lady Gaga as an icon, in spite of the aforementioned skimpy outfits, and this leads Gaga to be defined by her music, and by her unpredictable performances – a refreshing change, and one that is long overdue.

Gaga’s debut album ‘The Fame’ tenderly, almost lovingly, satirises our obsession with celebrity, while understanding that she owes her success to the very same. Gaga sings in the title track “All we care about is pornographic girls on film and body plastic/give me something I wanna see/hot blondes in odd positions”. Ever the hot blonde in many an odd position, Lady Gaga is full of contradictions that intrigue us; simultaneously mocking the music industry, topping the over-the-top, while taking herself and her career seriously. At 23 years old she has achieved an untouchable star quality while remaining relatable not just to fans, but to everyone. She is obsessively opposed to the typical, and yet the entire planet is in the throes of an international Gaga-gasm, and she is perhaps the most successful mainstream artist of the last two years. Her pale beauty and quiet voice makes her seem almost ethereal; yet she is sexy, dark, beautiful/dirty/rich, she wants your ugly/she wants your disease. Lady Gaga is unique, a performer with universal appeal purely because she is like no-one else - and she makes outrageously good music.

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FAWKES

Fawkes’reviews

29th March 2010 | The Phoenix

Music reviews

Lady Gaga - The Fame Monster Just over eighteen months ago, nobody had heard of Lady GaGa. Now nobody hasn’t! Her rise to fame began largely due to the recognition she received from well-established R&B artist Akon, who saw her potential as a recording artist as well as a fantastic songwriter. 2008 saw the release of ‘The Fame’, but in October 2009, ‘The Fame Monster’ took over - a 2-disc CD, with 8 brand new songs, alongside all the tracks from her debut.

The Fame saw a conveyor belt of number ones - ‘Just Dance’ and ‘Poker Face’, two upbeat dance songs, deservedly flew to the top of the charts across the globe. The conveyer belt technically came to a halt with the third single, ‘Paparazzi’, which never reached number one. Despite this, it is arguably GaGa’s best song to date, breaking records with its number of views on video-sharing website YouTube. After ‘Love Game’ was deemed un-single-worthy for being too lyrically inappropriate, Paparazzi marked a new style of music for the latest Queen of Pop. There’s no doubt that ‘The Fame’ had lots of cracking poptastic tracks, but there were some lows, as there are in every album. The dreary ‘Eh, Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say)’ flaunted nothing but dull beats and the irritating slogan ‘cherrycherryboomboom’.

‘Starstruck’ was another love-it or hate-it track, jammed between some genuinely good, feisty pop songs.

The change of style ‘Paparazzi’ had implied was confirmed on release of The Fame Monster. Lady GaGa’s British counterparts, including Pixie Lott and Florence + The Machine, had set a new bar earlier in the year which involved a much more produced sound than GaGa had pulled off in her debut. And it’s this produced sound that’s written all over the 8 new tracks – unfortunately for her, it just doesn’t work. For instance, Bad Romance, whilst not a poor song, had been out for some weeks before it eventually reached number 1, and it only got there after GaGa’s eccentric performance on ITV’s ‘The X Factor’ (which was no surprise, nor a particularly special achievement – seeing as all chart number ones in the weeks leading up to Christmas had been performed at some point on the show).

GaGa, though, must still be credited – for writing and producing another gripping & exciting bunch of songs. Lyrically different to her debut, The Fame Monster reflected the relationship issues she’ has had in the past year. Her eager followers instantly gobbled up tracks like ‘Bad Romance’ and ‘Dance In The Dark’ in which she flaunts her new motto, “I’m a free bitch baby”. Elsewhere in the album, she cries “that boy is a monster”, and in the only ballad on the album, ‘Speechless’, she pours her heart out. In ‘Telephone’, a collaboration with America’s Beyoncé, she howls “stop calling, stop calling, I don’t wanna talk anymore” in what is set to be one of the catchiest singles of the year. Lady GaGa would be the first to admit her singing voice isn’t the best in the world, but that’s not what she’s trying to achieve. The Fame Monster is an appealing collection of up-tempo, catchy dance & pop songs, revealing an honest desire for fun, and for fame.

James Pritchard

Album artwork taken from lyricblender.com

Marina & the Diamonds - The Family Jewels

Marina and the Machine? Florence and the Diamonds? No - two artists similar in name, but make no mistake, Marina Diamandis of “Marina and the Diamonds” is one of the freshest, most original new artists to come under the spotlight for a long time.

What started online as a bit of fun has budded into a promising career for this young star, with the release of her debut album, ‘The Family Jewels’ in February this year. In the early days of her music-making, Marina hand-made and sold about 70 copies of her first EP, ‘Mermaid Versus Sailor’, through her MySpace page, to her small yet loyal fan-base . Having since gathered huge support and recognition, releasing two singles (with B-sides), a second EP, ‘The Crown Jewels’, and an ‘iTunes Live at London’ set, she can expect her first major label record to sell many, many more copies.

‘Obsessions’ was her first single made available for digital download, raking in a small fortune from iTunes sales. In it, she belts out “supermarket, oh what packet of crackers to pick?, they’re all the same, one brand, one name, but really they’re not”, blasting the listener into a state of deep thinking. Although, it was the B-side, “Mowgli’s Road” which really stood out - so far that it was recorded again, and re-released as Marina’s second single in November 2009.

By this time, Marina had played various shows on tour with the NME, and first single ‘Obsessions’ appeared on the ‘NME Album of 2009’. Last year sent Marina even further towards commercial success- she shined at a ‘BBC Radio 1 Big Weekends’ event, and allowed fans to snap album demo tracks, with MP3 files swarming the internet.

The next single, ‘Hollywood’ peaked at number 12 in the singles chart. Her album, just round the corner, flew straight up the chart to number 5. The only problem Marina has is - that she’s trying to succeed in the culture she despises so much in her lyrics – her critical view of our consumerist ‘control freak’ society is written all over the album. In ‘Are You Satisfied’, she takes the ‘so what’ approach to her critics, demanding “I do not give a damn if you don’t believe”, before pointing out to teens all over the country how “Hollywood infected your brain”, and admits “TV taught me how to feel, now real life has no appeal” in ‘Oh, No!’ So commercial success may not be on the way, but there’s no denying the honesty of this album. Marina’s fantastic song-writing skills and vocal range built the bridge to a brilliant debut album - to keep fans happy for now. Snappy Album artwork taken from ukoffer.com lyrics and sharp choruses in these records mean Marina will constantly be on repeat on iPods and CD players across the country. In Hollywood she shows what she’s all about with “Oh My God, you look just like Shakira, no no you’re Catherine Zeta, actually my name’s Marina”. A brilliant pop record, in amongst some fantastic piano-led pop ballads, and Marina even goes dark in ‘Rootless’, flaunting what more she can do. The Family Jewels really is a great pop album of 2010.

Chart accomplishment was short and sweet, but that’s not to say The Family Jewels won’t storm the album chart in the future, as Florence Welch’s ‘Lungs’ did, so effortlessly at the start of the year, some seven months after its release. In Marina’s words, ‘success isn’t permanent, but neither is failure.’

James Pritchard

FAWKES

The Phoenix | 29th March 2010

31

Gigs & Concerts

Lady Drives O2 Arena Fans Gaga!

DATE HERE “If you want to get to the Monster Ball, then follow the glitter way” screamed Lady Gaga, introducing the most phenomenal rollercoaster-extravaganza/Wizard-of-Oz-parody of a concert to almost 20,000 fans. The tour has been described by the goddess herself as ‘the first ever pop electro opera’. Lady Gaga is one of the world’s most talked-about superstars, whose breathtaking array of charisma and vulnerability has the world stopping just to stare. At 23, she is unstoppable.

Admittedly, the spectacle and marvel of the O2 Arena remained dormant until the merchandise section opened, revealing a parade of obscene Gaga-like statements on the T-shirts – a “Haus of Gaga 09/10” T-shirt seemed appropriate. All that was left was to join the hundreds of dancing OTT Gaga impersonators in the queue. Their weird and wonderful self-designed outfits were almost comparable to the fashion sensation that is Lady Gaga. All around me fans appeared in lace and leather: I, with a slim scarf AND blazer, felt totally underdressed.

I and fans alike were eager to witness Lady Gaga, styled by Armani and Prada, dubbed the new Madonna, strutting her stuff on the elaborate stage and sporting her outrageous, glitzy and quirky dress sense. The O2 Arena easily looked like the insides of Fashion Week or, perversely, Halloween night on the Vegas Strip.

The tour started with a video montage and a teasing 10 second timer which whipped excited fans into desperation. Gaga began with Dance in Dark (recently performed at the Brit awards) - her silhouette was projected in bright pink, revealing her curvaceous and petite body, but also showcasing her thrilling and exemplary vocational ability. In front of what seemed to be a prison metallic imitation of a West End stage Gaga’s chilling and entrancing presence sent fans into a whirlwind of dancing fever.

Fashion-wise the star never failed to impress, first wearing a purple leather corset with shoulder pads wide enough to emulate the wings of a plane. Naturally, nothing remains the same with Gaga: her stage was then transformed from a New York street backdrop to reveal an enormous old-style Chevrolet, a piano sprang from the bonnet, and Gaga sent chills down already trembling feet as number one hit Just Dance echoed around the stadium. It ended with a gruesome haunting video of a negligee-clad women puking over Gaga juxtaposed with quick intercepts of Gaga sitting on a toilet and eating a heart.

For her second act she performed Love Game in a white PVC exaggeration of a nun’s habit whilst travelling across the stage in a subway carriage, from which she provided a seamlessly childish narration of being lost in New York City and trying to find the Monster Ball. One component of her seems to be made of the innocence and felicity of Britney Spears, but on stage we see the emotional and enraged ‘monster’ within, provoking fans to question ‘has she gone gaga?’

Later on she displayed her powerful vibrant singing voice when performing Speechless and Brown Eyes as her legs lay hanging precariously on the keys and after a moment of complete awe to reflect on the sensation we were watching, rapid gusts of flames exploded from the piano...Gaga, however, didn’t seem to mind and her comedic manner saw her ask the audience if they were enjoying themselves, and after a loud gesture of applause and screams to respond she replied: ‘Good! Because you can’t have your money back.’

Moments later the stage, covered in New York street signs including: ‘implants sedation dentistry’, ‘DEATH!’, ‘Thank you’, ‘DRUGS’ and ‘What the f**k have you done’, was changed into...well, the best possible forest one can make at the O2 Arena. Raised on a platform 20 feet into the air fans on the upper tiers witnessed what seemed like a generic fairy godmother dress but showcasing the appearance of a giant lampshade; attached was an Elizabethan styled ruff electronically activated to change and distort the dress as she chose. She then performed new song from The Fame Monster ‘So happy I could die’. Afterwards the Bad Romance star suffered the torture and torment of her dancers who murdered her until a resurrection symbolised by a demonic silver plated statue of God gushing balls of fire to the ceiling as she sang Alejandro.

The defining point of the tour was initiated during the gross and brilliant performance of Paparazzi where a 20 foot giant tentacle monster ravished the stage opening its illuminated mouth to ‘eat’ Gaga who felt susceptible to the allure of it. Whilst ambiguous and extraneous to the rest of the tour the monster octopus resembled the temptation of a hedonistic self-indulgent lifestyle – a trait of being a celebrity: Gaga hated it. Crying and jumping away from it she was able to overcome the monster before finally arriving at the monster ball.

A blackout in the O2 Arena ended Pararazzi until a trembling and exhausted voice narrated to the audience: ‘I’ve finally reached the Monster Ball.’ After burned pianos, Marie Antoinette head turning designs and the sheer brilliance of every single Gaga performance all the aspects of the single most incredible tour in the world heightened during the last performance of Bad Romance.

Text and photography by Neil Chauhan

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29 March 2010 | The Phoenix

Gigs & Concerts

Film

Shockwaves NME Tour

19th February 2010

In previous years the NME tour has brought the likes of The Killers, Bloc Party and Arctic Monkeys to Cambridge’s humble Corn Exchange. The Killers have since played the O2 arena. It’s therefore pretty safe to say that NME knows good music when it hears it. This year was no exception: The Drums, The Big Pink, Bombay Bicycle Club and The Maccabees were the impressive line-up to the gig on Friday 19th February.

The Drums, a band from New York, were the appetisers. Having heard none of their music before, I didn’t know what to expect. I wasn’t expecting the guitarist to abandon his instrument for a tambourine and leap around the stage like Zebedee on illegal substances, but that is exactly what happened; and I’m still undecided as to whether it was a refreshing act of freedom or just bizarre. The music, however, was unbelievably catchy and shone into my ears like a little ray of sunshine on that very snowy February evening; I found myself singing along to songs I’d never heard before. The musical warmth was unexpected and welcomed greatly.

It set a smile on my face.

The Big Pink oozed cockiness from the moment they hit the stage, and the crowd weren’t impressed. Their music sounded like someone had hit Glasvegas over the head with a hefty synthesiser: interesting, yes, but not something to dance to. So we stared complacently, some nodded their heads, but that was about all the enthusiasm The Big Pink could extract. That is until they played the final song, their famous single Dominos. And so, the moshing began; it was like crowd schizophrenia, the moment the song was introduced they went wild. Lead singer Robbie Furze hurled himself into the crowd for a dramatic finish to an epic performance. Every other song up until then may have been arrogant and forgettable, but Dominos certainly left an impression.

Bombay Bicycle Club didn’t need the arrogance that The Big Pink had so keenly adopted, their music spoke for them, and so they shuffled onstage and took their places. The lead singer, Jack Steadman, lifted a hand in thanks as the crowd went a little bit insane. We all knew full well that this was going to be a brilliant performance. Every single song was a crowd-pleaser: performed with passion and modesty. Bombay Bicycle Club’s music manages to exude a beautifully self-effacing charm, and can extract all sorts of emotion from the listener. Watching this band live was something pretty special. I have absolutely no doubt that they will grow enormously over the next couple of years.

The Maccabees have been around a bit longer than their co-bands, having released their second album last year, yet they retain that gorgeous freshness, like each song has just come out of the wash. With an incredible setlist under their arm their performance radiated fun and carelessness. Can You Give It was a definite highlight, sending the crowd into a blizzard of bad dancing and enormous smiles, along with an unexpected appearance of Toothpaste Kisses; not an obvious choice but one that everyone loved. Certainly proving their worthiness of headlining the NME tour, The Maccabees were an absolute joy to watch and listen to. The band established that they can, indeed, give it.

Natalie Carr

Gallows: live at the Junction Sharks were the impressively-quiffed first support, and were a surprising choice for a hardcore gig, sounding like a more effeminate version of The Clash. They, especially the guitarist, threw some interesting shapes, and they certainly looked like they were enjoying themselves. However, Frank Carter’s (Gallows) claim that they were one of the “most important British bands since The Clash or Joy Division” was preposterous – they had the image, but lacked the songs to back it up.

Trash Talk were originally meant to play, but because it was postponed due to Steph Carter (Gallows) having Swine Flu, they unfortunately were back in America, leaving myself and many others disappointed. Sharks attempted to placate the Trash Talk fans by covering their song FYRA, but it lacked the passion and intensity of Trash Talk’s version.

Blackhole were next. Fronted by Richard Carter, the little brother of Frank and Steph from Gallows, it would be easy to dismiss them as riding on Gallows’s coattails, but judging them on their own merits, I was impressed by their heavy, rock and roll influenced hardcore. They had buckets of great riffs, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they went far.

Gallows: the heavily-tattooed main act. I came with high expectations, having seen them twice previously, and I was in no way disappointed. This was the last date on their postponed tour, and they were definitely up for it.

Frank, the frontman, was decidedly charismatic, which would be somewhat unexpected if you judged him from his music or image. His between-song banter covered religion, the support bands, and how they blagged free bowling and drinks at Tenpin.

After opening with a blinding version of The Riverbed, the crowd went absolutely berserk. They played a 13 song set, no small task for a band as intense as Gallows. Particular highlights included London Is The Reason (renamed to Cambridge Is The Reason); a cover of seminal hardcore band Black Flag’s song Nervous Breakdown featuring guest appearances from James from Sharks, Richard from Blackhole, and Ams from Norwich band Lonewolves; and an awe-inspiring finisher, Orchestra of Wolves, the title track from their first album. Also needing a special mention is the human pyramid in I Dread The Night, which was well done, considering the beer-covered floor and the crowd’s lack of pyramid-construction skills.

Ollie Kane

Sherlock Holmes You would be easily mistaken for thinking Sherlock Holmes is a poor portrayal of the character with the same name. He’s not wearing a Deerstalker hat, he doesn’t say “elementary, my dear Watson” and there are allusions to him taking cocaine. That’s because during Holmes’ literature career, this was exactly how Arthur Doyle wrote his brilliant detective.

The main story goes that Holmes is investigating a series of murders that seem to be linked to a mysterious cult run by the creepy Lord Blackwood. There are some twists to keep it interesting, with the tension building as Blackwood kills off people one by one. It effectively feels chilling (although there is humour scattered throughout), leaving you in anticipation to see what Holmes will discover next. The final confrontation between the detective and his enemy takes place on the unfinished Tower Bridge, offering a memorable and scenic closure to the story.

Set in Victorian England, the film opens with the famous shot of Baker Street, a gritty and bustling environment. Later venturing into London itself, full of recognisable landmarks, the murky setting will feel familiar yet entirely new. Though with everything set entirely in London, there is some sense of restriction that should be explored in the more-thanhinted sequel. Special effects aren’t overused, which makes the impact far greater when it is, for this isn’t a film that relies on CGI to sell a half-baked plot (see: Avatar). It’s all shot well, the highlights being the stunningly produced fight scenes making use of slow motion and Sherlock’s calculating voice over.

This new take on the franchise is the sort of revamp that occurred when Batman went from prancing around in tights with Robin and transformed into a no-nonsense crime fighter. While it isn’t as dark as Gotham City’s hero, Sherlock Holmes has stepped up on the action and shares focus between Holmes’ mental and physical strength. Dr Watson is presented as a man with high intelligence – rather than a bumbling fool – and is as vital to the crime solving. The pair’s relationship is explored deeper, giving a sense of foundation to their bromance, ultimately providing an entertaining and convincing dynamic between them. Robert Downey Jr and Jude Law both portray the characters with skill, upholding the British accent well and occupying the screen with their charismatic presence.

Despite its successes in crafting the feelings the main characters have for one another, the film falls down in putting across their female desires. Watson’s future engagement to Mary Morstan (Kelly Reilly) is oddly glossed over and forgotten about, as is Sherlock’s seemingly similar relationship with criminal genius Irene Adler (Rachel McAdams), a back story that could have provided greater intrigue and mystery. These just feel like loose sub-plots that have no relevance to any of the main action, almost as if the bulk was dropped at the last minute in editing.

Sherlock Holmes is a film that you’ll enjoy, whether you’ve read or seen anything in with him before or not. There are some minor downfalls in the female character development, but the film benefits from strong performances all round and offers an exciting new take on the franchise full of mystery, wit and action. Hopefully the sequel will provide more scope and venture to some new locations.

Joe Keeley

FAWKES

The Phoenix | 29 March 2010

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Book

Flatland: A Romance of Many Dimensions Written in the 1880s by a Victorian schoolmaster, Edwin A Abbott, Flatland: A Romance of Many Dimensions has by now achieved almost cult status in certain circles. But this charming little title really deserves to be read by everyone: not just for its famed mathematical content but for its witty critique of Victorian society, still relevant today.

In my belief that you should read Flatland, this review is spoiler free in terms of plot. All I will say is that “A. Square”, an inhabitant of a 2D world, is the narrator of a story so imaginative that I would ruin your enjoyment of it by giving away any of the details. Of course, this means that you won’t get to find out what the book is about until you start reading it – which is the point.

As a literary work, Flatland is difficult to categorise. At about 80 pages, it is too long for a short story but too short for a novel. In length, it most closely resembles a novella, yet it is written in tiny chapters of three to five pages, many of which are self-contained and could easily be read on their own.

However, I strongly recommend reading the book all the way through on your first reading.

This is partly because the style of the narration is quite old fashioned and may take a little getting used to, but also because quite frankly some of you won’t be able to stop yourselves. Just make sure that you set aside the correct amount of time so that it is indeed possible to read it all through in one go.

The book rewards well those who stick with all of its quirks. The esoteric capitalisation of Words in the middle of Sentences, the deliberately condescending style – as if instructing children – (it was written by a schoolmaster after all), and the numerous hand-drawn illustrations are all unusual; they may even produce a tinge of annoyance and frustration in the impatient reader. But each has it’s purpose.

For example, the lofty tone of A. Square helps the reader to zero in on the satirical target of the novel: the class and gender divisions of society. The effect is usually hilarious, as with the “Circular NeoTherapeutic Gymnasium” in Chpt.11, but now and again, well disguised in the character of A. Square, Abbott slips in some quite profound observations on the very nature of society. Many of these pass unnoticed on first reading, only coming to light upon rereading the book in an idle moment.

The imagination and breadth of the work is astounding considering its short length. Is there any more simple and evocative image of suppression than the story of the Universal Colour Bill? (Chpt.

9-10) And later, in Chpt.20 in the second half, Abbott even has something to say on the nature of human existence. The characterisation of the “Point” is truly exquisite, even when removed from its context.

A point of contention is that Flatland appears to be extremely sexist. But it merely reflects the amount of exaggeration that Abbott felt was necessary to make the irony clear. Arguably, he exaggerates a similar amount to draw attention to the class barriers of Victorian society, yet I don’t think anyone would misunderstand his intent here. In any case, it must be remembered that the book is a satire. The society of Flatland is what it is. It is you the reader that must make a moral judgement, and of course, any resemblance to the society that the reader lives must be pure coincidence.

The overall style of the book is exemplified by the ambiguity of the title: for Flatland is a romance of many dimensions in more ways than one. Our protagonist, A. Square, literally visits many different worlds, each with a different number of dimensions; however, the title is also perhaps a hint to reread Flatland, suggesting that the novel itself has many dimensions.

Yuming Mei, Editor

Restaurants

Zizzi’s, Cambridge For my brother’s birthday, my family and I decided to have an early celebration by trying out a restaurant that we had never gone to before. As my brother wanted to have Italian, we decided to try Zizzis, a fairly large restaurant on Regent Street with windows facing onto Parker’s piece. To make sure that we would not have the embarrassment of being told that there was no room, we booked beforehand.

When we arrived, we were greeted by a wave of noise. The restaurant was packed to the brim, with at least three other groups waiting to be seated before us. After twenty minutes of walking in the cold, this revelation was not very welcome, but we waited patiently. After a further ten minutes we were finally taken to our table, right next to the windows looking over Parkers Piece, although by this time in the evening I could only see the black spot where the grass was, silhouetted by the light coming from the surrounding houses. Aside from the fact that every table was taken, there was a good feeling of ambience in the restaurant, with lots of chatter that didn’t drown out conversation, just took the place of background music which some restaurants play during meals. The one issue I could find was that due to a shortage of cutlery, the whole table was missing forks, and this was not helped by a waiter later saying that they were running out of knives as well.

Apart from the lack of cutlery supplies and the slightly slow service due to there being only five or six waiters for over a hundred people, there was very little to complain about. The menu was mainly comprised of pasta and pizza, which was to be expected in an Italian restaurant, there was an amazing choice of starters and deserts as well, along with other Italian dishes such as a fish stew and a very succulent looking cut of beef. As I wasn’t paying, I had a full three course meal, calamari to start, which was some of the best I’ve ever had, even if it was a bit stringy. Then I had a Calzone, which is quite simply a pizza folded in on itself, resembling a huge Cornish Pasty, but was so much better, not at all dry and very tasty. To finish I had an Apple crumble, which although was suspiciously burnt on the bottom was absolutely delicious, but unfortunately my gluttony had got the better of me, and I could not finish it at all, and had to admit defeat.

In conclusion, if you are celebrating something, such as a birthday or end of exams, and are not in a hurry or mind having a particularly busy restaurant, then this is a fantastic place, although it’s location means that unless you have the afternoon off, it is not recommended to go to for lunch during college time.

Service- *** Unfortunately this rating had to be docked for a slow service, although admittedly it was an extraordinarily busy night Food- ****1/2 Would have been perfect had it not been for the slightly burnt bottom of the dessert or the slightly stringy feel to the calamari Atmosphere- **** Ambience was happy and lively, with the waiters smiling and good lighting even in the late evening, a wonderful place for a night out Location -*** Right in the centre of town, but a good twenty minutes walk away from College Tom Oliver

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FAWKES

29 March 2010 | The Phoenix

Theatre and music at Hills Road H

The Last Five Years

Photography by Ben Cork

A mixture of a song-cycle and a musical, The Last Five Years follows the arc of a heart-breaking modern day marriage from two perspectives; and two opposite directions of time. Aspiring musical star Cathy (played by Amberley Crediton and Megan Jenkins) starts the play with her post-break up wounds still sore and “still hurting” and relives her way backwards through their marriage. Simultaneously, Jewish writer Jamie (played by Matthew Jolly and Ben Cork) goes forward through their relationship, starting from his joyous moment of falling in love with his “Shiksa Goddess”. The pair only meets once in the middle of the show when Jamie proposes but then they carry on the live their lives in parallel, tugging at every single heartstring in the audience.

There was no denying the fantastic musical composition of The Last Five Years, delivered without fault by both the two actors and the excellent four-piece band. Each song changed the dynamic of the play effortlessly, with “The Schmuel Song” keeping an upbeat, comic tone, joyfully performed by Matthew Jolly then in an extreme contrast, Amberely Crediton’s soft but heart-breaking rendition of “Still Hurting” painfully making the couple’s destructive marriage apparent and not leaving a dry eye in the theatre – including mine! Ali Chilvers conducts the musicians with ease (playing the piano at the same time!), clearly in his element and brings the vibrant story to life.

I also can’t fail to mention Tom Byers’ quirky violin sound for making me smile every time I heard the introduction to “A part of that”!

The play was almost entirely sung, with the musical score creating a massive challenge for musical director and actor Ben Cork but it was handled with ease and confidence. Every song was performed perfectly with creative exploration of the mixture of comic and touching tunes. Even though the cast was only of two, the effect was incredibly powerful. By multi-roling the different pairs, a beautiful contrast between the different voices gave The Last Five Years a unique twist. While Megan Jenkins’ songs were compellingly melodious and gave Cathy a streak of female attitude; Ben’s finely tuned harmonious voice complimented both the actresses’ voices superbly.

Since the production was entirely created by students alone, a low budget set design still achieved outstanding simplistic beauty. Echoing the couple’s ever-changing marriage but constant affection for each other, numerous love letters over a five year marriage were suspended by string hanging above the stage. The blocks used on the stage were covered in lyrics from the 14 songs passionately retelling the story of their love and hate for each other; all handwritten by the cast themselves. The commitment, time and patience that the set must have taken is beyond me, and I would like to congratulate the whole cast on their effort in creating this level of detail which significantly contributed to the layers of the play.

I know the cast would like to voice their thanks for production manager, Annie Burge, without whom the show could never go on!

She kept a professional manner throughout the whole process and I was immensely impressed with the production taking into account the amount of time they had! Matthew Adams’s technical skills and help with the set also paid off to the whole effect of the play.

Overall I found the play a delightfully uplifting experience about the over-winding journey of a marriage. The stunning visuals and complicated songs gave the story depth beyond belief and have marked The Last Five Years as one of my favourite performances on stage.

Louisa Clack

FAWKES

The Phoenix | 29 March 2010

Features

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The relentless advance of technology >> Paradise Lost: As technology continues to advance, are we at risk of losing control of the things that make up our lives?

On March 1st 2010, an event known as the ‘apocalypse’ took place. It was an event so catastrophic that the internet erupted into furious discussion with numerous blogs, Twitter feeds and even the BBC yelping about the devastation.

Millions suffered from varying degrees of anguish. Yet the skies were not filled with meteors, the oceans had not turned to blood, and the Large Hadron Collider hadn’t yet conjured up the long-prophesised world-eating black hole. Indeed, this was an apocalypse contained entirely to the technological sector, and in fact went by the moniker: apocalyPS3’.

That day, millions of users of the PlayStation 3, Sony’s jack-ofall-trades gaming console, found themselves unable to play their games. Any efforts were met with an error message, after which they found themselves shunted back to the home screen. Numerous features for the PS3 were crippled, and with millions of PS3s affected, the problem was worryingly widespread.

Predictably, the internet doomsayers soon emerged foretelling the destruction of the PS3 forever. Others were more level-headed, pointing to the fact that only the older models of PS3 were affected, and it was almost certainly down to a bug with the clock which had suffered an error similar to the ones feared on the eve of the millennium.

Indeed, when the date

changed again to March 2nd, the problem was fixed with no apparent side-effects, and PS3 owners across the world breathed a sigh of relief. But the implications of this technological hiccup are a little worrying, especially for the non-tech savvy of us who find ourselves in an increasingly tech-reliant world.

Technology is, as everyone is no doubt aware, advancing at an astonishing rate, bringing with it fundamental changes in how our previous technology is explored and enjoyed. With Avatar still in screens wowing audiences, 3D television and cinema is on the horizon, whereas a year ago it was still being dismissed as a gimmick. The Apple iPad has been predicted to facilitate the much-debated rise of the eBook, as well as bring a whole new type of computer to the mainstream.

Open source software, which allows anyone to make programmes and applications for it, is being pushed

by Google in the form of Android phones and the new Google Chrome operating system for computers.

In short, the more stable aspects of our media lives are changing. Unfortunately, this can result in many people being left behind as they attempt to stick with what was comfortable and worked for them. Consequently, a world is looming in which we seem to have even less control over things which make up our entertainment lives than we did before.

The growing popularity of non-physical media is an example of this. In July 2009, owners of the

Photograph by Michel Ngilen

Alex Larkinson Features

The PS3, victim of the one-day technological “apocalyPS3” Amazon Kindle – an eBook reading device – found that their digital copies of George Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty Four had vanished from their Kindles. After a dispute with the book publisher, Amazon had deigned to remove all the copies of Nineteen Eighty Four without their owners’ permission. Consumers, although no doubt appreciative of the poetry of the moment, were not happy, and Amazon was forced to apologise and compensate. Yet the fact that such a thing could happen, that a purchased item could simply be taken back from the consumer with no prior warning, raised question marks over how eBooks could ever replace their paper counterparts – you would be unlikely to see a book store official sneak into your house at night to pinch the copy off the shelf.

The evolution of books had already hit a snag which the physical copies

will never be affected by.

In the gaming sector, the impending release of OnLive, a streaming service which provides supposedly lag-free games on demand: its supporters say it spells the beginning of the end for games consoles like the Nintendo Wii. Yet its critics have noted that since consumers have no physical media, should OnLive collapse, all their games will be lost. If the online servers suffer problems, gamers may be unable to even access their games.

Essentially, the physical aspects of our media are being removed, and this has the potential for problems.

Of course, progress in technology should not be inhibited simply because of isolated incidents or speculation. Many of the greatest

advancements were made despite fierce criticism from opposing groups. But caution is necessary – the speed and excitement of change may be enough for people to overlook possible setbacks, and in a world were technology is increasingly necessarily, such setbacks are potentially increasingly disastrous. Those who love technology and embrace its march onwards are sometimes quick to dismiss such pessimism as the words of the ignorant and thus fearful.

But when millions of PS3s can be struck by a tiny, unprecedented yet catastrophic error, you cannot help but wonder what would happen if similar problems occurred in areas more integral to our daily lives. All in all, while technology is undoubtedly fantastic in many sectors, sometimes stability and reliability are preferable to change in the name of progress.

Counting the Pennies

>> Sarah Moore scours the web for student-oriented offers and deals Sarah Moore Reporter & bargain-hunter It’s not uncommon to see a group of students scrambling around in the pits of a rucksack for every last five pence piece. In fact, it’s almost expected for students to be skint these days. But as much as we complain about things being too expensive, out there is a field of freebies, two-for-ones and likely-towin competitions. But finding them?

Now therein lies the problem.

Here to help is the ever reliable StudentBeans.com. A quick

sign-up can give you access to a world that is not only full of recycling possibilities, but also provides vouchers and offers. It is a regularly updated site that gives students the opportunity to “buy 6 get 6 free” on Millie’s cookies, or “buy a meal for two for under £29” at Browns, etc. etc.

Websites like Student Beans can be hard to come by, but there are a number of similar sites that are perfect for a bargain. Sites like swapcycle.com, designed to take your junk and give you something worthwhile in return, is a good place to check for reduced stock.

but do not be put off by the faded red paint and crooked doors because inside are shelves upon shelves of the oldest books. These are good for giving a more rustic appeal to your room’s décor, or as a special gift to give the illusion of expensive grandeur (they don’t need to know you picked it up for a fiver).

Not only this, but Student Beans will put you in touch with websites that are giving out free samples: that’s anything from tea, to chocolate, to fragrances (male and female), to make-up samples! The site throws in a few funny videos and a chat board to round it all off.

Of course, if you are looking for something a bit more exotic than a free meal or cinema tickets, there is a haven of treasures just littered around Cambridge containing hidden gems just waiting to be bought. The small bookshops littered around the alleys of the market may not be bearing an elaborate swanky Waterstone’s sign,

Now we cannot go about forgetting the epitome of cheap finds: charity shops. It is popular knowledge that they are treasure troves of exquisite little finds. They can sometimes be overshadowed by their second-hand status but they’re always good for a quick scavenge through as you pass by. After all, you

also feel better about giving your clinking coins to a cause a bit more worthwhile than a CEO’s pocket. So save your pennies and take the time to have a look around every once in a while. Perhaps you will be pleasantly surprised.

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FEATURES

29 March 2010 | The Phoenix

What if? An alternative history >> Duncan Clacher speculates as to what might have happened if the Gunpowder Plot had succeeded Duncan R. Clacher Speculative historian Alternate history, the speculation on the effect of altering past events, has long been an interest of mine. Pondering the simple question ‘what if?’, one quickly realises that a simple horseshoe nail can decide the fate of nations – because of the tangled web of causation that follows from it. Wishing to share my interest, I present this article. Herein, I will briefly summarise one possible alternate history that may prove entertaining or at least informative.

But what to alter? Hmm…the lifestyle supplement... Fawkes…Guy Fawkes…gunpowder, treason and plot.

What if the Gunpowder Plot had succeeded?

To discuss its potential success, we must recall the nature of the Gunpowder plot and its ultimate failure. In brief, the Gunpowder plot was a 1605 terrorist conspiracy (yep, they had terrorists back then) composed of Catholics intending to blow up the Houses of Parliament at the State opening that year, killing King James I, the nobles, and any other Protestant within. To achieve this they placed 36 barrels of gunpowder beneath Westminster and hired a soldier named Guy Fawkes to set it alight on the day.

Though many factors were present, the plot mainly failed due to a plague outbreak in London that year. The King chose to postpone Parliament’s opening as a result and during this unexpected delay, a member of the conspiracy let slip their scheme to the well-connected Lord Monteagle. Investigations were made, searches organised and on November 5 1605, Guy Fawkes was caught as he prepared to set the barrels alight. The rest is history.

Even if undiscovered, Fawkes would still have failed. Later examination of the gunpowder showed that over the unanticipated month it had decayed beyond use as an explosive. If Guy Fawkes tried to set it alight, he would’ve been lucky to produce even a spark.

Outbreaks of plague rely on a highly specific set of circumstances so we can easily imagine this particular outbreak is averted. The plot remains undiscovered and Fawkes sets the still highly explosive gunpowder alight. What now?

The immediate aftermath of the attack would be disastrous.

According to a simulation carried out in 2005, not only would the explosion be sufficient to reduce the Houses of Parliament to rubble but to send that rubble flying, deadly debris falling down from the sky in a zone of radius 400m. And not just building debris: those attending Parliament die instantly but their

corpses soar piecemeal into the sky and splatter on London’s streets – a macabre image to say the least.

The King is dead. The Houses of Parliament obliterated.

Who’s left to see the country through the crisis? The 5 year old Prince Charles (who in our history would become the unlamented King Charles I) and the 9 year old Princess Elizabeth from whom our current royal family descends. Oh dear…

The conspirators planned to ride to the Midlands and spark a nation-wide Catholic uprising.

Elizabeth would be kidnapped and proclaimed Queen under their control. The British Isles would be returned to the Catholic fold of Europe. The success of this plan is doubtful. Word of the Papist atrocity would travel faster than their horses and upon arrival they would be faced with an impossible situation. Enraged Protestants are ready to kill any Catholic they can get their hands on. Fearful Catholics are trying to lie low and avoid such attacks. The conspirators find little support for their uprising and are probably lynched with impressive speed.

In London, Charles is quickly crowned and a soundly Protestant noble declared Regent.

Parliament gone, this particular Regent has unprecedented power over government policy and harsh reprisals against ‘traitorous’

Catholics are high on his agenda.

Religiously-driven atrocities occur on a mass scale and the Catholic population temporarily nosedives.

Catholic Ireland rises up in fear and anger but once troops reach Irish soil, the rebels are brutally crushed.

Thus would be the immediate aftermath of a successful gunpowder plot. In the long-term, it would be a very different 17th century for the British Isles. As history turned out, Charles I grew up with a Catholic bend to his religious outlook and a belief in his divine right to rule. These proved a drain on his popularity from the moment of his coronation in 1625 and by 1641 the collective result was civil war.

The English Civil War resulted in Charles’ execution, a short attempt at republicanism and the beginning of Parliament’s dominance over British politics.

However in my scenario, Charles comes to the throne a young boy and is raised with a deep hatred of Catholics, who are seen as responsible for his father’s death.

Rather than a pseudo-Catholic, we have a devout Protestant on the throne, eager to stamp out the ‘traitorous’ Papacy. Such an attitude wins him support from a traumatised nation, and as a result the restored parliament, rather than tripping him at every turn, sings his praises at every possible moment.

Without internal conflict distracting him, this puritanical

King may see fit to involve himself in the religiously-driven Thirty Years War that is engulfing Europe. The effect of this is rather unpredictable.

Indeed, any further speculation is difficult and I can only give a brief outline of the future from this point.

If the war is a success, the triumphant Charles’ popularity will sky-rocket and with it his political clout. Charles spends the rest of his reign consolidating his power which his successors expand upon. A United Kingdom eventually arises out of the separate British kingdoms, but instead of a constitutional monarchy, it’s an absolutist Protestant state not unlike what Sweden evolved into in our own history. Such a state will fall to revolution somewhere down the line as the populace start to demand participation in government and with a strong legacy of political antiCatholicism present in this history (the image of the traitorous Papist set firmly in the national psyche), I suspect the Catholics play a large part in this hypothetical revolution.

In 2010 we find a very different Great Britain: a republic rather than a kingdom, Charles’ descendants put to death centuries ago; a nation embroiled in religious conflict between Protestants and Catholics; and a country where Guy Fawkes’ terrorist legacy lives on, Semtex replacing Gunpowder. Westminster quivers in fear at the prospect of another plot to destroy them. A strange place indeed.

Chinese takeaway: an insider’s perspective >>Yee Rou, aka Sarah, reveals what it’s really like to work at a takeaway Yee Rou Quah Investigative Journalist “Hi! It’s Golden WOK!” “HI GOLDEN WOKKKK…”

The phone was ringing, along with ten thousand other conversations; some might have been directed to me. Some I picked up, and some I didn’t. “I would like an 89, a 90, a 108, a 28 please” WAIT….WAIT….WAIT… And I’m thinking please pay by cash please pay by cash please pay by cash please pay by cash because I don’t know how to use the credit card machine!

I was in need of a job. I wanted new shoes and I didn’t have the money, and I thought: what could EVER POSSIBLY go wrong if I do agree to work in this Chinese Takeaway? I can answer phone calls, and I can play around with the cash machine! And plus, I really wanted those lace-up boots. So, I agreed to start on Friday, 5pm to 10pm.

So here’s what happened.

I went into the shop and I had practised what I was going to say, because I thought, why would they need to know I’m coming into work for the first time ever today? But before I could finish the lines which I had been practising in my head for a long time, no, actually, almost before I could speak, I was cut off.

“Hi, my name is Sarah, I—” “Oh, Sarah! Hello! Come in!”

I was in front of a giant cash machine, which was, like, SO

is his food? How long does he still have to wait for? Why is it so smoky in here, he can’t even breathe? Am I supposed to know why my boss hasn’t got around to fixing the door that slams behind you, along with your other questions in life?

BIG, it filled up the whole desk, and like a hundred buttons with different colour codes for each process of ordering a Chinese meal.

Perhaps my boss had expected me to be a bit smarter and sharper than I was, but—I’m not. “Sarah, just follow the instructions, it’s on the machine. I told you how to do that.”

Okay… but I can’t!!

Women are meant to be good at multi-tasking, right? Note to self: UNTRUE. In front of me was a queue, and for an instant people became sky-scrapers. A customer was mumbling some dishes, another was complaining. Where

When it hit 9pm, the only sounds which remained were other employees shuffling through the bills, whispered phonecalls with delivery drivers, the occasional sizzling of boiling oil, and conversations between relieved chefs in the kitchen that served as background noise… I’d rather have my iPod… but I love them already!

At 10pm, there was a

customer who called in, asking if we deliver to pubs.

“Yes, we do, which pub would you like us to deliver to?”

“The Grove.”

“Pardon?”

“The Grove.”

“Sorry? The Grudge?”

“The Grove!”

“Huh?? Sorry, is it spelt, G-W-O—“ “FOR GOD’S SAKE, THE GROVE!” *SLAM* “Eric!

Help, I couldn’t understand him!”

“Is it The Grove? Yeah, there’s a pub up Arbury Road… call him back.”

CALL HIM BACK. CALL HIM BACK. WHYYYY??

“Hi, it’s Golden Wok, I’m so sorry, The Grove, Yes, I’ve got it!”

“OH, IT’S YOU.” “Yes, erm… what would you like to order?”

My day ended like that.

FEATURES

The Phoenix | 29 March 2010

Chinese New Year

in stores. Households clean their houses before Chinese New Year arrives, because if you were to clean during Chinese New Year you would be sweeping away the good luck that had just arrived.

Chinese New Year celebrations in New York City, 2008 Yee Rou Quah Reporter Unlike New Year’s Day, Chinese New Year is not simply a one-day celebration. It’s like a three day party.

Building up to Chinese New Year’s Day is exciting because it gives the children excuses to ask for new clothes, new shoes, new everything, as it symbolizes a fresh start. What’s better? Our parents agree with us that it is necessary to purchase

Photograph by Bob Jagendorf

On Chinese New Year Eve, members of the family return from around the world, no matter where they are located, for a feast. This feast would usually be in the house of our grandparents. Which side? That is left for our parents to compromise.

The feast is important because all members of the family have come together to celebrate the occasion.

With everyone gathered, we would meet cousins that we didn’t know existed, and aunts and uncles which we would need to “call” to show our respect. (“ !”)

new clothes, shoes and receive new haircuts to have a merry year ahead.

Streets in China are decorated with lanterns, paper cutouts with Chinese couplets, and, like with Christmas, you hear Chinese New Year songs on the radio and

It is heart-warming to see our grandparents’ house, which usually would be quiet, to be suddenly filled with children’s laughter and people’s chatter. In northern China, it is tradition to make dumplings after dinner to eat before midnight. It is thought to bring wealth because they are shaped like a Chinese tael (part of the currency).

In the South, households would make New Year cake after dinner. These would be sent to friends and families as gifts for the incoming year.

After dinner, many families may hold countdowns for the lunar New Year. Firecrackers are banned in many countries, including Mainland China, Taiwan, Malaysia, Hong Kong, Singapore, the Philippines, Australia, the United States and

Indonesia. But in Malaysia, we do it anyway.

On Chinese New Year Day, we are to greet the elders with enthusiastic greetings, . In return, we receive “red pockets” from the elders with money. Junyu Luan, 18, commented, “the food is a plenty, and the children pay their respects to their elders, gaining traditional ‘hong bao’ from them in return, meaning red satchet, containing money.” We are also required to wear something red. The colour red is thought to scare bad spirits away and invite good fortune. Scoldings are forbidden on this day, because it would ruin the merriness of the New Year. According to the elders, on the first day everyone should be cheerful and content as a family.

Regarding this year’s Chinese New Year landed on Valentines’ day, Vincent Lin, 18, a British-born Taiwanese, said, “I thoroughly enjoyed the food and excused any courteous matters regarding Valentines Day.” Along Ying, on the other hand, commented that, “I ate a better breakfast, lunch and dinner.”

Chinese New Year is in many ways comparable to Christmas.

An excuse to eat and not get called fat, to not work, to not stress, to see everyone in your family that, some, you only get to see once a year. The bizarre traditions that we maintain over the centuries is essentially what makes Chinese New Year Day a happy one.

Why do we still like Jane Austen?

Alice Campbell Reporter

Two-hundred years ago Austen published her first novel, Sense and Sensibility. It told tales of state carriages, true love, passion, heartbreak, expectations, misconception, the wealthy and the not, otherwise known as the usual formula that any Austen reader has come to expect. But how, two centuries later, in a self-confessed cynical and sceptical society, has Austen managed to stay one of literature’s beloved novelists and a national treasure?

It would seem that a “Heat”magazine-society would be miles away from the curtseying, bonnetwearing, petticoats-a-twirling era to which Austen’s protagonists belong.

In 2002 Pride and Prejudice, perhaps Austen’s most famous novel, sold 110,000 copies, 190 years after it was first published. This novel provided the basis of all romantic works to succeed it. (SPOILER ALERT) Girl meets boy, girl indifferent to boy, girl hate boy, conflict, boy save girl, girl quite like boy, boy propose to girl and they lived happily ever after. All today’s “rom-coms” are

established around this idea, it’s almost textbook. In that case, is the reason Jane Austen’s novels remain popular because she provided the centrist idea for all modernist work?

Austen’s work also created the precedent of the perfect male figure, the knight in shining armour. The infamous “Mr Darcy” has won many women’s hearts across the globe, thanks to his aloof nature, outrageous modesty and heart-warming romance.

He is an accumulation of all of Austen’s focal male characters. The genuine kindness of Henry Tilney in Northanger Abbey, the safety and security of Colonel Brandon in Sense and Sensibility and the social stature and maturity of Mr Knightly in Emma. Self-confessed super fan Helen Fielding famously satirized Mr Darcy in her mock columns for “The Independent”: called “Bridget Jones’ Diary”, which was adapted into a book in 1996 (amazingly labelled “chick-lit”) and a film in 2001, where the character of Mark Darcy mocked the stereotype and enabled actor Colin Firth to shake off his infamous stereo-cast of Austen’s Darcy in the 1995 BBC edition of Pride and Prejudice. Also the dashing and smarmy character of Daniel

Cleaver, played by Hugh Grant, is often paralleled to Mr Wickham. It could be said therefore that Austen understands the attraction of a somewhat unconventional knight in shining armour. Also the ways in which Austen tapped into male stereotypes which are still relevant today also contribute to Austen’s successes.

Despite being a part of the Romantic Movement in the late 18th and early 19th century, Austen herself never got married.

A brief and confessed “shocking” attachment to Tom Lefroy in her early years had persuaded her away from the conventions of marriage. It is astonishing therefore that Austen had such a unique understanding of love and relationships. The women of our “Heat”-magazine-society are still able to lose themselves in the romantic life that Austen’s women live. The Mr Darcys of Austen’s work can still charm hearts even 200 years on. The stories were so good that countless directors and film writers and producers still use the essential basis of her work even today. The fact is that Jane Austen is still relevant today and it was Austen’s forward and modern thinking that persuades people to carry on reading.

Portrait of Jane Austen, 1873

37

38

FEATURES

29 March 2010 | The Phoenix

Writing for the Bowl Cut’s Bores Phoenix

>> Featuring Russell’s 10 second interview with Jesse the Doorman

Will Simmons Reviews Editor This may appear to be a nothing article, but I promise it is not supposed to be. “He’s having a laugh!” I hear you cry, “He can’t honestly expect us to believe that this is the best he can come up with!” But I assure you that it is.

So here goes….

You see, it’s come to that dreaded point in the term where Sarah and Ming Ming (that is, the Editors), start getting on your back by sending you e-mails: “This is a list of all the articles you have decided to write. We need articles by Wednesday. You all must write something. You have until 4pm”, and you realise that you’re one of the names on the list with a large, bold, depressing, red question mark next to it. What to write? To many it may seem easy: there are plenty of things that have happened in January: exams, parents evenings, not to mention the things that are taking place outside the college, that are occupying the front pages of all the national newspapers (Haiti, for instance). But none of them are feasible. People very rarely want to read an article on exams or parents evenings, which are often considered far too boring or dull to constitute an enjoyable read; whereas articles on national or international incidents, apart from the fact that they are likely to be taken by other writers in the newspaper, can appear exact replicas of the articles covered in the larger newspapers. Added to this is the fact that by the time this newspaper is published, since it only appears once a term, any articles on current news stories will be outdated and, often, irrelevant.

“

The wonderful thing about the Phoenix is that you get to have your say

”

The wonderful thing about the Phoenix, in principle at least, is that you get to have your say on what goes on around the college, you get to write about what YOU want to write about, not influenced by what other people want you to write.

But that’s where the problem starts. Every month, the editors

frantically produce lists of possible articles, desperately getting people to write about the things that simply HAVE to be put in the paper. [And yet we let you write this article… Ed] The editors produce these lists, it seems, for the writers (people like me) to quickly scan the list chanting “no, no, no, no…” It’s not that you don’t want to write. You do. But there are some things that simply don’t interest you, and you feel that you honestly couldn’t do them justice with an article.

So then the question you have to ask yourself, and the question Sarah and Ming Ming will undoubtedly be asking me: “OK, if you’re not going to write about any of those, then what ARE you going to write about?” The question has kept me occupied for several hours - looking through newspapers for any funny or bizarre stories (all of which are likely to be entirely irrelevant to college life), searching on the internet - until finally coming to the site that has ultimately saved me: Facebook. A quick status update: “Will Simmons needs to write an article on something, but has no idea what. Help?” and then sit back and wait for the ideas to come flooding in. Admittedly, rather than flooding in, they dripped in sparingly – but I still got some ideas. “ME!” was the most popular response, coming from two of my friends, followed by a link to a youtube video that would simply be inappropriate to describe. I did however, late on, receive an idea from a friend of what to write: an article about how difficult it is to write an article.

At first, this just seemed daft. Why complicate things like that? Why not write a proper article? Then I was once again reminded of the situation I was in: I had nothing to write about, nothing to say, and I quickly realised that, dismally, trying to find something to write about WAS the best thing to write about. I, like most people, enjoy writing in a way in which I can express myself the way I want to express myself, without having to be bogged down by writing about “important” things in “proper” articles, having to use big words that I honestly don’t understand.

So I must apologise to the reader who wanted a “proper” article – there isn’t one here. This may seem a nothing article, but I promise you it’s the best one I can write.

We’ve all experienced it, walking from one computer room to the next looking for a free computer.

Finally we get the luck we need and bump into one free computer, log on, open up outlook to get our seventeen emails on the student council elections and five to know that there is a careers interview NOW. Then the apocalypse strikes, as one of the horsemen stumbles into your computer room with a flock of their minions to throw you out, two minutes after you logged in.

I once went to five different computer rooms and got thrown out of them all.

Can teachers find some way of telling students whether a computer room is free? I am sick to death of getting the ‘logging on’ screen just as a teacher walks in, so

Sometimes I give up on finding another computer and try something else, until I remember there is nothing else to do. In the words of Thomas O’Brien; “Whence came the Table of the football into the under-cave of education”. One table football table was broken within two months and the other has no ball. I mean who wants to go down to the ‘Chill Zone’ anyway? Who wants to watch people on top of each other on the sofas? And the smell! I think its increasing exponentially (Clever, eh?). My friends and I frequently went down before Christmas to play, but we’ve given up now, as a single complaint about us being menacing was too much to bear.

So, that’s the basement ruled out.

Next…well the sports centre is good (if you like sport). If you want to play tennis its great, there are many courts. However mysteriously never one free, interesting? Or if hitting a ball with a racket doesn’t take your fancy how about a game of football or basketball? Only problem with that is, reception doesn’t know who’s using the sports hall! If you’re lucky they may say “Go up to the PE department as they’ll know who’s in there”, then you take the long trek back to the second floor of the Science block and the PE teacher

there says they know, but they are completely and utterly wrong! So, I suppose that’s the sports centre ruled out. IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE TO DO? Well my good fellow, yes there is. There’s always the good old past time of sitting down on a bench or at a table and just talking.

This can be good, but sooner or later the conversation dries up and the boredom sets in and you think to yourself, ’Maybe I should have looked for another computer after all’. The point comes when the dreaded question is asked, a question which is used to fill the awkward silences, a question that is the students equivalent of “It’s a nice day, isn‘t it?” the rock bottom of the conversation, “So, What have you got next?” Whatever the answer is, both the questioner and the recipient look down at their time devices to see there are only ten minutes of pure boredom left. Take the trip to Tesco to buy 12 Kit Kats for £1 or an Easter egg for 97p, it’s bowltastic! I always use this as a last resort, as at least the other things on the college site are free. Whilst on the subject of Tesco, why isn’t everyone fat because I see enough people over there?

So to end, our word limit has struck a blow to our hearts and we must halt in our written communication. But a little question to leave you on, “where are all the fat people?”

The 10-second interview Russell Holway Interviewer Jesse Felix, better known as ‘Jesse the Doorman’, has been an iconic figure at Hills Road for almost two years. Jesse has been a very open kind of guy and has helped many people get through hard times when they’ve felt shut off from the world and because of this, he has built up a large fan base. Many people say that Jesse is a mysterious person full of amazing ideas; but… what do we really know about Jesse?

I feel honoured to interviewed Jesse himself.

[Jesse tilts his head and looks to the sky]

interviewing the one and only Jesse Felix.

Have you trained anyone to hold doors for when you leave?

“Umm, there was somebody...”

For more information on Jesse join the “Jesse the Doorman” Facebook group or go and talk to the legend yourself. I will leave you with some wise words from Brian Tracy; “There is never enough time to do everything, but t here is always enough time to do the most important thing“.

Sadly I had ran out of time so could not finish some of the questions but I felt blessed to have spent 10 seconds of my life

have

When did you first start holding doors?

“Uhh... Umm...”

Why do you hold doors for people?

“Uhh Uh, I like to be polite” What do you plan to do in the future?

“Oh Uh.. Well Umm...”

Who is your Hero?

Jesse, holding a door open at Hills Road

Photograph uploaded to Facebook by Jaclyn Lai

>> Will Simmons laments a lack of subject matter

that they can continuously tell me to get out. I want to be able to do work or browse the BBC website in peace, it’s taken me half a lesson to find this computer; I don’t want a teacher to kick me off it.

The masked Bowl Cut Opinion man

39

Science & Technology SCIENCE&TECHNOLOGY

The Phoenix | 29 March 2010

How to Trigger Traffic Lights… and more

Yuming Mei explains how technology helps to reduce traffic jams everyday and explores some of the latest research in this area.

Yuming Mei Editor Imagine it’s late at night.

You’re driving home through the city, and the roads are empty. At the next crossroads ahead, you see that the traffic lights are red. However, as you approach, they change to green just in time for you to pass through unhindered. It might be luck, but it may also be because the junction you drove through had been equipped with vehicle detectors that are triggering the traffic lights to change.

These detectors are called induction loops. and they’re easy to spot – see Figure 1. How induction loops work is thus: when a vehicle passes over an induction loop, there is a decrease in the value of an electrical property called “inductance” in the loop. This is caused by the mass of metal that is now occupying the space over the loop.

Since not a lot of metal is actually needed to cause a detectable difference in the inductance, induction loops are sensitive enough to detect both cars and bikes. This means that cyclists too should take note – move your bike over the induction loop to trigger the traffic light and make it change, otherwise you’ll be stuck at red forever. There’s a nice example of this in the cycle lane turning left into Brooklands Avenue on the other side of the Hills Road bridge.

But induction loops have a use beyond this kind of simple triggering of traffic lights. Induction loops placed at intervals down the road leading up to a junction gives valuable information about

how long queues are. A computer controlling the traffic light sequence at the junction can then use this data to minimise jams. At busy times, this tends to mean that the amount of green time given to each road at the junction is longer, making the time taken for one whole cycle of lights increase. This improves the overall Active Traffic Management in action performance of the system because the junction can now handle more attempts to build up a complete traffic per minute. (Less time is picture of the traffic situation. spent switching between red and green which minimises the time What’s amazing though when vehicle flow out of the roads is is how incomplete this “complete slow.) picture” is. One of the most basic models to produce good results is However, the data the Nagel-Schreckenberg (NaSch) collected by induction loops can go model. The only variables in this even further. The most important model are traffic flow, the number part of an induction loop’s output of cars passing a fixed point per can be visualised as a stream of second, and traffic density, the binary, equivalent to looking at number of cars per km of road. Yet it whether a car is present at fixed successfully predicts the formation intervals. So a typical output might of phantom jams. See Figure 2. be: no car, no car, no car, car, car, car, car… This enables the number of The Active Traffic cars passing over an induction loop Management Scheme makes its to be counted. It’s half the number decisions based on a model like of times that the output of the loop the NaSch model. This sometimes changes. Using multiple induction means that paradoxically, it sets loops, speeds of cars on roads can be lower speed limits along busy estimated using the time gap for the stretches of the motorway to speed same car to pass between successive up the flow of traffic. However, it loops. definitely works: real life evidence has shown it. It also makes sense The data collected by from the assumptions in the model. induction loops has over the years Having the cars travel more slowly enabled researchers to come up decreases the tendency for waves of with models of traffic flow. Apart braking to spread quickly, therefore from being inherently elegant, minimising the formation of these models have yielded results phantom jams – which can be the and predictions that are already main cause of delays at peak times. improving the efficiency of our road network. An excellent example is the However, all of this was Active Traffic Management Scheme only made possible because the for motorways (which all drivers data collected from induction should know about from passing loops was not tied up to controlling their theory!). Here, data from a traffic lights. Instead, the raw whole network of induction loops data was available for a plethora is fed into the models which then of other purposes. This is exactly

what the Cambridge based TIME (Transport Information Monitoring Environment) Project aims to do.

According to Dr David Evans, a senior researcher on the project, the aim of TIME is to answer the question “How to separate the measurement from the computation?” In the case of induction loops, the same data that controls the sequence of lights at a junction could be useful to a research scientist, so it makes sense to make this data available for general use.

The TIME Project also works on novel methods of gathering data about traffic. One such method is a very low resolution infrared camera that is able to count vehicles without compromising anyone’s privacy.

The prototype infrared camera mounted on a lamp post on Madingley Road

The Project also has links with the system of keeping track of buses in Cambridge. Buses send a signal every 20-30 seconds via GPS to indicate their location. This is how the electronic panels at bus stops can work out how long it will take for a bus to arrive. However, privacy arises again as a big issue – one example Dr Evans talked about was how potentially, if data from SCOOT and the bus GPS tracking system were combined, it would be possible to catch buses speeding through red lights. However, this might not be popular with Stagecoach!

Figure 1. An induction loop is in essence just a loop of wire buried under the tarmac.

The seal for the wire is visible on the road surface as a series of lines seemingly stuck onto the road like black masking tape.

Look out for them when you’re next on the road – there are many around Cambridge.

Figure 2 www.youtube.com/watch?v=Suugn-p5C1M or search shockwave + traffic + jam Notes on the video: In real life, a phantom jam only occurs when the number of cars on the road is high. The gaps between cars are not sufficient to absorb the affects of someone suddenly braking. The result is that a traffic jam can spontaneously form as follows: First, a car slows down on the motorway slightly for no particular reason, causing the car behind to gradually get closer and closer. Eventually, this car notices the narrowing of the gap and brakes. The brake lights are seen by the car behind - which quickly also brakes for fear of crashing into the car in front. Because the road is so busy, the distance between cars is a lot smaller than usual so drivers are much keener to brake. As a result, a wave of braking cascades down the column of traffic; each person responding to the braking of the person in front. But the wave travels backwards faster than the cars are travelling forwards so a traffic jam forms.

Dr Ben Goldacre on Risk: Science and the Media Phoebe Sharratt Science Editor Darwin College’s annual series of lectures this year has Risk as its theme. On the 22nd January I went to the second talk in the series: Dr Ben Goldacre on Risk: Science and the Media.

Dr Ben Goldacre is well known from his Bad Science website, book and weekly column in the Guardian, so the lecture was well subscribed, with three lecture halls full up.

He is a very voluble and entertaining speaker, leaping from subject to subject and interjecting

anecdotes to illustrate his main argument. He describes himself as a zealot for evidence based science and thinking, and the talk covered the lack of rigour that the media frequently demonstrate in their coverage of science stories.

tabloids favourite supposed MRSA expert, given by the government Inspector of Microbiology as a “freestanding single storey wooden building, approximately 6m by 2m in the back garden” – basically a shed.

He discussed the way newspapers report science stories that fit in with their desire to sell papers and thus increase advertising revenue, so scare stories about MMR vaccines causing Down ’s syndrome and MRSA are headlined and given mass coverage, but the science behind these headlines has not been thoroughly examined. He talked about homeopathy and the placebo effect. He makes serious points very humorously – I enjoyed the description of the ‘lab’ used by the

So next time you read a medical scare story in the papers, check the science behind it, what studies have been done, where they were published and the qualifications of the ‘experts’ involved or, alternatively, just check the Bad Science website.

40

EDUCATION

29th March 2010

Education

The infamous Oxbridge interview Anna Barker Reporter The infamous Oxbridge interview: intimidating, terrifying and shrouded in mystery. Yet with only a little preparation, it could be the key to your success.

Making an effort is essential in surviving the ordeal in the interview room and dressing appropriately is the first step. “Wear something bright to make yourself more memorable. Try to look smart but not too try-hard,” says one Cambridge Theology graduate.

Murad Ahmed, another graduate who studied Law at Gonville and Caius College, Cambridge, says “You just have to look like you’ve made an effort and take the interview seriously. That might mean a suit and tie, or just dressing smartly.”

Confidence is key. The feeling that the other candidates know more than you do is not only going to be reflected in your answers but will also show through your body language; make eye contact and look as though you’re in control.

Everybody feels the same. Stop for a minute and reflect on the fact you’ve been offered an interview; that in itself is an achievement.

This confidence should help you exploit what you really know when necessary. Be aware that the interviewer knows an extraordinary amount about their subject; try to read up on the tutor and their recent works and expect them to ask around the subject.

Broader reading and an interest beyond the syllabus is vital, although be careful not to overdo it by showing off or name-dropping.

Try not to rely entirely on your bank of knowledge because thinking on your feet is one of the most

useful skills you will need for the interview.

“

Confidence should help you exploit what you really know when necessary

”

tips – he not only attended Oxford University but was once an interviewer at Cambridge University for students seeking to study Medicine. He advised “It’s really important to read around your chosen subject, to show an enthusiasm beyond the course.

You need to show you are keen to understand the principles rather than the facts, but most importantly you need to emphasize your passion to study this course at Oxbridge rather than anywhere else – show them what it is you hope to gain from your years as an undergraduate there.”

So there you have it, several tips towards acing your interview at Oxbridge. Remember, don’t stress and most importantly, enjoy yourself as much as possible!

We asked Dr Roger Barker if he had any helpful interview

Why girls do better than boys >> Catherine Rogers investigates the gender gap in education Catherine Rogers Reporter “It’s time to root out the imposition of gendered behaviour stereotypes from all aspects of our lives. Ending gender oppression means encouraging our children to experiment with alternative gender expressions” Nancy Nangeroni, a transgendered activist quoted in Transgender Warriors.

“

At GCSE 58% of girls achieve five or more A*-C grades, compared to the 47% of boys

”

Many people have tried to belittle the significance of the different genders, saying we are clearly anatomically different, and that is the extent of it. But is that really all? If they are right, then in recognising this we have entered

into a new age where children are no longer confined by social attitudes and stereotypes. An age where children have the freedom to be who they are and are not judged because of it.

However, if they are wrong, and there is a difference between the genders - including how we learn, how we socialise, how maternal we are, how much stamina and strength we can exhibit and how long our attention span is - then it would not be possible to create an education system which suited both sexes perfectly. Thus, by treating girls and boys as the same, we would have created an education system which gives an unfair advantage or disadvantage to half of the population.

One way we can judge the void between girls and boys is simply by achievement. It starts at Key Stage one, and goes through to Key Stage four. Girls continue to score consistently better, although this difference is greater in English than in Science and Maths.

At GCSE’s 58% of girls achieve five or more A*-C grades, compared to the 47% of boys. At A-level, girls outperform boys in virtually every subject (with the exceptions only of General Studies and a few languages), and a much larger proportion of girls receive A-C grades.

But what does all this say – girls are more intelligent?

Work harder? More ambitious?

More competitive? – None of this can be proven. But the interesting conundrum comes with the statistics relating to post-eighteen students. To put it visually, have you ever watched University Challenge?

The majority of high achievers in Higher Education are male.

Admittedly, in 2002, the proportion of women to get a high second at university was 49% compared to just 40% of men, but statistically men are more likely to get a first.

“

In primary schools 16% of all teachers are male, and at secondary schools this only rises to 46%

”

So men do better at university but girls do better at school. Why? Well – one answer could be the male/female teacher ratio, which only evens out at university. Presuming girls and

boys learn differently, one could deduce that a teacher would be able to teach their own sex more accurately. In primary schools only 16% of all teachers are male, and at secondary schools, this only rises to 46%. This year only 24% of all newly qualified teachers were male, and this ratio unfortunately continues to become less equal.

The final question is what can be done? What should be done? Firstly I think we should end our fixation on all this political correctness rubbish and just start accepting that girls and boys are different not that one gender is better that the other, but that we do have different ways of learning, and that this should not be ignored. When this has been taken into account, we can get to the lengthy task of re-adjusting our education system, so that we can have a balanced society in which both males and females have equal opportunities to achieve. I started with a quote I disagree with so I would like to end with one I support: “The human brain, like the human body, is sexed, and differences in the sex-specific human brain condition a wide range of behaviours that we typically associate with maleness or femaleness.”

- Robert Nadeau, “Brain Sex and the Language of Love,” The World & I, Nov. 1, 1997, p. 330

| The Phoenix

How to... revise effectively Henry Ellis Reporter Everyone is different when it comes to revising. Some people take information in by just reading, others rewrite notes and some make flashcards. The important thing to remember is that there is no right or wrong way to revise; it is all about what works best for the individual.

Revision techniques which work are dependent on the subject you are taking- flash cards might be more effective for biology to remembering facts but might not work for philosophy where there is a greater emphasis on understanding.

Many find that making a revision timetable helps motivate them as they make sure they stick to it. It can make your revision much more effective and evenly spread as you won’t be neglecting certain subjects or areas.

There have been numerous studies into improving memory which can apply to improving your performance in exams. It was found in a study that being tested regularly when revising can aid recall as well as give you experience in answering questions. Another technique to help remember specific things is the use of mnemonics.

Many people get bored when revising for subjects. When this happens it is recommended you break up the session by doing something interactive or even having a 30 minute break and relaxing. Experts recommend doing no longer than 2 hours at a time revision as any longer than this can inhibit concentration and therefore wasting your time.

It is important to eat well and get plenty of sleep when preparing for exams. A lack of food or sleep will mean a lack of concentration is almost inevitable.

Also, drinking 5 cups of coffee the night before exams to cram in as much revision as possible is not a good idea! It is recommended that the night before exams try to do a minimal amount of revision as attempting to learn new things can worry you massively. Chilling out the night before an exam or the morning of the exam is vital to ensuring success in your exams.

comment&debate The Phoenix | 29 March 2010

Jack Hardy

COMMENT & DEBATE

41

Is Auschwitz worth preserving?

Photograph by Jack Hardy

As Auschwitz falls into disrepair, whether to let it decay or not has become a complex moral and sociological problem

Last month it was revealed that the Auschwitz concentration camp, used by the Nazi party during World War II and the location of the deaths of between 1.1 and 1.5 million people (mainly Jews), was falling into disrepair and that the directorgeneral of the camp was going to ask Britain whether they would be willing to contribute £110 million to help with its restoration. Several months ago the infamous Arbeit Macht Frei sign that hangs above the entrance to the camp was stolen and it has since been revealed that the whole camp is starting to decay; many of the areas are waterlogged due to a bad drainage system rotting the foundations of the camp, the watchtowers are splintering, the walls are beginning to lean and the roofs are starting to buckle. This has lead many to consider whether the camp is worth preserving, and although there are many advantages to doing so, there are also many negative associations that come with maintaining the camp.

The reasoning behind the preservations of Auschwitz are quite self-evident; it acts as a constant reminder of the terrible tragedy that happened there and stands as a symbol of the tyranny of which man is capable. It acts as a warning to prevent future atrocities taking place.

The number of Holocaust survivors still alive today is steadily decreasing, and Auschwitz is one of the few lasting reminders

which carries a profound enough impact to leave lasting impressions on those who visit it. There is a general fear that if Auschwitz were to be demolished or simply left to rot, the scale of the tragedy that occurred there would be greatly reduced in people’s minds. The destruction of the camp would lead people to forget, and perhaps increase the possibility of similarly horrific genocides to occur in the future. Wladyslaw Bartoszewski, a survivor of the holocaust, says that “It lies in the nature of man that when no tangible traces remain, events of the past fall into oblivion.” This is a fear shared by many holocaust survivors: that if the camp is closed, both the cruelty of the act and the overwhelming bravery of the victims will be forgotten.

Many think that the main benefit and the main purpose of the camp is simply to stand as a memorial to all those who died there. Some ninety per cent of the victims at Auschwitz were Jewish, murdered for no other reason than their race, with roughly eighteen thousand Roma and eighty three thousand Polish people also mindlessly slaughtered. If for no other reason, it would be worth maintaining Auschwitz out of respect for those who died under the Third Reich.

However, there are many who argue that the maintenance costs of Auschwitz are not worth paying for, since there is sufficient evidence that remaining in books and museums

about the atrocities of the holocaust that the camp itself is not needed to perpetuate the memory of those who perished there. One is forced to question if the camp could ever have the same sobering effect it once had if it is falling into disrepair, as even with the restoration, much would necessarily be left unrepaired because it would seem inappropriate to give the camp a makeover, removing much of the authenticity that it currently

“

many argue it would seem inappropriate to give the camp a makeover, removing much of the authenticity

has.

”

Historian Robert Jan Van Pelt responded to the claims of aforementioned survivor Wladyslaw Bartoszewski by saying a more fitting tribute would be “sealing it from the world, allowing grass, roots and brambles to cover, undermine and finally efface that most unnatural creation of Man” – something that would thereby allow nature to destroy the camp created by the Nazis in order to kill millions of innocent people.

Whilst Auschwitz is certainly a stark reminder of how power can be abused when placed in the wrong hands, many think that it is a reminder that is not worth paying millions to preserve and a lesson that can equally be passed on through education, museums and literature.

There is also further argument that the preservation of the camp is an inappropriate memorial; keeping the death machine that murdered millions during World War II intact is arguably not the most fitting tribute.

From my personal experiences when visiting the camp several years ago, I think that is greatly important to keep the camp running in the fashion it is at the moment.

Never have I had such a harrowing experience that truly brought home the horrors that befell those who were kept there, something that I had previously struggled to comprehend when studying it at school and learning about it elsewhere. I believe the true tragedy of the holocaust can only be really understood when one visits the location where much of the killing happened, otherwise the empathy that is felt is something that is transient; the impact is infinitely more profound when it is experienced first hand. I personally think that without people having the opportunity to visit Auschwitz, the significance of the Holocaust will gradually be lost and people’s perception of the true scale of the tragedy there will be lessened.

COMMENT & DEBATE

Tom Bell Tom Bell looks at the logic surrounding the closure of 6 Music by the BBC

James Smith The negative portrayal of sportsmen in recent months: a damning indictment of a sensationalising media industry, or a realistic illustration of modern day sportsmen?

29 March 2010 | The Phoenix

A blind step backwards

T

he BBC has recently announced a plan to downsize its operations.

One of the proposed cuts is the cancelling of the radio station 6 Music, a decision I find unacceptable and unjustifiable.

A popular criticism of the nation’s central broadcasting company, brought about by complaints from rival companies, has been that it is becoming too powerful, making competition with the licence-fee funded corporation impossible.

This has become a particular concern with the incredible expansion of its website, leading to news websites, entertainment websites and newspapers feeling unable to retain their market share. Indeed,

the BBC’s plans to downsize also include a proposal to halve internet content. But what conceivable reason can there be for cancelling a station with no direct competition?

A swift browse through the digital stations available confirms that no other broadcaster caters directly to those interested in alternative music. It does, however, reveal a host of radio stations (KISS, Absolute and Galaxy, to name a few) providing pop music, something that the BBC’s own Radio 1 specialises in. It would be reasonable to assume, then, that cutbacks are to be introduced in this area. Not even close. In fact, the station with the largest audience in the UK looks set to receive yet more funding, with the company looking to “reduce the

number of stations and re-invest in our five core networks,” according to audio and music director Tim Davie.

to virtually the same demographic as Radio 1, and hence cannot be said to infringe further upon the the airwaves of rivals.

It seems, then, that in order to appear to be withdrawing from the market, the BBC is culling the services it can most easily dispense with. 6 Music falls in this category, with a weekly listening base of just 0.7 million, and only one in five adults having heard of it. This is not to say that the station is causing the BBC to suffer financially, costing 3.4p per user hour versus figures of 6.3p and 4.5p for BBC Radio 3 and BBC 1Xtra respectively. Indeed, the latter station remains despite having a weekly audience of just 0.6 million, for the simple reason that it need not be terminated because it caters

It seems bizarre that the BBC needs to find scapegoats at all.

The near-utopian business model whereby a non-profit centralised broadcasting company caters for the tastes of all is being undermined by capitalist rivals. The BBC is a matter of national pride, an unrivalled service which has come to be cherished not only by the people of Britain, but across the world. Rather than hamper its expansion, why not applaud it?

To voice your opinion on the BBC’s strategy review, visit www. bbc.co.uk/bbctrust/consultations by 25 May.

Sportsmen in the limelight

M

any journalists have tried to address this topical question. In the past few months it has been revealed that Tiger Woods, John Terry and Ashley Cole have all been unfaithful to their partners. But what I’m trying to find out is this: are these stories mere exaggerations, the product of a media industry that caters to a society that depends upon celebrity gossip? Or are they a fair reflection of the way in which sportsmen act in their private lives?

“

One MySpace blogger commented “When you’re in the public eye, you should know better than to make mistakes like that

commented, ‘When you’re in the public eye, you should know better than to make mistakes like that ...

He messed up, he has to suffer the consequences.’ I find this argument compelling; I believe that ‘if you do the crime, you do the time’.

A plethora of news articles reported on Tiger Woods’ extramarital activities. Perhaps due to a related increase in public interest, the media has recently exposed the infidelity of a number of other wellknown sportsmen. Ashley Cole has faced similar allegations before, and further recent accusations are not entirely surprising. But shock struck the nation in January, when it emerged that the then England captain, John Terry, had been involved in an affair with Vanessa Perroncel. This saga was made all the more complicated by her being the mother of ex-Chelsea team mate Wayne Bridge’s son. But the way in

which these events were reported by the media raises the following question: do we belong to a society in which a sportsman’s ability on the pitch is secondary to the sordid details of his private life? Or are these recent stories simply an exception, and by no means the rule? Will the allegations be forgotten within weeks?

I highly doubt that these stories will simply be swept under the carpet. There seems to be an increasing need for people to be informed of every single movement in sportsmen’s lives. In addition to this, sportsmen have become such iconic figures for their countries, that any illicit activities are bound to be pounced upon by the media industry.

A great deal of money can be made by reporting on their private lives.

But the media industry has only been able to exploit these

”

One example is Tiger Woods. He has been faced with unrelenting, intrusive, international media coverage as a result of his affair last November. He has not just received criticism from the media; users of blogs and forums across the world have seized the opportunity to have their say about Woods’ private life. One blogger on MySpace, a popular social networking site,

Driving you crazy? Tiger Woods has been criticised in recent months by sections of the media

Photo from wikimedia commons

42

sportsmen because they acted inappropriately in the first place.

Whether or not the media is actually reporting the facts in these series of events regarding Terry, Cole and Woods is an interesting question, but almost irrelevant. If the behaviour of these sportsmen had been entirely above board, the newspapers, both tabloid and broadsheet, wouldn’t have had any fuel for their stories.

The excessive media coverage might also have been lessened if the High Court had chosen to uphold a ‘super injunction’, which prevented journalists from reporting on John Terry’s private life. After a High Court judge removed the gagging order, John Terry was torn apart in the press. The episode culminated in his loss of the England captaincy.

In conclusion, the recent media coverage of these three sportsmen, especially in Tiger Woods’ case, is indicative of an industry which is willing to go to any lengths to publicise the private lives of high profile sportsmen. It could be argued that the media is simply reporting the facts, and that this is how celebrities behave. But the way in which newspapers, magazines and news programmes have continued to run with the stories for months suggests that the industry is exploiting a big story for its own gain, regardless of the public’s need to know, or of the implications for the individuals concerned. But in reality, this is just part and parcel of what it means to be famous. If you are in the limelight like these sportsmen are, is it not inevitable that illicit affairs will eventually be exposed in the press?

Such heavy criticism is perhaps unavoidable.

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COMMENT & DEBATE

The Phoenix | 29 March 2010

Keep the Queen: she is integral to Neil Chauhan patriotism in Britain constant icon in the face of rapid change is healthy and beneficial to Britain

The Queen, humble, genteel, selfless, is an internationallyrecognised woman, a worldwide emblem who is seen as a symbolic metaphor for what some of the British people are like (ever called your mum mother?) and what the rest should strive for, if we are to be really optimistic.

Abolishing the monarchy, stripping the Queen of her emblematic status, would seriously

damage the patriotism of the British people. Take a trip across the pond to America and, you’ll see, integrated into its society is a population dedicated to the dream of the nation, whose flag and mini Statues of Liberty can be found on every street corner and ‘backyard’.

But, in Britain, we are a nation

“

stripping the Queen of her emblematic status would damage the patriotism of the British people

”

which has forgotten this habit of being patriotic (how many actually know the national anthem – even footballers can be seen stumbling for words, and some don’t even attempt to sing it). So, we are proud to be left with the Queen of England, in all her glory. She is our last figure, of an old forgotten society that reminds us of what was and what we should be.

LONG LIVE THE QUEEN!

Photograph taken from Wikimedia Commons

Retaining a

The Royal Family, our ‘national treasure’, is ultimately a necessity for Great Britain. Too extreme a view? In my own opinion, if we lived as a republican country we would be deprived of an institution which has been adored by the British public for centuries. Symbolically, the monarchy serves as the perfect reminder of what British society used to be. Yes, as a nation we have undoubtedly changed, adapted to the face of a new economy, adapted to changing fashions (thank God – just think of the 60’s?) but the monarchy, and more specifically our Queen, has remained a constant for decades upon decades. The monarchy brings this nation together, reminds us that as a nation we are still united and reminds us of a national history that Britain will forever appreciate and value. Plus, who would we listen to on Christmas Day?

Queen Elizabeth II, resplendent in May 2007

Harriet Why I’d rather have new shoes than pay Allen for someone’s royal lifestyle Why tradition for tradition’s sake just isn’t a good enough reason to spend £41.5 million a year

Do I hear America being mentioned? Would that patriotic country be the America that has never had, and never wanted, a monarchy? But let’s not try and compare ourselves to America, we don’t want that. Instead, let’s look at what this guy says: “The unfortunate fact that the Prime Minister has usurped the power of the Crown is not an argument to abolish the Crown or even to reduce its powers, but rather an argument to restrict the power of the Prime Minister and restore the Monarchical authority of the Royal Prerogative back to the Crown, where it belongs.” - Alistair McConnachie Uhuh, and he doesn’t stop. “The truth is that Monarchy is forever. Even if the Monarchy were officially “abolished”, it only takes one person to say, “You are my King” and the Monarchy lives.”

Does anyone else feel a bit nauseous?

The truth is, the royal

family are a leftover from a brutal, unjust past. Historically British? So is running around the world nicking other people’s countries and we try not to do that anymore. In today’s democracy there is no place for a reminder of inequality and inherited

“

There is no justification for giving deferential treatment because of the family someone was born into

”

status. Nor should there be a place for an unelected individual to have the right to decide which laws to pass, or be sworn the allegiance of the army, police force and civil

service. And there is no justification for anyone to be given deferential treatment because of the family they happened to be born into.

And on top of that, they charge us for it: £41,500,000. That’s the annual cost of the royal family, and it increases almost annually.

The sum works out to 69p per person; about £52 during the average lifetime. Not a huge amount to the individual- a choice between a new pair of shoes or the Queen, perhaps. Some people say that they counterbalance it through tourism, but who are these people and where is their proof? It’s not reasonable to assume that tourists’ sole aim in coming to Britain is the Windsors.

The royal family ‘represent’ us to the world as a conservative nation of racists, oafs and people who will insist on wearing ridiculous hats. Elizabeth Windsor happens to be a dignified, inoffensive sort of person but there’s no knowing where the system will take us in the future.

The only

real,

democratic reason I can see for keeping the royal family is their popularity with the British public, but, in the words of Terry Pratchett, “Whoever had created humanity

“

Running around nicking other people’s countries is also historically British, and we try not to do that anymore.

”

had left in a major design flaw. It was its tendency to bend at the knees.”

Personally, I’ll take the shoes.

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LETTERS

29 March 2010 | The Phoenix

Editorial Since its foundation in autumn 2008, the Phoenix has come a long way. Born from the ambitious vision of Jeremy Smith and raised by the leadership and efficiency of Sarah Gashi, the fledgling Phoenix has grown up fast. From early beginnings as an electronic newspaper, the Phoenix now enjoys a print run of 2000 copies. What’s more, thanks to a combination of support from the college and efforts to secure revenue from advertising, what started out as a bold venture now looks financially sustainable.

The Phoenix is well worth sustaining.

At 48 pages, each termly edition has space for about 70 articles, with lengths ranging from 250 to 1250 words. This provides ample opportunity for anyone at Hills Road who fancies a stint as a writer to see their work published in a real newspaper.

The same applies to aspiring photographers: the Phoenix dedicates 8 pages to photography or photojournalism each issue. By reporting on college events, the Phoenix acts as a newspaper of record, and this too makes it an extremely valuable addition to the fabric of the college.

Hills Road is perhaps unique in being able to support a student newspaper like the Phoenix.

The sheer size of the college enables the project to have unprecedented scope: the skills that students learn are almost identical to those involved in the production of a real newspaper. To give an idea of scale, last term, the Editorial team got the opportunity to visit Iliffe Print, the printing press for the Cambridge Evening News, and have a tour of the facility. Iliffe Print now prints the Phoenix too.

In a college where your timetable and the subjects that you study play a huge part in determining which people you will meet, the Phoenix also serves to bring together students studying vastly different disciplines. I myself do not have a single subject in common with the other Editors, but this was a good thing as we were able to learn from each other and help bridge the gap between the Arts and the Sciences.

It often strikes me as amazing that so much can be achieved so quickly by a group of sixteen to eighteen year olds, especially when so much of the work happens outside of lesson time. However, we must not fail to recognise the indispensable help that the Phoenix has received from staff and institutions at Hills Road, without which none of this would have been possible. Kate Solomon had laid the foundations for a college newspaper even before we arrived and with David Atter, she provided essential guidance on every aspect of the production. The Student Council, the College Fund, and the Admissions Department all provided generous financial support.

Even as the odd one out in the “Editorial Triumvirate”, I have really enjoyed my time at the Phoenix. I feel I’ve learnt a lot and sincerely hope that the same opportunities afforded to this year’s team can be extended to future generations of students at Hills Road.

Yuming Mei

Letters Recruiting drive - with kittens!

You! Person reading this! Please read this to the end or they’ll kneecap me! Now that I’ve successfully guilt-tripped you into my trap of words. A big pit of words which was cunningly hidden with fronds of sentences and sharpened spikes of punctuation lurking at the bottom. As you can tell from the musky combination of fear and aspiration wafting anxiously from the page, this piece is penned out of ink and desperation. The film society needs members, I won’t go so far as to say you as an individual, except I am actually going that far. You, and only you, can save us.

You are the chosen one- wait, this is getting sidetracked; your lifelong quest, which I have only just acquainted you with, shouldn’t really be discussed on the pages of a school newspaper.

The film society needs people who are interested in film to validate its existence.

I know that Hills Road student tend towards a scientifically-minded body of students, but that doesn’t mean that you have to avoid the few hours of beautifully crafted escapism that film provides. Indeed, it should be good for you, a happy halfway stage between actually socialising and working indoors. I don’t claim the extensive knowledge of film that some have, but I like them, and I’m always happy to attempt to inspire others. Even at my own expense; when I am forced to exaggerate the kitten content of a piece of writing I know I can’t get much lower.

The film society is in dire straits, it needs help, it needs invigorating, it needs exfoliating! Well, maybe not that, it’s not a celebrity in an expensive rehab centre. It’s just a poor, lonely soul, hobbling along the cold cruel streets looking for members. It used to be a proud society once, but the gilded braid it wears is frayed, and the velvet patchy. It needs the nurturing hand of a lovely lower sixth to take it by the hand and lead it into the next year, thereby bolstering their University application and generating a warm glow from the kindly act.

Ideally, they would rebrand the society for the modern times or some such chatter, and not just keep it ticking over. If you don’t want to run the society, just come along, watch a film, talk about the film, enjoy yourself. I know it’s tricky for Hills Roaders to do that during college time, but I promise it’s possible, all you have to do is believe! And, you know, turn up.

Becky Drummond Cribb

From the Environment Society Dear All, The environment society is about to discuss possible strategies for decreasing the college’s carbon footprint with our principal, Mrs Sinclair.

At the Copenhagen conference our politicians failed. They couldn’t agree on who should decrease emissions first.

They let their own politics interfere with what’s most important, and what they were supposedly there for - our climate.

As such, it is now up to us. Whatever happens internationally, we should do what we can to limit the crisis - this means reducing our carbon footprints and energy usage ourselves. We have to take control of our own destiny, standing shoulder to shoulder and saying, ‘enough’.

There is currently an international initiative called 10:10 (brought about by those lovely people who made ‘The Age of Stupid’) whereby individuals, organisations, businesses, schools, colleges and unis pledge to reduce their carbon footprints by 10% by the end of 2010 in order to achieve the first step on the way to long-term targets.

The idea is to achieve an actual reduction in our carbon emissions, aiding our position at international conferences and setting the ball rolling for bigger things. Targets for low emissions are deemed essential in order to avert catastrophic climate change.

Initially, we are asking to partake

in a roundtable discussion with our principal in order to achieve a baseline and select areas for action. Ideally, this would conclude with the college signing the 10:10 pledge and beginning a long term strategy.

The initial cuts we are proposing, among others, are as follows: ·

More efficient heating controls

·

Lights being turned off when not needed

·

Meat-free Monday in the cafeteria - or at least a wider range of options for vegetarians and vegans

·

Improved recycling and printing policies

We welcome your input so please email us any suggestions you have of how we can move forward, and let us know if you want to get more involved.

With hope and solidarity, HRSFC Environment Society Supported by the following student societies: Amnesty, Biology soc., Christian Union, Creative Writing, The Comic-Book and Manga Society, LGBT, Politics soc, Psychology Soc, Robotics.

The Phoenix | 29 March 2010

SPORTS

Winter Olympics

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A reflection on the winter olympics

With pretty much every spectator donning a pair of red mittens bearing the Canadian maple leaf it is easy to see that the Canadian public fully embraced the Vancouver Games. This is also reflected in their dominance of the medals table although they weren’t top (with Germany and USA beating them on total medal count), they exceeded all countries on gold medal count with 14 compared to the USA’S 10, which considering they had previously never won a gold medal on home soil, this achievement defies belief.

However the Olympics did not get off to the smoothest of starts.

Ironically the biggest problem at the start of the Olympics was lack of snow as Vancouver had its hottest January in history. This meant snow had to be imported from up to 100 miles away to ensure that there was enough for events to take place, particularly on Cypress Mountain where the snowboarding and freestyle skiing were held. A far from ideal start continued as the opening ceremony of the games was unfortunately marred by the tragic death of Georgian luge rider Nodar Kumaritashvili who died in an accident in training. Unsurprisingly questions were asked regarding the safety of the track, but the opening ceremony went ahead with flags held at half mast as a mark of respect for the athlete.

However the games picked

itself up and continued with the Canadian gold rush beginning courtesy of men’s moguls freestyle skiing where Alexandre Bilodeau took Gold in front of a packed and vibrant Canadian crowd and in his own words said “I’m glad to get the party started”. And start the party he did as from then on in the medals just kept coming with another gold in the men’s skeleton courtesy of Jon Montgomery, gold for Ashleigh McIvor in the ski cross, silver in the ladies 1500m speed skating and silver in the ladies moguls to name but a few. However for me possibly the most poignant moment of the games and (Canadian medal) was Joannie Rochette skating her way to the bronze in the ladies figure skating despite desperately sad circumstances. In probably the most heartfelt performance of the games Rochette performed an emotional routine just days after the sudden death of her mother, moving the crowd into giving her a standing ovation for both routines. Moments like this made the games touching as well as a truly memorable celebration of winter Olympic sport.

Undoubtedly many people were glued to the exploits of the athletes brave or stupid enough to try their hand in the newest winter Olympic sport of ski cross, which at points had a staggering resemblance to “You’ve been framed”. With spectators on the edge of their seats wondering who would make it down the course, it is hardly surprising that ski cross took Canada by storm.

The introduction of a new sport at the Olympics is always likely to spark interest but in the case of ski cross

this was unprecedented, with seats packed out the excitement was truly mind-boggling. Having lost count of the number of spectacular crashes and near misses in slim overtaking manoeuvres it is predictable that this will be regarded as the new “cool sport”, encouraging the participation of reckless young athletes craving that adrenaline rush.

It is not only the introduction of new sports that enthrals an Olympic crowd but also new countries taking part in the games such as the one manned Ghanian ski team in the form of Kwame NkrumahAcheampong otherwise known as the “snow leopard” who in fact honed his skiing skills at the snow dome in Milton Keynes when working as a receptionist. Kwame competed in the men’s slalom achieving his own personal triumph in finishing 53rd out of 102 competitors beating one skier who hadn’t crashed out on the course. With 3,119 people supporting Kwame’s Army on Facebook you cannot question the excitement his appearance at the games generated.

Unfortunately despite the hugely positive and exciting atmosphere of Vancouver it seems no Olympics is without its controversy and this was provided by the Canadian women’s ice hockey team in their outrageous celebrations after winning the gold over the USA, which involved downing champagne and smoking cigars on the ice. The Canadian team have since apologised for this incident but surely the damage has already been done with them having become an eyesore or an otherwise seemingly untarnished games.

In my mind the Paralympics must be considered alongside the Olympics when gauging the success of the home nation. However this is somewhat difficult as in any Paralympics when compared with the Olympics the media coverage and exposure is somewhat minimal and in the case of Vancouver this was no different. The Paralympics has been given barely a mention, which after a well publicised Olympics seems highly unfair. Canada currently sits at third on the medal table with three silvers, which when considering a medal of any colour for Canada in the Olympics brought a highly televised national celebration we have to ask ourselves why these superb Paralympics performances are not being given their due credit.

Valuing Vancouver is something a number of people wouldn’t really consider but increasingly in modern day society the Olympics is about much more than “sport for sport’s sake” and since the success of the 1984 LA games sport and business have become entwined, with the Olympics being seen by many countries as a money making marathon. But in terms of Vancouver, with the global recession organisers are not expected to make a profit despite having made an agreement to have 20% of the profit split between the Canadian Olympic committee and the IOC. Regarding sports business Vancouver was not as successful as some of its predecessors but when considering the original Olympic Ideal- “to celebrate the joy of sport for its own sake, fair competition,

personal fulfilment and all nations coming together in the spirit of peace, goodwill and friendship” it is clear a global sporting legacy such as the Winter Olympics does not need to be an economic winner.

The victory for Canada in the dream final versus the USA in the men’s ice hockey provided a fairy tale finish to the games for Canada and it cannot be questioned that overall Canada lived up to and probably exceeded all expectations both in terms of organisation of the games but also in terms of the performance of their nation. Clearly there are still issues in the Olympic movement with equality between exposure of the Paralympics when compared to the Olympics and this is something I believe should be addressed in the future. Also there is no hiding from the fact that sport is becoming a business driven media frenzy but with the high costs involved it seems this is something we will have to succumb to.

But on the whole with 2012 being the next Olympics on the horizon there is no denying that Vancouver has certainly set the bar high and the patriotism that has been shown by thousands of spectators draped in Canadian flags and waving their red mittens is something that London would dearly love to replicate in 2012.

From left to right - Douglas Buisson (bow), James Haynes, Sandy Perkins, Charlie Rutter, Matt Meissner, Ben Adey-Johnson (Admiral), Thomas Cooke (Rear Admiral), Seb Perkins (stroke) and Bee May (cox)

Rowing at Hills Road Yuming Mei Editor Rowing at Hills Road has gone from strength to strength in recent months under the leadership of new captains Tom Cooke and Ben Adey-Johnson. Outings on the water have increased as has as the number of competitions in which Hills Road participates.

Over the past few months, the rowing team has raced on the Cam in the Christmas head, the winter head and the winter head to head. They won their category in all three competitions and came a respectable position overall each time. They have also competed as far

Most recently, the team rowed in the Schools’ Head of the River competition on March 11. This was a fantastic experience for the team and was thoroughly enjoyed by everyone in the crew. Tom Cooke, the captain, had this to say:

VIII for over 5 minutes while being pushed to our limit by the advancing crews behind us and the prospect of the Leys to catch up in front of us (who we beat by 30 seconds). In terms of the row, it was mixed and we came away feeling we could have done better but in the end we drew with Radley 2nd and Shiplake 2nd (both prolific rowing schools), beat Oundle, RGS Worcester and Bryanston (among the 9 championship VIIIs we beat) and placed 7th out of 19 2nd VIIIs.”

“We raced against the highest calibre of crews in the UK, racing side by side to Eton’s 2nd

The team is extremely dedicated: they train on the water twice a week and at the gym four

afield as Peterborough though this time they were unable to win after finding themselves up against tough opposition from public schools all over the country. In the January March Winter League, they again won their category, coming 9th overall.

times a week, combining weights training and use of ergonomic rowing machines, commonly called “ergs” in rowing lingo.

Rowing combines physical strength and skill with crucial teamwork. Each member of the crew has a specific role to play. The cox steers, controls technique, and sets the entire nature of the race.

The stroke sets the timing and rhythm for the entire boat and the technique for stroke side. 7 is part of the stroke pair who are generally regarded as the most skilled rowers and sets technique for the bow side.

6,5,4,3 are widely regarded as the powerhouses of the boat. 1&2 are the bow pair who must be adaptable and quick in their movements as the

Photograph by Malcolm Flack-Crane

Nicky Savill Sports Reporter

bow of a stern-coxed boat is subject to the greatest amount of pitching.

The team is lucky to receive coaching from a wide variety of sources. This has included the coach of the Cambridge Lightweight Rowing Club, the rowing coach of Anglia Ruskin University and the head coach at the Cantabrigian Boat Club.

Future events for the rowing team include the Marlow Regatta, the Peterborough Spring Regatta, the Henley Royal Regatta, the National Schools’ Regatta and the Cambridge town bumps. Having had a successful first half to the year, the whole team is busy training in preparation for these.

46

SPORTS

29 March 2010 | The Phoenix

Hills reaches finals of British Colleges’ National Championship people involved ,making it a very busy and rewarding experience

Amy Ditton Sports Editor

The womens hockey team won their qualifier and are through to the finals. The captain, Lois May, is said by teamates to be “motivating and pushed the team hard in the qualifiers to achieve all three wins (5-0, 10-0 and 3-0).” There is a very strong team this year but particularly good players are Sophie Nehammer, Frankie and Lotte Tickner and Ellie Rogerson. The mens hockey team were unfortunatly beaten at the last moment by SEEVIC, one of the main ‘rival’ colleges to Hills Road.

For the seventh time, Hills Road has got through to the finals of the British Colleges National Championships which are one of biggest annual multi-sport events in the UK. The 32nd British Colleges National Championships will take place at Loughborough University on April 16th – 18th 2010.

The qualifying rounds for the championships start at the beginning of the academic year and follow a structured programme.

This year more colleges than ever before have entered the programme and there are regular competitions at three levels elite, performance and participation. By offering these different levels the number of students entering the competition has increased. Nine regions are competing with Hills Road representing the East of England.

Hills Road have participants in seven out of the fifteen sports that make up the competition. These are: hockey, swimming, cross country, tennis, table tennis, trampolining and squash. The individuals and teams from Hills Road are currently competing against 31 other colleges in the East to make up the teams that will take part in the final. To

For the first time ever Hills Road have competitors through to the table tennis and squash finals. Kayleigh Hubbard will be representing womens singles in table tennis whilst David MacDonald and Hayley Green are representing men and womens squash respectively.

Jaclyn Lai and Sam Pickup (badminton mixed doubles) gain a place in the National finals the participants need to earn Wilkinson Sword points which they can obtain by winning their match or race and finishing at the top of the event table. This brings them one step closer to winning the prestigous

Wilkinson Sword which is awarded to the region with the most points accumulated over all the events In the opening ceremony there are often shows by gymnastics and last year there was a speed skipping performance. There are over 3000

Tennis also has representatives, with Amanda Black and Robin Goodman qualifying for mixed tennis.

Holly Rees and Sophie Darling are taking part in the cross country; it is Holly’s first year and Sophie’s second year. Andrew Wilkinson and Zoe Othieno have also qualified for the swimming finals.

There are a few sets of siblings who are both playing in the British Colleges Nationals. Imogen Pickup is through for trampolining and her brother Sam is competing in the mixed badminton. Sam’s badminton partner is Jaclyn Lai whose brother Jason is representing Hills in the men’s singles badminton.

For the past two years Hills Road have won gold at the Nationals for trampolining and Imogen hopes to maintain that winning streak for a third year. During the finals Imogen will complete both a voluntary and compulsary routine.

This is the second year Jaclyn and Sam are competing in the mixed badminton finals. Last year they came away with silver.

This was an impressive feat as Sam was competing even though he had sustained an injury. This year they are better than ever and strong competition for the gold.

With the finals taking place in April we don’t yet know the outcome for Hills Road, but with such a strong team of athletes we are sure to come away with a few gold medals and hopefully the Wilkinson Sword. The team at the Phoenix wish the participents the best of luck in the forthcoming events.

Hills Road 2nd Team Football reaches regional semi-finals The college 2nd football team’s valiant cup run ended with a 2-1 loss in the British Colleges Regional semi-final. Playing a very well organised and talented Central Bedfordshire 1st team, Hills succumbed to a 2-1 loss but could easily have taken the game to extra time – or even won in normal time had late goal scoring chances been taken. Playing at home, Hills struggled to play to the high tempo they had reached in earlier rounds and just as the side began to build more momentum in their play, they had to contend with a blizzard as well as the opposition, making it harder for the team to play their preferred passing style. At 2-0 down Hills had nothing to lose and threw everything at Bedfordshire; when Mark Deed pulled a goal back it looked like Hills were sure to get the equaliser they needed to take the game to extra time, however, it was not to be and Bedfordshire held on to claim a place in the final.

The cup run began before Christmas with an intense and memorable local derby against Long Road first team. The second team had started the season slowly, taking a while to come together as a squad since the team comprised mostly lower sixths who had never played together before. This made Hills massive underdogs against a talented Long Road side who were playing at home and being watched by hundreds of their friends desperate to see their college get one over their greatest rivals. Hills had to defend for long periods so maintaining

100% concentration was paramount to their success. Laurie Mcgeoghan, Joe Heap and Simon Murfitt were an ever-present back three throughout the cup run and they, along with Huw Jones in goal, had to be on top form to keep the home side at bay. After going a goal down, Hills squared the scores thanks to a text book finish from midfielder Sam Cook to make it 1-1 at half time. In the second half Hills continued to frustrate Long Road with Aly Cliff and Alex Fallon working tirelessly in midfield. Then came the turning point as manager Mosely brought on fresh legs, including the explosive George Cummins.

Cummins scored twice with a pair of fantastic strikes; the second was particularly outstanding: Cummins letting fly from 30 yards and finding the top corner with precise power and accuracy. Finally, Hills added salt to Long Road’s wounds when Sammy Lee was set up by James Motley to make the final score 4-1.

Success in the local derby was a great start to the season and league form began to improve corresponingly. The next round of the cup saw a home tie against Luton sixth form first team. Once again, Hills found themselves up against a much bigger college and punched above their weight to notch a 6-2 victory. This came after being 0-2 down early on against the run of play, however Hills fought back to go in just 1-2 down at the break, Sam Cook scoring from close range. The second half saw total domination from the home side: a hat-trick from Dom Richardson, a goal from Tom Buggs, and an own goal from Luton helped secure an impressive and much deserved win and a ticket to

Photograph by Malcolm Flack-Crane

Simon Murfitt Sports Reporter

Hills Road’s 2nd football team the next round.

This time Hills had an away tie against another first team, Suffolk New College. This was another very impressive all round performance seeing Hills triumph 4-0. A faultless defensive performance helped the flawless Doug Back (is the guy called Doug Back?) in goal claim a clean sheet. Midfielder Aly Cliff had his best game of the season and notched two goals. The first was a beautiful effort from outside the box catching the Suffolk keeper completely out of position. A well taken goal from James Motley (playing in place of the unavailable Cook) then boosted

Hills up to 3-0 by half time. Motley’s performance helped him establish a place in the Hills seconds starting eleven for the remainder of the season after he and the dependable Fallon (despite missing an early penalty) dominated the physical battle in central midfield. In the second half Fallon had a chance to make up for his early miss from the spot as Dom Richardson won another penalty for Hills following James Motley’s Rory Delap style long throw causing havoc in the Suffolk box. Skipper Fallon duly delivered at the second time of asking and put the icing on what finished a 4-0 win.

Sadly Hills could not make the next big step and reach the final, succumbing at home to Central Bedfordshire first team. This was however a great effort from Hills Road second team, playing against first teams full of upper sixth students from colleges with a much larger pool of players available for selection. The first round victory over Long Road will stay in the memory of the players for a long time. Next season’s first team squad is looking promising thanks to the excellent performances from the second team.

SPORTS

The Phoenix | 29 March 2010

Super Bowl XLIV >> Underdogs New Orleans Saints upset heavy favourites Indianapolis Colts in historic clash watched by millions worldwide

The Super Bowl is a classic American tradition, almost an institution, the pinnacle of the franchise and a title that holds much prestige for the winners. The sport itself, American Football, is one that has enormous popularity in America but has yet to truly break international markets, although this is starting to change.

An idea of the true scale of the popularity the sport holds can be understood when one sees how much it cost to broadcast a thirty second advert during the Super Bowl: Between $2.5 and $2.8 million dollars. In America alone, 46.6% of households tuned into to watch the event; that equates to roughly 106 million people. Super Bowl XLIV, played on 7th February 2010, was the most watched Super Bowl ever and the top network primetime telecast since the year 2000.

The Super Bowl itself, is the last match of the play offs that take place at the end of the season between the winners of the AFC (American Football Conference) and the NFC (National Football Conference).

The game appears more complicated than it actually is: the team on the offensive have to make ten yards across the pitch before being tackled four times, at which point the ball would be turned over at the point where the fourth tackle occurred. The main aim is to get

into the opposing team’s end-zone, where the team would be awarded six points and a further one point if they successfully score a field goal by kicking the ball between the posts.

Each team has twenty four players (eleven for offence, eleven for defence, a punter and a kicker) The game is played in four fifteen minute quarters; however there are frequent stoppages during play which means the games can last up to three hours.

In the case of the Super Bowl, the match can last almost five hours due to the famously spectacular half time show – this year featuring legendary British rock band, The Who and has previously featured such infamous moments as the exposing of Janet Jackson’s breast on national TV in front of an audience of 89.8 million viewers.

Super Bowl XLIV featured a classic victory for the underdogs when the New Orleans Saints managed to defeat the Indianapolis Colts 31-17 in a memorable encounter.

Indianapolis looked well on their way to a predictable win when they entered the second quarter with a ten point lead and without conceding.

However the Saints started to gain momentum and fight back during the second quarter, going into half time having narrowed the Colts’ lead to four points.

Pierre Thomas taking the Saints’ sixteen yards to the end zone for their fist touch down and gave them their first lead of the game, 13-10.

Experts pointed to this as being the turning point of the game and the most significant tactical choice made by Saints’ coach, Sean Payton.

However, the Saints were not out of the game yet, they responded to Saints’ touchdown with a gain of seventy six yards in ten plays. Then, with just over six minutes remaining of the first quarter, the Saints scored a touchdown of their own and took the lead 17-13. But before the conclusion of the third quarter, The Saints had retained three points with a long, forty seven yard field goal from Gareth Hartley, making him the first kicker in Super Bowl history to make three field goals from over forty yards away.

After the Colts opened the fourth quarter with a missed field

goal, they gave the Saints possession back in good field position.

The Saints took full advantage, with quarterback Drew Brees orchestrating another touchdown scoring drive. After a questionable conversion, Saints led the game again 24-17. As the Colts began to drive back towards the opposing end, their quarterback, Peyton Manning, had a pass intercepted

by Saints’ player Tracy Porter, who subsequently ran seventy four yards downfield to give the Saints another touchdown with just over three minutes remaining in the game.

Following a successful conversion, Saints led 31-17. The Colts attempted one final and unsuccessful push towards the goal line, but the Saints held strong until the end of the game, giving them a historic win, their first league championship in franchise history.

The Saints then turned the tide of the game at the beginning of the third quarter with a risky tactical manoeuvre which involved an onside kick, returning possession to them as opposed to giving to their opponents. This resulted in a fiftyeight yard advance downfield and took advantage of the clearly shaken Colts. The move culminated with

Photograph by Zack Baddorf

Jack Hardy and Tom Bradley Sports Reporters

Top Spot for Hills Road Basketball Yuming Mei Editor The men’s basketball team at Hills Road has finished top in the local Cambridgeshire schools league, defeating every team that they played. They finished up with a winning streak of six matches, receiving a bye against CRC (Cambridge Regional College). Mr Hansgate, their coach, described the victory as “well deserved” and the team as “hardworking, dedicated, very talented and very sportsmanlike”.

Their path to glory included high scoring victories over Kings Ely (11627), Long Road Sixth Form (82-33), and the Leys (74-21). The closest match was against The Perse, whom Hills Road had lost to last year.

However, the final score line of 48-43 to Hills Road perhaps does not reflect the fact that Hills had maintained a comfortable lead throughout.

Apart from the local league, the team also competed in the British Colleges tournament in Norwich.

Unfortunately, in the group stages they ended up losing to Long Road in a very close match and later on were defeated by eventual finalists Milton Keynes. These two losses meant that Hills Road went into the lower group playoffs. However, this may have been a blessing in disguise as Hills Road went on to win the group, comfortably defeating the College of West Anglia and then CRC in overtime.

The team is mostly upper sixth and as a result has developed good teamwork over the years. The team also has good finishing skills and this has been a key strength that has enabled them to score so highly in their matches. This season the most consistent high scorer has been Martin Hulme (Capt.) who averaged about 17 points a game, but at the end of the day, basketball is very much a team sport and credit goes to the whole team for their performance.

Photograph by Malcolm Flack-Crane

>> Hills Road men’s basketball wins Cambridgeshire schools league

Top: Ted Hanfling-Perriton, Martin Hulme, Nik Hazell, Tim Blake, Peter Cross Bottom: Marcos Ryhanen Rodellas, Sam Charman, Jake Baldry, Niloy Zaman,

47

Hills Road all set for HR4.5 2010 Sarah Gashi Editor

On 21st April this year, Hills Road’s annual HR4.5 charity fun run will take place starting at 3.30pm in the quad. 600 runners will complete a 4.5km run (or walk) in order to raise money for Teenage Cancer Trust.

The event is sponsored

by NAPP Pharmaceuticals Limited, a private pharmaceutical company which provides Hills Road with money to provide specially-designed T-shirts for every participant, and to print the running numbers to pin onto them. This year’s T-shirt was designed by Hills Road student Jenny Corbett, on a lime green background every bit as attention-grabbing as last year’s orange.

Last year the HR4.5 raised a whopping £12,716.58, and while this year’s official target is £10,000, Hills Road has high hopes of exceeding last year’s total. Furthermore, last year there were a total of 450 running places: this year that number has been increased to 600. (We can only hope that there will be enough space in the quad to accommodate all of the runners as they follow the warm-up routine!) With 150 extra runners, exceeding the total fundraising of the HR4.5 of 2009 is a tantalising possibility.

There are several ways to get involved with this year’s HR4.5. The most obvious is, of course, to run! There will be an approximately two-week window for entering the race, and while Hills Road students will be given priority, staff, parents and siblings will also have an opportunity to enter. Entry costs £5 for students and £7 for staff and this fee goes entirely to Teenage Cancer Trust, along with all the sponsorship money generated by each runner.

If running isn’t your thing, there are plenty of people each year who walk – and more still who sponsor their friends generously. Alternatively, contact Ms Buckley if you would like to act as a marshal – that is, if you would like to stand at the side of the course, cheer runners and wave a bucket for donations. There are limited marshalling places, so contact Ms Buckley quickly - Marshals will receive a free T-shirt for undertaking this rigorous duty, and furthermore, it is a one-time opportunity to shout at running teachers.

SPORTS

The Phoenix | 29 March 2010

Sports

48

Copa del Hills: 5-a-side football >> Will Simmons and Simon Murfitt report on this year’s competition Will Simmons Sports Reporter Copa Del Hills, the biggest and most prestigious internal sports competition at Hills Road, is back and now in full swing for another year, and proving to be a very exciting experience.

The tournament, which is now in its eighth year, kicked off on 12th February, and, under the watchful eyes of nearly 200 supporters, the teams first got out on the court to battle for the glory of the cup.

Always played with the utmost determination, the football on display has been at times breathtaking, at other times, not so much, and although the tournament is still only in the early stages, the favourites for the tournament are certainly beginning to emerge from the pack. All eyes are undoubtedly on the Roos, who hold the trophy from the previous year, and have won all of their games so far. Other contenders include The Obamas, Urine Trouble, Vicious Yet Delicious, and Chernobyl Utd who have all finished top of their groups with some convincing performances.

However, it is the knockout stage that really counts, and everything is still very much to play for.

Despite the general good grace the games are played with, the tournament has nevertheless not been without controversy. In the recent group stage clash with Sammy’s Asian Babes, Back to the Kitchen FC lost a 2-1 lead after the game was deemed “too violent” and “overly aggressive”, resulting in Mr Hansgate declaring the game as a draw. After this unfortunate incident Mr Hansgate issued a warning to all team captains to avoid too much aggression in matches, which could lead to harsher punishments in future.

The decision will undoubtedly raise questions in some camps

as to why no action has yet been taken on teams such as The Rucking Flankers, who are unsurprisingly one of the more physical teams in the competition, with a line up of only upper sixth rugby players.

I can tell you from experience, as a player in the tournament for CSKA Banter, that it is an amazing feeling to be out in front of so many spectators. It is not such a brilliant feeling, however, to miss the penalty that knocks your team out of the competition, especially when the videos of that dreadful penalty are posted up on YouTube, just in case anyone didn’t see it. Stepping up, placing the ball on the spot, taking a step back, and then… passing it into the keeper’s hands. Not the greatest moment of my life. The embarrassment of missing the penalty, added with the idea of not playing in Copa for another year, is something very hard to come to terms with. Our goal keeper,

Huw Jones, later gave his views on our untimely exit from the competition: “I’m absolutely devastated. Getting knocked out is literally the worst thing to have ever happened to me.”

Now out of Copa, I will be forced to watch the remainder from the sidelines.

But with the tournament now in the knockout stages and beginning to get really interesting, this should not be too much of a blow. My money’s on the Roos to retain their title, but it’s still very much up for grabs, especially with the other teams hungry to knock them off their perch. Unfortunately, the paper is going to press before the end of the tournament, so the review of the final games of the competition will have to come in our summer edition. Until then, enjoy the football.

Simon Murfitt Tournament Organiser Apart from the frenetic Thursday and Friday lunch times a there is a lot more going on behind the scenes in the running of Copa. Initial planning of the tournament began back in December with myself and Luke Turner, who many of you will have seen refereeing, working in collaboration with Mr. Hansgate to produce the buzzing atmosphere that so many enjoy. It was no struggle in finding teams to enter the tournament with many being turned away. Apart from the publicity for the event, planning the structure of the tournament and how the hundreds of spectators can be safely accommodated are just a couple of the many issues that must be dealt with.

The tournament runs over a six week period in a Uefa Champions League style format. This means that the 32 teams entered are put into eight groups of four. Each team plays each other once in the group stages before the competition splits into two separate tournaments. The top two teams in

each group go through into the cup and the bottom two into the shield, guaranteeing each team a minimum of four matches. To add an attacking incentive teams get an extra point for scoring three goals or more in the group stage.

After the group stage come knock out rounds in each competition, four including the final. Due to matches lasting just five minutes in the earlier rounds of the competitions games often go to penalties which, due to time constraints are ‘sudden death’, adding further drama to the proceedings. Fans are also guaranteed close, competitive games due to a restriction of three college football players per team.

The matter of a group stage draw was one of the earliest issues that needed to be dealt with. All of the 32 team captains came along to a PE room where Luke Turner, Mr. Hansgate and I conducted an FA cup style draw. This was filmed and put on facebook, which is where the excitement for the tournament really began to build. Apart from the official group formed by myself and Luke Turner many of the teams have created their individual fan pages, taking the enthusiasm for the tournament onto another level.

The competition is just getting into the business stages with the knock out rounds beginning. There have been many upsets so far but for both shield and cup favourites for each are beginning to emerge. In the shield, ‘Sammy’s Asian Babes’, have come out as favourites, whilst in the cup the ‘Obamas’ and ‘Regallare’ have very strong squads. Last year’s champions ‘The Roos’ are showing good form as well as lower sixth dark horses ‘Vicious yet Delicious’. As in any cup competition however, anything can happen as has been seen already with big underdogs ‘The Glen Whelan Project’ progressing past ‘One Man Show’ on penalties in the first knock-out round of the shield.

“Acceptable in the 80s”. Left to right: Krishan Padhiar, Callum O’Neil, Seb Shepherd, Stu MacMuish, Steve Clark, Will Summers

Inevitably, some teams take the competition more seriously than others and this has been shown in some fiery encounters in the group stages. All teams, however, play in the right spirit and this is reflected in team names, ‘Urine Trouble’, ‘Hills Road Gangsters’ and ‘Deportivo Lack a Talent’ to name but a few. As I have said some teams take it more seriously than others and as well as their play this is shown by the team’s kits. Sammy’s Asian Babes and Vicious yet Delicious have clearly put in an effort but by far the team that stands out for their kit has been ‘Acceptable in the 80’s’, sporting a bright pink kit that can only be described as feminine.

There is an additional ‘Copa Del King Award’ for the top goal scorer.

At the moment Sam Fleck of ‘Chernobyl United’ is running away at the top of the leader board with 8 goals, only time will tell who will be crowned the Copa Del King. The tournament is only into the knock out rounds and there is all to play for. Personally I am looking forward to the remaining fixtures with great anticipation and currently medals and trophies are being sourced for the future winners of the biggest internal college competition.