How College Football Can Be Fixed

major issue in college football: the large discrepancy of talent between teams at the Division I Football Bowl Subdivision level. College football is currently reaching a low point in its history, with many top players opting out of bowl games, top programs dominating, and unwatchable games taking place during the regular season. This year, many top players looking to be drafted into the NFL in 2023 opted out of their team’s bowl game, including Texas running back Bijan Robinson, Florida quarterback Anthony Richardson, and Penn State cornerback Joey Porter Jr., demonstrating their lack of interest in playing at this level. No one cares about bowl games anymore, because frankly, they don’t matter. Once the college football playoff was created, there was no longer a reason for players to risk injury and draft stock in a game that does not affect their team’s season. The NCAA has already taken measures to keep fans and players interested by expanding the playoff to twelve teams. This way, more teams will have a shot at the title, and more players will stay opted-in and keep games entertaining. The NCAA should fix the bowl games by removing many of the lower-level games and making the bowl games more exclusive. A bowl game should be held exclusively for teams who finish in the top 25 and are conference champions so all games have value and are entertaining to the viewer. Another potential solution would be to make teams play more in-conference games. Many times throughout the season we see great teams play lowerlevel schools simply to maintain their good record. These games are far from interesting and almost always end in a blowout. The NCAA should not allow teams to pay for their games

Phone Eats First: The Menu

JULIA ENG (V)

Mark Mylod’s The Menu has everything a girl could ever want—a fine dining experience gone wrong, that dude who plays Tony in the 2010’s hit teen series Skins, purposeful violence, and Anya Taylor Joy. On a private island, famous Chef Julian Slowik treats Tyler, a crazed fan, and Margot, his plus one, as well as other upper-class guests to exclusive dishes harvested from the land around them… all for the low price of $1,250 per customer. From one course to the next, Slowik’s culinary monologues become increasingly disturbing, beginning with the tame encouragement, “Do not eat. Taste. Savor. Relish,” and gradually continuing to reveal the failures and sins of his staff, guests, and himself. He informs the guests of their unexpected fate—they are unwilling, but perhaps deserving, participants in the menu.

Slowik’s motives are made clear. Without revealing too much, it can be simplified as a desire to take revenge on those who have made food, an essential facet of life, into a luxury experience for the upper class. I found myself sympathetic with the “villain” of the story, understanding his longing for freedom from what was once his love for food, and is now nothing but a lifeless, money-making scheme. While watching the film, I pitied him when no one quite understood his satirical criticisms and cries for help in the form of braised chicken thighs or laser-etched tortillas. Slowik humorously acknowledges the lack of bread on the menu (as bread is historically the food of the poor, which his guests are not) by serving them with the so-called “Breadless Bread Plate,” a porcelain plate of bread accompaniments that accompany nothing. Though Margot, the protagonist, is not as gullible as her peers, the guests dig in as they exalt the “genius” of Slowik’s words, unknowingly partaking in and proving his Marxist criticism. He even offers Margot the chance to join the side of the kitchen crew after noticing she is unlike the rest of his guests, saying, in classic bourgeois-versus-proletariat fashion, “It’s our side or theirs.”

The film operates on a similar clever level as Parasite, Midsommar , or Snowpiercer , weaving a cautionary tale about privilege, arrogance, and survival. Guests photograph their dishes for social media, treat Slowik like a twisted deity with whom they entrust their lives, bargain for mercy with money and status, and act without respect for the culinary arts or the providers that make such dining experiences possible. And, as goes in the modern day thriller: for pride and folly, one pays the price with one’s life. What makes The Menu different from other thrillers of its kind where the entitled victims deserve their fate, though each of the aforementioned films is great in its own right, is its intentional hypocrisy; The Menu was painstakingly written, directed, and shot to be consumed by unknown viewers in the same way that Slowik cooks food. To put it nicely, ultimately ejected by the bodies of strangers. Even as I write this article, I think about my experience consuming the movie: taking down lines in my notes app for future reference, carefully bookmarking details and inconsistencies, and analyzing what social commentary could be gleaned from the film, all to miss the point entirely. Art is not about showing you know how to consume it, but rather surrendering the ego and allowing it to take you by force. Reflecting on a recent trip to Paris where I ogled at pears glazed in honey next to perfectly oblong globs of ice cream and felt a strange exhilaration at the resounding “Oui, Chef” that followed each call for service, I wonder: am I no better than the guests on the island? I think about how pseudo-intellectual I must sound, writing entire so more competitive games occur in the regular season. Recently, the NCAA introduced Name Image Likeness, or NIL, which allows players to gain money for use of their name and image. Players can sign brand deals and appear in video games and profit off their name. This policy should help commercialize college football and give teams another bargaining chip for attracting recruits—hopefully leading them away from the premier programs in college football. College football still has a long way to go before it can become more entertaining and fair, but with the current changes and a few more tweaks, college football could be great for both players and fans. articles about the politics of frivolities with the aesthetics of identity-less internet youth, and how similar I sound to Tyler, who knows everything there is to know about the intellect of cuisine, but nothing of its creation. So we are left with a final question: why must everything become a painstaking construction of thought, intention, hidden symbolism, and political messaging? Why not just leave the theater, the concert, or the museum reminded of the remarkable capability of an artist to make us feel whole again? Well, to turn Chef Slowik’s words upon his own film, I don’t think I want to taste, savor, or relish. I think I’d rather just eat.

OLIVIA BUVANOVA (IV), MAGGIE ELLSWORTH (V), SARAH GU (V), CHLOE HUANG (III), SANIYA KAMAT (V), TYLER KATT (IV), KATE MARINE (V), GRETA PEW (V), SEBASTIAN SAMPEDRO (VI), and CAROLYN ZHOU (IV)

Boys’ Basketball

Led by captains Jaymin Bhat (VI) and Jake Abdi (VI), the Boys’ Basketball team has had a very successful season thus far. On their four-game-win streak, the team averaged 75 points and has a current record of 9-5. Breakout stars Trey Maultsby (V) and Donnie Gregory (III) have both been recognized by NJ.com as players to watch out for, scoring 248 and 144 points respectively. When asked about how they hope to close out the season, Head Coach Mr. Jason Murdock stated, “We have enjoyed a positive team culture and will continue to build a great experience for everyone involved, but I hope that our guys get to compete for a county and state championship.” Bhat echoed this sentiment, adding that the team hopes to “show off our potential in the playoffs.”

Girls’ Basketball

The Girls’ Basketball team has been having an amazing season, with Head Coach Mr. Robert Hoepfl and Assistant Coaches Ms. Taunita Stephenson and Ms. Erin Boccher leading the team to a current record of 9-6. Co-captains Bella Goodwin (VI), Maria Loss (VI), Julia Covello (VI), and Ngozi Nnaeto (V) have worked hard to foster a positive team environment and supportive bench culture. At the Ridge Holiday Invitational over break, the team went 2-1 and continued on to win six straight games. “I am proud of the leadership of our upperclassmen and how the younger group has bought into our culture and the things we are trying to accomplish,” Mr. Hoepfl highlighted. Leading scorer Taylor Francis (IV) has accumulated 226 points so far, followed by Debrah Hill (IV), with 192 points and 178 rebounds. “Although the season has had its ebbs and flows, we remain confident in our team’s capabilities and remain optimistic for the rest of the season. We have grown together as a team not only on the court but also as a family,” Covello concluded.

Wrestling

The Pingry Wrestling team is looking forward to their upcoming tournaments with a 4-7 record overall