The Pitch: April 2016 Issue

Opinion

Embarassment

Feature

Celebrities

A&E

Sports

Environment

Football

The Pitch See why embarassing moments are often so important.

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Check out some of WJ’s best celebrity look alikes.

Walter Johnson High School

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Volume LXI, Issue 6

6400 Rock Spring Drive, Bethesda, MD 20814

Explore some cool green activites for Earth Day.

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Every year Walter Johnson students have the privilege of watching their peers perform in assemblies that show what their heritage is all about. This past month, students were treated to two of these shows: the Black History Month Assembly on Feb. 24 and the Asian Heritage Assembly on Mar. 11.

Both shows proved to be huge successes, captivating the interests of all in attendance while giving student performers the opportunity to showcase important customs in their cultures to their fellow classmates.

The Black History Month assembly featured exciting performances of singing and dancing that wowed the audience.

Marie-Andrea Djelhi Yahot was excited to perform in the assembly, her third year to do so. Djelhi Yahot thinks that the assembly this year was effective because it focused on entertainment and education.

“To me this assembly is just a great opportunity to show and educate students about the real

issues and to empower our race and open people’s eyes more.”

Djelhi Yahot said.

The Asian Heritage assembly included three elements that combined to paint a colorful image of the diverse Asian cultures. Through cultural dances, an impressive martial arts performance, and a fashion show, the student performers offered their personal views on what makes their cultures special.

Senior Emily Chu was one of the student organizers who helped lead the event. She described the hard work that went into putting on the assembly.

“We have 35 student participating in the assembly this year,” Chu said. “All our performers and volunteers have prepared extensively in order to show the pride in our heritage.”

Both assemblies highlighted Walter Johnson’s tapestry of cultures and student experiences and gave the entire community an opportunity to learn more about the cultures of friends and classmates.

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Dr. Jack Smith announced as superintendent

By Sam Bernstein

Photos courtesy of Mackensie Hessler

Students celebrate different cultures though various forms of dance and song. Students used colorful costumes and unique dances to display their heritage.

FBI requests access to San Bernardino shooter’s iPhone WJ students discuss privacy and their iPhones, weighing in on the FBI vs. Apple debate

By Sally Tuszynski On Dec. 2, 14 people were killed and 22 were seriously injured in a terrorist attack at the Inland Regional Center in San Bernardino, California, which consisted of a mass shooting and an attempted bombing.

This event caused reverberations felt throughout the country, with millions watching the search for the shooters on live TV. This event brought not only more discussion about gun control, but also more conversation about privacy. Apple has refused to comply with a Feb. 16 order from a federal judge.

The order demanded that Apple build custom software to help the FBI break into the iPhone 5c that attacker Syed Rizwan Farook used.

In 2014, Apple changed its operating system to make sure that all iPhones were encrypted by default and that the

company could not have access to a phone unless they had the user’s password and a unique identifier which is stored on the phone. Now that this system is in place, the FBI is requesting that they make a new system to gain access. Apple is strongly opposed to this, arguing that it would break the trust of the people and would unfairly invade their privacy. The FBI, however, argues that this could be a vital tool to understand the motives of these people and to help prevent future events similar to this from happening.

Senior Jessie Joseph has had an iPhone since freshman year and enjoys her ability to communicate with people and to have access to all kinds of information. She believes that keeping her information private is one of the most important parts of having an iPhone.

“It is pretty important to me that I have privacy on my phone,” Joseph said. “There is

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wjpitch.com

Students celebrate cultures

By Ben Gold

Football hires new coach to put team back on track.

some stuff on my phone that I would like to keep to myself, and I would not want the FBI having the ability to look into my information whenever they wanted.”

On Feb. 29, there was a similar case and the judge, James Orenstein, ruled in favor of Apple. In this case, the FBI demanded that Apple disable the security lock on an iPhone 5s running iOS 7. In that case, as in San Bernardino, the FBI argued that the All Writs Act of 1789, which is a law that is broadly open to interpretation because of how dated it is, granted the organization the authority to make such a request. This is an important case for Apple to use as precedent for their side, arguing that this means that the All Writs Act of 1789 can be applied to this instance as well.

Many people are highly aware of the threat of a shooter after the numerous times people have gone on a shooting ram-

page. Democratic National Committee chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz claimed that 380 Americans were killed in 294 mass shootings in 2015 alone. This has called for a widespread argument about safety, but when the topic of privacy is mixed in, the answers become complicated. Junior Owen Greene believes in a qualified argument.

“I think the FBI should be allowed to look into the iPhone of the San Bernardino attacker, but access into someone’s phone should only be allowed in cases like this,” Greene said.

“If Apple allowed the FBI to monitor or gain access to normal citizens’ phones all the time that would be an invasion of privacy.”

Whatever the outcome of this case is, it is sure to set a monumental precedent and bring the issue of privacy to the forefront of many arguments in the near future.

On March 8, the Montgomery County Board of Education appointed Dr. Jack Smith as MCPS superintendent. Smith will start his tenure on July 1, succeeding interim superintendent Larry Bowers.

Throughout his life, Smith has been a teacher, administrator, principal and local superintendent. For his work as superintendent of Calvert County Public Schools, Smith was named Maryland Superintendent of the Year in 2013.

Prior to his appointment as MCPS superintendent, Smith was interim state superintendent of schools and treasurer of the Maryland State Board of Education.

In 1992, Smith moved to Tokyo, Japan to serve as the principal of the Christian Academy in Japan, a school that provides a geographically diverse group of students with an Americanstyle education in English.

AP U.S. Government teacher Timothy Rodman, who has taught abroad in South Korea and South Africa, sees Smith’s global experiences in education as particularly valuable in a county, where more than 50 percent of students come from minority backgrounds.

“It is always valuable to have people who [have taught] in different environments,” Rodman said. “We teach a variety of cultures in our classrooms and being culturally responsive to various backgrounds [is important].”

Smith, who received his Ph.D. in instructional leadership from Notre Dame of Maryland University, is optimistic about his future role as superintendent of the most populous county in Maryland.

“Our community rightly expects that we will give every child a first-class education, and that is what we are committed to doing,” said Smith in a press release on March 8.

“We want every child to graduate with a world of options and choices before them.”

NEWS

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Academic teams compete in finals

By Steven Roth

Walter Johnson High School has several clubs that participate in competitions with other schools to test student knowledge, articulation skills and mental acuity. These clubs, such as Debate, Mock Trial and It’s Academic, welcome new students every year with open arms.

These specific competitive clubs compete in the springtime and participate in numerous tournaments around Maryland frequently resulting in positive achievements portraying WJ as an excellent education institution.

The Debate Team competes in the Montgomery County Debate League. Tournaments are held after school one or two Wednesdays per month from Oct. through Feb. at Blair High School.

This year the final tournament took place on Feb. 24, and the topic was whether or not the U.S. Federal Government should adopt a carbon tax. Unfortunately, WJ lost, but the students still had fun.

“WJ sends a multitude of groups of two to the final.

The way the tournament works is similar to March Madness, a bracket like structure,” sophomore Jacob Lu said. “In our last debate we were up against Richard Montgomery High School and had already lost one of our debates in the tournament. We were close. I thought we did well and deserved to win, but some debates are subjective.”

Although sophomore Jacob Lu felt strongly that the team had done well and were well prepared for the debate, this loss is an experience that will push them further in the future, allowing them to reflect upon and improve.

“The Debate Team got into the top 16 quarterfinals, but I felt that we did well and that the experience of being able to debate against other students from different schools was a fantastic experience to learn and improve from. I had fun while becoming more knowledgeable,” Lu said.

Some standouts on the team included senior captains Miriam Sieradzki and Sally Tuszynski who finished the regular season with a 9-1 record along with senior captains Jeffrey Cirillo and Daniel Yang who finished with a 7-3 record.

The other two academic teams at the school, Mock

Trial and It’s Academic, are both doing exceptionally well this year.

Mock Trial is very similar to an actual court trial with a plaintiff and defendant. The club is split into two teams, one team led by history teacher Nathan Schwartz and the other led by history teacher Steve Miller.

“The reason why Mock Trial is split into two teams is because there are about 40 kids overall that generally participate in Mock Trial at WJ and since there was so much response, Mr. Miller asked me if I wanted to help him run Mock Trial since I had previously done it at another school. I took him up on his offer,” Schwartz said.

This year, Schwartz’s team both won and lost trials.

While Schwartz’s team may have not made it to the playoffs, Miller’s team did. Miller’s team lost their first playoff game on Mar. 1 against Blair and was knocked out of the tournament.

Similarly, It’s Academic has done well, winning their first taping with three more rounds left to air.

It’s Academic is dedicated to accumulating knowledge for the purpose of participating in regional and national academic competitions and fostering greater interest in academics. The standard competitions include trivia questions pertaining to physics, chemistry, other sciences, math, history, art, literature, popular culture and other topics.

“We recently qualified for a national tournament because we were a top percentile. We have not done regional tournaments in a while, but overall we have four or five rounds where we compete against two other schools each. But really, It’s Academic is just like Jeopardy – you need to know multiple categories,” Senior Ho-Jung said.

Though It’s Academic may sound enjoyable and simple,WJ students take the club very seriously, including seniors Ho-Jung Yang and Gideon Epstein, who only have this year left to hopefully make it to the finals.

“Usually, we have only gotten to the third round at the most. I hope we can win the finals because this is my last year, but it is going to be a tough second taping (round) because we have to go against Quince Orchard High School and Thomas Jefferson High School.

It is really, really tough competition,” Yang said.

MARCH 22, 2016

WJ News

By Ella Sheppard-Saidel

Pennies for Patients Recap

WJ Leadership created several new events for Pennies for Patients this year, which included Clash of the Classes and Cats 4 the Cure Fest.These events raised over $30,000 to be donated to The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Clash of the Classes featured competitive athletic games, and the seniors won it. Cats 4 the Cure Fest consisted of three acts: Throwing Wrenches, Cafune and M. Maggie. Both were immense successes and enforced school spirit.

Mr. and Ms. Competition

Mr. and Ms. WJ took place on Mar. 4, garnering great reception from the audience. Competitors included seniors Marcos Arnett, Josh Beede, Owen Brinker, Tony Coffey, Ryan Saadeh, Maria Bahamou, Ramsay Burgess, Gabriella Epstein, Madeleine Gefke and Iris Vukmanovic. It began with a house entrance by Ben Simon and Arsen Kliouev and an introduction to the show. The contestants made jokes, sang and asked math questions before skipping to the formal wear walk. The finalists were all asked a question before the judges submitted their votes and the winners were announced. Mr. WJ was awarded to Josh Beede and Ms. WJ to Madeleine Gefke. They both received two free prom tickets and 100 dollars worth of restaurant gift cards.

Literary winners at WJ On Nov. 29, students from WJ’s Environmental Club met at the White House at 2P.M. and marched with people from all over the world in the Global Climate Change March. This event helped to raise awareness about climate change on Earth and advocate for new legislation surrounding the issue. Last year, the students of the club took part in it as well.

This year however had more relevance and is a bit different, as the day after the march, world leaders met in Paris to begin negotiating the next global climate deal. Obama and the other leaders of the world passed laws where each country determines their own restriction to greenhouse gas emissions and are required to explain how they are going to reach that goal.

Murray wins coveted 9/11 teacher award for instruction

By Andrew Resnick

For numerous years, history teacher Christopher Murray has influenced many students at WJ, whether on the baseball field as the head coach or in the classroom. In his World Religion class, Murray has taught students about the causes of 9/11 deriving from Islamic Extremism and terrorist groups, such as Al Qaeda and the Taliban.

The 9/11 Tribute Center recognized Murray for his lessons on Islamic Extremism and other terrorist organizations this February when he won the annual Sept. 11th Teacher Award. This prestigious award was given to only eight other teachers across the country, with Murray being the only teacher to win the award from Maryland.

“A non-profit organization named Tannebaum in New York thought that the way I taught Islam, and Islamophobia would be useful for the 9/11 Tribute Center, so I proposed my idea to them and was later informed that I, along with eight other teachers were nominated for an award by the Tribute Center,” Murray said.

The 9/11 Tribute Center offers this annual award to ensure that 9/11 is remembered.

“This is an organization that was created by the families of the victims of 9/11… One of their main objectives is to support teachers so that the story of 9/11 continues to be taught in our schools,” Murray said.

“Many students in high school now had either been barely born or have no recollection of the event.”

Murray believes there are many benefits to teaching

about historic events such as 9/11.

“I feel that 9/11 is part of a much bigger story,” Murray said. “Just like anti-Semitism, the Holocaust is a chapter of a much bigger topic, and anti-Semitism is something that we still need to address today.

Using these historical events helps us tap into much larger topics of hatred and violence. I feel that 9/11 is that entryway into beginning to having an honest, open discussion about violent extremism in the name of Islam.”

While Murray does feel that it is important to teach all of his World Religion students about Islamic Extremism, he also thinks it is very important to make all of his students feel comfortable in his classroom and not to offend any students, especially regarding a very touchy topic, “The goal is to better understand and deconstruct violent extremism in the name of Islam… I think it is important to teach the philosophical pieces and then the practitioners,” Murray said. “This can help better our understanding of violent extremism by not destroying our relationship with the 1.6 billion Muslims that we share this planet with.”

Murray also believes that 9/11 should be used as Photo by Andrew Resnick a lesson to extend students’ knowledge beyond just Social Studies teacher Christopher Murray won the annual Islamic extremism.

Sept. 11 Teacher Award recognizing his teaching on 9/11.

“9/11 can be a good place to start with a lot of big In the years that have passed since 9/11, many othtopics, like globalization, and really the beginning of the 21st century,” said Murray. “9/11 is really a way of er historical events have occurred, but teachers like having a conversation about people who act violently Murray continue to help people remember the story of Sept.11, 2001. in the name of religious beliefs.”

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MARCH 22, 2016

Slang is lit Children should follow their dreams Special from the Pitch Online

By Brynn Blizzard

People often seem to get annoyed easily with teenagers for using slang terms, yet they ignore the fact that humans have been abandoning traditional words for more hip lingo since the late 1800’s.

For example, in 1870, people replaced the word “man” with “dude.”

In 1970, people replaced the word “house” with “crib.” Both words are often still used in casual conversation today.

Slang terms were definitely popular in the past, but 2010 and onward have been the years of slang. Terms like “on fleek,” “basic,” “lit” and “bae” have all been defined by the Oxford Dictionary, despite the fact that they boil down to slang words made popular by people who have way too much influence on social media.

What is interesting is that most of these slang words are not entirely made up; their creators simply changed the meaning of an already existing word.

The Oxford Word of the Year for 2015 was an emoji: the “tears of joy” emoji. Not necessarily slang, but definitely not a word. The emoji was not even a good one nor worth the title of “Word of 2015.” No one uses it to actually express tears of joy; it is most commonly used to express that they are laughing so hard they can not speak.

The slang usage in our society can get a little out of control at times, but for the most part it has not harmed society in anyway. If anything, it has benefited people so that they can now communicate more easily with a broad spectrum of informal words.

By Lamine Camara

There is no good reason why a child should be dissuaded from following their dreams. The only known purpose of life as of right now is simply for the sake of living, nothing else. So despite the fact that life is the entire basis of human existence, an individual’s life is still entirely meaningless. The world would continue if humans were not alive, and humanity has yet to do anything that has any impact whatsoever towards the progression of the universe.

With that thought in mind, it becomes hard to argue that any profession or life path is more meaningful than any other.

Yet somehow children everywhere are still being taught to believe that certain life choices are wasteful or somehow inferior to others. The truth is, none are inferior because they are all equally meaningless. So in this reality, where life has no meaning and nothing anyone can accomplish in life will actually have any meaning on a large universal scale, there is only one true path that anyone should even consider following; their own.

Somehow society has created a stigma against those who choose to follow their own path and break from convention. Society is ruled by a set of guidelines designed for conformity, so on top of living a life of no greater meaning, a reality that all humanity is a slave to, many people give up having a life that is unique. Instead, they live a life society deems is proper. Forget that.

What is the point in living life if it is going to be meaningless and exceedingly ordinary? No, that path is not one that anyone should support. Parents and teachers should create an environment, where children feel a complete freedom

to explore what makes them content.

They should be brought up to develop their strengths and follow whatever path is right for them to be happy, not what someone else has decided they should do. After all, who better than an individual to decide that one kind of life is meaningful to that individual, even if it is not for anyone else?

It is a major societal flaw, one that has no justification at all. The original fear was that letting kids choose their own paths would lead to anarchy and a destruction of order, but in truth order has simply hindered the progression of humanity. It puts a barrier on the greatest minds in existence and keeps each human from fulfilling the true potential of evolution’s greatest feat.

Perhaps if more freedom was given to the youth in electing the path their own lives take, then maybe the true extent of the human intellect would be more obvious in individuals on a day to day basis.

However, as it stands now, the idiocy of humanity is much more apparent.

As things stand now, children everywhere are afraid to follow their dreams for whatever misguided reason their parents or the other adults in their lives have given them. Children are easily corruptible, and anything an authority figure tells them is almost always accepted as factual, even though it may be wrong. The question they are never able to ask is why? That in and of itself is a crime that cripples a child’s ability to think independently and question the world around him or her. This only furthers the cycle of conformity that continues to drain the littlest amounts of meaning out of their ever meaningless lives.

It is not Ova yet

By Anja Shahu “It’s Ova” is the headline plastered across the computer monitor. It’s a Maria Sharapova pun that for once does not make me laugh. The story goes a little like this: It’s a Monday, and Maria Sharapova calls a press conference.

Everyone thinks she’s announcing her retirement. She sits, pale-faced and somber, at the table in her black blouse.

She announces that she has tested positive for a performance-enhancing drug (PED) called meldonium, more commonly sold under the name mildronate for heart-related problems. She says she’s been taking it legally for 10 years to treat health problems, such as frequent flu cases, magnesium deficiency, irregular EKG results and a family history of diabetes. She says the drug’s ban on the WADA list for athletes came in effect this year on Jan. 1. She says

that she didn’t read the updated list of banned drugs when the email came.

She took the drug during the Australian Open this season. She failed the drug test. My stomach sinks, and I can’t help but wish she were announcing her retirement instead.

It’s no secret that Sharapova has been my favorite tennis player for as long as I can remember. Originally, it was a mixture of her calm demeanor, fighting spirit, mental resilience and no-nonsense professionalism on the court that drew me to her. Her integrity transcended the sport: she barely argued with the umpires, she almost never complained or made excuses, and she didn’t “coincidentally” seem to call medical timeouts when she was losing. She was a model player, the media’s golden girl and the highest paid female athlete.

It can only be the cruelest form of irony to watch her admit that she has tested positive for a PED. I can’t help but wonder if the image I constructed of her is a complete lie – if she really is a doper, a cheater, an opportunist who will do anything to win. Maybe I’m naïve, but I don’t want to believe it. Maybe I’m biased, but I want to believe her when she says that it was a stupid, negligible but nevertheless honest mistake. I want to believe that no one, let alone the player I gushed about in my Common App essay,

in a sport as raw and beautiful as tennis would knowingly try to give themselves an unfair advantage.

The news still disappoints me.

Over the years, I’ve watched Sharapova through her ups and downs, from her devastating, almost career-ending shoulder injury to her grueling comeback to her two French Open titles.

Now her brand name is destroyed, as she faces a suspension of up to four years with the knowledge that at 28 years old, a lengthy ban could signal the end of a career.

My mom always asks me why I care so much about her. “It’s not like she’s your sister,” she says. But when I watch her, I see the American dream in her rags-toriches story. I see admirable traits on and off the court. I see passion and love for a sport I’ve come to equally love. Maybe most importantly this time around, I see myself in her, knowing that if I were to ever make a mistake, I would want a chance for redemption. I cannot begin to imagine losing a career I love over a stupid mistake, and maybe that’s why I can’t imagine Sharapova losing hers.

I am in no way justifying her actions.

In fact, I think she should be given a punishment that fairly considers all the facts. But in the end, I still hope that the ban does not diminish the final years of her career and that it’s not “ova” just yet.

OPINION

THE STAFF

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EDITORS-IN-CHIEF Nick Williamson, Print Co-Editor Gideon Epstein, Print Co-Editor Anja Shahu, Print Co-Editor Amanda Gross, Online Co-Editor Evan Candelmo, Online Co-Editor Marissa Nardella, Online Co-Editor ADVISER Wendy Borrelli, Print and Online

NEWS Sally Tuszynski, Print Editor Andrew Resnick, Print Asisstant Editor Sam Bernstein, Online Co-Editor Jeffrey Cirillo, Online Co-Editor

OPINION Charlie Kanter, Print Editor Bess Bloomer, Print Assistant Editor Zoey Becker, Online Editor Brynn Blizzard, Online Assistant Editor FEATURE Kevin Lu, Print Editor Miriam Sieradzki, Print Assistant Editor Leila Siegel, Online Editor Izzy McMullen, Online Assistant Editor Lily Smith, Online Assistant Editor ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT Annika La Vina, Print Editor Iris Vukmanovic, Print Asisstant Editor Zack Shapiro, Online Co-Editor Aly Orndorff, Online Assistant Editor SPORTS Patrick Jorling, Print Editor Kevin O’Leary, Print Co-Assistant Editor Owen Krucoff, Print Co-Assistant Editor Grant Weaver, Online Editor Alex LaFontaine, Online Assistant Editor Andrew Horick, Online Assistant Editor Noah Meyers, Online Assistant Editor COPY EDITORS Owen Krucoff Steven Judge Ella Sheppard-Saidel LAYOUT EDITOR Emma Zwick ART Steven Judge Meg Tamara PUBLIC RELATIONS Charles Bloomer Business Manager STAFF WRITERS Ben Gold Emma Zwick Steven Roth

Jake Brown Ella Sheppard-Saidel Lamine Camara

The Pitch is published eight times a year by the students of Walter Johnson High School, population of 2,234 and located at 6400 Rock Spring Drive, Bethesda, Md. 20814. Advertising and subscription rates are available by calling 301-8037184. Opinions represent those of The Pitch staff and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the staff, faculty or student body. We welcome letters, articles, photographs and artwork, to be submitted to room 193 or e-mailed to thepitch@walterjohnson.com. The Pitch is an award-winning paper that works towards providing the student body with accurate, as well as credible, information.

AWARDS

Columbia Scholastic Press Association Marylander Award Newspaper Division C 2011 American Scholastic Press Association First Place 2011 Columbia Scholastic Press Association Gold Medalist 2009, 2013 Columbia Scholastic Press Association Silver Medalist 2014, 2015 Columbia Scholastic Bronze Medalist 2011

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Pitch 4 Embarrassing moments make us grow as individuals OPINION

By Bess Bloomer

We have all had moments when we just want to crawl in a dark hole and hide from the world for the rest of our lives. Especially in high school, potentially humiliating situations are unavoidable because students are participating in typical adolescent behaviors and taking risks without thinking much of the consequences.

Though it is difficult to deal with it in the moment and seems like the worst possible situation, eventually the moment will fade into the past, and all that will be left is a laughable story from the past. What we need to keep in mind about being embarrassed is that it is a natural and normal part of the high school experience, and our mistakes even help us build character and learn more about ourselves.

Rather than looking at our slipups negatively, we can view them as a chance to reflect on the whole situation—knowing what we did wrong is integral to avoid making the same mistake the next time around. Being embarrassed also allows people the opportunity to communicate with others on a more open and personal level. Though it may be uncomfortable to handle initially, ulti-

mately embarrassment can “save face” by being seen as “more likable and forgivable” according to Psychology Today.

A researcher at UC Berkeley conducted a study a few years back of participants watching videos of different people describing their most humiliating moments.

After watching, these participants reported how they felt about each person’s story and confession. Participants felt that these individuals, who put themselves in a vulnerable situation, were more generous and trustworthy than those who pretended the event did not happen or tried to downplay their embarrassment. Thus, rather than harming a person’s reputation, embarrassing moments can actually influence others’ perceptions of an individual in a positive way.

Furthermore, if individuals are subjected more to putting themselves in potentially embarrassing situations, it can open the door to them taking more risks in their life. Often times, by being vulnerable, a person can get over their personal “comfort zone” and accomplish things that they previously thought were not possible, such as doing activities that require a certain level of confidence or

MARCH 22, 2016

Photo by Bess Bloomer

Junior Kylie Smith trips in the hallway and drops her papers, and her friends laughs at her for her mishap.

expanding relationships with others.

Even if a certain embarrassing moment is not necessarily a significant “turning point” in a person’s life, it can still have a positive outcome. For one thing, these situations can leave people better prepared for future humiliations, letting the moment have a more tempo-

rary impact on their daily thoughts and emotions.

So, the next time you want to do something and then tell yourself not to because it could be too embarrassing – just do it.

Why not? You will probably thank yourself later.

What is your favorite part about spring?

Warmer weather

The Pitch polled 100 WJ students at random on the following questions:

What are your plans for spring break?

Catching up on sleep Traveling Visiting colleges Being with friends/family

School is almost over More outdoor activities

Who would you vote for in the primary election?

Sanders Clinton Trump Cruz Kaisch

Thinking of selling your house?

Invite me in...

I bring results.

Lisa P. Johnson, MBA Weichert Realtors 301-520-5270 (direct) 301-468-1600 (office) lisajohnson@weichert.com www.lisapjohnson.com

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MARCH 22, 2016

FEATURE

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Everyone has had an experience where they’ve seen someone in public and thought the person looked exactly like a celebrity.

Even atWJ, there are many students and teachers that have “celebrity look-alikes.” We decided to capture students and teachers with celebrity doubles.

Walter Johnson Celebrity Look-Alikes MARCH 22, 2016

By Miriam Sieradzki and Emma Zwick

MARCH 22, 2016

walking down the street with my friends and this kid and mother walked by me and the kid just stopped and pointed at me and was like, “Mom, there’s Drake.” At the time I didn’t know who he was, but now literally every day someone tells me I look like him.

Elizabeth Batwinis and AriaWallace

and thought I was the character Mandy from iCarly and I tricked her for a year into thinking I was her and I made up elaborate lies about traveling back and forth to California. I also can do the quack.

(Mandy) from “iCarly”

Jacob:

Q: How do you feel about people noticing that you look like your celebrity look-alike?

A: Everyone calls me Justin Bieber, it’s pretty funny. I don’t really care though.

Security Guard Tony Howard and Drake

Jacob Gutman and Justin Bieber

Q: What is your favorite part of your celebrity lookalike?

A: Abby: Her sense of style is an inspiration for me

Natalie:

Q: Has anyone ever thought you were your celebrity

and I wish I could be in my own Disney Channel show.

Simone: I like that she’s really good at dancing and that she is really pretty!

Abby Lindsay and Simone Sober

Natalie Speier and Kristen Stewart

Bella Thorne and Zendaya from “Shake It Up”

look-alike? What happened?

A: One time when I was in third grade at soccer camp, when Twilight was a big deal, these older girls thought I looked exactly like Bella and took pictures with me.

Emma:

Q: How did you find your celebrity look-alike and what is your favorite part of your celebrity look-alike?

A: I first saw her in Cheaper by the Dozen when I was

English Teacher Melanie MacFadden:

Q: How do you feel about how you look exactly like your celebrity?

A: I’m really glad that I look like some obscure chick from a Lindsay Lohan movie.

Melanie MacFadden and Lisa Ann Walter (Chessie) from “Parent Trap” (1998)

little and then I saw her in two music videos. One is Missy Elliot’s “Work It” and the other is Eminem’s “Just Lose It,” where she breakdances and I LOVE that about her.

Emma Zwick and Alyson Stoner from “Cheaper by the Dozen”

Psychology and Sociology Teacher Nicole McCarn:

Mariana:

people always tell me I look like celebrities or people they know. I guess I have a familiar face.

celebrity look-alike?

A: My physical therapist wanted to take a picture of me and put it on his wall because he thought I looked like Selena Gomez. I thought it was hilarious.

Q: Has anyone ever told you that you look like your

Q: Has anyone ever told you that you look like a celebrity?

A: I have been told I look like this celebrity before and (Nancy Botwin) from “Weeds”

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Q: Has anyone ever thought you were your celebrity twin?

A: In middle school, this younger girl came up to me

Abby and Simone:

Nicole McCarn and Mary-Louise Parker

FEATURE

Elizabeth:

Security Guard Tony Howard:

Q: Has anyone ever thought you were Drake?

A: One time I was in Bethesda a few years ago, I was

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FEATURE

Mariana Rodriguez and Selena Gomez

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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

MARCH 22, 2016

The Pitch loves the Earth and strives to look for big and small ways we can keep our environment safe and healthy. Earth day is coming up soon on April 22, so we decided to partner with the Environmental Club to give you and all your friends Eco-friendly project ideas to make the most of your earth day and hopefully every other day as well.

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By Iris Vukmanovic and Annika Lavina Spring and summer time are great for barbeque parties with friends and family.

However, it can be difficult to lug around a full size barbeque wherever you go if the party isn’t at home. A cute and eco-friendly solution to that problem is to make a personal barbeque. Gather your friends and you can all make mini barbeques out of Altoid containers and upcycled computer fan guards. This way you don’t have to push each other around every time your s’more isn’t getting enough heat.

Tin Can lanterns

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Miniature Altoid Grills

For some cool and green way to add ambience to your garden party use some tin cans to make special hand-made lanterns. Get some old tins and use a nail and hammer (or anything else at your disposal) to punch holes into the cans in whatever design or formation you like. For the finishing touch put tea lights inside of the tin cans and voila: cute, functional, and environmentally friendly!

Loose change has a habit of ending up everywhere except for where you need it. For a fun weekend project and a way to keep all of your coins in one place, use a recycled plastic bottle to make a piggy bank. Turn the bottle on its side and decorate it using paper and some paint and make it the cutest piggy bank around. To put coins inside just unscrew the cap (the nose) and put them inside. That way you have convenient and cute easy access to your coins.

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Though Americans make up just 4 percent of the world's population, we produce 25 percent of the carbon dioxide pollution from fossil-fuel burning -- by far the largest share of any country.

There is more carbon dioxide in the atmosphere today than at any point in the last 800,000 years.

Plastic Bottle Piggy Bank Since 1 8 7 0 , global sea levels have risen by about 8 inches.

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Pitch

MARCH 22, 2016

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

Earth Day at Union Station

Take a trip down to Union Station in Washington D.C. to participate in fun, ecofriendly and interactive games that are sure to be fun for the whole family.

Potomac Watershed Cleanup

Gear up for Earth Day with other families from the Washington Metropolitan area on April 16, helping to clean up trash across the Potomac River at 276 different sites.

Earth Day at the National Zoo

Spend the day after Earth Day doing a cleanup of Rock Creek Park, followed by learning about the National Zoo’s green efforts and going on a tour.

Alexandria Earth Day

Close out the week of Earth Day on April 30 at Ben Brenman Park by learning about and celebrating environmentally friendly transportation options, such as biking, ride sharing and public transit.

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U.S. Botanic Garden

On April 22, drop by during the day to participate in hands-on activities and meet with prominent environmentalists at the beautiful Botanic Garden on the National Mall. Discover the beauty of nature!

Broccoli City Festival

On April 30, attend this festival that features sustainable food, music from Jhene Aiko and much more. This environmentally friendly festival is bound to increase awareness and mobilize people to act–and eat broccoli.

Earth Day on the National Mall

Join in on a rally on the National Mall to save our environment and prevent extreme poverty as a result. Have your voice heard!

EARTH DAY EVENTS

Earth Day Hacks Incorporate eco-friendly ideas into your everyday lives with these easy and fun activities.

Compost Hack

Stop by the student commons on Friday, April 22 during lunch to experience the food, fun and festivities of Environmental Club’s annual Earth Day fair!

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Planting and gardening are great ways to get into the earth-day spirit, but sometimes, it’s hard to figure out the first step in actually formulating your own. Luckily, creating your own compost utilizes items from home and turns them into great fertilizer.Take different kitchen scraps, such as vegetable peels, coffee grounds and eggshells, gather them in a pile or bin, and wait a few days for the material to decompose.Add material regularly to maintain the compost.

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If compost isn’t much of your forte, try cute eggshell flower pots. This is perfect for the budding gardener or environmentalist. Start with broken apart egg shells to act as pots. Place some soil and seeds in each egg shell, then nestle the little planters in a leftover egg carton. This cute idea is perfect for everyday gardening without the hassle.

EcoFriendly Clothes

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Eggshell flower pots

If you’re into wearing your passion for the environment, consider shopping at eco-friendly boutiques and online stores. The popular British clothing store, ASOS, has a section called “The Green Room”, where buyers can find recycled metal jewelry or repurposed vintage clothing. If you prefer to do your clothing shopping in person, visit “Caramel Boutique” in D.C. for eco-friendly, sustainable clothing. The boutique also supports local artists and designers.

The Pitch had partnered with WJ’s Environmental Club to bring you a supplementary video and song to this article. Keep a look out for it on www.wjpitch.com during the week of April 18th!

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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

MARCH 22, 2016

Sbarro is famous for its authentic Italian feel, but there’s nothing less authentic than a Sweet BBQ Pizza. Dotted with onions, chicken and corn, Sbarro’s newest addition to its menu welcomes another flavor to its already versatile menu. The tomato sauce is substituted for barbeque, which should add a unique touch to the already different pizza.

Sbarro Sweet and Spicy BBQ Pizza Although the presentation is quite lacking, the pizza itself isn’t entirely bad. The barbeque sauce is surprisingly sweet, but not terribly overwhelming and compliments the spicy-ness of the chicken. However, the corn doesn’t jive with the rest of the pizza, and the crust was burnt and tough.

ADS VS. FOOD

Ever wonder what the fast food in those commercials actually tastes like? The Pitch put three new fast food items to the test.

By Annika LaVina

It’s finally time that Dunkin Donuts brought something peanut butter to it’s menu, and when Dunkin Donuts has an idea, they go all out. Peanut-butter lovers, prepare to welcome the Peanut Butter Square, a square donut filled with peanut butter filling and topped with chocolate and peanut butter glaze. It sounds delicious on paper, and looks delicious in the picture, but fast food chains never live up to customer expectations.

Taco Bell’s Dorito Taco

One thing that the picture does not mention is that the taco is actually smaller than it looks. Although the idea was great, the execution was not. There’s almost no meat in the taco, and the lettuce is sub-par compared to other Taco Bell products. The crust is almost bite-sized and is equivalent to the length of a hand. The Dorito flavor does not stand out with all of the fillings inside the actual taco, so the crust is basically underwhelming and does not live up to its hype.

Dunkin Donuts’ Peanut Butter Square The donut definitely has peanut butter, but maybe a little too much. The filling is peanut butter based, but is more of a cream than an actual peanut butter texture. Although the attempt is there, the flavors are simply too strong. Dunkin definitely got the flavor spot-on, but sometimes, a little goes a long way.

Pusha T

Pusha T, real name Terrence Thorton, abandons the machinery often present in mainstream hip-hop and envelops his album in his own style. The 38 year old music veteran was also a member of Clipse, a hip-hop duo comprised of him and his brother, Gene “No Malice” Thorton. His newest album, Darkest Before Dawn, brings inspiration from Pusha T’s dealer days and his famous days and combines them into an innovative and creative ensemble that is perfect for chilling out.

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4/19

American rapper Waka Flocka Flame once again visits the Filmore Silver Spring stage this April. Performing his hit album, “Flockaveli 2”, the 29 year old rap star brings his own twist to the hip-hop scene with his mix of old school and new raps. The newly mainstream artist knows how to bring the hype to the stage by blasting music and getting the audience involved.

Wacka Flocka

Since popular food chain Taco Bell is famous for bringing new creations to its everyday menu, it was no surprise that people raved about its newest invention, the Dorito Taco. The innovative meal is supposed to enhance the taco flavor with a Dorito dusted crust.

The famous trap star who brought us “Harlem Shake” is back with more music. After a short hiatus, Baauer comes to Washington D.C. with an arsenal of new music, including his newest single, “Kung Fu”, which also features Future and Pusha T, who will be coming to the 9:30 Club just a few weeks before Baauer arrives. With influences from hip hope and dance, Baauer’s new music is sure to bring a fun night with it.

Baauer 4/7

With spring underway, the is getting nicer, and students ting restless. Start the summer by checking out these new

By Annika LaVina

weather are getoff right concerts.

Santigold 5/6 Known for her eclectic yet intense music, Santigold comes to D.C.’s own 9:30 Club to perform her newest debut album, “99¢”. The 39 year old veteran takes inspiration from many other indie artists, and transforms her music into a mesmerizing experience. After being in the Philadelphia based band, Stiffed, the singer branched off on to a solo career in 2008 and released her first album, “Santogold”.

Magic Man

4/10

Indie rock bands Magic Man and the Griswolds take center stage at the 9:30 Club on A p r i l 10 for a rocking night.

Hailing from Massachusetts and Australia, Magic Man and the Griswolds bring a pop-heavy vibe to traditional indie music. Even though their music is new and innovative, it is still danceable and not as lucid as some other indie artists.

Alternative rock band X Ambassadors takes center stage at the 9:30 Club to perform their 2015 album, “VHS”.

The band has produced well-known hits such as “Jungle” and “Renegades”, and channels their intense, rhythmic beats throughout their whole album.

For a rocking night, see the X Ambassadors on May 12.

5/12

X Ambassadors

Pitch

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MARCH 22, 2016

SPORTS

Boys’ lacrosse strives to use unity to build off of last year’s success

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By Bryce Auster

ute.

“I think that they will bring a lot of Last year, boys’ lacrosse finished with an exceptional record of 10-4. The team energy,” Krupinski said.

The loss of the seniors was a big blow is looking to improve and build off that success, and do even better this year. to the team, but senior Connor MaHowever, they lost a lot of seniors from honey thought that the departure of the last year and are hoping that the new seniors could help the development of additions to the team will step in and the team. This is because he felt that the team relied on the seniors to get everyflourish in their new roles.

Senior and team captain Patrick Nu- thing done.

“But now that they’re gone, we’ve got gent looks to the younger players to fill the key positions that were taken up by to come together as a team,” Mahoney the seniors last year, particularly on de- said.

He thought that the team has had no fense.

“Pretty much our whole starting de- problem playing together, and that the fense graduated last year,” Nu- “The atmosphere is very much like a gent said.

Despite the family, we all care about each other, we departure of last all want to support each other.” year’s seniors, senior attacker Steve Krupinski expects the team to do preseason scrimmages have proved it.

“Based on how we did in the last well this season.

“I expect us to definitely have a win- scrimmage, we’re playing really well as a team,” Mahoney said. ning record,” Krupinski said.

Nugent agreed with Mahoney that He is excited to start the season and he particularly wants to beat Whitman, team chemistry is a very important part of a successful season, and that the team Churchill and Wootton High Schools. “[Whitman and Churchill] are usually has already become just that, a team.

“The atmosphere is very much like a one of the top teams and they’re usually one of the teams that we lose to,” family, we all care about each other, we Krupinski said. “They always are pretty all want to support each other,” Nugent stacked with players, they always have a said.

Nugent thought that the new addicouple [Division I] bound guys.”

Krupinski thinks that those teams will tions need to adjust to the pressure of present the biggest challenge, but he playing in games, but believes it will believes they can win if they play hard. eventually happen. He is also very conKrupinski also pointed to the new ad- fident that the team will do very well ditions to the team, in particular Riley once they improve their chemistry.

“If we continue building our team Hughes, a sophomore transfer from Rockville High School. Krupinski ex- chemistry and working together, I think pects all of the new players to contrib- we can do really well,” Nugent said.

Photo courtesy of Lifetouch

The team huddles up during the 2015 season, when they finished 5-9 and reached the second round of the playoffs. They opened the new campaign on March 21 against Watkins Mill.

Girls’ lax leans on young talent

By Jake Brown Girls’ lacrosse looks to be successful again this year. This year’s captains are seniors Sarah Caggiano and Ashleigh Wagar and junior Jordan Bryon, and the team will be led by coach Gary Reburn.

“We lost a lot of seniors last year,” Reburn said. “Yes, we are a young team, but we have a lot of talented sophomores and freshman that we can rely on and can make an immediate impact.”

The team has slightly more underclassmen than upperclassmen, but Caggiano is not bothered by it.

“We lost a lot of starters and a lot of defense which is difficult,” Caggiano said. “The underclassmen we look on are extremely talented. I don’t think that the change will have a large impact on our ability to succeed this season.”

They will also be taking on a couple private schools this season.

“Playing private schools is always a challenge, but going up against great teams only makes us better,” Caggiano said. “I’d rather lose a game that’s hard fought than crush an easy team and learn nothing.”

Girls lacrosse will not be bothered by being known as a young team.

“We have bonded really well in the offseason and it has helped,” sophomore Sadie Keller said. “Being known as a young team won’t change much and the freshmen that did make varsity will be a great addition.”

The team is going into this season with a lot of determination and is putting in the work to make themselves better and go for the division crown, despite facing some tough private school teams.

They are not bothered by the loss of last year’s seniors and believe their new additions will impact their team positively and help them win games.

Brooks Laich trade shows serious side of sports

By Patrick Jorling Brooks Laich made his debut with the Washington Capitals on Mar. 12, 2003, back when the team’s colors were still black and blue, and were in the midst of a 46-loss season. Twelve years later, Laich still donned a Capitals uniform, this time red, white and blue. That was not the only change he saw in his time as a Cap, as the team drafted superstar Alex Ovechkin and ascended into being one of the league’s consistent contenders. He was right in the middle of teams that produced dominant regular seasons, but would ultimately come up short in the playoffs.

This year, Laich was a seasoned veteran on one of the league’s best teams.

The Caps have run out to one of the best

Photo courtesy of Flickr, user Keith Allison

Brooks Laich skates for the Capitals in a playoff game against the New York Rangers in 2009.

Laich played for the Capitals for 12 of the last 13 years, with only the lockout season of 2004-05 interrupting his run. The Caps played in 11 different playoff series during that time.

seasons in NHL history and hold a big lead in points over the rest of the league.

Laich, however, was not producing at the level that he once was, only having one goal and six assists.With a $4.5 million salary cap hit attached to his contract, it was evident that the Capitals may need to trade him in order to save

money to help improve their Stanley Cup contending team. While the move made sense from a pure personnel and money standpoint, the human element of loyalty made many fans, and possibly management, apprehensive about a move. Ultimately, Laich was placed on waivers and then traded on Feb. 28 to

the Toronto Maple Leafs.

In the end, sports are a business.Teams are going to do whatever they have to do in order to make their team the best it can be. From that perspective, the Caps made the right move. But, there are fans and, as evidenced by their comments after the trade, even players who feel a sense of disappointment about the move. Laich had been the longest tenured athlete in all of the major D.C. professional sports teams, and had been extremely loyal to the franchise. With this being one of the best Caps’ teams he had been on, losing his best chance to raise the Stanley Cup is something that is hard to swallow. Laich will forever be remembered as a Cap and will always be greeted warmly when he comes back to Washington. He should, because loyalty should be rewarded in some form.

Management of sports teams have to do their jobs and put feelings aside when making personnel decisions, just like Caps general manager Brian MacLellan did with the Laich situation. But the ‘right’ decision may not always sit right in the hearts and minds of the fans and players because they understand the human aspect of the business. That is why Laich will always be commended for his 12 years as a Cap, and will be in the back of their minds if they end up raising the Stanley Cup this spring.

Sports

What’s Inside 11

Boys’ and girls’ lacrosse look forward to successful 2016 seasons

Brooks Laich’s trade from the Capitals exemplfies the business aspect of sports

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MARCH 22, 2016

Charles Woolridge takes over as new head coach for WJ football

By Kevin O’Leary

After a three month-long search for a head football coach after Greg Kellner’s retirement at the end of the 2015 season, athletic director Tom Rogers started a new era in the hiring of D.C. native Charles Woolridge.

Woolridge began his lengthy football career at DeMatha Catholic High School in Hyattsville, Maryland, where he was a three-year starting tight end on DeMatha’s nationally competitive team. In his senior season, Woolridge was a heavily recruited target, receiving 25 scholarship offers from various colleges before deciding to attend Rutgers University on a full football scholarship. In his time at Rutgers, Woolridge was a four-year letter winner and three-year starter on their defensive line. Following his success at Rutgers, Woolridge spent four years participating in the Arena Football League (AFL), finally retiring from football in 2001.

As a long-time football player, Woolridge is able to pull from his various experiences on the field to his coaching philosophies on the sideline in many ways.

“The game helps develop important life skills and you meet people from different walks of life,” Woolridge said. “Additionally, playing the game and being part of a team helps you understand and handle adversity, challenges and develop time management skills. I try to not only coach my players but give them life skills that they can use on and off the field. I enjoy working with young men to coach them and give them some of the insights and experiences I have gained through playing the game of football.”

Though Woolridge has spent 12 years coaching various programs at the youth and high school level, he has never been the head coach of a program, and considers his opportunity to coach at WJ the biggest achievement to date in his coaching career.

“Since 2011, I have been coaching locally here in the DMV at Gonzaga College High School, Bishop O’Connell High School and St. Vincent Pallotti High School – and also with USA Football, a national football partnership that supports

Photo courtesy of Grant Weaver

No matter the weather, baseball players can practice in WJ’s new indoor batting cage.

New small gym batting cage enables indoor practice

By Jake Brown Photo courtesy of Charles Woolridge

Woolridge instructs players as a coach for USA Football, an organization for middle and high school players across the country.

positive football experiences for youth, high school and other amateur players through best practices to advance coach and player development, participation and safety,” Woolridge said.

“In the past I have been a successful JV and Freshman coach – but WJ has given me the opportunity to be the head coach of the football program here...this is my biggest milestone.”

Woolridge brings to WJ a “refuse to lose, expect to win” philosophy, expecting his players to compete with great energy and enthusiasm, but also encourages his athletes to excel in the classroom and consider academics a priority above all else.

“I am most excited about having the opportunity to work towards building a championship-caliber team here at WJ,” Woolridge said. “My initial goal is to get the football program on the winning track (compete for a championship) by changing the culture and developing student athletes. My long-term goal is to make WJ football a strong, competitive program here in Montgomery County.”

The athletic department recently installed new indoor batting cages in the small gym for the baseball team in order to facilitate practice on their swings during bad weather.

“A lot of other schools, and three in our division now have cages in their small gym,” head coach Steve Sutherland said. “We were stuck indoors for two weeks, and the other schools were hitting indoors, we’re stuck to hitting a net off of a tee. The luxury of having a cage indoors [is that we] get to see live pitching so we can evaluate players during tryouts. It gives us more of an even playing field.”

“The installation was expensive,” Sutherland said. “We had to install two beams up on each side. Our [net] slides like a shower curtain, and we can hoist it up on the pulley system.”

WJ looks to improve in practice with their new cages and build on last year’s 8-10 record.

Crew heads into spring season with high hopes

By Owen Krucoff

The WJ crew club is quickly approaching another highly anticipated spring season. After a long winter of indoor rowing and workouts, the team finally got back on the water on March 7 and preparations are on for the team’s first regatta, the Bladensburg Invitational, on April 2. An exciting fall season saw one boat, the boys’ varsity 4+ (a boat of four rowers and one coxswain), compete at the Head of the Charles in Boston, the largest two-day collection of races in the world. Boats also competed in two different New Jersey regattas and one local race, the Head of the Anacostia.

This spring arrives after a very successful season a year ago, and head coach Emma Green has a specific set of goals for both the boys’ and girls’ teams.

“Every year the goals remain the same: To win the Varsity 8+ event at WMIRA, Stotesbury Cup and SRAA Nationals,” she said. “Some years we may be more competitive in smaller boats (4-man boats), but we define our

success based on performing to the best of our abilities across the team, not just in one boat.”

The three races Green mentions are some of the biggest races the team rows in each spring. The Washington Metropolitan Interscholastic Rowing Association (WMIRA) regatta is a regional championship, while the Stotesbury Cup (Stotes) and SRAA Nationals are national-class regattas attracting schools from all over the country. Another national regatta, the National Scholastic Rowing Association (NSRA) Championships, is relatively new, but is also emerging as a well-known national event. In 2015, a total of seven boats raced at Stotes, with the boys’ lightweight 4+ boat finishing fourth in its competition. The same boat also impressed at SRAA Nationals with a fifth-place finish, as did the boys’ junior 4+. But the greatest achievements of the spring came at the NSRA Championships, where the boys’ junior 8+ won the National Championship gold medal and the boys’ lightweight 4+ took home

Photo courtesy of WJ Crew

From left, Sam Lupo ’15 and juniors Lukas Flores, Skander Boudabbous, Harris Karlin and Simon Nathans race the boys’ lightweight 4+ to a silver medal at the 2015 NSRA Regatta.

silver. Along with intense national competition, the team also has a number of local rivalries.

“BCC and Whitman have bigger clubs that have been around longer,” junior Harris Karlin, a member of the lightweight 4+, said. “We also aspire to beat Gonzaga [High School], who is one of the top schools in the country.”

Crew has a reputation as a demanding sport, both physically and in terms of time, but Green knows that the strong team community helps students to commit themselves to both school and

crew. In the end, she believes that the best part of rowing is the teamwork and individual dedication that combine to lead boats to success.

“It only takes a couple of days to learn the basics of rowing, but it takes a lot hours as well as mental and physical strength to push yourself beyond your physical limits and to do so in perfect synchronization with eight other people. I love watching individuals fall in love with rowing and coaching boats to come together to achieve that perfect race,” she said.

The Catc Dubya Jay Hi Skul

Volume 420, Issue Z

123 Sesame Street

loser.com

Tuesday, April 5, 1956

School start times to change again

By Ella Sheppard-Saidel

Graphic by Emma Zwick

Parade held on the National Mall for beloved Gayle Evans

By Emma Zwick

INSIDE

On Mar. 6, a parade followed by a festival took place on the National Mall to celebrate Gayle Evans, the esteemed and beloved college counselor at WJ, and honor her hard work as this year comes to a close.

Evans is known for her constant SSL opportunities emails, job offers and scholarship application emails.

Every student from 9th grade to 12th grade enjoys her daily 100 emails. Even stopping by in her office is a good time because getting to talk to Gayle over email is not enough.

“I love to turn in my transcript request forms. Her face just brightens my day. I cannot get enough of her,” senior Sydney Comstock said.

Schools all over the DC area know who she is, as the Washington Post recently named her the best college counselor in the area. High school students watched in awe as they saw the famous Ms. Evans sit atop the college-themed float that the Leadership class at WJ built. It was decorated with numerous flags of the colleges to which she has helped the seniors of WJ get accepted. The float also included large streamers and a golden throne for Gayle Evans herself to showcase her amazingly beautiful face.

“Most seniors know they have a bright future ahead of them because of her,” senior Canan Millikin said. “I do not know what I would do without my girl Gayle.”

The festival included fun activities like moon bounces, College Board and Naviance sign up stations, food

trucks, stands to purchase school flags and other merchandise and face painting to make yourself look like Gayle Evans.

“The Leadership class wanted to make it a fun and celebratory day where all ages could come together in such a large space and to allow students from other schools to meet her, take pictures and get her autograph,” SGA President Zack Miller said. “It is hard when you do not get to see her every day at your own school, so I feel bad for all of those other schools.”

High school students brought their families, allowing many younger siblings to be enlightened by the journey of applying to colleges at an early age. Some middle school students were so excited by it all that they began to apply to colleges that same day. Also many parents were proud to see that WJ has such a great program for students’ futures.

“After bringing my son, David, who is in 8th grade, he was so excited to research all of his favorite schools.

He even took the career interest profiler on his newly made Naviance account,” said parent Amy Kost. “And my senior daughter Sally, who has had some great times with her good pal Gayle, bought college merchandise!”

Overall this parade was a success and many juniors are already looking forward to planning the parade next year. Evans is an integral part of the school and all students agree that they would be nowhere without her.

THE TRUTH

Are you Berning to Make America Great Again? Support Donald and Bernie!

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ANNIE

What is in store for you this month? Check your horoscope right now!

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FEAT. FUTURE

Go check out some of the best and the most lavish restaurants in the MoCo area!

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DEPORTES

Parents around the community embrace the positive effects of concussions.

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The Montgomery Country Board of Education has unanimously voted to change school start times to 5:03 a.m. According to a recent study, teenagers function best in the early hours of the morning, when they are still asleep. In this study conduted at Johns Hopkins University, 30 teenagers observed were able to function better in their classes when they had to wake up earlier. The attention they paid to teachers increased, while some of their grades remained the same; however, most of their grades worsened. Due to an increased lack of respect towards teachers, the administration has decided that it is more important to have students paying attention than learning.

After the controversy in 2015 over the parent and student testimonies of the influence of early school , the Board of Education voted to overrule any previous decisions and change the start times completely with their option Z: move the start times 21 hours later to 5:03 a.m, a much larger increase than previously occurred. Beginning school early in the morning or, as many students view it, late at night, will hopefully help teenagers retain more information or at least pay attention.

Many parents have received this news with open arms, congratulating The Board on their agreement and their efforts to help students’ health. The widely published Hopkins study has been influential on parents’ perspective on this issue, leading them to believe the Board is making the right move. Following this study, the Board of Education met to discuss its results and the chance to implement it in Montgomery County. They have decided to begin this new schedule in the fall of 2016 after a short trial period in the end of this school year, and they hope that this will be met with incredible support.

Students and teachers have boisterously shown their support for this change.

“Waking up at 3:30 AM will be really good for my sleep cycle,” sophomore Mark Johnson said. “I’m especially looking forward to sleeping during first period.”

The Board of Education’s proposed plan includes a 30 minute class break for breakfast and ending high school at 12 p.m. in time for students to go home for lunch. They hope that this timing will culminate in greater participation in extracurricular activities, as parents will easily be able to pick up their children after these activities end.

Most importantly, the new start times will avoid any and all rush hour, making transportation easier for students both driving and taking the bus. The projected start time for high school is 5:03 a.m. with middle school starting at 6:03 am and elementary school starting in batches at 7:03 and 7:33 a.m. Middle school will end at 1:03 p.m. with elementary school finishing at 2:03 and 2:33 p.m.

Teachers have reported excitement for this change, expressing their eagerness to arrive at WJ around 4:00 a.m. to prepare for their classes. They have banded together in agreement to become partially nocturnal in preparation for this new schedule. Rising seniors are especially thrilled about this.

“Now it will be easier to pull all-nighters and get ready for college,” junior Rachel Simon said.

Overall, the Board of Education hopes this change will further the education of Montgomery County students and keep MCPS in the running for best public schools in the U.S.

WHAT’S GOOD IN THE HOOD?

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April 5, 1956

Class of 2016 vs Class of 2017: a parking fiasco Patrons of

By Lamine Camara Every year, all students who drive can apply for a parking permit in the school lot. Juniors are in an uproar over being denied parking permits this year, so they have taken matters into their own hands.

Parking spaces originally reserved exclusively for seniors who have waited years to earn that prestigious privilege, are now being stolen by the impatient junior class.

Instead of observing the law and parking across the street or taking the bus to school, dozens of juniors have been blatantly ignoring the “no parking without a permit” signs. They have been parking their cars in spots that seniors believe are rightfully theirs.

The juniors remain undisturbed by their accumulating parking fines, and security has an impossible task if they are expected to stop the juniors on their own.

Therefore only one solution remains for seniors who wish to retain control of the parking lot. They have decided to get dirty; keying cars, slashing

Photo by Lamine Camara

Juniors and seniors participate in battles against each other in the school parking lot. Seniors hope to reign supreme while juniors hope to overthrow the hierarchy.

tires, spitting in juniors faces and ambushing them in the parking lot are the only ways seniors can be sure to avoid not getting a spot in the morning. And with security trying to solve the junior problem as well, they have been easily convinced to look the other way as the seniors take matters into their own hands.

This situation could quickly escalate to a full on grade war, the first at WJ since the classes of 2010 and 2013 clashed some years ago after the notorious

“Occupy Chipotle” incident, in which the freshmen tried to claim the restaurant for themselves by swarming it every day at lunch. But with administration on their side, as well as moral superiority guiding them, seniors have nothing to fear, and the disrespectful juniors will soon fall to the might of the class of 2016. The seniors hope that the administration will once again take their side in order to ensure victory.

In preparation for this coming conflict, seniors will be tak-

ing shifts running 24 hour surveillance over the parking lot.

All twelfth graders should stay vigilant and report any suspicious junior activity that may be cause for worry, as well as be prepared to gather at any time to defend the parking spaces that have been awarded to them after three years of hard work.

Any junior caught parking in the senior lot will be branded with a sharpie mark on the forehead between the eyes, so that offenders can be recognized, and the future threat of them repeating to park covertly can be neutralized.

The juniors will not go down without a fight, and they are surely plotting something mischievous themselves in an attempt to thwart the seniors plan. But as long as the senior class remains focused and organized, the reckless juniors will not stand a chance, no matter what evil schemes their little minds can think up.

This is a war of ideals, and the seniors are more than ready to launch an all out crusade to reconquer what is rightfully theirs.

Bernie Sanders wants to build a wall around Wall Street

By Sally Tuszynski

This campaign year has been one of the biggest in history, one of the only facts that all candidates can actually agree on. With a whopping 1,000 candidates in May of 2015, the race has been narrowed down to only six candidates as of March 2016. Each candidate is proposing ideas that are even more radical than the next, spanning to both ends of the political spectrum. One of the most contested plans is Donald Trump‘s wall across the Mexico-USA border to combat illegal immigrants. In retaliation, Bernie Sanders, who is the most liberal of the candidates, has said if he is elected president he will build a wall around Wall Street in New York City.

Trump was the first to present his plan regarding a wall, proclaiming that this will allow America to become great again.

“I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words,” Trump said.

With this, Sanders felt that it was necessary to up his game.

At the most recent Democratic Debate, Sanders announced that his wall is the perfect plan to ensure equality and will most definitely bridge the income gap between the rich and the poor.

Many are worried about Sanders’ political leaning as a

self-proclaimed democratic socialist but this policy is taking it to a whole new level. Sanders has vowed to take money from the rich and use this to build a physical wall around Wall Street. He also plans on using the money that does not go towards this wall to give everyone a free car along with their free health care.

Wall Street is a 0.7-milelong street and when it rains normally in the rest of the city, it rains money there. Sanders is worried about all the money and believes that all of these people should be blocked out from the rest of the country in order to minimize their threat.

One of his main goals in his campaign for presidency is to ensure the equality of people and to minimize the power of the 1%. If this wall is built, the 1% will be blocked out and therefore the problem will be solved.

Sanders believes that it is vital that the people who work on Wall Street have the responsibility of paying the cost to build a 500 foot tall wall. This position is justified in his eyes because it is their own responsibility to make sure they do not affect the rest of society.

Once Sanders announced this plan, the public went berserk, with opinions ranging all ends of the spectrum. Some people believe that Sanders is correct in saying this and they believe that it is a well-known

Graphic by Nick Williamson

Bernie Sanders has proposed to build a physical wall around Wall Street in New York City in order to ensure more equality in America. This plan was made to contest Trump’s plan to build a wall around the Mexican border.

fact that people who work on Wall Street are by nature bad people.

“It is in their blood,” senior Katie Miller said. “If these people work there, that clearly means they are bad people. It is vital to keep them contained and separate from the rest of the population. A wall is the only way to promote equality” Some however, think that this policy is not fair and these people are simply normal humans, just like everyone else.

“I honestly cannot say I agree with building a wall,” senior Logan Mallory said. “People that work on Wall Street are just ordinary people going about their lives. Nothing in their DNA makes them differ-

ent than the rest of us.”

Sanders wants to have the money spread equally among all citizens and making a wall will help him fulfill this ideal.

“It is time to make America equal again,” Sanders said.

“If there is not a physical wall around Wall Street, these people and their greedy values will spread, it will be an epidemic.”

No one knows how this election will turn out, but, it seems as though there may be a wall for the future of America.

Trump hopes to keep out only the people who do not have enough money to enter the United States and make a fair living, while Sanders hopes to keep out the people with too much money.

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APRIL FIFTH, NINETEEN FIFTY SIX

MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN

By NickWilliamson

It is time for Americans to face the facts: our country is falling further into disrepair each and every day. This undeniable truth is echoed by the political harbingers of our time, the unimpeachable titan Donald Trump and the all-knowing demigod Bernie Sanders.

Though completely opposed to each other on almost every issue in politics, both have recognized that American society is crumbling around us, with the rich and immigrants competing to see who can plunder more from the rest of society before they escape to another country.

The first step towards revitalizing American society is to kick out all of the tax-paying, hardworking immigrants who have entered this country illegally and stolen all of the jobs nobody else seems to want. In addition to this, we must support Trump’s proposal to ban all Muslim immigrants from entering the country. Because a miniscule per-

and embrace the new socialist revolution led by Sanders. Forget the things you may have heard about the U.S. having the largest GDP in the world and one of the highest standards of living as well. The billionaire class propagates these lies to make it appear as though capitalism actually generates wealth for the nation and brings prosperity.

If we are to see our country return to the position of respect and power it once had in the world, we must make it our goal to be the first nation to prove to the rest of the world that an economy based on state control of the economy and redistribution of wealth can be more successful and powerful in the long run.

My fellow Americans, for the sake of our country, we must ensure that Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders win the nominations for their respective parties. Only then will we be presented with candidates who truly understand how to make America great again.

be an argument. Maybe if only two out of three black students graduated high school compared with 90 percent of whites and Asians, there would be an argument. Maybe if we saw that white households have a median income twice that of black families, we would see some evidence.

Frankly, even if they were true, who needs facts? The Constitution provides framework for equal opportunity for all (except black slaves, the poor and women). But “equal” is in there, so it must be true.

You know, sometimes I think about how privileged low-income black adolescents are in inner cities near here in Baltimore and Washington, D.C. They are the real privileged ones. They have real motivation to achieve upward social

mobility. Here in Montgomery County, there’s just no reason for us to work hard sometimes. Worst case, we can just fall back on our parents’ savings. But in lower income areas, there is so much motivation to work hard. So really, they are the privileged ones.

We need to end this self-deprecation so prevalent among whites. There’s just no need to help others who are more advantaged in low-income areas, where minorities are well-represented. The most influential woman and man in the world are black: Oprah Winfrey and Kanye West. Even if you do still believe that there are miniscule differences between the lives of minorities and whites, whites should embrace their inherent Ben “Solid” Gold advantages, but don’t you dare start Jake “Fedora Friday” Brown calling it “white privilege” again.

Emma “0.01%” Zwick Ella “Umbrella” Sheppard-Saidel

:

White privilege? I don’t buy it. I think political commentator and host of the O’Reilly Factor, Bill O’Reilly, summed it up best, calling white privilege “a big lie.” Where is O’Reilly’s credibility you ask? Well, he is a renowned conservative with a popular show on the revered network, Fox News.

Slavery and Jim Crow laws have been out of effect for decades. So what is the argument for white privilege? I couldn’t tell you. Maybe if we had examples of systematic racial disenfranchisement in our public discourse, there would be some proof of white privilege, but that’s a big ‘if.’ Maybe if the unemployment rates among blacks and Latinos were twice that of whites, there would

MOMMY AND DADDY Grandpa Nick Anja La Vina Gideon “Pretty Princess” Epstein Amanda “Is Not” Gross Evan “I Want To Go Home” Candelmo Marissa “Mar Mar in the Hizz House” Nardella THE BIG BOSS Wendy “Tic Tacs” Borrelli WHAT’S GOOD IN THE HOOD? Sally “Work Work Work” Tuszynski Andrew “Mr. Steal Yo Girl” Resnick Sam “FEEL THE BERN” Bernstein Jeffrey “The Frog” Cirillo THE TRUTH Charlie “I Miss My Daddy” Resnick Bess “of the D’Urbervilles” Bloomer Zoey “101” Becker Brynn “Flip Me Over” Blizzard FEAT. FUTURE Kevin “I’ll Do It Later” Lu Miriam “The Inside Scoop” Sieradzki Leila “Resnick Magnet” Siegel Izzy “I-Z-Z-Y” McMullen Lily “Lil-Y” Smith ANNIE Annika Shahu Iris “Offical Pitch DJ” Vukmanovic Zack “And Not Danielle” Shapiro Aly “Choi Chomper” Orndorff BALLSACADEMIC Patrick “PoJo” Joorling Kevin “Snapchat Celeb” O’Leary Owen “Silent Assassin” Krucoff Grant “Gimme Sum Pinecones” Weaver Alex “Krampus” LaFontaine Andrew “Ellie” Horick Noah “Jigglypuff ” Meyers Bryce “Hand Sanitizer SQUAA” Auster NIT-PICKERS Owen “Silent Assassin” Krucoff Steven “The Speech” Judge Ella “Umbrella” Sheppard-Saidel ARTISTE Steven “The Speech” Judge MAKIN’ BANK Charles “Derek Zoolander” Bloomer NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK

centage of them could be connected to terrorism, we must assume they are all connected to terrorism and keep them out of our country.

This same reasoning must be applied to gun owners as well; the state currently has little interest in tackling mental health issues, so we must regulate and punish law-abiding citizens for the good of us all.

We must also focus on reviving our military capabilities, as many candidates have emphasized during their campaign. Our military is currently so underfunded and mismanaged that if war broke out with China or Russia, the US and its allies would be able to easily defeat them. This ‘easy victory’ is unacceptable. We must continue funneling money into our armed forces until Russia is so afraid of us that they pull out of Ukraine and China fears our intervention so much they end their aggression in the South China Sea. Finally, we must abandon capitalism

White privilege: A conspiracy!

By Gideon Epstein

<3 THE STAFF THE TRUTH

Steven “The New Guy” Roth

Lamine “Fight the System” Camara

Grumpy Gideon

Grumpy graphic by the late and great Selma Stearns

AWARDS Least improved #1 Paper in America according to Nick’s Mom Best Newspaper atWJ Worst Newspaper atWJ Graphic by Steven Judge

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;)

THE TRUTH

JANUARY FEBRUARY MARCH APRIL

COLLEGE BOARD SETS NEW STANDARDS

FOR STANDARDIZED TESTING

By Charlie Kanter

Standardized test scores significantly impact if colleges will accept or reject any given student. It has always been frustrating for me to have to accept this fact, as tests like the SAT and ACT are not necessarily indicative of a person’s true intelligence or ability to succeed.

The struggle, however, is over. After so many years of incompetence, the SAT has heard our complaints and made real changes to effectively accomplish what matters most – getting to know the students themselves.

The College Board is now proving that they care as much about honesty and integrity as they do about reading comprehension. Part I offers an optional polygraph test to prove you are not a liar. If your religion or history of being a little prick prevents you from

participating, you may opt to send them a Snapchat of your face with a caption saying, “I promise I am not a liar.” They will take your word for it. It is truly wonderful that they now provide various options to accommodate individual needs.

The SAT has become more personalized and practical to better evaluate their customers. For your choice of either three payments of 12 dollars or simply one cent every hour for two weeks, the College Board will supply free psychological evaluations for two consecutive 16-week 2-hour sessions twice a week on Tuesdays and Thursdays. However, if you arrive tardy or miss any of these sessions, your score may be invalidated.

For the final section of the test, the College Board has found a way to evaluate multiple aspects of your personality in a

concise time period and inviting setting.

Part III will test your ability to bang out a solid essay in a pressured environment.

They will put you in a cage with a real live lion and give you a reasonable 50 minutes to complete your essay – only the strongest of writers will be able to use proper rhetoric and syntax technique under the weight of a 300-pound beast. They will also evaluate social compatibility; after a week in the cage, you will be expected to have an intimate relationship with the animal. If you fail to do this, I would advise hiring a tutor so that you are better prepared next time you take the SAT. What was once a nuisance has become a life changing experience, and the College Board has finally found a way to determine each student’s true readiness for higher education.

STATISTICS 110%

percent of US students and parents around the world approve of the changes

22% of test-takers survive the encounter with the lion

75%

increase in

College Board profits due to the changes, maintaining its “not-for-profit” status

1.5%

increase in time

students spend studying

In an effort to know our educators better, we asked some staff members a question to find out a little bit more about what makes them so special.

What’s your spirit animal?

Melanie MacFadden English

Aileen Leung Science

“Great White Shark: I am a vicious predator.

Watch out.”

Photo by Steven Roth

“Fox: I like to mess with people.”

Photo by Steven Roth

Regina Rodriguez

Thomas Martin

Administration

Tech

“Grizzly Bear: Have you seen ‘The Revenant’?”

“Craisin: I’m old and wrinkly.

No one actually likes me.”

Photo by Steven Roth

Photo by Steven Roth

Jason Campbell Phyical Education

Jeremy Butler Social Studies “Katy Perry: You make me feel like I’m livin’ a teenage dream.”

“Teddy Graham: I’m crunchy and the kids love me.”

Photo by Steven Roth

Photo by Steven Roth

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EL CINCO DE ABRIL, 2016

FEAT.FUTURE

5

Gideon Epstein moves into the Governor’s Mansion

The newly elected Governor of Maryland is a charming and familiar face at WJ

By Steven Roth In a shocking upset late last year, American politician Gideon Epstein, a Democrat, easily defeated Republican candidate and incumbent governor, Larry Hogan, in a landslide victory in the race for Governor of Maryland.

Epstein was subsequently sworn in and now serves as the 63rd Governor of the State of Maryland.

Gov. Epstein now heads the executive branch of the government of Maryland and is the commander-in-chief of the state’s National Guard units. Epstein is the highest-ranking official in the state, and due to the powers granted to him by the Maryland Constitution, has been ranked as being one of the most effective Governors in America.

“I was once an ordinary Maryland citizen who just wanted to improve and help my state become better than it was. I had witnessed first- hand the poverty and corruption in our great state and decided that if no one would bring about a positive change, then I would make it happen myself! Therefore, I decided to run for Governor of Maryland, and with my knowledge and the support of the citizens of Maryland, I became the 63rd Governor of Maryland,” Epstein said.

Ever since Epstein was elected last year, he has made vital contributions to Maryland society and has forever im-

proved Maryland as a state and a great place to live and work. By enacting new laws addressing poverty and corruption, growing the economy, improving education, and reducing crime and other problems, Epstein has helped to make the state even better than it ever was in the past.

“I recently designed two specific bills targeted to areas of the community concerned with poverty and corruption. This state bill made it so that the homeless shelters in Maryland would be provided with more funds annually and could hold classes to re-institutionalize the poor back into society so that they could function normally, contribute to society and fend for themselves,” Epstein said.

Gov. Epstein maybe positively giving back to his community, but he himself is no exception, Epstein has also designed another bill specifically designed to prevent himself or local government officials from misusing their powers.

“Not only did the first bill help decrease the amount of poverty in Maryland, the second bill made it so that state authority figures such as the police or myself could not take out funds from the police pensions or the state to spend on commodities. Both bills eventually became state laws of Maryland, forever carving my name into history,” Epstein said.

Not only does Epstein design laws to

Photo courtesy of Gideon Epstein

Maryland Governor Gideon Epstein addresses his supporters after his upset victory over former governor Larry Hogan. Emphasizing his goals of aiding the poor and preventing government from misuing its power, Epstein’s victory has excited a great number of residents.

improve the State, Epstein contributes financially as well.

“I make roughly $150,000 a year, but I do not enjoy living in luxury. I enjoy living just like any other man, woman or child in a regular small house. I donate about $100,000 of my own salary to charities in Maryland that are targeted to rid our great state of poverty, child abuse, corruption, pollution and more.

I also use my money to support charities to find abandoned children homes, find dogs loving parents, and more,” Epstein said.

“I may be a wealthy man, but I am not

a selfish man,” he said.

Epstein has gained many supporters locally in the state of Maryland and is destined to be one of the best Governors that America has had in a long time. Epstein listens, learns and does everything in his power to improve the State of Maryland, just like any other governor should. His election has excited a great number of residents.

“Gov. Epstein just maybe one of the best Maryland Governors we have had since the first Governor of Maryland, Thomas Johnson in 1776,” Maryland resident Kevin Lu said.

Catch supports Steve Miller for the 2016 Presidential Election

By Kevin Lu

T

he Catch has covered many of the better known potential presidential candidates for the 2016 General Election, but there are many less well-known candidates that have the potential to become the next Commander in Chief that deserve the public’s attention.

One of these dark horse candidates caught The Catch staff’s attention, and no, the candidate is not John Kasich.

Anyways, on behalf of 92% of the Catch staff, we would like to formally endorse social studies teacher Steve Miller for the 2016 Presidential Election.

Miller would be the first Walter Johnson teacher to be elected to the presidency or any other political office for that matter. The Catch endorses Miller for his stance on critical issues.

Throughout his campaign, Miller has emphasized the importance of taking AP Government and AP Micro/Macro Economics. None of the other candidates have even dared to address this critical issue and have simply danced around the topic when asked by our political correspondent, Steven Judge.

“I believe that through negotiation, our bonds with Mexico and Canada can grow stronger and the Western Hemisphere can be united in progress throughout the 21st Century,” Miller said. “There is no need for walls to be built… We are neighbors.”

Graphic by Nick Williamson, Photo courtesy Cami Lingenfelter

Steve Miller has a strong grasp of the economic challenges facing the nation and is also winning over massive numbers of young voters.

Voters seem to have lost faith with the traditional party candidates and are beginning to vote for more radical or out of the ordinary candidates like Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders. Miller appeals to young voters and polls are indicating that Miller will indeed win this election in a landslide victory. We believe this makes him a far superior candidate to both Trump and Sanders.

“The real secret to getting the young voters is emphasizing a good education and highly suggesting all teenagers take

an AP Micro/Macro Economics class,” Miller said.

Young voters do seem to agree with this statement and many are following Miller’s wise words. Every AP Micro/ Macro Economics class is filled with staunch Miller supporters wearing red Santa Miller T-shirts.

“I am definitely going to vote for Miller in the upcoming election! He is awesome!” WJ sophomore Jeremy Ostrich said.

While mainstream news outlets

have not given Miller much coverage, his years of teaching AP Government and AP Micro/Macro Economics have helped him to draft an economic policy that is far superior to the other candidates. In addition, years of running a “Mock Congress” and “Mock Supreme Court” with his students have prepared him to reach across the aisle and get things done.

The Catch strongly believes that a Miller administration would truly make America great again.

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FEAT.FUTURE

April 5, 2016

Sources confirm Michelle Obama orchestrated recent Chipotle E. Coli scandal

By Miriam Sieradzki and Emma Zwick Breaking news reveals that the outbreak of E. Coli traced back to Chipotle is a conspiracy theory from the government.

Ever since Michelle Obama started her “Let’s Move” Campaign, there have been many changes in schools and public places to encourage healthier eating.

This is the first of many restaurants that will claim to have E. Coli due to pressure from the “Let’s Move” Campaign.

This new movement has been using scare tactics to dissuade people from eating large amounts of calories in a meal.

Many people were told they had E. Coli, but really just ate too much and were given a false diagnosis by doctors.

“Something just had to be done about the insane amounts of calories people are eating these days,” Doctor McDreamy said. “I felt bad about lying to patients, but I think it was necessary in order to protect their health and safety.”

People from all over the country have been recruited to participate in this widespread conspiracy, in places like California, Minnesota, Ohio, New York, and even here in Maryland.

One WJ student, Zacky Miller, who was diagnosed with E.

Coli after getting Chipotle in G-Square, reports that his illness was misdiagnosed.

“I had pains in my stomach that led to violent nausea and loss of feeling in my fingers and toes,” Miller said. “However I felt much better just an hour later, which means there’s no way it could be E. Coli.”

Miller and many people like him are struggling with being misdiagnosed and are feeling frustrated by the lack of respect for patients’ well-being and knowledge.

Chipotle has redeemed their reputation even after all of this turmoil with the government by giving out free burrito coupons and to their customers allowing them to once again enjoy their high calorie meals.

“I got a free burrito in the mail after school yesterday and it made my day exponentially better!” sophomore Sadie Keller said.

Even after a national health scare, Chipotle’s profits are increasing once again as daily life returns to normal.

It seems people just cannot resist the temptation of a tasty Chipotle burrito.

“I felt bad about lying to patients, but I think it was necessary in order to protect their health and safety.”

Other Suggestions?

By Andrew Resnick

Chuck E. Cheese’s

$$

Photo from Flickr, Mike Mozart

Chuck E. Cheese’s really is the best place to be. The well known family entertainment joint, which in the past has been criticized by families for “not being fun enough,” is on the rise. Chuck E. Cheese’s corporation came out with a statement yesterday saying that any parent who made a reservation for their children’s birthday party automatically receive 3 free kegs at the party.Within minutes of their statement, Chuck E. Cheese’s reported a drastic increase in reservations for children’s birthday parties, “I love Cheesie Chuckies,” said a clearly intoxicated parent leaving their two year old’s birthday party. Chuck E. Cheese’s has some of the best play places in the area, rivaling other corporations such as McDonald’s.

Their shows have also gotten much better over the years with only around three children crying by the end of the show.

Fuddruckers

Restaurant Ravers: Eating and Entertainment Cici’s Pizza Review

Photo from Flickr, Michael Sauers

$$$

By Miriam Sieradzki and Emma Zwick

$$$ This month, we decided to treat ourselves and splurge on a more high-end, elegant restaurant: Cici’s Pizza.

When we first arrived, the parking lot was completely empty so parking was easy and we were able to get a spot right in front of the entrance. The cashier was very perky and excited to see someone in the restaurant, and rang us up for the buffet in less than two minutes, so we were able to dig right in.

We got a seat in the corner of the restaurant with a beautiful view of Rockville Pike on the right and the extravagant arcade on the left.

We went to the buffet, and once again we got meals for each other. Emma got mac and cheese pizza, wings and a salad drenched in ranch for Miriam. Miriam picked Alfredo pizza, breadsticks, pasta and extra cinnabons for Emma.

We commend Cici’s for taking classic Italian dishes and putting a creative spin on them. On our second trip to the buffet, we got Mexican Style Ole pizza, which exposed us to foods from different countries. Not to mention, it is an extremely nutritious and well balanced meal! After eating more cinnabon rolls, fudge brownies and a whole meal, everything only added up to 5000 calories!

We loved that the buffet was endless and that we could get as much delicious food as we wanted. We stayed at Cici’s for hours because after our meal, we spent a long time in the arcade and had a blast.

Emma won a cool slinky and Miriam won a teddy bear after long hours of hard playing.

The entertainment aspect of the restaurant really boosts the atmosphere and brings options of what to do. We spent almost fifty dollars on tokens, but we think any price is worth having the time of your life.

We recommend Cici’s because it is a quiet, empty, calm place to bring huge groups of people, or even just your closest friends, and create memories that last a lifetime. Not too far from home, this casual yet chic restaurant is a great idea for any date night or team party.

Fuddruckers in the past has been praised for their entertainment in the restaurant, with many arcade games to pass the time as families wait for their food.

This summer, Fuddruckers is trying to improve their reputation as a food joint by coming out with a seasonal summer menu. The highlight of this menu is tomato soup with their new “Fudds Fries”. The Fudds Fries are a highly anticipated side dish with a choice of chocolate sauce and sprinkles, or mayonnaise and anchovies. Because of this new menu, we highly recommend that you get a reservation a month in advance. The restaurant is packed every night.

Dave & Buster’s

Chicken Wings Photo from Flickr, Mike Mozart

$$$

Alfredo Pizza

Breadsticks ;) Photos by brykmantra, abbamouse, Nicholas Eckhart, and Jason Eppink/ Flikr Graphic by Emma Zwick

Dave & Buster’s is one of the biggest corporations in the country when it comes to entertainment. They have some of the best, state of the art pop-a-shot games in the world. They have such a good reputation for their prizes in that Dillon Day, Super Bowl 50 champion from the Denver Broncos, declined to travel to Disney World this summer, instead opting to receive a prize worth 350 tickets at Dave & Buster’s.

Dave & Buster’s is trying to build on that reputation buying out the movie rental store Blockbuster, in an attempt to increase the entertainment at their facilities giving customers the option to watch a movie for 46 tickets, or $25.

the

Catch

SEPTEMBER 1, 1998

ANNIE

REGINA GEORGE GIVES FASHION ADVICE

By IrisVukmanovic

7

It’s safe to say fashion plays a big part in WJ culture. Every day is a fashion show, and there is hardly any need for advice on the topic.

However, last month The Pitch was contacted by resident mean girl of North Shore High, Regina George.

She came to WJ to visit her cousin and was appalled at the state of things.

“I saw how fugly everyone looked at WJ, and I had to help out,” George said.

“It’s my monthly charity case.”

Q: What is the key to rocking even the most avant garde of styles?

Q: What is the worst fashion offense someone can Q: Can you give us some fool proof fashion commit? advice that could work for any occasion?

A: Well it definitely helps to be popular; you know, have a posse, have at least one obsessive borderline stalkerish fangirl and have the coolest boyfriend in school; aka just being myself. Aside from all of the glitz and glam of being popular, the best fashion accessory is straight confidence. If someone cuts holes in your shirt during gym class, before seeking sweet revenge, put that shirt on, hold your head high and strut down that hallway as if it were a runway. No one will question you if you do what you do with conviction. Then the next day you’ll find you’ve started a new trend and everyone is wearing holes in their shirts just like yours.You’ll have avoided a major embarrassing moment, and everyone else will look ridiculous, thus giving you something to laugh about when you go home to write in your burn book about the fugly girl who cut holes in your shirt.

A: Sure, on Wednesdays always wear pink.

There’s really no excuse not to. Everyone has something in their closet that’s pink. If you don’t have any pink first of all, you’re a loser, and second of all go buy some. The world doesn’t have time for your incompetence.

(born March 21 – April 19) You’ll get a really bad stomach cramp in 6th period today. Be sure to run to the bathroom before you get a little surprise. Maybe this is payback for all the chain emails you didn’t send.

(born November 22 – December 21) Spend $50 on yourself for the heck of it. Enjoy life. Chill out. Treat yo self.

(born September 23 – October 22) “My mama don’t like you and she likes everyone. And I never like to admit that I was wrong. And I’ve been so caught up in my job. Didn’t see what’s going on. But now I know. I’m better sleeping on my own. ‘Cause if you like the way you look that much. Oh, baby, you should go and love yourself. And if you think that I’m still holdin’ on to somethin’.You should go and love yourself.” – King Biebs, King of Pop, King of the WORLD

A: Honestly, there are so many, but since you asked for the worst I’ll give you one. The absolute WORST fashion offense is buying something without asking your friends what they think of it first. Friends don’t let friends look ugly, or at least too ugly for their social status. We all have an image to keep up, and if you’re spending your time trying to “experiment” or “find yourself,” you’re doing it wrong. Hopefully, if your friends aren’t fugly, they’ll help you stay in your lane. If your friends are fugly and let you “express yourself,” drop them and find new real friends immediately.

By IrisVukmanovic and Annika La Vina

The signs are in the stars- check out your daily horoscope to see how your terrible day will go! (born October 23 - November 21) You’ll see Gideon Epstein in the hall today, finally! After years of searching for your lord and savior, you’ll see him zipping up his backpack. Offer to help him. He’ll look at you in disgust, but don’t be offended - it’s typical Gideon.

(born May 21 – June 21) Plant a flower today because that’s all you’ll ever amount to.You’re going to forget to water it, so it will die shortly.

Relish this moment before it dies, as it is the only time you will ever succeed in something.

(born August 23 - September 22) Chill out, you’ve been annoying everyone lately.You’ve been trippin’. Stop slacking, get your crap together, and, if you’re a guy, make me sandwich.

(born January 20 - February 18) Go to the pool and get some chlorine in your eyes. Maybe you’ll finally be able to see what’s been in front of you all along ;).

(born April 21 May 20)

(born July 23 – August 22) You will sneeze on your crush today.

Go to bed, just go to bed.

You won an Oscar, now SHUT UP and be happy.

(born June 22 July 22) Eat some crab cakes today. Why? Why not. It’s written in the stars. What else should you do? Donate to the Susan G. Komen Foundation or www.wjpitch. com.

(born December 22 - January 20)

(born February 19 – March 20)

Ditch school, go to a protest, try not to get arrested, stand up for what you believe in! You’re a shining star! Go follow your dreams! Your mom believes in you! Be who you are, say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind!

We’re all of proud of you! You go!

Woooo! XOXO. Love, Aunt Sharon <3

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What’s Inside A look inside boys’ basketball’s cinderella run to the Final Four

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Powder puff football adds retired, free agent quarterback Peyton Manning APRIL 5, 1956

Football parents: concussions build character

Despite safety concerns, kids encouraged to keep fighting playing

By Patrick Jorling Many recent studies have shown the great dangers of concussions, especially in football. This has sparked a national debate about safety in the game, bringing up the question of whether parents should be encouraging their children to play. While many parents are taking a stance to not let their children play football, the parents that do let their young children play the game have been left to defend their decision. Many have said that concussions are not a problem, and in fact are beneficial to the players.

“Every time my son gets a concussion, he builds character,” one parent of a youth league linebacker said. “There is nothing quite like smashing your head against someone else’s head at full speed to help instill the life values of toughness and perseverance.”

Another mother of a football player agreed, citing how often the professional players get concussions, and the consequences that follow.

“There have been players getting concussions for years in the NFL, and they seem to turn out okay,” the mother said.

“Sure, they may have serious brain damage years later but they are still tough people who have also made millions of dollars.”

Photo courtesy of Flickr, user Jim Larrison

Rather than a traditional team huddle, members of a youth football team walk around dazed between plays because of the concussing hits they suffered in the previous play. Even the referees seem to have been affected by the jarring collisions between the opposing sides.

Other parents deny that concussions even exist, saying that concussions are just a made up concept by people who dislike football.

“Concussions are a myth,” mother of a nine year old Pop Warner running back said. “Whenever my son bangs his head against someone else’s he knows that it’s just part of football. If he’s dizzy, that’s not a concussion, that’s just a sign that he is playing hard.”

The coach of one youth team described how the league has taught him

about the dangers of concussions, but that the parents have told him that they couldn’t care less about them.

“They’ve already made the choice to let their kids play, so they either don’t know or don’t care,” the coach said.

“As long as it’s not a concern for them, I have no problem letting my kids lose some brain cells if it helps us win the nine and under championship.”

One of the players on an 11-year-old team agrees.

“Whenever I bang my head and feel a

little dizzy my dad tells me to get back out there because that’s just a part of the game,” the player said. “I’ve been taught that hitting my head just means that I’m playing hard and helping my team win.”

The father of the player confirmed his teachings.

“Back in my day, nobody ever made a big deal over concussions,” the father said. “It’s just a part of playing football, and those collisions made for some of the best memories I made while playing, if I can remember correctly.”

NCAA demands compensation from student-athletes

By Owen Krucoff

In a press conference earlier this week, National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) President Mark Emmert announced a new funding plan that will apply to all NCAA sporting events in all three divisions. The plan primarily relies on fees paid by the athletes, to be known as “reverse stipends,” to pay for equipment, food, facilities, and all other costs of maintaining the programs they are a part of.

The money that the NCAA already takes in from television deals, advertising, ticket sales and the like will be diverted to a new initiative called Benefitting Student-athletes (BS), designed to protect the rights and definition of the student-athlete.

“We will use the money from the BS initiative to protect the definition of amateurism by keeping it all to ourselves instead of using it to give studentathletes salaries or any other benefits,” Emmert said.

“This wonderful arrangement will keep student-athletes in their rightful place as unpaid, unrewarded slaves and allow us, the true heroes of intercollegiate athletics, to get richer and do nothing. Uh, I mean, it’ll allow us to

continue to promote and support the greatness of intercollegiate athletics.”

Along with the BS initiative, the NCAA also unveiled a new format for the popular March Madness basketball tournament, set to take effect in 2017.

Rather than select 68 teams to participate in the knockout tournament, Emmert vowed to increase the availability of the tournament to all schools, meaning that all 360-plus Division I schools will receive an automatic bid.

The tournament, now expanded to nine rounds, will take place on nine consecutive days and will feature constant, 24/7 basketball for 216 hours.

A new, multibillion-dollar TV deal was signed to accompany the format change, and naturally all of the money from it will go towards the BS initiative.

One of the first objections to the reverse stipend plan described by Emmert was about relying on student-athletes to fund everything. After all, what would happen if events, seasons, and even entire programs had to be canceled due to student-athletes’ inability the pay for it all themselves?

“Another great plan we’ve created to solve that very issue is the College Athletes Study Hard for University Supple-

ments program, or CASH4US,” Emmert said.

“This will allow student-athletes who are struggling pay their reverse stipends to trade in grades for money that will automatically be put towards the reverse stipend. The higher the grade, the more money the student-athlete will receive for it. As you can see, CASH4US will not only assist needy student-athletes in paying their reverse stipends, but it will also encourage them to get the best grades they can. All they will have to do is retake every single course they traded in their grades from, because the grades will disappear from their transcript once put towards CASH4US.” Opponents of the NCAA are outraged, saying that the CASH4US program will force lower-income students to give up their college credits to stay on their sports teams, which will make them have to stay in college longer than four years in order to graduate.

This means they will have to pay school tuition out of their own pocket once their four years of scholarship athletics have expired, if they even had a scholarship in the first place.

“Here at the NCAA, we will always believe that collegiate athletic partici-

Photo courtesy of Flickr, user Elvert Barnes

After reverse stipends left him unable to pay for his dorm, a student studies on the street.

pation is an invaluable experience that will produce countless lifelong benefits for all student-athletes,” Emmert said.

“Thus, it is only fair that the studentathletes sacrifice everything they have in order to continue this experience.”