12 minute read
Bound for Glory
Bound for Glory
HOW MIDNIGHT MARKET’S QUEER BDSM EXCHANGE BUILT LFK’S SAFEST SPACE
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By Nick Spacek
Lawrence’s Midnight Market is many things.
It’s a series of Kink Nite events at the Bottleneck. It’s a monthly Poetry Munch at the Replay Lounge. It’s an upcoming Trash Bash fashion show at Maceli’s. At these events, you will see many, many people dressed in black. It gets kinky, no doubt, with a lot of fetish wear that is see-through, cut-out, and skintight. Heavy eyeliner makes a regular appearance. For the Kink Nite events, there is a half-page-long list of rules which must be read and agreed to before entry.
A Midnight Market event is the place where, if you want to be a different version of yourself for a night—be it producing art, dressing up, or just showing up and taking in the performances on stage—it offers an environment for you to do so where people will be open and accepting.
At April’s Kink Nite: Metal Edition, an attendee named Lambyyy summed it up perfectly when they said, “I think the main thing I love the most is the acceptance of different art that is not for the public eye. That’s why I keep coming back—because it gives something fresh.”
The artwork found at Midnight Market vendors’ booths encompasses a wide range of expression. There are DIY zines and chapbooks, custom-made leather collars, Manga and anime-inspired imagery, and erotic baked goods that leave you wondering where exactly one finds a cookie cutter shaped like a rabbit vibrator.
At these events, you’ll find fully realized projects like John Brant’s Faded Sons zines, even though calling these perfect bound, beautifully printed collections of “erotic, emotional, and fun images of the male figure” zines is underselling them at 200 glossy pages.
“I think my work is a little more erotic and hardcore for the average person, so it’s kind of a good fit,” says Brant of his appearance at the Midnight Market. “I mean, it has its place online, but I’ve never done anything in person before.”
A project that’s been going on for years, making its first appearance in public be- cause Midnight Market made it possible— that’s kind of the whole vibe. It’s a well-organized, open, and inclusive event that allows people to be themselves and really take flight. Midnight Market feels like something that has been around forever, but such is not the case, as co-founder Davi Nicoll explained when I met with them and fellow co-founder, Matthew Silovsky, at Silovsky’s RV home one gorgeous Thursday afternoon in April.
“We started planning it in September, and the first one was in December,” says Nicoll of the inaugural Kink Nite. “It happened fast.”
As Silovsky’s cats, BlackCat and Houdini, wander about looking for pets, they explain how the pair came to be friends while working at former Lawrence restaurant Lark a Fare and hosting the occasional pridethemed art show at the restaurant. They seem astonished when we discuss how this fully-formed vision came to be in just three months.
“It snowballed so fast,” Silovsky says. “It literally just happened. We had no issue finding kink, adult-themed, and not-safefor-work stuff that you wouldn’t see at your standard galleries. That’s what Davi and I do, and that’s what all our friends do.”
Attending that first December event, I showed up around 11:15 p.m., a solid 45 minutes after the doors opened, and the line stretched from the front door of the Bottleneck all the way to the corner of 8th and New Hampshire. It was easily 50 people long, and by the time those of us waiting read the rules, paid our cover, and entered—it was absolutely packed.
“We didn’t know it was gonna be such a big deal until halfway through the event, and we were like, ‘Oh my God,’” says Nicoll.
Part of the appeal of the whole Midnight Market concept is a combination of two things, says the pair. For service industry people working in bars and restaurants until late, having to be at a traditional art market with a 6 or 7 a.m. setup time is just a no-go. Also, as Nicoll points out, their art was “a little too sexy for it.”
“It snowballed from that idea to: ‘Well, artists are generally up really late creating art, so why don’t we just have an art market late at night?’” Silovsky says.
“Have you seen Parks and Rec where they have the farmer’s market after dark?” Nicoll asks. “Same vibe.”
Parks and Recreation is a really good comparison, actually—kinky aspects notwithstanding. Talking with attendees at the Kink Nite: Metal Edition, the thing that kept coming up was the idea that, for all of the sexy or naughty aspects of the whole thing, it was one of the more wholesome experiences I’ve ever had. Running into people I knew well or with whom I was simply acquaintances, I got more hugs than I have at some shows. Everybody was really positive and encouraging in a way that resulted in a Leslie-Knope-in-nipple-tape vibe.
“That’s why Davi’s so strict on making sure we’re vetting people through the front door, and they have to read [the rules] before they get in,” says Silovsky. “It’s hard to find a super safe space, especially with a bunch of alternative people. And now, more recently, for queer folks and that kind of situation, we really want to party with the right people.”
The rules were developed while Nicoll was working at DV8 Distillery in Boulder, Colorado, which is a micro-distillery and gay bar that also hosts kink events.
“I was working them, and the more I worked, I was like, ‘Damn, these are wholesome,’” Nicoll says. “Because nobody got too drunk. Everybody was super polite. Everyone was there to have a good time. Nobody was judgmental, and people were wearing next to nothing. I met some really great people. I met a drag queen who makes her own leather work ‘cause she has her own tannery, and she called me one of God’s strongest warriors.”
Nicoll developed the rules partially because when they worked those events—as a standard practice at all parties—even the bartenders had to read the rules and agree to them before they came on shift. Nicoll contacted the owners at DV8, got a list, and combined those with Silovsky’s own research on dungeon etiquette, as well as their personal experience with “going to sexy things.”
“What I really want for this is to also cultivate—I don’t like going to a bar where you have to feel like you’re performing in order to have someone like you,” Silovsky says. “We all go to the bar to escape everyday judgmental things, and then you go to a bar, and all of a sudden, it turns into a mean girl thing—just adult level.”
“It’s kind of why I dress slutty,” Nicoll says. “So people know that they can—I’ve got electrical tape on.”
It’s all about setting a positive example from the top down, and part of that is more than just wanting this to be a fun, sexy, kinky event. While that’s definitely the appeal, Nicoll and Silovsky want to provide safe sexual education for Kansas. While everyone at a Midnight Market event is over 21, thanks to cuts in education and social mores, there are some whole-ass adults walking around very misinformed about sex and how things should operate.
“I went to public school in Kansas, and I remember having sex ed, and it was garbage,” Nicoll says. “ I remember learning nothing about sex and nothing about queer sex. Nothing about safe sex. Getting shaving cream—like I needed that at 16. Like I needed the pressure to remove my body hair. Thank you, weirdos. Thank you. And they also told me that I needed to be thin and attractive so the opposite sex would be
attracted to me. I think back on that, and I’m like, ‘So many other people must have had horrible experiences with sex ed in Kansas.’”
“See, I went to Catholic school, and oh God, no,” says Silovsky. “I didn’t know anything ‘til like fifth or sixth grade. Sex education is—I mean, you have Grindr, you have Tumblr—it’s such a hookup culture. For gays, we have the prep pill to keep us away from HIV, but that’s the only thing it keeps you away from. You get on Grindr, and no one’s using condoms.”
Just being exposed to something outside the straight, cis-gendered norms can be an education in and of itself. There have definitely been folks at various Midnight Market events who were “normie as fuck,” as Nicoll puts it. Fleece zip-up vest, backwards ball cap, and khakis—but walking around with the biggest, happiest grin on his face.
“He was just like, ‘This is cool,” Nicoll says. “He wasn’t being a horn dog. He wasn’t being gross. He was doing the thing that one of my friends calls ‘looking respectfully.’”
From the slightly intimate confines of the Bottleneck, Midnight Market has stretched out to begin sponsoring events at the Replay Lounge, including a monthly Tuesday night Poetry Munch, which is more of a chill hangout than the dungeon lite aspect of the Kink Nites.
Still, the nature of being on the corner of 10th and Massachusetts Streets can make for some interesting interactions. Silovsky relates a tale of what happened at the Poetry Munch prior to our chat. As the weather was really nice, they had the door to the sidewalk open, and a group of four young, blonde college women were walking past.
“All of the sudden, one of our storytellers kept saying the word ‘clit,’” Silovsky says. “I looked over outside to peek, just ‘cause that word kept getting repeated, and I was like, ‘Oh!’ It was so good. I can still see their faces.”
Outside, their jaws dropped as they pointed at each other like, “Can you hear her?”
“I was like, ‘It’s kinky poetry,’” Nicoll says. “Then they started talking about their assholes a lot, and that was really funny. God. I cried.”
As Silovsky puts it, you have to appreciate that sense of vulnerability to literally let the public—and random passers-by on the sidewalk—hear your heart coming through the microphone. Part of what makes that possible is that Nicoll and Silovsky are building a place where people are empowered to say “no” as much as they are to say “yes.”
“‘No’ is one of the most powerful words to use, and a lot of people don’t feel like they’re powerful enough to say it,” Silovsky says. “Maybe it’s because they don’t have the education to back themselves up.”
One of the things that gets lost in discussion is that it’s not just making sure you get consent, but it’s also the ability and the understanding to—if someone gives you a “no”—accept that answer. Enthusiastic consent is sexy as hell, but the flip side of that is somebody who respects your boundaries and is willing to not, when you say “no,” is also sexy as hell—if not even sexier.
“It’s really important, and I think a lot of people don’t have a community to practice consent in outside of a sexual concept,” Nicoll says. “That’s why we’re not doing sex parties—at least not yet. That’s why we’re having conversations.”
After the Trash Bash at Maceli’s on Friday, June 2, the next big thing from Midnight Market is “Replay’s Coyotes: A Tribute Show,” dedicated to the ‘00s cult classic, Coyote Ugly, taking place at the Replay Lounge.
“That will have 11 drag performers, a few artists, and a spanking booth,” Silovsky says. “We’ll still have normal stuff, but it’ll just be a downsize, perfect for a streamlined process.”
The Replay Lounge is more walk-in heavy, so Silovsky sees “Replay’s Coyotes” as a true test of how well they can modify to be a semi-private event and begin vetting to other bars as a possible test run, should they ever take Midnight Market on the road.
“Every venue has its own unique thing about it,” Nicoll says. “Clientele, vibe, structure, layout, flow of traffic. There are all sorts of things to account for, and that’s gonna tailor every event to be specific to that venue and the crowd. You gotta know your audience, as well.”
“Are you okay if we kick out or deny people?” Silovsky says.
“Are you gonna be okay with how strict we’re gonna be?” Nicoll says. “Are you gonna be okay with the kind of things that we wanna do? Are you gonna be excited about it like we are? Because it will bring you money.”
Silovsky says they see the Midnight Market as a means of chipping away at the negative stigma on BDSM because, as they admit, it’s an abrasive sexual subculture where you’re getting beat.
“We’re kind of like metal people,” Silovsky says. “We’re big, loving, softy, softy teddy bears that just want to cuddle after you beat us.”
“Some people just like a full spectrum of human emotion, you know?” says Nicoll.
Upcoming Midnight Market Events
Trash Bash | A Fashion Show Maceli’s Banquet Hall & Catering, Friday, June 2
Replay’s Coyotes: A Tribute Show Replay Lounge, Wednesday, July 12
Kink Nite House Rules
• Ask questions if anything is unclear.
• Respect a space or area that is off-limits.
• Follow the dress code.
• Nipples, genitals, holes covered at all times!
• No kink shaming, keep comments to yourself.
• This is a LITE dungeon experience only!
• Safe Word: PURPLE.
• NO SEX of ANY KIND.
• Don’t touch ANYONE without permission. EVER!
• Violating consent goes beyond stations with a play partner.
• Never presume everyone here at the event wants to play.
• Never touch anyone’s belongings.
• Avoid fixating on a single person or group.
• Don’t take photos or videos of scenes or partygoers.
• GET CONSENT or ELSE.
