8 minute read
Serving Santa: The Pitch's 2023 Holiday Gift Guide
Serving Santa
THE PITCH'S 2023 HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE
By the Pitch Staff
Nowadays, it feels like years are composed of more than one year. 2023? That had at least four years of stuff in it, judging by the standards of, say, 2014. We’ve all simply been through too much. Do we all deserve a little reward for making it? Yes, we do. We can partake in some holiday gift-giving—and a bit of personal retail therapy.
For this year’s gift guide, we tried something a bit outside the box. Your pals at The Pitch have not only done the usual work of bringing together some of the highest quality, most delightful, totally KC local shopping options—but now it’s organized into a handy guide by personality type. Look, there’s nothing on these pages that we wouldn’t want to stuff in our own stockings, but there are just certain folks who are, traditionally, hard to find a proper and thoughtful gift for.
In the following pages, our helpful Pitch gift goblins from the Westport Pole will lay out all the options for local holiday generosity so no one just gets “stuff” for stuff’s sake as we head into 2024.
[Apologies for spoilers to everyone in our direct personal orbit, and sorry in advance if you realize you’ve always been “The Sensitive Boyfriend Type.”]
For daddies, zaddies, and baddies
The Woman in Me by Britney Spears
Wise Blood Booksellers
$32.99
It’s Britney, bitch. What more do we need to say?
Lil Stabby Necklace
Donna’s Dress Shop
$32
A fully-functioning tiny pocket knife that can open mail, cut fruit, and get more compliments than your fanciest engagement ring.
Baby Bullet Harness
Red Hare Leather
$140
A multi-purpose, gender-neutral chest harness that’s hot AF and promotes better posture.
Sex Kitten Dress
Love from 1969
$69
This comfy but saucy dress can be glammed up or toned down while highlighting anyone’s best features.
For the one getting their shit together (for real this time)
Tropical Plant
Jungle House
$ Varies
Cleaner air, clearer goals… or something like that. Pick out a cute pot that is so them, and take it up another notch by adding in a personal pot charm or climbing stake that shows you know their vibe.
Float + Massage Chair
Floating KC
$75/hour
The gift of recentering. Make it even more special by offering to drive, then treat them to a local tea and pastry afterward.
Hair Transformation
Moxie By KC
$25-$300
A fresh start with a fresh ‘do. Treat your pal to a luxury salon experience for a boost in confidence to help crush those goals.
For the crunchy granola guys, gals, and pals
TRUNK TECH Hammock
Sunflower Outdoor and Bike
$60
A reliable camping hammock for those earthy festival folks. Bonaroo is right around the corner.
Lion’s Mane Grow Kit
MyCo Planet
$25-$35
You’ve probably heard that mushrooms promote good juju, or maybe that it’s just a bunch of woo-woo. But why not both? It’s called the brain mushroom for a reason. With a name like Lion’s Mane, we can’t help but trust it. (Bonus: Your foodie friends can cook with it!)
Goat Milk Soap
Two Heifers Creations
$6
Made with goat’s milk, jojoba oil, essential oils, and dried herbs for those who prefer natural self-care products and want to support local artisans.
Yes, chef: Gifts for the foodie who can’t wait for season 3 of The Bear
Sexy Six Pack BBQ rubs & sauces
Spice Bandit
$49.80
Need to spice things up? Customize your local flavor picks for your foodie friend to zhuzh meats, cocktails, and more.
Red Honey
Chamoy Boi
$ TBA
A little sweet, a little tangy, a little spicy. Do yourself a favor, and just put it on everything. At least once.
Custom Pasta Order
Zero Zero Handmade Pasta
$ Varies
Take credit for this fresh, expert pasta. We’re not Santa—we won’t judge. Bring a sample dish to your holiday gathering, then level up your White Elephant gift with a beautifully wrapped pasta-and-sauce combo.
<3 For the sensitive boyfriend <3
“I Am Kenough” T-shirt
Raygun
$24.95
For those low-Kenergy days. It’s like wearing their heart on their sleeve. (Is Emo Barbie a thing? It should be a thing.)
Feminism is for Everybody by bell hooks
Raven Book Store
$41.94
The catch is to actually read it—not just have it strategically placed on a coffee table or display shelf.
Hot Tub Soak & Sauna
Mud & Lotus
$55/hour
Wanna get naked and slide into a mineral bath? Let your boo decompress in Lawrence’s outdoor cedar soaking tub destination. Join them, or don’t.
Javelin by Sufjan Stevens (Lemonade Colored Vinyl)
Josey Records
$28.99
It’s actually a really, really good album. You might wanna gift a box of tissues as well.
For the serial hobbyist
JHS 3 Series Delay Pedal
Big Dudes Music City
$99
A solid, hand-built delay pedal for players who like to hear themselves talk.
Girl Sean Malto Arrow Head OG Deck (White)
Escapist Skateboarding
$65
A Chiefs-inspired deck from a local skateboarding hero.
Fairy Garden Craft Kit
Scraps KC
$10-$110
Fabricate a field of flora and fauna for your favorite fantasy forest friends. (**Gift Goblin approved)
Beginning Wheel Pottery class (4-week)
Belger Arts
$175
Learn how to throw pots like a ceramics TikTok influencer.
KC Map Puzzle by Kansas City Puzzle Co.
Made in KC
$35
Have busy hands? This intricate 1,000-piece exploration of the city should help entertain.
For the one who dresses like a tourist
Vintage Grey KC Heart Hoodie
Charlie Hustle
$72
An icon in its own right. This beyond-soft tee is a staple in Kansas Citians’ wardrobes. In fact, you might as well gift them a matching mug.
Signature KC Dad Hat (Black Denim)
Made Mobb
$35
Suggesting notions from cool dad to Midwest casual to this hat just goes with everything—it’s an accessory ideal for those who want to showcase KC pride without committing to a sports team, school, or landmark.
KC Western Auto Watercolor Print
Carly Rae Studios
$20+
For the friend who really loves our city and probably takes nightly joy rides down Grand Blvd.
For the one with a “Chiefs cave”
To-Go Beer Packs
BKS Brewing
$20
Feeling generous? Splurge for the good stuff. Pre-order pints of your favorite craft beer for the perfect tailgate with your pals!
Sunday Funday Candle
Effing Candle Co.
$44
Smells like a Chiefs victory and Midwestern pride. Light this for good vibes and luck on game day. (And maybe to counteract the musk of spilled beer and cheeseball dust. Unless you’re into that kind of thing.)
The 87 Era Wagyu Beef Bundle
KC Cattle Company
$87
Ever heard of Wagyu beef being delivered to your door? Neither had we. What’s better is the assortment of uncured hot dogs, summer sausage, bacon cheeseburger bratwursts, and ground beef this top-notch package includes.
For the one who swiped right
Custom Engagement Ring
Waldo Jewelers
$ Varies
A gift that will make them say: “Holy shit, is this really happening?”
Seasonal Floral Bouquet
Bergamot & Ivy
$70+
Woo your boo with a one-of-a-kind floral arrangement from a genuine lilac master.
Couple’s Photoshoot
Defie Photography
$ Varies
A photoshoot that shows off the best of your relationship dynamics, be it steamy, homey, comfortable, or confident—it’s unmistakably you.
Unplugged Weekend
Getaway House
$102+/night
Go off the grid, but, like, in a cute, intimate way.
Gifties for Swifties
Swelce Candle
Fetch
$16
Smells like a lot of Taylor Swift references that you may not fully understand but are still worth worshipping.
BELLBOY | Red Zone (Taylor’s Version) Crew Neck
Westside Storey
$58
Karma is a cozy sweatshirt featuring the hottest couple of the year doing what they do best.
1989: Taylor’s Version (2 LP) by Taylor Swift
Records With Merritt
$39.98
They probably already have this, but a backup never hurts. Maybe the first will wear out from play, or maybe this will be kept as a collector’s item.
Klassic Sweatpant (Sand)
Tru Kolors
$89
Support Daddy’s side biz.
For fancy-schmancy friends (or mothers-in-law)
Bath Gel
SKiN
$20
Rub-a-dub-dub. Choose from Naked, Peppermint, or Sweet Orange shower gel and get that tub a-bubblin’.
Kansas City Gift Box
Shop Local KC
$60
This box has a lil sum-sum of everything for local KC touches throughout the home.
Wine Club
Underdog Wine Co.
$35-120/month
Underdog Wine Co. in the Crestwood Shops offers an intimate imbibement experience. The wine club is a gift that keeps on giving— specifically, recurring deliveries of small-batch vinos for chill nights and playful brunches.
For pet people
Christmas To-Do List Shirt
Unleashed Pet Rescue and Adoption
$25
Everyone loves a good list, especially when you can wear it. Check boxes and contribute to an honorable cause.
Sponsor a Kitty
Whiskers Cat Cafe
$50
Adopt a cat without adopting a cat.
Teal & Red KC Heart Collar
Charlie Hustle
$28
Even pets can support the hottest new team in women’s professional sports.
