BY MAR’CHE BOGGESS, STEPH CASTOR, JOE ELLETT, EMILY JACOBS, CASSONDRA JONES, HAYDEN KALP, SARAH SIPPLE, ZOE STROHM, BROCK WILBUR
Nowadays, it feels like years are composed of more than one year. 2023? That had at least four years of stuff in it, judging by the standards of, say, 2014. We’ve all simply been through too much. Do we all deserve a little reward for making it? Yes, we do. We can partake in some holiday gift-giving—and a bit of personal retail therapy. For this year’s gift guide, we tried something a bit outside the box. Your pals at The Pitch have not only done the usual work of bringing together some of the highest quality, most delightful, totally KC local shopping options—but now it’s organized into a handy guide by personality type. Look, there’s nothing on these pages that we wouldn’t want to stuff in our own stockings, but there are just certain folks who are, traditionally, hard to find a proper and thoughtful gift for.
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In the following pages, our helpful Pitch gift goblins from the Westport Pole will lay out all the options for local holiday generosity so no one just gets “stuff” for stuff’s sake as we head into 2024. [Apologies for spoilers to everyone in our direct personal orbit, and sorry in advance if you realize you’ve always been “The Sensitive Boyfriend Type.”]
For daddies, zaddies, and baddies The Woman in Me by Britney Spears Wise Blood Booksellers $32.99 It’s Britney, bitch. What more do we need to say? Lil Stabby Necklace Donna’s Dress Shop $32 A fully-functioning tiny pocket knife that can open mail, cut fruit, and get more compliments than your fanciest engagement ring. Baby Bullet Harness Red Hare Leather $140 A multi-purpose, gender-neutral chest harness that’s hot AF and promotes better posture. Sex Kitten Dress Love from 1969 $69 This comfy but saucy dress can be glammed up or toned down while highlighting anyone’s best features.
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THE PITCH | December 2023 | THEPITCHKC.COM
For the one getting their shit together (for real this time) Tropical Plant Jungle House $ Varies Cleaner air, clearer goals… or something like that. Pick out a cute pot that is so them, and take it up another notch by adding in a personal pot charm or climbing stake that shows you know their vibe. Float + Massage Chair Floating KC $75/hour The gift of recentering. Make it even more special by offering to drive, then treat them to a local tea and pastry afterward. Hair Transformation Moxie By KC $25-$300 A fresh start with a fresh ‘do. Treat your pal to a luxury salon experience for a boost in confidence to help crush those goals.
