The Pitch: January 2022

January 2022

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THEPITCHKC.COM

e g u q i Li d Coura

by Liz Cook

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THE PITCH | January 2022 | thepitchkc.com

CONTENTS

THE PITCH

Editor-in-Chief Brock Wilbur Content Strategist Lily Wulfemeyer Digital Editor Savannah Hawley Director of Marketing & Promotions Jason Dockery President & Chief Operating Officer Andrew Miller Music Editor Nick Spacek Film Editor Abby Olcese Contributing Writers Emily Cox, Liz Cook, Barbara Shelly, April Fleming, Deborah Hirsch, Beth Lipoff, Dan Lybarger, Liz Goodwin, Anne Kniggendorf, Aaron Rhodes, Allison Harris, Kristen Thomas, Michael Mackie, Alana Broyles Little Village Creative Services Jordan Sellergren Contributing Photographers Zach Bauman, Chase Castor, Travis Young, Jim Nimmo, Chris Ortiz Contributing Designers and Illustrators Greg Houston, Meg Wagler, Austin Crockett, Jake Edmisten Editorial Intern Tyler Schneider Design Interns Shelby Phelps, Enrique Zabala

THE PITCH LLC

Chief Executive Officer Mat Moody

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COPYRIGHT

The contents of The Pitch are Copyright 2022 by The Pitch LLC. No portion may be reproduced in whole or in part by any means without the express written permission of the publisher.

The Pitch 3543 Broadway Blvd., Kansas City, MO 64111 For information or to share a story tip, email tips@thepitchkc.com For advertising: andrew@thepitchkc.com or 816-218-6792

The Plaza lights over the holidays.

4 LETTER

22 FOOD & DRINK

36 SEX & LOVE

6 POLITICS

23 Double, Double, Oil and Truffle

37 Savage Love

Letter from the Editor Going through it

BY BROCK WILBUR

Midwest Missteps Political pitfalls that could plague our year ahead

BY BARB SHELLY

Eat/Drink This Now The almond croissant at Housewife & Cinder Block Brewery’s French Cider

BY APRIL FLEMING

Cauldron Collective serves wicked plant-based eats in the West Bottoms

BY LIZ GOODWIN

8 FEATURE

26 MUSIC

12 High Resolution

28 Chasing the Light

Liquid Courage Intravenous infusions & the burgeoning world of boutique bloodwork

BY LIZ COOK

How we can make KC a better place to live in 2022

BY TYLER SCHNEIDER

16 CULTURE

Crisscross Applesauce, Down the Rabbit hOle Lemony Snicket popped by to revel in KC’s Explor-a-Storium

BY LILY WULFEMEYER

20 Little Apple to Small Screen

HBO’s Somebody Somewhere is Bridget Everette’s Kansification comedy

BY MICHAEL MACKIE

Beyond the Bars Liberation Lit sharpens their instruments of faith

BY ZACH BAUMAN AND LILY WULFEMEYER

JIM NIMMO

Keep Them Coming Toy story

BY KRISTEN THOMAS

How sound is (urethral) sounding?

BY DAN SAVAGE

38 KC CARES

Operation BBQ Relief

BY BETH LIPOFF

Danny Elfman’s succssor is scoring haunted bingo

BY NICK SPACEK

30 FILM

Reel, Too Real Another pandemic year pushed Hollywood to the breaking point

BY ABBY OLCESE

32 EVENTS

January Events For more events, visit thepitchkc.com/ calendar

BY TYLER SCHNEIDER

“INTRAVENOUS DE MILO” BY GREG HOUSTON

thepitchkc.com | January 2022 | THE PITCH

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LETTER

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR GOING THROUGH IT BY BROCK WILBUR

Welcome to 2022. New year, new you, etc.

Our January issue is traditionally about change, regrowth, and re-evaluation. You’ll find a lot of articles looking into the future in these pages, from Barb Shelly’s piece on the political pitfalls Missouri and Kansas could fall into to Liz Cook’s adventure into the boutique world of IV cocktail rehabilitation.

We, as a publication, are also looking forward to the adventure that awaits us in ‘22. Part of that journey begins with—in case you hadn’t heard yet—new ownership.

My wife, Vivian, and I joined with a group of local and regional business people to buy The Pitch. Wild, right? I don’t know how it happened either. What I do know is that we look forward to plowing ahead into a new era.

The pressure of navigating this purchase while running a publication turned the last chunk of 2021 into the most complicated, poorly controlled period of my adult life. My go-to power move as a solution in this situation has traditionally been a one-

WHEN YOU’RE GOING THROUGH IT, SOMETIMES THE FASTEST WAY OUT IS TO STAND COMPLETELY STILL. two punch of overworking and self-sabotage. Pedal to the metal and acknowledge nothing. Self-care is not my strong suit.

Amid all this chaos, I stumbled into a chance meeting with Candice Rukes.

Rukes is a local, or at least was one in some previous life. She’s spent her career as a touring production coordinator. Anytime a musician/performer heads out on tour, someone needs to run the small army of roadies—sound engineers, caterers, bus drivers, security guards, and so on. She’s had multi-year runs with John Legend, the Jonas Brothers, Justin Timberlake, The Killers, and Will Smith and his entire extended performing family.

She’s managed Super Bowl halftime shows. She spends most days of her life

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THE PITCH | January 2022 | thepitchkc.com

starting a stadium extravaganza from square one, and seeing it through to completion by the time the clock strikes midnight. Rinse and repeat the next day, in a new town.

Rukes, with some industry friends, long recognized that the folks in their world are suffering from their own specific epidemic.

“You don’t talk about your problems on a tour. At all,” Rukes tells me. “Because you’re replaceable. Production wants you to get your shit together or not show up. No one is letting you have some time off when you get a Bipolar II diagnosis. Dealing with huge artists—and often backing bands of as many as 20 musicians—means that there’s no one willing to help. Even if they wanted to, they don’t have the time.”

Rukes walked me through her history on the road, peppered with a few sordid bits of gossip.

“A touring production is basically a military maneuver,” she says. “Don’t ask, don’t tell. No resources are going to be allotted to help you out. You’ve got 120 people that go city to city each day, none of whom are getting to see their families. This frat culture of hazing and abuse fills the void.”

That frustration is what lead Rukes and a small group of other touring professionals to start The Roadie Clinic. Currently housed out of a facility in Niles, Michigan, The Roadie Clinic provides resources for those from the touring world that need services they otherwise cannot access.

Touring employees often lack a permanent address. This leads to issues like the inability to work with banks (and the idea of applying for a mortgage is a pipe-dream).

With a lack of advocacy groups or unions in the field, most roadies have no health insurance. Safe housing and qualified professional care are not accessible to this entire employment field.

Or it wasn’t until now. The Clinic provides access to mental health advisors online, in-person rehab services, and even accountants to help battle the day-to-day hurdles of the roadwarriors’ financial battles. It’s a top-to-bottom system for restabilizing the lives of industry professionals who—like a shark—will die if they stop moving.

Rukes wants to see The Roadie Clinic expand to a KC location sooner rather than later. This city is a central hub for touring productions, and its location would make it a perfect destination for those seeking its support from across the Midwest.

“That building in KC can be a light-

Candice Rukes 39th Street.

JIM NIMMO Below: The Michigan outpost and a supporter wearing a branded shirt.

THE ROADIE CLINIC

house beacon,” Rukes says, “letting the rest of the country know that, on so many levels, KC gives a shit about advocacy.”

My conversation with Rukes left me inspired and reinvigorated on many levels after feeling like I just kept hitting the same walls, over and over again. It’s one thing to hear this advice from a therapist, it is another to hear it from someone who travels in your same patterns—putting a head down and trying to power through rather than ever taking a moment to breathe. I could trust her—she was like me.

As much as I cannot wait to spend my year pushing community leaders to help us establish a branch of The Roadie Clinic, I personally have no one to thank more for helping me turn my year around Rukes— and that fellow traveler encouraging me to turn against all of my normal inclinations.

Just stopping to take in life and care about myself was a radical transformation.

When you’re going through it, sometimes the fastest way out is to stand completely still.

Pitch in and we’ll make it through,

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Like it or not, we might all be bound for the pit.

JASMINE YE

POLITICS

MIDWEST MISSTEPS POLITICAL PITFALLS THAT COULD PLAGUE OUR YEAR AHEAD

BY BARB SHELLY

It’s that time again. You know, the time to recount the highs and lows of the year just passed and take stock of what might be ahead.

This annual ritual used to be more fun, back before COVID-19 and Trumpism and anti-vaxism and the overbearing presence of Missouri Attorney General Eric Schmitt. I have walked into many new years with optimism, others with ambivalence, and some with hilarity. I don’t ever remember flipping the calendar page with quite the sense of dread I feel about 2022.

But I could be wrong. I want to be wrong.

So let’s take a look at a few things going on in our little spot on the planet: the good, the bad, and the ugly—in reverse order.

First, the ugly I am not wrong about this: The campaign season in Missouri is going to be horrible.

The worst of it will be the race for the soon-to-be-vacant U.S. Senate seat currently held by Roy Blunt. Vying for the Republican nomination are—ta da!—disgraced former governor Eric Greitens (after his invasion of privacy charge, his affair, and a laundry list of other violations); the unhinged Eric Schmitt (who we have covered at length as he spirals into cartoonishly evil policies); and St. Louis lawyer Mark McCloskey (who achieved notoriety by threatening protestors with a gun and now risks suspension of his law license).

That’s not even the full list. You know a race is off the rails when one of the lesser evils in the mix is U.S. Rep. Vicky Hartzler, who got her start in politics working to ban same-sex marriage in Missouri.

We need to prepare for a barrage of the most repellent campaign ads imaginable— Greitens revisiting his glory days as a Navy Seal, Schmitt bloviating about his presumed “war on tyranny,” and everybody shamelessly sucking up to Trump.

Some Democrats are not-so-secretly pulling for Greitens to win the Republican primary on the theory that the sex scandal and shady campaign finance dealings in his

past will steer voters toward the Democratic in the general election. Even Missouri Republicans have been accused of trying to kneecap his campaign.

I am not so sure about this. The Democratic field lacks a heavyweight candidate.

Do we really want to risk the prospect of Greitens and Josh Hawley both representing Missouri in Washington?

Throw in redistricting of Congressional and legislative seats, plus the ladder-climbing race that’s likely to ensue in the Missouri legislature, as columnist Jeff Smith described in the Missouri Independent, and Missouri

But the issue will shade all of the rest of the politicking going on.

Bad and getting worse Let’s talk for a minute about the dumpster fire that is the governance of the Kansas City Police Department.

Count me as someone who thought Mayor Quinton Lucas was on the right track when he proposed making a portion of the police department’s budget subject to negotiation with city officials to prioritize community-based services aimed at reducing crime.

But Lucas pissed off the Northland old guard when he excluded their representatives from discussion of the ordinance.

Then a judge said the city couldn’t mess around with police funding in the middle of a budget year. Now a Republican Missouri state senator has introduced legislation that would force Kansas City to give even more money to its governor-appointed overseers on the Board of Police Commissioners, with no say over how it is spent.

Meanwhile, it seems as though police Chief Rick Smith will retire in the spring, though he’ll get paid through August.

He will likely receive accolades and sheet cake—never mind the anger and mistrust in the neighborhoods, the low morale in his

NOBODY IS COMING TO SAVE US, FRIENDS. THE ONLY COURSE OF ACTION IS FOR EVERYBODY TO SCREAM FOR LOCAL CONTROL SO LOUDLY THAT NO LOCAL POLITICIAN WILL DARE OPPOSE IT, AND THEY HEAR OUR RAGE ALL THE WAY OUT IN JEFFERSON CITY.

politics becomes a toxic brew.

In Kansas, Republicans will pull out all the stops to try to dislodge Democrat Laura Kelly from the governor’s office. The likelihood that her Republican opponent will be state Attorney General Derek Schmidt means we will continue to confuse the Kansas Schmidt with the Missouri Schmitt.

Even so, Kansas so far looks tame in comparison with Missouri. One wild card is a constitutional amendment that voters will see on the August ballot. If passed, it would open the door to the Kansas Legislature going the way of Missouri and making abortion all but illegal in the state.

I’ve talked to Kansans who hold out hope that voters might actually reject the amendment, which would be a clear win.

department, and his inability to make a dent in violent crime.

As for the police board, none of its members except for Lucas—the only one accountable to Kansas City voters—has publicly expressed remorse over the death of 26-year-old Cameron Lamb, who was shot in his own car in his own driveway. A judge last month convicted a police officer of involuntary manslaughter in Lamb’s death.

The testimony was damning—not just of the officer’s actions but also of the police department and its chief. Prosecutors made a strong case that cops fabricated evidence to make it look like Lamb had a gun. The Kansas City Star reported that Smith, after the shooting, was recorded saying, “Everyone is good. Bad guy’s dead.”

This will not get better just because Smith is reportedly leaving. A new chief, whether from inside or outside the department, will not have the backing to make necessary sweeping reforms from a board that mostly thinks the current chief is doing a fine job. And that board will continue to have support from a Republican-dominated state legislature and governor who are openly hostile to communities of color.

Nobody is coming to save us, friends.

The only course of action is for everybody to scream for local control so loudly that no local politician will dare oppose it, and they hear our rage all the way out in Jefferson City. Because, ultimately, these poisoned relationships between police and community, hand in hand with the high crime rate, will drag down the city’s business climate and quality of life.

And finally, the good Jackson County Prosecutor Jean Peters Baker finished out 2021 with two breathtaking wins.

The murder verdict of police officer Eric DeValkenaere for Lamb’s shooting marked the first time a Kansas City police officer was convicted of shooting a Black man. As well, because of Baker’s efforts, Kevin Strickland was released after 42 years in prison on a wrongful conviction.

In a state where politicians routinely abuse their power and pursue ambitions at the expense of the people, Baker has shown that it’s possible to succeed in office simply by doing the right thing. Cheers to her.

Activists also kept winning in 2021.

Prompted by KC Tenants, Stand Up KC, and the Heartland Center for Jobs & Freedom, the Kansas City Council in December approved an ordinance guaranteeing that tenants facing eviction are entitled to legal representation. Their victory should reduce the number of evictions and keep families sheltered.

Speaking of activists, hundreds of people around Kansas City are quietly signing on to climate change initiatives. A Regional Climate Action Plan is now official. According to Mike Kelly, the Roeland Park mayor who helped get the initiative started, more than 1,000 people got in on the making of it.

Another bright spot: progressive women lawmakers. Democratic (and a few Republican) women in the Kansas and Missouri legislatures continue to speak out boldly and effectively on behalf of reproductive freedom, protection of children, quality education for all, and much more.

I’d name names, but I worry about missing some.

Last but not least among the tidings of good cheer: drive around the neighborhoods and you’ll see old businesses sprucing up and new ones popping up. Way to bounce back from a pandemic, KC. Here’s to 2022. thepitchkc.com | January 2022 | THE PITCH

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d i u q i L a r g u o e C FEATURE

INTRAVENOUS INFUSIONS AND THE BURGEONING WORLD OF BOUTIQUE BLOODWORK

BY LIZ COOK

It’s a weird feeling, scheduling a hangover.

Because I am a woman of a certain age (that age is 32), I can no longer drink more than four beers without feeling like a trash muppet.

In a sense, all of my hangovers are scheduled because they are inevitable—a progressive vice tax with per-drink brackets.

Still, something felt different about booking an appointment with Liquid Mobile IV, one of many local businesses that promise to relieve hangovers through the power of intravenous fluids. Maybe it was all the foreshadowing. After filling out a short medical history and signing a consent form, my appointment was secured.

10 days from now, I would be miserable enough to let a stranger put a needle in my arm.

Elective IV businesses or “drip bars” aren’t new, but until recently, they seemed like a niche option, reserved for Vegas bachelor parties or the ultra-rich. Gwyneth Paltrow and Chrissy Teigen have publicly proclaimed their love for IV infusions; the heiress to the Getty oil fortune was lauded in Vogue France for supplying IV drips for guests at an extravagant, multi-day wedding officiated by Nancy Pelosi.

In the last couple of years, drip bars have proliferated throughout the metro, making the mainline a little more mainstream. That doesn’t mean the treatments are cheap. An IV infusion locally might run anywhere from $100 to more than $300, depending on the location and volume of fluids.

But I wanted to see how the other half lived. Mostly, I wanted to know if buying my way out of a hangover was as orgiastic as it seemed. I wanted IV fluids to inflate my crumpled, hungover body like a bounce castle until I had enough vim and vigor to berate Witherkins about the state of the carriage house.

With 10 days to kill before my next hangover, I decided to book another IV infusion for a sober comparison point. I grabbed the first open slot at another business: IV Nutrition Now, a chain clinic that

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THE PITCH | January 2022 | thepitchkc.com

operates out of a strip mall in Overland Park next to the Beef Jerky Experience.

The inside didn’t look like a clinic. It looked like a spa. The infusion room had a plant wall (all pothos) and the kind of leather recliner chairs you might see in a swank movie theater. I nestled myself into one and perused a glossy menu of services while a friendly employee named Monica checked my blood pressure and blood oxygen levels.

The menu had more than 20 different cocktails of vitamins and amino acids, most of which had alliterative names like “Ache Absolver™” and “Insane Immune™” (nearly every menu item was trademarked). I was overwhelmed by choice. Did I want “Hefty Hydration™” or “Hella Hydration™”? Did I want to order one of the house formulations or build my own bear by adding zinc, taurine, or tryptophan ($2.50 per mL)?

Monica tried to guide me by asking me about my goals.

“I’m planning to be hungover in the future and wanted to try it out,” I said, then realized this sounded insane. “Also, I run and lift weights—“ “An athlete.” She nodded knowingly.

I hesitated. I was an athlete in the way that drip bars were health clinics—true in a technical sense, but it felt embarrassing for everyone involved to refer to it that way.

Still, I seized on the idea and opted for a shorter “express” infusion called Rapid Repair™, which promised to replenish my amino acids and enhance my muscle recovery.

Monica wheeled out a small, neon-yellow bag (250 mL) and plugged me in. She had warned that I might be able to taste the infusion, and she was right. For the first few minutes, my mouth tasted like the inside of a Flintstones vitamin jar. It was more unsettling than unpleasant.

The actual infusion only took about 15 minutes and was far more comfortable than I had expected. Monica even put a heating pack on my arm so it wouldn’t get cold (IV fluids are room temperature; your body is not). She checked my blood pressure and

blood oxygen levels again, then asked me to pee in a cup so they could check my kidney function. I am inherently suspicious of anyone who asks for my urine, but Monica didn’t look like a narc, so I complied. My urine was the exact same shade as the bag of fluids that had helped create it. (A wild, intrusive thought—was this how they filled the bags?)

On the ride home—after a Beef Jerky Experience—I surveyed my body for clues.

If my muscles were repairing themselves, they were doing it quietly. I thought I felt a little more energetic, but it was hard to tell.

For this vague feeling, I paid $109.

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Like the rest of the wellness industry, drip bars promise a host of benefits, many of which are abstract nominalizations: optimization, detoxification, regeneration. A lot of people are introduced to the industry through hangover treatments, but hangovers don’t keep the lights on. Most clients come for the vitamins.

Vetting the efficacy (let alone the dosage) of vitamin infusions is tricky. Dietary supplements are poorly regulated relative to prescription drugs—there’s no guarantee you’ll receive what the clinic promises.

And the pandemic has only inflated some of these businesses’ claims.

In the past two years, the Federal Trade Commission has sent hundreds of warning letters to IV clinics for claiming that vitamin

FEATURE

Swimming in the infinite possibilities of a better you. Or maybe not?

ENRIQUE ZABALA

infusions could protect against COVID-19 (a claim for which there is no reliable evidence). Two of those letters went to local businesses—The Epigenetics Healing Center in Overland Park and the Revive & Rally Health Lounge in the Crossroads. The latter has since closed, citing in an Instagram post “circumstances outside of our control.”

I wanted to better understand this side of the industry, so I called up Dr. Cydney McQueen, a clinical associate professor at the UMKC School of Pharmacy. McQueen has researched and published extensively on dietary supplements and nonprescription drugs, and she’s upfront about the risks.

Fat-soluble vitamins such as Vitamin A can be dangerous in excessive quantities; even too much saline solution (the base of

“TO GO TO AN UNREGULATED PLACE AND HAVE INTRAVENOUS MATERIAL PLACED IN YOUR VEIN IS KIND OF INSANE, REALLY, AND POTENTIALLY QUITE DANGEROUS.”

most IV bags) can be dangerous for patients with heart conditions or kidney disease.

And intravenous infusions always carry some risk of contamination and infection relative to oral medication and hydration.

“If the gut works, use it,” McQueen says. “That’s always the best.”

But do IV infusions have any advantages?

“Sure,” she says. “Any time you give a medication IV versus orally, it’s going to work faster because it’s getting in the bloodstream faster.”

Most of the IVs administered at drip bars aren’t medically necessary, but she lists a few groups of people who might benefit from them anyway, including those who get migraines. The vitamin infusions offered at

these bars often contain magnesium, which McQueen says has been shown to help reduce the severity of migraines. Another common ingredient is methylcobalamin, a form of vitamin B-12 that older adults can have a hard time absorbing through food.

For people who are clinically dehydrated, an IV can be a faster road to recovery. Plus, as expensive as an IV infusion at a drip bar might be, it’s a hell of a lot cheaper than getting one at a hospital.

Still, McQueen notes, would-be patients should ask about the sterility of the preparation and the dosage—and do a little research in advance to make sure doses are within a reasonable range. One easy question to ask is when your IV cocktail was prepared. In hospital or pharmacy settings, IV bags are required to be used within 60 minutes of compounding to shorten the window for bacteria growth. If drip bars administer them right away, the infection risks are lower, even if the bags aren’t prepared in a hospital-grade “cleanroom” setting.

But how much risk should we be taking on at all for a procedure that isn’t medically necessary, especially for something like a hangover? For many people, that calculation depends on whether it works—and reliable evidence is scant.

“There’s no real literature that shows that using IV fluids would benefit people who have a mild hangover,” says Dr. Stanley Goldfarb, a professor at the University of Pennsylvania’s Perelman School of Medicine.

Goldfarb is a kidney specialist and a long-time skeptic of Big Hydration. More than a decade ago, he and his co-authors made headlines with a study questioning the oft-repeated advice that we should be drinking eight glasses of water a day. His skepticism extends to the elective IV industry, which he compares to Russian roulette.

“To go to an unregulated place and have intravenous material placed in your vein is kind of insane, really, and potentially quite dangerous,” Goldfarb says.

I wanted to talk to Goldfarb because The Kansas City Star had interviewed him in 2019, when a Johnson County man died after growing ill during a vitamin infusion at the Element Wellness Spa and Studio in Brookside.

The autopsy report attributed the death to underlying medical conditions. Element Wellness is still operating today, albeit on a concierge basis. But at the time, Goldfarb didn’t seem convinced the IV clinic was blameless.

He still isn’t.

“There was no way they could have held the clinic responsible,” Goldfarb says. “There’s no telltale trace.”

By way of illustration, he tells me about a time when he served as an expert witness on thepitchkc.com | January 2022 | THE PITCH

9

FEATURE

a case where a physician had given a patient too much potassium. The extra potassium almost certainly killed the patient, he says. But the hospital was held harmless—the coroner couldn’t find any traces of extra potassium in his body.

“What no one told the jury was that it’s impossible to find,” says Goldfarb. “When you die, all the potassium that was in your cells floods out into the tissues and fluids in your body and any extra potassium you might have had is lost in this sea. There was no way to know.”

Andy Marso, a former health reporter who covered the 2019 incident, came away from the story with questions about the industry’s relative safety operating in a regulatory gray area.

“If you’re doing everything right in terms of your infection control protocols, then it’s probably relatively low risk,” Marso says. “But consumers don’t know how often that’s the case, because the facilities themselves are not generally regulated.”

Currently, elective IV businesses aren’t regulated or inspected by the Missouri or Kansas state health departments—representatives from both departments referred me to licensing boards for individual practitioners instead.

“Nurses who work at [IV clinics], they’re subject to licensing and discipline and investigations, but licensing boards are fairly thinly staffed,” Marso explains. “They’re not really proactive either. They’re only going to respond to complaints for the most part.”

Regulating the industry would likely be costly, but it’s hard to even get a sense of the scope of the challenge.

Last October, the Food and Drug Administration released a statement about the risks of IV treatments, noting a case from February 2021 in which a 52-year-old woman was hospitalized for septic shock after a home vitamin infusion. But the FDA’s statement also highlighted just how little the organization knows about elective IV businesses, including whether they employ licensed practitioners to evaluate patients or whether they follow sterile compounding practices in sanitary conditions.

Chad Teeter, the clinic director at IV Nutrition Now, helps alleviate a few of my concerns. He tells me that all of IV Nutrition Now’s providers are registered nurses or paramedics. Teeter says they get as close to a hospital’s cleanroom standards as they can: “as clean as physically possible. All of our services are basically prepared underneath a sterile hood and then they go directly from a sterile hood to the client.”

This made me feel better about my experience at his clinic. But I started wondering about my upcoming hangover treatment. The company I had booked, Liquid Mobile IV, had promised a registered nurse for the visit, but it was a house call, and my home is decidedly unsterile. I tried to push these worries out of my mind. After all, the company had a strong

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THE PITCH | January 2022 | thepitchkc.com

incentive not to kill me. Plus, I had a hangover to prepare for.

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If curing a hangover is difficult, courting one is a breeze. The night before my Liquid Mobile IV appointment, I went to a holiday party and did everything you’re not supposed to do. I mixed alcohols. I drank three cups of a sugar-y punch. I finished the evening with a glass of champagne and didn’t drink any water before bed.

I achieved my goal. There’s this expression I hear people use sometimes—“you look like death warmed up.” Hungover me did not look like death warmed up. Hungover me looked like a frozen TV death dinner that had been thawed in the sun and microwaved with the plastic cover still attached.

Brittany, the Liquid Mobile IV nurse who showed up at my house with a wheeled black case of medical equipment, didn’t seem to mind. She was a former ER nurse, a seasoned pro. She took my blood pressure, injected me with some Zofran—an anti-nausea medication—and then prepared a 1000 mL bag of fluids right in the middle of my living room. She didn’t yelp when my cat jumped on the couch and tried to chew on the IV line. I wondered what Goldfarb would say.

This time, the infusion took almost an hour. Once again, I took an inventory of my body. Once again, I didn’t notice a difference. I felt a misplaced sense of triumph at my body’s obstinacy, its steadfast determination to suffer.

In a facile sense, you can buy longevity in America. Rich people not only live almost a decade longer than poor people, they also live better as those extra years are more likely to be disability-free. This discrepancy is a function of many things that wealth affords—better health care, better food, more education, less stress.

Part of me felt a sense of intravenous relief that the hangover might be democratic—that there was at least one thing money couldn’t buy. The rest of me just felt tired. My “Hangover Relief Hydration Session” cost $300 not including a 20% tip. If this seems like an odd extension of American tipping culture, I hear you—but I’m also not about to stiff the person who controls whether or not I get sepsis.

The only difference I noticed after Brittany left was that my pee was, once again, an unsettling highlighter yellow. But I suppose I can’t discount the fact that the infusion kept me from feeling worse. At the very least, I didn’t puke.

I had cleared my hangover day of all tasks but one: writing this article. I decided to give the IV a little more time to work its magic before I started. I made some soup. I played some Nintendo Switch. I lay with my cheek pressed to the couch cushions until my face felt embroidered.

The next morning, I texted my editor: the story was going to be late.

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thepitchkc.com | January 2022 | THE PITCH

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FEATURE a father of four, I can relate to it a lot more now. Five years ago, I was in a different stage of my life. Now, I am situated in the league and more mature. My foundation supports youth mental health because it gets ignored so many times and I’ve seen it. In 2022, I want kids to know it’s okay to ask for help.”

Jeff Bentley – Executive Director, Kansas City Ballet: “[My hope is that] this scourge of a pandemic will recede to a point where our dancers can return fully to their art form, and all audiences can once again gather together in a communion of shared artistic experience.

We reach such a goal through a united effort fueled by care and empathy for our fellow citizens which informs the actions we take, the paths we choose, the selfless decisions we make.”

Jackie Nguyen – Owner, Cafe Cà Phê: “I have three resolutions: open Cafe Cà Phê’s first brick and mortar; launch a real community center for Asians in Kansas City; and to stay authentic; give it 150%, get this bread, and SLAY THE GAME HONEYYYYY. “Kansas City has the heart to truly be an example to other cities in the states by its continued efforts to support small businesses. If we keep up this momentum, we cannot only be known for the Chiefs, BBQ or fountains, but for things like, ‘Dang, that city really supports their community!’ I believe if we keep having open, honest, judgement free conversations, shop small, and keep it real, our city will thrive.”

Kate Corwin – Founder, Greenworks KC:

HIGH RESOLUTION KC’S PLANS FOR THE NEW YEAR. BY TYLER SCHNEIDER, ILLUSTRATIONS BY MEG WAGLER

Two years. We are now two years beyond the precedented times, and at this point we can only hope that COVID will conclude as a trilogy.

If anything, 2021 reflected just how much Kansas Citians need each other. It proved how our collective efforts can improve the quality of life for everyone, if enough of us simply resolve to commit ourselves to something greater than any one person.

Demonstrations by KC Tenants; unhoused people banding together and pro-

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testing the city’s lack of meaningful action by setting up protest camps; a spike in violent crime; and a tumultuous relationship between the community, police department, and city officials showed that Kansas City cliffhangers.

For our first issue of 2022, we asked a variety of Kansas Citians to tell us what their New Year’s resolutions were for next year, and the responses we got are as diverse as our city itself.

As we welcome the new year, consider some of these responses and the causes they

promote. For every one listed here, there are probably dozens more that are just as worthy of your attention and efforts.

Here’s to Kansas City becoming an even better place to live in 2022.

Tyreek Hill – WR, Kansas City Chiefs: “Through my foundation, the Tyreek Hill Family Foundation, I want to bring more awareness to youth mental health and try to provide the correct resources in 2022. Mental health is really important to me. Being

“My hope for 2022 is that Kansas City residents will understand that every single thing we have comes from the natural world, that we are using too many resources, and that we can live well with significantly [fewer] material goods.

“We can mend and fix items we already have to extend their useful life. We can borrow and rent items rather than buying our own. When we are finished with something, we can donate it responsibly so it continues providing value.

“We can drink tap water instead of bottled water and stop wasting food. We can decline single-use bags and all those ‘free gift with purchase’ items. When we do really need something, we can try to find a used version. My hope is that in 2022 we will raise our awareness of the many resources we use every day and begin to break the habit of mindless, automatic over-consumption.”

Steve Kraske – Host, KCUR’s Up To Date: “This is an easy one. My hope for Kansas City in 2022 is that we finally get a handle

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on our homicide crisis. And what an opportunity we have to move in that direction with the retirement/firing of Police Chief Rick Smith. Listen, the Police Department can’t be expected to singlehandedly shrink the number of murders. The problem is way too complicated for that.

“But the department can be expected to try new strategies that might begin to chip away at the problem. We’ve been status quo for way too long. Investing more heavily in violence ‘interrupters’ that seek to resolve disputes before they erupt in gunplay is one approach worth looking at again. The other immediate advantage of a new chief is the chance to restart the conversation with the Black community and rebuild trust that vanished years ago.

“This is a huge opportunity, and we plan to follow it closely on KCUR’s Up To Date and encourage the public to engage.

The Board of Police Commissioners that will choose the new chief must be open to an unconventional pick from outside the department. It’s time to shake things up. Either that, or risk seeing Kansas City’s reputation sour as it becomes known as the murder capital of mid-America.”

Quinton Lucas – Mayor, Kansas City, Missouri: “In 2022, my administration will remain focused on the most important issue to the health, safety and success of our city: preventing violent crime and saving lives.

And with a once-in-a-generation federal infrastructure investment opportunity, I will work closely with my colleagues, our neighborhoods, community organizations, local businesses, and the Administration to ensure Kansas City leverages these funds to create transformative change—including ensuring all Kansas City families have access to clean drinking water and high-speed broadband.

“I look forward to a productive and fruitful 2022 in Kansas City.”

Chelsea M. – Founder, KC Black Owned: “My hopes and dreams for KC Black Owned is that we will be able to connect consumers with business owners in our communities.

My dream is that everyone in the KCMO and surrounding areas are aware of our directory.

“Getting the word out about our businesses are essential to our overall development and impact in the community. It is also a hope that more Black-owned businesses (whether they are starting out or well established) connect with us and join the directory. Support our efforts at kcblackowned.org].”

Isaiah, Dee, and Solomon Radke – Radkey: “We want to start the next year with a lot more time in the studio and in pre-production at home, in the downtime between touring. At this point in our career, it’s all about crafting the biggest Radkey songs possible for the new record. And that’s been taking a lot of experimentation, which has been really fun.

“We’ve been a lot harder on ourselves when it comes to getting out there with what we really need, and it’s important that we start the next batch of live shows with some fresh material. Coming off of the Foo Fighters tour and recording ‘I’ll Stick Around’ for their Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction had us feeling inspired and ready to hit this

next year hard.

“We’ve got a bunch of ideas for new music videos and some great shows coming up.

Things are going harder than they’ve ever been for us, and we’re planning on taking full advantage of that in this coming year.

Keep an eye out for Radkey. We’re comin’!”

Meredith Walrafen – Program Manager, New Roots for Refugees: “We’ve seen the constraints of a global system this year, and also the power of a local economy. Our resolution is to keep more money in our local community, especially when buying food. With over 40 farmers’ markets in the KC metro and tons of farmers offering online ordering with public pickups, it’s incredibly convenient to buy from local farmers.

“Also, ask your favorite restaurants and grocery stores where they get their produce and encourage them to buy local. Let’s let this year’s challenges lead to a shift in our shopping that isn’t just a fad, but a long-term change that supports hard-working, small businesses in our communities.” thepitchkc.com | January 2022 | THE PITCH

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FEATURE a new era of prosperity and renaissance, in 2022 and beyond.”

Brenda Mott – Founder, ScrapsKC: “The Scraps staff is looking forward to getting the word out about our Terracycle Program. We have special bins in our store to accept hard-to-recycle items like razors, phone cases, and toothpaste tubes. We send the collected items to Terracycle and they provide a small financial contribution to ScrapsKC. The KC community can join us in these efforts by visiting our website [https:// scrapskc.org/terracycle/] to identify the items we accept, and then depositing them in our Terracycle bins. And, of course, we look forward to the community donating their unwanted creative supplies or visiting ScrapsKC to purchase second hand supplies for their next creative project! Cheers to a new year, Kansas City!”

Kiona Sinks – Community Engagement, Negro Leagues Baseball Museum:

Eric Rogers – Executive Director, BikeWalkKC: “My 2022 New Year’s resolution for Kansas City is to reduce to zero the number of people hit and killed by drivers. We have lost too many people to car violence. It is a public health emergency, and one that disproportionately impacts Black, Brown, and indigenous individuals.

“In 2020, KCMO City Council passed a Vision Zero resolution to eliminate traffic fatalities and serious injuries on our streets by 2030, while increasing safe, healthy, equitable mobility for everyone. A resolution is great, but action is what’s needed to save lives.

“We need to integrate Vision Zero practices at all levels of planning, design, and engineering. For 2022, BikeWalkKC will push the City Council to implement a comprehensive, multi-year Vision Zero Action Plan, but we need the voices and stories

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of KCMO residents to help make it happen.

Help us advocate for a transportation system that is safer for people who walk, bike, or use assistive technology for mobility. I invite you to email the BikeWalkKC policy team at [policy@bikewalkkc.org]. Let them know you want to help make the Vision Zero Action Plan a reality in 2022.”

Steven Tulipana – Co-Owner, recordBar: “I hope KC will continue to be the progressive city that it is by supporting its local culture and community. We seem to be growing by leaps and bounds. There is nothing wrong with welcoming the new to town but the best way to make it grow in a healthy way is to continue to support local small businesses and artists. This has always been recordBar’s mission.

“There are numerous artist organizations that we support and we urge everyone else to do as well, from Midwest Music

Foundation to Art As Mentorship. Become a supporting member to one or all of our local stations, 90.1, 90.9 or 89.9.

Subscribe to The Pitch! These are ways we can all grow and better our community and recordBar commits to continuing these efforts.”

Branden Haralson – Senior Manager, ArtsKC: “Our arts community has come through these tough and uncertain times a little scarred and a little bruised, but ArtsKC is committed to creating and securing the resources that will mend our wounds, and take us from healing to thriving once again. We know that through collective action, community and leadership support, and using our platform to enhance artists and organizations of every size, shape, medium, and background, ArtsKC can help mitigate the struggles of the past two years and usher our community into

“Kansas City has been at the helm of innovation since the beginning. It’s no different today when I think about the story of the Negro Leagues, and the great Negro Leagues Baseball Museum here in Kansas City. Since 1990, we’ve been cultivating and amplifying America’s pastime, and now here we are heading into calendar year 2022 with Buck O’Neil elected to the National Baseball Hall of Fame—which is the springboard propelling the Negro Leagues Baseball Museum into 2022 for what potentially will be the most important year in recent museum history.

“Next year marks the 75th Anniversary of Major League Baseball’s breaking of the color barrier. The catalyst of social progress in this country began when Jackie Robinson was handpicked from our very own Kansas City Monarchs, becoming the chosen one to start the movement for social progress in this country. Kansas City is a representation of so much more than what we ever can imagine today. Our history constantly reminds of the great legacy of those who made the community we love today.”

Hartzell Gray – Host, KCUR’s The KC Morning Show: “While the bar may be set incredibly low, I want 2022 to be the story of ‘us.’ I wanna be someone who does dope shit with dope folks, and I happen to think there’s no better place to do that than right here in Kansas City. We’re still here. Let’s lean into that this year. In the midst of this Panini, you powered through. You’re finding a way. There’s no such thing as a ‘new normal,’ so let’s send that idea to the sun. This is a new book, baby, and in 2022, I can’t wait to help write it with you, Kansas City.”

thepitchkc.com | January 2022 | THE PITCH

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CRISSCROSS APPLESAUCE, DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE LEMONY SNICKET POPPED BY TO REVEL IN KC’S EXPLOR-A-STORIUM

BY LILY WULFEMEYER

Daniel Handler is an author best known for A Series of Unfortunate Events, a 13-book children’s saga published under the name of its macabre narrator, Lemony Snicket.

When Handler began his journey with the series, literary professionals raised their hackles at the grotesquerie that makes the books so whimsical and singular. In particular, they latched onto a scene in which a baby is gagged by the villain, stuffed into a birdcage, and dangled out of a high window.

“When A Series of Unfortunate Events was just starting out and I was on tour,” says Handler, “there were quite a few booksellers and librarians who were nervous about my books and sometimes found them objectionable. And the question that was asked the most was, ‘Do you have to put a baby in a cage?’”

While on that tour, Handler journeyed to Kansas City for the first time. After arriving at his hotel late at night, he decided to wander out and peek in the window of the children’s bookstore that would be hosting his book event the following day.

“I walked over to the bookstore, and it was midnight so the bookstore was closed,” says Handler. “But I could see right through the door that they had made this [paper mâché] baby in a cage just for me. I knew that I was in a special place.”

That special bookstore was the revered Reading Reptile, where the birdcaged baby hung for more than a decade. Run by artists Pete Cowdin and Debbie Pettid for over 30 years, the Reading Reptile gained national acclaim and had storefronts in Westport and Brookside.

While Handler’s decades-long friendship with Cowdin and Pettid has outlived the store—which closed for good in 2015— there isn’t an end in sight to their harebrained undertakings. Now, he’s part of the national advisory council for The Rabbit hOle, a non-profit museum focused on children’s literature co-founded by Cowdin and Pettid. It also claims the title of “The World’s First Explor-a-Storium.”

Since 2015, the Rabbit hOle team has been building exhibit prototypes, designing mobile pop-ups, and contributing to

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the city’s literary programming. They were temporarily housed in the Crossroads Arts District until 2018, when the museum purchased a 165,000 square-foot building in North Kansas City. Currently, the building is under renovation as they’re hard at work constructing the exhibits.

While the pandemic set their production timeline back—as it did for many arts organizations struggling to procure funding—they’re looking at possibly opening by early 2023. The final product will feature a litany of exhibits and programming areas: a letterpress print shop, maker-space, resource library and reading room, cafe, history panorama covering 100 years of children’s literature, writing and story labs, gallery spaces, and, of course, a bookstore.

Part of Cowdin and Pettid’s motivation for closing the Reading Reptile was to pursue this grander vision. Because why have just a bookstore when you could have a 165,000 square-foot museum with a bookstore inside?

“We love the books and art, and weren’t

as fond of the business side of it,” says Pettid, of the professional pivot.

Cowdin concurs: “Both Deb and I were getting exhausted by the market-driven aspect of bookselling, as opposed to just finding something we could do that departed from that aspect of our lives, and getting more into the joy of reading.”

Bookselling fatigue was not their sole motivation for shuttering the Reading Reptile, though. The pair has an unparalleled vision for a destination that will ignite a passion for literature in children, while engaging parents and guardians along the way.

“We had lots of experience with books and kids and environments and discovery— and we knew we could create something that was beyond what people were imagining to bring kids to become readers,” says Pettid.

Claiming “lots of experience” is an understatement for this duo. Cowdin, for example, is awed by his colleague’s expansive working knowledge of kid’s books.

“Everybody who knows Deb, whether they’re an author and illustrator or publish-

er, knows that she knows more than probably anybody, about not just books... but the relationships between authors, between different eras of bookmaking, printing processes and how they informed the results of a book in their making at that time—things like that. I think a lot of people achieve that through academic processes, by getting a Master’s or a Ph.D. Debbie’s done it just by—” At this point, Pettid cuts in with: “Lying in bed and eating potato chips.”

Perhaps potato chips are the secret ingredient for the co-founders of The Rabbit hOle, whom Handler refers to as “titans of children’s literature.”

“I mean, only they can do it,” Handler remarks. “It is such an individual vision, even though it is made of many, many other people’s individual visions. It has the freaky individualism that artists produce.”

Early in December, The Rabbit hOle welcomed Handler back to Kansas City for a series of decidedly fortunate events. These included Pick Your Poison, an evening of

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philosophical discussion in honor of his new book, Poison For Breakfast. Published under Lemony Snicket’s name, this pocket-sized volume is a completely true philosophical murder mystery. (For what it’s worth, the library shelves it in the non-fiction section.)

The evening itself was punctuated by moments of profound conversation and piano accordion performance, courtesy of Handler. A staff member wheeled a cart around that read, “Is life me? / Is life you? / Is life we?” where guests were invited to submit philosophical questions for the author.

When asked whether a storyteller should be honest, he provided his most succinct axiom with no hesitation: “No.” For the rest of the night, guests were free to roam the first floor of The Rabbit hOle like children set loose in the Chocolate Room of Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. There were skeletons of slides tunneling through installations, and a giant hamster wheel that, at some point, will embody Little Toot. Folks meandered through the fire station from The Fire Cat—replete with

a child-sized fire pole—before mounting a staircase made to look like the lush jungle from My Father’s Dragon. It is as if Harold and his purple crayon have had their way with the space, animating every character within reach.

Every last detail inspired wonderment and heady fascination—the scene was made all the more intoxicating thanks to the open bar, as well as the neighboring cereal and milk bar. Slurping on oat milk and Froot Loops, I thumbed through a bookmarked copy of Goodnight Moon that someone had placed on a replica of the bedtime tale’s famous rocking chair.

While there are still thousands of feet of empty space, it was not hard to look around and picture the final product. As it is now, the exhibits are sprawling and associative.

This will continue to be the driving approach, per Pettid’s curatorial vision.

“We wanted to cover [books from] 1900 to 2000,” says Pettid. “We wanted to capture people who had influence on others in the industry. Maybe they didn’t have the most popular book, but maybe they were mentors, or important in other ways. We wanted to make sure that there is a diversity of gender and ethnicity and age and subject matter. It’s kind of putting together a big, giant puzzle, and making sure that everything fits, and moving things around all the time.”

Pettid is also quick to clarify, “I’m not saying like, ‘These are the best 50 books of the last century.’ It’s more nuanced than that.

But I think it will create lots and lots and lots of layers of discovery and contact points.”

These opportunities for discovery are shaping up to be different for each and every book.

“We can’t build every exhibit out from cover to cover,” Cowdin explains. “We’re going to be doing it on a temporary basis in the immersive gallery where we’ll put in a full book landscape where you can move through that story. But for each permanent exhibit, we have to find a place in the story that’s going to deliver the most narrative.”

Pettid points to their sculpture of Katy Kangaroo No-Pocket from the book Katy No-Pocket that stands over eight feet tall.

Armed with her smock full of pockets, Katy greeted guests at the door as they arrived for Pick Your Poison.

“You saw Katy [Kangaroo] who’s just, like, a giant kangaroo. I mean, that’s all you need. [The story is about] a kangaroo with no pockets, so she gets a lot of pockets,” says Pettid, shrugging at the deceptive simplicity of the idea. “Sometimes it’s just something like finding a really key moment or key illustration that everybody visualizes when they think of that story.”

Some of the exhibits will be immersive walk-through experiences, with text incorporated. Others, like Katy No-Pocket or I Want My Hat Back will focus on stand-alone

Top left: Guests gather around the open bar and the central staircase, inspired by My Father’s Dragon.

Top Right: David from David, No! picks his nose. Middle: Katy No-Pocket greets guests in her smock of many pockets. Above: Early progress on the Caps for Sale exhibit.

TRAVIS YOUNG

characters. Some exhibits will even read the story aloud to you, as is the case with the Last Stop on Market Street bus.

Last Stop on Market Street is the tale of a grandmother taking the bus with her grandson while answering his barrage of his thepitchkc.com | January 2022 | THE PITCH

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questions. As of yet, it’s the only 21st century book represented in the museum. For this installation, the Rabbit hOle team has constructed a vehicle-sized bus into the NKC building, which Pick Your Poison attendees were welcome to board. The ride costs a small bus fare, of course, which was donated to Thelma’s Kitchen. After taking your seat alongside the sculptured characters, the bus began figuratively rolling, as screens installed in the windows played an animation of the story complete with audio narration.

“I think you never love a book the way you love a book when you’re 10 years old,” says Handler. “You can live, when you’re loving a book, in a liminal space where you’re in the story and you’re thinking about the story and you’re altering the story... You begin to negotiate different boundaries as you’re playing with the story in your head, and I think The Rabbit hOle makes that very literal. You get to sit in the bathtub with Harry the Dirty Dog and think about that for a minute.”

One gets the sense that the Rabbit hOle team is dreaming their wildest dreams while sitting crisscross applesauce on the floor of their 165,000 square foot Explore-a-Storium. As they exercise their understanding of the ways kids interact with story and illustration, they try to look at their museum as if they’re curious children themselves.

“We’re providing a new entry point to develop a relationship with story and literature,” says Cowdin. Pettid continues: “If I was a kid and I’d read the book Fire Cat, or I just looked at the book Fire Cat, I want to go into the firehouse. I don’t want to be told that this is Fire Cat’s house, because I know it is already. For a kid who doesn’t know the book, they just go into it and have this discovery of this part of the story, and then they want to know the rest of the story.

It’s about developing curiosity so that they

Paper mâché Sunny Baudelaire from A Series of Unfortunate Events hanging from the ceiling of The Rabbit hOle in her birdcage.

LILY WULFEMEYER

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come to the book on their own.”

By facilitating this process of discovery, The Rabbit hOle is promising to deliver an experience that diverges from that of many other children’s museums.

Cowdin and Pettid make it a habit to research and rigorously interrogate children’s museum—and adult museum—trends, especially when it comes to inclusivity and guest experience. What family-engagement tactics seem innovative? What are other children’s museums leaving to be desired?

“There are things that are also warning signs for us of complacency in that industry,” Cowdin says. “Debbie’s always said from the beginning, we’re not going to be the museum where you’re banging buttons.”

The pair was inspired by the City Museum in St. Louis, as “you cannot go to the City Museum and not participate.”

Cowdin and Pettid gave themselves the added challenge of making their children’s museum a space that will excite parents and guardians as well.

“Reading Across the Nation: A Chartbook (2007)” from the Reach Out and Read National Center in Boston reported that “[f] ewer than half (48%) of young children in the United States are read to daily.” Cowdin says that from the ‘90s to now, this statistic hardly changed—but the Rabbit hOle team wants to see it increase. “[The Rabbit hOle] is very different than going to LEGOLAND, or a lot of just general children’s museums, where a kid goes into a room and starts playing with a Lego, and the parent is over on the side and checks their email,” says Cowdin. “That’s not what this is. This is about people coming into the experience, where there’s an emotional attraction, and a spiritual attraction to the books they know from their childhood.

That’s the dynamic we’re trying to create— where it becomes irrepressible, like you can’t not participate in then sitting down and reading the book.”

At the same time, they are cognizant of barriers that may prevent adults from reading to the children in their lives. Hence why not all exhibits are focused on reading the text.

“There are many parents who don’t have the capacity [to read to their children],” says Pettid. “Whether they’re working two jobs, or maybe English is their second language; or maybe they just don’t read, they don’t have access to books. So part of that is creating a space where, if a parent is unable to read, they’re still going to feel comfortable and safe in our space.”

The “spiritual attraction” that Cowdin describes—the realization that you cannot do anything but have an adventure— worked its wonder on the crowd of adults attending Pick Your Poison. When one guest spotted the plaster silhouette of the peddler from Caps For Sale, outlines of his dozens of hats drafted in pencil above his head, their eyes grew wide. They gasped, pointed,

Top: Cowdin, Pettid, and Handler address the crowd at Pick Your Poison. Directly Above: Guests ride the bus from the Last Stop on Market Street installation.

TRAVIS YOUNG

and grabbed their companion’s arm to draw them closer.

Part of the magic of these installations, though not obvious to the naked eye, is that every last component is being made on-site.

The Rabbit hOle employs (and is actively hiring) a host of creators for the fabrication shop: upholsterers, painters, digital designers, foam sculptors, metal workers, and more. Their team includes Kansas City Art Institute graduates and even Scribe, a muralist whose work decorates the streets of our city.

These efforts are atypical for many children’s museums, which tend to outsource this type of construction labor. For The Rabbit hOle, this approach is necessary, due to the intimate collaborative process they’ve developed with the creators of the yarns they are bringing to life.

“That’s one of the big reasons we are creating all of the exhibits on-site—not just because it’s financially feasible, a lot cheaper for us to build exhibits on our own and invest in people—but because we have to be respectful and responsive to a variety of ex-

pectations that come with every book,” says Cowdin.

Currently, The Rabbit hOle has obtained the rights and permissions to over 70 children’s books, and the processes for making the stories three-dimensional are as individualized as the illustrations that fill their pages. In some cases, the estates of creators give their sign-off easily, asking only to see the final product. In others, the creator wants to be consulted at every step of the production process. The Rabbit hOle team welcomes this collaboration and at times, specifically requests it.

“A good example of an exhibit we’re working more with the estate is the John Steptoe Uptown and Mufaro’s Beautiful Daughters exhibit, where there’s an African American experience of Harlem,” says Cowdin.

The museum team is at work constructing a city block from the Uptown, which will give museum-goers the opportunity to actually step inside the buildings.

Cowdin explains, “We need [the children of Steptoe to provide] their input. They

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the culture.”

At The Rabbit hOle, “adult culture” will be relegated to the sidelines as parents and guardians are invited into a world where childlike imagination is on full display, and anyone over the height of five feet must stoop to clear the doorways of the exhibits.

In this way, Cowdin, Pettid, and the Rabbit hOle team are ringmasters, inviting families and curious personages to step right up for sights unseen and feats beyond your wildest imagination.

All the while, a paper mâché baby in a birdcage hangs from the ceiling of a staff-only studio on the second floor—a maidenhead of good fortune for the voyage.

Above: Handler plays “When Doves Cry” by Prince on piano accordion. Bottom Right: Exhibit for The Fire Cat. TRAVIS YOUNG Right: Handler stands beside a cardboard sign that reads, “HOLE.” LILY WULFEMEYER

need to become the sort of lead on that because we don’t pretend like we know what that was like or have that same experience.”

Pettid agrees: “[We need them] to curate the space.”

Due to the team’s sprawling national vision and the broad buy-in they have secured, The Rabbit hOle is set to be a popular tourist destination. At the same time, they are focused on maximizing their educational and community impact through local partnerships. “[We] will only grow in terms of our relationships with other museums because we will be programming with other institutions, whether it’s The Nelson-Atkins Museum, [The National Museum of Toys/ Miniatures], Wonderscope, or anywhere,” says Cowdin. “We see a lot of siloing going around Kansas City in the past, as far as institutions sort of holding their own, and we would like to see that through a different lens of collaboration.”

These relationships will also help The Rabbit hOle create a museum that prioritizes accessibility for the local community.

“To make it accessible, you have to understand, it’s not just about cost or money, it’s about how a family’s going to find out about [The Rabbit hOle], and how a family is going to get there,” says Pettid. “A lot of organizations treat accessibility with field trips, and field trips are one way to get a wider, more diverse audience of students. But the real challenge is: how do you get those families to come?”

Her question is answered, in part, by

creative programming that isn’t restrained to arts organizations. For example, weeklong family passes to The Rabbit hOle will be available for check-out at the Kansas City Public Library. Branches will organize Saturday trips to the site for families, with transportation provided by Kansas City Area Transportation Authority.

“The focus is about helping kids and families,” Pettid says. “Adults also understand that they have stories, and the value and importance of their story.”

As for the kids, it’s about investing in their cultural spaces with sincerity.

“Children’s culture is diminished in large part by adult culture, or lives under the shadow as some sort of secondary culture— and it’s not,” Cowdin says. “The work we do with books when we’re selling them, and the work we’re doing now with The Rabbit hOle, acknowledges that this is an art form.”

As an adult in the industry, Handler has also experienced this subjugation of children’s culture.

“I meet a lot of adult authors who are surprised when I know about literature and what I’ve read because I think they assume I’m in some way a clown you hire for a birthday party,” he says.

For Handler, The Rabbit hOle provides a validation that is necessary to a healthy and flourishing imaginative life.

“I think [The Rabbit hOle] helps you realize that imaginary space is really important. I think that our imagination gets chased away from children a lot,” says Handler. “You want to look at every building that Curious George has visited, you know? You want to go inside the firehouse, you want to open the stomach of the bear [from I Want My Hat Back]. And that can serve as a reminder of how important your imagination is really important—you’re part of this space that gets devalued a lot by a lot of forces in

Starting this month, The Rabbit hOle will be entering the final phase of building renovations, while continue to produce the exhibits. You can support the Explore-a-Storium through financial support or introduction to financial support, signing up for newsletters, and following their progress as they hop along on their social media [@rabbit_hole_kc on Instagram]. Learn more about ways to donate at [rabbitholekc.org/ways-of-giving].

Books referenced in this article include A Series of Unfortunate Events written

by Lemony Snicket and illustrated by Brett Helquist; Poison for Breakfast written by Lemony Snicket and illustrated by Margaux Kent; Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory written by Roald Dahl (illustrators vary depending on the edition); Little Toot written and illustrated by Hardie Gramatky; The Fire Cat written and illustrated by Esther Averill; My Father’s Dragon written and illustrated by Ruth Stiles Gannett; Harold and the Purple Crayon written and illustrated by Crockett Johnson; Goodnight Moon written

by Margaret Wise Brown and illustrated by Clement Hurd; Katy No-Pocket written by Emmy Payne and illustrated by H.A. Rey; I Want My Hat Back written and illustrated by Jon Klassen; Uptown and Mufaro’s Beautiful Daughters: An African Tale written and illustrated by John Steptoe; Curious George written and illustrated by H.A. and Margaret Rey.

thepitchkc.com | January 2022 | THE PITCH

19

CULTURE

LITTLE APPLE TO SMALL SCREEN HBO’S SOMEBODY SOMEWHERE IS BRIDGET EVERETT’S KANSIFICATION COMEDY

BY MICHAEL MACKIE

It’s been a minute, but one of the last times Bridget Everett was performing on stage in Kansas City, she sang an ode to tits. Her tits.

The audience’s tits. Pretty much anyone and everyone within her line of vision was fair game for mockery, whether they had tits or not.

As she speak-sang with raucous aplomb, Everett got off stage and meandered through the audience, riffing on the size, shape, and overall dexterity of mammary glands. It was musical improv at its absolute best: rapid-fire and relentless.

By the time she ambled back on stage, the audience was frothing at the mouth from laughing so hard. She took half a beat to catch her breath and casually proceeded to introduce her mom who was seated in the theater. The perfect capper.

The Manhattan, Kansas homegirl had struck again.

“When you do your thing, the people are gonna listen. Everybody likes tits,” she says, when we remind her of that night. “My mom was in the house, so I had to deliver something. I had to sing a song for her.”

The Little Apple Per Everett’s telling, the Kansas native had a fairly idyllic, standard upbringing in Manhattan—a.k.a. The Little Apple. Her family was well known in the college town where her dad was mayor back in the day. Her brother, Brad, held the title many years later.

“We’re kinda like the Kennedys of Manhattan, Kansas,” she once jokingly mentioned to Amy Schumer on the comedian’s podcast, Amy Schumer Presents: 3 Girls, 1 Keith.

When asked about growing up in Kan-

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THE PITCH | January 2022 | thepitchkc.com

Danny McCarthey and Bridget Everett in Somebody Somewhere.

sas in the ‘80s, she waxes nostalgic.

“I just loved it,” Everett says. “Going to the lake and driving around with my friends, listening to The Violent Femmes. You can get your driver’s permit when you’re 14.”

Everett cracks up as she recalls her first time behind the wheel solo.

“I sideswiped my friend Peter’s car on my first day and he was like, ‘Eh, don’t worry about it,’” she says. “My mom was so mad!”

So, how did a nice girl from Kansas get her start doing bawdy cabaret in New York?

“Well, I was never a nice girl—which was part of the problem,” she confesses.

In addition to the occasional minor fender-bender, Everett divulges she was a perpetual wild child growing up. It didn’t necessarily serve her well, particularly in her teen years.

“Growing up, I got in trouble a lot for being wild or having a dirty mouth or being a little too much,” says Everett. “And that’s what drove me to New York.”

Well, that and she was pissed that she never once landed a lead in a school musical. Understudy, yes. The main role, no.

“I was, like, ‘Put me in, coach.’ I never got those opportunities,” Everett says. “It started in middle school. The only chance I got to really shine was in show choir—the great equalizer because you’re all singing the same thing.”

Everett studied opera at Arizona State University. “[I] bumped around doing karaoke for about 15 years before I found cabaret and the New York downtown performance art scene,” Everett says. “I felt seen—and people appreciated me. They appreciated my voice, what I had to say, and the wild side.”

CHUCK HODES/HBO

In a way, she has the Sunflower state to thank for her success.

“I was super tenacious,” she says. “You gotta have a big fire in your belly and that started back in Kansas.”

HBO Comes Calling A myriad of bit parts and a few meatier roles—including 2017’s rap-focused drama Patti Cake$—helped propel Everett along, but she never really found the perfect outlet for her sing-out-loud-sing-out-strong persona. She did find an ally in comedian Amy Schumer, who welcomed Everett to open for her on coast-to-coast tours. That gave Everett the perfect opportunity to do her thing, spewing bawdy, balls-out original songs amidst occasional stand-up fare. Glance back at the four seasons of Inside Amy Schumer and you’ll spy Everett in nearly a dozen episodes bringing the house down.

As Everett’s exposure and confidence grew, so did her vocal prowess. When HBO reached out about a series deal for the comedy show Somebody Somewhere, the goal was to create an autobiographical-adjacent show which paid homage to Everett’s upbringing. Everett promptly secured Carolyn Strauss—a TV titan with a killer track record working on shows like Game of Thrones, Chernobyl, and Treme—to help nuance the show.

“She just executive produced Game of Thrones—so this was a lateral move, of course,” Everett jokes.

An ensemble of eclectic talent on the production and crew team only added to the show’s premise. Co-creators and executive producers Hannah Bos and Paul Thureen joined in the celebrated fray alongside di-

rector and executive producers, brothers Jay and Mark Duplass. [Listing credits for the Duplass Brothers would fill the rest of the page, so just pretend to insert the last two decades of indie films and TV here. Yes, they are that prolific.]

The result is a sentimental seven-episode comedy series debuting January 16 on HBO. “We wanted to show what it might be like if wild-child-stage-singing-Bridget had stayed in Kansas, and what life might look like,” Everett says. “Being able to engage with the people around her is very similar to me. The thing that’s most parallel to my real life is my relationship to music and singing, and how that affects who I am.”

Everett says a collaborative spirit (and elaborate touring of Manhattan) brought the Kansas-centric show to life.

“We all sat in the room and dreamt up the world—and the series—together,” Everett says. “The things that make me happy, make me sad, make me laugh. It’s a joint effort. I’m really excited because I feel it shows not just the tits of me but also the heart.”

In the series, Everett plays Sam, a triedand-true Kansan on the surface but, underneath, is struggling to fit the hometown mold. Singing isn’t just Sam’s outlet, but her saving grace and leads her on a journey of self-discovery. Along the way, she finds her community and her voice.

Based on a True-ish Story As a fictional spin on Everett’s life, Somebody Somewhere tends to focus on her character Sam’s family and her merry band of misfit friends. Think one part slice-of-life, one part warts-and-all approach.

CULTURE

Hill, who plays Fred Rococo on the show, is another close colleague.

Character actor Mike Hagerty has a plum role as Sam’s long-suffering dad. “I remember walking in the room when I read with Mike and I just started crying,” says Everett. “I felt this connection to him right away. Same with Jeff when he read for the part. We all just knew.”

The Jeff she’s referring to is Jeff Hiller, who plays Joel: Sam’s neurotic confidant and burgeoning BFF. Hiller plays Joel with a quiet sincerity—and he has some of the most spit take-worthy lines in the show.

During an episode where a tornado is bearing down on the town (because, Kansas), Joel and his new puppy are taking refuge near an outdoor bunker. When an unseen varmint skitters across the concrete, Joel squeals in terror. “I cannot afford to get rabies again,” he laments.

As the series progresses, Sam and Joel find a kindred spirit in each other. Naturally, they begin hanging out and offering up opinions on everyone in town. Half the reason their dialogue feels so genuine onscreen is because it was often interjected on the fly.

“Joel Hiller is an improv genius. We sort of excel in being in the moment and letting it ride,” Everett says. “Some of my favorite moments were songs made up on the spot. There were a lot of scenes between Joel and Sam that make their relationship very special.”

Hiller is such a scene-stealing, comedic revelation that we’re predicting an Emmy nomination for him.

“Jeff and Bridget knew each other from the downtown New York City comedy world so they brought that natural chemistry to their characters,” says showrunner Bos. “We could watch the two of them just sit in a parked car all day.”

Everett points out that many of her hard-working castmates have been trying to get their big break for years. This show is the culmination of that perseverance.

“We’re all about the same age and we’ve all been slugging away for years,” Everett says. “And now, we’re all on a show together, getting our shot together, and it feels really special. That’s the tender Kansas girl in me talking right there.”

Mike Hagerty and Bridget Everett in Somebody Somewhere.

“We all agreed early on that we wanted a very honest, almost documentary approach to observing life in Kansas as it really is,” says director Jay Duplass. “Which, if we did our job right, should contain a healthy amount of family angst, farmland, an open prairie, and a shit-ton of giggles. As usual, we let Bridget and the characters lead, and we tried not to put any spin on that.”

CHUCK HODES/HBO

Casting played a crucial role in the show’s authentic nature. Banter between characters is all-too-Midwest familiar— quirky, quippy, yet mundane. The whole show feels organic to a fault.

Several castmates were longtime friends of Everett’s. Mary Catherine Garrison, who plays Sam’s uptight sister on the show, was Everett’s roommate for eight years. Murray

“100% Bridget Kansasification” Another co-star in the show is the city of Manhattan, Kansas itself. Despite being shot in Chicagoland, producers went out of their way to ensure as much Wildcat (and hometown) pride made it into the show as possible.

“We scouted for days until we found one specific downtown that had the feel— and limestone—of Manhattan,” says Bos. “100% Bridget Kansasification,” co-creator Paul Thureen adds. “She was in our tiny writers’ room every day, on location scouts,

in our meetings with props and costumes, even in the edit after we shot. Everything had to pass through her barometer of what was right and authentically Kansas.”

He’s not kidding. Everett had a specific list of things she wanted in the show, including particular storefronts like Varsity Donuts.

“We wanted to highlight all those things, the things I look forward to when I come home,” says Everett. “Like, we stop and get Alma cheese curds on the way from the airport. If you haven’t had ‘em, you gotta get with it. And the old Palace Drug Store where I grew up getting soda and stickers. All the things you run away from but you find yourself coming home to that feel so special.”

Bright Lights, Big (Kansas) City Always the storyteller, Everett was also quick to reminisce about her adventures visiting Kansas City growing up.

“We used to go there with my mom, and we’d stay at the Embassy Suites near the Plaza,” she says. “They’d have free breakfast and happy hour at night and my mom would light it up in the bar. My brother would sneak us drinks and we’d all roll down in the morning to have breakfast.”

When quizzed if Kansas City can claim the comedian as one of our own, Everett is more than amenable.

“Yes, spread me out, I’m a big girl,” she retorts. “Everybody gets a piece. I’d love going to the Plaza as a kid and still do. A lot of fond memories. And Westport—I always thought I was so cool when I was in Westport.”

Superstardom Looms For all of her larger-than-life antics on stage, Everett is fairly reserved when the spotlight isn’t on her. It’s quite the dichotomy, her producers say. But it gave the writers plenty of fodder for moments of lowkey brilliance on the show, like Sam quietly worrying about her aging parents.

“I think what I find most fascinating about Bridget is that her presence in life off stage is actually somewhat quiet and private and super thoughtful,” says Duplass.

“That’s really the lifeblood of the show—a middle-aged woman coming to terms with herself and her family in a rigorously honest and funny way. So, the contrast between that and her explosive on-stage persona is where the electricity lives for me.”

The show is rife with character arcs viewers won’t see coming and it also offers up scenes for characters to break into well-positioned, soaring showtunes. If there was ever an ideal vehicle for the likable Everett to show off her skillset and vocal chops, Somebody Somewhere is it.

“I would say come for Bridget and stay for the ensemble,” says Duplass. “Every human being in the show is so special and integral to the family we’ve created.” thepitchkc.com | January 2022 | THE PITCH

21

FOOD & DRINK

EAT THIS NOW

BY APRIL FLEMING

The Almond Croissant at Housewife You can find a lot of (really) good sweets to try at Anna Sorge’s Grandview restaurant, Housewife. There are coconut macaroons the size of a fist, panna cotta with oatmeal cookie crumble on top, lemon pound cake with candied lemon rind—the list goes on. But one particularly special indulgence worth driving down to Grandview for is the almond croissant.

Housewife’s pastry chef, Zoey Ramberg, is something of a wonder. She wakes up at 2 a.m. every workday to begin the painstaking process of making croissants and other breads, all so guests can eat pastries for breakfast, when the pastries are at their freshest.

Ramberg’s croissants are textbook perfect. All you can see are dozens of layers. They are flaky, buttery, and pretty

Kitchen: Thurs - Sun noon-9 Bar: Fri/Sat 'til 11-ish

APRIL FLEMING

ZACH BAUMAN

damn good on their own. Anyone who’s ever tried making croissants can vouch for the near impossibility of the task.

How do you take a great thing and make it better?

Ramberg goes full French with these almond croissants, first by baking them in almond syrup to keep them super moist. Then, once they are out of the oven, she stuffs and slathers them with rich almond cream before heaping them with shaved almonds and powdered sugar. Try one bite of this and you’ll get it.

led more quickly into Kansas City. We suddenly have ten thousand varieties of hard seltzer, so why not cider?

A few KC creators have been knocking this out of the park for years now.

Cinder Block has had enough success locally that it even calls its cider arm “Cider Block”—the logo for which you can see at their taproom in North Kansas City, or in dozens of restaurants around town.

The best of their ciders is one of their first: the French Cider. It’s made with a variety of apples that blend into a really clean-tasting, non-filling drink. It’s tart but not going to make your ears tingle, and it’s a little dry so wine drinkers and fans of sour beers should find plenty to like here.

It mostly just tastes like quality—what you’d dream of in a cider.

The only problem: it’s not yet available in cans or bottles, so you can’t buy it in a liquor store. While we quietly pray that Cinder Block may one day get this stuff on a canning line, at least your favorite local restaurant probably carries it. Better yet, venture over to their taproom at 110 E 18th Ave. in North KC, where several other ciders and lots of beers await.

DRINK THIS NOW French Cider from Cinder Block Brewery

For as trendy as cideries and cider tasting rooms are along both the West and East Coasts, you might expect that the love for specialty and locally-made ciders would have trick-

KANSA S CITY' S OLDE ST LOC ALLY O WNED B REWER Y

Burgers. Beer.

4010 Pennsylvania Suite D KCMO greenroomkc.com | 816-216-7682

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THE PITCH | January 2022 | thepitchkc.com

FOOD & DRINK

grow n by han d

made by h and

Olive Cooke, Sylvia Metta, and Kim Conyers stand in the back kitchen of The Ship, where their eatery serves up plant-based comfort food.

816. 22 1.7 55 9 | blue bi rdbi s tro. c om 17 00 Su mmi t Street

LIZ GOODWIN

DOUBLE, DOUBLE OIL AND TRUFFLE CAULDRON COLLECTIVE SERVES WICKED PLANT-BASED EATS IN THE WEST BOTTOMS BY LIZ GOODWIN

SUPPORT LOCAL JOURNALISM

thepitchkc.com/member

Both carnivores and herbivores alike may find their taste buds enchanted by sandwiches, loaded tater tots, and more at the West Bottoms-based Cauldron Collective.

The secret to their food with magical flavor is simple: a whole lot of vegetables.

Kim Conyers, Sylvia Metta, and Olive Cooke are the self-described “kitchen witches” behind this plant-based comfort food concept. Originating as a pop-up shop inside Cooke’s house, the trio soon found the demand was there for a more permanent location. They now serve out of The Ship on Mondays from 11 a.m. - 6 p.m.

Thus, the collective was born.

All three of the chefs had their hands in the omnivore, vegan, and vegetarian food worlds for years, and they had some gripes with the traditional business model. Then they decided to do it their own way.

Conyers describes the collective model as a more equitable way of running a business than other capitalist methods. There are many different ways to run a collective, but Cauldon focuses on all members having an owner-operator title, therefore owning a portion of the business and having a vote to cast on big decisions. Due to the size of the company, all of them have to come to an agreement before they move forward with a choice.

“I was working with different restaurants and was getting really passionate about workers’ rights, and there are a lot of things specific to the restaurant industry that can

make it hard for things like unions to exist,” Cooke says. “I had management roles where a lot of my job was figuring out how to give my friends and co-workers enough hours to survive and stay within the budget I was given, and there was no way to do that without breeding some kind of power issues. But then I started looking into collectives, and it just made sense as a business model for a restaurant.”

Although it’s just the three of them now, the group fully intends to hire others when the time is right. After someone has been a team member for a trial period, their name would be added to the LLC and they would have a say in the voting process. In turn, employees feel more appreciated and have a more personal approach to their employment.

“Every employee would be putting in the effort as if they owned the business because they literally do,” says Conyers. “In theory, under a capitalist sense, it produces the best possible products because every single person has a personal investment.”

The witches’ business philosophy also packs a flavorful bite. Their biggest mission is to let the world know they cook with vegetables, and lots of them. Rather than trying to imitate meat, they enhance the natural heartiness of mushrooms, beets, lentils, and more to give people healthy(-ish) options that don’t compromise on taste or texture.

Perhaps their most loved appliances are their smoker—something that gives veg-

Cauldron Collective’s Mushroom Po’Boy with battered and fried mushrooms, scratch remoulade, slaw, and pickles on a sub roll.

LIZ GOODWIN

CAULDRON COLLECTIVE

Place an online order for pickup or dine-in at The Ship

Cauldron Collective on Instagram

thepitchkc.com | January 2022 | THE PITCH

23

FOOD & DRINK

Left: The Cauldron Collective’s plant-based Loaded Corn Dog topped with plant-based queso, barbecue sauce, bac’n bits, and green onion.

Right: A ladle of red sauced is spooned onto the Beetball Sub, made of lentil and beet balls, peppers, onions, red sauce, and vegan cheese.

LIZ GOODWIN

gies a punch that can often be missing from plant-based dishes, according to Metta— and of course, their fryer.

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THE PITCH | January 2022 | thepitchkc.com

“We show vegetables as vegetables as opposed to trying to make them something else,” Conyers says. “That’s the biggest inspi-

ration we try to hold behind what we make.

But, we use a deep fryer a lot.”

The menu rotates each week, but it al-

ways consists of sandwiches and sides, otherwise known as “witches” and “familiars.”

Creations include “Beetball” Sub with lentil and beet balls and sunflower “chz;” Mushroom Phillies with smoked mushrooms, peppers, and onions; and fried Mushroom Po-Boys with fried mushrooms, bread and butter pickles, and a creamy plant-based remoulade. Sandwiches are accompanied by sides such as Sweet Potato Mac, Cheezy Tots, or even seitan-loaded Corn Dogs.

Many of the dishes feature seasonal ingredients when available.

The collective is loving where they’re at on their business journey but is also looking ahead to next steps. The trio says they would love to open their own spot for patrons to eat, hang, and relax at all hours, hopefully featuring live music and events. They also aim to provide a queer space for people to enjoy that isn’t just a bar. The witches—who are all trans women—hope to not only establish a place that doesn’t revolve around alcohol, but is also not just cisgender

FOOD & DRINK

SAVE THE DATE!

MARCH 21-27 male-centric. The goal is an inclusive space for the entire LGBTQ community.

“You don’t want to sound like the boring mom saying, ‘no drinking,’ but maybe we won’t have liquor or put a huge focus on drinking. That can be hard to find [in queer spaces],” says Conyers. “We want it to be a place where people can study with friends and work on art in a creative space. We’re also aiming for a late-night thing too, because that’s difficult to find for plant-based food.”

Spreading the joy of plant-based eating is a top priority for the people behind

the Cauldron, but at the end of the day, so is supporting the vegan food community in Kansas City. The collective is in a discount circle with other vegan eateries including Kind Food and Dead Beet Eats. They also plan to participate in a friendly chili cookoff with Dead Beet—just some of the benefits of being involved in a society of vegan and plant-based restaurants.

“We are definitely [supporting] each other inside of this collective,” Metta says.

“But a big part of our goal is to stimulate the community in the same way it stimulates us.”

1/2 off sandwiches all week long!

Participating restaraunts to be announced soon!

thepitchkc.com | January 2022 | THE PITCH

25

MUSIC

BEYOND THE BARS Above: Ferrer (&) walks into the venue with a piece of art that says “Feed The Lonely With Poems.” Top row, right to left: Trevor Turla performs on a trombone. Attendees gathered in the outdoor area at Blip Rpasters to watch the Variety Show. Bottom row, right to left: Rye Lanae Boothe typing custom poems. Attendees participate in Ferrer (&)’s call and response. A guest browses through books and looks at the raffle items.

Zach Bauman

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THE PITCH | January 2022 | thepitchkc.com

LIBERATION LIT SHARPENS THEIR INSTRUMENTS OF FAITH

BY LILY WULFEMEYER PHOTOS BY ZACH BAUMAN

On Saturday, December 11, dozens of Kansas Citians gathered outside of Blip Roasters for the Get Lit Variety Show, an evening of readings, music, and drag performances. The event raised just over $2,200 for Liberation Literature, a local organization that sends books and letters to people in Kansas and Missouri prisons. As an abolitionist coalition, their core mission is to work in solidarity with incarcerated individuals to envision a world without prisons.

In addition to a suggested sliding scale donation at the door, the group raised

MUSIC

funds by selling used books and raffle tickets to win items by local makers, such as rugs and photographic prints. The group also set up a table for attendees to write cards to incarcerated community members.

While Lib Lit is currently in the process of gaining status as a 501(c)(3), they don’t have access to the revenue streams available to nonprofits as of now.

“For the most part, we’ve just asked for donations on social media, and sometimes [money comes] out of pocket as a team,” says

Dylan Pyles, one of the founding organizers with Lib Lit. These funds go to cover the cost of books and mailing, daily operations, and mutual aid distributions to incarcerated members.

The evening’s entertainment was billed with performers including Trevor Turla on trombone; poetry readings from Bridget Lowe, Melissa Ferrer (&), Waleska, and Rye Lanae Booth; and drag acts Radius and Pix, and Victor Shawn. Ferrer (&) also emceed

the event, leading the crowd in calls and responses such as “When one of us is in chains! / None of us are free!” “[Reading and writing] are both instruments of faith,” says Ferrer (&), “of building a future that is beyond the bars we see in front of our faces—whether physical prison bars or the limitations and chains of the systems of colonization, capitalism, and slavery that we live under.”

When asked what moment of the Variety Show resonated with them the most, both

Pyles and Ferrer (&) have the same answer.

“One of our friends currently incarcerated at Lansing Correctional was able to call in and read a few of his poems over speakerphone,” says Pyles. “It was a really powerful moment for us all.”

For more information, follow them on Instagram @liberationlitkc or go to their website thepitchkc.com | January 2022 | THE PITCH

27

MUSIC

CHASING THE LIGHT DANNY ELFMAN’S SUCCESSOR IS SCORING HAUNTED BINGO

BY NICK SPACEK

Chase Horseman’s love of movies begat an addiction to film scores.

The original Star Wars trilogy was important to them, but the “big one” was Tim Burton’s 1993 stop-motion animated musical, The Nightmare Before Christmas. Among a certain generation of composers, few escaped being forever altered by the mastery with which Danny Elfman merged the songs and the score.

“It’s connected and interwoven in a way,” Horseman recalls. “Just a surprise that you can do so much in that crossover space—between music and movies.”

In addition to their film composition work, Horseman has had their own indie-rock project, Chase the Horseman, while also creating solo work and contributing to projects like country-rockers The Roseline’s recent album, Constancy.

Much like Elfman, Horseman bounces between films and bands with fluidity.

It all started with a short film, Pop Spoon, directed by brothers Aaron and Austin Keeling, who would go on to create 2015’s acclaimed short, The House on Pine Street. Horseman scored Pop Spoon in their junior year at Lansing High School.

“They came to me and were like, ‘Hey, do you ever want to do music for, like, a movie?’” says Horseman. “And I was like, ‘I’d love that,’ ‘cause I sat and recorded weird loops and noises all the time.”

That relationship with the Keeling brothers would eventually lead Horseman to be a part of the National Film Festival for Talented Youth in Seattle.

“We were doing two shorts a semester, basically,” Horseman explains. “They got to talk to this festival in Seattle called NFFTY. You have to be under a certain age. It levels the playing field a little bit so that younger directors and creators can get their stuff seen. [The Keelings] submitted a bunch of stuff and I had my hand in, so I was like, ‘Well if I’ve got four things in this festival, I should go and just put my face to it.’”

While standing in line to pick up badges at NFFTY, Horseman met Mexican-Canadian writer and director Gigi Saul Guerrero—thus began a partnership between the two creators.

“It was all very exciting,” Horseman

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THE PITCH | January 2022 | thepitchkc.com

says of that fateful beginning. “I’d never even been to Seattle. I was just happy to be there.

I met a bunch of people who have stayed in touch. It’s a very funny thing—especially to work together to this day, ‘cause that was back in 2013.”

Saul Guerrero remembers the encounter equally fondly.

“It was actually one of the first festivals I’ve ever attended, too. I remember seeing a screening of a short film that Chase composed and Chase happened to be there with the filmmakers,” Saul Guerrero says.

“I invited Chase to come see my short film the following night. It just was one of those friendships that was meant to be.”

That encounter led to Horseman scoring half a dozen shorts for Saul Guerrero, beginning that same year with Día de los muertos. Their collaboration continued on through the popular Luchagore series; the director’s acclaimed installment for Hulu’s Into the Dark series, Culture Shock; and most recently, the Bingo Hell production for Amazon Video’s horror series Welcome to the Blumhouse in October of 2021.

With this latest installment of the pair’s work, the writer-director went full grindhouse in telling the story of how a group of elderly bingo players fight back against both evil and gentrification in their neighborhood. For this partnership, Horseman’s musical approach changed because, in addition to doing the score, the composer produced several songs for inclusion in the film. Score and soundtrack usually come from different sources, so this was a chance to move into that Elfman space of doing both in the same project.

Horseman knew even if those songs were done in a different style, their personal aesthetic would still “bleed out” in their new interpretations of classic tracks like “Rising Sun Blues,” “Bésame Mucho,” and “A Satisfied Mind.” The film even features an original entitled “Gambler.”

“If you have your hand too much in the songs, they’re going to sound the same as the score, which we didn’t want that to happen,” Horseman says. “Joel Nanos co-produced all of the songs with me, just to have a different sound and flavor.”

As the director puts it, Bingo Hell and

Chase the Horseman.

ALEC NICHOLAS

LISTEN UP Culture Shock are the clearest examples of Horseman’s creative contribution—it’s easy to recognize the link between what they brought to the table and how it lifts up the entire production.

Horseman discovered that producing “Rising Sun Blues” brought its own particular set of challenges. With the traditional version of the song being claimed via copyright by dozens of artists over the years, the legal side got complicated. Especially in the face of the popularity of The Animals’ cover, called “House of the Rising Sun.” “The people that own those things can be a bit litigious,” Horseman sighs. “[Lawyers were] advising me not to do X, Y, and Z in order to not get sued by Bob Dylan’s people or whoever.”

Given only one month of studio time and a limited budget meant depending on

CHASE THE HORSEMAN

on Bandcamp

MUSIC

The red carpet premiere of *Bingo Hell* from Blumhouse Productions..

a few key musicians to help churn out both a full score and a half-dozen songs. Professionals like drummer Lennon Bone, vocalists Julie Haile and Shadan Saul, alongside a few other power players, managed to knock it out of the park.

“I was rewriting things as we went,” Horseman explains. “I usually only get half a day with string players to make it through

JACK PLUNKETT

the entire process. But they come in, sightread, and kill it every time. The end of the process was basically this moment of ‘Oh okay, cool. That’s great? It sounds like exactly what I wanted.’”

Tune In For a Special Day Celebrating Our Local Music Partners

January 19 | bridge909.org

FILM

REEL, TOO REAL ANOTHER PANDEMIC YEAR PUSHED HOLLYWOOD TO THE BREAKING POINT

BY BY ABBY OLCESE James Wan’s Malignant.

I’ll say this up top: 2021 was an uneven year for cinema, both in terms of release quality and theatrical attendance. A slight shift in COVID-19 restrictions meant we started heading back to the movies, but 2021’s ticket sales still trailed almost 70% behind pre-pandemic numbers.

Some studios, like Warner Bros., played to film fans wary of returning to theaters by offering simultaneous releases on HBO Max, much to the anger of some filmmakers, who felt their art [and box office income] was reduced by the home theater opt-out. Others insisted viewers only catch their new releases in the theaters. This, in turn, led to an ongoing discussion about the value of getting back to the theater, the experiences you can only have in a darkened room with no other distractions around you, versus the accessibility [and relative safety] of being able to watch a new release at home.

It’s not unusual for the biggest films of the year to hit in the last few months. However, as with most things, 2021 was different.

COVID-related uncertainty pushed back planned releases, leaving a glut of excellent films hitting in November and December, with the preceding months feeling oddly empty. Some of the movies we got were leftover from 2020 release delays. Others were created within the Lost Year of 2020. Those films either suffered because of that fact, or succeeded in spite of it.

All of it led to a mélange of titles that made it hard to grasp a singular theme.

Whereas previous years gave us fairly specific looks at what was on our collective psyche, 2021 gave us a cornucopia of ideas and trends to react to. With that in mind, instead of a straightforward “best of ” list, it felt appropriate to this roller coaster of a year to look at the many, many trends and themes that showed up on our screens.

Here’s a look at some of the most 2021 movies of 2021.

Memetastic For those of us who live our lives extremely online, Twitter—especially film Twitter—can become a strange shared language of memes and references from what we’ve watched over the year. You can sometimes tell what movies have staying power (or, alternately, the weirdest stuff that got stuck in

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THE PITCH | January 2022 | thepitchkc.com

our collective mental craw) by what items get a lot of repetition.

The earliest contender for this slot was Janicza Bravo’s Zola which, appropriately enough, started life as a viral Twitter thread.

The story of sex worker Aziah “Zola” King’s epically misguided trip to Florida came to life through expressive performances from Taylour Paige, Riley Keough, and Nicholas Braun, wrapped within an experimental filmmaking structure featuring a variety of colorful asides, emojis, and notification pings. The film invited us to live within social media itself.

The following month, M. Night Shyamalan gifted us Old, a movie about a beach that makes you old. In the grand tradition of his recent work, this featured a high concept with befuddling execution—one that lent itself well to a litany of online jokes about “The Beach that Makes You Old.” Go Big or Go Home With theaters still not at the excitable ca-

M. Night Shyamalan’s Old.

pacity they were pre-pandemic, moments of wild collective viewing joy were a little harder to come by in 2021. However, bless their weird little hearts, there were a few movies this year that managed to transcend our cabin fever ennui with their go-for-broke strangeness.

Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar was the surprise cult comedy of the year. Kristen Wiig and Annie Mumolo gave bizarrely affectionate portrayals of two best pals from Soft Rock, Nebraska who get their groove back on a Florida vacation, courtesy of a dancing, singing Jamie Dornan, and magical mermaid guide Trish (played by Reba McEntire, obviously). In the middle of a cold, dreary, still-mostly-quarantined February, the movie provided a much-needed break from reality. If you don’t believe us, believe Vox’s Alissa Wilkinson, who wrote in her review “Watching Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar was the closest I’ve come in a long time to feeling like I was on vacation.”

I rest my case.

F9: The Fast Saga had the distinction of coming out in the two-month window when we thought COVID might be a thing of the past, so its engine-fueled insanity got an extra boost from everyone being in a buoyant mood. I saw this in a packed theater at the end of June, and the energy in that place could have fueled a fleet of tricked-out sports cars.

James Wan’s Malignant was the fall release that briefly turned the conversation from talk of the Delta variant to rapturous discussions of bananas plot twists and an unforgettable action scene in the holding cell of a women’s prison. Malignant paid loving homage to little-loved genre fare from the early 2000s as well as Giallo—Italian mysteries and thrillers. That playful combination resulted in a divided response [the film currently sits at a 76% critics score and 52% audience score on Rotten Tomatoes], but either way, it prompted an impassioned response.

FILM

Ridley Scott’s House of Gucci.

Shroomcore!

There may not have been a ton of unifying content in the scattershot release year that was 2021, but there were some surprising sub-themes worth noting. One of those?

Horror’s increasing interest in fungus-based storytelling, a fascinating trend I’ve dubbed “Shroomcore.” Genre filmmaking produced some excellent nature-based storytelling this year about the metaphorical consequences of humanity’s exploitative treatment of mother earth.

Lee Haven Jones’ Welsh-language film The Feast used its setting and language to consider the implications of rejecting cultural roots and our connection to the earth.

Jones gave us the story of a vengeful spirit in the body of a young waitress who methodically destroys a wealthy, resource-exploiting family through a variety of tactics, including poisonous mushrooms. Ben Wheatley’s stroboscopic In the Earth exhibited a similar interest in plant communication, folk horror and, weirdly, infected foot injuries.

The South African Gaia directed by Jaco Bouwer presented characters who had a cult-like, symbiotic relationship to their surrounding forest, and primarily its highly advanced, possibly sentient fungi. All of these films had interesting points to make about nature, culture, and the damage of technological advancement, in addition to making me think twice about any future nature hikes.

Unreal Portrayals of Real People Another curious sub-theme of 2021: overthe-top performances of real individuals.

Sure, every year brings a set of Oscar-hopeful biopic fodder. But even by the histrionic standards of previous awards runs, this year offered some notably entertaining turns,

whether lightly fictionalized or based on a true story.

House of Gucci featured an ensemble of actors who tried on a range of Super Mario-style Italian accents to tell the story of Patrizia Reggiani (Lady Gaga) who had her fashion heir husband Maurizio Gucci (Adam Driver) killed after their divorce. In The Eyes of Tammy Faye, Jessica Chastain mimicked Tammy Faye Messner’s thick makeup and squeaky voice with joyful aplomb. Bradley Cooper’s cameo as mega-producer Jon Peters in Licorice Pizza was brief but memorable, a cocaine-fueled display of misplaced machismo that fit right alongside Paul Thomas Anderson’s many beloved male blowhards.

Stage-to-Screen Perhaps the biggest notable trend of 2021 was the stage-to-screen adaptation. A number of musicals and plays made their jump to film this year. Some of them, like the comically misguided Dear Evan Hansen, were disastrous in their attempts to translate the magic of the live experience to a cinematic one. Ben Platt, who originated the role on Broadway, was by the time of production a decade older than the character he portrayed, making for a disconcerting watch from start to finish.

Lin-Manuel Miranda got a double hit this year, as the delayed film of his musical In the Heights landed in theaters over the summer. This was followed by his critically-acclaimed adaptation of tick, tick…

BOOM! a musical originally written by Jonathan Larson, best known for penning Rent.

Joel Coen’s The Tragedy of Macbeth was a classic straightforward presentation of a great play, and a prime example of the filmography that he produces with his brother

Ethan. Finally, The Humans brought Stephen Karam’s Tony and Pulitzer-winning play to movie theaters, where Karam used unsettling lighting and sound design to create an effectively creepy tale of American life post-recession.

Revisiting the “Classics” Claiming Hollywood has no new ideas is kind of a chestnut at this point, but it is true that every year gives us a large number of franchise entries and remakes.

These don’t always translate well, but 2021 gave us a few new versions of old favorites.

That included a stellar adaptation of one text that the industry has repeatedly failed to get even close to right.

With Nightmare Alley, Guillermo del Toro refashioned a cynical 1947 noir into something even darker. Del Toro’s style was a perfect fit for the tale of ambitious carny Stan Carlisle (Bradley Cooper) who rises to fame as a mentalist, only to lose everything when he gets too greedy. Even del Toro’s darkest work usually includes a sliver of hope, but Nightmare Alley only spirals into a self-created abyss. It’s not a pleasant film, but it has insightful things to say regarding the lies we tell ourselves about who we are, and who we want others to see.

Denis Villeneuve’s adaptation of Frank Herbert’s Dune was an improvement on David Lynch’s fumbled 1984 attempt. Villeneuve’s approach was striking, modern-looking, and spare. Plot-wise, this first entry in a planned pair of films took a long time to get going, hitting the credits just as the story starts to get interesting.

Nothing like a blockbuster cliffhanger to set our excitement levels high for the films 2022 has coming down the pipeline. thepitchkc.com | January 2022 | THE PITCH

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EVENTS

January EVENTS

FOR MORE EVENTS, VISIT THEPITCHKC.COM/CALENDAR

BY TYLER SCHNEIDER

JANUARY 7-9 Revolution: The Music of the Beatles, Kauffman Center — For three nights in the Kauffman Center’s Helzberg Hall, Beatles fans can buy a ticket to ride through 25 top-hits as performed by the Kansas City Symphony and conducted by Grammy-winning composer Jeff Tyzik.

The roster also features several guest vocalists to perform popular numbers from a setlist that includes, “Ticket to Ride,” “Penny Lane,” “All You Need Is Love,” “Get Back,” “Here Comes the Sun,” and “Hey Jude”—as well as “a few surprises.”

Tyzik’s new arrangements are transcribed and arranged from the original master recordings at Abbey Road.

Tickets run from $58.50 to $118.50.

The Kauffman Center requires proof of vaccination for all attendees.

JAN. 7 Good Living Expo, Overland Park Convention Center

JAN 5-23 Wicked, Kansas City Music Hall

JAN. 14 Monster Jam, T-Mobile Center

JAN 21-23 Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix in Concert, Kauffman Center

The Bretano String Quartet, Folly Theater

Steady P & Dj Mahf and Dom Chronicles, recordBar Murder Mystery Mixology Class, JAN. 8 The Instamatics, Aztec Shawnee Theater Good Living Expo, Overland Park Convention Center Limbs, The RINO JAN. 9 Kansas City Reptile Show, DoubleTree Overland Park

The Repeat Offenders, Aztec Shawnee Theater National Fishing Expo, KCI Expo Center

Stay up to date on the most recent events with our online calendar.

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THE PITCH | January 2022 | thepitchkc.com

EVENTS

JAN. 15 Lucinda Williams, Knuckleheads Saloon Mr. Mojo Risin’, Aztec Shawnee Theater Fifth Annual Onesie Bar Crawl, The Brick KC Randy Rainbow, Uptown Theater Sebastian Maniscalco, Arvest Bank Theatre at The Midland 20th Annual Eagle Days, Schlagle Library Little River Band, Ameristar Casino & Hotel Keys N Krates, Aura KC Kansas City Engaged Wedding Show, KC Convention Center National Fishing Expo, KCI Expo Center JAN. 16 Joanie Leeds & Friends, The White Theater Overland Park National Fishing Expo, KCI Expo Center

JAN. 18 NatGeo Live Presents: The Secret Life of Bears, Kauffman Center “When the wild lands of their habitat are crisscrossed by roads, fences, and ranches, how can bears and humans coexist peacefully?”

Dr. Rae Wynn-Grant, a carnivore ecologist and scientist with National Geographic’s Last Wild Places Initiative, has spent much of her career searching for the answer to this question.

Dr. Wynn-Grant will shed some light on the matter at the Kauffman Center, Tuesday, January 18, drawing on her time observing East African lions living in close proximity to humans as well as her more recent studies on the behaviors and movements of North American black and grizzly bears.

By tracking the movements and behaviors of these animals, this NatGeo speaker looks to find innovative new methods for improving the relationship between local communities and the powerful wildlife that surround them.

This event is sponsored by the John N. and Marilyn P. McConnell Foundation. Tickets are available from $33.50 to $68.50.

JAN. 17 Thursday, The Truman

thepitchkc.com | January 2022 | THE PITCH

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EVENTS

JAN. 19 Wolves in the Throne Room, The Granada JAN. 20 Ryan Sickler, Comedy Club of Kansas City SubDocta, Uptown Theater JAN. 21 Kacey Musgraves, T-Mobile Center Ryan Hurd, The Truman Parsons Dance, Kauffman Center 6th Annual The Band That Fell to Earth: David Bowie Tribute, recordBar Honeywagon, Aztec Shawnee Theater Nate Bargatze, Arvest Bank Theatre at The Midland JAN. 22 George Strait, T-Mobile Center Mystery Science Theatre 3000 LIVE!, The Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts WICKED, Kansas City Music Hall

IV Hydration therapy for:

Chris Stapleton, Brothers Osborne w/ George Straight, Loose Park

wellness

•

vitamin booster

• • hangovers • migraines • jet lag • fatigue • athletic the flu

performance

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THE PITCH | January 2022 | thepitchkc.com

Kayzo, The Truman Stars vs Comets (Soccer), T-Mobile Center Battle of the Bean 5k, Red Bridge Shopping Center Andrew Santino, Uptown Theater JAN. 23 Show Me Reptile & Exotics Show, Blue Springs The first of four Kansas City area stops for the Show Me Reptile & Exotics Show will be held at Blue Springs’ Adams Pointe

Conference Center, January 23, 2022, from 10 a.m. to 3:30 p.m.

For an admission price of $7-12 (children 12 and under enter free), guests can peruse thousands of captive-bred reptiles and exotics and learn tricks of the trade from hundreds of knowledgeable breeders and hobbyists.

Venders will be available to answer questions about animal care, offer tips and advice to beginners, and share their experiences. Enclosures, feeders, and other supplies will also be readily available.

The family-friendly show was founded in 2015 by Show Me Snakes in an effort “to create a space where people could share their unique passions and to encourage safe and responsible keeping; and to embolden the curiosity occasionally hidden behind fear.”

Diana Krall, Kauffman Center Eclipse Trio ft. Glenn North, Midwest Trust Center Highwayman Show, New Theatre & Restaurant OP JAN. 25 Mix 93.3’s Winter Bash w/ Nelly, Uptown Theater

Free Throw, The RINO Free Throw is a self-described emo revival band that formed in Nashville in 2012. They sound a bit like Hawthorne Heights and have a setlist of originals that includes Pokemon inspired titles like “Victory Road,” “Pallet

EVENTS

Town,” and “Better Have Burn Heal”.

Inspired, they say, by “underground punk” acts like Snowing and Algernon Cadwallader as well as generational staples like My Chemical Romance and Fall Out Boy, Free Throw does a faithful mid-2000’s emo sounds synthesized with bits of pop-punk, post-hardcore with all the nostalgic elements of our prime.

The group will promote their fourth studio album, Piecing It Together, at The RINO, January 25. Tickets go for $18 and doors open up at 7 p.m. for this all-ages show.

Motion City Soundtrack, The Granada JAN. 26 Dillon Francis x Yung Gravy, Arvest Bank Theatre at The Midland Highwayman Show, New Theatre & Restaurant OP JAN. 27 The Crucible, Shawnee Mission West High School

JAN. 28 Jim Jefferies, Arvest Bank Theatre at The Midland WWE Smackdown, T-Mobile Center Garrick Ohlsson: Master Pianist, Folly Theater Falling In Reverse w/ Hawthorne Heights, Jeris Jackson, Uptown Theatre JAN. 29 KC Brew Fest, Union Station The MGDs, The Ship Mansionair, recordBar Weddings Unveiled KC Bridal Show, Fiorella’s Event Center Mark Kline, Bar K Fortune Feimster, Uptown Theater JAN. 30 Strauss’ Death and Transfiguration, Prokofiev’s Second Violin Concerto, Kauffman Center

thepitchkc.com | January 2022 | THE PITCH

35

SEX & LOVE

NICOLE BISSEY PHOTOGRAPHY. ILLUSTRATIONS BY SHELBY PHELPS

NICOLE BISSEY PHOTOGRAPHY. ILLUSTRATIONS BY SHELBY PHELPS

ening. Often, they are connected to an app to coach you through pelvic floor therapy exercises. Then there’s The Lioness, which offers a “smart vibrator.” It connects to an app that gives you data about your orgasm, from strength to duration to pelvic floor contractions.

disposable vibrating models at local sex toy stores for under $7, and rechargeable models range from the Satisfyer Mighty One ($39), to the app-connected We-Vibe Bond ($129). The Bond is called such because your partner can control it from anywhere with their smartphone.

PENIS OWNERS, IT’S YOUR TURN

EVERYONE HAS A BUTT! Butt stuff is genderless and humans of every orientation can explore anal play. No matter what, all anal toys must have a beveled end—meaning it’s wider than your anus—to prevent it from being sucked up inside you.

Take heed of this advice or expect a trip to the ER, as you won’t be able to remove it on your own.

Sexy Strokers A stroker, or masturbation sleeve, generally has a silicone piece that goes over the shaft of the penis with a hard plastic exterior to make it easy to manipulate. This toy uses suction and tightness as its main means of pleasure.

TOY STORY BY KRISTEN THOMAS

It’s my birthday month, and like many birthdays before, I don’t know what to ask for. I mean, I know a new sex toy is at the top of my list, but what should I choose? While I already have a collection big enough to get me arrested a few times over in the state of Texas—where you cannot own more than six dildos—I’m a big fan of having options and trying new things.

The sex educator in me sees this as a lovely opportunity to help Pitch readers learn how to select a toy for their needs! Sex toys can be simply a tool, a piece of equipment, or an accoutrement to pleasure.

FOR VULVA OWNERS

can also choose a smaller, lighter wand if the weight is a concern, such as Le Wand’s Petite Rechargeable ($135).

Air pulse technology, aka clit suckers, will get you off in no time. These are essentially nozzles that fit over the glans of the clitoris and pulse air so fast it feels like it’s sucking. Take a look at anything from the Womanizer line of products ($79-229). The Pro40 ($129) from Womanizer made me pee the bed from cumming so hard the first time I used it!

Alternatively, check out The Poet ($129) air suction toy from Smile Makers.

The Poet has interchangeable heads because clits come in a variety of sizes.

Cumming x Clits You might want to make the clit the star of the show as about 80% of vulva owners don’t cum from penetration alone. Vibrators like bullets offer external buzzing, discreetness, and ease of use. Bullets are also cost effective, like The Surfer ($34) from Smile Makers, a company focused entirely on vulva-pleasing products. For external vibrators I recommend Clandestine Devices’ Mimic ($110) or Mimic Plus ($135), which looks like a tongue and is just as good with a little lube.

Wands stimulate the entire vulva— which can really do the trick since much of the clitoral structure is beneath the labia majora—and they come in various sizes.

Wands often have a handle with controls, a vibrating head, and multiple settings. I’m a fan of The Magic Wand Rechargeable ($60-130 depending on the retailer and version)—mine is named Buzz Lightyear. You

G-Spot Glory With regards to toys built for internal use, rabbit-style vibrators have been around for a while. They provide internal vaginal stimulation with an outer implement that rubs or vibrates against the clit.

Bellesa Boutique has rabbit vibrators ranging from $49-169 from various makers.

We-Vibe is another company you can check out that offers several toy models providing clit and G-spot stimulation for solo sex and coupled play ($99-199).

You can even now blend clitoral air pulse stimulation with G spot vibration and pulsation. Tracy’s Dog ($50) has taken the internet by storm because of hilarious and graphic reviews.

While all toys can help improve our sex lives, some have more targeted purposes in this vein, such as kegel balls, which are weighted balls that you insert into your vagina for stimulation and muscle strength-

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THE PITCH | January 2022 | thepitchkc.com

THE PRO40 ($129) FROM WOMANIZER MADE ME PEE THE BED FROM CUMMING SO HARD THE FIRST TIME I USED IT! One of the most popular companies with a wide variety of strokers is Fleshlight.

This is often the brand people turn to for the toys that simulate mouths, vaginas, and anuses. If that’s not your thing, Tenga makes several strokers that don’t look like body parts, including their Geo line ($39) or the FLIP series ($75-200), which opens for easy clean-up.

Then there are high-end strokers like the Lelo F1SV2 ($219) and the KEON & Feel Stroker ($249), which you can control them with your phone and little is required of your arms. They’re both getting rave reviews online and are great for people with disabilities as they do the majority of the work for the user.

Give it a Little Tap The Pulse series from The Hot Octopuss ($85-$150) is all the rage for anyone who wants easy clean up and the ability to push a button, lay back, and let the toy do all the work. Shaped like a cannoli, it works primarily through percussion against the frenulum (where the shaft and head meet on the underside) rather than using strokes or suction. Again, great for able-bodied or disabled penis owners.

Cock Rings Are Hot Cock rings can add sensation while you use your hand to masturbate and can be used with a partner. Some rings are simply for tightness around the shaft like Cock-B Bulge Cockring from OxBalls ($32). You can find

Some anal toys are for all biologies, and a basic dildo or vibrator can certainly get the job done. Anal beads have a lot of variety. They can be as simple as just a series of orbs on a stick, some are hard and some are squishy, or they have vibes, like the Booty Call Booty Vibro kit from Cal Exotics.

The Eclipse Thrusting Rotator Probe ($76) by Cal Exotics is a toy that you or your partner control with a wrist band—it’s got an appealing slender design and does exactly what it’s name says. If you have a prostate, consider something like the Edge 2 adjustable prostate massager ($119) from Lovense, which also has a phone app to control it and a more bulbous head to hit that spot just right.

Butt plugs these days are silicone, glass, or metal, the latter two materials being much easier to clean. Non-vibing versions of plugs will run you $20-40. Every sexologist and blogger I follow fell in love with the remote control operated Rimming plug 2 by b-Vibe ($150).

As for my birthday gift, I’m going with a toy that’s rechargeable, for internal G spot stimulation, made of silicone, and can be used solo or with a partner: The Stronic G ($169) by Fun Factory.

Go forth and exercise, meditate, and masturbate—soon with your brand new toy.

You can find Kristen @OpenTheDoorsKC on Twitter or openthedoorscoaching.com. Check out her podcast, Keep Them Coming.

SEX & LOVE

ally healthy, kink-positive, penis-having student who isn’t rolling in dough right now but has a realistic career plan. And where do you find that guy? Well, you might get lucky and find him on one of the

have access to an autoclave.

Dear Dan: Someone assigned male at birth, with male genitalia, but on estrogen to feminize their appearance and identifies as

“gender identity” is incorrect. I mean, I’ve personally and biblically known gay men who identify as femmes, and there are lots of femme-nonbinary people out there— AMAB and AFAB—who would object to

IT’S ALL SO VERY, VERY COMPLICATED. WHICH IS GREAT, OF COURSE, BECAUSE WE CAN’T TALK ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE AND THE GROWING HOW SOUND IS (URETHRAL) SOUNDING?

BY DAN SAVAGE

Dear Dan: My wife and I are in a great ENM [ethical non-monogamy] marriage. We have two couples that we are friends with and get together regularly for sex, and we each pursue solo FWB [friends with benefits] relationships. During COVID, we started posting pictures on Reddit, which were well received. This morphed into my wife starting an OnlyFans account, because why not? So, at what point do we spill the beans to our FWBs? We don’t show our faces on OnlyFans, we use fake names, and we only post content made with people that know it’s going up on OnlyFans. Is this just “our secret” and doesn’t hurt anyone, so who cares? Or do our FWBs have a right to know?

—Posting Intimate Content Dear PIC: You’re under no obligation to tell your casual sex partners that you have an OnlyFans account where you share photos and videos you make with your other casual sex partners. OnlyFans seems like something you should be able to share with your FWBs, but “you should be able to” ≠ “you are obliged to.”

Dear Dan: Cishet [cisgender and heterosexual] Black woman. I have been working on myself for a while and a side effect of that is now I have standards and I am unwilling to settle for mediocre partners. For me, a quality partner is a cis or trans man (a penis-haver) who is an ally to equality movements (sex, gender, race, etc.), emotionally healthy, kink-positive, and can afford their own life.

Where does one find a person who meets these criteria? I’ve tried Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, and FetLife, etc., with no luck.

—Never Gonna Settle Dear NGS: There is no settling down without some settling for. If you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who comes close enough to what you want—an employed, penis-having person, for instance, who’s an ally to equality movements everywhere but isn’t exactly kink-positive, but has an open mind and could get there. Or an emotion-

THREAT OF AUTHORITARIANISM ALL THE TIME, RIGHT? sites you’re already on—keep those profiles up and updated—or you might get lucky and meet him through friends, at work, in a bar, etc. Keep at it, NGS, because you never know when your bad luck is going to run out.

Dear Dan: I recently read this in your column: “PIV or PIT or PIB.” Ok, I know PIV (“penis in vagina”). But the other two? I’ve been reading you for years and I’m stumped on this!

—Creative Acronyms Totally Confound Him Dear CATCH: Hm…you probably could’ve worked this one out on your own, CATCH, if you’d given it a moment’s thought. Besides vaginas (PIV)…where else do penises go? PIT stands for “penis in throat” and PIB stands for “penis in butt.” I could’ve gone with PIM (“penis in mouth”) and PIA (“penis in ass”), I guess, but why not go for the rhyme?

Dear Dan: I have a question about urethral sounding. My husband wanted me to do this to him for two years and I finally did. It was interesting! But I’m wondering what kind of harmful effects this could have if we were to do it long-term.

—Making Enquiries About Taking Urethral Sounds Dear MEATUS: Urethral sounding—sliding a well-lubed stainless-steel rod into someone’s urethra—is an actual medical procedure with legit medical purposes (also easily Googled!), but some people enjoy recreational sounding both for how it feels (good, I’m told), and what it symbolizes (penetrating a penetrator’s penetrator). So long as you’re using sterilized sounds and sterile lube, you and your husband should be able to safely enjoy sounding on the regular. Besides upping his risk for the occasional UTIs, there’s not much risk of harm—so long as you don’t force it, you stop if there’s pain or blood, and you

trans-agender. Curious how to identify their sexuality. They are only attracted to people who identify as women or femme-nonbinary. So how does someone without gender define their sexuality if they are only attracted to one gender identity?

—Narrow Attractions Complicate Multifaceted Identity Dear NACMI: “It’s complicated.”

Also, I’m pretty sure lumping all “women or femme-nonbinary” people into a single

208 Westport Rd Kansas City, MO 64111

being lumped into a single category with women. It’s all so very, very complicated.

Which is great, of course, because we can’t talk about climate change and the growing threat of authoritarianism all the time, right?

Question for Dan? Email him at mail@ savagelove.net Follow Dan on Twitter @ FakeDanSavage. Check out my new website at Savage.Love!

816-561-6397

Mon-Thurs 11-7pm Friday & Saturday 11-9pm Sunday 12-6pm

www.EmCityKC.com

KC CARES

Operation BBQ Relief volunteers make food for families and first responders in Hammond, La., after Hurricane Ida in Sept. 2021.

SCOTT CLAUSE

OPERATION BBQ RELIEF

BY BETH LIPOFF

Operation BBQ Relief has provided more than 4 million meals to people affected by natural disasters in the last 10 years. Theirs might be the most Kansas City way to respond to a natural disaster.

It all started with the Joplin tornado in May 2011.

Competitive pitmaster Stan Hays (of Food Network’s Chopped Grilled Masters) was chatting with his wife before work the next morning and wondering how he could help.

“She said, ‘You should get your barbecue friends you compete with and go to Joplin. Cook as much as you can!’” Hays says.

He headed down to Joplin that day with his buddy Jeff Stith and a bunch of other barbecue competitors and judges. They stayed for 11 days, serving approximately 120,000 meals.

“By about the third or fourth day, we knew we’d found a gap that existed after major disasters happened—the need for food.

The churches and civic groups that normally would rise up to do that were still trying to take care of themselves and get their feet underneath them,” Hays says.

“We figured, who better than a bunch of guys who will go set up in a parking lot to compete against each other to band together to make a difference?”

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THE PITCH | January 2022 | thepitchkc.com

Since then, Operation BBQ Relief has gotten official 501(c)(3) status, as well as a full-time paid staff. They’ve helped out people as close as Smithville and as far away as the coasts—even the Bahamas.

In addition to a space in Peculiar, MO where they store equipment and other materials, they have refrigerated and regular storage space in Dallas. This allowed them to quickly send supplies en-route wherever they need to go.

The organization has a number of corporate sponsors who provide both monetary and in-kind donations, including Seaboard Foods, Butterball, and Farmers Insurance.

With a fleet of high capacity propane-fueled smokers, they can start cooking up pork and turkey the same day they arrive in an area. The first few days, they’ll serve up to 2,000 meals a day while their larger setup is coming together. By the fourth day, they might serve anywhere from five to 10,000 meals a day. In the largest disasters, the barbecue team can serve up to 30,000 meals in a day.

Although they have helped at many disaster sites that make the headlines, Hays prefers going to small, rural communities that won’t make the news.

“Their need may be much greater than these larger communities that are going to

get organizations from all over the country coming to help them, and governmental declarations that help communities,” Hays says. “When you get the Smithville tornado or the Oak Grove tornado or these smaller ones that may or may not even hit national news, people may never, ever hear about it.”

Still, Operation BBQ Relief sees itself as just a stop-gap until local organizations are able to take the reins.

“Communities don’t start healing until organizations like ours leave and actual community organizations take over,” Hays says.

Many of their volunteers are people who are retired or own their own businesses, and thus have more flexible schedules.

They’ve seen their volunteer numbers de-

crease by about half during the pandemic as older folks’ and small business participation have taken a hit.

In addition, they’ve had to make COVID-19 safety adjustments with their travel trailers. Hays compares their new bunkhouse trailers to capsule hotels, where each person has a very small but separate space to sleep.

Over the past year, they’ve also worked with local restaurants in disaster zones to produce meals because their typical field kitchen wasn’t compatible with social distancing. [As of press time, the crew was deployed to Mayfield, Ky., as a result of the December 10 tornado.]

But you don’t have to go to a disaster zone to volunteer. One or two days a week, volunteers at their warehouse in Peculiar help with fixing equipment, reloading trailers, and more.

This coming year, Hays plans to offer a number of virtual barbecue classes as part of their “Blue Sky Days” programming. They’re in the process of building a camping area at Lake of the Ozarks to offer classes and emotional healing barbecue workshops to veterans and first responders, along with their families.

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