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TABLE OF CONTENTS
18
Start living your dream!
52
She Prevails
20
Fashion with Sia Gattis
68
Work-Life Balance
28
Necole Kane
74
Fierce Females
38
The Prevailing Women
82
Forty Leading Ladies
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Credits Sabrina Seymore FOUNDING EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Alicia Ruffin BEAUTY EDITOR Latisha Coleman GRAPHIC DESIGNER CONTRIBUTORS Brittany Scott Cherry Clark Alicia Ruffin Ari Parson Brittney Oliver Rosalyn Harris Alena Smith Dr. C. Nicole Swiner Shaterra Jordan Porsha Ari Jasmine Tiffany COVER STORY TEAM Photographer: Mecca Gamble Photography Makeup Artist: Noor Face Hair: Lauren Rochelle Studio Stylist: Jimmy Hawkins
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Social Love
PO Box 12648 Durham, NC 27709
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SPOTLIGHT
Cont ributors
ANSWERED THESE FOUR QUESTIONS: Name one or two women who inspire you and why?
If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be and why?
If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?
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BRITTANY
Scott
Founder/Executive Director; The Millennial Mom’s Digest
1. One or two women who inspire you and why? My “Mommy”, she is the most timeless beauty I have ever seen. She gives pure and genuine love to everyone she comes in contact with and I have never seen the ugliness of the world shake her faith in God’s or his people. I am the woman I am today because of her love. The Shonda Rhimes- In 2017 I read her book, “Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In The Sun and Be Your Own Person”, and it changed my life. Shonda’s unapologetic fierceness, and ability to make everything she touches turn to gold is inspiring. She makes me feel confident and proud of being a “mompreneur”, knowing that as a working mother, the time I spend perfecting my art is a small sacrifice for a greater reward; not only for me but for my daughter too. 2. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be and why? Travel Plans (Summer 2020) - This summer will truly be one for the books, a “Hot Mom” Summer!! I’ll be going out of the country for the first time in my entire life, traveling to Jamaica and I couldn’t be more excited!
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3. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be and why? Dream Destination- My dream destination is Israel (specifically Jerusalem). Israel is a country that holds so much historic and spiritual relevance. I also believe there is an indescribable sense of healing there that I can’t wait to experience first hand. I’d love to embrace that spiritual awakening with my daughter; so it’s definitely on our my list of places to travel to sooner rather than later.
@themillennialmomsdigest https://www.facebook.com/themillennialmomsdigest/
CHERRY
Clark
Personal Development/ Lifestyle Coach Owner of Sure Fire Life Coaching
1. One or two women who inspire you and why? My mom, Dorothy Cherry Fields is the woman whom I admire. She is the epitome of grace, style and class. In the words of Coco Chanel, “I don’t do fashion, I am fashion”. For those who have ever met my mom, knows that she is indeed fashion able. Although, I love how she can put anything together and look like a million dollars, this is not what I admire the most. To the world, she has not done anything extraordinary by winning awards or high accolades, but each and everything she does e very day is amazing to me. My mom is a pillar of strength. I watch her suffer every day from trigeminal neuralgia. At times, her pain can be so excruciating in her lower jaw area, but she pushes through every day. She does not give up, but she gets up, show up and dress up each day. She has watched all her siblings and closest friends pass away, but she keeps going. As her only child and an adult, she continues to teach me many lessons. The most importantly is to keep God first. I also admire how my mom stays true to herself. She doesn’t try to be like someone else or do like others. It’s not easy to be consistent in this day in time, but my mom stays true to her own identity. Another thing that I admire is how
she always taught me to treat others how I wanted to be treated.She has exemplified this by how she freely gives to others. Lastly, I admire her work ethic. It doesn’t matter what it can be, she will give it her all. Her lessons have taught me the value of hard work, to be resilient and perseveres no matter what challenges are presented in life. 2. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be and why? We have not solidified our family summer plans. However, it will be to a destination that my kids, husband and I can all enjoy! 3. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be and why? My dream destination is to travel to Dubaiand Africa.
@surefirecoaching
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Behind the Scenes with Necole Kane
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Seymore Speaks
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Why Entrepreneurs should pursue education and a 9 to 5 career first Written By: Sarbina Seymore Living in a digitized world, it’s easy to become fascinated with the thought of becoming an entrepreneur. If this is your dream, I highly suggest you read this full article before you make that jump. Many times I hear people tell me how inspired they are by watching my 8 year entrepreneurial journey. At times when I hear these compliments i’m not sure how to receive them because my bank account is low, or I’m dealing with a dissatisfied client who I only booked for the money, knowing they weren’t a great fit. There is a dark side to entrepreneurship and working a 9 to 5 can help you handle these difficult situations. Without my master level education in counseling, working with the needy and stressful population of social work for many years, my entrepreneurial journey as a wedding and event planner would not be as successful without the experience of serving others. Many of my first clients were fellow co-workers and classmates from college who recognized my strong work ethic. I know how amazing it feels when you leave your job to pursue your dream. It’s an awesome feeling. I have done that and been there myself. There is growth prospects, freedom and sense of satisfaction and many other great points. But today we are not going to focus on that because you already know all that. Today, I want to share the darker side. I want to share the main two challenges and problems I wish I knew before beginning my entrepreneurial journey.
1. Self- Doubt Will Influence Your Decisions Remember that time you were in a company staff meeting and you knew that marketing plan wouldn’t speak to your clientele? So you voiced your opinion and a logical alternative plan. As an entrepreneur you will face many situations that always make you wonder if you made the right decision or not, especially if your income is not as per your expectations or if you come across some challenges and that affects your business, you get many sleepless nights wondering if you took the right decision or not. 2. Lack of Concentration and Prioritizing Responsibilities for the day You arrive to work at 8:30 am, or perhaps 8:45 AM you sneak in, drink coffee and catch up with coworkers about the latest TV shows. At this point it’s 10:30 AM and you have mandatory meetings through 4:00 PM and no time to check your emails because at 5:00 PM you’re off the clock and refuse to take work home. Or you take the work home and your work life balance is out the door. As an entrepreneur time management is key in your overall success. Self- Discipline is also important because you have no boss checking your timesheets or productivity sheets to ensure work is completed. I know that to some people, all what I am saying will sound a bit pessimistic. But that’s not the case, I am just trying to say that you could time your decision in a better way and with proper planning, which will increase your chances of your success with a huge margin.
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INSPIRE
CONNECT
PREVAIL
About the Magazine
The Prevailing Woman is a magazine that promotes personal and world. professional achievements at all levels of business throughout the World. The Prevailing Woman Magazine has expanded as a multifaceted media source that reaches millions quarterly. The magazine is high gloss, 75-125 pages, contemporary in look and appeal. Quality word and art content is the number one goal. The magazine is empowering, newsworthy and thought-provoking. It appeals to a woman who wants to expand their network, prevail in their career or general interest the welfare of prevailing to in expand their prevailing , women.
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Sabrina Seymore is Founding Editor-In-Chief of The Prevailing Woman magazine. Sabrina created this magazine to highlight women who are prevailing in their respective fields and to empower woman to maximize their highest potential in all areas of their life. Our first issue of the digital and print magazine launched in Spring 2017. advertise@prevailingwoman.com 919.760.3219
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EDITORIAL CALENDAR Ads due: April 1, 2018 Issue: Summer 2018 Anniversary Issue: March 15, 2018
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t r Sta your
g n i v li
m a e r ! d ay
Written by: Cherry Clark
d o t
Are you a woman in your 30s, 40s, 50s and maybe 60s wondering how life passed your by? Are you thinking you should be further along both personally and professionally? Have you allowed yourself to get stuck in a perpetual mode of waiting? Maybe you have been waiting for that perfect moment to finally pulled the trigger to get started on the life that you are intended to live. Everyone has dreams and goals. As kids, we would dream of the impossible and think that anything was possible. As adults we have allowed this thing called ‘life’ to stand in our way of achieving our dreams. Many people miss out on the best that life has to offer because we have allowed obstacles and limiting beliefs to get in our way of achieving greatness. You may not have enough money to start that business or feel that you don’t have enough time within your schedule, however, you can make small steps each day to start making those dreams come true. Below are 6 tips to begin living your dream: 18 THE PREVAILING WOMAN
1. Realized that life is not promised. It’s easy to believe that you’ll have time to do what you really want to do after the kids finish school, you have a better job, you’re retired, or more money in the bank. The truth is, there will never be a perfect time to start living your dreams. 2. Define your dream. Have a crystal-clear objective of what you’re trying to achieve. It’s not enough to have a vague idea. A vague idea isn’t motivating enough to keep you going when faced with obstacles. It’s important to have a clear picture you can keep going back to when challenges arise. 3.Do a little each day. A little each day turns into a lot over time. Cutting a few calories each day can result in a log of weight loss over a year. You can probably reach your dreams without spending eight hours each day on it. Just do something each day.
4. Deal with limiting beliefs. The primary reason you don’t already have everything you want is due to having limiting beliefs. There are many forms of limiting beliefs. • It’s going to take too much time. • It’s too hard • I don’t have enough money to get started. • People won’t approve • I’m too tire • I can start next year.
6.Celebrate the victories. A long journey is easier with a few pleasant celebrations along the way. It will make it easier to reach the finish line.
5. Ignore the people that get in your way. There’s always someone trying to get in your way. It might be a family member, friend, or neighbor. You have to be strong enough to ignore those people and stick to your plan.
XOXO,
You are never too old or young to begin living the life of your dreams. Each second that passes by is a second, you’ll never get back. The time to begin living your dream is right now! You can do this!
Cherry Clark Owner of Sure Fire Life Coaching
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FASHION
WITH
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trendsetter in curating elegant appointments for the modern woman, Sia Dekarle is definitely a stylist to watch. She is the founder of the newly minted styling firm, Sia Dekarle Style & Design located in Durham, North Carolina. The umbrella company provides fashion styling for men and women, interior styling, and event styling. When dressing today’s woman, Sia Dekarle believes that foundation pieces are the basis of any outfit. These pieces should support, slim, and smooth. Other staple pieces for any wardrobe should include well-fitting jeans, fashionable but reliable shoes, and statement accessories. The fashionista feels that fashion trends are a great way to extend one’s wardrobe. Current spring trends Sia is loving include: Ruffles; tiers; headbands; Spring leather; all over patterns; mules; hot pants; statement sleeves; sneakers.
Word of mouth has been Sia Dekarles greatest form of publicity to date. The streets are talking; business is good! Sia Dekarle can be contacted at SiaDekarle @ SiaDekarle.com, and on Facebook and IG
“A WEEKS END WITH A BULL CITY BEAUTY”
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Clocking In At Legacy Tower
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Namaste at Soul Yoga
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Lounging at the Beatless Meetup
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Vibing at The Dreamville Festival
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Glam and Glow at The Lighthouse Ball
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Brunch after Sunday Service at True Flavors
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Necole KANE
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Necole Kane, a fitness guru, women’s empowerment influencer, once known for her gossip site, Necole Bitchie, has transformed her life and proved that taking care of yourself first can be rewarding in the end.
After realizing her celebrity gossip blog was not fulfilling her greater purpose, she launched a women’s lifestyle platform that created a safe space for young women of color and kept them motivated to become their best selves. The journey was not an easy one, as she explains on her website that she had to figure out what made her truly happy. She went through several lifestyle changes including meal prepping and working out. She also picked up new hobbies like training and competing in fitness competitions. Overall, she created a balance between what she was passionate about and her lifestyle, inspiring thousands of women around the world to do the same. The Prevailing Woman magazine Founding Editor-In-Chief, Sabrina Seymore, had a chance to chat with the CEO of xoNecole. com for a more personal look at her story and what’s to come for the future. Sabrina: You reinvented your career from a gossip blogger to a women’s empowerment brand. Tell me how that transition has been. Necole: July will be 5 years since I left my old brand. There was a point where everything was a blur, for about 7 years. Any transition is difficult because you have to go out of your comfort zone to get there. I realized that I was bigger than my gossip
blog. I’ve toured with Rihanna, had name drops in rap songs and over 20 million page views a month. I couldn’t go anywhere without someone knowing who I was. So it only made sense to use my platform for something BIGGER. Sabrina: Many women are struggling to find their purpose in life. Other women who I’ve spoken to who feel like they are walking in their purpose say that they found their purpose in serving others. How did you get clarity in identifying it? Necole: I found clarity by realizing what kept me up at night. Before I transitioned to XO Necole, I constantly thought about my future and rebranding my company. I knew then that was my purpose. It was the one thing that I was born with and can naturally accomplish – connecting and empowering women. Sabrina: Who inspires you? Necole: Oprah is definitely an inspiration. She has a gift of storytelling and is very whitty. That woman can sell out shows to all types of women. She is very confident and comfortable with her moves. Also, Ava DuVernay. She knows how to move the room.
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Sabrina: How do you balance taking care of yourself along with a flourishing career?
Sabrina: What inspired you to go into the media and entertainment industry?
Necole: I give myself the day first before I give it away. We all owe ourselves that I keep my phone on Do Not Disturb when I first wake up or when I’m on a conference call, meeting or anything work related. It allows me to be present because I am easily distracted by my phone. Sabrina: How do you balance taking care of yourself along with a flourishing career?
Necole: I attended Morgan State and Towson universities and majored in Television & Film. Shortly after my father passed away, and two years later my mother followed, I felt lost, uninspired and came down with a terrible case of writer’s block. Looking for a fresh start I moved to Detroit and began an internship with a radio station as a producer; my first taste of working in entertainment. Six months later I was hired as the Assistant Marketing Director/Promotions Coordinator where I was introduced to marketing and brand strategizing and the importance of building a branding platform.
Necole: I give myself the day first before I give it away. We all owe ourselves that I keep my phone on Do Not Disturb when I first wake up or when I’m on a conference call, meeting or anything work related. It allows me to be present because I am easily distracted by my phone. Sabrina: What is the most challenging part to train for a competition? Necole: I’d say the social aspect of it. Not being able to hang with the girls for brunch or dinner dates due to strict diets (no alcohol and meal plans). The thing is with training, you have to stay in the gym, which is easy but can be stifling socially. Another challenging part is how my body changes. When I’m preparing for a competition I typically wear baggy clothing because I do not want my muscles to appear. To me body positivity is only for plus size women. Women with very defined muscles can be looked at negatively or be compared to men. That is also something we face when training to compete.
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After ending my gossip site, I wanted to change. I sold everything I owned and moved to Arizona in effort to clear my head and start a new life. I wanted to give women permission to evolve. This industry offered expansion with content and events. I was so terrified to rebrand my blog, but I knew I made the best decision. Site traffic began doubling and I realized I was becoming a face of inspiration for the younger generation. Sabrina: Tell us about a time you experienced a controversial celebrity. Necole: I’ve had celebrities come at me in the past. Mario, Nelly and Nicki Minaj. It comes with the job. I’ll never forget the moment I met Gabrielle Union. She said “wow you’re pretty and wanted to know why I was a gossip blogger.
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Sabrina: Speaking of controversy, there has been a lot of dialogue centered around women’s rights and politics. I would like to ask you a few questions, to gain your professional insight on these issues. Statistics also reveal that African American women and Latinas earn 64 and 56 cents for every dollar earned by a white male. How do we address the wage gap for female minorities and mothers? Necole: You have to have white boy confidence. <insert laughter> They have the audacity to ask for what they’re worth at any means necessary. Where we as black women tend to settle. I’m inspired by stories like Octavia Spencer. She’s been in the game for some time and she had to fight for equal pay at one point in her career and ended up receiving 5x her pay. Black women need to be more transparent about what we make, benefits and not keep it so close to our hearts. We can help each other and stand together. Sabrina: Your company was recently acquired by Will Packer Media. What has it been like having the support of someone as influential as Will Packer? Necole: Will Packer is someone I’ve always admired and respected. I almost called off the opportunity due to fear and reading up on past acquisitions. We spent 4 months negotiating and in that time I had to learn how to separate business from personal. I had extreme anxiety the first two years of losing my parents and I didn’t have much family around. He’s allowed me to remain as the CEO, control content, hiring, and dayto-operations. I was able to bring employees that have been working with me for years
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and they can still work with me and Will Packer and that’s an amazing feeling. Sabrina: Many look up to you as a mogul in the beauty, fitness, and media industry. What’s your advice for women who are trying to enter the space or make their brand bigger? Necole: I would say, stay abreast to all news outlets, it’s important when you’re knee deep in the business. I am subscribed to all media outlets and read their emails and blogs daily. Also, diversify your business. I created a social presence first and eventually expanded to podcasts and events. You want to connect with your audience so that you know how to reach them. Sabrina: Also, Can you tell me how you were able to get big brands to notice you? Necole: O utreach. This was the only way. Originally I was waiting on brands to contact me, but I took action. I began sending out media decks and updating my LinkedIn. I invested in my brand by paying for Sales Navigator and Docsend – highly recommend. The six figure deals typically came through agencies, not the brand so I suggest you reach out to companies that manage their sponsorships. You can also search what events the brand you’re interested in sponsors and last but not least, do not get discouraged by rejection or no responses. Sabrina: I’m sure that a lot of your success has been the result of hard work and just refining your skillset. It seems that the relationships you’re building with people and brands play a big part in that as well. Can you talk about the importance of relationship building within a career and give a few tips on how to build professional, organic relationships that last?
Necole: Your network is your net worth. Networking on social media correctly is so impactful. I love Twitter personally, but social media is the easiest way to network in these times. Also, attending events can create relationships. I was not the best at building relationships, but I learned that it’s important to go to events with people and brands you're interested in. Sabrina: Where do you see Necole Kane in the next 5-10 years? Necole: I see myself writing a book and becoming a world renowned speaker that inspires women all over. I’ll be a mother, wife and have a family. I’ve gained a lot of money and lost a lot of money over the years. I’ve stripped myself down and sold everything before and will do it again if it’s necessary to move forward in my career. This time I’ll be rebuilt and deeply invested into my business. Sabrina: I saw a post on twitter that you are taking the Pajama and Lipstick on tour. Without spilling all of the details, what information can you share about the event? Necole: Pajamas and Lipstick is a night of magic. Women surrounded by other likeminded women, sharing desserts and signature cocktails under tee-pees. We form a bond and share stories about life and finding our self-worth. It’s destined to empower women and we fix each other’s crown along the way. You can learn more by following @ PajamasAndLipstick Sabrina: What is your definition of a Prevailing Woman? Necole: To be victorious and still winning no matter what obstacles are thrown her way. I think of the black woman, period. We have a lot working against us and we are some of the strongest people in the world.
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Monique Rodriguez Written By: Jasmine Tiffany
Meet Monique Rodriguez, CEO of faith based company, Mielle Organics. Mielle Organics is one of the fastest growing natural hair care companies for women of color. In 2014, Rodriguez started Mielle Organics in her garage. Now, Mielle has come from the garage to the shelf and grown to become a multi-million-dollar company sold in over 100,000 major retailers. However, this family business was birthed as a result of a catastrophic tragedy. In 2013, Rodriguez was 8 months pregnant with her son Milan. Her uterus ruptured and she was rushed to the hospital. She was released to go home but while at home she had no idea that her son was losing oxygen to his brain daily. When it was time for Monique to deliver, her son was born brain dead. She didn’t want to let Milan go, so she decided to keep him on life support until he passed away at 6 months. At this time, Monique was feeling distraught, empty and felt she had no purpose in life. In order to take her mind off reality, she started researching and playing around on her Instagram with hair products. She had no intentions of creating a line and only wantedto talk about her passion for beauty products. Whenever she would post on Instagram, people wanted to know her hair regimen, so she began with one bottle of oil that
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she sold online. The business started to grow rapidly and that’s how Mielle Organics was born. Rodriguez was always passionate about hair and beauty and didn’t discover that until she went through her pain. She believes that each time a woman shares her life’s journey–the challenges and triumphs, insecurities and setbacks–it heals and empowers another woman. It’s her mission to help empower and unite women everywhere with her testimony and foundation, Mielle Cares. We had a chance to sit down with this mogul to talk more about family, God and women entrepreneurship. Your story is compelling in a powerful, irresistible way. At what point did you realize that this should be heard? I realized it needed to be heard after speaking with a hairstylist at Essence fest and I opened up and told her my story. That was my first time opening up about my tragic situation and I feel like she was a vessel. She told me to share my testimony and be obedient to God's will. This is my testimony to show others the power of God and how he can bless you, he can change your life. I realized it wasn't about me, I learned that it's about the impact I make on others' lives. It's about God and how he brought me through that. I would not be obedient if I did not share my testimony and how awesome God is.
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What inspired you to make your business a priority, when first starting out? My business is a priority but I always prioritize by keeping God first, family and business because I never want my family to resent me for starting a business, they are a part of it. It may be times they ask a question and I say hold on a second, but I am present with them at all times, when they are asking questions or want to have convo.So I run my life with God, family and business in that order. Once I started keeping God at the center and making him a priority everything fell into place. Has entrepreneurship affected your family dynamic in any way? It has changed the trajectory of our family's life and our legacy. Our goal is to leave a legacy for my girls and inspire them. Seeing their mommy follow her dreams, inspires them to do the things that they love to do. They also know whatever they love doing they can make a career out of it. It has given me more flexibility, I can take vacations whenever, and bring my kids to work if I need to. It has changed for the better. For my girls to be a witness of it and see it is truly amazing. Women face a lot of adversity and doubt. What advice would you give to someone looking to overcome this obstacle? My advice is that I’d rather succeed in faith than to fail in fear. Fear causes doubt and anxiety. Every entrepreneur may have doubt but we choose to feed our faith and not fears. In business, there are roadblocks and challenges but the ones that survive and make it are the ones that know how to navigate through the adversity. It's a mindset shift and you have to have a positive perspective about things. It truly matters when you are hit with adversity.
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You stated on your website that “big things often start small”. What was that process like in terms of growing and becoming a global business? I started in my kitchen, it was just an idea. My little idea turned into a major successful business that is in over 100,000 major retail stores. It was a challenge growing and scaling the business but definitely worth it. We started with one product and turned into a global beauty business. Your podcast “The Secret Sauce To Success” sounds perfect for women who may need that extra push for motivation. What can you share with us (without revealing much) from the podcast that you would say is a part of the “secret sauce”? Part of secret sauce is being authentically you. Knowing that God created you and not a duplicate. What I tell everyone is being true to yourself, your values and what you represent. No one can ever replace that. With over nine years of experience in nursing, how was thattransition for you into the hair care business? The transition was different but I was up for the challenge. I was excited about the entrepreneur journey and I was ready for whatever curve balls it threw at me. I knew I was fed up with my job and even though I wasn't making money, I saw growth month over month and year over year and was able to officially leave my job. Has offering mentorship through your business taken Mielle to new heights? What would a mentee of Monique say the experience is like?
My mentorship program has gotten me more exposure as far as my Monique Rodreguez brand. A lot of my Mielle consumers are hair people and they love to talk about hair. My personal page is for hair advice and also business advice. A mentee of mine would say I am transparent and truthful about building a business. I give tactical steps in order to help grow and scale the business. I talk about the highs and lows. Instagram makes entrepreneurship look easy so my mentees love that I am open and honest about everything. What can we look forward to from Mielle Organics? More innovation, more products. Continuing to meet the needs of my consumers and delivering them great products and a great experience all across the board.
I realized it wasn't about me, I learned that it's about the impact I make on others' lives.
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Yolanda Smilez Written By: Porsha Ari
If you keep up with entertainment news, then you probably understand the anticipation of seeing remarkably gifted people awarded for their talent . The long list of popular award shows include the Grammys, Oscars, BET Awards and now the Roc Awards Show that takes place annually in Rochester, New York. This inner-city award show happens every February and has received a lot of attention over the years. The Roc Awards began eight years ago when local comedian Yolanda “Smilez” noticed there were no events that recognized the everyday people that made the urban community she lived in. Smilez is a professional traveling comedian, so she undoubtedly has a special connection with people. When there was a brief conflict among local entertainers in Rochester, she determined that something to honor the people within the community would resolve many of those issues. Smilez along with a few friends created a public platform that
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recognizes local residents of color by highlighting their accomplishments and celebrating their contributions and talents. “This awards show is for the people and by the people”, said Smilez. “There were so many people in my community that mattered to us and we never heard their names. So many talented people are overlooked, so I decided to create an award show for us.” With over 40 award categories, The Roc Awards Show is truly a celebration and an amazing way to bring the community together. Smilez developed The Roc Awards as a vehicle to reinvest in her community. Each year her charitable organization, Roc Award Cares, donates partial proceeds to another not-for-profit organization that benefits the less fortunate. In the past, Roc Awards Cares has donated funding that allowed children with autism to attend a local summer music program. This year, the organization donated to an orphanage in
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the Democratic Republic of Congo to support the less fortunate children. “Roc Award Cares is a fundraising team dedicated to giving back to people and organizations in need,” explained Smilez. “We have a lot of fun at The Roc Awards, but we are truly servants to our community.” Over the years, the event that was once in a hotel ballroom has gained support from local residents and city stakeholders. Today, it has evolved into a stellar night of entertainment . This past awards show included a tribute to families of victims of violence, where local artists gathered to perform a hip hop cypher in a remake of the 1989 song “Self-Destruction” by The Stop The Violence Movement. The Roc Awards Show allows guests to celebrate the magic of being black and gifted. The event is a salute to community, black excellence and artistry within the area. Award show categories include Best Stage Play, Best Author and Salon of the Year. There are so many areas to acknowledge, it is difficult to exclude anyone. Without a doubt, The Roc Awards Show sends a message to its urban community that says, “ We see you. Keep doing your thing!
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Catherine Williamson Hardy
Women in Government: 10 Steps to Getting In & Moving Up Written by Rosalyn Harris
If you haven’t been bit by the entrepreneur bug yet, and considering a career in government, you’ll want to grab your tea cup and take notes for this one. Boss women don’t just occupy the business world. They also occupy our government agencies. Catherine Williamson-Hardy, the Deputy Director of Durham County’s Department of Social Services (DSS) in North Carolina, has over 25 years in the government sector, operating in various management roles across multiple state and local departments. Williamson-Hardy is the first person to ever employ this role within Durham County DSS, as the role itself is also new to the department. Specifically, the Deputy Director role was birthed from a need recognized by the department’s board and county management that there was an essential need for a different management structure within the department; one which could effectively ensure continuality of operations and manage the complexities that arise from an ever-changing agency that employs 500+ employees, is federal and state mandated, and has a $64 million dollar budget. Williamson-Hardy was asked to assume the role of Deputy Director after serving as interim Director for six months. Williamson-Hardy recalls openly sharing with the board when she was appointed interim Director that she had no desire to permanently fill that role and would not be applying for the position. She intended to go back to her role as an Assistant Director. However, her work ethic told a different story. She worked like she wanted the job, not because she did, but because that’s who she is. In any position that Williamson-Hardy has taken, it’s been her natural response to perform that job well above 100%. She intentionally sets her mind on making sure that she is always presenting herself and working in such a way that would fit any opportunity that might come her way. Basically, she stays ready. Williamson-Hardy’s government career began when she was an incoming graduate student atNorth Carolina 48 THE PREVAILING WOMAN
Central University. Starting from a temporary position and later serving in various roles throughout the department, she was consistently promoted to higher ranks. Those promotions did not skip a beat when she and her family relocated to Maryland in 1997, or when she left the government sector for the academia world after being recruited by Appalachian State University to join their team that led staff development and training for child welfare systems around the country and internationally. Williamson-Hardy’s stint with academia lasted 7 years before she returned back to Durham County DSS for the third time. All three times she’s returned, Williamson-Hardy has always been welcomed back without pause. It’s proof that being a valuable asset to your organization is priceless and will ensure hinges are on your former place of employment. Williamson-Hardy opened up her toolbox to share with us everything it took for her to build her professional brand and successfully progress through her career in government. We’ve taken those tools and compiled a list of gems for the professional woman who is interested in working in or advancing in government agencies. These
gems could also be applied to professional women of almost any industry. Intentionally Prioritize Your Mind, Body, and Spirit. Williamson-Hardy emphasizes the importance of women maintaining their identity in the midst of pursuing professional goals and life in general. Carving out time for yourself mentally, spiritually, and physically so that you have enough mental fortitude to be able to show up in all of the other aspects of your life is critical. Give yourself a break sometimes and recognize that there will be seasons in your life where this task is much harder than other times; but if you constantly make this a priority, it will never fall off your radar. If you find yourself struggling with holding on to your identity or giving your all to your career, family, etcetera, then you should stop, rewrite the equation and add yourself back in. Identify those things that make YOU whole and complete and hold on to them for your life. For Williamson-Hardy, those things are her spiritual life, her family, friends, and doing the things that are just about Catherine (not Catherine the mother, Catherine the wife, or Catherine the Director) – just Catherine. Build Really Great Relationships. Williamson-Hardy has been able to explore career opportunities at multiple agencies and institutions while leaving and coming back to Durham County DSS three times. This is partly due to her ability to build excellent rapport with colleagues and consumers alike. Even when first entering the government sector as a temporary employee for Durham County DSS, she was called upon by a sorority sister and asked if she’d be interested in the job. Williamson-Hardy has learned that most often, a lot of the places that she wanted to go and tables she wanted to sit at, she did not have access to in the moment that she desired it. So, it was important for her to position herself so that the people who did have access to those tables could introduce her name into the conversation whenever opportunities were being discussed that she had already proven herself capable of handling. Ensure that the relationships you build enable people to feel confident speaking positively on your behalf.
realized that all of the opportunities that presented themselves to her and that helped her to advance professionally, were happening at tables that she didn’t even know existed. Her name would come up at those tables partly due to her relationships, but ultimately because of her professional brand and reputation. As you continue to grow in your respective profession, the weight of your name and professional brand should also grow. That weight shouldn’t be measured by title or stature, but by your competency and work ethic. Stay Prepared for Expected AND Unexpected Opportunities. When Williamson-Hardy’s husband’s job relocated their family to Maryland, she initially interviewed for a temporary position at St. Mary’s County DSS managing contracts. She did not get that job. However, the Director was so impressed by everything Williamson-Hardy had accomplished that she created a temporary position for her, based on a need that the Director had, that she felt would be a better fit for Williamson-Hardy. Fast forward a few months later while Williamson-Hardy was out of work on maternity leave, (yes, she got the job while 6-months pregnant) the same Director gave her a call to commend her on her great work that she had done for the agency thus far and offered to make her temporary position permanent. In less than three years,
Consciously Build Your Reputable Professional Brand. Williamson-Hardy has always been conscious of building a solid professional reputation for herself from the very early stages of her career. She found that it was very important who people said she was when she wasn’t in the room. If you’re trying to move ahead and grow, most of the time the opportunities that you seek present themselves outside of your presence. As she grew her career, she THE PREVAILING WOMAN 49
she became an Assistant Director at that Agency. It goes to show that opportunities can land in your lap when you least expect it; even while working and preparing for the ones that you actually know about. Trusting God and being a good steward over the gifts and opportunities He has afforded you naturally creates other opportunities that continue to prepare you for future ones. Say Yes Now. Learn How Later. When Williamson-Hardy said “yes” to her sorority sister regarding the temporary position with Durham County DSS, she didn’t know she would be asked to be the supervisor of the program which she was onboarding. The purpose of this program was to help seniors of low income families who need help paying for their heating and cooling bill. Williamson-Hardy accepted the call as supervisor of the program, which is only offered during a specific time period each year. She was given a manual and had about two weeks to learn the program, policies and procedures before the employees that she was going to be responsible for training and ensuring they understood the policies and procedures came on board. From that one manual, she was able to effectively perform that job without any other prior relevant experience and do so well enough to earn her a permanent entry level position within the agency. Capitalize on the opportunities that you want, even if you think you’re not qualified for them, and do the work to learn the ropes as you go. Master Your Work. Mastering the tasks and responsibilities of her job was the foundation on which Williamson-Hardy built her professional brand. Williamson-Hardy’s belief has always been placed in doing the work, and trusting God to do the rest. She believes that it is imperative to demonstrate a level of mastery of your current job, while seeking advancement. This signals to those who can open doors for you that you are ready to move up. Often this is a challenge, but demonstrated competencies are priceless and become part of your professional brand. It’s not about magic, luck or even being special. It’s about doing the work and being prepared for opportunities when they present themselves. Always Be Hungry to Learn.
Having a learner mentality and not getting complacent set Williamson-Hardy up for having more breath, depth and knowledge in her industry and work settings. For Williamson-Hardy, that learner mentality looked like taking on new roles
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and responsibilities that would position her to learn more within the agency even when there was no additional compensation. It also looked like seeking out mentorships, attending conferences, joining professional groups and doing whatever she saw other people doing who were presenting themselves in the ways that she aspired to present herself. Look at those people who are showing up and delivering in the ways that you aspire to, then take the time to understand what it takes to get there and do your best to expose yourself to that same process. Choose Mentors Strategically. When choosing mentors, Williamson-Hardy had a strategy that she recommends. Seek out two types of mentors: ones who are like you and ones who are completely different from you. Between the two types, they will help reveal your strengths and weaknesses to you and eliminate your blind spots that subconsciously hinder you from growing. Meet the Expectations. Williamson-Hardy’s job has long required her to screen and hire suitable candidates within the agencies she’s worked in. What does she look for? o Technical competencies o Vision o Ability to effectively make decisions and recommendations o Communication skills o Emotional intelligence o Adaptive leadership skills o Integrity o Someone who has high levels of compassion and courage o Self-awareness o Demonstrated relationship management skills o Someone who supports learning and development in others and is a life-long learner themselves Ambitiously Envision Where You’re Going, While Ambitiously Excelling Where You Are. It’s okay to have grand ambition and a willingness to work for it. Williamson-Hardy applauds women for having grand ambition. However, starting off in your career, you can get so caught up in the discontent
of the position you’re in, that it impacts your performance, which then limits future opportunities for you; because the only thing people have to go by is what you’ve done. You don’t want to lose sight of what you’re tasked to do because you’re too busy looking forward to the future. WilliamsonHardy says, “I applaud you for having grand ambition and thinking about what you want to do next, but I implore you to work the job you’re in as if it’s your dream job, so that when an opportunity presents itself, someone can look at the work you’ve done to say you’re the right person for that next opportunity.” Applying these tools has propelled Williamson-Hardy from her start as a temporary worker to the first Deputy Director of her Agency. In addition, as the founder and lead trainer of Creative Approaches to Talent Development, LLC, she couples her experiences and training skills to share her considerable knowledge as a leader to equip individuals and teams for success. We trust that one or two of these gems will resonate with you and you will add to your tool box.
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Hair
This Season in Hairstyles and hair products for the Spring and Summer are focused on mainly low maintenance and free flowing stress. But, there are also a few trends that you should try for a special night out on the town or if you are just in the mood to spice up your average daytime style!
By: Alicia Ruffin
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The EZ Detangler Brush $25 Ezdetanglerbrush.com
Temporary Hair Paint
Take the stree out of wonering if you will love a permanent hair color, high stylist pricing and damage due to the inability to keep up with color treated hair. Temporary hair paing is the way to go for a quick and vibrant color change.
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Ponytails 70's Style
Photo Credit Model: Iris Caldwell Photographer: BlackPrint Photography Makeup Artist: Artistry by Alicia The 70's style of wavy free flowing hair and afros never really go out of style so of course they are here in all of their timesless glory in 2020! The curly fro and textured waves are gorgeous in any hue and great styles for all occasions.
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Hair Embellishments
Mature Pigtails
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What's On
Trend? By: Alicia Ruffin, Esthetician
Spring and Summer may be approaching at the speed of a sloth but these new and throwback makeup trends are coming in full speed. Here are some 2020 Spring/Summer Makeup Trends with affordable and prestige suggestions!
Spring and Summer may be approaching at the speed of a sloth but these new and throwback makeup trends are coming in full speed. Here are some 2020 Spring/Summer Makeup Trends with affordable and prestige suggestions!
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Fenty Beauty by RihannaSanp Shadows Mix & Match Eyeshadow Palette
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Microblade? Dermablade?
What is What?
By: Alicia Ruffin, Esthetician
These two beauty procedures are commonly confused due to their similarities in name on a daily basis.
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Nails We Adore! By: Alicia Ruffin
Transistioning from the Winter hues of oxblood and black, to the Spring and Summer nail. Designs and hues will add a burst of color and an interesting conversation starter while on your trip to the local farmer's market! Stepout of the box this season and try something new!
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Check out these nail artists on Instagram and show them some love! THE PREVAILING WOMAN 65
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Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s happening to all of the doctors?: A Story about WorkLife Balance
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Physician suicides have risen exponentially over the last couple of years. An article in Medscape in August of this year reports, “It has been known for more than 150 years that physicians have an increased propensity to die by suicide.
into the schedule whenever she needed and drop all things to make her happy, even while she was being belligerent to me and the staff at times. The new practicing physician in me now knows that I’m worth more than that.
It was estimated in 1977 that on average the United States loses the equivalent of at least one small medical school or a large medical school class to suicide.” I start with this harrowing notion because it’s become an epidemic in my field, and I’m sure, in many other fields of work, whether it be dentistry, legal work or with being a stay-at-home. Mental illness and stress have affected everyone personally, either directly or indirectly, and we need to fix it. This is my story at work.
I’m not going to explain to every one of my patients (I will to some if asked in the right fashion) why I’m making the decision to cut back to three days a week in clinic and work from the home the other two; but I will explain to you. As I finish this chapter, sitting next to my co-founder, Mani, on a Friday morning, in DC at Busboys and Poets (a restaurant and bar I’ve always wanted to come to), I feel blessed. I’m trying to create a lifestyle and career in which I can work remotely. My kids are now in Kindergarten and second grade, and I’d love to be home more for themand go on some field trips. So, what do we do? What do YOU do?
I turned 40 this year, thank God. Leading up to this milestone birthday, I wondered what kind of emotional and mental changes I’d experience. Nothing much changed, except for my tolerance and patience, a bit. I now know what I want out of life and work, and I’ll fight my hardest to achieve. Today, as I write, two (a mother and daughter pair) of my most challenging patients “let me have it.” They’ve noticed that I’m no longer in clinic on Mondays and Fridays, and on days that I am here, I’ve included some telemedicine slots with my clinic appointments. The elderly mother is none-too- pleased, as she mentions that I should have “thought about that before I went to medical school, if you wanted to work less and take more time off.” Two or three years ago, this would have upset me at the thought that she felt I should let my career and patients control me and my happiness in this way. Today, I laughed to myself and to her middle –aged daughter, who looked at me apologetically and was horrified that her mother would talk to me in such a way. I patted the daughter’s knee and reassured her that I was ok with it, and just said I was “unbothered.” The truth is, I understand and understood where the mother is coming from—she’s used to the old-fashioned doctor (and, the old-fashioned me) who was at her every beckoning call, would freely work her
Number 1: Don’t feel stuck. The road of out your rut or funk may be filled with obstacles, but it’s not impossible to traverse. If you need help— emotional, mental, financial, strategic—then don’t be afraid to reach out to mentors and experts. Create the work-life balance and integration that you desire. I’m now loving the career consulting and publishing work I’ve been doing for the past three years, in addition to clinical medicine, and I want to be more free to travel to speak and meet clients. The next step may be to become licensed to do medicine in other states, so I’m able to do telemedicine visits even when I’m on the road. I think the options are endless. You can create the work environment and lifestyle that you want. It might not end up being what you went to school to do, but hopefully, it makes you happy. That’s all that matters. **excerpts are taken from Dr. Swiner and her co -authors’ best selling book, Thinking About Quitting Medicine, vol. 2. Available on Amazon and bit.ly/ thedocswinerstore**
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This Founder is Helping Women Inmates Prevail in 2020 Written By: Brittney Oliver
There are currently around 231,000 women and girls incarcerated in the United States, making women the fastest-growing population in the correctional system. According to the Prison Policy Initiative , 60% of incarcerated women are also more likely to be held in jails and have not yet been convicted of a crime. When a woman does time in jail, it creates a more significant impact on their families, especially women who are the caretakers of their children. As the holidays come and go and another new year sets, incarcerated women miss another holiday with their kids and another month to wait for trial. It’s an added pressure and disappointment that weighs on the mental health of women incarcerated. Imagine if women in jail could have a little selfcare, treated with kindness, and reminded that they matter. It’s the experience a few women had the opportunity to have at the Durham 70 THE PREVAILING WOMAN
County Jail in North Carolina with the help of Sabrina Seymore, founder of The Prevailing Woman. It’s the help Seymore wanted to provide when she became a full-time entrepreneur. She went to helping her sorors and friends coordinate their weddings to creating a full-service event company to later turning her passions into a digital magazine. To prevail is to triumph or be victorious, but for many of us to prevail, we need a little help. Seymore’s platform provides women national with content in the form of events and articles that inspire and empower women with the tools to take on their goals. To extend the platform with a charity division, Seymore wanted to create an act of service and felt like the women of Durham County Jail could use a little kindness to help them prevail.
“I spent nearly a decade in the mental health and homelessness prevention field servicing typically women and their families that lived in unfit homes, homeless shelters, and the county jail. Although it may be a select and concentrated group of people, the fact remains that convicted felons are human beings and need to be reminded of that fact every day,” shared Seymore. Many of the women she helped were those who just left incarceration. According to the Prison Policy Initiative , formerly incarcerated women are more likely to be homeless than formerly incarcerated men. For women of color, homelessness is far higher for them than white women. She knew from her social work experience how much a little kindness could a long way. During the holiday season, Seymore asked the Prevailing Women community to donate money, and she partnered with RepHuel Beauty Studio to
give toiletries, provide express manicures, and instill hope in female inmates. “Regardless of their mistakes, they’re still mothers or loved by someone missing one of the most popular holidays of the year. To see them smile as we painted their nails, gifted them with necessities, and just talked girl talk, I pray lifted their spirits and instilled hope that they aren’t forgotten,” she explained. Thirty-five inmates were able to come out of their ceils and meet in the pod at the Durham County Jail to participate in the pampering activities. One inmate shared, “I don’t take care of myself and [for them to do] my nails today reminded me that I am a woman and deserve to look nice.” It’s those moments of humanity that The Prevailing Women plan to continue throughout the year. Through The Prevailing Woman Overcomes charity division, Seymore hopes to bring more smiles this year by visiting other jails on the east coast. THE PREVAILING WOMAN 71
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Fierce Females: An Authentic Look at what it takes to make it
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Chanita
Foster OCCUPATION: Mompreneur CITY: Originally Detroit /Live in Atlanta THE LAST TIME I FELT LIKE GIVING UP ON MY DREAMS WAS… Every other day! Some days you don’t want to wake up! But when you lose your WHY you lose your way! So, the Why has to get you out the bed!
Dr. Cheyenne
Bryant
OCCUPATION: Life Coach, Author, & Speaker CITY: Los Angeles I GET THROUGH MY DARKEST MOMENTS BY… Prayer, dialoguing with my circle of wealth (support system), and faith that this too shall pass.
Sabrina
Thompson
OCCUPATION: Filmmaker | Photographer | CEO, Kuu Productions (kuuproductions.com) CITY: Brooklyn, New York via Wilson, NC MY DREAM IS TO….
I have a ton of dreams regarding my career, but I’ll briefly mention two for now. The first one is to create scripted TV series and films that are creative, memorable, and contribute to shifting narratives about misrepresented and/or underrepresented people in society. My second dream is to own a few film and TV production lots that also have an educational institution to it for professionals to come in and teach seminars on directing, film financing, photography, writing and overall production classes to talented creatives. I want the institution part to serve as a pipeline to mold and employ dope artists who may not always get access to opportunities in huge Hollywood studios/production houses. THE PREVAILING WOMAN 75
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FIVE TIPS to emotional & mental healing
Over the last few years, more people are speaking out about their mental and emotional traumas that are affecting their lives. It’s no longer taboo to hear someone say, I’m going to counseling. Author, Speaker and CEO Shaterra Jordan is one of many who’s not afraid to share how her former life of sexual trauma and addiction left a residue of mental and emotional scars. After experiencing a divine encounter with God, who transformed her life, Jordan knew she needed more than prayer to renew her mind. “Many Christians believe counseling isn’t necessary and to only pray the pain away. However, I believe God has equipped people to use their gifts to make a difference in the lives of others.” Jordan said. “Counseling is a gift that’s helped me to walk in healing and a renewed mind. Now, I’m helping other women to do the same.” In her real, raw, faith-based tell-all book, Stripping of Sheets, Jordan recounts her journey to wholeness. Now, she’s sharing tips on how to begin the process of mental and emotional healing.
Don’t live in denial
The truth will set you free! Living in denial hinders you from taking the necessary next steps to get help. Take ownership of your life and allow yourself the opportunity to be vulnerable.
Let’s talk about it
Seeking help is the beginning of your healing process. Speaking with a licensed professional or spiritual leader is a safe outlet to share your issues and behaviors that’s keeping you stuck in your mind.
Forgive yourself
As you’re going through the process of mental and emotional healing, you’ll come to a point where you’ll realize you might have hurt someone in your past. Forgive yourself!
Embrace the healing
You’re on a new path, you made the decision to push the refresh button and now your eyes are open to a new way of life. You’re free from the mental and emotional bondage of your past. Now, embrace the healing process!
Recognize the signs
The best way to recognize if you might have mental and/or emotional issues is to pay attention to your surroundings. If you’re trusted inner circle is bringing to your attention that there are some questionable behaviors, take it into consideration.
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The other “Silent Killer”:
Post- Partum Depression
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Finding out I was pregnant, with my now, 2-year-old daughter, was one of the most confusing days of my life. First of all, on the way to a 10:30A hair appointment, my female intuition kicked in and was like “Girl?...GIRL?...where is your period?” So at this point I’m hungry, in dire need of a blowout and now possibly about 6-8 weeks pregnant; ya girl is stressed. First-thingsfirst, I stop to Chick-Fil-A to get food because, if I am pregnant I definitely need to eat…Obviously! Then I go to the grocery store, pick-up THE TEST (dun, dun, dunnnnn) and go to the bathroom to find out my truth. I told Yall, I have a 2-year-old now, so I was definitely pregnant! To save all the in between, nuances that can kind of be skipped: Yes, I had a beautiful pregnancy and delivery, gorgeous baby showers and yes, my “baby daddy” and then boyfriend at the time did stick around! (ayyyeeee). So checking off everything on the “need to have” list for expectant new moms, I had:
Family Friends Career Degree Health Insurance Home Car … I could go on… But I never would have thought that even with all of the above support systems in place my biggest battle to my surprise was not figuring out the ins and outs of new motherhood. My biggest was one that quite frankly neither myself, my support system, or health care professionals really prepared me for: Post-Partum Depression. I don’t want to mislead you all, let’s be clear, of course my loved ones called, checked in on me with frequent visits, offered to give me much needed breaks by watching my daughter, and often…I mean very often asked the age old question “are you sure you are okay?” but I was a new
mom, with little to no sleep, I was hungry and most of the days needed a good shower; so me “not being okay” seemed like it was the new norm and it certainly did not seem like the tip of the iceberg for the glacier called, Post- Partum Depression. I mean, what new mom didn’t experience at a glimpse everything I just mentioned above? So for me, this wasn’t enough to think I was dealing with anything too serious. Furthermore, the idea of me being 25 years old, really in the prime of my young life and dealing with depression of any kind just seemed trivial and cliché. I am very much (as my best friend would say) a “nah I got it” type of woman. I pride myself on being able to handle my own situations without impeding on the lives of others. I am a Sociologist, graduate of the illustrious University of North Carolina at Charlotte University; so naturally I started to recognize some alarming changes and shifts in my mental and emotional awareness. Yet and still, I felt like, “nah, I got this”. It was not until I had my boyfriend downstairs extremely worried (for a lack of better words) with our then one-year-old daughter and my mother in my upstairs bathroom cleaning and wrapping a self-inflicted gash on my forearm, that I realized “Nah, IT has YOU”. This broke me. What about my “list”, all the support systems in place? It’s ME, I would think to myself all the time! Like this is ME, I can get through anything. Nothing on my list, not my degree, my health insurance, my car, and sadly not even my friends and family could protect me from this…post-partum was my journey to take, this was the unavoidable chapter of my life I was in but I decided I would control the narrative. This was my testimony, well IS my testimony, I should say because I still battle with every day. This got me to thinking that I have never sat down with a group woman my age and talked about the ways in which woman in my age cohort (Millennials) cope with post-partum depression. There is such a cliché attached to pregnancies in
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young women and it makes it seems like post-partum is not prevalent for this age group. The social construction of pregnancy in young women is so “utopian”, I mean look at social media, the “wave” of pregnancy for women ages 21-28 is • Announce your pregnancy • Take hella cute pictures preferably surrounded by flowers in a flowy dress • Have the most outlandish baby shower ever (no shade at all… I literally had 3 outlandish baby showers; so it’s cool) • Swoon on your baby daddy, boyfriend, husband; whateva, as much as you can before a little life comes and steals all the attention • Have your baby • Chill for about 2 weeks and then pop out with a “snap back body” Then from there on its just statuses, meme’s and a constant repetition of the whole **“I’M foCuSeD oN thIs “baG”, my baby and DASSIT” but in reality this song sings more like: “It’s hard for me to focus on my job or my baby because I feel like my brain and my body have gone against me at the same time…sis” As one can imagine, this doesn’t make for a shareable Facebook status or an easy 180-character tweet so it goes unsaid and many women suffer in silence because of it. I’m no licensed doctor but I have begun to create a world for myself were I am in control how the vicissitudes of life affect me and this includes post-partum depression. So without further ado This is my “not
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so official” OFFICIAL list of some helpful tidbits towards living ABOVE Post-Partum Depression: • Full Disclosure: 100% openness with everyone. There is nobody in your “immediate” circle (this would be the ones you consider day ones or ride or dies) that should be in the dark about what you are dealing with. Tell them! How you tell them and how much you tell them is up to you but remember that you are in control of the help you receive from the people you love. They can only help you with the situations they know about. • Journal: Get a journal and keep it with you everywhere you go. Write down what you were doing, eating, wearing, what you were listening to, etc. when you started to experience ill feelings (sadness, fear/anger, etc.) this will give insight to what may be some of your possible triggers. If you know what is triggering your pain, you can better heal from it. • Music: Take some times to be alone with music. Music therapy has proven to be quite helpful in dealing with depression/ anxiety. This can be any kind of music you want it to be but the point of this is to disengage from the TV, Social Media and constant communication with others, to just listen to some good music. • Nature: This is my favorite nuance! Figure out what you love about nature!! I’m no hiker or mountain climber, so you won’t catch me strapped to a rope and strong arming my way up any mountains BUT I have learned that God’s earth is therapeutic in and of itself. Find a pond
and just sit, find a trial and walk, find a bench and write in your journal. Hell, walk to the mailbox and just take in 10 deep breathes of fresh air. No matter what, you will benefit from investing in mother nature. • Food: Now…look…I said I was not a licensed doctor but I definitely think the food you consume has more of an effect on you than just weight loss or weight gain. I decided to give up meat a while ago (I have lapses in judgement with this, this is a judgement free zone you little devout vegetarians) but it really helped with my weight loss and mental balance. Adopting new and healthy eating habits is almost like a restart for your body’s overall health. Having a baby changes your body and metabolism and it is quite possibly adjusting your eating habits can have some holistic benefits. • Me-Time: Find the time…AHT AHT…I SAID WHAT I SAID…find the time!! We are all busy and working mothers, but again find the time. Your, “me time” does not have to be over the top. Sometimes my “me time” is putting my daughter down for bed a little earlier and taking 10 extra crispy lemon pepper wings to the face, followed by a glass (or 7) of my favorite bottle of wine. Sometimes my “me time” is a weekend at a nice hotel with complimentary breakfast were I only get out of bed to eat (yes, only to eat). You decide how you spend your “me time” because you damn sure are going to make the time for it!!! • Positive Reinforcement: You will have good days and bad days, be thankful for them both. Don’t spend a lot of your
time figuring out how you can “cure” this. Just understand how you can love yourself through it. Don’t beat yourself up if you aren’t all smiles, laughs and cheers for a day, you are entitled to your free expression of outwardly emotion. Yet, don’t allow yourself to miss out on smiles and laughter because you are complacent with your discomfort, force yourself into uncomfortable situations (as long as they are for the better good… but you be the judge of that). So, this is what I have incorporated into my life and it has altered the trajectory of my mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing tremendously. I’m just breaking the ice, this isn’t the end all- be all conversation for women and millennials in relation to coping with post-partum depression. If you or anyone else is coping with this share your thoughts, coping mechanisms, and/or licensed therapist/ psychologist with us, here on this safe space! Thank you all for reading this! Remember to love yourself! P.S - “Post-Partum is a bitch…but YOU are a bigger and badder one!” Black. Unapologetic ally, Black. Mother. Daughter. Writer. Forever Student. Leader. Follower. Lover. Feminist. Nature Enthusiast. Progressive Literary Enthusiast. Sociologist. Lover of animals....Do you like me now? I am a conundrum of unspoken thoughts. The juxtaposition between what you feel and what you know. I follow my heart
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Honors
Forty Leading Ladies
On the final day of Black History Month and during the biggest HBCU basketball weekend, CIAA, The Prevailing Woman partnered with Courvoisier to honor Forty Leading Ladies in Charlotte, NC. The overpowering inspiration was impalpable, and left honorees feeling {re} connected to 39 ladies to create more black girl magic. Honorees ranged from media personalities to founders to corporate executives and so much more. Instead of traditional plaques and certificates, we presented the ladies with personalized bottles of Courvoisier VS. Congratulations ladies! Photographer credit: Rotcelis Rose Photography
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