the pulp: The Meaty Bits (Issue 11, December 2014) by The Pulp

Issue 11, December 2014

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits)

The People of the Hour! magazine Editor Talk This month marks the end of our first year of publication. If anyone is still reading, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support. I’m proud of what we’ve achieved with the magazine and I look forward to another year of even more awesome nerdiness. I couldn’t have done any of this without my wonderful contributors—their hard work ensured that everyone wasn’t subjected to a magazine written entirely by me (a scary thought). They’ve been consistently brilliant at contributing funny, thoughtful, and insightful articles to the magazine and, for that, I am eternally grateful.

Matt Bowes Self-proclaimed cultural commentator of good taste. Enjoys movies/books, and writes about them at thisnerdinglife.com. @matt_bowes Teresa Simmons Fashion writer/blogger at Simmons On Style. Can’t live w/out little black dresses, seafood, Indie music, and lip gloss. @simmonsonstyle Russ Dobler Known as "Dog" to friends and weirdos; wannabe scientist; beer lover. Blogs at thoughtfulconduit.com/whatdoesthismean. Allan Mott Film enthusiast and blogger at vanityfear.com. Can be found giving opinions on films and other cultural paraphernalia @HouseofGlib. Erin Fraser Film curator and cinephile, comic aficionado, and pop culture commentator. Found at erinefraser.com or @erinefraser.

This issue is a tribute to The Pulp’s writers. It’s a collection of our favourite and most popular articles from this past year. Why is it called The Meaty Bits? Because it’s a big, fat issue, that’s why. We’ve compiled a collection of the best of the best—the articles that had thousands of views, the articles that prompted Twitter discussions, and the articles that (simply put) I like best. That’s just the perks of being Editor-in-Chief, I suppose.

Kelsey Beier Lover of music, writing, traveling and working with kids. Teacher by day; unpublished author by night (and sometimes on the weekends).

Thank you again to everyone for reading and we look forward to bringing you even more great content in the new year.

Steve Munro Freelance writer who got his start in the industry over a decade ago in Montreal, Quebec. @steve_r_munro

Enjoy this issue of The Pulp: The Meaty Bits.

Cheryl Editor-in-Chief thepulppress.com Cover photo: cottontag.blogspot.com Back cover photo: Cheryl’s pocket watch

Cheryl Cottrell-Smith, Editor-in-Chief Writer/editor. Founder of The Pulp and lover of comics, gaming, anime, old literature, and gin. Especially gin. @CottrellSmithC

Eric Silver Writing and editing by day, collecting gym badges by night...and sometimes day. Quitting smoking to use that time to game. @ericrsilver

Trent Wilkie Local writer, journalist, and outdoor nerd. Can be found at www.trentwilkie.com. @thetrentwilkie Sherry Lawler Local editor and writer. Linguist, grammarian, language enthusiast, and owner of AlphaProofing. @AlphaProofing CBW Caswell Local writer and editor, published journalist, and nominee for the Emerging Writer Award at the 2014 AMPA Awards. @cbwcaswell

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits)

CONTENTS musings

fashion + cosplay

lit + film

On the art of cosplay – Steve Munro

Cosplay, consent, and the 2014 Calgary Expo – Cheryl Cottrell-Smith

For Your (Re)Consideration: Andrew Stanton’s John Carter (2012) – Matt Bowes

24 13

An interview with The Owlery’s Jenna Hamler – Teresa Simmons

Back to the Gangland: Keanu Reeves is John Wick – Erin Fraser Graffiti Bridge (1990)

One Too Many: Graffiti Bridge (1990) – Allan Mott

What defines an excellent teacher and who has the right to decide? – Kelsey Beier

bites 41

Drinking with swagger: the art of the martini – Sherry Lawler

gamertown

Breaking video games like a legend Tom D.’s Unsanity Live – CBW Caswell

Eric Silver’s Choose Your Own Pokémon Adventure, Part I

comics + graphic novels 28

Heat Check: The top four oddball properties Marvel Studios should try next – Russ Dobler

tech life 5 3

face(PALM)book – Trent Wilkie

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits)

On the art of cosplay

Written by Steve Munro | Image courtesy of Milon Hall Photography I met up with Alan McDougall in downtown Edmonton, at Commerce Place on Jasper Avenue. He was on his way to Naginata practice – a martial art that teaches the use and techniques of the polearm favoured by the Samurai. We stopped for coffee and a quick chat about another of his intriguing hobbies: cosplay. Alan has been a regular at Animethon for roughly the past fifteen years, since the convention's fifth or sixth year. He never considered himself to be a serious cosplayer, just someone who liked to dress up as various characters from anime series that he enjoyed and for which he wanted to show his support. His first attempt at a serious costumed character representation was as Seishirō Sakurazuka from the animated series “X,” which did not turn out as expected. “[Seishirō Sakurazuka] is an assassin with a glass eye,” Alan explained, “So, I used a white-out contact lens for that effect. There was a problem with the lens, and that's how I damaged my left eye.” He added, “I still participated in Animethon, but I started looking for alternate costumes or ways to incorporate the eyepatch.” To that end, we discussed how cosplay isn't just limited to the anime fandom, but is now a staple of other fandoms as well. He mentioned the possibility of dressing as 4 “The Governor” from the AMC television series “The Walking Dead” for a future convention. The conversation drifted into

“The Governor” from the AMC television series “The Walking Dead” for a future convention. The conversation drifted into the controversial discussion of cosplay and body type. Alan explained that there are two prevailing opinions among cosplayers; one group that says people should only dress for body type, and another that doesn't seem to care about body type and character selection. Alan identifies with the latter mindset. “I try to be realistic about the characters I choose,” he said, “but it really shouldn't matter as long as you're having fun doing it.” We discussed the nature of this criticism, and reached a common conclusion: the critics will always be there. “When you perform any kind of art, when you put yourself out there, you're always going to be open to critics. The trick is to not take them personally and keep doing what you love to do.” Part of that fun and love of the art comes from the creation process. “Photography, makeup, props, costumes...there's lots of dedication to the art. There have been times [someone] has been up until 2am working on their costume...” One of these dedicated people is Ven Tsun, a cosplayer gaining popularity in the fandom. In late March, Alan will be heading to Vancouver to model with Ven in an “Attack on Titan” themed photoshoot designed to focus on the character Levi from the series. Alan explained that he and

“Attack on Titan” themed photoshoot [pictured here] designed to focus on the character Levi from the series. Alan explained that he and Ven have been friends for years, and that the shoot was inspired by suggestions from Ven's 1200 (approx.) Facebook fans. Alan expects this to be a lot of fun, “I've never done a serious photoshoot before...this will be my first pro shoot. I know the cosplay won't be exact, but that's the awesome thing about fiction: it's not real. You can change it to meet your needs.” He also expected the photos to be released gradually via Ven's Tumblr page, I asked if he had any other future characters that he would really want to play. “Cobra Commander. The tough part will be the helmet and getting the faceplate chromed.” Half-jokingly, I asked if he could also do the iconic voice of Cobra Commander from the 1980's G.I. Joe cartoon series. Alan belted out a surprisingly accurate battle cry of “Cobraaa!” to prove it.

face(PALM)book

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits)

Words and images by Trent Wilkie

Trent Wilkie posted a status update Trent Wilkie posted a status update If you post it on the Facebook, it has to be true.

I got a lot of faxes over my Twitter tips story, so I’m back to add another chapter about how to get dragons pregnant Facebook. Facebook is slowly becoming a communal bath of opinions and saggy skin. So, with that said, let’s plunge elbow deep into the smelly truth of how to succeed whilst utilizing the lowest common denominator of social media. Some people might like this.

Hate is advertising Whether or not you like (insert celebrity here), if you are talking about (insert celebrity here), then (insert celebrity here) is winning. It’s the internet, people.

Recipes If you’re going to post recipes, do them right.

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits)

Trent Wilkie shared a photo

Ecards

On the subject of over-sharers

Post them. They still make you cool.

If you don’t like people posting pictures of babies/dogs/kisses, then block them.

Or better yet, turn off the computer. If these types of people anger you, exhibit some self-control. Walk away. Breathe deep. Find your center. Allow the mystic powers of the universe to encompass your senses and stop thinking that everything on the internet is intended for your pleasure. You don’t have the right to not be offended.

Trent Wilkie posted a status update

Grandiose sycophancy: “My mom/aunt/boyfriend/girlfriend/doctor/ cat/horse/ghost is the BEST IN THE WORLD!” Tone that shit down. There is no proper system to even quantify that. Plus, they know they are not the best. Ask them why…they know the answer. The internets, normal people, and your mom like this.

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits)

For Your (Re)Consideration: Andrew StAnton’S John Carter (2012) One hundred years

after its original serialization in The AllStory magazine, Edgar Rice Burroughs’ pulp classic A Princess of Mars found itself in an incredibly strange position when the film adaptation finally reached movie theatres. The movie was saddled with a terrible, bland title that makes sense only to people who’d read the book and a marketing campaign that utterly failed to stir viewers’ interests. According to Hollywood lore, the director, Andrew Stanton, thought that the character John Carter was much better known than it turned out he was, and also that teen males wouldn’t want to go see a movie called “A Princess of Mars” (which, for the record, was a really stupid idea). In addition to this bungling, the book’s storyline had been so influential since its publication, referenced by dozens of works like Flash Gordon, Dune, Star Wars and, most recently, 2009’s Avatar, that the audiences who actually did end up seeing it must have thought they were being ripped off. John Carter, the stalwart Virginian fighting man who could cut down legions of multi-limbed Martian monsters while armed only with his trusty blade and radium pistol, never stood a chance against his greatest foe: his cultural irrelevance. Which is a shame, considering the movie is actually quite good. To wit, while the story beats of the film are no doubt familiar, what makes Stanton’s follow up to the massive success of WALLE special is the talent, the tone, and the production design of the project. John Carter (Taylor Kitsch) is a Confederate Army cavalry officer who returns home from the war to find his family massacred and his life burnt to the ground. Grief-stricken, he becomes a gold prospector in Arizona and, after escaping

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits)

Written by Matt Bowes | Image courtesy of Disney

ground. Grief-stricken, he becomes a gold prospector in Arizona and, after escaping from a pitched battle between the U.S. Army and the Apache, he ends up magically teleported to Mars, which its inhabitants call Barsoom. Here, his strength and agility are increased ten-fold due to Barsoom’s lesser gravity, but this still doesn’t stop him from getting captured and pressed into service once more, this time by Dejah Thoris, the beautiful Princess of Helium, who needs him to fight against the rival city-state of Zodanga. To translate the story for modern audiences, Stanton and fellow Pixar employee Mark Andrews collaborated with the perfect writer for the project: Michael Chabon. The author of Wonder Boys, The Yiddish Policemen’s Union and The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay was an inspired choice to pen the screenplay, as he’s a fan and expert in pulpy material in addition to being a Pulitzer, O. Henry, Nebula and Hugo award winner. Chabon is also credited with working on Spider-Man 2, the best of the Sam Raimi Spider-Man films and, more importantly, just gets the material and the tone it needed to be successful. Apart from the awkward opening to the film explaining how Mars, aka. Barsoom, is a dying world (delivered by Willem Defoe’s character Tars Tarkas with shades of Virginia Madsen’s monologue preceding Dune), the story of John Carter is related to us in the form of fun banter between the Princess and the former soldier, excellent villain monologuing by Mark Strong and Dominic “McNulty” West, and a refreshingly irony-free approach to the more outré elements of the story. There’s also a cute metatextual conceit remaining from the original book; i.e. that

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits) also a cute metatextual conceit remaining from the original book; i.e. that the story actually happened and that Edgar Rice Burroughs himself is only relating it to us, but this isn’t dwelled upon long enough for it to become annoying.

“

Name another sci-fi film The world of Barsoom also provides that features three excellent roles for female characters, approaches to whichdifferent is potentially unusual considering the age of the original story. Dejah father/daughter bonds. Thoris, ably played by Lynn Collins, has definitely Go on,from I’llthewait. been augmented source material;

instead of the perennial kidnap victim of the novels, she’s now a member of her cityThe world of Barsoom also provides state’s scientific orders and is the one that excellent roles for female characters, figures out concepts like how Carter ended which is potentially unusual considering up on Barsoom, and the origin of the the age of the original story. Dejah Thoris, mysterious “ninth ray” that powers ably played by Lynn Collins, has definitely Zodanga’s war machine. This is in addition been augmented from the source material; to being a skilled fighter who saves the instead of the perennial kidnap victim of hero’s behind on multiple occasions. The the novels, she’s now a member of her citymore interesting character to me, though, state’s scientific orders and is the one that comes in the form of Sola, played by figures out concepts like how Carter ended Samantha Morton. Sola is a Thark, a up on Barsoom, and the origin of the twelve-foot tall green-skinned warrior mysterious “ninth ray” that powers with four arms and she’s also the daughter Zodanga’s war machine. This is in addition of the chief, Tars Tarkas. Thark society to being a skilled fighter who saves the forbids knowledge of who your parents hero’s behind on multiple occasions. The are, though, so she’s also forever getting in more interesting character to me, though, trouble for being too kind to captives like comes in the form of Sola, played by John Carter, incurring the wrath of the Samantha Morton. Sola is a Thark, a father she doesn’t really know in the harsh twelve-foot tall green-skinned warrior Thark justice system. with four arms and she’s also the daughter Sola is a fully-realized character; she of the chief, Tars Tarkas. Thark society is craven at times, like when faced with the forbids knowledge of who your parents potential desecration of Thark religious are, though, so she’s also forever getting in ceremonies, but at other instances is as trouble for being too kind to captives like bloodthirsty and down to ride as the rest of John Carter, incurring the wrath of the her kin. There’s also an interesting tenor to father she doesn’t really know in the harsh hers and Tarkas’ relationship, once they Thark justice system. are able to speak it out loud: a mutual Sola is a fully-realized character; she respect continues to grow and Sola finds is craven at times, like when faced with the herself having to defend her father once potential desecration of Thark religious he’s dethroned and sentenced to death in ceremonies, but at other instances is as the arena. Compare her to the very bloodthirsty and down to ride as the rest of similarly-themed Neytiri from Avatar, who her kin. There’s also an interesting tenor to is a much more traditional Pocahontashers and Tarkas’ relationship, once they type character (also much more

bloodthirsty and down to ride as the rest of her kin. There’s also an interesting tenor to hers and Tarkas’ relationship, once they are able to speak it out loud: a mutual respect continues to grow and Sola finds herself having to defend her father once he’s dethroned and sentenced to death in the arena. Compare her to the very similarly-themed Neytiri from Avatar, who is a much more traditional Pocahontastype character (also much more sexualized, if deviantART is to be believed), or the Orion Slave Girls and Twi’leks from Stars Trek and Wars, respectively. Sola is also part of the film’s trinity of father-daughter relationships, alongside Dejah and her controlling father Tardos Mors, as well as John Carter and the idealized daughter he ended up burying after coming back from the Civil War. Name another sci-fi film that features three different approaches to father/daughter bonds. Go on, I’ll wait. The production design of the film is also top-notch. To me, the rich red hues and John Carter, the brass fixtures found on Barsoomian tech stalwart Virginian and living arrangements recall steampunk and the richly-realized worldcould found in fighting man who HBO’s Rome and Game of Thrones series. cutappealing down legions of There’s an lived-in quality to otherwise ridiculous things like airships multi-limbed Martian and giant walking cities that you don’t find while armed in a lot monsters of Hollywood science fiction film outside ofonly workswith like Serenity or Moon. I his trusty also really like the design of Carter’s home blade radium back on Earth,and as it’s stuffed pistol, to the brim with artifacts, anda other ephemera nevermaps, stood chance collected once he’s marooned and against his greatest foe: searching for a route back to Mars. There’s hisand cultural irrelevance. a tactility presence to the world that elevates the production and makes you care about the story. I also really enjoy the Whichfungus-like is a shame, organic, almost fractal way that theconsidering ninth ray works, it’s an interesting the movie is technique to apply to what could easily actually quite good. have been another “grey goop” nanotechnology concept.

“

Undoubtedly, I was in the tank for John Carter to succeed from the very beginning.

The production design of the film is also top-notch. To me, the rich red hues and brass fixtures found on Barsoomian tech and living arrangements recall steampunk and the richly-realized world found in HBO’s Rome and Game of Thrones series. There’s an appealing livedin quality to otherwise ridiculous things like airships and giant walking cities that you don’t find in a lot of Hollywood science fiction film outside of works like Serenity or Moon. I also really like the design of Carter’s home back on Earth, as it’s stuffed to the brim with artifacts, maps, and other ephemera collected once he’s marooned and searching for a route back to Mars. There’s a tactility and presence to the world that elevates the production and makes you care about the story. I also really enjoy the organic, almost funguslike fractal way that the ninth ray works, it’s an interesting technique to apply to what could easily have been another “grey goop” nanotechnology concept. Undoubtedly, I was in the tank for John Carter to succeed from the very beginning. One of my fondest memories growing up comes from looking through the luridly awesome cover paintings found on my father’s reissue versions of the Barsoom books. I read them all in junior high, and then again in high school. So, when the movie came out, I was happy to see that the narrative translated so well. I’m not going to argue that John Carter is an original work by any means, even though it was at one time, but I do think that the film version does have some redeeming features that make it worth a watch.

“

There’s a tactility and presence to the world that elevates the production and makes you care about the story.

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits)

“

Cosplay, no matter how overly-sexualized, is not a suggestive invitation for sexual acts, lewd comments, or groping…

Cosplay, consent, and the 2014 Calgary Expo

There’s a fine line between enjoying someone’s cosplay and making the assumption that bare skin is an invitation to touch. Unfortunately, a shocking number of people don’t see the difference between the two, which is why this year the Calgary Expo took pains to stress the fact that sexual harassment—in any form—would not be tolerated. Their campaign, entitled ‘Cosplay is Not Consent’, consisted of posters, a fiveminute video, and the presence of Calgary Communities Against Sexual Abuse (CCASA), who had a booth at the Stampede Park throughout the entire event. The basic premise of the campaign was to emphasize the fact that cosplay, no matter how overly-sexualized, is not a suggestive invitation for sexual acts, lewd comments, or groping. The Calgary Expo, as Canada’s second largest comic and entertainment exhibition, regularly plays host to a number of attendees outfitted in elaborate, excessive, and

Written by Cheryl Cottrell-Smith | Images courtesy of Vivid Vision and The Calgary Comic and Entertainment Expo | Models Vicky Lau and Lindsay Elyse

largest comic and entertainment exhibition, regularly plays host to a number of attendees outfitted in elaborate, excessive, and sometimes revealing costumes—on both men and women. The level of effort in some cases is astounding: this year saw characters such as Mr. and Mrs. Bane, shirtless Goku, and a remarkably accurate Jessica Rabbit. Bare chests, cleavage, and naked thighs might have been in abundance, but the Cosplay is Not Consent campaign seemed to have made its point. A number of cosplayers and attendees at the convention expressed their surprise that people seemed more respectful this year. “I certainly noticed a big difference this year in people asking politely if they could take photos of me in costume rather than just snapping them without asking,” said Deez Wallis, illustrator for Rocketfuel interactive entertainment. “It was awesome to see so many women be confident in their costumes; I didn't hear

“It was awesome to see so many women be confident in their costumes; I didn't hear about anyone misbehaving either, so I'm really happy about the campaign,” said Andrea Brown, Happy Harbor Comics employee and co-founder of LADY GEEKs uNITE (#LGNYEG). “I knew if I felt uncomfortable or unsafe I could say something to Expo staff and that it wouldn't be tolerated and I wouldn't be blamed/shamed for my cosplay,” said Sylvia Douglas, co-founder of #LGNYEG and employee at Happy Harbor Comics, FAVA, and the Walterdale Theatre. “I didn't cosplay but I still felt it was effective. You are well aware that there was no tolerance for lewd behaviour and that you can easily reach out to con officials for help,” said Stephanie Chan, Art Director for Sequential Tart web zine. Edmonton-based cosplayer, model, and photographer, Vicky Lau, is the co-founder of Vivid Vision Photography, where she spends a lot of time working with scantily-

photographer, Vicky Lau, is the co-founder of Vivid Vision Photography, where she spends a lot of time working with scantilyclad cosplayers and models. After her experience manning the Animethon booth at the Calgary Expo this year, she has no doubt of the effectiveness of the Cosplay is Not Consent campaign. “This year I wore more revealing outfits, so I was expecting attendees to be touchier,” said Vicky. “But out of everyone that came up to me to ask for a photo, I only had one person that “touched” me. And when I mean touch, they just wrapped their arms around my waist. The rest of the con-goers that asked me for photos either just stood there beside me, or just used hover hands! I feel that people are more respectful this year from the experiences I had.” While this particular sexual harassment campaign has appeared to make its mark on a very well-attended convention, the future of cosplay rights is yet to be determined. The fact of the matter is that many people use overly-sexualized fictional characters for masturbatory purposes. Seeing real-life incarnations of these characters may make it difficult for them to realize where to draw the line. Which is, of course, no excuse for sexual harassment, but it’s an interesting quandary. There’s nothing wrong with fantasies, but when those fantasies infringe upon the rights of a stranger, it creates a clear problem. As long as sexual harassment issues continue to be taken seriously at pop culture conventions, cosplayers will hopefully feel increasingly safe in expressing themselves through costume. “I've had major issues at past conventions with harassment and inappropriate comments,” said Deez. “This year, I didn't have any issues at all and it was great. I really think the campaign has helped bring awareness to the issue and let costumers feel more confident and safe about being at the con.”

CC Photo Credits: Calgary Comic and Entertainment Expo, The Will Box, Vivid

“

I feel that people are more respectful this year from the experiences I had… - Vicky Lau

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits)

An interview with The Owleryâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Jenna Hamler Written by Teresa Simmons | Images courtesy of Jenna Hamler

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits) The pieces that Jenna Hamler, jewelry designer at The Owlery, creates are far from ordinary and anything but boring. Inspired and influenced by nerd culture, her creations are the kind that start conversations and ignite fond memories from your childhood days. Jenna Hamler's designs are more than just jewelry. They are small pieces of evocative art. Her work is truly unique, one-of-a-kind and completely unforgettable.

Although I am personally in love with the idea of having an owl deliver my mail, I drew the name from a few sources and life experiences. I helped raise parrots and other birds for many years and the love of birds stuck with me from then on. There is also nothing that is more captivating than spotting an owl in the woods.

Who do you imagine wearing your designs? It’s really weird to think about someone out there wearing something I made. I think I would be most excited to see Daenerys Targaryen [from Game of Thrones] wearing something I designed for her.

Name: Jenna Hamler Age: 24 Business Name: The Owlery

What are you working on right now? I’m waiting for the dandelions all over Edmonton to seed so I can put those in a bottle and string it onto a chain. I am probably the only one in the city that benefits from our constant weed problem.

Has your inner geek always been drawn to art and creative design? YES. I love nature, books, Nintendo, cats, and internet memes. Nerd culture has a huge influence on the things I create. How did you first discover your talent for jewelry design and creation? I consider it more of a hobby that has gotten way out of hand. I had no choice but to start selling it, as jewelry began taking over my whole house. When did you begin designing jewelry? A few years ago, I started putting a couple of pieces together after having one of those “I can do that!” moments after getting sick of paying high prices in stores for unique items. I love DIY stuff and creating things with my own hands. How did you come up with your business name? Is it inspired by Harry Potter?

14 Although I am personally in love with the

I like random stuff. I like using old toys or collecting things from nature. I source some of my materials from all over the world, but sometimes it’s nice to wear something from your own backyard or childhood as well. Things like that feel more personal and more real to the individual wearing it.

What is your inspiration for your unique designs? How do you keep being inspired? I like weird stuff. I love the mystery of a message in a bottle or the nostalgia of upcycled rubber dinosaur toys. I like drilling holes in random things and hanging them from a chain or gathering buttons and macaw feathers and gluing them to a bobby pin or ring. My inspiration continues to grow when I see someone gasp while clutching a necklace hung in my booth. The excitement of a memory being clearly shown on a customer’s face gets me every time. How do you create your pieces? (E.g., choosing materials, design development) I like random stuff. I like using old toys or collecting things from nature. I source some of my materials from all over the world, but sometimes it’s nice to wear something from

Where do you showcase your designs? How do you market your work? I sell my stuff at the Southwest Edmonton Farmers’ Market, the St. Albert Farmers’ Market, and On the Spot Pop Up and Creative Edmonton Pop Up Markets. You can also find a small selection of my jewelry year round at Gracious Goods Café. What are your plans for the future? Practice. Practice. Practice. Brainstorming new ideas and having lots of adventures collecting supplies, building new displays and connecting with local Edmontonians in the hot (SHORT) summer sun. Find more information on The Owlery's website, Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram accounts!

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits)

Breaking video games like a legend Tom D.’s Unsanity Live Written by cbwcaswell | Images courtesy of Tom D.

There are few people on the planet

who are doing

exactly what they want to be doing. There are even fewer who are living the dreams most of us have as children — the dream of being a soccer players or rockstars. For a large (sedentary) portion of us, we’ve grown up fantasizing about putting our textbooks down, never writing another cover letter for jobs we don’t really want, and just playing video games all damn day. Thomas D., of Twitch channel Unsanity Live, does just that. When he’s done work at 5 o’clock, Tom comes home to live-stream some of his favourite games, his most hated games, and games that barely work. What started as a hobby has become a paid position, has earned him fans around the globe that have bought him games and systems, likely helped to earn him a repeat position as a quality assurance tester at BioWare, and brought his channel over 3 million views. Here, Tom describes how he got into the field, some of the weirder things he’s received from fans, and what he’s learned from the internet’s brand of unsanity.

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits) When did you start? I think it was April 2010 or 2009. Is four years pretty long? Four years is pretty long, especially in the casting community. A lot of people—especially on Twitch— have just discovered it, so they’ve only been on for a few months. What inspired you to do this? There was a community called 4-Player podcast. They had a whole bunch of GTA and Fatal Frame videos up on YouTube. I went from that to two other communities: T-9000 Gaming (they do other things now, not streaming) and another guy, Champion City Gaming. He was just a low-key streamer—four viewers every night. One night he was playing Fall Out 3—and I love Fall Out 3—so we were talking about that when, all of a sudden, my power goes out. Four hours later, I hop back on and he says “Okay, I’m back, my power just went out.” So I asked him where he lived and he said, “South Edmonton.” With streaming, you have to interact with the people in the stream and you have to do it regularly if you want people to come back. There’s a lot more interactivity. So you thought he lived in the States or somewhere else? Yeah, anywhere else, but just the fact that he was a local guy made me think that I could do this. It was nifty. Do you know much about the scene from when it started? When you were getting into it, was that early on in “Let’s Play”? It wasn’t very early on in Let’s Play, but it was very early on in streaming, as a sub-category of Let’s Play.

What’s the difference? It’s how you interact with people, because with videos, you do your spiel, and you post it, and it gains views constantly. With streaming, you have to interact with the people in the stream and you have

It’s how you interact with people, because with videos, you do your spiel, and you post it, and it gains views constantly. With streaming, you have to interact with the people in the stream and you have to do it regularly if you want people to come back. There’s a lot more interactivity. What was the decision to stream rather than do a Let’s Play? It was less work, in a way. Most of my work lies in keeping on top of things and talking to people. When it comes to editing, you have this huge pool of competition with YouTube, and you have to know your stuff. I just found my groove with streaming. When I tuned in last Thursday I was really surprised with how nice everyone was. Yeah, you got in on a good day. So on the best day, what’s it like? On the best day it’s just back and forth with the chat room: no slurs, just nice conversation with me and amongst themselves. On the worst day it would be me streaming a fairly popular game, something like GTA, and you get a whole bunch of people from a completely different crowd and breed coming in just yelling and swearing at you and telling you what to do. With streaming, you get into situations where you meet a lot of people you wouldn’t normally deal with. So it’s always interesting. Do you have any fans from outside North America? Oh yeah, from the UK and Japan. I stream 8-11 pm and they’ll tune in at 3 or 5 in the morning. How does the following system work on Twitch? Twitch has followers and they have subscribers. Right now, I have 19,265 followers, over 3 million views, which is over the course of four years, and for subscribers I have about 100. What’s the difference between a follower and

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits) now, I have 19,265 followers, over 3 million views, which is over the course of four years, and for subscribers I have about 100. What’s the difference between a follower and a subscriber? A follower means that you’ve signed up to get an email whenever I start streaming. A subscriber means that a person liked my stream enough to pay $5 dollars so they don’t have any ads on my stream, some silly emoticons, and a badge in the chat-room. But I never play ads anyway. The only reason people would subscribe is because they want the badge in chat or because they like me. How do you make money from it? I don’t run any ads, but I do make a little ad revenue because they force videos and I don’t have any control over that. I don’t make too much on it, but with subscribers I make some money. I think they split it 50/50: half to Twitch and half to me. I don’t follow it too much, but I get a bit of money as a bonus to my check every month, which is great because I did this for free for three years, and I enjoyed it, and now I’m getting paid for it.

Were there any specific games you played that brought on a lot of followers? My computer was one of the craziest things I was ever sent. The same person who sent the computer also sent me an envelope with $300 in American cash to go buy a PS3. There were a lot of times when it jumped, like back when I played Happy Wheels. It was part of a thing where I would play flash games every Friday. People would just post in chat cool flash games that existed because I used to be really poor and not play consoles and I had a bad laptop so I’d play flash games and I’d still have a lot of fun with them. Someone had sent in Happy Wheels. I played it nonstop for a while, then that got sent around to YouTube and made it super big. It was amazing at the time. When I was streaming it no one had heard of it, so I

I don’t run any ads, but I do make a little ad revenue because they force videos and I don’t have any control over that. I don’t make too much on it, but with subscribers I make some money. I think they split it 50/50: half to Twitch and half to me. I don’t follow it too much, but I get a bit of money as a bonus to my check every month, which is great because I did this for free for three years, and I enjoyed it, and now I’m getting paid for it. Were there any specific games you played that brought on a lot of followers? There were a lot of times when it jumped, like back when I played Happy Wheels. It was part of a thing where I would play flash games every Friday. People would just post in chat cool flash games that existed because I used to be really poor and not play consoles and I had a bad laptop so I’d play flash games and I’d still have a lot of fun with them. Someone had sent in Happy Wheels. I played it nonstop for a while, then that got sent around to YouTube and made it super big. It was amazing at the time. When I was streaming it no one had heard of it, so I was getting 1000 viewers a night and it was non-stop crazy laughter, because I was new to it too and I didn’t know what to expect. There’s a few other games where I had amazing reception. I think my best received game was Papers, Please. That was when I hit my peak. I had to check statistics afterwards: I hit 2000 people once watching me play this game. It was fantastic because the goal of the game is to find flaws in people’s identities as they pass through the ports on this crazy, communist state with high crazy security, and if you screw up you need to decide if you have five dollars to feed your family or give your uncle medicine. It’s weird moral stuff like that, but when it came to finding flaws in peoples identity, there’s a Twitch delay—the infamous Twitch delay—so I’d be playing the game, going through someone’s ID, and people in the chatroom would see me well before I was going through their ID, and I’d stamp the NPC’s card and send them through, and ten seconds later everyone

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits) because I used to be really poor and not play consoles and I had a bad laptop so I’d play flash games and I’d still have a lot of fun with them. Someone had sent in Happy Wheels. I played it nonstop for a while, then that got sent around to YouTube and made it super big. It was amazing at the time. When I was streaming it no one had heard of it, so I was getting 1000 viewers a night and it was non-stop crazy laughter, because I was new to it too and I didn’t know what to expect.

A lot of awesome stuff and a lot of scary stuff. My computer was one of the craziest things I was ever sent. The same person who sent the computer also sent me an envelope with $300 in American cash to go buy a PS3. A guy bought me a Wii and sent it straight over. I’ve gotten a few games, a lot of disc games you can’t send over Steam, and way too many Steam games—like, I can’t play any of them at this point. On the crazier end of the spectrum, I got a box of pasta that was shaped like penises, I got bacon lube, and one time that was absolutely terrifying, someone sent me a vibrator, which was addressed to my work, and they then sent it to my family who then sent it to me. So it essentially went through the hands of everyone I didn’t want to see it.

There’s a few other games where I had amazing reception. I think my best It’s something I received game was Papers, Please. That love doing, so if was when I hit my peak. I had to check I come out of statistics afterwards: I hit 2000 people once watching me play this game. It was something I love fantastic because the goal of the game is doing and feel to find flaws in people’s identities as bad, it’s the they pass through the ports on this Has working at BioWare affected worst thing in crazy, communist state with high crazy your streaming? security, and if you screw up you need to Not really. I don’t talk about it on cast the fucking decide if you have five dollars to feed because then everyone will ask what the world. your family or give your uncle medicine. game’s like, and that’s something I don’t It’s weird moral stuff like that, but when it came to want in my stream because that’s not the focus. And finding flaws in peoples identity, there’s a Twitch when it comes to at-work, I don’t talk about it too delay—the infamous Twitch delay—so I’d be playing much either, but the two lives will seep together and the game, going through someone’s ID, and people in my manager or my coworkers will go check out the the chatroom would see me well before I was going stream. through their ID, and I’d stamp the NPC’s card and send them through, and ten seconds later everyone I’ve had other people that work in the video-game would be like “ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THAT WAS development industry contact me and talk with me. A MAN, HIS ID WAS FAKE,” and it was the There’s a guy who used to work at BioWare Austin interactivity of them fighting me to find the flaws that and he moved to Irrational Studios. He watches my for some reason it was really fun. I think that was the stream all the time and we talk and laugh about crazy best one I’d ever casted. bad glitches in games.

“

What are some of the things fans have sent you? A lot of awesome stuff and a lot of scary stuff. My computer was one of the craziest things I was ever sent. The same person who sent the computer also

Do you think doing the stream helped you get in to BioWare? It might’ve. I did put it on my resume as, “I have experience breaking the hell out of games,” and my dad [Desplenter’s father also works at BioWare as a

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits)

in to BioWare? It might’ve. I did put it on my resume as, “I have experience breaking the hell out of games,” and my dad [Tom’s father also works at BioWare as a programmer] said, “send in eight of your videos of you breaking games,” and so I mentioned it. It never came up after that, but it may have helped a little bit.

any number of things is possible. But in the real world, where everyone isn’t bits and bytes, I’d probably go to a gaming convention or go work at BioWare and that’s one group of people that like video games that have their own traits that are very similar. But on the internet you can meet anyone. There’s no limit.

What’s the difference to you between a good stream and a bad stream? The only time I can say if a stream is bad or good is how I feel coming off of it. If I’m in a good mood coming out of a stream, then it was fantastic. If I feel like crap then I’ll want to quit. It’s something I love doing, so if I come out of something I love doing and feel bad, it’s the worst thing in the fucking world.

Is it something you bring up socially? I don’t ever really bring it up. It’s weird, it’s something I feel I should be really proud of, but at the same time I don’t want to show other people for fear of judgment. And not judgment as in, “you’re a horrible person for doing this,” but as in, “man, your stream isn’t that good.” I take too much pride in it.

Do you have any goals? I’d like to say that I do. I’d like to get better. When I started, I wanted to interact with people and find weird social scenarios. And you’d find out about people from what they’d say or how they’d interact in chat. And everybody’s unique on the internet. My original goal was just to meet people, and interact and learn from them. I’m still all about that, but I’d like to advance my channel, get more people in, build a community, the basic “I want to get bigger,” but I feel like that’s a really lame goal.

If you’d like to watch Tom breaking the hell out of games, you can catch him at his channel and follow him on twitter @UnsanityLIVE.

What did you mean by “everyone is unique on the internet”? Everyone has their own take on things, they have their own opinions, their own styles, like “everyone is unique in their own way, you’re all special” kind of thing. Everybody has access to the internet now, and you don’t limit yourself. When I throw myself out there, I’m not selecting anyone—anyone can come to me. And there’s no limitations: anyone can say “Hi Tom,” or “Fuck you, Tom,” or “I love you Tom,” and any number of things is possible. But in the real world, where everyone isn’t bits and bytes, I’d probably go to a gaming convention or go work at BioWare and that’s one group of people that like

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits)

What defines an excellent teacher and who has the right to decide?

Written by Kelsey Beier | Image courtesy of iStockPhoto and skynesher

Any former readers of my previous articles on hipster identification, mean 6year-old girls, and cat voices may be a little surprised in my choice of this particular politically potent topic; however, it is a subject that’s near and dear to my heart and I couldn’t possibly leave it unwritten. On May 5, 2014, Alberta Education Minister Jeff Johnson released a report on the Task Force for Teaching Excellence, in which 25 recommendations for teachers, administrators, and Alberta’s educational system as a whole were outlined. A few of these recommendations include forcing Alberta teachers to be recertified every 5 years, removing administration from the Alberta Teacher’s Association and therefore replacing school leaders with managers, allowing other professions to teach without a teaching certificate, and

therefore replacing school leaders with managers, allowing other professions to teach without a teaching certificate, and basing teacher salaries on merit pay based on teacher "competency," to name a few. "Could I consider myself an excellent teacher?" The release of this report led to my obvious questioning of what the definition of an excellent teacher is and who could possibly be granted the responsibility of making that decision. Could I consider myself an excellent teacher? I am currently in my fourth year of teaching and I have been fortunate enough to receive my permanent teaching certificate, as well as a permanent position at an amazing school in a great school district. Call me crazy, but I have been led to believe that my earning of my permanent certificate was purposeful and

district. Call me crazy, but I have been led to believe that my earning of my permanent certificate was purposeful and carefully considered by my very intelligent and experienced administration. Saying this, I have never truly felt that I was “in the clear” in terms of never having to prove my strengths and weaknesses as a teacher in the classroom. Conversely, I actually strive towards excellence in my own way every day and crave regular feedback, both positive and negative. This feedback can be hard to get at times because of the nature of teaching and the obstacles that come with it; however, I do believe that good administrators will make it happen without a legislated forced 5-year recertification of a document that has already been granted. In all honesty, some of the best

a legislated forced 5-year recertification of a document that has already been granted. In all honesty, some of the best feedback that I do receive comes from the students that I currently teach or have taught in the past, as well as my colleagues and peers. Even as a fourth-year teacher, I would still very much consider myself a beginner in the profession. There is always so much to learn, regardless of how many times you may have taught a particular lesson or concept, and it always feels like you could be doing so much more. Many of the amazing and excellent teachers I know are constantly criticizing themselves and their teaching practice and looking for new ways to facilitate learning while always putting the students’ needs first, even before their own on occasion. "Many of the amazing and excellent teachers I know are constantly criticizing themselves and their teaching practice and looking for new ways to facilitate learning while always putting the students’ needs first." At times, I feel like I am doing an extremely crumby job as a teacher. For example, it never fails that an administrator will come to check in at the exact moment when an average of 5 of your students are having a meltdown for a variety of different reasons. (Someone stole their pencil sharpener and won’t give it back; they don’t want to wear their indoor shoes because they are too “scratchy”; one child decided to hit another but the offender is also crying; another student forgot to bring their library books back; etc.) Thankfully, having an administrator who is also a classroom teacher and “gets it” allows for these minor crises to be attended to and dismissed, allowing for the recognition of the other 20 students writing full sentences in French independently, or the fact that after only a few weeks these 6-year-olds can successfully manage and organize 22 their materials and know where to put them. And then there are the times when I do

can successfully manage and organize their materials and know where to put them. And then there are the times when I do consider myself an excellent teacher. Like on certain Fridays when I teach all day, mark 26 spelling tests, stuff Friday Envelopes with information and classroom newsletters to go home, finish planting 26 flower pots for Mother’s Day gifts, listen to 10 emergent readers actually reading, and meet with 3 different families after school. Or days like last Thursday when I didn’t eat lunch or go to the bathroom until 3:35pm because I was so involved in activities with the kids. But the times when I know without a doubt that I am an excellent teacher are when my students cannot wait to come to school every day and plea to stay and help at the end of the day. Or when certain students would rather stay in and work over recess because they are on a roll and don’t want to stop! Or when my grade one students claim that I am the best teacher they have ever had (even though they have only had two teachers thus far in their school careers). Similarly, I know that my coworkers are excellent teachers because the Jr. High students come back to checkin with their former teachers on a regular basis and because our school hallways are seldom quiet and, when they are, the staff feel a little more empty and unsure of their purpose. And for all that it’s worth, for an excellent teacher, after an extremely challenging day in the teaching world, no amount of merit pay will make the day worth it. But what will make it worth it is the knowledge that your administrators and colleagues are on your side and they all have a similar understanding of the profession and they know that you are still excellent.

Edmonton’s Highlands

CC Photo Junior High School Credit: iStockPhoto and skynesher

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits)

issuu.com/thepulp

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits)

Back to the Gangland: Keanu Reeves is John Wick

Written by Erin E. Fraser | Images courtesy of thefilmstage.com, joblo.com, and indiewire.com

John Wick is the most fun I have had at the cinema all year.

Impeccably choreographed, perfectly cast, and stylishly executed, it is a rare breed of film that looks and feels nearly perfect. Keanu Reeves (The Matrix trilogy, My Own Private Idaho) stars as the titular John Wick, a former hit man who left behind a life of crime for the love of a good woman. When the film opens, she has passed away from an unnamed illness and John is seemingly saved by her parting gift from beyond the grave: a beagle puppy named Daisy. In just days after her funeral, intruders beat up John, steal his beloved vintage sports car, and murder the puppy. With nothing left to lose, John returns to the criminal underworld to track down and exact revenge on the miscreant responsible. This sets up the driving force of the film and instigates the bloody action that follows. Directed by two Hollywood stuntmen, David Leitch and Chad Stahelski, John Wick radiates a confidence rarely allegiances. A their character that could plays her role with a sense of by directors. two Hollywood feltDirected from first-time The pair have put to use best assets, theirhave background in stunt work,a toboth choreograph stuntmen, David Leitch and Chad easily come off as cliché with the strength and wit, giving off just the right and film some of the best action set pieces I have seen since John Woo’s seminal 1992 crime picture, Hard-Boiled. Stahelski, John Wick radiates a aphorisms that litter his dialogue, Dafoe amount of ambiguity required. Bullets and bodies fly in all directions as characters carry out in the inevitable bloodbath that follows a man down the path of

Then there’s Alfie Allen (Game Of confidence rarely felt from first-time sells the role in a way that only he could, vengeance. giving the character a needed air of Thrones) who shines as Iosef Tarasov, the directors. The pair have put to use their The cast is made up of some of the best actors currently working in Hollywood and everyone is ideal for their role. Willem spoiled son of a mob boss who selfishly best assets, their background in stunt eloquence and wisdom. Dafoe (Antichrist, Spider-Man) plays Marcus, a friend of John’s from his criminal days with uncertain allegiances. A character work, to choreograph and film some of Ian McShane (Deadwood) plays a and foolishly destroys John’s last shred of that could have easily come off as cliché with the aphorisms that litter his dialogue, Dafoe sells the role in a way that only he the best action set pieces I have seen since hotel proprietor who keeps the balance in hope because he wanted a new plaything. could, giving the character a needed air of eloquence and wisdom. John Woo’s seminal 1992 crime picture, the criminal world, and fellow ex-HBO Allen has a rare quality among actors, a Ian McShane (Deadwood) plays a hotel proprietor who keeps the balance in the criminal world, and fellow ex-HBO player Hard-Boiled. Bullets and bodies fly in all player Lance Reddick (The Wire) is the backpfeifengesicht, German for “a face Lance Reddick (The Wire) is the hotel’s well-mannered concierge. John Leguizamo (William Shakespeare’s Romeo + Juliet) directions as characters carry out in the hotel’s well-mannered concierge. John badly in need of a fist,” and he embodies pops up as the owner of the regular chop shop. The film’s lone female role belongs to Adrianne Palicki (Friday Night Lights, inevitable bloodbath that follows a man Leguizamo (William Shakespeare’s the childishness required for the role. G.I. Joe: Retaliation) as the opportunistic Ms. Perkins, an assassin who is after the bounty placed on John’s head. Palicki plays down the path of vengeance. Romeo + Juliet) pops up as the owner of He’s a character that you love to hate and her role with a both a sense of strength and wit, giving off just the right amount of ambiguity required. The cast is made up of some of the the regular chop shop. The film’s lone John Wick requires that the audience get Then there’s Alfie Allen (Game Of Thrones) who shines as Iosef Tarasov, the spoiled son of a mob boss who selfishly and best actors currently working in female role belongs to Adrianne Palicki on board with the desire to punish him. foolishly destroys John’s last shred of hope because he wanted a new plaything. Allen has a rare quality among actors, a Hollywood and everyone is ideal for their (Friday Night Lights, G.I. Joe: Allen sets up to this challenge, but also backpfeifengesicht, German for “a face badly in need of a fist,” and he embodies the childishness required for the role. He’s a role. Willem Dafoe (Antichrist, Spider- Retaliation) as the opportunistic Ms. shows hints of a vulnerability that character that you love to hate and John Wick requires that the audience get on board with the desire to punish him. Allen sets Man) plays Marcus, a friend of John’s Perkins, an assassin who is after the ultimately grounds his performance. up to this challenge, but also shows hints of a vulnerability that ultimately grounds his performance. from his criminal days with uncertain bounty placed on John’s head. Palicki The film belongs to its star, though. The film belongs to its star, though. Reeves has been quiet as of late—his few recent Hollywood forays have either been allegiances. A character that could have plays her role with a both a sense of Reeves has been quiet as of late—his few forgotten or flopped—but with last year’s highly underrated Man Of Tai Chi, which he also directed, he is quickly coming back easily come off as cliché with the strength and wit, giving off just the right recent Hollywood forays have either been

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits)

Reeves has been quiet as of late—his few recent Hollywood forays have either been forgotten or flopped—but with last year’s highly underrated Man Of Tai Chi, which he also directed, he is quickly coming back as one of cinema’s best action heroes. The physicality that the role requires is a natural fit for the actor who’s made his biggest mark in special effects driven films like The Matrix trilogy and Speed. Here, Reeves’ uses his patented “affectlessness” to portray a man who has nothing left in his life to care about. He’s going down this dark path because it’s the only thing left he can do, the only thing that still has meaning and could give him meaning once again. It’s a self-assured performance and Reeves is convincing as the sorrowful

could give him meaning once again. It’s a self-assured performance and Reeves is convincing as the sorrowful Wick. While the promise of Reeves, the nicest guy in Hollywood, beating up a whiny twerp like the kind Alfie Allen excels in playing, is enough to get my attention, John Wick reveals itself as more than just a satisfying revenge flick. The film expertly calls upon a video game aesthetic and structure, of the kind that studios like Rockstar make. The criminal underworld functions much as it would in a video game, down to using gold coins as a base currency and having a 24-hour doctor on staff at the base of operations, the preposterous gangland hotel, for healups. There is a stock setting aspect to the

the preposterous gangland hotel, for healups. There is a stock setting aspect to the various locations throughout the film: from the chop shop, to the criminals’ only hotel, a giant multi-level club, and safe houses. All of these places exhibit varying degrees of ludicrousness and artificiality. As John begins to descend further and further into the criminal underworld towards his goal, there’s a palpable sense that he is leveling up with each fight, and the scenes in-between the action set pieces function much the way that cut scenes do in a video game. Unlike the games that John Wick resembles, though, the film does not objectify or exploit its female characters at all. While the film takes place on the

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits) resembles, though, the film does not objectify or exploit its female characters at all. While the film takes place on the inside of a lurid gangland, there is not a signal prostitute or gun moll. Tellingly, in a scene where Iosef is partying in a hot tub enjoying bottle service, the camera does not linger on the bikini clad women anymore than on the topless men, objectifying neither female nor male bodies. They are merely half undressed because they are partying in a hot tub. While the film does feature only one female character, unless you count Johnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s deceased wife, Ms. Perkins is one of the richest and most complicated characters in the film. She belongs to neither the just side of proceedings, as represented by John and those who adhere to the codes of honour established by the criminal culture, nor the corrupt, as represented by Iosef and his father who protects him. She is a rogue agent and her outcome is one of the most remarkable character developments throughout the film. John Wick might not be the best film of the year, but with only two more months of films and the â&#x20AC;&#x153;seriousâ&#x20AC;? awardsfare looming, I feel confident that it is the most entertaining film of the year. It is a film for film-lovers, especially those that love over-the-top action and seeing justice served.

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits)

Written by Russ Dobler | Images courtesy of Marvel Comics

Heat Check: The top four oddball properties Marvel Studios should try next 28

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits)

In a recent interview with the website Comic Book Resources, Marvel Comics senior vice president of publishing, Tom Brevoort, reminisced that when Marvel Studios decided in 2004 to start financing its own films, rather than licensing its properties to other companies, most pundits predicted failure. The agreements that brought the X-Men to life via 20th Century Fox and saw Spider-Man swing across the silver screen thanks to Sony—put into place in a diversification bid to prevent a repeat of the comic company’s 1996 bankruptcy—prevented the nascent studio from itself using the most iconic of all of Marvel’s characters. What could they do with the dregs that were left? Of course that was before a stuck-up billionaire in a tin suit revitalized Robert Downey Jr.’s career and showed proof positive that the right people could spin B-list straw into critical and commercial gold. In 2008, Iron Man made nearly $100 million on its opening weekend alone and ultimately grossed almost $1 billion worldwide. As the first film in what would become the integrated “Marvel Cinematic Universe,” it paved the way for Thor, Captain America and the eventual superhero jam session The Avengers, which became the third highest-grossing movie of all time. Then again, contrary to what some outsiders might have thought, the Avengers weren’t exactly the dimmest of prospects. “Earth’s mightiest heroes” were one of Marvel’s first super teams in the 60s and endured through the decades to eventually take their place at the top of the publishing charts shortly before their movie counterparts captured the hearts of filmgoers. When the announcement came that the studio’s next would-be franchise was comprised of a motley assortment of cosmic-themed characters not brought together into their current form until 2008, similar critical voices wondered if this would be Marvel Studios’ first major misstep. Guardians of the Galaxy would go on to make more money in its opening night than the

would be Marvel Studios’ first major misstep. Guardians of the Galaxy would go on to make more money in its opening night than the acclaimed Captain America: The Winter Soldier, before completing the biggest August weekend ever. Possibly emboldened by its apparent Hulklike invincibility, rumors now swirl that the studio will next test audiences’ credulity with the genetically-altered Inhumans. Although, really, if we bought a pirate raccoon and a talking tree, are a king whose voice levels mountains and a queen with prehensile hair that much of a leap? At this point, I think Marvel should just dunk its hot hand in a bucket of ice water to find out if they even can screw up. In that spirit, here are five whacked-out ideas from comic history that, if brought to the masses, could once and for all show if the brand is merely mortal or truly bulletproof.

1. The Great Lakes Avengers The Marvel Studios juggernaut has done a good job of making the word “Avenger” synonymous with “superhero,” creating a genre trademark that almost sells itself. Why not stretch that concept to its limit and see if it snaps? The Great Lakes Avengers first appeared in 1989 in a series that was already a spin-off, “West Coast Avengers.” And you know what they say about making a copy of a copy. Or a copyright, as the Wisconsin-based wannabes were once issued a ceaseand-desist order by the Stark Foundation, telling them to change their name or else. But in this time of corporate

Foundation, telling them to change their name or else. But in this time of corporate synergy, couldn’t the Avengers use a little local publicity? Or would guys like Mr. Immortal—a regenerating reject who was shot in the head during his very first mission – tarnish their public image? What about Big Bertha, with the power of being really large, or Flatman, who can terrify evil by resembling a piece of paper? Surely there’s marketing potential in Dinah Soar, the high-flying, pink pterodactyl-woman. That name’s a triple pun, goddamnit; can’t you see the dollar signs?! 2. Beta Ray Bill Comic fans take ownership of their characters seriously, and historically don’t like to see them deviate much from their status quo. The July announcement that the current Thor would become unworthy, leaving a more virtuous woman as wielder of the mystical hammer Mjolnir, was met with less skepticism than it might have been in times past, but it still had its detractors. Imagine what Walt Simonson must have put up with when he jobbed the mighty Asgardian out to a buck-toothed, horse-headed monster back in 1983. Beta Ray Bill, of the Korbinite alien race, set off into space after the fire demon Surtur nearly annihilated his people, and stalemated Thor upon encountering him near Earth. After the battle, Bill became the first other individual judged worthy of Mjolnir’s might, as he traveled to Asgard and fooled Odin himself into thinking he was Thor. Odin later pit his son against the impostor in a death match to decide who would carry the legacy going forward. Thanks, Dad. Beta Ray Bill won, but let Thor live and thus gained the Asgardian’s respect. Together they brought the hammer down on Surtur and the two have been big time bros ever since. Some say

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits)

2. Beta Ray Bill Comic fans take ownership of their characters seriously, and historically don’t like to see them deviate much from their status quo. The July announcement that the current Thor would become unworthy, leaving a more virtuous woman as wielder of the mystical hammer Mjolnir, was met with less skepticism than it might have been in times past, but it still had its detractors. Imagine what Walt Simonson must have put up with when he jobbed the mighty Asgardian out to a buck-toothed, horse-headed monster back in 1983. Beta Ray Bill, of the Korbinite alien race, set off into space after the fire demon Surtur nearly annihilated his people, and stalemated Thor upon encountering him near Earth. After the battle, Bill became the first other individual judged worthy of Mjolnir’s might, as he traveled to Asgard and fooled Odin himself into thinking he was Thor. Odin later pit his son against the impostor in a death match to decide who would carry the legacy going forward. Thanks, Dad. Beta Ray Bill won, but let Thor live and thus gained the Asgardian’s respect. Together they brought the hammer down on Surtur and the two have been big time bros ever since. Some say Bill’s appearance in the MCU is pre-ordained, as the strangely horsey skeleton of a humanoid can be seen in the opening moments of Guardians. If it happens, I’d replace Surtur as a foil with another nemesis, Ego the Living Planet. Because his name is Ego. And he’s a LIVING. #@!%ING. PLANET. 30

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits)

4. MODOK’s 11

3. The Fabulous Frog-Man He is the terror that leaps in the night! He is Eugene Patillo, son of minor Daredevil villain LeapFrog, who dons his father’s costume and attempts to fight crime to clear his dad’s name. “Attempts” being the key word there, as Patillo clumsily crashes his padded, cybernetic suit into equally farcical antagonists like the Alice in Wonderlandinspired White Rabbit and the super-strong Walrus, who I’ll guess owes his origins to some Beatles records and a couple tabs of acid. His accompanying nonsense notwithstanding, couldn’t the MCU use a crusading, guilt-ridden vigilante like Frog-Man? Spider-Man is still lost behind enemy lines, after all; although the film rights to Punisher have reverted back from Lionsgate. Come to think of it, how about a classic Marvel team-up movie? Punisher could use a new partner since Archie’s been gunned down. 31

When it became known that the villains in Iron Man 3 would be operating at the behest of Advanced Idea Mechanics, the nefarious science terrorists more often referred to simply as A.I.M., many thought the organization’s most well-known member, MODOK, would be the one pulling the strings. Sadly, as Captain America sequel screenwriter Christopher Markus recently pointed out, you can’t really include a giant, floating head with near-vestigial arms and legs without building the entire tone of the movie around him. So do it! Fred Van Lente wrote a 2007 miniseries focusing on the Mental Organism Designed Only for Killing and his vendetta against a onetime hook-up, the woman mild-mannered George Tarleton tried to impress by volunteering for the evolution-accelerating procedure that turned him into a highly intelligent, physically grotesque, living computer. The story—which in NO WAY borrows from a film with a stunningly similar name—sees MODOK assemble a team of sympathetic ne’er-do-wells to perform a complicated heist that will net him a weapon instrumental for his revenge. Selling a supervillain team movie might sound far-fetched, until you remember that’s exactly what Sony is doing with 2016’s Sinister Six, in response to flagging Spider-Man receipts. Unfortunately, precedent isn’t the only way Sony could scuttle a potential MODOK’s 11 movie, as several of the cads Tarleton assembles are presumably tied up in the Spider-Man licensing. The film would likely have to proceed without the Spot, the double-crossing teleporter whose only power is to create holes in space through which he travels, and Rocket Racer, a brilliant young engineer who supports his family by robbing banks with his souped-up skateboard. Might I suggest some possible substitutions from Marvel’s deep bench of bizarre bad guys?

banks with his souped-up skateboard. Might I suggest some possible substitutions from Marvel’s deep bench of bizarre bad guys? How about the Orb, a motorcycling Ghost Rider villain with a giant eyeball for a head? Or Ruby Thursday, a scientist whose head is a malleable plastic sphere that can form tentacles and fire force blasts? Wait, that’s too many weirdheaded villains. Better add Thursday’s occasional partner, Arthur Nagan, who has a normal human head…but the body of a gorilla. You know, for balance.

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits)

Eric Silver’s CHOOSE YOUR OWN POKEMON ADVENTURE Part I

Choose Your Own Pokémon

Adventure Chapter One: Getting Started

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits)

Written by Eric Silver | Images courtesy of Eric Silver and Nintendo Hey! My name’s Eric, and I’d like to welcome you to my…sorry…our very own Pokémon adventure. On this adventure you, the reader, will make the choices that will affect its outcome. Will I catch ‘em all and become a Pokémon master? Will I spend my days as a berry farmer or a Pokémon breeder? You’ll be the ones to decide, and I’ll play it out for you in the very first Choose Your Own Pokémon Adventure. Every week or so I’ll complete a chapter in the Kalos region, and each time I’ll ask you to help decide what to do next by tweeting me, @ericrsilver, with the hashtag #CYOPA. I asked a few friends to start our adventure for us: Thanks to @hudsonbrad, @ThomasDMillar, and @tayjoykay. Let’s get started!

“No kidding,” I mutter. Okay, think. Think What’s going on here? There’s a strange older man in a lab coat and V-neck talking to me like he’s programming a robot. I can’t move. Everything’s fogged, floaty, heavy, and wavy. It feels like a tape recorder sounds when it’s running out of batteries – slow and laboured. Am I dead? Am I dreaming? Has my brain been implanted in some futuristic android? Po..ke….mon? What? My eyes flutter open. I’m standing in front of a stranger: a tall man with dark hair wearing a lab coat. At least, I think he’s tall. Maybe I’m just sitting? No, I’m definitely on two feet. But it feels like I’m floating with no control over my body.

My spiraling paranoia is interrupted by the oddest question.

I’m able to crane my neck just enough to look down. Luscious blonde hair flows past my shoulders; mosquito bite breasts desperately pushing away from my chest; no bulge between my legs. That clears that up then. I’m a girl. I’m able to crane my neck just enough to look down. Lucious blonde hair flows past my shoulders; mosquito bite breasts desperately pushing away from my chest; no bulge between my legs. That clears that up then. I’m a girl.

I try to move my arms. They aren’t tied to anything, but they’re impossibly heavy. I can’t lift them. I look around, terrified. Where am I? Is this a hospital? “Who are you?” He ignores my questions. Still smiling his plaster grin, he continues his painfully wellrehearsed speech: “Our world is inhabited by creatures called Pokémon.”

. What’s going on here? There’s a strange older man in a lab coat and V-neck talking to me like he’s programming a robot. I can’t move.

Am I a boy or a girl? I’m obviously a…wait…I should know this. I know the answer, but my head’s reeling; everything is unfamiliar. Am I a boy or a girl? Why can’t I remember? Panic takes over; my eyes widen. WHO AM I?

@ericrsilver Female, Ashley (get it?), I don't know any gen 6 Pokémon though.

Oh, now you want to know my name? It’s Ashley.

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits) Oh, now you want to know my name? It’s Ashley.

“Bye, mom!” I shout, already halfway out the door. “Where are you going, dear?” My head pokes around the frame. “Out.” “Okay baby. Try to make some friends, okay?” “Mom, I’m not a baby!” “I’m sor--”

Seriously? “There’s literally one way to pronounce Ashley. It’s Ash-lee, not Ash-lay.” “Literally?” the voice in my head mockingly reminds me. “Figuratively.” I bite my lower lip to hide my annoyance. Wait…is that me? Must be some kind of giant mirror. But where are the edges? I blink slowly enough to see myself do the same. In an instant, “I” disappear, and I’m face to face with the man again. “Now, let’s go visit--“ BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BE-His invitation is cut off by the familiar jarring wake-up I hear morning after morning. Groggy, I roll over and swing my right arm a full 180 degrees to land on the snooze button. Stale breath escapes from between my lips.

“Mom, I had the craziest dream!” “Go change out of your pajamas, dear.” “Mom, I was trying to tell you—” “Hon, just go get dressed.” “Fine.” I roll my eyes, head back up the stairs, and stand in front of my mirror. What shall I wear today, what shall I wear today? That stupid melody is stuck in my head: what shall I wear today, what shall I wear? I take out my favourite skirt and hat combo and immediately put them on. The shirt, though – that’s a whole new ballgame. After, like, a dozen outfits, I walk out in a simple tee. It takes serious skill to look this good in such plain clothes.

“Hey there!” A boy’s voice calls out. I look to the source. There are two kids about my age standing at the end of the sidewalk. The heck? “Uh, hey. How’s it going?” “Great!” The girl answers. “You must be Ashley; welcome to Vaniville Town!”

I run my tongue along the front of my teeth, piecing together the few disjointed images I can remember about my dream.

She’s a chipper one.

I feel like it was more than just a regular dream.

“We’re heading to Aquacorde Town! Professor Sycamore has something for a group of us kids.”

Like it meant something important.

“Sycamore?”

Still in my bright pink knock-off Jaquane pajamas – gotta look good, even on a budget – I head downstairs for breakfast.

“You know, the world-famous professor?” Calem jeers. “Bye, mom!” I shout, already halfway out the door.

I slam the door on the way out, cutting her off. I feel a little bad – that was harsh – but whatever, I’m not a little kid anymore.

“Where are you going, dear?” My head pokes around the frame. “Out.”

Pokémon

I can already tell I’m going to have a problem with this guy. “We’ll meet you there, Ashley.” Shauna smiles and waves, and they’re gone through the town’s gates. Like I’m going to just rush off after them. They

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits) “We’ll meet you there, Ashley.” Shauna smiles and waves, and they’re gone through the town’s gates. Like I’m going to just rush off after them. They can wait if it’s that important. Instead, I head out into “town,” if you can call it that. Literally three houses in a closed clearing. How does a place like this even exist? At least it’s not far from Aquacorde Town, which is a little more bearable. I walk past Mom’s Rhyhorn, lounging in the sun, and hear a rustling from the other side of the fence. I peek around the corner and there’s a little boy, no older than eight or nine, standing on his tiptoes staring into the yard. I clear my throat, and he squeals and falls backwards. He seems scared at first, but when he sees I’m not a parent his fear is replaced with excitement.

fountain. People and Pokémon wander around, living simple, peaceful lives. This could be nice. There I’d be, sitting at one of the antique tables, sipping espresso and reading the latest J. F. Goodwrench adventure novel. A gust of warm autumn wind would blow my hat off my head and, as I lean over to pick it up, my chair starts to fall and a tall French boy – Francois – catches my hand and pulls me up into his welcoming arms… A shout from my left snaps me back to reality. “Hey Ashley, come here!”

“I know!” Shauna chirps up. “We should give you a nickname.” Um, what? The peanut gallery chimes in on this mess: “Lil a?” “Akins?” “Lady A?” “Umm I don’t know…Those are all kind of…lame. “ Shauna looks at me, trying hard to hide that she’s hurt by my comment. “What would you suggest then?” asks Calem with a bit of snideness to his voice. “How about Ash-lame?”

“I reeeally want a Pokémon! Then I could go wherever I want!” You and me both, kid. “One day, when you’re a little older, you’ll get your very own Pokémon. And you can go on an adventure that takes you as far away from here as you want!”

I slowly approach. Not scared, but cautious. “We were just talking about you.”

This kid’s clearly torn: “But…I’ll be scared without my mommy.”

Already? I don’t even know these kids and it’s going to be just like before. Well, time to batten down the hatches.

I smile and chuckle. “Well that’s why you have to wait until you grow up a little. Trust me, you won’t be able to leave fast enough.”

“Let me introduce you,” Calem says. “This is Tierno. He can really tear up the dance floor.”

He glances over at Rhyhorn, back to me, then darts off down the street. Kids. They don’t know anything yet. One day he’ll be a pre-teen, like me, and he’ll realize what life’s all about. Without really noticing where I am, I keep walking down the only path that leaves town. Aquacorde opens into a communal square with tables and chairs overlooking the lower district, where the shops and homes frame a central fountain. People and Pokémon wander around, living simple, peaceful lives. This could be 35 nice. There I’d be, sitting at one of the antique tables, sipping espresso and reading the latest J. F. Goodwrench adventure novel. A gust of warm

“How about...Smashley? ‘Cause I smash the competition.” I stare directly into Calem’s eyes. Trevor and Tierno seem uneasy, but Shauna, either naively or tactfully, pays no mind to the exchange.

Douche. “And this is Trevor. He’s a little shy, but he always gets perfect scores on his tests.” Geek. The standard small talk spills out of their mouths. How’s your mom? I like your shirt. I’m going to be a Pokémon master. Yawn. “I know!” Shauna chirps up. “We should give you a nickname.”

“Bro, you guys are gonna love getting Pokémon.” Tierno saw the opening to cut the tension and jumped on it. “Me and Trev just love ours.”

Um, what?

“Oh, so you two already have a Pokémon? What kind is it?”

The peanut gallery chimes in on this mess:

“It’s a surprise!” Trevor says. “Just pick one of

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits) “Oh, so you two already have a Pokémon? What kind is it?” “It’s a surprise!” Trevor says. “Just pick one of these three: The grass type, Chespin; the fire type, Fennekin; or the water type, Froakie.”

“Alright! This is Steve, everyone.”

Okay…

“Great name, Smashley! It’s nice to meet you, Steve.” Shauna says as she reaches for the Pokéball with Fennekin. “It’s so cuuuute!”

“Go, Fennekin!”

“What kind of name is Steve for a Pokémon?” Calen sneers, claiming Chespin as his partner. It means a lot to me. “Here, take this, too.” Trevor hands us all a Pokédex, a kind of encyclopedic database of all known Pokémon, he explains. “Try it out!”

“This is stupid.” I try to walk away, but she circles around me. I can’t escape. I guess there’s only one way out of this. I lob Steve’s Pokéball onto the street. He jumps out, ready for a fight. The ball shrinks back to the size of a large marble and returns to my hand; I stuff it into my bag.

Fennekin, huh? Let’s see what the Pokédex says about that? Physical attributes – typing, size, weight – pop up next to a picture of Steve. There’s even a little write-up about the species, and what moves they typically know. “I also have this letter for your mom, Smashley,” Trevor says as he hands me an envelope. “It’s from professor Sycamore.” “Really? Do they know each other?” “He didn’t say,” he shrugs. Hmm, well this fire fox looks pretty cool, but what’s up with that ear hair? It’ll probably evolve into some stupid fur ball. I grab the Pokéball with Froakie inside. “Yo, Smashley, did you know you can nickname your Pokémon?” says Tierno. “A nickname, huh?” I look deep into Froakie’s eyes. You remind me of him…

36 “Alright! This is Steve, everyone.” “Great name, Smashley! It’s nice to meet you,

Maybe it’s a love letter! But he’s probably old and wrinkly and gray. But then again, Mom needs someone in her life. Either way, I should take this to her right away so I can get going sooner. “Hey, Smashley! Let’s have a quick battle with our new friends.” Shauna runs up to me before I can get away. “I don’t really feel like it.” “Too bad! We locked eyes and now you have to battle with me.” Okay…

Alright, a fire-type. This should be a piece of cake! “C’mon Steve! Let’s show her what we’re made of. Use…” (I scroll through the Pokédex entry) “…Bubble!” A frothy jet stream bursts from Steve’s mouth and shoots towards Shauna and Fennekin. Woah. “Dodge it,” she shouts. “Don’t let up Steve! Move faster than it does.” Fennekin darts back and forth, knocking over chairs and tables, as Steve hops after it, bubbles

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits) “Don’t let up Steve! Move faster than it does.”

my bag to make him feel better.

Fennekin darts back and forth, knocking over chairs and tables, as Steve hops after it, bubbles bursting all around them.

“Oh, don’t forget this map.”

Where does all that water come from?

“You still haven’t told me where I’m going!”

“Fennekin, turn and use ember,” commands Shauna.

“It’s up to you, Ash! This is your journey.” “A journey? Okay, great. Thanks for all your help.”

A group of bubbles burst in the fire Pokémon’s face, obviously weakening it. Steam starts to rise off its fur. Its body temperature must be through the roof. It lets loose a volley of fireballs, all aimed straight at Steve. “Steve!” I call. He turns to look at me. “Do something!” He nods in understanding and turns back to face Fennekin, readying another attack. Just in time to get a face full of fire. “Shoot,” I push out through gritted teeth. His front leg is still on fire, but there’s no time to deal with that now. “Use bubble again!” On three legs he launches himself into the air and fires another super effective attack at Fennekin. Another direct hit; Shauna rushes over to her Pokémon and returns it to the safety of its ball. “We won!” I run over to Steve. He’s desperately spitting water at his leg, but he just can’t get the angle right. The stream splashes just inches away from the target. “Oh no, Smashley! Your Pokémon’s burned. Come here, quickly; I’ll heal it.”

“I’ll miss you, sweetie.” With my back to her I roll my eyes, but turn around: “I’ll be back before you know it.” “What was that spray, Shauna?”

Not likely.

“Oh! That’s called a full restore. It heals any status problem and all damage a Pokémon has taken.”

The wind blowing through my hair as I jog out of town and back through Aquacorde helps calm me down. The possibilities are endless. Who knows what danger, excitement (and maybe love) await out in the world?

“Thanks.” I hold out Steve’s Pokéball for him to jump back into. I start walking back towards Vaniville to give Mom that letter. After two or three steps, I turn back to Shauna. “That was kind of fun.” Calem’s nowhere in sight. Too bad; I would have loved to show him a thing or two about battling. I hurry back home to give Mom the letter. “What does it say?” I’m dying to know. “It seems that Professor Sycamore has a request for you.” “Oh? What kind of request?” “How exciting for you. It’s like your own version of that race.” “Mom, I asked you a question.”

Shauna takes a spray bottle out of her bag and generously applies it to Steve’s leg. They fire dies down, and slowly the burned skin restores to its healthy blue sheen. She then sprays the rest of it over his bruised body.

That’s all she ever talks about. That stupid world’s longest Pokémon race she won before I was even born. Her and Rhyhorn. The only man in her life. I’m sure not going to make the same mistake as her. I tell myself that every

“Are you okay, bud?” I give him a treat from

day. Gonna find someone to spend my life with and not focus a hundred percent of my time on something trivial like racing.

my bag to make him feel better.

As I take my first step out into the tall grass, I grow confident in my decision to start this adventure with Steve. I’m free; nothing’s going to hold me back now! Woah! A wild Pidgey! Gooooo, Steve!

----day. Gonna find someone to spend my life with and not focus a hundred percent of my time on something trivial like racing. “Oh, don’t forget this map.”

Here’s where we’re going to end the first chapter of our adventure. What happens next is up to you:

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits)

One Too Many:

Graffiti Bridge (1990) Graffiti Bridge (1990)

Some films sprout fully formed into the culture and are instantly hailed as beloved classics whose reputations only improve over time. This new series isn’t about those films. No; it’s about their bastard, forgotten offspring— the ne’er-do-well products of pure commerce that were forced to exist in a world where they were not wanted. I’m talking about the sequels and remakes that time forgot—the part 2s, IIIs, Lives, and Returns that not only failed to recapture the success of their originators but have actually been lost to time and whose existence is likely to surprise all but those of us who spent our youths’ reading Leonard Maltin’s Movie Guide like it was the most compelling novel ever put to paper. To inaugurate this series, we shall begin with a ridiculous musical fantasy that was begat by an onlyslightly-less-ridiculous musical fantasy—but one whose excesses were made much more palatable due to the fact that it featured THE GREATEST SOUNDTRACK IN THE HISTORY OF THE CINEMATIC ARTS. Released in 1984, Purple Rain is a film people love and remember less for its actual plot than the fact that it contains nine of the best songs ever recorded (and that’s not even counting the songs performed by The Time and Apollonia 6). It was the film/album that turned Prince from a critical admired prodigy to a culturally-beloved musical icon. The film’s look helped to define the excesses of 80s fashion and the album (perhaps the best ever example of the term “All killer no filler”) pushed so many boundaries that one track (“Darling Nikki”) directly led to the creation of the infamous record content warning, known as the “Tipper Sticker.” As a film, Purple Rain is many things, none of which could be reasonably considered “good,” but for all of its casual misogyny, unnecessarily dramatic sub-plots and cardboard character motivations, it nonetheless succeeds because all of this nonsense is fueled by the sounds of “Let’s Go Crazy,” “When Doves Cry,” “Take Me With U,” “I Would Die 4 U,” and the title track—which in the film allows for perhaps the only truly believable example of a climactic scene, where a song’s performance proves so transcendent that it instantly

Written by Allan Mott | Images courtesy of Prince and imdb.com

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits)

“

For the first time, Prince allowed himself to be a part of a group and collaborate with others in the hopes of creating something unique and special and he succeeded.

sounds of “Let’s Go Crazy,” “When Doves Cry,” “Take Me With U,” “I Would Die 4 U,” and the title track—which in the film allows for perhaps the only truly believable example of a climactic scene, where a song’s performance proves so transcendent that it instantly transforms the fortunes of the protagonist. In terms of plot and actual execution, both versions of Purple Rain serve as perfect representations of the idea that the truly talented CAN collaborate without also compromising who they really are. In the film, “The Kid” (Prince’s character is never given an actual name) risks breaking up his band because he refuses to listen to a tape provided to him by Lisa and Wendy, his keyboardist and guitarist (played in the film by Lisa Coleman and Wendy Melvoin, who were in his band, The Revolution, at that time). When circumstances conspire to finally get him to relent and listen to the tape, the result is the performance of “Purple Rain” I rhapsodized about in the previous paragraph. This was not a wholly fictitious construct. Prior to the recording of Purple Rain, Prince was famous for taking responsibility for all aspects of his recordings—writing, producing and performing every instrument. This, his defining album, marked the first time he let other performers play on his record and, most significantly, share song-writing credit. Purple Rain itself succeeds as much as it does because of Wendy’s signature guitar sound, which is unlike anything heard on Prince’s previous albums. For the first time, Prince allowed himself to be a part of a group and collaborate with others in the hopes of creating something unique and special and he succeeded. And what did he learn from this? That he really didn’t like it. The problem with collaborating with others when you’re a genius who CAN do it all, is that it’s very difficult to get out of your own head and listen to them when they tell you you’re heading someplace that just doesn’t work or could be better. At a certain point, this just gets really annoying, so you replace those folks with people who don’t do anything but tell you how awesome you are—which is so much less stressful, even if it

heading someplace that just doesn’t work or could be better. At a certain point, this just gets really annoying, so you replace those folks with people who don’t do anything but tell you how awesome you are—which is so much less stressful, even if it means your killer to filler ratio starts to suffer in the process. Which is where Prince was six years after Purple Rain came out and made him. By then “The Revolution” were no more and he had proved how indomitable he was by turning his Batman soundtrack album into one of 1989s biggest hits with multiple charting singles, despite the fact that it was mostly terrible in all the ways his music could be when his experimental genius hat was on and he ceased caring about anything other than pleasing himself. This, then, was probably the worst possible time for him to decide to write, direct, and star in a sequel to Purple Rain but, if anyone tried to tell him that, he clearly didn’t listen because, in 1990, Graffiti Bridge was released. And, just like Under the Cherry Moon, his previous attempt at cinematic auteurship, it vanished without a trace. The question is, did it deserve to be so quickly forgotten and dismissed? Probably, but I still kinda like it. But I’m weird. I mean, I love Xanadu, which is a film Graffiti Bridge has a lot in common with. Both involve supernatural muses, nightclubs and tasteless displays of fashion only marginally related to the eras in which they were created. But the songs in Xanadu are so much better, which is Graffiti Bridge’s true Achilles’ heel. It’s a musical about an artist who insists on producing art that doesn’t sell, which would seem more noble if it wasn’t the

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits) which is Graffiti Bridge’s true Achilles’ heel. Actually, “Still Would Stand All Time” is a very pretty song, but It’s a musical about an artist who insists on producing art it lacks that special spark of magic found in “Purple Rain.” It’s a that doesn’t sell, which would seem more perfect example of Prince’s deserved self-confidence becoming noble if it wasn’t the product of an artist capable of producing his biggest weakness. He clearly thought he had did it again, some of most marketable music ever recorded. Whereas Purple but Wendy wasn’t there to rip a hair off his chest during a Rain was about how much we can grow if we open ourselves moment of self-importance (which she has claimed was a up to the contributions of others, Graffiti Bridge is about the common occurrence in interviews) and let him know how they importance of staying true to yourself could make it even better. And he probably even if it means a pretty girl is going to wouldn’t have listened to her if she had. Still Would Stand All Time is a end up getting run over by a truck for no In the end, Graffiti Bridge is a colourful, very pretty song, but it lacks logical reason. antic, archetypically 90s vanity project Throughout the film, The Kid (who still (featuring gay panic, shameless that special spark of magic doesn’t have a name despite his now stereotypes, and gratuitous George found in “Purple Rain.” pushing past 30) is criticized for playing Clinton) whose central theme is if you try music that’s too “spiritual”—especially by to force Prince to play music he doesn’t returning villain, Morris Day, who has graduated from sleazy want to play, a beautiful angel will die. narcissistic lead singer of The Time to sleazy narcissistic Which I suppose could be enough to result in a great movie, impresario who runs the city’s night life like a mafia don (one but didn’t this time. Graffiti Bridge (at least for now) marked the who proves his mettle to subordinates by eating hot chilies end of Prince’s cinematic ambitions and its failure served as the without wincing). beginning of a period that saw him battling with his record label Over and over again, The Kid is shown to be playing songs while he insisted on pursuing his muse to the point that it began that result in shrugs from his audience and though we get the to alienate his audience (especially when he used it to get laid sense that we’re supposed to be going, “What’s the matter a la Carmen Electra’s solo album). with those jerks! That music is amazing!” we often find As a forgotten sequel, the film serves as fair warning to ourselves shrugging along with them. With the exception of anyone who thinks they can abandon those who helped them “Round and Round” (performed by Prince discovery and achieve a past success—even if you happen to be one of the inevitably-abandoned protégé Tevin Campbell) and the ballad greatest musical geniuses the world has ever known. “Thieves in the Temple,” all of the songs display the level of technical virtuosity we expect, but in the context of the film (if not the soundtrack album) they just lay there and feel like something we’re meant to endure rather than enjoy. And as this is going on, both Day and The Kid pursue the attention of Aura (Ingrid Chavez, perhaps best known as the co-songwriter of Madonna’s “Justify My Love”), who is literally an angel sent down to live under the titular dwelling to do something that Prince’s script is certainly certain of, but definitely keeps to itself. Chavez is actually quite charming in the role and definitely has an angelic presence, but her character is left to do nothing but recite nonsense Prince evidently believes is poetry and be sacrificed onscreen in the most ridiculous way possible. It’s her death that finally compels Prince to perform “the” song—the one that is supposed to play the same role “Purple Rain” did in the first film. It’s the song that forces Day to see the error of his ways and leave The Kid alone to explore his genius. It’s the song that reminds everyone how great The Kid is and what his future now holds. And it’s okay.

“

Actually, “Still Would Stand All Time” is a very pretty song, but it lacks that special spark of magic found in “Purple Rain.” It’s a perfect example of Prince’s deserved self-confidence

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits) The end of another era is almost upon us: Mad Men – seven years of influence on the resurgence of the craft cocktail. There’s no denying it; Donald Draper and associates remind us the martini is a classy, classy drink. Clean and simple, packaged in a very sexy glass. There’s a certain allure to sipping a martini. Fumble while ordering this classy cocktail and its allure could be squashed in seconds. Becoming a martini connoisseur takes skill, confidence, and knowing exactly how you like it. A classic martini is simple: gin, with a touch of vermouth, garnished often with either a lemon twist or green olives. Prohibition made Vodka them popular, but it’s time to get martini...shaken, cozy with 007 and schmooze not stirred. with the likes of Roger Sterling, perhaps with a bit of Cary Grant swagger. - James Bond It’s a sexy cocktail. It’s time for you to learn how to order it with the confidence of a secret agent.

“

Written by Sherry Lawler | Images by Cheryl Cottrell-Smith

Drinking with swagger the art of the martini

The Dry Martini

The Wet Martini

The Dirty Martini

Contrary to popular belief, a dry martini has less vermouth than the classic version, whereas the extra dry martini has even less; in fact, it has little to no vermouth. Nail the extra dry martini: roll a ¼ oz of vermouth around a chilled martini glass. Don’t forget to toss the vermouth before adding the gin and garnish.

This version is commonly mistaken as a very dry martini. A wet martini will render you more vermouth than your classic version.

Any Sex in the City fan will remember Richard ordering Samantha a dirty martini she so very promptly tossed in his face. So, what’s a dirty martini, you ask? A classic martini with a touch of olive juice or olive brine. If you like your olives, this may very well be your perfect martini!

The Gibson

With a Twist

Shaken or Stirred?

Roger Sterling’s favoured martini.

Not a fan of olives? Simply request your cocktail with a twist. Your sleek martini will be adorned with a fragrant twist of lemon.

This question always brings back memories of Sean Connery’s sexy accent and his confident way of ordering a vodka martini. A shaken martini means the spirits are shaken in a cocktail shaker with ice. Purists prefer the traditional stirred method, as they feel it is best not to bruise the gin.

This delightful version will be served with a cocktail onion.

TIP: If you’re up for a twist on the classic martini, and willing to challenge your favourite bartender, ask for a burnt martini. 41

Instead of rolling vermouth in a chilled martini glass, as you would for an extra dry martini, the glass is rolled with scotch. Impress even the weariest of martini connoisseurs with this delightful little trick. You might even get asked by hardcore martini-goers how to replicate this cocktail in the comfort of their own homes. Armed with this inside knowledge, the question remains: how do you like your martini?

Issue 11, December 2014 (The Meaty Bits)