Equality & Toxic Masculinity: How Gender Equity Gets Stripped Away By Social Norms

12 • The Rainbow Times • TheRainbowTimesMass.com May 2, 2019 - June 5, 2019

TOXIC MASCULINITY: INSIDERS’ VIEWS

Dani Farrell (below), 34, He/Him, African American, Founder / CEO of Trans In Color

PHOTO: ANTHONY ALVAREZ

Q: What do you think about toxic masculinity infiltrating in the trans men community? Does it exist? A: Although I’ve been blessed to be surrounded by trans men who are very open minded and accepting, there is no doubt that toxic masculinity is very much alive within the trans community. I personally feel that toxic masculinity is very sad. I also do not understand men with these attitudes. The majority of us, trans men, have been forced to live in the body of a woman for a good deal of our lives and have been affected first hand by the stereotypes associated with toxic masculinity. That is one reason it is so hard for me to understand why we would continue to perpetuate the same negative stereotypes once we are able to live freely as a man in the outside world. I know that toxic masculinity exists within the trans community because I’ve seen it firsthand. Toxic masculinity shows itself by “feminizing” men and this is negative because in a toxic masculinity environment women are looked upon as less than. Therefore, saying someone is feminine is basically a slur. One way that things are feminized are by calling them gay.

Devyn Nunez (above), 24, He/Him, Dominican, Photographer/Studio Production Assistant

Q: Some trans men say they've been bullied by other trans men who seem to support toxic masculinity. What are your thoughts on that? Has this happened to you? A: Honestly, I think it’s sad. They have this engraved idea, because of what they have experienced from their own family, etc., that they and others have to look and behave a certain way in order to be “trans enough” or “man enough.” While I haven’t experienced this myself, I know other trans men who get hate for not being on T or not wanting any or specific surgeries. There’s no prerequisite for being a man. A trans man who is pre-hormones and surgeries is just as much a man as one who is taking hormones and has had any surgery, both are just as valid as any cisgender man, even if that isn’t a specific trans person’s goal.

Q: What is toxic masculinity? What behaviors (attitudes, actions, etc.) fall into that category? A: To me, toxic masculinity is unhealthy, harmful, oppressive ... Some behaviors that fall into this category include, but are not limited to, solving issues or differences they have with violence instead of talking it out ... the notion that showing emotion is a sign of weakness, being homophobic/transphobic/misogynistic, etc.

PHOTO: APYPHANIE

Lucas Silveira (above), 45, He/Him, Canadian/Portuguese, Singer/Songwriter (The Cliks), Self Portrait

Q: Some trans men say they've been bullied by other trans men who seem to support toxic masculinity. What are your thoughts on that? Has this happened to you? A: This has absolutely happened to me. I've lost friendships with other trans men over these kind of situations. There are many trans men who see masculinity as a very binary, patriarchal performance. They have ideas of manhood in ways that I don't. I'm a pretty soft and comfortably openly vulnerable guy and many of the trans men around me have said to me that I'm "different" than most trans men they know. I speak to my past as a woman openly and with comfort and have even been asked in a group of trans men to stop outing myself, as they fear they will be found out. That

was something that truly infuriated me. I had been living in secrecy and in shame for so long and then even within groups of other trans men, they expected me to not be myself because they couldn't separate my way of being myself with their fears.

Q: Younger trans men seem to be taken (and try to even emulate the behaviors too) of other trans/cis men portraying toxic masculinity tendencies. How can they combat this? A: Just stop it. It's that simple. Get to know yourself as a human first and then as a man. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be masculine. I love masculinity. But I don't love the kind of masculinity that hurts people, including myself. And it's very simple to see what kind of behaviours perpetuate toxic masculine culture if you take a moment to look inward and make a decision to come forward from a place of truth, humanity and vulnerability. See Next Page

May 2, 2019 - June 5, 2019

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SHED LIGHT ON HOW TO COMBAT IT

Laila Ireland (below), She/Her, Trans- Military Advocate/LGBTQ Activist, Hawaii

Q: Do you think toxic masculinity hurts other trans men? Trans women? Relationships? A: I absolutely agree that toxic masculinity hurts other trans men and women, and even their relationships. Society has painted a picture of “how a man should be, act, and do.” In today’s society, there are many folks who wish to oppress the idea of gender-neutral roles or characteristics (i.e., boys can wear pink, play with dolls, dance ballet, etc.) and there are also many folks who wish to blur those hard gender-based lines and show that you can be and do whatever you want regardless of your gender. Toxic masculinity hurts and limits opportunities for growth, understanding, love, and community.

Q: As a trans woman, how has toxic masculinity impacted you? Or has it? A: I have lived on both sides of the very binary spectrum. As a trans woman, I have encountered toxic masculinity in many forms. Upon these encounters, I find myself having to explain and deter them from mansplaining why their behavior was such. I feel reinforcing the idea that not all men should be or act or do a specific way is extremely important as we move forward in life. It allows society to be more inclusive and diverse and opens the opportunities of life to everyone, not just a specific gender.

La Espiritista (above), Late 20’s, They/Them/Theirs (shifts within spaces & context), Genderfluid, Performance Artist, Author, Healer, Latinx/Mixed, Peruvian & Cuban, Two-spirit

Ryan Cassata, 25, He/Him, Trans, Singer-Songwriter/Actor/Writer, Italian

Q: What do you think about toxic masculinity infiltrating in the trans men community? Does it exist? A: It definitely is in the trans community as well. I'm a trans guy that, for the most part, does not pass as a cisgender male, and especially not a 25-year-old cisgender male. I'm lucky if someone thinks I'm older than 18. I'm not on testosterone and have an androgynous appearance. Many other trans guys have judged me for this and even bullied me for not taking testosterone. Some trans guys have even told me that I cannot identity as a man because I'm not on T. The rules that these guys have in their heads aren't rules, they are stereotypes and they are definitely toxic masculine ideologies.

Q: Toxic masculinity often takes the form of emulating cis men's attitudes and behaviors, is that partly why you

PHOTO: MAXINE BOWEN

created your IG page AllTransBodies? A: Yes, the page was created because we saw that most of the other trans pages on Instagram were only focusing on trans guys that look cisgender. In fact most of the media only focuses on trans guys that pass as cisgender. We wanted to show how diverse and beautiful the community is and what the community actually looks like. We don't all pass as cis, and we don't all want to either.

Q: Do you think toxic masculinity hurts other trans men? Trans women? Relationships? A: Toxic masculinity hurts everyone. Having any type of guidelines on gender expression and identity is harmful to society as a whole. People should act as they are and act with kindness. I try to remember to always lead with my heart instead of leading with ideas and stereotypes that people place on me. I have to be myself and if that's not masculine enough for strangers to consider me "male enough" then I really don't care. I care about being ME.

PHOTO: GILAD COHEN / JAYU HUMAN RIGHTS WATCH TORONTO

Q: Do you think toxic masculinity hurts other trans men? Trans women? Relationships? People in general? A: Absolutely. Toxic masculinity is an oppressive force, which ultimately attempts to restrict people’s ability to be their full selves. The worst part is it succeeds a lot. Especially for folks of trans experiences who are often made to believe that we need to prove our very existence, participating within toxic masculinity may be one of the main indicators that we are valid. I think that folks who may identify in the binary, it can be even harder and that there can be a lot of hate within the community to who is an actual man or woman. I also think that this hurts folks of trans experiences who are non-binary ’cause there is this fear that the validity of someone who is binary can be challenged, which is ridiculous! For example, someone in the community who identifies as a trans man may feel offended that I am on testosterone and I don’t identify as a man. It’s a false belief to believe that testosterone is what makes a man, because people who are men have always been men.

See Toxic Masculinity On Page 22