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The Ralll Page'1 Volume= l/3itr3 Number -6
The Lamaz Upp er School
School Day Shortened for Next Year '/'/ Zm·o Zwl'snrp
RI wzs 0ZSI Quoy ISZI Ssvny dcsamoritisation Xooy yvtzn worpmt zs z ozw xovrp unwvr Suprvnv Xourt Qustrxv Szrry Yozxpnu n. Tsv posrtron ou xovrp, zs Ns. Xooy vxpozmvw. rs not zt zoo vzsy to xonv yy. Vzxs qustrxv prxps onoy uour pvopov out ou tsv sunwrvws tszt ippoy uor tsv posnron. \Vsrov Ns. Xooy szys lszt z ozrtv pzrt ou tsv svovxtron proxvss wzs "ouxp," n rs not surpmm·t tsza tsrs "ouxpy" Rznu zounnz wz.s vzovwrxtorrzn zt yots Rznzz znw Xoounyrz. zs wvoo zs z trzwuztv ou Szrvzrw OzwSllSOOO. Tsv vssvntno ounxtron ou z xovrp rs to yv tsv ovtzo zwvrsvr to tsv qusl.r.(VS. Ns. Xooy pomtvw . out tszt n rs ··orpv zn mtvmssrp. . yvxz.usv tsv qoy usuzooy ozsts uor onv yvzr znw rs trvvn to ozwyvrs gust out ou ozw sxsooo. Ssv ponvw tsv f\'"q)O[lSryrorty au tsY xovrps mto tsrvv nun x.ztvtorrvs... Unst. tsvy nust znzoyzv t s· v zppvzos to tsvSuprvnv Xoun znw zwvrsv tsv qusll'Xvs wsvtsvr tsv xzsvs nvm svzrmL Ou tsv nzny zppvzos tszt zrv suynntvw, onoy two pvrxvnt zxruzooy nzpv n lo tsv 5rts xoun. Svxonw. wurrn1 tsv pvrrow ou :itourt proxvvwmts tsv xovrps rvzw tsv yrrvus (tsv zrtunvnts ou tsv opposmt srwvs) znw rvxonnvnw vrvwpomts to t s v r r rvspvxtrvv qustrxvs. Umzooy. n rs tsv :itovrps' qoy to wrzut tsv opmrons ou tsv qusu:w unwvr wsn;s tsvy svrvv. (gfsdagdf,d ps pag, 4I
Inside this Issue: Letter From the President page2 tudent Spot light: Sam Rubinstein page4
March 1993 / Adar 5753
School Announces Specifics of the Strategic Plan b'f Uri Hellman
own above Is an architect's coottptJon or the new nurse's office.
RamPage Poll Shocks School by Jeremr Stern A shocking poll has revealed lhnt Lhc majority of the student body is engaging in such sins as shatnes, ir hanidachnt. and bcn sorer umorch . The Ram P agc/WRMZ surve y. which polled lhc entire student body. stands in sharp contrast 10 an ear lier Likrat Shabbat/Aame census. which showed few violations of Biblical pr ecep t s . Noted sociologist Uriel C . Heilman points out that since the Flame conducted its poll nmong Flame staff, it was no1 indicative of r<'-0.lil)', The RamPagc poll exposed w1d�prcad neglect of the mitzvah of shiluach h akc n. One sophomore explarned. "it's too difficult to bother with the mother bird; it is hard enough to climb the trie to get the eggs!!" The poll also uncovered large scale trans gressions of the prohibition of'"lif nei iver lo titen michshol." Over 67% of students have plac.cd stum bling blocks in fronl of blind people. Among 1he 01her 33%. 76% would place stumbling blocks, but don't know what slum-
bling blocks are and where lo find them. To the surprise of many rabbis in 1he school. a whopping 79% of boys were once ben sorer umorchs, or s1ubbom and rebcl hous sons. The gemarah stipu lates that a ben sorer umoreh must be the son or two identical-looking and speaking parents. Further more. the stubborn son must have stolen money from his parents to feast on wine and meat glut tonously. Accord i ng to San hedrin. there has never been a ben sorer umoreh, nor shall there ever be. 1lle odds of having this many bcn sorer umorchs jn the school are ••infinitely small, " according 10 Craig Hclfgoll Craig added that '"infinity is not a number, it's a concept" Teacher response to the poll has been mixed. Rabbi Rubin, a famous contributor to the Ram Page. explained 1ha1 ahhough he could do "a lot of things."' he could not prevent students from wearing shatnes, since Kamaz is a "pluralistic school where no one is wrong." Dr. Jucovy was shocked to learn that students actually eat (comin11ed on page 2)
In the recent Principal's Repon. Rabbi Looks1cin 1old lhc Board of Trustees that some chan ges in theStrategic Plan of Ramaz would have 10 be made. Ahhough he announced a number of ad m 1n 1st rnt Ive changes, he neglected to include several key i1ems. According to 1hc modified S1r.11cgic Plan. lhe Rabbi referred to an "expanded health cur riculum." The specifics, some of which were left out because he "didn't want to write a megillah," include expanding the nurse's of fice into the teachers' lounge, sup plying 1he office wilh boxes of tissues. and hiring a secretary for her. The facullr lounge will be relocated to theSump and Ejector Pump on lhe SC level. The wall between the two rooms will be knocked down, making room for a cubicle for the nurse's secretary, more "sick beds" and more medi caJ closets and supplies. The new secreto.ry will be involved mostly wil"-wril ing late notes and giving students hot water for tea and soup. The students will have a larger selections of medication for headaches, colds, and other ail ments. as well as larger waste baskets for nauseous people. DoclorShudofsky W3S displeased with the nurse's supplying the stu dents with tissues. He feels that "1f someone needs tissues, he or she should be smart enough to bring 1hem from home:· Rabbi . Lookslein replied. saying, . he'/, who's boss around here. anyway? We're not getting any younger
around here, and as people we get older. ii gclS harder for lhem lo remember to bring in what they need." The nurse stated. ·•J'm glad aboul lhc expanded room and new amenities because I will be able 10 help more people. In addi tion. the aging administration will nead more heallh e:trc, and I'll be belier cquiped 10 help lhem. My job is to get them well or get them home, and with the aid of my new secretary and amenities. I'll be able to work much more efficient ly." Another change which was al luded to in the report was the in stitution of a messenger service. Rabbi Looks1cin asked lhe ques ion posed to Isaiah by God, ..t Whom shall I send and who will
(continued on page 4)
go for usT II did nol tal:e long for the es1eemed Rabbi to realize that Ramaz is without inter-office messengers. The administration is still debating over whether or not new people will be hired or whether the service would be added to the maintenance men's duu-es. --rbe jobs would inc-ludo relaying phone messages, bring ing lunch to faculty and ad ministration, bringing Mr. Dulny coffee. putting money in Dr. Jucovy's meter. and bringing food from Gristede's to famished youths. In his letter to the parents, Rabbi Lookslein stressed lhal lhe administration was not getting :lily r ounger in lhe 56-year-old school. Therefore h e has decided to create nn aura of a younger school To this affect, all the pictures. diplomas. and awards in room 201
School to Replace Lounge Furniture with Leather Sofas BJ' Uri Heilman After months of speculation, Ramaz. has decided to replace the furniture in the student lounges on 1he founh�d sixlh noors w11h leather sora.s. The decision came after numerous student com pJajnts of back pains when sitting in the lounges.
The furniture that is presently in 1hc lounge is one of a kind. ll was installed shortly after 1hc building was completed. The original hope of the administra• tion was that students would find the lounge so uncomfonable 1hat lhey would be forced 10 go lo class or study in the library. Despite these expcctalions, the lounges are heavily popula1ed by s1udcn1S
during nearly every period of the day. In fact, there isso little room. lhat the li bmry has become a stu dent "hangout" and the librarians have expressed reservations. Still, due to the innux of stu dents in the library, more comfon oble choirs were reccn1ly placed 01 lhc Sludy desks for lhe Sludenis· enjoyment. Sa.id one sophomore, .. I never used 10 be a library per son. In fact, I wos illiterate. But since 1hc new chairs have been brought in, I've convened and now spend all my free time in the library. Ahhough my chllllge of faiths has alienated some of my friends, lhey 100 are slowly being pulled in10 1he comforl of 1hc . library . . The new sofas should amve in 1he lounges on April I. The old lounge rumilure will be sold 10 vnnous high securily prisons. The sofas will line 1he walls, and lhe areas in front of the girls'
balhroom will be empty. How ever. on the founh noor there will be a love-seat in the area adjacent to the windows. To add to the newfound am biance, the paintings hanging in the lounges will be ta.ken down and burned on March 31. In 1heir place, the school will hllllg 1wo huge, framed poslers taken from the recent swimsuit issue ofSports_ lllustratcd. , The funds for the new furniture will come from the money col lccled from lhe sale of bagels and donuts at homeroom. Since the prices of the bagels and donuts are currently about four times the value of the actual victuals, there is plcn1y of money 10 spend. GO Prcsiden1 PerrySmi1h said lhal he has ''been working closely with Dr.Shudofsky 10 secure lhe pur .. chase oflhc sofas from IKEA.
(continued orr page 3)
Pagc2
March 1993 / Adar 5753
TheRamPage
Editorial
Letters to the Editor
A Call For Equality
Ramu bas had Its highs and lows o( sensitivity to Its students, but this hits MW levdJ or callousness. In Its tlTort.s to lmpn>ve our minds, the school lgnomo our boditS. But Is the lntelle<l11.1I any mott important than the physical'? No. Rav Kook, ror example, believes that a person-or natlon-neds both sides to survive. It L, unexcuseable how little the school cans lor Its students when It comes to tht issue or personal hygelne. •"urthtrmore, thls Mgligence Is Indicative or how out-of-touch and Insensitive the people In charge nr Ramu are to the students. In the sixth floor girls' bathn,om, two out o( thrtt stalls are virtually unusable. In the first cubicle from the Jen, there Is no lock on the door, making It Impossible to k"p the door dosed. In the ont closest to the mirror, the door opens automatically when tht middle stall's door Is opened. This has led to many embarrassing situations, and If the school truly cared for the weir- of Its stu dents, it would quickly remedy the problem. In the fourth floor and C-level girls' bathn>0m<, the mirrors makes people look thinner than they really are. This distortion o( reality Is eithe.r • plot by the school to make the females of Ramaz have a skewed sclr -perception, or an act of unexcusable negligence. Although many girls like thinking that they that they are as thin as Cindy Crawford, the wool ls still being pulled over their eyes. Like l am bs to the slaughter, students venture into the bathroom. una" a� that they are being fooled. Beyond the physical problems with the girls' bathn,oms, then are ideological ones present. as well. Ramaz prides Itself on being a fully coeducational lnstltullbn. Unlike almost any other Yeshiva, girls and boys learn Talmud sid..by-slde. However, this education al philosophy Is obviously only half-true, since total equality does not exist when it comes to bathrooms. \Vhy must then be separa tions bet,,·..n the male< and females of Ramaz wh,n It comtS to th• e,cmory syst,m? Al many collqcs, ''u�" bathn,oms ulst, wbtn: mtn and womm an not ruthlessly se-panltd by tht maktup and needs or their bodies. As one sophomore put It, "I think It ls ridlculou.s that there are still segregated bathrooms. I cannot beUtve that Ramaz, usually such a prognsshe lnslltuUon, allows this to happen. Frankly, I am disappointed." The odmiolstnllon answered that tbt bathrooms at Ramaz are "separate but equal," despite the 1963 Supreme Court ruling that the kin of .... parot• but ls • fallacy. Let's hope that Ramaz comes to its senses and reollus the unrairntSS prHtnt ln tvtn lb� most mundant of pl1ces--lht
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EDITORS-IN-CHIEF Rena A. Davis ♦ Uri Heilman • Jeremy Stem
ASSOCIATE EDITOR LcoraKlein
EDITORIAL EDITORS Sallrina Mm • Jessica Puaorman PEA11JRES EDITORS Rmce�. Ari- Mandel MANAGING EDITOR s-1117.iaa' SPORTS EDITOR RaiaSicbd OP Ill> EDn'OR DmdlllwkY
A Complalnl About L<tt,rs Signed "Name Wlthhtld" To the Editor. I am wrillng this letter in order to lodge a complaint against the plethora of people wriung letters signed "Name Withheld:• I un• dcrstand that not everyone. is w1ll i ng to affix their name to a controversial complarnt. hkc the one against the excessive noise crc:itcd by the rccit:iuon of B1rkat Hamazon in the lunchroom. Ho1wcver, th15 1s the only way to guanntcc th:11 such oprnions gamer the respect they deserve. I hope that m the future studcnlS will show the miuauve ncccssnry to ba.ck up their claims with their names. Name Withheld
Studtnl Speaks Out To the Editor.
Letta Withheld
Poll Shocks School (contmu,dfrom pagt I/
the hmbs off of h-.-c anim:ils. "I cannot believe students would be so sick :incl cruel. We ought to respect all hvmg cre:iturcs." As for the revealing bcn sorerumorch results, Or. Sarot w:i.s surpnsed to learn 1h:1t "Ben is so rare-he's pracucally becoming c.xtinc1." The administration expressed outrage at the results ofthe survey. Dr. Shudofsky w a s "'upset. angered, ilnd distraught" th:tit many students placed stumbling blocks in front of the blind. "'Not only do stumbling blocks litter the school. but they also mess up the buddJn'-" R:1bb1 Goldmantzcricd upon he:uing the results oflhc sur vey He felt that students should
observe these m1tzvo1 "for 1he commun11y." urging the school to ••forget obout the holacha:· Rabbi Lookstem could not be reached for comment on the poll. Among the less controversial results of the poll was the revel•· uon that less than one-tenth of one percent of a.II students actu:illy say anythi ng but the first two words of "'Brich shmc,h"' on Mondoys and Thursdays. lntcrcsungly. 95% of the boys regularly 101n the Torah reader in clunung the la.st couple of words of the ahyah. I00% of all studcnt.s-m:ile and fcfTl31c J01ncd rn for lhc. thud a.hy:ah of p:uashat Chayc1 Sarah, singing "oh1lh-ovcr la-a-soch�r"
Letter From the President
My Fellow Students As you m3y know, Ramaz has a severe image problem within the Yesh1vo League. We arc looked down upon by our brethren in the Fnschcs and MTAs of the "orld as the lea.st "rehg1ous" school 1n the c1rcumc1.scd c1rcuiL Well. 1 am m.1.d as hccknnd I'm not going to t.:ikc II :inymorc HAFTR J:udtnt- How many Ra,na:jans dou a takt to Jl"rt'W in a l,ght bulb on Slwbbos' RalMZ. Studt'nl· \Vhat'.s shab bos1 That's JU.St not funny. We don't h.avc to put up with this from 3 school that doesn't understand vowels. BtSidcs. what is Shabbos onywoy7 I bet they think they're
soooo frum JUSt because they don't np toilet paper on Shabbo s. flAFTR Studt'ttt- \Vin• d,d tl,t Rama: studtnl eat a MrDo,wld'.s lwmb11rger' Ramaz Student• 0ccaui;c 1hc cafeteria won't serve lunch on Tzom Gedaha. There's nothing funny about tluL Everyone knows that there's no McDonalds near Ramaz .. Anyway, 1f we don't fa.ii on Yorn K1ppur. v.hy should we fast on Tzom Gccbha? It boils down 10 lh1s· thcu por• t1on of O1:un tlobah may be big ger, but we're smart er. And cookr. And we have neg111h in our '-Cnior play Your �stdent. Perry M S01llh
Ramchops
AJl,r numerous 1tudtnl complaints that only the •d· vanc..S Talmud students were g,ttlng special courses, a new course was oddtd lo the Form V curriculum. The course, called Talmud-Ute, consists ol only four periods or Talmud a week. "'There Is Ute Judaism and heavy Judaism," said R a b b i Lookslfln. "This course Is for those who prefer a smaller dose or Talmud." The courK does not include Tosaphot. and already seven Israelitts have signed up for IL TlttModtl UNttam r<ctnlly rtturned from its thrtt day seminar victorious. Th• team wti a,.-ardtd best deltgatlon, for building an almost perfect sc.alt nplica of the famous landmark on 47th Streel. Numerous Ramaz studtnts wtre also awardtd but delegalt in commilttt.s for knitting tiny multi-national nags, and constructing the stn,rl outside th• building, the main haU, and the mUKUm, Tht' Israel Office, which was established only two years ago, ls moving rrom th• fourth noo1 to C level It wlU be sil11.1lfd where th• Collqe Office Is now located. One or the pur poses or the move Is that tu bbl Rubin wlU be able lo keep a doser ,.-atch on The RamPagt, which Is centettd in the Col1,g, Office. The fourth floo, room will brcomt Rabbi Loo�lein's ,xw.o,(!la.--i tbe colltge guidlDcr ct:nltr -wUI move Into the Sump and Ejec• tor Pump room, which they will share with the racully lounge.. ManJ stuthnts and ttacht"n alikt ha,, rrccnlly reallz.td how much thty value the condy mochlnes. Afier lh, one on C level was taken away. stu dt n t s , ttachtrs a n d ad ministrators took to thanklng the candy machint on fiH for not lt.aving our school. On Wtdnesday evening, Robbi Gonion and Rabbi Goldmlntz wtre Sttn down on thelr hands and kntes In front of lht machine, praying that a bag ol Dlpsy Doodles would com• out.. But ,nn admlnlslrators do not rttthe any sptclal treatment from th• machlno th•y had to pay th• n-quittd fifty cents.
Ramshackles by Scott Miller
l'ACULTY .u>VJSD Mr. Albert (locCz Th• tumP•g• does nol welcome your letters and opinions. W, don't care about your opinions on daHnlng, or tht length or tht school day, or Irresponsible journalism. or onylhlng ,lse. Go t•ll your friends; wt don't want to hear it and 1re slck ond tlttd of taking all this abuse aner each Issue Is printed. Shut up! Thank you. According to Robbi 1.,ooksteln, "'(the administration Is not) gdUng any younger."
March 1993 / Adar S753
The RamPage
Bakst Wishes "Boker Tov" at SFAC SFACMloules o[ Frh 141h The SFAC meeting began at 5:00 Chaim,an Stth Grlbttz btgan lhc meeting and said 1hat the topic discussed will be the dress code. He also s.iid that he would ap preciate if everyone would slick to the topic i n order for lhc meeting lo accomplish its goals. Dr. Shudorsky commented tlult he wa., outraged. angered. and upsc1 :u the recent influx of graf� fiti. wriLmg on desks. theft, and stealing at R.amaz. G.O. Pn:sidcnt Perry Smith s.a.id that si nee 1hc dress code is unacceptable, he would like to hear altcm:11c suggestions. Dr. Shudo(sky suggested that when caught. culprits should be shot with big, sory looking guns.
code, and that it's so obvious. he doesn't need to expla in why. Jason Goldbt111 picked up , across the room. knocking Mr. Miller out col d.
desk and hurled 11
Deedee Bencl observed 1ha1 some gr.iffiti on lhe desk were ob viously racially motivated. such .. as "this class is boring . Dr. Shudofsky dusted the desk for fingerpnnlS. Dttdtc Btntl promp1fy com plained that her name was not put in bold print the first 11me she spoke. Robbi Bnkst then eniered the room and sniJ '"boker tov." Seth Gribtlz then noted for the rrcord 1hat 11 was 5:15 pm, anJ was not in foci ''boker"
Secrct:iry Ja.son G.O. Goldberg said that perhaps tics wcrt" an unnecessary clcmcnl in the dress code.
Rabbi Bakst, upon seeing Mr. Miller unconscious with a desk on lop Or his head, exclaimed wi1h great wit. "what is this, a markerplaccr
Mr. Miller stated that tics arc of key impon,rncc in the dress
GO President Perry Smith began to explain what had OC·
curred when Rabbi Bakst inter jected "please s1op talking. all of you!" Ch:unnan Seth Grlbclz then noted for the record 1ha1 Perry Smith was the only one 1alking. Maintenance man J� rhen scolded Seth Grih<-tz for cof'TC('l ing Rabbi Bakst. Jose cxplatned th.al one shoul d never show dis respect for one's ciders as i1 i5 writcen in Tchllllm 173:12 "the voice of song and salvation 1s in lhc tents of the righteous." The Spanish teaching, year book a d vising. irrelevant photographic memory beholding Dr. Wan:hall suddenly recalled 1hat the desk potnted out by D. Ott Bcntl was wrinen on in room 304 on January 12th, 1989. She . al.so recalled that this was a .. D' day. p:u-tly cloudy. and lhat lhc pcrwn wriling on 1he desk was none other than chairman Sclh Grlbtlz. Dr. Shudorsky then sho1 chair man Seib Grlbetz with a big. scary gun.
Warring Sects of the Locker Culture
on the Rivcrdale bus. When the lockers on six near the bathrooms by DanleUc Druck New Rochelle bus hos penny approached Rena about admining When you arc casually handed throwing wars with the Riverdale the locker holders there i n to an 1..0. number at Ramaz . you arc bus. he doesn't know with whom SPiLBO. The rcque.�t was denied. automatically entered into 3 to :1.lly hinuclf. "After all," he and a new. competing locker .. specific locker area division of the says. Riverdale i.s part of lhe society on six was establis hed: school. ,:The narupl rcdu.tion of Bronx. and Mount_ Vernon is part SPiLBBB (Soc iety for People w. with Loc-kci:sJn Bundles Behind \..ua.:yoar-�dlt\fto!:ut'�l5tr:11..or -0£•• We.s�b.c.s1cr. w,� cr,e��es the Bathrooms.) Members of •♦• fitS you inro an area grouping_. Rochelle 1s. By throwing penni cl SPiLBBB arc currently being likc Clubs you join. projects you're at theNewRochellebus.lfe urged not to speak to those ·•snob- people!" own y huning I'm ns recruited in10. a.nd opinio that _ r_n Compc1111on between sects 1s by" members of SP1LBO . you hold brand you in 3 cerbin as 1hc society of SAC-e Mennwh1le, out a d surte hurting what also band. These subcuJturcs of 1hc school can be exclusive, and their friendly bond between students M (Slay Aw:iy from the Candy five, have allied on Machine) in d the situate members are qui1e Joyal to each whose lockers :ire themselves with SPilBBB be o 1her. You may find yourself a l�ovc behin d 1he offic_e fighting for the glory of others in SP1LBO. (S �1ety for People wtth cause of their corresponding turfs your group. "hose names you Lockers Bchtnd the Office.) _ w:i5 on each floor. and arc no1 acknow may not even know. This usually founded by �n1or Rena �av1s m ledging the presence of any one of umtmg all the SP1LOO members i�n· 1 3 problem . since it 1hc hope of formally .. Smee the word "compe1 i1ion the base _ strcngthen1; school spin I, bur can of the �tucknLli w� have in the same breath rcsul1 in connict.s if you find your- of tllCir school life m the same 1s never heard"'Ramaz. " we must has a as the won! self a member of 1wo connicting place.'' so everyone who locker there is an au1oma 1 1c work to stop this unfortunate clans. ..c11 the represent all We nd.y trc 1zcn·· of the club. Rena tells of Sophomore Evan Hochberg is one student suffering from what i s how flauercd she was when wonderful instilulion of Ramnz, commonly known a. � s.T.U.P.1. D. people from other noors came a s - and minor differences should no1 (Students Tonurcd Under Pres- kin� her for l! P� o n how ! o fo� get in 1 hc way of our common sures-lntclligent Dumbness.) He 1hc1r own soc1c11cs. TI1.11 1s. until gonl... prcscn·ing our image. Ji ves in Moun! Vernon, but u-avcls a rcpresenta.Uve from lhe pack of
Student Spotlight:
Page3
How to Build an Atomic Bomb lnlroduction Worldwide controversy has been gener.iled in 1he past from several court controversies tn the Uni 1 e d States which have restric 1ed popular magazines from printing articles which describe how to make an aronuc bomb. The reason usually given by the courts is that n.11ional .secunty would be compromised if such in fonna11on were gencr.illy avail able But. since 11 1s commonly known thal such informalion 1s available in most maJor metropolitan libraries. obviously the court's dec1s1on 1s covenng up a more 1mponant factor: namely, 1 ha1 constructing such a device would be too di fficult for lhc average c11 1zen, The United S1a1cs court.,; cannOI afford 10 in• suh the vast majorili cs b)' in sinuating thal they do not have lhe tnielligence of .a cabbage. and thus lhe"official" press rclc::i.,;cs claim national security as n blanke1 res1nc 1ion.
National securitv would be compromised if ·1/1i., i11for matio11 would go public. The rumors that art circulating as a result of a widespread misin formation can (nnd must) be cleared up now. for the construe lion project this month is lhat of a lhermonuclcar device. which should clear up any misconcep tion you ha vc about such a project. We will see how easy 10 make 3 device of your own i n _ ten easy steps. to have :ind hold it :i's you sec fit.. w1thou1 any annoyi ng in terference form the govemmcnl or the couns. The proJecl will cost you be· tween SS,00 ond S)0,000, depend ing on how fancy you wanl 1 he final project 10 be. Smee last month's column, ··Lei's MaJ..c a Time Machine;· WllS received 1,0 well by in 1he new step-by-step format. this momh ·s column w,11 have the same structure. Construction !\·tethod 1. First, obtain a.bout 50 pounds ( 110 kg.) of Weapons Grade Plu1omum at your local supph�r (sec NOff I). A nucle3.f power plant is nol recommenJed :is a source of plutonium, a.s large quan1 iucs of missing plutonium (continued on page 4)
Sam Rubinstein
by Michael Jacobs Sam Rubinstein 1s one of 1 he most outstanding and wcll•lovcd students al Ramaz. Unfortunate ly. this junior will no1 graduate with the remainder of his class as he ha.s already been accepted to the pres 11gious Yale University. Being accepled to a renowned Ivy lc:iguc School 1s qui 1 c an honor. as Sam himself will a1 tes1. "When I goi tha1 heavy envelope, I knew I was in. I would actually like lo rake Lh1s opponunity 10 thank Mr. MIiier for hi� pa1icnce, under Slilnding nn d whole•heaned ac cc:p1ancc of my decision to pursue my higher learning nflcr only lhree year,. al Ramaz." Sam is an honors student with , 4. 22563241109867 GPA. He has done con�istcn!Jy well In nil of his courses, though he enJoys French the most and i,. unhappy
about not being here to take AP aminntion, He has almost com French. He has many 1alcn1s. in ple 1ed nll of Zeraim. Moed. c I ud Ing '·b"u ildi n g minir1 1 ure Nashim. and Nezikin. with Rashi, cn1apul1s. horseback riding. and Tosaphot. Rambam, the Rif. 1he Rash, tltc Ritvah, medieval physics. the RadBaz. 1 he This interest in Hi-Mom, the physics has enabled Bakst, an d the him to be accepted Aruch, Shulchan for 1he renowne d but his favorite Summer Science commentary is at Program the Nemukei Dimonah, after only ··Nemuki-Jukie" his sc,phomorc year. Yoscf His Clttrn He feels he 1ruly curricu lar acbcncfiued from the 1ivi 1 ies include al cll.perience. Yearbook. the lhough "!he 1hrce RamPnge. the cycd 11sh that fhcf Sophist. Parallax, caught in thc J)OlldS on campus were :i Sam was not at his locker. the Latin Club. lhe Society for the li1 1 lc disconcening ·· A�1 de from c,cclling In lhc Bell Preservation of Esperanto (SPE), and the Cult Freemasons, Young Ml d rash program . Sam has learned all ofTanach by henn and of Osiris. Sam is a championship level look second place in the inlcma1 ion:il Chidon HaTanach ex- curler. "My rormo.tivc yem were
spent in Montreal where I had pickt•d up this uniquely challeng ing sport." He is captain of 1he lawn bowling team and has con StSlcntly held his ground !IS the only undefeated member of the fencing 1eam, in which he com petes with both the foil and cpec. He hol d1, the Rama.z record for the 300 merer butterfly and crawl races, He is co-cap1am of 1he cross country s k i team and probably w o u l d have taken secon d place in lhe citywide ski championship, but ii was unfor lunately canceled due to n bliz zard. As second leg of the 400 meter relay. he has been an impor tant member or the track team in the inlcgral p3.rl of 4.156 races. Som secs athletics as p:in of his life. "E\'er since I was young. I 100k great pride in my at hletic n (c011tinued 011 page 4) b
A Rolling Book Gathers No Dust by E\'lln llochbtrg There arc many books m the Ramaz library that arc seldom or never 1:lken out. This is most ap• parenl when s1 uden1s erup1 mto Vl\'3CI0US coughtng fils from in haling dusl from the books. From a heallh pcrspec1ive., ii is very dangerous for bools nol lo be ta.ken oul. When a book rem.ams on lhc shelf untouched forthinyof forty years. dus1 .1ccumula1es. Acconhng 10 Ms. Wertheim. the
If you s1,jfer from asrhma, stay away from the Ramaz library. school nurse. this L'i haz.ardou� bc c:iusc ..1f you suffer from asthma.. dust can cause a d.:mgemus reac llon. "-fany people arc also aller gic 10Ju.�1." While 1hc hbr.iry has an admirable collec11on of books on Jewi sh topics, it seems that there arc a number of books tn which few students or teachers arc interested. These books include 1i 1lc.s such a,; Jews a,id Ewes: The
Common &md, How to Sclrecht a Girafft>. ,11,d ll'w1.rh Youth in /02J.
Wert' Wt' Our Brothers' Kupusl by Haskel Look.stein h:is gathcred nearly a ccnlime1cr of dust. No, We lVt"rr Not has been taken out once. in 1979. ltfbur £1nst1tin Dism.sses thl! Thro')' of Rt"lauwry has been !Jk.en out ten times since 1982, all by Mr. Blcch. Some of 1he other titles lhat hmvc nol left lhc library in yc:in: _..,._ ore Matht'ma11r:s/or6l Yt'ar-O/ds. Jews in the Wild H�sr, Fun n..;,1, Comma.s, llow to Cope With Boredom: the Importance of Pa,,er Clips, and Who 1s tlint Man \Veamrg the Grun Jarlut?
We have nothing to put here!!! School to Replace Lounge Furniture
(r:011rinuedJmm page J) Despite the upcoming changes. thett are a number of s1udents who have been dcmonsu-a1 ing agains t the new sofas. They claim that students will want lo sleep i n school at night and that fights will erupt over places to sit on the sofas. "There is al.so the i ssue of one negiah," bemoaned demonstr.uor. '11,e sofas will be crowded and. because students will sink 1n10 1hc leather, ii will just be so h!lfd for students of the op posite sex to avoid touching. which might lead 10 milled danc ing." Ne\'crthclcss, the overall reac tion has been positive� Students have been davening louder and sales of food at homeroom h:we gone up. StudcnL1; eagerly await the anival of the sofas. Said one scmor. ··1 am distressed by the fact thal I wi ll be leaving this year be cause I will have little lime: to enjoy the new furniture and posters··
Page4
The RamPage
Sports Round-Up
Con'4)11ed by Uri Hellman and Reno Sichel
Boys Crew: 0-4 Girls Swimming: 3-1 Co-ed Naked Lacrosse: 0-0 (No Negiah) ath Team: 4II-0 urflng: 0-0 (too cold) arts: Right on Target How to Build an Atomic Bomb (C'ontin,u,dfrom pagr J)
tend to mal..c plant rnana�rs un happy We suggest you contxt }OUr IOClll lcrronSl orgamzallon, or perhaps the Junior Achic,c mcnl league- m your neighbor: hood 2 Please remember t h a t plutonium, especially pure, refined plutonium, ts somewhat dangerous. \V�h your hands wllh .roap and wunn W31Cr after han dling the rMtc.rial. and don't allow your children oc pets 10 piny m 11 or �t h. Any lef'tovcr plutonium du�t IS ClCdlc:nt IS an insect rcpc.1lanL You may wish to keep the 1ubs1.:1nce m a lead box if you can flnd one m your local Junk yard, but an old coffee can will do n1c� ly 3 Fuh100 together a metal enclosure to house the device. Most common VUICllCS of sheet mcbl can be bent lo dis&ul.SC this enclosure as. fcx c.umple, a brief case. a lunc.h p;tll. or a ·57 Buick Do not use onfo,I 4 Amlngc 1he plutonium m10 two h e m 1sphenl shapes. scpa.r.ucd by i,,boo14 cm. Use rub ber cement to hold 1he plutonium <lus1 1ogc:thcr S Now get aboul 100 lbs. of tnnllrotoluenc (TNr). Gehgnitc 1s much bcucr. but messier 10 work with. Your helprul h:trdwarc man will be happy to pro\'1de you wi1h 1ha1lcm. 6 Pack the TNT ilround the hem,sphere ar-rangcmcnt con structet.l m step 4 If you cannot find gel1i;n1tc. feel free to use TNT pxkcd m with Play-dough or any modelmgclay Colorcdday1s ac c(l)tablc.. but 1here 1s no need 10 gel fancy at thLS pomt 7 Enclo� the suuctW'C from stq> 6 mto the enclosure m3dc 1n s1cp 3 Use a strong glue such as "'Oa.zy Gluc- lo btnd the hemi sphere arrangement .against 1hc enclosure 10 prevent acc1dcn1al
detonation v.h1ch might vibrate fonn m1stu1ndhng or 'o'1bru11on 8. To dcton111c the device, ob lain a radio controlled RC, SCl"\'O mechanism. 3.S found in RC model a1rpl.anes and cars W11h a modicum of effort • .a rcmo1c plunger cun be made 1hat will Slnke a detonator cap to effect a small uplos1011 . These detonator c.nps can be found m 1hc elcctncal supply sect.ion of your local super market We recommend the .. Dlast-0-Mauc·· brand bcnuse they a.re no deposit-no return 9 Now hide the completed device from the nt1ghbors and children The garage 1s not recommended because or high hum1d1ty and the extreme range of temperatures cxpcnenccd there Nuclur dcv,cc:s have been know to spontaneously detonate m lh� un,1:.blr: eond 111on.1 The hall doscl or under the k.1tehc:n 41nk will be perfectly suitabl e. I 0. Now )OU arc the proud owner of a working 1her monuclear de-vice I It lS .a great ,cc.breaker at p;i.nics, and v. hen 1n 11 pinch can be ll�d for national dcfens.c. ThN>ry ol Optratlon The device bns1�lly works when !he dctonalcd TNT com• press.cs the plu1omum in10 a cnu cal m:t..\S The cnocnl m11s\ then produces a nuclear ch111n react.ion s1m1lar 10 the donuno chlun rcac11on The ch.am rcoc11on 1hcn prompely produces a larger !her • monuclc.ar rcxuon, and there you have II a 1en-mcg.11on nplosion' Nolf' Plu1omum (PU) . atonuc num ber 94, ,,. a rad1<»c11ve meta.lite clement formed by the deny of nep1un1um and 11 ,1mllar in chemical uruclurc 10 uranium, sa1um1um, JUp1tem1um, 3.0d mar• .s1um.
Sam Rubinstein f conttmmlfrom pag� J)
111,es •· Sam, 01 use 13, was able 10 bench press 236 pounds, Sam 1s .in occompl&shcd mus1c111n He hms played lhc glockenspiel and clavichord in mu'i1 fcs11vals across New York lie ,,. currently a member of the Fredonia chamber ensemble and pcrforrn'i al all Fredonran in augurauon" I-le has wr111en 11 number of 'ihoncr v.,Of'ks for hin• momca and nugelhom. I-le ,s cur• ren1ly composing a worL. for piccolo. tuba. timpani. and or chc5Ua In lhrec 'imular mo1.c mcnl'i
Sam will probably be rcmem bcrcd by his friends for always bcmg 1hcrc when he wnJ needed 1-f1'i fnrnds will certainly 1111� .s hnn nc.\.l )Cilr �hen he goes off to Yale However, !here nrc nunof"i that Sam v.as offered a texlung J�b at Ramu ne,t )ear, bul the ad m1mstrauon has refo\Cd 10 com ment on 1he ,.,we Ano1hcr rumor stated 1h111 he '4111 become head master nc,1 )Car, and one studcnl 1< hoping 11 1s t� A� 1un10f Andrew JaL.abo\ ,cs put 11, "'I hope lhc rurnori art true !hat he'll be o hcadma5ter here nul )ear"
School Announces Specifics of Strategic Plan (contimudfrompagr })
w,11 be removed. One s1udcn1 agreed w11h lhc Robbi m lhal the room gives o feeling "of ogc, with pic1urcs of such h1s1oncal figures such as Golda Meir and Alben Emstem ·· In addition. all facuhy members O\·er the age of 40 will be d13,m1sscd from their pos:1.s in July 199) The adm1mslra11on v.· 1ll 1htn embark on a hmng spree or 1e1chers who have nol ycl graduated from college. so1ha1 1hc foculty wall be '"more m 1ouc.h v.,1th the SIUiCknts •• It 1s rumored that one of the new teachers IS s11II in high sc:hool The school also considered rcvtS1ng lhc Hebrew progr.im an lhc Uppe:r School to mclu<k th� Sludcnls who arc in the advanced Talmud Uacts, bu1 reJccted 3 proposal by lhc flcbrcw Depart rnenl. The school claimed that 1hc studtnls get a good Hebrew educo11on m the Lower School and lhcrc is little need for knowledge of l-lcbrcw beyond a su,th grade level. The admmistrat1on considered mv1tmg back Rabbi Yoscr Adler, bul decided not lo desp11c picas from nudents to �hire him. '"I so m1�.s his exams," lamenied one junior. -Sometimes I wake up at ntgh1 in a cold sweat when I know that the next day I'll ha'o'e 10 go 10 school and he won·1 be there 'Ulmal1 Umrn' Vr>&ll RC\'Cf be the same."
Bet Midrash: Success or Snafu?
(contmurdfrom Jun, /992) M1drash, I would not, . . s,:ud Junior Ethan Tucker
March 1993 / Adar 5753
Shorter Day Planned ( r"nt11111rtl from pagr I}
tlus rutuu uor ozw J1ovrps either Qus1 m• \'r tv.o yv,n zto. Ns Xooy n,rnvw Nruno Woru, z vnqoys marw Fjdcw rug fj sth 01w z I uor do Pvnnvwy Rn $\i'r"' dy1d cb kyrdl mg znsw w-,uum1 n nol tmv-wu rsot y bly under novrv.s. Nnt 'j\'Zr ssv polnJ lo ,,.nd ruc1hd bcvu b dJd dhJdJ f)S tvu.s ozw zmg Runvn
What You Should Not Write on a College Application
hy Uri lff'llman Every autumn, seniors :u Ramal arc IR\·ohred in the havoc of ha..,ing lo Y..rllc college CSJ.:ll)S and ha\'mg 10 fill out npphca11on, A s1udent ofien s1L'i for hours in fron1 of a blank computer screen lrying 1o th1nl. oh,h.11 IOY..nle few an essay In an effort to pre,·enl lhesc Sludcnts from ma.ling any hof'nble m1��kes, I hsl below the 1hing.s one 'ihould not do on II col lege :ipphc:111on 1 h.ive rea hcd these conclusions from cit pcnencc, don't make lhe s.ame nmtakcs I did When o college asks you. I '"You hove JU.SI completed your 300 page au1ob1ography Wr11ep.1ge 217" Dono! ,;end m a p1ccc of paper w11h only lhc '-'Ord'i '"Chapter Ir wnnen on 1L 2. To name your fa'o'or11c film, do 1101 wntc '1'ua.s Chainsaw M:auacrc." 3 To list those ae11v1t1c.s )OU would like to punue in college, do
no1 include beer�drinkang or che:ningon�:um,;;. 4 Ir you hold a green card, no1e thal 1h1s docs noc mean the 'iChOOI wanls 1r.1m �s. library cards, or fake IDs S. To dcsrnbc 1hc school you currcnlly anend do not wnlC ..I am on .suspension for a couple of months:. 50 I gucM I technically . do not 'currently attend' school . 6 If you ha\'e siblings and \\h:u 1ns111uuons they currently a11end, do no1 wnle ..Harlem Valley P�ycluatnc .. 7 How you spent your sum mers. do not wnle ''Took sommer corscs for de das1z I f:J.yled.'" 8 Why you applied lo that col lege. do not wnlc "My mommy told me 10." 9 What�ta1e youl1ve1n,don<>1 wn1e "a confused one .. 10... Sex?-. do not write . "Whenever possible. .
Top Ten Excuses For Missing a Class: 10. Wa, ■l 11'7lh strttt brtwttn 2nd ■nd 3rd annues
9.402 l1 a rul dusroom? 8. I'm• senior!! 7. "So lht chlldru should ask.." 6. Had to matt up• free lhat I cut 5. Dldn•1 h■n enough limt lo say korbanot 4. Somebody slole my uilzu J, Found shatMS: had lo changt clothe:s 2. Sam Rubrnsteln Ind I "'·en discussing the meaning of lire I . Working wllh Ms. Btnel on■ racism IISSembly
This box is dedicated to the Environmental Club