hoW i learned To Be my unaPologeTic self

Growing up in predominantly white schools, I was always surrounded by peers who didn’t look like me. My white peers always wanted to touch my hair, they would turn to me when slavery was discussed in history class as if I lived through it. They always expected me to act a certain way—“ghetto”— because that was their expectation of what a Black person was.

It was always a lose-lose for me. When I didn’t fit into the molds they made for me—which I never did—I was always the “whitest Black girl” or an “Oreo.” Coming to college, I purposely began surrounding myself with more people who looked like me. But to my surprise, I still felt out of place.

I felt the proverbial “too white for the black kids and too black for the white kids.”

During my sophomore year, I battled with this notion as I tried to figure out where I belonged. My feelings were warranted back then, but I’ve matured tremendously from that point. Now in my senior year, I reflect on those moments and can’t help but laugh... because now I know it was all bullshit.

Of course this IDGAF attitude didn’t come without some help. It took a lot of reassurance from my Black peers and people I look up to. I wouldn’t even say I’m fully there yet, but I’m pretty damn close.

As a pop culture head, a good amount of my role models are celebrities. One of my favorite artists, Tyler, the Creator uses his platform to assure fans that the opinions of others should not discourage us from freely living our best lives. Despite the problematic moments, he is unapologetically himself—which is arguably his most admirable trait.

Tyler’s influence goes beyond his artistry in ways that resonates with Black youth on a more personal level. He constantly contests stereotypical ideas of Blackness through his endeavors, and honestly, I love him for it. I remember scrolling through my timeline and seeing a thread of tweets where he mentioned how he wanted to snowboard but had never done it before since “black people don’t do that.”

He then tweeted “don’t let your identity be your identity…i feel like that might not make sense.”

I often think about these tweets. As someone who has struggled with identity issues before, I understand exactly what he means. Tyler is very vocal about both his opinion on self-expression and his idea of Blackness as a self-defined entity. While acknowledging the value of Blackness, he also realizes that we shouldn’t hinder our creativity because of what others MIGHT say/think about it.

While there are many other figures out there who do have similar effects, Tyler is the one that I resonate with the most. Their newly adopted and authentic brand of self-expression inspires me to be comfortable in my own skin and comfortable in expressing my identity.

It’s very cliché, but do you. Don’t shy away from liking or trying things for fear of what others have to say about it, and don’t suppress your emotions during trying times. Believe in yourself and trust in your creativity.

You will be just fine.