leTs Talk aBouT seX

leT’s Talk

From the moment we start to reach maturity, sex is literally all that’s on our minds. There’s an evolution that comes with it. Your thoughts change, you fi nd yourself thinking about different things, like: How do you get better at it? When can I do it again? How can I keep doing it more consistently? We all have these thoughts, yet for some reason many are afraid to talk about it. By Valkyrie Hardy

Today’s society is hypersexualized. Sex creates celebrities and sustains industries. Yet this hypersexualization often seems to come at the expense of women, as billions today face varying levels of sexual repression.

Society has progressed on the topic of sex, but we still have a long way to go. Birth control, contraceptives, and other safe sex practices are a lot more common in mainstream society today. Even sexual education is required in most public schools. Yet, sexuality remains a taboo subject— especially for women.

21 Questions, a popular icebreaker, is notorious for talking about sex. The questions start off basic such as, “what’s your favorite color?,” but by question #6, you’re asking each other’s favorite sex position.

21 Questions is an early example of the strong level of curiosity we all share when it comes to sex. But why are we disguising it with childish icebreakers?

If you ask me, I think there’s multiple reasons sex isn’t normalized. The fi rst one is the reputation you get once you start doing it. I don’t mean whether you’re good or bad in the bedroom. I’m talking about the very sexist, highly gendered sex expectations.

When you have sex, you’re a whore. When you don’t, you’re a prude. Have sex too soon and you’re “easy” but if you don’t give it up, you’re playing games.

These labels also apply to men, but they don’t have the same consequences. Like it or not, these expectations hold a heavy weight and make it hard for women to enjoy having sex. We’re too busy worried about our reputations. These pressures shouldn’t exist in the fi rst place. Sex is a private matter and what you do in private

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shouldn’t impact your public reputation. If your sex life happens to get out in the public, it shouldn’t matter because we all have sex.

Another reason sex isn’t normalized is because of the gender roles and norms that come with it. Men are supposed to like sex and have it all the time, while women are supposed to suppress their urges and barely engage. Those who stray from these roles are considered deviant or struck with other harmful labels. These gender norms end up hurting all sides. If a boy feels pressure that he’s not getting enough action, he might try really hard to seek out sex. On the other hand, if society pressures a girl into believing she shouldn’t have sex or at least not right away, she’ll probably end up repressing her hormones and shutting down. In reality, there’s no “right amount” of sex one should be having, but it’s often these expectations that lead to sexual violence.

Masturbation is one solution for those lonely nights. Yet again, masturbation is highly stigmatized across the female community. Women are considered freaks if they masturbate or watch porn, which deters many women from pleasing themselves. There are so many women today who don’t know how to pleasure themselves that becomes an issue when it’s time for the real thing.

Not being able to please oneself leads to sexual insecurity which is another barrier to normalizing sex. Too many people are insecure when it comes to having sex due to ridiculous standards that are placed in the bedroom.

Guys have to have humongous dicks and girls have to have pebble-sized vaginas. Those standards are unreasonable and far from the average and it makes those who don’t fi t those criteria uncomfortable when it’s time to engage in sexual activities.

Luckily, society is getting better. More women are pushing past expectations and are investing in dildos, vibrators, and other methods of sexual pleasure. Sexual expression is becoming somewhat of the norm as more women are empowered to live comfortably in their own skin.

Sex is a natural thing that shouldn’t be sensationalized or stigmatized, but normalized. Because why should something that makes you feel so good make you feel so bad?

Renegade | 29