I'M ON MY SIDE BY ALICIA MARKOWITZ PEREZ- ESTEBAN

ALICIA MARKOWITZ PEREZ - ESTEBAN

Hi, I'm Alicia Thriver Author Creator of I'm On My Side, My Healing Art, and the RISE Program

My heart is from Venezuela, my blood from Spain and my home is in The United States.

I started my career as a Professor Piano Performer in the Conservatory of Music in Venezuela. I got my Degree in Science in Music Therapy CUM LAUDE at Duquesne University in Pittsburgh.

I taught music for decades in three countries. I had the honor to worke with children with disabilities and disorders. After teaching for decades, I found my creative spirit. I became a Reiki Master, a coach, an inspirational teacher, painter, writer, a creator. Now my first book is on its way. I'm in constant learning mode. I'm a creator of what I call My Healing Art. I create Magic Wands. You can use your Magic Wand to clean or purify energy, around a room, in a house, aura and so on. You can also use them for moving energy to clear the air and shift the vibration, uplift your spirit, and carry your intentions, wishes and desires into the Universe. I also create channeled Watercolors that you can see in my blog.

My mission is to help others transform their lives, to help them reprogram their limiting believes, to teach them really love themselves with an Exclusive VIP Retreat. We’re unlimited beings. Stay tune with this powerful experience that will change your life for the BEST!

I'M ON MY SIDE

FROM THE DARKNESS...

Darkness wasn’t dark. It was a pressing feeling crawling from my toes to the center of my chest. A boulder that I tried to move with my lungs. An endless pit in my stomach. The sound of death on the walls and the small pieces of glass falling on the floor. Tears that showered my insides while my outside me drenched the world with my laugh, passion, and energy. All the extreme polarities were concentrated in my upbringing. Great education, music, art, literature, science, high intelligence, excellent taste, travel, wealth, maids, chuffer, love, all the things that glow in a book cover. Fear of someone dying, a collection of feelings of “it’s my fault,” dark red cheeks, black & blue spots in some parts of my body, bloody grooves, locks falling, invisible cracks, opened wounds in my heart, in my mind, suffocating love, I’m a bad daughter.

The move of an eyelash, an extra sound in your voice, the corner of your mouth a millimeter higher was the cause for an explosion of an atomic bomb.

Peace was a dark joke to announce a tsunami.

This set the tone for the choices I made later in life, enduring a pattern of abuse and trauma. Walking life with the familiar truth so close to my face that I couldn’t see it. I didn’t know better. I didn’t know because my antenna found the frequency of the only radio station I knew.

Over the course of a tumultuous 6-year marriage I didn’t know how to stick up for myself. When I did, the insults where more, the black and blues grew. I tried to be better. To choose better words, to work more, to clean deeper, to pretend better in the bedroom. Nothing changed. Because what needed to be changed was a lie running through my veins. Inside of me.

I’m not going into more details. You get the picture. Darkness is the ignorance. Not knowing that we deserve a beautiful life.

PART OF MY STORY IN A NUTSHELL

We married in Spain, where all my family was from. Just weeks after our daughter was born, we moved to Venezuela where his family was. I didn’t want to go back, but I felt I had no choice. The moment we put a foot into his inherited apartment he said, “I’m going out.” I was left with our newborn baby with no phone and only a mattress on the floor.

He got home the next day. Drunk. And also, wanting to get satisfied. And the next day, and the next. His violence grew as fast as the fear for my baby and for my myself. But the law didn’t support me at the time. Domestic violence was difficult to prove. I was terrified. If I left, it was considered Home Abandonment, and he could take my baby away from me. One night he was very violent. He cut the phones from the house and locked the door. I hid in the closet and called for help. The police showed up three hours later, and when they saw my bloody swallowen lip, they said I could leave. They assured me that I wasn’t going to have any problem.

We hopped in my sister’s car leaving everything behind. We had no clothes, toys, dippers. We had no home. But we had freedom!

SINGLE MOM

With my daughter in my arms, I looked to the horizon with so much uncertainty and confusion. I wanted to be the best mother. I took several jobs. I didn’t let my depression and panic attacks get in the way. Until one day I collapsed, and I started a treatment that helped.

I had an opportunity to have an audition at Duquesne University in Pittsburgh for a scholarship. I knew it was a long shot. When I arrived at the school, I had 6 days to prepare the repertoire and I hadn’t played formally in 11 years. Just teaching. Five judges awaited, and let my fingers go on the Steinway. I did it. I was offered two scholarships to study Science in Music Therapy.

I had no money, no job, no English, and my 5-year-old daughter. We moved to the States and I managed to study full time while cleaning houses, teaching piano and Spanish. I spent nights translating word by word to do my homework. And dealing with panic attacks. I finished CUM LAUDE in three years. I thought that I finally was ready to give my

daughter that better future. I had three job offers, so my lawyer had to apply for my work visa. After weeks he called me saying he was busy and missed the date, and that I had to leave the country. All my efforts in vain. We went back to Spain with two suitcases. I felt I failed my daughter, but I never gave up. Eventually I found a job and we went back to the States to start from zero again.

HAPPINESS

I met Eric, a single dad with two sons that wanted a family like I did. We married in four months. Since the moment we all met, we felt that our family was separated in a previous life, and we were now reunited in this one. He adopted Ariana, and I adopted Reed and Harrison in, and we’re the most special family I had ever dreamt about.

I couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of dread. As had happened so many times in my life, I expected the worst any moment. My brain and my body were used to being in constant survival mode.

Nightmares woke me up in the middle of the night. Eric leaving me. But in the morning, I found warmth around my body. I had a house. No more punches, screams or dishes into a thousand pieces. Calmness felt suspicious. Love looked like a bubble. Too light. Too quiet. A hole grew between my ribs and my stomach. A shadow waiting around the corner. I knew it. I felt it stalking. My guard up. Always. Muscles ready to run. Fists ready to fight. My fingers hanging from a bridge. Never let go. Work, work, work. Clean, clean, clean. Cook, cook, cook. Do homework, get a shower, and brush your teeth. Maybe I’m doing a good job. The monster knocked on the door announcing. I conquered him on the floor of the bathroom with Eric by my side rocking me on his chest. The doctor prescribed more Lorazepam. I must go back to work. And to therapy.

I knew how to see the light when everything was dark. I knew how not to die inside. I knew how to keep going when the monster showed up, when sadness threw me on the floor. I knew how to hope when I was hopeless. I knew how to laugh when tears rolled down my face. I knew how to crawl when I didn’t have more energy. I knew how to get up after a punch in the face. I knew how to try over and over, and never give up. I knew how to start from zero over and over. But I didn’t know what to

TO THE LIGHT...

I was in the room with my counselor, and I said I wasn’t going to move from there until I healed. I was willing to do anything in my power to find the light.

After a few years facing every single demon, one morning at my session I felt like I could see for the first time, that somebody turned the light on.

I believe that when we are born, we come with an immovable birth right, because we are part of the Universe, we are part of that Wholeness. The existence gives us the right to have the right and to be worthy of goodness. Nobody, not a single human

do now. being has the power to tell you that you don’t have the right or you don’t deserve because it is within you and with you.

No matter what happened before now, we deserve to be happy. No matter what happened before now we deserve to find our inner peace. I never lost trust in life, which is something abuse, and trauma takes away from you. That saved me.

One of the things that I do now is to ask myself “what do I want?” “What do I need?” and then honor it. To learn how to do this I started with very small things, one step at a time.

Being aware of the respect and compassion that I deserved made all the difference with my journey. That’s being on your side. I’m on my side.

Today I’m married to the love of my life. We’re the proof that "water is thicker than blood". I learned to love myself, to be happy, to feel that I deserve and that I Have The Right to Have The Right. I found freedom and there’s no going back. I found unconditional love for me, my husband and my children both ways. Now I have a mission to help others do the same. It’s possible to rise from the darkness to the light. It all started when I decided to be on my side.

If you haven't got your Christmas presents, here are my crafts you might like!

My Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/alicia.p.esteban My private Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/lightworkerscentral

My Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/imonmyside_ig/ My email: alipiano@hotmail.com Blog: www.imonmyside.com