Live from the crypt: Interview with the ghost of Queen Victoria

Published in Great Britain in MMXXI by Book House, an imprint of The Salariya Book Company Ltd 25 Marlborough Place, Brighton BN1 1UB www.salariya.com ISBN: 978-1-913337-19-3

© The Salariya Book Company Ltd MMXXI All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system or transmitted in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise) without the written permission of the publisher. Any person who does any unauthorised act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

135798642 A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

Printed and bound in Malta.

This book is sold subject to the conditions that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior consent in any form or binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

Author: John Townsend Illustrator: Rory Walker Editor: Nick Pierce

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w in this book are works The TV crew and television sho businesses, places, events, of fiction. Names, characters, her the products of the locales and incidents are eit in a fictitious manner. author’s imagination or used sons, TV crews or Any resemblance to actual per t or the past, or actual television shows in the presen . The ghosts are all real! events, is purely coincidental

LIVE

From

the

Interviewwith the

q

crypt Ghost of

A I R O T C I N E E U V Illustrated by

Written by

John Townsend

Series created by

David Salariya

Rory Walker

LIVE

From

the

crypt

Meet the cast T V crew: Mish Varma: Female host of Live from the Crypt TV show Jonty Yardley: Co-host of Live from the Crypt TV show Larna Obata: Reporter Mandy: Hair & Make-up Binti: Director Kev: Camera operator Aleema: Newsreader Duncan: Special Correspondent Gail Forse: Weather presenter

Ghost Guests: Victoria (born 1819 reign 1837-1901): British Queen Prince Albert (born 1819 married 1840-1861): Queen’s husband Prince Edward, Duke of Kent (1767-1820): Victoria’s father Duchess of Kent (1786-1861): Victoria’s mother Edward VII (1841-1910): Victoria’s eldest son, The Prince of Wales aka ‘Bertie’ John Brown: Queen’s personal servant from 1865-1883 Abdul Karim: Queen’s personal servant from 1887-1901

Interview with the Ghost of

qUEEN VICTORIA

Contents Introduction Welcome to the programme No script from the crypt Comic strip 1: Queen Victoria – How it all began Behind the scenes Comic strip 2: A royal love story Commercial break Comic strip 3: Bothersome babies The forecast Comic strip 5: Out and about Sofa, so good Comic strip 4: Victorian villains In a nutshell Spin the news Comic strip 6: A deadly year Down the drain Comic strip 7: Gloom to glory Ghosts reunited Victorian vote-off Comic strip 8: The end of an age You must be joking!

And finally Queen Victoria family tree Timeline Queen-size quiz Glossary Index

7 11 19 28 33 44 49 56 61 66 71 80 85 93 104 109 116 121 129 148 153 161 164 166 170 174 176

LIVE

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crypt

we are live from windsor castle.

Interview with the Ghost of

qUEEN VICTORIA

Introduction

ust imagine it… the TV crew arrives in J good time for a live broadcast on location.

They set up their equipment near a creepy old crypt – where long-buried rulers may be about to stir. That’s if all goes to plan. Surely no famous ghost could resist the offer to appear and tell the world just how things really were – a last chance to put the record straight?

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What if the chat show sofa beckons ghostly characters from history to emerge for a friendly interview… or much more? Maybe a panel game or a scary meeting with old Victorians?

What if the floor manager, tea boy, technicians, make-up team, reporters, presenters and director are all waiting nervously for a ‘live encounter with the dead’?

What if we switch on at home for the TV show they said could never be done: Live from the Crypt ?

Sit back and dare to be stunned…

Stand-by for lights, cameras, music -

ACTION...

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Interview with the Ghost of

qUEEN VICTORIA

the ghosts are already stirring!

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LIVE

From

the

crypt

I'M JONTY.

I'M MISH.

Interview with the Ghost of

qUEEN VICTORIA

Welcome to the programme

Mish: Hello and welcome to another of our crypt programmes coming to you live...

Jonty: With a few dead ingredients – in our new series Live from the Crypt.

Mish: With Jonty Yardley and me, Mish Varma.

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LIVE

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crypt

Jonty: Your ghost-hunters searching for some of the most famous ghosts in history.

Mish: And tonight, we’ve come to the grounds of what is said to be one of the most haunted castles.

Jonty: None other than Windsor Castle – where many royals from the past are buried.

Mish: And where some of their ghosts have apparently been seen and heard.

Jonty: So we’re hoping to meet a few of them LIVE and invite them onto our sofa.

Mish: Yes, our set tonight is at Frogmore Mausoleum, with a comfy sofa to invite Victorian ghosts to drop by for a chat with Jonty and me.

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Interview with the Ghost of

qUEEN VICTORIA

Jonty: It’s a bit dark and spooky out here in the damp gardens hopping with frogs.

Mish: And we’re just a stone’s throw from the golf course.

Jonty: Which may explain the broken windows. That’s a joke, by the way.

Mish: But not a good one.

Jonty: Moving on... Frogmore is where some of the British Royal Family are buried.

Mish: But only the dead ones. In fact, this building is the Royal Mausoleum where Queen Victoria and Prince Albert are just below us in the crypt.

Jonty: It must be freezing down there.

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Mish: Well, no, Jonty. You obviously haven’t read your notes. They’ve installed heating in here.

Jonty: For the ghosts or the frogs?

Mish: Both. Queen Victoria chose this sight to be buried but was warned about the cold and wet, so it now needs all-year heating to stop the rot.

Jonty: Central heating for dead royals? That’s what I call real luxury.

Mish: So let’s hope for a warm welcome when we meet the ghosts below.

Jonty: That’s the spirit. Ha, see what I did there?

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Interview with the Ghost of

qUEEN VICTORIA

Mish: I’m afraid so. Let’s just hope our on-the-spot reporter is also ready...

Jonty: Not so much ‘on-the-spot’ as ‘on-the-crypt’ – as we now go live to Larna, who is down in the lower chamber, hoping to bump into its famous inhabitants.

Mish: Yes, Jonty, our special night cameras are set up as midnight approaches – the time when the ghosts are meant to stir and walk around.

Jonty: A rumour tells how the angry ghost of Queen Victoria chased away workmen here in the 1930s when they were clearing away some trees and frogs.

Mish: Apparently, Prince Albert, her beloved husband, had planted the spruce trees years before and the Queen was not amused to hear the chainsaws.

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Jonty: Nor was Prince Albert, even though chainsaws first came from Germany, like him. I bet he didn’t want to be ‘spruced-up’ by German technology!

Mish: Unless he said, ‘Vorsprung durch technik’ – meaning ‘leap ahead with technology’.

Jonty: Just like the frogs are leaping! Victoria often came here as an old lady to mourn her long-lost Albert.

Mish: So the big question is: will we meet her still mourning tonight?

Jonty: Maybe we should call our programme ‘Good Mourning Britain’.

Mish: No, Jonty. That’s just silly. It’s time to get serious.

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Interview with the Ghost of

qUEEN VICTORIA

Jonty: You’re right, Mish – I can hear in my earpiece that Larna is sensing a presence.

Mish: Apart from a small TV crew, Larna is down there almost alone in the dark, with no idea what or who is likely to emerge. There is no plan, no plot and no script...

Jonty: As we now join Larna LIVE for ‘No Script at the Crypt’. We’re gripped! is there anybody there?

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i’m Larna Obata reporting Live from the Crypt.

Interview with the Ghost of

qUEEN VICTORIA

No script from the crypt

Larna: (Whispering) Yes, Jonty – I’m here in a very dark and chilly passage right beside the graves of Queen Victoria and Prince Albert...

Voice: They do not wish to be disturbed.

Larna: Could that be the ghost of Queen Victoria? Is that you, your majesty?

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Voice: What’s going on down there?

Larna: We’re ‘Live from the Crypt’ hoping to meet Queen Victoria’s ghost.

Voice: She’s busy right now.

Larna: So who are you?

Voice: Her mother, of course. I reside next door in the Duchess of Kent's Mausoleum. I had it built especially for me. It’s very nice, apart from the damp.

Larna: If you don’t mind me saying, you sound foreign?

Voice: My English is perfect – even though I’m German.

My full name is Princess Victoria of Saxe-CoburgSaalfeld. They call me Marie Luise.

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Larna: I heard that you were a very strict mother to your daughter. Is this true?

Marie Luise: Children need firm discipline at all times.

Larna: Are you buried with Victoria’s father?

Marie Luise: Certainly not. He died of pneumonia when Victoria was a baby. It’s bad enough with the frogs croaking, so I didn’t want him coughing all night.

Larna: Do you ever see him?

Marie Luise: Of course. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s just behind you. He’s buried just over the golf course at Windsor Castle in St. George’s Chapel.

Larna: That’s where King Henry VIII is buried.

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Marie Luise: That’s right. The two of them often go for a round of golf on Halloween. Of course, Henry never lets Edward win.

Edward: Did someone call? Ah, guten Abend, meine Liebe.

Marie Luise: Guten Abend mein Prinz. i’m Edward, Duke of Kent. My brother is the King. Jawoll.

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qUEEN VICTORIA

Larna: Are you German, too, Prince Edward?

Edward: We’re all German in our family. Mummy and Daddy were very German. Daddy was King George III. Sadly, he went totally mad.

Larna: So did you bring up your daughter to speak German, as well?

Edward: Don’t ask me. I died when she was only about eight months old.

Marie Luise: I’ve told you before, Edward. Victoria grew up in Kensington Palace speaking fluent German, as well as English, French, Italian and Latin. I had to hire a tutor to get rid of her heavy German accent.

Edward: (To Larna) My wife can be rather bossy, you know.

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