2015 Freshman Issue

THE

PULSE

S e p t e m b e r 9 , 2 0 1 5 • I s s u e 1 • Vo l u m e 3 • t h e s a u p u l s e . c o m facebook.com/saupulse twitter.com/saupulse

ILLUSTRATION BY Kayla Williamson

Freshman Edition

TA B L E O F

CO N T EN T S SAU L I N G O Pa ge s 4- 5

A DV I C E F RO M T H E CA M P U S K IN G Pa g e s 6 -7 L I V ING WITH F LOORMATES Pag e 11

‘M AJOR’ DECISIO N S Pages 8 - 9

THE PROD IG A L STUD E NT Pa g e 1 2 2

thesaupulse.com • September 9, 2015

STA M I N A , SA N I TY A N D S PIR IT UA L I T Y Pa g e 10

PHOTOS BY Sarah Beardslee

Editor’s Note Perhaps, one of the most significant metanarratives that we will ever find ourselves buying into and accepting as a standard by which to gauge the quality of our lives is the narrative of the American college student.

MacBooks, potted succulents and pennants sporting university colors in tow, we migrate away from our homes for our freshman year of college, just knowing that the world is our oyster. The next four years, they say, will make us nearly unrecognizable to our present selves.

Everyday, we will feel a little bit wiser, a little bit wittier and a little bit more desirable to our future employers, spouses and friends. We are becoming, in other words, better versions of ourselves—even as we, consequently, become clichés.

To a certain extent, getting swept up into living what our minds perceive as the most “epic” college-themed movie of all time is unavoidable, and we are absorbed into the rapid waters that carry us down the well-worn channel of undergraduate studies even before our parents pull out of the parking lot of the Free-Methodist church across the street and leave us and the shells of our new lives in the glow of their taillights.

Yet, now is not the time to submit to the proverbial current and, along with it, the narrative that has supposedly been destined for us since we decided—or it was decided for us—that we would come to a university. Metanarratives serve their purpose well, but here at

YOUR SAU YEAR OF FIRSTS STARTS NOW.

virtually universal. Still don’t know who Ron Kopicko is, or where to find the “P-Loop?”

We’ll fill you in. Not sure how to handle your parents’ separation anxiety, or sharing a bathroom with 20 of your “new best friends?”

We have a few tips for you. Want some honest advice from one of the most animated guys on campus? You’ll find it here. Have no idea what you’re even doing at SAU? Take three deep breaths, and read on, my friend. The Pulse has you covered.

Our staff hopes that, this year, you will find yourself within a number of life-changing, tell-your-grandkids types of stories. For those stories that you miss, be sure to read The Pulse. * Cheers,

KATLYNEHEATH

EDITO RINC H IE F

The Pulse, we prefer to see, not a single story being repeated every academic year, but a collection of unique, inimitable stories passing through our campus and defining the days we have chosen to spend together at this place of learning.

With this in mind, we present to you our 2015 “freshman” edition of The Pulse. In the following pages, we attempt to combat the clichés while nevertheless acknowledging that many aspects of the freshman experience are

Katlyne Heath Editor-in-Chief *And for those stories you want to help write, design, photograph, promote and edit, be sure to join our fantastic staff. Our first meeting will be held on Tuesday, September 15, at 5:15 p.m. in the Comm Suite (take either staircase to the upper level of SDH—a map of campus can be found on the last page of this issue—and follow the sounds of chatter to our freshly painted, little corner of campus).

We can’t wait to get to know you and help you to get started with The Pulse.

HI! HI!HI!

Nice to see your face.

HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI!

hi.

1ST Time Meeting Roommate #FacebookStalker

ILLUSTRATION BY Kayla Williamson

1st Goodbye

#adulting #aloneatlast

1st Week Craziness

#somanynames #introvertsbeware

September 9, 2015 • thesaupulse.com

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SAU Lingo: who and what you need to know A MB ERC E K A ND E R FEATUR ESE DITOR

T

he following are some of the most common, unique-to-Spring-Arbor terms you’ll hear around campus. Consider this your official SAU dictionary.

Ada’s Kitchen/ Cougar Den:

Circle Drive:

The actual circular-shaped drive just outside of the Smith Music Center. However, when students and faculty alike tell you to meet there, they are almost always referring to the semi-circle drive on top of the hill outside the Student Center. Make sure you clarify which one you are supposed to meet at. You will probably end up going to the wrong one, anyway.

Alternatives to the regular DC-scene. Ada’s Kitchen is a little café in the Poling Center—a staple in the diet of business and marketing majors. The Cougar Den is found in the lower level of the student center and can satisfy all your deep-fried food needs.

Also known as Main Street, it’s the heavily trafficked road that separates you from McDonald’s and Marino’s. Make sure you look both ways before crossing.

Sadly, there is not an actual bubble surrounding SAU’s campus. “The Bubble” exists to protect students from the more material sins like drugs and alcohol. Within “The Bubble,” students are equipped to tackle these temptations and come out victorious.

The P-Loop: The perfect running/walking trail behind PHOTO BY Kayla Williamson

#instafriends

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The Dining Commons, the cafeteria, whichever you prefer. Arguably the most social place on campus. Here you will dine with professors, comment on the bacon levels and wait an eternity for some chicken tenders.

The DC also includes some of the sweetest staff members on campus.

M-60:

The Bubble:

1st Time Meeting Your Core

DC:

Once upon a time, The Pulse knew the actual name of this monument between Ormston and Muffitt. Much like the fourth floors of those buildings, the name is lost to us.

The President of SAU. He’ll speak at Chapel at the beginning and end of the year, and you will pass by him a few times on campus. He’s notorious for riding atop yellow elephants.

1

Spring Arbor University’s blood oath.

Without the blood.

Jesus Reactor:

Brent Ellis:

re Co 9

The Concept:

This is AMAZING.

1st Chapel

#OnFireForChrist

thesaupulse.com • September 9, 2015

Spring Arbor’s main campus. You’ll travel into the woods before returning to civilization in front of some professors’ houses. Hence the P in P-Loop. The story also goes that Ron Kopicko proposed to his wife there.

I can’t.

1st Class

#745isntsobad

RA, SLA, PA, RD:

The acronyms you call in case of emergency.

Your Resident Assistant (RA) is like the mom or dad of your floor: yes, they enforce the rules, but they really do care about you.

Spiritual Life Advisors (SLA) are the disciples of Ron Kopicko. They’re on your floor to help you with any faith-based issues. They also lead Bible studies and late-night Taco Bell runs. Peer Advisors (PA) are there for you as you navigate your first semester. The Pulse has been investigating how PAs keep up the (seemingly) endless supply of joy and energy, but have yet to come to any solid conclusions.

Resident Directors (RD) are RAs all grown up. They are the residence hall overlords. They plan events, lead the RAs and generally keep things running smoothly.

Ring By Spring: The idea that everyone you know will be engaged by springtime. It’s a lifestyle among Christian university upperclassmen. A word of advice to freshmen thinking about the dating scene: just don’t.

Ron Kopicko: See picture.

SGA: Student Government Association.

President Ty Davis and VP Holly Holdship have some big things planned for this year, like coinless laundry machines and electronic package notifications. The entire staff of SGA works relentlessly all year to ensure that no student is ever bored.

You are here.

Out of paper.

XD

7:40

Freshman Parking Lot

1st Weekend #HalfPriceApps

1st Essay

Printers can smell your fear

1st Time Hitting Snooze 5 more minutes...

1st Crush

#HolyCollision #ringbyspring

September 9, 2015 • thesaupulse.com

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How to have a freshman year that sucks less than mine did: G UESTWR ITE R

You don’t have to suck at life as a freshman, but you probably will.

Going to Spring Arbor Univeristy (SAU) is a lot like playing “Grand Theft Auto:” there are a lot of fun things to do, but there are consequences if you try to do them all. And whereas carjacking and murder will get you WASTED!, managing your time poorly and being lazy are really good ways to waste your first year.

Here are the top five things I know now that I wish I had known as a freshman: 1. You will get as much out of SAU as you put in. When people say there’s nothing to do in Spring Arbor, they’re wrong.

Jordan Wurmlinger and I once saw our dance party fail because there were THREE OTHER CAMPUS-WIDE EVENTS going on that night.

There are multiple sporting events every week, plays at least two weekends a semester, constant recitals in the spring, open mic nights every month, block parties, dances, 80s Skate Night, two movies on the lawn, Mystery Date Night and Porchfest. There are multiple places on campus with pool, Ping-Pong and foosball tables. We have access to a pool, a gym, a track, tennis courts, a disc-golf course, sand volleyball and basketball courts. And that’s only the list of activities provided by the school.

Frosty Boy just reopened. There’s a sweet mom-and-pop coffee shop down the street, a Kettle-Bell gym, three pizza joints and, best of all, Spring Arbor Cafe, which still has FREE WI-FI.

There’s an article’s worth of great restaurants in Jackson (The Hunt Club and City Crepes, for starters) and Silos Fun Park in Hillsdale has great pizza, an arcade, go-karts and putt-putt.

Boredom in college is the wrong problem to have. If you are bored at Spring Arbor, you are boring.

If you embrace Piece of Advice #1, you will find yourself with what I consider to be the right problem to have: being way, way, way too busy.

This is a good problem for a couple reasons: A) It means you’re embracing SAU, and if you’re going to stick around for the entirety of your degree, that’s essential, and

“

If you are bored at Spring Arbor, you are boring.

Andrew King, senior

B) Being way too busy in college is good, safe practice for being way too busy in the working world.

2. Sin is not inevitable. This summer, I did door-to-door sales in Chicago for a great company called EcoShield Pest Control.

About three weeks in, after seeing one of my best friends leave to go home to work a more financially stable job to prepare for his wedding at the end of the summer, I felt

1st Cedar Bend Trip No signal. No hashtag.

6

“

A N DR E WK I NG

thesaupulse.com • September 9, 2015

1st Arbor Games #milkinmyhair

immensely stressed.

I was trying to balance a demanding job and a long-distance relationship, and to quote Bilbo Baggins, I felt “thin, sort of stretched.

Like butter scraped over too much bread.”

There were two passages I would come back to over and over again. They were my left and right hooks as I fought my way through the most challenging summer of my life. The first was 1 Corinthians 10:13: “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

For me, this took care of the negative side—I never had to do anything wrong.

I never had to worry, lust, lie or give in to laziness or despair.

I used Philippians 4:13 to cast my positive vision: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

I can, with the empowerment the Spirit brings, tackle anything life throws at me with a Christlike, servant-hearted attitude.

3. The flip side of Piece of Advice #2 is, just like sin, virtue is not inevitable. You are not going to stumble into a holy life.

I remember saying to someone last year, “I think that as I get holier, fitness will just sort of come. As I get more sanctified, I won’t be as lazy, and I won’t overeat as much. I think it’ll just take care of itself.”

I am not exaggerating. That is literally as close to an exact quote as I can get, and it’s one of the stupidest things anyone has ever said.

You will not sleepwalk into the life you’ve always wanted. Paul said of the other Apostles,

1st Dance

#freshmanfrenzy #justdont

“

“No, I worked harder than all of them—yet out once a week—every Thursday. I thought not I, but the grace of God that was with me.” this would help me to keep my thoughts on (1 Corinthians 15:10).

God, but I was still thinking about her all the The grace of God is real and active and time. powerful, but you do a disservice to grace to I decided all the planning was the issue. not acknowledge the From that point on, role God elected for I was sure it would you to play in your work best for us Eating $180 worth of holiness. Your choices to only hang out are shaping you—into spontaneously. Then, Cougar Den pizza will the likeness of God the Monday after her not fill the God-shaped or into the likeness birthday, I told her hole in your heart, and of whatever is taking that I couldn’t hang it will make you hate God’s place in your out with her for the pizza. life. rest of fall semester.

4. Since your Fall semester Andrew King, choices are shaping ended, and I told her senior you, take some time in Christmas and J-Term making them. When were out, too. Finally, you feel like you have I told her I couldn’t to do something—like you won’t be okay hang out with her for the foreseeable future. unless you do it right now—that is the exact Each time, I was equally certain that I had moment you need to wait the most. found the solution to the problem, but my My sophomore year, I had a thousand DTRs word lost all value—and I looked like a crazy with a girl, because I felt like I was idolizing my person. Act on thoughtful, prayerful decisions, relationship with her. I told her I was “fasting” not urgent, anxious needs. from spending time with her for a week. Then 5. Figure out what you need to do to be your I told her it would be better if we only hung best self, and do it every day. I was miserable

“

for most of my freshman year because I had so much fun. I watched three seasons of “Prison Break” and a lot of “Family Guy” and “My Name is Earl.”

As a freshman, you receive $60 in Cougar Cash. My two closest friends and I blew through all of ours in about a month. Eating $180 worth of Cougar Den pizza will not fill the God-shaped hole in your heart, and it will make you hate pizza.

Getting into a consistent devotional routine during the summer between my first and second years made the rest of college much, much better. For me, it’s spending time in the Bible every morning and time in prayer when I wake up and before I go to bed. Figure out what it is for you, and figure it out quickly.

Well, freshman, I think we both need my last piece of advice: You, like me, do not know everything. I came to SAU an angry, arrogant, 5-Point Calvinist who thought that anyone who used the word “free will” or “choice” was a full blown Pelagian.

Shut up. Don’t debate with anyone until you can admit that you very well might be wrong.

So, take my advice with a grain of salt—I might be wrong—but take it. And don’t waste your freshman year.

What we know now...

I wish I had known there would be quite a few opportunities to wear my Batman costume throughout the entire school year.

Don’t take your meal plan for granted. Otherwise you’ll end up with a face full of pasta and no dinner date.

Despite what your friends back home told you, you might not make friends right away, and that’s okay. You are not - Jared Bugbee, abnormal. Friendship takes times and vulnerability.

- Alexis Trumble, sophomore

Make time to study; friends can wait.

-Sidni Doll, junior

senior

I wish I knew that saying hello to strangers is normal.

- Cullin Morgan, junior

-Andri Hill, sophomore

‘Cause, baby, now we’ve got

Bad blood >:( 1st Package

Freshman 15: Mom doesn’t care

1st Sports Game #SportsHarder

1st Roommate Fight #passiveaggressive

1st Test

#cramming #thatwastoday?

September 9, 2015 • thesaupulse.com

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‘Major’ Decisions

Choosing a path in a time of change

“

K AT LYNEHE ATH college students represent an indecisive economically secure.”

generation, the more likely explanation for our seemingly erratic behavior is the immeasurable I was approximately three days into my pressure we feel to plan out our career paths at freshman year at Spring Arbor University the beginning—or as close to the beginning as (SAU)—still in the middle of NSO—when I we can manage—of our college years. decided to change my major.

“There’s a lot of pressure on young people Submitting to the fact that I’d become today to have figured things out—but who of a mere statistic, I filled out the paperwork us truly knows what’s best for us when we’re to make the switch 18? I certainly didn’t,” official and, in doing said Dr. Jack Baker, so, joined the ranks associate professor of of college students English and director of We are more than who had and would CPLA (the Christian similarly make Perspective in the Liberal our majors. “major” alterations Arts Committee) at SAU. Dr. Jack Backer, to their graduation Baker himself changed English professor plans. his major twice before I would return landing on philosophy to the registrar’s for his undergraduate office twice more degree. throughout the course of my college career “I think a lot of that pressure comes from before settling on what I wanted the script on competing narratives in our my degree to read, as I would add—and later lives. We want to please God, drop—a minor. our families, our churches, Even if I wasn’t a mere statistic, I contributed our professors—but to the statistics, nonetheless. The National we also want to be Center for Education Statistics determined that about 80% of college students nationwide change their majors.

Additionally, they found that the average college student changes his or her major three times.

While it’s possible that today’s

EDITORINCHIE F

“

ILLUSTRATION BY Kayla Williamson

8

thesaupulse.com • September 9, 2015

What freshman-year grad plans do not take into account, in Baker’s words, is that “people change—desires change, interests change, motives change.”

So what are freshmen—particularly those who enter college unsure of or undecided on their major—to do?

Perhaps, part of the problem lies in the way we approach the idea of a major. Baker said that, in making students’ majors the primary terms by which their education is discussed, “we gloss over nearly 1/2 of a student’s education here at SAU. We are more than our majors.”

“In fact,” said Baker,

“the liberal arts don’t simply prepare you for a major—they prepare you to be a certain kind of person, one who is a free citizen of the Kingdom of God. This means, in part, that a student is paradoxically free to pursue wisdom in knowledge yet is bound to use that knowledge for the health of her various relationships—for the good of people, in service of her place, to the glory of God.” Such a heavy focus on students’ majors negates the importance of the liberal arts, which are the foundation of the education SAU offers its students.

“It is helpful to think of our general education curriculum as a student’s first major,” Baker said, “A major that is the shared foundation of all our students.”

This idea, said Baker, is

illustrated well by “the great oak tree on campus, whose long health is owing to the deep connection of its individual parts. As

“

You have to have faith in the voices of wisdom in your life—the people who have known you for awhile and who are willing to be honest with you.

Dr. Jack Backer, English professor

the survival and growth of the limbs and branches is wholly sustained by the health of the trunk—and the trunk likewise by the nutrients in the soil—so our majors are sustained in health only in so far as they grow out of the study and application of the liberal arts, which are sustained by the goodness of God.” Keeping in mind this role of the liberal arts as our first major, we can then allow ourselves to, in keeping with Baker’s metaphor, branch out and explore our individual interests and abilities.

I asked Baker how a student could know what his or her major should be.

“A student can’t know for sure— how could she? We know very little with certainty in life. As a wise man (Matt Hill) once said in chapel, ‘The opposite of certainty isn’t doubt, it’s faith.’ You have to have faith in the voices of wisdom in your life—the people who have known you for a while and who are willing to be honest with you.”

While the job market is important to consider when choosing a major, it is equally important for us to remember the advantages of our first major.

Acknowledging that specialized majors are more limiting in terms of the variety of jobs they can lead to, Baker said, “A recent piece in Forbes points out [that] liberally educated employees are excelling in fields that seem unlikely to us because they have been trained to think clearly, logically and carefully and to write and communicate in the same ways.” * Ultimately, Baker says, “My advice is this: if you love the Lord and your neighbors with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, it doesn’t matter what major you land on. Be curious, be thoughtful, be open to change.”

For more help with deciding on a major, visit SAU’s webpage for “Choosing a Major” (http://www.arbor.edu/resources/offices/ career-development/students/choosing-amajor) or stop into the Career Development office (in the lower level of the student center) to speak to one of SAU’s career counselors.

*Find the Forbes article that Dr. Baker refers to at http://www. forbes.com/ sites/georgeanders/2015/07/29/ liberal-arts-degree-tech

September 9, 2015 • thesaupulse.com

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Stamina, Sanity and Spirituality Advice from faculty and staff that proves healthy living in college is possible stressed out, I would encourage that student

DA NAS E BAL D -VA NDO RE N to seek someone to talk to.” -Carrie Dashner,

D

S P ORTSE DITOR

uring freshman year, no one expects to make a visit to the hospital, have a nervous breakdown or encounter a spiritual identity crisis. But, in case one of these things does happen to you (knock on wood) here are some tips to get you through it.

Physical Health

1. “Healthy sleep hygiene means the same routine before you go to bed every night.”

-Mary Rick, nurse practitioner 2. “The typical college student needs between seven to nine hours of sleep every night.”

-Terry Darling, professor of psychology 3. “Hand washing is the number-one, best way to not get sick.” -Mary Rick 4. “When it comes to activity, which is really important, I encourage everyone to try new things.” -Deb Varland, assistant professor of health, human performance, and recreation 5. “Come to the Health Center for anything.

Everything is confidential. Don’t let not having health insurance keep you from coming. We have ways of helping the uninsured student.” -Mary Rick

Mental Health

1. “The whole idea of mental health is to see yourself honestly.” -Ron Kopicko, chaplain 2. “Laughing is really important when it comes to stress management.” -Deb Varland 3. “If the freshman student is feeling overwhelmed, anxious, alone, afraid or

director of counseling services 4. “Everybody has something at some time that counseling would fix. There should not be a stigma; it’s health-seeking behavior.”

-Mary Rick 5. “Staying organized, prioritizing, making lists and following a schedule will all help reduce anxiety and stress.” -Carrie Dashner 6. “The key is balance in all areas of life.”

-Terry Darling

Spiritual Health

1. “A healthy life begins with a healthy spiritual life.” -Mary Rick 2. “Jesus said to ‘love one another, even as I have loved you.’” -Ron Kopicko 3. “Finding a good rhythm of quiet time and prayer is important.” -Terry Darling 4. “We really need to value who God created us to be, and that means I have to learn to love myself.” -Deb Varland 5. “I think that the balance of the wise use of time, committed relationships, a devotion to the Word and to prayer and a commitment to fellowship will go a long way toward somebody succeeding spiritually.” -Ron Kopicko

To read a full-length article with more health advice, including tips on social health, visit thesaupulse.com.

Student Resources Holton Health and Wellness Center To set up an appointment, visit the Health Center or call 517-750-6352.

Carrie Dashner, Director of Counseling Services To set up an appointment, email Carrie.Dashner@arbor.edu.

Ron Kopicko, Chaplain To contact Kopicko, email Ron. Kopicko@arbor.edu or call 517750-6336 (work) or 517-4741911 (cell).

Campus Saftey 517-750-6911

When in doubt about any situation, ask your RA.

Boo. Who has a car?

THANKS, MOM.

1st Trip Home

#freelaundry #mydogforgotme

10

1st Night Alone M4 and 04 haunting

thesaupulse.com • September 9, 2015

1st Trip to Jackson #JCoForDayz

1st Time Locked Out

#wheresmyRA #wheresmyroommate

PHOTO BY Angela Myers

SHOWER STALLS AND STUDY SESSIONS: learning to love your floormates AM B E RC E K A ND E R can become the main vehicle through which of sharing your faith and listening to others FEATUR ESE DITOR

In the midst of all the anxiety and Facebook-stalking that comes with roommate assignments, it is easy to forget your time on a freshman floor will be spent among 20 to 30 fellow residents. Maybe you have shared a room at home with a sibling, and the idea of having one roommate is not terrible. Perhaps, to you, the most horrifying aspect of college living is the idea of sharing a shower stall with someone from down the hall. Rest assured, there are plenty of perks that come with living on a community floor.

Academics

Odds are, you’ll have at least one class, aside from Core 100, with some of your floor mates. Take advantage of this. Having someone in close proximity with whom you can go over notes and assignments is quite the blessing. Though it seems strange, academics

you cultivate relationships with the other residents on your floor. Once you have hit the point in finals week when the caffeine has run out and all the printers are jammed, you and your floor mates will be able get through anything.

On a separate note, the inevitable intertwining of community floors with academics can teach a great deal of patience.

When one student is trying his best to study for tomorrow’s test, but out in the hall, the rest of his floor is in the middle of a rousing game of Apples to Apples, patience is going to have to enter onto the scene. There will be moments like this, but you will survive.

Faith

Most floors on SAU’s campus have a Spiritual Life Advisor, or SLA, for short. SLAs lead Bible studies, which are arguably the most unifying event floors do together. It might take some time to get used to, but the act

proclaim theirs will cause everyone to grow closer together. Not to mention the prayerrequest sheets that will, most likely, show up on the bathroom stalls.

Social

With floor-focused events, like the entirety of New Student Orientation and Arbor Games, permeating the first half of the semester, floor bonding is almost a given. This group will become as close to a second family to you as your high school friends. They will become your go-to group for late-night shake runs at McDonald’s, and they will be there to lend comfort at a moment’s notice.

Your floor mates will be one of the few constants during your freshman year at SAU. Be prepared to experience and enjoy everything from Cookies with Kopicko to intramural victories and all the late night movie marathons in between.

?

-

1st Time Losing Your ID

#nofood #nodorm #nochapel #nofun

1st Time Skipping Class #rebel #theyactuallynotice

1st Snowfall

Watching people slip on the Concept

September 9, 2015 • thesaupulse.com

11

The Prodigal Student: A lesson in hypotheticals H E ATHE RC LA R K Saturday. Oops.

STAFFWR ITE R

“You have to call me everyday and let me know how class goes!”

Almost every freshman has heard at least some variation of these words, probably in the tear-choked voice of a parent during Parting at the Plaza. Yet, calling your mother everyday is not always (if ever) an easy promise to keep.

After all, at the beginning of your freshman year, you are more focused on trying to learn the names of everybody in your Core and figuring out which buildings on campus correspond to each trio of letters in your schedule. New Student Orientation feels like one big blur, and there is not time for much more than a quick text late at night to tell your family you are still alive.

Keeping your family updated does not become any easier when classes start. You are rushing around, trying to find the most efficient route between buildings, and, on top of that, meeting a ton of new people, whom you will naturally have to call—before you call your parents—to make plans for your first college weekend.

And then the weekend rolls around, and you are hanging out with half your Core group, when your phone starts ringing. You remember that, the last time you texted your parents, you promised you would call on

I’ve got a blank space, baby, and I’ll write your

! / 10

1st Unsaved Document

1st Late Assignment

#itsokaytocry

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Then there is the day you decide to change your major. You mention it in your next call home, and, all of a sudden, it’s World War Three.

When you recieve the grade back on your first real essay, it is a shock. You slaved over that paper, so how dare your professor say it is only worth a C? When you call home, your parents have your back, reassuring you that, yes, it is okay to get a C in college.

About halfway through the semester, you start stressing about midterms and complaining about the food in the dining commons. After a particularly stressful day, you call home, almost in tears, filled with a longing to see your family again. Your family does what they do best: they comfort you and tell you that everything will be okay. They remind you of a small break in which you can see them again.

You count down the days and make them promise to call when they get there. The second your phone rings, you are rushing out of your room and right down to where they are standing, waiting for you. When you finally give them that first hug since move-in day, it is the best thing in the world. College is great, but you are never too grown up to love your family.

#pray #notmyfault

thesaupulse.com • September 9, 2015

1st Finals Week #justdoit

PHOTO BY Angela Myers

1st J-Term #ghosttown

THE PULSE’S OFF-BEAT SATIRICAL TABLOID

Fourth-Floor freakouts N ATEB O RTZ

P HOTO G RAPHYE DITOR As another school year starts at Spring Arbor University (SAU), familiar sights, such as the clock tower, the Jesus Reactor and that one weird hallway no one goes down in the Student Center, welcome students back.

Fortunately for them, the class of 2019 gets to experience these sights for the very first time. New for freshmen and SAU vets alike, however, are the closings of Ormston and Muffitt Hall’s fourth floors. Instead of feeling sorry for those students who are stuck living in the minuscule space, students will instead have only dark and empty rooms to look at…or will they? Mysterious allegations have been floating around that these seemingly abandoned floors might actually be haunted.

It all started on move-in day. Attempting to avoid stress and forced human contact, one freshman came to move-in at the earliest possible time, to the dismay of the tired NSO volunteers who had to put their coffee down to help.

“I was lugging my futon into Ormston while my older brother watched, and I swear I saw someone looking at me on the fourth floor,” one freshman, who wishes to remain anonymous, said. “I was told O4 was closed for maintenance or something and that no one was up there, but I know what I saw. It looked like he was wearing a sheet—it was pretty terrible. I thought there wasn’t any Greek life here.”

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1st Time Changing Your Major (and not the last)

Strange phenomena are not limited to just “Mr. Toga,” as he’s come to be known. During her first night on the third floor of Muffitt, another freshman said she heard “weird scratching noises” coming from the ceiling.

“When I asked Kaylee [The RA of M3] about the weird noises, she started acting really weird. She was sweating and telling me ‘M4?

What’s that? There is no M4! Let’s go down to the lobby and watch ‘Hercules’ again!’” The freshman girl said Kaylee kept laughing “really nervously” and told her, “Don’t worry about the lost wandering souls of Mr. and Mrs. Muffitt.”

Freshman students from other residence halls reported strange smells coming from both Ormston and Muffitt, but a certain Resident Director who said something about wanting to be “off the record” assured them that the smells were “very normal.” While struggling to remove his shirt, an Andrew’s Hall freshman said, “I don’t know what an Ormston is, but I’ll totally ‘1v1’ any ghost!”

Is there any validation to this growing panic?

Ormston and Muffitt RAs have been staying suspiciously quiet and have denied giving any official comments, but nervous-looking

freshmen have been willing and eager to share theirs.

“I hear about some underground tunnels, an Ormston serial killer, a Muffitt suicide legend and, now, haunted floors? It’s only been a few days! When will the madness end?”

This freshman Muffitt resident was last seen a few hours ago, running away and screaming.

Whether these claims of haunted floors are true or merely the result of an early onset of fall-semester, stress-induced paranoia remains to be seen. For more updates, try looking out the window.

education majors don’t know how

lucky

they are.

1st Fire Drill

#11pm #why #burntpopcorn?

1st Draft of Grad Plan #future #goals #5thyear

1st Housing App

May the odds be ever in your favor.

September 9, 2015 • thesaupulse.com

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TIMES TO

LIVE BY Dining Commons

Cougar Den

*Located in Dietzman Hall*

Monday–Friday Breakfast 7:15 a.m.–9:30 a.m.

Lunch 11:00 a.m.–2:00 p.m.

Dinner 4:30 p.m.–7:00 p.m.

Monday-Friday 11:00 a.m.–12:00 a.m.

Saturday-Sunday 7:00 p.m.–12:00 a.m.

Business Office/Financial Aid

Saturday–Sunday Brunch 11:00 a.m.–1:30 p.m.

Dinner 4:00 p.m.–6:00 p.m.

*Meal Exchange* Monday–Friday Lunch 11:00 a.m.–2:00 p.m.

Dinner 4:00 p.m.–6:00 p.m.

Monday–Friday

*Late Night* Sunday, Tuesday & Thursday 8:00 p.m.–10:00 p.m.

Health Center

*Located in Poling Center* Ada’s Kitchen Monday–Friday 11:15 a.m.–1:15 p.m.

Monday–Friday 8 a.m.– 5 p.m.

Technology Services 8 a.m.–7 p.m.

Saturday

9 a.m.–12 p.m.

Monday & Friday 11:00 a.m.–12:00 p.m.

1:00 p.m.–4:00 p.m.

Tuesday & Thursday 9:00 a.m.–12:00 p.m.

1:00 p.m.–4:00 p.m.

MAP KEY 1

Ganton Art Gallery

6

Smith Music Center

11 Dietzman Hall

16 Gainey Hall

2

M&D

7

Whiteman-Gibbs

12 Ralph Carey Forum

17 Lowell

3

Poling Center

8

White Library

13 Dining Commons

18 Spring Arbor FMC

4

White Auditorium

9

Ormston

14 Bookstore

19 Andrews Hall

5

Sayre-Decan Hall

10 Muffitt

15 Cougar Den

20 Fieldhouse

participant

Apply here!

1st Camp Counselor App #Choices #DCblocked

14

thesaupulse.com • September 9, 2015

Let’s go FLY a kite

1st Sunny Day #60degrees #shorts

1st Year Finished!

#SAUround2 #sophomoreatlast

NEED A

MAP?

1

2 3

4

5

6

7 8

9 10 13

12

11

15

14

16

17

18 19 20

September 9, 2015 • thesaupulse.com

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Then& The “Pulse” staff from freshman year to now

Now

K AT LY N EH E ATH

A LEXAMATTHEWS

CARLYTHOMP S O N

DANASEBALD-VANDOREN

K AYLAWILLIAMSON

HEATHERCLARK

AM B E RC EK A ND E R

ANDREWKING

ED ITORINCHI EF

SPORTSEDI TO R

FEATU RESEDI TOR

LEADCO PYE DITO R

DES IG NE DITO R

G UESTWR IT ER

A& EE D I TO R

STAFFW R I TE R

NAT EB O RTZ

S O C IA LM E D I A PH OTO G RAPH Y E D I TO R

Not Pictured: LIz DeGraaf

Sarah Dean

News Editor

Staff Writer

Allison Lahrman Business Manager September 9, 2015 • thesaupulse.com

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