The Scope issue 101 by The Scope

home of the cutest damn riot you ever did see

Cars rule the streets of St. John’s, and many pedestrians feel like they’re getting the blunt end of the stick. A group of them say it’s time to put their foot down. p.7

Rawlin’s Cross photo by Duncan de Young (www.flickr.com/ninesteps/)

COVER ART

LISTINGS

SECTIONS

10 Music 14 Movies 17 Community Events 15 On Stage 19 Visual Arts and Museums 18 Classifieds

8 Feature 4 Storefront 7 Your City 13 Food Nerd 14 On Screen 15 Music Reviews 16 100% Local Comics 16 Free Will Astrology 18 Savage Love

Cover illustration by Ricky King. (www.super-rick.deviantart.com)

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issue 101, vol 5, num 5, mar 11 - 25, 2010 E-mail: inbox@thescope.ca Online: www.thescope.ca Listings: listings@thescope.ca Mail: The Scope PO Box 1044, St. John’s, NL, A1C 5M3 Phone: 709-726-8466 Ad sales: 709-693-5028 Fax: 709-726-7682 Publisher/Listings Editor/Distro Manager: Bryhanna Greenough (publisher@thescope.ca) Editor: Elling Lien (editor@thescope.ca) Advertising Diva: Lesley Marie Reade (sales@thescope.ca) Production Assistant: Mark Bennett Copy Editors: Sarah Smellie and Bryhanna Greenough Distribution team: Barry Ross, Phil Coates, Rachel Jean Harding, and Gary Sexton Bottom Line Editor: Adam Clarke Contributing Writers: Adam Clarke, Martin Connelly, Kerri Breen, Jill Butler, Andrew Harvey, Kevin Hehir, Bryhanna Greenough, Andreae Callanan Contributing Illustrators: Ricky King, Bryan Melanson, Andrew Power, Jennifer Barrett, Peter Hanes, and Andrew Wickens. Also contributing: Dan Savage and Rob Brezsny. The Scope is St. John’s arts and entertainment newspaper, published by Scope Media Inc. 14,000 copies of The Scope are printed fortnightly and distributed throughout the metro area. The Scope seeks to publish a newspaper that will entertain, inform, and foster cultural development in the St. John’s metropolitan area. The Scope claims absolutely no responsibility for . Free issues of The Scope are limited to one copy per reader. All rights reserved. © 2010 Proudly independent and locally owned. Founded in 2006.

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StoreFRONT

local business news Torbay Road Mall, and has been helping other immigrants lay down roots ever since. “A lot of women were actively involved with trading in their home country,” she says, “So we offer classes in how to start Zainab Jerrett doesn’t like to talk and operate a business in Canada, about herself. She’s the coordinator especially with the regulations. We for the International Food and do our best to ensure newcomers Craft Fair at the Holiday Inn in St. don’t leave.” She insists that the John’s on March 21st, organized fair is the result of many people’s by the Multicultural Women’s collaboration, but also admits that Organization of Newfoundland and she started lining up vendors back in Labrador (MWONL). November, a week after the last fair. This is a year-round gig for Jerrett. Jerrett can reel off businesses The fair started as just a small expo that started as fair vendors - the about 15 years ago but, with new Afghan Restaurant and International money from the Atlantic Canada Flavours are two good examples— Opportunities Agency (ACOA ) which is a good indication that the and the provincial government, it business skills MWONL are trying has been biannual since 2008. to enhance often find their A former MWONL board feet at the fair. member, Jerrett was happy “This is all true,” says nd your se to accept the coordinator Jerrett, “But the fair is also orefront st position in 2008. tips to about sharing culture, “It’s really a celebration storefront@ both from away and from a .c of cultural diversity,” she thescope here in Newfoundland. says, “but it does a lot to There will be food, and promote business growth music, and a fashion show. and empower women, especially There will be craftswomen from all immigrant women.” over, but also from this province. Jerrett left a full time teaching We are passionate about promoting position in Nigeria when she came diversity.” to Newfoundland in 1992 as a PhD candidate in the Memorial Folklore department. “I fell in love with the place, and The Black Dog pub is no more, but the people,” she says. She opened this Paddy’s Day it will debut as an her own business in 2004, the extension of O’Reilly’s called The African Market Square in the the Cove at O’Reilly’s. The new demiby martin connelly

Craft fair empowers immigrant women

Changes on Water

Got an opinion? Need to vent? We want to hear from you. Submit your anonymous accusation or confession at thescope.ca/rant. Submissions may be edited for length, grammar, spelling, legal, or obscenity reasons. One submission will be printed each fortnight, but more submissions to Rant Farm can be found at thescope.ca/rant.

bar will boast TVs, dartboards, and, according to Craig Flynn, “surreal old-world charm.” There will be substantially more seating than O’Reilly’s proper, and Yellow Belly beer on tap. The building interior has been stripped back to where it was in the mid 1800s, a process that has been on the go since last November. “It’s a beautiful old building restored,” says Flynn. “And of course it makes O’Reilly’s a very long bar.” The Cove will also be fitted with Closed Circut TVs so that seated patrons can check out their standing counterparts in the old O’Reilly’s.

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Thrift Row

The newly renovated Salvation Army on Kenmount Road has been open just over a month, and “things are great, just fabulous,” says Manager Jackie Howell. The million dollar investment has certainly turned the store around. Big windows let in natural light, the walls—well, those that aren’t covered with racks—are bright, and Howell says the place has been organized to “feel like a regular department store.” Six staff members process donations for eight hours a day, new stock is shelved on the hour, and all stock has a shelf life of 4 weeks, maximum. It might not be as big as Value Village, but the selection, especially the VHS section, is good.

RICKY KING

Zainab Jerrett. Photo by Martin Connelly

When will Newfoundland Musicians ever learn. The ECMA is a bowling alley, the Nova Scotia musicians are the bowling balls and we Newfoundlanders are the bowling pins. Every year it’s “set em up and knock em down.” The Nova Scotians have the majority of the membership and therefore the majority of the votes. — Anonymous

Yes ma’am, it’s time for our annual comic contest, which means this year might just be your chance at (regional) fame and (minuscule) fortune! Think you can do it? do you have what it takes? Then the Scope’s third Annual Comic Contest is for you. Submit five installments of your single-panel or multi-panel comic to us at: comic contest c/o the scope P.O. Box 1044 St. John’s, NL A1C 5M3

autobiographical! political! well drawn! poorly drawn! photo comics! arty! poetic! absurd! mysterious! historical! animal related! non animal related! serial adventure! cereal adventure! single panel! multi panel! super hero! romance! journalism! girl comics! boy comics! weird comics! not-weird comics! gag strips! not quite comics! etc!

Entries must be post-marked on or before Thursday, April 16, 2009. a judging panel made up of local cultural icons and assorted miscreants will have a nomination round, and the top comics will then be presented to scope readers for a public vote. The winners will earn a paid, one-year run with The Scope (online and in print). First runnerup will win $100, and second runner-up will win $50. The winners and select submissions will get some exposure in our annual Comics Issue, slated for May 20. The contest is open only to residents of Newfoundland and Labrador. The comics should be black and white only, and can be any shape (please stay consistent), so long as they fit on an 8.5 x 11 page. Please don’t send originals because we can’t return them to you; good photocopies or files on CD are fine. Questions? E-mail elling@thescope.ca. No phone calls please.

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news

Photo by Kevin Coffey

Looking both ways

Pedestrians account for 12 per cent of deaths in motor vehicle accidents. What will it take to lower that number?

D Rock House The

on George Street

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uring the minute and a half she lay on the Thorburn Road asphalt, Carly Bigelow says she realized she wasn’t brain dead because she could still hear her iPod...

It was just getting dark on a sleety, messy February evening last year as Bigelow, a 22-year-old Memorial University student, got off a Metrobus near Moss Heather Drive and attempted to cross the street. “I was crossing and I looked both ways...and I guess she was coming from the direction I looked in first and I didn’t realize until I was crossing and I saw light getting really close to me,” she says. “I turned really quickly and there were headlights and I realized how close the frigging car was to me.” In a deer-in-headlights moment, Bigelow stopped for a split second, and then felt the car’s impact above her hip, then on her shoulder and she landed on the road. The driver had attempted to slow down, so Bigelow’s injuries were minor. “I had a sprained ankle and one side of me was really sore for about a week or so,” she says. Others weren’t as lucky. According to Statistics Canada, 1220

by Kerri Breen Canadian pedestrians died after being hit by vehicles from 2000 to 2005, the latest data available. Pedestrians account for 12 per cent of deaths in motor vehicle accidents across Canada, and over a third of them are seniors. Bigelow was struck down just a few blocks away from what city data conclude as St. John’s fifth most dangerous intersection, Columbus and Prince Philip Drives at Thorburn Road. Predictably, the intersections with the most traffic accidents— some of which involved pedestrians—were along the city’s most popular drags: Newfoundland Drive, Columbus Drive and the Prince Phillip Parkway, according to 2006 data. A 2006 study of Montreal pedestrian accidents found they are not limited to problem intersections, however. Threequarters of injured walkers were either hit between intersections or on street corners where only one or two pedestrians had been injured within the five-year study period. A handful of significant vehiclepedestrian accidents have been reported St. John’s already this year. In the last six months, there has been about half a dozen. In the media, drivers have been blamed, pedestrians have been blamed, even geography and infrastructure have been blamed.

But what’s the solution? Research from Atlantic Canada suggests awareness may be the key. In the late 1980s, researchers from Université de Moncton and Saint Mary’s University conducted a pedestrian safety experiment in St. John’s, as well as in MonctonDieppe and Fredericton. They launched an awareness program called Courtesy Promotes Safety that resulted in an increase in the numbers of St. John’s motorists that yielded to pedestrians from 54 to 71 per cent. The percentage of pedestrians injured decreased by a whopping 50 per cent, based on data from three and a half years before and two years after the program’s implementation. The program’s reach was vast. It educated the public through the use of flyers and large feedback signs reporting the percentage of motorists yielding to pedestrians each week. There were school-wide training programs and media buzz. Advance stop lines were introduced and motorists were encouraged to yield father back behind crosswalks. Signs at problematic crosswalks instructed pedestrians on how to safely cross the street, and police gave out warning flyers and warning tickets to motorists who failed to yield (and small incentives such as a pen and bumper sticker to motorists

yielding to pedestrians). Despite the large scale of the effort, the program cost about $40,000 to implement, including the cost of traffic observers, signs, and all required materials. The City of St. John’s recovered about a third of the cost through the corporate sponsors, states the article, which appeared in a 1990 edition of the academic journal Heath Education Research. The program was terminated, but the special crosswalk signs and pedestrian prompts were still on the go for years afterward. A 1999 review of the literature on Canadian research on pedestrian safety said multi-faceted campaigns like Courtesy Promotes Safety are effective in modifying the habits of pedestrians and drivers alike. Bigelow says visibility was poor the night she was hit, so she doesn’t blame the driver entirely, but calls inconsiderate drivers her biggest pet peeve. She admits she wasn’t using a crosswalk the night she was hit, but she is more cautious these days. “I’m ridiculously paranoid about crossing Thorburn Road now,” she says. Hit or been hit? Leave a comment online at thescope.ca

yourcity notes from st. john's city hall Did you ever wonder how much money was donated to candidates during the 2009 St. John’s municipal election? I’d say around... $303,098. Just a guess. Let’s say you are like me, and you wondered exactly how much was donated. How do you find something like that out? Let me tell you how easy it is! Piece of cake! All you have to do is call the city, then you get referred to the city clerk’s office, ask them for the information, wait two weeks, receive the single-sided photocopied original forms, add Andrew them up, and Harvey there you have andrew@thescope.ca it! Could there be a simpler way for the public to access this information? Uh, well... Yeah. But is this important information, really? Umm, yeah. Anyway. Lucky for you, like in those cooking shows on TV, The Scope and good old yours truly already did the dirty work and have a candidate donation information casserole in the oven. Right now I’m staring at a stack of paper with campaign contributions higher than $250 listed. One thing I’ve learned is elections are expensive. Mayor Dennis O’Keefe won the Who Can Spend

the Most Money award, claimed $46,650 in contributions. His former competitor Ron Ellsworth came close with $33,800. Keith Coombs, who lost the deputy-mayor race to Shannie Duff by less than 3,000 votes (he received 46 per cent of the vote), claimed $36,955 in contributions while Duff gathered $24,411, earning him the Most Money, Least Return prize. The Tight Ship Award goes to Ward 5 incumbent Wally Collins, who claimed just $4,500—the lowest amount of any elected councillor. The Most Generous Donor Award goes to Fairview Investments, who contributed $9,700 between nine different candidates (six of whom are currently on council). The website of Fairview Investments says that the “main focus of our family owned business has always been subdivision development, but for the past fifteen years, we have also diversified into waterworks contracting and commercial property leasing.” The city has taken some steps to include more public opinion in the planning process—such as having pre-budget public consultation for the first time ever—but still has a long way to go. I’m preparing a special Your City report on campaign funding, with the raw data in Excel, and more in-depth analysis will be available on www.thescope.ca next Tuesday, March 16th.

INTERNATIONAL FOOD AND CRAFT FAIR

TO CELEBRATE MULTICULTURLISM IN NEWFOUNDLAND AND LABRADOR Sunday, March 21, 2010 at the Holiday Inn, St. John’s Admission: $5.00 (free for children 10 and under) EntertainmentS: Multicultural Entertainments featuring: East Indian music and dance by Bollywood Jig; Jazz music by Night Kitchen; Chinese Folkdance by Tzu-Hao Hsu; Blues music by Peter Narvaez; 60s – 80s vocal music by Avalonia; Scottish step dancing by Joy Fraser; Inuit drum dancing by Kilautiup Songuninga; African music by Zimsoc Singing Group from Zimbabwe. International fashion shows. Fun activities for children including face painting by Derek James.

ExhibitionS: Unique and authenic ethnic food and crafts on sale representing more than 21 countries around the world. Tickets: Multicultural Women’s Organization of NL office 44 Torbay Road, St. John’s. Tel.: 726-0321 Multi Ethnic Food Takeout and Eatery Torbay Road Mall, St. John’s, Tel.: 726-7666.

Organized by the Multicultural Women’s Organization of NL Sponsored by the Office of Immigration and Multiculturalism, Government of NL

St. John’s - March 22 Corner Brook - March 25 Stephenville - March 27 Grand Falls-Windsor - March 29 Gander - March 31

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A spectre is haunting St. John’s—the spectre of pedestrianism. Powers have entered into a holy alliance to exorcise this spectre: poor city planning, snow-covered sidewalks and aggressive, careless driving practices. It is high time that Pedestrians should openly, in the face of the whole City of St. John’s, publish their views, their aims, their tendancies and meet this nursery tale of the Spectre of Pedestrianism with a manifesto.

{Thanks to Kevin Hehir Pablo Navarro Malin Enström Costa Kasimos John McConnell Joan Scott Michelle Butler Hallett}

Here we are.

We are the children on their way to school, forced onto Thorburn Road by the icy snowdrfits on the sidewalks. Why we are angry. Because we have been nearly hit, and because we have been hit.

It could have been the car that struck an eight-year-old boy on February 3rd and then promptly drove away... Or it could have been the car that smacked a 20-year-old woman and then fled on March 8th... There are hundreds of reasons to assemble a group of concerned citizens—from wheelchair users to marathon runners—and assemble this Pedestrian’s Manifesto.

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breaks can be found in the lines of fast-moving vehicles navigating slippery roads.

Because we are required to walk where it is not safe. Take, for example, the winter’s snow-covered, icy sidewalks, which confine any of us with mobility issues to our houses for the winter and push vulnerable pedestrians out onto the road. Then there are the mounds of street snow piled at intersections, blocking the button for the walk signal, and forcing those crossing on foot to dart out into traffic during what small

We are the woman with a baby strapped to her chest dancing over icy walkways with two hands full of groceries. We are the person with forearm crutches trying to get to the bank machine on an unshoveled sidewalk downtown. Have you ever tried to push a stroller or steer a wheelchair outside in winter? There’s only one street from Duckworth to Water that doesn’t have a flight of stairs, and its sidewalk is steep and narrow, and covered in snow for half the year. That means that any of us using a wheelchair or scooter has to book a ride with Wheelway just to go have a coffee

at Atlantic Place—downtown’s only accessible retail spot. We can even forget about a casual, summer trip to the mall or even down Monkstown Road. Those sidewalks are far too slanted, crooked and potholed to support a wheelchair. If we had a dime for every time we heard a newcomer say that the drivers were “really crazy here,” we’d have a lot of dimes. Take the intersection at Empire and King’s Bridge Road, by Memorial Market Dominion, for example, where drivers whip blindly around onto Lake Avenue as if there’s a food shortage. Coffee-sucking zombies nearly mowing down entire families as they careen into one of the city’s drivethrus get special mention. As do all those asleep, or texting, or phoning, at the wheel anywhere across the North-East Avalon

Peninsula.

Yes, we acknowledge that sidewalk snow-clearing efforts have been steadily improving. We are grateful that funds for the Traffic Calming Study were found. But as city council repeatedly congratulated themselves for being at the helm of a city that was selected by the Conference Board of Canada as one of the best six Canadian cities for migrants to settle in, we couldn’t help but shake our heads. Most of the newcomers we spoke with were apalled by the snowy, dangerous sidewalks and the crappy public transit system. And most of them had plans to move to another city.

Who we are. This document and this movement takes “Pedestrian” to include everyone who, theoretically, would be using the sidewalks. We Pedestrians are people on foot, people using walkers, people using wheel-chairs, people using crutches, people using scooters, people pushing strollers, people carrying babies, people pushing strollers and carrying babies. Many Pedestrians are also drivers, so Pedestrians are not all anti-car. But we are all pro-Pedestrian. Whether you like it or not, you are a Pedestrian. Even if you drive everywhere, in that place between stepping out of your car and stepping into the place you’ve driven to, you’re a Pedestrian. Pedestrians are not too poor to afford a car, nor are we stupid or useless. We are not obligated to walk on slippery, treacherous sidewalks when the road is much safer. We do not relinquish our rights to not be struck by a car if we cross where there isn’t a crosswalk. We are not blocking your road. Like drivers, Pedestrians are people going to work or school or the grocery store, or we’re going to pick up our kids or our paycheques or a package. Or maybe we’re simply enjoying a nice day. We’re bringing life to the streets, and we’re initiating conversations and connections between one another that wouldn’t be initiated if we were all tucked away in our own individual cars. According to urban philosophers

like Jane Jacobs, we are essential to healthy cities. Pedestrians are voters. We may even have elected you, and we probably expected more of you. We may not elect you again. Most importantly, Pedestrians, like drivers, are commuters. Our destinations and our right to arrive at them in a timely fashion, and in one piece, are just as important as those of the drivers.

resident-friendly stores in the city centre. Promote a walkable city so that there are more of us walking and talking and bringing life to the city. To drivers.

What we will do. We will be more aggressive towards careless drivers. We will take note of license plate numbers and report them to the police.

Our demands are as follows. Better snow clearing and winter city planning. Expand the streets that the city’s snow clearing bylaw covers and enforce it. Expand the city’s sidewalk snow clearing routes. Clear the snow sooner after storms, and on weekends. Stop piling street snow on sidewalks and at corners. Learn from cities like Helsinki, or organizations like the Winter Cities Institute, and embrace the fact that St. John’s is a winter city. Imagine it as if the tourist season occured from November to March. Put as much effort into sidewalks and walkways as you do the roads. Fix and/or replace old, potholed, slanted sidewalks; put ramps at either ends of crosswalks instead of blunt curbs; repaint the crosswalk lines on the road each year so that cars can see where to stop; cut back the trees than hang in front of crosswalk signs so that motorists can see them clearly.

We will start a a web forum where we post your plate numbers. We will scream and cause a scene in the middle of intersections. Rocks? We will hang up on people who call us while driving. We will take our space and cross the street and expect drivers to stop, instead of huddling at the corners, waiting for someone to let us cross.

Make room for us. Expect us to be on the roads in the winter. After all, the city only plows about 100 kilometers of sidewalk. Drive slower. If you don’t like us on the roads, phone your city councillor and ask them to do a better job at making the sidewalks safe for Pedestrians. Or leave your car at home for a day and join us. Look for crosswalks and slow down before them, whether there is a Pedestrian there or not. Stop, every time, if a Pedestrian is there. Put down your cell phones, your iPods, your handheld whatevers. Gaze up from your GPS screens. Pay attention. Be better drivers. Get out of your climate-controlled space bubble and take stock of reality: All of us are stupid human beings. Drivers are in control of a multi-ton hunk of steel, travelling faster than your brain. Drive with Pedestrians in mind,

And we will stop waving in thanks to those who do. As Pedestrians, we have the right of way at all times.

And if you do kill one of us, you will have that on your conscience.

You are required to stop.

Comment on this article online at thescope.ca

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We intend to make our plight known. To this end, and with this document, we officially challenge every member of city council to leave their cars at home for one full week. In the meantime, we will write letters and plan demonstrations. We will stop shrugging our shoulders and sighing. We will demand more from city council, and we will make Pedestrian issues election issues. Invest in clear, visible signs at confusing intersections. Rawlin’s Cross, for example, is a nightmare when it’s full of tourists in rental cars. Require accessibility. Demand that all new buildings be accessible. Demand that all public spaces and buildings, no matter how historic, be accessible. Have a wheelchair user determine whether or not that demand was met. Create more accessible roads and sidewalks to the downtown area, even if it means getting rid of stairs or building extra ramps. Show that you consider wheelchair and scooter users, and all persons with mobility issues, to be equal citizens. Stop the ongoing sprawl in the city. Put a moratorium on further box-store development and promote the establishment of more

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music

Listings deadline for our next print edition is 5pm Sunday, March 21.

Pre Paddy’s Bash: The Punters, O’Reilly’s Pub Stixx & Stones, The Dock Striped White, CBTGs That Mexican DJ (aka Manuel Freyre), DJ Nu Rock, The Breezeway The Early Show: Ian Foster & Dave Borins, 9pm, no cover, Rose & Thistle Thirsty Thursdays: DJ JayCee, Turkey Joe’s Unlisted, Green Sleeves Pub

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

Submit your show information by e-mail to listings@thescope.ca or click “Submit a Listing” online at thescope.ca. Event listings are free, and hi-res photos are welcome and encouraged.

MAR 11 Bloody Thursdays, 10:30pm, $5, Distortion Carl Peters & Bob Taylor (7pm), Middle Tickle (11pm), Shamrock City Pub Craig Young (solo acoustic) no cover, Fat Cat Blues Bar Dave Panting, Erin’s Pub Des Gambin, 7pm, West Side Charlie’s-

Kenmount Rd DJ Big Frank, Konfusion DJ Mark Power, no cover, Martini Bar Gifts for Ghana Fundraiser: Sherry Ryan & Darren Browne, Paddy Barry, Duane Andrews, Maggie Meyer, Jaime O’Leary, Christina Penney (Flamenco Dance), Rose Dean Andrews (Slide Show), The Mudflowers, 8pm, $10, The Ship Jason LaCour, Whalen’s Pub Jerry Stamp, Dave Walsh, midnight, no cover, Bull & Barrel

MAR 12 At Ships End (folk) 10:30pm, Bridie Molloy’s Chris Ryan (6pm); Carl Peters & Dave White (11pm), Trapper John’s Pub D’arcy Broderick & Ron Kelly (5pm); Barry Kenny & Glen Harvey (8pm); Middle Tickle (11pm), Shamrock City Pub

Dave Borins (acoustic rock), Jordon Safer, Vincent Anglican Cathedral, 8pm, freewill offerWhalen’s Pub ing, Anglican Cathedral Dave Reardon, 5pm, Station Lounge Blackie O’Leary (1pm); Ron Kelly & Mike Hanrahan (3:30pm); Best Kind (6pm); Carl Des Gambin & Barry Davis, Green Sleeves Peters & Bob Taylor (8:30pm); Rant & Roar Pub (11pm), Green Sleeves Pub DJ Fabian, no cover, 11am, Zone 216 Building a School in Kandahar (benefit DJ Sina, Konfusion concert) Featuring local performers, 7pm, Filthy Fridays: DJ JayCee, Turkey Joe’s $7/$10, Holy Heart Theatre Funky Dory (funk jam band) The Republic Chris Henessey (7pm); Con & Arthur O’Brien (10pm), Shamrock City Pub Hendrix Tribute: The DC-3, 10pm, The Levee Chris Ryan (3:30pm); Anthony McDonald (6pm), The Well Logan Hudak (Halifax), DJ Trip, T S Kid Cue, Grey Star, 10pm, $10, THE MO Dave Borins (acoustic rock), IND F Loft 709 Danielle Tobin, CBTGs up-TO-DGASTE Matthew Hornell & The Mike Hanrahan, Irish Session, LISTIN AT Diamond Minds (folk), The Bridie Molloy’s ONLINE e.ca Domestics (folk), AE Bridger p Old School Sunday, Turkey thesco (psychedelic rock), The Ship Joe’s Pot Luck Live: Featuring Terry PenThe Masterless Men, Chris Henney, Middle Tickle, The Punters, Greeley’s nessey, Bill Kelly, Fergus O’Byrne, The PuntReel, Ray Walsh, Tarahan, Sandy Morris, Larry ers, Greeley’s Reel, 9am-close, O’Reilly’s Pub Foley & Pat Moran, 8pm, $24.50, Holy Heart Theatre Quiet Elephant (indie pop), Japan Batteries (rock), CBTGs Slamfest 2: IceBreaker, The Fawks, Uneeda, Dead of Winter, The Raycocks, 10pm, $5, Junctions Anthony McDonald (3:30pm); Rant & Roar Stone Rogues (alt celtic rock) Rock House (6pm); Best Kind (8:30pm), The Well Superstars, Club One Anthony MacDonald & Ronnie Power, 10pm, Shamrock City Pub That Mexican DJ (aka Manuel Freyre), Kid Cue, Gray Star, Spin Afterhours Chris Ryan (6pm); Carl Peters & Bob Taylor (8:30pm); Best Kind (11pm), Green Sleeves Pub The Alex Dinn Band, 10pm, Martini Bar The Punters, O’Reilly’s Pub The Masterless Men, Chris Hennessey, Bill Kelly, Fergus O’Byrne, The Punters, The Bishops, Greeley’s Reel, Tarahan, noon-close, O’Reilly’s Pub The Trumpet Sings (MUN Music) Aaron Hodgson explores the lyrical side with vocal music written & arranged for trumpet, 8pm, $7/$12, DF Cook Recital Hall Hall Best Kind (6pm); Carl Peters & Bob Taylor (8:30pm); Kilkenny Krew (11pm), Green Sleeves Wrecking Ball, Dusk Ultralounge Pub Carl Peters & Dave White, Turkey Joe’s Chris Hennessey, Bill Kelly, Fergus O’Byrne, The Punters, Greeley’s Reel, 5pm, O’Reilly’s Pub Connemara, 10pm, Shamrock City Pub Danielle Tobin, Mast & Friends, CBTGs Aglid (black metal), Release the Hounds (hardDave Borins (acoustic rock), Jordan Safer core), Frankenstone, 10pm, $5, Junctions (Toronto) The Grapevine Bill Brennan & Banda Brazil: A night of Fatman Scoop (hip hop), DJ Sina, 10pm, samba, bossa nova, tropicalismo, 10pm, $10, Majestic Theatre The Ship Hot Tuesday: Dave Walsh, Adam Baxter & Chris Ryan (Irish band) 11pm, Trapper John’s Andrew James O’Brien, free, The Levee Pub Shawn Beresford (solo acoustic) no cover, Danielle Bailey, Horrid Gulch, Rum Fat Cat Blues Bar Katastrohpe, $5, Rose & Thistle The Gambin Brothers (acoustic duo) no Dave Borins (acoustic rock), Jordon Safer, cover, 10pm, Martini Bar Whalen’s Pub

MONDAY

MAR 15

TUESDAY

MAR 16

SATURDAY

MAR 13

Dave Panting (5pm); Bob Taylor, Carl Peters & Pat Moran (8pm); Middle Tickle (11pm), Shamrock City Pub DJ Big Frank, Konfusion From Across the Pond: NSO Sinfonia & Lady Cove Women’s Choir presents Bela Bartok, Mozart, Imant Raminsh, 8pm, $22/$26, Arts & Culture Centre Ghettosocks (Halifax hip hop), DJ Jorun, East Rock Crew, DJ Nu Rock, The Breezeway HideAway (classic rock) 10:30pm, no cover, Darnell’s Pub-Paradise Joe Thompkins & Blackie O’Leary (3:30pm); Chris Ryan & Ronnie Power (6pm); Carl Peters & Bob Taylor (8:30pm); A Chara (11pm), Green Sleeves Pub Ron Kelly & Mike Hanrahan (3:30pm); Best Kind (6pm); Rant & Roar (8:30pm), The Well Sexual Saturday: DJ JayCee, Turkey Joe’s St Patrick’s Day Dinner & Dance (Benevolent Irish Society) Music by Smart Sound, 7:30pm, $25/$30, Harvey Rd 754-0570 Stone Rogues (alt celtic rock) Rock House Superstars, Club One That Mexican DJ (aka Manuel Freyre), DJ Fox, DJ Electro, Liquid NightClub The Alex Dinn Band, 10pm, Martini Bar The Masterless Men, Chris Hennessey, Bill Kelly, Fergus O’Byrne, The Punters, The Bishops, Greeley’s Reel, Tarahan, noon-close, O’Reilly’s Pub VJ Eric, DJ Fabian, 11pm, $5/$7 after 1:30pm, Zone 216 Wrecking Ball, Dusk Ultralounge

SUNDAY

MAR 14 Bach on the Rock: The complete organ works in 18 concerts by David Drinkell & Jenny

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WEDNESDAY

MAR 17

Andrew Pike (solo acoustic) no cover, Fat Cat Blues Bar Blackie O’Leary (7pm); The Navigators (10pm), Shamrock City Pub Blackie O’Leary (1pm); Ron Kelly & Mike Hanrahan (3:30pm); Chris Ryan & Ronnie Power (6pm); Carl Peters & Bob Taylor (8:30pm); Kilkenny Krew (11pm), Green Sleeves Pub Dave White, 10pm, Turkey Joe’s Epic Wednesdays: Adam Baxter, 10pm, $5, Distortion Folk Night: Boo Darby, 9pm, $5, The Ship Jason Lacour 10pm, Trapper John’s Pub Leigh Brokerville, Whalen’s Pub Noise Terror: The Black Mask Brigade, The Rit, 10pm, $5, The Levee Stone Rogues (alt celtic rock) Rock House Stixx & Stones, no cover, Martini Bar The Masterless Men, Chris Hennessey, Bill Kelly, Fergus O’Byrne, The Punters, The Bishops, Greeley’s Reel, Tarahan, O’Reilly’s Pub Victor Lewis Jam, CBTGs

THURSDAY

MAR 18 Blaine Lambe & Chris Ryan, Whalen’s Pub Carl Peters & Bob Taylor (7pm), Middle Tickle (11pm), Shamrock City Pub Craig Young (solo acoustic) no cover, Fat Cat Blues Bar Dave Panting, Erin’s Pub Des Gambin, 7pm, West Side Charlie’sKenmount Rd

music venue

directory Arts & Culture Centre, Prince Philip Dr, 729-3900 The Attic, 2 George St, 579-9632 Bar None, 164 Water St, 579-2110 Bella Vista, 26 Torbay Rd, 753-2352 Big Ben’s, 55 Rowan St, 753-8212 Black Dog Pub, 318 Water St, 726-6015 Bull & Barrel, Holdsworth Court, 579-7077 Bull & Finch, Torbay Rd, 738-7007 The Breezeway, MUN Campus, 737-4743 Bridie Molloy’s, 5 George St, 576-5990 Brownings Pub, Hotel Mount Pearl, 364-7725 CBTG’s, Holdsworth Court, 722-2284 Christine’s Place, 210 Lemarchant Rd, 722-6400 Club One, George St, 753-7822 Crow’s Nest (Officer’s Club), 88 Water St (by War Memorial), 753-6927 D.F. Cook Recital Hall, Memorial University 7374700 Corner Stone Sports Bar, 16 Queen St, 754-4263 Darnell’s Pub, 1570 Topsail Rd 782-2440 Distortion, Holdsworth Court, 738-8833 The Dock, 17 George St, 726-0353 Dusk ULTRA LOUNGE, George St Erin’s Pub, 186 Water St, 722-1916 Fat Cat Blues Bar, George St 739-5554 George Street Beer Market, George St, 753-7822 Georgetown Pub, 754-6151 Green sleeves PUB, 14 George St, 579-1070 The Grapevine, Water St, 754-8463 Grumpy Stump, Torbay Rd, 753-2337 Holy Heart Theatre, 55 Bonaventure Ave, 579-4424 Junctions, 208 Water St, 579-2557 Karaoke Kops Party Bar, 10 George St, 726-8202 Kelly’s Pub, 25 George St, 753-5300 Konfusion, George St, 753-4884 Kruger’s Bar, 986 Conception Bay Hwy, Kelligrews The Last Drop, 193 Water St, 726-3767 THE LEVEE,

geeks of the world

unite!

you have nothing to lose but your shame!!

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timemasters 33 kenmount rd, 2nd fl, 754-3654

comic books × trade paperbacks and hardcovers × manga and anime × role-playing × table-top miniatures × collectable cards and board games × statues and model kits × toys and collectable action figures

Holdsworth Court Liquid NIGHT CLUB, 186B Water St, 754-5455 Loft 709, 371 Duckworth St 351-2183 Lottie’s Place, 3 George St, 754-3020 Lower Path Grill & Bar, 312 Water St 579-1717 LSPU HAll, 3 Victoria St, 753-4531 Majestic Theatre, 390 Duckworth St Marg’s Place, Kelligrews Martini Bar (Above Peddler’s On George) 739-9180 Masonic Temple, 6 Cathedral St, 579-3023 Mickey Quinn’s, 120 New Gower St, 739-6404 Mile One Centre, 50 New Gower St, 576-7657 MUN MUSIC, 737-4455 Mrs Liddy’s, Torbay 437-6005 The Old Mill, 271 Brookfield Rd, 368-1334 O’Reilly’s Irish Pub, 15 George St, 722-3735 Peddler’s On George, George St, 739-9180 Peter Easton Pub, Cookstown Road Petro-Canada Hall, Memorial University Players Cue, 50 Commonwealth Ave-Mt Pearl 368-

fair trade recycled materials biodegradable substances

2500 Republic, Duckworth St, 753-1012 Rob Roy Pub, George St, 739-6270 THE Rockhouse, George St, 579-6832 rose & Thistle, 208 Water St, 579-6662 Shamrock City Pub, 340 Water St, 7585483 Ship Pub, 265 Duckworth St, 753-3870 Spin, 2 George St Sharky’s Pub, Manuels 834-5636 The Sprout, 364 Duckworth St, 579-5485 SS Meigle Lounge, Seal Cove 744-1212 Stanley’s Pub, 26 Torbay Rd, 754-0930 Station Lounge, 7 Hutchings St Steller Club, Henry St, 753-8222 Stetson Lounge, 260 Water St, 753-8138 Sundance, George St, 753-7822 Tol's Time-Out Lounge, 74 Old Placentia Rd 745-8657 Topsail Breeze Tavern, Topsail 781-0010 Trapper John’s PUB, 2 George St, 579-9630 Trinity Pub, George St, 579-5558 Trip in Lounge, Kelligrews 834-4002 The Well, 14 George St - 2nd level Green Sleeves Whalen’s Pub, 32 George St 722-4900 Zone 216, 216 Water St, 754-2492. Do you host live music or DJs? Joining our directory is free. E-mail listings@thescope.ca

175 water street. st john’s, nl 709 722 6004 monday - saturday 10-6 sunday 12-5

twistedsistersboutik.blogspot.com DJ Big Frank, Konfusion DJ Mark Power, no cover, Martini Bar DJ Nu Rock, The Breezeway Fergus O’Byrne (7pm); Acoustic Punters(10:30pm), O’Reilly’s Irish Pub Jerry Stamp, midnight, no cover, Bull & Barrel Night Music (Sound Symposium) w/ anchor band Red Parakeets. Improvisers welcome, 9:30pm, $4, The Ship Stixx & Stones, The Dock The Early Show: Ian Foster, 9pm, no cover, Rose & Thistle The Scruncheons (MUN Music) Percussion ensemble treats you to a concert of percussion classics & original works, 8pm, $7/$12, DF Cook Recital Hall The Steve Brockley Band (Montreal folk), Emily Brown (folk), Texas Chainsaw (rockabilly), CBTGs Thirsty Thursdays: DJ JayCee, Turkey Joe’s Unlisted, Green Sleeves Pub

FRIDAY

MAR 19 101, Green Sleeves Pub Ace Kinkaid (Ontario exp rock), Pick a Piper (Ontario psych rock), AE Bridger, 10pm, The Levee Après Scarlatti (MUN Music) Kristina Szutor pays homage to Baroque master Domenico Scarlatti, 8pm, $7/$12, DF Cook Recital Hall Bic & The Ballpoints, Club One Chad Murphy & Mike Bursey, 11pm, Trapper John’s Pub Chris Hennessey (5pm); The Stone Rogues; The Mahones (11:30pm), O’Reilly’s Pub D’arcy Broderick & Ron Kelly (5pm); Barry Kenny & Glen Harvey (8pm); Connemara (11pm), Shamrock City Pub Danika Drover, Whalen’s Pub Dave Reardon, 5pm, Station Lounge DJ Fabian, no cover, 11am, Zone 216 DJ Sina, Konfusion Filthy Fridays: DJ JayCee, Turkey Joe’s Missconduct, 10pm, Martini Bar Over the Top (punk), Once Loved (punk),

Icebreaker (hardcore), Release The Hounds (hardcore), Shorthanded, Junctions Stixx & Stones, Dusk Ultralounge The Monday Nights (folk rock) Fat Cat Blues Bar The Pathological Lovers (rock), Quiet Elephant (idie pop), Les Domestics (folk), Baytown Connection (beach rock), Rock House The Steve Brockley Band (Montreal folk), Emily Brown (folk), Matt Hornell & The Diamond Minds (folk), CBTGs

SATURDAY

MAR 20 101, Green Sleeves Pub Ace Kinkaid (Ontario exp rock), Pick a Piper (Ontario psych rock), Distortion Bic & The Ballpoints, Club One Darrell Cooper Band (blues) Fat Cat Blues Bar Dave Panting (5pm); Bob Taylor, Carl Peters & Pat Moran (8pm); Connemara (11pm), Shamrock City Pub Dave Walsh (acoustic) no cover, Trinty Pub DJ Big Frank, Konfusion Fuse, 11pm, Trapper John’s Pub Hardliner, Sheavy (rock), Fireign (metal), 10pm, $7, The Levee Jelo (Toronto house), Physical Patrick, Klassy Dirt, DJ Fox & DJ Electro, 11pm, Liquid NightClub JFK (of MSTRKRFT - Toronto electro), St Mandrew, $20+/$25+, 9pm, Majestic Theatre King Nancy (rock), The Adam Baxter Threesome, $8, Rock House Missconduct, 10pm, Martini Bar Powercup (Montreal grind-hardcore), Dig up the dead, Cider Squadren 666, Polina, The Dead Peasants revolt, 10pm, $6, Junctions Rob Cook (4:30pm); The Stone Rogues (alt celtic rock), The Mahones (11:30pm), O’Reilly’s Irish Pub Sexual Saturday: DJ JayCee, Turkey Joe’s Stixx & Stones, Dusk Ultralounge The New Zazou (ska), The Sean Panting Band (rock), Children’s Centre Fundraiser show at 8:30pm & late show at 11:30pm, $10, The Ship 

march 11 - 25, 2010

thescope 11

The Steve Brockley Band (Montreal folk), Emily Brown (folk), Local Tough (rock), Col Craze & The Hunch (rock), CBTGs The Tequila Rockingbirds, Whalen’s Pub Trial and Triumph (MUN Music) MUN Chamber Orchestra takes Brahms’ Tragic Overture 7 & Beethoven’s Symphony No 8, 8pm, $7/$12, DF Cook Recital Hall VJ Eric, DJ Fabian, 11pm, $5/$7 after 1:30pm, Zone 216

SUNDAY

MAR 21

Bach on the Rock: The complete organ works in 18 concerts by David Drinkell & Jenny Vincent Anglican Cathedral, 8pm, freewill offering, Anglican Cathedral Chris Henessey (7pm); Con & Arthur O’Brien (10pm), Shamrock City Pub Damian Follett, Green Sleeves Pub Mike Hanrahan, Irish Session, Bridie Molloy’s Old School Sunday, Turkey Joe’s Powercup (Montreal grind-hardcore), Breakaway, Surrogate Activities, Patrick Swayze & The Dirty Dancers, Aglid, 10pm, $5, CBTGs

MONDAY

MAR 22 Anthony MacDonald & Ronnie Power, 10pm, Shamrock City Pub Damian Follett, Green Sleeves Pub Larry Foley & Patrick Moran, 9pm, O’Reilly’s Irish Pub

TUESDAY

MAR 23 thescope.ca

cute but sophisticated

12 thescope

march 11 - 25, 2010

Carl Peters & Dave White, Turkey Joe’s Chris Hennessey (5pm); Rob Cook & Larry Foley (12am), O’Reilly’s Irish Pub Connemara, 10pm, Shamrock City Pub Damian Follett & Gary Gambin, Green Sleeves Pub Danielle Tobin, Mast & Friends, CBTGs

Shawn Beresford (solo acoustic) no cover, Fat Cat Blues Bar The Gambin Brothers (acoustic duo) no cover, 10pm, Martini Bar

The Early Show: Ian Foster, 9pm, no cover, Rose & Thistle Thirsty Thursdays: DJ JayCee, Turkey Joe’s Trevor Kelly, Whalen’s Pub Unlisted, Green Sleeves Pub

WEDNESDAY

ALLAGES

MAR 24

Blackie O’Leary (7pm); The Navigators (10pm), Shamrock City Pub Chris Hennessey (5pm), O’Reilly’s Irish Pub Chris Kirby (solo acoustic) no cover, Fat Cat Blues Bar Dave White, 10pm, Turkey Joe’s Epic Wednesdays: Adam Baxter, 10pm, $5, Distortion Folk Night: Duane Andrews & Peter Narvaez, 9pm, $5, The Ship Kronik, Green Sleeves Pub Noise Terror: The Dead Peasants Revolt, 10pm, $5, The Levee Stixx & Stones, no cover, Martini Bar Victor Lewis Jam, CBTGs

THURSDAY

MAR 25 Antoine Dufour (Canadian finger style acoustic guitar champion) 7pm-10pm, $10, Martini Bar Carl Peters & Bob Taylor (7pm), Middle Tickle (11pm), Shamrock City Pub Craig Young (solo acoustic) no cover, Fat Cat Blues Bar Dave Panting, Erin’s Pub Des Gambin, 7pm, West Side Charlie’sKenmount Rd DJ Big Frank, Konfusion DJ Mark Power, no cover, Martini Bar DJ Nu Rock, The Breezeway Fergus O’Byrne (7pm); Acoustic Punters(10:30pm), O’Reilly’s Irish Pub Jerry Stamp, midnight, no cover, Bull & Barrel Stixx & Stones, The Dock

Fri Mar 19 at 5:30pm Over the Top, Houston We Have A Problem, Frontier, I Was A Skywalker, Release The Hounds, $5, Junctions

openmic/jam Tuesdays: Dave Carroll & Rob Moran at O’Reilly’s Irish Pub (10pm) Wednesdays: Chris Ryan & Ronnie Power at Shamrock City Pub (9:30pm) Thursdays: The Levee (9pm) Sundays: Shawn Beresford at Fat Cat Blues Bar; Young Musicians at Shamrock City Pub (2pm); Young Performers at O’Reilly’s Irish Pub (3pm)

karaoke Wednesday: Karaoke Kops Party Bar Thursday: Karaoke Kops Party Bar; West Side Charlie’s-Torbay Rd Friday: Karaoke Kops Party Bar Saturday: Karaoke Kops Party Bar; Murf at Darnell’s Pub

Find the most up-to-date listings at

thescope.ca/events

foodnerd

sides with the snakes

don’t get St. Patrick’s Day. At least, not the way we get on about it. I understand saints’ days, if you’re Catholic. I understand holidays, if St. Patrick’s Day still were one here. I understand that some of our province’s stock came from Ireland, long, long ago. I just don’t get how that translates to “drink your face off, woooooo!” Now, I have no problem with drinking one’s face off. I don’t even mind everyone in town drinking their faces off at once. But why bring Ireland into it? Or St. Patrick? St. Patrick, as a child, was captured from his home in Britain and brought to Ireland by slave traders. He eventually escaped, and legend has it that he returned to Andreae drive the snakes Callanan dreae@thescope.ca out of Ireland. Except there never were any snakes in Ireland. By “snakes,” they mean “pagans.” So St. Patrick converted the pagan Irish, who were, no doubt, happily going about their business like most colonized people were before they got colonized, and that’s why everybody wears big green foam hats and puts on fake Irish accents and gets shitfaced every March 17. Never mind St. Patrick himself for a moment. Let’s look at this big green hat, sparkly shamrock earrings, “Kiss Me, I’m Irish”, titiddly-tee-tum, pot o’gold, they’reafter-me-lucky-charms business for a second. Now, I haven’t been to Ireland, and I’m no expert, but I have met enough Irish people who are, you know, normal, to suggest that Ireland is not actually inhabited primarily by leprechauns. Or by drunks. Or by drunken leprechauns. “Celebrating” Irishness by painting some shamrocks on your cheeks and upending a series of barstools while listening to frantic tin whistle music before vomiting greenly onto your date’s “My Goodness, My Guinness” T-shirt is not terribly respectful of Ireland as a nation, or of Irish people, is it? Here’s the thing: every time we Newfoundlanders see an image of a toothless, Cape-Ann-wearing, illiterate, rum-swilling, accordion-playing, seal-clubbing, Newfie-joke-inspiring fisherman as a “celebration” of our culture, we get righteously angry about it. We write letters and boycott products. We go on national programs to speak articulately about our industrial edge, our cultural and artistic achievements, our boutique hotels, our ecological attractions, our ever-changing urban demographic. And yet, we’re not ashamed to portray Ireland and its people in an equally ignorant fashion for 24 hours (plus hangover lag time) every March. We’ll go so far as to say it’s okay because “we’re Irish.” Well, actually, most of us aren’t Irish, and many of those of us who are (in an ancestral sense) haven’t been Irish (in a practical sense) in a long time. “I’m sorry,” you may be saying, “your mad rant is very interesting,

Irish food Irish food tastes and Newfoundland ones run along similar lines – our ancestry and climate have much to do with that. Contemporary Irish cuisine (as hip and cool as contemporary cuisine anywhere) combines traditional ingredients like root vegetables, cabbage, potatoes, game, salt meat, and lamb with newer techniques to create dishes that are at once simple and elegant. Kinda like we do here, hey? Although Ireland is an island, seafood has only played a large role in cooking in certain areas. Modern Irish cooks are taking better and better advantage of local seafood, and salmon, mussels, scallops, lobster and the like appear frequently on restaurant menus. Irish beer and whiskey are, of course, famous (and for very good reason). Why not try steaming mussels in a mixture of Guinness and half-and-half, with some onion thrown in

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there, and some appropriately green parsley? Or how about lamb chops brushed with a mixture of honey, whiskey, garlic, and marmalade? There are plenty of sources for contemporary Irish recipes on the web; I found some good-looking ones online at www. tinyurl.com/cb3lbg Of course, you would always defer to James Joyce on this one, and dine on organ meats in the style of Leopold Bloom, the protagonist of Joyce’s Ulysses:

Mr Leopold Bloom ate with relish the inner organs of beasts and fowls. He liked thick

giblet soup, nutty gizzards, a stuffed roast heart, liverslices fried with crustcrumbs, fried hencods’ roes. Most of all he liked grilled mutton kidneys which gave to his palate a fine tang of faintly scented urine.

If you’re into that sort of thing.

but what does this have to do with food?” Well, food is an expression of culture, isn’t it? Ireland’s history of food culture is complicated and political; it was the great famine (which was, let’s remember, starvation at the hands of colonial landlords) that resulted in much of the migration of Irish people to North America. The potato isn’t indigenous to Ireland; it is a South American plant, which was introduced to Ireland as a supplementary crop, but which was manipulated into becoming a staple. When the potato blight hit in the 1840s, the Irish people had no other food to turn to (most other crops having been claimed for export to England), and so a great many Irish people came to the Americas to give it a go here. Those immigrants formed communities, integrated into the cities and towns, and that’s why we began to recognize St. Patrick’s Day in the

first place. Surely I’m not the only person who finds this interesting. Surely! Come on, people! What I’m getting at here, if you’ll indulge me, is this: if you wish to celebrate Irish history—and why wouldn’t you?—how about instead of turning it into a stereotypefuelled piss-up, why not take some time to honour the Irish experience by thinking about what happens when communities lose the means to grow food for themselves? And while you’re at it, why not raise a glass to the indomitable spirit of Ireland, and of people everywhere who have survived devastating cultural losses. As for St. Patrick and his story, well, I myself side with the snakes. Comment online at

thescope.ca/foodnerd

march 11 - 25, 2010

thescope 13

onscreen

There’s no place like... wait... wrong movie.

Malice for Alice

Is the new film better than the 1976 porno musical? Ehh... BY ADAM CLARKE

hether it’s Tom Jones singing “It’s Not Unusual” with an eagle on his arm1, Batman duking it out with a ghoulish circus troupe in the dead of winter2, or the mock-sinister designs of his animated films, Tim Burton has created some of Hollywood’s most imaginative visuals and set pieces. So, who better to adapt Lewis Carroll’s beloved Alice’s Adventures In Wonderland and Through The Looking-Glass for the big screen? We meet a grown-up Alice (a

hopelessly bland Mia Wasikowska) sneering at the prospect of an arranged marriage. With her family eager to marry her off, Alice leaves her suitor standing and returns to the fantastical world she can barely remember. This seems like a good idea, as poor Alice has never seen Return To Oz.3 Soon, Alice is having tea with the Mad Hatter (Johnny Depp)—who resembles the love-child of Ronald McDonald and the aliens from Earth Girls Are Easy4—who confirms that her destiny is to slay the dragon Jabberwocky (voiced by Christopher Lee). Also, she wears lots of pretty costumes.

1 As seen in the climax of Burton’s Mars Attacks! 2 Of all the metropolises to occupy, why would a villainous circus troupe set up shop in the one place protected by a guy who hates clowns as much as Batman? Logic and Batman Returns make strange bedfellows.

3 That film brings Dorothy back to Oz after she escapes electroshock therapy, only to be confronted by a witch that collects human heads. Think Requiem For A Dream, but for kids! 4 If you see one film with Jim Carrey as neon alien trying to score with women, rent Earth Girls Are Easy.

Alice in Wonderland

Empire Studio 12, Avalon Mall

limitedrun Thursday Mar 11 at 7pm The White Ribbon (MUN Cinema) When strange accidents begin to plague a small village, some believe a group of young children are responsible. Not based on The Midwich Cuckoos or “The Bloodening.” Directed by Michael Haneke (GER/FRA/ITA 300) Empire Theatres-Avalon Mall Wednesday Mar 17 at 7pm Noodle (Global Cinema) When a twicewidowed flight attendant discovers an abandoned Chinese boy, she proves that not just celebrities can adopt cute, foreign children. From the producer-director of Zmani. Directed by Ayelet Menahemi (ISR 2007) $8, Inco Innovation Center auditorium Thursday Mar 18 at 7pm Good Hair (MUN Cinema) Chris Rock hosts and narrates this irreverent look at the evolution of hairstyles within the AfricanAmerican community and the yearning for straight hair. Directed by Jeff Stilson (USA 2009) Empire Theatres-Avalon Mall Thursday Mar 25 at 7pm Broken Embraces (MUN Cinema) Behold the dual life of Harry Caine, a blind writer who was once a well-known filmmaker. Expect a lusty, sensual visual style fitting for the director of Harry Potter 3. Directed by Pedro Almodovar (SPA 2009) Empire

14 thescope

march 11 - 25, 2010

Theatres-Avalon Mall

daily showings

call For times and prices Avalon Mall’s Empire Studio 12 722-5775 • Mount Pearl Shopping Centre Empire Cinemas 364-8527 Alice In Wonderland: Yes, Lewis Carroll’s book is adapted yet again. This one’s directed by Tim Burton, so expect lots of spindly trees and an “ooh, ahh” choral soundtrack courtesy of Danny Elfman. (Avalon Mall) Avatar: In search of a mineral called Hardtogetmium, the military threatens to eradicate the offspring of the Blue Man Group. Loosely based on The Smurfs with the military standing in for Gargamel. (Avalon Mall) Blind Side: The story of Michael Other and Other’s other mother (played by queen of Oscar baiting, Sandra Bullock), a boy who’d grow up to play football thanks to his mother’s encouragement and Hallmark cliché bon mots. (Mt Pearl) Brooklyn’s Finest: 1 cup Lethal Weapon, two tablespoons Training Day and a pinch of New Jack City results in a retiring cop facing corrupt Ethan Hawke and drug-dealing Wesley Snipes. (Avalon Mall) Cop Out: Tracy Morgan and Bruce Willis are

Alice changes clothes so often, it’s as if Burton is trying to apologize for Wasikowska’s lack of acutal charisma. But her performance is nowhere near as problematic as the film’s undercooked script. You’d think with the dramatic thrust of the film being on Alice accepting her destiny, time would be spent developing the Jabberwocky as a threat. Instead, its sole appearance is saved for the end, and Lee utters about two lines in the creature’s five seconds of screen time. Throughout the film, we get neat little glimpses of the backstories of the many supporting characters, and the casting is spot-on, particularly Lee, Stephen Fry (Cheshire Cat), Helena Bonham Carter (Red Queen), and Crispin Glover (as Carter’s toady, Swain), but these inferences never come to anything, nor is the cast given anything to do except look impressive through all the CGI. The film never stops to connect one scene or one character to the next. The disjointed final product plays like a 100 minute trailer for a six-hour miniseries, hinting at an interesting tale that will never be told. Those hoping for a definitive Alice after so many bad adaptations are going to be disappointed, though not quite to the level of the awful 1999 telemovie with Whoopi Goldberg and Martin Short. Nevertheless, you’re better off revisiting one of the better ones, like the Disney cartoon, the BBC adaptation, or the 1976 Alice porno musical that looked like it cost five cents5. Comment on this article online at thescope.ca 5 Yes, in addition to the beloved Disney animated film and the BBC live-action drama, there’s the X-rated Alice In Wonderland. The budget’s so low on that one, that the Humpty Dumpty is just a fat guy with erectile disfunction!

mismatched cops in this buddy movie directed by Kevin Smith. After all, wouldn’t you want your script to have all the visual flair of Clerks? (Avalon Mall) Crackie: Mitsy, seventeen, lives in a small Newfoundland town with her grandmother. When her mother shows up unexpectedly and stirs up trouble, Mitsy’s world starts to unravel. She must decide whether the woman who raised her is her enemy, or her strongest ally. (Mt Pearl) Crazy Heart: You’ve known him as Dude, Clu and Obadiah. Now Jeff Bridges adds Bad Blake to his list of improbable character names in this well-received drama about a hard-living country singer. (Mt Pearl) Dear John: When a teutonic soldier re-enlists following after September 11th, will his love life suffer? Will there be a heartfelt scene in pouring rain because fans of The Notebook demanded it? (Mt Pearl) Edge of Darkness: Based on the acclaimed BBC mini-series of the same name, Mel Gibson uncovers a government conspiracy when investigating the murder of his daughter. One assumes that, this time, it’s personal. (Mt Pearl) Green Zone: Paul Greengrass, best known for the Bourne sequels and almost making Watchmen (along with half of Hollywood), directs this Iraq War drama about a soldier gone rogue. Matt Damon stars. (Avalon Mall) Percy Jackson & The Olympians – The Lightning Thief: In the tradition of The Dark Is Rising and The Golden Compass, comes the next Harry Potter-esque franchise attempt. The premise? Kid discovers his kinship with Greek

The PinBallad Of A Young Man BY ADAM CLARKE

Tommy (Dir. Ken Russell) Available on DVD

hen it was announced that Tim Burton was taking Alice In Wonderland to the live action big screen, I was disappointed. If there is one person meant to direct such a film, it’s Ken Russell. The controversial English filmmaker made his mark with ultra-surreal, sexually-loaded films. Films like A Kitten For Hitler, a comedy short that was made for the express purpose of being tasteless. Or The Devils, an infamous little epic that featured, among other things, a statue of Christ being molested by sexually ravenous nuns. And you might have seen Altered States1, a film whose “true love smashes dimensions” climax doubtlessly inspired the ending of A-Ha’s video for “Take On Me”.2 Though he may never venture into Wonderland, Russell’s adaptation of The Who’s seminal and very silly rock opera, Tommy, is the next best thing. Tommy (played by Who frontman Roger Daltrey) is a child who becomes mute and unresponsive after enduring many childhood traumas. With no attention at home, 1 A phenomenally silly 1980 Russell film with William Hurt trying to find God through sensorydeprivation. Written by Paddy “Network” Chayefsky, no less! 2 The climax of the film is exactly the same as that of A-Ha’s music video. An animated man (William Hurt/A-Ha’s Morten Harket) pounds his fists in his love interest’s living room until he materializes as an ordinary human being. Presumably both women overcame the shock in a day or twooooooooooooooo!

gods and superpowers. (Mt Pearl) Remember Me: In this romantic drama, Robert “Glitterati” Pattinson falls in love with Emilie de “That’s So” Ravin in the wake of his brother’s suicide. (Avalon Mall) She’s Out Of My League: In the tradition of every single Judd Apatow film, this sex comedy (from Apatow alumnus Jay Baruchel) asserts what Sinbad was telling us all along: women be different from men. (Avalon Mall) Shutter Island: Tiger Beat poster boy hall of famer Leo DiCaprio plays an edgy detective investigating the disappearance of a mental patient from a mysterious, isolated insane asylum. Directed by Martin Scorsese. (Avalon Mall) The Crazies: Since remaking George A. Romero flicks, his semi-obscure 1973 film is given a new look in the Noughties. The plot is the same: experimental toxin turns ordinary folks into bloodthirsty maniacs. (Avalon Mall) The Wolfman: Benicio Del Toro is Lawrence Talbot, the most doomed character in the history of cinema, in this remake of the 1941 werewolf classic. Not, as initially believed, a biopic about Wolfman Jack. (Mt Pearl) Tooth Fairy: Can you smell what The Rock is cookin’? It smells like excrement to me, but your kids may want to see him as the tooth fairy. No, actually, they won’t. (Avalon Mall) Valentine’s Day: Presumably inspired by the low-hanging fruit of “Love, American Style!”, a star-studded cast enact multiple vignettes relating to the holiday known to the Wookies as Love Day. (Avalon Mall)

Tommy shows an affinity for pinball, competing with considerable success in various, improbably publicized tournaments. When Tommy becomes the reigning champion of the gaming circuit, convoluted events results transform him into a would-be guru. Sound silly? You bet. Unlike their rock dinosaur contemporaries, The Who have always been in on the joke. In the 80’s, Oingo Boingo and Devo destroyed the notion of “corporate rock” by mocking television ads. Before them, The Who parodied the commercial appropriation of rock music on an album called The Who Sell Out, a response to criticism of the band for recording radio ads for Coke. For all their concept-album ambitions, The Who injected a sense of humour in even their most personal projects. By collaborating with Russell, the band got the perfect director to realize Tommy’s outrageousness and its darker themes. Tommy’s abusive history, rather than disturbing the film’s over-the-top style with ham-fisted attempts at poignancy, is coated in black humour. Tommy’s predatory cousin and uncle are more frightening because their actions are ludicrous and brief, like out-takes from a forgotten Carry On film.3 There’s something to be said for overkill and, indeed, Rusell’s dynamic visuals, mixed with the theatrical (over)acting and wall-towall Who music achieve a perfect bombast. These are enhanced by the recent DVD of the film, carefully remastered without a single muted effect or colour. The DVD preserves the film as an over-the-top, unapologetically lurid and thrilling piece of wall-to-wall cacophony. For me, the purpose of film, theatre and television is to tell interesting stories in imaginative ways. Tommy tells the story of a pinball messiah while depicting Ann Margaret writhing in a pool of baked beans, Jack Nicholson as a singing psychiatrist and a legion of twoheaded, dancing Marilyn Monroe clones. That’s the kind of film I can praise unreservedly. Comment on this article online at thescope.ca

3 Carry On was a British film franchise in the 60’s and 70’s characterized by punning sexual humour. They’d never make one about Tommy’s Uncle Ernie, since they’d have to call it Carry On Groping, and there’d be no way to distinguish it from every other Carry On as a result.

We’re on a roll. With local films hitting big screens and winning big prizes, a local television series on a national network, a stream of government funding, and a boatload of talented people, the local film industry has set sail and is out on the high seas. But will our luck continue? BY SHAWN HAYWARD

Crackie, now showing, is one of a string of local films to get a regular feature run at Empire theatres.

hen Mark Denine left the theatre program at Sir Wilfred Grenfell College five years ago, he entered an industry where a fulltime job on the island was virtually non-existent to a rookie stage hand. Like many trying to make a living by stage and screen at the time, Denine left for the mainland to find work, first in Vancouver and then Montreal. It was there that he heard about Republic of Doyle, and a chance to make a living in his home province doing what he loves. “I knew getting this job would be kind of essential for me to stay here,” he says. “I needed to get into this industry.” As a production assistant on the Republic of Doyle, Denine is now one of over 100 actors, technicians, and writers getting regular work and valuable experience. “In a lot of ways [the show] will play a key role in keeping trained production crew here,” says Jean Smith, executive director of the Newfoundland Independent Filmmakers Co-operative (NIFCO). “It’s the first time since I’ve been in the industry that we’ve seen something of this scale.” Smith says a television series has never been completely shot and produced here in Newfoundland and Labrador before. Investments by the provincial and federal governments over the past few years have made the local film industry capable of taking an idea from a script in a writer’s hands to a finished product on the big screen. The latest is $76,500 to buy video editing technology known as RED Camera. “The new RED Camera is quite a phenomenal piece of media platform,” she says. “It cuts down on purchasing film stock, sending it away, having it transferred, and returned again.” Without new technology like the RED Camera, Republic of Doyle would have had to be post-produced elsewhere, meaning less jobs and economic benefit for Newfoundland and Labrador, a province with a film industry valued at $22 million. Smith says NIFCO can now do a lot of the things production companies in bigger centres like Toronto can’t because they don’t have the technology. “We’re an island that’s very iso-

If you can make it here... lated, but we have a lot to offer here,” she says. “We can accommodate any project that comes from production to post. That’s pretty wild because we are a not-for-profit cooperative.” More capability allows the province to create more films, and the results are clear on the listings at Empire Theatres’ Studio 12 in St. John’s. Last week Studio 12 held the opening for Crackie, a NIFCO production starring Mary Walsh. Grown Up Movie Star premiered there in February, and Love and Savagery played in the fall. Studio 12 general manager Bob Antle says this is the most local films

“The biggest issue is keeping and retaining our trained production people,” she says. “A lot go to the Toronto or Halifax to find work. Now, those exact people are here working and living in the province.”

ever shown at his theatre in such a short period of time, simply because never before have so many featurelength movies been made in the province. “You can count on two hands how many films were made locally in the past twenty years,” he says. Empire Theatres corporate office decides what films will appear in theatres, and attendance determines how long they stay there. If people don’t go to a see a local film, they’ll quickly replace it with another Hollywood blockbuster. “If you put a movie in and everyone wants to see it, we’ll keep it,” he says. “But if no one is into it, your movie isn’t going to stay.” Audiences for local films have often been low. Showings of Grown Up Movie Star filled only 12 per cent of the available seats on average. Martin Scorsese’s Shutter Island opened the same week and filled 54 per cent of the theatre. Antle says Empire Theatres advertizes all their films equally, but it’s hard for a local film to compete with American movies and multimillion-dollar advertizing budgets.

If people care about local film, according to Smith, they should see them in theatres. The province looks at attendance when deciding whether to invest more in the industry, and if there is no market for locally-made movies, then none will be made. “A lot of the time it seems we have tendency to not go see our own,” she says. “Unless you’re really pushing this wonderful local film, people will just think they’ll see it later on TV. But if you think that way, it won’t be here any longer. I might not read every day, but what if I went to the bookstore and nothing was there?” Local film still faces challenges on the production side as well. There is no permanent sound stage in St. John’s and, in 2008, the federal government cut over four million dollars from programs like the Canadian Independent Film and Video Fund and the National Training Program for the Film and Video Sector. Smith says equipment like a RED Camera is important, but without support for training new filmmakers and script writers, there will be no films to use it. “If you have infrastructure you have the finishing product, but not the creating tools,” she says. “If we don’t continue to petition the government on all levels, and that’s taken away, we’ll be a society that just gets up, goes to work, and goes to bed.” The storyline for the local film industry is far from predictable, but there does seem to be a plot progression. Critics have given Republic of Doyle generally positive reviews, and CBC has renewed the show for a second season. “It was a big relief to hear,” says Denine. “It’s great for everyone here working in the industry. We all love six months of solid work. I think I found a department I can grow in, and I think it’s onwards and upwards from here.” It’s an achievement that the Newfoundland and Labrador film industry can build a happy ending on, according to Smith. “The biggest issue is keeping and retaining our trained production people,” she says. “A lot go to the Toronto or Halifax to find work. Now, those exact people are here working and living in the province.”

onstage theatre dance & burlesque spoken & written comedy

theatre One Night Stand: Reckless improvisers Alex Mason, Ryan Dillon, Robert Robere, Mike Fardy, and Mike Hammond are shaking off the shackles of a time limit and improvise 2-3 short plays, $10, Rabbittown Theatre-106 Freshwater Rd 739-8220 (Sun Mar 14 at 7pm) Our Celtic Spirit…Written in Crayon (Spirit of Newfoundland) A frazzled teacher and a less than ideal group of students discover what it means to be a Newfoundlander when they compete in a provincial cultural heritage fair competition in this musical comedy, $57.50+ (meal & show), Masonic Temple-6 Cathedral St 579-3023 (Fri Mar 12 & Sat Mar 13) Rent (Prince of Wales Collegiate) Based loosely on Puccini’s opera La Boheme, Jonathan Larson’s Pulitzer-Prize winning Broadway musical follows a year in the lives of seven friends living the Bohemian life in New York’s East Village. The show deals courageously with homelessness, hunger, drug use, sexuality, and AIDS. Powerful performances and rousing musical numbers, $20/$22, Arts & Culture Centre 729-3900 (Thu Mar 18 – Sat Mar 20 at 7:30 pm) Tempting Providence (Theatre Newfoundland Labrador) In 1921 British-trained nurse & midwife Myra Bennett originally planned to head to Saskatchewan. Instead, she moved to Daniel’s Harbour Newfoundland, eventually becoming known as ‘Florence Nightingale of the North’ for caring for the sick and injured in isolated northern communities for over 50 years. Written by Robert Chafe & directed by Jillian Keiley, $12.50/$25, The Rooms-9 Bonaventure Ave 757-8000 (Sat Mar 13 & Sun Mar 14 at 3pm)

performance &DANCE Cinderella (Ballet Jörgen Canada) An innovative take on the classic fairy tale with choreography taking us through the misfortunes and fortunes of Cinderella and her stepsisters, $25/$32.50, Arts & Culture Centre 729-3900 (Mon Mar 22 at 7:30pm) Latin Tuesdays, 8pm, $5, The Bella Vista Tango On The Edge: A social gathering to dance Argentine Tango, $5, RCA Club-10 Bennett Ave (Thursdays at 8:30pm)

Spoken &written Poetry Journal Launch: [Word]: A Journal of Canadian Poetry, will be celebrating the title’s launch. Editor Devin Drover will be introducing the collection. Readings by Jillian Leigh, Alexandra Duff, Louis House, Kristina Tuck & Charles White, free, MUN Smallwood Center (Sat Mar 20 at 2pm) St John’s Storytelling Circle: An open mic of local tales by local tellers w/ resident fabulist Dale Jarvis, $3, Crow’s Nest Officer’s Club (Thu Mar 11 at 7:30pm) The Salon: Share your creative works and enjoy musical duo Night Kitchen and writer Lynette Adams, with host Terry Reilly, 8pm, free, Coffee & Company-Water St 739-5215 (Sat Mar 13 at 8pm) Winterset Award Reading: Finalists Michael Crummey, Jessica Grant & Lisa Moore read from their work, free, The Studio-272 Water St (Wed Mar 24 at 4pm)

comedy Laugh Hard: Stand up comedy featuring amateur and professional comedians, $2, The Levee-Holdsworth Crt (Sundays 8pm-11pm) Shawn Walsh’s Mustache: Open mic comedy troupe , no cover, Whalen’s Pub (Thursdays at 8pm) Peter White: Stand up comedy, $20+, Yuk Yuk’s-193 Kenmount Rd 726-9857 (Fri Mar 12 & Sat Mar 13 at 9:30pm) Tony Venditti: Stand up comedy, $20+, Yuk Yuk’s-193 Kenmount Rd 726-9857 (Fri Mar 19 & Sat Mar 20 at 9:30pm) Pro/Am Comedy Slam: Amateurs at 8pm & Peter White at 9:30pm, two show $20, Yuk Yuk’s-193 Kenmount Rd 726-9857 (Thu Mar 11) Pro/Am Comedy Slam: Amateurs at 8pm & Tony Venditti at 9:30pm, two show $20, Yuk Yuk’s-193 Kenmount Rd 726-9857 (Thu Mar 18) Pro/Am Comedy Slam: Amateurs at 8pm & David Merry at 9:30pm, two show $20, Yuk Yuk’s-193 Kenmount Rd 726-9857 (Thu Mar 25)

216 Water Street

hava mocha

Comment on this article online at thescope.ca

march 11 - 25, 2010

thescope 15

100%localcomics

freewillastrology by rob brezsny for the week of march 11

∫

comic sans by Andrew Power

PISCES (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

I used to have an acupuncturist who, as she poked me with needles, liked to talk about her understanding of Chinese medicine. Once she told me that every human being needs a “heart protector,” which is a body function that’s “like a holy warrior who serves as the queen’s devoted ally.” But the heart protector is not something you’re born with. You’ve got to grow it by building your fortitude and taking care of your body. I think the heart protector will be an apt metaphor for you to play with in the coming weeks, Pisces. It’s going to be an excellent time for you to cultivate any part of your life that gives your heart joy, strength, peace, and integrity. Happy birthday to Liz Solo, Kevin Coffey, Lesley Marie Reade, Curtis Kilfoy, and Erin McKee.

†

ARIES (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

werebears and only children by Jennifer Barrett

‡

TAURUS (Apr 20 – May 20)

You might have to use primitive means to accomplish modern wonders. It may be necessary to hearken back to what worked in the past in order to serve the brightest vision of the future. Take your cue from Luis Soriano, a saintly teacher who carries a library of 120 books on the back of a donkey as he meanders around the back country of Columbia, helping poor kids learn how to read.

Everybody cheer up by Bryan Melanson

create an innovation that would be as intimately revolutionary as Rohwedder’s was for the masses. In fact, why aren’t you working on it right now?

≤

CANCER (Jun 21 – Jul 22)

™

LEO (Jul 23 – Aug 22)

To discover the most useful truths, you will have to peek behind the curtains and root around to see what’s cloaked in the dark and maybe even explore messes you’d rather not touch. What complicates your task is that the fake truths may be extra loud and shiny, distracting you from the down and dirty stuff with their relentless come-ons. But I have confidence in your ability to outmaneuver the propaganda, Leo. You shall know the hype, and knowing the hype will set you free.

Ms. Quote by T.L. Fleming

‘

VIRGO (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

The evil geniuses of the advertising industry are hard at work in their labs dreaming up seductive new mojo to artificially stimulate your consumer lusts. Meanwhile, the media’s relentless campaign to get you to believe in debilitating fantasies and divert you from doing what’s really good for you has reached a fever pitch. And here’s the triple whammy: Even more than usual, some of your relatives and cohorts are angling to convince you that what pleases them is what pleases you. So is there any hope that you will be able to hone in on what truly excites you? (It’s especially important that you do so right now.) The answer, in my opinion, is a qualified yes -- IF you’re willing to conduct intensive research into the idiosyncratic secrets of what makes you happy; and IF you’re not scared to discover who you are when you’re turned

Horoscopes 16 thescope

march 11 - 25, 2010

n Aries

z Taurus

h Gemini

f Cancer

 Leo

x Virgo

(February 19 – March 20)

(March 21 – April 19)

(April 20 – May 20)

(May 21 – June 21)

(June 22 – July 22)

(July 23 – August 22)

(August 23 – September 22)

(September 23 – October 22)

The saddest thing.

Praise King Chochacho

Prank call Cathy

A BLOOH BLOOH BLOOH

(October 23 November 21)

Beef on moon.

It’s silly to like The Cure.

Dog on a hog.

Best damn steak fries.

≠

SCORPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 21)

If you were living in Greece in the fifth century B.C., I’d urge you to bathe in the healing spring at the shrine of Asklepios in Athens. If you were in 19th-century France, I’d recommend that you trek to the sacred shrine at Lourdes -- being sure to crawl the last half-mile on your hands and knees -- and sip from the curative waters there. But since you’re a busy 21st-century sophisticate and may have a limited belief in miracles, I’ll simply suggest that you visit the most interesting tree you know and spill a bottle of pristine water over your head as you confess your sins and ask the sky for forgiveness and sing songs that purify you to the bone.

Home work

In order to heal deep-seated problems, people may need to engage in long-term psychotherapy, patiently chipping away at their mental blocks for many years. But some lucky sufferers get their neuroses zapped virtually overnight, either with the help of a monumental event that shocks them out of their malaise or through the work of a brilliant healer who uses a few strokes of kamikaze compassion to creatively destroy their deluded fixations. I think you’re now a candidate for this type of correction, Cancerian.

p Pisces

LIBRA (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

It’s quite possible that the nature of consciousness is in the midst of a fundamental transformation. The human race seems to be getting more empathetic, more compassionate, and even more psychic. Many of us are having experiences that were previously thought to be the province of mystics, such as epiphanies that give us visGEMINI (May 21 – Jun 20) ceral perceptions of the interconnectedHumans have been baking and ness of all life. Even as some traditional eating bread for at least 5,000 years. religions lose members and devolve But it wasn’t until the 20th century into cartoony fundamentalism, there Weary of the nonstop that anyone figured out a fast and barrage of misery foisted are ever-increasing numbers of inteleasy way to cut it into thin, precise on you by the media? ligent seekers who cultivate a more pieces. Then Otto Rohwedder, who Check this out: bit.ly/ discerning spiritual awareness outside PronoiaNetwork had been working on the project for the decrepit frameworks. If you haven’t 16 years, produced a machine that cut been on this bandwagon, Scorpio, now’s a a loaf into individual slices. I bring him to good time to jump on. If you’re already on board, your attention, Gemini, because I think you are in get ready for an accelerated ride. a phase of your life when you could very possibly

second opinion

on all the way.

Sarah Bernhardt (1844-1923) was called “the most famous actress the world has ever known.” She did a few films in the early days of the cinema, but most of her work was in the theater. At age 70, she played the role of the 13-year-old Juliet in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. I commend her on her refusal to act her age, and recommend that you make a comparable effort in the coming weeks. For example, if you’re in your twenties, try something you thought you wouldn’t do until you were at a very ripe age. If you’re over 50, be 25 for a while. It’s an excellent time to do this kind of time-traveling.

Java > UNIX

Libra

Scorpio

∑

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

‹

CAPRICORN (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 – Feb 18)

This week you’ll be working overtime while you sleep. Your dreaming mind will be playing around with solutions to your waking mind’s dilemmas. Your ally, the wild conjurer in the ramshackle diamond-encrusted sanctuary at the edge of the deep dark forest, will be spinning out medicine stories and rounding up help for you. So of course you should keep a pen and notebook by your bed to record the dreams that come. I suggest that you also try to keep the first part of your mornings free of busy work so you can integrate the full impact of the nights’ gifts. And don’t despair if you can’t actually remember any of your nocturnal adventures. Their tasty after-images will remain with you subliminally, giving your logical mind an intuitive edge.

There’ll be an abundance of unambiguous choices for you to make in the coming days. I’m not implying they’ll be easy, just that the different alternatives will be clearly delineated. To get you warmed up for your hopefully crisp decisions, I’ve compiled a a few exercises. Pick one of each of these pairs: 1. exacting homework or free-form research; 2. pitiless logic or generous fantasies; 3. precise and disciplined communication or heedless self-expression; 4. grazing like a contented sheep or rambling like a restless mountain goat.

Among Eastern religions, some traditions preach the value of getting rid of your desires. To be righteously attuned to current cosmic rhythms, however, I think you should rebel against that ideal, and instead cultivate a whole host of excellent desires. Use your imagination, please! Here are a few I highly recommend: a desire for a revelation or experience that will steer you away from becoming more like a machine; a desire for a fresh blast of purity from a primal source; a desire for an imaginary pet snake that teaches you how to be more playful with your libidinous energy; and a desire for a jolt of unexpected beauty that reminds you how important it is to always keep a part of your mind untamed.

j Sagittarius (November 22 – Dec 21)

Volvo brings despair

L Capricorn

J Aquarius

(December 22 – January 19)

(January 20 – February 18)

Huuuuugs

Man, Why You Even Gotta Do A Thing

Events

community events lectures & forums daytime music kids & teens meetings & classes

Community A Taste of Portugal: Anna Templeton fund-raising dinner, $30, Anna Templeton Centre-278 Duckworth St 739-7623 (Fri Mar 19 at 7pm) Breakfast with the Easter Bunny, $3/$7, Topsail United Church Men’s Club (Sat Mar 27 from 8am-11am) International Food & Craft Fair (Multicultural Women’s Organization NL) Festive atmosphere with ethnic crafts, food, local and international music, dance, fashion shows plus children’s storytelling, face painting, hair braiding, juggling and craft activities, kids under 10 free/$5 Holiday Inn (Sun Mar 21 from 10am-6pm) Caesar’s Palace Casino Night: Beware the ides of March! Try your luck and help raise money for the New World Theatre Project. Las Vegas-inspired acts, 3-course meal and casino games. Your luck has got to be better than Caesar’s, Rabbittown Theatre-106 Freshwater Rd 739-8220(Poker tournament Fri Mar 12 at 7:30pm for $50+$10 / Casino night with Dinner & Vegas Revue on Sat March 13 at 6pm for $75) Multicultural Night (MUN International Students Society) An evening of food, entertainment from all over the world and the chance to interact with students from 86 different countries, $5-$20, Reid Theatre 765-1815 (Sat Mar 13 at 5pm dinner & 7pm show) Sharing Our Cultures: Take a trip around the world without leaving the province. Participate in different cultural games in recognition of cultural diversity, free, The Rooms-9 Bonaventure Ave 757-8000 (Sun Mar 21 from 2pm-4pm) St Patrick’s Day Dinner and Dance (Benevolent Irish Society) Music by Smart Sound, $25/$30, Harvey Rd 754-0570 (Sat Mar 13 at 7:30pm) Winterfest: Family event includes free snowshoe & ski rentals, interactive games, prizes, hot chocolate, donuts, Pippy Park-North Bank Lodge 576-8518 (Sun Mar 14 from 2pm-4pm)

lectures &forums Benevolent Irish Society Lecture: The Irish Community & Newfoundland Self Government, with John Greene, Harvey Rd (Thu Mar 11 at 8pm) Developing Health & Social Justice: Lessons From Haiti and Beyond: Using Haiti as a case study, we will explore the role of history, gender relations and culture in a number of health issues present before the earthquake. Panel discussion with Karen Cimer (Haiti nurse volunteer) & Justin Brake (freelance journalist). MUN EN-2006 (Thu Mar 11 at 7pm) EJ Pratt Lecture: Don McKay, award winning poet, essayist, editor and educator, will deliver a lecture titled: The Speaker’s Chair: Field notes on betweenity, free, Inco Innovation CentreParking in lots 15 & 18 (Sat Mar 27 at 8pm) Health From All Angles: 2010 NLCAHR Research Symposium features presentations on topics such as body image, child nutrition, breastfeeding, healthy aging, child obesity & palliative care, free-register at www.nlcahr.mun. ca/HFAA.php, Junior Common Rm-Gushue Hall (Thu Mar 18 at 7pm) Henrietta Harvey Lecture: Social Roles, Personhoods and Nationalism: Establishing Identities in Prehistory: Dr Marek Zvelebil ( Sheffield University) will try to explain why 19th-century-derived notions of nationalism mask the diversity that actually exists within communities and larger social units, MUN Education 3034A-Free parking 16A (Thu Mar 18 at 7pm) History Seminar Series: History.com: A Roundtable on Historical Studies in the Digital Age, MUN Arts & Admin-4004 (Thu Mar 18 at 12pm) Irish Famine Fictions: Discourses of Memory in Contemporary Canadian Novels, MUN Arts & Admin 3018 (Wed Mar 17 at 4pm) MUN Philosophy: The Great Secret of Morals: Aesthetics, Ethics and British Romanticism, SN-2098 (Wed Mar 16 at 2pm) Oceans Seminar: A review of deep-sea coral

research conducted in the Newfoundland, Labrador, and Arctic regions by DFO and Memorial University with speaker Vonda Wareham, DFO Building-NAFC Auditorium (Tue Mar 16 at 10am) Philosophy Winter Colloquium: Stephen Gardner will present a talk titled Meaning and the Possibilities of Imagination, MUN SN2098 (Tu Mar 23 at 2pm) Polygamy, Niqabs, and Hijabs (MUN Religious Studies) Negotiating the Boundaries of Religious Freedom in Canada with Lori Beaman of Canada Research Chair in the Contextualization of Religion in a Diverse Canada, Inco Innovation Centre (Thu Mar 18 at 7pm) The Bicycle Doctors: Larry Rottmann talks about his experiences in Vietnam as a humanitarian, as presented in his work, The Bicycle Doctors, MUN Arts & Admin-1046 (Tue Mar 23 at 12pm) Transatlantic Archaeology: Following in the footsteps of Lord Baltimore, with James Lyttleton, Queen’s College-2013 (Fri Mar 12 at 3pm) Who Said Aid is Dead? (Engineers Without Borders) A non-partisan, open discussion focused on how the Canadian government can better contribute to alleviating global poverty, and the role parliament and citizens can play in bringing about necessary change. With guest speaker Glen Pearson, MP for London North Centre & Critic for International Cooperation, free, MUN Arts & Admin-1043 (Mon Mar 15 at 3:30pm) Women’s Studies Speaker’s Series: Neither Mary nor Magdalen: The Fallen Woman, the Dramatic Monologue and the NineteenthCentury Woman Poet, MUN SN-4087 (Fri Mar 12 at 2pm) Words In Edgewise: Speaker’s series featuring topics from art to philosophy: Lee Butt discussing Posthumanism in The Punisher comics; Nick Morine blowing your mind and ear drums with an introduction to death metal; Deborah Inkpen and social justice in the street art of British art superhero Banksy, pay-what-you-can, Eastern Edge Gallery-72 Harbour Dr 739-1882 (Thu Mar 11 at 7pm)

Daytime Music Auntie Crae’s Band, free-no purchase necessary, Auntie Crae’s (Tuesdays at 12pm) Bach on the Rock: The complete organ works of Johann Sebastian Bach in 18 concerts by David Drinkell & Jenny Vincent, St Andrew’s Kirk (Saturdays at 3pm) Benevolent Irish Society: Casual afternoon music by Smart Sound, $2, Harvey Rd (Sun Mar 14 at 2pm) Benevolent Irish Society: Live music & open mic, Harvey Rd (Wed Mar 17 at 3pm) Choral Evensong, free-will offering, Anglican Cathedral (Sundays at 6:30pm) The Great Casavant Organ: David Drinkell plays varied programs of sacred and secular works, free, Anglican Cathedral (Wednesdays at 1:15pm)

KIDS &TEENS Embroidery: Try you hand at embroidery. Members from the St. John’s Guild of Embroidery will be on hand to share their passion for this beautiful skill, The Rooms-9 Bonaventure Ave 757-8000 (Sun Mar 14 from 2pm-4pm) Family Storytime: Interactive stories, rhymes and music for children of all ages and the grow-ups that care for them, free but must register at 737-2621, Michael Donovan Library (Wednesdays at 9:30am) Going Green: Did you know that frogs can tell us if the stream is clean? Learn how we can help our froggy friends by going Green ourselves. Game, story-time, arts & crafts, The Fluvarium-5 Nagle’s Pl 754-3474 (Weekends at 1:30pm) Young Musicians, Open mic at Shamrock City Pub (Sundays at 2pm) Young Performers: Open mic with Denielle Hann, O’Reilly’s Irish Pub (Sundays at 3pm)

MEETINGS &CLASSES

ielle Hann, O’Reilly’s Irish Pub (Sundays at 3pm) free classes clubs groups Avalon Wesleyan Church: Weekly meet up in a casual atmosphere with coffee & contemporary music, free, Rabbittown Theatre-106 Freshwater Rd 576-6937 (Sundays at 10am) Bottled Water Free Day: Enjoy some live music while you learn about water issues and the Memorial Water Pledge, MUN UC-3013 (Thu Mar 11 from 10am-3pm) Budgeting 101: Hosted by credit counsellor Marilyn Miller, free but must register at 7373950, AC Hunter Library-Arts & Culture Centre (Thu Mar 11 at 7pm) Business Info Sessions (NLOWE) Making the Most of Marketing Trends. Free for women but must register 754-5555 (Thu Mar 18) Capital Toastmasters: Improve selfconfidence and overall leadership abilities for career and life, free, MUN Inco Centre-2014 687-1031 Caregiver Conversations: A Support Group for Unpaid Caregivers, Seniors Resource Centre-Torbay Rd 726-2370 (Every third Monday) Career Fair (YMCA-YWCA) Stay in Newfoundland, Holiday Inn (Tue Mar 16 from 10am-4pm) Food Teleconference (Food Security Network) Discuss healthy eating, how to translate nutrition advice into everyday food choices, and the ins and outs of community supported agriculture. To register call 709-237-4126 (Fri Mar 19 from 12pm-1pm) For the Love of Learning: Free workshops in art, writing, theatre, journalism, yoga and Aikido for anyone aged 15-35, Gower St United Church-basement 722-8848 (Weekdays from 12pm-6pm) Free Hot Lunch: Mondays and Fridays feature a vegetarian meal. Tuesdays and Thursdays offer soup and fresh bread. Young adults aged 15-35 can come to Gower St United Church basement-99 Queen’s Rd (2pm) Green Drinks: An informal get together for those who work, volunteer or have an interest in environment & conservation related issues, 7pm-9pm, no cover, The Ship (Last Wednesday of month) Knit Wits: Drop in knitting social with help to get you started, free, Anna Templeton Centre-278 Duckworth St (Last Sunday of month from 7pm-9pm) Le Café Français: Qui se réunit toutes les semaines est un lieu où francophones et amoureux du français peuvent se rencontrer et faire un brin de causette, Atlantic Place-entre Starbucks et Cora’s (le dimanche à 15h) Nar-Anon Family Group: For those who know or have known a feeling of desperation due to the addiction problem of someone close to them. Weekly meetings in St John’s area. For more info call 726-6191 Newfoundland Horticultural Society: Monthly meet up, St David’s Church HallElizabeth Av (First Tuesday of month at 8pm) Overeaters Anonymous: Help is available and it’s free, no strings attached. Weekly meetings in St John’s area. You are welcome, just as you are. For information call 738-1742 Reviving Hurling: It’s a bit like hockey, played with a small ball and a curved wooden stick. But this game is as old as the Irish. Meet Brendan Poland and his mates from the Cabot Hill Hurling Club, The Rooms-9 Bonaventure Ave 757-8000 (Wed Mar 17 at 7pm) Soil & Seeds: FEASt Spring Equinox Event: Celebrate the arrival of spring and learn about starting your own urban veggie garden and growing our local food systems. Workshops and information displays. Delicious, local brunch served, pay-what-you-can, location tba www. feastnl.ca (Sat Mar 20 from 11am-4pm) Seniors Bridging Cultures: Tea, guest speakers & conversation, Seniors Resource Centre 737-2333 (Thursdays at 2pm) Seniors Friendship Club, Seniors Resource Centre 737-2333 (Fridays at 2pm) Shambhala Meditation Group: Meditation helps us appreciate ourselves, others, and our world, free, Billy Rahl Fieldhouse-rear Elizabeth Towers 576-4727 (Wednesdays 7:30pm & Sundays 10am)

If this rooster is the only death metal you know, you should attend Nick Morine’s introduction to the musical genre at Eastern Edge Gallery on March 11. Part of the Words in Edgewise speaker’s series.

St John’s City Council Meeting: Refer to Council Agenda at www.stjohns.ca (posted Friday afternoon), Public welcome, City HallCouncil Chambers, 4th fl (Mondays at 4:30pm) Super Trivia Night, Bitter’s Pub (Thursdays from 8pm-11pm) Ten Thousand Villages: Discover the sights and sounds of Fair Trade by supporting artisans from around the world, MUN-The Landing (Thu Mar 11 from 10am-7pm) The Pottle Centre: A social & recreation centre for consumers of mental health services. New members welcome, 323 Hamilton Ave 753-2143 The Rooms: Free admission, 9 Bonaventure Ave 757-8000 (Wednesdays 6pm-9pm) Trivia Night, Rose & Thistle (Tuesdays) Understanding & Managing Your Tinnitus: Free Workshop with audiologist Mark Gulliver, NL School for the Deaf Auditorium 753-0178 (Wed Mar 24 at 7pm)

Walk on Water: Get fit, meet people & learn the history of downtown, everyone welcome, free, Auntie Crae’s (Saturdays at 10am, rain or shine) Wholistic Education Project Meeting: Would you like to learn more about Wholistic Education, Waldorf teaching methods and independent schooling? If you are interested in meeting to discuss starting a project, please feel free to attend our meeting, Dynamis Health Centre-95 Torbay Rd waysofbeingcounselling@ gmail.com (Sat Mar 13 from 3pm-5pm) Women’s Accordion Circle: An informal environment for women of all ages to perform, experiment & share stories about making music, Arts & Culture Centre-2nd Fl, Old Gallery 7462399 (Mondays at 7:30pm)

Send your community listings to

listings@thescope.ca

THursday evening

pap clinics Women in Newfoundland and Labrador have one of the highest rates of cervical cancer in the country. A regular pap test can help prevent cervical cancer. Ask your health care provider about getting your pap test or phone Planned Parenthood for more information. Planned Parenthood offers various medical clinics, including Thursday evening pap clinics. To book an appointment today, please phone. Sexual Health Medical Clinics • Birth Control Supplies • Free Condoms • Pregnancy Testing • Educational Workshops • Youth Groups • Information

Sexual Health Questions? We Have Answers!

579-1009 or 1-877 NO MYTHS (666-9847) | 203 Merrymeeting Road, St. John's info@nlsexualhealthcentre.org

Adopt Me...

SPCA St. John’s - 726-0301 - www.spcastjohns.org Shelter location: R.C.A.F. Road off Torbay Rd. Hours: Mon-Fri 9am-4pm / Sat & Sun 2:30pm-4:30pm / holidays 2pm-4pm.

St. John’s

Lady Dunfield Memorial Shelter

Ally is an 8 month old, This sweet beagle was found on intact This young man was born on male who was brought February 28 around Butterpot to our January 15 and arrived at our shel ter because his owner Park on the TCH. He is an intact was shelter on March 6 along with moving. He is very shy male, approximately 10 years of at first his sister and 3 brothers as but loves attention. He also age and appears to know his basic their owner was unable to find thoroughly enjoys comm ands. If you recognize Jack, play ing with his catnip mice and cush suitable homes for them. ions! please contact us immediately at 726.0301

scott

ally

jack

march 11 - 25, 2010

thescope 17

savagelove by dan savage

thescope

classifieds To see more ads, visit thescope.ca/classifieds FOR SALE Fish Tank 30 gallon fish tank for sale. Comes with good quality filter, light & a bunch of other stuff. In great condition and very clean. Asking $75. Please call 726-8466 or email bryhanna@gmail.com.

Waterford Hospital Lions Club Beginner to Intermediate Skill - All ages No Smoke nor Alcohol. Sponsored by Bluegrass & Oldtime Country Music Society NL, Inc. See poster www. bluegrass-nl.ca

Guitar player wanted for collabora-

Bulletin Board

tion with lyricist. Original folk/rock/country. Recording and performing live. Reply online at thescope.ca/classifieds/

Tutor Training Workshop Would you like to volunteer to help another adult learn to read and write? If you can read, you can tutor. Teachers on Wheels will be holding a daylong tutor-training workshop on Saturday, March 27th. Call 738-3975 for details.

Musical Groups/Choirs: Looking to join a fun, active, energetic group of vocalists who sing contemporary, fun, modern music. Reply online at thescope.ca/classifieds/

HOUSING Unfurnished Room for Rent in a newer, quiet, clean, fully furnished house on Alice Drive. Owners are a younger easy-going, friendly married couple. $400 per month inc utilities. Available April 1st. Call 764-9119 or email wela_28 @ yahoo.ca

Need Singer For Hard Rock Band The singer we’re looking for should be able to pull off vocal styles similar to a wide variety of artists such as Avenged Sevenfold Muse Chevelle Breaking Benjamin Nonpoint Incubus Alice in Chains. We’ve got lots of recorded material to give you a taste of the type of music you can expect to be singing over. Reply online at thescope.ca/classifieds/

Musicians Female accompanist/singer wanted gtr &/or piano capabilities good pitch harmony sense a must for writing/performing project. Contact Andrew Pike at aewpike@ hotmail.com

Guitar & Mandolin Workshop -- Bluegrass Style 2pm Sunday March 07 -

To place an ad, visit thescope.ca/classifieds

SEX AND LOVE AND SEX AND LOVE I am a girl who sabotaged my relationship. I was angry; I had complaints. But my real issue was a store of repressed childhood trauma, and I was working it out on the closest person to me, my BF. We had something magical, and I destroyed it. I am now willing to give 110 percent to fix it. We no longer have sex. We are hardly on speaking terms. I know now that my relationship skills are stunted—more childhood baggage—but I want to save my relationship. Do you have any tips on initiating sex with someone who I have traumatized or on improving communication with someone who is so resentful? I am willing to give it time and effort, accept my faults, and breathe deeply rather than react in anger when we talk through things. Saboteur Addressing Dysfunctions I’ll get to your problem in a second, SAD. But first, a Savage Love programming note: I don’t usually mention where I’m writing a particular column, because it doesn’t really matter whether my computer is sitting on Ann Landers’s desk or Dan Savage resting on Apolo mail@savagelove.net Ohno’s ass. (I will let you know when I am writing in a bar, though, because alcohol can impair an advice columnist’s judgment, and advice seekers have a right to know when they’re getting substandard counsel.) I’m writing this column on an airplane, and I was totally in the zone when I noticed that the guy sitting next to me on this airplane was reading my laptop screen. So I wrote this: “HEY! YOU! YEAH, YOU! THE GUY SITTING NEXT TO ME ON DELTA 2360! STOP READING THIS SHIT UNLESS YOU

HAVE SOMETHING TO ADD!” Sheesh. Some people. Okay, SAD, on to your problem: Unless your boyfriend is a weight bench or an exercise ball, you weren’t “working it out” on him. You were taking it out on him. Now, maybe you’ve been led to believe—by your counselor, by Oprah, by some other idiot with an advice column—that you can just throw up your hands and say, “Childhood issues! Childhood baggage!” and everything will be magic again. Sorry, SAD, but sometimes the damage is too great. Your boyfriend won’t speak to you? Won’t fuck you? Game over. Accept that you—not your issues, not your baggage, but you yourself—screwed yourself out of a decent guy. End it officially, get your ass into counseling, and make a good-faith effort to resolve your issues and unpack your bags before you inflict yourself on some other dope. You don’t have to be 100 percent healthy before you date—no one is 100 percent healthy—but you do have to be in relatively good working order, listing toward sanity, before you date again. And what does the guy sitting next to me on this airplane think? “I’ve dated girls like her,” says TGSNTMOTA. “Daddy issues. She should get over her shit before she dates someone else, you know, but she probably won’t. Girls like her never do. But maybe this one will, because you’re pulling her up short. And she should move to an island—Hawaii, the Big Island—because being on an island can really help you work through your shit.” Thanks, TGSNTMOTA! •••• I am a leather Daddy living in a big city. A young man—early 20s, living in a small town—contacted me online and asked to be my boy. I declined, due to distance, but agreed to be his confidant and adviser. The boy has one huge problem: He is in a long-term relationship with a vanilla boyfriend who has no interest in BDSM and vehemently opposes allowing him to explore with others. Presently, the boy goes to dungeon parties and plays with men behind his boyfriend’s back. I feel very strongly that the boy should either come to an understanding with his boyfriend that allows him to explore or, if that isn’t possible, break up with him so they can both find what they need. I wouldn’t ordinarily presume to know what’s best for other people, but this boy is starving sexually, emotionally, and spiritually. But my conscience will not allow me to advise him on navigating the leather scene when I know he’ll use this knowledge to cheat on his boyfriend. I don’t think I can advise him

further until he resolves the issue. Do you agree with the advice I’ve given this boy? Wanna Be A Good Influence I agree with the advice you’ve given this boy—get the boyfriend’s okay or get out— but this boy is already navigating the leather scene, WBAGI, and will continue to cheat on his boyfriend with or without your guidance. So continue to serve as this boy’s confidant and adviser, WBAGI, all the while pressing him to do the right thing and leave his boyfriend. And we both know that he needs to leave his boyfriend, WBAGI, not just get the boyfriend’s permission to explore. If this boy’s interest in BDSM is so strong that he’s jumped into the deep end of the pool—i.e., dungeon parties—he’ll never be happy with a vanilla monogamist who grudgingly allows him to play with other guys. And what does the guy sitting next to me on this airplane think? “The guy with the boyfriend should do what the other guy, the leather guy, says,” says TGSNTMOTA. “Because the leather guy has a good head on his shoulders, and the guy with the boyfriend should listen to the leather guy and leave the other guy, the boyfriend guy, and see other guys.” Um… thanks, TGSNTMOTA! •••• I’m an 18-year-old hetero male college student. I’m in a relationship with an awesome girl. I’m dominant; she’s submissive. I like namecalling; she likes being called names. Our libidos match, etc. There’s only one thing I’m into that she isn’t: watersports. The idea of urinating on a girl turns me on. My fetish is by no means unusual, and I’m perfectly comfortable saying, “I’m into piss!” She, however, finds the idea unappealing, to say the least. I know that I’m young and have a long time to act on my fantasies, but this one seems like it will always be difficult. Do you think that, down the road, I will be able to find a girl who is willing to get pissed on? I Want To Pee On Someone Watersports, for the kinkily inclined, is one of those things that can seem almost unspeakably perverse at 18 and not that big a deal at 28. Don’t do it first thing in the morning, and don’t do it after chowing through a plate of asparagus. Do it after you’ve had a few beers and the piss is just so much warm—and sterile—water. So relax, IWTPOS, because the odds that you’ll be with this girl forever—remember, you’re 18, she’s 18—are slim, and the odds that you’ll meet a girl at some point who’s either into it or can be talked into it are high. And what does the guy sitting next to me on this airplane—a very nice-if-nosey thirtysomething dude from Lubbock, Texas—think? “I have a thing for girls peeing on me,” TGSNTMOTA whispered to me. “Because it’s like a sort of ‘female ejaculation’ thing. I met girls on the Big Island who were into it, clear and nice, and—” Okay, TGSNTMOTA, thanks for sharing and—hey—it looks like we’re getting ready to land, so… thanks for playing Savage Love. CONFIDENTIAL TO CANADA: Apparently, a hockey team of yours recently triumphed over some other nation’s hockey team, and one of the stars of your hockey team—the guy who scored Canada’s first goal in the final and all-important match—has the same last name as Vic Toews. So out of respect for Jonathan Toews—and Canadian author Miriam Toews—we will not be redefining “Toews.” Maybe we could redefine “Jason Kenney” instead?

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ondisplay galleries museums

galleries Opening Newfound Exhibition: Expression of art through different mediums by Peter Lewis, Michael Greene, Michael Kilburn, Lyndon Keating & JJ Allwood, Peter Lewis Gallery-5 Church Hill 722-6009 (Opening reception Sun Mar 14 from 2pm-4pm) Pots & Potpourri: An exhibition featuring works from splendid planters to tiny, fanciful creatures the ceramics of Toby Rabinowitz inhabit their own creative universe, Craft Council-59 Duckworth St 753-2749 (Opening reception Sat Mar 20 from 2pm-4pm) Teacups & Mink: Two sisters use art and poetry to tell the stories of their Russian immigrant family and their journey to life and success in Canada. Scuplure, painitng prints, text, short film, and handmade book with text by Leanne Averbach and visuals by Bonnie Leyton, Craft Council-59 Duckworth St 753-2749 (Opening reception Sat Mar 20 from 2pm-4pm)

ONGOING Changing Tides: An exhibition of artwork by young Newfoundland artists, curated by Stephanie Williams, First Space Gallery-QEII Library Escape: Mixed media works that reflect Béla Simó’s ever changing and evolving process in relief techniques, texture and colour, The Rogue Gallery-72 Harbour Dr 739-1882 Forest: David Kaarrsemaker’s body of work looks in or out of forests on the edges of development. This threshold explores the border between states of consciousness and between nature and civilization. Trees are used symbolically through dreams and myths as well as for their imposing physical presence, Red Ochre Gallery-96 Duckworth St 726-6422

Gallery Exhibit: Featuring a rotation of our regular collection, Leyton Gallery-Clift’s-Baird’s Cove 722-7177 Knitting Machine: The immateriality of a craftperson’s process is illuminated when a knitter’s finger movements are mimicked by the kinetic dance of found objects. In this installation by Janice Yan Yan Wu (Que) wine racks, motors and circuit boards are employed to conciliate the value of the hand and body , Eastern Edge Gallery-72 Harbour Dr 739-1882 (Ends Apr 17) New Works: By Gerald Squires, Esther Squires, George Horan, Julia Pickard, Sharon Puddester, Gerald Squires Gallery-52 Prescott St 722-2207 Smear Tactics: An Exhibition of Contemporary Art examining social perceptions of lipstick. Exhibiting artists include Candace Fulford, Craig Francis Power, Bill Rose, Peggy Tremblett, A1C Gallery-8 Clift’s-Baird’s Cove 237-0427 Top 30: Julie Lequin (Que) has assembled a 3 channel video installation. Women sing a song - one for each of her thirty years. One hears highlights/downfalls from the year the song was discovered by the narrator. The middle channel depicts audio technology according to the ‘fashion’ of the time, Eastern Edge Gallery-72 Harbour Dr 739-1882 (Ends Apr 17) Unrequited Death: Helen Gregory: Death, decay, beauty, and sensuality; the artist investigates the act of collecting by focusing on organic forms such as skulls, bones, desiccated birds and dead flowers. Curated by Lisa Moore, The Rooms-9 Bonaventure Ave 757-8000

LAST CHANCE Dark Horse: Greg Bennett explores the imagery and symbolic value of horses. Paintings -full of doubled and mirrored images, overlapping planes and repeating motifs- offer surfaces where the material and the dreamlike meet, The Rooms-9 Bonaventure Ave 757-8000 (Ends Mar 21)

Ice Flows and Sound Retreats, Jan Kabatoff: A multi-media installation combining painting, mould impressions, hand-dyed textiles, photography and sound recordings of glacial ‘voices’; an experience linking science and human wonder with a shared, growing concern, The Rooms-9 Bonaventure Ave 757-8000 (Ends Mar 21) New Works: Peter Lewis, Michael Greene, Michael Kilburn & Jennifer Allwood, Peter Lewis Gallery-5 Church Hill 722-6009 (Ends Mar 21)

museums A Tour de Fort: Interpretive panels tell the story of Fort Townsend, the 18th century symbol of England’s domination over the fishery, The Rooms-9 Bonaventure Ave 757-8000 Admiralty House Museum: 1915 navy wireless station now communications museum, 23 Old Placentia Rd-Mt Pearl 748-1124 Archival Mysteries: Where Is It? Featuring unidentified photos from the archives which remain a mystery in terms of their geographical location within NL, The Rooms-9 Bonaventure Ave 757-8000 Collecting Birds: A Beak Behind the Scenes: Use bird specimens to learn lots of fascinating facts about the diversity of our feathered friends, The Rooms-9 Bonaventure Ave 757-8000 Connections: This Place and Its Early Peoples: Polar bears on tundra, carnivorous plants in a bog, seabirds, sea mammals, sea life plus the people who made their lives here, The Rooms-9 Bonaventure Ave 757-8000 Discovering Bartlett: An Archival Exploration: Marking the 100th anniversary of the 1909 expedition to the North Pole, this exhibition of archival records relates to the life and career of Captain Bartlett, The Rooms-9 Bonaventure Ave 757-8000

Encountering Grenfell: A Life and Legacy: Providing medical care, education & skills in craft, agriculture & animal husbandry Wilfred Grenfell sought to improve conditions in NF, The Rooms-9 Bonaventure Ave 757-8000 [here]say: 26 signs on light poles, each featuring an audio story about that particular spot. Stand on the sidewalk, use your cellphone to dial the number on the sign, and hear the voices, Water St Incredible Insects: Come face to face with bugs in live insect exhibit, Johnson Geo Centre-175 Signal Hill Rd 737-7880 Johnson Geo Centre & Park: See Signal Hill’s 550 million year old geology & specimens of NF rocks, minerals & botanical park, 175 Signal Hill Rd 737-7880

Railway Coastal Museum: St. John’s Dockyard exhibit of model ship hulls, shipbuilding, dockyard history plus the story of Newfoundland’s railway boat service & 1940’s train diorama, 495 Water St W 724-5929 Signal Hill National Historic Site: Military & communications history, meet Signalman, watch film, interactive exhibits, Visitor Centre 772-5367 The Fluvarium: A panoramic water view under the surface of Nagle’s Hill Brook. Spot fish, insects & plants in natural habitat plus interactive exhibits, 5 Nagle’s Place 754-3474

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march 11 - 25, 2010

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Murray Premises â&#x20AC;˘ 739-8444 www.grandtime.ca Open Tuesday to Saturday

SHAMROCK SAVINGS