Anam Cara: The Irish Soul Friend

Anam Cara:

The Irish Soul

F r i e n d

By Kathleen O’Rourke

T

HE IRISH ARE A MYSTICAL PEOPLE. “Thin places” where the veil between the unseen and the seen drop away are part of the Irish landscape. Are there fairies in the garden or are they simply the Irish imagination “knowing” there is more than meets the eye? For Celtic Christians of old, when what is normally unseen flirts with the borders of our perception, it is no less than a caught moment of God’s glory. It is the hem of his robe as he passes by. It is the strong sensation and subtle manifestation of his presence.

there you are.” You are seen, you are known.

WE LIVE IN A TIME OF INTENSE RELATIONAL input and output. “I feel over stimulated and under supported,” a friend once expressed. Despite the large number of people we each know, loneliness and depression are on the increase. Theoretically, intimacy is a good thing and could help this problem. Yet, it cannot be denied that intimacy requires trust and opens the potential for betrayal and intense pain. That is why the anam cara is not a relationship found overnight.

THE CELTIC TRADITION CARRIES THIS perception of God’s presence everywhere— not only into our natural surroundings, but also into our relationships. The anam cara is one of these. In Irish, “anam” means “soul” and “cara” means “friend.” Therefore, the anam cara is a “soul friend”. This is a special relationship and at times in Irish history was even widely recognized as a social category by members of the monastic community. “There goes Padraig’s anam cara,” could be uttered in a way similar to “There goes Padraig’s wife.”

CONTRARY TO THE SPEED OF OUR CULTURE, the friendship of the soul takes time to develop. Pretense, our external image, must be dropped. Egoism, how the other is useful to you, must be abandoned. The most daunting obstacle is the encounter with our shame, which is really the act of remembering and fear of judgment residing together. Even this deepest level of what we have done cannot be hidden from the anam cara. That is why the anam cara must possess spiritual elements of compassion, mercy and love. Not everyone

In a friendship of anam cara, we do the hard work of “becoming” and in the process find ourselves closer to God himself. We become more able to perceive him in our surroundings and, most importantly, in the people around us.

In the beginning, the relationship was a sort of spiritual mentorship with a bit of confessor thrown in. Your anam cara knew everything about you, both the glories and the shames.

Over time the relationship became more peerto-peer, a deep friendship. The objective was still spiritual mentorship, but done in the intimacy of partnered friendship. God and God’s purpose were like a breath of life between the two people. Other than marriage, the anam cara is an example of relational incarnation— it is a friendship where God dwells.

REFLECTING THE TRINITY, GOD IS AN important third person in the anam cara friendship. He helps us push beyond the human tendency toward pretense, egoism and shame. Because of these, most friendships reside in the realm of companionship and affection. The common interest shared, childhood memories or the stage of life one finds oneself are the glue of the relationship. This is not a bad place to be with friends. But, it is not the heart or soul level. The anam cara says, “Ah,

can be an anam cara. Even if we want to be these things for another, it is challenging. The very face of God’s love for us is reflected in the face of the anam cara and that is why He must be in the relationship too.

WITH GOD IN THE MIX, THIS TYPE OF friendship, in theological terms, is called ontological, which means it is a part of “becoming”. We are not static beings, meant to rest in sameness. God is always calling us to be something more, to be filled with more compassion, mercy and love for others. This is a rich life full of joy and purpose. In a friendship of anam cara, we do the hard work of “becoming” and in the process find ourselves closer to God himself. We become more able to perceive him in our surroundings and, most importantly, in the people around us. Being or having a soul friend is not a journey for the faint hearted, but it is tremendously worthwhile. Have courage. Dare to go deeper with those around you and ask God to reveal to you an anam cara.

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