‘Wanna’Buy a Duck? Almost 100 years ago Radio became King Entertainment In the cities And towns And for weather and crop news On the farms But no matter where We listened and laughed The comics - By far Were the favorites Each had Iconic props and shticks George Grivas (billed as The Greek Ambassador) “Why cream is more expensive than milk? Its’harder for the cows to sit on the little bottles” And then there was Ed Wynn Mixing up the flour and water with a rubber spoon “I musn’t bruise the batter”
And of course,,, Mr Kitzell “Who hah Mr Benny” And who could forget Fred Allen (of Allen’s Alley) “Why there is So much integrity In Hollywood… You could fill up A gnat’s navel With it” And then to keep us awake The Schnozz – Jimmy Durante “Good night Mrs Calabash Wherever you are” And the great juggler WC Fields “Anyone who loves booze and hates kids can’t be all bad” And his sexy little chickadee Mae West “I once had a cattle ranch but I had to sell it I couldn’t keep my calves together” And the irrepressible Groucho (Interviewing a guest On – You Bet Your Life .”You say you have ten kids, why so many?” “I love my wife” “I love my cigar, But every now and then I take it out” And his simple-smile brother Harpo Who spoke by squeezing An old car horn
2 And beguiled us with Gifted melodies From the harp And those two – That acted As each other’s foil George Burns & Gracie Allen “Say goodnight Gracie” “Goodnight Gracie” And even if he could speak chose the longest pause in show business... Confronting a robber with a gun “Your money Or your life – Hurry up” “I’m thinking – I’m thinking” Who was that unmasked man? Jack Benny And the fastest quipper of them all Henny Youngman “I took my wife to a wife-swapping party I had to throw in Some cash”
And for all those umintended shticks Radio Anouncer Malaprops That ‘blooped’ Their way into Never-Forgotten-Land For Bond Bread – “For the best in bread” Became.. “The breast in bed” And introducing The world’s greatest Banjo player… “Eddie Peabody will Now play for you” Became… Eddie Playbody will Now pee for you” And to sum it up – with no Apparent meaning at all Joe Penner “’Wanna’buy a duck?’ Where have all Those mischievious children Who played to our ears And pried open our imaginations Where have they all gone?