Parade 07/21/2013

S U N DAY, J U LY 2 1 , 2 0 1 3 | PA R A D E .C O M

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Smoked brisket, sausage, ribs, and turkey—plus classic sides—feed the crowds at Austin’s wildly popular Franklin Barbecue © PARADE Publications 2013. All rights reserved

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hear him sing the song at parade.com/kaye.

Daisy Fuentes

The Saturday Night Live alum, 35, costars in the raucous comedy The To Do List, in theaters July 26.

Your new film was written and directed by your wife, Maggie Carey. How’d she do?

I was in awe. She hit roadblocks and moved around them in her sweet but determined way. It was inspiring.

After eight seasons on Find out which SNL, what was it like sayof his SNL characters ing goodbye in May? People was his favorite at use the college analogy parade.com/hader and say you graduate, but it’s the opposite. They’re my family. It was like leaving home to go to college. It was emotional, but you can always go back to your family. They’re a part of you.

Is it true that Megan Mullally discovered you? Yeah, she saw me at a comedy show and called Lorne Michaels. I didn’t know I was allowed to even think about being on SNL. When I went on the audition, I thought, “This’ll be something I’ll tell my grandkids.” And then when I got it, I couldn’t believe it. Comedy was a side project for my real goal of writing and directing, but that was the thing that took off.

Is it a relief not doing a live show now? Yes! There was never one time I wasn’t shaking before the show and thinking, “What have I gotten myself into?” I wass always nervous. But the minute it would end, I’d think, “I want to do that again.” n.”

Joan Lunden

Q: In his book Top of the Morning, Brian Stelter says Joan Lunden was

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forced to leave Good Morning America in 1997.

True? —Ellen P., Seattle A: Yes. “The executives made a decision that younger was better; they replaced me and Charlie Gibson with 30-something versions of ourselves,” says Lunden about her exit, at the age of 46, after

17 years on the show. “I agreed to say I was going on to do other things, and then I did them. I think they lost about 4 million viewers in a week. It was a calculated risk and it didn’t work.” .”

Q: I remember when Daisy Fuentes was a Telemundo weather girl in the ’80s. How does she like being back on the network? —Yesenia A., New York City A: Fuentes, 46, who began her career on Telemundo’s NYC affiliate, says her current gig as cohost of La Voz Kids (Sundays) “feels like I’m going back home. I love The Voice, so when I had the chance to do it in Spanish, with children as contestants, I jumped at it.”

Q: I’ve always loved Danny Kaye’s song “The Liddle Fiddle (Symphony of Unstrung Tongue).”

Did he write it himself?

—Mack —Mac —M ac T., Nampa, Idaho Kaye’s wife, Sylvia A K A: Fine, wrote that F ditty and many of his others. “My mom always said she knew what he could do before h did,” he d says their daughter, Dena, 66. dau Four of Kaye’s films Fou have been released for the e first time on iTunes; gett m more details and g ge < Danny Kaye in 1949

Q: I heard Drop Dead Diva was canceled, but now it’s back. What happened? —Kim W., Miami A: “Social media and the fans saved the show,” says Josh Berman, 42, executive producer of the Lifetime dramedy (its fifth season is airing on Sundays). After the series’ cancellation in January, Berman saw that Drop Dead Diva was trending on Twitter, for the first time

Diva’s Brooke Elliot (left) and Sharon Lawrence

ever, he says. “Within a week we had 10,000 signatures on an online petition that demanded the show be brought back. It was hard for Lifetime to ignore.” Tell us what show you’d like to bring back at parade.com/diva.

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OUTDOOR FUN | All laced up and nowhere to go? Find new pathways this su mmer (on foot or by bike, horse, or ATV) with traillink.com, a site run by the Railsto-Trails Conservancy. The nonprofit has helped convert 21,000-plus miles of old rail corridors across the U.S.

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READING CORNER

The Impossible Lives of Greta Wells In Andrew Sean Greer’s beguiling novel, Greenwich Village resident Greta toggles between three historydrenched years—1985, 1941, and 1918—learning from the different life choices she makes in each.

The Recipe Box SemiHomemade chef Sandra Lee whips up a fast read about a harried, divorced L.A. mom who reconnects with the guy, the food, and the life she left behind in her Wisconsin hometown.

Rocks Off Bill Janovitz explores the stories behind 50 Rolling Stones songs, from the raunchy “Brown Sugar” to the politically charged “Street Fighting Man,” in a book that will have you dusting off your LPs (or turning on your iPod) with a new appreciation for the iconic band.

Selected Shorts Escape into classic and new short fiction read by stage, screen, and television actors.

StoryCorps Everyday Americans share their own stories in these compelling vignettes.

The Flop House Fun, clever discussions (starring two Daily Show writers) of awful movies.

99% Invisible Episodes reveal unsung but fascinating design elements from the world around us.

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TV | Nobody does prickly selfabsorption like Lisa Kudrow, who’s back for a third season of her series Web Therapy (Showtime, July 22). As online analyst Fiona Wallice, she’ll counsel guest stars like Meg Ryan and old Friend Matt LeBlanc. Get Fiona’s questionable tips for someone starting therapy at parade.com /kudrow, and see below for other memorable TV shrinks.

The Bob Newhart Show Many Americans got their first taste of the talking cure from this classic ’70s sitcom.

Frasier Kelsey Grammer’s Seattle-based talk radio host took neuroses to new comic heights. >

The Sopranos Lorraine Bracco’s Dr. Melfi mesmerized the late James Gandolfini’s Tony Soprano.

In Treatment Gabriel Byrne starred in this intimate, realistic drama about the profession and the process.

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NATIONAL HOT DOG DAY | July 23

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A

t seven in the morning on a recent Saturday, acolytes stand in line at Franklin Barbecue in Austin, Tex., where Aaron Franklin smokes salt-and-pepper-rubbed briskets until they are coal black and bursting with juice. By 11, when Franklin takes his first order, the crowd is 100 strong.

And when Franklin hands over the first paper plate of the day, heaped with meat, beans, and slaw, a throaty cheer ripples through the crowd, the sort of outburst more associated with presidents than pitmasters.

Welcome to the glory days of American barbecue.

And not just in Texas. In Tennessee, in the Carolinas, out in California, and beyond, pitmasters like Franklin carry forward a style of cookery that predates our republic.

Cooking whole animals over smoldering coals probably originated in the Caribbean, where the Spanish

There’s never been a better time to eat barbecue

By John T. Edge

6 | JULY 21, 2013

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COVER AND INSIDE PHOTOGRAPHS BY JODY HORTON

Experience a day in the life of Franklin Barbecue—watch a video and see our photo essay at parade.com/barbecue

encountered it and called it barbacoa. The technique made its way north and adaptation came fast, as African-Americans refined Native American and Caribbean methods. Virginia emerged as an early citadel of barbecue. When George Washington “went in to Alexandria to a Barbecue and stayed all Night,” as he wrote in a 1769 diary entry, he probably partook of a whole hog, cooked over hardwood coals.

Three centuries of great barbecue followed. Regional specialties flourished (beef brisket in central Texas; mutton shoulders in western Kentucky; pork rib racks in western Tennessee), all of them based on the unhurried notion that, given time and heat, a pitmaster could coax great flavor from devalued cuts of meat.

And then came the doldrums. By the 1980s, regional food culture was on the ropes, a victim of Americans’

FROM LEFT

A pit thermometer at Franklin Barbecue confirms that the meat is smoking low and slow.

Aaron and Stacy Franklin relax after a long day wrangling crowds.

Briskets are smoked for 12 to 18 hours.

Diners enjoy a lunchtime feast after standing in line for several hours.

love of fast-food and chain restaurants. Barbecue fared no better. Restaurants pulled out their wood-burning pits and installed gas-fueled smoke boxes. Americans were sold on the naive idea that great barbecue is built on bottled sauces.

But a funny thing happened on the way to the drivethru. We realized our traditional foods deserve as much respect as any other cuisine. We woke up to honest fried chicken. We acknowledged that a well-engineered burger is a thing of economy and beauty. More to the point, Americans adopted barbecue as our national folk food.

The worry of past decades—what happens when real barbecue dies out?—is no longer relevant. The new question is, how high can barbecue go? Across the country, restaurants—both the old guard and the new traditionalist—are serving up the delicious answer.

JULY 21, 2013 | 7

© PARADE Publications 2013. All rights reserved

We asked top restaurant critics across the country to name their favorite barbecue joint that’s opened in the past few years ATLANTA Heirloom Market BBQ heirloommarketbbq.com They do a beautiful job smoking pork, ribs, and brisket, and then they serve it with Korean chile barbecue sauce and sides like kimchi coleslaw.

—John Kessler, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution BIRMINGHAM, ALA. Saw’s Soul Kitchen facebook.com/sawskitchen Saw’s signature dish of pulled pork and collard greens served over cheese grits and topped with fried onions is fast becoming a southern classic. —Bob Carlton, The Birmingham News BOSTON Sweet Cheeks Q sweetcheeksq.com The menu showcases meat in all its glory, but the sides shine as well—from expertly fried okra and green tomatoes to tall, fluffy biscuits. —Devra First, The Boston Globe CHARLOTTE, N.C. Bobbee O’s BBQ bobbeeosbbq.com It’s a little storefront spot you’d never find on your own; they do whole-shoulder meat with hickory and a dry rub, then pulled and sauced with a vinegar mix. —Helen Schwab, The Charlotte Observer CHICAGO Lillie’s Q lilliesq.com Among Chicago’s newer arrivals, I’ll go with Lillie’s Q. Owner Charlie McKenna is a

competitive barbecue chef and restaurateur, and even a nasty fire this spring couldn’t keep him down for long (he was back in business in a matter of months). And his barbecue sauce is the best I’ve ever tasted. —Phil Vettel, Chicago Tribune DALLAS Lockhart Smokehouse lockhartsmokehouse.com Opened by relatives of the family that runs the famed Kreuz Market in central Texas, this joint has excellent pork ribs, jalapeño cheddar sausage, and shoulder clod. —Leslie Brenner, The Dallas Morning News HOUSTON CorkScrew BBQ corkscrewbbq.com There’s always a line for Will Buckman’s softly pebbled brisket with a charry crust.

—Alison Cook, Houston Chronicle

a

MIAMI Sparky’s Roadside Barbecue sparkysroadsidebarbecue.com Their moist and tender beef brisket, slowly cooked in a Hummer-size smoker, is turning up the heat in downtown Miami.

—Jodi Mailander Farrell, The Miami Herald WASHINGTON, D.C. The Garden District gardendistrictdc.com Fuse North Carolina–style ’cue with a German beer garden and you get a magnet in D.C.’s trendy Logan Circle. —Tom Sietsema, The Washington Post

Go to parade.com /barbecue for critics’ picks in six more cities, including Denver and Seattle.

aron Franklin, who furrows his brow when cooking but flashes a quick, sweet smile to customers, leads the new-traditionalist charge. He came by his credentials honestly. In Bryan, Tex., where he grew up, his parents ran their own barbecue stand.

Franklin, 35, took a slightly different path: In 2009, he and his wife, Stacy, opened their first Austin barbecue spot in a converted trailer. A skilled metalworker, Franklin cut a hole in the side of the trailer and installed a wood-burning pit. He spiked his sauce with espresso.

Such developments screamed newfangled.

But he is also committed to the traditional ways.

Depending on the weather and the size of the briskets, Franklin smokes the behemoths for 12 to 18 hours

over aged post oak—native to Texas—which imparts a sweet flavor. The result is as old as the marriage of fire and smoke, and as delicious as barbecue gets.

The South isn’t the only place where new traditionalists have taken on barbecue. In New York City, prolific restaurateur Danny Meyer led the way with Blue Smoke way back in 2002. More recently, the pace has picked up. BrisketTown, a postmodern Texas meat market, opened this year in Brooklyn, selling clods of beef; it’s become so popular that the restaurant uses a website, IsThereMeatLeft.com, to alert customers when the beef sells out. Other noteworthy spots include Slow’s Bar-B-Q in Detroit—where Texas, St. Louis, and Carolina styles coexist—and Smoke in Dallas, where briskets get a coffee rub and pulled pork sandwiches come with unorthodox blue cheese slaw.

(Check out “Best of the New School” at left for food critics’ favorites from across the country.)

In Oakland, Tanya Holland of B-Side BBQ has earned diehard fans even as she takes liberties with the canon, inventing dishes like smoked mashed yams; pork ribs rubbed with Caribbean jerk seasonings; and chili pocked with crunchy burned brisket ends.

Holland, a mellifluous-voiced veteran of the television cooking show circuit, is not your typical pitmaster. She earned a degree in Russian language and literature from the University of Virginia and a Grand Diplôme from Ecole de Cuisine La Varenne in Burgundy, France. And when she talks about barbecue, she’s as likely to speak of how to make (and smoke) tofu as she is whole hog.

T

hough southerners appreciate new barbecue styles, the region is still the epicenter of tradition. Change here has been more about adaptation than reinvention. In Tennessee, relative newcomer Pat Martin of Martin’s Bar-B-Que Joint serves open-face pork shoulder sandwiches on griddle-fried hoecakes—a dish that’s deeply indebted to the old ways.

Some pitmasters have adopted modernized smokers.

Others have made minor—but no less ingenious— adjustments. Pitmaster Rodney Scott of Scott’s BarB-Que in Hemingway, S.C., has been smoking whole hogs since he was 11 years old. When the local health department began paying closer attention to his shop, he installed heating coils beneath the deboning table, to keep his pork at regulation-approved temperature.

Barbecue Crossroads, a new book by Robb Walsh, depicts a pitmaster who now wears a surgical mask to protect him from the constant swirl of smoke.

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LOS ANGELES Bludso’s BBQ bludsosbbq.com On a good day, the brisket seems less meat than a fever dream of meat, a damp, pleasant, smoky vapor scented with happiness.

—Jonathan Gold, L.A. Times

8 | JULY 21, 2013

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The audience for barbecue in the American South has changed, too. Daniel Vaughn, author of The Prophets of Smoked Meat, represents a new generation of connoisseurs who can step from their cars, sniff the air in the parking lot, and make a good guess at the kind of wood—hickory, post oak, or mesquite—the pitmaster is burning for his or her barbecue.

Even the meat is evolving: Now that we know that old-fashioned, fat-marbled cuts—not the lean pork engineered by modern industrial farming—make for great barbecue, progressive restaurants like Birmingham, Ala.–based Jim ’N Nick’s Bar-B-Q are raising their own pigs, returning the fattier pork our grandfathers cooked to today’s tables.

New attention has also benefited old-guard pitmasters. “It wasn’t

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1. A squishy white sandwich bun serves to soak up the smoky pork fat and sauce.

2. Creamy green cabbage slaw lends crunch and sweetness.

3. Helen’s vinegar-based barbecue sauce is thin, tangy, and very spicy, cutting the richness of the pork.

4. The pork shoulder is barbecued until tender and suffused with smoke, then roughly chopped.

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until people started asking about it that we realized the value of what we do,â&#x20AC;? says Bryan Bracewell of the legendary 131-year-old Southside Market in Elgin, Tex.

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n Brownsville, Tenn., 57-year-old Helen Turner of Helenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Bar-B-Q has dedicated her life to the perfect barbecue sandwich.

Her restaurant is a metal shebang, fronted by a simple sign.

Around back, a screened porch swirls with heavy wood smoke.

If you can manage two minutes in the room where Turner spends hours each day, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll notice two concrete-and-metal constructions. One is for burning wood into coals. Another, fueled by those coals and topped with a piece of rooďŹ ng tin, is the pit where Turner cooks pork shoulders until they shade toward burgundy.

Turner is a joyful iconoclast.

When she laughs, she cackles.

When she works, she shames any man who tries to keep up with her. And when she constructs a sandwich, she crafts it with architectural integrity: stacked with pork shoulder, spritzed with hot sauce, and capped with sweet slaw.

Since writers and ďŹ lmmakers began showing up in search of traditional barbecue, Turner says, business is up around 30 percent. Acclaim for the likes of Helen Turner is the kind of change that barbecue can sustainâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;and that we should celebrate.

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John T. Edge directs the Southern Foodways Alliance at the University of Mississippi.

10 | JULY 21, 2013

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By Connie Schultz

T

he moment of midlife clarity unfolded at 7:12 p.m. on March 7, 2013.

I was fanning my face with a plane ticket after racing to the gate for a flight at Chicago’s O’Hare airport, oblivious to the young man running to catch up with me. He leapt in front of me and, in a breathless stage whisper, said, “Excuse me.

Do I know you?”

Oh, how easily we succumb to the tug of vanity. My writer’s heart fluttered with gratitude for this, a loyal reader. I smiled and rested a palm on my collarbone.

“Well,” I said, “who do you think I am?”

“Elaine?”

The soundtrack in my head screeched to a halt.

I shook my head. “Connie.”

“Oh,” he said, his shoulders sinking. His eyes darted from the top of my head to the toes of my Tevas. “It’s your hair,” he said.

“You look younger from behind.”

Silence, except for the gasps from fellow travelers who forgot to pretend they weren’t listening.

At the precise moment when I hoped exactly no one knew who I was, a woman from Cleveland Heights, Ohio, leaned in and said, for all to hear, “I look forward to reading this essay, Connie.”

Had this happened right after I turned 50, I might have spent the entire flight slumped in my seat clutching a compact mirror and weeding chin hairs. Five years into this adventure, I laughed and posted the man’s observation on Facebook.

Life in the Middle Ages Halfway through my sixth decade, I’ve made a wonderful discovery about aging: You get to keep growing

So what changed for me in the past five years?

Practice.

It takes a little time to accept that the world is onto us. Nobel laureate Toni Morrison said in a speech at Oberlin College last year that each of us sees ourselves at a certain age, frozen in time, which may explain why my hair still brushes my shoulders.

Inside, I’m 27. Outside, I’m the woman of a certain age who missed the helmet-hair memo.

I admit to occasional handwringing in front of the mirror, but most of the time I’m having fun reinventing myself. Magical thinking helps, as was duly noted by one of my wisecracking kids, who will remain nameless

because he is my only son.

“Really,” he said. “You’re middle-aged? Planning to live to 110, are you?”

Honestly.

When I was 30, I read Gail Godwin’s novel The Finishing School. One particular passage, in which 44-year-old Ursula advises 14-year-old Justin about aging, scared me so much that I wrote it down and carried it in my wallet for years: There are two kinds of people …

One kind, you can tell just by looking at them at what point they congealed into their final selves. It might be a very nice self, but you know you can expect no more surprises from it. Whereas, the other kind keeps moving, changing.

With these people, you can never say, “X stops here,” or “Now I know all there is to know about Y.” That doesn’t mean they’re unstable. Ah, no, far from it. They are fluid.

They keep moving forward and making new trysts with life, and the motion of it keeps them young.

In my opinion, they are the only people who are still alive.

Yikes. I vowed to grow like the weed you can’t kill. This year, I’m an American water willow. Last year, I was a hairy bittercress.

Memories tumble out and sustain me. The other day I was dusting a crisscross of Popsicle sticks my daughter had made in first grade. “The best mother,” the faded ink reads.

Immediately, I am a newly single mom, walking into her elementary school for open house. A flock of parents giggle

ILLUSTRATION: © 2013 DAN PAGE/THEISPOT.COM

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12 | JULY 21, 2013

© PARADE Publications 2013. All rights reserved

Sign up to follow Connieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s blog at parade.com/connie. Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll get a Facebook notiďŹ cation whenever she adds a new essay.

as they lean in to read something on the bulletin board.

One of them spots me, and off they go.

Slowly, I approach the board and recognize my daughterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s drawing of me. â&#x20AC;&#x153;My mother is a bit eccentric,â&#x20AC;? her essay begins. â&#x20AC;&#x153;She has longer hair than other mothers. She is getting a divorce, but we donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t call it that. Mom says sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s having a growth spurt.â&#x20AC;?

What tugged at my heart then ďŹ lls it with hope now.

Life was hard, and then it got better. Repeat. Fifty was tough, but 55 feels just right. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I look forward to that essay,â&#x20AC;? the woman at the airport said to me after the case of mistaken identity.

My, how she egged me on.

A dozen essays are bubbling up for a blog Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m calling â&#x20AC;&#x153;Life in the Middle Ages.â&#x20AC;?

Every Friday Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll post a new piece at parade.com/connie.

We have so much to talk about. Reading glasses and puppies. Exercise and falling in love. Grandchildren and high heels. Juicing and social media. Solitude and activism. Food, too. We have to exchange recipes at some point, donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t you think?

Add to this listâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;you, dear readers. Because aging is a team sport, and I canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t win this game without you. And being a baby boomer, I believe everyone should get the chance to play.

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Š PARADE Publications 2013. All rights reserved

Sunday with ... it because I sometimes forget that 2012 actually happened to me. It’s a great reminder that I have much more “MY PART IN work to do. I have to THE HELP CHANGED MY earn these awards!

The past couple of years have been like something out of a storybook,” Octavia Spencer says of the raves she received for playing Minny Jackson in The Help. “I feel like Cinderella at the ball, and I didn’t have to give my glass slipper back!” The Alabama native, 41, is bringing her star power to Fruitvale Station (in theaters now), which tells the true story of Oscar Grant, a 22-year-old Bay Area resident who was killed by a transit policeman in a controversial incident on New Year’s Day 2009. Spencer, who plays Grant’s mother in the film, talked to Erin Hill about children, writing her first book, and where she keeps her Oscar.

Why did you want to do the film?

It focuses on the fact that this was a young life lost. With the public recrimination surrounding the incident, it lets us see Oscar as a human being. I thought it was the freshest and the only way to tell this story and promote healing.

Your first book in a children’s mystery series, Randi Rhodes, Ninja Detective, will be out in October. What inspired you to write it?

I’m from humble beginnings, but my mom taught us that you could go anywhere in the world in a book. I’m a huge mystery buff, and I want to not only foster curiosity in kids but help them develop deductive reasoning. I worked with a forensic technician to show techniques like how to lift a fingerprint and make a cast of a footprint.

Octavia Spencer The award-winning actress returns in a powerful real-life drama simmering with racial tensions

Does coming from a big family [Spencer has six siblings] make you want to have a lot of kids one day?

I definitely want kids. I wanted three, but I’m in my early 40s now, so I’d be happy to have one healthy baby.

get it. At this point, I’m not looking. He has to find his way to me. I’m totally fine with not being married or a mom right now. There was a time when that kind of stuff depressed me, but the universe had other things in store.

Do you date more now that you’re famous?

Less! The visibility is scary, so I

Where is your Oscar?

On display on the mantel in my living room. I have to see

How do you spend Sundays?

If I’m feeling spry, I hop out of bed and go to church. If I don’t go to church, I allow myself to sleep in. Then I catch up with friends. Sunday is a splurge day for me: I like to read the paper and catch up on Scandal, Modern Family, and Paranormal Witness on my DVR. What would people be surprised to know about you?

I have a great affinity for the law; I’m always drawn to stories that have a bit of legalese in them. Before I could afford a lawyer, I wrote up all of my contracts myself. I might have been a lawyer in another life!

PHOTO: DOVE SHORE/CONTOUR BY GETTY IMAGES

PARADE Did you follow the Oscar Grant shooting closely when it happened?

Unfortunately, I didn’t. I heard about it, but Barack Obama had just been elected president, and I was in a state of bliss because I felt the country had taken a huge step forward. I just couldn’t reconcile it in my brain.

LIFE AND MY PERSPECTIVE ON WHO I AM.”

14 | JULY 21, 2013

© PARADE Publications 2013. All rights reserved

Ask Marilyn

By Marilyn vos Savant

Why is the heart so slow to follow the mind? The background: I split from an intimate love relationship that was toxic. Post-split, we became friends, but after a brief sweet period, I had to end the friendship, too. I know this was the right choice, but I still mourned the loss of a woman dear to me.

—S. J., British Columbia, Canada

Passionate emotions are addictive! We are loath to give them up, even when they’re accompanied by pain.

The stronger and more frequent they are, the harder they can be to relinquish.

How soon we let go—if we ever do—depends on the balance between the good and the bad, plus individual factors such as self-esteem.

Just because you figure out what to do doesn’t make you feel any better about doing it.

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© PARADE Publications 2013. All rights reserved

Ask Marilyn

By Marilyn vos Savant

Why is the heart so slow to follow the mind? The background: I split from an intimate love relationship that was toxic. Post-split, we became friends, but after a brief sweet period, I had to end the friendship, too. I know this was the right choice, but I still mourned the loss of a woman dear to me.

—S. J., British Columbia, Canada

Passionate emotions are addictive! We are loath to give them up, even when they’re accompanied by pain.

The stronger and more frequent they are, the harder they can be to relinquish.

How soon we let go—if we ever do—depends on the balance between the good and the bad, plus individual factors such as self-esteem.

Just because you figure out what to do doesn’t make you feel any better about doing it. ®

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© PARADE Publications 2013. All rights reserved

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© PARADE Publications 2013. All rights reserved