ISIS - Fall 2013

FALL 2013

BE THE LIFE OF THE PARTY SHINE YOUR BRIGHTEST WITHOUT KILLING YOUR REPUTATION

HOW TO WEAR THIS FALL’S PALETTE YES, YOU CAN ROCK RED

DRESS YOURSELF IN

FROM YOUR HEAD TO TOES, WORK IT!

Free

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Spread your wings.

Rediscover yourself with

Greatness Only You Can Achieve Programs promote behavioral health and wellness by assisting individuals to identify barriers and move beyond those barriers to achieve optimal wellness.

Our other services

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• Medication management

Tuesdays 5pm - 6:15pm

• Psychiatric evaluations • Behavioral counseling • Health promotion and wellness programs • Individual therapy

(Adults, Adolescents, Children)

• Group therapy • Couples therapy • Family therapy • Wellness groups

We offer a weight loss group, therapy with a focus on artistic media, reiki therapy, yoga therapy, and psychotherapy.

Whatever your need, we are here to help.

NOW OFFERING Acupunture Acupressure Zero Balancing

No referrals necessary.

Herrin Behavioral Health 202 South Pershing Street, Energy, IL

For more information, please call (618) 988-9843 or visit us @ herrinbehavioralhealth.com

A Publication Of The Southern Illinoisan A Lee Enterprises Company Publisher Bob Williams editor Cara Recine Creative Direction Leah Weil Advertising Director Tim Stuart Contributors Rana Daunis Lana Fritsch Me-Chelle Hall Beth Michaels Cara Recine Deb Sauerhage Adam Testa ADDITIONAL SOURCES The Associated Press McClatchy-Tribune News Service U of I Extension Service About.com Account Executives Kelly Caudill Nora Chambliss Brian Flath Stephanie Meyer Lacey Thompson Levi Wampler Sales AssistantS Rose Baffi Michelle Goolsby Graphic Designers Andrew McBride Jay Stemm Leah Weil The Southern Illinoisan 710 North Illinois Ave. Carbondale, IL 62901 www.thesouthern.com contact us!

Editorial Cara Recine Editor 618-351-5075 cara.recine@thesouthern.com Advertising Lacey Thompson Niche Advertising Manager 618-351-5001 lacey.thompson@thesouthern.com All contents copyright 2013 by The Southern Illinoisan. All rights reserved. Reproduction or use in whole or in part of the editorial or photo without the prior written permission of the publisher, is strictly prohibited. ISIS is vnot responsible for unsolicited manuscripts, photographs or artwork. Submissions will not be returned unless accompanied by a self-addressed, stamped envelope.

Have the confidence to be yourself – even if it ruffles feathers

T

hrough the passing of time and the changing of ruling civilizations, a woman’s role in society has shifted.

In many ancient cultures, as well as some modern ones, women remained subservient, far behind their male counterparts. There have always been women, though, who refused to conform, who rose up against the norms of their era and fought to secure their place in history — as rulers, warriors, legends.

Ancient Egypt had its own feminine figure of lore, a woman whose legacy has transcended time and found a seat at the throne of immortality. Cleopatra VII Philopator, known simply as Cleopatra, demonstrated qualities of confidence, leadership, strength and endurance during her reign as the last pharaoh of the great Egyptian empire.

Throughout her life, which ended at her own hands, Cleopatra proved herself a true woman of history. Widely regarded as a beautiful young woman, and even believed by many to be a reincarnation of Isis herself, it was Cleopatra’s other qualities that earned her immortality.

Confident, determined, unwilling to back down. Cleopatra stood up for herself in a time when many women were reluctant or flat out refused to do so. Even at the side of men like Julius Caesar and Mark Antony, Cleopatra had a commanding presence, a reputation among the people.

A snake bite took the life of this Egyptian princess — possibly worthy of being distinguished as a goddess among women — more than 2,000 years ago, but her spirit lives on inside women everywhere. What modern woman doesn’t want to stand next to today’s Caesar and be seen not as an arm candy but an equal counterpart?

There’s a little bit of Cleopatra inside you; don’t be afraid to let her out.

ISISBEHINDTHESCENES

At the Cover Shoot WHO Me-Chelle Hall WHERE Photography by Lori’s studio, Marion WHAT ISIS fall cover shoot WHEN 10:00 a.m., August 26, 2013 FINAL TOUCHES Julie Rushing of Clique Hair Design prepares Me-Chelle for the morning photoshoot. Julie was joined with Ashli Burford and Lauren Baumann, both of Clique.

From Clique’s Facebook (left): Ashli and Lauren primping Me-Chelle

Eccentrics and M Boutique loaned ISIS clothes and accessories for the cover shoot.

CREDITS Left: Blazer, $75 ECCENTRICS Necklace and earrings, $22, M BOUTIQUE right: Blazer, $79 ECCENTRICS Necklace, ISIS staff member’s styled by Lacey Thompson hair and makeup Clique Hair Design photographed by Lori Baysinger

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ISISTABLEOFCONTENTS Make It! Pendants Top-Notch Photos How To Be the Life of the Party Blogger Spotlight: Momasaurus The Inexpensive Emergency Gift Guide Gifting Without Debt/Guilt Bring The Vineyard Home

Our covergirl speaks about aging – and is happy while doing it!

RELATIONSHIPS

THIS EDITION:

Letter To The Reader Behind the Scenes

FASHION

Locked and Leathered Street Style Falling Into Fashion Not Your Grandma’s Pearls

1 2

8 10 30 36

WELLNESS

Stay In the Black This Holiday Season Eat, Drink and Be Healthy Use That Body, Baby

51 52 56

Make It Stop Playing Cupid Take Action, Help Others Keeping It Real

BEAUTY

Luxurious Lashes Painted Ladies Bold Beauty

6 14

38 48 54

38 41 44 45

13 22 29

FAMILY

Divorced? Keep the Holiday Spirit Alive for the Kids You Better Believe It

46 48

EVENTS

Searching For The Perfect Gift: Fall Arts and Craft Shows

LIVING Aging To Perfection In Season: Pumpkins

17 20 24 26

FOLLOW US! @ myisismag

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thrive

creativity

focus

branding entrepreneur

believe discover

aspire

profit

ideas brainstorm

invent

empower

confidence

Are you ready to start your own business?

The Illinois Small Business Development Center at Southern Illinois University Carbondale provides technical assistance to both prospective and existing business owners in order to help them launch and/or expand a successful and a sustaining business.

For information call 618-536-2424, email sbdc@siu.edu or visit us online at www.siusbdc.com The Illinois Small Business Development Center/International Trade Center is funded in part through a cooperative agreement with the U.S. Small Business Administration and the Illinois Department of Commerce and Economic Opportunity and hosted by Southern Illinois University Carbondale.

ISISLIVING

How to get from here to there with no regrets aise your hand if you’re looking for the Fountain of Youth. From creams and steams, to injecting all sorts of things, we wage war on our wrinkles, our rolls and self-esteem.

I have searched for the perfect ingredient, the one that will fix it, fix me, the panacea that will allow me to look into my mirror and love what I see. Turns out, it’s not at the drugstore, or in the gym, or on the clothing rack. It was never at the bar, believe me I looked. It’s not even a celebrity secret.

This Page: Tank top ECCENTRICS Necklace and earrings M BOUTIQUE Leggings ECCENTRICS Shoes Me-Chelle’s own Bracelet ISIS Staff Member’s

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But, finally, I found the cure to aging: Acceptance.

Uh, oh. I feel a collective eye roll coming on.

But, wait! Ask yourself: What if I really liked myself? What would that look like?

My body is a collage of stretch marks, acne spots and breasts that deserve to be Spanx’d, witnesses to everything I have ever done: The good, the bad and, even worse, the undergraduate years. My body is standing here in front of the mirror waiting for me to see what it can do, not just what it looks like.

My mind is wiser because it is older. I never did master French, but I express myself in my native tongue just fine. I’ve never seen a mountain, much less climbed one; but, with time, I have overcome every obstacle life has presented. I embrace my demons, because they keep me from repeating the mistakes of my youth. I examine and exploit my mistakes

in order to establish my future.

As a kid, I once stuck a butter knife intoan exposed light switch.

Lesson learned.

I won’t compare aging to fine wine, because wine is bottled and typically stored in darkness. We age into perfection, as we release ourselves from the dark cellar of our pasts.

As my waistline expands, so does my perspective. It’s time to change the dialogue about aging. After all, we can blame the media, but we are the media. We uphold the standard for beauty, and we have the power to change that standard. It is our choice to either define ourselves by our insecurities or by the way we defy them. Have I forfeited my gym pass? No. And I haven’t given up French fries – occasionally – either.

Self-acceptance is an ongoing process, I dare you to try it.

Fashion, food and fiction:

Originally from Chicago, Me-Chelle Hall is an ophthalmic assistant at Jackson Vision & Laser Centers. She also is a freelance writer who has written for television, radio, live audiences and, now, our Isis readers. Since 2011, she has been developing her accessories brand FilthyPretty and describes herself as obsessed with fashion, food and fiction. She moved to Carbondale at only 19 years old with her then 3-month-old daughter. She juggled parenthood, college and work while earning her bachelor's degree. Now, at 32, Me-Chelle has been partnered for 11 years and loves spending time with her family. fall 2013 | thesouthern.com/isis

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ISISFASHION Locked and

This timeless material has transcended bikers and cowboys, making its way to the top of the list with the biggest names in fashion. A spike in vegetarian popularity and the green movement has also increased the demand for faux leathers, so if you choose to abstain from animal ingredients you can still score the leather look.

This trend is popping up in unsuspected ways across the world and here at home.

At local retailers, you’ll see gorgeous leather pants, skirts, dresses and tops. And, leather details abound from head-to-toe. Some of our favorites include leather-trimmed collars and leather elbow-patches.

Leather is a no-brainer when it comes to jackets, coats and boots. Chances are you have a trendy piece hanging in the closet just waiting to be reborn!

To soften up the masculinity of leather, pair your tough jacket or studded boots with soft fabrics and colors. Think ballerina on a motorcycle!

Or go all-the-way to the edge of edgy and keep your outfit sleek and dark, mixing in one colorful accessory or none at all!

Keep in mind that leather doesn’t have to be black.

Leather and faux leather — or “pleather” — is available in just about all colors of the rainbow. And, lighter colors will take your look well into spring when you still need a morning jacket; dark colors will continuously add style to your wardrobe no matter how long the popularity of leather stays on the runways.

In short, leather is here to stay.

This Page: Dark Red Vegan Leather Moto Jacket, $99.99, American Eagle; Yellow BKE Perforated Leather Jacket, $69.95, The Buckle; BlackHaven Cutout Bootie, $44, Maurice’s

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Opposite Page: You’ve Gotta Earn Your Stripes Dress, $89, Eccentrics

PHOTO CONTRIBUTED BY BRITNI WOODWORTH

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ISISFASHION

Isis admires these looks from local fashionistas.

If you think you’ve got style, email your favorite look to lacey.thompson@thesouthern.com

Kara Hunt, Carbondale

SIUC Fashion Design and Merchandising student Shirt: American Eagle Skirt: American Eagle Feminine Necklace: H&M and no fuss Shoes: Forever 21

Brandi Fasolo, Marion Student and waitress

Shirt: Charolette Russe Leggings Charolette Russe Sunglasses: PacSun Coat: Jones New York, from TJ Maxx Shoes: Wet Seal

Great choice!

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Color Sets, Skin Care, Fragrance and Enhancements – Lots of Eye Candy!

Leave your wish list with us and he can just call for us to get it read

Merle Norman Skin Care Products | Vera Bradley | Christine Alexander | Japonesque | Jimmy Crystal O.P.I. | Rapid Lash | Scandalicious | ToGoSpa Products | Nicole Lee | Treska | Gift Cards | Free Gift Wrapping

Cheryl A. Lambert, Owner 618.988.1783 Herrin, IL 101 W. Cherry Street

Hours: Tues-Fri 10-5, Sat 10-2, Closed Sun & Mon

merlenormanofherrin.com

ISISBEAUTY

Eyelash extensions create luscious, long lashes – Sonya Miller at HQ and Company Hair Salon and Spa in Marion gives us the deets on this new trend.

A

nyone with a makeup bag probably has mascara in it, and many of us have donned a self-applied strip of synthetic eyelashes for a special occasion.

But now there’s a professional option in Southern Illinois à la Kim Kardashian, who reportedly uses mink eyelash extensions. That’s right, mink! But, don’t freak out. No animals are harmed to produce these extensions.

Before

Sonya Miller, hairstylist and body waxing specialist at HQ and Company Hair Salon and Spa in Marion, explains. “It’s 100-percent real mink, but no animals are harmed in the process.” The mink are brushed, and only the best individual hairs are collected. Synthetic mink is also available and is slightly lower in price.

To apply, Sonya uses tweezers and an FDA-approved adhesive to connect the individual extension lashes to the tips of your eyelashes. “It’s a single hair applied to a single hair,” she said.

The process takes about two hours and will keep your lashes batting and beautiful for up to six weeks on their own and longer with refills. The initial cost is $179 for synthetic mink lashes and $225 for 100 percent mink. Refills (every two to three weeks) range from $35 to $70.

After If you want to try mink lashes for your wedding, a vacation or just to spoil yourself, getting only one set of extensions is a luxurious way to step outside of your beauty box. Expect them to fall out completely in five to six weeks.

Here are Sonya’s tips for keeping eyelash extensions beautiful (Hint: A couple of them will help keep natural lashes healthier, too): Be gentle

Don’t tug or rub. That means hands off, no scrubbing! Keep washcloths and exfoliants away from lashes, which are notorious for pulling them out.

Go oil-free

This can be a setback for eyemakeup remover junkies, but

you’ll have to leave it on the shelf when you have eyelash extensions on. Instead, opt for oil-free makeup removing wipes or a gentle oil-free cleanser applied and rinsed carefully with cotton balls and cool water. Stick to mascara and eyeliner that aren’t oilbased. “But, most people

don’t even need mascara because the enhancement is so great with the new lashes alone,” Sonya said.

Get your refills

Clients who come in for refills on a regular basis experience the longest lasting results, just like acrylic nails and hair trims. fall 2013 | thesouthern.com/isis

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ISISLIVING

In Season pumpkins

F

rom the farm to the family table, pumpkins evoke warm memories of cold weather and good times. The history of pumpkins in our country dates back to ancient cultures. Archaeologists have found evidence that Native Americans grew pumpkins along the banks of rivers and creeks, though these varieties were much different from the large jack-o-lanterns we are familiar with today.

Illinois is the top producer of pumpkins nationwide, growing 95 percent of all pumpkins intended for processing.

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Why you should eat more pumpkins

Local Pumpkin Patches Not only will you find pumpkins here, but there are all kinds of activities for singles, couples and families. Anyone up for a hayride?

Bandy’s Pumpkin Patch

15020 Pumpkin Patch Road, Johnston City 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. Oct. 1-30, 7 days a week bandyspumpkinpatch.com

Perryville Pumpkin Farm

1410 Allen’s Landing Road, State Hwy E, Perryville, Mo. 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. Sept. 2 through Nov. 1, 7 days a week facebook.com/perryvillepumpkinfarm

RECIPES Pumpkin Italiana 2/3 cup heavy cream 1/2 cup homemade or canned pumpkin purée 1 clove garlic, crushed 1/3 cup fresh greated Parmesan cheese 1/8 cup fresh sage (or a sprinkle of dried sage) 1/8 cup fresh basil (or a sprinkle of dried basil) 1 tablespoon white white vinegar 1 teaspoon of salt Pinch of ground black pepper 12 ounces of penne pasta Put all ingredients in a large sauce pot; mix well and cook on medium-low, stirring often. While this is cooking, cook penne (or your preferred pasta) according to package directions.

When the pasta is ready, add sauce and stir several minutes to coat the pasta evenly. Serve and top with crushed red pepper or fresh grated Parmesan cheese.

Pumpkins are high in Vitamin A. Because of a pumpkin’s orange color, they are also a good source of beta carotene. These two compounds work closely together to promote healthy skin, vision and immunity.

Some skin products contain pumpkin as an ingredient because they are so high in these wrinkle and acne-fighting nutrients.

Veterinarians sometimes prescribe unflavored, plain canned pumpkin to dogs and cats with digestive trouble because pumpkins are a great source of fiber.

COCKTAILS Important note: If your sauce seems a too thick for a pasta sauce, add a tiny bit of milk or water and continue stirring.

Add a small amount at a time and continue adding very slowly until your sauce reaches desired consistency.

Sweet or Savory Party Dip 1 cup homemade or canned pumpkin puree 1 8-ounce package of cream cheese Pumpkin pie spice, to flavor Mix all ingredients. If you prefer a savory spread, nix the pumpkin pie spice and try adding sea salt, garlic or cumin.

Serve with crackers, pretzels or veggies.

If the harvest moon makes you crave all things pumpkin, we’ve got the cure for your cold-weather blues. Shake up a drink or two with friends and family. Even on the rocks, pumpkin-infused drinks will warm your bones.

There are a variety of pumpkin liqueurs available locally.

These include Fulton’s Harvest Pumpkin Pie Cream Liqueur, Pinnacle Pumpkin Pie Vodka and Pumpkin Pie Schnapps .

To mix your own drinks at home, pumpkin pairs well with vanilla, nutmeg, cinnamon and cream.

You can follow our recipes for cocktails, or improvise something delicious out of a combination of ingredients that you have on hand!

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CUTIE CUTIE PATOOTIE. PATOOTIE.

A BIRTHING CENTER FOR YOU AND YOUR BABY. A BIRTHING CENTER FOR YOU AND YOUR BABY.

When your big day arrives, you can count on the dedicated team at Heartland Family When your big day arrives, you cancare count onresponsive the dedicated team at Heartland Family Birthing Center for family-oriented that’s to your needs and preferences.

Birthing Center for family-oriented care that’s responsive to your needs and preferences.

We’ll make your special moment even more memorable with a quiet private room, We’ll make your specialcomfortable moment even more memorable with a quiet private experienced OB nurses, amenities and a congratulatory meal.

You’llroom, even experienced OB nurses, comfortable amenities and a congratulatory meal. receive a free car seat and gift basket with items for you and your little one. You’ll It’s all even here, receive free car and giftFamily basketBirthing with items for you and your littleare one.

It’s all here, close toahome, at seat Heartland Center – where families born. close to home, at Heartland Family Birthing Center – where families are born.

FIND A PHYSICIAN AND TAKE A VIRTUAL TOUR AT HEARTLANDREGIONAL .COM FIND A PHYSICIAN AND TAKE A VIRTUAL TOUR AT HEARTLANDREGIONAL .COM

ISISLIVING

Make it!

Inexpensive pendant makes a pretty and personalized gift

what you’ll need • • • • • • •

1 clear glass tile (at hobby and craft stores) 1 bail (to attach to pendant for threading chain or other material) Clear-drying glue (such as, Aleene’s clear tacky glue) Inkssentials Glossy Accents (at hobby or craft stores) Clear tape Pretty picture, printable letters, scrapbooking paper Scissors

what to do Cover the image with clear tape.

Using the scissors, carefully cut out the image you want to display on your pendant to the exact shape of the tile, but just a hair smaller.

Using your clear glue, put a dab onto the face (taped side of the image). Spread the glue across the image surface evenly, and place it image side (glue side) onto the tile. The tape over the face of the image will prevent the glue from smearing the image in any way.

Using the Glossy Accents, dab a bit under the bail. Place the bail where you want it on the back of the tile. Then, carefully cover the back of the tile, over the bail and fully covering the backside of the image. Let this sit overnight.

Once dried, you have a nifty little pendant that you can string onto a necklace.

ALL IMAGES AND STORY PROVIDED BY M.C.T.

If you are really ambitious, these pendants could easily be made into a charm bracelet.

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ISISEVENTS

Searching for the perfect gift?

Put these fall art and craft fairs on your list, and you’re sure to find something for everyone.

Autumnfest at John A. Logan College WherE John A. Logan College, Carterville When Sat., Nov. 9, 9 a.m. - 4 p.m.

Sun., Nov. 10, 10 a.m. - 4 p.m.

Trinkets, Wine, & Treasures Where The Pavilion of the City of Marion, 1602 Sioux Dr., Marion When Sat., Nov. 16, 9 a.m. - 4 p.m.

Sun., Nov. 17, Noon. - 5 p.m.

Benton Civic Center 20th Annual Arts & Crafts Show

Southern Glass Works Holiday Glass Sale

Where Benton Civic Center 414 W. Hudelson St., Benton When Sat., Nov. 30, 9 a.m - 4 p.m.

Where The Glass House, 1002 W. Whitney St., Carbondale When Wed., Dec. 4, 4 p.m. - 9 p.m.

Southern Clay Works Holiday Pottery Sale

SIUC Craft Shop Holiday Sale

Where SIUC, Pulliam Industrial Room 102, Carbondale When Wed., Dec. 4, 4 p.m. - 9 p.m.

Thurs., Dec. 5, Noon - 4 p.m.

Creative Design

Solutions

Where SIUC Student Center, Carbondale

When Thurs., Dec. 5, 10 a.m. - 5 p.m.

Fri., Dec. 6, 10 a.m. - 5 p.m.

Sat., Dec. 7, 9 a.m. - 4 p.m.

Custom Window Treatments Furniture • Lighting Floor Coverings • Accessories

Angela Rowe, DDCD

www.decoratingden.com www.decdens.com/angelarowe

618-253-4711 18

fall 2013 | thesouthern.com/isis

Decorated by Angela Rowe

or toll free 1-888-467-4711

Call today for your complimentary consultation

Follow these basic rules for your next arts and craft fair venture.

Keep them on hand to make the most of your trips.

Make a list, check it twice

Make a resolution to do things differently this year. Keep a shopping list in your purse or save it on your phone. You can also use this list to jot down ideas as you shop.

Shop early

The best choices and more of them? Get there before everything has been picked over.

Don’t haggle

Artists put a lot of time, creativity and money into their art.

Haggling can be seen as disrespectful. And, besides, you’ll find some beautiful things at reasonable prices to begin with.

Consider multiples

Purchasing multiple items from one artist or crafter is a great way to make a dent in your list. A “buy two, get one free” sign is a red flag for the savvy shopper.

Listen to your shopping partners

Don’t pass up this opportunity to glean ideas from family and friends you’re shopping with. Every time your shopping buddy says, “Oooh” or “Look at this!” take a mental (or literal) note, then score that perfect gift when she isn’t looking.

–R.D.

Like nothing you’ve ever seen If you’re a women suffering from chronic pain/ fibromyalgia or about to have any type of musculoskeletal surgery, call us today.

You will be glad you did!

Experience the difference after your first visit.

Synergy Therapeutic Group Carbondale 618.529.4360 | Mt. Vernon 618.244.2213 | DuQuoin 618.542.8950

www.synergytherapeuticgroup.com

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ISISLIVING

Topnotch photos

Want to take better holiday pictures this year? Don’t say cheese.

BY CARA RECINE AND M.C.T. orget what you’ve been told about getting people to smile for photos.

The problem isn’t the word “Cheese!” itself; it’s the fact that it draws attention straight to the photographer. And you’ll actually get much better results if you try capturing candid moments, when subjects aren’t really aware of your presence.

Here are more tips for getting the most of your camera work:

1. Get close

Many amateurs shoot their subjects at what photographers call middle distance — not close up, not in the background. That usually results in boring photos, said Joe McNally, a photojournalist and author of “The Life Guide to Digital Photography: Everything You Need to Shoot Like the Pros.” Instead, bring the camera close enough to be right in the middle of the action.

“For portrait photos, get at eye level,” says Paul Newton, photographer and visual editor at The Southern Illinoisan. This might involve kneeling to shoot a seated person or getting down on the ground to shoot children.

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“For other photos, try moving around and shooting different angles,” Newton says. “Everyone sees the world from their own eye level. Instead, try shooting a photo close to the ground or up in the air. A simple change in angle may just change your snapshot into something worth framing on your wall.”

2. Bring subjects forward Sometimes you want to get more of the scenery into a photo — say, your house all decorated for the holidays. In that case, avoid lining up the subjects right in front of whatever it is you’re photographing. You’ll barely be able to see them in the photo.

“Bring the people closer to you, and shoot them with the scenery in the background,” McNally says.

3. Anticipate the moment

One tricky trait of a camera is the momentary delay between your pushing the shutter-release button and the camera’s capturing the image. That’s because when you push the button, the camera has to focus first. When you know you’ll be taking a photo momentarily, get the focusing out of the way by depressing the shutter button halfway and holding it there. Then, when you press it all the way down, the camera has only one thing left to do — take the picture.

4. Put people at ease

Many people feel uncomfortable in front of a camera. Spend some time shooting your subjects as they’re doing things before you gather them for a posed shot, advises McNally. Talk to them as you’re shooting. “Often when I’m shooting, I’ll joke with my subjects as I’m setting up my lights or preparing exposure,” Newton says.

“It’s amazing how a little self-deprecating joke by me can take away some of the tension some people feel when they have a camera in their face.

Doing this may help both you and the subject as you both will have a photo you can be proud of.”

5. Tell a story

“The best photos are those that can tell a story without any accompanying words,” Newton says. “When you can show someone a photo for the first time, and they know exactly what it is without any explanation, then you’ve done your job well.”

McNally says he might shoot the Christmas morning excitement by getting up early, turning

on all the lights and shooting an overall photo of the empty living room before the frenzy starts.

Then when the room fills up with people, shoot it again from the same angle. As the story unfolds, get closer and closer to the action. Shoot people’s faces as they’re opening gifts, then maybe get close-ups of their hands in the process. Don’t forget to shoot the room’s littered aftermath after all the gift are open.

Shooting a holiday dinner might involve photographing guests as they arrive, the preparations in the kitchen, Uncle Harold tippling in the corner and, finally, a shot of everyone around the table, he said.

6. Get off center Photographers call it the rule of thirds. It involves not putting the subject smack-dab in the middle of the frame. That rule can also help you avoid leaving too much head room in a picture. You want the subject’s head to be higher than the middle of the photo.

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993-3733 Illinois Star Centre Mall SistersThreeIL.com

ISISBEAUTY

Painted Ladies Flaunt your true colors, whether understated or ‘look at me!’

BY RANA DAUNIS

W

hen it comes to lip color, the products you choose make a major impact on your look. From trusty Burt’s Bees to the hottest new shades, there can be a method to the madness of finding the right hue. And, luckily for all of us, it’s not as difficult as you might think!

Two local beauty professionals — Amy Scutt, manager at Dermacare Body Boutique, and Cheryl Lambert, owner of Merle Norman Cosmetic Studio, both in Herrin — offered their best advice on how to score the perfect pout.

FIND YOUR SWEET SPOT When choosing a color for a client,” Amy explains, “I look at their natural lip shade and go a shade or two lighter or darker.” Rather than limiting your color options, this is a technique that can be used to find your match within the color spectrum. “You can wear any color you want, regardless of your personal skin tone,” she said. “Everyone can wear red; it just needs to be the right shade of red for your skin tone. Fair complexions look great with a coral red, and a red with blue undertones look amazing on darker skin.

Medium skin tones are the lucky ones and can wear just about any red.”

Merle Norman Creamy Lipcolor, Romance, $19.50, Available at Merle Norman, Herrin, IL

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Bare Minerals Marvelous Moxie Lipstick, Live it Up, $18.

Available at Dermacare, Herrin, IL. Merle Norman Hussy Collection Lip Colors, Prices Varry, Available at Merle Norman, Herrin, IL

GET AN OPINION “Don’t spend a bunch of money on products that look great in the package.” Amy advises, “Make sure you work with someone that knows what they are doing. A professional makeup artist can show you how to avoid common mistakes when choosing bold colors, such as bleeding into fine lines and wrinkles.”

Isis Wisdom From the expert Look at your natural lip shade and go a shade or two lighter or darker

EXPRESS YOURSELF “Lipstick reflects our inner moods,” Cheryl tells Isis. “It expresses an individual’s feelings and what she wants out of life, as well as the moods of the season.” She advises customers to shop intuitively for colors and to trust their instincts about what works for them.

IF YOU WANT TO OWN IT, LOVE IT Whether it’s the first tube you’ve ever bought, or if you’re a big lipstick fan and just want to spice up your beauty routine, don’t settle in defeat if the first two or three hues don’t look right on you. Ask yourself how you feel when you gaze into the beauty-counter mirror, because that is really the most important detail. Resist the urge to splurge until you find a lip color that makes you feel happy, sexy and confident! Then, and only then, will you be smiling all day long.

CELEBRITY INSPIRATION

Taylor Swift

Rihanna

Blake LIvely

Dita Von Teese

fall 2013 | thesouthern.com/isis

23

ISISLIVING

How to be the life of the holiday party — without killing your reputation!

If you want to stand out at your job, there are ways to do it in a positive light.

Don’t let the office or work holiday party steer you in the wrong direction.

Stick to these tips, and you’ll be sure to have a great time with co-workers and the bosses while making sure you don’t embarrass yourself.

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fall 2013 | thesouthern.com/isis

Sources: The Associate Press, Women’s Day magazine online, AWomanInBusiness.com and etiquettetips.com

Do’s DRESS THE PART

HELP OUT

“Wear something festive: A colorful scarf, an interesting pin or fashionable shoes are great conversation starters,” said Jacqueline Whitmore, an etiquette expert and author of “Poised for Success.” Some experts say a flashy dress, low neckline or wacky hat may not be appropriate for an office or family gathering. But if it’s a “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”-style cocktail party with zany music, or your old college roommate’s glam late-night soiree, a sexy sparkling dress or a tangerine tie on a black button down shirt is just the thing.

Rachel Weingarten, who has hosted and produced celebrity and charity events, says she always has the best time when she’s working, “since I had a legitimate reason to introduce myself to everyone. I’d advise people to make themselves unofficial hosts by volunteering to help out the hosts. Help greet guests, pour drinks or pass around hors d’oeuvres, make a note of the cute or interesting people and find them again later on.”

BE A GOOD GUEST

Make sure the dress you select stays in place and can handle any moves like Jagger’s.

(See the Don’ts list!)

If there’s a magic show, a Secret Santa activity, a sing-along or a game, enthusiastically join in and encourage others to join you. Do it, even if you don’t feel like doing it.

DEVELOP RELATIONSHIPS

DEPARTURES

“Something I’ve noticed over the years is that interesting people are interested,” said Julie Subotky, who owns a personal assistant business called “Consider It Done” and wrote a book by the same name. “They’re talking to the people not everyone is talking to. And those are the easy people to talk to — they’re standing by themselves looking awkward. They’re easy to find.” Have some questions in mind as conversation-starters: “How’s it going? Who do you know here? How did you get here?”

INTRODUCE PEOPLE TO EACH OTHER ‘There are always people who don’t know each other at holiday parties, and if you can help them connect with new friends, they will remember you for it,” said Meghan Keane, editorial director of B5Media, a lifestyle blog network for women.

“Know when to go,” advises Jodi R.R. Smith, an etiquette consultant. “Don’t wait for a conversation to wind its way to an awkward pause or for the party to draw down to the last stragglers. As things begin to slow, wish everyone a happy holiday and either move on to the next person or the next party.”

SAY THANK YOU This little thing might be just as important as behaving appropriately at the actual party. Be sure to thank the organizer of the party at the time. You might even send a written thank-you note a few days later.

Don’ts WATCH THE BOOZE Sometimes it’s easy to get carried away when you have an open bar at your fingertips. Just remember that rather than being at the bars on a Saturday night with friends, you’re with your co-workers and bosses, who could potentially be watching your every move. Even the smallest amount of alcohol in your system could loosen you up enough and lead you to do things you might regret.

DRESS CODES Just because an office function is after work hours doesn’t mean it’s an invitation to dress flashy or

wear a revealing outfit, says Smith. “Skirts should hit your knee, and nothing should be too tight.

Absolutely no cleavage.” Avoid dresses that are too short, too revealing, too casual or excessively see-through.

SOCIAL NETWORKING Get it out of your system before the party.

Check in with your peeps and tweeps before you get to the party. Burying your face in a phone will never make you the life of the party. Many experts say to put the phone completely away. fall 2013 | thesouthern.com/isis

25

ISISLIVING

Don’ts THE BOSS IS PRESENT “It’s dicey for an employee to get the boss a gift because it may be seen as vying for favoritism,” says Diane Gottsman, a modern manners and etiquette expert. A better idea is for workers to pool their resources and purchase one item for their supervisor. If you feel especially close to your boss or have known her for years, a gift may be OK, but choose something neutral, inexpensive and not too personal.

CONVERSATION Don’t bring up politics or religion. That’s pretty much a good rule anywhere you go socially.

Jokes can be good, but be careful not to offend.

FRIENDLY, NOT FLIRTY Whether you’re married or single, be cautious about how you act around other people’s romantic partners, cautions Marley Majcher, owner of The Party Goddess in Los Angeles. Regardless of how close you are with a work colleague, don’t be too friendly in front of his wife whom you see only once a year. “The fastest way to alienate a pal’s significant other is to be too informal with her man,” she says. That means no touching or inside jokes.

WORK COMPLAINTS Don’t complain about how busy you are.

“It’s annoying when someone whines about her hectic life during the holiday season,” says Majcher. “It implies that she thinks she’s Superwoman, and that the party is lucky to have her for 10 minutes.” Everyone has demanding schedules this time of year, so give it a rest.

Avoid complaining altogether, for that matter.

Party conversation should be upbeat.

DON’T STUFF YOUR FACE “You don’t want to spend the evening with your head in the shrimp bowl,” says Gottsman. Have a snack before you arrive so you’re not famished, and go through the buffet line only once. If you absolutely must have more food, at least wait until everyone’s had a first serving. After all, you’re not there to fill up, reminds Gottsman.

MIND THE CLOCK Don’t arrive late or skip it. Holiday work events aren’t optional, says Gottsman. Plan to mingle for 60 to 90 minutes for a cocktail affair. If it’s a sit-down dinner, you’re expected to stay through dessert. It’s rude to duck out early when the company is footing the bill. If you absolutely can’t stay and have an excellent excuse, let the hostess know when you arrive that you might need to leave early. Compensate by getting there on time, bringing a nice bottle of wine and spending time with her and her guests.

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fall 2013 | thesouthern.com/isis

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ISISBEAUTY

Bold Beauty From subtle to extreme, this year’s fall color palette is nothing short of glamourous

A

h, fall beauty.

Between the glitz of holiday soirées, it is easy to skip primping and stick to your basic look. But, if you want to mix it up once in a while, nature’s autumn colors are a great place to start. We know what you’re thinking: “I could never wear orange eye makeup” or “Purple lipstick? Are you crazy?” We promise, we’re on to something here.

You can rock a red pout for work without taking it all the way to Marilyn Monroe.

And a purple smoky eye is a dramatic look that works on the coldest winter day. Like fashion, bold beauty colors look best when the rest is low-key. Choose one colorful detail for eyes, cheeks or lips and use neutrals everywhere else. This is a good rule to keep in mind, nevertheless, all year long.

Estee Lauder Pure Color Vivid Shine Chrome Effect in Coral Halo, $26, Dillard’s Clinique Chubby Stick in Pretty in Plums, $17, Macy’s

Merle Norman Color Max Shadow in Chocolate Sun, Merle Norman, Herrin

Covergirl, Smoky Shadow Blast Eyeshadow, Citrus Flair, $8.79

Maybellene Color Show Nail Lacque in Orange Fix, $3.99, Walgreen’s Nail Rock Nail Caviar in Blue Neptune, $6.99, Walgreens

fall 2013 | thesouthern.com/isis

29

ISISFASHION

Falling into Color This year’s autumn and winter palette reflects the season and our surroundings 30

fall 2013 | thesouthern.com/isis

BY RANA DAUNIS

W

hen the leaves change, so do our wardrobes. Fall is the time of year when the sun begins to set earlier, and our bodies want to spend more time in hibernation mode. Take a cue from Mother Nature when it comes to your fashion forecast: What was once bright and green turns to varying, rich shades of red, purple, green, yellow, orange and brown. In Southern Illinois, the forests and vineyards are filled with such colors.

“This year, with its beautiful weather, we’re inspired by what Southern Illinois has to offer, like the wine trail, the farmers’ markets and sidewalk cafés,” says Patti Rath, owner and designer of P. Rath Couture in Carbondale. “It is such a lively palette to choose from, and there are shades within each of those colors that might work for any one person.”

Armed with Pantone’s colors of the season and advice from local fashion experts, Isis plunged right in to the heart of fall and dug up some of the best treasures of Egypt.

PANTONE FALL 2013

Samba

Koi

Vivacious

Mykonos

Deep Lichen Emerald

Acai

Linden

Turbulence

Carafe

fall 2013 | thesouthern.com/isis

31

ISISFASHION Old Red Necklace and Earrings Set, $14, M Boutique, Marion

samba

pantone 19-1662

Zip-Top Canvas Hobo, $22.94, Old Navy $ Lauren by Ralph Lauren Faux-Wrap Dress,$179, Dillards

Lower East Side Samantha Short Boot, $34.99, Payless Shoe Source

Red Hot

There’s no doubt about it: Red is the hottest color on the runways and in stores this season. Turn heads with this wineinspired hue and think outside of the box. Red is bold. Red is brave. Red is alive. Designers like Dolce & Gabbana and Nina Ricci filled their runways with both vibrant and tame versions of red, and the color guru Pantone included it in its lineup of

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fall 2013 | thesouthern.com/isis

fall 2013’s official colors a “samba” red, not as bright as a fire engine, but not quite as dark as maroon.

Adding more red to your closet will be as easy as apple pie with the variety of options in stores. Red shoes are a major trend right now, whether you prefer pumps, flats or boots. Forget Dorothy, though; don’t overdo it with sparkles unless you are heading to a festive holiday party, which, in

that case, glam it up! Red outerwear is also having a moment, including red blazers, red wool coats and red leather jackets.

Don’t be surprised to see red pants, leggings, skirts, tops and dresses galore.

If you’re not sure whether red is right for you, try a small accessory first to warm up to the trend. Red can be found in earrings, scarves and everything in-between.

fine on the vine

Whether you call it eggplant, violet or plain old purple, the color of royalty is everywhere this season. Similar to its parent colors, red and blue, purple is no longer restricted to any certain article of clothing. In fact, all of the vineyard-inspired colors we’ve seen on the runways and in stores look

great no matter how you wear them. Just be sure to let one piece per outfit pop; you don’t want to look like a member of the Red Hat Society, unless you really are one, then by all means, go forth with your red and purple combination!

For a modern take on this timeless color, don your purple with wintery grey.

acai

pantone 19–3628

Chaps Solid Pleated Dress, $86, Kohl’s

Mossimo Magnetic Closure Crossbody Handbag, $22.99 , Target

Drapey ButtonDown, $39.95, American Eagle

fall 2013 | thesouthern.com/isis

33

ISISFASHION Fantastically Fuschia, $16, M Boutique

garden party

Harvest a chic ensemble by adding colors you might usually stay away from. Dark oranges, yellows and greens in large doses look stunning this time of year for elegant attire, or modern and refreshing when worn with a casual pair of jeans and brown boots.

Kasper Jacket, Two-Button Blazer, $99, Macy’s

deep lichen

pantone 18-0312

linden

pantone 15-0533

vivacious

pantone 19-2045

koi

pantone 17-1452

34

fall 2013 | thesouthern.com/isis

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ISISFASHION

Pearls Not your grandma’s

(or maybe they are!)

I

f you inherited a treasured string of pearls from any of the women who have come before you, don’t put them away in a drawer with a casual toss and a dismissive “Pearls are old-fashioned.” In the world of style, pearls have always been a sign of class and elegance. In the fabulous 1920s, pearls were considered the Rolex of the day. And, just like Rolex, real pearls require a significant chunk of change to own. But lots of affordable faux pearls are available.

Even a pretty strand of fakes can give you the pearl’s reflective characteristics and sheen. Some people believe that because of these qualities, wearing them can actually improve the tone of anyone’s skin. Here are some tips based on an article by Kristie Leong, a Yahoo contributor: Fake it High-quality glass pearls are almost as pretty. Be sure to check for a natural looking reflective surface and mat sheen.

Make it A long strand of pearls is the most versatile. Create multiple looks from the same necklace by wearing it long and loose, fold it in half or thirds to create double and triple necklace strands.

36

fall 2013 | thesouthern.com/isis

Go big Pair oversized pearls with winter sweaters or a simple dress with a plunging neckline. Keep the rest of your jewelry simple.

Mix it up Layer a few long strands of glass pearls with metal chains in either silver or gold to add some drama. Although pearls and gold have been BFF’s for years, long strands of glass pearls look hip when worn with long link chains in sterling silver and even copper.

Left: Necklaces and bracelets from M Boutique

Wondering how to mix it up with your personal style? Take a cue from these fashionable ladies.

Pearl Statement necklace and earrings set, $28, available at M Boutique

SINGLE OR DOUBLE STRANDS Michelle Obama

Pair with a pencil skirt and beaded cardigan

Rihanna Wear them with a white button down and short flirty skirt

Images from stylebakery.com

LAYERED STRANDS Ashlee Simpson Rock them with skinny jeans and a casual striped top Sarah Jessica Parker Break out the black mini Blake Lively Long, loose and messy with a retro look fall 2013 | thesouthern.com/isis

37

ISISLIVING

The inexpensive, last-minute, “Oh, no, I don’t have a gift for you” prevention kit Rose Bud Artisan Soap

by Big Muddy Soapworks, Carbondale, $7, available on Etsy

Coconut Vanilla Bath Salts by Cathy of Carbondale $5, $8, available on Etsy

Sauce

by Sauced Up Smokers, Carbondale $6.95, Country Gourmet, Marion

City Gypsies Ring, Sisters Three, $8.99, Marion

Blue Royalty Handbag, M, $46, Marion

Candy Striper Scarf, M, $9, Marion

N

ot having a little something to exchange when someone presents you with a gift can be awkward. It’s not only a holiday emergency; it can happen any time, whether it’s a birthday, a thank you or a small gift for a deserving hostess. Save yourself the headache and any embarrassment and create a “kit” for yourself with small gifts and gift bags.

Store your items in a box, in a drawer, with the holiday decorations or whatever is convenient. Keep mediumsized gift bags stocked up along with some festive but gender-neutral tissue paper.

These will be far more useful than gift wrap, which is often suited for only one occasion, is difficult to store and not always easy to use.

The locally made gift suggestions here are for grownups, but there is unending potential when it comes to the “whom” of your gift kit. If there are children and babies in your life, a stash of small toys, books and art supplies will come in handy. Ditto for those of you with lots of friends.

When you see something that reminds you of someone — especially if it’s under $5 — grab it in advance and bust it out when the time is right.

–R.D.

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fall 2013 | thesouthern.com/isis

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ISISRELATIONSHIPS DON’T DO IT!

TIPS FOR MATCHMAKERS Never lie

If a guy isn’t conventionally handsome and you say he is, that will lead to a really awkward first meeting even if looks aren’t super-important to either party. .

Keep the hype to a minimum

Try to leave statements like “I know he’s the one for you!” out of the equation.

Playing Cupid A common sense guide to setups

Don’t facilitate one-night stands

Don’t set up a friend who’s looking for love with a confirmed womanizer (or the female equivalent). That’s not fair to anyone.

Don’t forget the deal breakers

I

n the upcoming season of mistletoe and champagne flutes, when visions of chemistry and compatibility dance through aspiring matchmakers’ heads, it’s only natural to want to bring great people together, and dating experts say that singles in search of a serious relationship generally appreciate a thoughtful and tactful setup.

Megan Carson, author of “A Year of Blind Dates: A Single Girl’s Search for ‘The One,’” recommends having a party or inviting a group of people to a restaurant, bar or concert where introductions can be made without major fanfare.

Victorya Michaels Rogers, author of “Finding a Man Worth Keeping: 10 Dating Secrets That Work,” favors the group meeting as well.

When you introduce the pair, mention a common interest, she says, and then stick around, if need be, to get the dialogue going. Setups can be great, Rogers and Carson agree, but not all setups are created equal.

If your friend doesn’t date, say, short men with crooked teeth, respect that. You shouldn’t expose anyone to unnecessary rejection.

Don’t set up a stranger

Try to spend some time with an appealing acquaintance before you set him or her up with a friend. That way you can at least get some sense of whether your prospect is a total jerk or an unrepentant gold digger.

“Matchmaking is the art of knowing what matters most, and if they’ll have enough in common,” Rogers says. Among the factors you may want to consider: common interests, compatible personalities, life goals and values.

And remember: Looks count very much for some people. You’re not doing your pretty but not-gorgeous gal pal a favor if you set her up with a man who dates only women who look like models.

Do your research on a potential date for your friend as if he were your date. Your friend will never forgive you if it is a bad experience.

–M.C.T. fall 2013 | thesouthern.com/isis

41

ISISEVENTS ISISRELATIONSHIPS “If you put a frog in a boiling pot of water, it will jump out. However, if you put a frog in a pot of water and then start heating the water slowly, the frog will be cooked. Emotional abuse has a tendency to start the same way.

— JANI JONES, licensed clinical professional counselor

Emotional or psychological abuse can be simple as a boyfriend or girlfriend saying ‘Do you really want to eat all that?’ or insulting you — and calling it ‘teasing’ you — about things like your weight, culture, education, religion or language. Stay strong, get help and free yourself!

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fall 2013 | thesouthern.com/isis

BY DEB SAUERHAGE

W

hen people think of domestic abuse, they often think of physical harm. Even if your partner doesn’t hit you, it also can be emotional.

Emotional abuse may start innocently enough, says Jani Jones, a licensed clinical professional counselor practicing at Herrin Behavioral Health.

“It could be a very simple suggestion like ‘Do you think that is the right haircut for you?’ or ‘Do you really want to eat all that?’” Jones said. “In the beginning, it seems these

statements reflect their love for you, and, at the beginning of a relationship, you want to please your mate, not alienate him or her.”

As the relationship continues to develop, you realize that most of their comments are critical of you or your behaviors.

“If you put a frog in a boiling pot of water, it will jump out.

However, if you put a frog in a pot of water and then start heating the water slowly, the frog will be cooked,” Jones said. “Emotional abuse has a tendency to start the same way.”

YOU MIGHT BE SURPRISED:

WARNING SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE If you associate your relationship with any of these warning signs, you could be in an abusive relationship, or, at the very least, the relationship is at risk of becoming abusive in the future. Remember, abuse escalates. Don’t take these lightly.

• • • •

•

•

•

•

•

You feel nervous around your partner You try to avoid his/her anger You are afraid to disagree

You have to be careful to control what you do or say You have to justify everything you do, everywhere you go, every person you see Your partner criticizes or humiliates you in front of others or in private He/She puts you down (calls you fat, ugly, stupid, etc.)

Your partner always checks up or questions you about what you have been doing He/She looks through your belongings

• •

•

•

•

•

•

•

•

•

why do people put up with it?

“It’s not because they are flawed, stupid, foolish, wicked or too nice,” Jones said. “Some of the reasons for staying could be the belief that the abusive partner will change, guilt over ‘failing’ the relationship, financial reasons, fear of change, feeling responsible for the abuse, fear of harm to children, pets or self, fear of losing custody of children, social isolation, lack of information regarding community resources, or fear of being alone.”

Your partner tells you how to dress Your partner wrongfully accuses you of cheating Your partner prevents you from seeing your family and friends Your partner has scared you with violent behavior, like throwing things, punching the wall, physically restraining you You often do things to please your partner rather than doing what you think is right Your partners act like Prince or Princess Charming one minute, then a monster the next You are afraid to break up with your partner because he/she has threatened to hurt you, the children, the family pet, or himself/herself Your partner makes excuses for his/her abusive behavior Your partner pressures you into having sex or performing unwanted sexual acts Your partner tells you that if you changed he/she wouldn’t abuse you

fall 2013 | thesouthern.com/isis

43

Take Action, Help Others These SIU Interfraternity Council events raise awareness about domestic and sexual violence. All proceeds go to event partner, The Women’s Center.

THE SOUTHERN FILE PHOTO

Oluwatobi Ajoku — notice the red high heels! — shares a moment with Angela Shamhart before the 2012 Walk a Mile in Her Shoes event.

Fall 2013 Events What: Walk a Mile in Her Shoes Men walk in high heels to raise awareness and funds for domestic abuse When: 5 p.m. Thursday, Oct. 24 Where: Starts at Shryock on campus, walk to Downtown Pavilion What else: Information and speakers available What: Black Eye Awareness Event Women apply makeup to simulate what someone looks like after being abused. Participants hand out flyers highlighting the warning signs of abuse and how to get help.

When: Tuesday, Oct. 22 or Wednesday, Oct. 23 (tentative) For event details: Call Jacob Rose at 618-604-5099 or jwrose@siu.edu.

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fall 2013 | thesouthern.com/isis

How to tell your girlfriend what you really think

BY ME-CHELLE HALL AND CARA RECINE

who practices in Carbondale and St. Louis.

ou love your BFF, but how can you tell her what you really think? Especially, if it something you know she doesn’t want to hear?

“The best way for a friend to receive your words is to make them ‘I’ statements,” Vaillancourt says. “Don’t start with ‘You … ’” And, remember, be kind. You don’t want to add to the emotional stress your girl might be suffering from.

“One of my girlfriends has a boyfriend, and all of our friends think he’s emotionally abusing her,” said one Isis staff member. But how do you bring it up without bringing her down?

1. “I care …” shows that you do, indeed, care deeply for your friend and you want to help.

We’ve discovered something called the 5-Point Formula of Intervention, developed by the University of Arizona and the National Collegiate Athletic Association.

2. “I see …” gives you a way to express your objective observations without sharing any interpretation or judgement you might have made.

SIU alumna Lauren Jensen, who earned her doctorate in counseling psychology here, recommends these five points to have the talk. So, does Annette Vaillancourt, a psychologist and life coach

3. “I feel …” gives you an opportunity to empathize.

“I would tell her how I felt; for example, that I become scared or sad when she shares these abusive events with me,” says Vaillancourt. “Or, if I saw bruises on her face

or body, I might say, ‘This is really scary for me, and I feel like helping you.’” But, tread carefully. “Don’t say, ‘Go get help,’ but rather ‘Here’s contact information for a therapist I heard about,’” says Vaillancourt.

4. “I want …” lets her know you have only the best intentions and want to see her happier and healthier.

This step just might have the most potential for identifying changes that are necessary and attainable in her life. Talk about how those positive changes can improve her life.

5. “I will …” Perhaps the most powerful step of all. “This is where the friend can share what help they are willing to offer,” Vaillancourt says. “I will support you through this” could just be the best thing your friend could ever hear.

Follow up and follow through.

Your commitment to helping your friend is the best thing you can do. fall 2013 | thesouthern.com/isis

45

ISISFAMILY

Divorced? Keep the holiday spirit alive for the kids

I

f you are having a hard time with the fact that your family is no longer celebrating as a unit, together in one place, your children should be the last to know.

Here’s help from About.com for keeping your children in high holiday spirits:

Love your child first When George Strait sang, “If it weren’t for my two kids, I’d hate my ex-wife,” he knew what he was singing about. You may not be able to manage it at other times, but during the holidays, you need to love your children more than you hate your ex-spouse. Be an adult and put the needs and desires of your children above your needs and desires.

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fall 2013 | thesouthern.com/isis

Make the most of it Christmas can be a time of celebration shared with your children or it can be a time of navel gazing and pity parties. It is up to you what memories you build with your children.

Be cordial to the ex Parents who get along give their children the most important gift they will ever receive, during the holidays and every other day of the year. So, step up and take the high road for your children’s sake.

Involve your children in decision making Giving your children some control over how they spend their time lessens the stress of feeling out of control. Give

your child the option of bringing a friend along or planning activities with friends during their time with you.

Create new traditions Do away with holiday traditions that cause emotional pain for your children. Create new traditions that your children can look forward to doing with you in your home. Encourage their father to create his own traditions to share in the home he is making for his children.

Try a little tenderness Showing your children compassion for the sadness they might experience and teaching them coping strategies will not only help them through this first, post-divorce holiday season but also long after the holidays pass.

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ISISFAMILY

You better believe it!

Stay-at-home parents can return to a job loaded with experience and a great attitude

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fall 2013 | thesouthern.com/isis

BY LANA FRITSCH Like so many other parents across the country, in August I dropped Grace off at school for the very first time. For weeks, I struggled with the decision to enroll her in Pre-K. Deep down, I knew that it was the best decision for both of us, but part of me felt guilty and selfish for admitting that the time had come when Grace and I needed some time apart. She needed to be around kids her own age, and I needed to get reacquainted with who I was before I became a mother.

Three years ago, when I made the difficult decision to leave the workforce and stay at home to raise Grace while Jim attended law school, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Despite all of the warnings that life as a stay-at-home parent is one of the most arduous endeavors a person can take on, I was certain that people were exaggerating. In my naïve, brand-newmommy mind, I wondered how hard it could be to take care of a child. Staring into Grace’s tiny, newborn face there was no possible way I could have comprehended how difficult the job before me was going to be. Three years later, I sent my daughter, whom I love more than anything in this world, off to Pre-K because I couldn’t handle being a stay-at-home mother anymore.

Though it sounds cliché, the work of a stay-at-home parent is by far the hardest, most rewarding work I have ever done. To everyone out there who is taking on that task, I tip my hat to you. I know how bonetired you are when you lie down in bed at night. I know how rare it is for someone to tell you how great of a job you’ve been doing. I also know that admitting you feel overwhelmed, or that you want to enroll your

child in Pre-K to give yourself a breather, can make you feel like a parental failure. Trust me, you aren’t. Raising a child is admirable and insanely difficult.

But what has surprised me even more than the challenges that face stay-at-home parents is how daunting and scary it can be to go back into the workforce with a giant gap on your résumé. How do you explain your qualifications to an employer? Will they believe that the time during “the gap” was more educational to you than any lesson you ever received in school? Better yet, how do you convince someone that even though you haven’t been “working,” you are still completely qualified for the job for which you are applying and are used to working 40-hour work weeks with gobs of overtime?

I have a college education and tons of work experience, but when it came time to begin filling out résumés and creating professional portfolios, I felt intimidated and inadequate.

I was scared of rejection and of being labeled as “just a mom,” even though there is no such thing.

Then, one day, something changed.

I stopped listening to the voice inside of my head that filled me with self-doubt.

I realized that if someone didn’t want to hire me because I had chosen to take time off to raise my beautiful daughter, then that was their problem, not mine. They didn’t know that during the three -year space on my résumé I was developing the skills it takes to peacefully run a small country, feed the hungry, save lives and efficiently meet deadlines, all the while functioning on two hours of sleep. They didn’t know that I had become an expert in just about everything, a superhero to an amazing child — and that passing me over because I was “just a mom” was the biggest mistake they’d ever make.

LANA FRITSCH is a writer and a stay-at-home mom to a 3-year-old daughter. This Carbondale resident takes big bites out of life and any kind of dessert she can get her hands on. Her blog, Monday’s Nugget, can be found at www.mondaysnugget.com.

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ISISWELLNESS

Stay in the black this holiday season Follow these rules and you’ll have a happy wallet to start the new year.

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ou don't have to be a Grinch. We've all felt it: The pressure to spend more money on holiday gifts than we have or know we should spend. So, why do we do it? About.com has some ideas. Do any of these sound familiar?

IGNORANCE IS BLISS Many people truly don’t realize how much money they’re spending until later — when the credit card bills come in January.

And, just as many are unaware of their overall financial situation. They have no clue how much money to allot for holiday gifts, so they just buy what seems right at the time and pay for it later.

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PROVING OUR LOVE We tend to equate gifts with love. While there’s a kernel of truth to this, it tends to add up pretty quickly. Does this sound familiar? “I spent $XX on Billy, so I need to spend that much on Caitlin.” Pretty reasonable, but, the real problems begin when you start to include just about everyone on your list in this scenario.

GIVING IS UNSELFISH, RIGHT? Buying gifts for loved ones — especially children — can be tempting for the vicarious thrill it provides. How many of us have found ourselves buying our children toys we only wish we had had during our own childhoods? The holiday season of giving provides the perfect excuse to do that a little more than necessary.

Here are some holiday shopping stress-relief tips, and cheap holiday gift ideas you may want to try!

Draw names for gifts Ask those who resist to try it for one year. They may be pleasantly surprised at how a simplified gift list reduces their stress and stretches their money.

Give handmade gifts You will not only save money, but you will provide a more meaningful gift. We cherish, for example, the framed artwork our son gives us.

Give gifts of time A certificate good for a car wash or baby sitting or lawn mowing or a date with your daughter or a fishing trip with your son are all great gifts of time.

Shop for whole families How about a museum membership for your sister’s family rather than buying gifts for each person? Or, maybe chip in with another sibling to get your nieces and nephews one expensive gift from both of you. Organize an exchange in which you draw names and only shop for one family member rather than all. You can up the spending limit, so you’ll all be giving (and receiving) a nicer gift.

BUT IT'S EXPECTED! Whatever the cause, many of us feel high expectations to spend more. Maybe the ante is upped each year, or we may not notice if our standards — and the level of expectation we set in others — go up, but some of the holiday spending we see may be an effort to meet high expectations that we never think to challenge.

WHAT ELSE CAN I DO? We may endure the stress of going into debt, because we see no alternative — "Everyone does it; we’ve done it for so long now; it’s just something to accept." The alternative — not exchanging gifts for the holidays — seems extremely Grinch-like, doesn’t it? This year, in the interest of keeping stress levels — and debt levels — manageable, experiment with some new ways of spending less during the holiday season, while still retaining the giving, loving spirit of the holidays.

Couldn’t resist too much spending?

Try these three ways to attack holiday debt If you end up feeling guilty, discouraged and disappointed by your over-the-top Christmas spending, Southern Illinois certified financial planner Joe Plemon has some suggestions to make it right. They might be not easy, but it will be worth it, personally and financially.

1. Scrutinize your budget January is a great time to rework your budget anyway, so focus on finding new cash flow you can use toward your debt.

Vow to stop eating out or going to movies until the debt disappears.

2. Sell stuff If you haven't used it or worn it in the past year, you probably don't need it. Classified ads in your newspaper or online are great ways to not only clear clutter from your house, but find money.

3. Work an extra job or work overtime at your existing job It’s not forever; do it only until the debt is gone.

The harder you work, the quicker it will go away.

fall 2013 | thesouthern.com/isis

51

ISISWELLNESS

eat drink & be healthy Expand your repertoire (not your waistline) during party season

By Beth Michaels

The holidays are right around the corner — and so are those tasty treats we look forward to every year.

People have traditionally celebrated the remembrance of special events with extravagant feasts, fancy drinks and decadent desserts. Enjoying these favorites without compromising health and weight can be a challenge, but employing a few smart strategies over the next several months can help us savor some of our favorite holiday treats without the subsequent guilt and extra pounds resulting from excessive indulgence:

EAT THE REAL THING AND SAVOR IT

A low-calorie, fat-free, sugar-free, low-sodium, high-fiber rendition of your beloved cheesecake is probably not going to bring the same level of satisfaction as you’d hoped, and you will be more likely to overeat to try to attain it.

Choose your favorite treat and savor a small amount slowly, enjoying every bite.

RAMP UP THE ACTIVITY

While you probably aren’t going to burn enough calories to eat whatever you want, doing some extra strength training, walking — and, no, shopping doesn’t count!

— or other cardiovascular exercise will help to offset some of the damage.

PICK YOUR BATTLES

Don’t waste 250 calories on a stale, store-bought cookie just because it’s there. Prioritize your absolute favorites and leave the rest alone.

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EAT LOTS OF VEGGIES

Sweet potato casserole topped with marshmallows?

Not so much. But, an array of broccoli, cauliflower, celery, carrots, beets and other non-starchy choices are a great way to fill up on highly nutritious foods while making only a minimal dent in your calorie budget.

FIND NEW (NON-FOOD) TRADITIONS

Most of us don’t love the food itself so much as the feelings and memories they evoke. These same great traditions can be established through family games, decorating, making/giving gifts, singing or dancing or volunteering together.

Getting caught up in the fun just might take your mind off food!

BETH MICHAELS

is a registered dietitian in Southern Illinois. Find her at www.nourishingpassions.com.

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ISISLIVING

Bring the Vineyard Home Interior design just might be the easiest way to incorporate the vineyard into your life. Some of us just don’t like to add too much color to our closets or our makeup bags, and that’s OK! What works so well about the colors of fall is that, when used in decorating, they will still look great come summer. If you want to splurge on a red couch, go for it. Or maybe you’ve been spying a violet area rug. We support you! When it comes to your home, let your own aesthetic be your guide.

Trademark Fine Art 11” x 14” Mulberry-USA States Text Map Framed Matted Art, $49.99, Home Depot; Fiesta Scarlet Dinnerware Chili Bowl, $7.50, Dillard’s; Bolo Glass Vase Short, $34.99, Target

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Threshold Trenton Saddle Counter Stool, set of 2 Red. $74,99, Target

Purple Felt Flower Pillow, sLove of Family and Home of Carbondale, $28,95, Etsy

Bocasa Sunrise Cushions Berry, $49.99, Bed Bath & Beyond

Windowpane 22� Square Decorative Toss Pillow Red, $24.99, Bed Bath & Beyond

Upcycled Tile Mini Photo Frame Green and Orange Mosaic

by Ekra of Carbondale, $16, Etsy

Artland Iris Margarita, set of 4, $35.49, K-Mart;

Green Bird Plate, Pier 1 Imports, $5

fall 2013 | thesouthern.com/isis

55

ISISWELLNESS

Use that body, baby With bodyweight training, the only equipment you really need is you.

BY RANA DAUNIS

T

he hustle and bustle of modern life offers a plethora of excuses for not exercising. Between work, kids and a social life (if you’re lucky), there are days when taking care of ourselves is the furthest thing from our minds. Pam Hall, a personal trainer at World of Fitness in Herrin, believes bodyweight training is an easy, effective way to whip your body back into shape.

What is bodyweight training?

According to WebMd.com, bodyweight training is exercise that uses minimal or no equipment; it can include push-ups, pullups, planks, squats and sit-ups.

Your body is, quite literally, the only equipment you need for your workout. According to Pam, who has been a trainer for six years and has taught aerobics for 20 years, “Anybody can do any of these exercises at any level. You’d be surprised how

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much of a workout it is without equipment. Very few gymnasts I know lift weights, but they are very muscular. It’s because they use their body weight.”

How to get started at home Trying bodyweight training on your own is simple. Put on some gym shoes and find a room in your house or an outdoor area with lots of space. “I advise people to do four-minute bursts of exercise,” Pam explains, “Whether you are doing jumping jacks, push-ups or squats, work hard for 20 seconds, then rest for 10 seconds. Do this over and over for four minutes.”

After you finish your first four minutes, try something else for another four minutes.

“The harder you push yourself, the faster you will see results. But if you just want to get back in the groove of exercising, go at the pace that feels right for you.”

How can a trainer help?

Here’s what Pam has to say: “Our purpose as trainers is to show you proper form. You can pick up a box and set it on a shelf, but it might not be the proper form, and, worse, it could hurt you. When most people do push ups, for example, they say that it hurts their arms. But I always tell my clients to get into it.

Use your chest, use your abs, allow your entire body to put effort toward that push-ups, not only your arm muscles. A lot of times your brain doesn’t know what to do, but a trainer will remind you to correct your form — over and over, if we need to — so you use as many muscles as possible.

This greatly increases the impact of your workout, so you will see results faster.

Of course, we encourage you and we support you. We are on your team. Trainers offer accountability. We are expecting you to come to your sessions; it is more difficult to cancel plans with someone you know than it is to give yourself excuses.”

“big girls need big diamonds.”

–Elizabeth Taylor

send your significant other to us and we guar antee you won’t be disappointed in what he gives you. after all, christmas is just around the corner...

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985-8331

Hours: Mon.-Fri. 9-6, Sat. 9-5 yjeweler.com fall 2013 | thesouthern.com/isis

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