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S U N DAY, J U N E 1 6 , 2 0 1 3 | PA R A D E .C O M

Happy FATHER’S DAY!

DARIUS RUCKER

A SOLDIER’S FAREWELL TO HIS SONS ✤

GRILLED CHEESE WITH DAD HUNGRY?

DOWNLOAD OUR FREE GRILLING APP AT DASHRECIPES.COM/GRILLAPP

ON THE JOY OF COUNTRY MUSIC THE AGONY OF GOLF AND WHAT BEING A FATHER REALLY MEANS TO HIM

“My number one job is to make sure my kids are happy.”

© PARADE Publications 2013. All rights reserved.

S

PARADE

SUNDAY

FREEBIE

Find out what she has to say about her idol, Patsy Cline, at parade.com/rimes

Pixar flick Monsters, Inc. (in theaters June 21).

“I get so into character that I forget it’s even there.” So has anyone told the star that he looks like the furry blue monster?

“Fortunately, that hasn’t happened yet.”

Enter for a chance to win a Funny Girl Blu-ray signed by Barbra Streisand at parade.com/win

A: The star of the hit TLC show Cake Boss (Mondays) credits his success not to a mixer or spatula—“90 percent of my decorating relies on a good [pastry] turntable.” Go to parade .com/cakeboss to find out Buddy’s favorite model.

Jordin Sparks and Jason Derulo

WALTER SCOTT ASKS…

LEANN RIMES The singer, 30, has a new album, Spitfire, out on June 4; it includes performances by Alison Krauss, Jeff Beck, and Rob Thomas.

How did you come up with the name of the album? I felt like I’d had tape over my mouth for a while. Once I ripped it off, emotions came pouring out of me in rapid fire.

Were you worried any songs might be too controversial? “Borrowed” was one of the first songs I wrote on this album [the song is about Rimes’s extramarital affair with

her now husband, actor Eddie Cibrian, 40]. I was terrified writing it. I was bawling and thinking, “I can’t say this.” My writing partners encouraged me to be honest, and once I wrote it, nothing was off-limits.

So, much of your inspiration comes from your own life? Yeah. I used to get mad at the tabloids, but I should be thanking them because they helped me write this whole record. I’m also a horrible friend because I use my pals’ experiences for songs. They’ll call me for advice, and I’ll be like, “Hold on. I need to grab a pen!”

What’s your idea of the perfect weekend?

Hopping on Eddie’s Harley and riding on the Pacific Coast Highway along the beach with him. It’s the best!

Q: How does Jordin Sparks feel about boyfriend Jason Derulo writing songs about her? —Peggy S., Fairfax, Va. A: “When ‘The Other Side’ comes on, I get this big, cheesy grin on my face. I know he was thinking about me when he wrote it,” says Sparks, 23. The former American Idol winner says Derulo, also 23, inspires her own writing. “We love being able to support each other in what we do.”

Q: What’s Buddy Valastro’s favorite kitchen tool?

—Regina M., Dover, Del.

Buddy Valastro

Q: Did Aaron Tveit learn to surf for his role on Graceland? —Tom P., Daytona Beach, Fla. A: “My character is an East Coast guy who hasn’t surfed before. That’s exactly how I am,” says the actor, 29, who wowed film audiences as Enjolras in Les Misérables and stars on the USA show (Thursdays).

“All the wiping out and face planting you see on TV are my real surf skills!”

Aaron Tveit (left)

Q: Were some of James s “Sulley” Sullivan’s facial al expressions in Monsters rs University based on John Goodman?

—Peter B., Pierre, S.D. A: “Yes—there’s a

< John Goodman and Sulley

vvideo camera in the booth recording us as we read re the script,” says the actor, 60, who reprises his role as the voice of Sulley in the prequel to the 2001

SUNDAY FREEBIE: NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. TO ENTER, GO TO PARADE.COM/WIN. STARTS 5:00 P.M. ET, 6/14/13, AND ENDS 4:59 P.M. ET, 6/21/13. OPEN TO LEGAL RESIDENTS OF THE 50 UNITED STATES (D.C.) 13 YEARS AND OLDER, EXCEPT EMPLOYEES OF SPONSOR, THEIR IMMEDIATE FAMILIES, AND THOSE LIVING IN THE SAME HOUSEHOLD. ODDS OF WINNING DEPEND ON THE NUMBER OF ENTRIES RECEIVED. VOID OUTSIDE THE 50 UNITED STATES (D.C.) AND WHERE PROHIBITED. A.R.V. OF THE 5 PRIZES: $14.99 EACH. SPONSOR: PARADE PUBLICATIONS. PHOTOS, CLOCKWISE FROM TOP LEFT: SARA HERTEL; JON KOPALOFF/FILMMAGIC; JOHN LAMPARSKI/GETTY IMAGES; USA NETWORK; DISNEY • PIXAR; KEVIN WINTER/GETTY IMAGES

TER WA L

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2 | JUNE 16, 2013

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© PARADE Publications 2013. All rights reserved.

ZOMBIES!

Parade

A TIMELINE

1968

READING CORNER

SUMMER

PLAYLIST Mariah Carey feat. Miguel “#Beautiful” This slow jam is an ode to sexy summer nights.

Macklemore & Ryan Lewis “Can’t Hold Us” Get hyped to this hardand-fast follow-up to the rapper’s breakthrough single “Thrift Shop.”

Florida Georgia Line “Cruise (Remix) featuring Nelly” Nelly cranks the party to 11 on this remix of spring’s chart topper.

Daft Punk “Get Lucky” Pharrell Williams’s vocals ride the disco groove of these French electronic pioneers.

FOR MORE SONGS, GO TO

parade.com/playlist

Bazooka Joe and His Gang This little book celebrates the cast of cartoon characters that have kept Bazooka chewers chuckling for six decades (the comics will be replaced by brain teasers and activities this year). It’s a sweet treat for your inner kid.

Lincoln Unbound Exploring Lincoln’s dedication to the values of hard work, discipline, and self-determination, National Review editor Rich Lowry argues that following the example of the president who led us away from slavery can help us escape our current economic malaise.

The World’s Strongest Librarian This memoir has a funny premise—a 6-foot-7 bookworm competes at weight lifting—and often hilarious writing. But author Josh Hanagarne’s daily battle with Tourette’s syndrome is no joke.

You’ll be moved by his resilience and his family’s unflagging love. (Watch our interview with Hanagarne at parade.com/librarian.)

1983

Thriller MJ’s epic video set the bar high with creepy effects and landmark choreography. What was groundbreaking: Dancing ghouls.

2002

28 Days Later 9/11 and history’s plagues resonate in this tale of survival in a Britain overrun by zombie-like “infected.” What was groundbreaking: A happy (or at least hopeful) ending.

2004

Shaun of the Dead London slackers are slow to notice zombies in their midst (they mistake one for a drunk). What was groundbreaking: Hilarity.

2010

The Walking Dead Survivors band together amid a zombie takeover. What was groundbreaking: Soapy drama among the principals.

2013

World War Z Brad Pitt’s UN official fights a zombie pandemic. What’s groundbreaking: Brad + zombies = box office gold?

BEST GRADUATION G SPEECH CH

Heard a good g one? Submit a video owntheroom.com. The best valedictorians will to ow score an iPad; the winning speakers scor eakers will earn their college $5,000 worth of publicc speaking training. colle Check out the top five talks of 2013 (from Clinton Ch tto Colbert) at parade.com/grad. /grad.

ROGUE PICTURES/EVERETT COLLECTION; GENE PAGE/AMC; PARAMOUNT PICTURES; LAST RESORT/GETTY IMAGES

A TRIBUTE TO SALLY RIDE | Thirty years ago Tuesday, Ride became the first American woman to fly into space. Biographer Lynn Sherr reflects on that historic day at parade.com/sally.

PHOTOS, CLOCKWISE FROM LEFT: RED HUBER/ORLANDO SENTINEL/MCT VIA GETTY IMAGES; EVERETT COLLECTION; PHOTOS 12/ALAMY; MARY EVANS/RONALD GRANT/EVERETT COLLECTION;

L I K E U S O N FA C E B O O K AT FA C E B O O K . C O M / PA R A D E M A G

Night of the Living Dead Corpses rise from the grave, and they’re hungry. This low-budget flick still hits a nerve. What was groundbreaking: Biting social commentary.

4 | JUNE 16,, 2013 2013

© PARADE Publications 2013. All rights reserved.

SOMETHING NEW IS BREWING IN THE MORNING

CHRIS CUOMO

KATE BOLDUAN

STARTS MONDAY, JUNE 17 WEEKDAYS 6-9AM/ET

TM & © 2013 Cable News Network. A Time Warner Company. All rights reserved.

MICHAELA PEREIRA

CNN.com/NewDay © PARADE Publications 2013. All rights reserved.

Coins shown much larger than actual size of 38.1 mm in diameter.

your coin will be presented in an archival quality case.

PCS STAMPS & COINS By acting fast you can receive an 1889 Uncirculated Morgan Silver Dollar for just $39.95 — quite a value versus the regular price of $90 (plus $4.90 shipping and service). This is one of the historic silver dollars minted between 1878 and 1935. Since then the U.S. Mint has never issued a 90% silver dollar for circulation. Collectors have been hoarding desirable Morgan Silver Dollars for more than a century. With the price of silver having skyrocketed, these precious silver dollars are certain to be more coveted than ever!

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PCS Stamps & Coins 47 Richards Avenue Norwalk, CT 06857

RESERVATION APPLICATION Product/Offer Code

USD/M067/

YES! Send my 1889 Uncirculated Morgan Silver Dollar for just $39.95, with no obligation to purchase anything else.

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Slathering on sunscreen isn’t your only UV defense. Turns out your diet can also protect your skin.

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DON’T DELAY!

How can we afford to offer this 1889 Uncirculated Morgan Silver Dollar for such a deep discount? The reason is simple, and good business. We know that owning just one rare and beautiful historic U.S. silver dollar is enough to convince many people to purchase additional silver dollars from us. Should you not claim your 1889 Uncirculated Morgan Silver Dollar, you may never see this opportunity again. Reply today!

Strawberries They’re deliciously sweet this time of year, and according to research, a cupful of berries a day may offer a healthy dose of sun-guarding antioxidants called anthocyanins.

Tomatoes They’re rich in a powerful antioxidant called lycopene. For the highest dose, choose tomatoes in a cooked form, like tomato paste: In one study, participants who ate five tablespoons of

the stuff every day for 12 weeks suffered significantly less sunburn than a control group.

Chocolate Yet another reason to go to the dark side: Researchers found that subjects who drank a daily cocoa beverage containing the equivalent of 3.5 ounces of dark chocolate, which is high in disease-fighting antioxidants called flavanols, had less skin damage from UV light than those who drank a placebo.

Fish In a recent experiment, participants took either four grams of omega-3 fatty acids (about 1.5 portions of oily

Coins shown larger than actual size of 38.1 mm in diameter.

your coin will be presented in an archival quality case.

PCS STAMPS & COINS

© MBI

fish like salmon) or a placebo daily for three months before being exposed to a light machine. Fish oil doubled the body’s immune protection against low UV levels.

Leafy greens Greens are a top source of betacarotene, an antioxidant that may help reduce the risk of sunburn, studies show. Max out the benefits by quickcooking greens and tossing them in olive oil, both of which help your body better absorb the skin-strengthening nutrients.

—Karen Asp

Smart Move of the Week There’s an app for everything these days, including some that purport to help determine whether that mole is perfectly normal—or potentially cancerous. But using your smartphone for skin cancer detection is dicey: A 2013 study looked at four apps and found that three incorrectly labeled at least 30 percent of melanomas as A-OK. If you have a suspicious mole, your first stop should be a dermatologist, not the app store.

PHOTOS, FROM TOP: STEVE WISBAUER/GETTY IMAGES; STUART MINZEY/GETTY IMAGES

By acting fast you can receive an 1889 Uncirculated Morgan Silver Dollar for just $39.95 — quite a value versus the regular price of $90 (plus $4.90 shipping and service). This is one of the historic silver dollars minted between 1878 and 1935. Since then the U.S. Mint has never issued a 90% silver dollar for circulation. Collectors have been hoarding desirable Morgan Silver Dollars for more than a century. With the price of silver having skyrocketed, these precious silver dollars are certain to be more coveted than ever!

6 | JUNE 16, 2013

© PARADE Publications 2013. All rights reserved.

NEUROPATHY FOOT PAIN? If you suffer from neuropathy, or pain in that have been aching me for months. I your feet due to nerve damage, you should know that help is available. 20 million Americans suffer from neuropathy and put up with the pain because they are not aware of this proven treatment.

MagniLife® Pain Relieving Foot Cream contains key ingredients, such as eucalyptus oil and yellow jasmine, known to relieve tingling, numbness, and discomfort while also restoring cracked, damaged, and itchy skin. Results are so fantastic, long-time sufferers are seeing improvements for the ¿UVW WLPH LQ \HDUV “I tried it on both heels

loved it, both my heels have been happy and so am I. I thank you for this foot cream it works wonders.” – Paulette S., CA. MagniLife® Pain Relieving Foot Cream is available at Walgreens and Rite Aid Pharmacy. You can also order risk free for $19.99 (plus $5.95 S&H) for a 4 oz jar. Get a FREE jar when you order two for $39.98 (plus $9.95 S&H). Send payment to: MagniLife PC-P1, PO Box 6789, McKinney, TX 75071 or call 1-800-648-3460. Satisfaction guaranteed or return the jars within 90 days for a full refund.

Order now at www.PRFootCream.com.

accompanied by an irresistible urge to move are keeping you from falling asleep, you may have Restless Legs Syndrome (RLS).

Affecting more than 30 million Americans, RLS causes symptoms such as creepy, crawly, tingling and pulling sensations that urge you to move your legs when resting.

MagniLife® Restless Legs Cream allows you to rest comfortably again. Massage it into your legs and feet to relieve and soothe the symptoms of RLS. Formulated to allow IRU DEVRUSWLRQ RI VSHFL¿F YLWDPLQV DQG PLQerals that provide relief from those painful and annoying sensations. Infused with La-

for relaxation so you can get a good night’s sleep. “Your Restless Legs Cream is wonderful! It has helped me so much in getting a decent night’s sleep.” – M. Segal, CA. MagniLife® Restless Legs Cream is available at Rite Aid Pharmacy. You can also order risk free for $19.99 (plus $5.95 S&H) for a 4 oz jar. Get a FREE jar when you order two for $39.98 (plus $9.95 S&H).

Send payment to: MagniLife RC-P1, PO Box 6789, McKinney, TX 75071 or call 1-800-648-3460. Satisfaction guaranteed or return the jars within 90 days for a full refund. Order now at www.RLScream.com.

RESTLESS LEGS SYNDROME? If uncomfortable sensations in your legs vandula Angustifolia and other essential oils

Healthy Stay

EDIBLE SPF

Slathering on sunscreen isn’t your only UV defense. Turns out your diet can also protect your skin.

Strawberries They’re deliciously sweet this time of year, and according to research, a cupful of berries a day may offer a healthy dose of sun-guarding antioxidants called anthocyanins.

Tomatoes They’re rich in a powerful antioxidant called lycopene. For the highest dose, choose tomatoes in a cooked form, like tomato paste: In one study, participants who ate five tablespoons of

the stuff every day for 12 weeks suffered significantly less sunburn than a control group.

Chocolate Yet another reason to go to the dark side: Researchers found that subjects who drank a daily cocoa beverage containing the equivalent of 3.5 ounces of dark chocolate, which is high in disease-fighting antioxidants called flavanols, had less skin damage from UV light than those who drank a placebo.

Fish In a recent experiment, participants took either four grams of omega-3 fatty acids (about 1.5 portions of oily

fish like salmon) or a placebo daily for three months before being exposed to a light machine. Fish oil doubled the body’s immune protection against low UV levels.

Leafy greens Greens are a top source of betacarotene, an antioxidant that may help reduce the risk of sunburn, studies show. Max out the benefits by quickcooking greens and tossing them in olive oil, both of which help your body better absorb the skin-strengthening nutrients.

—Karen Asp

Smart Move of the Week There’s an app for everything these days, including some that purport to help determine whether that mole is perfectly normal—or potentially cancerous. But using your smartphone for skin cancer detection is dicey: A 2013 study looked at four apps and found that three incorrectly labeled at least 30 percent of melanomas as A-OK. If you have a suspicious mole, your first stop should be a dermatologist, not the app store.

PHOTOS, FROM TOP: STEVE WISBAUER/GETTY IMAGES; STUART MINZEY/GETTY IMAGES

ADVERTISEMENT

6 | JUNE 16, 2013

© PARADE Publications 2013. All rights reserved.

Ask Marilyn

By Marilyn vos Savant

Experts on information technology security advise frequent password changes. But why would the new password be any more secure than the old one? —Perry Penton, CARTOON: LEO CULLUM

Smyrna, Ga.

So many factors are involved! Let’s make two assumptions.

First, you’re an ordinary citizen and no

experts are targeting you. Second, you’re already exercising caution: (a) You have a completely different password for each website that is important to protect, such as banks and credit cards, shopping sites with payment data, email accounts, etc.; and (b) all of your passwords are strong.

Frequent changing of those passwords provides little benefit because a hacker who manages to break into one account usually won’t be able to break into the others

anyway. The change would only limit the number of days he or she has access to that one account, so even a weekly change, which would be big effort for you, wouldn’t help much: Hackers can get everything they want from an account in minutes.

But if you use the same garden-variety password everywhere, changing often— unless you do something obvious, like adding a character to the end of the old password—will help, but not because it will be harder to

break into any one account. Rather, a hacker will be slowed accessing your other accounts, unless you make the switch to all your passwords at once, which will have the opposite effect.

Regardless, it never hurts to change a password.

You never know: Maybe someone (an ex-intimate?) has quietly obtained it and is simply monitoring an account— reading your email or whatever. If that gives you the willies, you can’t change too often, can you?

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© PARADE Publications 2013. All rights reserved.

BY MATT HENDRICKSON COVER & OPENING PHOTOGRAPHS

BY DAVID McCLISTER

On the Right Course A HARDSCRABBLE CHILDHOOD HELPED DARIUS RUCKER FIND HIS PASSION FOR MUSIC—AND A DESIRE TO BE THE KIND OF FATHER HE NEVER HAD

It’s a gorgeous spring day at the Vanderbilt Legends golf club outside Nashville, but Darius Rucker’s mood is more like partly cloudy with a chance of thundershowers. “I’m a really good golfer,” he says sarcastically as he jams his putter down into his golf bag.

“Just awful.” The former Hootie & the Blowfish singer turned country music star just blew a short putt for birdie, sending the ball skittering past the hole by a good six feet. Though there’s no money involved—he’s just playing for fun—the missed shot irks him.

“Golf is the greatest but most maddening sport there is,” he says, rubbing his gray-specked goatee in frustration.

A sports fanatic and a pal of Tiger Woods’s, Rucker plays golf nearly every day. When his wife, Beth, asked him what he wanted to do on 8 | JUNE 16, 2013

© PARADE Publications 2013. All rights reserved.

FINDING HIS GROOVE

A friend’s dad taught Rucker how to play golf when he was 14. Like music, the game became a lifelong passion.

© PARADE Publications 2013. All rights reserved.

T

his is a high-five kind of time in Rucker’s life.

With “Wagon Wheel,” his cover of an iconic alt-country anthem first made famous by Nashville band Old Crow Medicine Show, he has his sixth No. 1 song in five years. And the single, off his new album, True Believers, isn’t just popular in the U.S.: “We’re No. 1 in Canada!” he says, holding up his iPhone to show a text from his manager.

A few hours after finishing his round of golf, Rucker arrives at a Nashville club, where he’ll play “Wagon Wheel” four times for a CMA Music Festival special to air on ABC. Then he’ll climb back on his tour bus for the nine-hour trip back to Charleston. He wants to get there in time to cook breakfast for his kids. “It doesn’t get much easier,” he says. “Play one song and then sleep all the way home.”

It wasn’t always such a smooth

about his album even before it came out. “We were recording and I went out for a couple of beers, and people would come up to me and say, ‘I was talking to Brad Paisley the other day and he said how great your record is.’

I was like, ‘That’s crazy. Why would Brad Paisley think to talk to somebody about my record?’ ” Rucker, who spent almost two years as an opening act for the country superstar, now calls Paisley his best friend in the industry. “He’s one of the good guys,” Rucker says.

“That comes from the way he was raised. I know his mom and dad, and he was raised right.”

PARTY OF FIVE Rucker at his Charleston home with daughter Cary

(middle), wife Beth, and their two kids, Jack and Daniela.

ride. Rucker and three friends at the front of the radio memorizing University of Charleston formed lyrics to R&B and rock songs, and Hootie & the Blowfish in 1986, tracks from country stars like Buck and the band enjoyed monstrous Owens. “My oldest brother [would success in the ’90s with three plati- say], ‘Man, why are you listening to num albums (their 1994 release that white boy music?’ ” Rucker Cracked Rear View went platinum recalls. “But my mom would tell 16 times over). But by the early him to leave me alone, to let me 2000s, they found their audience listen to what I wanted to listen to.” tiring of their pop roots–inflected Rucker’s wife prodded him to songs. Their shows still drew decent make a country record, something crowds, but the fans only wanted he’d often mentioned as a pie-inthe old hits; any new songs caused the-sky dream. “He had to put hima race to the beer line. Hootie & the self out there to start over, and that’s Blowfish put out their last studio really hard once you’ve already had album in 2005, then in 2008 success,” says Beth, who met Rucker decided to take an extended break. in 1998 while she was working at “I was really at a point where I didn’t VH1 in New York (he chased her know if I could keep doing for a year before she agreed to go [music],” he says. “I’d been out with him). “He’s a great to the mountaintop. It singer and he writes great might have been time to songs. He had to do it.” do something else.”

Buoyed by his wife’s But Rucker wasn’t able support, Rucker wrote to give up music, which more than 70 tunes Rucker talks about his love for his had been a fixture in and recorded his kids, comic books, his life since child2008 country debut, and Barry Manilow at parade.com/rucker hood. As a kid, he Learn to Live. would sit for hours in Nashville was abuzz

R

ucker thinks a lot about the parent who raised him. His mother, Carolyn, a nurse, took care of him and his five half-siblings with help from Rucker’s grandmother and, at times, her two sisters and their families. At one point, there were 18 people living in a three-bedroom house in Charleston. “We didn’t have a lot, but we had everything we needed,” he says. Rucker’s mother was steadfast in her support of her son’s musical aspirations, even when Rucker dropped out of the University of South Carolina to focus on Hootie. “She said, ‘I hope you go back, but you know, do what you gotta do,’ ” says Rucker. “If I hadn’t had that, I don’t think I would be here right now.” (She died in 1992.)

What was missing in his life was his father. Rucker says he would go long periods—often days, sometimes months—without seeing him. His mother was the one who went to all of Rucker’s football games, choir concerts, and early gigs. Rucker says he never asked his mother where Dad was because he knew his father would just show up

COVER AND INSIDE: WARDROBE STYLING AND GROOMING, GINA KETCHUM. PHOTO, THIS PAGE: TRAVIS DEW

his 47th birthday last month, the answer was easy: play 36 holes at his hometown club in Charleston, S.C. (To help him work out postround kinks, she had a massage therapist waiting at home.) On Saturdays, he plays a shorter game with daughter Daniela, 12, and son, Jack, 8 (Rucker’s 18-year-old daughter, Cary, lives with her mother in Baltimore but visits often). “We usually only play nine because that’s all Dani wants to do,” he says, laughing. “And Jack just hacks around.”

Talking about his kids elevates Rucker’s game. He starts nailing shot after shot with lethal accuracy.

When one of his playing partners nearly drains a hole-in-one at the 175-yard par-3 fifth hole, it’s game on. “Yes!” Rucker bellows, slapping him a high-five. “Now we’re playing some good golf!”

10 | JUNE 16, 2013

© PARADE Publications 2013. All rights reserved.

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To watch a video about Lt. Col. Weber, go to parade.com/sons

By Lt. Col. Mark M. Weber

“What I Hope You’ll Remember” A dying father tries to explain a timeless truth to his sons: They’ll likely understand him better when they’re older

All Together Lt. Col. Weber and his wife, Kristin, with their three sons at a celebration in honor of the U.S. Army’s 237th birthday last summer.

A

fter a routine physical revealed that Lt. Col. Mark M. Weber had stage IV cancer, the 41-year-old dad began writing a letter to his boys, Matthew, Noah, and Joshua. That letter became a book called Tell My Sons, filled with the advice he wouldn’t be able to share in person. In this excerpt, Weber recounts what he learned from his own dad.

How my brothers and I didn’t end up murdered by our father is

beyond me. All indications are that we deserved it. I once heard him yell that we owed him at least $15,000 for all the doors, vehicle interiors, furnishings, and tools we had destroyed. When I was 8 or 9, something snapped in him that showed us he was done with words. He cut off a piece of one of our hockey sticks and carved it into the instrument we knew forever after as “the Stick.”

I can’t recall how many times we actually “got the Stick,” but just the idea of it was breathtaking.

“I love you” was not something my dad said, nor something I would have believed if he had. He spent most of his time working on his race car, fishing or hunting, or playing softball.

He wasn’t an absent father; he was just always busy. We were welcome to tag along if we wanted, but there were no fond entreaties from him.

And if we went along, we’d better bring lunch and a roll of toilet paper, because it was going to be a marathon.

When I think about my own mixed emotions and imperfect memories of my dad, I do wonder what you all will remember about me.

This is a timeless consideration that is best illustrated by a quote attributed to Mark Twain: “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”

I won’t be here when you turn 21. That’s the age when I was only starting to grasp the virtue in my dad’s words and actions.

As an adult, I watched him build his own home after he retired from construction.

Despite a body worn hard by dozens of Minnesota winters, he went right back to working 10hour days, for himself. Helping him with that house provided a hundred clues about a simple wisdom I was blind to in my youth.

He heats his home with wood, and cuts and splits every piece of oak that goes into that furnace.

When the fishing is good in late winter, he uses a ladder to cross open water to reach the receding ice. He’s a perfectionist, and his sense of pride is often too much for his ego to handle, but when he takes on a task, you can bet it will be done exceptionally well.

When I hear people call him crazy for ignoring a warning about what can’t or shouldn’t be done, I can only nod and smile, because I’ve heard those same words as a soldier, a husband and father, and a cancer patient.

Our man-to-man experiences helped me temper my immature memories of him. His “madness” was actually about taking calculated risks, often choosing a path of difficulty and challenge over comfort, being literally and figuratively willing to walk on thin ice and relying on actions over words to get things done.

I know your memories of me may be dominated by visions of the same hard hand my dad held over me, and naturally I want you to see virtue in my madness. I can only hope my stories about his actions will help you see the wisdom (and feel the love) in mine.

From the book Tell My Sons by Lt. Col. Mark M. Weber. Copyright © 2013 by Mark Weber.

Reprinted by arrangement with Ballantine Books, an imprint of the Random House Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved.

PHOTO: COURTESY OF LT. COL. MARK M. WEBER

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when he felt like it. Wondering was wasted energy.

“He was just living his life, I guess,” says Rucker. That life included a 15-year gap in which he didn’t see his son at all, Rucker adds, until one night in 1994 when he showed up backstage before a Hootie concert. Rucker and bandmate Dean Felber were eating dinner, and Rucker’s father just pulled up a chair. “I go, ‘Hey, how you doing?’ And he’s just, ‘Hey, how you doing?’ ” Rucker recalls. “I said, ‘Well, Dean, this is my dad.’ Dean looked at him and said, ‘I never thought I’d meet you.’ ” Rucker eventually found peace with his father’s absence: “I’m not mad at him or anything.

I thank him for teaching me what not to do because now I just want to be with my kids all of the time.”

Indeed, whereas Rucker never knew when his dad would drop in, he is “crazy” about staying in touch with his family. He talks to his oldest daughter every day, and texts constantly with all three kids, chiming in with a simple “What’s going on?” At home, he plays basketball and football with Jack, or watches movies with Dani. “We just finished all of The Lord of the Rings,” he says. “She cried five times during the last one.”

Rucker says he’s “always trying to be there” for his kids. “I hope they always know they can ask, ‘Dad, do you want to ... ?’

And that my answer is ‘Yes.’ You know: ‘Dad, do you want to go to a movie?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Dad, do you want to play football?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Dad, do you … ?’ YES.’ ”

If you knew now what you’ll know then, you’d probably do one little thing to prevent Alzheimer’s disease from happening to you.

Even if no one in your family has had Alzheimer’s disease, you are still at risk.

In fact, one in eight baby boomers will face it. But with your help and some little things like donations and clicks to learn more, we can ensure greater support for those affected and even a breakthrough in your lifetime. And that? That will be BIG.

THE BRAINS BEHIND SAVING YOURS. TM

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Table

Make the recipe and post a pic at facebook.com /parademag

Around the

y dad didn’t cook.

The only thing he knew how to do in the kitchen was turn on the Mr. Coffee machine. But he was a diner aficionado. On certain Saturdays, I went with him to his law office in White Plains, N.Y., and at midday we’d stop by his regular joint, an old-school lunch counter. He went there almost every day to eat a BLT and a bowl of rice pudding over the New York Post, so he was on a first-name basis with the waitress. I felt special just sitting on the vinyl stool beside him.

I always ordered the same thing: a grilled cheese sandwich with bacon. I can still smell the crisp meat, see the orange cheddar dripping over the side of the white bread, and feel the grease on my 8-year-old fingers.

It was a radical experience. I’m one of five children, and putting bacon on grilled cheese was not something my mother had time to do. Now that I do most of the cooking for my own family, I sympathize.

A few years ago, my daughters, who are now 6 and 8, came to my office and ate at the cafeteria with me. My eldest ordered a croquemonsieur, and I wondered if she would remember that meal the way I’ve looked back on those lunches with my father.

I didn’t understand why I saw so little of my dad growing up, but now that I work for a living, I get it.

Sometimes I fear I’m missing my

Lunch with Dad Family Time

SOMETIMES A GRILLED CHEESE ISN’T JUST A SANDWICH

daughters’ childhoods.

My dad passed away five years ago, so I hold those lunches close to my heart. My daughter is hooked on that croque-monsieur, and I make a version at home for her once a week. (My youngest won’t touch it: She likes melted cheese; she likes ham. But together? Nope.) I brown slices of ham and layer it with cheddar or Gruyère. She loves it. I want her to remember it as more than a oncein-a-while event. —John Donohue

GRILLED CHEESE WITH FRIZZLED HAM

1 Butter 1 side of 2 slices good-quality bread. 2 Warm a dry cast-iron skillet over medium-high heat and brown 1 to 3 slices ham (about 1 oz), flipping once. 3 Reduce heat to medium-low and put bread slices in skillet, butter-side down. Cover 1 bread slice with thinly sliced cheddar or Gruyère. Layer ham on cheese, then top ham with more cheese (about 2 oz cheese total). 4 Flip other piece of bread and put on top of ham and cheese, butter side up. Cook until cheese melts and bread browns, flipping at least once. If bread browns faster than cheese melts, reduce heat and cover pan. If cheese melts and bread isn’t browned, increase heat for last minute.

PER SANDWICH: 510 cal, 26g carbs, 23g protein, 34g fat, 105mg chol, 1,060mg sodium, 2g fiber For more dad-friendly recipes, check out John’s blog at www.stayatstovedad.com

PHOTO: CON POULOS; FOOD STYLING, SUSAN SPUNGEN; PROP STYLING, HEATHER CHONTOS. NUTRITION ANALYSIS/CONSULTING: JEANINE SHERRY, M.S., R.D.

M

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Kennections

By Ken Jennings HOW TO PLAY

All five correct answers have something in common.

Can you figure out what it is?

1. The title letter of TV’s V stood for what race of alien invaders of Earth?

✎ 2. What famed speech by Martin Luther King Jr. ends, “Thank God almighty, we are free at last”?

✎ 3. What Billy Crystal character on Saturday Night Live would tell his guests, “You look mah-velous”?

✎ 4. The 1906 International Radiotelegraphic Convention officially adopted what code in place of CQD?

✎ 5. In June 1965, France refused to take part in a 150th anniversary ceremony to be held at what Belgian battlefield?

✎ WHAT’S THE “KENNECTION” BETWEEN ALL FIVE ANSWERS?

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Play trivia puzzles by Ken Jennings and readers at parade.com/ken ANSWERS: 1. THE VISITORS; 2. “I HAVE A DREAM”; 3. FERNANDO; 4. SOS; 5. WATERLOO ALL ARE ABBA SONGS

PHOTO: ANDY REYNOLDS

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