the Independent Student Publication of the University at Buffalo, Since 1950
The S pectrum ubspectrum.com
Volume 62 No. 51
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Bands-a make him dance UB student recalls his past as an erotic dancer SARA DINATALE Senior News Editor
For most 18-year-old students, a fake ID is just a license to party. For one UB student, it was a license to work the pole. For this UB student, assuming the identity of “Danny Rivera” was the only way he could make his own money – by taking his clothes off. Clad in nothing but a pair of Calvin Klein briefs, “Danny” – who prefers to keep his real identity anonymous – pretended to be the 26-year-old on the fake ID he used to get into bar in order to work as an erotic dancer in New York City’s Greenwich Village. Danny fell into stripping by accident after getting drunk at a gay bar with his best friend. He worked as a dancer for 10 weeks the summer before his sophomore year, making enough money to get by following an estranged relationship with his parents. Now, Danny is 21 and a junior at UB – he hasn’t stripped semi-professionally in years but holds no shame in his sensual past. “It’s not like a disgusting, immoral thing that I did that I’ll regret for the rest of my life – I have no regrets,” Danny said. “I can’t go around telling everyone I was a stripper because there are certain representations I need to protect. Most of my friends know [and] if a stranger overheard the story and asked me, I have no shame in saying, ‘I was an erotic dancer. It was a f**king fun job and I loved it.’” Danny, who identifies as straight, went to a gay bar with his best friend during the winter break of his freshman year. Determined not to pay for any of his own drinks, Danny decided to turn on the charm and make the most out of his first time at a bar that had go-go dancers. At first, he laughed at the absurdity of being surrounded by men up on pedestals who were “flashing their junk” to the crowded dance club. In his pursuit of free drinks, Danny wound up flirting with the bar’s owner. The owner of the club saw Danny tearing up the dance floor, and he told Danny he could go up to the pole if he wanted and keep all his tips. He made $170 on a Tuesday night. He was amazed. “I’m a straight man who was raised Catholic and I was at a gay bar with my best friend,” Danny said. “There was a serious sense of just dropping the inhibitions and once that kicks in, you just go for it.” Danny went to a back room, stripped down to his underwear and hustled the pole for two hours, mimicking the erotic dancers around him. He admits he was somewhat of a natural. But following winter break, he returned to UB to finish his freshman year. After that, he spent some time abroad, but once back in the states, he was couch surfing and staying with friends. That was until he contacted the bar owner he met in the winter to set up working regularly; he started to embark on a summer of sensuality in order to support himself.
Inside
Continued on page 19
The Spectrum surveyed over 800 students about their sex lives. See what we found out on page 10. Scintillating Tinder app provides new way to flirt 5 Love and sex advice from The Spectrum staff 8 SBI promotes sexual health among students 9 True Life: I'm a virgin 11 Songs to bump during sex and ones to avoid 15
The best love songs you can use to serenade a lover 17 Chivalry? Is that still a thing? 18 Looking for movies you and your significant other can watch on V-Day? 18 Sports romances and sexy uniforms 20-21 Sex on campus? In public? It happens 24 Photo by Alexa Strudler Cover by Brian Keschinger
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Opinion
Wednesday, February 13, 2013 ubspectrum.com
EDITORIAL BOARD Editor in Chief Aaron Mansfield Senior Managing Editor Brian Josephs Managing Editor Rebecca Bratek Editorial Editor Ashley Steves News EDItors Sara DiNatale, Co-Senior Lisa Khoury, Co-Senior Sam Fernando, Asst. Rachel Raimondi, Asst. LIFE EDITORS Rachel Kramer, Senior Lyzi White Lisa Epstein, Asst. ARTS EDITORS Elva Aguilar, Senior Lisa de la Torre, Asst. Nathaniel Smith, Asst. Max Crinnin, Asst. SPORTS EDITORS Joseph Konze Jr., Senior Jon Gagnon Ben Tarhan Markus McCaine, Asst. PHOTO EDITORS Alexa Strudler, Senior Satsuki Aoi Adrien D’Angelo Nick Fischetti, Asst. CARTOONIST Jeanette Chwan PROFESSIONAL STAFF OFFICE ADMINISTRATOR Helene Polley ADVERTISING MANAGER Mark Kurtz CREATIVE DIRECTOR Brian Keschinger Haider Alidina, Asst. ADVERTISING DESIGNER Joseph Ramaglia Ryan Christopher, Asst. Haley Sunkes, Asst.
February 13, 2013 Volume 62 Number 51 Circulation 7,000 The views expressed – both written and graphic – in the Feedback, Opinion, and Perspectives sections of The Spectrum do not necessarily reflect the views of the editorial board. Submit contributions for these pages to The Spectrum office at Suite 132 Student Union or news@ubspectrum.com. The Spectrum reserves the right to edit these pieces for style and length. If a letter is not meant for publication please mark it as such. All submissions must include the author’s name, daytime phone number, and email address.
Taking care of our own
Care and protection programs for veterans are in need of major improvements Esquire recently published a profile on the Navy SEAL who killed Osama bin Laden, focusing on the hardships he has faced since retiring from duty. The anonymous ex-SEAL, referred to throughout the profile as The Shooter, reportedly left the force after 16 years of service, and as a result of stopping before he reached the 20-year retirement requirement, he lost his health coverage. These stories, unfortunately, are not few and far between. There are constantly stories about struggling, homeless veterans who find themselves out of work and uncared for. The government needs to alter the system to actually find ways to take care of the men and women who serve and protect us. Tricare, the health insurance program that covers military members and their families, provides 180 days of transitional health insurance, but to be eligible, you have to remain on active duty or become a reservist. Therefore, The Shooter did not qualify. “I asked if there was some transition from my Tricare to Blue Cross Blue Shield,” The Shooter said. “They said no. You’re out of the service; your coverage is over. Thanks for your 16 years. Go f**k yourself.” What Esquire failed to mention is every combat veteran of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars is eligible
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for five years of free health care through the Department of Veterans Affairs. But instead of getting insurance, The Shooter got bad advice and poor communications, leading to a hasty, stressful decision. And insurance or not, he and his family still have no pension and no protection. Veterans are, in general, a very overlooked demographic. About one in every 10 veterans in the country currently does not have health insurance, and though the Veterans Health Administration provides coverage to most veterans, many are ineligible for reasons based on income, injuries and length of service. Because of these requirements, 1.3 million veterans and an additional 900,000 family members live without health care benefits. The U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs estimates 131,000 veterans are homeless on any given night. Of those homeless, 67 percent served at least three years, 33 percent were stationed in a war zone and 89 percent received honorable discharge. Yet we let them live on the streets. In the case of The Shooter, here is a man who has so much money, time and talent invested in training him and in taking care of him who now no longer has anywhere to work. His skills have gone to waste.
Maybe health insurance isn’t the problem at all. Maybe we just have a problem taking care of the men and women who take care of us. The Shooter shouldn’t get special treatment just because he has killing Osama bin Laden on his résumé – that’s not what he’s asking for. He – and every other veteran – is asking for equal treatment. The system needs to account for at least the pure physical wear and tear being in combat – let alone being a SEAL – puts on your body. Someone who served 16 years in situations of extreme physical and mental stress does not even have the help of his country and his government when he needs it the most. That is shameful. Potentially changing the system could help the way citizens considering enrollment look at the military. There are so many people who look to it as a last way out or wanting to follow in the shoes of their relatives. But what’s the point of serving, honoring and protecting when nobody does it for you in return? These problems are so much easier to ignore, but these people deserve our full attention. Email: editorial@ubspectrum.com
Pope awry
The legacy of Pope Benedict and what it means for the church Many people learned this week that one of God’s chosen could quit. In a shocking move in one of the most anticlimactic papacies of all time, Pope Benedict XVI announced Monday he was stepping down from his commitment with the Catholic Church. The 85-yearold cited his failing health as the reason for his resignation following only eight years of service. There hasn’t been a pope to resign in nearly 600 years – since Gregory XII resigned in the middle of a leadership crisis in the church. And as Benedict prepares to leave at the end of the month, a cloud of uncertainty surrounds the papacy and the church. Benedict’s service ends with as much ambiguity as he felt toward the church’s future. In his departure, he cited the difficulties of leading in a world “shaken by questions of deep relevance for the life of faith” that have left him too weak to continue. Like the church, he has faced the difficulties of cultural progress around him. There’s little that will go down with him in history. While considered progressive on some aspects, Pope Benedict was mostly viewed as more conservative than the previous pope John Paul II. An outspoken traditionalist, Benedict remained staunch and clarified his positions on the typically conventional views of sexuality, abstinence and ordaining women. Benedict completely differed from his predecessor, though. John Paul II was the pope of the peo-
Art by Jeanette Chwan
ple, a man who traveled the world to bless his people. Benedict, on the other hand, an intellectual who liked to keep to himself, was considered detached and out of touch with the concerns of many Catholics. The
closest he got to the people was when he joined Twitter to reach a mass of millions. What Benedict’s resignation means for the church is still unclear. There is a lot unsaid, a lot he failed to address in detail during his eight years in service, especially in regards to the growing, decades-long sexual abuse scandal within the walls of the church. It does have the potential to open up the church to a leader who is more open to reform, maybe one who can help with the church’s ailing presence in the west. The changes made in the church depend entirely on the progressivism or conservatism of the next pope. Some of the possible contenders on a growing list of pope candidates include Cardinal Angela Scola of Milan, Cardinal Peter Turkson of Ghana and Timothy Dolan of the United States (which would, honestly, require a miracle). Any of the possible choices will have to deal with the usual major decision and complications of the Catholic Church: plummeting church attendance, clerical sexual abuse, a shortage of priests and increasing secularization. The church itself should take Benedict’s depaturture as a chance to begin to rebuild some of its perception, which, after this move, will cause its image to deteriorate further. Email: editorial@ubspectrum.com
Letter to the Editor
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3
What about the people: Inner Buffalo, N.Y., as a Food Desert SHENITA ANN MCLEAN Editor’s note: This is a response to the article published Jan. 29 entitled “UB professors dismiss ‘Food Desert’ title.” Spectrum Asst. News Editor Rachel Raimondi wrote the story, did the reporting and acquired the quotes referenced in this Letter to the Editor. *** Within segregated inner cities, many individuals rely on high-calorie, low-nutrition snacks and processed foods as quick, convenient meals on a regular basis. Cheetos, Hot Pockets and fast foods are all nutritionally expensive as well as ultimately taxing on the wallet, overall health and local economy. These types of foods cause malnutrition through providing too many empty calories (over-nutrition) and too little nutrients (under-nutrition). No one likes labels. It can be quite difficult as a researcher to define a region as a “food desert.” What is a food desert anyway? Well a number of definitions have been utilized throughout the research literature. A useful definition of a food desert is the definition supplied by Steven Cummins and Sally Macintyre: “poor urban areas where residents cannot buy affordable, healthy food” (2002). Defining a region as a “food desert” highlights social as well as spatial inequalities. So where does Buffalo, N.Y., fit in all of this? Inner-city Buffalo, N.Y., is an unfortunate case. In 2009 Buffalo, N.Y., was dubbed the third-poorest city in America. Then, there is unfortunate fact that, according to the 2010 Census, Buffalo is also the sixth-most racially segregated city in the United States. Let us take a quick look at the grocery stores listed in the 14215 zip code on the East Side of Buffalo. You will find one actual grocery store (Tops), one gas station, four Family Dollars, one Dollar General and 18 corner stores. Yes. Eighteen corner stores. This means the inner-city residents of this zip code who are of the underclass are more likely to grab lower-quality and processed foods from these corner stores at prices comparable to supermarket prices, but the quality is significantly lower at these bodegas
(Block and Kouba, 2006). People tend to make food choices based on what is available in their immediate neighborhood. When one discusses food deserts a myriad of perspectives must be taken into consideration. Food deserts involve factors such as income, mobility, residential segregation, neighborhood deprivation, space, place, sociopolitical processes, political economy, as well as factors of socio-economic status. The subject of food deserts requires an interdisciplinary perspective and analysis. “I don’t like the term ‘Food Desert,’” stated Samina Raja, associate professor of urban and regional planning. “It implies that something is broken or missing from the system. In Buffalo, this is not the case. There are many successful local farms and consumers who want and need healthy food. However, there is a gap in the system.” While the term “food desert” is not preferred by some it does have a purpose. It can hopefully get people talking and possibly thinking about these deprived regions and underserved populations. No matter how much we may dislike the term, the reality of inner city Buffalo, N.Y., as a food desert will not simply go away. This is not simply about the “food system.” It is also about the residents – the people. We must also take into consideration that there is a large numbers of individuals who have limited access to nutritious foods, are of low socio-economic status and are suffering from health inequalities directly and indirectly tied to the lack or limited supply of nutritious, fresh foods versus processed foods in their immediate neighborhood area. Unfortunately, the health inequalities and disparities that can be seen in some urban areas are proof that the system is broken. There is something missing here: more viable and affordable options for fresh foods in inner-city neighborhoods. The underclass and poor individuals within the inner city are not simply undercutting the farmer and local economy when they end up doing some of their grocery shopping at a Family Dollar or a corner store down the street. It is way more complicated than that. It is expensive to be poor; the poor and underclass spend more and get less. When the inner-city residents spend their money at a fast
food restaurant or a local convenience store, they are spending a large amount of money because the food isn’t nourishing, and the costs adds up. Undernutrition and over-nutrition as parts of malnutrition are components in the construction of food insecurity. “Food insecurity, defined as a lack of adequate quantities of safe foods to meet nutritional requirements at some time during the year, is increasingly recognized as an environmental link between hunger, lack of adequate food resources, patient behaviors, including compliance, and disease risk. Food insecurity is pronounced in both rural and urban communities...” (Mobley et al 2009:3). While some may not want to call Buffalo, N.Y., a food desert, Inner-city Buffalo, N.Y., residents are living, experiencing and navigating the constraints of food insecurity partly caused by the food deserts within the city. “By undercutting the local farmer, consumers are taking away a dollar from the local economy and then, in turn, are making sure their own wages never rise because Buffalo sinks together as a whole,” stated Raja. The immediate and proximate concern of the underclass and the poor living in the inner city is survival, paycheck to paycheck. Get the food and necessities that you can with the budget you have and keep a roof over the heads of your family members. This population does not have the luxury of thinking about how their search for cheap groceries undercuts a local farmer. While they need to be thinking about these processes within the local economy, they might not consider it. So while we all must be careful about what labels we attach to different cities, we must also take the people into consideration. Inner-city Buffalo, N.Y., is a food desert. Go around and ask the residents and those who grew up in the inner city about their experiences grocery shopping and access to fresh produce and you will see that this is more than semantics or word play. Inner city Buffalo, N.Y., is a poor urban area where residents cannot buy affordable healthy food. And until this socio-political and political economic pathology is addressed, the inner-city residents will continue to suffer under these constraints as those who can do more argue over semantics.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013 ubspectrum.com
4
News Sexy News Briefs Sex Ed, contraception and Plan B distribution aids NYC students The rate of teen pregnancy among New York City’s public high school students dropped 27 percent over the decade, according to MSNBC. Seventy-three out of 1,000 girls between the ages of 15 to 19 in NYC were pregnant in 2010. Ninety-nine out of 1,000 were pregnant in 2001, MSNBC reported. Officials believe the statistics improved because of the city’s efforts to make sex education and birth control more accessible in public schools. “We’re seeing that there are two things happening: teens are both delaying sex and those that are having sex are more likely to use contraceptives,” Deborah Kalpan, assistant commissioner of the NYC Department of Health’s Bureau of Maternal, Infant and Reproductive Health, told MSNBC. NYC’s teen pregnancy rate is still higher than the national average, but the birth rate is lower. The lower birth rate may be due to the accessibility of abortion clinics, according to the health department. There is also a city-sponsored program, Connecting Adolescents to Comprehensive Health (CATCH), which dispensed 12,721 doses of Plan B to students as young as 14 during the 2011-12 school year, according to the New York Post. “When you make condoms and contraceptives available to teens, they don’t increase their likelihood of being sexually active,” said Tom Farley, health commissioner of the Department of Health and Mental Hygiene, to the New York Daily News. “But they get the message that sex is risky.” Secretary of Defense extends benefits to same-sex partners Defense Secretary Leon Panetta announced Monday the U.S. military will extend benefits to same-sex partners of military personnel. Partners are now able to receive child-care services, visit military hospitals, have military ID cards and gain access to commissaries, movie theaters and gyms on base. Medical and dental care, housing allowances and death benefits have not been extended for these couples. Panetta also announced the federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), which bars gay and lesbian couples from receiving more than 85 other benefits, is “now being reviewed by the United States Supreme Court.”
Advocates for gay rights support Panetta in his policy. They believe while the DOMA remains active, everything will be prevented from changing right away. “Secretary Panetta’s decision today answers the call President Obama issued in his inaugural address to complete our nation’s journey toward equality, acknowledging the equal service and equal sacrifice of our gay and lesbian service members and their families,” Ally Robinson, army veteran and executive director of OutServe-SLDN (an association of actively-serving LGBT military personnel), told NBC. The military has 60 days to decide how to extend the benefits, according to a memo issued by Panetta. Pentagon officials hope the changes will go into effect by the end of August, according to Reuters. Boyfriend rental rate skyrockets in February For single women in China this year, getting the perfect boyfriend just takes a few clicks. He will go shopping without complaint and attend the dreaded office parties. He comes at a price, though, and has to go back at the end of the session. He’s only a rental. Chinese women under pressure to get married are opting to rent boyfriends to introduce to their families this year. This February, searches of the term “rental boyfriend” have increased 884 percent. Women in China rent boyfriends to make their boyfriends jealous, impress their bosses and ease their family’s fear the women will grow old and stay unmarried, said an entrepreneur – identified as Mr. Gao, according to ABC News – who created one of the rental services. Gao evaluates and handpicks the rental men. They must be good looking, at least 5 foot 6, well mannered and willing to wear glasses. So far, nine men between the ages of 26 and 32 have been selected. Different rates apply, depending on the activity or task the rental has to perform. Going to a movie can cost $8 an hour but going to a horror movie costs a little extra, according to ABC News. Renting a drinking partner depends on the drink, but an “all-inclusive package” costs approximately $128 per day. “Handshakes, hugs and goodbye kisses on the cheek or forehead are free of charge,” said ABC News. Email: news@ubspectrum.com
Courtesy of Flickr user Snow Kisses Sky
Although the Chinese government's one-child policy created a gender imbalance, many citizens are hopeful they will get married.
Unlucky in love China’s one-child rule makes finding a spouse a struggle RACHEL RAIMONDI Asst. News Editor When Mei Wong* was born, her father’s family did not welcome her. Her grandmother and relatives from the countryside were cold and distant. In 1987, they would have preferred a baby boy. The family’s shot at a male heir was ruined. The Chinese government’s one-child policy, implemented in 1979, prevented the new parents from trying again. As Wong, a doctoral candidate at UB, grew up and proved herself a good student, she gained more appreciation from her relatives. But only recently did Wong’s value to the Chinese population skyrocket. In the ’80s, the one-child policy created an imbalance between males and females as parents aborted female fetuses in an effort to have a son. By 2020, China is expected to have 24 million more men than women, leading to an aging generation of bachelors, according to Pulitzer Center. Wong believes the imbalance will become a “serious” social problem. “Males who are considered ‘losers’ by society [find it] difficult to find a proper spouse,” Wong said in an email. “It might cause more rapes or sexual crimes. Some males even buy ‘brides’ illegally from the extremely poor families or other countries.” Despite the lack of available women, males often overlook females who are highly educated. Wong believes Chinese men sexually discriminate against her and other women in academia for being “boring, nerdy and colorless.” Wong, 26, is not concerned and knows she will find someone who has a similar background and passion, but her parents worry about her finding a husband. Today, parents are so worried about their children not being social enough to find a spouse that they arrange blind dates and attend baby matchmaking events in China. In some cases, the children are barely old enough to speak, according to ABC News. Xiangli Ding, a 27-year-old Asian history Ph.D. student, does not think the one-child policy is an issue. He was born to parents who already had a baby girl. For breaking the law, they only had to pay a fine, he said. Currently, parents who have one extra child can face a fine higher than $31,000, according to CNN. Though in some areas of China, parents in rural areas are allowed to have two children. “I think the unbalanced sex ratio is just a national statistic,” Ding said. “It has very limited impact on an individual’s spousechoosing behavior – at least for myself and my friends.”
Ding met his wife in school and has never been on an arranged date. However, he has taken advice from his parents on what characteristics to look for in a woman, he said. Whether or not the government has a one-child policy will make no difference when it comes to preferring male babies in China, according to Roger Des Forges, a history professor. He believes the “partiality to males” is not going away anytime soon. China has always been a patriarchal society. Women have been pushed to marry into money and political power. A man who can provide his wife a life of luxury is considered a “good person,” according to Wong. A man who makes his wife happy and has a similar personality to hers is not highly valued. There have been signs in China that the 33-year-old policy may be coming to an end, but it will not resolve the genderimbalance issue, according to Reuters. Des Forges believes in order to combat the problem, the general population has to recognize women are of equal importance to men. If nothing is done, the aging bachelors – termed “bare sticks” in China – will become a “source of a lot of social tension,” he said. “They have less to lose,” Des Forges said. “They don’t have a spouse and they don’t have children. They would be potential recruits to other activities, legal and illegal.” Education is the answer, he said. Rural men in China have a significantly decreased chance of finding a spouse because women tend to move to big cities like Beijing and Shanghai, according to Wong. Wong has a lot of single, successful female friends in China who she believes are held back by the patriarchal belief that the man should be the head of the family. In China, a man who is less successful than his wife is so shameful that even friends will make jokes about him. It means at some point he failed, Wong said. “But the reality is it’s complicated and anything could happen,” she said. Sometimes males marry wealthier women and the children use her family name to be more successful, Wong said. Wong’s studies in America prove she is not the submissive Chinese baby with whom her family was disenchanted in 1987. With time, she hopes other girls will become more empowered and appreciated for being individuals rather than a lucky find for a husband. Email: news@ubspectrum.com
*Names have been changed to protect source identity.
ubspectrum.com
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
5
Love so Tinder
UB students, professors comment on new flirting app LISA KHOURY Senior News Editor A cute football player from the University of Rochester is texting UB student Emma Vradis. They spotted each other and the attraction was instantaneous. They’ve never met. The two college students connected through the iPhone app Tinder, a free flirting database that has connected more than 10 million couples since September – mostly between the ages of 18 and 30 – in nearby locations, according to The Wall Street Journal. With the swipe of a thumb, users flip through photos of men, women or both and can express interest in whomever they choose. If the attraction is mutual, the app connects them for a conversation. If not, the user will never find out another user tried to connect. A Tinder user can share four of his or her Facebook photos. Users can also see if any potential matches share mutual Facebook friends. Tinder’s founders, Sean Rad and Justin Mateen, bring something new to the concept of online dating and target it to the collegeaged demographic. Tinder connects through Facebook, which eliminates most concerns about fake people or facades. But some are not convinced. Callan Jackson, a senior psychology major, said Tinder is just another app on the iPhone to get “sucked into.” “I had Tinder for a few days and started meeting some new people,” Jackson said. “It was fun but I didn’t want to become glued to my iPhone looking at potentially fake C Catfish people, so I deleted it,” Jackson said. Others at UB feel Tinder is a worry-free, fun way to flirt and meet potential matches at and near the university. Eighty-six percent of online daters report deception as their No. 1 concern, according to Tobias Reynolds-Tylus, a secondyear graduate student in communication. Reynolds-Tylus said online dating is fairly uncommon in his generation compared to those in middle adulthood. Fifteen percent of all Internet users in the United States have used online dating, and 36 percent of single Internet users have used online dating. For college students, recent numbers show 29 percent have used it, but only 4 percent are currently active, Reynolds-Tylus said. Tinder is gaining popularity quickly at UB and other colleges around the world. Vradis joined two or three weeks ago and has connected with over 40 guys. Kyle, a junior advertising and marketing major who wished to keep his last name anonymous, joined almost a month ago and said there weren’t many people using it. Now, he has over 30 connections. Vradis thinks the app is “funny” and doesn’t take it too seriously. She said all of her friends use it, but if more of them took it seriously, she would consider doing the same. Vinny, the University of Rochester football player, is just a guy to pass the time with,
Courtesy of Tinder
New application Tinder is taking over college campuses nationwide. In the app, users can scroll through pictures of other users and see if they find mutual attraction, in which case the two users can connect via messages.
but she can see the potential Tinder has to develop real relationships. She said the thrill of texting guys is knowing she’ll check her phone and there will be someone waiting for a response. “It’s like passing time, I would say,” Vradis said. “And I feel like it feels good to have someone to text all day, you know?” Some UB students are hesitant to spark conversation with other Tinder users. Kyle has never started a conversation on Tinder and doesn’t plan on it. He sees the new, popular app as one of the recent innovations that negatively affects people’s face-to-face social skills. “I have game,” he said. “I can meet girls and actually talk to them in person. I don’t need to use [Tinder] or Facebook message them. The technology era has made people so much more apt to do that. People are so reserved and talk behind a curtain like that.” Helen Wang, a communication professor, said Tinder’s emphasis on looks may affect college students’ concern with how they are perceived online. “By starting off the communication process between two strangers with a photoliking activity, it emphasizes the visual appearance and may make the users become more self-conscious about their self-presentation in such spaces,” she said in an email. Kyle, who knows about 50 people who use Tinder, isn’t just worried about his generation maintaining romantic “game.” He said Tinder, Facebook, Twitter and other techno-
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logical forms of communication are hurting people’s day-to-day interactions. “Just in general, like in job interviews, if you can’t talk to people you don’t know that well and be normal about it, then that’s an issue,” he said. While some UB students hope their fun, short-lived flirts may one day turn into something serious, Reynolds-Tylus said research says it most likely will not work out that way. Reynolds-Tylus said there is a variety of research that looks at the actual outcomes of online dating, and the picture “isn’t pretty” for those looking for long-term relationships and marriages.
“When sites report marriage rates, they are often over-reported [and] misguided,” he said. “Sites focusing on hookups may be quite successful, but those looking for meaningful relationships online encounter many difficulties.” For now, students are flipping through possible love interests on campus. Whether it’s good or bad, flirting is now held at the palm of the hand. Email: news@ubspectrum.com
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Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Wednesday, February 13, 2013 ubspectrum.com
Life
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Get through Valentine’s Day in one piece RACHEL KRAMER Senior Life Editor Valentine’s Day is the only day of the year when you can flaunt your significant other in public, participate in an overwhelming amount of PDA and speak in Taylor Swift lyrics all day – and there is nothing anybody can do about it. Feb. 14 is a day dedicated to all the love and happiness you experience when you are in a relationship. I’m not a cynical person who hates love, romance and everything with a heart on it. I am a huge fan of all the mushy romantic gestures: the kissing in the rain, the bouquet of a dozen roses, the love letters, etc. Unfortunately, this year I will be spending the day boyfriendless. Rather than ruin my diet by devouring a cardboard heart filled with various chocolates alone in my room, while watching Crazy, Stupid Love and wondering why Ryan Gosling can’t be my Valentine, I have made other plans. Here are some of my suggestions for the bachelor or bachelorette on how to survive this affectionate 24 hours (other than pretending it doesn’t exist). Go on a Valentine’s date with your single friends While your roommate is frolicking to Chophouse for an expensive and starry-eyed night with his or her significant other, do a similar thing with your group of friends. Get dressed to impress, go out for a nice dinner, have some drinks and enjoy yourself. Revel in the fact you are only responsible for paying the check for one person and you don’t have to worry about proper table manners – so what if there’s some tomato sauce on your cheek; you’re saving it for later. Don’t forget dessert. What’s wrong with some chocolate-covered strawberries, whipped cream and sundaes shared between close friends? Nothing. Feel free to cuddle and watch a movie as well. It’s a day of love and don’t you love your friends?
Exercise Go to the gym, do some yoga, go for a run or just have a dance party in your room. Any form of being active will release endorphins, which will make you a happier person. The gym will most likely be empty on Valentine’s Day, so you won’t have to feel selfconscious about how sweaty or smelly you’re getting. My personal favorite is throwing a dance party in my room. Who doesn’t love the opportunity to show off to your friends how hard you’ve been working to learn all of the lyrics to “Thrift Shop?” Do something for yourself Whether it’s spending the day lost in that book you haven’t had the chance to finish, taking a bubble bath or starting a new TV series on Netflix, do something you have been meaning to do but haven’t gotten to. Take this time to cross something off your bucket list. There are a ton of Valentine’s Day deals on Groupon involving couples massages, outdoor adventures and weekend getaways. Grab a friend or family member and take advantage of these deals. There is no rule that says you have to be onehalf of a romantic couple to enjoy a massage for two or go on a cruise around Lake Erie. Now may be the perfect time to finally book that vacation to the spa you’ve been dreaming about. Porn it up Lock the door and get your freak on. There is nothing wrong with some self-loving on Valentine’s Day. Nobody loves you more than you do. No matter what, do something that makes you happy. Don’t spend the day wishing you hadn’t ended it with your ex, don’t wallow in self-pity and don’t eat your weight in those corny sweetheart candies. It’s only 24 hours. You will survive this. Email: rachel.kramer@ubspectrum.com
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Courtesy of Lisa Epstein
Strength through crisis My experience with breast cancer LISA EPSTEIN Asst. Life Editor The biggest relief of my life was the moment I walked across the stage during my high school graduation and received my diploma – the moment I always pictured being the end of one chapter and the beginning of adulthood. While I made my way across the stage, I basked in the bright fluorescent lights, unable to see the faces of the thousands of people who came to watch the graduates. But all that mattered was my mother. She was there, watching proudly as I accepted my diploma. Seven months earlier, I made her promise she would be in that crowd. Seven months earlier, my mother told me she had breast cancer. I always pictured my life in snapshots: milestone birthdays, graduations, my wedding, the birth of my children. When my mother looked at me with tears in her eyes and told me she didn’t know if she would beat the cancer was when life as I knew it was over. While in her 30s, my mom had gone for a routine checkup with her gynecologist. He noticed a small lump in her breast. He said it was more than likely just a cyst, but he still urged her to go for a yearly mammogram to monitor the lump for any changes. By the fall of 2010, what started out as a harmless cyst was now a growing tumor. I was in my senior year of high school and had just applied to colleges around New York State, excited by the thought of possibly moving away from Buffalo. The first thing my mom said after breaking the news was that I shouldn’t base where I went to college on the fact that she was sick. She insisted on making sure I went to school where I wanted. She didn’t know what the future held. Even at a time when she should have been worrying about herself, my mom focused on making my life normal. That night, we didn’t know what else to do but hold each other and cry. The rock in my life, the woman who comforted me when I was upset or hurt, was now the one who needed support. The one who had dried my tears for so long would need me to hold her hand and wipe her eyes. A week later, my mom went into surgery; her doctors tried to remove as much of the cancer as they could. The doctor said my mom would need chemotherapy and radiation to treat the cancer they couldn’t reach. When she was lying in her hospital bed, I felt completely helpless while she tried to stay positive and upbeat. The person who loved being outside riding horses, camping or working with her hands now was in a bed unable to lift her arms above her head. Seeing her putting on a brave face, without knowing what the coming months had in store, was the worst feeling I’ve ever experienced. She was still trying to be the rock of the family, while I could tell that inside she really had no idea what the future held. The day after Christmas that year, about a month after her surgery, my mother started her first round of chemotherapy treatment. The effects showed quickly. She was sleepy and lethargic, and her hair started to fall out. When she thought no one could hear, I heard her cry alone. One night, when clumps of her brown hair fell into the drain, I listened as she tried to wash her tender scalp. Her sobs were only slightly muffled by the sound of flowing water.
I became a different person after that moment. I was hurting emotionally more than I had ever imagined and yet, somehow, couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone. I felt guilty for feeling sorry for myself and my family. I wasn’t sick, so feeling the pain and sadness felt wrong. I thought I should be grateful for my health. I became an expert at hiding the pain. I smiled politely when people asked me how I was doing through all the treatments, quick to blurt out: “I’m just fine, thanks.” Each time, I was holding back tears. I watched as my mom continued her treatment over the next several months going from chemotherapy to radiation. After seven months, she received a good prognosis and her treatment would be over soon. Still, I was hurt. I was angry. Why did this happen to my family? My mom ended up losing almost all of her hair. She had a large scar next to her sternum and a burn mark from radiation on her chest that couldn’t be soothed. The scar and the burn mark still affect her and what clothing she can wear. She couldn’t run without her scar hurting. It didn’t feel fair that she had to go through this. My mom told me, from now on, I would have to be careful – cancer could strike my sister or me later in our lives. But I came to realize this experience was a wake-up call. I needed to learn my facts about my health so I can know what to look for if anything changes with my body. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, breast cancer is the most common cancer among women in the United States. It’s also one of the leading causes of cancer death among women of all races. My mother’s experience led me to look at ways to reduce my risk for breast cancer, such as limiting alcohol consumption, being physically active and watching my weight. There is no better way of keeping up with your health than going to the doctor regularly and, in my case, making sure I’m well prepared with early mammograms and prevention. A gynecologist can cover all things concerning women’s health, from pap tests to sexually transmitted infections to breast lumps. While my mother grew stronger every day after she went into remission, I found the experience opened my eyes. I learned the hard way that everything you know can change in an instant. Thanks to my experience, I make sure that each year I go to my doctor for a checkup and keep up to date with any changes in my family’s health history. I encourage all men and women to find out the facts – to learn their family health history, to keep up to date with changes in their health and to keep a healthy lifestyle. My awareness has changed the way I look at medicine. It is no longer a hassle to go to my doctor. I make sure that my health is up to date. Thanks to my mother’s doctors, she was able to see me graduate. I’m proud to say she has been cancer free for over a year. And that’s something I think is worth celebrating. So learn your facts, know your stats and know the risks, so you can be there for your future children’s graduation. Email: lisa.epstein@ubspectrum.com
ubspectrum.com
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Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Love and sex tips from The Spectrum staff
For the ladies
For the gentlemen The ladies of The Spectrum want to give guys a little advice – whether it’s the things we’re too shy to say in person or might be a little too embarrassed to admit – these are some tips about all things sexy and sweet. Take note. - A kiss on the forehead can really make all the difference. It’s usually the little things that make us melt. - If you really want to get your girl in the mood, go for the neck. It’s a huge erogenous zone, and nothing could be hotter than you sweeping her hair away and kissing her neck and collarbone area. Just don’t get too carried away. While the moment of pleasure from just a simple kiss can be mind-blowing, hickeys are not as desired. Don’t be that guy. - The clitoris is not like the joystick on your Xbox controller. Be gentle. The best way to get us aroused is to start off slow and soft, gradually increasing pressure and speed as you work the clitoris in a circle. - Get your hands out of your boxers. I understand it’s cold, but the only hands that should be down there are mine. - Men, if you expect your lady to treat you with a blowjob, you have to be willing to return the favor and go down on her. Trust me, she will love you for it. Just don’t suck – literally. That usually isn’t pleasurable for her; a clitoris is not the same as a penis. Don’t get too repetitive with your tongue, either. Change up the pressure, pattern and speed until you find something she likes. If you do this correctly, you’ll have her screaming. - When you’re going down on a girl, stop looking at her for approval. It’s awkward. This is NOT the time for looking deeply into her eyes. Get down there and get back to work, champ. - Remember every girl is different. While some girls have breasts so sensitive you can make them orgasm off fondling alone, other girls won’t feel pleasure from the same sensual touches. Talking is key. It’s not embarrassing to ask, “What do you like?”
- Learn how to multitask. Generally, guys have a one-track mind in more ways than one. It’s either foreplay or penetration with most men, like girls have to play a game of “would you rather” while having sex. What I mean is, some guys like to spend a specific amount of time stimulating the clitoris before moving on to the main event and they forget about its existence. This might work, but if you really want to give your lady one of those – real – screaming orgasms that you see in porn, you’ll learn how to combine working the clitoris with your everyday thrusting moves. - Generally, there’s a point in a relationship where the girl wants to see you take charge. Whether it’s picking the movie you’re watching, what restaurant you’re eating at or the time and place you’re having sex, be assertive every once in awhile. Authority is sexy and if it’s out of character for you, your lady will be both surprised and aroused. - Be upfront about what you want in a relationship. If you don’t want to be exclusive, don’t say you do. If you want to start dating, don’t dance around the subject. Man up and say what you’re feeling. - While we understand we’re difficult creatures, be honest. But don’t be cruel. Tell us when we’re annoying, but give us the chance to redeem ourselves afterward. Tell us when we’re overreacting and why, and let us prove that we’ve learned not to. What would be the point of telling us about all of our faults be without letting us try and become your ideal girl? - Compliments go a long way. If she looks sexy, said something funny or you’re just thinking about her, speak up! - Chivalry isn’t dead; it’s sexy. Understand that she doesn’t need you to open up her door, but never walk into a room before her. If she reaches for the check, at least offer to pay. Gentlemen are incredibly attractive. - J.T. has it right: suit and tie. - Want to smell so good that she’ll want to rip off all your clothes? Acqua di Gio.
If the ladies are giving sex/love recommendations, we figured it’s only fair if we do the same. Advice from the gentlemen of The Spectrum … - Ladies, we love your tongue. But not when you’re trying to stick it down our throats. That move tends to come off as too masculine and dominant. A little tongue is a great touch, but don’t act like that thing is a dagger. If you want to get fancy with your tongue in other ways, we’re all for it. Just try to avoid making us feel like we’re being mouth raped. - Don’t listen to Cosmo. Please, for the sake of our penises. - Two words: Yoga. Pants. - Don’t outright verbally ask us for cunilingus during sex. It’s not lady-like, and frankly, we don’t like being told what to do. - We like hearing moans. The loud ones, too, not the “I like it, but I’m too shy to make a lot of noise” type. The more neighbors who know our names, the better. - It’s extremely bad form to not arch your back while in doggystyle position. Don’t hunch your back. It looks weird. - When the red river is running, take the dirt road. Everyone loves a good mudslide. - Spread your legs for a good time. - If you have braces, do not suck penis. Otherwise, you will be called a “Black and Decker Pecker wrecker.” - Stop pretending you’re holier than thou. Some girls act like they’re never horny. You want sex just as bad as guys and we know it.
- DON’T BE TOO THIRSTY! You can be forward, but we know when you’re just looking for some ‘D.’ Some guys will be happy to oblige; others hold their members to higher standards. - Three more words: High. Leather. Boots. You can get it, you can get it, you can get it, you can get it. - Some guys – of course, this is a select handful – really are nice just to be nice. They’re nice to dudes, too. They aren’t trying to bang you. - Hating on other girls is a huge turn-off. It looks extremely unconfident, and we like our women confident. Just believe in yourself and stop tearing apart every other female who enters the room. - Drake wasn’t fronting: sweatpants, hair tied, chillin’ with no make up on – that’s when you’re the prettiest. If we tell you that you look good, don’t deny it – just say thank you. If you deny it, we won’t want to compliment you again. - No bush. Keep it trimmed. No guy wants to hear “Welcome to the Jungle” playing in his when he goes down. And if you don’t keep it trimmed, trust me, other guys will hear about it. - Stop greeting your female friends by saying “Hey, bitches!” or “Hey, slut!” – every guy finds that repulsive.
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Wednesday, February 13, 2013
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UB’s health care teaches how to live smart in college LISA EPSTEIN Asst. Life Editor Condoms, lube, pregnancy tests, Plan B, HPV shots, doctors’ visits, safe alcohol consumption and sexual health information. UB offers all these things for protection and knowledge about a college student’s health at little to no cost. UB’s Wellness Education Services and SBI Health Education give students a way to take control of their health and health education through its programs and services that offer healthy lifestyles and options for healthful living. Sherri Darrow, director of Wellness Education Services, wants to help students make smarter decisions about healthy living in college. “We’d like people to have a good experience on the campus, building healthy habits, healthy friendships, balancing where they want to be in a career for their life with how they’re taking care of themselves and their friends and communities,” Darrow said. “That includes eating well, sleeping well and if you use alcohol, using it smarter rather than dumber.” Darrow thinks the stereotypes of college students are not the same as the actual realities on college campuses. She said one of the myths about college campuses is they’re like the movie Animal House. Darrow said, in reality, 70 percent of college students are not drinking in excess – approximately 30 percent are drinking in excess and 25 percent of college students do not consume alcohol at all. Darrow said she wants to teach the 30 percent how to drink healthfully. She encourages students to be responsible and to always know what they are drinking. She said students should always keep track of how much alcohol they consume and always keep track of their drinks. “I think what’s important about alcohol, tobacco and other drugs, is that our goal is what we call harm reduction,” Darrow said. “We’d like everybody to leave college smarter than they came in.” Darrow said there is a relationship between heavy drinking and the risk of being a victim of sexual assault. She said many schools do not include a sexual assault prevention program. UB provides this program in a section of the AlcoholEdu course. Darrow said Wellness Education Services hold workshops on campus like “How to Help a Sexual Assault Survivor,” which is a way to let people know about the resources on campus. Susan Snyder, director of Health Services at the Student Health and Wellness Center, encourages students to learn their options and their status by checking for sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Snyder is proud of the testing and sexual health options for students that are offered at little to no cost. She said STI testing increases
around the time of spring break. “We strongly recommend that people know their status and that includes their status with Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Syphilis, HIV and the wide range of STIs,” Snyder said. “What we typically do is recommend students call us and make an appointment.” Not all STIs have noticeable symptoms, so Snyder recommends a yearly test for every sexually active student. Snyder is proud to offer students the option to take advantage of things like the HPV shot and said, under school-issued insurance, students can get the shot for free. If a student has insurance from another provider and that insurance isn’t accepted, the student can pay for a shot at the lower cost provided by the Health Center. Snyder said four or five years ago, the Wellness Center pushed for a more comprehensive STI test. “In terms of the STI screening, we’re busy,” Snyder said. “It’s a good thing for students to try to stay healthy and prevent those things. If it’s not prevented, if they test positive [for an STI], we make sure that they get the treatment that they need and then we do a follow-up test to make sure that the treatment actually worked. It’s fairly comprehensive for the student to come here for the STI screening. I think it’s part of the healthy relationship to make sure that you know what your status is and what your partner’s status is.” Jane Fischer, director of SBI Health Education, said Sub-Board, Inc., offers a more relatable experience for students and their health questions by using students themselves as peer counselors in its programs. SBI offers free pregnancy testing, condoms and lube to students. Counselors teach students about safe sex and STI prevention and try to teach people healthier ways of living. “If a student [educator] goes through the residence halls at night and does a program and they’re talking about sexual positions or sexual health, or asking ‘is this normal that my body does this,’ it’s a lot less awkward to be talking to a student educator rather than someone who may be their parents’ age,” Fischer said. “The students can be more relatable. We work with Wellness all the time, but we’re different. We offer different perspectives. It’s nice that there’s a rich variety of resources.” SBI Health Education is located at 414 Michael Hall on South Campus. Wellness Education Services is located at 114 Student Union and Wellness Health Services is located in Michael Hall. Fischer encourages students to come use the services offered at UB. “We’re right here on campus,” Fischer said. “If you’ve got a question, you can call us, email us or come to one of our sessions or check on our website. That’s what we’re here for.” Email: features@ubspectrum.com
Alexa Strudler /// The Spectrum
UB Health Services offers affordable and accessible options, such as free condoms (pictured above), for students to make smart decisions regarding sex and alcohol consumption.
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Wednesday, February 13, 2013
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True Life: I’m a virgin My brothers protected my
hymen – one embarrassing moment at a time
RACHEL KRAMER Senior Life Editor I haven’t had sex in 20 years. I am a 20-year-old virgin. When I say virgin, I’m referring to the lack of sexual penetration throughout my life. On average, women first have sexual intercourse at 17 years old and the average is 17.3 years old for men, according to Newstrategist.com. I’m not ashamed to admit I’m a virgin and it’s not something I try to hide from my peers. In fact, it’s my favorite “never have I ever” statement. People usually groan when I play the virginity card because they’re all forced to drop one finger. When I tell people about the lack of sex in my life, I get two reactions. In high school, it used to be a small gasp and a look of pity, as if I wasn’t invited to the biggest party of the year. Recently, it has turned into an approving nod with a thumbs-up, as if they are impressed I have been able to ward off the men falling at my feet. Either way, there is an awkward pause afterward, as if they don’t know whether to console me or congratulate me. I don’t believe virgins like me are looking for a noble pat on the back for our chosen chastity. Although some people are saving themselves for marriage or view sex as something sacred, there are others who just haven’t found the opportunity. That’s me. When I was little, I imagined what my unknown future would be like. That boy in my first-grade class was going to realize girls don’t have cooties; we were going to fall in love, get married, have babies and live happily ever after. Even though my first crush realized girls didn’t actually have cooties, he and I have not fallen in love and will not be getting married. But that doesn’t mean I have to sacrifice the rest of my childhood fantasy. That’s the reason I haven’t let anyone swipe my V-card: my expectations. I want to be in love before I give it away. That doesn’t mean I have to be married or even engaged. I just want to be head over heels in love with the guy. People have told me to just go out to a bar and find some random one-night stand or just hook up with a close guy friend “to get it over with,” as if it’s something to simply cross off my to-do list. When my future child asks me about my first time, I want to be able to smile and say it was worth it.
LYZI WHITE Life Editor
Alexa Strudler /// The Spectrum
My first kiss was a “get it over with” situation with one of my close guy friends at a party. As satisfactory as the kiss was, it wasn’t special – it didn’t mean anything. I don’t want to the same situation to happen twice. I know some people who have had sex when the first opportunity arose or who have found some random guy or girl to pop their cherry. Later on, they regret it or wish they waited. I’m not saying it is a bad thing to grasp the first opportunity you can, but it’s just not something I can do. It’s possible I have unrealistic expectations. But so far in my life, no guy I’ve been with is has been worth it. So I’m still waiting. I am aware that as I get older, it’s probably going to be harder to find a guy who will accept me and my virginity – let’s face it, we are a package deal – because of the changing stigma surrounding virginity. “It used to be this badge of honor. And at a certain age, it’s not,” said Amy Rosenberg, a sex therapist and associate director of human sexuality at NYU, in an interview with the Huffington Post. “Unlike this idea of deflowering a young virgin, it’s not the same idea of getting there first with an older woman.” If The Breakfast Club has taught me anything, it’s that the double-edged sword called virginity shouldn’t stop me from getting the man of my dreams. Even though Bender makes fun of Claire throughout the whole movie, calling her “Cherry,” you know he wants her. If you are a 20-year-old virgin like me, stand proud. Don’t just give away your V-card because some drunken guy or girl at the bar checked you out. It’s a moment you can never get back. So make it count. Email: rachel.kramer@ubspectrum.com
When I tell people I have three brothers, they tend to be surprised. When I clarify that I have three older brothers, most people tend to have the same reaction. I call it “the yikes.” It consists of raised eyebrows, a sympathetic frown and a big exhalation of breath. Usually people say something like, “Wow, that must have been rough” or “I bet they were super protective of you.” Trust me folks, you have no idea. As I grew up, my father continuously engrained one rule in my brothers’ skulls: protect your sister, always. Apparently, in their minds, this translated into no boys allowed. Ever. Basically, I’ve had live-in c*ck blockers since I was in diapers. My dad especially liked to remind my brothers of this in front of whatever sports team he was coaching – whether it was little league or youth football. That way, all boys in my immediate vicinity were aware that my company always included three bodyguards. It helped that my dad was well known within the recreational sport circuit of my town, so word traveled quickly. Before I turned 6 years old, it was basic knowledge that if you wanted to talk to me, you would have to deal with my brothers first. Most of the time, boys decided it would be easier to just not talk to me. The first time I can remember one of my brothers ruining my “love life” was in first grade. I developed my second big crush on a boy. His name was Johnny and he was in my class. We sat next to each other during story time. I’m not sure if I told my brother Matt about my feelings or the jerk read about it in my diary. Either way, the results were tragic. My brother, a third grader at the time, and I would go to the school cafeteria early and eat breakfast before class started. So did Johnny. As fate would have it, Matt and Johnny sat together one morning and started chitchatting. I wasn’t there, but this is how I assume the conversation went: “Oh, you’re in Ms. Tamburri’s class?” Matt asked. “Yup,” Johnny responded. “My sister, Lyzi White, is in that class. Do you know a boy named Johnny? Lyzi’s totally in love with him!” My brother ran over to me and I sat in horror as he told me the story. Turned out, Johnny thought all girls had cooties. When he found out I loved him, he believed there was a risk of contracting them. The love of my life made it a point to avoid me while picking seats during story time for the rest of the year. C*ck block accomplished. As I grew up, my brothers taught me valuable life lessons: how to throw a punch, how to play video games and how to play football. While I appreciate these things now, there was a point during puberty when, as a girl, I was not supposed to be doing these things. More importantly, I was not supposed to be better at these things than my male classmates. My brothers were part of a wrestling club. Logically, my dad enrolled me in class, too. Unfortunately for me, I was pretty damn good. When a boy would try to lift my leg and throw me to the ground, I would just hop around with my leg in the air and watch the confusion on the boy’s face. Then pin him to the ground.
Boys did not like that. C*ck block accomplished. My love for video games also became a problem. Now, it’s common knowledge I played an enormous amount of video games as a kid. But as a 13-year-old girl just growing breasts and hoping to get noticed by a certain boy in her class, it was something I tried to keep secret. It didn’t work out. My brother Billy worked at a computer LAN-ing center – basically a place where people all sit in one room and play the same video game together. I was a decent Counter Strike player at this point, so Billy introduced me to some other girls who played and we formed a team. The first competition we played in, I competed against the boy I had a crush on. I still hadn’t learned to keep my mouth shut about boys I liked at this point, so my three brothers (who had a team themselves) knew exactly which boy it was. My brother Chris went up to the kid, kissed him on both cheeks and just walked away. No words spoken, no explanation given. Too bad everyone knew he was my brother. Too bad my crush started giving me weird looks like it was my fault. Too bad I ended up beating my crush in that competition. If the boy had any semblance of a crush on me, he sure as hell didn’t anymore. C*ck block accomplished. That same year was when I realized I would never have a chance at a real teenage “love life.” My brothers, some of their friends and I played EverQuest, a massively multiplayer online role-playing game, on a regular basis. One of these friends, Mike, apparently liked me and another friend knew this. So via private message, this friend told me I should give Mike a chance. I would have loved to. He was cute, he was nice and he obviously didn’t care that I was a nerd. Unfortunately, my brother Chris was watching me play and read the message the same time I did. He promptly logged on and told Mike something like, “I won’t tell Billy or Matt, but if you go near my sister, we’ll hide your body in the woods where no one will find it.” C*ck block accomplished. I’m sure my parents were grateful for the amount of energy my brothers put into making sure no boy ever wanted to come near me. Once they found their own girlfriends, their effort was displaced. Unfortunately for me, the damage was already done; everyone knew my brothers were crazy and my love life stayed stagnant for a very long time. So you should thank your sons, Mom and Dad. Those three buffoons protected my hymen – one embarrassing moment at a time. Email: lyzi.white@ubspectrum.com
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Sexiest athletes in sports MARKUS MCCAINE & LYZI WHITE Assistant Sports Editor & Life Editor Female: Alex Morgan
Courtesy of Alex Morgan Fans, Facebook
No female athlete in the universe can hold it down like Alex Morgan, as cited by her 1,115,513 twitter followers. She is a 14-year-old boyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s nightly wet dream. In 2011, she led the U.S. womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s soccer team (USWNT) to the silver medal in the FIFA Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s World Cup. She then appeared in the 2012 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue the following winter â&#x20AC;&#x201C; wearing nothing but a skin-tight, body-paint swimsuit. Morgan continued her run of success by leading the USWNT to the gold medal in the 2012 London Olympics. What separates Morgan from other female athletes is not just her drop dead looks â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Morgan brings a confidence and swagger like no other. Morgan is one of the most clutch athletes in the world. You canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t go wrong with a girl who has beauty, talent and confidence. Continued on page 19
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Rules of arrangement How my parentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; arranged marriage shaped my view on love SAM FERNANDO Asst. News Editor Most people wait five days after meeting a girl to set up a first date. My parents are not most people. Five days after meeting, they were engaged. And a week after their engagement, they were married. This is a love story. Not your typical one but a love story, nonetheless. I was born in Buffalo and have lived here my entire my life. But the nature of my parentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; marriage has given me insight into arranged marriages. Although I personally donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t wish to have one, I have come to appreciate and admire the relationship my parents have. My parents were born and raised in Sri Lanka, where the concept of arranged marriage, even today, is a common one â&#x20AC;&#x201C; not to say â&#x20AC;&#x153;loveâ&#x20AC;? marriages donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t exist. But as far as arranged marriages go, my parentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; marriage was even more unique. According to my mom, a man and a woman were typically given about six months to get to know each other before they were officially married. But because of the distance between my parents, they were unable to have that â&#x20AC;&#x153;courtingâ&#x20AC;? time. My mom moved to the United States in 1978 and was a banker while going to school at Pace University and the American Institute of Banking in Manhattan to study accounting. My dad, however, was a doctor in Sri Lanka. In the summer of 1981, my motherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; father approached his friends and one recommended my dad as a suitable partner for my mom. My grandfather then made sure my dad had the qualifications his future sonin-law should possess, like some sort of â&#x20AC;&#x2122;80s version of Match.com. He had to be Catholic, have a profession that could support his wife and future children and have a family my grandfather approved of. My dad fit the bill. On Aug. 23, 1981, my dad met my mother at the airport when she landed, the first time she saw him and spoke to him. Five
days later, they had their engagement party. Their first date was actually the day after they were officially engaged, an experience my mother called â&#x20AC;&#x153;strange.â&#x20AC;? She wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t used to going out without her family, but she remembered the movie they went to was horrible. My dad spent the night in a separate room, of course. On Sept. 5, 1981, they were married. But for the next two months, my mom would be thousands of miles away form my dad, until his green card and other immigration papers were cleared. I always found it difficult to comprehend how two people who barely knew each other were able to start a life together, especially in a country neither was really familiar with. The struggle my parents endured might seem crazy to me, but my parents didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t see it that way. My dad told me he didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t see it like that. Yes, it was difficult but that was understood. It was common and though they struggled, they were going to make it work. And if I am allowed to be proud of my parents for that, I most certainly am. My mom said it wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t strange at the time. She knew what her life was going to be like and she made the most of it. I asked my parents why their marriage worked so well and they both had different explanations. My mother said it was because the foundation of their relationship was honesty and trust â&#x20AC;&#x201C; something she said was inherent and not planned. She said nowadays you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know the true person you are dating until you get to a certain point. She clarified, saying in the beginning of a relationship, you are being the person you want the other person to perceive you as. In her situation, all the cards were on the table from day one, and she and my dad had to be completely honest and trustworthy out of necessity. Although my dad agreed, he saw and continues to see his responsibilities in the marriage as the driving force of his success. He said he didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t see his motivation as trying to make the relationship work â&#x20AC;&#x201C; instead he saw his responsibility as being a good husband and, later, a good father. They were the ultimate support team and they had to be. They worked together to figure out how to plan their lives, including my mom leaving school to support the
family when she was pregnant with my oldest sister in 1984. The only people they really had to lean on were each other and that fact really shines through even today. My dad said something I will surely keep with me in any relationship I form, whether that be a romantic one or a friendship. He said most relationships fail because each person is more selfish than they are selfless. Being in an arranged marriage has taught him that sacrifice is the key. My mom said if she could do it all over again, she wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t change a thing. And she also admits she was lucky and blessed to have found a man like my dad. To say my parents have the perfect marriage is not true. They had problems just like every couple does. But the relationship they have had over 31 years together is not only something I admire but also something I strive for. My parentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; arranged marriage is something they really donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t talk about often. Not because they are embarrassed of it, but because in their eyes, where they are now defines the relationship a lot more than their humble beginnings. For the most part, they believe the fact they were arranged is irrelevant. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s unimportant. And I agree. My two sisters and I have learned a lot from my parents. And although we might not follow through with an arranged marriage ourselves â&#x20AC;&#x201C; one of my sisters married her husband after meeting him at UB and dating him for seven years â&#x20AC;&#x201C; for me, my parentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; marriage is certainly an inspiration for my relationship with my future wife. Email: sam.fernando@ubspectrum.com
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Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Wednesday, February 13, 2013 ubspectrum.com
Arts & Entertainment
Love is in the eye of the beholder ELVA AGUILAR Senior Arts Editor I’m 22 and I’ve seen my parents kiss less than a handful of times. I hate public displays of affection and find them to scream insecurity. I never understood why I was so apathetic to stereotypical romance or affection. I have never been heartbroken, so I’m not a woman scorned and I do believe in life after love. After months of racking my brain, I realized my unorthodox beliefs stem from my parents, who have been together for over 23 years and married for about 16 of them. Growing up, my parents worked opposite shifts at the same job, so I seldom saw them together. The days they were off from work, they spent with my siblings and me instead of each other – their role as parents trumped their roles as lovers. My parents didn’t hate each other, though. The fondest memory I have of my parents is my mother sitting on a couch with my father’s head resting on her lap while she pokes fun at his blackheads and blemishes. My parents have always been friends first – a trait many of my peers seem to lack in their relationships. They have always been partners in parenting and partners in maintaining a household, and although they never directly told me how relationships were supposed to be, they taught me a solid foundation for a healthy relationship is friendship. A lot of my girlfriends have unrealistic and high expectations for their relationships. They want a superhero, they want a tough guy and, at the same time, they want somebody sensitive to their feelings. A lot of girls focus on what men do wrong as opposed to what they do right or even why they got together in the first place.
Women will prefer a man holds the door open for them in public or hold their hand but don’t care they hold no substantial conversation with their significant other at the end of the day. I would much rather prioritize an actual relationship with my boyfriend than plot the ways I can take him out and show him off like a trophy. I look at girls who cling onto their boyfriend’s arms like baby koalas with separation anxiety and wonder if their incessant nagging for a kiss is a result of the honeymoon phase or if they simply want the world to know they have a boyfriend. I would always ask my mother why she and my father never had huge date nights, or why she never got upset that he wouldn’t randomly bring her flowers and her answer would always be, “That isn’t what makes or breaks a couple.” Instead of spending hundreds or thousands on mundane presents, my parents spent the money on clothes for my siblings and me. Instead of using their nights off from work to strengthen only their bond as husband and wife, my parents used the time for our family to grow closer. Yes, the gifts and displays of affection are nice, but in my opinion, they mean more when the two people in love solely share them. We grow up and subconsciously wish to emulate what we see on TV, what we see in school and what we see at home. I grew up seeing that public displays of affection don’t make or break a relationship – the bond between the two in the relationship does. Materialistic things might be great, but they come and go. And if you don’t make sure the love you have for your significant other is genuine, that will go, too. Happy Valentine’s Day. Email: elva.aguilar@ubspectrum.com
Love tracks Music can make or break a sexual encounter. It can help set the mood for you and your partner and even give some motivation to the timid. The perfect “babymaking” playlist has certain mandatory slow jams; Barry White, Marvin Gaye, Luther Vandross and Stevie Wonder are all great to express love, but songs that encompass the lust while you do the deed are crucial to keep everything up. On the other hand, if your iTunes shuffle hits the wrong song during an unplanned rendezvous, all chances of making it to the finish line are over. Enjoy our recommendations and warnings for your Valentine’s Day hookup playlists. Songs to help you get it on… “Intro” – The xx This is what cool kids make out to. Turn the lights down and start your ‘sesh’ with this atmospheric viber. “Lay, Lady, Lay” – Bob Dylan Bob Dylan’s ‘other voice.’ This song is meant for passionate caresses and slow kissing. Time it right, and it should come on when you’re ‘finished.’ “His clothes are dirty, but his hands are clean/And you’re the best thing that he’s ever seen,” Dylan sings. “Lay, lady, lay/Lay across my big brass bed.” “Until The End of Time” – Justin Timberlake feat. Beyonce Mr. Timberlake and Mrs. Carter are two of the sexiest people in the music business, so when they came together in 2007 for “Until The End of Time,” the sex appeal reached an all-time high. Justin and Beyonce’s flawless, tasteful sexuality exudes on this song and the tempo is the perfect rhythm to set the mood. Just make sure you don’t add Beyonce’s “End of Time” to your iTunes accidently, which could end tragically. “Crash Into Me” – Dave Matthews Band “I love you, you’re beautiful, let’s have sex.” These easily could have been the lyrics to this Dave Matthews Band classic, but thankfully Matthews has a bit more tact and creative ability than that. “Crash Into Me” will put the cherry on top of any meaningful sexual encounter, whether it’s your first or 53rd time.
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“Closer” – Nine Inch Nails Let’s be honest – we all have a little bit of freak in us. Whether your inner freak prefers a light hand-spank or a full leather gimp suit, “Closer” is the perfect background song to get you into the kinky mood. A warning, however, for the beginners: unless you have a thing for insects and crucified monkeys, you may want to avoid watching the music video before you hop to it. Songs that will kill the mood… “Kim” – Eminem “You and your husband have a fight/ One of you tries to grab a knife/And during the struggle he accidentally gets his Adam’s apple sliced.” If lyrics like these don’t ruin your flow, chances are you’re getting it on during a conjugal visit. “Wannabe” –Spice Girls The Spice Girls may have been poster girls for feminine power and sexual energy, but nothing screams “cheesy ’90s sing-along” as loud as this tune does. And truthfully, nothing screams mood killer like “cheesy ’90s sing-along.” “Have My Baby” – Lloyd Lloyd contributes toward R&B’s saucy passionate reputation with racy lyrics and his sexy voice, but he goes a little too far on this one. Have my baby? No thanks. “The Bad Touch” – Bloodhound Gang We are, in fact, nothing but mammals, but keep the Discovery Channel antics to a minimum. “The Bad Touch” has been the go-to novelty sex track since its drop in 1999. Plus, what could be more insulting than being compared to an animal documentary while having sex. “Mama Mia” – ABBA Show tunes are not meant for the boudoir. While ABBA’s discography is one for the record books, anything that a middleaged Caucasian woman sings in the shower should not accompany the sounds of lovemaking.
Email: arts@ubspectrum.com
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Wednesday, February 13, 2013
One in 30,000 *Opinion*
LISA DE LA TORRE Asst. Arts Editor If you’re a college student and you’re considering entering a relationship with another college student, read this next sentence very carefully. You better be ready to put in work. Of course, this could be said about any relationship. As they say, “Nothing worth having comes easy.” But we live in a society where “college relationship” is oxymoronic – trust me, if you haven’t realized that yet, you will. However, if you’re ready for the challenge, the good news is that there’s nothing more rewarding than being with someone and having no doubts about what you’re doing. I met him freshman year. I was innocent and independent, and I had no intention of meeting him, but it happened. We spoke all night at a house party. People yelled, spilled drinks and danced around us, but they seemed to move in slow motion throughout our conversation. I knew deep down that he wasn’t like anyone I’d ever met before, and I say this not because of his charm or good looks, but because it was a fact that came to me almost instinctually. I felt it in my stomach. “This kid is the one.” It’s been three years since that night. We’ve “taken breaks” twice and “broken up” once, an agreement still in effect to this day. I’ve hung out with his parents multiple times; he was my date to my sister’s wedding. We have romantic chemistry, of course, but we’re best friends – and ultimately, that’s the reason we’ve never been able to go long enough without each other to really have to say goodbye. It’s only because I’m not currently in a relationship that I can say this with confidence: in order to make your college relationship work, you need to be honest, be willing to prioritize and, most importantly, be realistic. If you know yourself, and you’re the type of gal who’s going to have to put tape over her mouth in order to avoid making out with another dude on your night away from your boyfriend, you might want to rethink putting titles on what you are. And if you’re a guy who loves his girlfriend, but would rather spend his time on the couch with his buds, there’s no shame in that, either—but you should be honest and realistic with your girl about how much time you genuinely see
yourself spending with her. There’s no shame in wanting someone you go to when you’re lonely. But a lot of people dig themselves into holes by rushing to commit to each other when all they’re really ready to commit to is a warm body to sleep beside. But if you can look your boyfriend in the eye and truly imagine still having him in your life 10 years down the road, that’s great. And all of that other stuff is miniscule, because you have something worth working for. The truth of our situation – that is, being love-struck college students – is that at this point in our lives, our surroundings are going to affect us one way or another. And honestly, there’s nothing wrong with admitting to that. You don’t have to be a hormonedriven sex fiend to have doubts, either. One of the things that always scared me was the idea that if I truly am meant to spend more time with this person after college, was I really ready to begin that commitment at 18 years old? Even without the temptation of others, it takes a lot of time and energy to be a good boyfriend or girlfriend to someone else. You have to be willing to compromise, to be patient and to be selfless, and I stand by the assertion that the four years we spend in college are the last years of our lives where acting selfish is even remotely justified. But at the end of the day, the couples who last are the ones who give each other enough room to be human – and that means having the patience to look past each other’s human mistakes. You’ll have great times with each other, of course, and you might have some tough times, too. You may sleep with six more people while you’re here; she may never look at another potential mate again. As long as you’re each OK with these things happening, you’re golden. I’ve known this kid for six out of the seven semesters I’ve spent here, and even if I never speak to him again after college, I’ll never regret one minute of those semesters. So if you’re a college student about to enter a relationship and your palms are now sweating from reading this, breathe and put the paper down – there’s someone waiting to hold your clammy hands. Email: lisa.delatorre@ubspectrum.com
Editor’s note: This article is a satire piece. It is not to be taken literally. ‘Carson’ is a pen name. Dear Carson, I feel pretty pathetic putting myself out there like this, but I’ve exhausted all other options. I know you specialize in “alternative” answers to life’s most difficult questions, and that’s exactly what I’m looking for. Let’s just say I can’t turn to those closest to me, so you’re the only hope I’ve got. My roommate is my best friend and we both like the same guy. Not too complicated, right? Wrong. She doesn’t know I like him. Basically, she told me she liked him first and I didn’t want to say I’d had my eye on him, too, because I was just starting to notice him at the time. She was already head over heels, so I guess you could say I let her have him. Despite all of that, I just hooked up with him on Saturday night in the bathroom at Northside. My roommate has no idea. I really care about her. I need her. I’m so afraid to tell her. I’d hate for her to find out from someone else and hate me forever. At the same time, this was the best sex of my life. I want more, so what do I do? Sincerely, Best Friend For Never Dear BFFN, Sorry to hear you had the best sex of your life at Northside. Reading that threw me into a serious state of depression until I realized that your life is, thankfully, not mine. Moving on. It’s beyond obvious that this dude has already banged your friend, too. He did, after all, claim you in a bathroom stall. What makes you think your ‘head-over-heels’ friend wouldn’t give it up to a guy who fooled the girl who was ‘just
starting to notice him?’ Obviously, like you, she’s afraid to tell anybody. I have absolutely no advice on how to seek a real relationship with this Neanderthal you’re both obsessing over, but I can secure a way for you both to enjoy the infamous ‘D.’ The first step is to accept that everything that’s going on as totally fine. What you did is fine. What he’s doing is fine. What your friend is doing is also fine. Pleasure! Seek it out. No one’s gotten hurt so far, and no one has to. The answer? Ménage à trois. That’s right, you need to have a threesome. Monogamous relationships are arguably the most mainstream thing around today, and let’s face it, your parents probably don’t even have one. Homeboy is definitely going to be down for anything, so don’t worry about him at all. The real challenge is presenting the fact you’ve already been with him to your friend, while simultaneously suggesting the threesome as a reasonable solution to the confusion. There’s a good chance that the first part will bum her out to the point where she won’t consider the three-way. Sure, there are lots of ways to trick your friend here, but it sounds like you really care about her. You’re going to have to do this the old fashioned way: light some candles, put on side A of Radiohead’s Kid A (obvi you have a record player, no?) and ingest the holy sacrament of your choice. Tell her what you did. Have lover boy waiting out in the hallway cloaked in a wizard’s robe with his face painted the color of your choice (preferably neon sage), then lay him down in the center of the room and start dripping the hot wax onto his chest. At this point, your friend will start doing one of two things: leaving or staying. If she stays, the threesome is a guarantee. If she leaves, you can use the room for this ancient sex ritual anyway. Regardless of what happens, blame everything on the drugs the next morning and you’ll still have a best friend. Unless she doesn’t get it … and then why are you friends anyway? Email: arts@ubspectrum.com
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Wednesday, February 13, 2013
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Sexy time with Brian Josephs: the final installment “… With a fork and a spoon” BRIAN JOSEPHS Senior Managing Editor Alexa Strudler /// The Spectrum
Serenade them ADRIEN D’ANGELO and SAM FERNANDO Photo Editor and Asst. News Editor Whatever your situation may be, the perfect Valentine’s Day gift is very affordable, thoughtful and quite simple – a song. Anybody who argues the gift of music isn’t a good one might have never been lucky enough to receive such a gift. The resident musicians at The Spectrum have compiled of list of beginner-, intermediate- and advanced-level songs that would warm anybody’s heart if sung to them. Beginner “Cecilia” by Simon & Garfunkel – Adrien’s choice Even if you’ve only been playing guitar for a few weeks, you could probably pull this one off. Paul Simon’s famous upbeat tune about a girl named Cecilia might also work for Tasha, Claire or Maria. “Cecilia” is the perfect song to play if your date leads the two of you into your room. If you want to play a short set for her, this would be the song to start with, as it’s extremely easy to play and a great warm up. You’ll be able to stare into her eyes the whole time while your fingers transition between C, G and D chords unthinkingly. “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz – Sam’s choice The thought of playing this song may seem cheesy or even cliché, but the second you sit down and start singing, her heart will be melting before your eyes. Like a lot of pop songs, the entire song consists of the same four open chords – G major, D major, E minor and C major – with a capo placed on the fourth fret. That being said, invest in a capo. It will make playing this song – and a lot of other songs – much easier. The strumming pattern is a little difficult for a beginner, but practice. And if that doesn’t work, make up your own. That capo and a strumming pattern may be the only things standing between you and your future lady. Intermediate “Diamonds on the Inside” by Ben Harper – Adrien’s choice If she has diamonds where it counts, this is the song for her. The subtle tone of this Ben Harper favorite is best played quiet and close. Sing gently and you might be able to steal a kiss after the second chorus. For extra points, try to take on playing all of the fills. Plucking or thumbing the walking bass line would be a great addition,
too, and it will make the song feel complete. The chords alone will suffice, so if you’re a little nervous, you can always fall back on playing from tab. “Your Body is a Wonderland” by John Mayer – Sam’s choice If you think playing the John Mayer’s pop songs isn’t going to woo your girl, just consider the fact the man was able to win over the hearts of Jennifer Aniston, Taylor Swift, Jennifer Love-Hewitt, Jessica Simpson and Katy Perry. The man is doing something right. This Grammy-winning song – played in drop-D tuning – isn’t terribly complicated either, with the chorus and verse having the same picking pattern. The pre-chorus and the bridge are a little more difficult, but with a little practice, you may be able to make her body your wonderland. Advanced: “Triangular Daisies” by Rubblebucket – Adrien’s choice You’ve got yourself a cool chick if she loves Rubblebucket – an experimental indie band from Brooklyn. “Triangular Daisies” will definitely make her heart shed a few petals if she’s into music that’s silly and a little strange. The difficulty in this song is arranging it for guitar. On top of that, you’re going to have to sing with the uber-extensive range of Kalmia Traver, whistle and probably toss out some “oohs” and “aahs” to replace the lead horn lines. You won’t find a tab for this song online, but please send us one if it works for you. Guys everywhere will thank you. “Blackbird” by The Beatles – Sam’s choice Although this song isn’t the hardest song to play, it is still difficult to get the singing and playing down. The only way to master this song is to practice the picking pattern until your hand is independent from your voice. It takes time, but it’s worth it. It might not technically be a love song, but Paul McCartney has a way with words and he has given you permission to use them. Maybe this is you and your girl’s “moment to arise.” Oh, and side note: If she has never heard of The Beatles – or worse doesn’t like them – I think it’s time to find a new girl.
There was this really popular dude who went to my high school in 2006. He was the go-to guy for jokes, good times and gossip on unsavory females. It seemed like everyone liked him. Well, everyone except one of my friends. It seemed like they had the same interests: games and women (like a majority of high school males, but that’s beside the point). Perplexed, I asked him why he had such distaste for Mr. Popular. “Because he eats p***y,” he said with scowl. Believe it or not, there was a time when kissing the clitoris was frowned upon in some circles. It just wasn’t something a man’s man would do. The Spectrum’s former editor in chief once remarked if the main characters from The Sopranos were to ever find out if somebody were giving cunilligus, they’d immediately verbally assault him with a variety of slander too vulgar for print. Then, for some reason during the later half of the decade, urban youths decided to finally wear clothing that fit, Crocs became a thing and eating out finally became cool. It wasn’t just in style, either. It became some sort of absurd passageway into adulthood. That “it takes a man to be father” slogan and whatever malarkey that’s in those coming-of-age novels became a bit of an afterthought. You want facial hair? Eskimo kiss the pink. Want some bass in your voice? Time to eat. Heck, it even became uncool if you weren’t into that sort of thing. Non-clit kissers were squares, and if you saw Uma Thurman’s famous scene in 1994’s Pulp Fiction, you’d know no one likes squares. Hip-hop, the go-to genre for all things trendy, was also a part of this shift in the country’s sexual ethos. Arguably the most notable advocate for cunilligus is Lil Wayne.
Weezy is one of the most polarizing hip-hop artists of all-time, but his love for eating out goes without question. I mean, the amount of love he has for cunilligus is even inspiring. People usually spend their whole lives trying to find something they truly love doing, and here’s this dreadlocked, nonsensical rapper who’s just unashamedly professing his feelings about the art of oral sex. Lil Wayne doesn’t just rap about that life, either. He indulges in it. Weezy sinks himself so deep into the art that he ends up constantly opening up new possibilities to the clitoris – also known as nature’s Rubik’s Cube. There are so many instances where he innovates oral sex, like in this line from “Roman’s Revenge 2.0” with Nicki Minaj: “I like a big wet p***y with a fork and a spoon,” Wayne raps. Wayne was at the pinnacle of his pop star and p***y-eating prowess in 2008, when he released his multi-platinum album, Tha Carter III, which contained the ever-important “P***y Monster.” The name of the song may be a bit raw, but its execution is nothing short of heroic. Here, Wayne is standing up for his love of good-tasting vagina in a rallying series of hooks and verses that galvanize the audience under one goal: oral stimulation. It’s beautiful stuff. “I gotta taste for you, now what you wanna do,” Wayne raps. “Girl, you cold, let me suck out your flu.” Sex involves sweat, awkwardness and weird slurpy noises. Lil Wayne embraced that ugliness constantly throughout his career and threw it back at us with tales of oral sex and cough syrup. If this star can embrace that grime, so can we. By embracing that grime, we learned there were so many more orgasmic opportunities to explore … with our tongues. Who knows what’s going to be the next thing that’s “in” when it comes to sex? It might even be anal sex. Lil Wayne taught us we might never know until we try, no matter how absurd it may be. Email: brian.josephs@ubspectrum.com
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What makes a man Definition of chivalry needs to change REBECCA BRATEK Managing Editor Chivalry – the medieval knightly system with its religious, moral and social code; courteous behavior, especially that of a man toward women. The question: is it dead? Yes. And no. As a woman, am I supposed to expect every man to open doors for me, pay for my meals and drinks or spread his coat across every puddle in my path? Well, quite simply, no. And if you’re a girl and nodded your head yes to those, you need to rethink your priorities. This isn’t pre-1950s. Back in those days, women were considered to be worth less than men and were expected to not do much more than stand in a kitchen and cater to man’s every need – whether it be cooking a meal or pleasuring men with sex. In return, men were expected to be courteous and treat women with respect. Open her door, pull out her chair, never let her pick up the check, give up your seat on the subway, hold her purse while she shops, never let her walk on the side of the road closest to the street – you get the idea. But it’s 2013. What should be dead are these gendered expectations and, along with them, the notion that women are these dainty, fragile, helpless creatures in need of masculine saving. I can open my own door, I can pay my own bills and I can carry my own purse. And I know you ladies and men can do these things, too. What shouldn’t be dead is the concept that chivalry today translates to being a decent human being with some comprehension of basic manners. Politeness is not – and should not be – gender specific. Think of how many times you walk through a door per day on this campus alone. Now think of how many times the person in front of you has held a door open for you. If you’re like me, the count in your head is kind of low. Now think of the last time you walked through a door with someone behind you. Did you hold open the door? Did you let it slam in the person’s face? Did he or she say thank you if you chose to hold it open? How about when you last went out to a restaurant, a coffee shop or a bar with another person, whether it was a friend, family member or a date. Did that person offer to pick up the check? Did you offer? Did you expect that person to pay? If you work in a customer service-related job, how often do you have someone come up to your counter, just to place his or her purchase on the counter while talking on the phone or texting? Did that person acknowledge your existence? Did he or she say thank you? Even worse, do you do this when standing on the other side? Maybe I’m old school or maybe I expect way too much from my peers and those born in my generation. Maybe I’m cynical and most of you are screaming at me, saying, “How dare she tell me I don’t have manners! I always hold open the door and say thank you!” But I think we, as a generation, don’t pay close enough attention to each other. We focus only on our needs and ourselves and making sure the door doesn’t clip our own shoulder when we walk through it. We’re willing to step on others’ toes. Women shouldn’t expect men to have the same code of conduct as medieval knights. We, both men and women, shouldn’t do nice, courteous things for others with the expectation of receiving something in return. We should do these things because we care about others and we find joy in helping our fellow humans. My parents taught me to treat others how you would like to be treated. If I didn’t say thank you to someone who did something nice for me, you bet I would be scolded once I got home. Again, maybe I’m pessimistic, but sometimes I think people who think and act this way are becoming a rare breed. Men, offer to pick up the tab, hold open the door – and let them walk through it first – and pull out chairs for the ladies in your life (pro tip: it’s incredibly attractive to be a gentleman). Ladies, don’t expect men to do these things for you but be grateful if they do. Also, it’s really considerate if you return the same favors. We can save chivalry and change its definition. Email: rebecca.bratek@ubpsectrum.com
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Views for Valentine’s Day Movies and romance are like peanut butter and jelly: classic counterparts that can either make your day or kill you – depending on what you’re “allergic” to. Thankfully, we have comprised a list of movies that will see you safely through your Valentine’s Day, whether you’re spending it cuddled up with your cutie or a carton of ice cream.
For the new couple: Crazy, Stupid, Love
For the hopeless romantic: The Notebook
Couples Movies For the long-term couple that’s hanging on by a thread: Blue Valentine
Courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures
Quintessential romantic comedies are perfect for the newly budding romance. Extravagant outings might seem like “too much” for a relationship in its infancy, so a homebound movie night featuring Ryan Gosling’s (Gangster Squad) abs, Emma Stone’s (Gangster Squad) innocence and Steve Carell’s (The Way, Way Back) mid-life crisis is enough to keep you both laughing while you spoon this Thursday night. Courtesy of The Weinstein Company
The main attraction here is Ryan Gosling (Gangster Squad), every guy’s biggest man crush and the dude that every girl would cheat on her man with. That being said, Michelle Williams (My Week with Marilyn) isn’t so bad to look at, either, and they’re both incredible actors. Directed by Derek Cianfrance (Blue Valentine), this movie sets Gosling and Williams in an intimate, dark and beautifully scripted film that examines love and marriage with rare honesty. You may not be married, but if you and your significant other have been to hell and back (and maybe even back again), this one is for you. For any couple, anytime, anywhere: Titanic
Courtesy of Paramount Pictures
A classic. You’ve probably already seen it, but that doesn’t matter. The fact that Titanic is so long (194 minutes) will give you some good background noise for whatever else you and your lover do while you’re “watching movies.” Even if there was enough room for him on that floating door, Jack (Leonardo DiCaprio, Django Unchained) died for Rose (Kate Winslet, Movie 43), and that’s something worth admiring. If this is your last Valentines Day together: Unfaithful
For the couple having unprotected sex: Riding in Cars with Boys
Courtesy of Columbia Pictures
Courtesy of Miramax Films
It’s unclear whether or not Ben Affleck (Argo) and Matt Damon (Promised Land) intended for this movie to be heart-wrenchingly romantic, but somewhere amidst this tale of genius and abuse is a love story that will leave even the most stoic viewers a bit dewy-eyed. The budding romance between Skylar (Minnie Driver, I Give It a Year) and Will (Damon) is not only fun to watch but will make couples watching appreciate their own relationships even more. Good Will Hunting is the perfect movie for couples that have roughed the storm and are better for it now.
If you’re single but in love with your best friend: Love & Basketball
Courtesy of New Line Cinema
Unfortunately, some people don’t know how good they have it until they see it walk away. A lot of platonic friendships turn into ideal relationships and the best example in film is Love & Basketball. You can watch this alone if you’d like to take the time to daydream about what could be, or you can watch it with your secret crush and try to drop a couple of hints. Who knows, Sannaa Lathan (Contagion) and Omar Epps (House M.D.) might just influence you two to play a couple of rounds of strip basketball yourselves.
Single Movies
For the starry-eyed nostalgic: Dirty Dancing
The newly single: Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Courtesy of Universal Pictures
Breaking up is hard to do. It could drive you to tears, depression or crazy enough to follow your ex to Hawaii while she has sex with a rock star. If you’ve just been dumped, Jason Segel’s (This Is 40) adventures as Peter Bretten in Hawaii as he chases his alleged soul mate, Sarah Marshall (Kristen Bell, Movie 43) out of his life might be the best way to laugh at your pain this Valentine’s Day.
Courtesy of 20th Century Fox
For the intellectual lovebirds: Good Will Hunting
There’s a reason Ryan Gosling (Gangster Squad) is on our lists so many times, and it all starts with this movie. The Notebook launched Gosling’s career when it became the love film of our generation. Gosling plays Noah, a poor local heartthrob who falls in love with Allie (Rachel McAdams, Passion), a wealthy city girl. Noah shows off some of the greatest swag of all time, and Allie goes against her parents’ wishes to be with him. This is the ideal love story, and if you plan on finding a love like this… you’re hopeless.
We all know it feels better, but this movie might make you think twice before you go raw dog again. After one stupid mistake with Ray (Steve Zahn, Escape From Planet Earth), Beverly’s (Drew Barrymore, Big Miracle) dreams of going to college and becoming a writer end when she gives birth to her baby boy. This film has a great mix of serious and funny as Beverly tries to make something of her life while dealing with Ray’s stupidity and drug habits. Watch and learn!
To bring out your inner freak-a-leek: Cruel Intentions
Let’s face it, one day out of the year might not be enough to forget the underlying trust issues you two have had for months or even the huge fight you two had during the Super Bowl. For those of you who aren’t confrontational, Diane Lane’s (Secretariat) extracurricular sexual activities might be the hint you need to relay to tell your significant other things might be over.
Courtesy of New Line Cinema
Courtesy of Columbia Pictures
Not everybody cares about being single on Valentine’s Day; in fact, some people prefer it. If you find yourself not caring about not having someone to give gifts to or receive gifts from, that doesn’t mean you still can’t get in touch with your inner freak. Between Ryan Phillippe’s (Straight A’s) mission to have sex with Reese Witherspoon (Mud) and Sarah Michelle Gellar’s (Veronika Decides to Die) almostgained attempt at making incest sexy, you’ll find some inspiration to go out and get some Valentine’s Day booty.
Courtesy of Vestron Pictures
Easily one of the most popular chickflicks of all time, Dirty Dancing is always a crowd pleaser – especially if the crowd is made up of single ladies. If you really want to avoid the Valentine’s Day blues this year, grab a bottle of wine, gather your girlfriends and pop this classic into the DVD player. The music and dancing will put you in a good mood, and if all else fails, at least Patrick Swayze (Powder Blue) is hunkier than any other guy you could be spending the day with. Email: arts@ubspectrum.com
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Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Continued from page 12: Sexiest athletes in sports
Continued from page 1: Bands-a make him dance Danny’s best friends, wasn’t too shocked when she found out Danny started dancing. She described him as extremely eccentric, recalling how he openly had a crush on her mother. He even put a picture of Shepard’s mom as the background of his phone. “For that reason, I was not surprised in the slightest when he called me one summer day and asked me to venture into the city – I’m from Long Island – to watch him strip,” Shepard said. “An invitation I politely declined.” Danny worked two to three nights a week for about three hours a night. Most nights he would make about $200 in tips and $40 from the venue. He was able to sustain himself, making more money than he ever had before. “If I had a home with my parents, I probably would not have wound up in the village dancing semi-professionally,” he said. Despite the circumstance, Danny loved it. He said it’s the least stressful job he has ever had and it was never a chore for him to go into work. He was able to sublet an apartment with a coworker, afford food and enjoy a summer in the city. With the job came an elaborate lie. He set up a bank account with his fake name and stolen ID so he could deposit the checks written out to him from bar managers. The setup put Danny in a great position. He looked young (because he truly was young, unbeknownst to his employer) and was able to market himself to work “twink nights.” A “twink” is a term used in the gay community to describe young-looking men with slender builds. Danny’s fabricated story involved him pretending to be bisexual and having a girlfriend in Boston – this lie was to subdue the people he worked with. He said everyone he worked with was having sex with each other – something he was never interested in partaking in. “Everybody wants to bang you – the people you’re working with, the people at the bar – your job is to be the sexiest person in the room, so you are,” Danny said. For Danny, mental preparation for a night dancing was alcohol. He said getting a “solid buzz” made the work easy. It helped him “pretend to be a homosexual for four hours a night.” And while he had a little experience in theater as kid, he calls that summer his greatest acting gig. While grinding the pole, Danny performed “patented booty drops,” which people “normally lose their sh*t over.” “You have to realize you’re dealing with men now, and men on twink night are looking for a tight body [and a] tight ass,” Danny said. But what a lot of people don’t realize is how much physical strength is needed for a night of work. Danny wasn’t expecting to be “sore as hell” the first time he straddled the 12-foot pole. “The hardest dance moves would probably be supporting your weight on the pole and then working your body while staying up on the pole and moving up and down the pole,” Danny said. “When you’re standing on the ground, you can pretty much do anything.”
Between his booty drops and suspending himself on the pole with his legs out, the patrons would say things like “I’m going to f**k you tonight” or “get over here, pretty boy.” Danny said the verbal harassment never fazed him; it was part of the job. “It’s fine, say what you want,” Danny said about the men. “Just put the money where it belongs and I’ll keep doing my job.” Danny took the adoration of the patrons as a compliment – to him, the attention and being naked was “just a blast” – but erotic dancing isn’t his passion. He has a 3.97 GPA and plans to pursue a Ph.D. and a career in academia. Shepard described him as “hands down the smartest person I know and essentially the reason I passed Chem 101.” For him, stripping wasn’t a low point in his life – he knows a lot of people won’t understand that. “There are a lot of people who think that for someone to make that decision, they’re sinking really low, but any day of the week, I would have rather utilized my skills, my physicality and my looks and charms than f***ing flip burgers at McDonalds – I think that’s sinking low,” Danny said. “If you have the ability to do something much better than what you are doing and you work that sh*tty part-time job – that’s sinking low.” He explained a lot of strippers aren’t strippers because they are forced to be but because they found the opportunity and stuck with it. He knows women often get the brunt of the stigma. It’s seldom the stereotypical “she’s a single mom and her life is horrible” situation, according to Danny. “Some women are just strippers because it’s a job and it’s a damn good job,” he explained. He said he has met female strippers with master’s degrees who simply enjoy working in the industry. People have lost jobs and even the custody of children “because someone decided they were less worthy [and] less moral as a person because of having taken their clothes off for money,” according to Christine Varnado, a visiting assistant professor of global gender studies. “I think [the stigma] is because of a larger discomfort with sex – particularly with any sex that’s outside of the mainstream – in our culture,” Varnando said in an email. “It leads to a lot of judgment and people can get kind of hysterical about it.” Danny doesn’t expect stripping to become less stigmatized. He knows in order to be successful in his career, he can’t reveal his identity – and even though he said, “There is a finite chance I’m on the Internet naked or in my spanky pants up on a pole” – but all of those possible images are attached to “Danny” and not himself. He emphasized his time as a dancer wasn’t like Magic Mike – and there is a divide between men who strip for women and men who strip for men. He was in the club to enhance the experience and called himself a decoration. He didn’t have choreographed dances or come out wearing a fireman’s suit. He normally danced for young men on the club scene but “wasn’t surprised to be accosted by someone over 40.”
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Strip clubs offer many things to their patrons, according to Lance Rintamaki, an associate professor of communication who specializes in health communication. He explained that men crave the “sexual novelty” of going to a strip club. “In addition, [patrons] can often access these entertainers for varying degrees of sexual titillation (e.g., private dances) without relational hang-ups or fear of being rejected,” Rintamaki said in email. “As long as they treat the entertainers respectfully and have the cash, they’re welcome.” Shepard said the girls who Danny goes after don’t seem to mind his past. She thinks he’s a good catch and described him as a “ladies man.” She said he enjoys wine, cooking Italian and playing guitar topless – she even pointed out that he has a “pretty sweet six-pack.” Danny isn’t currently working in the sex industry. Danny can’t even imagine stripping for a straight crowd. “If I’m back in New York and looking for a side job, I’d probably [dance again],” Danny admitted. “But at this point, I’m finishing college. I’m going to have a solid, real job. I’m never going to need the money again.” Danny doesn’t communicate with his parents often, but they do know about his time spent as an erotic dancer. At the time, it made the most sense and he said he wouldn’t have wanted it to play out any other way. He was just working his assets. Email: news@ubspectrum.com
Male: Aaron Rodgers
Courtesy of Aaron Rodgers, Facebook
If I possessed any artistic skills, I would use it to make a Hey Arnold figurine of Aaron Rodgers. His blue eyes, I can drown in; his brown hair, I can picture running my fingers through. Seriously, whenever I look at the Green Bay quarterback, I need a moment to compose myself. And I liked him before he led his team to victory in Super Bowl XLV. His stats just make me love the man that much more. He is the all-time career leader in quarterback passer rating (104.9). My main man Aaron also has the lowest career pass interception percentage – 1.7 percent. Suck on that, Sanchez. Aaron Rodgers, or my future husband as he’s known around my apartment, has beauty, charm and one hell of an arm. He could be wearing a suit or his green and yellow number 12 uniform – doesn’t matter to me – Rodgers will always have my vote for the sexiest athlete, no question.
Read the stories of students hooking up on campus on the back page.
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Sports
Wednesday, February 13, 2013 ubspectrum.com
Love and Basketball JON GAGNON Sports Editor
Will Regan, sophomore forward:
With Valentine’s Day approaching, the men’s basketball athletes will be spending their time with each other rather than their sweethearts back in Buffalo. The Bulls play Toledo at home Wednesday night and then begin traveling bright and early on Thursday for a game with Miami Ohio on Saturday afternoon. Though plans for Valentine’s Day aren’t an option for them, they were still able to gather some ideas for what they would if they were home.
BEN ‘UNI BUDDHA’ TARHAN Sports Editor For men who love sports, there is nothing much sexier than combining a significant other and favorite sport. Unfortunately for some fans, not all jerseys are created equal. It’s super sexy to find your sexual partner lying in your bed in nothing but your favorite jersey, unless it’s the Pittsburgh Steelers’ bumblebee attire. Here’s a list of the jerseys that can best spice up your sex life.
Javon McCrea, junior forward:
What’s your ideal Valentine’s Day? “Probably go on date, the movies and go out to dinner. Just the usual, nothing out of the ordinary.” What is your ideal woman? “A red-bone. You know what this is? A lightskinned black woman.”
What is your ideal Valentine’s Day? “My ideal Valentine’s Day would have to be a nice dinner and then a nice little romantic night after that.” What is your ideal woman? “A little above-average height, blonde and nice curves.” Head coach Reggie Witherspoon: What is your ideal Valentine’s Day? “Us having some success on the court and going out and enjoying a nice dinner with my wife.”
Football Oregon Ducks (any jersey) Watching Oregon play can be really hit or miss, but the sheer number of uniform combinations they wear and the high percentage of those that look great make them the easiest on the eyes in the country. Whether it’s their “throwback” combination with the yellow helmets, green jerseys and yellow pants or their all-white combination, you can count on the Ducks to get your juices flowing. Just imagine if your significant other had that many combinations of sexy outfits.
Baseball Baltimore Orioles (home) It was tough not to pick the Mets’ powderwhite jerseys for this spot, but the Orioles have the best hat in baseball, in my opinion. The white front-panel hat combines with the all-white jerseys with orange font to make the Orioles’ standard home jersey the sexiest in baseball. Also, keep in mind that baseball jerseys are the only button-down uniforms in sports, which allows for much easier access to what’s underneath. Hockey Minnesota Wild (third) The Wild’s third jersey isn’t only the sexiest jersey in hockey; it’s straight up the best. I’m not usually a sucker for green, but the script and the different shades make it as pleasing to the eye as any uniform. Hockey jerseys may not be as form-fitting as some other sports, but their warmth makes them perfect for the winter months, and who doesn’t appreciate a girl who knows her hockey? Email: ben.tarhan@ubspectrum.com
Basketball Oklahoma City Thunder (home) Both of the Thunder’s jerseys are nice, but the white ones fall particularly high on my list of favorite jerseys. The blue, orange and white mesh and the black outline on the hem mix borders nicely. Basketball jerseys are also the smallest in major sports and maybe all sports with the exception of beach volleyball. Regardless of the sex of the athlete, those around are bound to enjoy the view.
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Wednesday, February 13, 2013
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Marrying the Mets OWEN O’BRIEN Staff Writer To an outsider, I look like another single male. However, many are unaware of my committed relationship
of nearly 21 years. Who’s the lucky lady? The New York Mets. This relationship, like any other, has seen its fair share of ups and downs. We have laughed, cried and fought more times than I can count. Some of my best and worst memories are shared with the Mets. It was love at first sight. Our little league team sat in the last row of Shea Stadium and what do we see on the Jumbotron? Aliens. Ricky Henderson was green. Robin Ventura had antennas. Mike Piazza was in the same screen as a UFO. Bobby Valentine kept our relationship spicy, showing up with costumes just as things became too bland. This team had character. They knew how to make me laugh and smile. I was hooked. Just like most relationships, the start was a lot of fun. We spent countless hours together, either in person or long late nights over the television. I would fall asleep to the Mets, struggling to keep my eyes on theirs until I couldn’t anymore. It seemed like we would both leave satisfied every night. I experienced feelings I never knew were possible. The Mets were winning and even went to a World Series, where they met the girl from a few towns over. This was when our first fight occurred and it was heated. Armando Benitez, how do you blow a save in game one of the World Series? And Timo Perez, why on Earth are you jogging in the biggest moment of your life? My friends were telling me the Mets were no good. I should just dump them and get together with the Yankees. If I thought I knew happiness before, the Yankees would rock my world. They were that one girl over at the corner of the bar I wanted to approach but couldn’t. The Mets were my first love. I couldn’t walk out on them when they needed me most. Oct. 2000 was a difficult month for both of us, but I stuck with them. Little did I know it would just get harder. The Mets started taking advantage of me. I gave them access to my credit card, and what did they come home with? Mo Vaughn
– a 35-year-old weighing nearly 300 pounds – and 34-year-old Roberto Alomar. I was furious. They tried to explain how this was a smart purchase. In 1997, three years earlier, it would have been. I began to question their intelligence. I must admit I thought about straying. That team in the Bronx was really sparking my interest. They had the financial means to provide me with a better life and always ensured I had the best and the most current jewelry. I couldn’t will myself into leaving. We had too many memories over the years to throw it all away for somebody else. Even Paul Lo Duca’s horse racing-filled suite of border-lined legal age girls couldn’t upset me. Then the Mets showed a new level of stupidity and proved how gullible they can be. An “investment” opportunity showed from a man named Madoff, resulting in a loss of over $100 million dollars. I had a few choice words for them after that decision. Why do I keep up with this nonsense, you may ask? For the same reason anybody else sticks out a relationship for a little too long. It’s all I know. I have accepted the Mets for their flaws, but I still think I can change them. I see myself as the fixer of this relationship. I just want to help in the worst way to make them better and more successful, which will make sailing off into the sunset much more enjoyable. I believe my continued support can make it possible. Until it happens, I must take the good with the bad. I must cherish the happy moments, like Shea shaking after Endy Chavez’s iconic game-seven catch. But then I remember Aaron Heilman giving up the game-winning homerun in the ninth and I become enraged. And Carlos Beltran staring at strike three, followed by the Cardinals celebrating on our field. Around this time every year, things turn around. Our relationship blossoms as if we are embarking on a new beginning. They tell me how everything will now be different. They apologize for their mistakes and I – the hopeless romantic I am – am back in their arms. The past summers have resulted in more screaming wars than quiet nights, but I think they are serious this time. One day, the Mets will get me the rock they have promised to put on my finger. When it comes down to it, you gotta believe! Email: owenobri@buffalo.edu
SHOW YOUR UB COLORS
Alexa Strudler /// The Spectrum
A letter to my future wife JOE KONZE JR Senior Sports Editor Dear future wife, I cannot wait for the day I can see you in a white dress coming down the aisle to the tune of “The Wedding March” with our loved ones present in the church. I love you and everything, but there is something I have to admit. There is another lover in my life I have been seeing for quite some time now. That other person is the Buffalo Bills. Unlike you, the Bills can do no wrong and I would never divorce them. They may lose every Sunday, but I always come back to them hopeful and cheerful. If you make one terrible dinner, you best believe we are getting take out next week. Ain’t nobody got time for that! The Bills make terrible draft picks and sign free agent players who are poor investments and they end up flopping. You choose to buy shoes and clothes that don’t fit into my budget. It just doesn’t help our savings account – we are going into debt. They waste their time on quarterbacks who are retreads who never lead the team to the “promised land.” You waste your time telling me to put the toilet seat down when I never do. Save your time and energy – it’s a waste. When Jim Kelly retired, I mourned the loss of the greatest Bills quarterback of all time. There was nothing I could do about it.
When our son tells me he’s a Dolphins fan, I’ll send him packing to military school; he needs to learn respect his elders. But there is one thing you two have in common: I nag the Bills every summer hoping for a winning season, and you nag me every Sunday to mow the lawn or pick up your dry cleaning. And neither gets done. But there are things that you provide for me that the Bills cannot. You give me a warm body to sleep next to at night and the smell of perfume turns me on more than a sweaty jockstrap. When I’m having a bad day, you make me chicken Parmesan and comfort me, but when the Bills lose, ESPN mocks me with replays of the other teams pummeling us. I gave you a ring on our wedding day to show that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you and you accepted. The Bills have no hardware or trophies to show their affection or commitment to me. So, you see, I still love you and will cherish you for the rest of eternity as long as you don’t cross my Buffalo mistress. I live two different lives: One where I am committed to my beloved Bills and one where I am committed to you. I know I can’t have my cake and eat it, too, but If I have to choose between my future wife or the Buffalo Bills, I have to divorce you. Love you, dear. XOXO JOE Email: joseph.konze@ubspectrum.com
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Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Sprint to the finish Track and field heads into conference championships TOM DINKI Staff Writer The men’s and women’s track and field teams both competed in two events this past weekend: the SPIRE Division I Invitational and the Cornell Kane Invitational. The men’s team won one event and had five athletes finish in the top five over the course of the weekend, while the women’s team had two athletes finish in the top five of their events. Both teams set new school records at the SPIRE meet. For the men’s team, freshman distance runner Brian Crimmins beat the previous school record for the 1,000-meter dash by three seconds, finishing in 2:24:16. The time was good for sixth place. “For a freshman to come in and run against that caliber of athletes is incredible,” said head coach Perry Jenkins. “He has a lot in the tank. It’s incredible for a freshman to able to break a record of that size.” Crimmins also competed in the onemile run, finishing 14th, one spot behind teammate senior Michael Pressler. Junior sprinter Miles Lewis finished second in the men’s 60-meter dash with a time of 6.82, missing out on first place by just .02 seconds. Lewis set the school record in the 60-meter earlier this season at the Cornell Upstate Challenge with a time of 6.76. He also finished seventh in the men’s 200-meter with a time of 21.18. The men’s team also found success in the 400-meter dash, with two runners finishing in the top 10. Senior Will Cole placed sixth with a time of 49.28, a season best for him, and freshman Brian Cummiskey placed ninth with a time of 49.45. Junior Jonathan Jones and sophomore Austin Price both finished fourth in their respective events. Jones had a top throw of 60-5.25 (18.42m) in the men’s shot put, while Price cleared 48-10.25 in the men’s triple jump, tying him with Michigan State’s Jarred Gambrell. The women’s team was also competitive at the SPIRE meet. Sophomore mid-distance runner Meghan Manley set a new school record in the 800-meter dash with a time of 2:06:97. It was her best time this season.
“She was definitely ready to compete and run a personal best,” said women’s head coach Vickie Mitchell. “This makes me really excited for what’s going to come for her in two weeks at the conference meet.” Senior Shante’ White earned a fifthplace finish in the women’s weight throw at 63-3.50 (19.29m). The women’s team also had two top-10 finishers in the shot put, with senior Erin Miller finishing ninth and Rachel Roberts finishing 10th. Miller’s throw of 47-9 (14.55m) was a season best. Sophomore Kelly Truppo was also in the top 10 of her event, placing 10th in the women’s pole vault at 12-0.50 (3.67m). At the Cornell event on Sunday, freshman Micah Oliver placed fifth in the 60-meter dash for the men’s team with a time of 7.04. Oliver had a good showing in the 200-meter dash, as well, where he placed sixth in 22.88. Freshman Mike Morgan won the only event for either team this weekend, securing a first-place finish in the men’s high jump at 6-6.26. The women’s team also had a top-five finisher in its high-jump event at Cornell; sophomore Danielle Anderson placed third with 5-3. Freshmen Sabrina Bush placed seventh in the woman’s 60-meter hurdle final in 9.18. Both coaches are looking ahead to the Mid-American Conference championships in two weeks. “We have a very young team, but we also have a very talented team,” Jenkins said. “I look around at our guys and we belong here. It’s time to win a MAC Championship.” Mitchell shares Jenkins’ optimism. “Going into the conference championships, I think we can be very competitive,” Mitchell said. “I think we can surprise a lot of people. My goal is for them to go in and compete with everything that they have, put forth a great individual and team effort. If we do that, then we will have a very successful conference championship.” Both the men’s and women’s teams will be back in Cornell this weekend for the Cornell Denault Invitational on Saturday. Email: sports@ubspectrum.com
Satsuki Aoi /// The Spectrum
Vusa Hove (pictured) and the men’s tennis team were unable to win in doubles play, as they fell to Ivy League opponent Cornell 7-0 on Sunday.
Men’s tennis remains hopeful despite shut out by Cornell MEG LEACH Staff Reporter A loss can be as much of a motivator as a disheartening event. A loss does not always come with pain; many times it can have a silver lining. The Bulls (2-2) suffered a hard defeat this weekend against their second Ivy League opponent of the spring season, getting shut out 7-0 by the Cornell Big Red (4-1). The Bulls found themselves in three different opportunities to net points but were pushed out of tiebreaker victories by Cornell’s aggressiveness. Sophomore Damien David and freshman Akhil Mehta gave Buffalo its best opportunity to score points in a doubles matchup. David and Mehta pushed Cornell’s Venkat Iyer and Alex Sidney to an extra set, following a 7-4 lead with two match points. Luck turned abruptly in the final tiebreaker set, as the Big Red doubles team came out on top, 8-7. Doubles play has plagued the Bulls all season. After dropping three doubles points, Bulls head coach Lee Nickell thinks his team needs a change of pace. “We’re still trying to figure it out,” Nickell said. “Getting four new guys less than a month ago and trying to figure out how they fit in doubles is quite a task. Right now, I think that we’ve given it a go with the three teams we have and that we might switch it up to see if we can get a little more chemistry to try and get that doubles point.” Buffalo had two more chances to score points in the singles matches, the first being match No. 1 between senior Vusa Hove and Iyer. Hove came out strong early, taking the first set 7-6. The match was the longest of the day, extending over two hours as the players battled on the court. Iyer took the second match and tiebreaker, 7-6 and 6-2, respectively.
Sidney dealt the first loss of the spring season to previously undefeated sophomore Sebastian Ionescu during the third singles match. Sidney took the first match handily, 6-1. Ionescu, however, fought back, serving during a 4-3 lead in the second match. However, he dropped his advantage, let up three points and lost the second match, 6-4. “It was another disappointment as far as closing things out,” Nickell said. “I’m hoping that we learn something from these losses so that when we get in these situations again, we don’t run into these problems and can finish.” Mehta also pushed to a final tiebreaker set, after a 6-4 victory in his second match locked him in a 1-1 tie against Kyle Berman. Mehta dropped the last match, 7-6. Despite the bleak times on the court, however, the coaching staff saw great improvements from the team and managed to find a greater victory amid the oppressive score. “Today was a major step forward for our young guys in terms of positive energy and walking with intensity,” Nickell said. “It was something we saw today. They were really supporting each other and being very loud and very vocal and the guys all responded well to that. Granted we didn’t pull any matches out, but the match did last over 3.5 hours, and even though the score was 7-0, it was a solid match.” As the rays of improvement peek out from behind the clouds of defeat, the team will have a lot to work on. Nickell is confident in his team. Buffalo will travel to Ohio next week to play Cleveland State (2-5) Saturday at 6 p.m. Email: sports@ubspectrum.com
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Crossword of the Day
HOROSCOPES
Wednesday, February 13, 2013 FROM UNIVERSAL UCLICK
ACROSS
51 Jennifer Lopez title role of 1997 53 More mouthy
1 Hobby, slangily
55 Italian side dish
4 Prepare vegetables, say
58 Most Masters participants
9 English Channel harbor town
60 Like some trigger fingers
14 Wedding words
61 Very attractive to the eye
15 More than punctual
67 Weeder's tool
16 "Concerto for the Left Hand" composer
68 Advice to a sinner
17 Palindromic exclamation
70 Commit a mistake
18 Good thing for a witness to go into? 20 Old computer dial-up device 22 Baddie's blade
69 Couch with no back 71 Coveted quality 72 Dance components 73 Abba hit
Edited by Timothy E. Parker February 13, 2013 HOW ARE YOU DOING? By Cornelius Coffey 19 Cacophonies
61 Air traffic agcy.
21 One billion years
62 "Every dog has ___ day"
24 Relatively safe military position
63 Votes against
25 Dressing may make it better
64 67.5 deg. on the compass
27 Egyptian ruler's favorite gambling game?
65 "___ got an idea"
28 Some punt return strategies
66 Rugrat's break
DOWN
30 Grain fungus
31 Ninesome
1 Ecological community
34 Accumulate, as a fortune
33 Ocean-resort selling point
2 Committee type
35 This country has Seoul
34 Pseudonym preceder
3 "Oh my!"
37 Gunpowder ingredient
36 Bird of prey's claw
4 Piece
40 Grandkid of Adam
38 Clasp tightly in distress, as one's hands
5 Feather bed?
42 Where people pick lox
6 Before, in sonnets
45 One of three siblings
7 A word to poor Yorick
47 Bows out
8 Legendary tales
50 Prefix for "nautical" or "drome"
39 Pawn to King's Bishop 3, e.g. 41 Brisk 43 Common cookie
GEMINI (May 21June 20) -- What is so compelling to you today is the feeling you get from knowing that you're on the right track; you won't want to stop. CANCER (June 21July 22) -- Someone you hardly know will come to you with a request -- and a piece of advice that you know you cannot afford to ignore. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) -- You may get into something rather heated with someone else who maintains that you are in over your head. You know where you stand. VIRGO (Aug. 23Sept. 22) -- A friend or loved one is in need of something that only you can give -- and give it you will, provided you are aware of the need! Listen up!
29 Large ocean vessel
26 Cold symptom
23 Yes men, in a sense
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) -- You'll have good reason to look back at a moment from your past and recreate what you can without trying to relive it. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) -- The experience you gain today is worth far more than any kind of tangible reward -- just as the journey is more essential than the destination. ARIES (March 21-April 19) -- You don't want to be sorry for something you say today; keep your thoughts in your head unless you know they will be positive and productive. TAURUS (April 20May 20) -- You'll be struggling to get back on track in some way today. Once you do get down to business, you'll experience a kind of rejuvenation.
32 Dimwits
44 Word between "looks" and "everything"
9 Early screening
52 Word that's often contracted
10 Colt morsel
54 Crucifixes
46 Scare off
11 They grow when fertilized
56 Lead-in to "fare"
48 Flat-screen ancestor
12 Organic neckwear
57 Court hearings
49 Madrid madame
13 Unfeathered wing?
59 Short comical act
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LIBRA (Sept. 23Oct. 22) -- Information you receive today allows you to free yourself from certain outdated restrictions. You can fly higher than you have before. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) -- Something very big is just around the corner, but you may want to slow down and focus on your own readiness before you face the music. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) -- Whether you are dealing with fact or fiction will make a big difference in your performance today. You must determine which is which. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) -- Avoid any kind of knee-jerk reaction today. The more rational you can be, the better -- especially when others are hot under the collar.
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Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Sexcapades UB students recount their public sexual adventures on campus LYZI WHITE Life Editor Robert Allen*, a senior nursing major, lost his virginity when he was 19 years old. Now 21, Allen has participated in two orgies with two different groups of people. He considers himself a “kind of boring guy.” Allen is not the only UB student who has ventured outside the bedroom to fulfill his carnal desires. Students are using all types of hidden areas around campus to hook up, privately or publicly. According to a survey conducted by The Spectrum, 40 percent of students have had sex in a public place (804 students were surveyed). The kitchen in Governor’s, NSC 225 lecture hall, Knox 20, multiple Ellicott lounges and Baird Point – these are all places that Allen has hooked up. His first multiple-partner experience began at last year’s International Fiesta, moved to Governor’s, shifted to Clement and ended on Grover Cleveland Golf Course across the street from South Campus. With his thengirlfriend, a mutual friend and their mutual friend’s girlfriend, Allen fooled around “in an entire sequence of f***ing everywhere,” on both North and South Campus. But Allen wasn’t a stranger to hooking up in public places. “If you go in the [Student Union] Flag Room from the side of Pistachio’s and you make a right, there’s a little crevice,” Allen said. “So [my girlfriend and I] grabbed a couch and pushed it in there at 8 p.m. on a Friday night.” There were people walking around, but Allen and his girlfriend “went at it.” The experience was interesting and exciting, according to Allen. Like Allen, Janelle Baldwin*, a senior UB student who wished to keep her major anonymous, isn’t a stranger to public sex. It started when Baldwin began a sexual relationship with her TA for gross anatomy – an affair that lasted around five months. Her TA invited her over to “study,” but Baldwin knew the two were just going to “hook up.” Baldwin came up with questions to ask during the study session, but after five minutes of studying, “one thing led to another,” she said. Baldwin had sex with her TA in between bookshelves in the Health Sciences Library on the third floor. Students were on the floor but they were on the other side of the building. The affair ended after Baldwin found out her TA had a girlfriend of three years – something he failed to mention during their
relationship. The two last communicated when Baldwin, after seeing her TA’s notes lying around the printing lab, “felt like tampering with [them].” “[I thought to myself], it would be awesome if I just f***ing drew penises all over his notes,” Baldwin said. “So I took it upon myself to take them and draw giant penises on every single one of his notes, every page.” While these public sexual encounters have involved a rush of euphoria, Baldwin and Allen have both had to deal with the consequences in similar situations that have gone astray. During the summer, Allen was with four of his floor mates – three male and one female. A night out turned into his second orgy experience. After the topic of masturbation came up, the girl revealed she masturbates. The guys asked her if she was open to pleasuring herself in front of them – she said sure. When the group of five returned to the dorms, she grabbed her “decently sized pink” dildo, pulled her pants down and hopped into bed, Allen said. The night continued with fellatio and sex between the girl and two of the guys. Allen did not participate. Things took a turn, however, when Allen left the room. “I went into my room and I just hear s**t being thrown,” Allen said. “[I see] that the dudes are in the hallway and they’re running out of the room … boxers up [and] pants half down ... They just said, ‘she’s freaking out, she’s freaking out’… [One kid] tried to put it in her butt and that’s where the line was drawn.” Once, at 3 a.m., Allen was masturbating alone in his room. He accidently left his door ajar. He only noticed his mistake after a police officer walked into his room, completely unannounced. “I was like, ‘really?’ And he’s just standing there with another guy. It was two cops; it was really awkward for everyone involved,” Allen said. According to The Spectrum survey, notable places students have had sexual encounters include: the pool in Alumni Arena, the Center For the Arts and “Stoner Island” near Ellicott Complex. Whether it’s in the library, in The Commons or just in the dorms, sexual adventures happen all over UB’s campus. Email: features@ubspectrum.com
*Names have been changed to protect source identity.
Photo by Nick Fischetti Cover by Brian Keschinger
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