Unsent Letters to Alfredo

Unsent Letters to Alfredo” By JK

First letter to Alfredo:

They asked me, My Alfredo, if I like you, and what do I like about you? I kept silent. I let silence rule over the secret rooms and secret sessions with those who were curious. And I guess I should keep it this way, to keep them guessing.

What do I like about you? Oh, my Alfredo, my heart knew. And though I am silent, I could let my pen and sheet speak.

Of how you are the sun, and your light takes over the darkest parts of me; you effortlessly make me brand new.

And since you are the sun, who can resist you? How can I ever resist you?

My Alfredo, I bet you don’t know; in my eyes, you are as perfect, and as beautiful, as the sunrise, sunset, and everything in between.

I could never resist you.

Alfredo, my sun, if I could tell you straight, I would. That if universe permitted and in the absence of my fears, I’d touch you endlessly, and it would be my pleasure to have my heart burned.

Yours, Marayah

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Unsent Letters to Alfredo” By JK

Dearest,

Oh Alfredo, do you know what joy you bring when you’re with me? Your smiles somehow awaken the butterflies inside my soul. You make me laugh even with the simplest things you do. And what matters most is that you’re here in front of me—that you are near.

You are so near, my dear, but only in sight, for you are too far for my hopeless heart to reach. And it hurts me, oh Alfredo, it hurts me so bad that my heart aches but still, I am grateful that you are near.

I thank the heavens, my Alfredo, that I am still here, alive, and breathing the same air you breathe. If I had the guts, I would tell you now how I feel for you— that you make me happy, and that you are my cure. But you are laughing and this is perfect.

So I’ll just sit here and laugh with you and try my best to be as perfect as you are, and imagine we’re good for each other. What a fool of me, to love you this much that I want to ask:

How are we not more than friends?

Love, Marayah

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Unsent Letters to Alfredo” By JK

My Handsome Alfredo,

Lately I’ve been writing about love— And in my lifetime, I never believed that I would ever know love like this.

For a few years now, I’ve been turning you into words, making you the subject of every story, every poem, and every song. I like to imagine that you feel the same; that to you, we are more than what we are.

I have been hiding behind my words, playing with metaphors and similes, too afraid to say that I want you forever. Still I lay here in bed, hesitant to tell you about these unsent letters I keep in my cabinet.

My Alfredo, if I only had the time to let my pen bleed more, so I could write you more letters like this—then I would, and I’d pray that someday I’d find the way to your heart and give you these.

But for now, I still choose not to tell you.

Whatever we have is worth keeping. And I’d rather sit here and bleed your name on my sheet, than risk losing you.

For now, I am content to just write here— I love you, my Alfredo.

Ever hopeful, Marayah

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Unsent Letters to Alfredo” By JK

Marayah,

My love—as passionate, as beautiful, and as perfect as a rose.

I named my daughter after you—my only love. Sometimes when she sleeps or when she laughs, I fool myself into thinking she looks like you.

The letters you did not send have reached my heart, from when your sister handed them to me two days after we lost you, when your illness took you away forever.

Marayah, I regret not telling you how I feel. For not telling you everyday that I do love you— more than you dreamed I would, more than just love and the shallow meanings they give it.

And I do hate, my love, that I did not tell you these when you were still here, and that I let you wonder wide awake each night, writing letters you never intended to send.

So if I could just have one day to be with you, my Marayah, I’d wish for time to stop.

But the only thing I can do is imagine.

I love you, Marayah. Always and forever. We’ll meet again soon, and on that day, I’ll smile, like the way I did when I could still hold your hands.

Marayah, when we meet, I’ll shine again for you.

All yours, Alfredo

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Art by Perlyn Joy L. Suganob