Issue 1, 2013 2014

Dexter High School 2200 N. Parker Road Dexter, MI 48130 www.thesquall.com

September 3rd, 2013 . VOL. 19. Issue 1.

DISTURBED BY THE BELL Summer’s over. Back to reality. See what’s new. pg. 8 and 9

Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013 The Squall Index 2

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Staff Web Editor Bryce Pederson

Staff Editorials:

Letters to the Editor Policy:

The Squall encourages letters to the editors. They can be emailed to dextersquall@gmail.com, dropped off in room 407 or given to staff member of The Squall. Letters may be edited for length and unprotected speech. Requests to withhold a writer’s name will be considered by the editorial board.

Head Designer Abby Mesaros

Business Managers Lauren Kimmel Casey Hansen

Photo Editor Katie Vontom Copy Editor Lauren Kimmel

Illustrator & Design Brittany Byma Drew Daugherty

Design Team Ben Grover Sydney Swigart Jagger Davis Guy Burke Matt Mitchell Kat Kerska Cadey DesRosiers Staff Writers Kaitlyn Eekoff Lauren Kimmel

Check out The Squall’s new website at www.thesquall.com

4 Feature Read about Louie Ceriani’s passion for Dexter.

5 News Students leaving DHS to other local schools.

6-7 Sports Spring sports preview.

8-9 Center Spread What’s new at DHS? 10-11 Interactive Spread 5x5, Cup of Joe. 12 Opinion Freshmen advice.

It’s 2013 and we still can’t ...

13 Editorial Should DHS be school of choice?

16 Photostory Chelsea fair fun!

Contact us at: 2200 N. Parker Road Dexter MI, 48130. (734) 426-4240 ext: 7407. dextersquall@gmail.com Editors-in-Chief Cameron La Fontaine Levi Kipke

ON THE WEB

Carolin Schade Joe Molloy Derek Seidl Harrison Kane Zac Sharp Morgan Van Hoof Zeke Breuninger Teddy Walton Jon LeBlanc Scott Rogers Noah Mellifont

Photographers Sam Musgrove Isabelle Sinibaldi Casey Hansen Brittany Byma Chris Ryan Ethan Kremkus Adviser Rodney Satterthwaite

Editorials represent the majority opinion of the editorial board. Editorials are unsigned.

Columns represented the opinions of the individual staff members who wrote them.

Staff Policy:

The Squall is a student publication distributed to students, faculty and staff of Dexter High School. The Squall is also distributed by subscription to the Dexter community. The Squall has a press run of 1700 copies and is printed

by The Argus-Press in Owosso, MI The paper serves as a public forum with student editors making all content decisions. Opinions expressed in the newspaper are not necessarily those of Dexter Community Schools.

Memberships:

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Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013 The Squall Feature 4

An open gate with an open heart

Dexter Lion Louie Ceriani has lived and breathed Dexter Athletics for 85 years and has loved every part of it Cameron LaFontaine & Noah Mellifont Staff Writers

In his typical purple and yellow Lions Club polo and hat, Louie Ceriani pumps up players, parents and fans of Dexter sports on a regular basis. In his 85th year of living in Dexter, Ceriani has continually supported Dexter in everything he does.

About 30 years ago the Dexter Lions Club started to raise money to offer scholarships to students and volunteer in the Dexter community, especially in athletics. The Lion’s Club was asked by the late Al Ritt to help volunteer at football games. Ceriani, a member from the start of it, just wanted to have one, important job at the games.

“Al Ritt asked the Lions Club to help with the football and of course we agreed,” Ceriani said. “I said I wanted the gate for when the players come out and onto the field and give them a little ra ra and a smack on the butt as they roll through to wish them luck.

That’s what I wanted to do. I didn’t want anything else but to just do that for the players.”

Years later, former football coach Tom Barbieri recognized Ceriani’s passion and honored him by officially naming the entrance gate for the players, “Louie’s Gate.”

“Louie is all about community,” Barbieri said.

“Louie was a person you could go to if players needed money for football camps. He’s always made the players proud to play for Dexter.”

Ceriani said his passion for Dexter stems especially from the fact that he’s lived here almost his entire life.

He moved to Dexter in 1928. Eighty-five years ago.

He’s currently 86. Between being 18 months old and 13 years old Ceriani had 12 operations due do birth defects. While he doesn’t still have symptoms of these problems, he still has visible scars from them.

“I came to Dexter when I was 15 months old,” he said. “I was placed in a foster home just outside of Dexter. I was separated from my family because I had health conditions where I had to go to the hospital for a series of operations. At point before the operations the doctor said I would never be able to walk. But here I am.”

When Ceriani was in high school at Dexter, he was the manager of the football, basketball and baseball teams. In 1946, Ceriani’s senior year, Dexter football went unbeaten and un-scored-upon while tying one game with Brighton 0-0. And it’s Ceriani’s passion

for Dexter football that’s even more enhanced by his own experiences at DHS. “This job means everything to me,” he said. “If I couldn’t be here, I’d be lost. Even if I don’t know the players, it just seems to be a part of me with football and basketball. The camaraderie with the players and also the people as they walk by. Maybe the biggest thrill I get is when a former player comes back and comes up and shakes my hand. They could be out of school 10 or 12 years, and they still know who I am.”

But Ceriani says the best part is just being a part of it all.

“Just being here,” he said. “Being part of the crowd and the game. Hear all that hollering and screaming and hoping we make a touchdown. That’s the best part.”

Ceriani doesn’t just support football with loads of passion. He’s shown full support to other sports including basketball. Current Athletic Director and long-time women’s basketball coach, Mike Bavineau said Ceriani is vital to his women’s Photo Credit: Katie Vontom basketball team and Dexter Athletics Louie Ceriani stands outside Louie’s Gate.

Former football coach Tom Barbieri spearheaded as a whole. the movement to have a Louie’s Gate because of Ceriani’s support of Dexter Athletics.

“He’s our super fan,” Bavineau said. “He came to every women’s game this year and before every game “One of the biggest things we’re proud of is our he came up to each girl and give them a little pep talk $1,000 scholarship that we offer to future college and to beat the opponent that they were facing. He’s students at Dexter,” Ceriani said. (High school students really done a lot for athletics in Dexter, and that’s can fill out applications for the $1,000 scholarship on why he’s so looked up to and admired by our student dexterlions.org.) athletes.”

Dexter Lion Michael Scott said that Ceriani is very And Ceriani said he loves everything about the dedicated to his community and it shows through his town. constant volunteering and selflessness.

“Like football, it means everything to me,” he “Louie Ceriani is known in the village of Dexter said. “I’ve never wanted to leave. Maybe one day my as a friend many can turn to,” Scott said. “As part of health will get bad, and I’ll have to go into a home the Dexter Lions, Lion Lou embodies all that our club or something. But I don’t want to think about that. I and community aspires to be. His generosity, kindness want to live today. Tomorrow will come.” and selflessness touch many yet he expects nothing in Dexter Lion’s Club, in its 34th year of operation return. Whenever there needs to be a volunteer, extra as a volunteer and community service organization in set of hands, you name it, Louie’s there always with a Dexter, has also been a big part of Ceriani’s life. In smile on his face. He has the biggest heart than anyone fact, he’s never missed a meeting.

I’ve known. Not many people stretch themselves as 3.5” x 2”

Kevin P Johnson Financial Advisor .

7019 Dexter-Ann Arbor Dexter, MI 48130 734-424-2753

Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013 The Squall News 5

Bye, bye, bye

Some families choose to leave district, taking money with them Carolin Schade & Kait Eekhoff Staff Writers

Mitchell Irvine attended Dexter High School last year but won’t be coming back this fall. And he isn’t the only one.

While there are many reasons students leave Dexter, Irvine said exaggerated conflict with other students is one of the reasons he’s going to Ann Arbor Skyline instead.

“There’s a lot more drama at Dexter,” he said.

Dexter Board of Education Trustee Barbara Read said she has heard of students leaving the district due to bullying issues in the past.

“I have heard that bullying is a reason people leave,” Read said. “I believe that to be true, but I don’t personally know anyone who left because of it.”

Regardless of the reasons, losing students equates to losing funds as the state funds schools based on enrollment.

“For me, it’s not just about retaining state funding,” Read said. “It’s about offering a high quality of education to as many students as possible. If we do that, the students will stay, and the funding will follow.”

According to Dexter Board of Education President Larry Cobler, the potential financial problems associated with losing students may be offset by the fact that fewer students means less teachers and services.

This year, teachers ended up taking a 1.5 percent pay cut and a 10 percent increase in insurance co-pay partially due to declining student enrollment.

While these changes drastically impact teachers students won’t face the same fate.

“None of the budget cuts will impact

- For the 2010-2011 to the 2011-2012 school year, Dexter lost 13 students to other districts - For the 2011- 2012 to the 2012-2013 school year, Dexter lost 25 students to other districts

students,” Timmis said. “There is also money in the bank that we can use to fall back on in times like these.”

Nonetheless, a healthy school relies on students that want to be there, so what is Dexter doing to keep as well as attract students?

According to Cobler improvement is always a goal of the District and Board. One of these improvements is the possibility of Dexter becoming a school of choice.

Because Dexter is a closed district, students from other districts cannot attend the Dexter schools.

“We’re not allowing students in through choice,” Timmis said. “But they’re allowed to leave through choice.”

Last year the board made a step towards becoming a school of choice by allowing five IB candidates not from the Dexter district to attend Dexter High School. However, none of the spots were filled.

The board has recently reviewed a school of choice policy that would allow the board to talk about becoming a school of choice and allow any student in the county to attend Dexter High School.

“All this policy says is you now have the option to open up the district to school of choice,” Cobler said. “So the policy says yes you can do it but then the school has to say yes we are going to do it.”

Although Dexter is, as of now, not a school of choice Cobler says it is the right thing to do.

“It makes sense to

let students go where they want to go.”

He said. “Not every school can offer every program and not every school can be the best at every program.”

While becoming a school of choice is one option to keep students, Dexter’s loss of students cannot be blamed all on students leaving for better educational opportunities elsewhere.

The number of seniors every year is larger than the number of kindergartners.

Furthermore, Birth rates are down, and there are fewer new houses being built.

To add on to these factors, Dexter also faces competition from charter and private schools.

“Many new charter schools are opening up, and people are looking for something different,” Timmis said. “It’s the vending machine effect. We want a choice.”

So how do we get that choice to be Dexter?

“We look to the community. What do the parents want to see in their schools?

What programs and paths can we add to meet the needs of all students?” Timmis said. “We are responding to parent and student needs.”

Read agrees with Timmis.

“Knowing why students are leaving is the beginning of identifying a solution,” she said.

And although Irvine is in a different District now, he still thinks highly of Dexter, saying that Dexter High School is a great school academically but that drama among the student body made it the wrong choice for him Along with the possibility of becoming a school of choice, the economy and housing market picking up, and a thriving community, Timmis said that “this district has the potential to grow and to balance out.”

Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013 The Squall Sports 6

Fall sports preview

By Theodore Arden Walton & Jon LeBlanc

Field Hockey: Previous Record: 8-5 Coach: Craig Flocken Captains: Hannah Schrock Dexter Field Hockey has a large incoming freshman class, and the Lady Dreads say they are rebuilding to duplicate their success from last season. Sophomore Lexi Heath said, “We have a very young team, with 22 freshmen, so they will have to learn and adapt quickly. But I think they’ll fit right in.”

Football: Previous Record: 1-8 Coach: Ken Koenig The team has been under a lot of scrutiny and controversy the past couple of months, however with a new staff and fresh start, the program is looking quite promising according to linebacker Cameron Winston who said, “We expect to have a much better season than last year. New team. New coaches. New mentality. The new athletes will help push this team the extra distance to become a serious contender in the SEC.”

Women’s Golf: Previous Season: Second at regionals and 12th at states Coach: Pete Lundy Captains: Lauren Kimmel and Mary So The womens golf team is coming off a season that saw them place second in regionals and 12th in states. The Lady Dread golfers have only two returning players this year, but the team still has high hopes for this upcoming this season. Senior captain Mary So said, “The expections I have for the team is to work hard, have a good attitude, and try our best.”

Womens Swim and Dive: Previous Season: Won SEC, 12 swimmers to states Coach: Cory Bergen Captains: Abby Mesaros, Tracy Koenn, and Shelby Scherdt The swimmers said they plan to synchronize to another successful season and win their 16th consecutive SEC title. The team is smaller, but experience players think the team will still be very successful. Senior captain Tracy Koenn said, “Well, we have a smaller team this year but I think a lot of the girls will be able to step up and that we’ll be pretty good.”

VolleyballPrevious Record: 15-3-2 Coach: Deanna Day Captains: The team says they expect a repeat of last year’s success. Head coach Deanna Day said, “I expect us to be SEC champs and district champs.” After losing only three seniors from last year’s team, Day said she expects this year’s team to be better and that, “We have a lot of talent that works well together and our offense is much more balanced.”

Mens Soccer: Previous Record: 19-6-3 Coach: Scott Forrester Captains: Levi Kipke and Tony Pisto The team is coming off a season in which they made it to the final four in the state tournament. Some players on the team think they can win the state tournament.

Senior, Evan Burke said, “I expect us to win the state championship.” Burke also thinks the team this year is better than last year’s team. Burke said, “The team last year was really good, but I think we can be even better this year because we’re returning eight of the 11 starters.”

Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013 The Squall Sports 7

Mens Tennis: Previous Record: Coach: Rob Smothers Captains: Graham Northrup and Michael De Zeeuw After a triumphant SEC championship season, members of the team say they are trying to patch up their team after losing some valuable players.

Coach Rob Smothers said, “We lost a lot of players from last year’s team and we’re in a rebuilding stage.”

However he said, “Last year we won SEC and I want to win it again this year.”

Mens Water Polo: Previous Season: Won districts, Won regionals, and sixth in states Coach: Brian Semple Captains: Guy Burke, Jack Donevan, and Andrew Watson

The team is coming off one of the most successful seasons in its history, coming sixth in states. The team now is in a rebuilding stage as the team is made up of mostly sophomores and freshmen. Senior captain Andrew Watson said, “This year, our varsity team is extremely young consisting of only seven seniors and one junior with the rest being sophomores and freshmen.” Watson still expects the team to be competitive this year. Watson said, “I think that our team will be able to make it through districts, and when it comes to regionals, I think our team has a good chance, we just have to work really hard.”

Mens Cross CountryPrevious Record: Won SEC, won regionals, Eighth at States Coach: Takashi Gould Captains: Justin Skiver, Al Shoopman, Ben Nicholas

Women’s Cross Country: Previous Season: Second in Regionals and 20th at state Coach: Cheri McLean Captains: Marissa Butler, Cailin McLean, and Abbie Betzoldt The runners are coming off a season in which they placed second in regionals and 20th in states.

They are looking to have the same success as they did last year, according to senior Marissa Butler who said, “I hope we place at regionals and go to states.”

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The team won SEC’s, Regionals and at the end of it all were ranked eighth in the State. They may have lost their top five runners from last season but Peyton Stimac said, “I think we still have a chance at winning SEC’s and advancing to the State meet and hopefully place in the top 15.”

Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013 The Squall Spread 8

Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013 The Squall Spread 9

What’s new DHS?

Koenig takes over football Teacher changes New superintendent comes from Adrian Zac Sharp Staff writer Assistant Principal Ken Koenig was hired as the new football coach in early June after former coach Mike Glennie announced that he was stepping down from the head coaching position.

“The seniors have had four head coaches prior to me taking this position,” Koenig said. “There has not been any consistency in any aspect of the program which leads to instability. I am not going anywhere. I am in the building interacting with the players and have coached most the people in the program in some type of sport somewhere in their athletic career.”

Despite the recent struggles with the head coaching position for the football program, Koenig said he is not like the others.

“I believe the difference is consistency in every aspect of team.

From the offensive/defensive scheme to arrival time for practice and games as well as consistent expectations,” Koenig said.

Dexter Athletic Director Mike Bavineau said Koenig is the right man for the job.

“Coach Koenig is a passionate football coach,” Bavineau said.

“He cares about kids and is an educator. He understands the demands on the student athlete. Coach Koenig is a solid football coach and has done an amazing job gathering some excellent coaches to assist in the development of our football players.”

Recent coaches have not found much success in the program, winning only four games in the last two seasons, but Koenig said he has his own plan to turn around the program.

“It is a one-step-at-atime process starting by taking everything

down to bare bones: off-season/inseason approach, expectations of players/parents/coaches, etc. We have to learn to play for each other and not for ourselves. Until that philosophy is ingrained, nothing will change,” Koenig said.

Dexter football is coming off a 1-8 season, where original coach Brian Baird stepped down after a 69-0 loss to Pioneer. This forced interim coach Ryan Fisher to step in to finish out the season. The 69-0 loss was not only the largest margin of defeat in school history, it was also the most points given up in school history.

With the events that took place last season, there are many negative comments associated with the Dexter football program, but Koenig said he plans to put those negative comments to the side.

“The negative comments are going to happen whether you go 0-9 or 9-0,” he said. “As a coach, you will always do something that someone will disagree with or view negatively. There is not a coach in America that prepares for a contest with the hopes to lose, but there are people out there who will say exactly that. Every coach in every program will have their struggles, some on the field some off the field. It is my belief that if you work together as a unit of coaches and players and stay focused on doing the little things correct, the road to success becomes a little bit smoother. I plan to win or compete in every game.”

Bavineau said with this attitude the football program is in the right hands.

“Wins and loses are apart of sport,” Bavineau said. “Coach Koenig is as competitive as any coach around, just like his players should be. I am sure they walk in each week with the expectation to win. My expectation is no different. Does that mean we have to win every game we play?

No. I expect our team to be very competitive, driven young student athletes who care about their school, and who learn the valuable life lessons through the game of sport. If we are able to do that on a consistent basis, then we will not only win on the field but in the game of life.”

Harrison Kane

Levi Kipke

Staff Writer

Staff Writer

Gone

New

Family and consumer science teacher Pam Hintalla has retired after 13 years of teaching classes in Dexter. “I have decided to spend more time with my family and do some traveling,” she said.

Kim Melinsky will fill Hintalla’s position as a family and consumer science teacher at DHS. However, she is only a temporary replacement according to Principal Kit Moran.

Science teacher Melissa Hall will not be returning to the high school after her first on staff. Teaching just two classes last year, Hall received a .4 salary, less than half the salary of a full time teacher. When a more profitable opportunity presented itself for Hall in Indiana, she decided to jump ship at DHS.

Kelly Ottaviana is moving up to the high school from Bates Elementary to fill McHugh’s position. However, she is pregnant and will be on bed rest for the first several weeks of school. Former student teacher Ben Cronin is to fill Ottaviana’s stead as a long term sub until she is on her feet and able to teach.

Physical education teacher Michael McHugh has changed from part time at DHS to full time at Bates Elementary to receive the salary and benefits that go along with being full time.

French teacher Agnus Krynski will teach more French classes this year than last and receive a pay increase accordingly. She taught two classes last year and will teach full time (five classes and a planning period) this year.

He smiled, shook hands with the Board of Education, embraced his wife.

He had been offered--and had accepted immediately--the career opportunity that he felt he could work until retirement.

On June 12, the Dexter Community Schools hired Dr. Chris Timmis as the new district superintendent.

The position was vacated after Mary Marshall, Dexter’s superintendent of three years, left for a job at Pentwater Public Schools. Dennis Desmarais then filled in as interim superintendent until the Board of Education hired Timmis.

“I was extremely excited and continue to be quite excited by this new opportunity,” Timmis said.

Timmis, who worked as the superintendent for Adrian Public Schools before coming to Dexter, said he was drawn to the district because of its huge potential.

“There are opportunities here to take a really outstanding school district and make it one of the best school districts in the country,” he said. “This is a school district that could do it.”

Timmis said he was confident in Dexter’s ability to become the best because of the success he had at Adrian.

Much of this success was oriented around establishing programs for the students. From an interactive virtual school--which allows students to work from anywhere at anytime--to sending students to sister schools Japan and Germany to learn about the culture, Timmis said he has tried to expand the learning environment of students.

These achievements have inspired Timmis concerning Dexter’s future.

“I look at what we were able to do at Adrian, and I think about what the potential here at Dexter is,” he said. “There isn’t a ceiling for what can happen.”

And the first step for Timmis is to create a strategic plan for the district, something that will determine what direction Dexter’s future is heading.

To do this, he said he will spend the first 120 days of school meeting with different groups to get their opinions on the condition of the district, culminating in Timmis releasing a “State of the District” sometime in

January.

And the most important part of his job is paying attention to the needs of the community, according to Timmis.

“There is an infinite amount of things you can do in a school system to make it an even more attractive school system to students and parents, and it just has to be whatever the community wants it to be,” he said.

“As soon as you get that bold vision, that plan, my job is to get us there.”

Some incoming foreign exchange students

Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013 The Squall Interactive Spread 10

THE FIVE BY FIVE

Joe Molloy and Derek Seidl Staff Writers

Hannah Wing

Kevin Kimmel

Elle Jansen

Jack Donevan

Lindsey Lohan

1.) What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you this summer?

A seagull was flying right at me. Someone yelled, “Throw the cracker!” That’s why I am afraid of seagulls.

My steer fell on me.

I got hit in the head with a volleyball.

I lost my pants in Ann Arbor.

Admitting that I was addicted to drugs.

Booty shorts

Tommy Hilfiger collared T and cargo shorts ... maybe sunglasses

Orange jumpsuit

Joe Molloy

Friends on rugby

Jack Daniels

To be more like Brittany Byma

High 80s and smooth sailing

Chill with Amy Winehouse in rehab

2.) Question What will your first day of school attire be?

Whatever’s on the top of my drawer

Sun dress and heels

3.) Who did you miss the most over the summer?

Brick from The Middle.

Brick’s the best

Taylor Olson

4.) What are your expectations for this year?

7 a.m. waking up in the morning ... gotta get a bowl, gotta eat cereal

Nothing much

5.) What teacher are you most interested in seeing and why?

Dr. Moore. He’s the only teacher I know

Lindke. He’s funny

Oesch. He’s pleasing to the eye

Bassett. Choir’s fun

Mr. Parker because of our past

I’m sure this first day will be pointless an opinion by Joe Molloy and Derek Seidl

I wake up at 6 a.m. for the first time in three months. I have to take my nude shower, no swim suit anymore. I’m a senior now.

My mom finally lets me dress myself, but the stress of looking like a man-dime is real now. I head on down to the kitchen and get the microwave running and throw in my two-day old

hot dog.

After I let it heat for the perfect 36 seconds, I place my dab of Heinz ketchup and scarf it down like Joey Chestnut.

Now that the tummy is full, I get in my 1996 Toyota 4Runner, turn on the engine, roll down the windows, and blast Miley Cyrus’s “We Can’t Stop” as I head to school. I stay in the far back lot (where the cool kids park) despite the fact I’m there half an hour early.

I take my time as I stroll into

my castle with three chicks on each side. One named Keisha, one named Niesha, and one named Teresa. And the other three names don’t matter.

After I enter the school, I allow my peasants to honor me by carrying me to my seat at my lunchroom table.

Here I’m able to catch up with the royal fam, otherwise known as the other popular seniors, about their summer (acting like I actually care) until it’s time to head off to pick up my schedule.

Following that, I take the annual trip to the counselor’s office to fix my screwed up schedule (I am not happy that I do not have Mr. Barbieri on my schedule this year).

Then my excitement simply evaporates when I have to go to my first class. The next three hours of listening

to each teacher brag about all of their achievements in life makes me feel like I’m stuck in a Taylor Swift album. It’s all the same.

By the time I reach the last hour I am pretty sure that I have already come up with at least 31 ways to flawlessly pick up any girl, 17 different things I can eat for lunch when I finally get to leave, five ways to start the great ginger rebellion, and an ingenious way to get Detroit out of poverty.

The last bell finally rings, breaking up my train of thought, and I begin my trek back to my car, but obviously not without Keisha, Niesha, Teresa and the three others Once I am finally back in the car and heading home, the only thing I can think about is just how pointless the first day of school is.

Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013 The Squall Interactive Spread 11

DEXTER HIGH SCHOOL “Did you know”

For those of you new to Dexter High School, there’s Dexter High School, and then there’s “Dexter High School.” In order to be in the know like the rest of the cool kids, you’re going to want to refer to the parts of the school illustrated above by their real name and follow the norms listed above. Disclaimer: starting a food fight may or may not get you in trouble. One of the administrators could tell you for sure. Just ask.

Illustrations by Brittany Byma

Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013 The Squall Opinion 12

It’s 2013 and We Still Can’t ...

There’s gotta be some sort of demographic out there of unemployed Ph.Ds who aren’t quite smart enough to work on the cure for cancer, yet too smart to settle for assistant brain surgeon or assistant TO the brain surgeon or something.

Maybe they should look at the pain and suffering we’re dealing with every day as middle class samaritans. There are so many smart people out there. They can’t be doing anything that important to let these dark times go on for much longer.

Thank you, unemployed scientists, for waiting for my permission. Yes, you may get started on the Enlightenment Era of the 21st century. Look, I even made you this list of ideas so you can get started as soon as you finish reading that article on how Ununpentium, element 115, may join the periodic table.

It’s 2013 and we still can’t: Bring our phones in the shower with us I actually have a conspiracy theory that this is possible and there are phone cases in circulation that could make our dreams come true. The only thing stopping their mass production is that our parents are keeping them off the shelves because they know their water bills will go through the roof. Nonetheless, let’s take a minute to imagine how incredible this

Staff Writer

would be. We could listen to music, watch TV, send emails, browse twitter and Pinterest, facetime. But let’s keep it clean you guys (pun intended).

Warm up leftover french fries without them getting limp and soggy On more than one occasion I’ve tried to take on this dilemma myself. I’ve sat there in front of the microwave, watching my leftover fries turn to mush, racking my brains for a better solution. But I’m a big enough person—probably from eating all those fries—to know when to admit defeat. So I’m throwing this out there. We can put in artificial hearts and send a robot to Mars for Pete’s sake, we should be able to figure this out.

Turn left off of Shield Rd after school If you’re unfamiliar, or bad with street names, imagine turning right out of the school parking lot and turning right again at that 3-way stop and driving aaallllll the way down to the endzone of the football field. Still with me? Are we all here? YEAH we’re all here! Every. Single. School. Day. Every bus, teacher, and about half of the students. It’s like a tailgate, except the smoke is coming from the drivers’ ears rather than the grill. I have a simple solution: install a traffic light. We’re a cityhood (or something) we can splurge and install a fourth traffic light.

Freshmen, read our advice (then do the exact opposite) Welcome, incoming Freshmen!

Being seniors, we have already put in three years of hard work at Dexter High School. When we were freshmen, the seniors gave us some great advice and we are here to give you the same advice -- and maybe even better.

We came up with this advice while we were giving Miley Cyrus her twerking lessons.

As soon as you walk into those front doors, you have to remember that there are a few unwritten rules that you have to follow in order to have the best experience possible.

First of all, we all know that this is an extremely huge deal to you, and you are all probably scared out of your mind about everyone and everything in this monster of a school.

Well, the truth of the matter is that you should be scared. It’s not like you can go back to Mill Creek, though, so you just need to suck it up and pay attention.

You’re definitely going to want to stand up to any upperclassmen who crosses your path. This means that you should be totally willing to get in someone’s face if that’s what it takes.

Another key part of this rule is that you should always try to stand right in the front and center of the student section. Seniors will no doubt want you to

Lauren Kimmel

stand right up there and get all the attention because we sure wouldn’t want it all for ourselves.

And once you get to know the school as well as we do, you will find that there are a few secrets and tricks that are worth noting.

If you want to become friends with Custodian Maria, just go ahead and spill food all over the cafeteria floor, preferably applesauce or chocolate milk, and she will definitely clean it all up for you with a huge smile on her face.

As for Connie Agostini, getting on her good side is quite easy. All you have to do is steal the Gator and go for a joy ride.

When it comes to the hallway, always try to get as big of a group of friends as possible and create the biggest log jam you can. If strangers complain about it, just stare them down and don’t listen at all--they will probably end up as your friends.

The last rule of thumb is if you feel the urge to punch someone, never hesitate. Assistant Principal Ken Koenig loves to see that sort of feistiness and will definitely back you up--maybe he’ll even ask you to join the football team.

Well, we’ve already given away too many of our secrets. You’re going to have to figure out the rest on your own.

Discover a tactic to peel bananas without making the top all mushy If I wanted bananasauce I would be shopping in the baby food aisle at Busch’s, thank you very much. Now that I think about it, I really don’t have the right to be complaining about the hassle that is peeling a banana. I’ve developed an allergy to bananas. I’m not even kidding. If you feed me a banana, the consequences will be dire. Like, my ears get super super itchy. Nonetheless, my childhood was a pain when it came to having a complete breakfast, and banana peelage is an issue that should be addressed.

Pause and rewind the radio Do you know how many times I rewound and rewatched JT’s performance at the VMAs? Three times. If you round down. I’m no history buff, ”but I’m pretty sure radio has been around longer than television. It can’t be that complicated. If I want to jam to Barenaked Ladies’ “One Week” for the duration of the car ride, I should have that frivolity.

Joe Molloy & Derek Sidel Staff Writers

Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013 The Squall Editorial 13 “Definitely, because Dexter is great and more people should have the opportunity to come.” - Andy Dolen (9)

“No, I don’t think so because Dexter isn’t like an open school, and letting people just come in and play sports and stuff can mess things up for other players.”

- Taylor Olson (10)

“No, because when you play sports and go to high school you’re supposed to be representing your town and community.”

- Paige Ward (11)

“Yes, because the district gets more money, but no because we are running out of room.”

- Graham Northrup (12)

Come One, Come All!

Dexter should become a school of choice district

We think Dexter High School should become a full school of choice, allowing all students from our county or bordering counties to enroll here.

On Monday, Aug. 12, the Dexter Board of Education voted to give our district the ability to become a school of choice. We think the school should act on that ability as soon as possible.

The board opened Dexter as a school of choice for the 2012-13 school year, but the school was limited to only five incoming 10th-graders planning to enter the IB programme. The plan was cancelled when there were no applications.

The limited school of choice was largely put in place to take advantage of the Michigan “Best Practices” standard, earning the district approximately $180,000. Dexter still received this funding even though the process was essentially ineffective in bringing in new students.

A more effective option would be for Dexter to accept the full school of choice option so our district is able to work with the rest of our county. Currently Dexter and Chelsea are the only two school districts in the county without schools of choice.

We think the districts within our county should be working together to offer students a multitude of options, so each student can pursue an education that suits them best.

It is no secret, though, that schools of choice can cause competition between districts, and can create winners and losers.

Willow Run school district fell on the losing side, with approximately 42 percent of their enrollment leaving for other schools in the fall of 2010. It eventually consolidated with Ypsilanti this year.

Other districts losing students in 2010 included Ann Arbor, Lincoln and Ypsilanti, while the districts gaining enrollment were Milan, Saline and Manchester.

While schools of choice do cause the misfortune for some districts, we think this only provides further incentive for Dexter to become a school of choice, to ensure it does not become one of the major losers.

Dexter’s enrollment has been on a downward trend, losing 135 students in 2010. It would be able to make up at least some of that loss by becoming a school of choice open to all students.

As a school of choice, Dexter would also be encouraged to continually better itself, in order to make itself more attractive to prospective students. If the district has to compete for students, it would automatically become

Illustration credit: Brittany Byma

more student-friendly.

This would benefit current students by making more programs available to them, as well as fill out relatively empty classes.

Detractors say opening up the district for non-residents without these residents paying the taxes to support it is financially unsound and unfair.

However, a central idea of schools of choice is for districts to work together to support the students within it. It is alright for a family to pay taxes supporting one district even if their students are attending another, because they are working toward the same goal.

School board president Larry Cobler said, “It makes sense to let students go where they want to go, because not every school can provide every program, and not every school district can be the best at every program.”

Most importantly, the district would receive some much-needed revenue if it could get more students to enroll in Dexter schools.

Districts in Michigan receive about $7,000 per student enrolled each year, so an increase in students would lead to a much greater revenue in a time when Dexter is struggling with its budget.

We encourage the district to stop waiting to become a school of choice and get on board with the rest of the county.

Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013 The Squall Student Section 14

Student Section

Takeover

One way for students to get involved is to join the student section during football games. Here’s an open message to the student body from student section leaders Cameron LaFontaine and Jeff Wicks: Attention peasants of Dexter High School football Dreadnaughts: This year, will be the year. The year where the DHS student section once again reigns supreme to all other student sections, in not just the SEC, but in all of the land.

We will not falter, we will rise! This is where we fight.

We are Dreadnaughts! But in all honesty, last year kind of didn’t live up to expectations. This year, we’re gonna make an incomparably awesome student section that will both have a great time, and deliver some hope to the football team. This is our comeback. This is our year.

Dexter High School stand up and rise! We are here for support and we will show our support. Our goal is to make every away game feel like a HOME game. Freshmen, this is your time to not be lame and support the student body somehow! Seniors this is our last football season! Let’s make it the most memorable!

Get pumped DHS student section!

Home/Away

Date and Time

Away

AUGUST 29, 7 PM @ FOWLERVILLE

Beach night

Home

SEPTEMBER 6, 7 PM VS AA SKYLINE

Toga Night

Away

SEPTEMBER 13, 7PM @ MONROE

Mexican Fiesta

Home

SEPTEMBER 20, 7PM VS ADRIAN

Away

SEPTEMBER 27, 7PM @ LINCOLN

Home

OCTOBER 4, 7 PM VS TECUMSEH

Maroon and White

Away

OCTOBER 11, 7PM @ YPSILANTI

America Night

Home

OCTOBER 18, 7PM VS CHELSEA

Black Out

Away

OCTOBER 25 7PM @ JACKSON NORTHWEST

(SENIOR NIGHT)

Themes

Overall Blue and Yellow Out (Honoring Faith and Nick) number of toilets Neon Night

Student Choice (TBA)

Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013 The Squall Infographic 15

Expected student body at DHS for the 2013-2014 year

1176 65

Number of classrooms throughout DHS

26

Number of varsity sport teams at DHS

DHS By the NUmbers

Amount of student parking spaces

450

Overall number of toilets--not including urinals

78

146

Total number of classes offered at DHS graphic by Abby Mesaros

Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013 The Squall Photostory 16

Chelsea Fair is final fling of summer

Photo Credit: Sam Musgrove Alumni Andrew Milkey watches the demolition derby on Aug. 22. “My Favorite part of the fair by far is the tractor pull,” Milkey said. Milkey has been going to the tractor pull since he was young and participates in antique and classic tractor pull.

Photo Credit: Isabelle Sinibaldi At the Chelsea Fair there are popular rides, and one of the favorites is the Freak Out. The Freak Out spins around in a circle while swinging up horizontally, making individuals go upside down and backwards. Rides and midway attractions were provided by the North American Midway Entertainment.

Photo Credit: Isabelle Sinibaldi Savanna Burchett’s 279 pound pig was sold to McCalla Feed’s on Aug. 20. Livestock auctions traditionally bring in revenue for its participants and the owners often use the money toward college tuition.

Photo Credit: Katie Vontom Dexter alumni Shawn “Pork Chop” Chamberlain was Number 314 in the demolition derby on Aug. 22. Chamberlain competed in the figure-eight derby. Competitors need to drive in a figure eight pattern 12 times. There are five heats in the night.

Photo Credit: Katie Vontom While buying elephant ears, fair-goers came across Raymond, a North American Midway Entertainment worker. The North American Midway Entertainment Company provides workers and midway attractions for the Chelsea fair every year. Some of the other foods that can be purchased at the fair include corn dogs, burgers, hot dogs and chilli cheese fries.

Photo Credit: Katie Vontom Dexter High School senior Karly Harris enjoys an elephant ear on Aug. 24. Harris said she is a big fan of this dough-treat. “Elephant ears of course,” Harris said. “I love elephant ears, OK? I was here watching the derby the other day, and it was awesome. But you know what would’ve made it better? An elephant ear.”

Photo Credit: Isabelle Sinibaldi Cindy, Landon and Sierra enjoy family time on The Fun Slide. Aug. 20 was “Kid’s Day,” and attractions include a tricycle pull and a children’s parade.