Adult Performance Binder by thestationfoundation

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PERFO RM A NCE B I NDER

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WELCOME On behalf of The Station, welcome to Montana. We recognize you live a busy life. We understand the pressures you and your Family face on a nightly basis. When we first considered leaving the Community to create this program, we had no idea it would grow into this powerful and positive experience in such a short time. We have been very fortunate and blessed to have amazing people committed to making this a world-class resource for you to enjoy. We are honored to have you and hope this does what it needs to do. The Station was designed by folks from the Special Operations Community. It recognized the lack of quality and consistency in resources available for our Community as we learned to deal with the impacts of combat. The available menu of options did not address the needs or requirements of the SOF Warrior and their Family. We developed this project with you and your family at the center, through an understanding and language from within, that valued and projected SOF Truths. There is one agenda – to provide the same level of support after combat as you receive in combat. This workshop was designed for YOU – your needs, priorities, goals, dreams, personality…YOU. Treat as your own – own it. You travelled all the way to Montana and made it this far in the letter – why not make this the best two weeks you’ve given yourself in a LONG time. As hard as it may be – we ask you to do one thing: Enjoy yourself. Leave the timelines, expectations, chaos, static, and noise behind. Again – this is for YOU…take advantage of this and make it your own to enjoy. There is nothing in your way. Again, thank you for who you are, what you do, and taking the time to preserve those things important in your life. We are excited to have you and look forward to our time together.

Best, The Station Foundation

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TABLE OF CONTENTS i. WELCOME LETTER ii. PROGRAM AGENDA iii. TABLE OF CONTENTS 1. MINDSET a. Cognitive Model (+Worksheet) b. Unhelpful Thinking Styles c. Interrupting Negative Thoughts d. Wise Mind e. Radical Acceptance (+Worksheet) f. Strength Based Parenting g. Family Goal Setting 2. VIRTUES a. Overview b. Definitions c. VIA Personal Results 3. BEHAVIOR a. ProScan Personal Results b. Blocks to Communication 4. COMMUNICATION a. Assertive Communication b. Effective Communication c. Effective Listening d. Pin-Feel e. D E A R M A N 5. SELF-CARE a. Stress Overview b. Relaxation Techniques c. Strategy Elite Athletes Follow

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MINDSET

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COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY OVERVIEW

UNDERSTANDING CBT The key idea behind Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

WHAT WE

THINK AND DO AFFECTS HOW WE FEEL

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is present-focused

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is about getting unstuck

CBT works with thoughts and feelings in the here-and-now. A cognitive behavioral therapist will try to understand the situation by looking at separate parts.

Sometimes, through no fault of their own, people get ‘stuck’ in vicious cycles: the things they do to solve a problem can inadvertently keep it going.

“I’M USELESS” “NOBODY LIKES ME”

THOUGHTS WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH YOUR MIND?

FEWER GOOD THINGS HAPPEN

BEHAVIORS

EMOTIONS

WHAT DID YOU DO? HOW DID YOU REACT?

WHAT WERE YOU FEELING?

SENSATIONS

SAD, DEMOTIVATED

RETREAT INTO SHELL , ISOLATED

WHAT WAS GOING ON IN YOUR BODY?

TIRED, LETHARGIC

CBT is about finding out what is keeping us ‘stuck’ and making changes in our thinking and actions in order to improve the way we feel. It is a collaborative therapy and needs your active participation in order to be helpful. There is a lot of evidence to show it is an effective treatment.

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COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY

CBT WORKSHEET DESCRIBE THE SITUATION

DESCRIBE YOUR BEHAVIORS

DESCRIBE YOUR THOUGHTS

1a THOUGHTS WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH YOUR MIND?

DESCRIBE YOUR SENSATIONS

BEHAVIORS

EMOTIONS

WHAT DID YOU DO? HOW DID YOU REACT?

WHAT WERE YOU FEELING?

SENSATIONS WHAT WAS GOING ON IN YOUR BODY?

DESCRIBE YOUR EMOTIONS

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UNHELPFUL THINKING STYLES B

ALL OR NOTHING Sometimes called “black and white thinking”

OVERGENERALIZING Seeing a pattern in a single event; drawing overly broad conclusions

“If I’m not perfect I have failed...”

“Everything is always rubbish...”

“Either I do it right or not at all...”

“Nothing good ever happens...” once means every time

no gray areas

MENTAL FILTERING

DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE

Only paying attention to certain types of evidence

Discounting good things that have happened or you have done

Noticing our failures but not seeing our successes

“That doesn’t count...”

out with the good

selective observation

MAGNIFYING/MINIMALIZING + Blowing things out of proportion (catastrophising)

JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS Two key types are: Mind reading (imagining we know what others are thinking)

i already know

F ortune telling (predicting the future)

- Inappropriately shrinking

exaggerating things

EMOTIONAL REASONING

CRITICIZING SELF/OTHERS

Assuming because we feel a certain way what we think must be true

Critical words like ‘should’, ‘must’, or ‘ought’ can make us feel guilty – or like we have already failed

“ I feel embarrassed so I must be an idiot...” judgmental attitude

selective observation

“I’m a loser...” “I’m completely useless...” “They’re such an idiot...”

If we apply ‘shoulds’ to other people the result is often frustration

PERSONALIZING Blaming yourself or taking responsibility for something that wasn’t completely your fault

NEGATIVE LABELING Assigning labels to ourselves or other people

stereotyping self/others

something to make it seem less important

assigning blame

Conversely, blaming other people for something that was your fault

©2019 The Station Foundation. All rights reserved. All content ©2018 Psychology Tools. All rights reserved. Used by permission. Icons by Baianat, Cresnar, Freepik, Monkik, PixelBuddha and Vectorgraphit from www.flatiron.

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INTERRUPTING NEGATIVE THOUGHTS The 3 C’s: Catch It – Check It – Change It CATCH IT Notice a negative change in your emotions and identify the main thought(s) going through your head associated with that feeling R eflect on how accurate and useful the thought is. Go to the facts! Emotional mind is in danger of taking over. Things to consider: Evidence for and against the belief (facts) What else could be going on in the situation What you would say to someone you care about who was thinking similarly What would someone who cares about you say to you about your thinking Is this a habit or a fact (i.e. is this my fallback thinking mode applied without critically evaluating the situation?) Is this thought useful to me?! What is the effect of believing the thought? What could be the effect of changing the thought? CHECK IT

CHANGE IT

Change the thought to a more accurate or more helpful one. 3 C’s Worksheet: Catch It – Check It – Change It CATCH IT

CHECK IT

CHANGE IT

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THE WISE MIND Your mind has three states: The reasonable mind, the emotional mind, and the wise mind. Everyone possesses each of these states, but most people gravitate toward a specific one most of the time.

REASONABLE MIND

WISE MIND

EMOTIONAL MIND

Individuals use their REASONABLE

The WISE MIND refers to a balance

The EMOTIONAL MIND is being used

MIND when they approach a situation

between the reasonable and emotional

when feelings control someone’s

intellectually. They plan and make

states. The person recognizes and

thoughts and behaviors. They might

decisions based on fact.

respects their feelings, while responding

act impulsively with little regard for

to the situation in a rational manner.

consequences.

Describe one experience when you have used each of the following states of mind. Reasonable

Emotional

Wise

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RADICAL ACCEPTANCE WHEN YOU CANNOT KEEP PAINFUL EVENTS AND EMOTIONS FROM COMING YOUR WAY

WHAT IS RADICAL ACCEPTANCE? 1. Radical means all the way, complete and total. 2. It is accepting in your mind, your heart, and your body.

3. It’s when you stop fighting reality, stop throwing tantrums because reality is not the way you want it, and let go of bitterness. WHAT HAS TO BE ACCEPTED? 1. Reality is as it is (the facts about the past and the present are the facts, even if you don’t like them). 2. There are limitations on the future for everyone (but only realistic limitations need to be accepted). 3. Everything has a cause (including events and situations that cause you pain and suffering). 4. Life can be worth living even with painful events in it. WHY ACCEPT REALITY? 1. Rejecting reality does not change reality. 2. Changing reality requires first accepting reality. 3. Pain can’t be avoided; it is nature’s way of signaling that something is wrong. 4. Rejecting reality turns pain into suffering. 5. Refusing to accept reality can keep you stuck in unhappiness, bitterness, anger, sadness, shame, or other painful emotions. 6. Acceptance may lead to sadness, but deep calmness usually follows. 7. The path out of hell is through misery. By refusing to accept the misery that is part of climbing out of hell, you fall back into hell. continued on next page

©2019 The Station Foundation. All rights reserved. From DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition, by Marsha M. Linehan. Copyright 2015 by Marsha M. Linehan. Permission to photocopy this handout is granted to purchasers of DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition, and DBT Skills Training Manual, Second Edition, for personal use and use with individual clients only. Photo by Marion Michele on Unsplash.

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RADICAL ACCEPTANCE

FACTORS THAT INTERFERE

RADICAL ACCEPTANCE IS NOT: Approval, compassion, love, passivity, or against change.

1e FACTORS THAT INTERFERE WITH ACCEPTANCE

1. Y ou don’t have the skills for acceptance; you do not know how to accept really painful events and facts. 2. You believe that if you accept a painful event, you are making light of it or are approving of the facts, and that nothing will be done to change or prevent future painful events.

3. Emotions get in the way (unbearable sadness; anger at the person or group that caused the painful event; rage at the injustice of the world; overwhelming shame about who you are; guilt about your own behavior).

Other:

continued on next page

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RADICAL ACCEPTANCE

PRACTICING RADICAL ACCEPTANCE

PRACTICING RADICAL ACCEPTANCE STEP BY STEP

Observe that you are questioning or fighting reality (“It shouldn’t be this way”). Remind yourself that the unpleasant reality is just as it is and cannot be changed (“This is what happened”). R emind yourself that there are causes for the reality. Acknowledge that some sort of history led up to this very moment. Consider how people’s lives have been shaped by a series of factors. Notice that given these causal factors and how history led up to this moment, this reality had to occur just this way (“This is how things happened”).

P ractice accepting with the whole self (mind, body, and spirit). Be creative in finding ways to involve your whole self. Use accepting self-talk – but also consider using relaxation; mindfulness of your breath; half-smiling and willing hands while thinking about what feels unacceptable; prayer; going to a place that helps bring you to acceptance; or imagery.

P ractice opposite action. List all the behaviors you would do if you did accept the facts. Then act as if you have already accepted the facts. Engage in the behaviors that you would do if you really had accepted.

C ope ahead with events that seem unacceptable. Imagine (in your mind’s eye) believing what you don’t want to accept. Rehearse in your mind what you would do if you accepted what seems unacceptable.

Attend to body sensations as you think about what you need to accept. Allow disappointment, sadness, or grief to arise within you. Acknowledge that life can be worth living even when there is pain. Do pros and cons if you find yourself resisting practicing acceptance.

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RADICAL ACCEPTANCE WORKSHEET

Describe the situation that is still causing distress:

What past events led up to this situation?

What roles did you play in creating this situation (dig deep – everyone has a role in some way)?

How much control do you currently have in this situation?

(none)

(a lot)

If your response is 3-5, use tools to address and resolve the distressing situation.

If it’s 0-2, continue with the following steps:

1. What are the FACTS that make this situation a reality?

continued on next page

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RADICAL ACCEPTANCE WORKSHEET continued 2. What emotions do you experience in regards to this situations?

3. How intense are these emotions currently?

(none)

(a lot)

4. What will happen to these emotions if you don’t accept the situation?

5a. Are these emotions benefiting you in any way?

1e 5b. Are these emotions benefiting others in any way?

6a. Are these emotions hurting you in any way?

6b. Are these emotions hurting others in any way?

continued on next page

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RADICAL ACCEPTANCE WORKSHEET continued 7a. What would you lose by accepting the reality of the situation?

7b. What would others lose by you accepting the reality of the situation?

8a. What would you gain by accepting the situation happened?

8b. What would others gain by you accepting the situation?

9. Mark off any of the self-coping statements that could be useful:

“This is how it has to be right now.”

“All my decisions have led up to right now.”

“There is no use fighting the past.”

“Fighting the past only blinds me in the present.”

“The present moment is perfect just as it is.”

“The present is the only moment over which I have control.”

“It’s a waste of time and energy to fight what’s already happened.”

“The present moment is fine, even if I don’t enjoy what is happening.”

“This moment is exactly the way it should be, given what’s taken place before it.”

“The present moment is a result of millions of other tiny decision.”

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BEING A STRENGTH-BASED PARENT By focusing on our children’s strengths, we can help them flourish – and stop being so critical and worried.

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My stomach knotted as I came home after a long day at work to find my fifteen-year old son Nick playing “Fortnite.” Again. Just yesterday, I’d spoken with him (read: snapped at him) about screen time. Today, an argument began. Again. He felt angry. I felt frustrated. We both felt misunderstood. Why do we zoom in on the things about our children that concern us more than the things that delight us? Why do we find it so hard to resist the urge to criticize, nag, and worry? He felt angry. I felt frustrated. We both felt misunderstood. Blame it on our brains. Our “negativity bias,” an ancient survival mechanism, hardwires us to spot problems in our environment more quickly than we spot the things that are going well. I call it the Dirty Window Syndrome: A clean window doesn’t attract your attention; you look straight through it. But a dirty window is something you notice. What’s more, your focus on one specific part of the continued

BY LEA WATERS: https://www.mindful.org/how-to-be-a-strengthbased-parent/

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window – the dirt – means you’ll often fail to see that the rest of the window is still clean and showing you a beautiful view. It’s the same with our kids. When things are going well, we take it for granted; but when things are going badly, that spot of dirt on the window snaps our attention into sharp focus. The dirt, in my case Nick’s gaming, grows from a small spot to a big stain. It gets magnified, overshadowing our kids’ positive qualities, thus creating the perfect storm for conflict and for feeling anxious about their future. A useful evolutionary feature that keeps you and your kids safe from danger can be counterproductive to fostering a positive relationship. The good news is that by learning how to shift your attention to your child’s strengths (the clean part of the window), you can override the negativity bias, clean the dirt, and prevent the problems from getting blown out of proportion—all while building up resilience and optimism in your children.

THE POWER OF STRENGTH-BASED PARENTING Psychologists have identified two broad categories of strengths: talents and character. Talents are performance-based and observable, including things like abilities in sports, music, art, IT, and problem solving. Character strengths are personality-based and internal, including things like grit, curiosity, courage, humor, and kindness. By learning how to shift your attention to your child’s strengths (the clean part of the window), you can override the negativity bias, clean the dirt, and prevent the problems from getting blown out of proportion – all while building up resilience and optimism in your children. Although we tend to focus on our kids’ talents, the two categories of strengths work hand in hand. You’d be hard-pressed to find anyone who has made the most of their talent without also drawing on their character: Imagine the Beatles without creativity or Neil Armstrong without bravery. As parents, we can help our kids enormously by intentionally cultivating their character as much as their talents. In my own research, children and teenagers who have parents who help them to see and use their strengths enjoy a raft of well-being benefits, including experiencing more positive emotions continued

BY LEA WATERS: https://www.mindful.org/how-to-be-a-strengthbased-parent/

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and flow, being more persistent, feeling more confident, and being more satisfied with their lives. Kids and teens with strength-based parents are also less stressed, cope better with friendship issues, cope better at meeting homework deadlines, and get better grades. These well-being benefits can also spill over into better behavior. In a 2010 study, after parents of pre-schoolers learned strength-based techniques in a 10-session program, the parents reported fewer behavior problems in their children. Parents benefit, too. In one of my studies, published in the International Journal of Applied Positive Psychology, parents were split into two groups. One group took a course teaching them how to identify and cultivate their children’s strengths, while the second group had no training and continued to parent as usual. The results showed that the parents who went through the course felt happier with their children and more confident about their own parenting skills after the course compared with beforehand. Those who didn’t go through the course showed no shift in happiness and confidence. Of course, focusing on strengths isn’t the be-all and end-all of parenting. My own findings have shown that strength-based parenting boosts many positive aspects of a child’s mental health, but doesn’t reduce anxiety (although it does lower stress and depression). In other words, connecting kids to their strengths helps make them feel good but may not necessarily make them feel less bad; the actions needed to reduce ill-being are different from those needed to produce well-being. But with so much focus on fixing children’s problems these days, it’s important to intentionally and independently seek to build well-being in our kids.

HOW TO FOCUS ON YOUR KIDS’ STRENGTHS Strength-based parenting is a style where we focus first on building up what is going right with our children before we focus on fixing what is going wrong. We help our kids to maximize and make the most of their talents and character, and we show them how to use these as leverage points to address weakness and problems. continued

BY LEA WATERS: https://www.mindful.org/how-to-be-a-strengthbased-parent/

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SO HOW TO START? Simply notice one strength in your child and comment on it: “You used good judgment today when you decided to pack your school bag ahead of time,” or “Thanks for making me laugh—I really love how funny you are,” or “I know your brother aggravates you, and I was so proud to see you rise above and show forgiveness.” Repeat this strengths spotting approach as much as you can. Over time, your children will internalize their own strengths in their self-talk. Rather than using negative self-talk like “I’m stupid” or “I’ll never get this” in difficult situations, they might say, “I know I’m persistent and can stick to the task,” or “I’m curious and can learn new things.” Keep a strengths diary for the next two weeks and, at the end of each day, write down three strengths you saw your kids use in a diary or on your phone. If your child has a phone, you can send them a text the next day letting them know the strengths you saw them use. At the end of the two weeks, you can use your strengths diary to write a strengths letter to your child telling them about the strengths you see in them.

1f You can also map the strengths of your family. “We did a strengths profile of our family and put it on the fridge. Now we know our strengths, I create opportunities for the kids to use their strengths at home,” one parent said. “I ask Olivia and Jackson to use their zest to welcome guests, while Elijah’s judgment is used to rein in risk. The kids appreciate playing to each others’ strengths within the family.” Finally, incorporate strengths into the questions you ask your children. When your child is nervous about a big project or event coming up, ask them, “What strengths do you have to help you with this?” If they have had a fight with a friend: “What strengths do you think were missing that may have led to the fight? What strengths will help you make up?” If you keep practicing these skills, you will find that you can more easily shift out of fix-it (or nag) mode and into strength focus. When challenges arise, choose a strength you’ve identified in your child through the techniques above and suggest how they could use it to handle the situation. For example, I use my daughter’s kindness to help her temper her impatience. A father I’ve worked with helped his athletic son channel his natural competitive spirit into a friendly contest to “win” at finishing homework, instead of having the same old battle about lack of discipline. continued BY LEA WATERS: https://www.mindful.org/how-to-be-a-strengthbased-parent/

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WHAT STRENGTH-BASED PARENTING DOES (AND DOES NOT) DO Strength-based parenting isn’t about lavishing your kids with false and excessive praise. It’s about real feedback based on your child’s actual strengths. And since none of us is so perfect that we’re showing our strengths all the time, there’s no risk of creating a self-involved, narcissistic child who thinks she’s the only special one in the world. If anything, strength-based parenting drives home the point that our strengths make us unique, but they don’t make us special – because everyone has strengths. Nor does focusing on strengths mean we ignore problems. Instead, it shows us how to use what we’re good at to work on what we’re not so good at. Knowing their strengths gives children a solid-enough identity to acknowledge and address the areas where they need to improve. Being strength-based allows parents to approach weaknesses from a larger context – seeing the whole window, not just the dirt. In my case, I’m able to put Nick’s gaming into perspective by reminding myself, “He’s a good kid. He’s creative and funny. He’s social and loyal, and he likes to build good relationships (most of the time).” In the grand scheme of things, he’s heading in the right direction. Despite my overactive worry button, he is actually doing OK. I can breathe a sigh of relief. When I use a strength-based approach, two important things occur. • F irst, I am able to see that there are strengths involved in gaming that Nick can use in the rest of his life. The self-regulation and problem-solving Nick uses to choose his moves, and the grit he uses to continue even when his points are low, are the same strengths he can use to better monitor his screen time and balance this with his homework. When I comment on the humor and loyalty he uses to cheer up his friends when they die in the game, he sees how he can apply these to his relationships with his family. • S econd, because I am calmer and able to engage more with Nick about the benefits of the game, he is more receptive to our conversations about balancing screen time with his homework, continued

BY LEA WATERS: https://www.mindful.org/how-to-be-a-strengthbased-parent/

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sports, and family time. When he sees that I am not demonizing technology and I am giving him a fair amount of time to play, he knows he also needs to be reasonable when we ask him to get off. As a result, the negotiations about screen time are far more fruitful and less combative. This doesn’t mean I have all the answers. The conversation about “Fortnite” is an ongoing one, and most days Nick tries to sneak in extra time. But the days I am strength-based are the days when he shuts the game off more quickly and more happily. Our negativity bias helps us to survive, but our strengths help us to thrive. Showing our children how to harness their strengths is a key tool for their happiness, and a recipe for effective and enjoyable parenting. It’s not a “cure-all’’ but is most definitely a win-win!

This essay is adapted from The Strength Switch: How the New Science of Strength-Based Parenting Can Help Your Child and Your Teen to Flourish by arrangement with Avery, an imprint of Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. Copyright © 2017, Lea Waters. This article was adapted from Greater Good, the online magazine of UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, one of Mindful’s partners.

BY LEA WATERS: https://www.mindful.org/how-to-be-a-strengthbased-parent/

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What kinds of goals can parents focus on? Provide love and affection; giving lots of positive reinforcement and creating opportunities for special moments Provide resources; bringing in sufficient income so that the family can have a safe and healthy lifestyle Manage the environment; making sure your kids are in a good school, that the house is in good shape, the right day care, etc. Manage the daily details; such as grocery shopping, errands, and getting the kids to and from Tae Kwon Do Transmit character and values; teaching and embedding one’s children with strong moral values and character in line

with your own ideals

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VIRTUES

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The VIA Classification of 24 Character Strengths VIA INSTITUTE ON

ViaCharacter.org

CHARACTER

• Encouraging a Group to Get Things Done

PRUDENCE

SELF-REGULATION

HUMOR

SPIRITUALITY

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The VIA Classification of Character Strengths 1. Wisdom and Knowledge – Cognitive strengths that entail the acquisition and use of knowledge • Creativity [originality, ingenuity]: Thinking of novel and productive ways to conceptualize and do things; includes artistic achievement but is not limited to it • Curiosity [interest, novelty-seeking, openness to experience]: Taking an interest in ongoing experience for its own sake; finding subjects and topics fascinating; exploring and discovering • Judgment [critical thinking]: Thinking things through and examining them from all sides; not jumping to conclusions; being able to change one’s mind in light of evidence; weighing all evidence fairly • Love of Learning: Mastering new skills, topics, and bodies of knowledge, whether on one’s own or formally; obviously related to the strength of curiosity but goes beyond it to describe the tendency to add systematically to what one knows

• Perspective [wisdom]: Being able to provide wise counsel to others; having ways of looking at the world that make sense to oneself and to other people 2. Courage – Emotional strengths that involve the exercise of will to accomplish goals in the face of opposition, external or internal • Bravery [valor]: Not shrinking from threat, challenge, difficulty, or pain; speaking up for what is right even if there is opposition; acting on convictions even if unpopular; includes physical bravery but is not limited to it continued

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• Perseverance [persistence, industriousness]: Finishing what one starts; persisting in a course of action in spite of obstacles; “getting it out the door”; taking pleasure in completing tasks • Honesty [authenticity, integrity]: Speaking the truth but more broadly presenting oneself in a genuine way and acting in a sincere way; being without pretense; taking responsibility for one’s feelings and actions • Zest [vitality, enthusiasm, vigor, energy]: Approaching life with excitement and energy; not doing things halfway or halfheartedly; living life as an adventure; feeling alive and activated 3. Humanity – Interpersonal strengths that involve tending and befriending others • Love: Valuing close relations with others, in particular those in which sharing and caring are reciprocated; being close to people • Kindness [generosity, nurturance, care, compassion, altruistic love, “niceness”]: Doing favors and good deeds for others; helping them; taking care of them • Social Intelligence [emotional intelligence, personal intelligence]: Being aware of the motives and feelings of other people and oneself; knowing what to do to fit into different social situations; knowing what makes other people tick

4. Justice – Civic strengths that underlie healthy community life • Teamwork [citizenship, social responsibility, loyalty]: Working well as a member of a group or team; being loyal to the group; doing one’s share • Fairness: Treating all people the same according to notions of fairness and justice; not letting personal feelings bias decisions about others; giving everyone a fair chance. • Leadership: Encouraging a group of which one is a member to get things done and at the time maintain time good relations within the group; organizing group activities and seeing that they happen. continued

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5. Temperance – Strengths that protect against excess • Forgiveness: Forgiving those who have done wrong; accepting the shortcomings of others; giving people a second chance; not being vengeful • Humility: Letting one’s accomplishments speak for themselves; not regarding oneself as more special than one is • Prudence: Being careful about one’s choices; not taking undue risks; not saying or doing things that might later be regretted • Self-Regulation [self-control]: Regulating what one feels and does; being disciplined; controlling one’s appetites and emotions 6. Transcendence - Strengths that forge connections to the larger universe and provide meaning • A ppreciation of Beauty and Excellence [awe, wonder, elevation]: Noticing and appreciating beauty, excellence, and/or skilled performance in various domains of life, from nature to art to mathematics to science to everyday experience • Gratitude: Being aware of and thankful for the good things that happen; taking time to express thanks • Hope [optimism, future-mindedness, future orientation]: Expecting the best in the future and working to achieve it; believing that a good future is something that can be brought about

• Humor [playfulness]: Liking to laugh and tease; bringing smiles to other people; seeing the light side; making (not necessarily telling) jokes • Spirituality [faith, purpose]: Having coherent beliefs about the higher purpose and meaning of the universe; knowing where one fits within the larger scheme; having beliefs about the meaning of life that shape conduct and provide comfort

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BEHAVIOR

T H E S T A T I O N F O U N D A T I O N®

Blocks to Leadership and Communication High Extroversion

High Dominance 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15.

Taking on too much/difficulty delegating Can intimidate others due to intensity level Preoccupied with the need to control circumstances and surroundings Self imposed tension and stress Demanding nature can divide people and teams Intensity level can cause people to stop openly sharing their true thoughts, feelings and feedback Can be perceived as controlling and inflexible when under pressure Low, high or unrealistic expectations of others Overly critical, may wear people down Under pressure, controlling vs. empowering Focus or ruminating on problems A driven need to keep busy may lack meaning and purpose at a larger level Overly sensitive to being disrespected or embarrassed “Have to” work hard mentality Thinking about what they want to say next instead of truly listening

Low Extroversion

Low Dominance 1. 2. 3.

4. 5. 6.

Being overly agreeable with forceful personalities Agreeable and easy-going nature can be misread by more intense personalities Deferring decisions to gather consensus can be perceived as less decisive by others Deferring or not taking action sooner can create regret and or resentment over time Not speaking up when necessary Avoiding conflict to maintain a sense of calm

1. Needing to like and to be liked 2. Difficulty focusing due to too many conversations with people 3. Attention to completion due to too many conversations with people 4. Compulsive need to be heard and to speak 5. Thinking about what we want to say next Instead of truly listening 6. Talking too much instead of working 7. May be overly focused on making popular decisions instead of grounded, task and outcome focused decisions 8. Doing what’s popular to maintain rapport 9. Perfectionism to look good/smart/ successful 10. Overly focused on people and acceptance but having a lack of purpose 11. Fear of embarrassment 12. Verbally attacking when embarrassed 13. Fear of rejection

1. Sceptical of overly talkative personalities 2. Slow to trust which can be perceived by others as closed and stoic 3. Stoic when meeting new people, especially in groups 4. A reluctance to talk or expand on topics they don’t understand 5. Low to no interest in public recognition or awards presented in front of others 6. Reluctance to give praise/recognition to others can demotivate people and teams

www.teamcommunication.com

T H E S T A T I O N F O U N D A T I O N®

Blocks to Leadership and Communication High Conformity

High Pace/Patience 1. Avoiding conflict 2. Putting off decisions to avoid disharmony and or controversy 3. Need to be the peacekeeper 4. Withdrawing and becoming quiet when faced with conflict 5. Sharing indirect, behind the scenes dissatisfaction can can create divides between people and teams 6. Asserting unpopular views/decisions 7. Putting off ending or negotiating difficult relationships with people/team members 8. Making faster decisions 9. Developing resentment over time for not speaking up sooner on important issues 10. Quiet stubbornness 11. Fear of rejection 12. Agreeable and easy-going nature can be taken advantage of by intense personalities 13. Being quiet and contemplative can be perceived as weakness by intense personalities

Low Pace / Impatience 1. The need for variety and change of focus is a driving force 2. Consistent pent up energy and tension 3. Intrinsic sense of urgency can be disruptive to others and work teams 4. Things can’t happen fast enough 5. Frustrated by slow pace of progress and slower paced people 6. Stimulated by interruptions and changing focus on multiple projects

1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

Making quicker decisions without all of the facts Defending existing policies/practices Being stuck on details “Paralysis by analysis” Looking at the pessimistic side Burying people with facts to support one’s opinions can cause people to avoid interactions 6. Personal dislike for being “sold to” can create resistance and blocks to selling or conveying ideas to others 7. Not wanting to take responsibility to be the leader 8. Getting lost in the planning, not making a start 9. Inflexible to change, seen as closed minded 10. Fear of risk or getting something wrong may cause hesitation or avoidance at decisive moments 11. Fear of being caught without the answer 12. Indecisiveness when choosing between something proven vs new innovation 13. Low expectations of others to meet high standards 14. Overly critical/perfectionism, focus is on problems 15. Fear of embarrassment for being incorrect 16. “Have to” work hard to “get it right”

Low Conformity 1. High sensitivity to being over controlled or over managed 2. High need for autonomy and independence 3. Need to be creative and innovative to accomplish objectives 4. Sensitive to overly structured people and projects 5. Freewheeling and uninhibited style can create challenges with controlling or high conforming people and team members 6. Changing agreements or direction due to too many new ideas can be seen as disruptive and draining by people and team members

www.teamcommunication.com

T H E S T A T I O N F O U N D A T I O N®

Personal Reframes for Effective Communication Personal reframe: A relevant personal statement you can make to yourself when you recognize you are “in your own way”

Dominance Higher Dominance

Triggered by lack of control and a sense of being disrespected

“Do I really need to get Irritated right now or is this just my high dominance getting in the way?”

Lower Dominance

Higher Extroversion

Triggered by a lack of rapport, being embarrassed, especially in front of others

“Do I really need to keep talking or is this just my need to be in rapport getting in my way?”

Lower Extroversion

Triggered by aggressive behavior and controlling personalities

Triggered by people imposing on their personal space, over-sharing and irrelevant small talk

“Do I really need to be uncomfortable about being more direct or is this just my need to be accommodating getting in my way?”

“Do I really need to be frustrated with this person for talking too much or is this just my low extroversion getting in my way?”

Pace/Patience

Conformity

Higher Patience

Triggered by lack of harmony and being undervalued and or unappreciated

Extroversion

“Do I need to be uncomfortable or is this just my need to avoid conflict getting in my way?”

Impatience

Triggered by a slow and methodical pace or lack of variety

“Do I really need to be frustrated with the slower pace of things or is this just my sense of urgency getting in the way?”

Higher Conformity

Triggered by a lack of certainty, not enough information, extemporaneous speaking or being caught off guard without the answer

“Do I need to be frustrated with a lack of information or is this just my high conformity getting in my way?”

Lower Conformity

Triggered by a sense of being overmanaged or controlled

“Do I really need to be triggered by this person telling me what to do or is this my low conformity 4 getting in my way?”

www.teamcommunication.com

T H E S T A T I O N F O U N D A T I O N®

Client/Team Member Reframes: Awareness of your Opposites Leadership and team communication reframes: A question or statement to a superior, peer or team member to help you adjust back to their preferred communication style

Extroversion

Dominance

Higher Extroversion

Higher Dominance

Those who are more direct, controlling and bottom line

Those who need to feel they are in rapport with you

“I think I need to stop and back up just a bit. You asked me a direct question and I could have given you a more direct answer. The answer to your question is . . .”

“I’m sorry, I jumped past something you were saying a few minutes ago, can you tell me a little more about that?”

Lower Dominance

Reserved Influencing Style

Those who are sensitive to being direct

Those who are slow to trust you and what you are saying

“Maybe I should back up a little. You asked me a question, and I may have been a little too abrupt. Let me see if I can answer your question in a different way.”

“My apologies. I think I am talking way past what you are asking  for. Let me focus back on your question.”

Pace/Patience

Conformity

Higher Patience

Higher Conformity

Those who prefer a more sincere approach

Those who need more information to arrive at decisions

“I’m getting a sense that I need to take a little more time to understand your question. Can you tell me a little more about . . .”

“My apologies. I jumped ahead and did not answer your question in detail. Let me give you the specifics.”

Impatience

Lower Conformity

Those with an intrinsic sense of urgency and a need for variety

Those who need freedom, independence and low constraints

“I can see that I need to pick up the pace a bit. Let's focus on the two or three things that are most important.”

“I think I am giving way too much detail for what you are asking. What is most important for you to know about?”

www.teamcommunication.com

T H E S T A T I O N F O U N D A T I O NÂ®

COMMUNICATION

T H E S T A T I O N F O U N D A T I O N®

ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION Communicating assertively means clearly and calmly expressing what you want without either being too passive or too aggressive. Learning to communicate assertively doesn’t guarantee you will have your needs met but it makes it more likely, and it can improve your relationships with other people.

PASSIVE Thinking your needs don’t matter at all

ASSERTIVE Recognising that your needs matter as much

AGGRESSIVE Thinking that only your needs matter

as anyone elses Give in

Compromise

Take

Not talking, not being heard

Talking and listening

Talking over people

Trying to keep the peace

Making sure things are fair – for you and

Looking out for yourself

others Allowing yourself to be bullied

Standing up for yourself

Bullying others

Not saying what you think, or not saying

Express your point clearly and confidently

Can lead to shouting, aggression or violence

Damages relationships - other people

Enhances relationships - other people know

Damages relationships – other people don’t

respect you less

where they stand

like aggression

Damages your self-esteem

Builds your self-esteem

Damages others self-esteem

anything

TIPS FOR COMMUNICATING ASSERTIVELY Use “I” statements Be clear and direct: “I would like you to give me a refund” “I think what you have done is good, but I would like to see more of...”

Stick to your guns – the broken record technique This involves thinking about what you want, preparing what you might say, then repeating it as necessary: “ I would like a refund ... Yes, but I would still like a refund ... I’ve heard what you have said but I still want a refund”

Describe how another person’s behaviour makes you feel This makes other people aware of the consequences of their actions: “ When you raise your voice it makes me scared ... I would like you to speak softly” “When you don’t tell me what you are feeling it makes me confused”

T H E S T A T I O N F O U N D A T I O N®

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

BARRIERS DISCOUNT

Invalidate other person’s needs or feelings as if they are

PATHWAYS KNOW WHAT YOU WANT

Pay attention to how you feel and look for a way to

not legitimate or important

describe it

WITHDRAW/ABANDON

ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT

Limit the other person’s acess to you

Assert yourself in a way that protects the relationship

“Do what I want or I’m leaving”

(more to come on this – see below)

THREATEN

NEGOTIATE CONFLICTING WANTS

Make the other person’s life miserable

Acknowledge each person’s needs as valid and

“Do what I want or I’ll hurt you”

understandable

BLAME

GET INFORMATION

Make the problem is the other person’s fault

Don’t assume you know what the other person needs,

“You caused it, you fix it”

hopes for and so on

BELITTLE/DENIGRATE

SAY NO

Make the other person feel foolish or wrong for having a particular need, opinion or feeling GUILT-TRIP

Portray the other person as a moral failure or their needs being wrong DERAIL

Decline in a way that protects the relationship (passive, aggressive or assertive) ACT ACCORDING TO YOUR VALUES

Conduct yourself according to what you believe in your heart

Switch the focus away from the other person’s feelings and back to your own feelings TAKE AWAY

Withdraw support, pleasure or reinforcement from the other person as punishment for something they said, did or wanted.

©2019 The Station Foundation. All rights reserved. All content ©2018 Psychology Tools. All rights reserved. Used by permission. Photo (left) by Gemma Evans. Photo (right) by Pablo Gentile. Both Unsplash.

T H E S T A T I O N F O U N D A T I O N®

EFFECTIVE LISTENING

BARRIERS MIND READING

Assume you know what the other person feels and thinks without asking REHEARSING

PATHWAYS USE AN ASSERTIVE SCRIPT:

“ So when ____(facts)____ happen/s/ed, you feel ____(emotion)____, and you’re wanting ____(the ask)____.” “Did I get that right?”

Plan what you want to say next and miss what is being said now FILTERING

Listen only to things that are relevant to you and ignore the rest

“So the main problem I’m hearing is ____________.” “Is that correct?” “What do you think needs to change?” “How would you like me to help?”

JUDGING

Evaluate the other person and what they say rather than trying to really understand them DAYDREAMING

“ So when I did/do ____________” you felt/feel ____________, because for you it meant/means ____________. Is that right?”

Get caught in memories or fantasies while the other person is talking ADVISING

Look for suggestions and solutions instead of listen and understand SPARRING

Argue and debate (invalidating) BEING RIGHT

Resist or ignore anything that suggests you are wrong or should change

DERAILING

Change the subject when you hear something that bothers or threatens you PLACATING

Agree too quickly without listening to the other person’s feelings or concerns

©2019 The Station Foundation. All rights reserved. All content ©2018 Psychology Tools. All rights reserved. Used by permission. Photo (left) by Ahmet Sali. Photo (right) by Sandy Millar. Both Unsplash.

T H E S T A T I O N F O U N D A T I O N®

FEELING WHEEL We have a wide range of feelings that can be highly related. This wheel helps you visualize how far-ranging each emotion can be. The center ring describes primary states (surprised, happy, sad, etc). The colors help us keep track of which basic emotion we are exploring. The middle ring lists an expanded range of specific feelings within each primary state (surprised, startled). The outer ring further expands each middle ring list, showing even more particular variations within each primary state of emotion (surprised, startled, shocked).

T H E S T A T I O N F O U N D A T I O N®

DBT INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS SKILLS

DEARMAN Sometimes interacting and having relations with people can be difficult. In situations that require confrontation it is important to make sure that you present yourself as assertive but not aggressive or disagreeable. Use D EARMAN to help you prepare for your difficult situation you are facing:

escribe. As objectively (without bias or judgment) as possible, describe the situation.

E A R

xpress. Express how you are affected by this situation. How does the situation make you feel? Remember, keep the focus on the ‘I’. I feel:

ssert. Make your thoughts and expectations known. What do you think about the situation?

einforce. Explain why you think the way you do and why you want what you want. Explain how what you are asking for will benefit you.

indful. Be mindful about how your feelings can influence your thoughts and communication skills. Be sure to avoid invalidating others or letting your emotions fuel your participation in the conversation.

A 4e

ppear Confident. Remember that your presentation is important. Things like body language and tone can make a big difference in how your message is received. What can you do to ensure you appear confident but not confrontational?

egotiate. Sometimes with difficulty situations there needs to be a compromise. In most circumstances compromise is possible. In what ways can you compromise, or negotiate terms in which both parties benefit?

T H E S T A T I O N F O U N D A T I O NÂ®

SELF-CARE

T H E S T A T I O N F O U N D A T I O N®

10/2/13

Precision Nutrition » Good stress, bad stress: Finding your sweet spot Log In

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PRECISION NUTRITION BLOG

Good stress, bad stress: Finding your sweet spot by KRISTA SCOTT-DIXON AND BRIAN ST. PIERRE Like

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When you sense danger — physical, mental or emotional — your defenses kick into high gear in a rapid, automatic process known as the “fight or flight” response, aka the stress response. The stress response is your body’s way of protecting you. When working properly, the stress response helps you stay focused, energetic and alert. In emergency situations, stress can save your life or that of

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Precision Nutrition » Good stress, bad stress: Finding your sweet spot

others — giving you the extra strength to lift a car off your child, or spurring you to slam the brakes to avoid an accident. The stress response also helps you rise to meet challenges. Stress keeps you sharp during a presentation at work, increases your concentration when you need it most, or drives you to study for an exam when you’d rather be out with your friends. But beyond a certain point, stress stops helping and starts damaging your health, your mood, your productivity, your relationships, and your quality of life.

Stress and the allostatic load Grab a piece of paper and write down all the things in your average day that could possibly be a stress on your body, mind, and emotions. We’d guess your list probably looks something like this: Boss yelled at me Rushing around to see clients Worrying about money Commuting Crummy weather Kid woke me up early Girlfriend/boyfriend snarked at me this morning I think I might’ve eaten some bad shrimp salad If you’re like most people, you’re a camel carrying a big load of straw with these combined life stresses. Now imagine what could happen if you start piling on more straw with worrying about your body image, with physical stress from your workouts, or with restricting your food intake. Eventually… snap. The pile of straw — the cumulative total of all the stuff in your life that causes physical, mental, and/or emotional stress — is known as your allostatic load.

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Precision Nutrition » Good stress, bad stress: Finding your sweet spot

Good stress, bad stress Some stress is good stress (also called eustress). Good stress pushes you out of your comfort zone, but in a good way. Good stress helps you learn, grow, and get stronger. For example, riding a roller coaster is fun and exciting. It lasts a short time, and you feel exhilarated afterwards. (That is, if you like roller coasters.) Exercise can be another form of good stress. You feel a little uncomfortable but then you feel good, and after an hour or so, you’re done. Good stress: is short-lived is infrequent is over quickly (in a matter of minutes or hours) can be part of a positive life experience inspires you to action helps build you up — it leaves you better than you were before. But let’s say you ride that roller coaster constantly, or lift weights 4 hours a day, every day. Now it doesn’t seem so fun, does it? This is bad stress, or distress. Bad stress: lasts a long time

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Precision Nutrition » Good stress, bad stress: Finding your sweet spot

is chronic is ongoing is negative, depressing, and demoralizing de-motivates and paralyzes you breaks you down — it leaves you worse off than you were before. One key feature that distinguishes good from bad stress is how well the stressor matches your ability to recover from it.

The stress “sweet spot” Since stress affects the mind, body, and behavior in many ways, everyone experiences stress differently. Each of us has a unique “recovery zone”, whether that’s physical or psychological, and our recovery zone depends on several factors. Just as important as the stress itself is how you perceive and respond to it. Some people go with the flow and can adapt well to what others would perceive as highly stressful events. Other people crumble at even the slightest challenge or frustration they encounter. There are many things that affect our tolerance to stress, such as: Our attitude and outlook — People with optimistic, proactive and positive attitudes are more stress resistant. And people who view stressful events as a challenge, and realize that change is simply a part of life, have a far larger recovery zone and are far less vulnerable to stress. Our life experience — Past stress can build us up or break us down, depending on when the stress happened and how powerful it was. Moderate stress at a time when we can handle it generally makes us better and more resilient. However, stress at a time when we’re already vulnerable (such as during childhood, or piled on top of other stressors) can actually leave us worse off. Our genetic makeup and epigenetic expression — Some of us are genetically more “stress susceptible” than others, especially if we meet environmental factors that then epigenetically “switch on” or “switch off” those crucial genes. For instance, one study found that older people carrying a certain gene polymorphism suffered major depression only if they had something bad happen to them in childhood. The folks with the genetic variant who had normal childhoods were fine. Our perception of control — Stress becomes most traumatic when we feel trapped. If we’re able to successfully fight or flee, we tend to recover better. But www.precisionnutrition.com/good-stress-bad-stress

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Precision Nutrition » Good stress, bad stress: Finding your sweet spot

if we feel unable to change the situation, we’ll go to the next-stage stress response, the “freeze” response. This is when we feel helpless, hopeless, and paralyzed. We may also get more stressed if we’re “control freaks” — constantly trying to grip, grab, and grasp everything tightly. Our natural personality type — If you have confidence in yourself and your ability to influence events and persevere through challenges, it’s easier to take stressful events in stride. People who are more vulnerable to stress tend to feel like they have no ability to influence the events around them. They might also be highly empathetic and thus feel “pushed” and “pulled” by the needs and wants of others. Our support network — A strong network of supportive friends and family members (which can even include pets) is a powerful buffer against the stress of life. Conversely, loneliness and isolation worsens stress. Our ability to deal with our emotions — If you can’t calm and soothe yourself when feeling stressed or overly emotional, you’re more vulnerable to stress. The ability to level out your emotions will help you better handle adversity. Our environment — Natural environments (e.g. outdoors, spaces with lots of windows and natural lighting, etc.) calm us down, as do secure and safe environments (such as your comfy living room). Industrial environments full of stimuli (e.g. noises, machinery, artificial lights, threats coming at us quickly, etc.) amp us up and put us on edge. We also feel more relaxed in environments we think we can control, such as our homes; we’re more anxious in environments we think we can’t control, such as large public spaces or most worksites. Our allostatic load — The larger the allostatic load (in other words, the more stuff we’re dealing with at once), the more it wears down our resilience, and shrinks our recovery zone. How we respond to stress is critical, but the cumulative load of excess stress can wear down even the most resilient and positive person. Generally, the “recovery zone” looks like this:

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Precision Nutrition » Good stress, bad stress: Finding your sweet spot

If the stressor is too low — not enough to cause a reaction — then nothing will happen. You’ll go along the same as before, no better or worse. If the stressor is too high — too strong, and/or lasts too long, outpacing your recovery ability — then you’ll eventually break down. If the stressor is within your recovery zone — neither too much nor too little, and doesn’t last too long — then you’ll recover from it and get better. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!

Balance the demands We want enough “good stress” to keep a fire under our butts, but not so much that we break down and burn out. (This applies to our own exercise and nutrition as well as our family lives and overall workload.) That optimum zone depends on your allostatic load, as well as how you perceive and respond to it. Remember, this is your individual stress zone — nobody else’s. And remember that the allostatic load is everything: mental, physical, emotional: that email from the boss… your hangnail… the weird paint smell in your office… your shockingly high phone bill… everything goes on to the “stress pile”. So consider this holistically. If your existing pile of straw is already heavy, then it’ll take only a few more straws to break you. And if you view your pile of straw as being too large and heavy, regardless of its actual size, then again it will only take a few more straws to break you. Thus to manage stress, we must do two things:

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Precision Nutrition » Good stress, bad stress: Finding your sweet spot

learn to balance our life demands, workload, and exercise/nutrition responsibilities; and view these responsibilities as an achievable challenge or an interesting problem to solve, rather than some insurmountable obstacle.

Manage your allostatic load To lead a healthy, productive, and fulfilling life, you must manage your allostatic load. Here are some activities you can do immediately to boost your body’s happy chemicals, activate your “rest and digest” nervous system, and start building your stress resilience. a relaxing walk (especially outside); being out in nature; getting moderate sunshine; listening to relaxing music; mindfulness practice and meditation; massage; deep breathing; laughing; snuggling a loved one or pet; yoga, gentle mobility, and/or slow stretching exercises; gentle swimming or water immersion (such as a hot tub); relaxing in a sauna; having sex (seriously); physical, non-competitive play; moderate, occasional drinking — 1-2 drinks for men, and 1 for women… enjoyed slowly and mindfully; drinking green tea. In other words, think of de-stressing as purposefully chasing relaxation. By the way, some recreational activities don’t count, such as: watching TV or movies; playing video games; or surfing the internet. Electronic stimulation, while fun, is still stimulation. So, anything involving a screen is out.

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Precision Nutrition » Good stress, bad stress: Finding your sweet spot

Lets dig a little deeper into a few of these.

MEDITATION Meditation is one of the best stress-relievers. Research on regular meditation shows how incredibly restorative it is, as it: lowers blood pressure; lowers heart rate; lowers stress hormones; lowers inflammation; boosts immune system; improves focus, mental clarity and attention, even when not meditating; improves mood; and improves sleep. Being chronically over-stressed can negatively rewire your brain, increasing your risk for anxiety and depression. Fortunately, meditation is like magic. When done regularly, it can rewire your brain in the opposite direction, to do all kinds of awesome stuff. For example, meditation can contribute to: neurogenesis (growth of new neural connections and brain cells); emotional regulation (in other words, your ability to manage your feelings); memory and recall; development of the brain’s gray matter (even after only a few weeks); and our ability to regulate our body clock. So how do you actually go about doing it? While people sometimes think of meditation as an arcane practice best suited to adherents of the Hare Krishna sect, it’s actually pretty easy to do, and you don’t have to look or act like an aging hippie to benefit from it. 1. Find a comfortable, quiet, private place. 2. Sit or lie down, whatever seems most convenient. The position doesn’t matter, as long as you’re relaxed. 3. Get a timer going. Set a timer for 5 minutes, and then forget about counting down how long it’s been. That’s your timer’s job. It’ll take care of you. 4. Close your eyes. 5. Start with a quick 30-second “body scan”. As you scan down your body from head to toe, think about consciously relaxing each muscle. Let everything sink www.precisionnutrition.com/good-stress-bad-stress

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Precision Nutrition » Good stress, bad stress: Finding your sweet spot

downward. In particular, let your face droop. 6. Now, focus on your breathing. Breathe in through your diaphragm, pushing your belly in and out. Observe how the air moves in and out. 7. Count 10 breaths, observing each one. 8. Let thoughts drift in and out. Let them wander in, then shoo them away. They’ll be back. You don’t need to hold on to them. 9. Observe only. Don’t judge. There is no “should”. If you think of something, no worries. Don’t fret. If you hear a noise, or have an itch, simply think, There’s a noise or I have an itch. Make a note of it; then move on. 10. Keep coming back to your breathing. There’s no rush; just keep wandering back to it. What’s it doing now? 11. Repeat until your time is up. 12. Finish with 5 good belly breaths to “bookend” the session. 13. Open your eyes. That’s it. Pretty easy right?

GREEN TEA You already know that drinking green tea has tons of health benefits. At PN we have been singing its praises for years. And now you can add one more benefit to that list. A large study in Japan found that regularly drinking green tea lowered the stress levels of those found to have high levels of psychological stress. This is thought to be due to L-theanine, a non-protein amino acid in green tea (and, to an extent, in other teas). L-theanine is a proven stress reducer and calming agent. It inhibits cortisol, which our body releases in response to stress, and also lowers your blood pressure and heart rate as it chills out your sympathetic nervous system. And it causes all of these actions in as little as 30 to 40 minutes after consumption. L-theanine may even change your brain function. During most of your waking hours, your brain is producing beta brain waves, which can affect concentration and focus. Green tea consumption will actually stimulate your brain to emit alpha brain waves instead, creating a state of deep relaxation and mental alertness, similar to what you can achieve through meditation. This may occur because L-theanine is involved in the formation of the inhibitory neurotransmitter gamma amino butyric acid (GABA). GABA influences the levels of two other neurotransmitters, dopamine and serotonin, producing the key relaxation effect. Sipping a few cups of tea throughout the day can help to lower stress, increase focus (even more effectively than coffee), suppress appetite and improve your

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Precision Nutrition » Good stress, bad stress: Finding your sweet spot

health. Not too bad.

L-theanine, found in green, is a proven stress reducer and calming agent.

EXERCISE Regular exercise is a great tool to help you handle stress. Exercise often allows you to blow off steam, and exercising regularly can boost your stress-tolerance. However, remember that all stress fits in one bucket — i.e. the allostatic load. If you have a super-stressed out life, training your ass off 6 times a week is only contributing to that, as training stress goes in the bucket too. Instead, balance your exercise approach. It’s not all about high-intensity, high-volume lifting combined with high-intensity intervals all the time. Training intensely as your sole approach to exercise will continually jack up your sympathetic nervous system and compound your stress symptoms. Instead, do a mix of intense weight training, some intense conditioning, and plenty of restorative exercise — exercise that leaves you feeling more refreshed and invigorated after doing it, not drained and exhausted. This would include activities like: walking outside in sunshine (BSP’s favorite, especially with the dog); yoga; gentle mobility, and/or slow stretching exercises; gentle swimming or water immersion (such as a hot tub); a casual bike ride; or a casual hike. This exercise is meant to stimulate some blood flow, get you outside if possible (because sunshine and nature are proven to improve mood and lower stress), burn a few calories, and stimulate your parasympathetic nervous system. www.precisionnutrition.com/good-stress-bad-stress

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Precision Nutrition » Good stress, bad stress: Finding your sweet spot

Your parasympathetic nervous system is known as the “rest and digest” system (as opposed to the “fight or flight” sympathetic nervous system). Engaging your parasympathetic nervous system is key to lowering your stress. There’s nothing wrong with kicking butt in the gym, but don’t let your only form of exercise be balls-to-the-wall high intensity training, especially if you already lead a stressful lifestyle. Allow yourself some quiet and gentle exercise: You’ll lower stress, improve recovery, and — as a side benefit — you’ll also improve your intense lifting.

OTHER TIPS FOR STRESS MANAGEMENT Establish a routine and some order in your life. While scheduling yourself too strictly can be confining, too much reactive spontaneity can be stressful as well. Find a balance between the two that works for you. Eat plenty of omega-3 fats. Eat fish, pasture-raised animals, flax seeds and chia seeds, and take fish, krill or algae oil. Know your limits. Know how much stress you can handle. While you can increase your stress tolerance and lower your stress by following the preceding tips, simply knowing that you can’t be everywhere at once, or everything to everyone, will also take some pressure off. Be reasonable about your individual capabilities and expectations. Remember that each person is different. Single-task. We often think that multitasking lets us do more work in less time. Research consistently shows the opposite: When we focus on multiple things at once, we do each of them less efficiently and effectively. Each time you interrupt one task, your brain takes about 15 minutes to get back to optimal processing speed and efficiency. Most of us don’t do anything for 15 focused minutes, so our brain never has any time to settle in and get ‘er done. Do one thing at a time, do it well, and then move on to the next. Unplug from the digital world. There’s constant electronic stimulation in our lives. Unplug from it once in a while. Turn off your phone. Close your computer. Go read a book, play games, and get social with other humans. Change your stress story. Drop the negative self-talk and work towards a more positive attitude. Telling yourself, and other people, how busy you are and how much you have to do only makes yourself feel busier, chaotic and more stressed. On the other hand, a positive attitude can actually lower stress levels. Simply telling yourself you can manage something can give you more confidence to manage it. This doesn’t mean that you can never be frustrated or sad, it simply means you shouldn’t wallow in it.

What this means for you

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Precision Nutrition » Good stress, bad stress: Finding your sweet spot

Don’t get stressed out by trying to incorporate all these tips. (Ha, ha.) Just focus on two key points: 1. All stress — life, work, family, financial, training, good, bad — fits into one bucket, creating your unique allostatic load. To stay healthy, lean, and fit, you must manage this load. Find the strategies that work best for you, and practice them on a regular basis. And keep in mind that what works best for you at this particular stage of your life may not work for you in other stages. Be willing to evolve your strategies as your life, and allostatic load, evolve. 2. Just as important as your stress load is how you respond to it. View stress as a challenge or an interesting puzzle to solve. Roll with the punches and have a Plan B (or C, or D). Stay open, flexible, and creative. This attitude helps you handle your allostatic load better, and mitigate the potential harm it could cause you.

References Click here to view the information sources referenced in this article.

Learn more To learn more about making important improvements to your own nutrition and exercise program – or, if you’re a fitness professional, to help your clients do the same – check out the following 5-day video courses. They’re probably better than 90% of the seminars we’ve ever attended on the subjects of exercise and nutrition (and probably better than a few we’ve given ourselves, too). The best part? They’re totally free. To check out the free courses, just click one of the links below. Exercise and Nutrition Course for Women Exercise and Nutrition Course for Men Exercise and Nutrition Course for Fitness Professionals

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RELAXATION TECHNIQUES No matter what we do, sometimes stress, anxiety, fears and disappointments can occur. After all, this is part of life. Even though we can’t change what life presents, we can find ways to cope and take back control of how it affects us. “When we fight with reality, reality always wins.” Meet each moment as is, not as we expect or want it to be. Have compassion for yourself and others. Recognize that emotions, feelings, thoughts, and physical sensations are always changing. Find ways to feel even one moment of calm can help.

TECHNIQUES BREATHING When you breathe deeply and slowly, it tells your brain that you can relax, that you are OK. Conversely, when your breath is shallow and rapid, your brain gets the message that you must be alert, there may be danger. INNER RESOURCE A place you create that brings feelings of peace and calm. A place where you return when you feel situations are overwhelming. BODY SENSING Moving through your body part by part, relaxing each place as you go. Your brain cannot feel and recognize bodily sensations while simultaneously processing information. continued on next page

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BREATHING Mindful Breath: Without trying to change it or judge it, just notice your breath. Follow the inhale through your body and the exhale as it moves back out. Imagine your breath has a color if that is helpful. Belly Breath: Place a palm on your belly (halfway between your bottom rib and your navel). Let that space soften and expand with each inhale. Pause in the fullness. As you exhale, pull your navel towards your spine. Pause in the emptiness. See if you can create a rhythm where your inhale and exhale take the same amount of time. Counting Exhale Breath: Begin to count each exhale, starting with 7 (or any number) making your way to 1. Inhale, pause, exhale, “I am exhaling 7” -- pause -- Inhale, pause, exhale, “I am exhaling 6” – pause – continue 4-7-8 Breath: Exhale completely, Inhale to the count of 4, hold it for a count of 7, exhale to the count of 8. Repeat for a series of breaths. NOTE: If you are pregnant or believe you could be pregnant, please refrain from holding (pausing) your breath

INNER RESOURCE Imagine a place, someplace you’ve been or an imaginary place. Picture yourself there and use all your senses to help you feel as though you are there. What are the sounds you hear? What are the smells? If you were to open your eyes, what would you see? Are you here in peaceful solitude or are there others there who support you? Human, animal or other entity? IDEAS: • A sandy beach, hear the waves, smell the salt, see the colors, a friend is with you • Walking along a creek in the woods, hear the water, smell the pine, see the scenery and a dog at your side • Sitting in a place of worship, hear the music, smell the incense or wood polish, see the alter and windows, an angel sitting next to you • Floating on a cloud continued on next page

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• Swimming under water, skiing down a mountain or running on a trail • A holiday scene from your childhood Each time you go there, invite in feelings of being safe, calm and peaceful. The more you visit it, the more accessible it will be for you.

BODY SENSING Start with your toes and work your way up to the top of your head, making sure you visit the palms of your hands and all the sensory spots of your head. Either feel each spot or relax each spot as you go. Don’t be surprised if you don’t make it all the way through. If your mind drifts either start again or begin from the last place you remember being. Toes, arches, soles of the feet, ankles, calves, shins, backs of the knees, thighs, hips, tailbone, belly, naval, ribcage, shoulder blades, chest, fingers, thumbs, center of the palms, back of the hands, wrists, forearms, elbows, upper arms, armpits, shoulders, throat, back of the neck, back of the head, top of the head, eyes, nose, ears, jaw, lips, mouth, tongue.

Susan Blackwell Tate E-RYT, has been teaching yoga for 15 years. She is a Certified iRest® Instructor and in 2010, served a three month internship at Walter Reed Army Medical Center, working with active duty military personnel suffering from PTSD and other wounds of war. To learn more about Susan Blackwell Tate, iRest®, classes, workshops and other events, go to her website: www.RaisingTheLantern.com Any questions or comments or to get on Susan’s Email mailing list for upcoming events, send her a note at: susan@RaisingTheLantern.com Military discounts always available for everything Susan offers.

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Here’s the Strategy Elite Athletes Follow to Perform at the Highest Level Only 4 more days to sign up and join me in The 10-Day Spring Forward Challenge—a set of ten all-new actionable challenges built around the

best, most timeless wisdom in Stoic philosophy, designed to help you bring a sense of clarity and purpose to your life!

When coach Shaka Smart was interviewed after his team beat North Carolina in a surprise upset, what did he say? He didn’t focus on the buzzer beater. Or the strategy. He said his team won because “they followed the process.” Tony Wroten, a guard for the 76ers, got the same advice from his coaches. “They tell us every game, every day, ‘trust the process.’” John Fox, the coach trying to turn around the Chicago Bears, asked his team the same thing. But what the hell is it? What is the process? It can be traced to Nick Saban, the famous coach of LSU and Alabama — perhaps the most dominant dynasty in the history of college football. But he got it from a psychiatry professor named Lionel Rosen during his time at Michigan State. Rosen’s big insight was this: sports — especially football — are complex.Nobody has enough brainpower or motivation to consistently manage all the variables going on in the course of a season, let alone a game. They think they do — but realistically, they don’t.

There are too many plays, too many players, too many statistics, counter moves, unpredictables, distractions. Over the course of a long playoff season, this adds up into a cognitively impossible load. Meanwhile, as Monte Burke writes in his book Saban, Rosen discovered that the average play in football lasts just seven seconds. Seven seconds — that’s very manageable.

Nick Saban, head coach of the Alabama Crimson Tide. (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images) So he posed a question: What if a team concentrated only on what they could manage? What if they took things step by step — not focusing on anything

but what was right in front of them and on doing it well?

As a result, Nick Saban doesn’t focus on what every other coach focuses on, or at least not the way they do. He tells them: “Don’t think about winning the SEC Championship. Don’t think about the national championship. Think about what you needed to do in this drill, on this play, in this moment. That’s the process: Let’s think about what we can do today, the task at hand.” It’s this message that’s been internalized by his players and his teams — which together have four national championships in an eight-year span, one MidAmerican Conference championship, have been crowned SEC champions 15 times and Saban has received multiple coaching awards. In the chaos of sport, as in life, the process provides a way. A way to turn something very complex into something simple. Not that simple is easy.

But it is easier. Let’s say you’ve got to do something difﬁcult. Don’t focus on that. Instead break it down into pieces. Simply do what you need to do right now. And do it well. And then move on to the next thing. Follow the process and not the prize. As Bill Belichick famously put it, just do your job. The road to back-to-back championships, or being a writer or a successful entrepreneur is just that, a road. And you travel along a road

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the present,taking it one step at a time, not getting distracted by anything else. Not the other team, not the scoreboard, or the crowd. The process is about finishing. Finishing games. Finishing workouts. Finishing film sessions. Finishing drives. Finishing reps. Finishing plays. Finishing blocks. Finishing the smallest task you have right in front of you and finishing it well. Whether it’s pursuing the pinnacle of success in your field, or simply surviving some awful or trying ordeal, the same approach works. Don’t think about the end — think about surviving. Getting it right from meal to meal, meeting to meeting, project to project, paycheck to paycheck, one day at a time.

And when you really get it right, even the hardest things become manageable.As Heraclitus observed, “under the comb, the tangle and the straight path are the same.” That’s what the process is. Under its inﬂuence, we needn’t panic.Even mammoth tasks become just a series of component parts. This was what the great 19th-century pioneer of meteorology, James Pollard Espy, had shown to him in a chance encounter as a young man. Unable to read and write until he was 18, Espy attended a rousing speech by the famous orator Henry Clay. After the talk, a spellbound Espy tried to make his way toward Clay, but he couldn’t form the words to speak to his idol. One of his friends shouted out for him: “He wants to be like you, even though he can’t read.” Clay grabbed one of his posters, which had the word CLAY written in big letters. He looked at Espy and said, “You see that, boy?” pointing to a letter.“That’s an A. Now, you’ve only got 25 more letters to go.”

Espy had just been gifted The Process. Within a year, he started college. What Rosen, what Espy, what these coaches are practicing is a central tenet of stoic philosophy — one which I’ve tried to pass along in The Obstacle is The Way. It’s just a modern take on Marcus Aurelius when he advised: “Don’t let your imagination be crushed by life as a whole. Don’t try to picture everything bad that could possibly happen. Stick with the situation at hand, and ask, “Why is this so unbearable? Why can’t I endure it?”

Equestrian Statue of emperor of the Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius. (Photo: FILIPPO MONTEFORTE/AFP/Getty Images) Seven seconds. Sticking to the situation at hand. Focusing on what’s immediately in front of you. No strain, no struggling. So relaxed. No exertionor worry. Just one simple movement after another. That’s the power of process. We can channel this, too. We needn’t scramble like we’re so often inclined to do when some difﬁcult task sits in front of us. Instead, we can take a breath, do the immediate, composite part in front of us — and follow its thread into the next action. Everything in order, everything connected.

When it comes to our actions, disorder and distraction are death. The unordered mind loses track of what’s in front of it — what matters — and gets distracted by thoughts of the future. The process orders, it keeps our perceptions in check and our actions in sync. It seems obvious, but we forget this when it matters most. Right now, if I knocked you down and pinned you to ground, how would you respond? You’d probably panic. And then you’d push with all your strength to get me off you. It wouldn’t work; just using my body weight, I would be able to keep your shoulders against the ground with little effort — and you’d grow exhausted ﬁghting it.

That’s the opposite of the process. The process is much easier. First, you don’t panic, you conserve your energy. You don’t do anything stupid like getting yourself choked out by acting without thinking. You focus on not letting it get worse. Then you get your arms up, to brace and create some breathing room, some space. Now work to get on your side. From there you can start to break down my hold on you: grab an arm, trap a leg, buck with your hips, slide in a knee.

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It’ll take some time, but you’ll get yourself out. At each step, the person on top is forced to give a little up, until there’s nothing left. Then you’re free. Being trapped is just a position, not a fate. You get out of it by addressing and eliminating each part of that position through small, deliberate action — not by trying (and failing) to push it away with superhuman strength. With our business rivals, we rack our brains to think of some mind-blowing new product that will make them irrelevant, and, in the process, we take our eye off the ball. We shy away from writing a book or making a ﬁlm even though it’s our dream because it’s so much work — we can’t imagine how we get from here to there.

How often do we compromise or settle because we feel that the real solution is too ambitious or outside our grasp? How often do we assume that change is impossible because it’s too big? Involves too many different groups? Or worse, how many people are paralyzed by all their ideas and inspirations? They chase them all and go nowhere, distracting themselves and never making headway. They’re brilliant, sure, but they rarely execute. They rarely get where they want and need to go. All these issues are solvable. Each would collapse beneath the process. We’ve just wrongly assumed that it has to happen all at once, and we give up at the thought of it. We are A-to-Z thinkers, fretting about A, obsessing over Z, yet forgetting all about B through Y. We want to have goals, yes, so everything we do can be in service of something purposeful. When we know what we’re really setting out to do, the obstacles that arise tend to seem smaller, more manageable. When we don’t, each one looms larger and seems impossible. Goals help put the blips and bumps in proper proportion. When we get distracted, when we start caring about something other than our own progress and efforts, the process is helpful, if occasionally bossy, the voice in our head. It is the bark of the wise, older leader who knows exactly who he is and what he’s got to do. Shut up. Go back to your stations and try to think about what we are going to do ourselves, instead of worrying about what’s going on out there. You know what your job is, stop jawing and get to work. The process is the voice that demands we take responsibility and ownership.That prompts us to act even if only in a small way. Like a relentless machine, subjugating resistance each and every way it exists, little by little. Moving forward, one step at a time. Subordinate strength to the process. Replace fear with the process. Depend on it. Lean on it. Trust in it. Take your time, don’t rush. Some problems are harder than others. Deal with the ones right in front of you ﬁrst. Come back to the others later.You’ll get there. The process is about doing the right things, right now. Not worrying about what might happen later, or the results, or the whole picture.

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