©2019-2023 The Station Foundation. All rights reserved. This presentation is confidential and proprietary to The Station Foundation and may not be copied, reproduced or distributed, in whole or in part, other than to parties that The Station Foundation has preapproved in writing. Confidential – not for distribution, copying or unauthorized use.
On behalf of The Station , welcome to Montana. We recognize you live a busy life. We understand the pressures you and your Family face on a nightly basis.
When we first considered leaving the Community to create this program, we had no idea it would grow into this powerful and positive experience in such a short time. We have been very fortunate and blessed to have amazing people committed to making this a world-class resource for you to enjoy. We are honored to have you and hope this does what it needs to do.
The Station was designed by folks from the Special Operations Community. It recognized the lack of quality and consistency in resources available for our Community as we learned to deal with the impacts of combat. The available menu of options did not address the needs or requirements of the SOF Warrior and their Family. We developed this project with you and your family at the center, through an understanding and language from within, that valued and projected SOF Truths. There is one agenda – to provide the same level of support after combat as you receive in combat.
This workshop was designed for YOU – your needs, priorities, goals, dreams, personality…YOU.
Treat as your own – own it. You travelled all the way to Montana and made it this far in the letter –why not make this the best two weeks you’ve given yourself in a LONG time. As hard as it may be – we ask you to do one thing: Enjoy yourself. Leave the timelines, expectations, chaos, static, and noise behind.
Again – this is for YOU…take advantage of this and make it your own to enjoy. There is nothing in your way.
Again, thank you for who you are, what you do, and taking the time to preserve those things important in your life. We are excited to have you and look forward to our time together.
Best,
The Station Foundationi WELCOME LETTER
ii TABLE OF CONTENTS
1. MINDSET
a. Cognitive Model (+Worksheet)
b. Unhelpful Thinking Styles
c. Interrupting Negative Thoughts
d. Wise Mind
2. VIRTUES
a. Overview
b. Definitions
c. Strength Based Parenting
3. BEHAVIOR
a. ProScan Personal Results
b. Blocks to Leadership and Communication
c. Personal Reframes for Effective Communication
4. COMMUNICATION
a. Assertive Communication
b. Effective Communication
c. Effective Listening
d. Pin-Feel
e. D E A R M A N
5. SELF-CARE
a. Stress Overview
b. Relaxation Techniques
c. G.R.A.P.E.S.
CBT works with thoughts and feelings in the here-and-now. A cognitive behavioral therapist will try to understand the situation by looking at separate parts.
Sometimes, through no fault of their own, people get ‘stuck’ in vicious cycles: the things they do to solve a problem can inadvertently keep it going.
CBT is about finding out what is keeping us ‘stuck’ and making changes in our thinking and actions in order to improve the way we feel. It is a collaborative therapy and needs your active participation in order to be helpful. There is a lot of evidence to show it is an effective treatment.
COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY
DESCRIBE THE SITUATION
DESCRIBE YOUR BEHAVIORS
DESCRIBE YOUR THOUGHTS
DESCRIBE YOUR SENSATIONS
DESCRIBE YOUR EMOTIONS
no gray areas
selective observation
Sometimes called “black and white thinking”
“If I’m not perfect I have failed...”
“Either I do it right or not at all...”
Only paying attention to certain types of evidence
Noticing our failures but not seeing our successes
Two key types are:
Mind reading (imagining we know what others are thinking)
Fortune telling (predicting the future)
once means every time
Seeing a pattern in a single event; drawing overly broad conclusions
“Everything is always rubbish...”
“Nothing good ever happens...”
Discounting good things that have happened or you have done
“That doesn’t count...”
i already know
selective observation
stereotyping self/others
Assuming because we feel a certain way what we think must be true
“I feel embarrassed so I must be an idiot...”
Assigning labels to ourselves or other people
“I’m a loser...”
“I’m completely useless...”
“They’re such an idiot...”
out with the good
MAGNIFYING/MINIMALIZING
+ Blowing things out of proportion (catastrophising)
- Inappropriately shrinking something to make it seem less important exaggerating things
Critical words like ‘should’, ‘must’, or ‘ought’ can make us feel guilty –or like we have already failed
If we apply ‘shoulds’ to other people the result is often frustration
judgmental attitude
Blaming yourself or taking responsibility for something that wasn’t completely your fault
Conversely, blaming other people for something that was your fault assigning blame
The 3 C’s: Catch It – Check It – Change It
CATCH IT Notice a negative change in your emotions and identify the main thought(s) going through your head associated with that feeling
CHECK IT Reflect on how accurate and useful the thought is. Go to the facts!
Emotional mind is in danger of taking over. Things to consider:
Evidence for and against the belief (facts)
What else could be going on in the situation
What you would say to someone you care about who was thinking similarly
What would someone who cares about you say to you about your thinking
Is this a habit or a fact (i.e. is this my fallback thinking mode applied without critically evaluating the situation?)
Is this thought useful to me?! What is the effect of believing the thought?
What could be the effect of changing the thought?
CHANGE IT Change the thought to a more accurate or more helpful one.
3 C’s Worksheet: Catch It – Check It – Change It
Your mind has three states: The reasonable mind, the emotional mind, and the wise mind. Everyone possesses each of these states, but most people gravitate toward a specific one most of the time.
Reasonable
Individuals use their REASONABLE MIND when they approach a situation intellectually. They plan and make decisions based on fact.
The WISE MIND refers to a balance between the reasonable and emotional states. The person recognizes and respects their feelings, while responding to the situation in a rational manner.
The EMOTIONAL MIND is being used when feelings control someone’s thoughts and behaviors. They might act impulsively with little regard for consequences.
Describe one experience when you have used each of the following states of mind.
Emotional
1. Wisdom and Knowledge – Cognitive strengths that entail the acquisition and use of knowledge
• Creativity [originality, ingenuity] : Thinking of novel and productive ways to conceptualize and do things; includes artistic achievement but is not limited to it
• Curiosity [interest, novelty-seeking, openness to experience] : Taking an interest in ongoing experience for its own sake; finding subjects and topics fascinating; exploring and discovering
• Judgment [critical thinking] : Thinking things through and examining them from all sides; not jumping to conclusions; being able to change one’s mind in light of evidence; weighing all evidence fairly
• Love of Learning: Mastering new skills, topics, and bodies of knowledge, whether on one’s own or formally; obviously related to the strength of curiosity but goes beyond it to describe the tendency to add systematically to what one knows
• Perspective [wisdom] : Being able to provide wise counsel to others; having ways of looking at the world that make sense to oneself and to other people
2. Courage – Emotional strengths that involve the exercise of will to accomplish goals in the face of opposition, external or internal
• Bravery [valor] : Not shrinking from threat, challenge, difficulty, or pain; speaking up for what is right even if there is opposition; acting on convictions even if unpopular; includes physical bravery but is not limited to it
• Perseverance [persistence, industriousness] : Finishing what one starts; persisting in a course of action in spite of obstacles; “getting it out the door”; taking pleasure in completing tasks
• Honesty [authenticity, integrity] : Speaking the truth but more broadly presenting oneself in a genuine way and acting in a sincere way; being without pretense; taking responsibility for one’s feelings and actions
• Zest [vitality, enthusiasm, vigor, energy] : Approaching life with excitement and energy; not doing things halfway or halfheartedly; living life as an adventure; feeling alive and activated
• Love : Valuing close relations with others, in particular those in which sharing and caring are reciprocated; being close to people
• Kindness [generosity, nurturance, care, compassion, altruistic love, “niceness”] : Doing favors and good deeds for others; helping them; taking care of them
• Social Intelligence [emotional intelligence, personal intelligence] : Being aware of the motives and feelings of other people and oneself; knowing what to do to fit into different social situations; knowing what makes other people tick
• Teamwork [citizenship, social responsibility, loyalty] : Working well as a member of a group or team; being loyal to the group; doing one’s share
• Fairness : Treating all people the same according to notions of fairness and justice; not letting personal feelings bias decisions about others; giving everyone a fair chance.
• Leadership : Encouraging a group of which one is a member to get things done and at the time maintain time good relations within the group; organizing group activities and seeing that they happen.
5. Temperance – Strengths that protect against excess
• Forgivenes s : Forgiving those who have done wrong; accepting the shortcomings of others; giving people a second chance; not being vengeful
• Humility: Letting one’s accomplishments speak for themselves; not regarding oneself as more special than one is
• Prudence: Being careful about one’s choices; not taking undue risks; not saying or doing things that might later be regretted
• Self-Regulation [self-control] : Regulating what one feels and does; being disciplined; controlling one’s appetites and emotions
6. Transcendence - Strengths that forge connections to the larger universe and provide meaning
• Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence [awe, wonder, elevation] : Noticing and appreciating beauty, excellence, and/or skilled performance in various domains of life, from nature to art to mathematics to science to everyday experience
• Gratitude: Being aware of and thankful for the good things that happen; taking time to express thanks
• Hope [optimism, future-mindedness, future orientation] : Expecting the best in the future and working to achieve it; believing that a good future is something that can be brought about
• Humor [playfulness] : Liking to laugh and tease; bringing smiles to other people; seeing the light side; making (not necessarily telling) jokes
• Spirituality [faith, purpose] : Having coherent beliefs about the higher purpose and meaning of the universe; knowing where one fits within the larger scheme; having beliefs about the meaning of life that shape conduct and provide comfort
By focusing on our children’s strengths, we can help them flourish –and stop being so critical and worried.
My stomach knotted as I came home after a long day at work to find my fifteen-year old son Nick playing “Fortnite.” Again.
Just yesterday, I’d spoken with him (read: snapped at him) about screen time. Today, an argument began. Again.
He felt angry. I felt frustrated. We both felt misunderstood.
Why do we zoom in on the things about our children that concern us more than the things that delight us? Why do we find it so hard to resist the urge to criticize, nag, and worry?
He felt angry. I felt frustrated. We both felt misunderstood.
Blame it on our brains. Our “negativity bias,” an ancient survival mechanism, hardwires us to spot problems in our environment more quickly than we spot the things that are going well. I call it the Dirty Window Syndrome: A clean window doesn’t attract your attention; you look straight through it. But a dirty window is something you notice. What’s more, your focus on one specific part of the
window – the dirt – means you’ll often fail to see that the rest of the window is still clean and showing you a beautiful view.
It’s the same with our kids. When things are going well, we take it for granted; but when things are going badly, that spot of dirt on the window snaps our attention into sharp focus. The dirt, in my case Nick’s gaming, grows from a small spot to a big stain. It gets magnified, overshadowing our kids’ positive qualities, thus creating the perfect storm for conflict and for feeling anxious about their future. A useful evolutionary feature that keeps you and your kids safe from danger can be counterproductive to fostering a positive relationship.
The good news is that by learning how to shift your attention to your child’s strengths (the clean part of the window), you can override the negativity bias, clean the dirt, and prevent the problems from getting blown out of proportion—all while building up resilience and optimism in your children.
Psychologists have identified two broad categories of strengths: talents and character. Talents are performance-based and observable, including things like abilities in sports, music, art, IT, and problem solving. Character strengths are personality-based and internal, including things like grit, curiosity, courage, humor, and kindness.
By learning how to shift your attention to your child’s strengths (the clean part of the window), you can override the negativity bias, clean the dirt, and prevent the problems from getting blown out of proportion – all while building up resilience and optimism in your children.
Although we tend to focus on our kids’ talents, the two categories of strengths work hand in hand. You’d be hard-pressed to find anyone who has made the most of their talent without also drawing on their character: Imagine the Beatles without creativity or Neil Armstrong without bravery. As parents, we can help our kids enormously by intentionally cultivating their character as much as their talents.
In my own research, children and teenagers who have parents who help them to see and use their strengths enjoy a raft of well-being benefits, including experiencing more positive emotions
BY LEA WATERS: https://www.mindful.org/how-to-be-a-strengthbased-parent/and flow, being more persistent, feeling more confident, and being more satisfied with their lives. Kids and teens with strength-based parents are also less stressed, cope better with friendship issues, cope better at meeting homework deadlines, and get better grades
These well-being benefits can also spill over into better behavior. In a 2010 study, after parents of pre-schoolers learned strength-based techniques in a 10-session program, the parents reported fewer behavior problems in their children.
Parents benefit, too. In one of my studies, published in the International Journal of Applied Positive Psychology, parents were split into two groups. One group took a course teaching them how to identify and cultivate their children’s strengths, while the second group had no training and continued to parent as usual. The results showed that the parents who went through the course felt happier with their children and more confident about their own parenting skills after the course compared with beforehand. Those who didn’t go through the course showed no shift in happiness and confidence.
Of course, focusing on strengths isn’t the be-all and end-all of parenting. My own findings have shown that strength-based parenting boosts many positive aspects of a child’s mental health, but doesn’t reduce anxiety (although it does lower stress and depression). In other words, connecting kids to their strengths helps make them feel good but may not necessarily make them feel less bad; the actions needed to reduce ill-being are different from those needed to produce well-being. But with so much focus on fixing children’s problems these days, it’s important to intentionally and independently seek to build well-being in our kids.
Strength-based parenting is a style where we focus first on building up what is going right with our children before we focus on fixing what is going wrong. We help our kids to maximize and make the most of their talents and character, and we show them how to use these as leverage points to address weakness and problems.
BY LEA WATERS: https://www.mindful.org/how-to-be-a-strengthbased-parent/Simply notice one strength in your child and comment on it: “You used good judgment today when you decided to pack your school bag ahead of time,” or “Thanks for making me laugh—I really love how funny you are,” or “I know your brother aggravates you, and I was so proud to see you rise above and show forgiveness.” Repeat this strengths spotting approach as much as you can. Over time, your children will internalize their own strengths in their self-talk. Rather than using negative self-talk like “I’m stupid” or “I’ll never get this” in difficult situations, they might say, “I know I’m persistent and can stick to the task,” or “I’m curious and can learn new things.”
Keep a strengths diary for the next two weeks and, at the end of each day, write down three strengths you saw your kids use in a diary or on your phone. If your child has a phone, you can send them a text the next day letting them know the strengths you saw them use. At the end of the two weeks, you can use your strengths diary to write a strengths letter to your child telling them about the strengths you see in them.
You can also map the strengths of your family. “We did a strengths profile of our family and put it on the fridge. Now we know our strengths, I create opportunities for the kids to use their strengths at home,” one parent said. “I ask Olivia and Jackson to use their zest to welcome guests, while Elijah’s judgment is used to rein in risk. The kids appreciate playing to each others’ strengths within the family.”
Finally, incorporate strengths into the questions you ask your children. When your child is nervous about a big project or event coming up, ask them, “What strengths do you have to help you with this?” If they have had a fight with a friend: “What strengths do you think were missing that may have led to the fight? What strengths will help you make up?”
If you keep practicing these skills, you will find that you can more easily shift out of fix-it (or nag) mode and into strength focus. When challenges arise, choose a strength you’ve identified in your child through the techniques above and suggest how they could use it to handle the situation. For example, I use my daughter’s kindness to help her temper her impatience. A father I’ve worked with helped his athletic son channel his natural competitive spirit into a friendly contest to “win” at finishing homework, instead of having the same old battle about lack of discipline.
BY LEA WATERS: https://www.mindful.org/how-to-be-a-strengthbased-parent/Strength-based parenting isn’t about lavishing your kids with false and excessive praise. It’s about real feedback based on your child’s actual strengths. And since none of us is so perfect that we’re showing our strengths all the time, there’s no risk of creating a self-involved, narcissistic child who thinks she’s the only special one in the world. If anything, strength-based parenting drives home the point that our strengths make us unique, but they don’t make us special – because everyone has strengths.
Nor does focusing on strengths mean we ignore problems. Instead, it shows us how to use what we’re good at to work on what we’re not so good at. Knowing their strengths gives children a solid-enough identity to acknowledge and address the areas where they need to improve. Being strength-based allows parents to approach weaknesses from a larger context – seeing the whole window, not just the dirt.
In my case, I’m able to put Nick’s gaming into perspective by reminding myself, “He’s a good kid. He’s creative and funny. He’s social and loyal, and he likes to build good relationships (most of the time).” In the grand scheme of things, he’s heading in the right direction. Despite my overactive worry button, he is actually doing OK. I can breathe a sigh of relief.
When I use a strength-based approach, two important things occur.
• First, I am able to see that there are strengths involved in gaming that Nick can use in the rest of his life. The self-regulation and problem-solving Nick uses to choose his moves, and the grit he uses to continue even when his points are low, are the same strengths he can use to better monitor his screen time and balance this with his homework. When I comment on the humor and loyalty he uses to cheer up his friends when they die in the game, he sees how he can apply these to his relationships with his family.
• Second, because I am calmer and able to engage more with Nick about the benefits of the game, he is more receptive to our conversations about balancing screen time with his homework, continued
BY LEA WATERS: https://www.mindful.org/how-to-be-a-strengthbased-parent/sports, and family time. When he sees that I am not demonizing technology and I am giving him a fair amount of time to play, he knows he also needs to be reasonable when we ask him to get off.
As a result, the negotiations about screen time are far more fruitful and less combative. This doesn’t mean I have all the answers. The conversation about “Fortnite” is an ongoing one, and most days Nick tries to sneak in extra time. But the days I am strength-based are the days when he shuts the game off more quickly and more happily.
Our negativity bias helps us to survive, but our strengths help us to thrive. Showing our children how to harness their strengths is a key tool for their happiness, and a recipe for effective and enjoyable parenting. It’s not a “cure-all’’ but is most definitely a win-win!
This essay is adapted from The Strength Switch: How the New Science of Strength-Based Parenting Can Help Your Child and Your Teen to Flourish by arrangement with Avery, an imprint of Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. Copyright © 2017, Lea Waters.
This article was adapted from Greater Good, the online magazine of UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, one of Mindful’s partners.
BY LEA WATERS: https://www.mindful.org/how-to-be-a-strengthbased-parent/1. Taking on too much/difficulty delegating
2. Can intimidate others due to intensity level
3. Preoccupied with the need to control circumstances and surroundings
4. Self imposed tension and stress
5. Demanding nature can divide people and teams
6. Intensity level can cause people to stop openly sharing their true thoughts, feelings and feedback
7. Can be perceived as controlling and inflexible when under pressure
8. Low, high or unrealistic expectations of others
9. Overly critical, may wear people down
10. Under pressure, controlling vs. empowering
11. Focus or ruminating on problems
12. A driven need to keep busy may lack meaning and purpose at a larger level
13. Overly sensitive to being disrespected or embarrassed
14.“Have to” work hard mentality
15. Thinking about what they want to say next instead of truly listening
1. Needing to like and to be liked
2. Difficulty focusing due to too many conversations with people
3. Attention to completion due to too many conversations with people
4. Compulsive need to be heard and to speak
5. Thinking about what we want to say next Instead of truly listening
6. Talking too much instead of working
7. May be overly focused on making popular decisions instead of grounded, task and outcome focused decisions
8. Doing what’s popular to maintain rapport
9. Perfectionism to look good/smart/ successful
10. Overly focused on people and acceptance but having a lack of purpose
11. Fear of embarrassment
12. Verbally attacking when embarrassed
13. Fear of rejection
1. Being overly agreeable with forceful personalities
2. Agreeable and easy-going nature can be misread by more intense personalities
3. Deferring decisions to gather consensus can be perceived as less decisive by others
4. Deferring or not taking action sooner can create regret and or resentment over time
5. Not speaking up when necessary
6. Avoiding conflict to maintain a sense of calm
1. Sceptical of overly talkative personalities
2. Slow to trust which can be perceived by others as closed and stoic
3. Stoic when meeting new people, especially in groups
4. A reluctance to talk or expand on topics they don’t understand
5. Low to no interest in public recognition or awards presented in front of others
6. Reluctance to give praise/recognition to others can demotivate people and teams
www.teamcommunication.com
1. Avoiding conflict
2. Putting off decisions to avoid disharmony and or controversy
3. Need to be the peacekeeper
4. Withdrawing and becoming quiet when faced with conflict
5. Sharing indirect, behind the scenes dissatisfaction can can create divides between people and teams
6. Asserting unpopular views/decisions
7. Putting off ending or negotiating difficult relationships with people/team members
8. Making faster decisions
9. Developing resentment over time for not speaking up sooner on important issues
10. Quiet stubbornness
11. Fear of rejection
12. Agreeable and easy-going nature can be taken advantage of by intense personalities
13. Being quiet and contemplative can be perceived as weakness by intense personalities
1. Making quicker decisions without all of the facts
2. Defending existing policies/practices
3. Being stuck on details “Paralysis by analysis”
4. Looking at the pessimistic side
5. Burying people with facts to support one’s opinions can cause people to avoid interactions
6. Personal dislike for being “sold to” can create resistance and blocks to selling or conveying ideas to others
7. Not wanting to take responsibility to be the leader
8. Getting lost in the planning, not making a start
9. Inflexible to change, seen as closed minded
10. Fear of risk or getting something wrong may cause hesitation or avoidance at decisive moments
11. Fear of being caught without the answer
12. Indecisiveness when choosing between something proven vs new innovation
13. Low expectations of others to meet high standards
14. Overly critical/perfectionism, focus is on problems
15. Fear of embarrassment for being incorrect
16. “Have to” work hard to “get it right”
1. The need for variety and change of focus is a driving force
2. Consistent pent up energy and tension
3. Intrinsic sense of urgency can be disruptive to others and work teams
4. Things can’t happen fast enough
5. Frustrated by slow pace of progress and slower paced people
6. Stimulated by interruptions and changing focus on multiple projects
1. High sensitivity to being over controlled or over managed
2. High need for autonomy and independence
3. Need to be creative and innovative to accomplish objectives
4. Sensitive to overly structured people and projects
5. Freewheeling and uninhibited style can create challenges with controlling or high conforming people and team members
6. Changing agreements or direction due to too many new ideas can be seen as disruptive and draining by people and team members
Personal reframe: A relevant personal statement you can make to yourself when you recognize you are “in your own way”
Higher Dominance
Triggered by lack of control and a sense of being disrespected
“Do I really need to get Irritated right now or is this just my high dominance getting in the way?”
Lower Dominance
Triggered by aggressive behavior and controlling personalities
“Do I really need to be uncomfortable about being more direct or is this just my need to be accommodating getting in my way?”
Higher Patience
Triggered by lack of harmony and being undervalued and or unappreciated
“Do I need to be uncomfortable or is this just my need to avoid conflict getting in my way?”
Triggered by a slow and methodical pace or lack of variety
“Do I really need to be frustrated with the slower pace of things or is this just my sense of urgency getting in the way?”
Higher Extroversion
Triggered by a lack of rapport, being embarrassed, especially in front of others
“Do I really need to keep talking or is this just my need to be in rapport getting in my way?”
Lower Extroversion
Triggered by people imposing on their personal space, over-sharing and irrelevant small talk
“Do I really need to be frustrated with this person for talking too much or is this just my low extroversion getting in my way?”
Higher Conformity
Triggered by a lack of certainty, not enough information, extemporaneous speaking or being caught off guard without the answer
“Do I need to be frustrated with a lack of information or is this just my high conformity getting in my way?”
Lower Conformity
Triggered by a sense of being overmanaged or controlled
“Do I really need to be triggered by this person telling me what to do or is this my low conformity getting in my way?”
Leadership and team communication reframes: A question or statement to a superior, peer or team member to help you adjust back to their preferred communication style
Those who are more direct, controlling and bottom line
“I think I need to stop and back up just a bit. You asked me a direct question and I could have given you a more direct answer. The answer to your question is . . .”
Those who are sensitive to being direct
“Maybe I should back up a little. You asked me a question, and I may have been a little too abrupt. Let me see if I can answer your question in a different way.”
Those who prefer a more sincere approach
“I’m getting a sense that I need to take a little more time to understand your question. Can you tell me a little more about . . .”
Those with an intrinsic sense of urgency and a need for variety
“I can see that I need to pick up the pace a bit. Let's focus on the two or three things that are most important.”
Those who need to feel they are in rapport with you
“I’m sorry, I jumped past something you were saying a few minutes ago, can you tell me a little more about that?”
Those who are slow to trust you and what you are saying
“My apologies. I think I am talking way past what you are asking for. Let me focus back on your question.”
Those who need more information to arrive at decisions
“My apologies. I jumped ahead and did not answer your question in detail. Let me give you the specifics.”
Those who need freedom, independence and low constraints
“I think I am giving way too much detail for what you are asking. What is most important for you to know about?”
www.teamcommunication.com
Communicating assertively means clearly and calmly expressing what you want without either being too passive or too aggressive. Learning to communicate assertively doesn’t guarantee you will have your needs met but it makes it more likely, and it can improve your relationships with other people.
Thinking your needs don’t matter at all
Give in
Not talking, not being heard
Trying to keep the peace
Allowing yourself to be bullied
Not saying what you think, or not saying anything
Damages relationships - other people respect you less
Damages your self-esteem
Use “I” statements
Be clear and direct:
Recognising that your needs matter as much as anyone elses
Compromise
Talking and listening
Making sure things are fair – for you and others
Standing up for yourself
Express your point clearly and confidently
Enhances relationships - other people know where they stand
Builds your self-esteem
Thinking that only your needs matter
Take
Talking over people
Looking out for yourself
Bullying others
Can lead to shouting, aggression or violence
Damages relationships – other people don’t like aggression
Damages others self-esteem
Stick to your guns – the broken record technique
“I would like you to give me a refund”
“I think what you have done is good, but I would like to see more of...”
Describe how another person’s behaviour makes you feel
This makes other people aware of the consequences of their actions:
“When you raise your voice it makes me scared ... I would like you to speak softly”
“When you don’t tell me what you are feeling it makes me confused”
This involves thinking about what you want, preparing what you might say, then repeating it as necessary:
“I would like a refund ... Yes, but I would still like a refund ... I’ve heard what you have said but I still want a refund”
DISCOUNT
Invalidate other person’s needs or feelings as if they are not legitimate or important
WITHDRAW/ABANDON
Limit the other person’s acess to you
“Do what I want or I’m leaving”
THREATEN
Make the other person’s life miserable
“Do what I want or I’ll hurt you”
BLAME
Make the problem is the other person’s fault
“You caused it, you fix it”
BELITTLE/DENIGRATE
Make the other person feel foolish or wrong for having a particular need, opinion or feeling
GUILT-TRIP
Portray the other person as a moral failure or their needs being wrong
DERAIL
Switch the focus away from the other person’s feelings and back to your own feelings
TAKE AWAY
Withdraw support, pleasure or reinforcement from the other person as punishment for something they said, did or wanted.
KNOW WHAT YOU WANT
Pay attention to how you feel and look for a way to describe it
ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT
Assert yourself in a way that protects the relationship (more to come on this – see below)
NEGOTIATE CONFLICTING WANTS
Acknowledge each person’s needs as valid and understandable
GET INFORMATION
Don’t assume you know what the other person needs, hopes for and so on
SAY NO
Decline in a way that protects the relationship (passive, aggressive or assertive)
ACT ACCORDING TO YOUR VALUES
Conduct yourself according to what you believe in your heart
MIND READING
Assume you know what the other person feels and thinks without asking
REHEARSING
Plan what you want to say next and miss what is being said now
FILTERING
Listen only to things that are relevant to you and ignore the rest
JUDGING
Evaluate the other person and what they say rather than trying to really understand them
DAYDREAMING
Get caught in memories or fantasies while the other person is talking
ADVISING
Look for suggestions and solutions instead of listen and understand
SPARRING
Argue and debate (invalidating)
BEING RIGHT
Resist or ignore anything that suggests you are wrong or should change
DERAILING
Change the subject when you hear something that bothers or threatens you
PLACATING
Agree too quickly without listening to the other person’s feelings or concerns
USE AN ASSERTIVE SCRIPT:
“So when (facts) happen/s/ed, you feel (emotion) , and you’re wanting (the ask) .”
“Did I get that right?”
“So the main problem I’m hearing is .”
“Is that correct?”
“What do you think needs to change?”
“How would you like me to help?”
“So when I did/do ” you felt/feel , because for you it meant/means . Is that right?”
We have a wide range of feelings that can be highly related. This wheel helps you visualize how far-ranging each emotion can be. The center ring describes primary states (surprised, happy, sad, etc). The colors help us keep track of which basic emotion we are exploring. The middle ring lists an expanded range of specific feelings within each primary state (surprised, startled). The outer ring further expands each middle ring list, showing even more particular variations within each primary state of emotion (surprised, startled, shocked).
Sometimes interacting and having relations with people can be difficult. In situations that require confrontation it is important to make sure that you present yourself as assertive but not aggressive or disagreeable. Use DEARMAN to help you prepare for your difficult situation you are facing:
Describe. As objectively (without bias or judgment) as possible, describe the situation.
E A R M A N
xpress. Express how you are affected by this situation. How does the situation make you feel? Remember, keep the focus on the ‘I’. I feel:
ssert. Make your thoughts and expectations known. What do you think about the situation?
einforce. Explain why you think the way you do and why you want what you want. Explain how what you are asking for will benefit you.
indful. Be mindful about how your feelings can influence your thoughts and communication skills. Be sure to avoid invalidating others or letting your emotions fuel your participation in the conversation.
ppear Confident. Remember that your presentation is important. Things like body language and tone can make a big difference in how your message is received. What can you do to ensure you appear confident but not confrontational? egotiate. Sometimes with difficulty situations there needs to be a compromise. In most circumstances compromise is possible. In what ways can you compromise, or negotiate terms in which both parties benefit?
T oo much s tres s , or the wrong kind , can harm our health.
Ye t stre ss c a n a lso be a positiv e forc e in our liv e s, ke e ping us foc use d, a le rt, a nd a t the top of our ga me .
I t a ll de pe nds wha t kind of stre ss it is, how pre pa re d we a re to me e t it a nd how we v ie w it
Mo s t Po p ular Ar t icles
Feat ured A ll Tim e Faves G et t ing St art ed
Paleo, veg an, intermittent fas ting what’ s the bes t diet?
H ow to fix a brok en diet: 3 ways to g et your eating on track
I k now what to do s o why am I s till not in s hape?
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Athlete Profiles ( 72)
H ealthy Recipes ( 26)
Special Announcements ( 137)
Week ly News letters ( 339)
C ontes ts and Giveaways ( 75)
H ormones and Phys iolog y ( 78)
Food and Nutrition ( 218)
Training and Sport ( 112)
P e ople ofte n think of stre ss a s a da nge rous a nd de a dly thing
Ye t stre ss is simply a norma l phy siologic a l re sponse to e v e nts tha t ma ke y ou fe e l thre a te ne d or upse t y our e quilibrium in some wa y
Whe n y ou se nse da nge r phy sic a l, me nta l or e motiona l y our de fe nse s kic k into high ge a r in a ra pid, a utoma tic proc e ss known a s the “fight or flight” re sponse , a ka the stre ss re sponse
The stre ss re sponse is y our body ’s wa y of prote c ting y ou
W h e n wo rkin g pro pe rly, t h e st re ss re spo n se h e lps yo u st ay f o cu se d, e n e rge t ic an d ale rt I n e me rge nc y situa tions, stre ss c a n sa v e y our life or tha t of
Ps ycholog y and Lifes tyle ( 138)
PN Videos ( 101)
w w w pr e c isionnutr ition c om/good- str e ss- ba d- str e ss 1/13
othe rs giv ing y ou the e xtra stre ngth to lift a c a r off y our c hild, or spurring y ou to sla m the bra ke s to a v oid a n a c c ide nt
Th e st re ss re spo n se also h e lps yo u rise t o me e t ch alle n ge s Stre ss ke e ps y ou sha rp during a pre se nta tion a t work, inc re a se s y our c onc e ntra tion whe n y ou ne e d it most, or driv e s y ou to study for a n e xa m whe n y ou’d ra the r be out with y our frie nds
But be y ond a c e rta in point, stre ss stops he lping a nd starts da ma ging y our he a lth, y our mood, y our produc tiv ity , y our re la tionships, a nd y our qua lity of life
Gra b a pie c e of pa pe r a nd write down a ll the things in y our a v e ra ge da y tha t c ould possibly be a stre ss on y our body , mind, a nd e motions
We ’d gue ss y our list proba bly looks some thing like this:
Boss y e lle d a t me
R ushing a round to se e c lie nts
Worry ing a bout mone y
C ommuting
C rummy we a the r
Kid woke me up e a rly
Girlfrie nd/boy frie nd sna rke d a t me this morning
I think I might’v e e a te n some ba d shrimp sa la d
I f y ou’re like most pe ople , y ou’re a c a me l c a rry ing a big loa d of stra w with the se c ombine d life stre sse s
Now ima gine wha t c ould ha ppe n if y ou sta rt piling on more stra w with worry ing a bout y our body ima ge , with phy sic a l stre ss from y our workouts, or with re stric ting y our food inta ke Ev e ntua lly sna p
The pile of stra w the c umula tiv e tota l of a ll the stuff in y our life tha t c a use s phy sic a l, me nta l, a nd/or e motiona l stre ss is known a s y our allo st at ic lo ad
w w w pr e c isionnutr ition c om/good- str e ss- ba d- str e ss 2/13
Some stre ss is good stre ss (a lso c a lle d e ustre ss) Good stre ss pushe s y ou out of y our c omfort zone , but in a good wa y Good stre ss he lps y ou le a rn, grow, a nd ge t stronge r
For e xa mple , riding a rolle r c oa ste r is fun a nd e xc iting I t la sts a short time , a nd y ou fe e l e xhila ra te d a fte rwa rds (Tha t is, if y ou like rolle r c oa ste rs )
Exe rc ise c a n be a nothe r form of good stre ss You fe e l a little unc omforta ble but the n y ou fe e l good, a nd a fte r a n hour or so, y ou’re done
Go o d st re ss: is short-liv e d is infre que nt is ov e r quic kly (in a ma tte r of minute s or hours)
c a n be pa rt of a positiv e life e xpe rie nc e inspire s y ou to a c tion
he lps build y ou up it le a v e s y ou be tte r tha n y ou we re be fore
But le t’s sa y y ou ride tha t rolle r c oa ste r c onsta ntly , or lift we ights 4 hours a da y , e v e ry da y Now it doe sn’t se e m so fun, doe s it?
This is ba d stre ss, or distre ss
Bad st re ss: la sts a long time
w w w pr e c isionnutr ition c om/good- str e ss- ba d- str e ss 3/13
is c hronic is ongoing is ne ga tiv e , de pre ssing, a nd de mora lizing de -motiv a te s a nd pa ra ly ze s y ou bre a ks y ou down it le a v e s y ou worse off tha n y ou we re be fore
On e ke y f e at u re t h at dist in gu ish e s go o d f ro m bad st re ss is h o w we ll t h e st re sso r mat ch e s yo u r abilit y t o re co ve r f ro m it
Sinc e stre ss a ffe c ts the mind, body , a nd be ha v ior in ma ny wa y s, e ve ryo n e e xpe rie n ce s st re ss dif f e re n t ly
Each o f u s h as a u n iqu e “re co ve ry zo n e ” , whe the r tha t’s phy sic a l or psy c hologic a l, a nd our re c ov e ry zone de pe nds on se v e ra l fa c tors
J u st as impo rt an t as t h e st re ss it se lf is h o w yo u pe rce ive an d re spo n d t o it
Some pe ople go with the flow a nd c a n a da pt we ll to wha t othe rs would pe rc e iv e a s highly stre ssful e v e nts Othe r pe ople c rumble a t e v e n the slighte st c ha lle nge or frustra tion the y e nc ounte r
The re a re ma ny things tha t a ffe c t our tole ra nc e to stre ss, suc h a s:
Ou r at t it u de an d o u t lo o k P e ople with optimistic , proa c tiv e a nd positiv e a ttitude s a re more stre ss re sista nt A nd pe ople who v ie w stre ssful e v e nts a s a c ha lle nge , a nd re a lize tha t c ha nge is simply a pa rt of life , ha v e a fa r la rge r re c ov e ry zone a nd a re fa r le ss v ulne ra ble to stre ss
Ou r lif e e xpe rie n ce P a st stre ss c a n build us up or bre a k us down, de pe nding on whe n the stre ss ha ppe ne d a nd how powe rful it wa s M ode ra te stre ss a t a time whe n we c a n ha ndle it ge ne ra lly ma ke s us be tte r a nd more re silie nt H owe v e r, stre ss a t a time whe n we ’re a lre a dy v ulne ra ble (suc h a s during c hildhood, or pile d on top of othe r stre ssors) c a n a c tua lly le a v e us worse off
Ou r ge n e t ic make u p an d e pige n e t ic e xpre ssio n Some of us a re ge ne tic a lly more “stre ss susc e ptible ” tha n othe rs, e spe c ia lly if we me e t e nv ironme nta l fa c tors tha t the n e pige ne tic a lly “switc h on” or “switc h off” those c ruc ia l ge ne s For insta nc e , one study found tha t olde r pe ople c a rry ing a c e rta in ge ne poly morphism suffe re d ma jor de pre ssion only if the y ha d some thing ba d ha ppe n to the m in c hildhood The folks with the ge ne tic v a ria nt who ha d norma l c hildhoods we re fine
Ou r pe rce pt io n o f co n t ro l Stre ss be c ome s most tra uma tic whe n we fe e l tra ppe d I f we ’re a ble to suc c e ssfully fight or fle e , we te nd to re c ov e r be tte r But
w w w pr e c isionnutr ition c om/good- str e ss- ba d- str e ss 4/13
if we fe e l una ble to c ha nge the situa tion, we ’ll go to the ne xt-sta ge stre ss re sponse , the “fre e ze ” re sponse This is whe n we fe e l he lple ss, hope le ss, a nd pa ra ly ze d. We ma y a lso ge t more stre sse d if we ’re “c ontrol fre a ks” c onsta ntly try ing to grip, gra b, a nd gra sp e v e ry thing tightly .
Ou r n at u ral pe rso n alit y t ype I f y ou ha v e c onfide nc e in y ourse lf a nd y our a bility to influe nc e e v e nts a nd pe rse v e re through c ha lle nge s, it’s e a sie r to ta ke stre ssful e v e nts in stride P e ople who a re more v ulne ra ble to stre ss te nd to fe e l like the y ha v e no a bility to influe nc e the e v e nts a round the m The y might a lso be highly e mpa the tic a nd thus fe e l “pushe d” a nd “pulle d” by the ne e ds a nd wa nts of othe rs
Ou r su ppo rt n e t wo rk A strong ne twork of supportiv e frie nds a nd fa mily me mbe rs (whic h c a n e v e n inc lude pe ts) is a powe rful buffe r a ga inst the stre ss of life C onv e rse ly , lone line ss a nd isola tion worse ns stre ss
Ou r abilit y t o de al wit h o u r e mo t io n s I f y ou c a n’t c a lm a nd soothe y ourse lf whe n fe e ling stre sse d or ov e rly e motiona l, y ou’re more v ulne ra ble to stre ss The a bility to le v e l out y our e motions will he lp y ou be tte r ha ndle a dv e rsity
Ou r e n viro n me n t Na tura l e nv ironme nts (e g outdoors, spa c e s with lots of windows a nd na tura l lighting, e tc ) c a lm us down, a s do se c ure a nd sa fe e nv ironme nts (suc h a s y our c omfy liv ing room) I ndustria l e nv ironme nts full of stimuli (e .g. noise s, ma c hine ry , a rtific ia l lights, thre a ts c oming a t us quic kly , e tc .) a mp us up a nd put us on e dge We a lso fe e l more re la xe d in e nv ironme nts we think we c a n c ontrol, suc h a s our home s; we ’re more a nxious in e nv ironme nts we think we c a n’t c ontrol, suc h a s la rge public spa c e s or most worksite s
Ou r allo st at ic lo ad The la rge r the a llosta tic loa d (in othe r words, the more stuff we ’re de a ling with a t onc e ), the more it we a rs down our re silie nc e , a nd shrinks our re c ov e ry zone . H ow we re spond to stre ss is c ritic a l, but the c umula tiv e loa d of e xc e ss stre ss c a n we a r down e v e n the most re silie nt a nd positiv e pe rson
Ge ne ra lly , the “re c ov e ry zone ” looks like this:
w w w pr e c isionnutr ition c om/good- str e ss- ba d- str e ss
If t h e st re sso r is t o o lo w n o t e n o u gh t o cau se a re act io n t h e n n o t h in g will h appe n You’ll go a long the sa me a s be fore , no be tte r or worse
If t h e st re sso r is t o o h igh t o o st ro n g, an d/o r last s t o o lo n g, o u t pacin g yo u r re co ve ry abilit y t h e n yo u ’ll e ve n t u ally bre ak do wn
If t h e st re sso r is wit h in yo u r re co ve ry zo n e n e it h e r t o o mu ch n o r t o o lit t le , an d do e sn ’t last t o o lo n g t h e n yo u ’ll re co ve r f ro m it an d ge t be t t e r.
Wha t doe sn’t kill y ou ma ke s y ou stronge r!
We wa nt e nough “good stre ss” to ke e p a fire unde r our butts, but not so muc h tha t we bre a k down a nd burn out.
(This a pplie s to our own e xe rc ise a nd nutrition a s we ll a s our fa mily liv e s a nd ov e ra ll workloa d )
Tha t optimum zone de pe nds on your a llosta tic loa d, a s we ll a s how you pe rc e iv e a nd re spond to it R e me mbe r, this is your indiv idua l stre ss zone nobody e lse ’s
A nd re me mbe r tha t the a llosta tic loa d is everything: me nta l, phy sic a l, e motiona l: tha t e ma il from the boss y our ha ngna il the we ird pa int sme ll in y our offic e y our shoc kingly high phone bill everything goe s on to the “stre ss pile ” So co n side r t h is h o list ically
I f y our e xisting pile of stra w is a lre a dy he a v y , the n it’ll ta ke only a fe w more stra ws to bre a k y ou. A nd if y ou v ie w y our pile of stra w a s be ing too la rge a nd he a v y , re ga rdle ss of its a c tua l size , the n a ga in it will only ta ke a fe w more stra ws to bre a k y ou
Thus to ma na ge stre ss, we must do two things:
w w w pr e c isionnutr ition c om/good- str e ss- ba d- str e ss 6/13
le a rn to ba la nc e our life de ma nds, workloa d, a nd e xe rc ise /nutrition re sponsibilitie s; a nd
v ie w the se re sponsibilitie s a s a n a c hie v a ble c ha lle nge or a n inte re sting proble m to solv e , ra the r tha n some insurmounta ble obsta c le
To le ad a h e alt h y, pro du ct ive , an d f u lf illin g lif e , yo u mu st man age yo u r allo st at ic lo ad
H e re a re some a c tiv itie s y ou c a n do imme dia te ly to boost y our body ’s ha ppy c he mic a ls, a c tiv a te y our “re st a nd dige st” ne rv ous sy ste m, a nd sta rt building y our stre ss re silie nc e a re la xing wa lk (e spe c ia lly outside ); be ing out in na ture ; ge tting mode ra te sunshine ; liste ning to re la xing music ; mindfulne ss pra c tic e a nd me dita tion; ma ssa ge ; de e p bre a thing;
la ughing;
snuggling a lov e d one or pe t; y oga , ge ntle mobility , a nd/or slow stre tc hing e xe rc ise s; ge ntle swimming or wa te r imme rsion (suc h a s a hot tub);
re la xing in a sa una ; ha v ing se x (se riously );
phy sic a l, non-c ompe titiv e pla y ; mode ra te , oc c a siona l drinking 1-2 drinks for me n, a nd 1 for wome n e njoy e d slowly a nd mindfully ; drinking gre e n te a
I n othe r words, t h in k o f de -st re ssin g as pu rpo se f u lly ch asin g re laxat io n
By the wa y , some re c re a tiona l a c tiv itie s don’t c ount, suc h a s:
wa tc hing TV or mov ie s;
pla y ing v ide o ga me s; or
surfing the inte rne t
Ele ct ro n ic st imu lat io n , wh ile f u n , is st ill st imu lat io n So , an yt h in g in vo lvin g a scre e n is o u t
w w w pr e c isionnutr ition c om/good- str e ss- ba d- str e ss
L e ts dig a little de e pe r into a fe w of the se
M e dita tion is one of the be st stre ss-re lie v e rs
R e se a rc h on re gula r me dita tion shows how inc re dibly re stora tiv e it is, a s it:
lowe rs blood pre ssure ;
lowe rs he a rt ra te ;
lowe rs stre ss hormone s;
lowe rs infla mma tion;
boosts immune sy ste m;
improv e s foc us, me nta l c la rity a nd a tte ntion, e v e n whe n not me dita ting;
improv e s mood; a nd
improv e s sle e p
Be ing c hronic a lly ov e r-stre sse d c a n ne ga tiv e ly re wire y our bra in, inc re a sing y our risk for a nxie ty a nd de pre ssion
F o rt u n at e ly, me dit at io n is like magic Whe n done re gula rly , it c a n re wire y our bra in in the opposite dire c tion, to do a ll kinds of a we some stuff
For e xa mple , me dita tion c a n c ontribute to:
ne uroge ne sis (growth of ne w ne ura l c onne c tions a nd bra in c e lls);
e motiona l re gula tion (in othe r words, y our a bility to ma na ge y our fe e lings);
me mory a nd re c a ll;
de v e lopme nt of the bra in’s gra y ma tte r (e v e n a fte r only a fe w we e ks); a nd our a bility to re gula te our body c loc k
So how do y ou a c tua lly go a bout doing it?
While pe ople some time s think of me dita tion a s a n a rc a ne pra c tic e be st suite d to a dhe re nts of the H a re Krishna se c t, it’s a c tua lly pre tty e a sy to do, a nd y ou don’t ha v e to look or a c t like a n a ging hippie to be ne fit from it.
1 Find a c omforta ble , quie t, priv a te pla c e
2. Sit or lie down, wha te v e r se e ms most c onv e nie nt. The position doe sn’t ma tte r, a s long a s y ou’re re la xe d
3 Ge t a time r going Se t a time r for 5 minute s, a nd the n forge t a bout c ounting down how long it’s be e n Tha t’s y our time r’s job I t’ll ta ke c a re of y ou
4. C lose y our e y e s.
5 Sta rt with a quic k 30-se c ond “body sc a n” A s y ou sc a n down y our body from he a d to toe , think a bout c onsc iously re la xing e a c h musc le L e t e v e ry thing sink
w w w pr e c isionnutr ition c om/good- str e ss- ba d- str e ss 8/13
downwa rd I n pa rtic ula r, le t y our fa c e droop
6 Now, foc us on y our bre a thing Bre a the in through y our dia phra gm, pushing y our be lly in a nd out Obse rv e how the a ir mov e s in a nd out
7 C ount 10 bre a ths, obse rv ing e a c h one
8 L e t thoughts drift in a nd out L e t the m wa nde r in, the n shoo the m a wa y The y ’ll be ba c k You don’t ne e d to hold on to the m
9 Obse rv e only D on’t judge The re is no “should” I f y ou think of some thing, no worrie s D on’t fre t I f y ou he a r a noise , or ha v e a n itc h, simply think, The re ’s a noise or I ha v e a n itc h M a ke a note of it; the n mov e on
10 Ke e p c oming ba c k to y our bre a thing The re ’s no rush; just ke e p wa nde ring ba c k to it Wha t’s it doing now?
11 R e pe a t until y our time is up
12 Finish with 5 good be lly bre a ths to “booke nd” the se ssion
13 Ope n y our e y e s Tha t’s it P re tty e a sy right?
You a lre a dy know tha t drinking gre e n te a ha s tons of he a lth be ne fits. A t P N we ha v e be e n singing its pra ise s for y e a rs A nd now y ou c a n a dd one more be ne fit to tha t list
A la rge study in Ja pa n found tha t re gula rly drinking gre e n te a lowe re d the stre ss le v e ls of those found to ha v e high le v e ls of psy c hologic a l stre ss. This is thought to be due to L -the a nine , a non-prote in a mino a c id in gre e n te a (a nd, to a n e xte nt, in othe r te a s)
L -the a nine is a prov e n stre ss re duc e r a nd c a lming a ge nt I t inhibits c ortisol, whic h our body re le a se s in re sponse to stre ss, a nd a lso lowe rs y our blood pre ssure a nd he a rt ra te a s it c hills out y our sy mpa the tic ne rv ous sy ste m. A nd it c a use s a ll of the se a c tions in a s little a s 30 to 40 minute s a fte r c onsumption
L -the a nine ma y e v e n c ha nge y our bra in func tion D uring most of y our wa king hours, y our bra in is produc ing be ta bra in wa v e s, whic h c a n a ffe c t c onc e ntra tion a nd foc us Gre e n te a c onsumption will a c tua lly stimula te y our bra in to e mit a lpha bra in wa v e s inste a d, c re a ting a sta te of de e p re la xa tion a nd me nta l a le rtne ss, simila r to wha t y ou c a n a c hie v e through me dita tion
This ma y oc c ur be c a use L -the a nine is inv olv e d in the forma tion of the inhibitory ne urotra nsmitte r ga mma a mino buty ric a c id (GA BA ) GA BA influe nc e s the le v e ls of two othe r ne urotra nsmitte rs, dopa mine a nd se rotonin, produc ing the ke y re la xa tion e ffe c t
Sipping a fe w c ups of te a throughout the da y c a n he lp to lowe r stre ss, inc re a se foc us (e v e n more e ffe c tiv e ly tha n c offe e ), suppre ss a ppe tite a nd improv e y our
w w w pr e c isionnutr ition c om/good- str e ss- ba d- str e ss
R e gula r e xe rc ise is a gre a t tool to he lp y ou ha ndle stre ss Exe rc ise ofte n a llows y ou to blow off ste a m, a nd e xe rc ising re gula rly c a n boost y our stre ss-tole ra nc e
H owe v e r, re me mbe r tha t a ll stre ss fits in one buc ke t i e the a llosta tic loa d I f y ou ha v e a supe r-stre sse d out life , tra ining y our a ss off 6 time s a we e k is only c ontributing to tha t, a s tra ining stre ss goe s in the buc ke t too
I nste a d, ba la nc e y our e xe rc ise a pproa c h. I t’s not a ll a bout high-inte nsity , high-v olume lifting c ombine d with high-inte nsity inte rv a ls a ll the time Tra ining inte nse ly a s y our sole a pproa c h to e xe rc ise will c ontinua lly ja c k up y our sy mpa the tic ne rv ous sy ste m a nd c ompound y our stre ss sy mptoms
I nste a d, do a mix o f in t e n se we igh t t rain in g, so me in t e n se co n dit io n in g, an d ple n t y o f re st o rat ive e xe rcise e xe rcise t h at le ave s yo u f e e lin g mo re re f re sh e d an d in vigo rat e d af t e r do in g it , n o t drain e d an d e xh au st e d This would inc lude a c tiv itie s like :
wa lking outside in sunshine (BSP ’s fa v orite , e spe c ia lly with the dog);
y oga ;
ge ntle mobility , a nd/or slow stre tc hing e xe rc ise s;
ge ntle swimming or wa te r imme rsion (suc h a s a hot tub);
a c a sua l bike ride ; or
a c a sua l hike .
This e xe rc ise is me a nt to stimula te some blood flow, ge t y ou outside if possible (be c a use sunshine a nd na ture a re prov e n to improv e mood a nd lowe r stre ss), burn a fe w c a lorie s, a nd stimula te y our pa ra sy mpa the tic ne rv ous sy ste m
w w w pr e c isionnutr ition c om/good- str e ss- ba d- str e ss 10/13
Your pa ra sy mpa the tic ne rv ous sy ste m is known a s the “re st a nd dige st” sy ste m (a s oppose d to the “fight or flight” sy mpa the tic ne rv ous sy ste m) Enga ging y our pa ra sy mpa the tic ne rv ous sy ste m is ke y to lowe ring y our stre ss.
The re ’s nothing wrong with kic king butt in the gy m, but don’t le t y our only form of e xe rc ise be ba lls-to-the -wa ll high inte nsity tra ining, e spe c ia lly if y ou a lre a dy le a d a stre ssful life sty le
Allo w yo u rse lf so me qu ie t an d ge n t le e xe rcise : You’ll lowe r stre ss, improv e re c ov e ry , a nd a s a side be ne fit y ou’ll a lso improv e y our inte nse lifting
Est ablish a ro u t in e a nd some orde r in y our life While sc he duling y ourse lf too stric tly c a n be c onfining, too muc h re a c tiv e sponta ne ity c a n be stre ssful a s we ll Find a ba la nc e be twe e n the two tha t works for y ou
Eat ple n t y o f o me ga-3 f at s. Ea t fish, pa sture -ra ise d a nima ls, fla x se e ds a nd c hia se e ds, a nd ta ke fish, krill or a lga e oil
Kn o w yo u r limit s. Know how muc h stre ss you c a n ha ndle While y ou c a n inc re a se y our stre ss tole ra nc e a nd lowe r y our stre ss by following the pre c e ding tips, simply knowing tha t y ou c a n’t be e v e ry whe re a t onc e , or e v e ry thing to e v e ry one , will a lso ta ke some pre ssure off. Be re a sona ble a bout your indiv idua l c a pa bilitie s a nd e xpe c ta tions R e me mbe r tha t e a c h pe rson is diffe re nt
Sin gle -t ask. We ofte n think tha t multita sking le ts us do more work in le ss time R e se a rc h c onsiste ntly shows the opposite : Whe n we foc us on multiple things a t onc e , we do e a c h of the m le ss e ffic ie ntly a nd e ffe c tiv e ly . Ea c h time y ou inte rrupt one ta sk, y our bra in ta ke s a bout 15 minute s to ge t ba c k to optima l proc e ssing spe e d a nd e ffic ie nc y M ost of us don’t do anything for 15 foc use d minute s, so our bra in ne v e r ha s a ny time to se ttle in a nd ge t ‘e r done D o one thing a t a time , do it we ll, a nd the n mov e on to the ne xt
Un plu g f ro m t h e digit al wo rld. The re ’s c onsta nt e le c tronic stimula tion in our liv e s Unplug from it onc e in a while Turn off y our phone C lose y our c ompute r Go re a d a book, pla y ga me s, a nd ge t soc ia l with othe r huma ns
Ch an ge yo u r st re ss st o ry D rop the ne ga tiv e se lf-ta lk a nd work towa rds a more positiv e a ttitude . Te lling y ourse lf, a nd othe r pe ople , how busy y ou a re a nd how muc h y ou ha v e to do only ma ke s y ourse lf fe e l busie r, c ha otic a nd more stre sse d On the othe r ha nd, a positiv e a ttitude c a n a c tua lly lowe r stre ss le v e ls Simply te lling y ourse lf y ou c a n ma na ge some thing c a n giv e y ou more c onfide nc e to ma na ge it This doe sn’t me a n tha t y ou c a n ne v e r be frustra te d or sa d, it simply me a ns y ou shouldn’t wa llow in it
w w w pr e c isionnutr ition c om/good- str e ss- ba d- str e ss
Wh at th is mean s f or y ou
D on’t ge t stre sse d out by try ing to inc orpora te a ll the se tips (H a , ha ) Just foc us on two ke y points:
1 All st re ss lif e , wo rk, f amily, f in an cial, t rain in g, go o d, bad f it s in t o o n e bu cke t , cre at in g yo u r u n iqu e allo st at ic lo ad To sta y he a lthy , le a n, a nd fit, y ou must ma na ge this loa d Find the stra te gie s tha t work be st for y ou, a nd pra c tic e the m on a re gula r ba sis A nd ke e p in mind tha t wha t works be st for y ou a t this pa rtic ula r sta ge of y our life ma y not work for y ou in othe r sta ge s Be willing to e v olv e y our stra te gie s a s y our life , a nd a llosta tic loa d, e v olv e
2 J u st as impo rt an t as yo u r st re ss lo ad is h o w yo u re spo n d t o it . Vie w stre ss a s a c ha lle nge or a n inte re sting puzzle to solv e R oll with the punc he s a nd ha v e a P la n B (or C , or D ). Sta y ope n, fle xible , a nd c re a tiv e . This a ttitude he lps y ou ha ndle y our a llosta tic loa d be tte r, a nd mitiga te the pote ntia l ha rm it c ould c a use y ou
C lic k he re to v ie w the informa tion sourc e s re fe re nc e d in this a rtic le
To le a rn more a bout ma king importa nt improv e me nts to y our own nutrition a nd e xe rc ise progra m – or, if y ou’re a fitne ss profe ssiona l, to he lp y our c lie nts do the sa me – c he c k out the following 5-da y v ide o c ourse s
The y ’re proba bly be tte r tha n 90% of the se mina rs we ’v e e v e r a tte nde d on the subje c ts of e xe rc ise a nd nutrition (a nd proba bly be tte r tha n a fe w we ’v e giv e n ourse lv e s, too)
The be st pa rt? The y ’re t o t ally f re e . To c he c k out the fre e c ourse s, just c lic k one of the links be low
Exe rc ise a nd Nutrition C ourse for Wome n
Exe rc ise a nd Nutrition C ourse for M e n
Exe rc ise a nd Nutrition C ourse for Fitne ss P rofe ssiona ls
F ree N utri ti o n Vi d eo Co urs es
For Women
For Men
Pro d ucts & S ervi ces
Book s & Self Study Prog rams
C oaching Services
w w w pr e c isionnutr ition c om/good- str e ss- ba d- str e ss
F
The Nutrition C oaching C ompany™
Phone: 1-877-660-6464 ( Toll-Free)
Email: info@precis ionnutrition com
No matter what we do, sometimes stress, anxiety, fears and disappointments can occur. After all, this is part of life. Even though we can’t change what life presents, we can find ways to cope and take back control of how it affects us.
“When we fight with reality, reality always wins.”
Meet each moment as is, not as we expect or want it to be. Have compassion for yourself and others.
Recognize that emotions, feelings, thoughts, and physical sensations are always changing. Find ways to feel even one moment of calm can help.
When you breathe deeply and slowly, it tells your brain that you can relax, that you are OK. Conversely, when your breath is shallow and rapid, your brain gets the message that you must be alert, there may be danger.
A place you create that brings feelings of peace and calm. A place where you return when you feel situations are overwhelming.
Moving through your body part by part, relaxing each place as you go. Your brain cannot feel and recognize bodily sensations while simultaneously processing information.
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Mindful Breath: Without trying to change it or judge it, just notice your breath. Follow the inhale through your body and the exhale as it moves back out. Imagine your breath has a color if that is helpful.
Belly Breath: Place a palm on your belly (halfway between your bottom rib and your navel). Let that space soften and expand with each inhale. Pause in the fullness. As you exhale, pull your navel towards your spine. Pause in the emptiness.
See if you can create a rhythm where your inhale and exhale take the same amount of time.
Counting Exhale Breath: Begin to count each exhale, starting with 7 (or any number) making your way to 1.
Inhale, pause, exhale, “I am exhaling 7” -- pause -- Inhale, pause, exhale, “I am exhaling 6” – pause – continue
4-7-8 Breath: Exhale completely, Inhale to the count of 4, hold it for a count of 7, exhale to the count of 8. Repeat for a series of breaths.
NOTE: If you are pregnant or believe you could be pregnant, please refrain from holding (pausing) your breath
Imagine a place, someplace you’ve been or an imaginary place. Picture yourself there and use all your senses to help you feel as though you are there. What are the sounds you hear? What are the smells? If you were to open your eyes, what would you see? Are you here in peaceful solitude or are there others there who support you? Human, animal or other entity?
IDEAS:
• A sandy beach, hear the waves, smell the salt, see the colors, a friend is with you
• Walking along a creek in the woods, hear the water, smell the pine, see the scenery and a dog at your side
• Sitting in a place of worship, hear the music, smell the incense or wood polish, see the alter and windows, an angel sitting next to you
• Floating on a cloud
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• Swimming under water, skiing down a mountain or running on a trail
• A holiday scene from your childhood
Each time you go there, invite in feelings of being safe, calm and peaceful. The more you visit it, the more accessible it will be for you.
Start with your toes and work your way up to the top of your head, making sure you visit the palms of your hands and all the sensory spots of your head. Either feel each spot or relax each spot as you go. Don’t be surprised if you don’t make it all the way through. If your mind drifts either start again or begin from the last place you remember being. Toes, arches, soles of the feet, ankles, calves, shins, backs of the knees, thighs, hips, tailbone, belly, naval, ribcage, shoulder blades, chest, fingers, thumbs, center of the palms, back of the hands, wrists, forearms, elbows, upper arms, armpits, shoulders, throat, back of the neck, back of the head, top of the head, eyes, nose, ears, jaw, lips, mouth, tongue.
Susan Blackwell Tate E-RYT, has been teaching yoga for 15 years. She is a Certified iRest® Instructor and in 2010, served a three month internship at Walter Reed Army Medical Center, working with active duty military personnel suffering from PTSD and other wounds of war.
To learn more about Susan Blackwell Tate, iRest®, classes, workshops and other events, go to her website: www.RaisingTheLantern.com
Any questions or comments or to get on Susan’s Email mailing list for upcoming events, send her a note at: susan@RaisingTheLantern.com
Military discounts always available for everything Susan offers.
G R A P E S
ENTLE WITH YOURSELF
Be gentle with yourself. Talk to yourself with gentleness and forgiveness, rather than harshness and anger. Replace “negative tapes” with “positive tapes”. Pretend you are talking to a friend or loved one. Practice self-care. Write an affirmation or mantra.
ELAXATION
Practice breathing, meditation, imagery, mindfulness. Or simply sit out in the sun, read a book, or listen to music.
CCOMPLISHMENT
Accomplish at least one thing just related to you and your needs each day. Think of things you’ve been putting off or that would help you to feel like you are getting pieces of YOU back.
LEASURE
Do something YOU enjoy each day. Find pleasure in small things…food, music, nature. Try something you USED to like doing.
XERCISE
Walk, run, bike, do yoga….
OCIAL
Talk to a friend, call a family member, GET OUTSIDE! Fight the urge to isolate…it only makes things worse in the long-run.
G R A P E S
ENTLE WITH YOURSELF
ELAXATION
CCOMPLISHMENT
LEASURE
