Influencers are Real

A guide to becoming like your favourite influencer

I have been a social media agent long enough to actually know a thing or two about it. I have seen enough in uencers rising to fame and getting cancelled. I think as a social media connoisseur, I might have cracked the code to always remaining in the limelight. So, if there are any newbie in uencers reading this, take notes please!

Now, I love TikTok as much as the next person, but there’s nothing I love more than the drama on that app (free entertainment goals honestly). I thrive on it, and I will ALWAYS be present at the scene of the crime. Did you know a beauty in uencer was using false lashes to advertise a mascara because it is THAT GOOD girlies!! Okay, hear me out, this is absolutely genius because you’re getting the best of both worlds: a brand deal and an insane amount of views. It is the perfect way to become a viral internet sensation. e best part is that it’s a lot easier than putting in the actual e ort. So, the next time you even think about going that extra mile for content creation, just take the shortcut. Forget about ‘go big or go home’ because it’s all about gaslighting now. can never listen to a Taylor Swift song without thinking about me. I continue to live out of spite because that is the only way to live.

My favourite thing from an in uencer’s life is the apology videos. e fake tears and fake apologies are so good that I eat it up every single time a new one drops. ese videos are brilliant, and will always score you a top spot on the trending list. You will always get views and your ten minutes of fame. Apology videos will always be loved by me, and they will always be special to me. More in uencers should be making these videos whenever they mess up because it’s literal gold. I will never not randomly quote “and you did it at my birthday dinner.” (If you know, you know.)

I think people should be haters more. It’s freeing. I’m not being a hater, I’m being real and honest. People need to know that they’re a walking ick. Isn’t honesty the best policy? Who doesn’t want to be seen as honest and trustworthy? When people tell me that they trust my opinion, my lifespan is extended by ve years. When you’re a hater, you live longer. Haters outlive optimists or whatever the saying is. Being a hater keeps my skin clear and my crops thriving. It’s the real me. I can’t hide my true colours anymore. If there’s 1,000 haters in the world, I’m one of them. If there are zero haters in the world, I’m dead. On the outside, I look like a human being. I have blood, skin, hair; but not a single emotion, except for hatred. You can shake my hand and feel the warmth of my esh, but I am simply not Celena. I am a hater.

You know what is one step ahead of apology videos? It’s apologising through the Notes app. Nothing can ever top this. Writing the most generic apology on your phone’s Notes app, taking a screenshot, and then posting it on every social media platform?? is is revolutionary, life-changing, astonishing, and never seen before. It's so easy that it almost seems too good to be true, people call it the fakest thing, but it has always been real. So, next time you mess up, just write I’m sorry on your Notes app, post it on every single social media platform, and let it work its charm.

If you want to be an in uencer who is in uencering (yes this is a word now), the key is to gaslight your audience and get that bag. None of it is fake, it is the real way to go. If any of my advice goes wrong, just know that I'll have my Notes app apology ready!