THETAGROPE
the rise, fall and rise
an in-depth history of british wrestling
DAVE MASTIFF The Big Man Tells All
pro wrestling TEN UNWRITTEN RULES Spring 2 0 1 4 ÂŁ2.00
PLUS: Les Kellett roland barthes mid-south AND MORE!
EDITOR TWITTER
PHOTOS BY OLI SANDLER
Ryan Carse @TAGROPEBLOG
‘Greetings, grapple fans’, as the late Kent Walton used to spout before warmly welcoming us to another week of wrestling action on ITV. If you’ve picked this up then I’d like to officially welcome you to the first ever edition of the Tag Rope, a professional wrestling magazine that looks to challenge the conventions laid out by its archaic predecessors. As a passionate wrestling fan for fourteen years now and counting, it is my opinion that professional wrestling can have a legitimate outlet for the consumption of intelligent fans. The fan who knows its choreographed, the fan who has had to explain on more than one occassion why they’d watch something that’s ‘fake’, the fan who is aware of the wrestling world, both inside and outside of the ring. Within this inaugural issue I’ll be looking at the revival of the British wrestling scene, of which Dave Mastiff is a competitor. See that segway? We’ve got an intriguing interview with him, a man I believe is the best British worker today. Plus plenty more good stuff, so if you’re reading this I’ve only got two words for ya: THANK YOU.
4 Why i like professional wrestling
Roland barthes helps me describe my passion
6 the rise, fall and rise of british wrestling
encompassing a century, a history of the sport
10 DAVE MASTIFF INTERVIEW THE BLACK COUNTRY PATRON CHATS TO THE TAG ROPE
12 SCREEN SLAM A LOOK AT THE BEST (AND WORST) WRESTLING RELEASES
14 LIST THIS!: UNWRITTEN RULES TEN THINGS ALL THINGS WRESTLING MUST ADHERE TO
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS The magazine you’re holding in your hands has most certainly been a labour of love and it wouldn’t have been possible without a little help from my friends. To Oli Sandler, whose remarkable photographs adorn the pages of this ‘zine, his portfolio can be found at www.olisandler.com. To Dave Mastiff who was kind enough to offer an interview, maybe he’s not such a ‘bastard’ after all. And to Olivia, for putting up with my silly passion.
LIKE
many fans of professional wrestling across the world, several members of my friends and family have asked me the same question for as long as I can remember. Usually with a look of concern across their face as they enquire, “But why do you like professional wrestling?” This can sometimes be followed with a scoff as they boast, “You do know all that stuff is fake, right?” It wasn’t until writing this article that I stood back and with an objective view asked myself the same question.
WHY I LIKE PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING BY RYAN CARSE PHOTOS BY OLI SANDLER
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In 1957 seminal French philosopher Roland Barthes published ‘Mythologies’, a collection of his works in which he tries to understand the myths that make up our everyday lives. One of these essays was entitled ‘The World of Wrestling’, a proposed analysis of what was then considered an underground, ‘outlaw’ sport; professional wrestling. He wrote: “There are people who think that wrestling is an ignoble sport. Wrestling is not a sport, it is a spectacle. True wrestling is performed in second-rate halls, where the public spontaneously attunes itself to the spectacular nature of the contest, like an audience at a suburban cinema. The public is completely uninterested in knowing whether the contest is rigged or not, and rightly so, it abandons itself to the primary virtue of the spectacle, which is to abolish all motives and all consequences: what matters is not what it thinks but what it sees.” I have been watching professional wrestling for almost fifteen years now, a feat that seems extraordinary when I consider that a decision made at the tender age of seven to watch a sport where two men fight over a belt even though they aren’t wearing pants has stuck with me for so long. The formula was simple to latch onto. One guy doesn’t like another guy, they fight. But it ran so much deeper than that. It wasn’t just a case of a stream of exhibition matches with no rhyme or reason, as a child it became a conflict between good and evil in which sides could be easily chosen. As I got older I realised there were shades of grey thrown into the mix as well, before it dawned on me that there was an entire revolving roster of characters with fully fleshed out personalities boasting different agendas and styles. It was easy to latch onto these larger-than-life characters and live vicariously through them. Wrestling wasn’t mindless choreographed violence, it was performance art.
What kept me hooked from there was their ability to showcase up to a dozen intertwining storylines week after week, making it essential to follow along for fear of missing any developments. Professional wrestling at its core is merely supposed to be competitors coming out for a match then leaving. Of course this rarely happens, chaos ensues before, during and after the matches both inside the ring and out of it. In no other television program – sport or otherwise – do you get to go behind the curtain as a way of furthering storylines. As I grew up and I became a child of the Internet, it was inevitable that I learned about the other side of professional wrestling. The side they don’t want you to see. Past the ‘behind the curtain’ stage when the clock strikes midnight and the on-screen professional wrestlers go back to being everyday people. What I quickly learned was that the real-life backstage stories are as interesting – if not, more so – as the choreographed ones being told in the ring. Last month I attended a British independent wrestling show at which one competitor landed awkwardly at the end of a match. Unfortunately as a result, he broke his neck in two places. The risk that these men and women take to entertain us cannot be overstated. Wrestling is a calculated
“THE REAL-life backstage stories are as interesting as the choreographed ones being told in the ring” demolition of the human body for the purpose of theatre and for that alone professional wrestlers will always have my respect. Perhaps the best way I could accurately describe why I’m so enamoured with professional wrestling would be if I went back to the words of Roland Barthes when he wrote: “Wrestling partakes of the nature of the great solar spectacles, Greek drama and bullfights: in both, a light without shadow generates an emotion without reserve… At such a pitch, it no longer matters whether the passion is genuine or not. What the public wants is the image of passion, not passion itself. There is no more a problem of truth in wrestling than in the theatre. In both, what is expected is the intelligible representation of moral situations which are usually private. This emptying out of interiority to the benefit of its exterior signs, this exhaustion of the content by the form, is the very principle of triumphant classical art.”
why do you like professional wrestling? Join in the conversation at @tagropeblog THE TAG ROPE 5
RISE FALL RISE
THE &
OF BRITISH WRESTLING BY RYAN CARSE PHOTOS BY OLI SANDLER FOR over a century, professional wrestling has been a sport to love, hate
and embrace again for the British public. Wrestling has roots in Britain dating back all the way to 1870, when the classical hybrid grappling style of catch wrestling was developed in Britain. This style of wrestling is still prominent in professional wrestling and mixed martial arts today. During its heyday, British wrestling would attract viewing figures of up to twenty million, almost half of the population. Then without warning, the bottom fell out. British wrestling was unceremoniously relegated to community centres and never heard from again. That is, until recently. In the last five years, a strong effort has been made by promotions across the country to revitalise what was once a glimmering wrestling scene. This is the story of British wrestling. THE TAG ROPE 6
From the turn of the 20th Century, professional wrestling was presented to the British public as a sideshow act, an attraction that would see hardnosed grapplers challenge members of the audience to attempt to last ten minutes in the ring with them. Needless to say, this would rarely, if ever happen, with wrestlers unashamed to use nefarious means to put the plucky volunteer down on the mat. Wrestling would go through various boom-bust cycles in this early period before the First World War killed the business off completely. Following the War, British wrestling returned and in a big way, borrowing some of the showmanship elements of its American counterpart to bring the audiences out in droves. The business would reach its highest peak up until that point, with London boasting around forty regular wrestling venues at the time. The demand outweighed the supply to such an extent that many promotions adapted to a more violent style, with weapons becoming commonplace at shows. As a side note, it was during this time that the first ever Tables Match was recorded after a promoter saw a movie in which a man was put through a table. This was too much for local authorities to take, and in the late 1930’s, London County Council banned professional wrestling, before once again, the Second World War killed business off completely. British wrestling looked to be on life support but as the Second World War ended, the business revitalised itself thanks to major changes in the way that the sport presented itself. An official committee was founded to produce a set of rules for the sport that saw weight divisions introduced, a list of which holds were deemed
legal and a strict definition of how a fall could be scored on an opponent. These new rules coincided with the formation of Joint Promotions in 1952. This saw a litany of promoters from across the country come together under one umbrella to take control of the business, agreeing to share talent and put rival promoters out of business. During the 1960’s, professional wrestling was booming in Britain. This was due to the exposure wrestling had received when it was added to the World of Sport schedule in 1964. World of Sport was the cornerstone of Saturday afternoon television on ITV, usually broadcasting for five hours in the afternoon, highlighting the greatest sport from around the country. As a result from the exposure, competitors became households names. Names like Mick McManus, Les Kellett, Jackie Pollo and Adrian Street became engrained as a part of mainstream culture in Britain. Wrestling reached such heights that even the Royal Family watched it, with Prince Philip and the Duke of Kent frequently attending shows at the Royal Albert Hall. Richard Crossman spoke at length about the Queen’s passion for British wrestling in his 1968 book, ‘Diaries of a Cabinet Minister’.
Mick McManus: “I once met Princess Anne at a charity thing. The man who introduced us said, ‘and this is Mick McManus the wrestler,’ and she said, ‘Oh yes, but I’m not used to seeing you with your clothes on.’”
ADMIRAL LORD MOUNTEVANS R U L E S Post-World War II, attempts to revitalise what was once a booming sport in professional wrestling were unsuccessful when a number of news outlets condemned the industry for being ‘fake’. This caused such an uproar that Admiral Lord Mountevans, a fan of the sport ordered a set of rules to be put in place for British Wrestling. A fall could be awarded via: •Pinfall •Submission •Knockout (failing to answer the referee’s 10 count) •Technical Knockout (if the opponent is ruled unfit to compete by the referee) •Disqualification (applies when a wrestler receives a third ‘Public Warning’ given by the referee for serious or persistent offences)
Things went from good to great for British wrestling in the summer of 1977 with the emergence of a new fan favourite the likes of which the sport had never seen before, the one and only “Big Daddy” Shirley Crabtree. Adorned in Union Jack-plastered ring attire and a shimmering cape (with top hat to match), Big Daddy was probably the most recognisable British wrestler of all time. He was also one of the worst. The former bodybuilder had seen better days when he catapulted to superstardom, as he utilised his massive belly to
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finish his opponents off, much to the audience’s delight. His long-standing feud with the forty-stone, shaggy-haired Giant Haystacks captured the imagination of television audiences across the country, but the same could not be said for those attending live events. As the reign of Big Daddy in the main event continued through to the 1980’s, interest began to wane both in the stands and in the locker room. Younger, more talented wrestlers now had the rising of avenues of Canada and Japan to ply their craft, and of course, the rising American juggernaut that was the World Wrestling Federation. Fans not only began to tire of the supremacy of Big Daddy, but doubt started to creep in over the legitimacy of the sport as many newspapers attempted to expose the predetermined aspects of wrestling. The result of this was Joint Promotions suffering a huge deal of backlash before receiving the news that would bring British wrestling to its knees. On the 28th of September 1985, World of Sport was taken off the air. This proved to be the deathblow for British wrestling as it was then known. Longserving wrestling commentator Kent Walton said that following the show’s cancellation his lips had been dented from so much time spent at the microphone. British wrestling whilst still touring the country, fell into a state of disarray as glitzy major American wrestling promotions began to rise in popularity amongst fans. This was highlighted by the aforementioned WWF holding the pay-per-view extravaganza Summerslam 1992 at Wembley Stadium in front of 80,000 fans. British wrestling became a dirty term at this time, with many shows across the country
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becoming cheap knock-off versions of the WWF. Posters were designed in such a way to fool people into thinking they’d be seeing American superstars such as Hulk Hogan, but when the bell rang, a very bald, very rotund imitation under the name of ‘Bulk Hogan’ would make his way down the aisle. It wasn’t until the turn of the new millennium that attempts to revive the British wrestling brand would gain any traction. The early steps to British wrestling’s resurrection can be seen in promotions such as Frontier Wrestling Alliance and the now-defunct 1 Pro Wrestling. What made these promotions successful was how they used upcoming British talent alongside a variety of imported international stars with name recognition. This saw a number of talented domestic British wrestlers get exposed on the greater international stage such as Nigel McGuinness and Doug Williams. The advent of social media and YouTube has benefitted the revival of British wrestling immeasurably, as it becomes increasingly easy to expose the
Richard Crossman on the queen, “Diaries of A Cabinet Minister”, 1968
product to a worldwide audience. An influx of British wrestlers have invaded the now-named World Wrestling Entertainment in the last five years, such as Adrian Neville, Drew McIntyre, Paige and Wade Barrett. At a local level, companies such as Preston City Wrestling, Progress Wrestling and Insane Championship Wrestling are doing a fantastic job at reintroducing the world to British wrestling. ICW in particular were the focus of a well-regarded recent BBC documentary. It would seem that once again professional wrestling is alive and well in Britain. If history is anything to go by, we can only hope that World War 3 doesn’t break out and leave us having to pick up the pieces all over again.
Giant Haystacks: “I went to see Frank Sinatra sing at the Albert Hall. Because I wrestled there many times I knew the way out under the stage. I passed him in the corridor, with his two bodyguards, and he said to me, ‘Mr. Haystacks, I watched you on television this afternoon! I believe the QR Code for the bbc that British wrestlers Follow documentary “When wrestling are the best entertainers was golden: grapples, grunts and grannies” in the whole world!’”
“After the Council, when the drinks were circulating, she began to describe to me a television programme she had seen yesterday of a wrestling match, at which Philip had been present. An all-in wrestler had been thrown out over the ropes, landed on his feet, and after writhing in agony had suddenly shot back into the ring, seized his opponent and forced him to resign. She said what tremendous fun that kind of all-in wrestling was. ‘Do you want a Royal Charter for them?’ I asked. And she said, ‘No, not yet.’ It was interesting to hear what a vivid description she gave of the whole scene, writhing herself, twisting and turning, completely relaxed. It was quite an eye-opener to see how she enjoyed it.” THE TAG ROPE 9
Q&A DAVE MASTIFF ON...
Dream matches and first impressions The man known affectionately as “The Bastard” and hailing from the Black Country has spent the last decade in the squared circle honing his craft. Now on the cusp of bigger things, Mastiff tells us about the story so far.
THE TAG ROPE WITH DAVE MASTIFF back the equivalent of what you put in but the rewards can be great and it boils down to passion as to who stays around and who achieves their goals.
I saw you for the first time live back in November at the Tidal Wrestling show in Leeds. After the show I wrote a review of the event saying, ‘I think Photos by Oli Sandler Dave Mastiff is my new favourite wrestler’. thing about being a Thanks for speaking How important are professional wrestler? to us today Dave. For first impressions in How would you anyone who doesn’t wrestling? know who you are yet, describe the career to Well you only get someone not aware of would you like to give one chance to make us a quick run-down of the sport? a first impression. I don’t know really what you’re about? Many people are so because I love this job, I’m a professional wrapped up in their always have, always heavyweight wrestler little friendship groups from the Black Country will. It is however a where everything is job that if you want to competing throughout rosy that they lost sight be successful involves Great Britain and of what is important. levels of dedication and Europe. If you walk trough the sacrifice the majority curtain and people How long have you of people couldn’t even aren’t impressed, comprehend let alone been competing in intrigued or drawn in by commit to. I believe that professional wrestling you then getting their you will never truly get for? Was it something you’ve always wanted to do? I had my first match in 2002. Things didn’t really become serious until around 2005 though. As a child I probably mentioned it but never really gave it much serious thought until I was 16 or so. What’s the hardest
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mastiff unleashes a deadly german suplex at ipw
interest again is futile, especially the average guy walking in off the street who does not want to be there but he’s brought his kid to get him out the wife’s hair. You spent some time with Ohio Valley Wrestling at the end of 2009, how did you find that? It was a great time for me getting to learn under the guidance of Rip Rogers. I learnt so much in such little time, wrestling and training every day. How would you compare working in front of American crowds against working in front of British crowds? Which do you prefer? The American crowd often wanted to see a good old dose of ‘wrasslin’. For me it was easy because my style is different from everything else they had out there and that made me unique to the American crowds. Crowds vary no matter where you go in just this country
THE TAG ROPE WITH DAVE MASTIFF “Many people are so wrapped up in their little friendship groups where everything is rosy that they lost sight of what is important.”
the Calm before the storm: Mastiff mentally prepares himself for battle alone. It’s my job to pick up on what they like and what mood they’re in. That often determines what needs to be done. I enjoy performing to any crowd that wants to be entertained and have a good time.
Sekimoto for a little while now. I like his physical style in the ring. There’s plenty guys I have never wrestled and would like to because each one represents a different challenge for me.
You’ve had matches against Prince Devitt, Michael Elgin, Davey Richards, Takeshi Morishima, Kevin Steen and Doug Williams amongst others in the last few years. In May you’ll be facing off with independent trailblazer Low-Ki. Is there anyone left out there you’d like to work with? I have wanted to face
Are there any British wrestlers flying under the radar that you feel deserve a chance on a bigger stage? There’s a few lads who don’t really get the breaks they deserve. Most are young guys who work hard and have determination to succeed. Guys like Zack Gibson, Charlie Garrett and Justin Sysum. Those
guys work religiously and enjoying being on every aspect of this part of this job. job. You only need to look at them to see that. Countless hours in the gym, getting nutrition right, training weekly and studying constantly. Those guys do it the right way and it’s about Follow the QR Code time they were looked for an exclusive at properly! What does the future hold for Dave Mastiff? I have some immediate goals and a few long term things that I’m constantly working towards. For now I will keep striving to improve myself day in, day out and continue travelling around working hard
dave mastiff match from revolution pro BE SURE TO FOLLOW DAVE MASTIFF’S SPONSOR AT @SUPLEXWRESTLING FOR SOME GREAT MERCHANDISE, AND THE MAN HIMSELF OVER AT @DAVEMASTIFF THE TAG ROPE 11
SCREEN
the wrestling by simon garfield (book) release date: november 2007 (republished) rating: 4 out of 5 Five Stars BROTHER!
The newest and best DVD’s, books and other wrestling releases wrestled with and rated for your pleasure
LEGENDS OF MIDSOUTH WRESTLING (three-disc dvd) release date: september 2013 rating: 4 out of 5 I’ve included this slightly dated release on the reasoning that it is quite possibly my favourite WWE branded DVD release of the last five years. As a fan of professional wrestling for fourteen years now, the MidSouth territory is one that I had little to no knowledge of for the sole reason that there was never an outlet for me to engage with it. But not anymore. Legends of Mid-South Wrestling gives a complete crash course in the history of the company and offers a fascinating look at the early days of many future Hall of Famers such as Ted Dibiase, Junkyard Dog and Magnum T.A. The ‘talking head’ scenes are incredibly refreshing as well, with many new interviews taking part specifically for this release, with in-depth analysis from ‘Cowboy’ Bill Watts, Michael Hayes and Jake Roberts amongst others. Interviews and segments are
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shown before a match and the format works very well to flesh out the story being told in the ring. The segments included are worth the price of admission alone, as they absolutely reek of the early-80’s, from the promos to the fashion. A personal favourite is Mr. Wrestling II training Magnum T.A. how to execute his patented knee lift whilst wearing white tennis shorts, a leather jacket and of course, his wrestling mask. Sometimes it’s great going back and watching wrestling before the conglomeration of the industry by the then-World Wrestling Federation. What’s truly mindboggling is the vast amount of footage like this that WWE has accumulated in their extensive video library and I for one would love to see more releases like this in the coming years. Hopefully with the latest advent of the WWE Network, it’ll be even easier for fans to brush up on their wrestling history. In closing, this is a fantastic purchase that I urge any wrestling fan to get their hands on. No matter what draws you into wrestling, there’s something for everyone on this blast from the past.
PICKS OF THE MONTH
Supermen: a story of british wrestling (dvd) release date: april 2014 @supermenfilm Despite completely financing the production themselves, Supermen is a documentary film chronicling the daily lives of current and previous British wrestlers. Already receiving rave reviews from outlets, the film was shot in 2012 over the course of a year. This film captures the trials and tribulations a professional wrestler must endure, such as being away from family, the constant travel and of course, the pain these men must endure on a nightly basis. Supermen boasts an all-star cast of British wrestlers from the past and present, ranging from Fit Finlay to Doug Williams and Robbie Brookside to Rockstar Spud. Supermen will be made available for free online in April. This is definitely one to keep an eye out for, as it offers an interesting view into the life and times of these men and women who entertain us night upon night. To find out more about the documentary go to www.supermenfilm.co.uk.
Regular writer for the Observer Simon Garfield first wrote his account of the life and times of British wrestling in 1996, before reissuing it again ten years later with an added postscript accounting for the passing of wrestlers interviewed within the book. Now, with the recent renaissance of British wrestling, this book is once again more relevant than ever. Garfield manages to track down a variety of stars from the bygone era, as he sits down with them to discuss the history of British wrestling, all the way from Mick McManus taking us through the origins of professional wrestling as a sport to a harrowing look at the dramatic collapse of the industry. If you’re a fan of wrestling in any shape or form, this is an essential read to see how dramatically different the sport was fifty years ago when audiences of up to twenty million would gather round and watch with bated breath. There’s an endless stream of anecdotes, quips and tales within the pages of this book, and it’s easy to see why these men and women were entertainers.
The stories about in-ring funnyman, out-of-thering toughman Les Kellett are worth the price of this book alone. One story in particular that sticks out is when Kellett forced a fellow wrestler to stamp on his hand to get a nasty infection from a pig bite out. Not one to be read over the dinner table. In saying this however, Garfield isn’t afraid to shy away from the bleak side of the business. The chapter chronicling the deaths of both Mike Marino and Billy Torontos is hard to stomach as the fellow wrestlers speak endearingly about their fallen comrades. Bouncing from humour to tradgedy to flat-out outrageousness faster than a Sammy Lee armdrag, Garfield’s tale of British wrestling is truly timeless. Looking at the current blossoming wrestling scene in Britain, it seems that this book may finally be getting the happy ending it deserves. By reading this book you will unquestionably learn the definitive tale of British wrestling and the influence it left on the sport, one that can still be seen today. A brilliant piece of work by Simon Garfield that I sincerely urge you to read.
what you should be watching on wwe’s streaming service
WCW STARRCADE 1983
The supercard forerunner to Wrestlemania, famously remembered as the ‘Flair for the Gold’, headlined by Ric Flair battling NWA Champion Harley Race in a steel cage. ALSO FEATURES: Greg Valentine vs. Roddy Piper in a Dog Collar Match
WCW UNCENSORED 1995
It’s got Meng vs. Hacksaw Jim Duggan in a Martial Arts Match amongst other bizarre match types. Why are you still reading this? Meng. In a Martial Arts Match. Go! ALSO FEATURES: Vader vs. Hulk Hogan in an Indian (not Yapapi) Strap Match
WWE VENGEANCE 2003
One of the best single-branded PPV’s, highlighted by a cracking tag team match as Rey Mysterio & Billy Kidman battle Charlie Haas & Shelton Benjamin for the Tag Team Championships. ALSO FEATURES: Undertaker vs. John Cena in their only PPV outing to date
WCW’s Greatest PPV Matches: Vol.1 (Dvd) release date: march 2014 rating: 2 out of 5
D U D
A release now deemed useless thanks to the advent of the WWE Network. Good to great matches but they all feature on WWE’s new subscription based service. Throw in poor hosting and this one is only for the true collectors. Buy the Network instead.
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LIST T
H
I
ten unwritten rules of professional wrestling
S
by RYAN CARSE
#2: Never EVER GET MARRIED ON A WRESTLING SHOW #1: Never EVER headbutt a Samoan It’s common knowledge that Samoans have the thickest skulls known to mankind, capable of absorbing coconut shots with little to no repercussions. Attempt at your own risk.
#5: Never EVER SIGN CONTRACTS IN-RING
You might just end up on the receiving end of a snake bite.
#4: Never EVER Wear a referee’s shirt You’ll end up at death’s door should a strong breeze flow through the arena.
removing #3: Never EVER Put Without the monitors clearing the someone through and dangerous debris off the announce table first, you heathen. Things tend to escalate quickly.
#6: Never EVER conspire with another wrestler
#7: Never EVER mention that hulk hogan is bald It’s just a little thin on top, brother.
#9: Never EVER wear tights to a street fight You’d better dust off those blue jeans, son.
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@TAGROPEBLOG
It will be caught on camera and your plan will be broadcast to a television audience of millions.
#8: Never EVER drink a beer with steve austin He will stun you, and he will stun you hard.
#10: Never EVER doubt el dandy He’s a jam-up guy and a true professional. Photos by: Jibunjishin, GetDown, goldberg619, johncena62 and WFMashUpz
WHAT’S NEXT This unfortunately draws to a close the first edition of the Tag Rope. I’m pretty proud of what I’ve accomplished for a first issue but I assure you it’s just the beginning. Look out for Issue #2 coming to a medium near you soon, chocked fill with Wrestlemania 30 content and an interview with “The King of Old School” Steve Corino!
Thank you one million times over for reading. Happy grappling all. If you’d like to get involved with the Tag Rope, send a message over to @tagropeblog Greetings,
When I first heard about the wrestling writing competition being promoted by The Wild Writers, I leapt at the chance to get involved. So make sure you check out Sancho Panza on April 17th in Liverpool for wrestling, music and plenty of pints. I’ll be the one in the mask. Until then, here’s my entry for the event as I tell the long, fabulous tale of El Glamoroso.
My name is Crísto and I write to you at the behest of my client, the third generation superstar, El Glamoroso. I write as his personal assistant and biographer, but I also write as a man when I ask; please don’t invite my client along to your event, Sancho Panza. On a personal level he’s an obnoxious, disrespectful ingrate and professionally he’s not much better. I can safely write these things without fear of him finding out, as the only thing worse than his grasp on lucha libre is his grasp on the English language. I’ve known him for fourteen years and I’m not even sure he can write. Mr. Glamoroso is the grandson of legendary Mexican wrestling superstar Azul Bombero, who became the first wrestler to ever wrestle a polar bear, a feat that left him with a litany of injuries and a hostility towards anything below 20°C. His mask was ceremoniously passed down upon retirement to his son, El Hijo De Azul Bombero, who still competes on a semi-regular basis at
community events in his barrio. Upon the birth of the boy who would become El Glamoroso, his father uncharacteristically removed his mask and placed it on the unusually large head of his son. However, from an early age the boy rejected his Azul Bombero heritage and insisted to only be referred to as El Glamoroso, even throughout his limited education. He even went so far as to desecrate the inherited mask of his forefathers by adding rhinestones and flashy tassles to the attire. When training to become a professional wrestler, he did so not to follow in the footsteps of his family, but in order to dwarf the fame and fortune that they had achieved in Mexico. It also became quickly apparent that Mr. Glamoroso suffered from a mild case of obsessive compulsive disorder when competing, for instance, it will frequently take him up to eight times to body slam his opponents in just the right way. What Mr. Glamoroso became famous for during his
questionable in-ring career however was his over-the-top entrances. Entering to Eumir Deodato’s rendition of ‘Also Sprach Zarathustra’, he would take up three-quarters of the match time just getting to the ring. When in the ring he liked to finish opponents with his second rope diving splash, the aptly titled “La Caída Desde Una Altura No Muy Alto”. He left his homeland of Mexico twenty years ago to travel to England to challenge Big Daddy and Giant Haystacks to a match. This was a flight his family was all too happy to pay for, and on this journey to England he met yours truly. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that Big Daddy and Giant Haystacks have both been dead for twenty years. I hope this letter finds you safe and you’ll heed my advice when I tell you not to invite El Glamoroso to your event. He’ll ruin it. Seriously, I’ve seen him at these corporate affairs. Yours,
Cristo THE TAG ROPE 15