Issue 20

the

TOWER

pics?

A weekly tradition since 1928 Wednesday, March 22, 2017 Volume 89 Issue 20

send nudes

sexy...

hey ;) show me

that’s hot having an open conversation about sex

Send

[ STDs: Sexts, Texts and DMs ]

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JOHN FRANCIS ’18 & ANTON MIKOLOWSKI photos, they could have damning evidence on the individual in question. ’17| Supervising Editors “We know that there’s a fallout that could possibly Eight-time Grammy winner Rihanna makes it look sexy.

Former NFL quarterback Brett Farve’s lawsuits make occur no matter the nature of that relationship. And when a fallout occurs, what does someone have? Leverage,” it look messy.

Disgraced congressman Anthony Weiner makes Hamka said, with dire severity. “That’s something that we have to be aware of that your friend today might not sexting look down right criminal.

Sexting, or sending someone sexually explicit photos be your friend tomorrow. That something you said in via mobile device, is a phenomenon turned epidemic: context today could be taken out of context tomorrow.”

With that being said, Hamka acknowledges that making headlines in pop culture, professional sports, students are likely to engage in “intimate moments.” politics and high school hallways.

“We’re humans, and ‘that’ has existed for thousands South is no exception. of years, but I think there are acts of a loving nature and “In recent years, I have seen an increase in the number of inappropriate uses of technology come through my office,” principal If it is something you’re Moussa Hamka said. “We have comfortable with-- go for many students who are native technology users, who are it. We’re students, what do essentially born into a world where you expect? We’re gonna do they’re using a device from a very young age.” our own thing.

Hamka refers to a world where elementary and middle school Kate Mollison ’17 students are texting and exploiting technology.

“With the advent of technology and the use at a younger age, we’re really seeing it at not of a loving nature,” Hamka said. “We all understand the middle school level,” Hamka said.

A main medium for sexting to be conducted is through that if you see some sexual encounters, there (are) loving Snapchat, Hamka said, referring to a social media app encounters and there (are) others that are not.”

According to Hamka, individuals should embrace the primarily involving “self-destructing” temporary images loving nature of such situations, but should be careful of lasting up to 10 seconds.

Carolynn Metz, a licensed professional counselor, how they bring attention to these events.

“There’s intimacy, respect and there’s love. And if certified advanced alcohol-drug counselor and certified critical superviser, has spent close to 20 years working in two young people do find themselves in a relationship a variety of environments, and told of how cyber sexual where they truly value each other, truly love one another, harassment and sexting are only amplified through they’re also protecting each other,” Hamka said. “Is that really necessary to display your affection in that way?

Snapchat.

“I often work with adolescents, and the number one Is it truly needed? And if your significant other says it is, topic is always the ‘snapchatting’ and the sexting and I would highly encourage you to consider the grounds the photos that go back and forth,” Metz said. “So the that the relationship is on.”

Kate Mollison ’17 said if students feel comfortable unfortunate piece is that, while Snapchat is always one that’s on there for a certain amount of time, we have sending like content to one another, they should feel free to-- so long as it stays within the borders of legality. people taking screenshots.”

“To each their own… (but) it’s more risky if you are Hamka reiterated this notion, saying the saving and under the age of 18,” Mollison said. “You could easily get sharing of these pictures has been conducted in school.

“We know and I know-- because I use Snapchat-- that in trouble, or others (could).”

Mollison believes it is a matter of the comfort level if someone screenshots the snap, you get an alert that says someone screenshotted it,” Hamka said. “What we between intimate pairings of students.

“If it is something you’re comfortable with-- go for also know is people are using someone else’s phone and taking a picture or recording that snap that goes it,” Mollison said. “We’re students, what do you expect? away in five seconds. By doing that, they’ve just captured We’re going to do our own thing.”

Hamka finds the legal aspects of sexting to be what you sent and you don’t ever get an alert.”

He also urged students not to send such photos disconcerting as well, saying there are many unintended through Snapchat or other means in order to preserve consequences which could become apparent should a student have not thought their actions through. their social respectability in this new age of technology. “(To) take it out of the physical relationship and now “Students always need to be mindful in protecting their dignity,” Hamka said. “Once you’ve compromised go to the cyber world…child pornography isn’t defined by the age (of consent). How do we define child your dignity, it is hard to get it back.”

Looking at both parties involved, Hamka fears, in the pornography? Under the age of 18,” Hamka said.

There is a certain fear amongst administration that, event of someone getting their hands on such explicit

even if consent is given for a physical-sexual relationship, the ramifications of legality can still be overbearing.

“I’m not a lawyer, but there are many layers to this onion where things become more and more complicated,” Hamka said. “Even if (complications) happen off of school grounds 99 percent of the time.”

The layers Hamka refers to involve his responsibilities not only as a principal, but as a mandated reporter by the state of Michigan, meaning that if a student reports illegal activity to him, he must break confidentiality and report it to the authorities, he said.

In looking at Michigan’s laws pertaining to child pornography, Section 750.145c, if a girl or boy under the age of 18 were to take a nude photo of themselves and send it, they could face a 20-year felony charge for “creation of child sexually abusive material”. If the receiver of the erotic photo doesn’t delete it right away they too could be charged (up to four years) for the possession of child pornography.

It’s important to note that these laws were created before the use of smartphones and other technological accoutrement, and have original intentions of protecting minors from being exploited for sex.

The severity of these charges are what drives the urge for awareness among the student body

by Hamka.

“When a student comes to me and says, ‘X, Y and Z happened,’ and I know that it broke the law, especially when it involves a minor and it is sexual in nature, I have a duty and obligation to act,” Hamka said.

To fight these legality issues, Hamka sees awareness of right and wrong under the age of 18 is key.

Currently, South does not mandate health class, and the reality is students aren’t taking it and therefore are missing out on the information to protect them, Hamka said.

“Many people think that health class specifically focuses around anatomy but it’s much more than that.

Health (is): how do you eat healthy, live healthy and act healthy?” Hamka said. “While the reproductive and anatomical information is part of it, there’s some bigger pieces that we address. Opting out of health is not helping the cause.”

Metz outlined that once someone has been through this type of encounter there’s a process ahead to get over the tremendous shame and guilt the victim can put on themselves.

“If you’re going back to school, and you don’t have support from the school, don’t have support from the administration, don’t have support in your home, it makes it all very difficult. You’re shamed and shunned from the rest and very isolated,” Metz said.

Moving forward, Metz pointed out that if one is a victim to sexting, a therapist can make a world of difference.

“The first thing in seeing a therapist is creating a rapport with them so that you can actually start sharing your story and recognize the fact that all those feelings and emotions that are so scary are actually something you can accept about yourself and you can move forward dealing with situations at hand,” Metz said.

uncovering the real-life consequences of sending and receiving sexts + 40 percent of all teenagers have posted or sent sexually suggestive messages. + 70 percent of teen boys and girls who sext do so with their girlfiend or boyfriend. + An adult who sends or recieves sexually explicit material of someone under the age of 18 is subject to prosecution under federal law [Information courtesy of the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy and the National Conference of State Legislatures] INFO COMPILED BY BIANCA PUGLIESI ‘19

We need to have a talk.

4

In a society where teenagers engaging in sexual activity seems almost inevitable, we believe that students should be properly educated about the decisions they may choose to make, and what measures can be taken to prevent against sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancy. Thus, we believe that an abstinence-only or abstinence-based curriculum seems questionable in its ability to sufficiently inform students about what options they have as far as sex is concerned.

According to section 380.1507b of Michigan’s Revised School Code, the most important things that Michigan schools’ sex education curricula must cover are “the benefits of abstaining from sex until marriage and the benefits of ceasing sex if a pupil is sexually active,” “the possible emotional, economic, and legal consequences of sex,” “stressing that unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases are serious possibilities of sex that are not fully preventable except by abstinence” and “advising pupils of the laws pertaining to their responsibility as parents to children born in and out of wedlock.”

These principles seem more designed to inspire fear than learning. Whether or not a sex education curriculum is based off of the idea of abstinence, the goal of the curriculum is to make sure students stay safe and make responsible decisions. Attempting to scare high school stu-

OUR VIEW// EDITORIAL dents away from having sex won’t necessarily alter the decisions they make-- but focusing solely on this method of teaching limits students’ awareness of options to stay safe. Despite mandating that teachers must warn students about the dangers of sexual activity, including unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, the School Code does not require teachers to mention contraception.

Nicole Westfall, South’s Health Education teacher, said that South’s sex education curriculum is not abstinence-only, but is abstinence-based. There are certain limitations on what topics can be covered during classroom discussion, and demonstrations are completely off the table.

“We’re abstinence-based, but we’re allowed to talk about other things. So we always come back to abstinence,” Westfall said. “Because we can talk about sexually transmitted diseases (STD), but then we come back to it as like, ‘the only way to make sure you don’t get an STD is through abstinence.’”

According to Planned Parenthood, seven

out of 10 girls in the United States have had intercourse prior to turning 19, indicating that teaching students to practice abstinence is not always an effective way to prepare them to make their own choices. We feel that students would be better served by the curriculum to be fully informed of different methods of contraception, should they choose to be sexually active in high school.

“I think that the kids need to know, and especially with statistics out there about how sexually active they are, I think especially talking about condoms is a good thing,” Westfall said.

Nick Bernbeck, a South counselor, said that sex education is a positive thing for students to be exposed to and to think about.

“I don’t think that teaching a curriculum that focuses solely on one thing is ever the best thing to do in that there are multiple approaches to something, and the point of education is to foster the student to make their own decision by giving them as much information as possible,” Bernbeck said. “Whereas abstinence is proven, probably, to be the most effective, that’s just not always going to be the case.”

Bernbeck said that even self-driven online research is more sufficient than being ignorant of different types of contraception. Given that students have the option of opting out of health with an additional academic class, Bernbeck said that as long as online research comes from a credible source, it’s definitely worth it to find information online.

“I don’t think that more information ever hurts, and informing people of all the options that they have, keeping in mind that safety and health is the biggest concern I have for every single student who goes here,” Bernbeck said.

If there is a reasonable expectation that students will have sex in spite of an abstinence-based curriculum, we believe that the curriculum should be open to expansion. If students make the decision to engage in sexual activity, we encourage them to seek out information, either from school or on their own, explore contraceptive options, and protect themselves from unintended consequences. As a staff, we created this special issue to encourage open, healthy discussions about sex and any relevant topics pertaining to it. It’s better for students to be fully aware of the decisions they may choose to make than to sweep it under the rug and have to face a worse situation farther down the road. Honest conversations about sex, in or out of the classroom, are a critically important part of a student’s high school years, and we hope that in the future, students can continue to have these conversations about a broader range of topics.

CARTOON BY RILEY LYNCH ‘18

Abstinence-based curriculum

It is a given fact that some teens are going to have sex. They are probably going to disobey their parents’ wishes, and they aren’t going to be worried about the consequences, because they’ll MARY GRACE O’ SHEA ’17 be safe, right?

STAFF WRITER According to research done at California State University, the United States has a higher rate of sexually transmitted diseases than any other industrialized nation in the world. To be exact, between the ages of 15 to 24, there are about 20 million new infections each year, according to The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

How, at the same time, are 66 percent of our schools teaching their students about safe sex with the use of contraception such as condoms and birth control pills, according to the CDC? How are so many American young adults becoming seriously ill with life-threatening diseases from a decision they thought was best for them at the time?

Contraception does not always work. In fact, oral contraception is about 91 percent effective, according to healthywomen.org. For that nine percent left, pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease are as possible as they are for a woman trying to get pregnant.

In schools, safe sex is often taught as a way to try to prevent these situations, but in my mind, the most effective way to teach students to stray away from these possibilities is the idea of abstinence.

MY VIEW

Abstinence is the simple choice not to have sex, and for many, this means saving their virginity until marriage. Abstinence, clearly, is entirely effective in preventing pregnancy and disease. Rather than teaching students how to have sex, it would be a healthier, more beneficial idea to teach them not to have it.

Not only does sex in teens present potential pregnancy and illness-- there have been reports of many negative long-term psychological effects, according to a study done by the University of California. Of a study of sexually active high school students, 62 percent of girls who had had vaginal and/or oral sex reported a feeling of being used, had gotten pregnant, contracted a disease or were feeling down on themselves. Many teens are not mentally or emotionally prepared for the attachment effect of intercourse at a young age.

An abstinence-plus education offers the idea that students, if they disobey what is expected, must learn to have safe sex, but educators express the importance of considering abstinence and its guaranteed policy against pregnancy. California State University also claims fewer numbers of teenagers are likely to become sexually active with this approach toward abstinence.

These facts and studies done show that a change in curriculum could have a positive effect on the present lives and, most importantly, futures of American teens. If the way we educate students could potentially reduce teen pregnancies, deadly diseases and emotional turmoil, why shouldn’t we change it?

PRO

Abstinence Noun | ab·sti·nence

MY VIEW ANTON MIKOLOWSKI ’17

1) The practice of not doing or having something that is wanted or enjoyable.

2) abstention from sexual intercourse

With such a convoluted delivery system of American information, it has become difficult to sift through the ever-growing layers of falsehoods to find truly valuable facts. This goes doubly for sexual education.

This may come as a surprise to many people, but teenagers are people, and people are bound to have sex (as history has dictated). Whether or not a community or an individual is satisfied with this natural outcome, it is a fundamental part of life to give our nation’s children the proper tools by which to deal with intimacy. In not giving them such valued assets, upsets become more likely to occur which can be volatile to not only physical, but mental health.

This increasingly becomes problematic when one sees that 43 percent of males and 57 percent of females are not taught about contraception in health education courses, according to the Guttmacher Institute (an organization committed to advancing sexual rights internationally).

Coupled with nearly 250,000 children being born to teenagers in the United States alone as of 2014, this information becomes further troublesome. What is worse is that some states, such as Mississippi, have laws which prohibit demonstrational teaching of birth control in favor of abstinence-only teaching methods.

According to The Atlantic, Mississippi is the most religious state in the union as well as the state with the second highest teen pregnancy rate (which was 71/1,000 teenage women in 2014, according to Live Science). This goes hand-in-hand with teen pregnancy in the United States, which is nearly three times as likely to occur here than in most European nations such as France, Germany and England (all known for progressive sexual education programs), as according to Advocates for Youth.

Clearly such restrictions on sexual education in favor of purity-of-soul hinder humanity’s ability to progress. This is a sign of an ominous regression; straying away from past ideals of sexual liberation.

In many American states, the complexities of sex are not taught as well. This could be SUPERVISING EDITOR

anything from foreplay or lubrication, to an acceptance of homosexuality or polygamy… most of which are never men-

tioned in the standard sex-ed classroom.

Consent is an issue which is barely touched at all in public sex-ed; according to the School Consent Project (an American initiative to provide education on sexual consent), a third of American students have not learned about consent in school. This is because so many school systems see it as an issue to be thrown aside-- for students will not need to know about it.

Why would they? They have abstinence.

One such pro-abstinence instructor, Shelly Donahue, teaches her followers to view women as if they were a piece of tape; losing their cohesion after each sexual encounter. Successfully dehumanizing an entire swathe of people and grinding the gears of regression once more.

This has not helped, considering most Americans have four to six intimate partners in their lifetime, according to the Center for Disease Control.

We need to provide students with information on sexuality and all of its intricacies to bring forth a progressive society where pupils are taught about birth control-- about STDs, consent, sexual affiliation and methodology.

Such a transformation will be unlikely to occur until all 50 states adopt policies requiring medically accurate sexual education programs and stop belittling those who choose to deny abstinence and experience sex at their own volition.

An example of such depreciation comes from a 2013 speech from child safety advocate and sexual assault survivor, Elizabeth Smart, told her audience that her teacher compared women to a stick of gum, and once they engaged in intercourse-- they were “chewn”, implying that women should only have sex with one partner in their lifetime to avoid becoming useless.

These outdated views are festering, rotting away progress which has taken so long to achieve. In order to combat this, our society needs to seek the spread of knowledge and embrace choice. If one decides to choose abstinence, they are valid-- just as anyone who, for any reason, decides not to choose abstinence.

CON

5

NO STRINGS

up talking to each other when they would not otherwise,” Michels said. “Their Snapchat is in their Instagram bio(graphy), and someone is like ‘Oh they look cute’. That’s the outlet to start talking to them, and that leads into the other activities.”

Todd Hecker is a new teacher this year at South, after previously teaching for 19 years at North Farmington High School. Hecker said South is not that different in sexual promiscuity than his old school.

“I don’t know if that happens any more here than it did at my old school,” Hecker said. “It’s not like kids are coming up to me going ‘hey, Mr. Hecker, I did whatever over the weekend.”’

South tends to think it’s more different than it actually is, with South being more mainstream than students believe, Siemaszko said about students and sex.

“I think we are a lot like other places,” Siemaszko said. “We don’t necessarily stick out like we may think we do.”

Michels said South is pretty normal and doesn’t differ that much from other schools.

“I don’t really know, because I haven’t really been to the other schools and dealt with that, so from what I’ve seen, we’re not that different,” Michels said.

While it may be considered normal, Kado said, it can have some unintended and negative consequences.

“I don’t think it (hooking up) is a big issue, but I think it’s more of a personal issue,” Kado said. “If you want to have awkward relationships or friendships with people, then it’s going to happen.”

According to a study in the National Library of Medicine, 63 percent of collegeaged men and 83 percent of women are looking for more of a relationship than a casual encounter.

Michels has been in a relationship for a year and said there’s a lot less pressure to go along with hooking up.

“It’s more fun and about showing affection towards someone rather than the whole hormonal thing; it’s more intimate,” Michels said.

In the U.S., one in six boys and one in four girls have been sexually abused before the age of 18, according to the National Sex Offender Public website.

“It’s just the whole party scene and the fact that people are intoxicated and it comes back to the whole ‘Do you actually have consent for them or not?’” Michels said. “And there have been several instances from what I’ve heard with my friends, and personal experiences where they do claim they have been taken advantage of, where the boy has no idea that it even occurred.”

In elementary school, 80s video upon 80s video is shown encouraging kids to stand up to peer pressure and not fall to it, but there may be another type of pressure, Siemaszko said.

“The whole idea of (individual peer pressure) is that, ‘I’m going to put pressure on myself to feel like I fit in somewhere,’” Siemaszko said. “So others are doing this, and I feel like, ‘I don’t fit in, so I’m going to put pressure on myself to do something that maybe I’m Have you ever engaged in not all that comfortable with.’” a casual relationship or According to Michels, hooking up isn’t other people pressuring “hook up” with someone students, but just a matter of age that you’ve never talked to and hormones in general.

“You see someone doing it before? and you want to. It’s not pressure, just wanting to fit in,” Michels said.

“You see someone doing it and you want to,” Michels said.

46 VOTES “It’s not pressure, just wanting to fit in.”

ATTACHED The changing dynamics of casual relationships among students

LIAM WALSH ’18 | Page Editor The late-night Snapchat, the three a.m. text message and many other forms of communication all to say: ‘Do you want to hook up?’

The conversation about hookups and sexual encounters have become less of an enigma and more commonplace, according to sociology teacher Sandi Siemaszko.

“Years ago you dated, and sex was kind of this intimate thing that you shared with one person.

And since, a lot of dating now is more casual,” Siemaszko said. “I think sex is more casual too.”

According to Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance data, 47 percent of high schoolers have had sex and 34 percent are sexually active.

“I think a lot of people go to parties end up hooking up with people,” Isabel Kado ’19 said.

Actions of students are based on their values and morals, and those values and morals help people create groups of friends who share those values, Siemaszko said.

“If sex is something that I don’t take casually, then I am probably going to be around people who feel the same way,” Siemaszko said.

Ethan Vick ’18 has not experienced the hookup culture at South and says it’s due to his in-school interactions.

“I talk to most people, but since I’m in honors classes, I don’t really get to talk to so many people,” Vick said.

According to Siemaszko, hookups arise out of human nature and the need to be with others.

“We crave relationships with others; we don’t want to be alone,” Siemaszko said.

Lauren Michels ’17 said she notices that among the senior class, casual hookups are more prevalent than relationships.

“I would say most of hooking up is just hitting someone up on Snapchat or texting them,” Michels said. “And (it is) talking to someone and working out something to hook up with them and keeping that for a little bit, and then dropping it when someone gets feelings.”

According to Pew Research Center, 50 percent of teens aged between 13 and 17 have let someone know they were romantically interested over social media.

“I definitely don’t think it would be as casual without social media because a lot of people do end

@theTowerPulse

46% YES 54% NO

2016-2017

TRUE LOVE WAITS / / Hannah Lemanski ’18 and her devotion to remain pure / /

LIZ BIGHAM ’18 | Supervising Editor The words “Love is Patient” from 1 Corinthians 14:4-8 are inscribed on one of Hannah Lemanski’s ‘18 purity rings.

Lemanski wears two purity rings on the ring finger of her left hand as a symbol and reminder to God, her parents and future husband to stay sexually pure until she gets married.

“I wear my purity ring because it’s a good reminder to me that I value my body and I believe that my body is God’s holy temple,” Lemanski said.

Lemanski received her first purity ring when she was 13 during a dinner date with her father at the restaurant on top of the Renaissance building, according to Hannah’s mother, Stacy Lemanski.

“My husband told Hannah that God intends for her body to be given only to her husband, and he challenged her to keep her mind and body pure until her wedding day,” Stacy said. “We gave Hannah a purity ring to wear to remind her of the gift that she is saving for her future husband.”

Hannah has worn the gold-banded ring ever since, plus a silver one she got when she was 17.

“It’s always a constant reminder of having something to wear, like a physical thing that I can touch everyday,” Hannah said.

Hannah has always believed in saving sex for marriage, she said.

“I used to just say it because it was something that I would read about and I’ve heard about it,” Hannah said. “Once I started growing up, it became harder to stay pure with not just my body, but also with my heart and where my mind was at with things.”

Being raised in a spiritually-built Christian home and having supportive parents has encouraged her to stay on path with her beliefs, Hannah said.

“They know that high school is hard and it’s easy to slip up,” Lemanski said. “They don’t control me or what I

believe, but they’ve definitely influenced me.”

Stacy said she and her husband have taught Hannah that sex is a wonderful gift from God and are grateful that Hannah has remained pure in heart and body during her teenage years. She realizes that temptations are normal during high school, but the struggles go away over time with commitment to beliefs, she said.

“So far, Hannah has decided that the reward of waiting outweighs the immediate gratification of giving into temptation, and her dad and I are delighted,” Stacy said.

Although Hannah feels comfortable talking about her beliefs right now, she didn’t always feel so open, she said.

“When I first started wearing them, I almost didn’t want to call it a purity ring, because in this day and age, it’s almost frowned upon to save sex for marriage,” Hannah said.

She admits that her friends sometimes make fun of her.

“My friends call me a prude and everything, which is fine,” Hannah said. “But sometimes, it gets kind of hard with my close friends who really don’t believe in this at all.”

Micki Jones ’18 became close friends with Hannah at the beginning of this school year and is supportive of Hannah’s beliefs, Jones said.

“I have always been aware of Hannah’s viewpoints and proud that she isn’t afraid to let people know her stance,” Jones said.

Jones is also aware that not everybody agrees with Hannah’s views on purity, she said.

“I know people who don’t agree, and Hannah never judges them or makes any bad comments to or about them,” Jones said.

Hannah said that this year has been particularly tough for her because of how prevalent sex before marriage is.

“It’s been hard with all my girlfriends and guy friends just being like, ‘This is okay,’ and having the world screaming at you though music, through movies, through TV shows that this is what’s normal and this is what’s accepted,” Hannah said. “I’ve kind of come to believe is that this was not meant to be normal, it’s common, but it’s not normal, and I think I’ve been discouraged sometimes.”

As an OB-GYN physician, Stacy’s work involves matters of sexuality, especially young women with unplanned pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases and broken hearts. God never intended it to be this way, Stacey said.

“Of the thousands of female patients that I have cared for over the last 20 plus years working as an OB-GYN, I have never met one who regretted her decision to save her body for her husband, but I have met many who have regretted their decision to give away their bodies to young men prior to marriage,” Stacy said.

Hannah’s purity rings make her bold and confident about her decision to not have sex before marriage, she said. Hannah doesn’t like the idea of her future husband sleeping around and having sex with a bunch of people, she said.

“I want to be able to give my future husband something that I really had to fight to keep,” Hannah said. “Sex isn’t a bad thing, it’s actually a really, really good thing. It was made to be a really good thing, in the context of marriage.”

According to Hannah, it is worth wearing a purity ring because it reminds oneself of self-control and discipline, physically and mentally.

“It reminds me that I need to wait for love and not to just throw myself at some cute guy that I want to feel some temporary fireworks with,” Hannah said.

“I WANT TO BE ABLE TO GIVE MY FUTURE HUSBAND SOMETHING THAT I REALLY HAD TO FIGHT TO KEEP.” HANNAH LEMANSKI ’18

KEEPING GOD’S PROMISE | Lemanski ’18 poses with her two purity rings.

Her conviction in abstinence is influenced by her religious beliefs.

PHOTO BY MIA TURCO ‘19

7

MAREN ROESKE ’18 | Staff Writer WARNING: This article deals with sexual assault and may be triggering for some audiences. *Name was changed to protect the identity.

Yes, Here It happened midday, she said. It was on a couch. She was only a sophomore. He was older than her. Afterwards, he bought her coffee. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know where to go. She didn’t know who to talk to or what to say.

“I didn’t tell anyone,” Mary Doe* said. “Because I knew people would think it was my fault, and I knew people would believe him because he was older, because he was more ‘mature’.

I knew people just wouldn’t believe me. I haven’t even told my mom. I know she wouldn’t... I know what she would think.”

“I was raped,” she said. “He raped me.”

Once it happened, life changed for Doe. “I became a lot more shut off,” she said. “I became a lot quieter. I didn’t really know what to think. I was confused and I was scared and I was small. I just felt so small. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, I just thought about it. You don’t feel safe around anyone. I don’t feel safe. I never feel safe. And I will never feel safe again.”

Once it happened, it was not something Doe could ignore or move on from.

“All I thought about was what I could have done. I was so well-aware of what was happening to me. I wasn’t under the influence of anything, I was completely sober. I knew what was happening while it was happening. I just tried to block it out., I wanted to pretend like I wasn’t there... but I was,” she said.

One in five women and one in 33 men are affected directly by sexual assault, according to the U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics. However, Doe said, too many people like to believe that rape doesn’t happen-- not here, not to you, not to your friends and your family.

“Asking For It” Rape culture is defined as a society in which sexual violence in normal and victims are blamed for their own assault, according to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC).

The Nuances of Rape Culture Slut shaming is, according to Hurst, one of the most effective methods in rape culture used to normalize the epidemic and silence the victims of assault.

“When it comes to the perpetuating of the problem, victim blaming ties into what is considered socially acceptable and because now that someone is named a slut, who is going to believe her?” Hurst said. “It is about vulnerability, accessibility and credibility. Most people will say that if is she was out at a party, and if there is alcohol involved or drugs involved or a previous history, it becomes okay.”

The delegitimizing of a victim’s assertion of rape is the endgame of slut shaming, according to Hurst.

Hurst’s sentiment is shared by Doe. “Depending on the type of girl you are, people will justify whether you should have been raped or not, and it’s a really horrible thing. It’s more than horrible-- there’s not a word to describe it. It’s the idea that based on the clothes you wear, you have no say in whether or not you should have your body and your soul taken from you.”

Besides demeaning survivors of assault and forcing them to endure blame for their own rape, slut shaming plays a crucial role in the low number of sexual assaults reported to police and the even lower number of assaults ever brought to trial, according to South’s psychologist Lisa Khoury. If victim feels they are somehow at fault or that they won’t be believed, it has a direct influence on whether or not they will come forward to authorities or seek out any other aid, such as counseling and medical care, according to Khoury.

“A victim may feel like they somehow caused or contributed to the attack in some way so they are reluctant to come forward,” Khoury said. “They may be embarrassed, humiliated and afraid.”

Two thirds of all sexual assault is never reported, according to the Rape Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN).

Doe never reported her rape. According to her, she thought no one would believe her.

She thought she would be blamed for ending up in that situation with her abuser. When she came forward to others, besides the authorities, her fears were proved right.

NSVRC says that rape culture manifests itself in slut shaming, in the low number of reported and even lower number of prosecuted rape charges, in the belief that victims who come forward about their assault are lying, and in the unwillingness of people to address head on the problem of sexual assault.

“It’s this whole idea that everything about rape isn’t a big deal,” Doe said about rape culture. “People don’t see rape as big deal until it happens to someone they love and even then they just sweep it under the rug. They don’t care. It’s hard to describe. Rape culture is painful. Rape culture is harmful.”

After her own assault, Doe began to understand what exactly rape culture is and why it is so damaging for survivors.

“It’s this idea of inflicting shame upon women,” Doe said. “When you are in that situation, nothing feels right. After being raped, you feel you don’t have dignity, so people can slut shame you, they can tell you it was your fault and you’ll just take it, and you’ll just say, ‘Okay,’ and move on. Even though you know it wasn’t your fault, you just feel defeated. You feel broken. You feel crushed. It’s like nothing matters.”

Kim Hurst, director and founder of the Wayne County Sexual Assault Forensic Examiners network (SAFE), which is devoted to helping victims of sexual assault, describes rape culture as the beliefs about rape and about survivors that normalize assault and deny its wide sweeping reach.

“This is a problem because it continues to perpetuate these assaults,” Hurst said. “They happen and are happening and someone who sees (assault) through the lense of rape culture and maybe never thought this way before buys into it and now becomes okay for them to do it.”

“I have been told not to talk about it,” Doe said. “I have been told that there are very slim chances of anyone believing me, so I don’t talk about it.”

It is often the case that victims feel they won’t be believed so they do not come forward with their assault, according to Hurst. For Hurst, this belief is substantiated by the actions of the law enforcement and medical community.

“This is from a cultural side, we are conditioned to distrust this victim population,” Hurst said.

“When someone comes into the hospital, you don’t say someone is alleging to have chest pain, or someone is alleging to have a gun shot wound. They have those things. So why is it that there is ‘alleged’ sexual assault? That first person to believe someone and not question it-- to not make them prove they were raped-- goes hand in hand with helping them report.”

There is a direct correlation between victim blaming, slut shaming, rape culture and the two thirds of sexual assault cases never being reported, according to Hurst.

“When I sit in a room of law enforcement agents and in the beginning of the training, I ask what percentage of the time do you think someone is lying after an assault,” Hurst said, “Always, always, without fail, I’ll hear that it is 40 or 50 percent. Very rarely do people realize that it is such a small percentage of people-- 2 to 4 percent-- who falsely report.”

A part of rape culture’s enduring influence on society is the belief that so many survivors are making up their assault, according to Doe. “People don’t believe the alleged victims,” Doe said. “People don’t believe that this can happen. People don’t realize that you don’t just lie about getting raped. Why would you lie about something that is so harmful, so hurtful, that impacts you everyday? You wouldn’t lie about something that is soul-crushing. Nobody wants to be raped, so nobody would lie about being raped.”

The belief that survivors are lying about their assault is reflected in the treatment of the one third who do come forward and litigate, according to Hurst.

“I WISH I COULD

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“In our criminal justice system, we have really failed survivors in so many ways,” Hurst said.

“There is this whole circle of mistrust between law enforcement and victims of sexual assault and it is often unintentional but the way questions are asked.”

There is still a long way to go to improve the criminal justice world’s treatment of rape cases, increasing the number of victims who come forward about their assault, and to lessen victim blaming, according to Hurst.

“The percentage of perpetrators that actually get put away are very small compared to the numbers that are prosecuted,” she said. “It is for a number of reasons; its judges and juries and prosecutors who are not willing or don’t have the training to really prosecute these types of cases. So what happens is these guys are not held accountable. What are we saying to the victim when they come forward? This is why they are not reporting-- because they are just going to realize that they are probably not going to go away anyway.”

Fixable Education and an open dialogue are the keys to making talk about assault and having been assaulted less of a shameful topic and increasing awareness about the widespread nature of rape in society, according to Khoury.

“Our society in general doesn’t really talk openly about sex and sexual behavior, sex is often thought of as a taboo subject,” Khoury said. “Violence involving a sexual act then is way out of the mainstream conversation. That is why it is pushed to the fringes. The act of rape is misunderstood.”

There are many common misunderstandings when it comes to rape culture and sexual assault, according to Khoury. People think that it is the victim’s fault if they were under the influence or if their clothes were construed as provocative, when it is never the victim’s fault, according to Khoury.

People also think that rape is committed by a stranger on the street pulling a victim into a dark corner. More than 70 percent of sexual assault is committed by someone the survivor knows on a personal level, according to NSVRC. “People don’t want to think that someone they love is capable of doing that,” Doe said.

“They don’t want believe that your brother, dad, sister, mom could do that to another person.

society, it’s like people have a right to be rapists and it makes me ashamed. It shows us that our culture is one of cowardness.You have to be a coward to rape someone. This more than just a ‘women’s problem.’ Think of everyone you know-- someone out of that everyone has been assaulted. You might not know it, you might not ever know it, but chances of (knowing) someone who was assaulted is a lot more likely than you think it is.”

Unignorable and Unforgettable Doe cannot forget or ignore what had happened. Her rape is something that will stay with her always, she says.

“I wish I could forget. I wish I had that pleasure. I wish I was able to have just an hour of peace inside my head. I would be set for life if I could just have that hour of peace where I could forget. But I can’t. I can’t forget about it.”

This is not the case for everyone. According to Doe, people in general like to forget or ignore assault. People in her life forget or ignore her assault, she says, including the man who attacked her.

“I saw my rapist about a month ago,” said Doe. “I was walking with a friend and the friend stopped to say hello and I said hi to my rapist. And my rapist just acted like I was nothing. I was just invisible to him. I think about his face every single day-- I see his face everywhere. I don’t matter to him, but he ruined me. I’m going to remember him for the rest of my life and I don’t even think he’ll remember my name. It’s like it was nothing for him... Like it was nothing.

When it’s happened, it keeps happening, it doesn’t stop there.”

For the 116,645 men and women raped every year (according to the U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics), their rape is not something that they can forget or ignore. For them, like Doe, the assault stays with them, the details of the attack stays with them, the details of the attacker stays with them.

“Once it’s happened,” Doe said, “It stays with you for the rest of your life. I always think about it. I always remember. I remember the day. I remember the place. I remember it so well. I remember what was on the TV in the background. I remember everything so clearly.

The past isn’t the past, the past is everything. I was told just to move on, but how can I move on when a piece of me is inside another person? They’ve taken something of mine. I can’t move on. I didn’t know what to do. I was fifteen and everything just felt so raw and it still does.”

FORGET”

the damaging effects of rape culture

Most rapes occur in the home, and it’s somebody you know. I knew my rapist very well… very, very well. I had known them for a few years. That’s what made it so horrible that somebody I thought I loved could do that to me.”

According to Hurst, the stigma around talking about assault openly and honestly is why there are still so many misconceptions (like who a perpetrator is likely to be) around survivors, rape and rape culture, and why rape culture still exists.

“We still have so much work to do and people still do not want to talk about it, it’s the reason why sexual assault is still on the backburner of issues,” Hurst said. “Sexual assault is back where domestic violence was 20 years ago-- no one talked about it, no one thought it happened. It would be great if we didn’t have to talk about it at all, but that is not the case.

It does happen on a regularly basis and it is not okay.”

In the past years, there has been significant movement forward past the social stigmas surrounding rape, according to Hurst.

“We are better than we were 15 years ago,” Hurst said. “It is a process. It’s sometimes frustrating, extremely frustrating. But we are ready to fight for this social justice issue.”

Ending rape culture and moving past the remaining misconceptions about assault is something that society can do, according to Cassandra Valice ’17, the vice president of Feminists United.

“Rape culture is something that can be changing,” Valice said. “It is not something that is just a standing notion. We can change it. It can start somewhere so small, if we all just really listen to each other and look out on the media coverage and respond and take action for these things you believe in.”

To Doe, this open dialogue is necessary to draw attention to the prevalence of assault in society and how wrong this predominance is.

“A lot of people don’t want to admit it happens when it does,” Doe said. “(Rape) shows that our culture is one that is willing to demean women, to strip people of their identities. In our

If you or someone you know has been sexually abused, you don’t have to keep quiet.

After an assault --a day, a week, a month, even a year or more-- there are services to help survivors.

Get help by calling RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE, Local Wayne County SAFE Crisis Hotline at 313.430.8000, Or talking confidentially with school psychologist Lisa Khoury

resources to turn to if you have been sexually assualted

If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted: + Find a safe location away from the perpetrator + Know that what happened was not your fault + Preserve all evidence of the assault + Seek medical care as soon as possible + When and if you are ready, report the assault to law enforcement + Recognize that healing from an assault takes time I[nformation collected from Kimberly Hurst]

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SEX

TING &ISM

RILEY LYNCH ’18 | Graphics Manager *Name was changed to protect source’s identity.

The days of passing notes back and forth to your crush during English class are long gone.

Rather than rows of XOXOs, students have resorted to sending X-rated photos of themselves to others.

Also known as sexting, the act of sending explicit photos, texts or videos to others has become a common occurrence, specifically with teenagers. In an Associated Press poll of 600 teens, 18 percent reported having a sexual photo sent to them, and 10 percent say they have sent photos or videos of the same nature to others.

Assistant Principal Steven Wolf said he is aware of the issue of sexting at South, and urges students to think about the consequences of their actions.

“A lot of the problem is kids forget this stuff is permanent, so when you send it electronically, it’s permanent-- whether you delete it or not, whether it’s Snapchat or not,” Wolf said. “It is somewhere, it is someplace, it still exists. That is a difficult concept for everyone, especially teenagers.”

Wolf said age may play a role in this type of behavior, and believes the freshman class could be more at risk because of a shift in environment and social circles.

“My personal opinion is that (freshmen) are way more vulnerable,” Wolf said. “I think they are more vulnerable because there is a need to be accepted, a much greater need than a senior’s need to be accepted.”

Anna Smith* has been sending nudes onand-off since her freshman year.

“Almost every guy I’ve ever talked to has asked me for nudes,” Smith said. “My boyfriend I had last year broke up with me, then said he would get back together with me if I sent nudes.

I did, and then he stopped talking to me after he got them….that was the most manipulative experience.”

Smith claims most of her friends have been asked to send nudes or have been sent unsolicited pictures by others, which affects them all emotionally.

Besides being mentally distraught, sexting can have even more drastic and lasting effects.

Sending or receiving sexually suggestive texts or images under the age of 18 is considered child pornography and can result in criminal charges, typically fines or a 15-30 year sentence.

Sebastian Simon ’18 is co-president and co-founder of the Pro-Choice Club and Voice For Choice. He believes there is a significant tie be-

tween the feminist movement and the pressure girls feel to perform sexually or do things they may not want to do.

“There’s definitely a lot of pressure (on women), more so than there is on men,” Simon said. “(Nudes are) more of a problem with women, they’re pressured to do that more than men are.”

According to DoSomething, a network in support of social change, 61 percent of people who sext have felt pressured to do it at least once.

School Psychologist Lisa Khoury said she feels the people who are most at risk for this persuasion are those with low self-esteem and who are seeking approval from others.

“I think if you have a really strong sense of self and good self-esteem, this kind of thing will not completely destroy you,” Khoury said. “Students with low self-esteem or previous emotional health concerns may be more at risk, so you have to be on guard.”

Smith said she has struggled with self-esteem in the past, and sexting has made her feel objectified rather than sexy. “(Sexting has) made me feel like a piece of meat more than an actual person,” Smith said.

“Guys would rather get to know what my body looks like than what’s in my mind. That makes me feel really objectified and used.”

The majority of young people who have sexted experienced some transient feelings of anxiety after the images were sent, with many describing ongoing issues, according to Self-Produced Images & Taking Risks Online (SPIRTO), an organization dedicated to sexting awareness.

SPIRTO also claims suicidal thoughts are more likely in teens who have sent or received nudes than those who have not.

Simon also knows people who have been emotionally affected by sexting, and says the differences in their personalities before and after the incidents has been prominent.

“They’re really sensitive about it,” Simon said.

“Sometimes they don’t want to talk about it, sometimes they’ll just be really emotional about it and you can see that pain. When you see that, it just makes you think, ‘It really shouldn’t be like this.’”

Smith is beginning to recognize the negative effects sexting has had on her life, and is hoping for a better future in a healthy relationship where she is not used solely for her body.

“I think I’ve started taking more ownership over my body, being more confident in who I am and knowing that I don’t need a man to validate me,” Smith said. “I don’t need somebody’s validation of my body to make me more of a person.”

“I think I’ve started taking more ownership over my body, being more confident in who I am and knowing that I don’t need a man to validate me” - Anna Smith*

When is someone able to give consent?

GRIFFIN JONES ’18 | Staff Writer

Kate Mollison ’17

“They have to be awake, like fully conscious, and not intoxicated. They have to be able to say it for themselves.”

Anthony Frasier ’18

“They have to say yes, but if one of the parties are incapacitated and they can’t be trusted to make good decisions, like if one is drunk and the other’s sober, that’s wrong and they could be taking advantage of them and I think that could be rape.”

Jessica Boehmer ’18

“When someone says yes, when they say it explicitly, not like an ‘okay, maybe’, when they say yes and continue to say yes.”

“Abstinence-based” curriculum in health class promotes awareness for student sexual activity JACQUI MERCIER ’19 | Staff Writer South has an abstinence-based sex education program, which may lead one to wonder how South teaches consent.

Nicole Westfall has been the health teacher at South for two and a half years. Prior to that, she also taught at Brownell, North and South on and off since 1997, she said.

According to both Westfall and Director of Secondary Instruction, Maureen Burr, South’s sex education program is abstinence-based. Burr said this program was approved by a committee of teachers, students, a clergy person, a medical health professional and administrators.

“What we try to do is make sure we’re giving kids information that they’re ready to handle and that we’re helping them to make responsible, respectful choices,” Burr said.

However, Burr said there is in fact

a difference between an abstinence-only program and an abstinence-based program.

An abstinence-based program like the one at South emphasizes that abstinence is the only way one can be 100 percent protected from unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections and diseases.

But in addition to that, an abstinence-based curriculum also teaches students about practicing safe sex and the use of contraceptives.

According to Westfall, South does just this, and promotes abstinence but also includes a contraception unit.

In contrast, an abstinence-only program doesn’t inform students about contraceptives or about how to practice safe sex, but focuses entirely on the importance of abstinence.

“I would definitely say we link everything back to abstinence

“I would definitely say we link everything back to abstinence because we talk about HIV, and you cannot get HIV if you abstain from sex or injecting drugs.”

-Nicole Westfall Health Teacher

because we talk about HIV, and you cannot get HIV if you abstain from sex or injecting drugs,” Westfall said.

Since South has an abstinence-based program, students do study consent. Westfall said her classes spend about three days within their semester in class studying consent.

During this threeday study of consent, Westfall said students look up laws and cases of situations, and talk about scenarios and truths and myths related to sexual consent.

“The class taught me how to make smart decisions,” Chase Johnson ’18 said.

Although the current abstinence-based sex-ed program is approved by administration and well-liked

by Westfall, she said, the curriculum is currently under review because it has not been updated since 1997, and the movies shown in class are very outdated, Westfall said.

“I think the curriculum is great. We just need to get it a little updated with some newer materials and videos,” Westfall said.

Westfall said she is troubled by the fact that some South students have the opportunity to opt out of health by fulfilling additional credits in other courses, since by opting out of health class, some students won’t know about laws regarding consent and how to protect themselves from getting STDs. “They are not getting the material and linking it back to abstinence, or talking about how to protect themselves from getting STDs, and I think that is a big concern that kids are opting out from that,” Westfall said.

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11

RESOURCES

Cindy Parravano

Lisa Khoury

Interim Vice Principal

School Psychologist

“I think bringing awareness to (harrassment) might help. When you shed the light on topics, it tends to open up people’s eyes so that they see that stuff is going on. Maybe (if) they’re more aware of it, other students can step in and say, ‘You probably need to watch what you’re doing.’”

“In school certainly, the school has full domain over consequences.

So, if something happens in terms of harassment in school, then we have the ability, if we learn about it, to discipline appropriately. If it happens outside of school and we learn about it, it’s sort of a grey area perhaps and it depends on how it’s impacting the school environment.”

Moussa Hamka Principal

“Every student should feel safe and welcome and have the ability to focus on the main thing, which is their education. Any distractions, anything that takes their eye off the prize, anything that makes them feel unwelcome or hurt are things we want to eliminate.”

In-school help: Any counselor Social Worker Doug Roby

Steven Wolf Vice Principal

“I want our environment to be positive and supportive, where students look out for each other, speak up for one another and act as upstanders-- not bystanders-- should they notice something we find unacceptable.”

Out of school help: National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline Number- Just for teens.

You can talk one-on-one with a trained advocate 24/7 who can offer support and connect you to resources.

866-331-9474 866-331-8453 (TTY)

School Psychologist Lisa Khoury Any teacher you feel comfortable talking to Teachers are required to report suspected abuse to the proper people. By doing so, that helps the school provide sources of support for the student.

Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) National Sexual Assault hotline. Free. Confidential. 800-656-HOPE (800-656-4673) INFORMATION AND PHOTOS BY SYDNEY STANN AND EMMA RUSSELL ’17

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