15 minute read
Editor’s Letter
Being Intentional Being Intentional
Webster dictionary defines the word intentional as “something done on purpose.” In my professional opinion taking deliberate steps are one of the most important actionable tools needed to achieve any goal we set for ourselves.
We say we want the best things in life, we want a successful career, a loving committed relationship, to be healthy and wealthy. However, there will come a time, when you will have to put your money where your mouth is and PROVE IT. The truth of the matter is, it gets progressively hard to maintain a high degree of discipline because the best students in life always get the hardest lessons.
I have learned that the way I see my life, shapes my life. My perspectives about myself will influence how others treat me, how I invest my time, spend my money, use my gifts, and value my relationships. These views are my life metaphors, it is the views of my life that I have some control over. I believe that
the more we begin to understand our intentions about our lives, we will realize
that nothing is insignificant in life.
Every day presents itself as an important day, and every second is a growth opportunity to deepen our character, to demonstrate love, or deepen our commitments on becoming intentional!
Remember, that your time on earth will be brief, that our days are numbered, and that life will be fleeting. We are only here on earth for just a little while…So, be Mindful about who, what, when, and
where you invest your time. Be intentional about making the best use of your life because we won’t be here long… ABOUT THIS ISSUE:
The Mindful Issue is about offering collective views from various writers
to our readers. These articles are
intended to encourage you to play full out with your lives. Remember this… Your Mindset creates your reality!
ON THE COVER:
SirGlen Allen is an author, entrepreneur, motivational speaker, designer, image consultant, sought after stylist and an all-around “Klassy Brother.” SirGlen is a native of Arkansas but now resides in
Nashville, TN.
Gwendolyn D. Clemons
MBA, MSM, PRC Editor in Chief of TUV Media
Travis Greene
D&G’s Klassy Designs owner SirGlen Allen— husband, stylist, designer, influencer — shares memories and insights about success in love, life, and business after the leap of faith to live his life as the Klassy Brother he was created to be.
By TUV Staff
ALL PHOTOS OF SIRGLEN ALLEN BY Greg Lopez Photography
Q: Your website declares, “My mission is to take your ‘you’ and help you give it to the world.” How was it that you began, for yourself, to give your own “you” to the world?
A: I was raised by my mother in the COGIC church, the fifth out of my seven siblings. Out of all of us seven, I was the one always in church. I loved church so much that when my mom punished me, she would just tell me I couldn't go to church. She didn’t whip me or anything
would come and pick me up, she would just tell me, “No, you can't go tonight. So go to the door and tell them you can't come.” And I would cry like I had just gotten a whipping. So as a young boy, I became a leader in the church and a minister in the church. And
the church would always speak against homosexuality, but I kind of knew who I was as a young boy. Because of the church and how I was raised, it was just something I kept inside and didn't say anything. I struggled with that for years.
So, I will never forget the day that, probably about 3:00 in the morning, I had just left a club in Memphis after having a really good time on a Saturday night. I called my mom on my way home, and I was just crying. She was like, “Are you okay? What's the matter?” I said, “Well, there's something I have to tell you.” And she said, “What's going on?” I said, “Mom, I'm gay, and I'm tired of keeping it a secret.” She said, “You're not telling me anything I didn’t already know.” So that was a relief for me.
My mom said to me, “Glen, I have no problem with that. You're my son. I love you.” And then she said, “You know me. You know
what I stand for. The only thing I would ask you to do is step down from the pulpit at church.” It hurt me because at that time it
made me feel like God didn't love me, and like I couldn't be a Christian, couldn’t serve
and be gay at the same time. After that I still went to church sometimes, but no longer frequented that often. I only found my way back when I started getting to know God for myself. Before I had felt like I was serving my mother's God, or my pastor’s God, and didn't really know God for myself.
Q: When and how was it that you ended up meeting your husband?
A: My husband Dennis and I met around 2010. I had seen him at church before, and
when we got connected on social media, we started messaging back and forth. One day he sent me a message, and for some reason I never saw it until a year later when I was going back through Messenger one day. So, I didn’t know if he was still available or anything but took a risk and reached out to say, “Hey, I'm sorry. I never saw this message. Please forgive me.” He responded later, “Oh, it's cool. It's okay.” And I said, “No, I'm sorry. Do me this favor. Allow me to take you to dinner, my treat.” At the time, I lived in Jonesboro, and he lived in Memphis. So that weekend, he drove to Jonesboro, and
I took him out to dinner, gave him a gift, a big teddy bear, and told him again that I was sorry. It was that day that we officially met, and we have not been apart since.
He proposed in 2011, and we ended up marrying before it was legal in our home states of Tennessee and Arkansas, because
those states didn't recognize gay marriage yet. Since we couldn't have a wedding, we had what we called a ceremony in Memphis so our family and friends could attend locally. My mom, and my brothers and sisters, and my husband's family were there. He has four children, and all his children
were at the wedding except his son because he was away in the military. And my mom gave me away at the ceremony. Then the next day we headed out to Washington, DC to be legally married there in an intimate moment between the two of us.
Q: Was there any conversation or preparation between you two about what life together was going to be like beyond the wedding?
A: From Memphis to DC was about a 14-hour drive, and we had no radio on the way there. During this time, we just had a conversation about what we were getting into, whether we were ready, what the plans were for our life together, what the future would hold for us. He visited my mom and asked her if he could marry me, the whole nine. And she told him, “Hey, he’s, my son. I love him. All I ask is that you take care of him.” So that was my conversation with him on the drive down. I
said, “Are you going to make sure that I'm good? If things happen, how will we resolve our conflicts? Is divorce ever in our options?” We talked about all of that.
Q: Have there been any surprises for you about what it means to be a husband, or anything you’ve learned about being married that you hadn’t expected?
A: I’m 38 now. I was in my mid-20s when we got married, and we’re 25 years apart. He didn’t know if he was ready. I didn't know if I was ready. But we were willing to take a risk on each other because we loved each other.
I think anything in life that you're unaware of is always going to be a risk. So, because we loved each other, because we cared about
each other, we just decided to take a risk. He took a risk on me. I took a risk on him.
I was the first in my family to participate in a same-gender loving marriage, so everybody kind of looked at me differently. There was a lot that I didn't know as related to marriage, and I had nobody that I could look up to for what marriage means as a same-gender loving couple. Dennis had been married before, but to a woman, so he had never been in a gay marriage either. So, it was new for the both of us. There was no handbook for what
we had. We made up the rules as we went.
For the first 10 years of our relationship, we never had one argument. People used to ask us, “Have you had your first argument?” When we said, “No,” and people would be like, “Are you serious? You've never argued?” One of the things about us though is that we're great communicators. We try to make sure that we sit down and discuss whatever
happens and however it makes us feel. So, by the time we did finally have our first argument, I think that’s how we resolved it.
Q: After the federal recognition of samesex marriage, did anything feel like it changed for you?
A: It changed our point of view because at first, we were quiet with it and wouldn't say much about us being married. But we had always talked about wanting to get married again if gay marriage ever become legal. And I will never forget, we were in Atlanta at Bishop O.C. Allen’s church, Vision Cathedral Church, for our Annual Convocation. We were sitting in church and Dennis nudged me, showing me his phone, “Hey, they passed the law. It's legal now. We're legal now.” So, we felt like we had to do our marriage again under the right of it being legal. It was actually five years into our marriage then, and we ended up having a vow renewal ceremony for our five-year anniversary. That ceremony was even more beautiful than the first time around.
Q: How would you say your marriage has contributed to who and where you are today?
A: Now that we have become legally married, and we’re part of a great church, and we’re able to be who God has created
us to be, we have flourished. We have flourished in life and in business. God has
just done great things for us as a couple.
Dennis comes from the corporate world, so he was very knowledgeable about business. When we got together, I told him I had a passion for hair and wanted to go to hair school. So, he told me, “Hey, go to hair school.” I went to hair school, became
a licensed hairstylist, and started doing hair for a few years. And hair was the segue to really get me into fashion and style. So, I got into fashion and style, and opened a boutique, and started doing so many things in different cities and states.
Then I started a nonprofit organization focused on speaking to teenagers, to the community, to churches about professionalism and how to dress for success. And my business just skyrocketed from there. My company is called D&G’s Klassy Designs, and the D&G is for Dennis & Glen. It took off far greater than I would have ever thought, and it was because of the push of him as my husband saying, “Hey, do it. Let's make it happen. Let’s let you fulfill your dream.”
Q: What would you say to others who feel hesitant about making the commitment to get married, considering how rewarding it has been for you?
A: “You’re damned if you do, and you’re damned if you don’t. So just be damned and do it.” I tell people all the time, “When you're doing bad, people are going to say something. When you're doing good, people are still going to say something. So, live your life for you.”
I do sometimes sit and wonder what my life would be like if I hadn’t come out. But I’m not
going to be miserable and unhappy because of what somebody else says. Then they’re getting their sleep at night, resting at night, while I'm tossing and turning afraid to do what I want or be who I am. I don't want to live
like that. So, I would tell people, "Find your inner strength, and reach down inside of you, and be who God has created you to be."
The Adams-Hill Family
“What comes after Antwain Donté jumps into Joshua’s DM is breathtaking. Antwain Donté noticed Joshua on a social media site (Instagram) and instantly followed him.
After watching Josh’s pictures, which he didn’t post often and viewing his stories over and over again, Antwain Donté found the courage to message Josh on May 21st… “You are the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen!” Josh responded with a generic message but that didn’t stop Antwain Donté. He messaged him again asking to take him on a date and Josh allowed him to know, “If you’re coming to Nashville, sure lol!” That was all the invite Antwain Donté needed to show Josh how interested he was. On May 26th Antwain Donté headed to Nashville to meet Josh, who never thought would be his husband for the first time. The two held a long-distance relationship for about 6 months before Josh relocated to Texas and Antwain Donté followed suit.
After growing, learning, much therapy, and undying love the two got engaged on May 22, 2021, in Hilton Head, SC. The two were joined by a slew of family and friends. Who witnessed the proposal. Antwain Donté and Joshua Jr. became one on February 2, 2022, at the indescribable Knotting Hill Place in Little Elm, TX. This enchanted event fit for two kings was nothing less than Royal & Regal. The love that exuded the venue was like fireworks one’s eye has never seen. The two honeymooned in Honolulu, Hawaii where they spent six days inhaling each other exhale awaiting to begin this lifelong journey. The one thing they stand firm on is finding someone who won’t stop fighting with you. Someone willing to stay in the ring even when staying in the ring is difficult.
Antwain Donté and Joshua’s relationship motto is simple, “Writing our own love story with no one else’s pen!” It’s easy to get caught up in other people's interpretations or thoughts of you, but what matters most is the thought you have for yourself and your partner. The two are looking to begin the surrogacy process at the end of this year and expand their family.
With love, The Adams-Hill Family”
Photo Credit: Asuquo Travels
Let's Get It Out Let's Get It Out
Mental Health is Health
By Jonita "Nita" McKinney, LMSW, HS-BCP
TALK IT OUT Don’t harbor pain, anger, frustration, and other negative emotions that prevent you from being the best version of yourself. It’s important to communicate with those
you trust, whether that’s on FaceTime, WhatsApp or Duo for you Android users. Sometimes it’s hard to
verbalize what we’re feeling so you can do something simple like sending a text message or writing a letter to someone you can trust. Find and regularly talk to a therapist. Understand that if you haven’t spoken about your emotions regularly in the past, at first you will feel uncomfortable. However, being able to open up and share something that you’ve been keeping to yourself for a long time, can make you feel lighter, like a weight has been lifted. You never know, the person you’re talking to may identify with your experiences, in turn making you feel less alone.
WALK IT OUT If you’re feeling depressed or sad, try to walk it out. Working out can improve your mind and body. Things like selfesteem and anxiety can also be addressed with a regular workout regimen. Working out also helps you improve your motivation. We know motivation can be a barrier to
achieving many of the personal goals we make for ourselves. These can be easy things that you can implement into your daily routine. You can walk the dog, walk the kids, walk anything that has legs to get your steps in! Walking with a friend or a neighbor, just to help jump-start a workout regimen can also help because you have someone else that can hold you accountable. Remember, this is also going to be difficult at first, but practice makes patterns. The more you workout the easier it will get.
SEX IT OUT Chile, I know you’re like what?! When people hear the word sex and mental health, they think that these things are not related. Research tells us that
these things go hand and hand. Sex can be stigmatized even in the therapy communities, but slowly and surely, we are turning the tide as a profession as we fully understand how much sex can affect mental
health. The movement focused
on sex and body positivity, the greater acceptance of LGBTQIA+ and genderdiverse identities, as well as the thriving sexual wellness industry, are expanding new approaches to sex and mental health. The more comfortable
we become talking about sex with decrease the stigma, leading to improved mental health outcomes. Amazingly, sex can improve your mood and relax your mind because of the endorphins and oxytocin released during sex. Sex helps to improve anxiety, depression, and a number of other mental health conditions.
Intimacy with your dedicated partner can not only deepen your connection but can also help to make your day-to-day interactions healthier. If you’re having consistent issues related to sexual encounters
with your dedicated partner, it may be a great idea to contact a sex therapist. They will allow you to discuss your concerns in a non-judgmental, supportive environment.
