The Unleashed Voice Magazine Empowerment Issue 2019 March-April Issue by The Unleashed Voice Magazine

MAR + APR 2019 VISIT TUVMAG.COM

AN EMPOWERING CONVERSATION TUV Editorâ&#x20AC;&#x2DC;s

2018 Black LGBT Power 100 Rating

Author Monika M. Pickett

HOW TO ACTIVATE YOUR SUPER POWERS

Deondre B Moore

BEING HIV + AND DATING

Rayceen Pendarvis, HRH

BEING PERSISTENT & RESILLIENT

EXCLUSIVE!

SAMPSON UNLEASHED Comedian Sampson McCormick one of the first openly gay comedians, tackle LGBT Mental Health Issues in new movie

EMPOWERMENT ISSUE:

STAY WOKE

DR. DAVIN D. CLEMONS, DMin

THE G LISTED HONORS

Gwendolyn Clemons

COMMUNITY LEADERS, MEDIA PRODUCERS, SOCIAL INFLUENCERS, LGBT MAGAZINE PUBLISHERS

Be part of TUV Magazine’s Next Issue

Send all stories and articles to: info@tuvmag.com Advertising inquiries: ads@tuvmag.com Deadline for ALL ADS: APRIL 10, 2019

MAY | JUNE

2019

Cover photo credit: Sterling Photography

CONTENTS

Sampson McCormick

Cover Story LGBT & Mental Health

I’m Running!

By Dr. Davin D. Clemons, DMin Editor’s Letter

Living My Best Life Lakara Foster,DMin Speaks

Relationship Advice By Parker Bryant

06 Empowering Conversation with TUV Editor Gwendolyn D. Clemons

08 MSM| “Dating While HIV+” Deondre B. Moore

09 Seeking Adoption? Consider LGBT Foster Children LGBT YOUTH

12 Special Contributor Monika M. Pickett

14 Justin Brown Health & Wellness

15 Ask Coach Payton Health & Wellness

18 Rayceen Pendarvis 22 Discover Gender Project: Photojournalism Venture for the humanity of gender non-conforming and/or transgender individuals through a combination of photography and personal narrative.

25 Eric Green: The Eric Green Collection Fashion

26 Azarian Connection 30 Finding Myself Through Failure

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Layout / Design

Eddie Wiley MSM | ATL

Correspondent

Monick Monell

Talent Director & New York Correspondent

Whitney Johnson

Chief Editor

Renae Taylor Transgender

Correspondent

Ravell Slayton Project Manager

| THE EDITOR’S LETTER

Hello! Empowering Conversation with Gwendolyn D. Clemons, MBA, Editor-in-Chief

ver the past four years, TUV Magazine and Radio Show delivered some of the most intriguing interviews for our followers. Some of these interviews featured famous and popular individuals and some delved into the perspectives of everyday people. Nevertheless, the weight of everyone featured was equally important to making our society better with each contribution. What is most important about TUV Media is that we continue to challenge negative societal beliefs about individuals who are deemed different. It was just 500 years ago when Martin Luther nailed his famous “95 Theses” to the door of a German Church, decrying the Catholic church’s abusive sale of indulgences, or reprieves from punishment for sins. Martin Luther’s dramatic declaration set in motion years of theological sparring and bloody wars. This led to the flowering of Protestantism and many distinct denominational traditions.

I believe we’re entering another Reformation Period. A period where life will begin to change as we now know it. There may not be bloody wars or dramatic nailing of “95 Theses” to the White House gates (although we may need to consider this one) but something is happening. I see attempts to deconstruct institutions -- i.e., The Church -- that have benefitted from the pain and suffering of a vulnerable community. I can tell by the sheer number of nationwide protests on a social and political front, such as #MeToo, #BlackLivesMatter, #TransLivesMatter, #FuckRKelly (well, maybe I made that one up). But the resounding language is the same: “Stay Woke.” I can tell by the rise of inclusive ministries that have opened

their doors to love everyone despite the anti-LGBTQ actions of the United Methodist Church in 2019. Something is Happening! I believe life is about living and showing your highest version of yourself, and in this month’s issue we were intentional about creating space for individuals whose beliefs align with this one. Go ahead and check it out. I am sure you will not be disappointed! By the way, we love feedback. Reach out to us at info@tuvmag.com and let’s connect on how we can better serve you.

THE COVER

He soars like Marvel’s first black gay comedian hero in his new film “A Different Direction”. Sampson McCormick “gets it” when it comes to LGBTQ issues and using his platform to raise awareness. Sampson is a nationally touring award-winning standup comedian, writer, and activist who has found his purpose through comedy. Sampson is ready for the world to know he’s here, he’s queer, and he can hold his own with the best of those in the entertainment industry.

SPECIAL CONTRIBUTORS Author Monika M. Pickett delivers a powerful perspective on how to engage your “Super Powers” in this month’s issue. Health & Wellness experts Justin Brown and Coach Sharolyn Payton. Dr. Lakara Foster, How to Live Your Best Life. Parker Bryant, Relationship Advice. Rayceen Pendarvis, HRH, TUV Washington, DC Correspondent. Happy Women’s History Month & Welcome Spring!

THE EDITOR’S LETTER |

watch and programs like the Blue Suede Brigade downtown, and even simple things like increasing street lights in South Downtown’s booming developments are necessary.

By: Dr. Davin D. Clemons

s a native Memphian, philanthropist, advocate, fighter for equity, and proud resident of this district for nearly all my life, I have been committed to service of my community. Whether it’s through my work as a police officer, as an ordained elder and minister, as a passionate advocate for the LGBTQ community, or as an entrepreneur and magazine publisher, I’ve sought to help ensure that Memphis is a place where people feel like they belong, are safe, and can thrive.

Right now, I believe we are at a special moment in Memphis. We have the momentum of opportunity, but we are also at a crossroads. There is so much friction, so much anxiety about what’s next; there’s division and dysfunction. And so much is at stake. We have a chance to make sure that the momentum we see in some parts of our city benefits all of our city. District 6 runs from Whitehaven all the way up to downtown, and encompasses some of the most dynamic as well as some of the most troubled areas in Memphis. 38126 is the poorest ZIP code in the city and likely one of the poorest in the entire country. As

City Councilor, I want to make sure that the residents of my district, along with all the stakeholders we need on board to realize our full potential, are represented and brought to the table. I believe I’m someone who can bring us together at a time when we need more unity to achieve solutions to the problems in front of us. I was born in South Memphis, went to college at LeMoyne Owen and Memphis Theological Seminary, have served as an officer in the Memphis Police Department for 16 years, andlive downtown. I’ve seen this district and this city from every angle, and it’s that unique experience and outlook, those deep roots, that I think make me the leader this District needs. So what do I want to do? I want to focus on core issues of economic equity, community safety, smart development, and improved governance. Memphis has come a long way on crime, but we still have a long way to go. My philosophy is that one of the first things we need to do to combat crime is to give people options to keep them out of it in the first place: good jobs, vocational training opportunities, and development that prioritizes hiring and benefits for city residents. These are long-term solutions, but we’ve got to focus on them now to make sure crime doesn’t remain a longterm problem. We’ve also got to figure out how those people who have gotten stuck in a life of crime can get unstuck. We need to cut back on recidivism, and to do that we’ve got to give people a chance to get into the workforce. I’d like to see us implement a “ban the box” program to eliminate disclosure of criminal record on job applications for people who have paid their debt and served their time. I also want to work across city and county government to help develop a jail-to-job vocational program so that these people have something to do when they are released. I know this isn’t going to fix everything, of course. I want to make sure we have a well compensated and supported police force, cultivate better partnerships in the community to expand neighborhood

Fixing our crime problem is going require a comprehensive look at it from every angle. We’ve got to really think about our homelessness issue. It’s not just a safety question but it’s a moral one, and we could do a lot more to help keep people off the streets. Memphis needs a shelter people can access without having to panhandle to pay an entry fee for one thing, and we need expanded options for the people our shelters don’t currently accept. To do that, we need to work with the non-profit and philanthropic community, as well as our existing institutions and service agencies. And we need to have services for especially vulnerable populations—women and children, teens, LGBT youth, people dealing with mental health issues. Another area I want to work on as Councilor is economic equity and development. First thing first: I want our City Government to have a productive relationship with the people who make our city work through improved relations and partnerships with the city unions and employee associations. We can’t treat them with the disrespect that’s become normal in the past couple of years. They’re the foundation of a functioning Memphis, and we owe them—from our firefighters and police officers, to our clerical and custodial workers, to our sanitation workers and everyone in between—dignity and respect. We’ve also got to figure out how to make sure our development projects create prosperity for all Memphians, not just the few. I don’t want to put the brakes on the exciting momentum our city has right now, but I want to make sure we’re all on board. Working with business partners, I’d like to see us have more jobs guaranteed for Memphis residents and our trades and craft unions; commitments to affordable housing set-asides; good wages and benefits. And I want to make sure that we’re connecting our students in the school system to the jobs that are being created in our community. That’s why I’m running, and I’m asking for your support—through a commitment to support this campaign by making a donation, promoting it to your colleagues and in your network, and if you can, with your vote on October 3. Visit www.davinclemons.com CashApp - $DavinDClemons Campaign to Elect Davin D. Clemons P.O. Box 2054, Memphis, TN 38103

| MSM

Dating While HIV + A: That’s a funny question because I

Interview with Deondre B. Moore by Gwendolyn D. Clemons

eondre was diagnosed with HIV at the age of 19. His first public announcement came at his home church in Beaumont, TX, where he gave his testimony to a full house. He feels that the love and acceptance he received on that day has helped him gain a ministry by sharing his story.

Q: In the South there aren’t a lot of Gay, Black Men who live out & proud. How did you find the courage to step into this position? A: I believe that living in one’s truth is

the best way to live. I agree that being gay is much easier up North and in more progressive cities. I believe that it is important to erode stigma in the Deep South about coming out of the closet.

Q: I understand that you are in relationship. Considering the stigma associated with being HIV Positive, what challenges have you faced dating? 08

faced the most backlash from dating other HIV positive men. I was once dating this guy and we were both HIV Positive. However, he felt that I was too open about my status and that I would bring attention to him because we were dating. He feared that people would think he was HIV Positive because we were dating. He was HIV Positive but was afraid to openly share his status. That was a deal breaker and we ended the relationship.

to navigate dating someone who HIV positive. I believe that our relationship shows that stigma can be defeated when couples choose to talk openly about their HIV statuses and become visible.

Q: You are the face of so many HIV campaigns. How much has your life changed by being visible and having strangers know your story?

My current partner is amazing. Our status was not the most important part of our relationship. We spent a lot of time getting to know each other, sharing our stories, and healing from our trauma. Sex was not the focus of our relationship. When it came to disclosing, he did not care about my HIV positive status or what people thought about him. We receive a lot of questions in our DM from men trying

A: You are correct. Strangers do

know my story. I had no idea that my healing would come from sharing my story. Usually when I’m out at the club with my friends trying to let my hair down and have a good time, it never fails that I am approached by someone who recognizes me and wants to talk about HIV. I understand that my position comes with responsibility, and even at times when I don’t feel like it, is a part of who I am, and I must help them. I guess you are right. Being an HIV Ambassador is my ministry.

Do you know your status? How do you feel dating someone who is HIV positive? Contact Deondre and gain a better understanding of how to overcome your biases and fears.

Instagram: @deondremoore

Facebook: @Deondre B. Moore

LGBT YOUTH |

LGBT Foster Care

oster and adoptive parents play a vital role in reducing risk and promoting wellness for LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning) youth in the child welfare system. Youth who are rejected by their families may experience greater risks than other youth in care. LGBTQ people do experience higher rates of anxiety, depression, and related behaviors (including alcohol and drug abuse) than the general population, but studies show this is due to environments of rejection rather than due to their identity. Foster parents can help connect LGBTQ youth in their homes with mental health providers to address the additional trauma they have endured due to stigma, discrimination or harassment based on their identity. Research from Dr. Caitlin Ryan at San Francisco State University has demonstrated that family support is one of the most important predictors of successful outcomes for LGBTQ youth in adulthood. [Suggested sidebar: The Family Acceptance Project® (FAP) offers research-based family booklets (https:// familyproject.sfsu.edu/publications) that parents and caregivers can use to create affirming and supportive homes.] Building a welcoming foster home environment can benefit any youth in care, regardless of their sexual orientation, gender identity or gender expression. However, youth who identify as LGBTQ will especially benefit from a supportive and affirming home with caregivers who give them a safe place to freely express themselves. Youth who identify as heterosexual or genderconforming will also benefit from living in a home that promotes respect for all cultures and reinforces the value of diversity. Foster parents can take simple steps to promote LGBTQ youth living in their homes, whether or not they have openly disclosed their identity. Supporting Your LGBTQ Youth: A Guide for Foster Parents from the Child Welfare Information Gateway outlines suggestions

such as insisting on respectful language and behavior among all members of your home, using gender-neutral language when discussing relationships, supporting a youth’s self-expression, and obtaining further education on LGBTQ history, issues and resources. Safety, permanency and well-being are vital for all youth in child welfare, but youth of color and transgender youth have an ever greater demonstrated need for supportive parents and caregivers. More than one-third of transgender youth report having attempted suicide in their lifetime, according to data from the Human Rights Campaign. Their 2018 LGBTQ Youth Report provides frightening insight into the additional barriers and increased distress of LGBTQ youth of color and transgender teenagers. Just 11 percent of these multiply marginalized youth responded that they believe their racial or ethnic group is regarded positively in the U.S. LBGTQ youth in care report additional stressors and barriers in accessing services due to their sexual orientation or gender identity. Many LGBTQ youth (26 percent) are forced to leave their families as a result of conflicts with their parents regarding their sexual orientation or gender identity. All leading mental health and child welfare organizations have affirmed that a LGBTQ identity is not a “choice.” Gender identity begins to form as early as 2 to 4 years old, and most people on average start to identify their sexual attraction as early as age 10 and a sexual orientation by age 13. These youth need and deserve a home setting where their caregivers provide a safe, supportive and non-judgmental environment that supports their health and well-being. Sadly, 78 percent of LGBTQ youth were removed or ran away from their foster placements as a result of hostility toward their sexual orientation or gender identity. Foster parents have a critical role in supporting LGBTQ youth in their homes as they face greater challenges toward permanency without the burden of additional disruptions.

| COVER FEATURE What made A Different Direction a story that you had to tell? When I create, I create with a special focus on black people, on our stories. Because when I tell you I love us, I love us. I love our culture. We are the most beautiful people on the planet. But there are a lot of unresolved issues, especially in our families, and I wanted to speak to that in a way that was honest and allows all of us to look at ourselves, how we interact, what’s healthy, and what’s not healthy. Also, as a black man first, then also as a black gay man, I think it’s very important how we show up, and how we’re represented. Every time you see us represented on television and film and sometimes stage, even though it’s getting better, a lot of it is stuff that I personally don’t know if I’ll be proud to look at 10 years from now. When you see us on film, or on a lot of these web series, everything is about sex, you know? And there’s a lot more to us than sex.

Sampson McCormick

A Different Direction It’s not always easy to do what’s best. Photo credit: Adam McMath

So the film is about a black gay 30-something, Frankie Bailey, who makes his living as a writer and photographer while he’s struggling with day to day issues surrounding his self esteem and learning how to set boundaries. So the film is about the courage it takes to make the best decisions for yourself when it comes down to unhealthy relationships, even with family. It delves into how important, and how hard, it is to set those boundaries. That’s a narrative that I think everybody can relate to. One of the biggest boundaries that Frankie has to set is with his mom. We stay in a lot of unhealthy relationships, and I wanted to focus particularly on relationships with parents because if we don’t take a step away and deal with our trauma and dysfunction, we keep passing that down and giving it to our kids. That cycle of unhealthy emotional, mental, and psychological living is what the film touches on. I wanted to create something that really told an authentic story, but I felt a little guilty about having them kind of squabble as a black family. But this wasn’t just a fight. This was a very necessary conversation that this family had to have. And this character, Frankie Bailey, had to come to terms with what he needed to do for his own mental and emotional health. There are some things that we laugh at, like if you grew up in a black household, and you had a black mama, you couldn’t be up in there with your room door closed. You had to leave that room door open. Your mama had to know what you were doing at all times.

And while that’s important because you will never hear about a little black kid going to shoot up a school, we also didn’t really learn boundaries. We don’t understand boundaries. Then when somebody crosses those boundaries, we’re ready to strangle them because it’s invaded such a space that’s maybe been traumatized in some way that we haven’t found appropriate emotional responses to. That’s a result of not knowing what healthy boundaries look like.

COVER FEATURE |

see it at most black Prides this summer. We’re just gonna get it to as many places as possible. We’ve even gotten some inquiries from Italy, and an inquiry from Australia. So it’s gonna make the rounds. It’s at the very early stages, and people are loving it already. The trailers that we’ve been putting out, people have been showing those a lot of love. And I think people love the cast too because we’re really lucky to have the people that we got.

I kind of feel like, in some way, it’s because we live in a world that hasn’t respected our boundaries. I mean, they came to our country and got us, and brought us over here, and beat us and broke up our families, and did all those things. That’s the epitome of no boundaries, if you really wanna get into it on a deep level. I’m not even trying to go there, but I’m just saying that as black people, especially, we do need work around boundaries. Hopefully, this will allow us to be able to go back into our homes and with our lovers, our parents, or whoever we need to have, and sit down and find a way to be healthy. How did the cast come together, and what let you know they were the right people to bring your characters to life? The entire cast and crew is all black, gay, or female. So shout out to that. The cast came together because they were people who, like me, were very interested in the type of narratives that are available to tell our stories, and were just as interested in the way that those stories are told as I am. Talking to them about the project, it just all fit. While I was looking for a mother character, I was talking to Miss Laura one day, and we were just having a conversation about the toxic relationships a lot of black folks can sometimes have with our parents. Not because our parents don’t love us but because the love our parents do have for us can sometimes come from a toxic place when they’re trying to guard us from the world, which comes from a place of fear. You know, “I’m gonna beat you so the white man doesn’t do it.” That’s a place of fear. And I feel like more of us need to start nurturing each other, nurturing our children, nurturing our parents back. Miss Laura had a full understanding of that, and she was really supportive. I was like, “Can you play this character?” And I didn’t know at first because I was just used to seeing her do comedy all the time. But mama delivered. Where and when can we see the film? We just had a special sneak peek Black History Month premier last month in Oakland. From there, it’s touring the country at different film festivals like qFLIX in March in Philadelphia, and Frameline in June in San Francisco. We’re working on also bringing it to DC, Atlanta, and Houston. If you are at a Pride, you should be able to

So to find out where to see the film, you can go to SampsonComedy.com, or SampsonMcCormick on Instagram, to find local screening opportunities or to just say, “Hey, we want this film shown here.” And some sort of way, we will get that film to wherever people want to see it. Even though it has a black gay protagonist, we’re trying to get this bad boy everywhere because it’s a relatable story for everybody. So we’re just pushing it. The ultimate goal is to create stories that everybody can relate to, with a character who might look a little bit different than they do, and love a little bit different than they do, but see that they can go out and go, “Wow, I related to that.” Everything has to be a little step to greater lives and greater experiences on this earth for everybody, including wider representations of how we’re depicted in media and film. So we’re just doing our part. Right now, we need all hands on deck, especially with what’s going on politically in the country, what’s going on socially. I feel like we just need to get back to talking about family and the real shit, you know? Because it’s scary now.

What else is coming up next for you? This spring, I’m shooting my fourth comedy special, which is going to be on one of the streaming networks, either Netflix or Hulu. So I’m really excited about that too.

| SPECIAL CONTRIBUTOR

I’VE GOT THE

POWER

never thought in a million years that I would become the person I needed but never had when I was a little girl. Coming out in the early ‘80s at the age of thirteen, without any role models who looked like me, was difficult. And yet, I felt a sense of power in acknowledging that level of selfawareness at such an early age.

Recently, my sister pointed out that I have become my own hero. Just the thought seemed incredible, almost arrogant. I hesitantly looked up the definition of “hero.” One of Merriam-Webster’s dictionary definitions describes “hero” as one who shows great courage. The word courage jumped off the page. Yes, that is what I have shown. When faced with the heaviness of hopelessness and despair, I have displayed courage, perseverance, and power. I laugh at myself for giving hardships a soundtrack, but at that moment, the song “The Power” by the ‘90s group Black Box popped into my head: It’s gettin’ kinda heavy… gettin’, gettin’, gettin’ kinda heavy … I’ve got the power! I’m in awe of how the psyche holds on to the most minut things that stay with us forever. When I was a young girl, my mother used to throw out clichés whenever I said something discouraging or self-defeating. Give it to God, God is an on-time God and God is not going to give you more than you can handle. At the time, I thought she was simply trying to make me feel better. As I matured into a woman, I realized that she was right. I look back on the past fifteen years of my life and realize how blessed I am. I faced the 12 battle of my life during those fifteen

years. I was diagnosed with a rare brain disease, suffered a stroke, had to learn how to walk again, lost my job, lost my independence and my self-worth, and went through a devastating divorce. I have always considered myself a spiritual being versus religious. Yet, I instinctively questioned my mother’s words, thinking, how strong does God want me to be? I don’t think I can handle another thing. I had no choice but to be still as I surrendered to God’s will and not my own. When people would declare that they wouldn’t change a thing after enduring horrible circumstances, I used to question their sincerity. Now, I understand. Those tests were my testimonies. The fact that I am still here means God is still working on me. There is more I have been chosen to do. That assignment could simply be to raise kind, loving and compassionate grandchildren. Perhaps I was chosen to be a voice for those who feel as if they don’t have a voice. Instead of trying to change my circumstances, perhaps my assignment is to simply change myself. There is power in that revelation. My spirit is often weary and although I may bend, I refuse to break. I have learned to turn my challenges into my motivation. I once read that what defines us is how well we rise after falling. Back at the rehabilitation center after my stroke, I managed to drag my legs with a walker during a physical therapy session. Inch by inch, I passed the nurse’s station and surprised one of the nurses. She chuckled. “Whoa. You better slow down, Miss Pickett,” she said.

I responded cheerfully, “I love y’all but I gotta get up out of here! I ain’t got time to be feeling sorry for myself.” I’ve come to realize that it doesn’t matter how many times you fall as long as you get back up. Still, I often feel like I’m stumbling toward a finish line where the tape is moved further and further beyond my reach. When I want to give up or feel as if I cannot go on, I remind myself why I started. I no longer question what God ultimately has in store for me. I continue to prepare myself to receive the blessings I prayed for. Those fifteen years were tough, but with prayer and perseverance, I have recreated myself. I am now a published author. The sequel to my first novel is currently in the production stage. I write LGBTQ lifestyle articles for multiple media outlets. My next endeavor is to write a screenplay based on my first novel. I remind myself that success doesn’t happen overnight. For two years after the divorce, I grieved over a life I thought I would have, only to begin a new one that I never imagined. I may not be where I want to be but, thank God, I’m not where I used to be.

SPECIAL CONTRIBUTOR |

I’ve come to realize that it doesn’t matter how many times you fall as long as you get back up. Still, I often feel like I’m stumbling toward a finish line where the tape is moved further and further beyond my reach. When I want to give up or feel as if I cannot go on, I remind myself why I started. I no longer question what God ultimately has in store for me. I continue to prepare myself to receive the blessings I prayed for.

It breaks my heart to read news headlines where young boys and girls have committed suicide because they were bullied for being gay or lesbian. It breaks my heart when transgender women are brutally raped and murdered because of their gender expression. It breaks my heart when lesbian couples are murdered and disposed of like garbage. Little girls and boys, women and men, all of society needs to see and know women like me, women who unapologetically live authentic lives no matter how daunting the journey. I hope to become a beacon of light for those who suffer in silence. I want my grandchildren to know that I am true to myself, and know me by my actions and not my words. I pray they will love and respect me for my choices and the courage it took to make them. I hope that they won’t have to face the same struggles I did to recognize the power in themselves. I am often asked by closeted acquaintances why I feel the need to broadcast my sexual identity. I explain that my sexual identity is only a small part of who I am. I am a God-fearing mother, grandmother, daughter, and sister; a committed friend; a hard worker; and a former Army medic who served my country faithfully.

Monika M. Pickett is an author, activist for the LGBTQ community. Pickett is a veteran in the United States Army. Her debut novel “Pretty Boy Blue” is available on Amazon. For more information please visit, www.MonikaMPickett.com or email her at info@MonikaMPickett.com

4tips to improving

African American health & fitness in 2019 by Justin Brown

There are a myriad of diet and exercise choices to ponder over when it comes to bettering your health and fitness in 2019 but which choices are the right ones for you? Most people are following fads, outdated information, and bad advice from good people but this article will change that for most of you!

Tip1:

Tip3:

Tip2:

Tip4:

Don’t follow the fads! Did you know that a majority of the studies that are conducted and reported to mainstream media were conducted on Caucasians for Caucasians? So, where does that leave the average African American? It leaves them with information to follow that may not be directly relevant to them since they are genetically different than the subjects that the studies were carried out on. A lot of the studies don’t take into effect illnesses and diseases that are predominately higher in the African American communities and may end up doing more harm than good. I always recommend seeking out a certified or licensed professional to help you with your specific health goals before you blindly take the advice of a well-meaning friend or doctor that you see on television.

Stick to the basics. Regardless of what diets you try, pills you buy, or exercises you do there are a few things that always work when it comes to improving your health. For example, it’s common knowledge that walking increases a person’s metabolism and helps to speed up fat loss! We also know that drinking more water leads to clearer skin, fat loss, and regulating your body’s core temperature. These are just a few examples of common sense things that most people know will help their health in the long run. Whether or not they choose to do them is a whole different story.

Treat your sleep like it matters (because it does!) Most people now a days are over stressed and excessive amounts of psychological stress can show up physically. Don’t make the mistake of treating sleep like a red headed step child when it’s really the glue that holds the whole house together. The only time that your body regenerates and heals itself is in your sleep so if you never go to sleep when is your body going to repair itself from the damage caused throughout the day? Your body is constantly under attack from smoke, smog, sunlight, airborne particles, and more!! Just because you don’t think you’re breaking your body down doesn’t mean that you aren’t. This is even truer for people who are physically active with exercise and strength training. Sleep is where all the real magic happens.

Remove negativity! Turn off the news, stop taking Tameka’s depressing phone calls, and quit your job if you need to. Do whatever you have to do to protect your energy and sanity! You owe it to yourself to be the best person you can possibly be and the people around you will either have to conform to your new standards or get left behind. Taking care of yourself is more important than taking care of others because if you don’t have anything to give how will you be a blessing to others who really need you? A cup that runneth over with good health and prosperity is a cup that was continually filled in the first place. So, take care of yourself if you want to take care of others and before you know it you’ll be able to share the goods that runneth over from your healthy cup!

Ask Coach Payton

SPIRITUALITY HEALTH & WELLNES ||

etting our year off to a purposeful, powerful, productive start both personally and professionally begins with personal responsibility. No matter the trials, the triumphs, or the turmoil faced in the previous year or past years, what matters now is how we respond to, plan for, and advocate for ourselves, our vision, and our values as we look forward towards the future.

Here are a few simple tips for executing a personal responsibility plan for 2019 and beyond: Practice and master the art of gratitude. I believe that gratitude is the

Be honest about successes and failures. Be willing to take a good hard

Do your own personal “Year in Review.” Look back at the previous year’s

look at past actions/outcomes so that you can manage and set more realistic future expectations and goals. In order to live our most authentic lives, we must always be honest about who we are, who we wish to become, and most importantly, we must know the difference between the two.

Was it time well invested, or was it simply time wasted?

Refocus your time, energy, and attention on the people and things that will get you closer to your goals and help you grow personally and professionally.

key to unlocking life’s abundance and makes every day worth living and certainly worth looking forward to.

events, meetings, engagements, projects, and personal/professional connections, and ask yourself three questions:

Did I follow through/follow up or get the outcome desired? Did the action improve my life or put me in a better position socially, emotionally, spiritually or financially? Clarify your vision/purpose. Make

sure you understand what you want to do, why you want to do it, and how you expect to get it done, as it relates to your personal or professional vision/mission.

Evaluate your gifts, talents, and abilities. No matter what the clichés

may lead us to believe, we can be good at a lot of things but at some point, we must choose what areas of life and vocation we want to master and focus on doing just that. So, never let it be said that you were a “Jack (or Jill) of many trades, but master of none.” For the record, that’s not a compliment.

Partner and build relationships with people who believe in you and who want to see you win! This is not one of those areas of life where we can afford to lie to ourselves or misrepresent what we know to be true. If the people who we are currently partnering with don’t openly and/or publicly show support for our vision or mission, they are probably not true supporters. Real support is always evidenced by action.

Treat people with respect, even when relationships come to an end. It’s important to avoid publicly shaming, embarrassing, or in any way humiliating those who we were once in relationship with. Yes, sometimes it’s necessary to burn bridges but it’s never necessary to set people on fire along with the bridges we burn.

Set personal and professional goals, and write them down. One

of the things I value most in life is my time. And, because I value it, I make sure to steward it well through deliberate and effective goal setting. Personally, I recommend setting S.M.A.R.T.E.R. goals, instead of just S.M.A.R.T (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound) goals. S.M.A.R.T.E.R. goals have an “Evaluate and Revise or Reward” component that makes the goals even more effective. If goal-setting and follow through are areas of your life that are challenging, overwhelming and/ or cumbersome for you, it would be in your best interest to identify and hire a professional life or business coach to help you identify ways to overcome this. Once you find the right coach to support your vision, you’ll find this to be the best investment you’ll ever make.

Above all, take care of yourself. Make sure to put self-care and self-advocacy at the top of your list for 2019. Caring for and investing in the wellbeing of others is fulfilling and often necessary. However, caring for and investing in ourselves is the key to living a peace-filled, abundant, and purpose-fulfilling life. I wish you a purposeful, powerful, productive, and limitless 2019 and beyond!

Deep belief and warm regards, Coach Payton

Create an asset list for your life.

Just as we often take an inventory of our possessions or the things in our homes, offices, etc. in the event of unforeseen circumstances such as fire or burglary, I believe we must also have a personal asset list or inventory of those whom we have allowed to be in our lives. The list should assess the value that they add to our lives and clearly define why they are there.

IMPORTANT FACTS FOR BIKTARVY®

This is only a brief summary of important information about BIKTARVY and does not replace talking to your healthcare provider about your condition and your treatment.

(bik-TAR-vee)

MOST IMPORTANT INFORMATION ABOUT BIKTARVY

POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF BIKTARVY

BIKTARVY may cause serious side effects, including:

BIKTARVY may cause serious side effects, including: } Those in the “Most Important Information About BIKTARVY” section. } Changes in your immune system. Your immune system may get stronger and begin to fight infections. Tell your healthcare provider if you have any new symptoms after you start taking BIKTARVY. } Kidney problems, including kidney failure. Your healthcare provider should do blood and urine tests to check your kidneys. If you develop new or worse kidney problems, they may tell you to stop taking BIKTARVY. } Too much lactic acid in your blood (lactic acidosis), which is a serious but rare medical emergency that can lead to death. Tell your healthcare provider right away if you get these symptoms: weakness or being more tired than usual, unusual muscle pain, being short of breath or fast breathing, stomach pain with nausea and vomiting, cold or blue hands and feet, feel dizzy or lightheaded, or a fast or abnormal heartbeat. } Severe liver problems, which in rare cases can lead to death. Tell your healthcare provider right away if you get these symptoms: skin or the white part of your eyes turns yellow, dark “tea-colored” urine, light-colored stools, loss of appetite for several days or longer, nausea, or stomach-area pain. } The most common side effects of BIKTARVY in clinical studies were diarrhea (6%), nausea (6%), and headache (5%).

} Worsening of Hepatitis B (HBV) infection. If you

have both HIV-1 and HBV, your HBV may suddenly get worse if you stop taking BIKTARVY. Do not stop taking BIKTARVY without first talking to your healthcare provider, as they will need to check your health regularly for several months.

ABOUT BIKTARVY BIKTARVY is a complete, 1-pill, once-a-day prescription medicine used to treat HIV-1 in adults. It can either be used in people who have never taken HIV-1 medicines before, or people who are replacing their current HIV-1 medicines and whose healthcare provider determines they meet certain requirements. BIKTARVY does not cure HIV-1 or AIDS. HIV-1 is the virus that causes AIDS. Do NOT take BIKTARVY if you also take a medicine that contains: } dofetilide } rifampin } any other medicines to treat HIV-1

BEFORE TAKING BIKTARVY Tell your healthcare provider if you: } Have or have had any kidney or liver problems,

These are not all the possible side effects of BIKTARVY. Tell your healthcare provider right away if you have any new symptoms while taking BIKTARVY.

including hepatitis infection. } Have any other health problems. } Are pregnant or plan to become pregnant. It is not known if BIKTARVY can harm your unborn baby. Tell your healthcare provider if you become pregnant while taking BIKTARVY. } Are breastfeeding (nursing) or plan to breastfeed. Do not breastfeed. HIV-1 can be passed to the baby in breast milk.

You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit www.FDA.gov/medwatch, or call 1-800-FDA-1088. Your healthcare provider will need to do tests to monitor your health before and during treatment with BIKTARVY.

HOW TO TAKE BIKTARVY

Tell your healthcare provider about all the medicines you take:

Take BIKTARVY 1 time each day with or without food.

} Keep a list that includes all prescription and over-the-

counter medicines, antacids, laxatives, vitamins, and herbal supplements, and show it to your healthcare provider and pharmacist.

} This is only a brief summary of important information

} BIKTARVY and other medicines may affect each other.

Ask your healthcare provider and pharmacist about medicines that interact with BIKTARVY, and ask if it is safe to take BIKTARVY with all your other medicines.

Get HIV support by downloading a free app at

MyDailyCharge.com

GET MORE INFORMATION about BIKTARVY. Talk to your healthcare provider or pharmacist to learn more.

} Go to BIKTARVY.com or call 1-800-GILEAD-5. } If you need help paying for your medicine,

visit BIKTARVY.com for program information.

BIKTARVY, the BIKTARVY Logo, DAILY CHARGE, the DAILY CHARGE Logo, KEEP PUSHING, LOVE WHAT’S INSIDE, GILEAD, and the GILEAD Logo are trademarks of Gilead Sciences, Inc., or its related companies. Version date: December 2018 © 2019 Gilead Sciences, Inc. All rights reserved. BVYC0102 01/19

KEEP PUSHING.

Because HIV doesn’t change who you are. BIKTARVY® is a complete, 1-pill, once-a-day prescription medicine used to treat HIV-1 in certain adults. BIKTARVY does not cure HIV-1 or AIDS.

Ask your healthcare provider if BIKTARVY is right for you. To learn more, visit BIKTARVY.com.

Please see Important Facts about BIKTARVY, including important warnings, on the previous page and visit BIKTARVY.com.

| COMMUNITY NEWS

by Rayceen Pendarvis, HRH

here are very few people to whom the term â&#x20AC;&#x153;overnight successâ&#x20AC;? actually applies. They are out there, but they are the exception to the rule. Most of us have to be persistent and resilient. If you want to achieve something and are ready to do the work, please keep reading.

Photo Credits Jeff Salmore

Persistent and Resilient You have to pay your dues.

Have the humility to start at an entry level position. Your talent, skill, and ingenuity will determine how quickly you move up. If you want to be a DJ, model, or performer, you may have to work free gigs before you find paying ones. It may not pay, but it will look good on your résumé.

It is never too late. Don’t let

other people dictate your timeline. People can have many careers. You can develop a new skill. Paint, sing, cook, write a book, go back to school, or start that non-profit organization. If you have the energy and ability, then you’re not too old.

Stay in your lane.

Everything isn’t for everybody. If you are collaborating with people, please keep this in mind. I had to learn this all over again when Zar became Production Director of The Ask Rayceen Show and later created Team Rayceen. If we both stay in our respective lanes, everything runs more efficiently.

Let other people shine.

The success of other people does not diminish what you do. Celebrate their achievements. I’ve had the opportunity to watch people I’ve known for years, such as Dominique Jackson on the FX series Pose and comedian Sampson, have tremendous accomplishments recently. Their successes bring me joy. I celebrate them and they pay homage to me. That’s how it should be. Besides, nobody likes a hater.

Tolerate people you don’t like.

Sometimes we have to collaborate with people who are unpleasant. That’s life; some people will annoy you. As long as they don’t disrespect you, learn to tolerate them. Not everyone is meant to be your friend.

If you need help, ask for it.

Sometimes all you have to do is tell people what you need. Send that text, make that phone call, or post on social media. People may have the answer you seek or the solution to your dilemma. It is sometimes as easy as that.

There are many things you can achieve, but you have to put forth the effort. Take risks and be ready to succeed in ways you didn’t imagine. Find the best way to utilize what you have, and the results may surprise you.

Be ready to do it yourself. Sometimes you will have to do things on your own. Maybe everyone else is busy or maybe they don’t want to help. Whatever the reason, you have to be ready to do what you have to do, so have backup plans.

COMMUNITY NEWS |

Plan ahead and make lists.

Do things incrementally, so that you are not overwhelmed. Do things ahead of time, so that you are not rushed. Be deliberate. If you are unprepared, people will notice.

Details matter. Spelling

and grammar always counts! Everything you do is an audition for what you want to do next. People will evaluate you based on how you present yourself, so always do your best. As Sheryl Lee Ralph says, you don’t have to get ready if you stay ready.

Be prepared to fail. We all

have missteps. Some ideas look good on paper but ultimately don’t work out. There are always unexpected problems. Learn from your mistakes and move on. Be resilient.

Social media is free.

This is particularly important for anyone who wants to do something in the field of entertainment. Having a social media presence is essential. That is how people will find you and connect with you. Keep it updated! Not everyone can be like me, Queen of the Shameless Plug, but you should always have information about your upcoming events posted. Be consistent on all social media platforms. Most importantly, don’t mix business with pleasure. Don’t post about your relationship on your business account. And don’t post anything you wouldn’t want to go viral. Rayceen Pendarvis is an emcee, event producer, social media personality, community advocate, and lifelong Washingtonian. For more information about Rayceen, please visit AskRayceen.com and Rayceen.com.

| SPIRITUALITY

I’m Living My Best Life:

I Ain’t Going Back and Forth with you Folks! By: Dr. Lakara Foster, DMin I am a medium and a minister. I believe in Osun and Jesus. I possess a cross and crystals. I take communion in church and give offerings to the river. I believe in God and I believe that a Goddess dwells within me. Some people will be confused by this and call me a heretic while others will find this admission liberating and consider me a hero. Either way, I will live. 2018 was the year I released all the “damns” I had left to give. I am walking into 2019 with a fresh anointing, new energy, and more power than I’ve ever felt.

Here are three crucial pieces of advice for those who are ready to walk in their full power this year. Leave all your “damns” at the door of 2018: When the clock struck midnight going into 2018, I left behind every “damn” I had left to give. I knew I would have to do this if I was going to finally operate in the likeness and image of God. I have been a real estate agent, a guidance counselor, and a professor. I have also been a receptionist, a barista, and a camp counselor. Even while working all of these jobs, I practiced mediumship. While I didn’t practice in hiding, I certainly did not go around speaking about my unusual gift of being able to communicate with the departed. Several months ago, I went to get a m`ssage, and while filling out the new client paperwork, on the line of the questionnaire that asks for your profession, I wrote down professor. After the massage, the therapist who also specializes in Reiki said that my throat chakra was blocked. I was appalled, thinking, “how is this possible when I talk all day?” She said, “You may talk, but are you telling the truth.” I realized that there still was one truth I had left to tell. I am a medium, and it was time to tell the world about who and what God was calling me to do which is to bring healing, closure, and peace to others. God wants us to live in truth and freedom in every area of our lives. Free from doubt, fear, and anxiety. Free from the expectations, judgment, and envy of others. John 8:36 tells us, “He who the son sets free is free indeed.” You have already been set free so do not choose to return to bondage by loading your spirit with the things that will weigh you down and delay your destiny. Began making a list of things that you feel you are holding you back from achieving your life’s dream and leave them at the threshold of 2018.

SPIRITUALITY |

Stop caring what others think and stop thinking that others care: As a medium, I am surrounded by departed souls who have left the earthly plane, and every spiritual reading reminds me that it is inevitable that we will one day join our loved ones in heaven, but until then we are commanded to live this life to the fullest. My Bishop, O.C. Allen, once said, “Your greatest deliverance will be from the opinion of others.” Many people spend their lives stuck in fear of what others think about them. They stay trapped in jobs, loveless marriages, passionless relationships, unfulfilling friendships, or spiritless churches because they allow society to dictate how they should live their lives. We are conditioned to project happiness on social media but then suffer in silence in our real lives. Guess what? Life is short and the older you get, the more you realize that the only opinion of your life that matters is yours. Rapper Lil Duval inspired many of us with his summer hit, “Smile” that climbed to number one on the Billboard charts. In the song, he affirms he is living his best life, but the condition is he is no longer distracted by or giving energy to people who are not aligned with his purpose. If you want to live in your full power and potential, you now have everything you need to truly make 2019 your best year ever.

Get Free or Die Trying: I was having a conversation with Emmy winning songwriter and artist B. Slade about why people choose to stay in situations that no longer serve them but drain them emotionally, financially, mentally, and spiritually when he simply said, “Some people prefer familiar bondage over foreign freedom.” I felt like he punched me in the stomach because the truth of his words resonated in my soul. I had been that person trapped in an abusive situation and fearing the worst would happen if I decided to leave. But one day, sitting on the cold bathroom floor with my abuser standing on the other side of the door, threatening my life and declaring I would die the moment I emerged, I had a choice to make. I said to God, “I don’t want to die” and I heard God say, “Why? You ain’t been living!” I decided I had too much purpose left in me to die that day. My life had been paid for by the blood of Jesus, and here I was wasting it trying to make a jealous and insecure person feel whole. I hadn’t caused that pain, and they were responsible for their emotional health. I had been called to this world to bring healing to the feminine perspective but had been selfishly unfocused and unconsciously distracted. That day I decided I would get free or die trying. I prayed and told God that if I were allowed to walk away from this situation, I would spend everyday living and serving in my purpose. That was three years ago. I have kept that promise.

| COMMUNITY NEWS

Discovering Gender D

Evie P

iscovering Gender is a photojournalism venture that advocates for the humanity of gender non-conforming and/or transgender individuals through a combination of photography and personal narrative. My wife and I - who happen to be gender non-conforming - created the project because of our own frequent, disconcerting encounters with people in public spaces. We scoured the Internet looking for dialogue addressing the topic, but came up short. Thus, we founded DGP on the belief that other folks out there were having similar, uncomfortable experiences as they navigated their daily lives, but few outlets were openly discussing it.

Since the launch, we have spoken to so many people who regularly encounter biased treatment because of their gender identity and/or presentation. Some of them refuse to make eye contact with people in retail stores because they fear the judgement that is so often reflected in the facial expressions of others. Most of them are uncomfortable in - or afraid to use - public restrooms because of how people react to them in these spaces. Many struggle to be their most authentic selves in their workplaces because they fear discrimination from clients, customers, superiors, or colleagues. Theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re hesitant to travel without first researching the cultural climate of their intended destinations.

COMMUNITY NEWS |

Latoya H

It can even be difficult to find supportive, accepting medical care in many areas. These negative experiences are often accompanied by a lack of familial, or social understanding, which leaves many people feeling isolated, or alone. While it is easy to imagine that there are open-minded, urban utopias where gender non-conforming/ transgender individuals are embraced and supported, our conversations so far have painted a different picture. Gender-based prejudice seems to exist no matter where you live. We have spoken to people from small town Virginia to big city California and have heard similar stories about the day-to-day struggle to live openly as a GNC/transgender person. Throughout the United States (and world) people are still fighting every day to lead rich, full lives free from the social stigma that so often accompanies gender. The Discovering Gender Project

Steve S works to end some of that isolation and stigmatization by highlighting the everyday humanity of GNC/trans humans. We use the power of storytelling to demonstrate that GNC/transgender individuals are valid, vibrant parts of our larger communities. DGP is a platform for marginalized people to share their tales of triumph over adversity. It offers encouragement to those that may feel left out, disheartened, or confused. Most importantly, it is a beautiful reminder of the strength and resilience that are required to live outside of the traditional gender binary in our current society. We are visiting cities/towns in all 48 contiguous United States over the next two years to photograph and interview participants. We are currently looking for GNC/trans individuals that are interested in educating, empowering,

and encouraging others by sharing their stories with us. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be travelling through Memphis at the end of March. To learn more about who we are, what we do, and how to get involved - visit discoveringgender.org, or @discoveringgender on Instagram.

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FASHION |

he Eric Green Collection, T with its attention to detail, originality, and sophistication,

is designed for the woman who cherishes the unique, appreciates artistry and wants to make a statement.

ERIC GREEN COLLECTION ERICGREENCOLLECTION.COM

The designer, Eric Green, incorporates gems, semi-precious and natural stones in these one-of-a-kind pieces with the intent to capture the authentic beauty of nature, to create wearable art. Each piece is hand-crafted with meticulous attention to detail and may be customized for the wearer. The New York Times called Eric Green Collection “wonderfully imaginative jewelry.” His custom-made pieces and innovative designs have been featured in runway shows, private exhibits and fine art galleries around the world, including New York, Atlanta, Orlando, New Orleans, and Ghana, West Africa. Eric’s collections are inspired by his travels around the globe. During a trip to Paris and London in 2017, he was inspired to create some of his best artisan pieces made of beautiful Venetian glass, Freshwater Pearls and natural stones. Bursts of color from sienna to chartreuse, large oddlyshaped stones and small prismatic gems are featured throughout the collection. “I try to share my bold thoughts, exotic journeys and love of color. Semi-precious and natural stones provide an organic feel to each piece that allows my client to see and experience the texture of the material. That’s why every piece is special and oneof-a-kind,” Green explains. Born and raised in Sanford, Florida, Green learned the importance of being focused and goal oriented at an early age. As a

child, his parents encouraged him to work diligently, be creative and to seek opportunities. He admired the local, small business owners for their commitment to family and community, and aspired one day to build his own business. Mr. Green received his Bachelor of Science degree from Florida A&M University (FAMU). After completing studies for his Master of Applied Science at FAMU, he relocated to Orlando and began to focus on building Eric Green Collection.

Through his work, Green seeks to help others fully express their individual personalities, to claim their own unique style and stand out in a crowd of the overcommercialized, bland and boring. Whether you are a celebrity, a working professional or a committed philanthropist, if you want to make a statement about your sophisticated style, there’s a piece in the collection just for you.

by Thaddeus Coates

AZARIAN CONNECTIONS 26

hen you mention happiness what comes to mind? Is it the excitement of signing to a modeling agency or maybe it is releasing your first book? Well in Thaddeus Coates case, it is both. The six-foot six model currently signed to Bridge Models has been living his best life in a BIG way. The New York native literally broke the door off the hinges in 2018 with the help of a few viral tweets showcasing his dance moves to popular HipHop and K-POP songs, an animation collection with a burst of 90’s and 2000’s nostalgia featuring some of his childhood cartoons and those of popular movies and an infamous pitch for a Bring It On reboot that caught Gabrielle Union’s attention. Being a unique model, which seems to be absent in many fashion shows and campaigns, Coates made his dream a reality with the power of social media. Creating multiple artistic images used to promote body inclusively, Coates known by many as the artist “Hippy Potter” is becoming a known figure for today’s generations on both sides of the coin. Crafting together hand drawn works of art that look like him (and numerous others around the globe) Coates has garnered the attention of several publications that have highlighted his vivid captions of daily life in his works of art. Letting it be known that everybody is someone’s fantasy, Coates is redefining the way beauty is being taken in and it is simply genius. Whether you are worthy, confident, enough or handsome, we all are a shade of beautiful in the eyes of Hippy Potter. Representing all of those shades of beauty, Coates found his way into not one but two of American Eagles’ jean

campaigns supporting the equality for all when it comes to finding the most comfortable jeans, you’ll ever wear. As part of the Ne(X)t Level jeans campaign Coates feels right at home as he can “never quite find a pair of jeans that compliment” his shape. Designed to fit you in all of the right places, “Ne(X)t Level is BEYOND everything you’ve felt. Similar, Coates mission mirrors that of AE’s Ne(X)t Level Flex campaign as you feel not just his passion in the strokes of his art but his personality when he enters the room. As can be said as he lit up the runway for ‘The Real Walk’ an event put together by notable ANTM alum Khrystyna back in December of last year. Capturing moments of pop culture and real-life issues in his animation, Hippy Potter is bringing his Black Boy Joy to the forefront of this generation as one of its queer pioneers. From the pages of his first book “SHINE: The Podderite Chronicles” a children’s book follows six futuristic Afro-Punk children as they uncovered their heritage and birthright, a common theme that can be found in many of Hippy Potter’s original works. Displaying elements of himself in his art, Coates feels that there isn’t a lot of representation of queer artists of color who place themselves in their art, something Coates wish existed 10 years ago when he first fell in love with art. Coates wants to leave his impact in all forms but only in a fashion that feels natural to him, as authenticity has been the key to his success and representation matters. In February 2018 Coates redesigned Black History month with his creative talents for his series “28 Days of Gems” celebrating black cartoons.

Coates compiles all 28 characters in the series in the form of one poster in which he raffles off to one lucky winner after the campaign ends.

SPECIAL CONTRIBUTOR | RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

Keyless Keyless Entry Entry into into 2019 2019 by ParKer Bryant

“Where does true freedom come from?” The year 2018 presented us with so many eye-awakening experiences, and if we were willing to look, new visions of growth and expansions presented themselves, but not until we opened our eyes and thoroughly examined the not-so-aesthetically pleasing images of the actual conditions of our heart and mind. If you’re anything like me, when I gained the courage to uncover my eyes to the person within, I saw myself locked in individual cages from life experiences that continued to hold me hostage. Different versions of myself were imprisoned in solitary confinement while the image I presented to the world spoke nothing of my personal enslavement.

RELATIONSHIP ADVICE |

So, I asked myself again, “Where does true freedom come from?” As we travel into the new beginnings of 2019 with limitless potential to harness our divine essence of being, repositioning ourselves in our freedom walk is imperative. What do I mean by that? You can no longer fake it until you make it. Pseudo-authenticity does not possess the character traits to operate at the altitude in which divine groups of souls are operating. Looking good on the outside and doing the bare minimum to gain the appearance of evolution and growth will fall short every time in 2019. We often wonder, why do people lie? Not only do we ponder the behaviors of lying and of the liar, but we also set strict boundaries in our lives against those who do, in order to protect ourselves. But why? Lying is the entrapment of thoughts and behaviors that result in falsified conclusions seemingly reasoned with massive amounts of projection. Deep right? What’s more endangering is when the behaviors of lying are within the self, about self, to self, and because of self. Lying to ourselves is a self-injurious cancer-like behavior that slowly rids us of our credentials to recovery and divine power. Also, it displays all over us even when we don’t want it. We engage in internal wars that scream for validation from comments, likes, and reposts. And in a time where self-love and self-care are trending, we find the best captions in hopes of distorting the truth about ourselves. However, we don’t have to live this way anymore. There is a journey of self-truth that awaits us, but we must be willing to accept it.

What will be our freedom in 2019? Your freedom comes when you realize you don’t have to experience life the way you’ve been told you had to. Giving ourselves back to ourselves in 2019 is the ultimate source of our continued freedom. We must discontinue having the form of self-love and divine essence, yet lacking the power thereof, and thus lacking the ability to overcome hardships and internal battles. We must say no to toxic cycles of falsifying our image while being tremendously broken on the inside. The cages of excuses and victimhood have held us hostage for far too long. The moment I stopped feeling sorry for myself was the moment I experienced the freedom of truth and understanding that seemed to lift years of generational curses and situational traumas from my life. The second I denounced the lies that told me about who I had to be, was the moment I permitted myself to fall deeply in love with my truth. I started taking risks and believing in my ability to attain the once unattainable. I became overtaken by gratitude because, at the end of the day, when you look back over it all, we are the winners, and we have every right to win over and over again. See, when you make up in your mind to divorce the older version of yourself that requires past pains, insults, and injuries to validate its survival, is when you’ll be embraced by forgiveness and no longer live in a space of emotional and mental frailty. Now, I ask myself why people tell and live in their truth unapologetically; it’s because they want to be free, and there are no boundaries within your authentic truth. Free your mind, heart, body, and soul, and the rest will follow. ParKer Bryant

FINDING MYSELF THROUGH FAILURE

by Renair Amin

s I look back over my life. I realized that I have a story to tell. I did not have the same emotional ringing in my ears after sharing about addiction recovery, domestic violence, sexual assault or any of the trials that I have survived in my life. I even felt that I was finally getting healed from anger that I had with God. That was the most difficult part. At one point my anger with God felt like blasphemy so I had to step away from organized religion to address my feelings.

Yes! I was healed! I was better! I was wrong! Very!

New Year’s Eve of 2017, I arrived home at 11:40 p.m. and was soundly in bed by 11:55 p.m. I just wanted to sleep the memories of the past year away. The year 2017, had taken my job, income, and marriage and basically, life as I knew it. Years prior I lost my church, ministry and my family – my mother and brother. At that point I felt I had nothing else to lose. Despite my tragedies I held onto starting 2018 from a place of hope. So, I decided to meet a few friends in New Jersey to find out. When 2018 opened up, I was

working at my friend’s restaurant as a bartender to cover my living expenses since I was now sleeping in her spare bedroom. I had no steady income and was living off the gifts of my pit crew (a.k.a. village). My life was in shambles and I was in a massive state of depression. Just a few months before, I had moved out of my marital home and was emotionally preparing to begin my divorce process.

I remember arguing New Year’s Day.

I mean really arguing with someone about how I deserved to be treated and then it hit me – nothing about 2018 would be different because I was still bringing “me” to the table. Nothing about my mindset was different. I had the same behavior, and I was granting people in my life the same permissions. I had to be real with myself and not in a New Year’s resolution kind of way. It was time for a true heart-to-heart.

I asked myself three pressing questions: What kind of life did I truly want to live? What did I believe I deserved? What could be done different so that I could live that life and receive what I deserve? The answer to those seemingly simple questions turned out to be a painful process. In being honest with myself, I realized how far off my thinking was from the life I truly desired. Subconsciously, I had hidden behind the image of who I (as well as others) thought that I was. In order to live in my truth, I had to first start accepting me. I now understood that healing had to take place internally in order to become the person I truly desired. My first step to healing was to seek counseling. I also began a regular meditation practice and journaled more consistently. In addition, I began taking better care of myself physically, as well as emotionally. The year 2018, has been one of the most pivotal times of my life. Thanks to those three questions, I was able to acknowledge a truth that I was afraid to admit. I did not believe I deserved the life I truly desired. All my actions spoke to that truth. I was attracting the negative energy of my thoughts in the form of people and allowed the actions they committed against me. Once I came to terms with my revelation and began implementing a new lens, I rescinded all the permissions that I had given out. I had a new respect for myself. I reevaluated who was in my life. I questioned how I showed up in their life, too. I started the process of dismantling my old self in order to rebuild and reinvent myself. I can honestly now say the pain was

worth it. Trust me. I did not think this when it was the storm. It was not until I was going back over my Law of Attraction journal that I could see the amazing things that came out of the storm. It was easy to miss the blessings by focusing on the losses.

ADVICE |

In 2018, I entered the Ms.

Full-Figured USA Beauty Pageant, during which time I was named Miss Congeniality. I also had the privilege of connecting with amazing people and experiencing new places like Bermuda. I even completed my project for my Doctorate that would allow me to begin my thesis. Even greater than that, I got to heal some relationships and found a new spiritual community. None of which seemed possible to me at the beginning of 2018.

Sadly, I lost some connections. I even had to face other situations that I did not expect. Thankfully, I have different tools should I need to do some maintenance on my new place in life. None of these wonderful things I am experiencing now would have happened, if I would have given up during my darkest hours. As I leave 2018, I leave with a new job, a rebranded business, a home and most of all a â&#x20AC;&#x153;meâ&#x20AC;? that is deserving of all that I believe for myself, and my life.

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