11 minute read
Editor’s Letter
from THE UNLEASHED VOICE MAGAZINE 2022 MAY-JUNE ISSUE MEET ANTOINETTE L. BURKS THE ANDROGYNOUS MODEL
It’s Healing Time
ON THE COVER:
Meet Antoinette L. Beeks the Season 3 winner of The Androgynous Model Contest. “The Androgynous Model” is an intentional, non-scripted, modeling competition show that encourages others to be brave in their journey to authenticity.
Gwendolyn D. Clemons
MBA, MSM, PRC Editor in Chief of TUV Media
@coachingwithgwen
@coachgwenclem_
Coach Gwen
The Greek definition of trauma as “WOUND” which we will
translate to emotional, physical, and or psychological. Trauma is the result of a negative event (s). It occurs when you feel emotionally or mentally hurt by something that has happened, and it may lead to post-traumatic stress disorder, which is commonly referred to as PTSD.
As we enter into TUV Magazine’s 7th year I can recall writing countless articles about trauma, pain, healing, relationships, selfcare, wellness, mental health, family, and transparently my own pain. Nevertheless, 2021 reignited a dire need for me to take some of my own advice by dipping into my trauma-informed care toolbox. The loss of family and friends has taken a mental toll on my coping skills which made me realize the importance of healing from my grief.
Marvin Gaye once sang that there are three things fo’ sho’: taxes, death, and trouble. 2021 provided me with too much of all three, LOL! I have learned that sigma and shame live in your hiding, and I refuse to give those two words power over me. The good thing about talking openly about your challenges is that you take control over the narrative and somehow in telling your story you’ll find someone dealing with a situation like yours or similar. I have found my happy place in talking daily and having mental check-ins with my spouse and close social circle. We’ve been through a lot in such a short time but guess what? We are Still here!
It's Healing Time ya’ll because we deserve to live out fully from traumatic pain and memories. There is hope and there are options available to you as opposed to living in Chronic Trauma! It is my hope that mental wellness, self-care, and self-awareness become your top 5 priorities going forward. This may look like a temporary priority or a lifelong way of living, either way you will benefit from doing the work.
In this issue we are giving a plethora of advice to guide you toward healing. As you read each article, we know that something written will reach you. How do we know? We know because we are speaking it into existence!
Trust the Process
Dr. Davin D. Clemons
DMin
What I want to share with you this May/June TUV edition begins in the Bible and without bragging, as one who has matriculated twice from seminary, once with a Master of Divinity degree and then secondly, with a Doctorate In Ministry, it is imperative that I must give truth to the text, as I preach to you in this edition. I want you to trust the process because trust is allowing what IS to be what it Is because if
you would learn to trust the process then you would discover that process does have a happy ending.
Trust can be defined as a means
of letting go of control and expectations. It means being relaxed enough at any moment to take effective action when needed or do
nothing when that is most helpful. Trust is an awareness that there’s
no need for anxiety about whatever happens because it’s all part of the journey of life. But in order to get to the end of the story one must understand the between the dash of your beginning and ending story because as Chris Bolgiano argues, “Unlike wolves, who seem in some subtle way to choose their prey for pursuit, cougars wait in hiding to make a short rush at any animal that happens by.” And so, this article is for you to understand and consider this word called process.
The process doesn’t mean it’s easy. Trusting the process will make you laugh. It will make you cry. It will make you cuss. It will make you fuss and sometimes it will make you act a damn fool! Excuse my tongue but trusting the process is hard ass HELL!
But when you are hungry for an expected end, you’ll gain a more prosperous, fuller experience by allowing life to happen without always trying to control what happens in between in order to get to the end. What do you do in a state hunger and frustration, negativity, bad attitudes, inconsistencies, rumors, disruptive behaviors, sicknesses, poverty, eviction notices, unforeseen pandemics, police reform, race critical theories and don’t say gay tension that’s in the middle of your beginning and ending while you wait on God?
While you are in the middle of tension, at the spark of negativity, God is trying to get you to shift your mindset, give you power to trust in knowing as that great theologian by the name of Paul once said in Romans 8:28, “And we know that all things work together for the good to who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”
In times of distress and trouble, the human side of you wants to control the process. You want to rush through everything. You want to push the process forward because you’re angry and frustrated. You want to stop while being in it because of indecision and inaction; have it your way, insisting that there is a better way out or second guessing where and what God has you in.
Whether you believe in God, a Higher Power, or something else that gives you hope. You can lean on Faith to move you through to the other side. For me, I believe God uses this life as a way to help us draw ever closer to Her, whether if she opens or shuts doors in our life, we owe our faith in Her. Even when
you’re in a sticky situation with no “process map,” you have to believe that God has a strategy and a plan to handle every obstacle or detour.
So, Trust the Process!
Meet the Season 3 winner of The Androgynous Model Contest, created, produced, and directed by Carolina native Nikki Eason. “The Androgynous Model” is an intentional, non-scripted, modeling competition show that encourages others to be brave in their journey to authenticity.
Q: Who are you? Tell us about yourself.
A: My Mother would describe me as “Her special child.” One who humbly stands out, is empathetic, creative, and an outgoing introvert. I am a lover of God, strengthened by the courage and energy He places on my path. A native of Greenville SC, I was born into a close and loving family. My secret love is playing the drums and composing beats. I’m a Biology graduate of Charleston Southern University. I’m also a nature enthusiast, revitalized in the presence of any scenic beach, waterfall, pool or lake.
This love of nature and science fuels my passion to help others eat whole and mindfully. This led me to become a Certified Health Coach at the Institute
of Integrative Nutrition. My book “After the Nest: The Culinary Edition” is a tool to help jumpstart your cooking journey, while achieving health and financial goals. It is available at afterthenestbook.com,
Amazon, and Barnes & Noble.
My most recent accomplishment is becoming Season 3 winner of The Androgynous Model, a reality show that encourages others to be brave in their journey to true self.
STAY CONNECTED
@wellcoachbeeks
@theandromodeltv
@wellcoachbeeks
antoinette.beeks.7
Book: After the Nest:
The Culinary Edition
Available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble Q: Why did you want to be a contestant on The Androgynous Model?
I love all things fashion! But it was something different about The Androgynous Model. I saw myself in the contestants. I began to accept that I was an anomaly and that there were women that looked and dressed like me, with both masculine and feminine energies. I was sold!
I am moved by the selfless love and tireless dedication Nikki Eason (Producer, Creator) has in showing androgynous people that they are unique, loved and belong in any industry. The show is the epitome of self-reflection and the blueprint to empowering the Androgynous individual to unapologetically stand out and be celebrated.
Q: What did you learn most about yourself during the competition?
I learned how to WIN! My mindset was that it was okay to just be okay, and not make any ripples when I did win. The Androgynous Model showed me how to celebrate me and appreciate my journey. In hindsight, it also taught me how to not miss the lesson in the challenges of life. To not go around or under a challenge, but through it because that’s where the victory awaits.
Q: As winner of The Androgynous Model what is next for you?
What isn’t next? I’m an open vessel, ready to use what I’ve learned from The Androgynous Model to complete what God has placed on my path. I am excited to use my platform to bridge overall feel-good wellness with modeling. Becoming the top Androgynous model in the fashion industry and having my own cooking show is on the horizon.
Q: What advice would you give other androgynous women?
I want them to know that we no longer have to accept what people just hand us. That we deserve excellence. That we can forge our own paths. Be courageous in sharing your journey. Somebody somewhere needs to know your testimony for their own survival. Celebrate you as you stand out. Be a proud anomaly
After Pain Comes HEALING HEALING
By Dr. Umieca N. Hankton
Ivividly recall learning how to ride a bike and the pain my body felt each time my knee or elbow hit the asphalt. For the life of me, I could not understand why my mother removed the training wheels from my unicorn bike or why she would not put them back on after witnessing my pain. Like many of you, I can remember my first heartbreak and believing I would never get over the lost love. And sadly, I also recall the pain of giving the doctors permission to remove my mother from life support. Each of these experiences reinforced my understanding that pain was inevitable. Asking for the return of the training wheels so that I would stop falling (AVOIDANCE), petitioning for a second chance at a failed relationship (AVOIDANCE), and asking to sustain my mother on life support a little longer (AVOIDANCE) were all instances in which I attempted to escape the coming of pain.
Just as the shore cannot control the ebb and flow of the ocean, we cannot control the arrival of pain. Pain is certain. Accepting that pain will happen shapes how we respond when it inevitably and inconveniently shows up. When we ready our minds to accept changes and shifts, we prepare our minds to take ownership and initiation of our healing. Embracing the reality that we cannot control when or how physical, psychological, or spiritual pain makes its presence known in our lives allows us to focus on what we can control, which is how we respond. Avoidance of pain leads to suffering and suffering is a choice. However, just as suffering is a choice, so is healing. Viewing life from a healing lens looks and feels better than experiencing life from the lens of hurt. So, how do we begin to heal?
Start with these simple tips:
1. DO NOT deny the presence of pain.
Pretending things are okay or that you are okay when you are not will not make the pain disappear. Avoidance of pain does not lead to growth and healing.
2. DO NOT hurt in silence, isolation, or dark
spaces because shame, hopelessness, and apathy grow in those conditions.
3. DO NOT stay in distressing environments.
Get out of spaces and away from people who flourish due to your pain. Misery loves miserable company and narcissists need someone to gaslight.
4. DO acknowledge your wounds to yourself and others. We cannot heal that which we
do not acknowledge.
5. DO seek support as soon as you can. There’s no need to wait until the pain becomes suffering or interferes with quality of life. We would not wait to seek medical
attention for a broken bone. Therefore, we should not wait to seek mental health treatment for an emotional injury.
6. DO connect with a mental health provider, which permits healing to occur sooner than later. Early intervention is vital.
7. DO strengthen your boundaries. After an emotional or physical injury, the body needs time and space to rest and regain strength. Limit the access of people who drain you of your emotional, spiritual, and financial resources, especially the “if I were you” folks.
8. DO prioritize your health and needs over the needs of others. Ensuring your needs are met is not a selfish action. Putting YOU first is an invaluable gift you offer to yourself that will also benefit others. A vehicle without fuel cannot travel, nor can you pour into others from an empty cup.
9. DO extend grace and forgiveness to yourself for the ways you had to survive that may not have been most helpful. You are human, deserving of forgiveness, kindness, and compassion. May you offer these gifts to yourself first.
Dr. Umieca Dr. Umieca N. Hankton N. Hankton
Dr. Hankton is a licensed clinical psychologist and the executive director of UNH Counseling Services. UNH Counseling Services is a private behavioral health agency that focuses on the health and wellness of Black women, LGBTQ+, clergy, and college students. Dr. Hankton provides clinical services to those located in TN, LA, TX, GA, WI, AL, D.C., IL, MN, & KY.
