The Unleashed Voice Magazine 2018 January/February "Life Issue"

| EDITOR’S LETTER

January+February 2018 | TUVMAG.COM 1

EDITOR’S LETTER |

After my diagnosis, it took me a while to accept the fact that being HIV-positive is not the end of the world: It’s just the beginning of a whole new way of life. The first meds I was prescribed gave me some bad side effects.

But I worked with my doctors to find a new one that was better for me. Now I feel great and my viral count is undetectable. That list of things you wanted to accomplish before you were diagnosed? It’s still possible if you stay in care and work with your doctor to find the treatment that’s best for you.

2 TUVMAG.COM | January+February 2018

“I’ m here.

I’ m living.

I’ m happy.

So take that, HIV.”

| EDITOR’S LETTER

Cedric

Living with HIV since 2012.

HIV

TREATMENT

WORKS

Get in care. Stay in care. Live well. cdc.gov/HIVTreatmentWorks January+February 2018 | TUVMAG.COM 3

Editor’s Letter

TEAM TUV

MORE THAN A MAGAZINE; WE’RE A MOVEMENT

As we enter into 2018, LIFE is full of joy and pain but we must remain consistent in order to make it.

Shawn M. Clemons

De’Mario Q. Jives

Eddie Wiley

Monick Monell

Administration/ Fashion Director

Creative Layout Designer

KEEP ON

RUNNING

O

n December 3, 2017 in Memphis, TN I ran in the St. Jude Marathon which was my first ever 26.2 mile run. To describe the agony of a marathon to someone who’s never run one is like trying to explain color to someone who was born blind. Marathon running is exhausting, painful, excruciating, and joyful. The great Jesse Owens said, “I always loved running… it was something you could do by yourself, and under your own power. You could go in any direction, fast or slow as you wanted, fighting the wind if you felt like it, seeking out new sights just on the strength of your feet and the courage of your lungs.” This description of running a marathon also describes the journey that we call life, a journey which comes with joy and pain. Everyone’s life is a journey that takes us to places we love, hate, or wish were totally different. Many of us spend most of our lives comparing ourselves to others, and this comparison can only serve to destroy your unique qualities and your inner self.

Life is a challenging mystery, but our objective should be to keep from giving in to the tests and trials that are set before us. Those are the places where we must dig deeper, deeper and deeper to accomplish all that we envision for ourselves.

Many times, we want to quit when we cannot figure out what God, the Universe -- or whomever you believe in -- is doing in a particular situation.

But those are the times when that higher being is testing your faith... because your faith must be tested! In those moments, the answer that you are waiting for is sitting right there in your presence, right in your face, so just open your eyes. During

4 TUVMAG.COM | January+February 2018

By: Dr. Davin D. Clemons, DMin.

that marathon, I wanted to quit so badly, so many times, but I understood that the pain I endured was not for me -- it was for other individuals who were watching me and depending on me to make it. You must remember that many are watching you and depending on you to pass or fail the test in front of you. So your motivation must be the SUCCESS of FINISHING! As we enter into 2018, LIFE is full of joy and pain but we must remain consistent in order to make it.

While we know consistency is the key to success and accomplishments in sports, in marathons and in life, it is also the hardest to master, especially this time of the year. However, your acquisition and mastery of any skill, technique, or lifestyle change will demand that consistency from you. Remember that LIFE is marathon, not a race. So keep a consistent pace in the battle that you are fighting. The war may not be over, but as long you keep on running, you can still win that battle.

AIDS/ HIV Correspondent

Whitney Johnson Chief Editor

Ravell Slayton Project Manager

New York Correspondent

Renae Taylor

Transgender Correspondent

K. Déaunta Edwards Contributing Writer

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CONTENTS BIZZIE MONROE 10

22

MONIKA PICKETT

K. Déaunta Edwards 13

04 KEEP ON RUNNING

Davin D. Clemons, DMin, Editor

06 CROSS & CROWN

Gwendolyn D. Clemons, Editor

07 RING THE ALARM Orisha Bowers

08 YOU CAN’T FIX WHAT’S NOT BROKEN Jose Vegas

14 BAYARD RUSTIN TUV Staff

20 BLACK LGBTQ POWER 100 Waddie Grant

26 FREE YOURSELF IN THE NEW YEAR

18

Rayceen Pendarvis, HRH

30 FINANCIAL RESOLUTIONS FOR 2018 Malcolm “MJ“ Harris

January+February 2018 | TUVMAG.COM 5

Editor’s Letter

You Can’t Get The

CROWN Until You Bear The

CROSS! Gwendolyn D. Clemons

S

Publisher Editor-in-Chief

itting at my computer to proofread my original article for this magazine, I realized I wasn’t satisfied with the read. So I deleted it. It is Christmas morning, literally, and we are behind our production schedule because I am still pondering my article for this issue. The “Aha!” moment finally came with the delivery of news of a friend’s death. Funny how death never fails to inspire the living.

As I mentioned, it is Christmas morning, and I had been the one to take the devastating call. Now it would be my job to deliver the news to my wife that one of her longtime friends had passed away. I didn’t want to tell her, but I also did not want her to find out through social media or hear the news from someone who may not be as sensitive to her fragility as I am. So while the masses were celebrating Jesus’ birthday, we were stricken with the news of death and the spirit of mourning. What an oxymoronic moment!

I slowly walk into the bathroom where the love of my life is joyfully prepping her hair and singing. She can tell by the look on my face that something is wrong. I gently stroke her shoulder, look at her pretty brown eyes, and deliver the news.

For a moment, time stops as she falls onto my shoulder and sobs loudly. We both cry and embrace each other as I remind her about the fond memories they had made. Again, I am reminded what’s important in this world… HEALTH, LOVE, AND HAPPINESS!

in 2017. It seemed that death had come knocking every other month to remind us of its inevitable visit. Instead of allowing death to win, I made a choice to take back the power of the sting and turn it back on death.

Isn’t it funny that the fullness of life suddenly becomes clear when you are sitting at a funeral of a loved one; how important health becomes when you are faced with a dire diagnosis; how meaningful protecting your happiness becomes when you’ve faced long term agony; how profoundly you appreciate love for love after years of heartbreaks; how respectful you become of the value of money after being homeless or unemployed?

This brings me to my point: You can’t the get crown until you bear the cross! Have you ever wondered how it is that those who seemingly aren’t even doing right wind up so immensely blessed? I used to think this way until I understood that this kind of thinking supports the common sources of confusion, discouragement, despair, premature abortions of goals, and so much more. If you are not careful, this kind of thinking will keep you on life’s highway traveling to a place called “nowhere.” This place will show you not so much your failure, but the victories and triumphs of the wicked. The lies the world tells us will leave us on an unsatisfying quest for the imaginary achievements of conformity and validation. We see it all the time as the rich and famous compel us to live vicariously in a world that many of us can only hope and dream for.

This may cause many of us to shout, “We want our Crown now!”

We want our promises fulfilled -- you know, the things we hear about Sunday after Sunday as the pastor prophesies over our lives about what is to come. Where is it? We want it now -- so our minds tell us! This reminds me of the story of Jesus Christ, when they tried to crown him too soon. Jesus went into hiding because they were trying to Crown him before they Crossed him.

He was aware that it’s the crosses we bear in life that will earn us our crowns.

2018 is coming y’all, whether we are ready or not! So as we usher in this New Year, I offer this lesson I have learned to apply in my life when confronted with a crossroad. Albert Einstein once said, “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” In other words, change the way you think and you can change your world. Don’t miss the steps to getting your crown because you missed the principles to this game called life!

RIP Matthew “Stack” Mitchell

My family (both sides) wrestled with the death angel six times

Send all stories and articles to: info@tuvmag.com Advertising inquiries: ads@tuvmag.com Deadline for ALL ADS: February 10, 2018 6 TUVMAG.COM | January+February 2018

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MAR+APR 2018

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| COMMUNITY NEWS

Ring The

O

Alarm

ur core goals at SisterReach are to equip students and parents with scientifically accurate, age appropriate sexual health information, empower students to make healthy choices, and ensure that all students learn about their bodies, prevent unplanned pregnancy and STI’s and confidently make decisions about their health.

For us, comprehensive sexuality education is basic and required healthcare. To deny access to vital life-saving information is a death sentence – particularly for cis and queer youth of color.

According to the Memphis Chamber of Commerce, “The Memphis metro area has 18 public school districts and more than 250,000 students. Schools annually attract national recognition and honors for the innovative programs and academic excellence provided to students of all ages. With so many choices, parents in Memphis have the opportunity to choose what will truly be best for their child.”

Yet with these amazing options available to parents there is no mention of the Family Life Curriculum state policy known as the “No Hand Holding Law” that was passed in July 1, 2012 or that this policy mandates abstinence based sexual education curriculum. Shelby County Schools is only teaching the current sexual education curriculum in 20 schools with the highest risk behavior. Shelby County Schools changed from an optout to an opt-in policy which means parents must send a signed consent form allowing their teen to participate in sexual education classes in school.

Shelby County became a unified school district in 2013, resulting in the closure of several public schools and leaving vulnerable teens without sex education access.

These policies make it almost impossible for groups like SisterReach to receive access to teach in public schools.

In fact, organizations can receive a fine of up to $500 per student for non-compliance. However, the need for comprehensive sexual education is a city-wide problem.

Local research conducted at the University of Memphis

by Dr. David Ciscel on the Economic Impact of Teen Pregnancy validates the correlation between a lack of sexual health education and unplanned pregnancy and the costs and loss of income associated with an unexpected teen pregnancy. Research also substantiates that these same issues are intergenerational.

SisterReach has stated time and time again that abstinence based education is out of step with national and international standards and that comprehensive sex education is a highly recommended national standard.

Furthermore, SisterReach predicts high rates of STD/ STIs due to heightened advertisement of long acting reversible contraception absent of comprehensive sex ed. SisterReach has surveyed parents, teachers and students. Students report that they “don’t have all the information they need to make safe decisions about their bodies.” Parents want their children to receive accurate health information, and teachers have expressed a “lack of knowledge about what they can and can’t teach their students. Concurrently, 90% of youth believe that “they do not have all the information they need about sex and their bodies.” Centers for Disease Control released a report in September of 2017 that stated, “Tennessee ranked 16th among the 50 states in the number of HIV diagnoses in 2015.”

Facts about Shelby County Teen Pregnancy rates have decreased, however, STI infection rates have increased.

• Shelby County’s rates of HIV Infection, Gonorrhea and Chlamydia are more than double the national rates and teen pregnancy rates are 40% higher than the national rates.

• In 2013, > 50% of SCS students reported having sex, with nearly 25% having sex with 4+ partners.

• Only 30% of parents feel comfortable talking about sexual and reproductive health with their children.

• Tennessee’s insistence on not having

By Orisha Bowers

Programs Director, SisterReach

Comprehensive Sex Education means that the most vulnerable populations in our community, African Americans, Latinos, the poor and women will suffer greatly in addition to the socioeconomic factors they already face.

Indeed, across the state counties with large vulnerable populations, Knox, Davidson, Shelby and Hamilton are all negatively impacted by the requirement for ABSTINENCE BASED Sex Ed. • Shelby County Schools received funds from the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) to educate students in low income/high risk schools and ZIP codes on STI Prevention. However state restrictions and forced ABSTINENCE BASED education means that only private or charter school students are receiving this life saving information.

SisterReach believes cultivation and culturally sensitive Comprehensive Sexuality Education supports positive social outcomes for students as well. Additionally, local data sources indicate high cases of rape and other sexual assault scenarios at epidemic proportion in Shelby County. In order to combat what we at SisterReach refer to as “intergenerational sexual health ignorance,” parents also need access to Comprehensive Sexuality Education in order to positively shift sexual health culture and more effectively reduce unplanned pregnancies and STI transmission. Further, making resources available to adults/parents encourages sharing more effective knowledge about sexual health, as a family-centered investment to reducing these disparities.

Works Cited https://memphischamber.com/live-in-memphis/live-memphis/education/ https://www.cdc.gov/nchhstp/newsroom/docs/factsheets/STD-Trends-508.pdf SisterReach: Journey to Comp Sex Ed Presentation 2017 https://www.cdc.gov/nchhstp/stateprofiles/pdf/Tennessee_profile.pdf https://www.cdc.gov/std/stats16/natoverview.htm Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Sexually Transmitted Disease Surveillance 2014.

Atlanta: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services; 2015 SisterReach. OUR VOICES & EXPERIENCES MATTER: The Need for Comprehensive Sex Education Among Young People of Color in the South. Memphis: SisterReach; 2015.

Ciscel, David. The Economic Impact of Teen Pregnancy in Memphis/Shelby County. TN. Memphis: Memphis Teen Vision; 2015

January+February 2018 | TUVMAG.COM 7

LGBTQ Advocacy |

José Vega’s Crusade Against Conversion Therapy So I met once a week with church elders to discuss my temptations, and they used scripture to refute anything that was against their perception of God’s Word, to make clear why homosexuality was wrong and what being a man was really supposed to mean.

There were also many weekends that we would go to a camp to pray, to fast, to read scripture, and to have demons cast out through exorcism. Sometimes they would cast out demons for seven or eight hours nonstop.

I spent five years in conversion therapy before finally marrying my high school sweetheart… and then spent ten years in a marriage that I ultimately had no choice but admit had been an unfortunate lie, however well-meaning that lie had been. My wife had known about the therapy and had been incredibly supportive from the beginning. I didn’t get married just hoping I was straight — I genuinely believed that I was. But that had just been me fooling myself… and you can only lie to yourself for so long. You can only suppress your realities for so long. Eventually comes a tipping point, and everything just explodes.

After sinking deep into depression from such embarrassment that I hated the man that I was, I reached a point where I saw no point in living.

Deciding I wanted to end my life led me to realize that something had to change, and it was in that moment that I really began to question my faith. I experienced the revelation that if I’d supposedly been made in God’s image, and God had made me to be such a beautiful person, then maybe being gay wasn’t wrong -- and then came the inevitable tipping point of the subsequent awareness that being gay couldn’t possibly be wrong, couldn’t possibly be a sin. Upon reaching that understanding, I separated from my wife and came out.

YOU CAN’T FIX WHAT’S NOT BROKEN

I

n 1999, I was 17 years old, starting my senior year of high school… and trying my best to fall in love with who I tried my best to believe was the girl of my dreams. I grew up in a very conservative Pentecostal evangelical Christian home but had always felt like I was “different” — yes, the proverbial “different” that served as the first hint for many of us in the LGBTQ community. But it had been made quite clear to me throughout my whole life that being gay was sinful, and if I was gay then I was going to hell. So accepting my sexuality was not an option. I didn’t want to be gay. I couldn’t be gay.

So when I first started questioning my sexuality, I confided in one of my pastors that I felt an attraction toward men. He guaranteed me that, through therapy from the church, I could be a straight man.

He guaranteed that God would change me, that God would restore me, and that I would not have to live a gay life. It was like being an alcoholic, I’d been told: alcohol was simply something that alcoholics happened to struggle with. But if they stayed away from alcohol, then they wouldn’t give in to it. So when it came to homosexuality, it was the same, I’d been told -- just something I happened to struggle with. As long as I stayed away from men and gave myself to God, then everything would be just fine.

8 TUVMAG.COM | January+February 2018

She was understandably hurt, heartbroken, and devastated. We’d been married for ten years after dating for five — but we’d also grown up together and by then had known each other for 30 years.

She was a woman of faith and believed at the time that I just hadn’t tried hard enough. She blamed me, insisting that I hadn’t given God enough of a chance.

She wondered whether she hadn’t been a good enough wife — and that hadn’t been true at all. She’s such an amazing woman, such an amazing mother to our two children. I just couldn’t fool myself anymore.

It was all so heavy, and I was still so depressed because there was simply no swift way to undo all the damage of self-hatred caused by hearing, for 31 years, that I was broken and needed to be fixed. Part of the damage of conversion therapy is that it kills your identity and your sense of self-worth because it makes you feel

like you truly are broken and ultimately worthless — because if they tell you that God’s enough and that gays will not in inherit the kingdom of Heaven, then you’re forced to wonder, “How can God love me if who I am is against who God is willing to accept?”

The basis for conversion therapy is the belief that homosexuality is not only sinful but a mental disorder, which is what underlies the combination of the faith community and some licensed mental health professionals who endorse these harmful practices — some of which go as far as to administer electric shocks or enforce slapping oneself while wearing a rubber band on the arm every time a same sex attraction occurs, in order to associate pain with homosexual desires... or even to force people to masturbate while watching heterosexual porn, in order to associate pleasure with the opposite sex.

However, it’s spiritual and verbal abuse to tell someone that who they are as a whole is wrong and they can be fixed, when these claims are so harmful and, frankly, such lies. Conversion therapy leads to low self-esteem, depression, and even suicide — and that’s not me just saying so. Numerous medical and psychological journals have published articles concerning the damages of conversion therapy, and their data cannot be disputed when it has been proven so repeatedly.

Today, I’m working with the Human Rights Council of North Central Florida toward the illegalization of conversion therapy in our state, where I grew up, with hopes of expanding those efforts across the nation over time. Our most immediate focus is on banning conversion therapy for anyone under the age of 18. The problem is that such measures would only affect licensed therapists; the faith community is constitutionally protected by the right to religious freedom. Therefore, we are also trying to educate parents and leaders on how damaging these practices truly are, so that they won’t be so quick to thrust their children at this therapy and say, “Here, fix my child.”

We realize that parents are often afraid and simply want what’s best for their child — but are also often unaware that trying to fix a child who isn’t broken does inevitably serve to break that child all the same.

Ultimately, we also aim to expand our efforts to include banning conversion therapy for adults. But we understand that the best place to start is with minors, placing emphasis on the reality of such a high suicide rate among LGBTQ teens, which serves as clear indication that we need to do a better job of protecting our youth.

And so far, the trajectory looks promising. On December 14, 2017, a large group of supporters spoke out against the heinous practice of conversion therapy at the General Policy Committee comprised of the Gainesville City Commissioners. By unanimous vote of those leaders present, a city-wide ban will soon go for a vote before the full Commission. So it appears hopeful, so far, for the ordinance to become law in the very near future. But that’s only the beginning...

| ENTERTAINMENT

BRING IT SEASON 4

BRANDON MYERS

B

randon Myers is a reality star from Lifetime TV hit series “Bring It!” and also a business owner of Royalty Style Salon located in North Jackson, MS. He is a Jackson, MS native and the uncle of twin girls Angela and Angel, both of whom also appear on “Bring It!”

Outside of filming and running the daily operations of his salon, Brandon also gives back to the Mississippi Kidney Foundation in honor of his mother who passed in 2000 from kidney failure. In addition, he provides free hair care for kids whose parents cannot afford services. Once a month, he also provides free hair care and makeup for single mothers who don’t often get much time to pamper themselves. Growing up in a single parent home, he knows the struggle, so mothers like these hold a special place in his heart.

In his spare time, Brandon enjoys bonding with his family and being a positive role model for his nephews and nieces. This winter, you can find him currently filming on “Bring It!” Season 4 at 8pm (Eastern Standard Time) and he is filming season 5.

EGGPLANTZ

THE MOST LIT URBAN LGBT/WOMENS

BLOG!

I

n 2016, Aaron “Ronnie” Hawkins launched Eggplantz. com to showcase the abundance of black gay love, talent, current events, and notable perspectives that deserved more media attention. Eggplantz also features up-and-coming artists, fashion designers, authors, singers, and rappers from inside and outside the LGBT community. Every Tuesday, Aaron shines the spotlight on a different black gay couple to celebrate, and each week he also highlights a different black woman worthy of commendation in the blog’s “Black Girls Rock” section.

A wild blog in every sense of the word, Eggplantz doesn’t hold anything back, adding the flare of personal opinion to his coverage of current events, even throwing some shade in the pot every now and then -- because who doesn’t love a little shade?!

In addition to his role as the main writer and editor for Eggplantz, Aaron is also a rising author of LGBT fiction.

With a few e-book projects on Smashwords.com, he is also working on an Afro-American supergirl trilogy called ‘Asheeda’.

January+February 2018 | TUVMAG.COM 9

B M FEATURE |

Bizzie Monroe

10 TUVMAG.COM | January+February 2018

By Gwendolyn D. Clemons Publisher Editor-in-Chief

M

| FEATURE

Where did the name Bizzie Monroe come from?

I’ve been called “Bizzie” since middle school. I was always doing something, trying to keep myself occupied. I was playing basketball, playing on every sports team, always moving around in the streets. And I was a person who was cool with everybody, so whenever people would call my phone, I’d pick up like, “I’m busy, I’ll call you back.” So folks were like, “You’re always busy,” and they started calling me that, so I just stuck with it. Then later I added Monroe for my own little twist to it. I like Marilyn Monroe, so that’s just what I came up with because I liked the way it sounded together.

You do a lot of freestyle, and it seems like it really comes naturally to you — how did you develop that skill to the level you’ve reached with it?

Freestyling really just comes naturally because I’ve been doing it for so long. Growing up, I looked up to my cousins and my brothers, and when they were rapping, I’d say, “How do you do that?” They told me, “You just say whatever comes in your head, whatever comes to your mind.” I kept looking at them, wondering how they did it, and I finally started trying it on my own when they weren’t around. In the beginning, I wasn’t that good as far as staying on the beat, but I was good at the rhyming and that helped a lot to help me come up with the next line. And now free styling comes real easy to me because I can think on my feet. I don’t even know where it’s coming from, I just open up my mouth, and words are coming out. I know what I want to say, but I don’t know how I get to what comes out. Even when I’m writing, there are times when I finish a song, I look back at it, and I don’t know how I did it or where it came from. Some things I write, I can’t even believe that I wrote it. So it is a gift, because some things you can’t explain.

Would you consider yourself at all spiritual, or religious? And if so, how do you balance that with your music?

I would say that I’m spiritual. I have my belief in God. I wouldn’t say I’m a traditional Christian who goes to church every Sunday, but I do believe in God and have my own relationship with Him, and I balance that by keeping Him first in everything that I do.

What new music do you have coming out, and what label are you signed to?

I’m an independent artist, and I have a new project coming out in January, a mixtape called 573. That’s my area code in Poplar Bluff, Missouri. Just pretty much telling my story, for anybody who wants to get to know me. My story is crazy. Even if you think you know me, you’d probably find something else out. I do a lot of storytelling with my music. I’m very poetic, and I try to put

most of my life into my music. So 573 is my first complete project to the world, and that’s why this project is so important. It’s my baby. I’ve been working hard on it, and it’s going to be really good.

How would you describe your musical style?

One thing about my music, and why people appreciate it, is that I’m so versatile. I’ve got the hood music, the trap music. And then I’ve got stuff that will make you think.

And I’ve got stuff that will touch your soul and make you cry, put you in your feelings. I’ve got songs that will make you want to fall in love, or make you miss your girl, or make you think about stuff you shouldn’t have done to your girl and why you’re not with her anymore. I really have a song for every emotion. I think that versatility is why I get so much respect, why my numbers are growing the way they’ve been growing, and why I’ve been getting the attention that I’ve been getting lately.

When it comes to artists like Young M.A and others like her doing their thing, do you think they’ve been able to open doors for other LGBT artists to enter the mainstream?

Well, I’m not really mainstream, and I’m not really focused on any artist opening any door, straight or gay. I’m really just focusing on my own stuff that I have going on right now, and getting ready for 2018. I can’t answer any questions about the mainstream until I get there.

Check out Bizzie’s music on: Bizziemonroe.com

So what’s your relationship status -- are you romantically involved right now?

I know you probably hate when people say this, but it’s true... I’m single, but my heart is taken. I hate it when people say that, but that’s really what it is for me right now.

I see a rise of masculine centered women being open about their sexuality and putting their music out there -- putting who they are first, as opposed to their sexuality -- has that been any issue for you?

No, it hasn’t been an issue for me. I’m very comfortable with my sexuality. The people around me are very supportive. My support system is so strong, and my energy is so good that it’s never been an issue, and I don’t see it ever being an issue.

January+February 2018 | TUVMAG.COM 11

FEATURE | MSM

“THE BIG

By K. Déaunta Edwards

H

CHOP”

appy New Year, TUV Readers! Tis the season for making and breaking New Year’s resolutions shamelessly and without even trying.

Unlike our medieval ancestors, we do not take such “peacock vows” to heart. Breaking these promises to ourselves seems almost equally as traditional as making them, since the matches of passion we ignite tend to burn out well before the end of January. This is NOT that!

This new year, instead of trying to force change with rules, regulations, and cruel punishments for failure, try a new tactic that thrives on selflove, integrity, and personal preservation. As we continue to live gay today, let us embrace this reality and affirmation: My life will be filled with whatever I believe I deserve. I will only accept what I believe I deserve. I believe that I deserve all the best things this life has to offer. If it is not positive, then it is not for me and I do not deserve it, nor do I accept it. If you believe that, let’s move forward.

There was a time when I felt myself plummeting.

I was living outside of myself, afraid to be me due to the great recurrence of misfortune and loss in my life at the time. I was a homeless college dropout who was bouncing from friend to friend, chasing a dream I was not prepared for -running from the reality of my unpreparedness, and harboring an overwhelming sense of depression due to my desperate need for perfection. I resented my family, blaming them for my problems, and worked a dead-end job at a seafood restaurant, hating life and myself.

After a particularly dark moment, I decided I had to make a change, but I didn’t know how. I knew I wanted better, but honestly, what did “better” even mean at this point? Even in this time of darkness, “better” didn’t mean just getting a candle; I needed electricity. I say that in the

sense of “better” to me meant not just living, but thriving -- winning at life.

As humans do, I rationalized the impossibility of change by listing all the reasons, components, and realities of my present: I didn’t have a car. I didn’t have any money. I didn’t want to go back to Huntsville. I was embarrassed. I wasn’t good enough. I have this past. I was too far down the well to see the sun. My final negative came tearfully, “I’ve messed up so much… I don’t deserve it.” That last sentence was the seed of negativity that I had planted, nurtured, and allowed to sprout in my life long ago when it was a mere passing thought. Your seed may not be my seed. Perhaps your seed is unfulfillment at work or frenemies that masquerade as best friends; the common thread is negativity. And that thread must be cut. Life is neither good nor bad -- things happen, and that’s no one’s fault.

However, choosing to win or lose is entirely up to you.

Ironically, I encourage this type of list making -- because after I listed every negative I could think of, I found there was nothing left to collect except positives. My next sentence -- my first positive -- came equally tearfully: “I believe that I deserve all the best things that this life has to offer.” It was time to get cutting. Affirming (and believing) that I deserved happiness created a forcefield of positivity that expelled negativity in all its forms. I began to feel lighter as I daily determined that I deserved great things. If it was bad friends who didn’t support me, or whose lifestyle had the potential to hinder mine due to our affiliation, I told myself the truth -that I deserved good friends who loved and supported me, and I began to distance myself.

When it came to the caliber of men I dated, I again told myself, “I deserve a man who makes me feel like a king.” If I didn’t feel like royalty, then I would change my number and access the almighty power of the “block” button. These

12 TUVMAG.COM | January+February 2018

terms even applied to my job, which I quit, because I believed I deserved a job that I was happy to go to! It became effortless for me to change my life after I created a sense of self that commanded better. I never scolded myself for past mistakes or shortcomings. I didn’t scold myself when I found myself thinking negatively; I reaffirmed that for the “New Kendal” success and happiness was all that was acceptable because it was what I now believed I deserved.

Eventually, I believed that I deserved the opportunity to chase my dreams, and I began making decisions that supported that claim.

I got back into school; that decision alone opened me up to amazing opportunities that put me on the road to achieving my goals.

Understand that choosing you does not mean rejecting others, but instead means having a level of integrity that governs and protects your happiness. How can you conceive a way to help someone else become whole while you yourself are broken? Unlike making a New Year’s resolution, this form of positive affirmation thrives on daily expectations of positivity rather than on idealized outcomes and rigid due dates. With resolutions, we are constantly calculating and monitoring our successes so obsessively that negativity sneaks through the cracks of our thoughts. I’m not saying that negativity will never rear its ugly head, but what I am saying is that positive affirmations breed positivity. Imagine you’re on a diet and your coworker brings doughnuts for everyone. What if instead of saying, “Man, it’s a gazillion calories, but they look so good… it’s just one,” you say, “I deserve my dream body. I’m so happy that I am choosing to say no.” You’re more likely to leave the treat and feel good about yourself.

This concept is all about acknowledging your worth, not sheepishly depriving yourself of the things you want. Each cut will allow a position for a better friend, a better job, a better man -a better life. Grab some scissors, get to cutting, and always be encouraged.

MSM | FEATURE

Cutting out negativity in your life... without the pressure of making it a resolution!

I was living outside of myself, afraid to be me due to the great recurrence of misfortune and loss in my life at the time.

January+February 2018 | TUVMAG.COM 13

FEATURE |

BAYARD

14 TUVMAG.COM | January+February 2018

S

Five Reasons to Celebrate the Life, Love, and Legacy (of a Man Our History Books Failed to Mention)

urely every one of us has heard of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., the most famously prominent figure of the American Civil Rights Movement. But the vast majority of us probably missed the memo on Bayard Rustin, the fascinating Renaissance man who served as a primary strategist and key advisor behind many of the movement’s most impactful events and defining moments. A forward thinker and problem solver in every sense of the words, Rustin acknowledged no limitations and epitomized, in every facet of his life, the aphorism, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

1. HE WAS THE GRANDFATHER OF PEACEFUL RESISTANCE IN AMERICA. Raised in his grandparents’ Quaker household, Bayard Rustin, a pacifist, spearheaded the groundbreaking strategy of nonviolent resistance famously underlying the American Civil Rights Movement. Having worked directly with Gandhi’s movement in India, after returning to the United States, Rustin served as a compelling mentor who convinced such notable figures as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and Stokely Carmichael to employ nonviolent protest tactics. His was one of the minds consistently responsible for creative strategies to execute big ideas for the movement and to mobilize support in different parts of the country. Along with organizing the first of the Freedom Rides in 1947, Rustin also organized the 1963 March on Washington and the Southern Christian Leadership Conference.

2. HE DID NOT COMPROMISE HIS PRINCIPLES — NOT EVEN FOR HIS LIBERTY. In 1944, as a conscientious objector to World War II, Rustin declined to appear for his mandatory physical examination under the Selective Service Act, which had required all men between ages 21 and 35 to register for the draft. As a result, he received a three year federal prison sentence which still did not silence him or quell his efforts at political activism. Instead, even during imprisonment, he organized fellow inmates in the

struggle to protest against racism, discrimination and segregation.

3. HE PROVED TO BE SUCH A VALUABLE ASSET THAT NO SOCIAL OR POLITICAL EXILE COULD CONTAIN HIM. In 1953, Rustin’s sexual orientation as a gay man received media attention when he was arrested in California for what was then the criminal charge of “sodomy”. He’d been living as an openly gay man, but as a result of the media attention that then publicized his homosexuality, his subsequent involvement in political activism and the civil rights movement was largely suppressed — which has a lot to do why many of us have never heard his name — but he didn’t let this stop him from continuing to make valuable contributions.

His life partner Walter Naegle says of him: “In the end, it didn’t interfere with his effectiveness because Bayard never let anyone turn him around. If he couldn’t get in one way, he would find another way. He wasn’t going to let anybody keep him out of the loop. But another thing was that he was so creative and so intelligent that he was truly unique — there wasn’t really anyone else who could do the kinds of things that he did. So even when he was sent into exile, he would sooner or later be called back because they needed his talent. And he was never really concerned about being recognized. He was interested in what was good for the movement.

So he had the ability to step back when needed, to prevent any controversy surrounding him from trivializing the effectiveness of the movement.

But sooner or later, he would find a way to make himself useful again.”

| LGBTQ HISTORY

mind also enabled him to enforce and protect the rights their union should have granted by instead conceiving to legally adopt his life partner. (See the captivating online documentary Bayard & Me for more on their love story!) Following Rustin’s death, Naegle helped to develop The Bayard Rustin Fund in order to promote Rustin’s legacy and values.

5. EVEN IN DEATH, HE CONTINUES TO DEFY THE ODDS. In recent history, Rustin has finally begun receiving long overdue recognition for his life’s work and legacy. Among numerous posthumous honors, he received The Medal of Freedom from President Obama in 2013, the anniversary year of the March on Washington. “The Medal of Freedom was significant because all of the African-American leaders of the March on Washington, a group they called the ‘Big Six’, had all received a Medal of Freedom,” says Naegle. “Bayard wasn’t the leader of an organization, but he was really the prime mover and prime organizer of the March on Washington. So, until then, he had been left in the shadows.”

4. HIS LOVE UNFLINCHINGLY TRANSCENDED CULTURAL NORMS AND CONFINES OF GENDER, RACE, AND GENERATION. In the 1970s, Rustin, a 65-year old Black American, met and fell in love with Naegle, a 27-year-old White American — proving that true love defies such socially constructed boundaries as gender, race and generation. Together, the couple continued a legacy of campaigning for civil rights in South Africa, Grenada, El Salvador, and beyond.

Not only were they together for ten years, spending the rest of Rustin’s life together — but despite their inability to legally wed, Rustin’s keen

RUSTIN

January+February 2018 | TUVMAG.COM 15

COVER STORY |

So if we can learn anything from the life and legacy of Bayard Rustin, it’s that he was living proof that our boundaries only mean as much as we allow them to mean. Add him to your inventory of acclaimed leaders who made their mark on black history, and let him be an inspiration to us all.

PHOTOS COURTESY OF Walter Naegle

16 TUVMAG.COM | January+February 2018

MOSES MBAI

| ONE TO WATCH

M

Founder of the Moses Mbai Equality Scholarship & CEO of Moses the Mogul Multimedia Company

oses Mbai is founder of the Moses Mbai Equality Scholarship and CEO of Moses the Mogul Multimedia Company. A Texas native, Mbai graduated from Texas Southern University with honors, where he received his bachelor’s degree in Business Management. Mbai served as the 8th Mr. Texas Southern University, the first write-in candidate in history to ever be elected.

While completing his degree, he developed the Moses Mbai Equality Scholarship which is designed to support LGBTQIA students who have experienced courage in the face of adversity and discrimination.

Post-graduation, Mbai has been accepted into Geico Insurance Management Development Program. Aside from his full-time career, Mbai (better known as Moses the Mogul) is a Social Media Correspondent who has found himself interviewing and networking with many celebrities while working with honorable organizations such as Dallas Southern Pride. He is the founder of MosesTheMogulBlog which is a satisfying celebrity gossip page on which he highlights cultural content, fashion and motivational pieces to inspire his over 40,000+ followers all around the world.

After dealing with the most traumatic experience of his life, losing his mother to an 11-month battle with breast cancer September 16, 2017, Mbai had wanted to give up on life and give up on himself but found peace knowing that he still had his dreams left to live for. “Once upon a time, fear used to prevent me from doing a lot of things,” he said. “Knowing I have been able to wake up, face the pain, and deal with grief, I know there’s nothing I can’t get through moving forward. I plan to do things that are inspiring yet challenging.

Continuing to find myself in a world full of confusion, doubt and uncertainty, I welcome the challenge. I’m living life building a notable brand that will make my mother so proud that I can feel her joy from heaven!”

RdotSmith Photography

January+February 2018 | TUVMAG.COM 17

TRANSMOVEMENT |

PUTTING ON A BRAVE FACE Do I simply “be Black” and be with my people -- or can I also be Trans and accepted as I am?

By Renae Taylor This year has been particularly hard for me in terms of dealing with being in the Community with people who say they affirm Trans and GNC “gender non-conforming“ People, and yet do so much harm by their actions. This year, I lost people who I’d believed understood and empathized with the plight and struggles of being Black and Trans in a hetero-centric world -- struggles which are often amplified by people who lack understanding and perspective.

I mourned the loss of the ally I thought I had in each of them while I’d been unaware of how differently they regarded my Transness in their eyes -- people I’d believed comprehended the struggles I face daily just because I’m me… people I’d believed comprehended that simply being myself could render me homeless or jobless… people I’d believed comprehended that my family could turn their backs on me simply because of my gender identity... people I’d believed comprehended that I could be the victim of violence just for living my most authentic life and presenting my most genuine self every day… people I’d believed comprehended that in certain spaces I must

literally decide which part of me can I show up as.

Do I simply “be Black” and be with my people -or can I also be Trans and accepted as I am? The dichotomy of gender identity and race shouldn’t present such contradictions, but it does anyway.

Some days it seems like a duality of Identity, my Blackness and My Trans-ness. If only it was as simple as turning off part of my identity in order to conform to what people feel is normal in our society. Yet, it isn’t that simple -- neither option is -- whether deciding to inhibit some part of myself or deciding to live openly as I feel is truest for me. But my verdict is that I cannot and will not accept that I can’t share all the richness and uniqueness of my experience with the world around me. I am Trans, and I am Black. I am unapologetic in that fact.

If someone tells you they are Trans, accept them and let them know you support them. It is not the task of Trans people to educate everyone in the world about being Trans. If you are an ally, then say what you mean and mean what you say. I ask that you follow up, and don’t leave us hanging or waiting for you to come through and support us. And if you can hire a Trans or GNC

18 TUVMAG.COM | January+February 2018

Person, then do so. We need to thrive, not just survive. Also, educate your friends and family on Trans and GNC issues. Correct them and call out ignorance and prejudice where they arise.

How many Trans and GNC people do you personally know? We aren’t talking about on TV or in magazines -- we’re talking about in real life. If you don’t know any Trans people, then get out and make some Trans friends. Many issues that affect Trans and GNC people intersect with the issues facing other Black people, such as those concerning gender, class and economics.

Just remember that Blackness isn’t monolithic, and that there is no wrong way to show up Black in any space. We must embrace Blackness in its varying forms in order to truly be in community with people.

Assata taught us words that we must only put into practice to strengthen our Community. She said: “It is our duty to fight for our freedom. It is our duty to win. We must love each other and support each other. We have nothing to lose but our chains.”

SEX | DIARIES

LOSE THE LABELS

&Have Fun In Bed

I

It’s 2018, so let’s start having fun in the bedroom with no boundaries.

Why go into a new year with rules in your bedroom and sex life? Let’s leave “NO FATS NO FEMS” & “ARE YOU TOP OR BOTTOM” in the past.

You will never be able to have a healthy relationship and sex life if you have these kinds of guidelines. Your bedroom is the main place to be open and free. When you walk into your bedroom and get undressed, don’t forget to also undress your mind.

We’ve got to stop thinking that if you see a transgender woman/fem man or woman, then it necessarily means that they are always the submissive ones -- or that a masculine man or woman is necessarily the dominant one in the relationship. To have great sex, you must learn how to please your partner in every way. Sometimes that means doing new things that you may have never tried in the past. It may seem awkward at first, but when you see how your partner reacts you will be fully into it.

In 2018, explore all the things the bedroom has to offer. Go out and buy some toys, dress up and role play, and don’t forget ice cream and chocolate don’t have to be eaten out of a bowl.

By: KYRA BONET ST JAMES CASSADINE

Sometime this year, sit down and ask yourself what some things are that you’ve never tried in bed, but that you’ve heard your friends talk about.

Ask your friends about all the new techniques, and then go home and try them. Think about something that you want your partner to do, but have never admitted because of what you think they might say.

Think about a sexy place that you suspect would be fun to do a little of everything without any limits.

Last but not least, if you really don’t know your body, then this is the year to learn. When you are alone, that’s the perfect time to see what feels good to you so that you can let your partner know how to please you.

And if you are single, open your eyes to everything you may want to try.

Make a bucket list for the year, and mark everything off.

At the end of the day, no matter what anybody says, we all enjoy sex -- and there’s nothing wrong with that. So try to enjoy it to the fullest.

Make sex in 2018 your best sex ever. #LOSE THE LABELS!!!!!!!

January+February 2018 | TUVMAG.COM 19

COMMUNITY |

BLACK LGBTQ

POWER 100

2017 positioned itself to be a history-making year for the Black LGBTQ community as the glass ceilings for social statements and achievements have been knocked out by Black LGBTQ scholars, entertainers, advocates and influencers internationally.

In 2017, an independent film portraying the troubling coming-of-age tale of a young Black male figuring out his same-gender attraction won film awards globally, including the highly-coveted Academy Award for Best Film. It was the first LGBTQ-themed film to win that honor.

In 2017, a Black lesbian woman won an Emmy Award for her screenwriting talents and used her televised acceptance speech to give a nod to the LGBTQ community in front of the tens of millions of viewers who watched around the world.

Heroine of the Year award-winning hero, athlete, police officer Officer Crystal Griner became an U.S. national hero when she protected anti-marriage equality Congressman Steve Scalise, which resulted in injuries upon herself, in a shockingly violent shoot-out in Virginia.

In 2017, an iconic British filmmaker and writer, who is Black and bisexual, became the first person in the LGBTQ community to be awarded an honorary doctorate degree at a prestigious university in the United Kingdom.

In 2017, a South African Olympic athlete, who is Black and lesbian -- and who was taunted over her masculine appearance to prevent her from participating in the 2016 Summer Olympics -- got the last laugh when news of her marriage to her beautiful wife became the first internationally viral web moment of the year.

In 2017, a Black transwoman from New York City chose to participate in an internationally televised competition and lip synced her way to second place, being dubbed as “The Lip Sync Assassin”.

In 2017, a Black lesbian policewoman and athlete received a Medal of Valor from our nation’s president for saving the life of a U.S. Congressman who is a documented racist and homophobe.

2017 was filled with many more great achievements by Black LGBTQ influencers, whose contributions to local, national and international societies made citizens around the world celebrate them and thrive from their work.

Domo and Crissy LesBiQueer Couple of the Year YouTube personalities, LGBTQ family advocates Domo and Crissy shook the internet world and Black culture when the couple shared their pregnancy news and documented every step of their journey to expand their family — even causing head-scratching and think pieces that celebrated and criticized their union.

As the creator of The G-Listed, my primary mission has always been to give voices of empowerment to Black LGBTQ people as non-Black LGBTQ-themed media illustrate our narratives into one weak monolith or ignore us altogether until feeling the urge to ridicule us. Since 2012, I have been proud to see more than 1000 Black LGBTQ people being mentioned on The G-Listed. That continues to prove that our influence upon societies all over the world derives from more than the same dozen-plus names recognized in white LGBTQ and Black mainstream media.

Waddie Grant blogger + media producer www.theglisted.com wg@theglisted.com

George M. Johnson Journalist of the Year journalist, culture critic and community advocate New York journalist George M. Johnson’s gift of writing news, personal stories and cultural critique afforded him to be one of media’s most sought-after writers and social media’s most

20 TUVMAG.COM | January+February 2018

relatable voices in LGBTQ and Black America.

C

| MSM

DON’T YUCK MY YUM

Eddie Wiley In today’s time, people feel like they have the right to tell folks that they are having too much sex or that their image is too sexy.

C

Okay y’all. It’s time to have a grown folks conversation.

I have come across so much bashing of people and their sexual explorations. Sex is a natural act and if you’re doing it right, it can be a glorious experience.

People should not feel bad for expressing themselves sexually; no matter if you have sex with one person or 100 people. Just because a person enjoys sex (yum) does not mean that you get to turn your nose up at them for doing so (yuck). #DontYuckMyYum

different pleasures and should not have to face criticism for doing so.

If I choose to have sex on the first date, then it’s my prerogative. If I join a sex party, then I shouldn’t have to feel the need to repent. Nor should I feel dirty for engaging in casual sex.

If you haven’t been living under a rock, then you know that sex is all over the place. Sex appeal sells us cars, sells us phones and even sells us hamburgers. In today’s time, people feel like they have the right to tell folks that they are having too much sex or that their image is too sexy. But where is the line between sexy and slutty? And who are you to tell me what I do with my body? It’s like you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

As a person who has worked in the HIV field for over 10 years, people tend to look at me as if I have three heads when I tell them that I advocate for sex positivity. I’m all for meeting people where they are. If they choose to have several sexual partners, it is not my place to say, “That’s too many, bruh,” or, “You should slow down, sis.” I’m just there to help them play it safer. There are many ways to still enjoy sex while preventing sexually transmitted infections and unplanned pregnancies: condoms, lube, PrEP, dental dams, etc. A little creativity goes a long way.

People should have free rein to enjoy their sexual liberty and not feel bad for doing so.

Embracing your sexuality is a term that has been coined as sex positivity. I like to look at sex positivity as seeing sex and sexuality as human and healthy. The act of sex is human and healthy as long as it is between two or more consenting adults. Sexuality has evolved over time and so should our attitudes towards sexual relations. People like to explore

I commend people like Muva Amber Rose, for standing up to combat the stigma. Her “Slut Walk” has taken off and shown the world that

sexuality is here and you are not entitled to tell me who and how many people I should have sex with. As long as the sex is consensual and proper communication takes place, it shouldn’t be frowned upon.

So think about it the next time you decide to call someone a slut. Who am I to judge?

Have I given up this eggplant or moonchie in a manner that I haven’t been the most proud of? More than likely the answer is yes. So let’s leave the judging to Judy and just gon’ enjoy our own sex life. K?

January+February 2018 | TUVMAG.COM 21

COVER STORY |

Monika M. Pickett

God & the Path to

Recreating Myself

I

In 2011, I thought I had everything I’d ever dreamed. I was married to a beautiful woman with whom I planned to spend the rest of my life. I had earned an MBA from Johns Hopkins University, and I was working my way through the bureaucracy at Chicago Public Schools as an administrator.

Our son was enrolled in business school at Penn State University. What more could I ask for?

But one morning in the spring of 2012, I got out of bed and fell to my knees. The room started spinning. I felt sick to my stomach as I held my bowels. My training as an Army medic led me to recognize the signs of a stroke. I tried to stand on my feet and my legs gave way. My wife yelled for our son to dial 911. Their voices seemed to drift in and out as my pain escalated. My life flashed before me as a paramedic hoisted me onto his back and carried me down the spiral staircase.

I was rushed to the University of Chicago Medical Center and received morphine to alleviate the pain. I was also given high doses of prednisone to decrease the swelling in my brain. The diagnosis was neurosarcoidosis, a complication of sarcoidosis, in which inflammation occurs in the brain, spinal cord and other areas of the nervous system. There is no known cure, and long-term therapy is often required.

During this time, I had just received a promotion as an executive administrator at Chicago Public Schools. I had no other choice but to go out on disability. The thought of losing my independence was terrifying as I temporarily lost my ability to walk. Luckily, one of the most esteemed rehabilitative hospitals in the country, Rehabilitative Institute of Chicago (RIC), was located downtown. After

22 TUVMAG.COM | January+February 2018

three weeks of inpatient treatment, I had several months of outpatient therapy at RIC. Though the institute worked on my physical rehabilitation, the mental and emotional toll was daunting. First, I didn’t recognize myself as I looked in the mirror. The high dosages of prednisone had increased my weight to 200 pounds. Further, I was depressed when I Googled the symptoms of neurosarcoidosis: headache, confusion, disorientation, vertigo, and double vision or loss of vision. I had experienced all those symptoms and then some. I had to decide whether I was going to fight this disease or give up and let it overwhelm me. I had been a single mother who successfully raised a son, worked fulltime, and still matriculated through an MBA program at Johns Hopkins University. I could not imagine that now I was going to settle for being disabled.

In the face of this devastating diagnosis, I experienced an incredible sense of urgency to recreate myself. I asked myself a question that I wasn’t sure I could answer: What was my purpose? Who was I outside of being a mother and a wife? I decided to tell my story, the story of a little girl who became someone no one thought she could become.

I wanted to be out and proud to love whomever I chose, freely. I picked up a pen and began to write my first novel, titled Pretty Boy Blue.

The process was cathartic as I reminisced about my childhood. The memories conjured up demons I battled trying to overcome the trauma of sexual child abuse, the wounds of being bullied in high school for being an out lesbian, and the pain of being disowned by my father because of who I chose to love. A calm came over me as I realized that I had overcome obstacles that no one thought I could.

| COVER STORY

In the face of this devastating diagnosis, I experienced an incredible sense of urgency to recreate myself.

since you were 13 years old. Look at who you’ve become.

Everyone cannot go where God is taking you.”

Fast forward to today. I am in the middle of a painful divorce and tasked with recreating myself yet again. I asked God, why me? How strong do you want me to be, God? I prayed and asked God to send me a message that He had heard my cries. I stilled myself to heed His message when it came.

One evening that message arrived in a sermon by Bishop T.D. Jakes. The sermon, The Beauty is in the Brokenness!

You are Most Effective When You are Most Broken, helped me to heal and begin walking the path toward another personal transformation. I have never felt this close to God in all my 50 years. Though I was not raised in the church, I have always known that I could always talk to God, but I was ashamed of thinking that the path of my life was my own and not God’s. Sometimes I laugh to keep from crying.

I often think that God is tapping His finger and looking at me, saying, “My child, that is a cute little plan you have but that is not My plan. That is not My will.” Bishop Jakes was right; my heart was broken, but with the grace of God I

I thought of the many messages I receive each day from women, young and old, who have read my writing. My heart aches when I hear their stories of not being able to love freely due to the religious beliefs of others and being ostracized by their families. They tell me that I am courageous to talk and write about issues that we, as a country, are uncomfortable discussing. I tell them that I don’t feel courageous, and yet their encouragement gives me the strength to share our stories, specifically stories of the Black LGBTQ community. If I can inspire just one person who is struggling with their sexuality, then my efforts are not in vain. Being this new person who walks in her truth and shares her journey is part of my recreation.

refused to allow my spirit to be broken.

Bishop Jakes ended the sermon with a story about when he was a young pastor trying to be strong as he led an older congregation. An older gentleman told him, “You are a good man. God is going to use you in a mighty way. But before He uses you, He is going to break your heart into pieces. Thousands of people will be able to get in.” At that moment, when I heard the story, it all made sense. God is breaking me, humbling me for a reason.

I thought of one of my mentors, one of the first adults I came out to. She was my eighth-grade teacher and is now a psychologist. When I told her of the losses I had been experiencing, her answer was firm yet clear. She said, “Allow yourself to grieve the loss and disappointment, but don’t stay there. This is not about you! I’ve known you

Recently, I was asked what I would say to my 18-yearold self. Without hesitation, I would say: Be gentle with yourself. Pray. And never give up, because you will have many opportunities to recreate yourself.

Monika M. Pickett is a veteran of the United States Army. Her debut novel, PRETTY BOY BLUE is available on Amazon. Pickett is an Advocate and Activist for the LGBTQ community.

For more information on Monika M. Pickett, please visit, www.MonikaMPickett. com. For other inquiries email info@MonikaMPickett.com

January+February 2018 | TUVMAG.COM 23

EDITOR’S LETTER |

PPM-Focus-QuarterPgAd-mech.pdf

@AskRayceen @TeamRayceen @RayceenHRH

The

AskRayceen TeamRayceen RayceenPendarvis

Ask Rayceen Team Rayceen Rayceen Pendarvis

TEAM RAYCEEN PRESENTS

Ask Rayceen Show Monthly community festival & live entertainment hosted by Rayceen Pendarvis

C

M

Y

#AskRayceen

FREE

CM

First Wednesdays March - November 2017

Open to the public

CY

Doors open @ 6pm Showtime: 7pm CMY

AskRayceen.com Arrive early for free food sponsored by:

Cash Bar sponsored by:

K

Live Music, Competitions, Panel Discussions, Burlesque, and more!

Washington, DC’s International LGBTQ Film Festival

Free exhibitor & vendor space available

and

CO-PRESENTING SPONSOR:

MY

HRC EQUALITY CENTER 1640 Rhode Island Ave NW Washington, DC

(Near intersection of 17th Street & M Street) Metro Stations: Farragut North & DuPont Circle

24 TUVMAG.COM | January+February 2018

PROMOTION:

1

5/25/16

3:40 PM

Hudmon N

| WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENT

THE WEDDING

ot only are we blessed to have real love. We are blessed to have real support. My wife and I tied the knot October 15, 2017 in my hometown, New Orleans, LA. We like to look at ourselves as a young vibrant couple. I’m 31 and she’s 30.

My wife is from Tuskegee, Alabama. We met online almost five years ago. We both have busy careers. (She’s a police officer. I’m a news reporter.) So online dating worked best for our schedules. We had a long distance relationship for a few years before everything worked out for us to move in together. Long distance was hard, but we made sure to take the three-hour drive to see each other every weekend. Now we both live in Alabama.

When my wife proposed to me back in May 2016, it was an elaborate surprise that many of our family and friends participated in. I was back home for my little brother’s graduation and I thought I was going to an event with one of my friends, yet she was in on the whole

thing. So many people traveled to be a part of our engagement. It was beautiful to see so much support.

Our wedding day was even more beautiful.

We had to make last minute changes because of weather, but it all worked out! (I even cried when I first walked in and saw the setup.) We decided to get married in New Orleans so that we’d only have to worry about one side of the family traveling. Plus, NOLA is amazing -- so why not?! We had a guest list of 90 friends and family, many of whom were traveling from all across the U.S. We both have amazing parents, family and friends who have supported us along the way. From day one, her family has always welcomed me with open arms, and my family has done the same. My dad passed away two years ago, so my little brother (who’s 28) stepped in without any hesitation. He lives in Texas but was there every step of the way, from the proposal to the big day. Earlier this year, my wife’s mother found out she

had brain cancer. She spent months going through several surgeries but still made sure she was there to see my wife and I walk down the aisle.

We both know how blessed we are to have such supportive families. My parents didn’t agree with my sexuality in the beginning, and neither did hers. However, over the years they have grown to accept it. I know that seeing same sex marriage may not be the ideal scenario for some of our family members, but I believe what helps them is putting love before anything else. They see how happy we are together. They see how much she cares for me and how much I care for her. When you see your child or grandchild so happy, how can you not love the person he/she loves?

We’re so thankful to have people in our lives who accept us for us. Our wedding day was so full of love and support that we could not have asked for anything more.

Shana & Muriel Hudmon Written by: Muriel

OUR WEDDING DAY WAS EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL. Photographer credit: Randy Romone Photography Muriel (IG: @mbtake1) Shana (IG: @shudmon)

January+February 2018 | TUVMAG.COM 25

EDITOR’S LETTER |

FREE YOURSELF

Choose to have positive and affirming people in your life. Build genuine friendships instead of having bar buddies whose last names you don’t know.

Photographer Hugh Clark 26 TUVMAG.COM | January+February 2018

by Rayceen Pendarvis, HRH

NEW

IN THE

| FEATURE

“People deal with trauma the best they can, which sometimes leads to drug addiction and alcoholism.”

YEAR A

s we embark on a new year, give yourself the gift of freeing yourself from all that has been weighing you down and holding you back. We all have our share of challenges, struggles, and impediments.

While some are systemic, and not easily avoided or conquered, some are within our control.

It’s time to get rid of the chip on your shoulder and that monkey on your back. This will take work, but the first step is to decide that now is the time.

If you want to change, you have to be willing to change. Many people have grown accustomed to the negativity in their lives and are not truly committed to making changes. They would rather complain about it and keep on doing what they have become comfortable doing or tolerating. If you want this year to be like last year, choose to keep on doing what you have been doing.

Many of us have experienced tragedy and trauma, especially as LGBTQ people and people of color. If you have made it this far unscathed, you certainly know many others who have not. Suffering is unavoidable, but we choose how we will process it. We decide if it will define us. We decide if we will be a victim or a survivor. We decide if we will be overwhelmed or if we will seek out help, whether financial, psychological, or spiritual. There are resources available, and while seeking them out can be its own challenge, you are worth the effort. You deserve to live the best life that you can.

There are people who have survived abuse, assault, and rape. There are military veterans and those who have experienced crime and police misconduct, who have PTSD. There are LGBTQ people who were rejected by their families, sometimes leading to homelessness. People deal with trauma the best they can, which sometimes leads to drug addiction and alcoholism. Others turn to sex, overeating, or gambling. Some people cope by going into denial and focusing on careers or acquiring material things. If the trauma isn’t being addressed, all these things are as helpful as a band-aide on a bullet wound. If you are one of these people, let this be the year when you get the help that you need. Let this be the year that you transition from hurting to healing. Let this be the year that you leave the past behind and create the future that you want to live.

at the family dinner, the snide comments at the holiday celebration, or whatever mistakes you made on New Year’s Eve. Let go of the negativity and consider letting go of negative people. If you must see them in the new year at a wedding, funeral, reunion, birthday party, or cookout, let them experience the new you. Make the decision to do better and be better. If you have addictions, seek help. Be your own advocate, your own champion, your own hero.

Choose to have positive and affirming people in your life. Build genuine friendships instead of having bar buddies whose last names you don’t know. Make better use of your time, energy, and money. Set priorities, not just goals or New Year’s Resolutions. If you don’t spend money on drinks, cigarettes, drugs, and trade, you will have more money to spend towards your self-improvement.

Make this the year that, to paraphrase Rep. Maxine Waters, you reclaim your time. Let go of the past. Break your chains. Get out of your rut. Free yourself in the new year.

Rayceen Pendarvis is an emcee, social media personality, and host of The Ask Rayceen Show, a free monthly event which begins its seventh season on March 7, 2018, at HRC Equality Center in Washington, DC. For more information, please visit AskRayceen.com

Let go of whatever negativity you experienced over the holidays: the argument

January+February 2018 | TUVMAG.COM 27

SPIRITUALITY |

By Beth Trouy

T

he text this morning from my Mom read, “These are the verses I want read at my funeral. Just so you know.” Now let me clarify that my mother is alive and well. In fact, she is healthier than most 77 year olds I know and sharper than ever. But she has this on her mind this morning because her son, my brother, starts chemotherapy today for metastatic lung cancer. Each day for him now has become precious.

For every one of us who know and love my brother John, we too now view each day as a gift like no other.

You see, we all take life for granted to some degree because the frenetic day-to-day pace lulls us into complacency. We are much more concerned with schedules, deadlines and responsibilities than worrying about the unknown. Until we get “the phone call.” It’s the call that reminds us how fragile our life is. The call that yanks us out of our security and drops us face-to-face into the jaws of mortality.

So where does that leave us after the shock waves settle?

Just ask my brother John. He’s as thoughtful, peaceful and hopeful, yes hopeful, as ever. This diagnosis has only heightened his sense of gratitude for being a husband, grandfather, and brother. He’s embracing the present moment and choosing to walk with faith in a God he says,

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“…hasn’t let me down yet and will not abandon me now.”

We can all learn from John.

Maybe you aren’t facing a life-changing event. Maybe you’re just struggling to be positive in your daily challenges. Maybe you’re just trying to keep your head above water in a sea of negativity and cynicism. You do have a choice. You can choose to embrace life as it is with a joyful heart or reject it.

Our attitudes are ours alone to possess. How much more could we lift each other up if we choose gratitude over resentment, generosity over possessiveness, hope over futility? Life is precious. We can’t alter our destiny, but we can control our attitude and choose our companions along the way.

One quote says, “We are all just walking each other home.”

Isn’t that really what life is about -- accompanying one another and being present in the moment? How much more enjoyable is the journey when we have good friends to make us laugh and keep life in perspective with grateful hearts? Life is teaching me to embrace each day, choose generosity and sometimes, just show up. The power of faith, hope and love never fail. We need to keep giving each other these gifts as nourishment on our long walk home. Need proof? Just ask my brother John.

Overcoming Life with

| SPIRITUALITY

Lemonade Faith

By Dr. Darnell Gooch, Jr.

Cathedral of Praise Church of Memphis, Inc. Pastor/Founder

F

or me, one of the greatest joys in the world is to be able to create life in the midst of impossible situations. In this context, life is not just to be defined as something biological or reproductive but is the delight of emotion, success, good fortune and desire from my experiences when I have changed the narrative of my situations. An old cliché says that when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. In other words, you make the best out of bad situations. Lemonade is a very refreshing drink that often tastes bitter but very sweet. Life can sometimes be like that lemonade; very bitter but also sweet. Even Grammy Award winner Beyoncé shares part of her life in her best-selling album of the year Lemonade (2016), an epic formation of embraced controversy addressing what some may suggest is the state of her marriage and family.

No doubt, Beyoncé’s sixth album has reached millions across the globe -- and if her music has reached millions then imagine how many people our business has reached.

After all, people love drama. They will gossip more about what’s going on in your life than they talk about what’s going on in theirs. Life has taught me how to treat people. I learned to be careful of people you let know your business.

Some people are more invested in what’s going on in your relationship than they are invested in your friendship. My husband and I have been together almost 17 years, and we have invited people into our space only to discover that some people were not our friends. They were really our enemies.

Another thing for certain that I have learned is that you have to watch who you entertain because tomorrow you will become their entertainment. Folks love to hear your

For me, one of the greatest joys in the world is to be able to create life in the midst of impossible situations. struggles because many you share your tea with would rather see you bitter than to see you blessed. They want to see you cry rather than see you happy. They would rather see you broke than to see you have anything. They would rather see you break-up than to make-up. My husband and I have overcome many obstacles, both individually and collectively. Like Dr. Martin L. King, Jr. once said, “There’s some difficult days ahead,” and he wasn’t lying.

Life happens to everyone. Life is about having struggles.

No one is exempt from struggles, including us. But the blessing lies within overcoming the struggles. I’ve had to fight with the very people I was called to help. The very people I would take a bullet for were the ones pulling the trigger. Whenever I was dealt a bad hand, I learned to play with what I was dealt. If Beyoncé can rock lemonade, then what makes me think I couldn’t drink the lemonade?

Beloved, lemonade is learning how to take the bitterness

of what you drink and turn it into something sweet.

Life taught me not to feel victimized by my situations because my situations are my God-given assignments -not any implication that I deserve a pity party. O.C. Allen said, “Intimidation is a state of the mind that you create.

Intimidation is nothing more than doubt in yourself and your abilities. It is your inner ‘drama queen’ projecting the worst when you should be reaching for your best.” I don’t throw pity parties, nor am I intimidated because the success of my situations resulted from the power of my faith. Therefore, if you want success then you must learn how to believe in yourself even when everything around you isn’t working out the way you envisioned. And the quickest way to believe is by developing reinforcements and becoming the master of your own struggles.

January+February 2018 | TUVMAG.COM 29

FINANCIAL NEWS |

Malcolm “MJ” Harris

Financial

Resolutions for 2018 Resolution #1 Maximize your income -- and your income potential.

Every day that you work, your goal should be to make sure that you’re maximizing your income for that day. You should be asking yourself, “What can I do today to make as much money as possible and help as many people as possible?” That’s always the goal. Your tax refund shouldn’t be the only influx of money you get every year. Yet also 30 TUVMAG.COM | January+February 2018

recognize that unless you fall off the face of this earth, 2019 will come. So you should also be asking yourself, “What can I do, in 2018, to position myself to maximize my income in the next year?”

The new year is an opportunity to determine how you want to position yourself in the world, not just for that year, but also for the years to come. Does that mean going back to school? Does it mean getting a new certification? Does it mean getting a license in your field, or perhaps in a new field? It’s not enough to say, “I want more money.” You have

| FINANCIAL NEWS

to ask, “What am I going to do to get more money? How can I position myself to have the income and the lifestyle that I truly desire?”

You want to always be setting yourself up for the next step.

So let’s say you’re an HR manager. You need to go online and find out if you’re being paid on par with the salary of other HR manager positions in your area. And if you can’t stay where you are and get more money, then maybe you need to switch jobs. Have you been at the same job for years and not asked for raise? Then maybe it’s time to ask for a raise.

a job. And yet again, with IT -- it’s so highly paid because not enough people are doing it. The demand is high because the supply is low. But anybody can go and learn. Anybody can sign up for a course. You have people who don’t even have a college degree but just went and took a weekend IT course to earn a new certification. It just requires you asking yourself, “What’s currently available for me to position myself for some kind of demand to work in my favor -- so that what I’m supplying is something in demand, and so that I’m not competing with a ton of other people to be able to supply it?”

Resolution #2 If you’re an employee, look at your employer. Reduce your expenses -- and stop going What skill set can they not live without? broke trying to impress people.

Who are the people now in your office who -- if that person were to leave tomorrow -- The measures and guidelines for reducing the company would be screwed? Maybe you spending will vary for everybody. There aren’t should learn to do their job -- not so you can specific line items that I recommend cutting take their job, but so that you can go to a back on because spending is very personal competitor and offer the same skill set there from one of us to the next. But one thing because what’s valuable to your company is everyone should do is log onto a website like also valuable to the next. mint.com and examine their spending for the past month. From there, you can see what If you’re seeing people around you getting you’ve been overspending on, and you can promoted, making more money, and figure out areas for reduction. getting more bonuses, then take notice of that they’re doing that you’re not doing, Let me also say, however, that you can only or what they know that you don’t know. reduce your expenses by so much -- but Did they work more hours? Did they earn you can always make unlimited additional more certifications? Did they pursue other income. So don’t put so much energy into endeavors to become more specialized and trying to reduce your spending to the point more valuable to your employer? Within your that you’re living a lifestyle that decreases own job, one of the quickest ways to find this your quality of life. Decrease your expenses out is to ask your employer or a co-worker, as reasonably as is comfortable, but really “What skills can we not do without in the focus your energy on making more money company? What skill do we not have enough because the more you make, the more you’re of? What do you see within this industry that going to save. we need more people to know how to do?”

Just ask somebody and they’ll tell you.

Resolution #3 yourself aware of what’s Economic conditions may change, but the Keep happening in your financial life. rules of money do not. The rules of money are timeless: supply and demand. So always look to position yourself to offer a skill set, It’s not enough to check your account product, or service that’s in demand. Stop every morning. That’s just knowing what’s going after the sexy stuff -- go after the happening with your cash flow. But are you positions that offer high pay but do not have checking your credit at least once a month? enough people to fulfill them. For instance, Are you looking at what’s happening in my mom is a social worker. Despite times your 401(k)? Are you making sure you of economic decline, she has never been have sufficient life insurance once a year? without a job because there is always a Be mindful to actually check in on what’s shortage of social workers. The same goes happening in your financial life as a whole. If for nurses. Rarely do you see a nurse out of you have cancer but you don’t go to the doctor,

Financial wellness guru Malcolm “MJ” Harris encourages you to set four resolutions for being your best financial self in 2018.

then how can you know? Early detection is always the best start to effective and successful treatment -- and the same goes for your finances. People have a tendency to only know when their finances have fallen apart so much that they’re more difficult to repair than they have to be. You could have a financial cancer in your life, but if you’re not giving yourself a financial check-up regularly, then how would you ever know?

Resolution #4 Check out the MJ Harris Experience Tour!

My first national tour kicks off on February 17 in Atlanta, and the theme is “Living Limitless” because such a major part of what I teach in my videos is all about limitless living -- how to have limitless love, limitless financial abundance, and limitless self-esteem in your life. I will also be teaching my wealth building system on this tour, which are the concrete steps I took to build my own wealth.

Other cities will include DC, Atlanta, New York, and more. People can buy tickets at www.MJHarrisTour.com. I look forward to seeing you there!

January+February 2018 | TUVMAG.COM 31

EDITOR’S LETTER |

#OurTIMEISNOW #UNLEASHYOURVOICE

THE

V

NLEASHED

OICE

MAGAZINE

“ ...It’s more than a magazine-It’s a Synergized Movement.”

TUV Mission

The Unleashed Voice Magazine will cultivate the stories of LGBTQ people with engaging and empowering conversation to people of the world about the multicultural LGBTQ Community.

TUV Vision

The Unleashed Voice Magazine (TUV Magazine) will aid the LGBTQ Community and its allies in redefining how the diverse LGBTQ person wishes to be viewed or spoken about. TUV Magazine will be the optimal print and media hub for the affluent LGBTQ consumer and those who want to be included in the “Unleashing” movement.

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