January 9, 2012

THE Varsity Vol. CXXXII, No. 14

University of Toronto’s Student Newspaper Since 1880

9 January, 2012

The Mayans were wrong — The Varsity predicts 2012 P11 “You really do not have to follow the conventional definition of university success… I really valued self-exploration and international experiences.”

WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO BE A

P3 Photo Courtesy of ANDREW JOHNSON

McGuinty’s post-secondary priorities take shape Minister Glen Murray expecting 60,000 new undergrads by 2015, planning construction of three new universities Simon Bredin ASSOCIATE NEWS EDITOR

Dalton McGuinty’s provincial Liberal government will continue with plans to address the myriad issues facing the post-secondary system, following up on this month’s 30 per cent tuition grant (for more, see P2).

For much of the last eight years, the province has emphasized accessibility in post-secondary education, creating 200,000 new spaces at colleges and universities across the province. But critics say that the focus on growth has come at the cost of quality. At the same time, the province’s ranking slipped across several key indicators.

Today, Ontario’s per-student funding and student-faculty ratios are the worst in Canada. According to a March 2011 poll, only eight per cent of Ontarians believed the quality of post-secondary education had improved under Dalton McGuinty.

The Liberals intend to continue expansion in order to meet the province’s projected needs. In his speech from the throne, premier Dalton McGuinty confirmed a plan to build three new university sites by 2015, taking in an additional 60,000 undergraduates. A September 4 report by the Canadian Press cited Barrie, Milton, and Brampton

as probable locations. Others have suggested that the province should be eyeing high-tech hubs that would benefit from an infusion of research money and youthful talent, such as the Kanata region east of Ottawa.

But increasingly, university administrators and other experts have vocalized their desire to turn away from the intensive growth-based model. Issues such as cost and quality of education, neglected during the growth spurt, have now become the focus of attention.

“While we have welcomed this growth, it has not always occurred in a particularly well-planned way,” former Minister of Training, Universities, and Colleges John Milloy told an audience at the Canadian Club this past summer.

“One size does not fit all,” Queen’s University principal Daniel Woolf told The Globe and Mail. Queen’s, Woolf admitted frankly, “has not prospered by a growth-only formula.”

The impetus for growth comes largely from the funding agreements between the province and the universities. That agreement is up for renegotiation this year, and the stakes are high.

“The current funding formula does not place enough emphasis on

teaching, does not promote teaching quality, and is needlessly complex,” said Ian Clark, a U of T public policy professor and former president of the Council of Ontario Universities, in an e-mail to The Varsity.

The opportunity to renegotiate funding agreements means that Murray can begin to pivot away from the growth-centric attitude of his predecessors, to focus on other concerns.

Though the minister admitted that he has been preoccupied with the new tuition grant, he recognizes that there is “more need out there” among demographics excluded from the recent grant and promised to work with student organizations to address these needs.

“I see myself as the person negotiating on behalf of the students with the universities,” said Murray in a recent conference call with campus media.

He added that he was “concerned about a number of things” heading into negotiations, including “the flat-rate policy that many universities have introduced, where you pay full-time for a part-time education.” U of T introduced such a policy in 2009 and it remains deeply unpopular among students and other critics.

Continued on P5

Quantity over quality graph by MATTHEW D.H. GRAY

Funding per student has not kept pace with the rapidlyswelling ranks of Ontario’s undergraduate students.

Ontario currently ranks last in funding per student and student-faculty ratio, two key indicators of the quality of post-secondary education.

‘09-1 ‘08 ‘09-10‘08 0 97 ‘06-0 ‘07‘0 -18 -0‘0 ‘0 -18 -09 5 ‘0 7 -06 ‘05 6 4 ‘0 0 0 ‘ 7 3 0 5 4-0 ‘0 0 0 2 6 ‘0 ‘ 4 0 0 3-04 -0 5 ‘00-0 ‘10 ‘03 ‘00 1 12-02 2-03 -01

Source: Council of Ontario Universities

Source: Council of Ontario Universities

Total Full Time Undergrad Enrollment (’00-’10)

Total FullGrants TimePer Undergrad Enrollment Operating Student (’00-’09)

(’00-’10)

Operating Grants Per Student (’00-’09)

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Riding the Rhodes to success Rhodes scholar Steven Wang says that parents’ sacrifice inspired his win Semra Eylul Sevi VARSITY CONTRIBUTOR

Steven Wang was devastated when he heard he didn’t get the Rhodes Scholarship interview. He went for a long jog that morning and kept the bad news to himself as he received it on convocation day.

But his sadness was short-lived; he later received another email explaining that he was selected for an interview after all. And a few weeks later, while at the Fox and Fiddle for karaoke night, he found out that he won the coveted award.

“I rushed out the bar — probably running over two or three people,” said Wang. “I swear I had the biggest smile on my face of anyone in the city that night. It seemed completely unreal.”

The Rhodes Scholarship is one of the most prestigious awards in academia. Awarded based on academic success and extracurricular activities, winners receive a stipend and an endowment to study at the University of Oxford for two years. Eleven scholarships are given out annually to Canadians.

Since arriving in Canada at the age of nine, Wang has come far.

His parents, born into poverty in China, decided to immigrate to Canada to give their son a chance to pursue a better life.

“I still remember my mother crying when we first landed, sleeping on the floors of a small apartment, trying to be courageous, but determined to provide me with the opportunities she never had,” said Wang.

This sacrifice his parents made motivated him to be successful in school. He received a 3.87 cumulative grade point average studying international relations and philosophy at U of T and finished high school with a 97.5 per cent average.

Political science professor Ste-

“I still remember my mother crying when we first landed, sleeping on the floors of a small apartment, trying to be courageous, but determined to provide me with the opportunities she never had.”

Steven Wang has rafted down the Nile, plays violin, and enjoys the occasional karaoke night. PHOTO COURTESY OF ANDREW JOHNSON

phen Clarkson says that in his undergraduate research group, Wang “stood out for the clarity and authority with which he articulated his views.

“Compared to the many students I have taught over 47 years, Steven has exceptional personal

maturity and international experience,” added Clarkson. “His study of China’s rise has connected his personal journey as a Chinese-Canadian with his political commitment to reconciling global tensions.”

Wang spent a year abroad,

studying in Paris as an exchange student. That summer, he studied conflict in the Middle East at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem. Another summer was spent in Serbia and Bosnia, studying peace-building.

During his undergraduate

years, he backpacked throughout East Africa, Europe and the Middle East to 25 countries, including hiking through parts of the Sahara Desert and whitewater rafting down the Nile River.

Wang also plays first violin for the Trinity String Quartet and previously played for Mississauga Youth Orchestra and Kitchener Waterloo Youth Orchestra.

“I am extremely proud of Steven for winning this prestigious award,” said Jesse Beatson, Wang’s good friend.

Stephen’s friends have nothing but kind words to say about him.

Ben Verboom, a U of T alumnus and Wang’s roommate, said that his friend is an “incredibly bright and driven young man.”

“My first impression of Steven, when I met him in September of 2007, was that he was destined to do something big down the road.”

At Oxford, Wang plans to pursue an MPhil in international relations, and afterwards, get an international law degree in the United States.

Asked if he had any advice for students who are starting their undergrad at U of T, Wang replied that “[new students] should really make it their own and not settle for anything less than constantly searching for what they want.”

“I draw from my experiences that you really do not have to follow the conventional definition of university success,” he said. “I chose not to get too involved in student politics or starting too many clubs because I really valued self-exploration and international experiences.”

Last year, Victoria College student Erin Fitzgerald was the recipient of the award. The University of Toronto has produced numerous Rhodes scholars throughout its history, including Liberal MP and interim party leader Bob Rae and current university president David Naylor.

Liberals announce 30 per cent tuition grant, for some

Limited scope draws criticism from students, opposition Rida Fatema Ali VARSITY CONTRIBUTOR

The Ontario Liberal government is fulfilling a major campaign promise this month in handing down a 30 per cent tuition grant.

For those who are eligible, this year’s grant will amount to $800 for university students and $365 for college students. Those totals are expected to rise to $1,600 dollars and $700 respectively beginning in September 2012.

310,000 students qualify immediately for the grant. The number of recipients is expected to grow annually, says Glen Murray, Minister of Training, Colleges, and Universities.

The grant was introduced under

a strict set of parameters. Qualified applicants must be in a program that can be applied to straight out of high school, must be studying full-time, must report gross family income of less than $160,000, and must be no more than four years — or six for students with disabilities — out of high school.

The limited number of eligible students has sparked criticism from organizations such as the Canadian Federation of StudentsOntario (CFS).

“Despite Dalton McGuinty’s repeated promise to reduce tuition fees, his government is introducing a grant that will reach just over 300,000 of Ontario’s more than 900,000 students,” CFS Chairman

Sandy Hudson says.

According to CFS estimates, the government could instead have slashed tuition fees by 13 per cent across the board, at the same annual cost of $420 million.

The Ontario Conservatives have also expressed their disappointment with the grant. They have argued that a government facing a $16 billion deficit should not be launching such an expensive program.

Addressing financial concerns, Murray explains that the new grant will be deducted from pre-existing funding mechanisms.

“The only negative is that we had to find the money within existing funding,” he said. “The only direct student aid program that’s gone is

the technology and textbook grant which is about $150.”

There are also some out-of-high school scholarship programs that are being phased out — one of them being the Queen Elizabeth scholarship program.

“Anyone who has received it in the last year will see it to the end.

It’s a multi-year scholarship and [past recipients] will continue to get it. We will just not be accepting any new applicants into the program after this year,” says Murray.

Students have taken to social media to post their opinions on the grant. Reactions range from praise and delight (“SO happy for the 30% Ontario Tuition Grant,”) to frustration (“whyyyyy do they

keep e-mailing me about this Ontario tuition grant if I don’t even qualify.”).

For students already enrolled in the OSAP program, the 30 per cent tuition grants will be processed automatically. All other students can apply for this grant through a link on the OSAP website. The application is now open and the deadline is March 31.

The application process, Murray said, is a one-time deal.

“Once you’ve applied you’re basically doing a life-agreement, so the entire time that you’re in university or college this will apply and you’ll just have to do a short renewal form online each year,” he says. “This is permanent — as long you’re student you’ll never have to reapply.”

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No victory in victory laps?

Weighing the benefits of spending more time getting a degree Joan Sullivan VARSITY CONTRIBUTOR

The time required to complete a post-secondary degree is increasingly exceeding the traditional four-year period. The need for an additional fifth — or even sixth — year of school is such a common occurrence that students have dubbed it “the victory lap.”

In light of the five-year phenomenon, some colleges and universities are introducing a new initiative called the Four Year Degree Guarantee.

In the United States, approximately 15 private colleges guarantee students that they will complete their degree in four years, provided that they stay on top of coursework and meet with advisors regularly. If the school does not hold up its end of the bargain — if courses are unavailable or if poor guidance is given — the university will cover all tuition costs until the degree is completed.

The University of Calgary is the only school in Canada to currently offer a Four Year Degree Guarantee, and U of T has yet to adopt a similar initiative.

According to U of T media relations director Laurie Stephens, students decide to take a “victory lap” for a number of different reasons.

“At U of T, many students elect to extend their undergraduate education by enrolling in co-op programs, taking a Professional Experience year, doing a year of international exchange or taking time off for personal reasons,” she says.

Some programs at the undergraduate level are designed to stretch over five years, such as the Concurrent Teacher Education Program offered at the OISE. Other students find their true academic calling only after one or two years spent studying another subject altogether.

However, some students claim that poor course selection and limited class enrollment, among other things, force them to complete an unplanned fifth year of studies at great financial and personal costs.

Ellen Chang, a fourth-year visual arts major, plans on returning to U of T next fall for an additional semester and possibly even a full year.

“Visual studies offers about 10 courses per year with over 200 students vying for

25 spots in each of these courses,” she says. “A lot of people have trouble getting into courses and end up staying five or six years.”

Some, however, believe that completing a degree in more than four years could be beneficial.

Fifth-year political science major Jessie Russell began her studies at U of T with the intention of completing her BA in five years.

“I wanted to be able to work part-time while I studied, so I had always planned on taking three to four courses per year,” she says. “The fact that I could pay per course really benefited me because I could work and study simultaneously.”

Chief spokesperson for CUPE 3902 James Nugent agreed, saying that longer years spent completing a degree allows for critically important research.

“Research in many disciplines requires extended experiments, learning a new language, overseas fieldwork, etc., which simply cannot be done in four years,” he says.

Despite the benefits, however, graduate students have seen funding towards their research plummet through the years.

“We increasingly see the administration

taking research grant/fellowships away, forcing grad students to conduct their dissertation research for free while at the same time having to shoulder the burden of new RA responsibilities,” Nugent says.

CUPE 3902 is currently asking the U of T administration to reinstate the Doctoral Completion Grant (DCG). The DCG, which was eliminated last spring, was a special tuition rebate that reimbursed fifth and sixth year graduate students for a portion of their tuition.

“Our union is currently asking the administration to continue funding graduate students for their dissertation research so that they are not forced to do hundreds of hours of new work responsibilities if they don’t want to,” Nugent said.

Ultimately, for Nugent and for many students, the issue can be boiled down to financial concerns. For instance, students who have taken more than four years to complete their program do not qualify for the recently announced 30 per cent tuition grant.

“We need to ensure that adequate dissertation-related funding is available to graduate students so that they can focus on their research.”

New initiative lobbies for creation of chair in Iranian politics Students, professor ally in effort to deepen Canadian understanding of Iranian culture Mahsa Alimardani VARSITY CONTRIBUTOR

With Iran once again in the news over military drills in the Hormuz Straits, political science professor Ramin Jahanbegloo sees more need than ever to familiarize the U of T community with the inner workings of the country. Jahanbegloo and a group of students have started an initiative to establish a chair for the study of Iranian contemporary politics at the University of Toronto.

“Given the ongoing importance of Iranian politics to global security in the Greater Middle East, Central Asia, and beyond, and the rapid growth of the Iranian-Canadian community (especially in the GTA), it is crucial to examine the ways in which U of T can become one of the world’s leading centres for research and education, given the many unique assets the university possesses,” said Jahanbegloo, an expert on nonviolent theory and modern Iranian politics.

“Iran is a politically-disturbed country with much-needed attention since it has been misrepresented by the Western media. Iranian people and the country itself need to be fully understood by other communities,” said Sadaf Nik, one of the students behind the project.

Having an Iranian studies chair at U of T, according to Nik, will help Canadians to further understand Iranian culture.

Started last spring, the initiative has gained tremendous support from students, faculty, and outside organizations, according to political science department chair David Cameron.

“There’s a general desire to have this [chair] in the university,” he said. “The prospect of establishing this chair and associated activities like graduate scholarships, conferences, and workshops in the area of contemporary Iran, with Ramin playing a central role, is very exciting.”

Anoosh Salahshoor, executive director of the initiative and Jahanbegloo’s former student, said that the petition to create the

Students gathered signatures petitioning for a chair in Iranian studies. Bernarda Gospic/THe VArsity

chair has grown outside of U of T’s walls.

“Initially, there were a few of us students along with Ramin who showed interest in the project, but we’ve turned to the vibrant Iranian-Canadian community in Toronto to set the ground running to establish this chair,” said Salahshoor.

In July 2011, the project took its first step at Harbourfront’s Tirgan, one of the largest Iranian festivals in the world. The four-day festival attracted over 100,000 visitors, and the team of volunteers gathered around 3,000 signatures petitioning

the chair’s creation.

Shahin Yamin, one of the volunteers behind the initiative, expressed great optimism after the results of Tirgan.

“This was an idea within a small group of people, but the feedback we got from Tirgan festival really demonstrated that there’s an overwhelming want for this initiative.”

The committee chair has so far enlisted the support of Toronto’s NoRooz Educational Foundation. NoRooz president Sussan Ekrami, who has initially funded the initiative, is now leading a campaign to

find sponsorships throughout the IranianCanadian community.

“The study of contemporary Iran is seriously lacking at such a big institution like U of T,” said Ekrami, who is delighted with the students’ energy in leading the campaign. “Iranian-Canadian youth need to have a voice, especially here in Toronto, so they can help build the Iran of tomorrow.”

The initiative awaits further funding and resources before a formal request is made to the university’s Faculty of Arts and Science.

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News in brief Paikin vs. Naylor: Young Job market to weaken in 2012, Liberals go head-to-head report warns An online feud between outspoken young Liberals Zach Paikin and Max Naylor last month drew attention to the fractured state of affairs the party finds itself in after last year’s disastrous election.

Naylor, son of University of Toronto president David Naylor, published an extensive blog post bashing Zach Paikin, 20, a McGill student vying to become the Liberal Party’s new National Policy Chair and the son of TVO anchor Steve Paikin.

Naylor wrote that Paikin’s political views fall on the far right, citing that his opponent works for “a right-wing rag,” the Prince Arthur Herald, and his alleged penchant for “[cutting] ties as he continues to waltz further right.”

Paikin declined to issue a personal response, but his director of communications later released a statement affirming that the candidate still desires to hold the Liberal’s National Policy Chair position.

—James Maiangowi With files from The Grid.

Post-secondary graduates will be facing a bleak economy and job market in 2012, according to the recently released 2011 Campus Recruitment and Benchmark Report.

The report, which surveyed 324 employers online from August 1 and September 26, said that recruiters predicted a 2.9 per cent dip for job offers and zero increase in starting employee pay. Signing bonuses, which are designed to attract new graduates and that were offered by 15 per cent of employers in 2008, were also glaringly absent from contracts, the survey said.

The salaries of the few who get hired, however, have reportedly increased to an average of $53,717 in 2011, 10 per cent more than the previous year.

A month after the survey was conducted, federal finance minister Jim Flaherty revised his economic growth forecast for 2011 from 2.9 per cent to 2.2 per cent. In mid-December, TD Economics projected that the overall unemployment rate in Canada will increase from 7.4 per cent to 7.5–8 per cent.

—Georgia Williams With files from Maclean’s OnCampus.

Western pulls red flag on student-made series

Six suspects still at large in sexual assault case

On January 1, 3 Audrey, a scripted web series premiered its first show after causing uproar within the University of Western Ontario (UWO) faculty and administration for the latter part of 2011.

The six-part series is about student life at UWO, depicting alcohol consumption and promiscuity among students.

3 Audrey, which is not an official Western production, was shot on Western’s campus during homecoming weekend, and the university is concerned about the portrayal of Western’s purple branded clothing, sports teams, and infrastructure.

Western media student Dave Provost, who wrote the show with his friend director Miguel Barbosa, defended his work.

“We are just trying to show the realism of post secondary education,” said Provost, justifying the scenes of excessive partying and provocative behavior shown in the series.

The controversy led Provost and Barbosa to include a disclaimer to their show, stating that the actions and opinions expressed do not represent any educational institution.

—Tichaon Tapambwa With files from Maclean’s OnCampus.

Police are seeking six male suspects in one of the worst sex crimes in recent memory.

On January 3, just after 9:30 pm, a woman walking around the Ryerson campus area at Yonge and Gerrard was forced into a black minivan. Taken to a home near Yonge and Eglinton, she was sexually assaulted for several hours before managing to escape and contact the police.

The Ryerson Student Union and local residents have complained that the police did little to notify them of the incident.

“They would normally issue a warning for this,” Caitlin Smith, Ryerson Student Union president told the Toronto Star.

“When anything like that happens it’s good for the community to know so that we can be aware of what’s happening on our campus.”

Police have since released two community bulletins urging residents to be cautious.

—Simon Bredin With files from the Toronto Star.

Continued FrOM P1

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The minister also expressed his intention to bring Ontario up to speed with recent international changes to post-secondary education.

“You have to look at our university degrees and our college degrees in an international context,” said Murray.

He spoke emphatically about the importance of “the portability of degrees and the transference of credit,” which he believes to be “a real problem in Ontario.” He has been monitoring the ongoing Bologna Process, which seeks to harmonize all higher education across Europe, and is also keeping an eye on Australia’s recent overhaul of its system. If Ontario is to keep pace abroad, the coming years will likely see the introduction of 2- or 3-year degree programs.

“There are some very big challenges that we’re trying to manage, at a period when restraint for government is at an all-time high because of the global economic situation,” acknowledges Murray. “It’s a lot of balls to keep in the air.”

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Student disservices Why UTSU potentially cutting services and raising salaries is wrong

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Esther Mendelsohn VARSITY CONTRIBUTOR

In what can only be described as an act of shameless hypocrisy, the UTSU has given itself a generous raise in salary. Ironically, this is coming from the same people who each year spend exorbitant amounts of money and energy on lobbying the provincial government to lower tuition fees. Furthermore, these raises are coming at the expense of services and funding for clubs.

To be fair, the nearly $200,000 raise includes the salaries of new hires, although since the UTSU refuses to release exact figures, we will likely never know much more than that, and the rest remains a matter for speculation.

U of T has a large student body and a vibrant campus culture. Someone needs to make sure that Metropasses are sold, that clubs receive the adequate funds and resources, and that the overall student experience is pleasant and accessible. The UTSU sells Metropasses and discount tickets and coordinates the health and dental plan. It also runs a food bank, a book exchange, and a variety of other useful services.

Unfortunately, funding for some of these, including clubs, book exchange, and tickets, has been cut.

If these services are being cut, do

we really need five full-time executives and a small army of staff people? Moreover, while these services are important, they seem to be overshadowed by the UTSU’s other activities. To many students, it can seem as though the UTSU is first and foremost an activist group, often advocating positions which conflict with, rather than further, student interests (case in point: the UTSU’s support of the TA strike). It is our money that is being spent; we need to re-examine what kind of student government we want.

The UTSU collects roughly $1 million from students each year, more than $735,000 of which is spent on salaries. UTSU exec members make approximately $25,000 per annum.

I am not necessarily suggesting that we make UTSU executive positions part-time and unpaid, but the situation as it stands borders on absurd.

If the UTSU focused solely on services and not on issues that do not directly concern students, it would not need to have full-time exec members, nor would it need to hire as many staff. This would, in turn — wait for it ­— drop fees for students.

Let me be perfectly clear: I believe in fair wages and incentives, but when services for students are being cut — the very services which are the UTSU’s raison d’être — and jobs are being created out of

thin air, something is awry.

This entire situation may seem rather perplexing to anyone who attended the all-candidates debate last year. Every incumbent candidate, all of whom are currently in office, went out of their way to emphasize how important clubs and UTSU services are to students and to the overall campus experience.

Now they are cutting these in order to dole out raises and hire new staff — both of which could only be conceivably justified were they to be needed for an increase in precisely those services, which are being cut.

Part of the problem that has led to this flagrant lack of accountability is the UTSU’s relationship with the problematic Canadian Federation of Students and the fact that a portion of our student fees ($78.54, to be exact, not including the health and dental plans), is automatically given to the UTSU. Students have no say in whether or not they want to be represented by or pay into the UTSU or its umbrella organization, the CFS. But I digress. This lack of accountability permeates nearly every aspect of the UTSU and its activities.

I knew something was not quite right, but I was determined to give the UTSU a chance to explain. After all, there may very well be a perfectly reasonable explanation.

After speaking to two of the exec

members and after being fed frustratingly vague answers, however, I was left to conclude that the numbers simply do not add up.

The UTSU denies that services and club funding are being cut and insists that it will not be raising the salaries of the executive — according to Corey Scott, UTSU VP Internal & Services, only the Board of Directors can sign off on a raise of executives’ salaries — but the auditor’s report suggests otherwise.

The UTSU has cited an agreement with CUPE as the reason they refuse to disclose more accurate information. This in itself is troubling, because it seems that once again, the UTSU is putting CUPE’s agenda before the interests of the students it claims to work for. Many concerned students are demanding answers and have even launched a campaign called “Stop the Salaries.”

Once again, the UTSU has demonstrated a complete disregard for the students it purports to represent. By cutting services and hiring more staff, the UTSU is doing the student body a terrible disservice, and by refusing to be more transparent, it is demonstrating contempt for democracy and for the students. For all its (justifiable) vitriol against Rob Ford, the UTSU sure has taken a page out of his playbook.

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VARSITY COMMENT

monday, January 9, 2012

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Ontario’s political future Ontario requires an infusion of political creativity to meet its challenges Patrick Baud VARSITY STAFF

Last autumn, Ontarians cast their ballots in a rather mediocre election. Faced with a choice between three uninspiring leaders heading three tired parties, voters returned the incumbent Liberals to Queen’s Park one seat shy of a majority. During and since the campaign, none of the leaders, including Premier Dalton McGuinty, have proven themselves to be up to the task of guiding the province through tough times.

The Liberal cabinet is especially weak due to the loss in recent years of heavyweights (and not incidentally, potential challengers to McGuinty), like former attorney general Michael Bryant and former health minister George Smitherman.

The problem with Ontario politics is not just a lack of leadership, but also a lack of political creativity. The Liberals have initiated a number of admirable policies while in office, including a grant program designed to reduce tuition fees by a third for most of Ontario’s college and university students.

However, they have shown remarkably little audacity in the way they approach the challenges faced by the province. The serious issues facing Ontario are many, ranging from ballooning education and health and social care spending, to mounting economic concerns — not to mention climate change.

In Quebec, similar challenges have spurred the formation of a new political party, ‘La Coalition Avenir Quebec’ (the “Coalition for the Future of Quebec”). The Coalition has built a broad base of support across the political spectrum and has advocated

There is a desperate need for a new kind of politics attuned to the difficult economics of the day, but bold enough to pursue real solutions to real problems.

significant changes to the way the Quebec government is run in order to meet these challenges. While the party’s policies will surely not be met with universal acclaim, the Coalition’s problem-focused approach is refreshingly creative. It remains to be seen whether the Coalition will manage to navigate the stormy waters of Quebec politics and succeed.

Likewise, in Vancouver, which has municipal political parties, the party of Mayor Gregor Robertson, Vision Vancouver, is adopting a similar approach. While Vision is considered to be significantly more leftwing than La Coalition Avenir Quebec, it has also pursued a creative path to solving the tough problems facing Vancouver. Vision has achieved remarkable successes in pursuing sustainable policies, while minimizing political discord and keeping Vancouver’s fiscal house in order. Vision’s successes in

Vancouver have led some to speculate that it might be time for the formation of a “Vision British Columbia” party.

Ontario’s political system makes it unlikely that a new party along the lines of La Coalition Avenir du Québec or Vision Vancouver will be formed. In the nearly 150 years since Confederation, government in Ontario has alternated between the Conservatives (known as the Progressive Conservatives since 1942) and the Liberals with only two exceptions: the United Farmers-Labour coalition between 1919 and 1923, and the New Democrats under now federal Liberal leader Bob Rae from 1990 to 1995. While a third party might challenge the Liberals and Progressive Conservatives in the future, the historical trend makes it likely that if anyone will come up with creative solutions to Ontario’s problems, they will do so within the two major parties.

Fortunately, there is a history of political creativity in Ontario, especially among the Progressive Conservatives, who formed governments between 1943 and 1985. Progressive Conservative premiers Leslie Frost, John Robarts, and Bill Davis all had a significant hand in making modern Ontario and mostly in ways that have little to do with what the term “conservative” means today. They invested heavily in education and health care, modernized labour law, and created human rights protections. If Ontario is to overcome the serious challenges it faces, there is a great need for more political creativity of this sort.

There is a desperate need for a new kind of politics attuned to the difficult economics of the day, but bold enough to pursue real solutions to real problems. While it is always fashionable to complain about selfinterested politicians, it is important that we not forget the costs of their doing so. If we let our leaders and their parties become too invested in perpetuating themselves ideologically that they’re rendered unable to do any good for the province, then we cannot expect much from them.

Perhaps it is time for a coalition for the future of Ontario. More likely than not, it would be found within the ranks of either the Liberals or the Progressive Conservatives, but it is possible that it will be the New Democrats or another party still that will take up the mantle. The list of challenges facing Ontario is long, and the stakes are great. The questions concern the future welfare of the province. Yet without audacity and creativity, it is unlikely that our leaders will be able to take on these problems before it is too late.

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Igniting U of T spirit It’s up to students to create the U of T community they want Abdullah Shihipar VARSITY CONTRIBUTOR

Earlier this year, when I decided to attend U of T, I was bombarded with horror stories about how the undergraduate experience is a four-year sentence to a life of solitude on the 12th floor of Robarts Library. Unfortunately, among prospective students, these horror stories are commonplace. U of T students are not exactly helping things either. One of the most common complaints about our campus is that there is a lack of unity and spirit. As a first-year student, what’s my verdict? After spending four months on this campus, I can unequivocally say that I am a proud Varsity Blue and that I love attending U of T. So what makes my story different from the countless tales of horror? When students complain about the lack of spirit at U of T, they place the blame on commuting, high academic standards, student governments like UTSU, the various colleges, and the U of T administration. The majority of the blame, however, falls squarely on the student body.

To a lot of students, a typical day at U of T consists of the commute to class, attending class, and getting back home. Unfortunately, students fall victim to this routine and become trapped within its confines. As a result, feelings of isolation and resentment can begin to grow. Once again, the argument is made that it is the demanding workload put

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on by the university that causes this cycle.

While U of T’s high academic standards may be one of the causes of the routine, it is the attitude of students that perpetuate this cycle.

In order to improve “school spirit” at U of T, one first has to have school spirit. How can this be done? The best way to do this is by getting to know your campus and your fellow students and building a U of T community for yourself. This can seem a daunting task at a

university that boasts 45,000+ students, but it’s doable. Start off by getting to know some people in your lecture and tutorial. This may be awkward at first, but believe me, it will win you friends. You already share something in common with them; you both took the same course. Then, look for things to do on campus that interest you; join an intramural team, a StarCraft club or a humanitarian advocacy group. This will expose you to

other people, most likely studying other subjects, who again have something in common with you. Eventually, you’ll have connections all over campus.

Finally, get to know your campus better.

Pick up a copy of The Varsity, watch a few UTTV clips, and follow U of T-related pages on Twitter and Facebook. Make use of Hart House and the Athletic Centre once in a while, have free tea and cookies at the UC Union, or take some quiet time for yourself at the Multi Faith Centre. Also, it doesn’t hurt to change up where you study and eat every once in a while; this breaks your routine and allows you to be more familiar with your campus.

All of this requires a certain amount of time, and, no doubt, there will not be time to do everything that I’ve mentioned. The common response is that students need to maximize time for studying, especially for those who have so little of it to begin with. This defeatist attitude is why we have no school spirit. We need to change our attitudes and have to be willing to take steps to make our undergraduate experience better. Keep in mind that university is an experience to be had, not just a four-year obstacle in the way of your future career. By improving your campus experience, you will be a happier student and consequently, your time management and study skills will improve — but you have to be willing to take the first step.

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Political Predictions David Woolley gazes into the proverbial crystal ball to see what’s in store next year

monday, January 9, 2012

graphics by MIKE BADOUR

The beginning of a new year is a time for celebration. In 2011, we saw some pretty major changes. There were mass protests in the Middle East, North America, and Europe, the death of dictators in Libya and North Korea; as well as a shift in Canada’s political landscape. 2012 will mean a fresh start. With an old adage about politics in mind — “if you’re right, you look like a genius. If you’re wrong, no one remembers” — it is time to make some predictions for what 2012 has in store politically.

Prediction No. 1: North Korea’s new shenanigans The most recent change to the geopolitical landscape was the death of septuagenarian dictator and Hennessy enthusiast, Kim Jong-Il. The elder Kim has been replaced by his 27-year-old son, Kim Jong-Un, which makes him the youngest world leader ever to control nuclear weapons. Given his cloistered and opulent upbringing, it might be possible that Kim the Younger is not mentally stable.

This might mean that, in a misguided display of strength, Kim will threaten the use of nuclear weapons against one

of North Korea’s freer and more prosperous neighbours.

This will trigger one of two events: 1) Kim Jong-Un is overthrown in a palace coup by the upper rungs of the military leadership who oppose his actions out of a desire for self-preservation or 2) North Korea is invaded by Japan and South Korea in an act of self-defense. Whether we would see a reunification of both Koreas if the second scenario occurred remains to be seen, considering the traditional divides between North and South.

Prediction No. 2: Canadian politics With Harper heading a majority government and facing a leaderless opposition, it will be smooth sailing to get the Conservative agenda passed quickly and without much dissent. However, the NDP may see their political fortunes decline. The surge in support that made them the official opposition in 2011 will completely disappear if they do not prove themselves to be an effective opposition. With a caucus filled by rookie MPs primarily from Quebec, it will be no small task to bring discipline and a sense of

Prediction No. 3: Republicans in 2012 For many political junkies, the big story of 2012 is the race for the Republican nomination. Picking Obama’s challenger has been rife with short-lived frontrunners. These have included a cowboy governor, a pizza tycoon, and a disgraced former Speaker of the House.

But the real story of 2012 won’t be who challenges Obama. It’s whom the President will deal with in Congress. With the rise of Senate candidates like Jeff Flake (R-Arizona) and Connie Mack (R-Florida), whoever the President is after November 4, 2012 there will be many spanners thrown into the works. Flake and Mack would be joining the likes of Rand Paul (R-Kentucky) and Mike Lee (R-Utah) as Tea Partiers who oppose massive federal spending and infringements on civil liberties.

If Obama remains president, he will have both houses of congress under oppositional control. If the GOP take the White House, it won’t be a repeat of the unaccountability of the Bush years. Motivated by principle and backed by a disenfranchised movement largely outside the Republican Party apparatus, the Tea Party candidates will not take their marching orders from the political establishment. Even if the GOP manage not to take control of the upper house, the senators’ ability to filibuster will ensure that Flake, the leading opponent of earmarks in Congress, and Mack, a steadfast supporter of Wikileaks and civil rights, have their voices heard on the issues while frustrating the traditional power structures within both major parties.

professionalism to their ranks. Candidates with little parliamentary experience or who are accustomed to making inflammatory remarks will not be able to give Canadians a sense of confidence in the NDP. This is why, instead of the current front-runners Brian Topp or Thomas Mulcair, someone like Peggy Nash — moderate in rhetoric, with a history in the party and in parliament — will rise to the top and take the leadership, as she offers the best chance for the party to preserve its standing in future elections.

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VARSITY COMMENT

THE

Credit cards, are often approximated to drugs because they are addictive; and the banks that issue credit cards prefer customers who do not pay their bills on time because, interest paiments are a key source of revenue for the banks. However, it is important though to note that credit cards can be useful if for e.g. you are waiting for your paycheck and need to make a purchases.

S I T R Y A V

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PA P

For The Varsity to maintain its high standard for student-produced content, messy submissions like the above need to be cleaned up. Do you have what it takes to tread knee-deep through dreadful writing and make it out sane and in one piece? Do your best to fix up this article excerpt and send your edits to

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VARSITY FEATURES

features@thevarsity.ca

monday, January 9, 2012

Cats Cats will take over for dogs as bearers of the coveted title, “man’s best friend.” Honey badgers will continue to not give a fuck.

Activism While Queen’s Park boasts proximity to the Ontario Legislature, TrinityBellwoods Park will become the preferred choice for the tobogganers and boxed-wine aficionados of the #OccupyToronto movement.

Canada Canada will proudly accept the motto “America’s Hat.” Why? Because hats are awesome and the heads they usually protect are not.

The Internet Dial-up Internet will make a triumphant return and will replace the high-speed kind we’ve all come to know and love.

Food trends Fatty pork will lose its supremacy as a Toronto food trend, replaced by Portuguese salted cod.

Politics Those who mistakenly believed it was Lil’ Kim who died instead of Kim Jong-Il will create a posthumous Tumblr in her honour, “Lil’ Kim Looked At Things.”

Sports Although it’s nowhere near the heart of the continent, North Korea will be the heralded as the champions of the UEFA Euro Cup.

Music Drake’s popularity will cause critics to herald a “Toronto Rap Renaissance.” Most of the music will suck.

Here’s exactly what will happen in 2012

Hygiene The makers of the popular Diva Cup will reveal their first offering for men, the Il Divo, to be used for stemming manly nosebleeds.

While you were all having fun over the holidays, Varsity staffers were hard at work, aligning their minds with the cosmos to bring you the exact goings-on of the year to come. Hint: the Mayans were wrong.

Facebook Facebook will unveil its latest redesign, the Time Cube, where the news feed is a centered block of text in 30-point font. It’s unpunctuated, incoherent, and set against a warped grid background.

The Apocalypse Okay, the Mayans were partially right. The so-called apocalypse will come in the form of a Facebook glitch, whereby all profiles will go public, and information on who’s creeping whom will become available to the masses. That’s pretty fucking bad.

Porn Porn stars bearing names that feature unhealthy foods (Sugar, Candy) will be asked to rename themselves after a fruit or vegetable, as part of an overall strategy to improve children’s dietary health.

The Hobbit movie The Hobbit will be the last good movie ever made. If the Mayans did happen to be right (which they won’t, trust), and the world does end on December 21, The Hobbit’s December 14 release will mean we can all sign off on a happy (cinematic) note.

Ryan Gosling Ryan Gosling will graciously turn down the Oscar, saying, “Hey girl, I can’t accept this generous award knowing my fellow thespian deserves it so much more.”

Celebrities 2011 was the year of the KardASSian.

Expect to see a new ogre-like species absorb the yellow media’s attention in 2012.

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VARSITY ARTS & CULTURE

MONday, January 9, 2012

arts@thevarsity.ca

Arts in review 2011 Best films

For audiences around the world, 2011 will be remembered for a lot of things: a strange trend in terminal illness plot lines (50/50, The Descendants), the year with the most sequels ever released (28 in all), and the year that we saw the Transformer’s trilogy sink to new and unthinkable lows. Still, it wasn’t all bad. Brandon Bastaldo lists the 10 best films of 2011.

Carnage Dir. Roman Polanski Carnage is relentless in its presentation of multilayered, deep-rooted marital malfunctions that ail two yuppie couples. Carnage demands both careful attention and a wild sense of humour from its audience, but its comical War of the Roses-style anti-romance sentiment is entirely worth a watch.

SHAME

Shame Dir. Steve McQueen Shame is all about sex, but don’t let that confuse you about what you are getting into.

McQueen’s vision is stark, ravenous, and desirably unapologetic in its style and all this amounts to an incredibly vivid and focused gaze into sex addiction — a top notch film from a top-notch auteur.

Hobo with a Shotgun Dir. Jason Eisner Jason Eisner’s Hobo with a Shotgun is a bumpy yet pleasurable ride into exploitation recreation at its finest: 15-year-olds inhaling mountains of cocaine, headless corpses spewing blood, and hobos chewing broken glass. Still, Hobo’s 1980s inspired neon imagery makes its horror hypnotic, evocative, and chic; a stellar Canadian production.

50/50 Dir. Jonathen Levine You’d be hard pressed to find another film of 2011 that accomplishes the daunting feat that 50/50 does: laugh at cancer. Written by cancer survivor Will Reiser, 50/50 deserves a place on this list because its original blend of humour and humanity is admirably juxtaposed with the flock of horribly unoriginal sequels of 2011.

Café de Flore Dir. Jean Marc Vallee Café is an ambitious project, to say the least.

Quebecois filmmaker Jean-Marc Vallee established his original — and now unmistakable — DJ turned director style in his previous film, C.R.A.Z.Y (2005), but Cafe’s brilliance resides in Vallee’s adept connection of a frenzy of seemingly unsynchronized life events into a psychedelic cataclysm of grand proportions.

Melancholia Dir. Lars Von Trier Although burdened at times by its broad range of issues (the apocalypse, depression, a troubled wedding), Melancholia is in unison with Von Trier’s previous effort Antichrist (2009).

Von Trier mystifies, entices, and then terrifies viewers into submission and acceptance of his explanation of how the world works. This is okay because the end of days has never looked more stunning.

DRIVE

Drive Dir. Nicholas Winding Refn Refn dazzles with a sleek, fluorescent pink, ‘80s synth-pop film that nods its head to Hobo with a Shotgun’s definitive true exploitation revival aesthetic. Drive wins with stellar performances and dreamy art house imagery that negotiates the proper, and long awaited, resurrection of the ‘80s action hunk (Stallone, Schwarzenegger, etc).

Martha Marcy May Marlene Dir. Sean Durkin Martha’s heavy fragmentation, surrealist methods, and overall ambiguous aesthetic concocts a potential recipe for disaster, but director Sean Durkin, aided by the impeccable performances of newcomer Elizabeth Olsen and fellow cast, shows that he knows what all these ingredients can amount to.

Martha puts forth an extremely Bergman-like effort that pleasurably rivals its prototype in its haunting execution.

Bridesmaids Dir. Paul Feig Bridesmaids was initially presumed to be a female response to The Hangover (2009), but the dexterity of Bridesmaids’ wittiness left audiences and critics happy to finally see where women fit in a male-dominated world of grossout humour. Two years of script crafting at the hands of co-stars Wiig and Mumolo show that Bridesmaids is far ahead of any wolf pack.

The Tree of Life Dir. Terrence Malick Lyrical in delivery, poetic in vision, and spiritually evocative, Tree takes on the overwhelming task of elucidating the mysterious origins of humans. Malick’s Tree is a contemporary indication that truth-seeking is forever a marketable concept, especially when executed with such undeniable finesse.

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MONday, January 9, 2012

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Best songs

Odd songs by an odd fellow — ­ Simon Frank lists the best tracks of 2011

U.S. GIRLS

U.S. Girls – “Island Song” Like most songs on U.S. Girl Meghan Remy’s latest LP U.S. Girls on Kraak, “Island Song” isn’t built from much, just a piano line, keyboard that slowly lurches from chord to chord, and shuffling looped drums. But combined with Remy’s powerful vocals, the mysterious and evocative result is hard to forget.

Tonstartssbandht – Shot to La Parc The brothers behind Tontstartssbandht hail from the suburban dreamscape of Orlando, Florida but call New York and Montreal home, and somehow managed to tour to Russia and Ukraine in 2011. No surprise then that the clattering propulsive drums, blasted guitar fuzz, and barely-there yet melodic vocals of “Shot to La Parc” capture a forward-looking wanderlust, jumping head first into the future simply because it’s there and it’s fun.

Innergaze – Shadow Disco Based on the evidence, “Shadow Disco” is what happens when you record a solid mutant disco song, featuring a subliminal bass line blanketed by synthesizers, then play it back, messing with the filters the entire time and periodically dropping explosions of dub echo. Innergaze’s song is a fine example of the scene emerging around the 100% Silk label, which finds former noise musicians diving into full-on electronic dance.

Femminielli – Atlantida What sets apart “Atlantida” is its scope and vision. Montreal artist Bernardino Femminielli allows his synthesizers to warm up for two minutes before we’re deposited into a cosmic nightclub for eight more. Amidst hall-of-mirrors-guitar-riffing and a relentless drum machine, Femminielli’s Gainsbourg-gone-Latin whisperings will either seduce you or make your skin crawl.

The Offset: Spectacles – The Loop Swing From Hong Kong, but now based in Beijing, The Offset: Spectacles are characterized by an unshakeable commitment to outdated gear and analog recording. Little more than the pulse of a few chords, subtle viola textures, and hectoring Cantonese vocals, “The Loop Swing” is brighter than the rest of their material but captures the focus and dedication that makes their minimalist sound so engrossing.

Group Inerane – Tehiteyman Desert blues of the highest grade, the guitar playing on Group Inerane’s “Tehiteyman” sounds like five Howlin’ Wolves playing at the same time. Hailing from Agadez, Niger, most of Group Inerane’s releases so far have been rough audio verité live recordings, and “Tehiteyman” is no exception. You may hear a child shouting at some point, but the song is so exhilarating it doesn’t matter.

struts along to a typically eccentric beat from producer Clams Casino, the pitched-down vocals providing disorienting yet catchy choruses.

Actual Water – Latoya After releasing a few CDR’s and tapes, Toronto’s Actual Water got convinced they were the biggest band in the world. It’s not true yet, but based on “Latoya” it is possible. Released as an extremely limited single, this piece of over-the-top enthusiastic chiming guitar pop deserves to be heard.

Iceage – New Brigade Danish teenagers Iceage perhaps didn’t fulfill the huge expectations placed on them for their debut album New Brigade but revisiting the title track easily brings back the shock of the first listen. “New Brigade” is equal parts menacing and infectious with singer Elias Bender Rønnenfelt’s post punk baritone speeding by at a hardcore pace as guitars both clang and jangle.

A$AP ROCKY

A$AP Rocky – Bass 2011 was a fairly exciting year for hip-hop, but by the end, it was hard to remember what exactly made everyone so rabid about Odd Future and their ilk. A potent reminder came from A$AP Rocky’s woozy, strangely ethereal rap. “Bass”

Slim Twig – Pastiche It may be a B-side, but “Pastiche” also might be one of the best songs Toronto’s Slim Twig has ever written. Stabbing, granulated organ and a whip-crack groove set the stage for Twig’s vocals which are more a malevolent hiss than composed lyrics. The song’s off-the-cuff nature gives it a charm far greater than more mannered efforts.

Our favourite book Resolving to read more this new year? Associate arts editor and Tina Fey enthusiast Brigit Katz tells us why Bossypants should be number one on your list.

BOSSYPANTS by TINA FEY

I began to fall in love with Tina Fey when her character in 30 Rock ordered a meatball sub with extra bread. Now that I have listened to the audiobook version of Bossypants, Fey’s thoroughly brilliant memoir, I am completely head-over-heels.

Bossypants proves that Fey is not just a weirdly funny comedian and a geeky actress with an unabashed love for cheese. She is also a markedly astute writer, able to capture the world around her with an honesty that is both eviscerating and hilarious.

Much of Fey’s acerbic wit manifests itself the form of selfdeprecating humour as she describes her childhood and the

early years of her career in all their awkward glory. Ultimately, however, it is the “dumb-dumb” mindset of an absurdly superficial society — and of the entertainment industry in particular — that bears the brunt of Fey’s jokes. “I have a suspicion that the definition of ‘crazy’ in show business is a woman who keeps talking even after no one wants to fuck her anymore,” Fey quips at one point during the audiobook, and throughout the narrative of Bossypants, she explores the many challenges that women face as they struggle to prove their worth in a male-dominated workforce.

Amidst all her wisecracks about popular culture and Kim Kardashian’s backside, Fey offers some genuinely thoughtful advice to career-minded women, and she provides interesting insight into the age-old question: “How do we teach our daughters and our gay sons that they are good enough the way they are?”

What good is sitting alone in your room?

DANIELLE KLEIN speaks with Michael-David Blostein, the emcee in Hart House’s upcoming production of Cabaret

M

ichael-David Blostein, the emcee in the upcoming Hart House production of Cabaret, is a part-time student of Art History at U of T and has spent much of his life in the performing arts. Recently, he has worked on many House productions with the UC Follies, such as Assassins and The Threepenny Opera. Cabaret has a thorough history, having undergone major alterations through its many productions, and Blostein assures that this production has its own distinctive take on the show.

The Varsity: You’re a singer, an actor, an arts student; how did you come to be such a Renaissance man?

Michael-David Blostein: I did visual arts for most of my life and started singing, not thinking I would pursue it, so I actually kind of fell into this theatre thing a couple years ago. It’s funny because Cabaret is actually the first show I did in post-secondary, and at that point I just played the club owner. I found it really interesting because it involved a different creative process to drawing, a very solitary activity involving a lot of hours alone — whereas acting has a lot to do with the energy I get from other people.

TV: How did you get involved with this production of Cabaret?

MDB: It’s funny, there’s a bit of a story. The

show that really made me want to do theatre was Assassins [with UC Follies]. But I kept hearing about all this A-list talent in the Birdlands Theatre version with the director, Adam Brazier. I saw it and I was really impressed with how much he treated the musical like a play. My issue with musicals, which is also Adam’s, is that acting is the perfunctory exercise you do to get to the moment of song. So when I heard that he was doing Cabaret at Hart House, I wanted to do it with him because he was obviously going to do something amazing with it.

TV: What attracted you to the role of the emcee?

MDB: What attracted me to the emcee was that … someone as sexually ambiguous as the emcee, could be the emcee — I found that really interesting. This emcee is different than portrayals I’ve seen so far; not a Joel Grey creepy guy in a tux, not overly sexual.

I also like the idea of him kind of being a Greek chorus. To an extent, he does interrupt the action and comment on it at the same time. It also appealed to me because it was getting farther away from the music and more into the acting. I learned the music in an hour for the entire show because it’s pretty much based around a theme. Once you get that structure, it’s all to do with what you are saying in that song, because they aren’t re-

ally scored to showcase a voice. The song becomes a vehicle for the messages within the song, such as “Money,” about the incredible wealth in Berlin, versus the abject poverty.

TV: What excites you the most about being a part of this production of Cabaret?

MDB: Adam said something which was really great, and I’m paraphrasing: musicals are awesome — musicals are full of holes, and it’s our job to fill them. So how do we deserve to sing? What makes it okay to do what we’re doing on stage? What makes this particular production really exciting is that it feels far more like the theatre I’ve done. I’ve had rehearsals with Adam where we just talk about the character and the narrative of the show for an hour.

TV: Cabaret walks a line between a fun, comedic show, and a dark historical drama. How do you find working within that shifting tone?

MDB: It’s really supposed to be played like a seamless transition. The shift happens in a way that feels fluid and real, but certain moments are fun. We’ve got such amazing dancers and the chorus is so talented and so beautiful. There’s definitely a lot of fun to be had, but especially in the way I look at my character. It filters right into my area of school with modern art … When I went into the role, I was thinking about Cabaret perfor-

mance art as a deliberate antithesis to modern Germany.

TV: Is this production of Cabaret more consistent with earlier or later, racier versions?

MDB: It’s racier, but one thing that Adam keeps saying is that when people put on this show, they mistake it for Chicago. The music is written by the same guy, and it’s very easy to treat it as sexy and smoky. But this is seedy, and everyone in the club is probably hooked on coke. There is not as much “appeal” in the “sex appeal” for the way we’re doing Cabaret, and it’s more uncomfortable than pleasing which is more interesting. There is more of an active choice in when the show is showy and when it’s not.

TV: Any last words?

MDB: I hope people come to the show because those who are married to a certain concept of the show will be pleasantly surprised. I also think that people who normally wouldn’t go to a musical because of a preconceived notion of what they’re in for will be surprised and entertained, and hopefully they’ll be stirred up, because even within the choreography, each actor is filled with very actorly intention. It’s going to be a very consistent and a very beautiful show.

Cabaret runs at Hart House January 13–28, 2012.

14

MONday, January 9, 2012

VARSITY ARTS & CULTURE

arts@thevarsity.ca

To the readers and the lovers, united

Jeffrey Eugenides on his novel of post-collegiate love and letters, The Marriage Plot Jade Colbert VARSITY CONTRIBUTOR

cabaret jan 13 – 28, 2012 Book by Joe Masteroff Based on the play by John Van Druten and Stories

by Christopher Isherwood Music by John Kander Lyrics by Fred Ebb Directed by Adam Brazier

box office: w w w. u o f t t i x . c a / 416.978.8849 adults $25 / students & seniors $15 $10 student tickets every wednesday! warning: SHow ConTAInS MATurE ConTEnT AnD pArTIAL nuDITy. Hart House Theatre’s 2011/2012 Season is proudly sponsored by:

www.harthousetheatre.ca

Given Jeffrey Eugenides’ bestseller status, the Sofia Coppola adaptation, his Pulitzer Prize, his image, striding manfully (okay, he’s carrying his glasses and a Moleskine), plastered on a billboard in Times Square, one can forget that his most recent novel, The Marriage Plot, is only his third.

The billboard treatment (which he seems embarrassed by) attests to Eugenides’ strange rock-star status — strange for an author, especially so for an author of literary fiction — which cannot be explained by the success of the Virgin Suicides, the awards for Middlesex, or the many millions of copies he has now sold.

His first two novels have become classics of the contemporary, perhaps because both seemed wholly their own. They boasted unique premises and voices, which Eugenides handled adeptly. A male chorus calls up its collective teenage fascination with the Lis-

bon girls, each of whom took her own life; the history of a genetic mutation is told as a family chronicle ending with the mutation’s fruition in the narrator, the hermaphrodite Cal. No other novels can lay claim to these.

Plenty of novels since are reminiscent of one or the other.

The first line Eugenides wrote of The Marriage Plot (incidentally, not the first line of the book; it falls on page 19) is also the best summary of its premise: “Madeleine’s love troubles had begun at a time when the French theory she was reading deconstructed the very notion of love.”

The Marriage Plot can be read as a story of whether a seemingly incurable romantic — an English major — can graduate to a more nuanced view of love, one tempered by her experiences with the uninhibited Leonard, a brilliant biologist suffering from bipolar disorder who is also Madeleine’s first real love, and the more reserved, scrupulous Mitchell, CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE

The $10 Restaurateur with Laura Kathleen Maize Urban Herbivore 64 Oxford St. in Kensington

E

ven if you don’t celebrate Christmas, the winter holidays are a time for overeating. I, for one, have had enough of all that comfort food — I never thought I’d say this, but the thought of eating another cheese strata makes me feel sick, and I know a lot of you are feeling the same way.

Whether you put on some unwanted pounds over the break, made a resolution to get fit in 2012, or just want to eat something light for lunch (something that won’t weigh you down, perhaps?), you’ve got to check out Urban Herbivore.

With three locations in the city — the original a close-to-campus walk on Augusta in Kensington — you’ve got the opportunity to pay a visit to the feel-good vegetarian resto. While most items on the menu will bring you pretty close to our $10 limit, the food is worth every penny,

and the portions will keep you full for the afternoon.

The sandwiches ($9) are scrumptious, with delicious ciabatta breads covered in pestos, grilled veggies, tofus, and tempehs — but they’re eclipsed by the goodness of the grain bowls (also $9), which match the likes of those at the famous Fresh. Good stuff like quinoa and lentils is packed into the bowls, and you can choose the rest of the fresh vegetable toppings that go in.

Even if you aren’t hungry for a full meal, the Herbivore’s humungous muffins (a steal at $2.50) are to die for — the most popular are the apple cranberry and, my personal favourite, the sweet potato date. Their premade soups (1L for $9, ½ L for $5) — which come in mason jars, handy for transporting home — taste perfectly homemade without the hours of prep work.

VARSITY ARTS & CULTURE

arts@thevarsity.ca

who has long carried a torch for her.

The story begins in 1982 at Brown (also Eugenides’ alma mater), where the three are in their final year. It follows them through their first year after graduation.

It’s a story about love, but also a love letter to stories: it is as much about our need for narrative, the influence of what we read, and the plots we carry in our minds.

Jeffrey Eugenides spoke to The Varsity in October.

The Varsity: Let’s start with the origins of this book. When did you first have the idea for The Marriage Plot? Your last book was released in 2002; that was Middlesex.

Jeffrey Eugenides: Yeah. Before I’d published Middlesex, I started a book very different than Middlesex, which was about a debutante party, a very rich party. One of the daughters in that family was Madeleine, and she had a manic-depressive boyfriend and also had another friend, named Mitchell, who was in love with her. So I had these three characters in my mind even before Middlesex was finished.

After Middlesex came out, I went back to that novel and tried to write it, but for various reasons abandoned that novel after a couple years, just retaining those three characters, Madeleine, Mitchell, and Leonard, and writing a novel about them. At that point it wasn’t called The Marriage Plot and the marriage plot didn’t function in their story, but they were three people getting out of college and there was competing love interest between them.

TV: Are you somebody who explores what a book is through the writing, or somebody who will sit down for long periods of time before you ever put pen to paper?

JE: I’ll do both, but as that shows, my method is haphazard at best and often I’ll find that one book is not working for various reasons.

And sometimes I’ll find one book in the collapse of another, which is what happened here. Something in writing about Madeleine seemed more original, fresher, and more energized than the other book that she was in. I realized I was hitting my material, and so I chose to follow her. But sometimes you don’t know that you’ve hit your material until you’ve written quite a bit of inferior material and it begins to somehow gel.

TV: For readers who haven’t read the book, what is the marriage plot of your title? Because you use it in a couple different ways.

JE: Well, it’s obviously a reference to the literary critical term “the marriage plot,” which is the foundational plot of the novel, especially the English novel, running from Jane Austen up through Henry James, and I think it functions in Tolstoy and Flaubert as well, and many other writers — the idea of a book being about a young woman’s search for her true love or for her husband.

As it began, those novels were comedies. They would begin with a woman, and then she would find the right guy and get married at the end; it would end with a wedding.

As the 19th century went on, writers started following the women’s lives into their marriages, and often into the difficulties of their marriage, so it became more tragic and to me more interesting. Those are the novels I really love, like Portrait of a Lady and Anna Karenina.

So that’s what it is, and my character Madeleine is obsessed with

15

those novels and has gained a very deep romantic idealism through reading those novels, which she’s trying to emancipate herself from by reading French theory.

TV: And she writes a thesis on the marriage plot. Her advisor’s opinion is that since the state of marriage has declined, so too must the state of the novel. To what degree do you share that opinion? Why does it matter, the state of the marriage plot today?

JE: Well, I put that argument in the mouth of a very elderly professor who’s stuck in his ways for a reason.

Those are thoughts that I’ve expressed or toyed with. I don’t entirely believe them, because I can imagine a million other great novels that have nothing to do with the marriage plot, but I do agree that it’s a terrible thing that has been lost.

TV: I think your novel grapples with that issue of how to be a marriage plot novel in an age where a marriage plot would not seem to fit its old mould.

JE: Right. I mean, this marriage plot, it is a marriage plot and it isn’t a marriage plot. It draws from that tradition while it violates that tradition all the time and in general is not averse to modernity at all. That’s what I was trying to do. What I realized in writing the book is that while the marriage plot doesn’t function in society anymore, it still functions inside our heads a lot. Within our own lives, we often have a kind of marriage plot going on that makes us think that it’s going to work out for us with somebody sometime. Certainly the characters in my novel are that way inclined.

JADE COLBERT/THe VArsity

Great Careers don’t just happen

CONTINUED FROM PREVIOUS PAGE

MONday, January 9, 2012

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VARSITY SCIENCE

monday, January 9, 2012

science@thevarsity.ca

A new year with science YASMIN SATTARZADEH and BIANCA LEMUS LAVARREDA welcome you back with winter solutions illustrations by ANAMARIJA KOROLJ

Apparel You’re leaving home to head for class, and as soon as you step outside it hits you: your outfit cannot keep the sharp winter air at bay. Most of all, you wish you knew what the hell makes for a warm coat. The warmest outerwear is more or less made out of a combination of fleece, wool, high power white goose down, as well as exclusive patented fabrics like the North Face’s Polartec. Since snow is wet (mind-blowing), keep in mind that a Durable Water Repellent (DWR) finish on a winter coat or pair of snow pants will service you longer. The manufacturing of some of these materials can be taxing on the environment, so if you want to go for more ecofriendly coats, then opt for eco-friendly companies that specialize in recyclable and natural products. They are a bit hard to find and carry less stock than big name brands, but usually sell the same trendy styles.

Winter boots

Chapped skin

The not-so-beautiful aspect of winter in Toronto is the trek through the ugly slush. If you want to be able to accidently step into some deep puddles of dirty street water all winter long, then consider boots with soles made out of polyurethane and styrene-butadiene rubber (SBR). Thick polyurethane soles might be your best bet, but keep in mind that an increase in sole thickness will affect the sole’s flexibility. Watch out for boots with soles made out of polyvinyl chloride (PVC) because they tend to wear out faster. Other factors that contribute to the sole’s longevity are a person’s weight and their walking form. What you weigh and how you walk can affect the wearing down of soles by provoking areas of stress in the sole. The arch of the sole itself can also wear away at the point of inflection.

The downside to breathing in crisp, fresh winter air is chapped, flaky skin. The key to preventing your body’s largest organ from breaking apart like Pangaea is to seal in moisture wherever you can. Use products that will provide a protective barrier such as lip balm and body moisturizers. It’s pretty important to monitor your skin throughout the winter because cracked skin can give bacteria the opportunity to invade and cause cold sores or other types of infections. Additional medical problems during school are without question an inconvenience and a total bummer. Skin cancer is the most common form of cancer, so remember to continue using sunscreen throughout the winter since Ultra-Violet radiation will, sadly, never go away. A nice trick to figuring out when the sun’s rays are strongest is to check your shadow: if your shadow is shorter than you, then you should be wearing sunscreen or other protective gear.

Stains Although every night in 2012 may not be like New Year’s Eve, you are still bound to get some accidental stains here and there.

Chinese researchers recently developed a new type of cotton fabric that can clean and de-odorize itself when exposed to ordinary sunlight. Published in the journal of Applied Sciences and Interfaces, the findings speak to the future of possible world where annoying stains become a thing of the past. This cotton can be used in a variety of machine washable items, including jeans, socks, and shirts. If you are adamant about keeping any sort of stain off your personal items, try protecting them with spray-on coating of superhydrophobic solution, which repels any water and sometimes oil-based substances. More than just interesting material for a YouTube clip, these solutions can serve many industrial purposes and may one day be the ultimate stain-fighter.

SC ENCe n br ef The brain’s “little supervisors,” more than just glue

“I’m walking on sunshine,” four-limbed fish’s last words

Link found between loss of gray matter and psychoses

Amongst the brain’s complicated network of neurons are their support structures, called glial cells, derived from the Latin word for “glue.” However, scientists like Maurizio De Pittà, a PhD student at Tel Aviv University’s Schools of Physics and Astronomy and Electrical Engineering, hypothesize that structural support is not the cells’ only role. Noticing the strong role of glial cells in learning and memory, De Pittà and his supervisor, Profesor Eshel BenJacob, have created a model of how glial cells might aid in cognitive functioning. In it, glial cells act as a sort of relay station, dictating which, when, and how often signals go through to the next neuron. This activity would allow for smooth operation of neural signals, preventing patterns such as overexcitability. Previously, in 1998, Bordey and Sontheimer documented that dysfunctional glial cells are heavily involved in the pathophysiology of seizures.

—Emily Dunbar Source: Science Daily

An oft-conjured image when imagining the process of evolution is of fish crawling out of water on four limbs.

A common theory explains this fish-moving-to-land event as a result of shrinking lakes and ponds in a desert environment. Professor Gregory J. Retallack of the University of Oregon’s department of geological sciences, however, posits that this is an unlikely hypothesis.

Examining fossils from the Devonian (approximately 416 to 359 million years ago) and Carboniferous (359 to 299 million years ago) geological ages, Professor Retallack found that the fossils were associated not with arid desert conditions, but rather, humid woodland soils. He hypothesizes that our distant ancestors were not trying to escape but rather to take advantage of the richly nutritive environment that vegetative woodland banks have to offer. Limbs would allow the creatures to navigate roots and logs; another adaptation found in this period are flexible necks that allowed for feeding in shallow waters.

—Emily Dunbar Source: Science Daily

Young adults suffering from schizophrenia and other psychoses seem to show a greater loss of gray matter in comparison to healthy teenagers free of any psychoses. Celso Arnago, MD, PhD, and his team at the Hospital General Universitario Gregorio Marañón in Madrid, Spain analyzed the results of magnetic resonance imaging on 61 patients with a variety of psychoses as well as 70 healthy control participants two years after their initial diagnosis. In contrast to the control patients, those suffering from schizophrenia showed both greater loss in gray matter in the frontal lobe and an increase in cerebrospinal fluid in the left frontal lobe. The authors, however, found that patients diagnosed with bipolar disorder had results very similar to the healthy control group. Given the findings, the way forward for developing therapeutic strategies requires more studies on the neurobiological underpinnings on the dramatic changes in the brain — particularly gray matter loss in those diagnosed with schizophrenia and other psychoses.

—Nish V. Source: Science Daily

science@thevarsity.ca

VARSITY SCIENCE

Breaking habits

Alcohol

It’s 2012 and you’re probably regretting all those times you procrastinated last semester (okay, every semester) and are now planning to snap those bad habits in half. A classic book written in the 1960s called Psycho-Cybernetics kick-started the popular theory that any habit can be made or broken in 21 days. Some people swear by it, but then again, there continue to be tons of other celebrated books on step-bystep programs teaching people how to break habits. Although there isn’t a vaccine that can cure bad habits, many psychologists agree that dealing with bad habits has to start by acknowledging their existence. Once you’ve got that down, you have to stay committed to changing them. This is where self-initiative as well as the gruesome battle between you and who you want to be comes into play. Sounds pretty simple, but if it were, the idea of new year’s resolutions wouldn’t seem like a joke.

Many of us would agree that the worst part of a night out involving alcohol is the dreaded hangover. Wouldn’t it be ideal if we could all party hard to LMFAO’s “Sexy and I Know It” without paying the price the next morning?

Interestingly, not everyone experiences hangovers. A report by Jonathan Howland and colleagues found that some 25 to 30 per cent of alcohol drinkers may actually be genetically resistant to hangovers. Ironically, people with a family history of alcoholism are more prone to getting hangovers.

If you are susceptible to hangovers, how do you avoid them? Alas, the only method to completely avoid a hangover is to control your alcohol consumption. Although some drinks may be tasty, be aware of their congener content (substances that add flavour and colour to drinks).

While still somewhat inconclusive, studies have found that the higher the congener content, the more likely you are to acquire a hangover the next morning. Hangovers are less severe when drinking beer, vodka, gin, and white wine. Avoid

Weight loss If you want to drop a few inches, keep in mind that you have to make a lifestyle change.

You’ve heard this a billion times by now, but studies have and continue to show that a healthy combination of diet and exercise can effectively lead to weight loss. Exercise and winter seem to be a bit of a loose oxymoron, but it is still possible to be active in the winter, even if you can’t make it to the gym. A recent article by the American College of Sports Medicine says that the key to exercising in cold weather comfortably and safely is to balance your body’s heat production and loss to prevent your body from both overheating and overcooling. Additionally, it is important to get rid of the popular misconception that you must exercise in the morning or else you’re doing it wrong. This claim is not true since exercising can happen anytime during your own peak hours, day or night. If you can’t get up at 7 or 10 am to head to Hart House gym, don’t worry — go when you know you will have the most energy and strength in the day.

monday, January 9, 2012

17

bad hangovers by staying away from whisky, red wine, and — worst of all — brandy.

As your blood alcohol content plummets back to zero, Kenneth Anderson, author of How to Change Your Drinking: a Harm Reduction Guide to Alcohol, advises that the first step to easing the alcohol hangover is rehydration.

Alcohol intake directly correlate to dehydration so you need to replenish your body with electrolytes — grab some Gatorade and bananas. Another goal is to raise your blood sugar because the intake of alcohol interferes with your liver’s production of glucose. Try having chocolate milk: it is sweet enough to raise your blood sugar and rehydrate you at the same time. If you’re in the mood for something soothing, drink herbal teas. Ginger is a natural pain killer and has been found by many studies to reduce nausea and gastrointestinal distress, symptoms associated with hangovers.

If your new year’s partying didn’t start you off on a good note this year, make 2012 the year of no hangovers. Cheers!

HIV antiretroviral treatment also prevents the spread of HIV KEN EULER explores the top ground breaking science news of 2011

A

new breakthrough by Dr. Myron Cohen from the University of North Carolina and his extensive team from across the globe has brought forth new hope to help stem the HIV epidemic plaguing Africa and the wider world.

Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV) can severely compromise a person’s immune system, leaving him or her open to opportunistic infections that can significantly affect his or her health. When the virus weakens the body to the point where it cannot fight off infections, the disease becomes known as Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome (AIDS).

In 2009, it was estimated that over 33 million people worldwide were living with HIV, with an additional 2.6 million people being newly infected with the disease. Over 20 million of these people were living in Sub-Saharan Africa, which also accounted for approximately 75 per cent of the total number of people infected with

HIV that year (approximately 2 million people).

The disease is spread to a person through the introduction of the virus into the bloodstream from an infected person, generally though unprotected sexual intercourse or needle sharing.

While becoming infected with the disease is fairly preventable through condom use (which is almost 100 per cent effective with proper use), there are still social, religious, and cultural barriers inhibiting their use. Other factors include lack of knowledge about safe and effective use of condoms, sexual preference for not using a condom, and the desire have a child. In Sub-Saharan Africa, where the HIV epidemic is the most pronounced, many of these problems are ever-present, contributing in part to the continued spread of the disease.

To help address this large-scale health problem, Dr. Cohen and his team examined past research on HIV treatments and found that the

standard treatment for HIV (the combination antiretroviral therapy) not only slows the progression of HIV, but also significantly reduces the concentration of HIV found in the blood and genital tract. As antiretroviral therapy has traditionally only been administered to HIV patients once their disease has progressed far enough to cause a high concentration of HIV in the blood, and as high concentration of HIV in the blood is largely associated with the transmission of HIV to another uninfected person, Dr. Cohen and his team were interested in evaluating whether early antiretroviral therapy could help prevent the spread of HIV to uninfected people by keeping the concentration of HIV low in the infected person.

To do this, Dr. Cohen and his team recruited 1763 sexually active long-term couples with one partner HIV positive and the other HIV negative and randomly selected the HIV pa-

tient to either traditional antiretroviral therapy or early antiretroviral therapy. Half of the couples came from Africa, and they were followed over time starting in April 2005.

As of February 2011, a total of 39 people were infected over the course of the study. The remarkable result of the study was that only four of the 39 infections were from the early antiretroviral group, indicating that the early antiretroviral therapy played a substantial role in preventing the spread of HIV. Given that over 2 million people are diagnosed with HIV per year in Sub-Saharan Africa, this breakthrough could change the tide in the battle against the HIV epidemic.

While barriers still exist preventing the large scale administration of early antiretroviral drugs to HIV patients in Africa (including logistics and costs), the future is looking much more hopeful.

18

VARSITY SPORTS

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sports@thevarsity.ca

Blues triumph at Sharon Anderson invitational U of T track and field team kicks off 2012 at home Lia Kim VARSITY CONTRIBUTOR

U of T excelled at the annual Sharon Anderson track and field meet on Saturday, January 7 at the Athletic Centre Field House.

The competition included hundreds of collegiate athletes from across Ontario as well as participants from various track clubs.

U of T athletes performed well on home turf, winning a number of individual and team events.

Senior high jumper Laura Maessen cleared a personal best of 1.74 m in the women’s competition to take first place. Maessen won the bronze medal at the 2011 CIS track and field championships in the same event.

“I just [focused] on running fast and having a perfect takeoff. [I] tried not to put any pressure on myself to clear the bar because as soon as you do that, it’s all downhill,” said Maessen.

Maessen’s record-setting performance qualifies her for the CIS championships in March.

Returning from a two-year hiatus due to injuries, Housley claimed her

EXPERIENCED MAstERs/PHD QUALIFIED

first win of the year, clocking 3:07.38 in the 1000 m.

The Blues runner led the pack for most of the five-lap race, crossing the finish line less than a second ahead of her closest competitor.

“I felt like I needed to win for myself, just to feel like I was getting back into shape and getting back to where I was before I got injured,” explained Housley. “I’m happy that I won but I still have a lot of work to do.

“The 1000 m is somewhat long distance, but you still need your speed.

You need to find the perfect balance between how fast [you] can go and how fast [you] can go without tiring too quickly.”

Also placed in the points were Chisomo Mchaina, who finished third in the women’s 60 m dash, and Chris Johnson, who took fourth over the same distance in the men’s event.

It was a good day for U of T’s hurdlers, with Varsity Blues athletes claiming both the men’s and women’s 60 m events.

Varsity Blues athlete Rachel Jewett swept the field in the women’s 60 m hurdles, bettering her preliminary time and prevailing in 9.35 seconds.

Daniel Chan won the men’s 60 m hurdles with a time of 8.24 seconds.

In addition to the Varsity Blues athletes competing, a number of members of the University of Toronto Athletics Club took part in events at the meet. Two such participants, Brandon Wilson and Stu Pearson, rounded out the 60 m hurdle podium with second- and third-place finishes.

Another top performance from a U of T Athletics Club athlete came from Mark Dillon, who placed first in the men’s high jump competition, clearing a height of 2.15 m. Teammate Haoran Yu ranked second, clearing 2.01 m. Varsity Blues athlete Brett Georgievski tied for third in the same event.

The Blues accomplishments at the meet were not limited to individual events. U of T’s sprint crew put in a number of commanding performances, with gold medals in both the men’s and women’s 4 × 400 m relays. The men’s relay team also won the 4 × 200 m event.

The Blues travel to the University of Windsor next weekend for the Can-Am Track Meet.

Rachel Jewett won the women’s 60 m hurdles at the Sharon Anderson meet. JILL CLARK/VArsity BLUES

8 launch

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BLUES

BY THE

NUMBERS

5

The number of players that scored double-digit points in the men’s basketball team’s 92–36 defeat of the RMC Paladins. Arun Kumar led the Blues with 13 points.

36 The number of assists recorded by men’s volleyball player Steven Khuu against the University of Windsor Friday. The Blues fell 3–1 (19–25, 25–22, 25–17, 25–22) to the Lancers in Windsor.

1st

The place in which both the men’s and women’s swimming teams finished in a dual meet against the University of Guelph in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. The men finished 57–40, while the women ended 55–42.

3–1 The score as the Varsity Blues women’s volleyball team beat the University of Western Ontario, Saturday in London, Ontario. The three sets finished 25–23, 25–23, 20–25, 25–16.

sports@thevarsity.ca

VARSITY SPORTS

monday, January 9, 2012

War on ice photos by Wyatt Clough

The Varsity Blues women’s hockey team beat the Waterloo Warriors 4–3 in overtime on Friday at the Varsity Arena. U of T player Brenley Jorgensen scored her 50th career goal in the victory, while fellow forward Kelly O’Hanlon notched the gamewinning goal.

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Learn more at explore.athabascau.ca

19

DIVERSIONS

20 monday, JANUARY 9, 2012

Weekly Horoscopes

Virgo

by Destiny Starr

August 23 – September 22 Mars is in retrograde so your outgoing, compassionate side will be slightly restrained. Also, you should really wash your long johns.

Aries

Libra

March 21 – April 19 Neptune is entering into your celestial sphere to bring you creativity and deep emotions this week. Consider introducing more Shakira into your life — and a sequin crown.

Taurus

April 20 – May 20 As you start classes this week, you will encounter an extremely attractive professor to whom you’d like to do very bad things. Hold off, Taurus, your GPA can’t handle another blow.

Gemini

May 21 – June 20 The stars are nebulous this week, and they’re asking you to lie low for the next couple of days. The people you made out with on New Year’s Eve were not as drunk as you were.

Cancer

June 21 – July 22 Stormy astral weather will send chills into your romantic life. Warm up by wearing a blanket as a cape, but avoid hot chocolate or else things could get very, very bad.

Leo

July 23 – August 22 Your warrior nature has you racking up new and peppery romantic conquests in the new year. Spice it up with a rare bird collection for optimal sexy sexy.

September 23 – October 22 You’ve bought new boots. Wear them.

Scorpio

October 23 – November 21 A new year means new opportunities, but no matter what, keep your clothes on. Jeez!

Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21 The time has come for you to boldly stride forward, surpassing your limits.

You can learn archery, but you should really be training yourself to become the arrow.

Capricorn

December 22 – January 19 You have passed a milestone in your life. Celebrate with a nosh.

Aquarius

January 20 – February 18 As the days remain short, you might want to capitalize on your time by becoming dependent on a mild stimulant and staying up late. When you decide to go cold turkey, roast turkey sandwiches may help.

Pisces

February 19 – March 20 An unknown extended family member exiled in Kazakhstan recently bequeathed you a unicorn ranch.

Celebrate your good fortune with a Prada unitard.

At the moment with Ivana Listen

I never get lucky and can never catch a break. Every time I open up and try to be myself around girls, it never works out.

At best, I get friend-zoned. Why does this happen to me? I’m not like other guys. I’m a nice guy.

Stop. Right. There. Do not tell me you are a nice guy. “Nice” is not a revealing personality trait. It does not encompass all you are, unless you want to be a stereotype. What do you want a girl to think when you say that? That you’re a pushover that throws elaborate pity parties? Proclaiming that you’re a “nice guy” can sound like you’re just whining. I know that’s harsh. Get over it. If you’re not hitting it off with the ladies, then seriously consider changing your dating style. Adjust it. You are the single constant in all of your relationships and in every scenario where you get rejected.

If your approaches keep failing because you’re “too nice,” then get a grip and figure out what that means. “Nice guy” is just a persona, you can’t hide behind that. Stop.

The Varsity