Domestic Abuse

WRITTEN BY

Vanessa Murphy

Domestic abuse happens more often than you would think. Having safe and effective resources to get help is incredibly crucial for victims, especially in the age of COVID-19.

Although we wish that all relationships were safe and healthy, unfortunately, that’s not the case. Some relationships spiral downward into domestic abuse due to different factors. The chances of someone falling victim to this type of relationship is far too common. Having a safe and effective way to leave an abuser is key to having the victim and their family stay out of harm’s way.

How common is domestic abuse in relationships? Unfortunately, the numbers are too high. According to National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1 in 3 women in the US experience some sort of domestic abuse, including physical violence, rape, and/or stalking by an intimate partner. Men have chances that are just as high, with 1 in 4 in the US experiencing the same type of abuse. These types of abuse can start as early as in the teenage years. The National Domestic Violence Hotline also states that 1 in 10 high school students has experienced physical abuse from their partner just this past year alone. And, thanks to countless research studies, we have learned that the age of the victim does not matter; it can happen to anyone, at any age.

Although no abusive relationship is the same, there are a few red flags that could signify the start of an abusive relationship*. Over the course of an abusive relationship, the abuse gets worse with time*. This type of behavior not only affects the victim but the family and potential children of the victim as well.

1 in 3 women in the US experience some sort of domestic abuse

Domestic abuse affects children in different types of ways. In the United States, more than 15 million children live in homes in which domestic violence has happened at least once. Some children can have short-term effects of experiencing or witnessing this type of abuse, while others can have long-term effects, as well as having their own problems arise when they start to have a relationship of their own one day. Depending on the age of the child, some of the short term effects can vary. If the child is in the preschool-age range or younger, some of the developing signs can include: difficulties staying asleep or falling asleep, signs of hiding or stuttering and signs of severe separation anxiety. If the child is in the school-age range, some of the kids blame themselves for the abuse that their parents are experiencing, which can hinder the child’s self-esteem. This, in turn, can snowball into the child not participating in school activities, having fewer friends, and getting bad grades. Research has also shown that kids of this age range get more stomachaches and headaches. Teenagers may start to act in negative ways such as skipping school or starting to fight more with family members. They can also start to develop low self-esteem and have difficulties making friends or start bullying others. Teenage girls are more likely to be withdrawn and develop depression.

Different long-term effects can arise, but children that have witnessed domestic abuse have a greater chance of repeating this cycle in adulthood by either undertaking an abusive relationship or becoming the abuser themselves. “For example, a boy who sees his mother being abused is 10 times more likely to abuse his female partner as an adult. A girl who grows up in a home where her father abuses her mother is more than six times as likely to be sexually abused as a girl who grows up in a non-abusive home” claims the Office on Women’s Health. Not only does this affect a child’s future in regards to abuse, but it can affect their mental and physical health over time as well.

Calling you names or insulting you Preventing or discouraging you from going to work or school or seeing family members or friends

Trying to control whether you can see a health care provider Threatening you with violence or a weapon

A child can start to develop depression and anxiety from witnessing or being a part of this abuse. Their emotional and physical health can start to dwindle too; they can start to develop obesity, heart disease, diabetes, poor self-esteem, and many other issues along the way.

In addition to the child’s mental and physical health taking a toll, so does the victim’s. The victim can face a span of effects that are physical, mental and emotional throughout the abuse and after. Some physical effects can be bruises, red or purple marks at the neck, sprained or broken wrists, muscle tension, involuntary shaking, changes in eating and sleeping patterns, chronic fatigue, and more. Women can even develop menstrual cycle or fertility issues over the course of the abuse. The mental effects of this abuse vary from individual to individual, but some of the more common ones are PTSD, depression, severe anxiety, alcohol or drug abuse, and more. The emotional effects can include feeling unworthy, inability to trust, hopelessness, apprehensiveness, discouraged feelings about the future, and more. Every individual reacts differently to the recovering process, therefore, healing takes time for everyone. As a result of the victim feeling helpless in these situations, most do not know how to seek help or if it is the “right” thing to do when children are involved.

Creating a safety plan to be able to ensure the safety of the victim and their potential children is a big part of leaving the abuser. Mayo Clinic explains how leaving an abuser can be dangerous, but having a plan will help. Preparing to leave can take time to fully execute the plan, especially when the abuser monitors the usage of the victim’s phone, computer, email, and GPS devices. Research suggests that clearing the search history after using a device can help protect the safety of the individual. The National Domestic Violence Hotline has a number (1-800-7997233) that anyone can call at any time for support. They also offer assistance in creating a safety plan for when the individual is ready to leave.

As the pandemic arrived back in spring 2020 and continues to affect us all to this day, concerns have arisen about issues like domestic abuse worsening. As lockdowns in the US lasted for weeks, starting in March through April, some states kept their lockdowns longer or returned to locking down as case numbers got worse. In a piece from TIME magazine, writer Melissa Godin states, “for people who are experiencing domestic violence, mandatory lockdowns to curb the spread of COVID-19 have trapped them in their homes with their abusers, isolated from the people and the resources that could help them”. Already feeling trapped from an abuser has just worsened with COVID-19 now. Godin mentions that domestic violence is about control and power, but with COVID-19 presenting unpredictable times, it intensifies issues like this. While most individuals escape from the violence by going out to see family or friends and going to work, they are now trapped at home, making it stressful for the victim. “For many women, even the fear of contracting the coronavirus is stopping them from seeking out medical care after experiencing physical abuse”, states Godin. Many safety plans, such as shelters, may close doors to individuals who have been exposed to the virus or if the shelters feel that the number of people in the shelter is too high, thus increasing the risk of the virus spreading within the shelter. Currently, the hotline offers an online chat system, making it more accommodating to victims that are looking for resources to lean on through these times.

Domestic violence happens around us more than we would think. With such tough and unforeseeable times due to the COVID-19 pandemic,victims of abuse are under intense pressure due to the constant uneasiness of living with an abuser, especially at a time when we are all stuck at home.. Involvement in these types of situations can take a serious toll on children and their overall well-being, too. For the sake of the victim and others involved, putting their physical, mental and emotional health first is such an important factor in helping the abused. But, luckily there are ways for victims to seek help, even in the midst of a pandemic. If you find yourself in a situation like this, create a safety plan and keep a list of resources (like the ones mentioned above) on hand at all times.

Blaming you for his or her violent behavior or telling you that you deserve it.

*PATTERNS TO LOOK FOR

Your abuser threatens violence

Your abuser strikes

Your abuser apologizes, promises to change or offers gifts

The cycle continues to repeat itself

As provided by The Mayo Clinic