Season of Singleness

WRITTEN AND ILLUSTRATED BY

Jillian VanDyke

Just because you’re alone does not mean you have to be lonely. There is greatness that comes with being single.

Hear me out: I am not throwing a pity party for anyone because of their relationship status or lack thereof. I am in the same boat, so I hope I can relate to what you are feeling. But if not, I can do my best to share with you some optimism. Take advantage of the time you’re in and invest in your current and future self in order to fulfill your joy. Find happiness in yourself so that another person is an addition, not what fills you.

Life throws many different seasons at us, but singleness is a particular season that can be a constant for us for quite a lengthy amount of time. With this can come feelings of doubt, which is so normal, but with that can come reassurance, personal growth, and security in oneself as well. You have the ability to be happy with your single life and bring out the best in it. Did you know that being by yourself has been scientifically proven to be healthier for you for various reasons? Social connections play a big part in this, especially platonic ones. Being alone gives you more free time to socialize with people other than your partner, which leads to overall happiness. According to researcher Elyakim Kislev, who has his Ph. D in sociology from Columbia University, “Singles who pursue social interactions more proactively than do couples can bypass them in the happiness index.”

So allowing yourself to pursue relationships with people that are not with the intent to be romantic is very beneficial to your overall well-being. Relationships consume valuable time that can be spent with other people.

Your twenties are a time to be selfish and do what is best for you, which may be exactly what preparing yourself for a relationship looks like. Being selfish is a great form of selflessness when you’re not hurting yourself or others. Vulnerability can be extremely taxing if you are not secure enough with the person you are and your ability to give yourself to others. Life is too short to give time to people undeserving of what you could be doing with it for your own good instead. Everyone has the capability to pour into themselves so they can share it with their future significant other.

There are a lot of health benefits that come with not having a partner. Oftentimes, when another person is added into the mix, it takes a toll on your finances, sleeping habits, and stress levels. So, the next time you find yourself stressed or losing sleep on how much money you spend, remember that at least it is on yourself and not someone else. Single people become more generous and helpful for this reason, which in time will be much more beneficial for their potential future relationships.

Being single is something that brings emotional strength and intelligence, two things that are not found in a relationship but that can prove to be beneficial while in one. Generosity is something that is keen to your partner. There are many different ways every individual is able to receive love, all of which are based on personality and personal preference. This usually entails a combination of the five love languages. I suggest taking time to get to know yourself and what you enjoy so that you are able to communicate this to others. If you do not know how you receive love, it could put a strain on your relationships.

Love languages

Learning how you are able to receive is important for you to learn and be able to communicate with people, whether it be plantocially or romantically. Working on these while ‘dating yourself’ is a great place to start.

Find happiness in yourself so that another person is an addition, not what fills

you. “

Words of Affirmation

It can often be hard to receive love through words whenever you are not romantic with someone that will speak those words to you. This is where self love starts to come into play. Speaking life into yourself and working on caring communication is how you may learn what specific affirmations you are able to receive well.

Acts of Service

This specific love language really ties in with another person, so while you are single start taking yourself on dates! You are able to receive a service by something as simple as someone making you a coffee shop (and it is their job so there is no room for failure).

Physical Touch

Welcoming warm embrace in a healthy way can start with something as simple as a welcoming hug. For those of you who have pets, take advantage of the (in a loving way of course). Oftentimes the heart desires something as simple as reassuring warm embrace.

Gifts

Not that I fully condone it, but this love language may need a little bit of shopping therapy, who does not love that! Literally, treat yourself, especially when you do not have someone doing it for you! You have to allow yourself to receive things before others.

Quality Time

I can not stress this enough. Spend time by yourself. Getting through your season of singleness and enjoying it comes with learning how to NOT be lonely while being alone. You can not add someone into the mix until you fill your time with time that only includes yourself. Learning what you enjoy doing in your alone time will be beneficial when you need ‘alone time’ during a relationship or even be things you add to date list ideas!