The Vindicator - November 2015

Vindicator Cleveland State University’s Arts and Culture Magazine

NOV 2015

CSU DANCE & THEATRE PREVIEW

STUDENT FEATURE: JIBREEL GOULD

FEMINISM EMPATHY

+

GLOBAL WARMING

Dallas Turner HER STORY OF CHANGE AND FINDING HAPPINESS

HEROIN: MORE THAN A DRUG

NOV 2 Letter from the Editor 3 Contributors 4 Online 5 Calendar ARTS 7 Heroin: More Than a Drug 9 CSU Dance Company 11 What’s the Deal with M. Night?

13 Theatre Preview: Ubu Roi CULTURE 15 My Current Identity Crisis 17 Feminist as Fuck 19 Enjoy the Silence 21 An URGE to End Ignorance 23 Why We Need to Care About the News

FEATURE 25 Dallas Turner’s Story 29 Student Feature: Jibreel Gould 31 Just Humans 33 Student Design Showcase 37 A Cry For Help 39 Are We Walking the Whole Way? POETRY 41 Wind Wind Wind 42 Praying to the Erie 43 The Excellent 44 Give Up 45 Do You See Me?

25 Dallas Turner

Her personal journey to finding change, happiness, and herself.

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

A

no boundaries

s the Vindicator continues evolving as a publication, we’ve started to stray from having a specific theme, and for the first time in a long time, our November issue won’t have one.

Although we’ve never exactly followed a strict adherence to any one subject, we received contributions from so many diverse writers, poets, and artists that it would be fairly difficult to even find one common thread. In the best way possible, I think that the combination of fresh, dedicated contributors in conjunction with those who have stood by the Vindicator for years has created a new team to speak to every facet of Cleveland State from a wide range of perspectives. In finding new things to be passionate about and exploring new territory, an issue without a theme is also an issue without boundaries.

Having the opportunity to highlight such remarkable people who are taking huge strides for our community has been an honor for our team, and Dallas Turner, our cover model, is no exception. In her feature, she describes her experience of transitioning from male to female and its impact on her life. In an article by Evan Prunty, he explains how he filmed a documentary to raise awareness for heroin and the path that led him to create it. Also look out for a piece by Arbela Capas about CSURGE and its goals to spread awareness regarding controversial issues, Sydney Choe’s article on self love, and Gregory Elek’s take on filmmaker M. Night Shyamalan.

REESE SHEBEL

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

NOVEMBER 2015 | VINDICATOR 2

Faculty Advisor Julie Burrell Media Specialist Daniel Lenhart

CONTRIBUTORS Editor-in-Chief Reese Shebel Art Director Becky Byron Managing Editor Carissa Woytach Copy Editor Michelle Galmarini Multimedia Manager Evan Prunty Culture Editor Louis Walee Arts Editor Benjamin Heacox Online Content Editor Michella Dilworth Contributing Writer Dallas Turner Contributing Writer Arbela Capas Contributing Writer Chau Tang Contributing Writer Prattyush Roy Contributing Writer Kimberly Steele Contributing Writer Greg Elek Contributing Writer Ellen Robinson Contributing Writer Alana Whelan Contributing Writer Caitlin Drayer Contributing Writer James Ellis Contributing Writer Joy Y. McKinney Contributing Writer Sydney Choe Contributing Photographer Elisabeth Dare Disclaimer Magazine theft/fraud is a crime. Single issues of the vindicator are free, to obtain copies contact the Vindicator or student life.

The content of the Vindicator does not necessarily represent the opinions of Cleveland State University, its students, faculty, or staff: nor does it represent the members of the Vindicator staff or our advisors unless otherwise stated. The editor reserves the right to comment on any issue that affects the student body in general as well as the multicultural community at large.

Letters to the editors and other submissions are accepted, however they must have the authors name, address, major if applicable, and telephone number. All submissions become property of the Vindicator and the Vindicator reserves the right to edit submissions as deemed necessary.

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2121 Euclid Ave, MC 471, Cleveland, OH 44115 216 687 2118

THEVINDI.COM Ubu Roi

Read more about the CSU Theatre production of “Ubu Roi!

TAMIR RICE & BLACK LIVES MATTER Check out our coverage of the #BlackLivesMatter movement and the jury decision in the case of the death of Tamir Rice.

@EVANPRUNTY

Had a great time covering @TEDxCleveStateU with @Vindi_CSU! Look out for some great content soon!

CLEVELAND’S CLASSICAL REVIVAL

Every third Tuesday the Happy Dog hosts Classical Revolution Cleveland. This is a group of classically trained musicians who love to share their talents in nontraditional spaces. Learn more on thevindi.com!

More Poetry!

Loving our poetry coverage? We have even more online!

Check it out.

FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM! @VINDI_CSU NOVEMBER 2015 | VINDICATOR 3

NOVEMBER

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4

Kendrick Lamar @ HOB

5

6

Rapper Kendrick Lamar is playing at the House of Blues on Euclid Ave. on Nov. 4th at 7pm. Unfortunately the show sold out in less than 15 minutes so unless you’re one of the lucky one’s who scored tickets, you’ll have to enjoy the show through blurry Snapchat stories and Instagram photos.

Dead Leaves @ Mahall’s Cleveland based emo boys Dead Leaves will play the release show for their self-titled EP on Nov. 6 with support fronm CityCop, PINE, Bare Walls and Falled Astronauts. Best part? Tickets are $5 on their ticketfly. com page. Mahall’s 20 Lanes, 13200 Madison Ave, Lakewood, OH 44107.

9

NaNoWriMo @ CPL

With National Novel Writing Month up and running this November, reach your next word count and urge others to do the same at the Cleveland Public Library’s main branch on Nov. 9 starting at 4:30 p.m.

Coffee will be provided.

Held at various locations throughout the central Tremont area, the FREE monthly ArtWalk on Nov 13 features local artists and musicians set to backdrops of seedy bars and buzzing coffee shops. For more information, including a list of participating locations, visit tremontartwalk.com

14

Whiskey Business

15

Alice in Wonderland

Ubu Roi Cleveland State University’s Theatre and Dance department presents, Ubu Roi atThe Helen Rosenfeld Lewis Bialosky Lab Theatre. Nov. 5 - 15.

Tremont Art Walk

27

A Cleveland tradition that allows you to sip your way through the city’s best bourbons, whiskies, scotches and ryes, Whiskey Business on Nov. 14, presented by Scene Magazine, is at Red Space this year, tickets $40 in advance, $50 at the door - includes 10 drink tastings, food tastings and a souvenir glass.

Part of a series of Alice in Wonderland films this month, on Nov. 15 the Cleveland Museum of Art presents the fully remastered 35mm archival print of Disney’s earliest take on this Lewis Carol classic. Tickets are $10, $8 for students.

Black Friday Bash

After a day filled with shopping, traffic and general frustration, visit the Black Friday Bash on Nov. 27 at The Foundry, featuring Bound By Fate, Space Monkey, Dose and The Light In The Dark (Erie,Pa) Price: $8.00 advance $10.00 day of show plus additional $3.00 under 21. Doors open at 7:00. 11729 Detroit Ave, Lakewood, OH 44107.

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BEHIND THE SCENES

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community? Shouldn’t we be providing information and real life stories to the young people in our communities so they know what they are up against?

This question still boggles my mind even after 8 months of research, interviews, and almost every person that I talk to who has heard about us making this documentary telling me that someone they know or care about has been affected by the drug. After hearing the lengths users will go to to get their fix: stealing from family and friends, spending money saved for an abortion, locking two girls up, getting them addicted, then sending them to work at a strip club to pay for their fix, it was real. Getting involved with heroin didn’t just happen once at a high school party, it wasn’t just an experiment, it wasn’t some kid who was on the wrong path already, it wasn’t just peer pressure, it wasn’t who you thought it was going to be. It was real.

The world got darker in those 8 months.

Hearing these things first-hand from mothers, brothers, and users. It became real for me.

During the interviews, I was more overwhelmed and focused on asking the right questions than getting as emotionally involved. During the editing process however, that changed. There were many times I broke down. I didn’t expect it to happen. It just sort of did. It wasn’t as much because the stories were sad because they are, but it was more that I felt like something needs to be done for these people. I hope what we are doing

PHOTOS: COURTESY EVAN PRUNT

Earlier this year, I found myself in a room full of middle age and elderly members of my small-town Indiana community. I was there to ask for funds to help make a documentary, to raise awareness about the heroin epidemic that is affecting many small communities like the one I grew up in, off the ground. It was way too early in the morning for my brain to be functioning properly but I had gotten breakfast and was determined to get my point across.

A month later, I found myself in a hauntingly beautiful cemetery sitting on a blanket with a mother who lost her son entirely too soon.

Many months before all this, I was up late surfing the internet when I saw a post from a girl I had only met once. The one time I met her she changed my life. She told me she believed in me and regardless of what anyone else said keep following my dreams. That night she posted that she was going to take her own life. She had been trapped, abused, raped, and broken.

Years before that night, a friend and her family very close to me was pushed to their limits because one of their own was on a path that not many are able to travel without dire consequences.

Around that time, a girl celebrating her eighteenth birthday choked on her own vomit in her sleep and was left to die by her friends.

The reason I wanted to raise awareness about the real danger of heroin was apparent to me, but not everyone who heard what we were doing seemed to agree that it was worth our time. Why wasn’t it as clear to members of my

Y

Evan Prunty gives a look inside the making of his documentary film “Heroin: More Than a Drug”

is at least a start.

We [my cousin Hunter and I] found no easy answers. Heroin deaths tripled in our small communities in just a few years. A barren wasteland would be a nice way to describe how available inpatient treatment is for those who are addicted to the drug. So many issues we didn’t even think of when we started our project came to light. A multitude of societal issues tied together created our country’s heroin problem. No wars were won, just lives lost.

The crazy thing is that everyone we talked to has told us very similar stories and if not similar stories, stories that connect to each other in almost eerie ways. Those who have had heroin touch their life seem to have a universal understanding. It is our goal to try to spread that understanding and unfortunate wisdom to everyone who is willing to listen.

The people affected by this drug are only human, but too many times they are just seen as addicts, criminals, prostitutes, etc. They are your friends, your family, your significant

other, your doctor, a football player, a model, an IT worker at Key Bank, a brother, a sister, a lover, someone at your high school, someone at your church. As soon as the general population begins to realize this through awareness, our communities can begin to move forward. However, it seems to be that people are finding this out not through awareness but instead having it happen personally or having it happen to a person they care about. Learning it then is too late.

You will be able to check out our film soon. We are submitting it to the Cleveland Film Festival in November and if it is selected, the festival begins March 30th. Regardless of if our film makes it, you should check out the festival. After that, we hope to share the film with the world on a platform that works best. We already have a few visits to local schools where we would show our documentary in conjunction with a speaker who is either featured in the documentary or someone who has also been affected by heroin. We hope that you learn as much as we have and maybe as a community we can come together and start making significant changes to make this problem better. •

NOVEMBER 2015 | VINDICATOR 3

CLEVELAND STATE DANCE COMPANY the art of body and mind

Cleveland State Dance Company is a training ground for CSU’s dance minor, preparing members to participate in the artistic experience through movement. Through dedication and rigorous training, performers take the first steps into the professional dance world, guided by mentors like professor Lynn Deering. Here, two members describe what dance means to them and how CSU’s company has helped them grow.

BRIANNA DAVIS

Brianna Davis is a psychology major at Cleveland State with a dance minor and one of the senior members of Cleveland State Dance Company. She is a Deckard Fellows Scholar, and dancing is her whole life.

Q: How long have you been dancing?

A: I’ve been dancing since I was four years old in the styles of ballet, tap, jazz, hip hop, musical theatre. Pretty much everything.

Dance is truly my passion, and it’s great I get to do that in school too!

Q: What has dance taught you?

A: It’s a way to understand your body and how the way you move can affect someone else. I’m more comfortable dancing than in some real life situations. With dance, I can be assertive or timid, and there are times I don’t always get to do that.

Q: How has Cleveland State helped you with dance?

A: The dance company helped me to understand my body. Even though I’ve been dancing for 16 years, now I understand what’s moving and how I won’t hurt myself. Lynn especially helped me learn how to prevent injury, especially when working with other people.

Q: What was it like to dance in Alan Theatre?

A: Awesome! Just knowing that other professionals that I know about dance here, it’s like, “whoa I get to be here?! It’s just great.

Q: What’s next for you after you graduate?

A: I hope in the future I can dance professionally. This company has given me a mini version of what life might be like in the dance world. No matter what though, dancing will always be a part of me.

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KAYLA KEARNEY Kayla is a Sociology major here at CSU and is also pursuing a dance minor. She has been very active on campus, with experience as an RA, participation in Campus Crusade for Christ, and is also a Deckard Fellows Scholar. She is a member of Clevelandx Dance Company and hopes to dance for the rest of her life.

Q: What is Cleveland State Dance Company about?

A: The dance company is an opportunity to work in an ensemble. What we do is modern based. We’re all at different levels, and we learn to work together, about the creative process, composition, all of it!”

Q: What does it mean to you to be a part of the company?

A: It has been so much more to me than just a class! Dance is how I relate to the world around me. I’ve danced my whole life, but after high school I stopped. Once sophomore year of college came around, I started getting involved in the company, and I had to learn myself all over again. Life changes, your body changes, but being a part of the company is so much more than just dancing around. I learned so much about myself working with these people.

Q: What can dance teach you?

A: Dance can teach a lot of things. It has an ever growing depth to it. It’s more than learning a pattern. There’s a sacredness of the studio: that dance is much of life. It can teach you a lot more where you are. You use your body and your whole brain to do it.

You’re engaging so many parts of who you are holistically.

Q: What’s it like learning from someone like Lynn?

A: Lynn sets pieces, ideas, creating her own process. It’s like a learning experience for the first half of the year. It’s not about performing, it’s about understand the process of dance. As a teacher, Lynn is a really intelligent person, and really invested in us. She’s so generous with her space and a huge advocate for our education. And gosh, she’s just so smart!

Q: Will you keep dancing after CSU?

PHOTOS: CARISSA WOYTACH

A: Whether dance is a profession or hobby for me, it will always come from here (Cleveland State). It doesn’t have to be a career life, rather a way of life – how I can give dance to other people.

All the members of CSU’s dance company help behind the scenes in productions around Cleveland throughout the year. Their next major performance is coming this spring in the Allan Theatre. More info is online at www.csuiohio.edu/theatre/upcoming-dance-events.

NOVEMBER 2015 | VINDICATOR 10

WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH

M. Night?

by Gregory Elek

11 VINDICATOR | NOVEMBER 2015

If I told you

that The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, and Signs were all written and directed by the same guy you’d probably think he was pretty talented, right? Those movies were received rather well.

If I told you The Happening, The Last Airbender, and After Earth were all written and directed by the same guy you’d probably question how he still had a job, right?

Those movies didn’t do so well.

Well all of these movies were written and directed by the same guy. None other than the infamous M. Night Shyamalan. He had a quick rise and was considered one of America’s greatest filmmakers, then fell almost as fast as he rose. Let’s try and figure out why.

First, let’s take a look at the good of his career. I’m going to start with The Sixth Sense, because let’s be honest, that’s where his career started.

I can’t really say much that hasn’t already been said. The critics loved it, the fans love it, and it made a ton of money. It’s

still quoted today.

Next on the list is Unbreakable. This was also received very well, but it didn’t make as much money, however it’s still considered a cult classic. Quentin Tarantino said that it’s one of his favorite movies of all time.

Then came Signs. Just like The Sixth Sense and Unbreakable, Signs was received very well. At this point Shyamalan was riding high. He was proclaimed as the next Spielberg. Then things got a little ugly.

Every director has a slip up here or there, so when The Village wasn’t received as well as the other films there was no reason to freak out. A lot of people actually will still argue to this day that The Village is pretty good, but the reviews got progressively worse regardless.

Not only did The Lady in the Water and The Happening earn negative reviews, they also took a hit financially.

Then it happened.

He not only made a terrible movie, but he also completely destroyed its source material that’s loved by millions.

Of course I’m talking about The Last Airbender. This not only was another negative mark for Shyamalan, it also turned so many people against him. He followed that up with After Earth which was also received horribly.

Neither of these movies did terrible financially, but they didn’t necessarily do well either.

So what happened?

I have a couple theories. First off, I think that Shyamalan rose way

Movie posters courtesy of movieposters.com

seeing from him. Blumhouse Productions distributed The Visit, and Shyamalan has already signed on to do another movie with him, so it appears that things are going in the right direction again, or at least one can hope.

Will we ever see the classic M. Night Shyamalan again? The one with unique, original ideas where the suspense kept us on the edge of our seats? Well, maybe.

The Visit definitely shows that he is moving in the right direction. I think if he can keep a level head and stick to what he does best, things should continue to be good, or maybe even great. Maybe instead of a new Spielberg, we can get the good old M. Night Shyamalan back. •

,

too fast. His ego most likely got too big through all the praise and after being proclaimed the next Spielberg, well wouldn’t you think you were pretty good? Maybe he thought he was too good.

I mean why else would his movies start to decline? He showed how talented he can be. Either way his movies took a big decline in quality.

Is there any hope left? Well I’m almost there, I just need to discuss one more thing, and that is where I think his turning point was.

Getting viciously attacked by all of the fans of The Last Airbender couldn’t have helped, but I think the true turning point was when he did After Earth. Shyamalan has always seemed in control of all of his projects. I think After Earth was different. The story for the movie was crafted by Will Smith so him and his son could star in another movie together, and reports leaked out that Smith might have completely taken over the directing and Shyamalan was only there to develop a few shots.

This easily could’ve been where he broke and decided that all of this big budget movie making wasn’t for him. Especially considering that his next project was a little film that he funded all by himself that just came out in September called The Visit.

Classic M. Night Shyamalan was all over this film. Small budget, filmed in his home state of Pennsylvania, unique camera angles, suspenseful, funny and overall a pretty solid movie.

Don’t get me wrong it wasn’t the next Citizen Kane or anything, but it was so much better than what we’ve been

After being proclaimed the next Spielberg, well wouldn’t you think you were pretty good?

,

NOVEMBER 2015 | VINDICATOR 12

CSU THEATRE PREVIEW

by Ben Heacox & Gregory Elek

Weird. Vulgar. Crazy.

Unparalleled. This is how actors and audience members alike describe the production called Ubu Roi, soon to grace the stage of The Helen Rosenfeld Lewis Bialosky Lab Theatre. Cleveland State theatre majors have been hard at work for months refining a show that has been around for over a hundred years. Director Michael Mauldin invited The Vindicator for a sneak peek of 13 VINDICATOR | NOVEMBER 2015

what’s in store for audiences this first week of November. What can you expect? Something you’ve never seen before, and something you can never unsee.

Ubu Roi originally debuted in Paris, France in December of 1896. The title is utter nonsense and means nothing in French, English, or Latin. The play sparked outrage and riots when first produced, with

a story that CSU’s director Michael Mauldin describes as both “iconic” and “irreverent.”

Ubu Roi is a parody of old Shakespeare, drawing some vague parallels to the story of MacBeth and Hamlet. However, this is not Shakespeare. There’s odd dancing, touching, schoolboy nonsense and words without meaning. CSU actress Cheyenne Byzon described preparing for this show with her dance partner: “I had to ask my partner ‘where’s the line, tell me where the line is!’ because in this show, the line is way back there somewhere.” In this show, the lines of social etiquette have been thrown out.

To be a part of this show, it’s an exercise in letting go. “I have to be prepared to not give a damn about what anyone in the audience is gonna think because my character does not care what anyone thinks, and it’s a blast!” says Peter Sherman, one of the leads in this production. It’s easy to see that this group of student actors loves working together, and the chemistry is a must to make Ubi Roi work on stage.

Like Cheyenne said above, there are no boundaries. There’s a lot of touching and screaming in this play’s critique on humanity. Everyone, both actors and audiences, has to get outside their comfort zone to bring this work to life.

“And I also get to be a bear,” Peter tells us. “I’m really looking forward to that.”

Describing what you will be watching in this production is difficult, actually nearly impossible. There are bears and dancing, boob grabbing and yelling, audience involvement, and some people may even choose to leave.

This is not just a play; this is a whole experience. The acting is intensive.

The costumes, stage preparations, and lighting are taxing. The overall production is bizarre yet wonderful, and the technique both on and off stage is impressive. The actors will engage you, make you laugh, squirm, and get up out of your seat. This production is not for those who want a passive experience. However, people who want to get up and have an experience, think and unthink, should be first in line to buy a ticket! If you want to see CSU theatre at its weirdest and best, you simply must be there. •

I

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MY CURRENT IDENTITY CRISIS. Before I get into my mini intervention at my Primary Care Provider's Office this summer, let me tell you how I arrived there - or how I almost didn't, depending on how you look at it.

It was very difficult for me to admit last semester that I have battled with depression my whole life.

There are so many stereotypes and stigmas attached to someone who has depression that it has become a condition no one wants to admit they have. Of course college students could be depressed; a lot of us are nontraditional students who balance full time jobs with full time school schedules. We balance part time jobs with full time school schedules. We have part time jobs and part time school schedules. There are those of us without jobs and a part time or full time school schedule. Some of us have spouses and/or children. Some of us take public transportation. It's really 15 VINDICATOR | NOVEMBER 2015

stressful being a college student - and now with the extra pressure of taking 15 or more credit hours to stay full time and graduate faster, the pressure to stay on top is on big time.

I balance a full time job and a full time school schedule every semester. Fall semester was okay, but spring semester made me realize that something was really wrong with me.

I had way too much on my plate with work and school. I wasn't sleeping and was barely eating. I never knew how to study so I'm not sure how I was getting through exams. I cried all the time. I shut myself off from the things I loved. I thought it was because of my schedule, but it was some other reason I couldn't put my finger on. I couldn't see a way out of my struggles till the semester ended and I realized I had been using my schedule to cover up the fact that I was slipping back. Slipping back to a place where the only thing that surrounded me was confusion,

“

by Kimberly Steele

“

I had no purpose, nothing to hold onto, nothing to stop me from realizing what I must have unconsciously known all along: I was broken.

pain, suffering, and severe self-hatred.

School and work made me forget I was alive. I went through the motions and got through the days that felt like years only to be a complete empty shell at the end of May. I had no purpose, nothing to hold onto, nothing to stop me from realizing what I must have unconsciously known all along: I was broken

Years upon years of accepting and then pushing aside the things

people said about me had taken their toll. If the toll of having to crawl out from beneath my obligations was this low, then maybe everybody was right all along. I had come back to college, a major university no less, to prove to everyone and myself that I wasn't what people saw me as. That I wasn't too stupid to finish college. That I wasn't too stupid to get all the degrees I want to have. That I wasn't useless. That I was needed. That I could live on my own. That I could handle life. That I wasn't a failure at life.

And though I've lived with these feelings (and much deeper selfhate), my whole life, as I get older I have become conscious of the physical toll it takes on me to bear these burdens. The sleeplessness combined with the sleepiness. The loss of the fire I had to write. The loss of my love of reading. The endless procrastination.

The laziness. Forgetting everything.

Not eating combined with making

“

summer.

Bad days during this low mood are particularly harder to live through. And on the day I went to see my Primary Care Physician, it was a bad day. He'd given me a quick questionnaire a month or so beforehand to determine how depressed I was. If my mood stayed the same or got worse, he recommended that it would be time to get back on medication. I had hoped that that would not be the case. I have taken medicine for my depression before, but it didn't make me happier. It didn't make me feel like a different person.

Prozac just made me sleepier. I'm not so sure that people should rely on medicine to make them happy.

Medicine does stuff to you. It changes you. Sometimes the side effects of the medicine makes you worse than you already are. Taking medication would mean I'm weak and pathetic and can't handle my own life. Shouldn't I

SLEEPLESSNESS COMBINED WITH THE SLEEPINESS. THE LOSS OF THE FIRE I HAD TO WRITE. THE LOSS OF MY LOVE OF READING. THE ENDLESS PROCRASTINATION. THE LAZINESS. FORGETTING EVERYTHING. NOT EATING COMBINED WITH MAKING MYSELF EAT. BURSTS OF ENERGY THEN LONG PERIODS OF LETHARGY.

“

myself eat. Bursts of energy then long periods of lethargy. On a rare morning when I actually wanted to get up, I cleaned my house thoroughly.

That happened only once this whole

be able to make myself happy on my own? These were some of the reasons I haven't taken medication in over 5 years.

When he gave me the test

again, of course I was worse than the last time he saw me. So he asked me what was going in my life. This surprised me since Primary Care doctors don't normally care that deeply for patients. Nobody official had ever asked me anything about my life, even in therapy sessions. They just want to know about my fucked up childhood or my stupid job, if I'm safe at home, and if I had family and friends I can be pawned off on to talk to when they don't have time to schedule me.

I told him what was foremost on my mind. Then he wanted to know more.

Pretty soon I began to break down and cry.

"I know that you don't want to go back on medication. Maybe one day you will be able to manage without it.

But you’re not strong enough for that right now."

When he first said that, it was hard not to take offense. What did he mean I wasn't strong enough?

Everybody commends me on the fact that I am practically normal; holding down a full time job, going to college, living on my own -- all without medicine. But hadn't this breakdown proved him right? Why keep ignoring all the signals that my body and my mind had been telling me since summer began? I'm not strong enough to bear this. I'm sick. And when I'm sick, I need medicine.

So that's been my summer.

Suffering until I faced the fact that I'm not doing as good as I thought I was.

I went through the motions, smiled, and interacted with people; but I was lost within myself. If I had missed my doctor's appointment that day as I almost had, then I might not have made it through the summer without hearing the truth. Hearing the truth is the first step to accepting the truth.

I don't know enough about what medication can do for me. Besides being ineffective with me, I've only seen the bad effects it's had on others.

But maybe the right medication can keep the darkness from overtaking me.

Maybe I can be a better person, or at least a person that feels better. • NOVEMBER 2015 | VINDICATOR 16

by Carissa Woytach

i

f you can’t see the war on women, you haven’t been paying attention. This is not an immediate war waged with guns and bombs. This is a war filled with backwards policy and misinformation, not hashtags and bra-burning. It is filled with a dangerous ethnocentrism that fuels American lawmakers. And, even without the bullets, it is deadly.

The odds against women are staggering. In the United States alone, a woman is raped every 107 seconds.

Globally, between 35 and 70 percent[i] of women will experience sexual or physical violence in their lifetime, with half of all women killed having been murdered by their intimate partners. In conjunction with this, more than 250 million girls were married before their 15th birthday, forced to bear children before they were a little more than children themselves.

Being a woman is a

17 VINDICATOR | NOVEMBER 2015

dangerous business. Violence is endless, shaping itself into cases of rape, homicide, genital mutilation, trafficking and honor killings, too many threats to count (or address in this article).

Abject violence against women should be unimaginable, but in many cases it isn’t. It’s expected.

A woman is a walking statistic until the day she dies. And the odds are worse for those outside of the United States.

Feminism should not stop at the U.S. borders, should not stop at the edge of international cases of oppression and abuse, peering in but never objecting to these systemic flaws.

Because where a person is born should not determine their value has a human being.

REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS In the United States, advancements have been made — though we are far from perfect. Our war is built on paper policy and access to healthcare. Abortions are contested, but not illegal and contraceptives are available. A choice is not yet a jail sentence.

But, in 75 countries

around the world abortion is illegal, including cases of rape and incest. This means there is no choice. If a woman cannot or does not carry her pregnancy to term she is a criminal. And while there are movements and advancement, especially in Western countries, it is not enough to simply lower a jail sentence.

In these countries — which may become a model if abortion is banned in the United States — unsafe, back-alley procedures which can result in infection or death are the only means to end an unwanted pregnancy.

As a whole, the world remains in the early 1900s, where a woman’s lack of choice is manifested in a coat hanger.

Internationally, unsafe abortions led to an estimated 47,000 deaths in 2008, according to the World Health Organization, with 215,000 maternal deaths preventable with contraceptive access. And while the risk to women is higher in developing countries, 2 percent of unsafe procedures are performed in industrialized nations.

This is an example of a war on

SYMBOL: MODERNGIRLBLITZ ON TUMBLR

choice, a paper trail that will turn into bloody hands if allowed to continue. Follow this trail and it will lead you to bombed clinics and ignorant politicians whose lack of sex education leads to the idea that a woman’s body can shut down during rape. It will lead you to children in jail for miscarriages and doctors fined for educating their patients.

It will lead you to headstones and mourning families.

The right to a safe abortion should be open to all women, regardless of ethnicity, age, or location. Recently in the United States, Planned Parenthood has threatened defunding, clinics have closed and laws have been passed to trap women into seeing their pregnancies to term, all of which can be reversed or avoided through lobbying and lawmaker’s basic observation of Roe v. Wade (1973).

Dismantling of an unjust, male-centric system is the only viable plan to change these statistics and save lives, both at home and abroad. Because abortion is not your senator’s, church’s, husband’s, boyfriend’s or family’s choice, it is a choice that only a woman should be able to make for herself.

TRAFFICKING Most states in the U.S. have the legal age of consent set at 16 — meaning that if you are younger than that and engage in sexual activities, willing or not, the act can be contested as statutory rape in court. In other areas of the world, this rule does not exist.

20 years ago, UNICEF produced the Convention on the Rights of the Child, an attempt to protect a child’s right to innocence, the basic ability to be young and spared from the horrors of war, unexpected or underage pregnancy, etc. While this treaty has been signed by 192 countries, as of 2005 it has not been ratified by the United States and Somalia.

The convention defines a child as anyone under 18 and creates an ethical framework for the countries bound by it to function within. But, this convention does not define an age for sexual consent, only lists that globally, the most common age is 16, but goes as low as 12 for girls in some South American countries.

This low age of consent, combined with high human trafficking rates, has led to a terrifying reality for hundreds of thousands of children who are forced into modern-day slavery, both in the United States and abroad.

Women and girls make up 98 percent of the 4.5 million sex trafficking victims, two million of which are under 18. In an industry that, according to a report by CNN, makes a revenue of more than $32 billion a year, victims are left as destitute. Due to economic disparities, women and girls are the most vulnerable victims of sex trafficking, sold into work by spouses, family members, or entering originally to support themselves but later taken further advantage of.

The problem of human trafficking goes beyond the feminist movement, but it is intrinsically involved. As a movement that strives to create a world that treats women as equals, economic stability for women, as well as support systems for trafficking victims, can combat this international problem. By giving women and children value beyond their bodies, the rate at which they are sold to traffickers will drop dramatically, especially in developing countries.

MOVING FORWARD Women are the backbone of the family and society.

Feminism is the radical idea that equality matters and the overarching patriarchy needs to be dismantled.

Education is key to creating this equality. Women, especially in developing countries, make up the lowest educated

and lowest earning workforce — which is central to problems in human trafficking, abortion and reproductive rights, and acts of violence against women.

To fully function as equals in society, girls must be given the same educational opportunities as their male counterparts. As it stands, the CIA reports that on average 82.2 percent of women over the age of 15 are literate.

This leaves 718 million adults illiterate, with the lowest literacy rates in sub-Saharan Africa and Southern and Western Asia.

And in every country, female literacy rate is lower than their male counterparts’.

The right to an education should be a human right, regardless of the student’s gender.

A fair and equal education is the key step to allowing women to live with dignity and autonomy across the world, lifting their communities and families out of poverty and projecting developing countries into this industrialized century.

We live in a global society but, as Americans, exist in an ethnocentric bubble that writes off the plights of women and children in developing countries.

Priviledge allows us to say “That’s just the way it is,” rather than question what can be done to help.

Feminism was born out of the upper-middle class women of the sixties and seventies, but has it really progressed past that?

Has it kept up with our global economy?

If your feminism does not fight for the equality of all people — working to empower women economically, to keep girls from marrying at 15, provide legal and safe abortions to those in developing countries and support victims of sex trafficking — is it really making a difference? • __________________________

[i] This gap is created by poor access to resources and low reporting in developing countries, leading to inconsistencies in multiple reports NOVEMBER 2015 | VINDICATOR 18

ENJOY the SILENCE

by Louis Walee

I can honestly say some of the best moments I’ve ever had in my life have been moments to myself. I sincerely enjoy my solitude, the distance, the detachment, the all-too-important time to reflect on who I am and what it is I want out of life. In my solitude I’m able to truly listen to my thoughts and feel every beat of my heart. I’m able to connect my mind and body and be at perfect harmony with my being, my soul. With my senses attuned to the world around and my energies focused within, I’m in touch with my deepest thoughts and feelings, and this is when my soul begins to speak, the essence of who I am.

Solitude is beautiful, it’s addicting because once you see how peaceful it is you will not want to be disturbed, you will want to be left to wonder, left to think, to feel, to dream, and to live.

Have you ever asked yourself before “What am I living for?” We are so occupied with our daily lives that we often fail to stop for a moment in the day and ask ourselves that question. We fail to understand our purpose, our nature, who we are as individuals, as people living in a society that is very much out of touch with itself, a society so immersed in big screens and bright lights that it neglects to turn off the big screens, the 19 VINDICATOR | NOVEMBER 2015

lights off, and look in the mirror and ask itself “What am I living for?”

People do not take time to address their needs or tend to themselves.

We’re so absorbed in the many disturbances and irrelevancies that plague our surroundings that we’re distracted from what is really important to us and we neglect ourselves as a result. Everywhere you look you see people on social media, games, television, all immersed in a world that usually lacks not only true substance but a reason. We find ourselves lost in a sea of misinformation and trivialities, falling farther and farther away from what really matters to us — our family, friends, and ourselves.

Solitude can be a very potent antidote for what ails us. Solitude

allows us to gain time to ourselves to be able to address our own needs and to look at ourselves and the world around us, free of judgement, free of criticism and negativity. Solitude is an art − when practiced we can see ourselves in a light we never would have seen ourselves in before.

When we are alone within our own space, we are free of scrutiny and many of these societal troubles and burdens, which usually come in the company of others whose baggage and drama are taxing on our otherwise positive vibes.

Today’s society is so immersed in ultra-connectedness that many people don’t understand the significance that solitude offers and the place it has within our lives. It is often ignored and preference is placed on having company of people rather than the reflective and re-

progress, our growth and transformation.

When we allow it within our realm of solitude we are able to restore a balance and ground our energies. We are able to keep ourselves at peace within this state and filter out what is and isn’t necessary in our lives. This process allows us to be self-aware and conscious of the bigger picture, whether it relates to us as individuals or the world at large. It allows us to maximize the use of our intuition and reach enlightenment.

Simply said, solitude is a retreat from a very hectic world. It is the balance we need as we deal with the duality that is our internal and external worlds. Solitude

generative qualities that solitude offers, as it has a true healing characteristic about itself that allows us to resolve even the most troubling conflict within ourselves.

Many times people fear to stand beside themselves (Why?), because they fear the solitude that comes from it. In solitude there is the potential to be ostracized by others who fear a person who isn't afraid to be alone with their own company, who isn’t conformed to these societal irrelevancies, doesn’t fear to assert their own identity, and doesn't fear to look within themselves and discover who they really are and ask themselves what is it that they really want out of life.

If you decide to walk the path least tread, others may surely direct

resentment towards you because they fear what they don’t understand. It’s quite profound to think that some people could never do what it is you're doing by simply practicing solitude.

When it comes down to it, don't fear to stand alone, because there is power in that, something those amongst the crowds will never understand. Solitude is true to life, it is a very profound state of nature, and to be within that state of nature is coming closer to recognizing what life is all about, it is essential as those without it can easily become lost in the world, let alone their own minds because they’ve never taken the time to reflect.

When we begin to reflect, we are able to eliminate hindrances from our lives who stand in the way of our

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PHOTO: BECKY BYRON

“

Solitude is an art − when practiced we can see ourselves in a light we never would have seen ourselves in before.

lets us examine our lives, our purpose, our ambitions, our desires, and our aspirations. It is transformative as we emerge even stronger and more focused from our realm of solitude. Our faith is stronger.

This is why we shouldn’t fear being alone, as it can greatly benefit us. Use your time to yourself to dig a little bit deeper in understanding who you are. Solitude is a crucial component to introduce into one's life, simply said, learn to embrace it.

Enjoy the silence. • NOVEMBER 2015 | VINDICATOR 20

AN URGE TO END IGNORANCE

by Arbela Capas

There seems to be a deep, ever-growing stigma with having a conversation about tough controversial issues such as abortion and reproductive rights. It’s one thing for people to have strong opinions about the topic, but what is really worrying is when the discussion is avoided and replaced with mere ignorance. It seems that most arguments against abortion and reproductive rights have stayed roughly the same in the last years, and there just doesn’t seem to be a growth in open mindedness 21 VINDICATOR | NOVEMBER 2015

on the subject. Despite the fiery controversies surrounding the issues of abortion, there still seems to be a lot of ignorance surrounding discussions about it. And now with election season coming around, all the controversial and scary issues get magnified in media and in politicians’ voices more than ever before. A recent bill to defund Planned Parenthood was passed in the house of representatives, but then luckily blocked by the Senate.

However, The backlash against Planned Parenthood in the recent weeks from the Republican party is a

perfect warning sign that shows that the issue of abortion and reproductive rights is still under constant attack.

Even here in Ohio, another clinic was recently almost closed down and there are still constant bills being proposed to shut down more. There is still much awareness that needs to be spread about the different ways policy makers and politicians are undermining fundamental reproductive rights in our country.

The main thing that I think is needed is for people to start getting educated on the issues of reproductive rights and women’s health instead of being scared away or even “grossed out” by it. Just because it’s a messy issue, doesn’t mean it has to be complicated, or not talked about. It’s just too encompassing of an issue to ignore.

This issue involves real women (and men) and their real lives. It’s unfair for us to simply ignore it because it’s the easy way out. Especially when entering college, we are exposed to many opportunities to educate ourselves and let ourselves look outside the box on many issues. That’s why I think it’s important for students like myself to join organizations and become involved and aware of these issues that affect our life more than we know.

I recently went to my first CSURGE meeting at Cleveland State and it gave me a really good insight on abortion, reproductive rights, and the many ways other students such as myself can join the discussion in a proactive way. URGE is a new organization that only officially made its debut on campus this semester.

I interviewed Marissa Pappas and Nicole Zollos, the two founders of the club. Both of the club organizers gave me a very informative insight on the club’s goals and the issue of reproductive rights in our society.

So what is URGE at Cleveland State all about? Well I’ll tell you: a lot of more important things that I originally thought. The main goal is promoting reproductive justice and gender equity. But it’s also

PHOTO: EVAN PRUNTY

policies. By the time people go to college, they are forming their ideas and opinions about issues, and this is a perfect group to get a lot of valuable information from.

Next, I wanted to ask the girls about their view on abortion and why they think it’s such an ignored conversation. Pappas hits it right on the nail:

“The reason there’s a stigma is because there has been one really loud narrative that we have been hearing and that narrative is the

“

I strongly believe that an organization like this on campus is more than important −it’s necessary.

“

about empowering young people, specifically college students, and motivating them to fight for better policies in government. Which of course ties into reproductive justice, which surrounds the idea that everyone has a right and power to decide whether or not to have children, and to have the choice to decide how their families will look like. The club also focuses on sex positivity, comprehensive sex education, parenting resources, and just a bunch of other super helpful things. A bunch of helpful things that (shocker!) are not talked about enough openly.

I strongly believe that an organization like this on campus is more than important--it’s necessary.

This is necessary because this is a good way young people and our generation get informed about the political process and get a voice in government. This is crucial because if we don’t get more of us voting and making future decisions, our policies will keep getting voted in by predominantly white male voters who don’t accurately represent the needs of the U.S. population. Pappas and Zollos talked about how they work with local government in forming coalitions with other groups to help support their issues. They also spread important information for students concerning health and reproductive rights. “We want direct action.” says Pappas. They also told me about the advantage with being in Cleveland.

“We’re downtown. We can see change happen.” says Zollos. And what better way than to find other like-minded passionate students on your own college campus? Part of the process that the group is a part of is taking it even one step further and going to lobby houses and actually speaking up in the community. There is so much potential in the group and so many people who could help make it great, and help the group inspire actual change. It is crucial to be informed about sex education and the conversation about sex education

anti-choice narrative that stigmatizes abortion and makes it seem like a traumatic process that only bad women go through for bad reasons.”

Media propaganda helps create this mindset as well, and we saw it happening with the Planned Parenthood controversy. What were a series of false claims soon turned into an overdramatized conspiracy about fetal tissue donation, using it specifically for the anti-choice agenda.

The other big difficulty with people ignoring this issue is that too many people who may be prochoice think that Roe v. Wade is set in stone. Which it is--sort of. But after understanding more about the

anti-abortion agenda from so many politicians, I now realize that it is a much more complicated process.

Both Pappas and Zollos explained to me that the main goal of the antichoice agenda is to systematically to break down reproductive rights through bans and laws that chip away abortion facilities. In other words, politicians against abortion aren’t trying to overturn Roe v. Wade but are doing it in small doses, i.e. closing clinics and using trap laws. In the last five years, over 200 new abortion restrictions have been put into place in this country, which Pappas says was even unheard of when Roe v. Wade was passed.“We have to argue for a constitutional right to an abortion…” she stated, “We have more difficulty now.”

This is exactly why the conversation can’t end here. This is why it’s important to become more aware of issues like abortion that have a profound impact on so many women’s lives, and are being ignored just because it’s a tough conversation to have. Just because it’s a tough issue to open up to and learn about. I feel lucky enough to go to a college where there are organizations such as URGE, that is devoted to educating the public in an informative and helpful way, because there is a great need for more people to become aware of the decisions that they are going to be part of very soon. And with election season, getting closer, it’s going to start becoming harder to ignore these issues as they come more and more into light. Abortion is just one of the many issues that I want to hear being talked about and not being stigmatized anymore. There will always be difference in opinion, but I’m tired of hearing the arguments overdramatized and blown up out of proportion.

I’m tired of hearing politicians that are running for the highest office of the land, still equating pro-choice to baby-killing. I think there is a lot more potential in the people in this country and in our communities. All we need to do is not be afraid to ask questions.• NOVEMBER 2015 | VINDICATOR 22

by James Ellis

Over the last month, the news media has had no shortage of sensational stories to cover: Mass shootings, floods, draught, the TPP, the Planned Parenthood ordeal, bombings in Turkey, the Syrian refugee crisis, terrorism in Israel, Russian airstrikes in Syria, and the list goes on. These events are especially important to me, as I have just recently come of age to participate in my country’s political process. Given their importance, I do my best to stay on top of current events; I try to consume as much news as I can. However, I have recently come to the discovery that I am an oddity among my peers. A great deal of people I interact with daily care little about current events, and don’t keep up with them for one reason or another.

For example, when the Oregon shooting occurred earlier this month, my English 102 professor asked the class how many of them had heard about the shooting. Less than a quarter of the class raised their hands. This was a school shooting. It should have hit college kids right at home, but most of them didn’t even know about the story. It seems that despite its great importance, people just don’t watch the news anymore. It isn’t hard to figure out why.

Honestly, most college students are too busy writing essays, studying, or working through college to watch the news.

Some students just can’t find the time for politics to fit into their daily lives, and that is understandable. It is true that student life can be unforgivingly busy, but we can’t let that get in the way of what the news media can inform us about.

A great deal of us at CSU are only just now entering the world of politics. As boring as it can be, it affects our entire lives as well as the lives of those we will never meet.

The United States is one of the most powerful and influential countries in the history of this planet. The decisions our legislators make here have ripple effects that spread throughout the world. One dumb decision we make can ruin the lives of millions. Every sanction, war, trade deal, relief package, treaty, or law that our representatives vote on can drastically alter the lives of those in other countries.

Domestic issues affect us as well: Politicians are currently debating topics such as health care, college tuition, gun control, abortion rights, the minimum wage, marijuana legalization, tax 23 VINDICATOR | NOVEMBER 2015

hikes, tax breaks, and other issues that impact our lives directly.

We can’t afford the luxury of ignoring current events if the consequences of poor decision making can be so severe.

Not only must we focus on current events-we must also pay attention to those seeking office. After all, the representatives make the decisions that will make or break this nation or other nations. Of course, we can’t just pay attention to national representatives-It is not enough to know who the president is.

We also need to shift our attention to local politicians, who often slip under the public’s radar. Local issues are another aspect of current events that remain underappreciated, and local politicians make the decisions that alleviate (or aggravate) those problems.

The reckless election of representatives carries with it a certain risk. If the public (us) doesn’t know what it is voting for (or who they are voting for) how can the public possibly make the right decision? Despite this, many citizens vote with little knowledge about their candidates or where they stand on the issues.

Furthermore, many voters simply don’t vote in these elections due to lack of knowledge, interest, or time. This sort of haphazard endorsement of candidates paves the way for some serious issues-that representative has the people standing behind his decisions, even if many of those voters didn’t know much about him or didn’t even participate in the election. The problems that arise from such a situation are both obvious and preventable. If more people took the time to incorporate politics into their daily lives, more people would vote and the voters that showed up would be better informed of the issues.

Some of these events or elections on the news are going to be written in the history books used to teach our children.

They are important. We cannot simply give up on the news media just because we have no time for it. If we elect the wrong president or representative and some erroneous bill or executive order is passed as a result, we have only ourselves to blame for it.

We need to make time for the news media. At the very least, we need to take it upon ourselves to stay informed on the issues facing our country. Just watching the news isn’t enough. We need to care about what is going on in the world and actively get involved in it. To do anything else would do a disservice to ourselves, our country, and the rest of world. •

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s n a Tr is Beautiful DALLAS TURNER TELLS HER STORY OF CHANGE, FINDING HERSELF, AND FINALLY FINDING HAPPINESS.

BY DALLAS TURNER

PHOTOGRAPHY BY EVAN PRUNTY & CARISSA WOYTACH NOVEMBER 2015 | VINDICATOR 3

T

he first time I painted my nails, I thought I was going to cry. This action which my mind considered “for girls” based on our society’s rigid gender rules was off limits to me if I wanted to fit in. It was against an unspoken pact I had made with myself since I was very young.

To fit in, I believed, I had to tone down girly tendencies. In high school I came out as gay using the same stereotype about gay people that many people still have: that gay men are just really girly, and also the even more false version, that gays want to be women.

To me this was a solve all. It let people know that I was girly and that I liked men. And life was good. Comparatively to what I lived before 20, the first two years of high school were by far the best of my life. I was under the illusion that with being out as gay, people understood how I was. Ignorance is bliss, after all. Essentially I made myself believe that I didn’t really need those things such as painting my nails. Those things that I always

secretly wanted to do. For me, back then and up until about 19 years old I believed that there was no way to live a different life than the one that had been prescribed to me by my society based on my body. So I chose to conform. And I chose denial. But I always felt like I was the odd one out and I was certainly always uncomfortable no matter what I was doing or who I was with. Nothing made me truly happy and good times were fleeting because it was simply built into me, I thought.

I had always yearned to participate as one of the girls in my friend groups. And that was a running joke, in fact, in most all of my friend groups: “Dallas is just one of us girls!” Of course perpetuated by yours truly any time it came up. I had no idea what that meant, but looking back I know it was a secret validation from my friends that I was and am in fact a girl. I knew I would never be like the men of my family because I was simply different than them, and the women... I just didn’t let myself think about it. To say I was more like them or that I wanted to be like them would hurt too much. In my mind, in this society, there was no “true” or “real” way for me to change how I was, so I simply pushed any of those thoughts away and pushed on in life.

The realization came to me one day while I was particularly depressed and decided to go for a walk down one of the bike paths in Kent where I was living. About half way through my walk in a particularly serene and gray-skied clearing suddenly something was lifted, and I thought to myself “Holy shit.

I’m transgender.” I’ll probably never know what came over me... what in my defense mechanisms and lifelong denial just sort of caved, or perhaps disappeared that allowed my sharply uncomfortable realization. But I have a clue as to what may have created the space for that truth in my mind. Most likely it was trans representation in the form of Laverne Cox on Orange is the New Black and an article about the difference between being gay and being transgender about three or four months before that walk. Representation means that you see people like you in a positive uncharacterized way in the media, and that article contained a quote that will

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IN LIFE, YOU HAVE TO BE COMPLETELY OPEN WITH YOURSELF.

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stay with me for the rest of my life just because of the sheer impact that the words hit me with, which went something like “a gay man is a man that loves men for being men, and wants to be loved for being a man as well.” When I read that, I immediately started bawling. It wasn’t like the nail polish thing where I only thought I was going to cry, I literally was crying my eyes out so confused how that didn’t fit me at all.

The words of that sentence would never and could never describe me. But I was not ready to face such a realization so I shoved it away. If I only had one guess it would be that these were the primary reasons why I was honest with myself for the first time in my life on that day.

And from there a very painful year-long journey in my life ensued where I picked up knowledge about transgender issues and information from any source.

Although it was initially excruciating to be admitting the fact, reading about it, and educating myself, I came to forge an uneasy space for the fact in my mind. I told friends, almost everyone I knew, so it was real in a plane that wasn’t just my own mind. It probably seemed insane and clingy to need to talk about it so much but I’m glad it was something I did because I knew my nature and if I didn’t have people holding me accountable for progress and checking in on me in that context I would simply go into denial again. In fact, I spend months playing mental ping-pong with myself on whether or not this was worth it, or practical, or affordable, or even who I was. It only got better in time but the first month of self-realization was pure anguish. Once I felt like I could talk through everything that was going on in my mind and not feel like a complete idiot, I looked up gender counselors in my area and fortunately I met someone who was very gracious and helpful in talking me through what was going on and provided me with a hugely generous discount from usual rates because she wanted to make sure that trans people were getting the care they needed.

Even though I didn’t see how much this helped me back then, looking back I see

that she really provided me with more progress at that point in time than would have happened otherwise. After my stay in Kent was up I left for the last month of the summer to stay with my mom, who I had already come out to at that point.

During that stay I began to take menopause pills with soy extract estrogen in them (it’s ok, take a moment to laugh, it is pretty funny to think about). While they didn’t do anything even remotely close to the real estradiol pills I take now, they did help alleviate some day to day stress and anxiety. It was probably a huge placebo effect but whatever, it helped! After that time with my mom I came up to CSU for my first year in college. Nothing major happened in the first semester besides finally making the call to the pride clinic for my appointment to get a prescription.

I can say, however, that I was attending the LGBT support hour for “gender confusion” at the time. Like my counselor, it helped immensely to be around other people with similar experiences and also some trans women going through the stages of transition I was about to embark on myself. I ended up finally being able to go in mid-February and got a same appointment prescription. And from there on, the rest is history.

What I’ve learned is that in life you have to be completely open with yourself. Always listen when you’re feeling out of place and identify the problem. It’s almost always going to be better after you change things, and you’ll probably wonder why you didn’t do what you needed to do sooner. On the subject of lost time, sometimes I do feel like my life could have or should be different (eg, I could be cisgender). Feeling like I lost time and having missed out and/or still do is just useless.

I’m happy now and I’m living well now and that’s all I can ask. I’m just thankful to have had this opportunity. The ever popular “Born in the Wrong Body” narrative just bothers me though. I try not to think of things that way. The fact is that I’m not in the wrong body. I’m in a body that can be changed to accommodate my mind and how I know myself. If I was in anyone else’s body I wouldn’t be me, I wouldn’t be related to my family, I wouldn’t know what I know. I have no shame in being who I am within the context of transgenderism or without. Let’s be honest: I still have a lot to learn. I’m learning as I go like anyone else. It’s been a good run and I can’t wait to see what happens in the future, because this is only the beginning.•

NOVEMBER 2015 | VINDICATOR 28

STUDENT FEATURE | JIBREEL GOULD ENGINEERING | ALPHA PHI ALPHA Interview by Reese Shebel

Q: What role do you play in your fraternity and what are the misconceptions that you face?

A: I am the treasurer and marketing chair for Pi chapter of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc. I cover our fundraising efforts whether it’s for the chapter,

Being the first black inter-college fraternity comes with its gifts, pressures, and misunderstandings. This is a pressure that every fraternity or sorority also shares. The problem is we haven’t come to together and shared these pressures. We use them as a form of unhealthy competition. national programming, initiatives, or plagues to our community. It’s true there are a lot of misconceptions about fraternities, I would be close-minded to say my fraternity has the most, but we have a lot for many reasons.

For fraternities, the misconceptions are that we’re elitist, we only live to party and not to serve, we only join for popularity and not prosperity, and we’re disrespectful to women and irresponsible on our campuses. In some cases, these misconceptions hold a lot truth, but it’s not the responsibility of just one organization to change these misconceptions. This is the responsibility of every organization that endeavors to better humanity.

Q: How does being in a fraternity benefit you?

A: Alpha Phi Alpha develops leaders promotes brotherhood and academic excellence while providing service and advocacy for our communities. This is our mission statement. Every day we seek to live up to this as well as our aims. Manly deeds, scholarship, love for all mankind. It isn’t the aim or mission statement that benefits people, because words are just the foundation of desired action. It is the action we take based on our mission statement and aims.

Our national programing includes Go-to-highschool, Go-to-College, My Brother’s Keeper, A Voteless People is a Hopeless People, and Project Alpha. In all our ways we benefit people, but we don’t limit our reach to our national programming or initiatives. A 5-year-old was killed due to a drive-by shooting on Cleveland’s East side. Our brother, Eric J. Williams, covered all of cost and arrangements for the funeral.

This issue isn’t in our programming, but it is an issue our community has to face.

We are also hosting a fundraiser to raise awareness for domestic violence and funds for the Domestic Violence and Child Advocacy Center. As leaders of humanity it’s our responsibility to help

in any and every way possible. The location is MOCA (Museum of Contemporary Art), because we want to give the college and community something they’ve never experienced before. Our generation will be remembered for creativity, innovation, and breaking through barriers. We are creative minds and we want to have a fun, creative environment. We all enjoy parties but Pi chapter doesn’t want to be known for parties, and I hope no organization does. The difference is that what we’re doing has a purpose.

Q: What are you involved in?

A: Beyond Alpha, I recently was hired by Cleveland Clinic’s Office of Diversity of Inclusion where I’ll be assisting in creating strategic plans, preparing and completing actions plans, identifying trends, researching, creation of newsletters, flyers, publications, and brochures. I’m also the VP of Cleveland State’s NAACP.

PHOTOS: EVAN PRUNTY

Q: How did you get where you are today?

A: Looking back, it’s hard to tell how I got to where I’m at. Whether it’s due to growing up in a single-parent home and watching my mother struggle just to feed us and keep clothes on mine and my siblings’ backs, or keeping off the streets. Like anyone, I’d say it’s my failures, accomplishments, and passion for creation, and having a brush with death, that has changed me in many ways. I’ve lost a lot and in those times I learned everything I have to gain. What has also helped is finding a reason to be great -- this will see you through times of trial and tribulation. We walk through life not watching ourselves live. I feel we all ought to take a step back to think of how we are

perceived by others and most importantly ourselves, and who do we want to be the people we love and inspire. The people, passion, success, failure, and potential have made me who I am today.

Q: What’s your advice on staying inspired?

JB: Some say I’m hard on myself. I believe I’m my own worst and best critic, but I’d tell students to seize opportunity that encompasses everything. Opportunity is in every second, interaction with each person we meet, and each life we touch has the potential to shape our future. We have to dissect what’s worthwhile and what’s not worth our time. Stay hungry and never get complacent. Just when you think you’ve done enough, know there is someone doing more and you shouldn’t try to compete but strive to create your own lane so there is no competition.

Always embrace competition, but when you’re creative and innovative everyone is trying to keep up.

I stay inspired by knowing my history.

Especially the history of my culture. We all aren’t awarded the same make-up, meaning that we all are born with the same breath but not the same variables. I’ve came from humble beginnings and I’ve truly been blessed. We all don’t receive the same blessings. What inspires me is knowing I can inspire someone else. Everything I’ve accomplished and will accomplish is the foundation for someone else. I have to ensure that I always lead by example, which is always easier said than done. In life, nothing worth having is easy to obtain. I want what’s hard, not what’s easy. All these things inspire me. •

We are all born with the same breath but not the same variables.

NOVEMBER 2015 | VINDICATOR 30

JUST

HUMANS

by Sydney Choe

B

.K.S. Iyengar once said, “The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in.”

Iyengar’s words not only left me in a state of acknowledgment for the treasure that is my body and home, but also in a state of enlightenment. If our body is a precious temple where our souls reside, it would make sense to keep the walls as pure and clean as humanly possible.

31 VINDICATOR | NOVEMBER 2015

If our body is a temple, the hands of those who utilize Photoshop to reshape us are that of vandals. A society that tells the world they’re never good enough, despite their natural and pure state is indeed a criminal of destruction.

The soul that resides in a vandalized temple, desecrated and depreciated by a society with unrealistically high standards, will become contaminated and poisoned.

As women become increasingly thin due to pressures of society and their genetic makeup is being altered via Photoshop, their hearts and souls are being polluted with the idea that they will never be good enough.

The Photoshop war is erupting chaos within our women and altering the minds of our men. While women are beginning to believe they will never meet the ideals of the media and, thus, never be truly beautiful, men are being cultured to view women as sexual objects. Even women are starting to demean and objectify themselves.

So how can we stop this?

We can start by banding together as sisters, maybe as friends, or just as humans trying to coexist and work to change attitudes. We have to come to the realization that the only way to beat the social norm is to walk against it. A social norm is established because we, the people of society, make it normal. Let’s make confidence and self-love the new norm.

All over the Internet, women are constantly bashing one another for what they look like and for accepting themselves.

We cry out about men demeaning us and not seeing us as their equals, yet we try to silence the voices of women who are willing to put their foot down and say, “I am beautiful the way I am.”

What is it about self-love that the world seems to find frightening? If every woman in this world stepped out of her comfort zone and learned to broadcast her confidence, we’d set an example, raise the bar on how we expect to be treated, and start to reshape the world. Maybe not everything would change, but things would most certainly begin to change.

‘‘

Not only would women begin to see that loving themselves is allowed, but the jealousy, rude remarks and hatred would cease to exist as well. The truth is, when you’re confident with who you are, you spend less time scrutinizing the women around you and more time focusing on yourself and your road to success.

Not only will women’s attitudes change, but the world will start to be shaded in lighter tones and a more positive light will start to shine as society becomes more accepting.

While it is not a secret that unrealistic standards of the media and the Photoshop “plague” strongly influence the way women of our society feel about themselves, it is up to us to choose how to perceive it.

Iyengar speaks to us and tells us to keep the walls of our temples clean. He says that we should do this to foster a pure soul and, in turn, a kind heart. While we cannot control what society throws at us, we can hold back from throwing debris at the walls of other temples and we can clean both our walls and the walls of our neighbors.

We cannot control what the media says. We cannot take away Photoshop from the editors of magazines and we cannot tell movie directors or musicians to stop over-sexualizing and objectifying women in their art form.

What we can do as women is respect our bodies and the bodies of others. We can lift ourselves up above social norms and walk against the wind that keeps trying to knock us down. We can empower one another to be resilient and courageous.

We can allow ourselves to be defined by more than aesthetic appearance. We can, as women, keep the walls of our temple as clean and pure as humanly possible, because after all we are just humans.•

‘‘

Beauty photo courtesy of jessiedee.net via google images

The Photoshop war is erupting chaos within our women and at the same time altering the minds of our men.

NOVEMBER 2015 | VINDICATOR 32

STUDENT DESIGN SHOWCASE This typography exercise challenged graphic design students to create quotes from Michael Pollan’s book Food Rules, using letterforms created from food.

33 VINDICATOR | NOVEMBER 2015

LEFT

SALENA KAUFFMAN

RIGHT

top | MIKE GILES bottom, left | PEDRO HUERTAS bottom, right | BEN RODRIGUEZ

L

14

N

ESSO

Read the ingredients on a package of Twinkies or Pringles and imagine what those ingredients actually look like raw or in the places they grow. You can’t do it. This rule will keep all sorts of chemicals and foodlike substances out of your diet.

AVOID AVOID

that have somesome form of foodsfoods that have form of

SUGAR

o r

s w e e t n e r

listed among the top three ingredients

lis t ed am o n g t h e t o p t h ree in gre d ie nts

NOVEMBER 2015 | VINDICATOR 34

G L O B A L WA R M I N G , OZONE DEPLETION, E U T R O P H I C AT I O N , + ACID RAIN

All of the above mentioned are phenomena that occur in nature due to an accumulation of gases emitted into the atmosphere and how they have a significantly detrimental effect on the population of the Earth.

Oh, don’t stop there.

Let me paint you a picture: First pick an empty piece of land; lushly green throughout having to be cut down when some big firm decides to buy the plot. Trees are cut down. Factories may be built which will add to the emission of these particles to the atmosphere in general.

OZONE DEPLETION

By Prattyush Roy 37 VINDICATOR | NOVEMBER 2015

The sun emits rays that hit the Earth.

As per the electromagnetic spectrum, we have the following classification: Gamma rays, X rays, Ultraviolet rays, Visual spectrum, Infra-red spectrum, Magnetic spectrum, and Radioactive spectrum.

At the top of the atmosphere, there is a level where there are layers of ozone gas molecules-O3. Upon using substances like aerosols or chloro-fluoro carbon(s) (CFC), this layer is attacked and the number of ozone molecules in this layer decreases. The ozone molecules are responsible for not letting excessive ultraviolet rays enter the Earth’s surface.

Upon exposure to the sun’s ultraviolet rays to our skin, skin cancer may be an aftermath if exposed to for long periods of time.

PHOTOS: LEN RADIN, IBRAHIM MOHAMED, IBRAHIM MOHAMED, IBRAHEEM AL-SAHOOD

global warming We see companies like NRDC and the amount of damage they employ and acknowledge the issue of global warming with the highest concern, having programs such as the Clean Power Plan.

The NRDC website also says, “NRDC's new analysis finds that 470 to 700 million tons of carbon pollution can be eliminated per year in 2020 compared to 2012 levels, equivalent to the emissions from 95 to 130 million autos. At the same time, the NRDC approach would yield $28 billion to $63 billion in health and environmental benefits that far outweigh the costs of putting first-ever limits on carbon pollution.

In comparison, NRDC's 2012 analysis put those numbers at 270 million tons and $25-60 billion. The improved outcome results from updating the 2012 approach to reflect recent trends in the electricity industry, including a lower electricity demand than previously expected and reduced costs for wind turbines and natural gas. Google states that the gases responsible for global warming are Carbon dioxide, Methane, Nitrous oxide, and Fulminated gases.

Mechanism: The nitrous oxide and fulminated gases will be responsible in traces quantities as the fraction of carbon dioxide and methane rise are significantly larger. The gases act like a blanket and do not let the heat-trapped from the sunlight escape. It can be symbolized to the interior conditions of a green house and at times, these gases are known as green house gases.

The most vital piece of information that is predicted and could be extremely harmful is the melting of ice at the poles. Due to global warming, the heat accumulating may melt the ice at the North or South poles and would gradually and slowly accumulate over time and may cause problems -- like flooding -- to low lying areas. Hydrological studies have shown this to be increasing at an alarming rate and thus we need to pay heed to what we emit into the atmosphere and how cutting down trees may be detrimental for our futures.

EUTROPHICATION We now have a factory that is running and obviously produces waste. At times, if not properly planned, they could dump this waste into lakes, oceans and other water bodies. What results, is in a word, catastrophic. The dump of the factories accumulate on the water bodies preventing oxygen to enter, thus killing hundreds of fish or other organisms living in that particular habitat.

acid rain

In extreme cases, if gone rampant in a factory visit, the plant may emit dangerous gases such as Sulfur dioxide and Nitrogen Oxide.

Wikipedia states how this phenomena results in the gases mixing with the water forming in the clouds, now changing to acid droplets and fall to the surface of the Earth. Also, “Sulfur dioxide may be formed naturally from volcanic eruptions. It may prove to be detrimental as it causes corrosion of steel structures such as bridges, paint to peel and erosion of stone statues.”

To prevent this, we can initially raise awareness by passing out flyers or having green-run or other activities related to afforestation, like the planting of new trees. Some companies are abiding by and following the 3R (reduce, reuse and recycle) approach initiated.

Being afraid of the Earth’s future is not a crime but being blind to it by shying away from terms and labels, such as “tree hugger” should not be a reason to turn a blind eye to one of the most threatening issues the Earth faces today.

The smallest ripples in the ocean can indeed result in change. Let us be those responsible for that change. It is time to step up and play our part for the Earth and not blindly rob the planet of all it’s worth. • NOVEMBER 2015 | VINDICATOR 38

ARE WE WALKING THE WHOLE WAY?

by Arbela Capas

When you turn 20 and begin college, or a new phase of your life, your eyes become focused on one thing: you. You, yourself, and how you’re going to relate to the world around you. Suddenly, you become a sponge. You’re trying to soak up all the information, ideas, and point of views as you can, trying to understand it and form your own ideas. It’s time to fight for yourself, and try and create a life for yourself whilst trying to fight back every obstacle that the universe throws at you.

I’ve seen many articles throughout the years that criticize the lack of empathy in the millennial 39 VINDICATOR | NOVEMBER 2015

generation. Older generations tend to be extremely critical, calling us the "me" generation. The generation that has their heads in their phones and that have forgotten how to talk to real faces and hear real ideas. However, I think we have the potential to use our progressive attitude and modern advancements to still channel empathy into our society and learn how to understand people better, instead of shutting them out.

Empathy has always been a crucial value to me when meeting and understanding people throughout my life. However, empathy has slowly become a forgotten value in many aspects of our society, but not in the

way you would think. People still think it's important, but I think we are losing grasp of what it actually means to understand other people. I must admit, it partly has to do with our influx of social media and how it has forced us to have very shorthand responses to things. Thus we sometimes tend to just view every experience on the surface; snap a picture, post it on facebook, get a comment, reply, done. And that's the extent of it.

Also, I feel like our generation is a very defensive group of feisty, outspoken people. Which is great, however I think our generation has become so used to being outspoken and argumentative that we at times forget to stop

PHOTO: ELISABETH DARE

“

too obvious but cannot be stressed enough: Listen. However, I’d like to add “shut up” to that step as well.

Shut up and listen. Instead, try asking more questions. Even about the little things, even the details--especially the details. Empathizing with the little things doesn’t seem like a lot at first, but ultimately they can be the things that really allow you to see through the lense of another person.

The best way to fix the world, is to understand every single person’s problems in a clear way, and then go through life like that. But that's not the case, and that will never be the case... We are craving to understand, but we don’t allow ourselves to consider that maybe we can’t understand everything. We are a generation of notifiers and tweeters, but we need to go back to the basics: listening and learning. Asking and reflecting.

And ultimately, think about the way things affect other people in specific, deeper ways. We shouldn’t rush when we meet new people. We should fight the urge to immediately put them in a designated box and stack them with all the other boxes that we are familiar with.True empathy can’t just simply mean identifying with someone and assuming you know what they’re going through. Far too often, we take the easy way out and see people as we want to see them, instead of

“

and listen, to really listen. The modern age is affecting the way we look at people. It’s up to us to evolve our attitudes of our generation and fulfill the potential of empathizing with the world around us.

Here’s what it comes down to, in my mind at least. If you’re not depressed, you have no possible clue on how it feels like to be depressed. You don’t understand the dread that sinks into someone and the loss of hope that they feel every day. You just can’t understand it. Not fully.

If you don't live in extreme poverty, there's no way that you could really understand a person who does.

In fact, even if you are living in pov-

erty or are depressed as well, it's still not fair to judge another person based on your assumptions because they're still another person, in another body, living a completely different life than yours. It's not fair for you to make an assumption just because you have one thing in common with a person.

That doesn't immediately put you in that person's shoes, and certainly not their state of mind. So how could you possibly have a say in how they should be treated? How could you possibly know what’s goig on in thier mind?

Overall, it’s just important to sometimes take a step back and see how your experiences differ from the people around you. We all see through a different lense, depending on the way our lives have been shaped. It’s true, that a lot of times people are too quick to judge, but it's the way they judge that's the real problem. It's of course easy for us in society to divide people up in different groups and have our judgements based on things that make us different or similar. Obviously, the harder option is actually trying to understand the person on a deeper level.

And sometimes we need to make quick judgements and create simple definitions, without worrying what the person is actually thinking. This is because we live in a world where everything is largely surrounded by

I think our generation has become so used to being outspoken and argumentative that we at times forget to stop and listen, to really listen.

self-interest. And that's okay, until our assumptions start re-defining who people are and what their experiences have been, without their permission.

There are many steps we can take in beginning to fix our empathy. The first, seems almost painfully

really taking a moment to be in their shoes, or better yet, simply accept that there's no way we can really feel what they're feeling. We can’t fool ourselves by trying to take a couple steps in other people’s shoes, but not walking the whole way.• NOVEMBER 2015 | VINDICATOR 40

WIND WIND WIND

by Joy Y. McKinney

Wind, wind, wind...

Which way are you blowing?

Are you blowing to carry me to somebody I love?

Are you blowing me away from somebody to leave behind?

I wish I can see the answer without feeling the pain, but how can I feel happiness later on without facing the pain?

The happiness is often the result after the pain. the happiness because of the pain.

Wind, wind, wind...

No matter what you mean, I will win against your challenge

41 VINDICATOR | NOVEMBER 2015

ILLUSTRATION: ISAAC MORENO-RIANO

I can appreciate

PRAYING TO THE ERIE

by Arbela Capas

You prepared me for this all along By telling me all those stories Like how you jumped into Lake Erie in November By giving me all those lectures About life, death and Napoleon Bonaparte I never needed to believe in God because I believed in Edmund My place of worship is every Morning And now I pray to the Erie, that you have returned to Because you’re now part of a stronger force That is helping keep the universe together You took solace in the “I don't know” You found beauty in dead willow trees You put good music on repeat You danced until you “lost your legs” And when you spoke, you made sure to be heard You made your own heaven on earth Every single day Through complex snowball wars and long bike trips Through croquet matches and Thanksgiving dinners And deep discussions with friends You took it all in, deeply and fully And you gave back even more And I realize You were probably ready for this Because you weren’t afraid Of jumping into freezing lakes or pissing people off You knew, that was the only way to live By going against the odds, pushing against the norm And teaching others the same You taught me everything, and you prepared me for it all; The pains of love The pressure of the future And even the tragedy of your absence You gave me a million reasons To not only stay alive But to live like it's my last day And on your last day You proved that argument one more time

PHOTO: EVAN PRUNTY

You always quoted Nietzsche But I'll always quote you; You said, "I have the right to remain unpredictable" And you always were In life, In death But always in the Erie

NOVEMBER 2015 | VINDICATOR 42

THE EXCELLENT

by Louis Walee

43 VINDICATOR | NOVEMBER 2015

We strive for excellence here, nothing less, always more. Every effort is a valiant effort because effort is a characteristic of excellence. We are ambitious because ambition is the child of excellence. Ambition allows us to harness our passions and direct it towards the goals we wish to reach. We shall not fear for fear is an attribute of perfection and we do not strive for the unreachable, we strive for the reachable, excellence. Success is the path we embark on. Excellence is being able to overcome any and all obstacles that should come before you, because all obstacles are able to be overcome (why?) because they wouldn't have presented themselves to you if they weren't possible to be overcome.

Excellence exists within us all. We are all able to recognize excellence, to pursue it, to achieve it, adopt a culture of excellence and become it. With excellence we overcome adversity, we overcome stagnation and follow the path that is progression, and progression is excellence. Excellence allows us to see worlds anew, pathways, and gates to places beyond our wildest imagination, imagination is the soul of excellence, and everything has a soul. Allow your passions to flow, passions that direct you to the clouds, to the oceans, to heights and depths never witnessed before, allow your passions to bring you to the foot of the doorway that we call excellence.

Excellence is many things, it is bought on my many things, and it can become many things. Listen to your mind, and feel your heart, strike the balance between the body and soul and walk the path that is set before you, remember to be kind, speak the right words to one another, listen and learn, be humble, be resourceful, understand your strengths and weaknesses, learn to maximize your potential and understand that you have hidden potential, limitless potential. Let your character speak for you, and speak the truth for the truth shall defend itself, understand that there is so much more than what is seen by the naked eye, understand the world around you and of course understand yourself.

We may falter, we may fail, we will surely make mistakes, surely we will be tested, surely we still struggle, and times will be hard.

It doesn't matter the adversity because it can be overcome, effort, tenacity, hope, faith all come together to give you the strength you need to smite your obstacles and rise above the occasion.

Harden your resolve, endure. Understand all good things come in time, so use your time wisely. Learn to educate yourself. Harness, cultivate and hold onto your faith, all of this has happened before, in the past, the present, the future. Understand this. It comes and goes, comes and goes, be comfortable in this paradigm cycle, be content that nothing ever stays the same and the future holds uncertainty. Be at peace with yourself and others, and of course be excellent, believe in it, embrace it, and live it.

Always remember, never forget, we are the excellent.

I gave up on that dream to become a doctor I hated needles is why I gave up on rabbits I heard you cook them in stew I gave up on drama No one wished me not to I gave up on kingdoms and fairytales Reality forced me to I gave up on myself I had nothing to lose But then I met you You weren't there like I needed you to I finally gave up on you Because you had already given up on me

GIVE UP

by Caitlin Drayer

DO YOU SEE ME?

by Chau Tang

Do you see that girl in the back of the class?

She’s thinking, please hurry it up fast.

She’s being taunted and pushed around, and all she wants is to lay down.

She’s sick of it, she’s thinking.

Maybe, just maybe, that they will stop.

But nope.

It just keeps going and going like a merry-go-round Wondering when will it stop?

Or will it be unstoppable?

Finally the bell rings, She goes to the bathroom and looks in the mirror, She keeps crying and sighing Wondering if it’ll all be over soon Or is it just the beginning?

Sometimes she feels trapped, She wants to be someone else, Someone more likeable, But I guess it’s not possible.

All the people she once called friends, Now look past her.

Like she’s a ghost,

PHOTO: BRIAN BONHAM ON FLICKR

Like she’s invisible.

45 VINDICATOR | NOVEMBER 2015

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