Wellness with sam SILENT SUFFERING AND THE DANGERS OF ASSUMPTIONS In high school, I found it difficult to do simple tasks because of how depressed and iron-deficient I was. I avoided doing my homework and putting effort into my schoolwork because I saw it all as meaningless. To my parents, teachers, and friends, I was lazy and unbothered. I was often consumed with watching YouTube and napping. I wish back then that my teachers, peers, and my family were willing to look deeper into why I acted this way. Why I would break down over assignments and completely give up on studying for exams. This is a common dilemma, is it not? No one else can experience your life or feel your emotions. We feel isolated and ignored when we are suffering, as though we are the only ones who struggle. Making assumptions based on surface-level behaviours, facial expressions, body language, and appearance is very harmful and can cause these feelings of neglect and separation. There are ways to reach the root of these things in a kind and supportive manner which create a better conversation between strangers, friends, and family. It can be hard to notice when a person is struggling if they display happy characteristics with facial expressions and body
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language. At times we can fall under a false impression that a person’s behaviour is an indicator as to what they are feeling or thinking on the inside. People are not always projecting their true emotions on their face, but in reality, could be wearing a mask. In an episode of ‘Oprah’s SuperSoul Conversations’, Oprah speaks to Malcolm Gladwell about his book ‘Talking to Strangers’ and Gladwell brings up the dangers of assumption when reading a stranger’s physical representation. Gladwell brings up the horrifically tragic case of Sandra Bland who was a victim of police brutality and took her own life in her jail cell two days after the incident. The police officer made a harmful judgement based upon the colour of Bland’s skin and the tone she took with him when asked to put out her cigarette. The Officer assumed that Bland was argumentative and threatening, which resulted in her arrest and shortly thereafter, her death. Gladwell points out that we see people and make an instant conclusion about them instead of taking the time to dig deeper and understand one another. People suffer in silence daily and perhaps be too scared to speak up out in fear of being a burden or genuinely not knowing where to start or who to talk to. What we can do as a community is be more compassionate and less quick to judge. Having a genuine
heart to heart with someone can lift their mood and even be an encouragement for them to reach out and get the help they need. The senseless case of Sandra Bland brings to light the extreme consequences of assumptions and serves as a reminder to us that talking to strangers and even our friends and loved ones genuinely and open-minded can have better outcomes. Many people will show their inward emotions openly most of the time but for some, this isn’t as easy. We need to consider that people suffering in silence will tend to isolate themselves or mask what they are experiencing. There is no and never will be feelings of shame about what you are going through and as humans, we all have highs and lows, and for some those lows last a very long time. Let your peers know they are heard, and their feelings are valid. Avoid gaslighting or invalidating someone who is trying to express their feelings as they may begin to suppress their emotions and no longer seek support. Although you may not relate or understand what they are experiencing, it does not mean it does not hurt them and we don’t need to understand, we just need to listen. As we all invite a brand-new semester in 2021, let’s start off with open arms to strangers and friends and let them know that here at Avondale, you will not suffer in silence.
