An Unreasonable Hatred of Electric Vehicles

Joshua Darby

What if I told you, that you too could drive around in a car with the charisma of a mini fridge? Excited? Me neither For motoring enthusiasts, electric cars can quite simply be compared to a toaster or a fridge. Something that you own but have no emotional attachment to After all, there are no electricity addicts but there are plenty of avid petrol sniffers and while I by no means endorse this type of behaviour, I mention it to make a point

People love Petrol. It’s the dinosaur juice that’s harnessed worldwide to create speed and power. It’s not the only thing that makes a car special though, each individual engine has its own characteristics

The angry v8, the whine of a v10, and the garble of a turbocharged flat 4 are all examples of the characterises found in engines It is the little foibles that cars have that make them almost human. Just like us, they have faults, and it is those faults that make them endearing.

For instance, we all know New Zealanders can’t speak English, but we just let them believe that whatever they’re speaking, is English

It's the endearing quality that makes us love our Tasman cousins But I must digress, internal combustion engines are the hearts of cars and without them, cars are merely appliances that have no heart at all.

Although there is a concerning trend over recent years, more and more folk are becoming worried that poor old Barry the polar bear’s ice cap will melt. Even poor old King Charles is worried, just look how puffy his hands are getting from arthritis, I mean stress.

But I digress, despite what you might hear screamed at you on your way to work by those smelly Centrelink-loving climate protesters, the world simply isn’t ready for all cars to be electric

The power grid would simply not have enough power to meet the demand

While it is a stunningly brilliant innovation to have a car run on nothing but electricity, it isn’t the technology I find disgusting, but the green snobbery associated with them. Yes, congratulations you’ve bought an EV you’ve saved the planet!

You there in your comfy office job, earning over six figures a year, you can take the heavy weight of climate change off your back, you’ve done your part! A pat on the back to you good sir!

When really, in reality, all you’ve done is move the pollution from the back end of your car to the power station, contributing to power grid instability and increased electricity costs for the rest of us But as a bonus, you’ve helped create employment in a third-world country, just look how happy Kwame is, an eight-yearold African boy who’s found employment in the new lithium mine that has just down the road I’m sure he’s provided with minimum wage and the appropriate PPE gear when mining for twelve hours a day. This dilemma encapsulates my misgivings about the environmental aspect of Ev’s and that isn’t even getting into the future of first car ownership

Most youth when they buy their first car can’t afford the latest and greatest, and yet if all cars in the future are electric, then what will the youth of tomorrow buy? By then, all the used EV’s battery’s will have decided they don’t feel like holding electricity anymore.

Perhaps I’ll invest in a bicycle company since only the rich will be able to buy their children a car.